Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Limp Dick (w/ Pandora Boxx)

Episode Date: October 12, 2018

Pandora Boxx (RuPaul's Drag Race S2) discusses life after Drag Race, being in an open relationship, and wild fan encounters. Nicole describes her latest nightmare date filled with red flags. Check out Pandora's new parody single, Oops I Think I Pooped on YouTube. For more drag queens on Why Won't You Date Me, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fg8Epu You can play along and see Nicole's Tinder bio and photos on her Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedy Be sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdates Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where I, Nicole Byer, try to figure out how I'm still single, even though I'll buy all the drinks on the date and still fuck you. My guest today, ooh, you know her, from RuPaul's Drag Race, Pandora Boxx,

you also know her from Drag U, and All-Star Season 1 where the rules were not fair. They were not fair at all. Can I say her or do you like him? What pronouns? I don't really care, honestly. No, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not. I don't care.

I would say shim, but I don't know what's offensive anymore. I would say shim, but I don't know what's offensive anymore. It's a very hard line to walk because you'll say something like, I think that's funny. And then the world goes, no, girl, no. It's very hard. Pandora, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited.

Thank you. I gave Pandora the wrong address. I mean, it was the same street. Yes. It was just a large building with no entrance that you sent me to. Ooh, sorry. So, Pandora, are you single? I am not single.

Are you married? Not technically, but basically. Okay, and how did you find your partner? We were at a straight bar in Rochester, New York, to watch this bisexual singer perform. And he was on a date with one of my friends. And everybody got drunk because they advertised the show started at 9, but it didn't start until midnight. And what else do you do at a bar? Drink.

Drink. And I just said, hey, everybody, let's all make out with Ian because I wanted to kiss him. What a perfect plan that worked in your favor. It did. And he pursued me. So it must have been a really good kiss. That's a dream. That's a true dream and a treat.

And I don't think that would work for me. I think that's like it happened one time and Nicole, get it out of your head. It's not going to happen again. Well, I have tried that before. Oh, you have? It didn't work any other time. How many times have you tried it? I don't know.

You put a little liquor in me and I'll probably make out with everybody in the bar. it? I don't know. You put a little liquor in me and I'll probably make out with everybody in the bar. I like to get very, very drunk and make out with people. But I just learned about myself. If I only have like three drinks, I don't want to make out in a bar. I get real scared. I'm like, what if people are looking? And I'm not like that ever. But it's like, like three drinks is not enough for me to be like, oh, I'm inhibited or uninhibited. I don't know. I can't. My whole deal is very confusing. Things keep changing. I don't know. So how long have you been with your partner? 13 years.

Oh my God. That is such a long time. It's kind of crazy. It's crazy to say it out loud because I never thought I would be in a relationship that long ever because I had a lot of real shitty relationships before. So doing drag, have you ever dated another drag queen? Yes, I did. He became a drag queen when we were together. Ah, interesting. Did that cause a rift?

Was it like a competition of sorts? Yes, it did cause a little bit of a rift. Because he kind of, I think it kind of went to his head. Because I think the same thing would happen if I was dating someone who wasn't doing comedy and then they started doing comedy because it'd be like well obviously I inspired you obviously you hung out with a bunch of comedians and you liked it and I think I would start to feel some type of way be like because I know we wouldn't be in like competition because I've been doing it longer but I it's like uh I

feel like when someone starts doing something new they're like a baby if you will or like going through puberty with it they're like these open mics are so much fun I love improv blah blah blah and I'm like I've been in it for 10 years nothing is fun you just you do it because you love it but it's

the magic has worn off in a way where like when I get ready to go to a show like I'm excited to do it. But I'm not, like, rushing around the house being like, I can't wait to tell these jokes. Instead of doing my makeup being like, I'll do it better. So if I bomb, they have something good to look at. Yeah. It's not like I'm like, oh, my God, I can't wait to put this makeup on.

Hey, everybody, look at this wig. Let's talk about this wig for another hour. And that's kind of what it was with him, too. It was just like it was so new to him. And then it just became that there was no, there was nothing else but drag. Like that's all we were doing. And I kind of like having that moment without any drag or having to talk about it. And it didn't work out.

And also he kind of was an asshole. Well, there you go. that's the real truth i'm trying to find a good balance between always doing comedy and then like not like having time where i don't talk about it and i'm just living i started taking a pole dancing class on Monday. So that's my, I did this podcast with Jamila Jamal and she was like, get a hobby to find a man. And I was like, okay. So then I started pole dancing, which is dumb. I'm not going to find a man pole dancing, especially because I go to a ladies only class, but like, I like it. So far, it's fun. I'm so sore still. And this was on Monday, and it is now Friday.

And I can't even handle my life. What things do you do besides drag? Well, first of all, I love that podcast that she was on. I love her. It was very inspiring. It was a great podcast. And we did pole dancing on uh drag race oh did you we had a burlesque challenge oh yes yes yes um and I was like I can work that

pole I can do it and I got up there and I was like I cannot work this type of pole I remember that that was uh uh Tatiana was like everyone is so rude because you had to bark on the street right? Yes. That On Hollywood Boulevard In full drag at like noon.

Yeah. Now anybody that's actually anyone that's actually been to Hollywood Boulevard during that time and not even the busy part of Hollywood Boulevard where like

World of Wonder is located so it's like the trashier part of you know there's not a lot of there there's tourists, but they are lost. And nobody speaks English because they're all tourists from other countries. And which is fine.

It's only a problem when you're out there trying to sell them cherry pie gift certificates, which in itself is odd enough to anybody. It's so strange. But if someone said to me, do you want a cherry pie gift certificate? I'd be like, yes. Yes, I do. Those are the strangest combination of words and I'm into it. And also you're dressed like a prostitute. I didn't even think about that.

Dressed like a hooker being like, you want some cherry pie? It's like, no. They were running from us. And they just didn't get it because they're not from the country. They're just visiting. All of a sudden, they're like berated by a bunch of drag queens trying to sell cherry pie gift certificates. Not even cherry pie.

Like you have to go get it down the store, at the store down the street. I don't remember the episode fully. But did you did you swing around the pole um i swung around the pole like once but not i didn't do any tricks because i knew that i couldn't do them i'm like i can't i and i i'm the team captain and i don't want to lose and i don't want to go home so i'm like i'll just do what I do best and act real slutty. Because people were tipping you. And I'm like, I know some of these guys have to be straight or straight-ish. And I know how to work a straight guy. So I'll just do what my blonde slutty ass can do. I'm going to whore it up.

I love it. I love it so much. That is such a bonkers challenge. A lot of the challenges are so bonkers because you don't have very much time to do them. I would love to see what that room is like where they brainstorm. They're like, all right, let's make them pole dance and sell things on the street. And they have to do it in two hours. And they never did that challenge again. And they also had an eating challenge on our season two.

They never did that again. Where Morgan threw up? Right next to me, yeah. I was like, please don't let me throw up on TV. Please don't let me throw up on TV. Because they'll use it. Because I know I've never seen it, but I felt my throw up face, and I know it's

not attractive. It's like blood vessels bursting, bad, no. Whenever I'm doing, because Nailed It is, I guess, reality TV, but whenever we're shooting, I'm very conscious that if they ask me to do something I don't want filmed or aired on television, they're going to use it if I do it. So I have to just be like, no, sorry, I won't. I won't do it. So you missed online dating completely.

Well, no, there was gay.com where you kind of went in a little chat room. Did you use it? Oh, yeah. When I first discovered it, I was like, oh. And then I worked at a hair salon because I did hair for a little bit and then realized I didn't like touching people's heads in that fashion. So I would sometimes go on there during my break in the work computer and be like, oh, let's see.

Maybe I can set something up. How scandalous on the work computer. I know. Your boss is like, I have a date for tonight. I, when I was younger, I think I may have mentioned this. My screen name was HotChocolate808 and I used to catfish people. Because I was definitely 12, 13 years old. used to like catfish people because i was definitely 12 13 years old i would get into like an aim chat room and be like oh my god i'm 35 and my boobies are very big and i would see

what men would respond with and they would respond with the most bonkers things much like on apps now i so i just tried to join fat lady apps. Cause I was like, maybe I'll find love on a fat lady app. And then someone told me about this website called feedy.com and it's for feeders, feedies, and BBW admirers, which is all new terms to me. So a feedy is someone who wants to be fed, a feeder is someone who feeds someone. And then a BBW admirer is someone who just sits there and is like, I like it all. And I signed up for it, but there's no way to set a location.

So someone from Sweden would be like, I like your rolls. And I was like, I don't think this is for me. And then I joined. Did they say, I like your rolls, and for me. And then I joined. Did they say, I like your rolls, and do you want to eat a roll at the same time? No, I truly shut it down after that man from Sweden said, I like your rolls. I was like, I can't do this because he's in Sweden. I don't know what he means by rolls.

Is it a euphemism? Or does he mean, like, my fat rolls? Or, like, does he want to hide a roll under my roll of fat? It's too much. Take a pass on that one yes so then i joined woo plus which on uh the what is it called the app store it was like this is highly rated but i've only gotten this woman named t is the only person who's contacted me and she's having a whole conversation with herself so she said good morning I remember seeing you Wednesday you're funny then she said fun fun fun lol and then that was on August 29th and August 30th she said on Wendy

Williams how's it going on here have you met any fun people yet what other sites have you been on that are better than this and then on September 1st she said cheers and she sent me a little bottle of wine a gift I guess and then on the third she said how was your weekend and then on the fourth she said good morning what's the name of this show that I was looking for it on the cooking channel then she said what channel then she said are you a catfish so and you've not responded once no not at all and I think I might have to get rid of this one too because

ooh who's this this person named Nick sent me a gift oh it's just a bouquet ooh he's scary looking I it's been an uphill and then there's one called Buster which is also for fat ladies. And I don't think there's enough people on it because I like, I can't match with anybody.

It's so weird. So that's, that's the fat lady dating app world. It's very sad and there's nobody out there. Maybe it's just enough people don't know about it yet. Maybe. Well, get on it, people. If you're fat and chunky and you're listening to this, get on Buster or Woo Plus and find you a fat lady. I've been on Tinder a couple of times and I'm like, oh, this is fun.

And then I'm like, oh, wait, no, they kind of know, right? Like when you match. Yes, they know. And then when you don't respond, sometimes they get very upset. So this is a message I got yesterday. This man said,

hashtag nailed it. So I said, ugh. He said, wow, vicious. Then he said, I want to bang you while wearing the gold chef's hat.

So I said, I'll fuck you while you wear that hat as long as you don't say nailed it anymore. And then he didn't respond. I anymore. And then he didn't respond. I called his bluff and he didn't respond. That's shady.

Very shady. So then I matched with this man named Royce. Royce said, good morning. How are you doing this weekend? We'd love to chat more if you're interested. That was in March. And then he said, I hope we can chat soon. I'm very interested in having a lot of sex with you.

And then September 3rd, he said, guess you weren't interested. And I was like, well, now I got to talk to this person because he's like going through his Tinder, I guess, being like, come on, who wants to have sex with me? So I said, sorry, when do you want to start having a lot of sex? He said, that's up to you. But the sooner you'd be up for it, I said, OK. So like next week, he said, sure, if you're interested. I'd be up for it i said okay so like next week he said sure if you're interested i said great where should we start the sex then he said are you any type are you on any type of bc so i said bc black cock i knew what he meant he said he was like birth

control and i said uh which was like i don't know what b means yeah straight men will say BC meaning birth control but I've always known it to be Blackhawk or BBC Big Blackhawk so I said yeah I'm on birth control so you don't have to use a condom which I was just saying purely to see what he would respond with because

I'm all about condoms and then he said awesome and I said great then he said can I then he said, awesome. And I said, great. Then he said, can I come in you all the time? So I said, yes, all the time, morning, noon, and evening. He said, great. I said, I love cum. If I could eat it all the time, I would. Then he said, you want to eat mine then?

I said, yeah, you can cum. I'll leave it out so it's crunchy. Then he just said, you like sucking? And I was like, what is this man? So I said, what, come? I like to chew it. And then he said, can I message you tomorrow? I have to go.

I said, okay, bye-bye. And then he never messaged me back. Crunchy, come put it over the limit. Like, that was it. That was the deal breaker. Maybe he reread it and was like, uh, I don't want this woman to leave my come out and let it be crunchy.

I mean, but I think if you're going to be that forward and be like, I want to have a bunch of sex with you, then I get to say whatever I want. Yeah, for sure. I am doing drag for like 300 years and doing more like a womanly type of drag. And I worked in a bar that there was a lot of straight people that came. It gave me a newfound respect for women

because some of the things that were said to me, I literally would think, do you say this to women? They sure do. And I'm like, yep. Yep, they do. Like one guy was all up in me all one night. And I was just like, everything I could do to not be interested. Like I was totally not.

Like I'm just like, no. Like I went outside. He followed me outside. I was like, oh, my God. And these people were fighting across the street. And somebody yelled out pussy in this fight that they were doing, which kind of intrigues me to this day what they were fighting about. If they were fighting over pussy. Yeah, I wonder what that could have been.

So we laughed. And he said, do you have a pussy? And I went, no. Okay, maybe the conversation ends. And no, it doesn't. He's still like, he's like, hey, he's like following me. It's like, hey, hey, hey, Pandora, Pandora, if you suck my dick, I'll fuck you. And I'm like, what a bargain that is.

Like, wow, that's a deal. How do I sign me up for that? Let me do all the work. No. That, I just, I don't understand why men can't just take no and move on. I know I've been persistent with people, but I don't think I've ever followed anybody. I think if you sit there and I'm like, let me suck your dick. And they're like, no thanks. But they still sit there and I go, are you sure I'm like, let me suck your dick. And they're like, no, thanks. But they still sit there. And I go, are you sure you don't want me to suck your dick?

And they're like, no, but they still stay. I think it's still like, I think it's okay. But I think if someone actively walks away from you, then you have to respect that they don't want to be near you. Yeah, it was a little I mean, I was there were people around. So I wasn't really totally scared. And then one of my friends had had to yell at them. But and then it was a little, I mean, there were people around, so I wasn't really totally scared. And then one of my friends had to yell at them. And then it was one time just like getting into the car and some guy was like, hey, hey, you want to get it on? And I went, no thanks. I got money.

I'm like, oh, great. That's what I look like right now. I look like a streetwalker. Thank you, sir. I mean, that's funny because I feel like sex workers are pretty upfront that they're sex workers. I don't think, do you want to get it on? A sex worker would go, no. I got money. Yes.

Like, I don't think that's the conversation you'd be having. Yeah. She wouldn't be a good one, I think. No. She was like, no. No. I mean, unless she's like, no, no I really don't but I'll take your money and pretend like unless she's on her way to Target and she's like you know what I could get

something extra if I fuck this person real quick before I hit up Target yeah I mean I think for me if I was if I was uh a prostitute I would charge more for interest level. Like if it was like, do you want me to pretend I'm interested? Okay, that's $50 more. I guess, yeah, that sounds like a good plan. It'd be like, if you want me to be interested, then you got to pay me a little bit more. Otherwise, I'm going to close my eyes and never look at you and be a little dead fish. A disinterested blowjob is $20.

Interest is $50. A moan, $60. Let's hear this moan for $60. Let's see, a $60 moan. That is too much like a baby. Oh yeah, daddy. Oh, you're the best. Oh, you're the king.

Oh, it's so big. I've never seen anything bigger in my life. You're breaking me apart. That's always just a lie. You've always seen bigger. I recently had a date with this man from Tinder. Tinder's filled with the worst people, and they just get fed to you. But we, like, meet up.

I was a full 40 minutes late to this date, which is my fault. I was taking a nap. I was getting that beauty rest. I mean, in L.A., you can always blame traffic. You know that. But I also picked a place that was super close to my house. So I think I was like, get a quick nap and get some stamina because hopefully you'll be fucking so then i meet up with him and he didn't seem super mad about it

and he said he was like i don't really know who you are other than uh you had an interview on conan that i liked and i said okay and then as the date went on he was like are you gonna talk about me on your podcast and i was like so you do know more about me and i was like no i won't but i am right now guess what i lied um and then he we get like drunk and i forget that people i can drink a lot i'm a big girl i can drink and he was doing drink for drink with me and at one point he was like do you want water i was like no he was doing drink for drink with me. And at one point he was like, do you want water? I was like, no. He was like, oh, I need water. And I said, then go get water.

And he was like, you don't want water? I was like, I'll drink the fucking water if that's what you need. And then I didn't realize how drunk he was. And then I invited him to my place, which is bad because, okay. So there was also red flags fucking everywhere. This date was a red flag. He talked about abortion and that he has had girlfriends have abortions. And I was like, that's not first date chatter. And then he goes, my dad's dead, but I don't want to talk about it.

I was like, I didn't bring it up. You brought it up. I mean, what's worse than a red flag? Because that's not even a red flag. No, that's like a bomb. That is like a minefield of bombs. Run, run, Forrest, run. Yes, and I was like, no, Jenny, I must die.

But so what else did he do? Oh, I asked him because he works a nine to five. I said, what's a nine to five like? I was just trying to make conversation. I haven't had a day job in a while. I know it's like you go to work, whatever. But he's like, well, I wake up in the morning, have some coffee, I go to sleep, and then I go to work. And I was like, that's called depression, my friend. And he said, you think? I said, yeah,

you can't just sleep your days away. When I do that, I know that I'm like getting depressed. But also I go to therapy. He's like, therapy? It's a rich man's game. And I was like, you don't have to gender wealth. Also, they're sliding scale therapy. You could go to a therapist for like 20 bucks. And he's like, oh, okay, cool, cool, cool. And I was like, I shouldn't be talking about therapy on a first date. Then he tells me he hates women in LA. They're not real.

That they're vapid and they're stupid. And then tells me he doesn't have a passport and has never left this country. And I was like, I don't. I mean, who are you calling stupid if you're not well-versed in the world? And then he talked about his racist family. That one, that's definitely, that's a good first date conversation. And then I say, you want to come to my house? After all of that. After all that, because I was like, if we fuck, he shuts up.

And then if we fuck, I'll come and he can go. So then he comes to my house. Oh, no. And then he had whiskey dick, so he couldn't even get it up. And he was like, sorry, it's not going to happen. I said, okay, well, I think maybe you should go. And then he looks at me with dead eyes and goes, you're just like everybody else here. You're a fucking bitch.

And I was like, okay. And then he's, like, slowly putting on his socks and then looking at me and being like, you're like a Hollywood elite. You're just fucking discarding me. And I was like, I don't. Do you want water? A LaCroix? Anything to help you leave? And he was like, oh, yeah, you're just throwing me out.

And I said, okay. And at this point, I was like, do I wake up my roommate? Do I have a baseball bat? Do I pull out a baseball bat? I'm like, get out! So then he finally leaves, sits in front of my place for like 20 minutes. And I'm just staring out the window because I'm like, you have to go. You have to leave

you cannot come back and then he leaves and then texted me gibberish and I was like well get I said get gone good and I meant get home good

or whatever but it was a Freudian slip I was like get the fuck out of my life and then he texted me the next morning he was like wow I don't remember much

of last night haha kind of wild and then I didn't answer and then he was like oh I guess I was a little bit of a dick last night I don't remember and I didn night. Haha, kind of wild. And then I didn't answer. And then he was like, oh, I guess I was a little bit of a dick last night. I don't remember. And I didn't respond.

And then he's like, can you just tell me what I said last night? Because I don't remember. So then I texted him back. I was like, you said a lot of wild things. And I don't really want to see you again. So hanging out again is a no from me, dog. Which is like a cute little thing that Randy Jackson on American Idol says. It was a cute little joke to say goodbye.

which is like a cute little thing that Randy Jackson on American Idol says. It was a cute little joke to say goodbye. And then he texted me like a book, like a fucking paragraph, and then a paragraph, and then a paragraph. And I was like, you got to respect that. Like, I don't want to speak to you. And then like paragraph. And then he was like, I want to apologize in person.

And I was like, hold up. No. And everyone was like, block him. And I was like, no, because I tweet like block him and I was like no because I tweet where my shows are I'm pretty vocal about like where I'm performing and I was like if he shows up and he's gonna text before he comes I gotta see that text so then I was like please don't show up where I am please just like leave me alone and he was like understood and I was like thank god and it was like several days it was like a week-long saga of this person. But that's dating, baby.

Yeah, that's like a nightmare situation. Yes. The first date. Like everything that could go wrong went wrong. And then his dick was limp. His dick was fucking trash. It didn't even, yeah, awful, worse, horrible. It was just terrible.

And also, he was attractive. And I kept being like, well, at least he's cute. He's cute. He's much cuter than his picture. He's cute. And then I was like, and he's crazy. Which probably is his problem well that and the limb dick yes that's probably his issues yes with women because I doubt that's the first time that

that's happened to him I agree because the way he was texting was like oh I think you black out a lot and I think you say a lot of nasty things and then have to apologize because also the text would change he'd be like I blacked out at the bar or then he be like, I don't remember anything but like what happened at your house. Or like, I don't remember anything after this. I'm like, that happened after you said in the other text that you blacked. Yeah. Oh. I had to place a no social media rule on myself after a certain number of drinks.

Really? Because Pancho would come home and be like, I am just mad at this person. And I'm going to tweet this out. And I'm going on everything. And I'm posting this. And then I'll get little text messages on my phone. It'll go bloop, bloop. And there's a couple friends, thank you friends out there, who will be like, get that off.

Girl, delete. Delete that. delete that now and i'm like and there's times i woke up in the morning i'm like oh god oh no i can't i can't get it fast enough to delete this stupid thing that i wrote so funny i should probably do that although i try not to look at twitter at night because it's filled with trash and it makes me sad so then i don't want to like read something and be like i'm gonna drunkenly tweet this oh we have to take a break and we're back so is your can i ask do you have an open relationship or is it a closed relationship?

We do have an open relationship. Okay. Which was not something I ever thought I could have because I'm a jealous bitch. Yes. Which leads to some of the things I shouldn't post late at night or text my boyfriend late at night about something that happened like years ago which I just recently did and he's like oh

and I'm like can I unsend everything I just sent you can we just pretend like we've been together long enough right you're kind of used to it

I'm cute haha but you is it was it like a thing where the two of you were like we want this

or was it like you travel a lot and you're not home? How did it come about? Well, it came about because he wanted one. And so I thought, oh, I'm not good enough. I knew I wanted one, but I didn't want the kind where, you know, they're both sitting on the couch, a couple, and they're both on like Grind're trying to hook up and they're like okay bye I'm going to hook up like I didn't want that type of open relationship but if it happens it happens if we're not around or there's somebody

we want to bring in together that's cool and that's what happened at first and I think it was because I was traveling so much that it's like, all right, I'm traveling. I'm out of town. I'm a little drunk. There's some cute boys. And so we just kind of finally, I think it was happening. And then we finally had to sit down and go, okay, this is happening. And you should be all right with it. And I say most of the time it works out.

It's usually just, it's me that usually has the issue because I have a horrible jealousy problem. And I hate it because to me, jealousy is the most useless emotion there is. Like it serves absolutely no purpose. And you can't really do anything with it. No, you don't grow from jealousy. You don't learn from jealousy. It doesn't make you happy. It doesn't make other people happy. It's the one if that's what I'm trying to I always try to say.

I'm like, it doesn't do any purpose. It's the one, if that's what I'm trying to, I always try to say, I'm like, it doesn't do any purpose. It's, it's no good. I'm also a jealous person. I find myself just like seething over something and I'm like, why do they have this? And I don't. And I'm trying,

I go to therapy, Mary and I talk about it, that like, it's okay to feel jealousy, but you need to just move on almost immediately. Like feel the feeling and move the fuck on and don't harbor it. But in a relationship, I feel like I would be jealous, but then also I'm gone a lot. So I feel like that's selfish of me to be like, well, you have needs and you have wants.

And if I'm not there, what's the harm in you fucking somebody else if it's just sex? But then I'm like, but what if you fall in love and leave me? Yeah, that's such a fun shoot. But I guess because we've been together so long and he was with me before I was on Drag Race too. So he kind of didn't sign up for this like crazy lifestyle

and traveling a lot. And I don't think that he's going to leave. We're pretty open and I think it's pretty established that we're together. And we have a house together and a dog. It's all that. And I guess it's just you have to really be able to trust the person. Trust is a hard thing for me because I've had shitty relationships in the past and all of them cheated on me with people around me. And also being a drag queen sometimes.

There's some shady drag queens. And then also being in the entertainment business. There's also some shady people in there. and then also being in the entertainment business. There's also some shady people in there. So I think trust becomes a big issue when you're in that kind of world because you don't always know if people have your best interests at heart.

Truly, you don't. Here's a question. So your life before Drag Race, it was different after, obviously. Did people treat you differently after Drag Race? Like people who were shitty to you before were suddenly nicer to you after? There definitely was a few of those who, yeah, weren't very nice to me before and then suddenly wanted the best for me. And I'm like oh all right I see

you I get it what's the weirdest fan encounter you've ever had um well I think that I get a lot of people who cry when they meet me and it's because I talked about suicide on the show and I I was debating about whether I should talk about it or not, only because I didn't want to talk about it and make it like I was talking about it for, you know, to get screen time or to be disingenuine, because it was really something, I mean, obviously, it was a horrible time period in my life. And I know that a lot of people go through it. But in the context of what we were talking about, it totally fit in.

And I said, you know, I should talk about this. Because they wanted me to open up more and be more, you know, not, hi, I'm Pandora. And I, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. See a different side of you. And so it fit. And I talked about it. And I'm really glad I did. It does sometimes make awkward situations. Because, you know, it's a club.

It's a meet and greet. Somebody's crying or somebody tells me their story and what they've gone through and their attempts. And it's only awkward because I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing. Yeah. And because it's a meet and greet. So it's all really quick. I'm going to say the wrong thing. And because it's a meet and greet, so it's all really quick.

And I don't want to brush them off. And I want to give them that moment. I want to be that person they want me to be. And especially because I'm glad that they can share that story with me. And I feel like if more people shared their stories like that, it would be less of a stigma. And maybe we wouldn't have so many situations like that. I think you're absolutely right. I do think there's such a huge stigma around depression and wanting to end your own life

because I feel like people see that as like weakness where you're like, or like an easy out where it's like, that's not an easy out. Like if that's the choice that you're, you want to make, like that means you've tried everything. That's like it's the last resort. I've wanted to kill myself numerous times. But I might be too lazy to try. Yeah. And like I get down and I get depressed and I try to talk about most of of my mental health issues on the podcast just so people know that they're not alone.

And a lot of women will thank me for that and that feels nice. Here's a fun fan encounter that I doubt you remember. So I was sitting in economy. You were sitting, I think, in first class. And I walked past you and I went, oh! And you didn't even look up because I think you were like, this person has to talk to me for me to say one word to them because that noise was wild. And then I went, oh, Pandora, oh boy, I like you. You just went, thank you?

And I went, mm-hmm. March to my seat was like, you could have been cooler or normal. But I fully remember being like, I'm a little weirdo. I'm sure I thought it was fabulous. But sometimes on planes, it's always a little weird.

Especially because my name is Pandora. And you look at me like, what? What? What's going on? And then if you're recognized, people always want to go look and go, who are you? And what do you do? And a lot of times on planes, I'm exhausted. And I'm just like, oh, God, all right.

But I'm sure I was very flattered and especially if you said it like that. You smiled and I was like, okay. I got recognized once on a plane. Someone was like walking back and they're like, oh, I love your work. And I was like, oh, thank you. And then the man next to me was like, who are you? And I said, oh, I'm just a little dumpster bitch.

And he went, what? And I was like, oh, it was a joke. I do comedy. And he's like, well, you're not funny and I said okay this will be fun it was before we took off and then he kept asking me to say funny things and I was like sir you're not paying me and then he's like well and I was like that's also a joke he just like really didn't like me yeah well if I'm on a plane too and I'm sitting next to someone, I usually end up sitting next to like the biggest, straightest, most unattractive man. So I'm usually not like, I'm a drag queen.

Because I just don't want, I'm like, I want to be on this flight. I don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to explain to you. I don't want to give you all the differences or what, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I don't do it. Oh, that sounds awful. I was at, I think it was in Seattle and I was walking down the street. We were going to like a brunch and I wasn't in drag, but these, this couple like left where they were sitting, eating inside, ran out to talk to me. They still had food in their mouth. And they're like, oh my God, we just love you so much.

We just left our breakfast. We had to come and say hi. We saw you walking down the street. And I was like, all right. That's very fabulous. Thank you. It is a little weird. Did you find it weird at first?

Yeah, I still find it weird. But yeah, and at first it was definitely really like a little jarring because it would be random places. These two boys saw me going up on an escalator at the airport and they were going down and like kind of tripped over themselves and then like found me in the airport, like went on a search to meet me. And then when we moved to L.A, we drove across country and we stopped. I don't even know where it was. It was literally the middle of nowhere. It was this big gas station. That's all that was around in the area.

I'm pumping gas and out of nowhere. It was literally like in a movie. Like when somebody pops in the screen and goes, this woman popped in and said, oh my God, Pandora Box, I I love you I think you're the most fabulous thing ever blah blah blah and then disappeared I was like who what I thought was she real did that really happen or am I

just like delusional because we've been driving so long that's so funny I hope it was a ghost I hope it was just a ghost who has logo or VH1 it was the ghost of white women past. Have you ever had sex in drag? Yes.

Back in the day, I fancied myself a woman. Okay. But I knew I wasn't trans. There was a moment I thought I might be. But I had so many trans friends that my story didn't match with what they were saying. And I didn't want to alter anything. And I didn't feel, you know, I was in the wrong body. I just, you know, wanted to live the fantasy of being a woman.

And so, yeah, there were a few times, quite a few times, you know, I had my own dressing room at this club. Ooh. And there were a lot of really, really, like, attractive guys. Like, these guys I would have picked on me in high school were now the guys wanting to sleep with me. So it was, like, full fantasy. What a mindfuck.

And it was because at first I was loving it but then I would kind of get too into it and too wrapped up every time I would tell myself now you know he's straight

or he thinks he's straight even though your dick is in his mouth he's still straight and you're gonna have an issue with this it's gonna be an issue you're gonna fall for him

he's real real cute and he's not gonna want you and yeah and I said no no I'm not no no no This is going to be an issue. You're going to fall for him. He's real, real cute. And he's not going to want you. And I said, no, no, I'm not. No, no, no. Yep, I did. And then it all, it was, I repeated the pattern several times. And it took me a while to realize that.

And I forced myself to stop dating after I had all those, like, straight men encounters. Like, literally, I was like, you are not allowed to date anyone. I like that you put those parameters down. Just take a step back, chill out, look at it, see what's going on. I'm very bad at that. Very, very, very bad. I was thinking about it. I was like, ooh, I kind of like fucking drag all the time.

I do not have sex unless I'm wearing a wig and I'm fully in makeup. And last time, I wasn't wearing lashes, but the time before, I was, and my lash got like unglued and I just had to ring a lipstick around my face. And I didn't,

I didn't wash my face. I just like fell asleep and then my friend came over the next day and she was like, girl, what happened? And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, have you looked in a mirror? And I was like the next day and she was like, girl, what happened? And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, have you looked in a mirror?

And I was like, no. And she was like, you need to wash your face. And I just look like a, just like a sex clown. Just things skewed and just awful. Once my wig fell off during sex. And he was like, what the fuck? And he was like, what the fuck? Well, I think we forget that sometimes some straight men aren't aware of what a wig is. They are not aware, especially white straight men.

They are very confused. Yeah. I went on a date and I was talking about my wig and I caught him just staring at my hair. And I was like, yes, this is a wig. And he was like, oh, okay. So every time I see you, will it be a wig? And I was like, probably. I never see my hair, so why should you?

Okay, Pandora, I want you to go through my Tinder profile and tell me what you think. And if you would like to see what Pandora is seeing, you can go to my Facebook page. It's Nicole Byer Comedy on Facebook, where I have all the pictures up. Well, this picture is you. I don't know if you rode in this little pink Trixie Mattel Jeep and you had to pee.

Like, you're like, okay, I'm gonna. Or if you're like, you, like you're like, okay, I'm gonna, or if you're like, you know, you're, you're, you're like, yeah, this is my ride, bitch. I think the thought was that was my dressing room for a show and it was just filled with stuff. And I was like, I'm gonna take a picture with this little Barbie truck. I mean, you look gorgeous and I love, I love that hair hat on you. Thank you. This one, you've got a pineapple on your head and also a great hair hat

thank you you look fun and gorgeous and probably a little tipsy yes I was immediately drawn to the shirt I'm like oh that's a fun shirt it's like eyes and a mouth on your booties and you look great

and that is the giant dildo I hear so much mouth on your boobies and you look great and then I'm like and that is the giant dildo I hear so much about on your podcast that makes my anus tighten up right away like it's like no it is so big and I would assume

somebody has put that I mean I don't think they would sell it unless someone could use it. Yeah. Me personally, just a little too big. I think it would tear me in half. Yeah, I'm good. It would be a nice, like, centerpiece, though.

You know, just put it down on there. Just leave it there. Just leave it there. See what people talk. You know, put it in a vase with some flowers. It's a good first date centerpiece. Mm-hmm. Oh, and here's one. And you're holding an Oscar.

My friend photoshopped the dick out and put the Oscar in. Oh, but the balls are still there, too, if you see. That's so funny. I didn't realize he left the balls. Oh, Oscar's balls are purple and very low. Now here you are in your interpretive dance class in your black leotard. And you are doing escape from, I don't know, it looks like you're escaping from somewhere. Escaping from the library, climbing a bookcase. I love it. It looks like you're escaping from somewhere. Escaping from the library. Climbing a bookcase.

I love it. It's fun. Thank you. I figured show that body. You look gorgeous in all of them. Thank you. And now you're holding a copy of Ghost. Are the balls still there for Ghost?

No, I don't see the balls. Oh, okay. Okay, why are you holding Ghost? Oh, my friend just photoshopped the dig out and put Oscar in and ghosts. Ghost is my favorite movie. Okay. I love it. Oh, and here you are with a dog.

Is that your dog? That's my dog. That's Clyde. I love him. I love dogs. Thank you. The older I get, the more I'm like, I got to hold all the dogs and touch them and pet them and love them.

See, sometimes I'm like, I like dogs better than people. I talk to my dog and he actually makes it look like he's paying attention. Like he knows what you're saying. He'll just, he'll look at me and then if I'm like,

if I ask him to do something, he'll turn his head and I'm like, now you're just being lazy. Yeah, and you look gorgeous in this one too. Thank you. Okay,

now read my profile, swipe up. Okay. Things to know about me. I'm that bay, baby, always eating. Am I supposed to read it out loud? Okay. I'm always, I'm just started to read it like a white girl.

I'm always SMH, shouting my hypothesis. You better believe I'm NSFW. Never sorry for walking, bitch. I'll never be your WCW, working cash woman. Always DTF

and the DIY. Down to fly and the destination is yours. Very dumb and no one has commented on them. People have messaged me, but no one has been like, your acronyms are stupid,

which is what I put them there for, for someone to be like, you're funny or you think you're very funny and you're not. I'm just waiting for it and no one has been. I think that a lot of these, the people don't really read all these profiles.

Like, I'm on Grindr and Scruff, and I, like, look at people's things, and I'm like, if they have, like, 35 paragraphs of stuff, I don't read any of that. I'm not really interested in that. I mean, I'm also not looking for a relationship on there. But then the funny thing about Grindr, grinder too is some of the screen names that people have like it's like uh taking raw loads now and it's kind of like with their picture on it and i think well what do you do if you see them out in public you're like hey raw loads now oh my god hey how many did you get babe oh my god i That would be a dream if I was in, I don't know, like a bar or something and someone walked in and was like, Raw Loads!

Girl, how you been? You still taking them raw? What's going on? How many did you take before you got here today? That would legit kill me. Oh, that would be so funny. Actually, every time I'm on, that's all I can think because there's some priceless names on there. I'm like,

oh, dude, if I ever see you out in public, I am screaming. Screaming raw loads. Big fat dick dadding. I'm like, hey, open hole. I got you, girl. I wish there was a grinder for straight people. I feel like I say this all the time. There isn't one. And people are like, Tinder kind for straight people. I feel like I say this all the time.

There isn't one. And people are like, Tinder kind of is, but I'm like, it's not. Because on Grindr, it's like by the foot, so you can find someone where you are. And then what? It's like what you're looking for? Yeah, I think with Tinder, it's like you've got to swipe left and right. With Grindr, it's like everybody's right there, so you can just kind of contact who you want. Although I feel like the difference is straight guys and straight women think differently. That's just a fact.

And with gay guys, they usually think alike. Although sometimes I don't really want an unsolicited dick picture or just like that's how they greet me like they send five dick pictures and say hi I mean if I'm lucky also the one thing I really don't I don't want a whole pic because especially if it looks like you were rimmed by a coyote like I'm like that is an ugly butthole and I don't think any butthole is really pretty, but I'm like, that is gross. That's, I don't think I've ever gotten a butthole picture. That would be wild. Maybe I'll start sending butthole pics.

Look at my pristine butthole. Well, yeah, I guess if it was pristine like i've seen uh the one porn star uh uh brent corrigan like and i'm not like i like porn but i'm not really like into porn um and but there was one of his and i was like i don't know how much that thing is bleached but i was like that is a pretty butthole oh that's so funny well i guess if i was a porn star i is a pretty butthole. Oh, that's so funny. Well, I guess if I was a porn star, I would bleach my butthole. Or maybe I wouldn't because I'm black. I don't know. Do black people bleach?

You don't know. I don't know, but how bleach would look like a donut, like a ring. Yeah, I guess that would be bad. Yeah, I don't need my butthole to be lighter than the rest of my body. That would be wild. Well, yeah, I don't need my butthole to be lighter than the rest of my body. That would be wild. Well, yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I guess if you're a porn star, you should bleach it or maybe you don't.

Like some are all like natural. I know a lot of porn stars and I follow a lot on Twitter, which I realized when I'm at an airport. And I'm like, oh, Lord. Oh, no. You're like too many dicks. Oh, my God. But it's cool. And I also have a really bad habit, especially if there's like porn on in a club or anything, that I take it upon myself to start narrating the porn.

But like a really bad narration of it. That's very funny. And my partner, he is into porn. And every time we're out, he's like, you're going to need to stop doing that. Because now every time I watch it and I'm drinking, I'm going to hear your voice narrating it. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. I'm got a little dick. And guess what?

I'm going to give it to you later. What kind of porn do you watch? I don't know. I kind of watch, I don't really watch too much of it. Like, some people that I follow on Twitter, there's a couple porn stars that I like, and maybe I'll watch a little bit. But I never, like, I'll never sit down and go, I'm going to watch a full porn right now. I don't think I've, I mean, I don't watch, like, full, full, just, like, clippies on Pornhub.com. That's Pornhub.com.

on Pornhub.com. That's Pornhub.com. I will search for big black women and white men because I typically sleep with a lot of white dudes. So I'll watch that. I'll settle in.

That's like my little appetizer. And then for like din-din, I'll find a big black lady with just a hot dude, like a big black guy with a big fat dick. And then just watch her get railed. And then I go,

what a treat for her. And then I like go to sleep sometimes and don't even masturbate. Because usually if I masturbate, I don't watch porn because I have thoughts in my head that I'm going to think about. Yeah. I'm weird. I think everyone watches porn to masturbate and I'm like, no,

I just need some entertainment before bed. Yeah. My partner masturbates a lot. Well, he says he does. And I don't really that much. And I'm kind of like, well, that's good. It does work for me sometimes. Because we have different schedules and it's fine. But, yeah, I guess I've watched porn sometimes to masturbate.

And also it's different because some of them I know. Oh, that's a little weird. You're like, that's my friend fucking. Yeah, I still think they're hot, but occasionally I'm like, oh. I was like,

girl, I've heard your voice in real life. I know that it is six octaves higher than what you're doing right there. And you are queenier than me. That's so funny to think about

a masculine presenting person with a very high-pitched voice who then does porn and then drops it to, like, fulfill the fantasy. That's work. That's work. Well, that's why you don't hear

a lot of them speak. They're like, oh, shh, no, there's no dialogue in this scene. No, we're cutting it. No dialogue. We'll just put some music under you. All right, Pandora.

I ask all my guests this. Why won't you date me? Well, I like men. And dick. And we have that in common. So I don't think I could date you in that aspect. Okay, yep. But other aspects, yes. Because I think you're beautiful and fun and you like to drink.

Yes, I do. So maybe it's just another gay BFF for you. All right. Well, I'll take that answer. I like it. Do you have anything that you want to plug before we get out of here? I do. And it's funny that you should say plug because I have a new parody single out called Oops, I Think I Pooped. And you can get it on my website, pandorabox.com. There's two X's in box because the extra X marks the spot.

And on iTunes, YouTube, everywhere. Perfect. Do you have any gigs coming up that you would like people to come to? I do have, I'm doing a new one woman show in New York City at the Laurie Beach Moon. Cool. November, oh, I should get these dates right. I think it's 8th and 9th. That's the Thursday and Friday. Those November dates, it's a new show.

But you can go to PandoraBox.com with two X's because X marks the spot. Did I get it right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Pandora, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I was glad because I feel a little like your stalker because I feel like I'm liking everything you post and I'm always commenting.

I'm like, she's going to think I'm literally her stalker. No, I loveer because I feel like I'm liking everything you post and I'm always commenting. I'm like, she's going to think I'm literally her stalker. No, I love it because I adore you. I think you're wonderful. I think you're so funny. I think you were judged very harshly on your season.

I think Santino Rice did not truly understand that there's camp drag. Also, what is Santino doing now? I don't know or care. And I completely agree with you. I do feel like if I was on later seasons, I probably would have won some of the challenges.

And also, they gave us very little to go on when we got there. And now they give you lists of all the costumes you need to bring. Because what? You were season three? Two. Oh, yeah, two. So they still were trying to figure out the whole show they were like bring some wigs and a dress yeah and we'll just like work it out it'll be fine yeah you'll be you'll be good yeah i want to see you on all stars five because i think four already filmed it did um i would too i actually i said that it totally got cut and I knew it was going to get cut.

But we did the finale. I was at the finale. I asked the question and it was kind of not really that great of a question. So I kind of was like, oh, this question is definitely going to get cut if they have to cut questions. And RuPaul, like I came up, we did a little walk before like the show. And RuPaul said to me when I got to the microphone, oh, you made a costume change. And I went, no, because I hadn't. And then I was like, oh, she watched that runway walk that we all did.

And I went, I don't know what to say because I didn't. And I don't want to go against RuPaul because I went on All-Star Slides. So that's what I said. I'm like, no, yeah, whatever you say, RuPaul. Whatever, yes. If you think I made a costume change, I made a costume change. I just want to get an All-Stars 5. Honestly, I think that's perfect.

Yeah. All right. Thank you, Pandora. Thank you. Bye-bye. this has been a team coco production