Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Making a Polyamorous Relationship Work (w/ DeRay Davis)

Episode Date: July 26, 2019

DeRay Davis (Snowfall, 21 Jump Street) has lived a polyamorous relationship with 2 women for most of his life. He explains how he introduces it to his partners, how to show respect to the parents, and how they make their atypical relationship work. DeRay breaks the stigma on polyamorous relationships and shares how him and his partners live together, vacation together, and sleep together.Plus, Nicole tries to sleep with an audience member after a live show - and boy did it not go well.You can play along and see Nicole's dating app profiles and photos on her Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedyBe sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance to have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=9649

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how she's still single even though you can date me, never fuck me, never say you love me, and I'll be there for you at all times.

My guest today, you know him, you love him. He's been on Wildin' Out. He's got a special on Netflix called How to Act Black. He was on 21 Jump Street. He was on Episode of Empire. He's done a lot of shit. It's D-Ray Davis! Hello! Boop-a-da-boo! D-Ray, thank you so much for being here. I'm happy

to be here. Okay, so D-Ray, I know you're not single, right? You're never single. You know, I don't think I've ever been single. That's the last. This is probably third grade. Wait, really? know, I don't think I've ever been single. That's the last. It's probably third grade. Wait, really? Yeah. I don't remember ever being. Yeah. Wow. I've never had a, I think I had like a single week one time. That's wild. That's not fair. How old are you? Is that a rude question? It's fuck. Uh, 39, 39. You've never been single? 40, February 26. Oh, so you're an Aquarius. Pisces.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know anything about the size. Well, Google says I'm 51, so I don't know who did that shit, but it's okay. Damn. Somebody out to get you. I mean, my mother said it's because people think I'm mature, but I think she just don't know how Google works and how it put me in a different place, but it's okay.

So, okay. I don't think I've ever been, I can't remember ever being single. So, and you usually have two girlfriends? Yes. Since about, I was like 12, 13 years old. What? Yeah. At 12, 13 years old, you had two girlfriends at a time?

I can't even get one boyfriend. Nah, you're too rich and famous. Nope. You're empowered, I'm telling you. Man, I terrified of that you're too, you're too rich and famous. Uh, you're, you're empowered. I'm telling you, man, I'm terrified of that. I am mildly middle class.

And, uh, I'm saying like, okay, but however you want to, okay, however you want the IRS to listen or not. But I think a lot of men are intimidated by,

and I, and I'm being my speaker for myself too. I've dated women who are doing very well. I've dated women who are doing fantastic, and I've always been uncomfortable. Maybe because I like providing, and I feel like most women who fought to get to that place are in a different mental— like, you're the Oprahs of the world. Like, you're like her. You're like, oh, what's the supermodel?

Naomi Campbell. Naomi Campbell and people like that. Yeah, people like that. Or the people they date. You're like, or what's the supermodel? Naomi Campbell. Naomi Campbell and people like that. Yeah, people like that or the people they date. It's like, you know, you've seen Rihanna

cursing out her billionaire boyfriend on a boat. Like, here, billionaire, she got money too. Like, I don't get to go to hell. Fuck you.

So, it's just a different mentality as you try to date a woman that's empowered because you want to be empowered and that power couple thing means that your girl got money. And that's not, I mean, it's just, I don't know. I don't know.

I want to make up excuses and tell, I'm not looking for a broke bitch. You know what I'm saying? So I don't want to say that. I'm saying that I think that more about, let's take the money part of it. Powerful women. Yes.

Voiceless women. It's not like you don't put up with no shit, so it's a little bit harder. Like, you can't be lied to, Nicole. You can't be bullshit. So it's like, it's harder to date a woman. I mean, every man likes to bullshit a little bit, even if the woman is pretending she's listening to it. Uh-huh. You know, so.

So I guess I have to. That's just my idea. I don't have to be. I'm never right about shit. I just have to, like, start accepting more bullshit. Okay don't have to be, I don't, I'm never right about shit. I just have to like start accepting more bullshit. Okay. All right. So, okay.

When you date two women at a time, do you get them both at the same time? Or do you gather one and then look for a third? No, I think it's more of my, everything I've ever done like this. I mean, since I've been grown with it, when I was younger, it was just like, we in class together, we together, whatever. I think it's more of a organic thing. Like,

I explain to a woman who I'm seeing that I, she's not the only person I'm seeing. If she doesn't want to be part of whatever's going on, I can understand that,

you know. And then most times they're like, hell no. Of the most successful relationships, women have started out saying, it's bullshit. What are you talking about?

What do I look like? How do I explain to my mom? What the fuck are you talking about? And I'll say something like, give me a second. Meet this person. Tell me how you feel about that person, first of all. Because putting the title of girlfriend, boyfriend came from society. I never said, you're going to be my girlfriend. You're going to be my girlfriend.

It's like, we're all dating. I'm not. you're going to be my girlfriend. You're going to be my girlfriend. It's like, we're all dating. Like, I'm not. We're all dating. Like, if you date, it's a woman. A woman will date five different guys at the same time. Just don't do it, you know, tell them, hey, man, I'm dating this guy, that guy. You just don't do that. But while you're dating, you're learning.

Like, you're learning consistently what you really want in a relationship. All of us. You got women that say, like you said, you don't want to put up with shit because you've put up with this before. Or you know when certain guys are lying because you've dealt with a liar. Or you know when a guy's a good guy because you've dealt with a good guy. You're like, I want to deal with a guy who, you date a guy who played basketball. You're like, I didn't like that world. I want a guy who does this.

So as that's happening, you're meeting different guys. So who are you supposed to just stop talking to one guy because, and you met another, let's say you meet one guy on a Friday. You meet another guy on Sunday. They both seem like good guys. You're like, oh, I'm going to wait this guy on Friday. I'm going to date him for three weeks first and then hope I run back into the Sunday guy. No, you go on a date.

You like that guy. You go on another date. You like that guy. And if it continues on, who do you let go? Or do you have to make a decision? Who said you had to make a decision? So I brought it upon myself to say, hey, this is what my life is like.

This is what I need. I got six sisters. I've always been around a lot of women. Damn. So as far as like the juggling in people's minds, it's not a juggle to me. It's like you deal with different emotions all the time. And if I can deal with them comfortably,

emotionally, physically, and in multiplicity, and I don't have to become three different guys, then it works out. I like that. It's very honest. Yeah. I mean, I think it's as honest as, like, people are a lot more open

to a same-sex marriage or same-sex love than they are, as long as it's still monogamy. But when it comes to me having two girlfriends, it's like, oh, what the hell? What the fuck? Yeah. Because there's no, I don't have a march. There's no guys. We don't have like a weekend.

You know what I'm saying? I think it would just be a bunch of people showing off. There's no poly pride. You know what I mean? No, there really isn't. So, I don't know. So have you ever lived with two partners at the same time? Yeah, that's what it is now. I mean, as I've got older, that's what it is, period. So have you ever lived with two partners at the same time?

Yeah, that's what it is now. I mean, as I've got older, that's what it is, period. Do you have— We just got back from vacation, all three of us. We were in Greece. I fucking love this. It boggles my mind just in a way because I literally cannot get one person to commit to me. So the fact that you have two, what a treat. But you got to always keep your space, space though especially being people like we are comedians

we always we're never all the way happy I mean we have great days we have great moments but we're never all because we're always consistently

our mind is in the darkest places you can't even explain to people why you think like this like I can't explain to people why I'm a black man and sometimes

Trump has been right you know what I'm saying they're like they're, what the fuck? D-Ray's supposed to be, you know, there's no deep depth of T.I. in me that's like, fuck him. It's like, wait a minute, though. Wait a second. Let's discuss this part of it, though. Just like your parents.

Everything is always right with them, but it's like the guy has been successful in a lot of cases. Is he the best president? No. Does he show racism a lot? Yeah. But every now and then, it's like, oh, shit, that part makes sense. I treat everybody like food. Like you take the good nutrients from the situation and you the rest of it.

So we're in such a dark place. Like I said, as comedians, we need our space. So although I have the girls, I have my own room all the time. Like we went to Grease, two bedroom suite. They had their room. I had my room. Okay. If we engage in situations, you know.

Sex. The fucking. And whatever it is. The good times. If we engage. Munching on the pussy, sucking on the dick. What? It is a rarity that people think threesomes like all day with me.

That's not the case. It's like a couple times a year. Like, it's not like. Once again, it has to be organic. It's not like, hey, everybody, we all fucking. You know what time it is? You kick in the door. We're all fucking now.

Dinner over. You know what time it is? Fucking time. No. It's not that. It's that. It's like, you know, if I stare one, me and one lock eyes and be like, hey, you want to get away real quick? It's never like, and they don't treat me like.

It's never like, you done fucking them? Get me. Get me now. Tag me in. Let me tag in. Are there rules to this setup? Do you have like clear defined rules? I think there's a certain respect level that even I had to learn this time on on. Like, because I still, you know, I'm still a man. I still be on Twitter.

Like, I still like pictures on Instagram. So I can't be mad if they go like some half naked guy's picture. I can't be like, oh, he don't look like he fuck well. I can't, you know, I can't hate on him. I can't become mad if they go like some half-naked guy's picture. I can't be like, oh, he don't look like he fuck well. I can't hate on him. I can't become a super hater. I have to accept that. But as far as them going and being with a guy, it's the same, I guess it's the same thought process as far as,

well, I'll say it's double standards because I'm deep on double standards. I'm not like, I can do it, you can't. I'm never thinking like that, but I am like, it is a double standard in society period where a woman can't be like, a woman can't walk in a club and see two guys like, oh, fuck both of them. And it'd be acceptable. She could say what she want to say. You know what I'm saying? And you got some voices, women like the Amber Roses who are just like, fuck it.

I love Amber Roses. They make you feel like, oh shit, you ain't shit if she wants to. But that don't always happen to confidence of a woman or the beauty and confidence of a woman in the same, like kind of, who's lived that depth of a life

where it's like, still don't give a fuck what you think about me. And so I think with me, it's like, I take care of a lot of things. I take care of most of the bills

and everything. I take care. So it's like, please don't go fuck with no broke nigga and you got a guy who's taking care of everything don't go fuck no bum ass dude that's the one little thing you're like please don't do that I'm like come on man like I work real hard you know that don't have some guy because I always feel like

regardless of the fact of me having the girlfriends I always feel like it's a it's still an honor for me. It's an honor. I still feel like I'm not, you know, I'm a king in their eyes because they allow me to be a king. But I feel like the women that deal with me, it's always a, I always feel like I'm being, it's a, I'm honored. Like, I'm happy that they even, you know, that they fuck with me like this. So it's like, I'm not saying no one makes mistakes.

I'm saying that if you can't, I think of you as gold regardless of the fact. And if you cannot be fucking faux-fab other dudes while I'm paying these bills, it just seems like, you know, because I'm not, it's not a, like, super open relationship. I said, you know, you're my girls, and this is what I expect if you're able to do this. And anytime I've ever seen you out with your girls it's very interesting because like I think it was the

Def Jam 25th anniversary of the Netflix thing you brought them, they walked the carpet and you let them walk first and that gesture to me was just so nice because you were like I want everyone to see how beautiful these women are that I'm with. And you let them have their moment.

And then you took pictures together. But it was just it was such a nice gesture to just see you like just, you know, be like, ladies, have your time. Take your pictures. Yeah. And they and they and they did some picture taking motherfuckers. They are some picture taking motherfuckers. The most selfless selfies ever, I guess.

But I always admired, like, Prince and during that era where it was just, like, so sexy. Like, you know what I mean? So I think it's more of a, and without, I don't know Hugh Hefner,

so whenever I bring him up, I don't like to break, I don't know what he did. Like, there's some history of things he did. I didn't participate in those things. You know, all my girls are of age to break. I don't know what he did. Like, there's some history of things he did. I didn't participate in those things. You know, all my girls are of age and all. I don't know what he did, but of the rumors I've heard,

I've always still been in admiration that they all live together. And it was harmonious in some cases where beautiful women love beautiful women. And if they could immensely say, hey, we fuck with the same dude without it being a big deal and I've talked you know both of their parents I've talked to everyone's parents I always you know

I always do that so I don't seem like and I don't be around I'm like hey you give me a kiss baby now you give me a kiss never never I don't think I've ever showed any physical

well I've been around their parents I think it's more when they get around me they see how I am they're like oh shit this dude is just a dude who's just like it's not a he's not, I'm not a pimp because

the pimps get paid. So I always tell dudes when they say that to me, you a pimp? I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm paying out. I pay out. I take care of people. So once again, I just think it's really up to them. I think, I think I'm not, I say it again. I'm not, I'm never really in full control. I like the way you speak about it because I feel like polyamory gets a very bad rap. Where like people say, oh, they're just greedy. That's why they're doing it. Or someone gets left out. Someone's always feeling bad.

But I think if you just keep communication open. And it takes a while. This shit is not easy. Like any relationship. This shit is, the practice of it is not easy you know there's people that care about me who don't want to be in it that like they want to be with me but don't want to be in it to that extent you know because there was there was a moment like years ago i was like i'm about to just have four or five fucking girlfriends all just we

are four or five all in the house like we just gonna live in a house and i and during that, I was like, man, I don't know if I'm going to get along like that. I need five bathrooms and 17 closets. For that to work. Truly. I think that's too many people. That's like the pretty bunch. You can't do that. When it's two people in a relationship, when it's two people, you need two bathrooms.

I hate hair. I hate hair. I hate when women wash their hair and the shit be against the wall no who slaps the fucking hair against the wall or do a jump off the garbage it doesn't make it into the garbage and you at you somewhere regular and out of nowhere you pull hair out your ass whose hair is this you know but um so i definitely need two bathrooms uh when you were on well you're on the road all the time, right? Yeah.

Before you were in like a committed relationship, do you, well, now, do you have like chuckle fuckers? Do you have women who throw themselves at you? Chuckle fuckers? I never heard that. Oh, you haven't? I've never heard that. I call them chuckle fuckers. That's a woman who will fuck a comedian regardless of what he looks like.

Oh, no. Because there are some real nasty-ass motherfuckers who pull chicks. Every time we go to these clubs and I sit on these couches, I'd be like, I know some shit has went on in here. Especially this ugly comic who's fucking an ugly girl, too. I'm sorry. No one's ugly. Lord, forgive me. We all can be ugly in a split second.

People are ugly. But also, ugly people are attractive to other people. Right. It's a spectrum. Whatever you want to say. It's a spectrum. I got girls that I think might like me when I go on stage. I don't know.

I don't know about, I don't know. I love how coy you're being. I don't know. Maybe. They might like me. I don't know. I've always, but I've always said, like, if girls, like, try to talk to me, I'd be like, excuse me, my comedy is up here. Like, my eye's up here. So, like, but I've always said, like, if girls, like, try to talk to me, I'd be like, excuse me, my comedy is up here.

Like, my eye's up here. So, like, but I've always prided myself on being fucking funny. There's some beautiful comedians, too. It's the fucking Bill Bellamy's of the world and some super handsome motherfuckers who I still feel like I'm funny. Like, I'd be like, I know, like, I'm funny. Like, that's the most important thing to me. The girls would say, you know, you're cute. No, I'd be like, I don't give funny like that's the most important thing to me the girls would say you know you're cute and I'd be like I don't give a fuck was I funny like I care about that shit like it if I don't have a good show my stomach hurt like I don't yeah when

I have a bad show I get so sad yeah I sit in the back I'll be like well I never had like a terrible show but really you've never fully bombed for like an hour? Never, never in my entire career. Never in my entire career. That's nice. The roughest times I've had where I tried to open up concerts, like Kanye. It's Kanye's concert. Rihanna. Like Rihanna's off the tour.

Like for whatever reason, Rihanna came off the tour. And Kanye hit me up. He was like, yo, I want you to go on tour with us. I'm like, cool, fine. This is Kanye, nerd. And this one, she wants the move song. Some motherfucking shit was popping. And what's the other? Lupe Fiasco.

So it's Lupe goes on, and then nerd, and then me. I'm like, the fuck is going on? So I'm at Madison Square Garden like, hey! With no music, no lights behind me, no nothing. What's up, y'all? Did you ever walk down the street? Shit. Where the fuck is my drums?

But, yeah, I've had moments like that where it's like it's just not my arena. But I've never had, like, no improv, no clubs where, never. I've been bummed in a club. I've had people, I've went on after a comedian who didn't do really well and had to fight to get the crowd back and people as people were getting up

and leaving but I've never had since the first day my first time on stage was 13 minutes and I didn't have no fucking joke really

not a bit I had not one joke damn Corey Holcomb was there watching me and I came on stage and Corey Holcomb was like you got it dope

let's get it dope so I've never had like a I think I'm too silly to fucking like I'm never gonna feel like I'm like I don't know

like I took time last night like I was at Laugh Factory and I took time I took like 30 seconds thinking about something just kidding that was a real bug it wasn't like me losing my mind

I just smacked myself everybody for no reason I smacked myself I said nothing's wrong with me I smacked myself but I took like 30 seconds and just

I do that sometimes and see like what the audience is going 30 seconds is a long time I'll say to be quiet oh you just stood on stage for 30 seconds yeah

in between jokes I was like hmm I wanna hmm I wanna and they were like but also that's funny

cause you're just like like tempting them you're like maybe, like tempting them. You're like, maybe I'll talk again. Maybe I won't. I don't know. I used to do that. Did I say fucking Jotty Depp when we did 21 Jump Street

and I still ain't fucking officially met him. I met him that day, but didn't really meet him. And there was a scene going on and I guess he had a different visual for the scene. And he stopped the director and was like, wait,

what if we, maybe we could if and everybody was like the fuck what is he going to say oh god it's going to be great he was like

yeah I want to just maybe fuck it and we were like the fuck just happened like that's some powerful shit for us to stand there

waiting like and he said fuck it and we were like okay yeah fuck it but so I just tried that last night for no reason I've tried to fuck people That's some powerful shit for us to stand there waiting like, and he said, fuck it. And we were like, okay, yeah, fuck it. So I just tried that last night for no reason. I've tried to fuck people after shows.

What? And it doesn't work out. You mean like you meet an audience member? Uh-huh. A single one and didn't fuck? I tried to do it in Tacoma, Washington over the weekend. During my show, I mentioned that the hotel gave me little bottles of vodka and a vibrator and uh which was a very nice gift they understand my brand I truly saw it and I almost wept I was like this is the nicest thing a hotel's

ever done uh so then I mentioned that during the show and then I have a joke about how if you've seen four dicks you've seen them all and this guy in the crowd was like so what did the vibrator look like was it big or curved or whatever and I was like well you don't need to know because if you have a dick I'll fuck you and he was like okay and I was like how old are you and he's like however old you want me to be and I was like that's how articles get written how old are you and he was like 32 and I said okay here's my email address i gave him my email address and then we were emailing back and forth because i was like i'm not going to

give you my number that would be insane so email block easily yeah then i don't have to ever see an email from you again if i block you so then he was like do you want to go but he could just make another email and it's still email it's fucking oh i guess he could yeah whatever so then uh he emails me and goes do you want to go to this like gay karaoke bar and i was like is this man gay but then i was like i don't know he said he would fuck me i'll just trust him and i was like i don't want to go to a care where are you from huh where are you from new jersey why it's it's just it's okay you just sound like you're from uh what is it portland oh really yeah it's a Portland vibe I'm getting

I was just in Portland yesterday Jesus Christ so maybe that's what I felt maybe it's rubbed off on me now everyone always thinks I'm from like Portland or California or somewhere like hippy dippy uh I know what I sound like I grew up with a bunch of white people so then uh I was like come to my hotel and we'll have a drink and then we'll go to my room. He was like, okay. He gets there. He orders a Long Island iced tea. And I was like, oh God, how old is he?

He can't be 32. No 32 year old drinks a Long Island iced tea. They're fucking disgusting. And then he gets close to me and he's wearing gray contacts. And I was like, oh boy, I don't know anyone who still wears. He's white with colored contacts. He looks fucking insane. So then we have our drink and then I was like, let's go to the room.

Cause I was truly like, I just need to get fucked. It's been a long time. I've been in a little drought. I just need dick. So then we go to my room. We start like making out. He's very bad at it. He was like, you don't seem into it.

And I was like, I'm just trying to get fucked so I can go to sleep. So he's like, okay. And he's like, well, let's play with that vibrator I said all right so then he like takes out the vibrator and then takes out a condom also he's fully clothed at this point and I was like what are you putting the condom on he's like oh I'm gonna put the vibrator in the condom and I was like why it's mine and it's new and he's like I don't know I thought that's what you're supposed to do and I was like no in the history of fucking nobody's ever put a vibrator in a condom a vibrator can't get you pregnant so then he's like rubbing it on me and like not in me just like on the top of my pussy like on the mons pubis like on the mound and I was like that's not fake id fell out of pocket

oh my god he starts to go down on me and then he goes I can't do this I have to. And I was like, that's not. Then his fake ID fell out of his pocket. That's shit. Oh my God. He starts to go down on me. And then he goes, I can't do this. I have to go. And I was like, oh my God, my pussy just like rejected a man or a man rejected my pussy. And I was like, oh my God. So then he's like putting on his shoes.

I was like, do that outside the room. I don't want to look at you. So then he leaves. And then I was like, does my pussy smell? And it smelled like a pussy. And then my friend was like, you have his full name. Go on his Instagram. So I go on his Instagram. The smell? And it smelled like a pussy. And then my friend was like, you have his full name. Go on his Instagram. So I go on his Instagram.

The first picture of him is at a pride parade. So he was definitely gay. And then I guess he had a moment with a woman where he was like, oh, no, I'm fully gay. I cannot do this. I do not want that. So I've given up trying to fuck anybody ever. I'm going to say this, and I don't know how many brothers you have. How many? Brothers? Yes. None. All right. Well, you'm going to say this, and I don't know how many brothers you have. How many? Brothers?

Yes. None. All right, well, you just got one. Listen to me. Girl, you go in a room with somebody. Next time that happens,

let me tell you what you just survived. Okay. You just survived not getting cut the fuck up in little pieces. That's the weirdest shit I've heard in a long time.

And I could not see that in a movie going any other way than the bitch got cut up in little pieces. See, I'm not worried about that because that would just be so much cutting. Nah, you call it what you want to. That's some crazy shit. Because he's in the room, he's like, you know what else fits in this condom? Your fingers. You're like, what?

Your eyes. Yo, this motherfucker. Oh, my God.? Your eyes. Yo, this motherfucker. Oh, my God. The vibrators. Oh, my God. Isn't that insane? Yeah, but it's a great story, though. It's your truth.

It's part of your book. It's your truth. We have to take a break. And we're back. Oh, boy. DeRay. Okay. Give me some pointers on how I should act to attract a man.

I don't know, man. I think it's going to be a great book, though. If you have more stories like that. All you need is 10 stories like that, and I know you have them. Oh, I have so many. So what's the name of the book? I think it should be called Nicole Buyers and Sellers. Oh.

I like that. Nicole Buyers and Sellers. And then you can say, like, what do you buy and what do you sell? Do you buy this man? No, you sell that motherfucker. This is the kind of man you buy. And then you meet a man like this, like the man you just said. You sell that motherfucker.

I don't know if I could sell him. I don't know if anybody would buy him. Somebody buy that motherfucker. He's a great contact lens. He's sipping on all Long Island iced tea. You should have went to the Instagram page first, though. That's the first thing I say. What's your IG?

I know. I should have. I think that's what I'm going to have to do from now on. I don't have stories like that. I got sexy stories, man. I don't know. Tell me a sexy story. A sexy story a sexy story

okay I like it's almost short I like stories like I'm in a club and I'm standing there and the club's ending and then I see this girl

and she's like staring at me and I was like what you staring at me for and she's like staring at me from about from here to like

maybe I don't know fucking about 10 feet away and she's steady staring and I'm like you want me and she's like I don't know so I tell her come here and she steady staring i'm like like you want me and she's like

i don't know so i tell her come here and she comes in i was like you want me and she's like i guess and i take her back and we um and i say we're talking for a minute i was like i really like you take your clothes off what's it like being a sexy person what's that like so then we together in the middle of me making love to her. I say, yo, this is incredible. I want you to, what you doing tomorrow? She'll come with me. And she's like, she turns around because she's doggy.

And she goes, okay, I'll go. And then it's like, you know, I like stories like that. Then we fly out together. And I said, I want you to work with me. Wait, is this a real story? And I said, I want you to work with me. Wait, is this a real story? Now it's two years later.

DeRay pointed to a nice lady sitting beside him. Oh boy. That's wild. I don't have that power it's not a power but you know what it is though let me tell you what what works though because now we're like fucking now we're like fucking straight great friends like no matter what nothing there's nothing but we're like really fucking good friends then she's good at what the fuck she does not that but other shit not saying she's not good but as we've grown up and grown to know each other growing up she's fucking

21 you're 21? like 24 now 24? damn it's been wow it's been a long

two years three years now damn I don't think it's a sexy power I think

I was really like trained though my sister's like well some motherfucker like taught me how to walk taught me how to I don't think it's a sexy power, I think. I was really, like, trained, though. My sister's, like, was some motherfucker, like, taught me how to walk. Like, people see me with girls. I remember when I was little and I got ready to go to the park. My sister's like, you going to the park? She's like, no, wait on us. And then four of my sisters, two of their friends,

so I walked to the park, this park for the first time with eight girls. And she put me in the middle. And they were like, damn, who is this little boy with all these girls? And I said, and I got ready to tell the kid, that's my sister. My sister said, don't say, don't explain nothing, shit. Don't say who the fuck we are or nothing. Just let me. And we just going to watch you play basketball.

And whether you miss a shot or hit a shot, we going to clap and watch. And I was like, this nigga missing. And then all eight of these women are just like, yes! Yep. And since then, since that moment, they were like, D-Ray got girls. And I was like, that was missing. And then all eight of these women are just like, yes! Yep, and since then, since that moment, they've been like, D-Ray got girls. And I was like, that was some fake-ass shit. But they set you up for success. So, yeah. But I don't think it's a—I think I've been trained.

I think—trained to say, excuse me, trained to say, young lady, may I speak to you for a second? I don't think I've ever said, yo, bitch, what's up? Like, I've never been, yo, what's up, ma? Yo, hey, hey, baby, hey. Never once in my life have I done that. When I see dudes do it, I'll be like, what the fuck is this dude doing? And I'm not saying some women don't like that. Like, he came on kind of hard.

I just, I don't know, man. I'm just, I've never been that guy. Like, it's just, I like conversating. I like being told no, and it's like, whoa, all right. Well, I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm really not interested. I've had some mean girls. But then a couple years later, I run into that same mean girl, and I'm like, no.

It's just like, I didn't want you then, but I want you now. And I'm like, you know, you got to apologize for that moment you had before you have any dick. You got to apologize for that moment. You know, I'm like, yo, I need to hear you say any dick. You got to apologize for the moment. You know that's how I talk. I'm like, yo, I need to hear you say you apologize. If you want to come chill with me and hang with me, I need to hear you say it. Because I need you to be more polite for the next guy you end up really being with. We got to prepare people for.

Sometimes we're not in the code. Sometimes. I've been a long time. I've been the bottom bitch for a long time. You know, it's good that I have the girls I have now. But I've always been like've been the what's that I've been the bottom bitch for a long time you know it's good that I have the girls I have now but I've always been like

the dude who girls come back to like and this ain't working out so what's up D and I'm like I'm always like alright you know

you can come over here you know and I'll literally be like I'll be like so what did he do wrong like you know maybe you sure you ain't working out

I don't wanna talk about it right now but like maybe he maybe you know he just made a mistake like I've never told a girl I've never hated on him I've never said

fuck him good you ain't with that no good I've always been like maybe he, maybe, you know, he just made a mistake. Like, I've never told a girl, I've never hated on it. I've never said, fuck him. Good, you ain't with that. No good. I always be like, maybe he felt this way. Or maybe you, I don't know, man. Maybe something wrong with me, too. I don't know if anything's wrong with you. It just sounds like that you've had a lot of female energy in your life.

And women like to talk. That we like to talk things out. So it seems like it's very much rubbed off on you. Which, I like that. I like talk things out. So it seems like it's very much rubbed off on you, which is, I like that. I like a sensitive man. I like a dude who likes to talk. So now I need a pride page myself. No kidding.

Which I've been called that because I didn't have sex before. I've been called gay. Really? Yeah, I had a couple girls before. I'm like, I don't want to fuck you, gay. And I'd be like, okay, whatever. If that makes you feel better, I guess that's just some waiting on some dick then, I guess.

I've never, but it's always weird that a girl would just say that, because I don't want to fuck you. It's like, I don't, I trust my dick. And I'll tell you, I've been with some girls who have not been the most beautiful motherfuckers on earth. I've been with some superstar girls. And if my dick, your heart, I rock with him. But if my dude be like,

yo, I don't know. And that nigga always, I'm like, he always go. Like a little bit of wind, anything. Like I'm a walking fucking blue pill.

And if he don't and I'm in a room, I trust him. I be like, yo, trust me. It's not me. Oh, dang. I trust dude. If dude be like, yo, man,. It's not me. Oh, dang. I trust dude.

If dude be like, yo, man, that ain't the one. Because he closer than I am. He's right there. Have you ever gotten a bad blowjob? Yeah, but I'm really directive. So I'm kind of good at training. Okay. So what's the key to a good blowjob?

Oh, wow. Whoa. It's a question I get asked a lot in my DMs. Girls are like, I don't really know how to do it. I think... Wow. I think any woman that... I think women that have a handle on things is

nice. Like a firm grip? Firm grip is good. I wouldn't know how to loosen a lot. I think the bottom of my... I don't know if most men's rim is as sensitive as mine, but my rim's kind of sensitive. So I like it. The base?

No, rim. Oh, the top? Right, the very tip, right for the head, right top of the head, like right before the head, like the helmet part. Right, the helmet part. Yeah. I think when it, I think a woman should get right up there and go, like, however he jags off, I think a woman should ask a man to masturbate.

Ah! Let me see you masturbate. Okay, now I think I want him to ask a man to masturbate. Ah. Let me see you masturbate. Okay, now I'm going to try to match that hand movement while applying my mouth. That's a very good idea.

I've never thought about it like that because I'm normally hold their hands for them and then after and I'll guide your hand with my hand. Notice how long

I'm going with this. No kidding. Notice how long I'm going. You know my two foot dick. No matter what men exaggerate, it could be. No man ever exaggerates the small part. No.

You ever see one of them? Just right there. Just my little dick. You know, you just got to stroke it a little bit. But I think, yeah, I think that has something to do with it. Because I mean, I haven't been like, once a man gets in a certain mode of how he likes it, whatever, it's hard to change. It's hard because I think arenas, the different places you get hit can affect it too.

It's like, that has something to do with it. It's like, oh shit, I'm getting hit right here. Oh shit. Like, I think. Where's the wildest place you've fucked? Look, I've fucked some wild places. I don't think it's more wild. I think it's like, what the fuck is going on? It's like, am I

really, like, fucking this girl, like, and she's getting picked up by a guy that really likes her real soon? And I'm, and I've, and I've, and I've, first of all, let me say this. Let me say this. Girls who have boyfriends, genuinely,

I've never really fucked with. If a girl was my girlfriend first, you're Nicole, you're my girlfriend. You've been my, you've been my situation. You've been my girlfriend. Me and you break up and you get in another situation. And you want to come fuck me? I'll still do that because you were mine first. Okay.

You were my girlfriend. You know what I'm saying? Yes. But if you're in a relationship, it's rare times where I've been. And girls have did the lie. I'm breaking up with him. Same way the dudes lie. Things aren't really working out.

He don't take care of me. And I'm like, all right, you sure he don't take care of you? So I think it's more things like that than it's been like wild places. Okay. Because I do have a sense of comfortability that I need. Okay. I love home court advantage. I love like-

Like being in your house. I like the bed. I love the couch. And I've been complaining to about it. Like, let's do something somewhere else. I'm like, all right, we can get another couch, man. Want to go to the furniture store for the bedside? All right, let's go to Ikea.

We'll get another couch. What characteristics do you look for in a girl? Like what? I love funny. Okay. Oh, you like funny women? I do. Huh.

I like funny. I don't get sensitive about getting roasted. I think all that shit is funny. I think like I'll make a face, but I'm not really like mad. I'm like, oh shit, this motherfucker's talking like. Because I have a kind of big butt. So girls always say, you know, fat ass, so you're going to strip. And I'll be like, oh, fuck.

Like, are you going to the strip club? You know, if all this fails, you could be a stripper. I'm like, they don't mean a male strip club. I don't know. I like girls who like to eat. I like to eat a lot. Okay. I like girls who are like, yeah.

I think it's like, I don't really have a type, like, as far as, like, a look. People always think I do because they see my girls and everybody fucking with me, but like to eat a lot. I like girls who are like, yeah. I think it's like I don't really have a type as far as like a look. People always think I do because they see my girls and everybody's fucking with them. But there's not a type. Pretty is – I like pretty. I like sexy, pretty. I like women who don't – I don't want a woman that have to work because I feel like my mother worked a long time. She always took care of niggas, man. So I like providing.

I've always – it turns me on to provide. But I would like a woman that could provide. Okay. If something did happen to me, I like a woman with a plan. Okay. I like a woman that if I'm giving you money, you putting it up. Like you're like, and you tell me I got fucking 20 grand put up from the money. And I'm like, oh, look at you, motherfucker.

Like I like shit like that. I always tell people to prepare for the worst no matter what it is I always tell and this is from me talking to women or talking to my daughter like you never know

how long somebody gonna be in your life or somebody might flip out I might say fuck you tomorrow then what you gonna do I say that to girls I love like what are you gonna do tomorrow

then you'll be out here and if I say fuck you and you don't got no money at all now you fucking some niggas just to get bread and now you become somebody you're really not when if you've been preparing for this moment you know I'm saying because there's no Geico for there's no love insurance no there isn't and I think that's a very good thing to tell people there's no there's no way

you can go where your heart get broken and Geico be like oh we got your new one you know I'm saying so or a new emotion or a new feeling you know so I like I like girls who are always learning I like that shit I like girls like when we're going to school or girls who got a business plan

she's like I'm doing this I've thought about doing this and I'm listening up like tell me more you know I don't know shit about that tell me

I like when girls prove me wrong I like when I think I'm right and girls come up with some shit I'm like fuck like that's the first point to me I'm like fuck because I always think I'm right and girls come up with some shit I'm like fuck. That's the first point to me.

I'm like fuck because I always think I know shit and I don't be knowing shit. I love submissive bedroom. I like that shit. I love that shit. That shit's you know yeah.

All right. So you don't like aggressive ladies in the bedroom? Just T-Ray. Yeah no I don't like What do you want me to do T-Ray? Yeah I don't like aggressive ladies in the bedroom? Just T-Ray. Yeah, no. What do you want me to do, T-Ray? Yeah, I don't like too much aggressive.

T-Ray, come on. Let me know. Because I'm already with aggressive women. They're aggressive in life every day. So it's nice that for me. To have like that little flip. That flip for me. Like, you're aggressive all fucking day.

Like, aggressive all day. You should hear it on the phone. You hear motherfuckers on the phone. It's like, aggressive all day. This done? Is this finished? They're like, let's see. So those women giving me that opportunity to be in control of that situation, I think that's sexy.

All right, D-Ray. I want you to look at my Tinder and tell me what you think is good or bad. Let me see if your Tinder's Tinder. Oh, got it. This is your Tinder. How do Tinders work? Oh, got it. This is your Tinder. How do Tinders work? Oh, my God. So you've never been on dating apps?

Never in my life. What a luxury you have that you just meet people in person and they want it. My security has soul swiped and I think it's really funny. So you just swipe to the right or left. I don't remember. Yeah. So describe what you see. I see you bending over in a colorful shirt.

Mm-hmm. I don't know if you're twerking or in mid-twerk, but you stop to twerk to smile. I think your face looks really cute right there. Thank you. I would say you're outgoing on the first one, the split. I'm like, okay. Three different pictures. Immediately three different looks.

That's sexy. This is challenging. The one with the big dick is a little challenging because the guy would see that first, you know, and he's like, oh, shit. That's what she like. I don't know if I can compete with that shit. But considering they did a mold of me right there, I'm not as thrown off by it. You're not as intimidated. Yeah, not at all.

You're just seeing yourself in my hand. The only thing it reminds me of is my back hurting all the time. I need to get a reduction. Loves animals. Nice. I haven't seen nothing crazy. This is cool. This your day nap?

Like when people go to your... This your Tinder? This is nice. What the fuck are you doing on Tinder? Trying to fuck. Why are you on Tinder? I'm trying to fuck. I like this one.

Or, I mean, i'm trying to find other than other than a dick in the picture this is my favorite picture oh thank you complexion is popping and everything thank you wearing so much makeup i like that one no no fuck that matter we all wear makeup whether it be from the store or mentally i like that mental makeup yeah I like that. Mental makeup. Yeah, I like that one. That's my favorite picture. I mean, the elegant one is cute too, but that's my favorite picture.

The dick is just, I can't say I like it. Darian just put his hand over the dick. Like, I can't. Like, block. Cock block. Literally. Cock blocking. You're a fucking kid, man.

This is cool. Yes, I'm very, yeah. Trying to date somebody. What the fuck are you talking about? Trying so hard. You're a fucking kid, man. This is cool. Yes, I'm very young. Trying to date somebody. What the fuck are you talking about? Trying so hard. You better just kick it. Fuck it. Fuck niggas, man.

Fuck men. I'm trying to. No, fuck them. I'm trying to fuck them. Lie to me like, fuck it. No, I know. You don't even got to try anyway. First of all,

they don't want to fuck with you anyway because as long as you don't get another gay guy to trick you. That's rude. It was very to trick you. That's rude. It was very rude. I think that's rude. I think he was rude. I think the fact that he was down there,

that should be, once you go down, you got to stay down for a little bit. Kind of. Like you should make a phone call after that and he should be on the fucking list. The no lick list. That's what he's on. He should be on a list.

Because you know his story's different. That's what I hate. His story's fucking different. So he should have ate some fucking he should have had a meal and then left. And then he could have had a genuine story because he's lying now. He's saying he went over. He's saying you fucking put the condom on. He's like, then she put the fucking condom on

the vibrate. She's so fucking stupid. I would have fucking. I always think of the second side of the story. Always. So upset if he told anyone I put a condom over a Vibra. It was a pocket rocket. So it truly would just be jiggling around in this condom. Yeah, swinging around like. Just throw it, open your legs.

I'm going to throw it in there. And I'll just pull it out. No, just slingshot it. You're going to slingshot it in there. Oh shit, is she going to slingshot it in there. Oh, shit. Is she going to vibrate, too? Oh, my God. Yeah, that's the luck I have.

Did you still have to vibrate it when he left? I mean, yeah, I had it. Okay, I'll make sure he didn't dip with it. He didn't take it, no. That would have been another sign right there. Yeah, I'd been like, okay, so he took my vibrator. You're like, where's it at? He's like, look, no hands.

He's like, no hands. It's like, oh, no, where'd you put it? He didn't put it nowhere because he was fully clothed the whole time. Which is always an outcome. Super weird. I like girls. You got to take your clothes off. Even if you're just doing me, I want to see you.

Yes. I'd like to see you take that shit off. Yes, everyone should be naked if sex is going to be had. Yeah. Which makes me think that like he wasn't even intending on doing it. I just,

I would love to know what his story is. But you know what you do. This, I mean, I don't know if it works for women, but of the situations

I used to have like that. Mm-hmm. Upon entering the room, I'm like, yo, you got way too many clothes on to be in here. I don't know if you can't sit in my bed with your shoes and your pants on. Seriously, can't be in my bed with your shoes and your pants on.

I don't. Well, I didn't come here for that. Oh, yeah, we got to go. Because I didn't come here for this. In the most polite way. Yes. So they don't get outside the room and be like, hey, hit me. Oh, my God.

I mean, I think it's honest. I was so upfront with this man that I don't know where the miscommunication was. Oh, I know. You know, I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what to tell you because I don't want to tell you how you're out here lying. But you got to reverse the game sometimes. Like, I want to fuck you. I really don't want to fuck you because I got a couple to I don't want to tell you how you're out here lying but you got to reverse the game sometimes like y'all want to fuck you already don't want to fuck you

because I got a couple guys that's trying to fuck with me later and you see if you really want to fuck you because they be like nah fuck with it let me dudes go harder

it's something it's weird it's the weirdest shit oh I go to reverse I see if a girl really want to fuck me I be like yo my baby mothers

are tripping they crazy they up the hallway it's three of them and they like for real so you want to hurry up I'm like oh

I don't got no ain't no baby mam, for real? So you want to hurry up? I'm like, oh, I don't know. Ain't no very moms up the hallway. You really want to do it. You really want to do it. Wait, so your baby moms are outside? Let's do this really quickly. Or girls say, I want to be your third girlfriend. That shit is probably my most DM I've ever gotten.

Oh, really? I get that the most. I want to be the third. And I'm like, as soon as it's a smile back or a thumbs up, it's like, no. Huh. Because it's not like that that it's not a numbering game it's not a numbers game you just met two people who work for you D-Ray I ask all my guests this

if you didn't already have two girlfriends would you date me? I would date you if you didn't ask me like that would you date me yeah come on would you date me would you date me

like that I think that's the do you know what would you date me I think I never you know what's weird too I've never

I've never started I've never dated I think I don't think I've ever dated what do you mean? Even my situations now started with just like came over. So it was just like full on relationships, right? Went to the sex. Then it was like, we'll see if we work.

Because that got to be number one. Got to see if we fit. You know what I'm saying? So we sweat together first. And then you can make a decision. If you want to date me, you might be like, I don't want to fuck with you, D-Ray. How the fuck you had two women with this shit? This whack-ass sex.

But I think, I know you're joking saying that you ask like that because I know you don't ask like that. I don't think you got to ask men. I've never asked

like a dude that I was dating like, what are we? Yeah, oh, that shit. Oh, that shit is disgusting.

I think that makes people think too hard, I think. Yeah, because there's no real label to it. No? No, hell no. You got to keep your shit, you got is disgusting. I think that makes people think too hard, I think. Yeah, because there's no real label to it. No. No, hell no.

You got to keep your shit, you got to keep your shit fly. You fly already, so you got to be like, this is organic. But then again, you got, I mean, this is just, this has been two, how long you had this? Two years? Two years, and I still don't really have an answer. I think you just don't want to date nobody. Oh, no, I've truly been trying. Really?

Yes. What's the closest you've come? I dated a dude for two and a half months. And then before that, it was on and off for like three years with a different dude. Yeah. Okay. That's the motherfucker you want then. Yeah, but he was bad.

That's the motherfucker you want. He had a great dick, but he was very poorly behaved. What's poorly behaved uh he would just do things like he would say shit and then he would he would say one thing and then do another uh so it's like you can't promise me things and then break the promises by doing a different thing and then he would also start dating other people while we were dating and then not tell me yeah and i was like well that you have you have to tell me so then I can make an actual choice as to whether or not I'm okay with that.

And not just that, what about the fact of safety? And I don't mean sexual safety. I mean, that's one. But two is, you out with this motherfucker and I know you're busting the head with a bottle. Yeah, some angry woman comes up and she's like, he's mine. And I'm like, ugh.

As the blood is leaking out of your head, she's like, you want to tell me about this bitch? She's like, so I always tell people to tell me for that reason. Like, you got it, motherfucker. Let me know because I don't want to be somewhere

where this nigga grabbed me. I'm in a situation. Have you ever fucked a fat girl? What? Of course. What are you talking about? I don't know. Sometimes people aren't into fat girls.

What are you talking about? I just was wondering, what's the fattest you've had? I don't know what the, I don't know what the fattest I've had. I don't know what the fattest I've had. I don't know what I've been saying fat period since when I've never said fat. Like, I've never talked like, maybe I get real mad. Come on. You know what?

I've never got mad and called a girl fat. Yeah, I can't see me. I've been roasting with somebody, I guess, me and a girl going back and forth. I said it. But as far as like, you know, the bigger women, though, it'd be kind of little. They'd be little? Yeah, it'd be little, man. What do you mean?

I can't really take that. Sorry. It'd be kind of little. You'd be like, you think like a girl. It's kind of like when the girls get the big fake asses. And you'd be like, oh, she about it. And they'd be like, oh, this bitch is running. Like, why you get this done?

We should have got something. Like, there's no, but I've been with some, you know, it's really, I've been with some warm women. I've been with some warm women before. That is a very funny way to describe a fat woman. I've been with some warm women. Because I know what that means. It means that she was sitting

in air conditioner all day long and still sweating. She was warm in there. Hot in there. I've never lasted long with a bigger woman. Really? Nah, man.

Why? Too wet and too warm? But never, ever deep enough. Never for me. I guess maybe 10 times and never been. I'm like, are you all right?

It's like, 10, so I'm like, come, relax. Let me, some women, you know,

get a little nervous with you holding, they're used to holding themselves. You hold them legs up. You throw them legs up. They're like, oh shit, this motherfucker got my legs.

You know what I'm gonna, I'm a warmer woman and this motherfucker got my legs up. It's like, I ain't used to no nigga holding my legs up. Well, some people are like, they don't work for it. And you're just like, you're doing all the work. That's so funny that you don't think fat girls can take a dick.

Of the experience I've had, I mean. I think I take a dick well. Do you? I think so. Do you ever push back on the chest? Like, you ever throw that forearm up? No. You ever do the Heisman? Like, stop?

No. Okay. No, I'm usually like, more. Bruise my cervix. That's what I want. I want to walk funny tomorrow. Yeah, you just snorted. Well, we've come to the end of the episode.

D-Ray, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Sorry I was late. Oh, it's fine. Do you have anything you want to promote? Nope. You don't have any shows coming up or anything? I mean, yeah, I'm always touring.

So if you see them coming, go see it. And I guess watch me on Snowfall. And whatever you see, if you see a motherfucker that look like me, watch it. Just keep watching it. Watch Mike Ely. Watch all light-skinned motherfuckers. You'll eventually see me. Just ain't light-skinned nigga shit.

You'll just watch it. Turn it on. You'll run into me eventually. Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, if you send me a nasty message hitting on me, I will read it out loud. This woman said, Nicole, my queen, I want you to twerk that tropical badonkadonk on my face until we both turn into a fruit salad and slowly survive off licking each other's magical, delicious pussy fruit sugars. I like that. Healthy, though.

Healthy. So that was nice. I like that one. Let's see if I can find a nastier one. Okay. Healthy. So that was nice. I like that one.

Let's see if I can find a nastier one. Okay. Nicole, if I were with you, I would cram your ham-like fingers into my frightening deep hole until I creamed all over your porky little hands. Oh, boy. Wow. Then I'd buff your nails with my three-week-old pussy stubble so I could save you money on a manicure. Nice. After that, we would slurp fettuccine al Alfredo after each other's crevices and fall asleep feeling sick.

That one was upsetting. Okay, bye-bye. If it was Paul Newman fettuccine sauce, it might work. Paul Newman has fettuccine sauce? Yeah, yeah, he do. I thought he only had salad dressing. He got a fettuccine sauce, too. Ooh, I'm learning.

Thanks, D-Ray. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.