Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Main Character Energy (w/ Willow Pill)

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

Reigning drag queen Willow Pill (winner of RuPaul's Drag Race S14) is here! She chats with Nicole about selling mushrooms as a pandemic side hustle, her thoughts on the iconic catchphrase RuPaul gave her on the show, and partying with fans while tripping on Molly. Plus they celebrate her iconic win being the first disabled person to win Drag Race, and Willow discusses the toxicity of hustle culture and the expectations on herself to work as the winning queen. For more drag queen interviews, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: bit.ly/wwydmdrag Black Lives Matter. Click here for an updated list of over 100 different things you can do to support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Mina Kohlbauer tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could rip my TV out of the wall, smash it on the floor, and say, no more entertainment for you, bitch.

My guest today is one of my favorite queens. Oh, she just won RuPaul's Drag Race Season 14. Oh, baby. Oh, it's Willow Pill. Hello, everybody. It's me, Willow Pill, and I'm here to talk to you. Hi Willow, how are you? Oh, I'm so good. Can I just say, why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you tell me?

Please tell me why. Please tell me why. Fun fact, we did that twice. Marissa said, do you want to do that a third time? And I said, no, I think we got it. We got it. The number of times I've listened to that, I told you this on the show, but I worked at a sushi restaurant for like three years before I was on Drag Race and every time I was mopping in the mornings at like 10am

to open up the shop it would just be that in my head why won't you date me? why? and then you'd be like talking to Alaska or some Willem or something it's so funny that you listen to that at 10am just talking about dicks and yum-yums.

Cucks and balls. Dicks and cucks. I do love a dick. Do you love a dick? You know what? They're pretty dang ugly. I don't know if I like them that much. They are very ugly.

If you really get down to it and look at them they're very hideous they kind of remind me of a sea cucumber like a sandworm there's something so phallic about a dick but i mean that's not no okay i know what you mean i know yeah that sounds it sounds redundant to say that a dick is phallic, but it's like they really are. They're like, oh, that's sexual. When you look at a dick. Yeah.

Sometimes, you know, you see like a mushroom with like a girthy stem and you're like, oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. And you forget the heebie-jeebies a little bit. A little. Yeah. Well, okay. We don't have to keep talking about dicks. Let's talk about you for a little bit. little yeah well okay we don't have to keep talking about dicks let's talk about

you for a little bit so okay has your life changed you just won drag race um i enjoyed watching you i thought you were so fun has the dating life or just life in general changed any you know it's all kind of smushed together since the show started and i really haven't had that much time to even realize that i won um okay you know after after i was at the viewing party you know finding out that i had won it was like i woke up the next day and they're like all right get on your next plane and so i didn't really even have time to soak in the fact that i had just achieved my biggest life's dream um so it's kind of been in increments over the last few months that i'm realizing what just happened and i'm finally in a place where i'm like oh my god i'm like so fucking proud of myself. I'm so happy.

Let me tell you, I fucking love that. You said that you're proud because I feel like a lot of time people, myself included achieve things. And then you go, Oh, it's whatever. But it's like,

no, be fucking proud. Like be, be excited for yourself. No, I had to have that moment because I wasn't that excited for a while I was like oh great that's cool um and I even you know when you're like in the moment you're shocked you're like oh my god this is crazy I was just like oh my god this what is happening and then

it was like a few months later I think I like did some mushrooms as I am known to do. And I just had this moment where I was like, oh, my God. Like, to make it through that show as a chronically ill and disabled person is a feat in its own. And then to win it, I'm just like so beyond proud of myself. But it took a while for that to really kick in. I'm so happy you got there. I feel like, yeah, it takes me a lot of time to be like, no, that is kind of a big deal. And that's delightful. Let's talk about mushrooms real quick.

I fucking love mushrooms. Oh, it's my favorite thing in the world. My favorite topic. I love them. I don't know why they're illegal. One. Two. favorite topic i love them i i don't know why they're illegal one two i've had like such nice magical experiences on them um i don't sing karaoke but you give me some mushrooms and a baby will she have a nice time i love them before i know before Drag Race, you know, I'm hoping they can include, I'm sure they can include this, but I was a mushroom seller.

So I would grow and sell mushrooms. That was my little pandemic hobby slash side job. I love that. How do you grow mushrooms? This is, okay, so I was a farmer for a while. During the pandemic, tomatoes, strawberries, cucumbers, one at a time please and you sold them you sold them by the gram i so i truly sold them by the whisper i truly i grew nothing how do you grow mushrooms um it took a while to learn it's a very long process it's a long game

um so i grew them in like tubs in our in our hallway and you get these like cakes that have like manure and grain and seed in them and you you know basically like incubate the cake with spores and then wait for it to colonize and then eventually grow into mycelium and then into mushrooms and And then you harvest them and dry them. What a treat. So from start to finish, it's like six to ten weeks. That's so long. Also, you said so many words that I don't know.

That's okay. But like after manure cakes, I was like, oh, what? Chlorophyll and phytoplasm and then the mitochondrion and then photosynthesis i learned about plants but i don't remember anything about them absolutely thanks here's a question do you like um what did i take the last a of weeks ago? I did Molly at like 2 p.m. at a pool party. And I was like, I'm going to stay for an hour. And then four hours later, I was like melted into a couch being like, everyone come to me and tell me a story. I feel nice.

Oh, I tried Molly for the first time like two months ago, two or three months ago. Oh, my God. How did it go? It was great. I mean, the week after was not great but that night i remember i went to see one of my favorite bands um uh what the fuck is their name i love them so fucking much and i can't remember their name a band um my chemical romance no magdalena bay i would never have gotten there i would would never. Fergie. It was Fergie.

It was Fergie. No, it was Magdalena Bay. And I look back on pictures and my pupils are as big as the devil's fucking dick. And so zooked out of my mind. I made out with like five people at the club afterwards. Literally everyone. I was just like, let's make out. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, wait, are you Willow Pill? And I'm like, yeah, I am. And they just like, let's make out. And they're like, yeah!

And I'm like, wait, are you Willow Pell? And I'm like, yeah, I am. And they're like, let's make out. So I just make out with everyone. I was making friends. I gave, like, normally I'm kind of reserved from my fans. And that night, I was just giving everyone my telephone number. Just like,

call me if you need anything. Willow, has anyone taken you up on it? Yes, I invited them all to a house party that I had that weekend. And they all ended up being good people. Like, you know, it was the right mix that night. Something was in the stars. God, Mother God was watching after me. That's lovely because that could have ended up a fully

different way it could have been horrible my i just could have been doxxed and all the fans known and yes but no it was great and they were lovely people and i still chat with them every once in a while i love that maybe you have to be in like the zone to be all kissy the day i took molly i was like i just want to sit and feel nice and have people talk at me i was like don't want to engage i wanted to run around and fuck i guess it wasn't horny that day which seems out of character see that's the maybe that's it is because normally i'm not a very horny person oh and so maybe it just switches you to the opposite of whatever your default is See, maybe that's it, because normally I'm not a very horny person. Oh.

And so maybe it just switches you to the opposite of whatever your default is. Interesting. Maybe that's what it actually does. We're onto something. We should submit this. I took it to Australia and I wasn't horny. I just danced very hard. Oh, I love dancing. I love dancing, too.

I'm a terrible dancer. I have zero rhythm. It's honestly devastating. Really? It's very bad. Yes. I'm okay. I'm a good dancer in the same way that like Kristen Wiig is a good dancer. Where it's like, you're like, wow, that's really good. There's something off about it. There's something off and there's something very white about it. Something very white about it but it's it's something very white yeah but it's very uh but it's still on beat you know she catches she catches the rhythm very nicely and i can do that but it just looks a

little awkward every now and again i'll catch some rhythm and i'll be like oh my god is this what it's like for people all the time and then immediately fall out of rhythm and i'm like okay she's back to normal yeah um okay well i have a question yes where does your name come from and did you enjoy how rupaul said it because some people on twitter did not i thought it was funny yeah okay so the name comes from the okay it's i always do the short version, but the. I would like the long. I'm going to give you the, here's the long version. Yes. So the long version is that my name, I don't go by this anymore, but out of drag, my name

was William. And now I just go by Willow all the time. Or, or Billy. Billy. Ooh, I like Billy. I don't go by Billy. I'm just saying that now. Maybe that'll catch on after I start, after this podcast.

I don't go by Billie. I'm just saying that now. Maybe it'll catch on after this podcast. I like Billie because it's kind of like a gender neutral. I don't go by Billie. I'm saying it now on this podcast in hopes that it catches on. I like Billie. B-I-L-L-I-E. I think that's really cute.

Billie Pell? Billie Pell. That sounds like a country singer. It does. It's really fucking cute. Yeah, maybe I'll change it. B-I-L-L-I? Maybe no E-F-E-N?

Billy? Billy Pill, yeah. I'm feeling it. I love it. But, so Willow, yeah. I watched, from behind the kind of rails of the staircase, I would watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer when my sisters would watch. And I obviously wasn't allowed to watch because that show is,

you know, a lot of teens fucking. And my mom was like, no, no. You mustn't watch the teens fuck. Yes. But Willow, played by, is it Alison Hannigan? Yes. Yes. She was on it and she's, you know, this lesbian witch,

and she had red hair, and I just thought she was so fucking cool. And I related to her because, A, she was queer, and, B, her name was Willow. I was like, oh, that's basically my name. And then in high school, a lot of my friends would call me Willow Smith. They'd be like, Willow, Willow Smith.

And I'd be like, LOL. And then eventually, it just felt like the right name. LOL. LOL. LOL. And then pill happened just because I take an obscene amount of pills ever since I was a little infant. So pills are part of my

everyday repertoire. I love it. And it just rolls off the tongue. Yeah, it just works. Will pill! It truly made me laugh every time Ru said it. Okay, so when we were filming,

I thought it was pretty funny and i was like oh my gosh i'm getting the what is it called when she gives you a name um favoritism there's a yeah well that first of all yes when she gives you a name you kind of do get the favoritism um i forget what it's called when called when she gives you one of those names. Yodel. A yodel. A yodel?

I think that's what it's called. Again, I would never have gotten there. It's called a yodel? I might just be pulling that out of my ass, but we're going to say that's true. I don't know. I like it. Yeah, so I was just happy that I was the queen to get it. I was like, oh, yes, I am the Ivy Winters of the season.

It gives you more attention, gives you more airtime, makes you more memorable to her because, you know, she's a forgetful old lady. So she never forgot my name. So I loved it. And then when it came out and the fans were reacting to it, you know, they were kind of split, but there was a lot of people that hated it. And they were like, Ru falls infantilizing Willow, and she already talks about how she hates that. And I was like, I genuinely think she mistakenly thought that my name was a pun. Bless her heart.

Well, it is a pun. Like, if you say it that way, it is a pun. Yeah, if you make it a pun, it's a pun. But it was not intended to be a pun which is just so funny i it's a little bit of the uh joey joey gay poison ivy bag ism where it's like do you remember it was like it was just like no it's an ivy bag it's like yeah

but you're covered in poison ivy so it's a poison ivy bag so it's like will pill willow pill will pill like if you just like say it like that i don't know i i thought it was so funny it made me it made me too i thought it was a real treat i enjoyed it and on set she would go on for a long time like on on the screen it was just like willow pill but on set she'd be like willow willow she didn't want no pig because you want, willow pill. But on set, she'd be like, willow, willow. She didn't want no pill because she wanted willow pill. She went, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, girls would just be like notice me please that's so funny and yeah i people ask me about drag race all the time and i'm like oh what people don't know is rue is funnier than what they air oh she's so funny she was the most entertaining part of my day every day every morning i was just like i wonder what rue's gonna say today and they have to cut out 90% of it because unfortunately most of it is,

you know, not for the television. So filthy. It's filthy. It's cancelable. But it's like so fucking good. She does her own one woman show every morning. She really does. It's incredible.

So I'm like a big, big fan of being your own biggest fan and like i do stand up and people will be like you really just laugh at yourself and i'm like yeah man i'm not gonna get out of bed get on a plane land in idaho get on a stage and not have fun like what's wrong with you right i feel the same way i'm it's uh yeah i don't there's no room for being sour if this is what you're gonna choose for a career yeah i fully fucking agree and rue will laugh at her own jokes and i mean obviously the whole show every everything is a rue reference she's just sitting there just jerking off under the table and that's really what's under the table not sweatpants yeah not sweatpants it's a giant cock fully erect i have a question okay

so comedians have chuckle fuckers i think bendel a creme is the one who coined this for me a clown chaser do you have clown chasers when you travel not really you know okay, so I have many inquiries, inquirings about fucking and the sort. But I don't really engage in it that much. Okay. It's not because I'm not interested. It's just because I'm too tired. I'm too tired. By the time you get back from the club and it's

2 a.m. and your flight is at 8 in the morning, the last thing I want to do is put on some brows and douche and go meet some guy that's in my comments like, I love you Willow Pill and his name is Six Day Load.

So after the gig and you're feeling kind of gross and tired it's just not really what i'm in the mood for i get it a little bit well i well the thing is is that a lot of the other girls will do that so you know not to name names but lady camden she she will she tells me about all of her fun escapades in different cities where she you know she will take the four hours of sleep that she has and you know go out and find a hot guy and and have sex and i'm like oh that sounds great but i just don't i just can't do it the amount of energy i have the older i get the more

i'm like i'm tired i can't do so if i'm doing like three days somewhere i'll take one of the days to be like let's just try it out see what i could reel in and a lot of times it don't work i just went to mexico i wasn't doing comedy or anything i was on a vacation and I couldn't find any dick in Mexico. It was so upsetting. But I was in Puerto Vallarta, which is pretty gay. So I think I was just in the wrong spot. Yeah, I don't know if PV is really the spot to find straight cock. I was like, nobody at this drag show wants to fuck me.

What do you use to find penis? So I'm on all of the apps. I'm on Raya, Tinder, Hinge. Raya? You don't know what Raya is? I know. Raya is a full-blown nightmare where semi-famous people and Australian DJs have to apply and get referrals from friends. Yes, I've heard about this.

I think I might have heard about it on your podcast. Probably. I hate it and I talk about it a lot. Yeah. Are they sponsoring you? No. They waitlisted me for two years. But you're on it now now she's on it she pays she pays a pretty penny to stay on it beautiful have you had any success on it not on raya i went

on a date with a person who asked me to read one of their scripts and i was like i don't have a production company also i have bad reading comprehension you don't want this from me I can't do this it was a very first date and it was also the last date that yeah absolutely that would be last honey that would be the moment where I would be like absolutely not goodbye yes no thank you I will read to you what this person said to me on fucking, what was it? It was maybe Hinge. I don't know. Hold on. Hold your horses.

I want to read you something. And I am never fucking prepared. One of these days I will like, you know, set things up and be like, this is what I'm going to read to you. Okay. So this person messaged me on Tinder and they said, I love you. I thought Trudy Judy was kind of annoying. Do you want to go out? So if you don't, so I played this part of this lady named Trudy Judy on Brooklyn nine, nine, and this man messaged me to say thought I was annoying on a TV show but they love me and they want to take me out and I was like is this negging is this like why why do you think I need to know this just ask me out on a date and then in person actually

don't ever tell me that you don't like something i've done i don't want it no don't do that why i think people don't understand that like sure criticism is a thing it can happen you can have thoughts i don't want to know your your thoughts i did it some people just don. It sounds like this person just doesn't love themselves. Like, that is the problem when it comes down to that kind of shit. I mean, I'm sure you know, as someone in the public eye, is that when you get that kind of hate, even if they mean it well, even if they're like, you know, because I've gotten that a lot.

Like, at DragCon, I had a lot of people come up to me and be like, I really wasn't a fan at the beginning but you won me over and i'm like wait you can just leave that part to yourself but the part of them that chooses not to is the part of them that like wants you to know something was wrong with you at some point something was a little fucked up about you but you fixed it yeah they they want to make that little dig about you yeah people love to yeah they really do love to be like i thought you were really annoying on this but then i watched you on this or listened to that and honestly you are pretty funny and i'm like okay, sorry that you didn't like everything I put out there.

But guess what? Nobody likes all of you either. Yeah. I personally know that your mother hates you. Your mother fucking hates you. She's talking about you right now. She's on the other line. Okay, Willow, real quick real quick we gotta take a break

we're back okay willow you're from denver no yes why'd you follow up with no i don't know and that call you gotta stop doubting yourself listen i don't have the same confidence i used to have i told you my reading comprehension is low and i'm reading the research i have on you okay so you went to colorado state university is that in denver is this wikipedia no i have a lovely new assistant so my former assistant bad lady stole from me very very very rude didn't do anything i asked her to do i've been talking about her for like the last five episodes i won't let it go she's petty but my new one i love her so much she she does like a little like i asked for a one pager but

she gives me like two or three pages of information on people so like i also have um uh tweets that you've tweeted that we could talk about i have so much information okay let's start let's start with where i'm from so okay um yeah okay so i was born in evansville indiana okay i lived there for like three weeks my family immediately moved they're like skedaddle um to denver so i just say i was born and raised in denver um and then which is a lie but you know i'm glad we cleared it up today less to explain to people um but then the thing is that i always go to the spiel about that afterwards anyway so it ends up being the same length I love that you're like for clarity

and you know like born in Denver but actually I do that all the time too I won't tell you the whole story but an hour later I'm like I'm so sorry I've taken so much of your time so yeah born and raised in Denver and then you went to college

in Denver and then when did you start doing drag? okay so I went to college in Fort Collins which is like an hour or two outside of Denver and I had been wanting to drag forever I'd watched since season one when I was 14 years old

Tammy Brown really got me into the trap boy boy tammy brown just bopping around to destiny's child or no was that a michelle williams song that she got eliminated on it was destiny's child i think oh boy very funny she was just like bopping and smiling michelle williams has her own songs. It's Break the Dawn. Okay, I'll listen to it after. When Jesus say yes, nobody can say no. I love that song, by the way. I don't think I know that one.

Oh, you haven't heard that one? She got Beyonce to be on that. She did? Yes, Beyonce is on that song. Do you like the new Beyonce song? I love it. I love it, too. People People had thoughts and I was like, we should be so lucky she's a making music too. Who doesn't love like a house fucking dance bop? Yeah, she really said hi gay with that song. I know there's a lot of you know, rhetoric

around like, you know, Beyonce singing about quitting a nine to five and she's never had to work a nine to five. Well, here's the thing. Quit your nine to five if it's not sustaining you spiritually. There's so many other fucking things you could do for money. There is. You could win Drag Race. You could win Drag Race. You can start a podcast.

You could, I don't know. There's like start an Etsy store. Make tiny furniture. I'll buy it. Make little soaps. Yes. Teeny tiny soaps. Okay.

So you went to. We got lost into a Destiny's Child tangent. Fort Collins. Not Indiana. Colorado. Blah, blah, blah. Watch Drag Race. Liked it.

Started drag when I was 21. Been doing it for six years. I love it. I love it. Wait, so you were born in let's do some math. You started at 21. You've been doing it for six years. That's 27. 27 minus the year 2022. You were born in 1947.

When were you born? 1995. I'm terrible at math. 1995, yeah. 1995. Oh my god, math. 1995, yeah. 1995. Oh, my God. You're so fucking young. I'm old. Oh, no.

Oh, no. That didn't feel good. Well, if it makes you feel better, Georgia's like 14, so. How old is Georgia? She's so, she looks young. I think she just turned 22. Oh, my God. What a dream to be so

young and supple with good skin wait 95 i think i was in fifth grade i don't know so you started dragon 21 and you were like this is what i want to fucking do forever kind of you know i almost quit because i you know did one big student showcase at the college that i was at and it was like thousands of people because it's like a big like you know fundraising event and um i was like oh my god it's gonna always be like this there's always gonna be like thousands of people screaming for me in my fucking hideous makeup and clothes from Forever 21 plug sponsor. And then, you know, it's like a couple of years of just doing free gigs and like begging people to be in their show, going to shows in drag and just like walking around being like, hi, I'm Willow.

Can I please perform for you? show going to shows in drag and just like walking around being like hi i'm willow can i please perform for you um it was a lot of that and it was very lonely and long and there was not many entry-level shows in denver at the time so i kind of had to really claw my way through and then eventually i realized that i didn't have to do just like top 40 and I could make like comedy out of my drag. And that's an Evie helped me when I met her. I was like, oh, she's someone doing something different. She's successful. So why can't I do it?

And so I started doing that became known as like the conceptual comedy kind of theatrical queen of Denver. And then I just started building from there. And eventually I became like the girl at the time. Is Evie your drag mother or drag sister? I consider her my sister. Because we more compete with each other and hang out with each other. She's not really someone that's like passed down years of secrets to me. You know?

Yeah, I like when people find their own lane for shit do you know what i mean like uh when i was in my early 20s i was like working at a store called lame giant other people know it as lame bryant and the girls who work there would be like god nicole you're so fucking weird and i'd be like okay maybe one day they'll like me and then one day they did start to like me and they would dance with me when like my favorite song by the scissors just came on the cd that repeated three times a day and it was like i just what scissors sister song was it i don't feel like dancing I don't know if I know that one I don't feel like dancing you know

I don't know melodies I don't know rhythm and that wasn't helpful for you but it's a fun song I love filthy and gorgeous that's the one filthy and gorgeous wow you really don't have rhythm.

You were so off. My best friend, Sashira, and I play a game all the time where I'm like, what's this song? And I'm like, and she's like, okay, that's Destiny's Child Survivor. And I was like, thank you. And it's like, nobody else around us would ever guess it. But she's just been around

me for too long um but yeah they all thought i was fucking weird and then one day they were like weird is okay and we want to like dance with her and that's yeah so i'm like just keep being you and i like that you kept being you and found your lane and was like this is what I want to do. Like, I think it was the talent show, the bathtub number that you did was so fucking weird and funny and delightful to see on television. Do you know what I mean? It was like, it was so strange and I liked it. Yeah.

I mean, I find through my years of wisdom that if you're weird or offering something that people aren't used to, they'll get used to it. You know, they will learn to like it. And usually what's making them not like it at the beginning is just something inside of themselves that's like keeping them from liking it or not being in tune with it yet. And then they learn. And that's, you know, that's how you are as a kid i

remember i wouldn't understand a lot of great humor if i didn't you know practice listening to comedy and finding the right comedians you know you start out at the basics and then you delve into what you really like and when doing talent show, it kept me up for weeks. Really? Oh, during quarantine, during the quarantine, like, in the hotel room. Mm-hmm. I, like, had such a difficult time sleeping because I knew the talent show was going to be first. Mm-hmm.

And I was like, what the fuck am I about to do in front of the world? This is going to be viewed by millions of people. And my talent is throwing spaghetti in a bathtub and getting naked. I was like, I'm going to be ridiculed and hated by the masses. But I just had to remember that, like, you know, even if the people that don't get it at first, they'll get it later. And I feel like half of people loved it and half of people didn't quite understand it. But those half that didn't understand it eventually got it by the end of the show because they became in tune with what I was offering. Yeah.

And I think that's, like, a really good lesson to just like truly just stay true to yourself because people don't know what they want until they want it yes which is you know i think about like you know the melissa mccarthy's of the world or like the isa rays of the world who like just kept doing what they do until the world went oh baby you like that um but boy oh boy your brain works in a way that i've never thought of i have never once done something and went uh-oh millions of people are gonna see that i just kind of do things and go i hope a single person like i i mean okay so the thing is is that I had done something similar for a video that I had released. And for that, I was like, oh, I want everyone to see this.

But going into Drag Race, you know what the fans are like. And the fans are ruthless. Cruel. I have a lot to say. Want to tear you down. They will bully the shit out of you until you feel like you're in middle school again and so that was really what was resonating with me more and also knowing that being on television is no longer my little facebook it's going to be viewed

by my elementary school teachers it's going to be viewed by my elementary school teachers. It's going to be viewed by my middle school classmates, by my neighbors, by my mom's church friends. It's very different when it goes from your little circle that understands your humor to the world of judgment. Yeah. Again, never think like that sometimes my sister will go oh this girl i work with is a huge fan of yours and i'm like really how did she figure out we're sisters she's like my last name i was like i'm like sorry i'm dumb um has anyone from your past like reached out to be like willow remember me well you know i have my messages heavily filtered to only wait how how do you do that so like on instagram i can only get messages from people that i also follow i'll get i'll get your message in a request bin if I don't follow you. Oh, okay.

But I rarely go through that, which sucks because it's, you know, I'm like missing out on a lot of, you know, supportive and great messages from people that want to tell me things. But at the same time, it just keeps my brain more on track because the amount, the influx of messages i've gotten through this season especially while the season was airing was like so overwhelming so overwhelming and i did get some from like um middle school classmates and a lot of my mom's like old church friends which was so weird because i was like, weren't you homophobic like two months ago?

Well, I'll tell you something. Fame cures homophobia, racism, and a lot of bad things in the world. It is kind of wild where you're like, oh, you were shitty to me before

and now you're fine? Okay. Yeah. I'm trying to think if anyone from my past has crept up to be like, hello, that I didn't like. I don't think so. I think all the people I don't like have stayed the fuck away.

Which is nice. I wish I had one of those stories, you know, where I was like, there was some guy, some jock that bullied me in high school. And he used to lock me in the locker. And then he was like oh will i want to hang out with you and marry you and i said no sir even though you're hot but no i don't have that story i'm sorry yeah me either i wish i did though it'd be so cinematic

it would be a very main it's a very main character moment to have. Yeah, I don't have a lot of main character moments, but I am the main character. I'm like the main character who just isn't in frame all the time, who's never hitting their mark, so they're just half on the screen, half not. It's a very messy movie, I bet. It's just like your ponytail creeping out in the corner, and you're like, get out of my laboratory. I love that. here's a question so you were pretty open about your chronic illness which i have written down somewhere here let's see if i could find it oh she can't pronounce that anyway

try i don't have to pronounce a single thing there's a lot of uh letters next to other letters that I'm like hmm not for me but um have a ton of people with other like um chronic illnesses or like autoimmune deficient or not deficient I don't know you know things that they deal with have they reached out to you? And do you find that overwhelming? So, yes, I've had an enormous influx of messages, love, meet and greets, whatever it is, from people dealing with chronic illness, disabilities. Yeah. Temporary diseases. It's been so, so much.

It is a lot you know there i take it in when and how i can um you know if i opened myself completely to these people i would be crying every day and every meet and greet and that's not fair for me to kind of overwhelm myself with all that. But, you know, I try to give those people their moment and listen to them and, you know, have a genuine moment with them because I know that I have touched the hearts of a lot of people. And I try not to minimize that, but also, you know, filter out what I can to protect myself because otherwise it is it's so drowning. So, yeah, that balance is something that I'm still trying to find the right way to approach. I like that. I sometimes have a hard time putting up boundaries with people and I'll just let people talk at me until they feel satiated. And then I'll like go back to my hotel room and be like, oh, well now I don't feel great.

And I feel really sad and okay. You feel kind of like a husk afterwards yeah because it's a lot to perform and like give yourself that way and then do a meet and greet where you give yourself to somebody a different way and then they're like oh here are all my problems you helped me through and then i'm like okay uh all right i don't i don't because i don't have the same thing do you know what i mean like there isn't anyone that i'm looking up to on television or anything that's like helping me through something same and not that i find it weird or anything but it's like if you don't perform then like that's how you go about you know i guess identifying with somebody i don't i don't

really i don't i don't have that part of my brain where i need that do you know what i mean i just go to therapy yeah not neither do i but you know i remember it there being a time when i did need that and i don't want to minimize the importance of it i mean i like i said when i was saying earlier that i it's taken me a while to realize how proud of myself am i don't want to make it seem like it's not a big deal that I won. It is a big deal that I won. It's a big deal that I was even on the show. There are very, very few people in television movies, and especially reality television,

that deal with chronic illness and disabilities, especially queer and trans people. So I don't want to minimize how that is a a big deal um and it's important um so i i yeah it's and i never had anyone like myself to look up to in this way i've kind of had to be my own i've had to be my own hero through my life what's that Mariah Carey song I can be your hero baby no that's not it

oh wait that's more on well yeah I can be my hero baby wait that's not how that goes again she doesn't know a single song she never will no but I understand what you're saying

that you have to be your own role model essentially yeah oh my god i had to figure out on my own of course i had role models jinx was a huge role model for me um growing up she really showed me how to bring a humanity and warmth to drag um that i we hadn't really seen on the show yet. She's honestly one of my biggest idols. I hope you've opened the door for other gals like you. That sounds insane. What an insane sentence. But just like other people with chronic illnesses and whatnot.

It's like girls like us. go hard like us um you know i don't i don't know a better way to say that without sounding condescending do you know what i mean i just hope you've opened a door for casting to be like like i'd love to see a queen in a wheelchair or like just a queen who I don't think I'm supposed to say differently abled anymore. I think I just say handicapped now. Just disabled. Oh, just disabled. I think. Yeah, just disabled. Oh, OK. Listen, the terms that I what did I see? I saw a play. It was called Take Me Out. Go for the dick. Stay for the art that's what i said but um there's a line in it where this guy calls black people colored and then the the white guy goes no they're people of color and he's like why does keep changing he's like i don't know we just have to trust them and that

made me laugh so hard because i was like yeah if people decide that they want to be called something else we go yes okay we figure we just we go okay you know better than i so okay disabled thank you for thank you for helping your sad silly friend um yeah i just hope it opens the door for more disabled people to be on the show yeah i hope so and not even you know of course it'd be great if they're on the show but also just having more conversations i think one thing i'm very proud of this season is that I was able to talk a lot on the show about not just being like, hi,

I have a disability or I have chronic illness, but explaining what it's like to live and work with that. Explain to people. And this is something that I've been, you know, a little frustrated with over the last few months, is that we hold not only the Drag Race Queens to a high standard, but the Drag Race winners to a very high standard to constantly be pumping out content and giving to the fans. It's like they're never fully satiated. and giving to the fans, it's like they're never fully satiated. And I kind of have to be like, hey, this is unfair. You cannot exalt this disabled person and have them be like,

you're my winner, and then not also make accommodations for what that's like to live that life. So I'm hoping that I'm opening doors to the conversations around work and energy that disabled people have to deal with. I mean, I can't work a full-time job. That's too much energy for me. I can't even work most jobs. I can't really serve anymore. I served food for 10 years and now my hands can't really do that and i don't know what i'm you know this is a long tangent but it's like no but it's an interesting tangent yeah we have to re look and reimagine what um work looks like for disabled people and chronically ill people, because it's not fair to say, oh,

well, you know, to have a home and water and food and health, you have to work the same as everyone else. And we can't make exceptions. Like, no, you can make an exception.

You absolutely can. And you absolutely can ask somebody what they're capable of. And if they're capable of less than what you expect, that doesn't make them lesser of a person, even non-chronically ill people. I was just having this conversation with somebody where I was like, I wish there was a world where you could look at your boss and go, I need a two day break,

a two day paid break because you don't need me these two days, technically. And I'm a little on edge and I just need the days as opposed to like, you have 10 vacation days and you can use them as mental health days if you want, but that eats into your vacation. So it's like when you do take a vacation, you're then like bugging out because you're just like, oh, maybe I'm not getting paid. I don't know. I just think that we could work better. Like I cut down a little bit on my workload and I feel healthier.

Like I feel better. You feel better. And we should be working less. We should not be working this much. There is no need. I agree. There really is no fucking need. Marketing.

What the fuck do we need that for like what the fuck is the point there is so many i think if covid you know gave us many lessons but one of the lessons that gave us is that we do not need to be working that much yeah and we don't need to be working in person as much. I don't know how before the pandemic, I recorded every single podcast episode I ever did in person, along with traveling, touring, working on sets, writing. Like, it was just, I don't know. I guess I was just never home.

And I like being home. There's a bed here there's air conditioning my dog is here it's nice they've really tricked us they really tricked us into thinking that you have to be constantly working and that you are only worth how much you work yes what that says to someone who can't work or is not able to is that you are worthless. And so I've been thinking about making a message to the public. But it's difficult sometimes when I see comments or hear people being like, oh, well, she talks too much about her illness. Or she seems tired or exhausted.

I've seen a lot of that since I've been on the road touring. Or she seems, you know, she's not giving the energy she should as a winner. It's like what, I know you don't mean it in that way, but to me, it computes as like, oh, she's worthless. Because she's not working hard because she can't. And it gets into your brain in a very detrimental way. And so, you know, if you're listening, don't be that person yeah let people let people fucking be yes let people be let people be honestly i think it should be illegal to have any comments on social media besides you look pretty that was nice good job yeah like telling someone they look tired is not kind.

It's really because it's like I might be exhausted, but I don't need you to look at me and tell me that I'm tired. I already fucking know. Like, just be nice. Yes. I don't know why it's so difficult. I don't know why either. I don't know why either. I can literally confidently say, with like 99% confidence, I have never made a bad comment to someone online. On any social media.

Unless they're like problematic and fucked up. I can say 100% sure that I have never said anything but like a fire emoji or you go like all that now have i have i thought bad thoughts about people absolutely of course indoor thoughts you keep them inside your soul you don't tell people you talk about them behind their back like any other good normal fucking person. And that goes out. You know, fans, if you're listening, you can talk behind my back all the fuck you want. But I don't want to see you in my comments. Don't want to.

Okay, we have to take one more break. Beautiful. And we're back. Okay, so you and Cornbread put out a single called angle yes angel it's pronounced angel but it's spelled angle oh my god i'm stupid it's confusing no you're not stupid no it's not confusing i'm just a big fucking dumb fatty um i love cornbread and I love your friendship like it's just she's got a huge tattoo of you now right oh yeah right on her thigh

I love that that's sweet that's not gonna wash off it is not going to wash off it is very large very colorful and it's beautiful so how did that friendship blossom it was obviously on the show and then and then after the show you guys continued being besties yeah so when i you know before drag race you hear you know little little whispers of who might be on and i had heard that

there was a chance that she might be on and i'd been a little bit of a fan for a while I'd known who she was and I was like oh I'm so excited to meet her and then when we met she was such a big personality and I'm very quiet um so it's not that we didn't mesh or anything it's just I was like oh I don't think we're really going to be besties. And it was literally right after the talent show. We were on those golf course carts that you see in Untucked when they're driving back and forth from set to set. And I got on the golf cart with her, and she told me, she was like, Willow, I didn't get you, but now I do. And that just meant so much to me.

And I remember thinking, I thought the talent show didn't get you but now i do and that just meant so much to me and i remember thinking i thought the talent show didn't go very well because i couldn't hear the judges laughing when i was at the tub and i remember i remember hearing her say that and being like oh my god even though i might go home tonight that meant the world to me and then our friendship kind of developed through the show and then this one day right the day before she left we were left alone in the green room preparing for our interviews and we had like a three-hour conversation which is rare very rare on drag race they don't you know they want everything to be on camera so you don't get a lot of alone time. And we just shot the shit for like three hours about how fucked up both of us were.

Sharing things that we cannot say on any podcast or really in any room without a mental health expert coming and locking us up. And it was just so great. I felt that for the first time in the competition.

I was like, I have a friend here. Who really knows me. And will protect me. And I don't have to worry about them playing any mind games with me. And then the next day she was gone. Because of the ankle thing. And that's why you see me on TV. I'm like sobbing.

Because I was like, the one lifeline that i had is now gone um and i have to put up with the rest of these girls thankfully i ended up loving the other girls and making friends that's truly devastating because when you make a friend i know when i make a friend where i'm like oh boy i love this person if they were like suddenly ripped away from me and i was like in a high pressure situation i'd be like oh no what do i do now i sleep forever what happens and they're ripped away from you in a way that's not like oh you have to say goodbye now it's like you get a video a video camera in front of rupaul that's like bye and then they're like all right now do this mini challenge where you're pretending to fuck the pit crew and you you're like sobbing, like smashing balloons between your groins.

Just like, I miss cornbread. It's just, it was very upsetting to me. I'm so sorry. But you'll always have that memory of being very sad, you know, air thrusting into a very sexy person. Yeah. Oh, I thought about it. Remember when I was like,

I don't think I've ever looked up to anyone. I look up to the minions. I think they're so funny. They only say banana, but they convey so much. I was like really racking my brain. I was like, surely I look up to someone.

I was like, those little yellow idiots in their overalls. I love them. You you know that's a good good group of people to look up to because they really represent everyone they have no they are they are everything they are no specific race they are no specific gender they just are and so you know i think that that's an amazing group i love it they really just are they don't yeah they don't have a gender i mean i think they have male leaning names but like i don't know i don't think i'd call the minions males yeah no i wouldn't um i think i look forward to their ted talk okay i have a question

about a tweet that you tweeted you tweeted that that you wanted Moses from the animated movie The Prince of Egypt to part your ass cheeks. In your opinion, is that the hottest animated character or is there another? Oh, there's a few. He was definitely one of the first. I grew up very, very Christian. My dad was a pastor and I went to private Christian school. So, you know, when it was movie time, you know, in elementary school, and they don't know what else to do, they're like, here, here's a movie.

You know, the VHS was often Prince of Egypt. And, you know, not really having any male, sexualized male characters around me at the time you know this was a you know shortly post 9-11 world um moses was there and he was ripped and he had that like luscious brown hair and there's that scene where they like he's like naked and they like throw the water on him and oh my god he was just so fucking hot i would absolutely fuck the hell out of that moses cartoon same i'm looking at a picture of this moses cartoon and i'm like oh my word i loved Aladdin, and I loved adult Simba. Adult Simba did it for me.

See, Aladdin couldn't do it for me because, you know, he's cute, but it's like in Prince of Egypt, they had him, like, naked with camels and water. It was so much more sexual. You're like, there was nudity. Yeah, and he was, like, covered in sand and in sand and dirty. It was, you know, Aladdin they didn't really go there. They didn't go there for you.

I also loved when Shrek turns into his human form in Shrek 2. And I think he's, again, there's a scene that he's naked in. And they're like, you know the girls, they're like milkmaids, they're like, and they throw him a towel and he's like a scene that he's like naked in. And they're like, you know, the girls, they're like milkmaids are like, and they like throw him a towel

and he's like, you know, it's just, because they know what they're doing when they make these movies and they're like alluding to them being like, oh, they've got genitals. Uh-huh. I now have to rewatch The Prince of Egypt and Shrek 2. And I'm very excited to do both.

Yeah, it's fantastic. Well, Willow, we have come to the end. Already? Yeah, I know. It's been an hour. Oh, it's been an hour? Oh, my God. We've just been gab, gab, gabbing.

Gabbling and Gavlin. Also, I didn't ask any good questions. I, like, you were just like, I grew up in the church. You said your dad was, he was what? He was a pastor. That's, I, this wasn't in my, was it? Did I just not read my research good? Anyway, we should end, but I do want to know what it was like to grow up

in a christian home okay so it was you know christianity on every end it was up the ass down the throat it was you know christian school church youth group at home in the neighborhood everywhere i went and you know i was kind of like the star of it all like because in in school it was a very small school and it's like my dad was the pastor and my mom was like the worship team singing leader and I was the sick kid um that like needed special attention so I. So it was really main. And everyone knew that I was probably a very feminine and very loving, the teacher's favorite in every class. So it was very main character energy. It feels very like a walk to remember.

Was she the daughter of a pastor? I think she was. And she was in the plays and everybody liked her am i remembering this movie correctly i don't know it seems like a fun movie that i would watch like a young adult movie it is it is it's absolutely a script i was talking to my roommate the other day and i was like i have so many i think i've lived so many lives um that i could totally just hire a ghostwriter and and write a memoir at the age of 27 i mean why not just do it i would read it eventually i mean i went through yeah the whole stuff with the church and growing up queer and then growing up ill and then my dad died when i

was young and then wait how old were you when that happened? I was 11. Oh, dang! Yeah. That sucks. I was 16 when my mom died. I'm sorry. And 11 is, I, that's wild.

It was very wild. I mean, very traumatic to have that happen at such a young age. And then almost like two years after I was going into dialysis for kidney failure oh my god so really this is just a whole fault in our stars movie that's a better movie yeah and i want them and i want them to cast me because i'm selfish and i love attention i'm like i'll be playing myself I'll also be directing and writing. I love that.

You can be your own Taika Waititi. I feel like he writes and directs and acts in his things. Do it. But growing up in that way, something that I've realized over the years is it makes you, it's like no wonder I'm kind of a narcissist. It's because when there's all of this tragedy and attention surrounding your life you start to think that the world revolves around you because there's so much happening to

you and so many people are telling you like oh my gosh you just you know you've been through all this and then suddenly you're on a tv show that's about you and then you win that tv show and i think i think what i really need right now is someone to come in and humble me no maybe not maybe you're right no i don't want it i don't know i think you're fabulous i don't think you need to be humbled i think very few people need to be humbled unless you're like hurting people i think being a little narcissistic is okay i think i don't know somebody in the comments will tell me that that's not okay and it's detrimental and they'll have cited the research we'll have a comment that says kill yourself and i'll be like okay that that was good thank you

that was the dose of humbling i needed yeah i mean the good thing is if i do need any humbling i can just yeah just go through the comments you'll be Reddit. Go to Reddit. Oh, yep. Took me down a step. Reddit is so mean. Lots of gentlemen on Reddit like to go, you don't, you're single because you're fat. And I'm like, I don't think so. Because there's a lot of fat people who like are in relationships. So I don't think that's that.

Oh, my God. This person, speaking of like comments, we do have to go, but I'm having a nice time. Me too. This person wrote this long, long, long comment on my Instagram. Let's see if I can find it. Okay, so I made a joke about Elon Musk, whose name I never say right, the Tesla man,

how he's Africanican because he's from south africa and that you're supporting a black business when you buy a tesla and this person didn't like that joke they said nicole you're cool but i can't rock with these ignorant statements i know you're trying to be funny and all but nah you ask the question why won't you date me well poor attempts at humor like that or why a brother won't i hear you're into white guys but i don't believe it even though you're fly i've seen sashir live before even though you're fly these statements are shaking my head just be careful of what you say you can't be on a dope black show like grand crew and talk about sucking white guys

dicks and all these white guys are so fine etc and not even mentioned brothers i hear sashir has a man i hope he's black but i digress i'm not tripping i'm just seeing that love brothers feel when it comes to you and i was like there's a lot of issues coming at me in this one instagram post that is a very loaded statement i think they may have seen so on girl code i said i like my men sick pale and close to death again a joke it's a joke that i like fat white guys it's a joke and then in my special i say i like to suck uh uh white dudes dicks because i want their ancestors to cry and i'm like how no i don't get how you don't get the back end of the joke it's a joke and then i was i was like i don't think elian musk is black i don't i don't think it's just it's a joke i don't know comments on instagram i guess i should just really stop reading but

that one took me out i was like is this humbling what's happening are you confused sir what's going on i don't know willow i could talk to you for forever but i do have to wrap it up because i know i have to watch something for another podcast you know we'll do all i'm you know in la often and i'll come and we'll go to get afternoon tea somewhere. I would love that very much, Willow. I ask almost all my guests this. I went a month where I didn't because I was going through it and I was like, I'm going to change things about the podcast. And then I was like, why? Okay, Willow, would you date me? 1000% I would date you. You're so fun to talk to talk to you know I've been on a lot of first dates in the last

month or so I don't know why I think I just hate myself and they've all been very sweet but they're often just so boring wait you've been on a lot of first dates again it's a dating podcast and i

should have asked you about that so wait how many first dates have you been on in the last month um maybe like four or five wow she's really dating that's a lot of first dates it's fun i mean i like first dates i think they're fine um and you know i've still kept up with some of them and chit-chat every once in a while. But I find, I don't know if you can maybe relate to this, being on a show like Drag Race, especially one that's so popular in the queer community, is, like, intimidating to a lot of them. And I don't even mean to be like, oh, I'm so intimidating.

But it's just, like, I can tell that they're a little bit like hesitant to say anything at all. And then it just comes off as like boring. Yeah. And, you know, they've all been very sweet. But I need someone now to kind of just have confidence and be like, all right, let's go. Let's have fun. I don't give a shit that you're famous fun i don't give a shit that you're famous i don't give a shit that you're talented let's roll and be partners in crime and that's

what i need do you find that that's also what i'm looking for absolutely i do feel like that sometimes i go out with people and they feel like just like a little reserved or like they're expecting me to be something that I might not necessarily be in just living life. Yes. Yeah. Because I've dated people who are like, wow, you're you're more low key in in life. And I'm like, yeah, because I'm in my kitchen. There's no audience here except for the expired food in my refrigerator. Yeah, because I'm not in front of RuPaul being told to do an improv about Santa Claus. Wait, Willow, have you been in a relationship, like a long-term relationship at all? No, I haven't.

Me either. I've dated people. I've been on little two or three month stints with people. But I've never been like, will you be my partner? Will you be my boyfriend? Whatever it is. So right now, I've been talking to this guy right now for a while. He lives in the UK though.

Which is funny because when I went to London with my assistant, we were both like, what, we're going to, what if we fall in love in London? And then we both, I mean, I didn't fall in love, but we both did find people that we like got swept up by. And so that's the only thing I have going on right now is I'm just like chatting with this guy in London. Import them.

Apparently imported people are better. I don't know. My friend, Michelle Buteau, she's always like, right now is i'm just like chatting with this guy in luncheon import them apparently imported imported people are better i don't know my friend michelle buteau she's always like go go to fcm against somebody can you call someone imported i think so imported goods no but it's lovely i don't know where you know if or when it'll go anywhere but um yeah for the time being it's it's nice and then you know nothing nothing's really happening in the u.s here so i mean maybe i should leave the country and find somebody okay now we have to end because now we're i could literally talk to you all day but i have to do other shit okay willow i'm gonna give you my number after we get off of this because when you're in la i do want to hang out i think you're delightful and wonderful and

i know you're such good friends of meatball and i fucking love meatball meatball is one of my favorite fucking people i asked her to do a show family feud. We lost by 500 points. It was just like, like comedy family feud. We lost. One of the questions was, what do you lie about on your resume? And meatball goes special skills. And I was like, no,

these are real people, not actors. And then the guy was like, uh, Jackie's who was hosting. It was like, we'll be more specific with special skills. I was like,

people lie about special skills. And then meatball goes horseback riding. And it was like we'll be more specific with special skills i was like people lie about special skills and the meatball goes horseback riding and i was like who and obviously that was not on the board i love me both so much she makes me laugh so hard uh people confuse us which is wild to me because we are two different colors you get confused for meatball yes and people have used my image of me in

Trixie drag Trixie and Mo Hart put me in drag and they have used that picture for like promoting meatball at a show and it's happened I think two or three times now it's wild but yeah come, two or three times now. It's wild. But yeah, come hang out with us in LA.

I will. I will. I'll come hang out and it'll be an amazing time. I can't wait. Do you have anything that you want to promote? No. I mean, if you haven't already seen or listened to Angel featuring Cornbread the Snack Jeté, then please do that all over YouTube, Spotify, other listening platforms.

But other than that, I'm taking a break. You are? Okay, great. Do you have a website for when you do start touring again? Willowpill.com. You can find my merch, my touring schedule. Yeah, all that jazz. Willowpill.com. Get that fucking merch. And if you like this episode of Oh, Why Won't You Date Me,

you can like it, rate it, subscribe or whatever. Give me five stars. And if you write me something dirty at WhyWon'tYouDateMePodcast at gmail.com hitting on me, I will read it aloud. This person said, hey, Nicole, heard the dirty messages are running low. So I'm coming at you with a doozy. I want to have a movie night with you where we eat salt and vinegar.

Ew, chips. And when we finish the chips, I'll finger you with my salt and vinegar fingers. You will climax uncontrollably as the vinegar tingles your labia and then we will have anal as your vagina will be occupied filling the room with the smell of vinegary queefs and after we're done you will make us toast with your truffle butter and i will wipe my dick on all the candles in your house so when you like the to mask the queef smell at your house will smell like me t wow love from the uk okay so i have to go to the uk yeah that's where these fucking freaks are i love that one that was a really good one. Whoever wrote that, that was poetry.

This is from Joshua. They wrote their name. So Joshua, thank you so much. That truly made my day. Oh my God. The salty queefs. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me?

With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode.

What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.