Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Lining Up a Relationship for the End of the World (w/ Niccole Thurman)

Episode Date: January 1, 2021

Comedian & actress Niccole Thurman (A Black Lady Sketch Show, Shrill) joins Nicole to discuss their 2021 resolutions, how they are cleaning out toxic negativity in their life, and review each other's Hinge profiles. Support Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy Buy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964 Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh boy! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Mina Kohlbauer tries to figure out how she's still single in the year 2021. Even though you could throw me a bone, call me a big ol' doggy bitch,

and tell me to bark eight times a day i would still date you my guest today you've seen her on indebted a black lady sketch show you've seen her on shrill you've seen her on loosely exactly nicole she's a writer on hot dog and the emmys and she's been on the opposition with jordan clapper it is n is Nicole Thurman. Hello. Hello. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. How are you? Hey, I'm good. I'm just excited for 2021. for 2021. Me too. Did you have any new year's resolutions? No, I feel like I usually will try to write like a list of things that I want to do. I guess it's technically a resolution, but I always call it just like a list, like a manifestation list, but I haven't written it yet. But, uh, when I wrote it for 2020, one of the dates that I wanted to achieve my goal,

some of my goals by was March 15th. So I feel like I cursed myself this year. So I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll just wait. I'll hold off on making some goals until we are sure it's going to be OK. March 15th. That is a very early time to like achieve things. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. I don't know. I just had this like idea for like I'm gonna book this kind of job by this date and like I don't know it was March 15th for some reason it was a curse cursed number you did this to us I did this I did it you did this I know but I've been saying on the podcast like I don't throw away all of 2020 I think it was a bad year, but there was some good. I refused to throw it all away. I've been blocking people who, because on the podcast

all through 2019 I was like, 2020's my year! So now anybody who goes, oh man, if only you had hindsight and knew what was going to happen. I've just been blocking those people, and it's been so joyful. Yeah, that's great. You've got to get them out. I've been been blocking those people and it's been so joyful. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. You got

to get out. You got to get them out. I've been feeling, I was had like a little moment yesterday where I was just like, why is complaining cool? Is that just like the thing people are doing right now? Because they feel like if they don't complain in 2020, they're not going to fit in because it's like, there's, there are some good things that have happened this year I think a lot of people I know have had fairly good years considering the circumstances so I'm like y'all if you can't find something to be happy about you're gonna never be happy one little thing just one little thing you know maybe you lost your job maybe you lost your house maybe you moved back in with your. But like maybe you and your mom had a really special night where you learned something about her. I don't know.

Celebrate that little thing. Take a moment. Have a little gratitude, people. It's not that hard. It's really not because it's like if you can't find some happiness. I mean, because not everybody lost their jobs. The people that didn't lose their jobs. I'm like, you should just be lucky you have a job.

You should be lucky you can pay your rent. the simplest tiniest things and some people just they just love it they I had to I've had to mute some people because they're just I also muted some people I'm like I don't mind keeping it real but when you just complain and you think it's like a funny bit get out of here yes goodbye goodbye I'll see you later. I'm not interested in that. Like, my sister has been rather positive considering. Yeah. Like, they've been doing in-person learning at her school, and that's all she's allowed me to say about it.

Yeah. But she's been very positive about it, and I'm like, if she can be positive about that shitty situation, like, come on, everybody. It's so real. I mean, if you can can what other people are dealing with so is so much worse i mean you can i i'm good at feeling sorry for myself no matter what my situation is however i still have moments where i'm like okay but i can pay my rent and that's good enough for me right now you know yeah it's like it's fine whatever whatever it is like

i have my car like i can uh go for a walk if I want to because it's sunny outside like little moments like that I'm like I'm just gonna take it because otherwise I mean if I'm like if I'm sitting around complaining because I can't go see a damn movie I mean we got it we got a problem yeah get a life like get get you know be happy within yourself and then and then we'll talk again i follow this girl on instagram i can't remember her name but she's maybe one of the dumbest people i've ever seen in my life but she makes me laugh so hard what hooked me was this like 10 part instagram story about how this agatha christie book was better than the movie because she could imagine things.

Oh my God. And the things she imagined were different than the movie. And it was so long of her explaining how books and movies were different. I was like, I'm hooked. I will look at you every day. I love you so much. She just had an Instagram story where she was like so excited that the movies

were open and like back. Cause I think she lives in like maybe orange County or something like that. I don't know. But she was so excited. She did a whole full blown Instagram story of her, like in the movie theater being like, nobody's here. Can you believe it?

The movie starting. I was just like, this is so funny to me. She also wears like a mesh mask because I think she's an anti-masker and will wear it to appease people to go into businesses and she doesn't like cause an uproar but she's like but you will get my particles okay like there's no there's hands or butts you're gonna get what i'm serving okay but i just really love her so fucking much right Right. And she brings me so much joy. So I feel like people kind of find like, I found like a joy in like somebody that I truly

don't have anything in common with. I don't agree with any of her things. But she's just so funny. Sometimes that dopey shit is so good because it's just like you can, you're like, this is hilarious. You're literally like Instagramming a piece of popcorn at the movie theater. That's beautiful. We love it. It's's such good popcorn have you ever had movie theater popcorn it makes me so happy i love it my god i love her so much it's like when you're a little

kid and like a fucking pile of dirt is the coolest thing in the world and you're like creating a whole world out of a pile of dirt but then when you're an adult you're like you know you have a whole backyard full of dirt you're like but i wish that i was in tahoe right now and it's like oh my god like what the fuck is wrong with us get a life that is so wild because like as a kid i would make like dirt pies and my mom would be like uh-huh and now i'm like if anyone ever was like nicole do you want to play in the mud and make a dirt pie at this point in my life i would go yes yes i gotta see if this is gonna spark joy and bring me happiness i i just gotta say you never know you gotta get that sense of playback that's what children have that's so beautiful a sense of play

i one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me so i have an email address bacon can save at gmail.com where people can like email me dirty come on lately it's been kids being like can i be unnailed it and i'm like i don't fucking cast the show nor do i care if you want to be on it i don't give a shit uh but the nicest thing anyone has ever done has signed me up for the new york times so i can read things for free that's so nice someone just signed me up for the washington post as well i was like this is so kind like of course i can just do it myself but i'm not going to no i read this article about happiness yesterday that like blew my fucking clit off so like it was this man who was a professor and he was studying happiness and he did a study with lottery winners and people

who've been in accidents and then just like a controlled group of people where nothing had happened to them uh-huh and the result was happiness doesn't make us happy or like keep us living unhappiness fuels us right and i was like this is really fucking interesting and then it gets really fucked up because then it talks about the person who did the study who jumped off a building and like was what yeah he like unraveled in front of a bunch of psychologists which is like the most interesting point of the article because it was like all of the people who were like who could have saved him were in front of him and watched him unravel i recommend it it's a very interesting article that

takes a hard fucking turn and you're like what the fuck dude what that sounds crazy that's fascinating i want to i want to read that for sure yeah and then i was like and you were talking about people being so negative on twitter i I'm like, yeah. I think like saying something negative and then like seeing other people pile on and be like, yeah, that's right. That sucks. Yeah. It fuels people. I think so, too. I mean, it's the same.

I mean, listen, I love it, too. And it's the same thing of when you're like in a group and you already like meet a new person and then you like mildly talk shit on someone. And then they start mildly talking shit on someone. And you're like, oh, yeah, now we can be friends. You know? It's the same feeling of like, oh we on the same scene and so I get I think it's what I think that really I mean especially with Twitter with Twitter it's really like that because it's just like I think it's uh I don't know there's something about like if people are

too positive on Twitter I bet I bet you know followers or anyone would be like like who is this idiot like who's this asshole so it's like you feel, you know, followers or anyone would be like, like, who is this idiot? Like, who's this asshole? So it's like, you feel like you want to join the club and be like, yeah, 2020 fucking sucks. But then it's like, you have your new baby in the bassinet and you're like, like, literally people with like new children are complaining. And I'm like, I'm like, does nothing bring you happiness? Because I think that's what's to bring some people happiness. So what's up?

If you think about it, like on the flip side, if they had their baby at any other point, they would be spending so much time away from their baby. Yes. And that would be a point of contention. They'd be like, I wish I had time to spend with my baby, this, that and the other. And you're like. Yeah, I think it's like my mom used to always be like, I mean, everyone's mom's like the grass is always greener on the other side.

But she would break it down and be like you know bitches who want short hair have long hair and vice versa and she's like you'll never have what you actually want and once you have it you'll want something else yeah if you give a mouse a fucking cookie she read that book to me so many times because i was like but i want this and i want this yeah and she's like how do i fucking teach this idiot that she'll never be satisfied right this book it's so crazy because it's literally like you're standing on you know a hill or something you've accomplished all of these things like if you're an adult truly just like supporting yourself and like living on your own is a huge accomplishment because it's hard to do but then

you're always like looking to the next thing like okay but what's next but what's next i mean this is all you know this is i feel like I ended up talking about that a lot in therapy, too, because I'm always just like, yeah, I don't care if I have this. I want that. And it's like, well, it's like enjoy this right now because you never know. Yes. I did this college show a couple of months ago. It was like a little virtual show.

Not a little. It was a virtual show. And one of the students the moderator said what is your proudest accomplishment and i said i don't have one and he goes what i said i don't have one i'm not dead yet when i'm dead you can compile all of my accomplishments and then you decide which one's the greatest and he was like wait what and i was like oh i don't think you understand that like once you get something, you want more. Yeah. So, like, nothing will be the greatest thing until I'm dead.

Yeah. And I think I shook his whole fucking world. Yeah, he was like, what? I don't understand. Yeah, it's crazy. But it's like, I think that Matthew McConaughey said something like that in, like, his Oscar speech. And I think that sometimes it is good because it motivates you to keep working harder and, like just being happy with like the status quo. I think he said something like, uh, what, like I'm looking at myself when I'm like, when I'm 25, I'm looking, my biggest hero is when I'm 35 and when I'm 35, my biggest hero

will be me when I'm 45. It's like, he's always looking forward to like the next, the person he's going to become. So there's, I think there's a benefit to that, but it's hard not to look at things like that. It is hard. It is. I think it's very hard to celebrate things. I don't, I mean, personally, I do not celebrate things in the present. I'm always like, great, that happened. Let's figure out how I get to what I want next, which maybe is not the healthiest way to live. I know it's like a very motivated, but yeah, sometimes it's like, well, damn, we're missing out on all the fun stuff in right now. And my therapist,

she tells me, she's like, you have to celebrate the now just a little bit. I dated this guy that had knuckle tattoos. Okay. A little crazy. He had the words right now tattooed on his knuckles. And it,

but it was like R I G H on one hand and then T-K-N-O-W or whatever right now on his hands. Because it was like he always had to remind himself to enjoy this moment as it's happening. Because this is, you know, you're never going to get it again. But could he see it when he looked at it or he had to look in a mirror? He'd have to look in a mirror, I think, because if he was looking down at it it would be from above he's just trying he's just trying to make everybody else think that's what he's doing he wants everyone else to be in the right now we're all in the right now we're staring at his knuckles trying to figure out what's happening where did you meet him we worked at a brewery together we're still friends he's a nice guy yeah yeah

we worked at this brewery together and like still friends he's a nice guy yeah yeah we worked at this brewery together and like i pretty much think everybody was sleeping at some with somebody at some point you know yes yes i that's one of the things i miss about the service industry because you could just like get real drunk after work and just hook up with somebody and then it truly is no thing like you go back to work the next day and you're like whatever right we were drunk it happened yeah you're like it's just whatever but then you start I mean I'm a you know kind of jealous bitch so then you see them flirting with somebody else and you're like hold up I'm supposed to be your work crush yeah it is it's so just like

that like especially when we have like beer that we're brewing and you're just like try this new beer that we've got and then like three beers later try this new beer that we've got. And then like three beers later, you're like, I mean, do you want to go make out or what? I miss that part about serving. Maybe like the bartender would be like, I made a new cocktail. Would you like to taste it? Yes. Yes. All of my tables can wait. Yes, they can all wait while I get drunk and then go back to serving them because honestly, it'll make me a better server. So why not? It'll just make me happier. It'll make me happy. And I'll want to hear more about what you don't like to eat. That's right.

Like, you can complain all day to me. That's actually another job I think where people bond over being negative is like you can just sit there and bitch all day, but it feels so good to just be complaining. Yeah. Also, I didn't, when I like served, i didn't have very much to complain about i was a terrible server like if anything all of my table should have been like this stupid goofy bitch was so bad at the job she needs to get the fuck up out of here but i do miss it because it was easy to milk money out of people oh definitely definitely definitely. Definitely. You can upsell them. You can, you know, just be nice, just a little bit nice to them. I heard like if you, I mean,

now it seems weird to say this, but if you like touch somebody like on their back or the shoulder or something while they're ordering, like, what can I get for you? Just give them a little tap. Then they're willing, they're going to tip more. Like it's like little psychology things like that. Fuck with them. Makes me sound sound terrible that I did not realize it's not like flirty or weird it's just like literally just being friendly sometimes makes people like let me give you things let me let me give you money I would do things like what would I do I would like lean not like squat squatting was like a thing where I was like no but I would just like lean and like have a big old smile and be like,

guys, hi. I'm sure people loved you with that, with that voice. Hey guys, how are you? Hi. What would you like to eat?

One of my favorite things I've ever done. I don't have a good memory. I have ADD. If I'm all over the place, it's cause I didn't take my medicine. But, but um i like walked over to a table and i was like okay what do you guys want and they it was maybe a table of six people everyone told me what they wanted there was so many modifications and i realized midway through i was like oh shit i don't have my pad oh i'm not gonna remember this so i let them finish

instead of interrupting them and going i need to get my pad and then i went to the computer and was like oh who am i kidding i truly don't know what these people ordered so i walked back and i was like okay guys here's some fun that happened i didn't write any of that down so you're gonna have to do it again one more time and i think I sang for a little bit and they were like fine with it because I was out of my mind they're just like this is a party we can't even be mad at you I did that all the time too and then it's a lot of the times like you're like oh no I can remember it and then someone might even say to you how are you remembering all of this and then you forget it and you're like oh fuck you're like oh shit I don't fucking know I don't fucking know man yeah I would do that all I would forget things all the time or I'd accidentally throw Then you forget it and you're like, oh, fuck. You're like, oh, shit, I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know, man.

Yeah, I would do that all the time. I would forget things all the time. Or I'd accidentally throw away a ticket I just wrote down. I mean, that's the worst. I mean, you did a good job with the singing and dancing. They're going to not even notice what's happening. But I apologized too much and then I'd get people mad at me. Because I gave them that weak spot, you know.

I didn't really ever apologize. I would just be like, something bad happened, you know. And I wouldn't be like, I did this bad thing. I was like, just a bad thing happened. Or I'd be like, dang, the kitchen. I just went in there and they messed it all up. So it's going to be another like 20 minutes. Guys, the kitchen.

The kitchen is crazy right now. I mean, if you saw what's going on in there. And you'd be like, I'm in there, and I'm really asking for your food. I don't know where it is. But if you could just tell me one more time, how did you want that steak cooked? Yeah, was it well done or medium? It was well done, right? I'm going to march in that kitchen, and I'm going to let them know that you said medium well.

You said medium well. And what did you say? You said broccoli on the side, too, right? Truly the worst. My roommate, Jen Jen Jen used to get so mad at me she would be like I don't know how you make more money than me sometimes and I was like because I'm bad yeah maybe if you did worse you would get more money yeah they feel sorry for you and then they're also like well when she messed up she sang that fun cute song she was just so adorable we were dancing she was adorable here's all our money

and i would wear a vest and a tie sometimes and that was not our uniform you're like i just came up with some flair and put pens all over my vest i don't know they were like are we at tji fridays and the answer was no we're in midtown at a fucking indian restaurant oh my god you worked in midtown waiting tables oh was that crazy i feel like that'd be crazy it was very bad um it was very hard um i was not good at it it's on uh season one episode two of kitchen nightmares uh you can see what it was it's since closed it was called pernima uh now it's called ah shit i don't remember something else opened in that space and i can't remember what it's called but last time i went there my

dealer was still there in the corner where he where he usually sits and this was like five or six years after i worked there and i was like my friend and he was like my friend and i was like do you and i said it so loudly what my order was he was like so you haven't changed you have to shut the fuck up you're like i do not know how to be stealth wait so is this a man that he just goes he's a regular at the restaurant i can imagine this man just like sitting in the corner all the time and hanging yeah he sat in the corner of the bar every single night and just dealt yummy drugs yes just a lot of cocaine baby that's the way to keep it popping in midtown when you're waiting tables i'm sure wait where have you worked have you been in la a long time i have been in la uh since 2015 i was gone. I was in New York for a year while I was doing a job there.

But 2015 is when I moved here the first time. Okay. And it, I worked everywhere. I mean, because I lived in Chicago for a long time. And that's where I waited tables at every type of place. Like, I worked at, like, some, like, upscale, you know, clubby type cool places. I worked at the brewery, which was, the brewery was like, I think the longest job I had.

And maybe the, I guess the most drama. Cause I had, I dated, like I hooked up with one guy, I dated another one there. And the one I dated was crazy. What else? Yeah. So I've done everything. I waited at like breakfast places in college towns. Like I've done everything. I waited at like breakfast places and like in college towns.

Like I've done, I waited tables for like, I don't know, 10, 15 years, a long time. Yeah. I mean, it's the easiest way to make money without taking off your clothes. Yep. It was, someone called it to the golden handcuffs. So have you ever heard of that phrase? No. Where it's like impossible to leave because you're like, you're almost like trapped by the job because the money is so good and so easy. Yeah. And it's like impossible to leave because you're like you're almost like trapped by

the job because the money is so good and so easy yeah and it's so easy to get a job like when anywhere you move you can just be like oh i'll just go wait tables there for a little bit yeah it's like almost kind of like a writing job like once you've written somewhere people are like oh she can write yeah once you've gotten a job waiting tables you're like oh she can wait tables but yeah we just it's like one of three pos systems point of sale if you're not in the industry yeah we've got aloha oh aloha was hard for me aloha is probably the hardest one i think micros i remember liking that one was easy for me that one i think is the one we used at pranima but i can't remember oh it was chatting to you that i

think you used aloha and i was like i don't fucking know this one no yeah it's hard wait did you work at more than one restaurant or just you just worked that one just the one and i was um a hostess with the mostest for one day at a restaurant in chelsea called elmo and then they called me too jolly and i was fired which was i think code for too fat oh my god fine i should have to work in a black turtleneck and a uh silver pleather mini skirt that i got from a goodwill and i thought i looked cute i still maintain i i looked cute sounds like a cute outfit the the second manager was not feeling me and i think i was too cheerful yeah i think that like yeah yeah i think it was like too fat and too cheerful and he was like we don't want black santa here get the fuck up out of here

not year round no thank you yeah and then i was a hostess at chat and chew which is in new york it i think it closed yeah it used to be around the corner from Coffee Shop where that was like a restaurant where all the servers were models in Union Square. But that one, that one was fun. And sometimes I'd help the girls out by like getting waters and stuff. And then our manager, Booba, he'd be like, what are you doing? Get back to the front. And that's not me doing an accent. I don't know what his accent was.

I just know that he didn't open his mouth. Right. That sounded like some kind of like Italianian new york hybrid with something else mixed in what are you doing he looked like the black version of grimace like and that's not me being rude that is just me being accurate you're just telling facts yeah he just looked like a bowling pin or something he was the weirdest shaped man i've ever seen and one day i was like oh booba what should i get for a family meal he goes i might have told this story before whatever but he was like you probably never heard this before but you should go home sit down and drink some water and i was like i can't believe this fucking

big ass man is telling me to drink water he don't know what water is sir also you cannot survive on water alone you gotta get a little lunch in there we need some family meal just a little bit okay let's take a break real quick Oh, we're back. Okay, so tell me about your dating history. My dating history is, I guess you could say it's kind of rocky. I feel like dating was very easy for me until I graduated college. And then ever since then, it's always been me picking the wrong people. Now I realize that but it used to just me be it used to just be me being like why am I always ending up with bad guys but

it's now I know from therapy that a lot of it was my choices and that I do have my own set of intimacy issues but anyway I like I dated the longest relationship I've ever had was I dated my math TA. He was our teacher for all intents and purposes for my math class in college. We started dating at the end of the semester, but not before the finals. So he helped tutor me before the final. Oh, okay. I was like, baby, can I have a little extra help? He was like, I'll tutor your pussy and your brain.

I was like, bitch, yes, please get up in there and teach me how to do the things. But yeah, so that was, we dated for, well, that was the longest relationship I've had for four years. And then I moved to Chicago where I feel like I just started experiencing a slew of fuckboys. I just have the worst luck. But I mean, it is, I just always, it's like there literally can be like a lineup of like 10 men and I will always pick the worst one. That's just always the one I'm attracted to. Yeah, sure. I feel you. So I don't know. There's something about that, that I'm into. I dated this guy. He was like, uh, an opera, opera singer, cyclist, slashed worked at the same theater that I worked. Another guy, another work person.

Um, and he was very funny. He was like a very handsome man, very nice. But then just like one day we were watching a movie and I had my feet up on the ottoman. And he was like, well, you have kind of big feet for a girl, huh? And I was like, I like knew from that moment. I was like, yeah, we're not're not gonna last and then two weeks later he was like hey I think we should cool it and I was like what do you mean cool it oh no he didn't like my big feet I guess um see I dated him I dated like yeah the guys at the

brewery that I worked with one of the guys I dated dated was super cuckoo bananas. He was like very controlling and like, it was kind of funny because he's one of those guys that when you're dating them, you like think that they're really hot. And then when you stop dating them, they're like, oh my gosh, he looks like a little rat. And you're just like, why did I ever find that person attractive? Like he's literally like this like small teeny dude I don't know I always end up dating like uh skinny white musicians or bartenders okay the bartenders I've kind of uh tapered off of but the musicians it's hard it was hard for me to break that yeah I like a bartender because they're good at talking like they're just like they're good at talking they're fun to be around I just dated a bartender where we're good at talking like they're just like they're good at talking they're

fun to be around i just dated a bartender where we like mutually were like the pandemic let's like cool like let's not do this anymore and then in may i was like i'm horny and i texted him and then he was like we're still cooling it and didn't answer and i was like perfect but then i was like why am i chasing this man who plays dungeons and Dragons where his like character is a little person who thinks he's in Les Mis and like this like why am I chasing this person it's a dick it gets you tricked I mean I think it was just I don't even know who's that I think it was just like I like being near you yeah well I mean also I feel like I don't know with the pandemic I feel like, I like being near you. Yeah. Well, I mean, also, I feel like, I don't know, with the pandemic, I feel like I would like being near anybody. Yeah.

Yeah. The pandemic truly, really isolates you and makes you feel wholly alone. I was laughing the other day because I had a phone conversation with some guy about a job for like three minutes. And when we got off the phone phone I was like googling his name and like I was like who is this he sounds cute like who is of course he's married but I was just like oh you know like I've had I feel like during the pandemic I've had crushes on like the most random people and tried I don't know because it's just like I don't know it feels in the way it felt like the end of the world so you're like oh shit I didn't line something up for the end of the world

yeah I I think about that a lot i'm like if the world will end tomorrow like you know that scene in titanic where the two old people are like we're gonna go down with their ship and they're just like in bed holding each other as the water rushes under them i was like i want that yeah when the asteroid comes towards earth or the aliens finally are like you fucking dumbasses we're done you. We don't need to study you anymore because you're idiots. I want, you know, somebody to hold. And I don't have that right now. No, it's so hard.

Yeah. My last relationship was like fucking three years ago or something like that. And after we broke up, it was a real nasty, real nasty relationship. He was a big liar, was lying about a lot. And I was just like mind blown slash didn't know what to do kept dating him when I shouldn't have and then like the breakup was so bad that after that I just didn't really date anybody and so I'm like I've I've been fine with it I am fine with it but yeah when the ship is going down you're like wait I need someone someone's hand to hold like what the hell like i broke my ankle like a little bit ago and

when i was sponge bathing myself on the side of the bathtub alone i was like if i was in a relationship and the person actually loved me they would help me with this yeah i was like i can't ask my roommate john millheiser to like sponge bathe me right and the nice man i live with his boyfriend at one point i said something i was like am i stinky and he was like no no you're not stinky you're fine and i was like okay and he's like well you did take a shower yesterday right and i was like i did i got the good spots, my pits under the titties and my pussy. And then I don't think I've ever heard a man laugh harder at me. I was like, we'd have to be really deep in a relationship for someone to like,

like sponge bathe my titties. Right. Well, that's the other thing is it's like, damn, if you even if you are going to get in a relationship,'s like i wish i need it to just be six months in immediately at least because first of all i i don't i never even have the energy to try to get to know some of these damn fools because some of them are just fools and you're like please just stop talking to me but then it's like i don't want to have to have any kind of falseness or any kind of awkwardness i want to just be fully comfortable and like nasty in front of someone i'm, I want you to see me when I'm like needing to be sponge bathed or whatever.

Yeah. I once had a boy fart on me and I was like, and it was a rotten fart. It was like, you're sick inside. And I was like, this might be it. I was so excited because I was like, this person is so comfortable with me that they did this to me.

But, you know, it didn't last because that's just the way my life works, I guess. Yeah. I've been feeling really like, I don't know, because I feel like I always see these girls on TikTok, the teens and the young 20s. I always see them on TikTok and they're like, you know, you can't make it past the talking stage. Like that's what I feel like now. And I'm just like, I'm always like talking, maybe flirting and texting with guys. And then all of a sudden they'll have a girlfriend or they'll just completely not be interested anymore, whatever it is. And I'm just like, oh, I cannot keep having these like talking phases with these dudes. That's why I instituted this role. Maybe it's like a year old at this point.

I will truly only talk to someone. I will only go back and forth with them for like a week. And if they haven't asked me out, then I don't talk to them anymore. That's really smart. I need to start doing that. I just like, I just let it die.

Cause I don't want to, I don't want to just like, I don't want a pen pal. I want someone who wants to like, ask me out. Right. Right. And I had a dating coach who was like, you should be asking people out. And I was like, that hasn't worked for me in the past. So I'm doing something different. And like, this has worked for me a little bit. Right. I have like a weird, hard rule. My rule now is that I will not ask someone out because i i don't know it was just my last relationship was like one of those situations where the guy is like i like you i'm just not looking for anything serious right now and then like my dumb ass hears i like you and

then it's like fuck the rest i don't hear the rest of it you know so then i spent you know a year and a half of my life trying to get some guy who was talking to another woman the whole time. Like I was trying to get him to love me. And it's like, that's fucking pointless. So it's, it's hard for me now because I feel like a lot of people will say that to me too. Like, well, maybe they don't know that you like them. Maybe that's why they, you kind of end up just being friends with them or whatever. And I'm like, I don't know. I, first of all, I feel like I'm flirting. Second of all, I don't want to ask a guy out because I don't, I personally am kind of old school and just don't think that works. I mean, it's not even old school. It's just having that bad experience of it not working.

Well, every time I've like chased a man, it's not, it truly has not worked out. And then the last couple of people I've dated that I've dated for more than a date, they've chased me. And then things changed when I was like, you've got me. Now I can tell you that I like you. And then they're like, yuck, yikes. I don't want you anymore.

Never did you stupid bitch. So I, I've said it before on the podcast. I'll say it again. My therapist disagrees with me, but I will die before I tell another man how I feel. I think you're right die i would be at the altar in a wedding dress and i would die before i tell that man that i'm in love

with him and want to be with him forever i was just like nicole what are your vows and i'm like i don't know come back to me like i won't like let him say his first let him say all his first you say yours first i'll see. What do you have to say? Does he have something to sign? Can he give me a little blood first? Because I'm not saying nothing until I know this man locked in. Truly. So you won't even tell him once you're dating them that you have feelings for them?

No. No. Because the last two times I've done that, a ghost of a girlfriend came back to town and he got back with her. And then the other time was, I don't know if i believe in monogamy and i was like cool and then i mean bad on me because we did go out a couple other times and i was like i'm gonna try again because i'm the most fun person he's ever fucking met yeah yeah and i was just like are you sure and then he was like i truly don't know this that and the other blah blah blah and i blah. And I was like, okay, cool.

Then like, let's just keep fucking and hanging out because like I'm having fun. And then I think he was like, I think she's going to try to like really like go for it again. And I should have been like, I'm not going to ask you again. I was just double checking to make sure you're stupid. Now that I know you're stupid, I want to keep fucking you because it's a dick that I know. And I don't want to get to know a dick. Well, that's the other thing. I'm like, I really am not sure sure i've been finding myself lately with the

people that i am attracted to they're either friends or like somehow professionally kind of affiliated with me or like i used to or i've slept with them before because i'm like i really don't feel like meeting some like random person and just trying to get to know them that way. Right? It's annoying and it sucks. And then like, I don't know, wading through like, what do you do? Because like you've written for stuff. You've been on TV. It's like, it's weird to be like, I'm on TV. Yeah, well, yeah.

Yeah. I think it's really hard. It's really hard because, yeah, and it's like one of those things too where it takes a specific kind of dude yes especially for women like us like we have personalities like we own a room we own the space we take up space when we're in the room and like a man has to truly be okay with that not just like say that they like a funny woman you know because like a dude will be like i love a funny woman they're like bitch i'm actually very funny yes i'm very funny your friends are gonna love me your friends are gonna love me your parents are gonna love me I'm probably gonna be more popular than you get ready for this yeah your friends are gonna be calling me to hang out instead of you

so fucking get ready for that yeah so get on board with it but yeah I think it's really hard to like find someone that actually supports that I feel like also personally I don't know just as having lived in New York LA I mean you've lived in not chicago you were just new york and la right but my family lives in chicago so i spent just a touch of time there on the south side you've got a little connection to the south side because what i'm saying is like between chicago new york and la oh my god la men are just very i i don't i feel like i never want to say it because I don't want, I want them to like me, but like, I feel like there's a lot of very sad men here. I fully fucking agree.

Dude, it's like the same thing. It's the same thing we were talking about earlier, where it's like they're all the men in LA are always like, yeah, sure. I have a job, but I want that job. And it's like, bitch, you're never going to get that job. Or even if you do, it's going to be years. So why don't you just be happy with where you are right now but they're they never are and so they can never fully be with the women that they're with especially if the woman is doing well you know and then you see a lot of these fucking nerds with money with these hot women

so then these fucking nerds who want that job who are years away from getting that job are like well i want a hot girl. But I got to say, every dude I've dated in L.A. who I've seen who they've dated after me is uglier than me. What are you doing with this fucking ugly ass bitch? What do you could have had this? But maybe it's because it makes them feel better or something. Like I every time I've seen a guy go from me to someone else, it's always like some fucking dumb ass idiot. And I don't know, I don't want to be too mean to him, but it's always like, oh, I mean, but I'm like smarter or whatever.

But it's like, they're easier. They're maybe easier. You know, they ask questions, they're, they're white or whatever it is. You know what I mean? They're just not me. And so it's easier. Um, and yeah, but then it's like when you see that shit, you're just like, I'm glad I'm not with you because obviously you can't handle all of this. And all of this is only going to keep doing more and more.

Yeah. Like, I'm not going to stop for you. It's not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. It's dating is truly it's hard, but then like necessary because you can't just like sit around i mean it would be so nice to have someone knock on my door and be like hello it's me boyfriend and i'm like come in boyfriend oh my god and then like i love monique and monique was talking about joining

only fans and she's like i thought it was you know this bad thing uh just a lot of naked nasty people and that's just for my husband my boyfriend my fiance and my girl my boyfriend and i was like how does wait monique has four partners yes i knew she was an open relationship but i was like but there's like four on rotation this teach me your ways you should have monique on the podcast to literally be like teach me your ways how have you done this she's a strong fucking woman yeah yeah you know yeah I need to know the secret too because I really don't know what it is and I feel like part of me now is so uh easily triggered by dudes like at the slightest hint of maybe a ghost I'm like fuck you and like I'm gonna run away too so I make it impossible so yes I want to I want to know how So yes, I want to know how people do it.

I want to know how people go from one relationship almost immediately into the next one. Like, I'm like, how the fuck? That blows my mind, especially like someone they've been with for like two, three years straight into another one. I'm like, what about those? Like, you spent so much time with somebody. Yes. like you spent so much time with somebody yes and you like loved somebody and you are just gonna like shut them away and start getting to know somebody else so quickly that's it's crazy I don't have I I guess I feel too much to do that I couldn't I could never well I think so too and I

think personally I mean it's like yeah I feel too much I don't really I'm not that's why I'm not always great at dating too though because I'll like like somebody and so then i'll only like that one person and not still date around which is a mistake because then you end up sometimes with the wrong spending your time on the wrong person yeah but it's like yeah i don't get that either like especially like these people that live together and then they move out and then like the next month or two later they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend it's like how the fuck because also it's like don't you need time to heal don't you need time to learn and grow and like and yeah and like i don't know get that person out of your system but like in a way not in a way of just distracting yourself with like a new full-on

boyfriend or girlfriend like that's crazy to me i just could never do it yeah me either i yeah it just seems so fucking batshit bonkers. I felt like especially, even if it's a healthy breakup, it's like you still need time to like, I don't know, be yourself. But some people don't want to be with their own thoughts. Like some people just cannot be on their own because then they end up losing their minds. They have to have people to distract them at all times. I'm just not like that.

I can't do that. I'm like kind of like that. Like I don't think I could ever live alone. But anytime my roommate is gone anytime john like leaves i'm just like oh okay this isn't so bad it's like whatever i just prefer to know that one day someone will come scream with me again yeah exactly well that's good it's good it's nice to have a little bit of solo time i mean i can go on the other end of that spectrum but sometimes too much too because then i'll like alienate myself from everybody and be like, why don't I have any friends? And it's like, bitch, because you always

tell people you don't want to hang out. What the fuck do you expect? Because you don't hang out with anybody or call anybody. They're not going to want to hang out with you if you always say no, but I don't do that as much anymore. But yeah. Yeah. So are you on the, yes, you're on the apps. I'm on the apps. I'm on Hinge. And that's it. Okay. You know, I was trying to get on Raya, and I've gotten two or three friend passes at this point. And I fully, first of all, think they're racist because they—

Don't think it's fully racist. It's fucked up. And I've been on the waiting list for years and years now. So I'm just like, like three years. And so I'm just like, whatever. But at this point, I'm like, come on. I've gotten two friend passes. I thought that was just a guaranteed in to get on Raya I was on the wait list I think for two years maybe two and a half years I think two

but yeah it's fucking it's racist it's fully fucking racist but like once you get on there you're like so I'm paying $30 a month to see like Australian DJs and weird models. Like it's nobody you've ever cared about one time in your life. And I went on one date from it and that person asked me to read their screenplay. So. That could also probably be pretty problematic I feel like for a lot of people on Raya.

Raya is probably a big networking thing too because everybody's like, oh, everybody on here is like exclusive, hot, like, you know, whatever, popular, working. Yeah working yeah that's a lot i wouldn't be able to do that but what is okay let's go through your hinge and let's go through mine oh my god okay okay okay so let me see your first picture okay oh so you can see it okay this is cute can you see with my real ring light thing okay there there you go this is cute it Can you see with my real ring light thing? Okay, there.

There you go. This is cute. It's you with curly hair. You're showing off that long neck. Mm-hmm. And you're wearing just like a black sweater. You got some hoops. And you look like you mean business. I mean business.

I'm like, hey, what's up? That's me. That's the picture that gets the most. I just recently changed my pictures because I also have a weird thing where I don't really like when guys like the pictures of me with the most makeup on because I'm like, that's the picture that gets the most i just recently changed my pictures because i also have a weird thing where i don't really like when guys like the pictures of me with the most makeup on because i'm like that's not even what i look like fair keep scrolling yeah do you want to see my answers to things yeah so what do i say the hallmark of a good relationship is similar communication vibes it may seem trivial but being able to have a fun back and forth combo via text or DMing is huge to me, especially now, wacky face. I think that's one of the reasons why you keep getting into

situations where you're just like texting for forever. God, that's a good point. Because you're literally telling them, you're like, I like a good back and forth. I will talk forever. Well, I don't even, lately I haven't even been responding to Hinge people. I just can't. But that is probably a huge part of it because the last time I was on Hinge, I did definitely have a very long conversation with one person. We went out, but like we only went out twice. And so it wasn't worth all of the fucking hours of convo, you know.

This is cute. This is like a headshot. We got straight hair. You're looking into the sun. You're laughing. A real teehee yeah exactly barely any makeup just natural me living life my friend took that well you've got good skin and you're pretty so like you can get away with it i've got like terrible acne scars

and i think people would be like yikes i don't want this oh wait you're five nine you are tall five nine i'm very tall see that's nice I put don't have children, open to children, which I don't even know about all day. I don't know anymore. I don't drink. So I put that I don't drink because I feel like it's, I don't know if people notice that, but sometimes it is awkward, like not drinking and going on dates. Because guys are weird about that. I think people in general are weird about that.

They are. My sister doesn't really drink, so I'm, like, used to it. So I'm like, if you don't order a cocktail, I'm not going to be like, why aren't you drinking? Because it's like, who cares? You just didn't order something. Right. I know people, it's an interesting thing because it's like,

you lose a lot of friends when you stop drinking, which is fine because it's just like you realize it's people you only had drinking in common with. But then there's also a lot of this uh especially with dates and i'm like i don't like this on dates because if i'm on a date i want the dude to get drunk i like i want you to get lit i want you to try to make a fucking move i want you to get drunk that's fun that's what's fun about dates is when it gets kind of wild and i can still get wild I just don't get drunk but um I but also it does this thing sometimes with people where it makes them feel like called out or like insecure in a weird way of like being like oh well I don't really drink that much it doesn't matter you know like I don't even need to drink and it's like no first of all

you can have a drink second of all I'm not judging you for your drinking habits I just quit I didn't even you know I didn't it wasn't even this big of a deal. I just quit. And then I got an app that counted the days. And so then I just, I was like, I like counting days. I'm just going to keep counting them forever. I mean, it's so weird. But yeah, so dating without drinking has also been a new experience and not as fun for me.

But that's just it. Fair. This is a good picture. So we're in an office, it like it's a trailer and i don't normally put uh work pictures because i don't put what i do for a living because i don't know i just i feel like people are like actor like i don't know i'm kind of like that sometimes i'm always like that if a man is on a stage holding a microphone i always go no thank you and i don't know what it is i'm just like i don't want i don't want to deal with like a an open mic comic like not to be an asshole no but like i don't want to deal with that i don't want to deal with someone being like i just got my

first road gig and this this and that and i'm like oh okay i don't i don't i don't know how to talk to you like i don't i don't we're just in different places I think that's really tough I think if in there if they're in the same world they have to be at this that does kind of sound weird but it's like at the same level or higher yeah and I only say that because it's like you don't want to have to you don't want to have to kind of like be the guide I don't want to teach you I don't want to be your sherpa through this I don't want to give you advice yeah I don't which't, which it sounds mean, but I'm like, so not only do I have to love you, I then have to coach you through things. And that being said, maybe they're not asking me to coach them through things, but I'll

feel like I need to when I'm like, oh, why are you doing it like this? You're doing it wrong. Yeah, I would too. I would definitely feel like I'd have to say I'd be side coaching even if I wasn't being asked. But I'm a helper. I like to help these men, which is why I sometimes't being asked but I'm a helper I like to help these men which is why I sometimes end up with the wrong ones that's my help um let me just show you my

answer I get along best with people who love to laugh and get very excited by small everyday things holidays road trips I also love people who will make me good playlists. I like that. That's good. That's super fucking cute. Because I feel like I get I get like very excited about just everything. And I've been told a lot by like some kind of more curmudgeon-y people that I'm like too excited by too many things. And so I'm like because I'm like, you know, if I see a cool house, I'm like, oh, my God, that's such a pretty house. Like I just get excited about shit. So, like, I want somebody that's not going to think that that's annoying because then they're not going to want to be with me. Yeah.

I will write down street names when I see a wall that I like. And then I will make people return to that wall with me and take pictures of me in front of said wall. Okay. I love this. So you get it. Yes. I love a fun door. I'll write down where i saw that

door okay here's mine yes so let's see i also have no lights turned on in my house because you know you can't be wasting those lights okay so cute like the prince like thank you yeah it's just it's on the streets of boston in front of the wilbur theater i sold out that night but i didn't include the marquee because i don't want you to know my business yeah yeah but i'm wearing a this is hinge a flannel scarf leopard print leopard print and flowers it's a lot i love it and then the question is dream dinner guest i said the minions easy to social distance with them bitches tiny and then hilarious a picture of me in a split okay so we know she flexible but also fun thank you yeah that's what i thought it's more of a fun pick it's more of a like look

what i'm doing i'm just hanging out. That's fun. I love that. And then I said yes to drinking, yes to smoking, yes to weed, and yes to pills. I'm down for fun. Oh, my God. I love this. That's so funny. Oh, my God. It's so cute. Me with my hair on top of my head next to a dog with its hair on top of its head.

Very similar hairstyles. My childhood crush is Captain Picard from Star Trek. I think that's a good question to include, too, because then it shows kind of like what your type is, like who you think is cute. Even if it's when you're a kid. Funny, though, I've never dated a bald-headed person. Oh, wait, maybe one. Yeah, one. But yeah, Captain Picard does it for me um and then this is what i wanted to be when i grew up a bus driver or a mechanic oh my god i love it and then there's a

picture of me and guy fieri getting his star on the hollywood walk of fame is that a real picture it looks like a green screen yeah someone photoshopped that for me. And it's one of my favorite pictures. And then there's a picture of me roller skating, but I'm in a gutter. So I feel like it shows off I'm fun, but maybe people see it and they're like, she's too fun. Yeah. It looks, I mean, to me, it looks very fun. It looks like you like to party. Right? I don't know. Yeah. I don't think, I don't know. I think it's cool to show your personality and not just have, like, cutesy pics. Because it's like, you want to, like, if people are going to hang out with you, they're going to be roller skating. They're going to be doing the splits on the street.

Yes. You know, like, all of that crazy shit. They're not just going to be, like, you know, standing in a meadow posed. So it's, like, it's good to see what they're really going to get. in a meadow posed. So it's like, it's good to see what they're really going to get. I think it's like the more like true to what your personality is, like, like the makeup looks and like the style you're putting on, like the more you do that, the more people are going to see the real you. So they might as well just see who you really are. Yeah. And I mean, I do wear a ton of makeup. So like if someone were to date me, they probably wouldn't see my real face for a couple of months.

Yeah. Do you take it off like do you take it off when you like sleep with somebody for the first time? No. No. I keep my wig on. I keep my makeup on, my lashes on. And like on the first date, it's always I don't sleep at people's homes. I don't like doing it.

I'm always like, peace out. Goodbye. Yeah. But like there's been a couple of people where I've slept over. don't sleep at people's homes i don't like doing it i'm always like peace out goodbye yeah but like there's been a couple people where i've slept over and the first time i've slept in my contacts i've been like that was a mistake or i'll take out my contacts and i'll be like i'm fully blind so you're good like it's not i'm not asking you to be like a gentleman you have to walk me out to the uber because i can't read the license plate like Like if they live on like a busy, busy-ish street. And then people I like return to fuck,

I like bring a little kit where I have like my glasses or like extra contact lenses. But I still won't take off my wig or my makeup. Oh my gosh. Is that uncomfortable? Like when you wake up, are you just like, holy shit? Or is it fine? No, it's fine.

I can sleep in a wig just fine. I just just i don't know at what point to go i'm a fully different person that is a lot like that's a lot to show to somebody that's why i think that's for me it's like because i rarely wear any like makeup and i i don't i don't know my hair's always fucking bad i don't know but um no it's not because there, I had this one picture where I had so much makeup on and I loved, like, I looked good, but it was, like, super contoured, super, like, a ton of lashes. And, like, every guy would like that picture because it was just kind of, like, a little bit more spicy looking and they're, like, always liking it. And I'm, like, I can't even actually pretend this is me. Because I think if you wear the makeup all the time,

then it's like, that's who you are. But it's like, for me, it's like, I'm usually pretty scrubby, so I'm not trying to, I want them to be

underwhelmed and then be like, oh, she actually dresses up too. She's cute. I just, I get really scared of like, what if I like,

take my makeup wipes and I like, wipe off all my makeup, take off my lashes, take my makeup wipes and i like wipe off all my makeup take off my lashes remove my wig yeah and then like he's falling asleep and then wakes up and i'm like hi and he's like there's a monster in my bed what if i happen yeah that's crazy well it's also just everything about makeup is so interesting because then guys will be like oh girls lie to us it's like bitch first of all you wear hats if you're wearing a hat and you wear a hat you guys all tricking us beards beards beards and hats make such a huge difference huge difference truly like yeah so

it's like first of all there's that second of all it's like so what you guys like when we're wearing makeup we look good so it's like what's the problem if we know how to put it back on we can put it back on who cares i can be that person but I think that would be weird no I get it like I think that would be uncomfortable I think because it's like for me even with you know if you're wearing Spanx or something you're like I mean I'll take them off obviously but it's like how do you navigate sexily taking off your Spanx especially when because i've seen some women where i'm like your body is fully different like you're shaped like a bag of potatoes and then you put on spanks and like suddenly you're marilyn monroe how do you navigate that with a partner it's really

interesting like that because like people use those corsets and stuff now too to give them that hourglass shape and it's like miss you look nothing like that when you take that thing off it is i don't i don't know yeah because it's like who cares i don't know i mean if i were a dude and and that was first of all even a thing i would worry about i wouldn't worry about because it's like when you go out she's gonna look good as hell and you know that so then when you come home who cares what she looks like if she looks like a sack of potatoes you can't see yeah that's right i'm just a sack of potatoes that you have to look at when we go out i'll look beautiful for everybody you should wake up ready to fight and so like when they wake up just be like yeah this is what i look like yeah in case somebody fucking

broke in i'm ready the fuck i'm gonna scare them if they wake up i ain't got no wig i ain't got no nails i ain't got no eyelashes but this is what i look like but when we go out don't you worry about it then if you just start a fight in the morning before they even can question then they'll be like yeah i like that perfect that's perfect advice i think i'm gonna start doing that i'm gonna start a fight with my boyfriend yes this is i can do it yay sort of had you ever have like have you ever had an awkward moment with a guy when you take all of it off and they're weird about it no i've never taken off like a man has never seen me without my makeup on he's never gotten to that level or just never would get to

that level because i've only dated people for like two months yeah like two three months and it's like that's not enough time you've never i've never had i've never had a partner sleep over at my house i don't i don't i don't want someone ruining my happy place i kind of love that though i know i feel like was it is it a whoopi goldberg who's like i don't want some guy some man in my house yeah i don't want some man in my fucking house i don't want some fucking man in my house and that's i do think i've been getting like that too like sometimes when i think about dating again i'm like but the thing is i like to sleep alone i don't i like to sleep with a guy but like i i also kind of don't want him to be there in the morning like i would even sleep have a guy spend the night but then leave at like five because it's like i hate

that like moment when you're like five a.m yeah like fuck it like get out because it's like then you don't have to be because i hate that conversation where you're like uh like do we get breakfast do i fucking make breakfast i don't want to make breakfast i don't know him like that like that's the part that where it gets awkward to me so i don't love that i dated a dude who would feed me from his garden. And that was the nicest a man has ever treated me. That's very nice. That's glamorous. It was so wonderful. But attached to somebody who did not want me.

So I guess it wasn't as wonderful as I thought. It's crazy. It's crazy. I was, there was something, there's a woman on TikTok, I think, that does that where she feels like has her exes fill out a chat, a form or something to say, like, why did you really end it? More or less. Sometimes I really wish that you could do that. But I don't sometimes I'm scared. Like, would I really want to know why someone wasn't into me? Here's the thing. You have to just remove yourself from it because I've interviewed people i've hooked up with uh on this podcast i mean that's where it came from and then you know three years in or two years i don't know i think i've been doing it for three years i don't know um i'm over 100 episodes

deep i haven't fucked 100 people to interview on the podcast but you kind of just have to remove yourself from it and be like i actually really to know. And they can't really hurt your feelings. There's one unaired episode where I asked somebody why, and he said, I don't think you respect yourself. And I was like, I said you couldn't hurt them, but you were trying your hardest to hurt my feelings. Oh my God. That's crazy. Yeah. It's just, it's crazy to think, to have that kind of moment with somebody. I think that on some plane or whatever, it would be cathartic. But then in another way, you're just like, fuck this. I don't really want to know. Yeah, it's like, I don't want you being mean.

That's why I'm scared to go to a psychic. Because I'm like, I want to know, but I don't want to know what they're going to say. I mean, I've yet to see a psychic that was any good yeah well nicole we've come to the end oh wait here would you date me oh yes of course i would i think it'd be fun oh nicole what a dang treat okay now we've come to the end do you have anything you want to promote uh i don't really think so i'm not doing any shows. I mean, just like follow me on the internet and like, we'll see if I do stuff. Nicole's Twitter is very funny.

Thank you. I thoroughly enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. We're having fun on Twitter. I make videos every now and then. And like I'm writing, everything I'm doing is like going to be in the future. So it's no point in plugging it now.

But yeah, you'll just keep up with me on social and then you'll see what I'm doing in the future. So it's no point in plugging it now, but yeah, you'll just keep, keep up with me on social and then you'll see what I'm doing in the future. Okay. Perfect. Um, here. Okay. Uh, what? Yep. This is it. Sometimes I forget how to end my own podcast this is it for this episode of oh i want you date me if you like this episode you can rate it you can like it you can subscribe you can give it five stars on apple podcasts and if you write me something nasty i will read it on the podcast and that's what i'm trying to find yes oh okay here's one hi nicole just sliding into your dms because you said no one ever does and wish that they do sadly i'm gay as fuck but i love you i'll tell you this i do not need any more gay men sliding into my dms i want what i'm talking

about is straight men or not even straight men men who identify as a person who wants to fuck me. Right. That's who I want to be sliding in. So he says, I love your podcast. Thank you so much. After I just screamed at you and oh boy, I wish you were straight. But if you were in Charleston, I would. Wait, you wish I was straight? What? He wants me to.

I'm so confused. Oh boy boy I wish you were straight but if but if you were in Charleston South Carolina I have a couch for you to slide in and I'll make you a lasagna honestly you can have the bed I'll take the couch you know what I should do I should screen these before what I do is I just no it's more fun to see them spontaneous yeah I just like take the screenshot when I'm like for your podcast or like slide and I'm like that seems dirty and then I just screenshot it but I should start reading these

before I screenshot them well Nicole thank you so much for doing this thank you for having me on this was fun okay bye bye okay bye miss. Thank you for having me on. This was fun. Okay. Bye-bye. Okay, bye. Bye. This has been a Team Coco production.