Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Married in a Hospital (w/ Danielle Pinnock)

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

Danielle Pinnock (Young Sheldon, Ghosts) and Nicole get mistaken for each other... a lot.  The comedian and writer chats with Nicole about the different actors they get confused for, the grueling process of booking an acting job, and the very strange story behind how Danielle's wedding ended up taking place in a hospital ICU.  Crazy dating story? Looking for advice? Want to leave Nicole a dirty message? Submit it all to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air.   Black Lives Matter. Click here for a list of over 100 different ways you can support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could shine a bright light in my eye when I'm sleeping and go, Boo, bitch, gotcha!

I would roll over and say, Wow, that's my spooky boo! Gotcha, gotcha. I would roll over and say, wow, that's my spooky boo. My guest today is an actor, writer, and comedian who you've seen on a black lady sketch show, Young Sheldon, and has been getting rave reviews, write-ups. People are thrilled with the performance on cbs's ghosts it's daniel thank you nicole thanks for having me my gosh i'm so hyped thank you so much for doing it uh i was so excited to do this because i have been mistaken for you likewise it's okay it's you it's natasha rothwell uh-huh recently it was dolce yep um i also get amber riley and i get raven goodwin uh gabourey sidibe someone thought

i was retta and i was like huh, I'll take it. She's stunning. She's beautiful. But I feel like we're in a different age range. But, you know, it's OK. That's it. That's it. It's all love. It's all love. Yeah, it was funny. Somebody was like, I think you're spectacular on ghosts. And I did not correct them. I said, thank you so much. I put a lot of work into it and kept it fucking pushing. I stand.

I stand. I love it. I love it. I mean, what's the point of correcting anybody anymore? A compliment is a compliment and it makes me so happy. Well, Nicole, you're, first of all, you're a legend in your own right. I got to give you your flowers first because I've been following you since loosely exactly, Nicole. And I'm just such a huge fan of your work.

Everything you're doing on Grand Crew is unbelievable. And you're such like an inspiring multi-hyphenate. And I'm telling you, like when I first was in Chicago and was thinking about like, OK, can I actually do this? Like you and Natasha, like y'all were my North Star. So like, I just want to get that out first and just say thank you again for having me. And just so grateful to be here. Thank you so much. That is so kind of you. OK, so you said Chicago, Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago because sometimes people like to say Chicago and then they're from like the north suburbs and I'm like no no no no no we were in Rogers Park okay yeah it was Chicago Chicago I loved it I was there for four years um and had the time of my life literally and you were doing Second City there, right? I was. I actually did.

So I was like a theater nerd. And then Second City, I would do these characters where I like interview people on the street and like bring the stories to the stage and stuff. And I'd be in these like bootleg ass like theaters where I was getting paid a pizza and like, cool, yeah, let's do it. Like lifting furniture up three flights of stairs to try to put on a damn play that three people were coming to. As Deonna Griffin Irons of Second City saw me and was like, you should come do these characters here.

And I'm like, what's Second City? What is it? I want to be at Steppenwolf. I want to be at the Good Men. And yeah, I did their Bob Curry Fellowship, which was like the one time that they had black people there doing a bunch of things. You said it.

But shout out to everybody that was there with me. Lisa Beasley, Dwayne Perkins, like Asia Bullock, like so many incredible comedians. So I'm grateful for the opportunity to have done that. I love that so much i love that like my favorite stories are the ones where people are like oh i was just doing some shit and then somebody said come on over here and i say you know what why not i don't i'm i'm here now i can move that's fine and then you're like oh this amazing thing happens and then

shit starts blossoming it was wild so you went to temple university and then oh you graduated with honors i did that's nice that's nice when i went to school i did not go for the learning i went to make friends um but then you went to the royal birmingham conservatory in the uk yeah it sounds way more fancier than it actually was. Like, my first day at school, I was like, cobblestones! Oh my gosh! I'm about to be like the black Emily in Paris, but in London. And, um,

like, my first day, there was a knife fight, uh, in front of my... Because nobody got guns there. It's all, like, actual swords and shit. Oh! That's, that's, oh my God, that is incredible. swords and shit. Oh my God. That is incredible. Literally. Literally.

And my mom, she's super Christian. She's like, God loves everybody. We got to stop the fighting. I'm like, sis, if you don't take your Jamaican behind out this fight, like you can't get stabbed on my first day of theater school. Like, let it go. Let it go. They fucking go hard over there.

They do. I challenge you to a duel. Let it go. They fucking go hard over there. They do. I challenge you to a duel. No, truly. We mean an actual duel with fucking knives and shit. That's so fucking funny. I love that. Yeah, I don't even know, like, if I would survive a knife fight, to be honest. It's like, how fast do you run from that?

Like, you know a bullet, you know it's like, boom, done. But, like, knives, it's like athletic athleticism you got to kind of run past it i know me as a fat woman i'll move that fast one two it's a lot of area that you could cover with one swipe so i'm not i'm not trying to do that dead ass i'm praying that my spanks would protect me a little bit. Oh, my God. Bending the knife. It's just like the force field around you, holding you in. What was it like? So how long were you in the UK, in London, England? I was there for one year.

It was an intense seven days a week program. We had two breaks. Seven days a week? Seven days a week, two breaks. But it was like the best time of my life. And I was planning on staying there for three years afterwards and then the day of my graduation the visa laws changed and they're like americans go back to the states and i was like no but i'm glad that i had the opportunity when i did i met my

husband while i was there which was so dope and me my best friend he's english yeah yeah you imported him i know brought back a souvenir oh my god that i gotta do that i gotta i just went on vacation i was in mexico and nobody wanted to be imported not one person but i guess i don't know there's a lot of cobblestone over there too i was like y'all don't want me to walk good. It was hard. I couldn't. I was like, what? It's beautiful, but I'm about to fall. And then nobody was, like, interested in fucking me.

You know, it's just, it's a fun life to live. So, wait. Tell me how you met your husband. Yo, like, randomly. So, there was this girl that was supposed to go be in our, we were in this like real world type classic house. Like it literally looked like Grey Gardens meets Game of Thrones. And there was this one girl from Tennessee or something. Her visa got denied.

So like we need to find another roommate mad quick because I was like, I can't afford this in pounds, y'all. Like this additional rate is mad expensive. So we went to this, like, barbecue, and I was, like, trying to scout people to come stay in this place, and they started lighting fireworks. I'm deathly afraid of fireworks, Nicole. I had, I don't know why it is.

I think it was, like, watching Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial. Oh, no, you have secondhand PTSD from this man burning up his very curl. It's still triggering.. This still triggered. Still triggered. I'm like, my baby hairs, protect them, please. Not my baby hairs.

No. I need them to laugh. They're going to laugh. So this, like, little red, this, like, redhead found me and he was like, oh, come inside. Let's chill. And I was like, you want to live in the apartment? You saved my life. Completely forgot I had that conversation, because prosecco was involved two weeks later this dude comes down the steps in this cow onesie with udders i'm eating my

little weedabix and i'm like who's that are we getting robbed like what's happening and he's like no i'm the guy from the party thanks i just moved in and i'm like who and that's how it is so you found a roommate to move in exchange some sort of monetary amount of money he moved in and you forgot about it completely forgot not a clue that's incredible i not a clue i mean i have adhd but I don't think I've ever forgotten about something that big. Yo, not a clue. That was like, oh, who is this again? Like I have when it comes to like white faces, I have no recollection. I'm like, it really does.

It's the blend in for me. I have no clue. No clue. So how long did it take for you guys to start dating? It took a while because I never dated a white person before in my life. So at first, I was kind of like,

okay, I came to England from my Idris and from my John Boyega. And that was really my mission. I had just joined OkCupid for the first time. I was coming out of this really weird situation.

And I was like, I'm going to do it in England. I'm going to have my little whole phase and I'm about to just be out here living. Living in these cobblestone streets, dodging knives, trying to catch a dick. Wait, tell me about this situation ship real quick, if you don't mind. Oh, God. Utterly chaotic. I have been in so many situationships

in my life like i can't count any of them as real relationships maybe like one where it's like because people because i was always bigger plus size it was just like oh my god she's so funny but also i realized my strength in relationships was just listening to men. And I was like, okay, well, if I could just do this in college and just listen, maybe I can get a boyfriend. And I ended up with like the wildest human beings on the planet, Nicole. Like wild, like wild. Okay. Wild. Like it will be in a book or a pilot someday.

We're going to manifest it. We're going to manifest it. But like stories for days. And I was like, I just need a clean slate. I just want my John Boyega and just call it quits. And then my friend was like, I think this guy Jack likes you. And I'm like, the white guy? The white guy who I met

with others yeah I was like that's not really the vibe going through right now um and he came up to me he's like I would love to take you on a date and I was like this is a joke like I don't like you you're white there's no way like so I was like, you know, my mom was like, you know what, Danielle, you're in England, have fun. And this is going to be something funny.

You could tell your kids later. Nicole, we've been together for 10 years. 10 years. Oh, that's so sweet. 10 years. It's a,

I could not believe that this is the person I ended up getting married to. Like all the people in the world, but he a good dude I love his family his family loves mine like we've been here 10 years strong and like that's my person that's so fucking sweet okay so you didn't like him at first he clearly was like I want in at what point were you like oh fuck this is for me you know I think it was like for so long I'd been listening to other guys and their grievances and becoming like their Iyanla romantic Iyanla I call it because it's like yes you're fixing that romantic life yes yes oh my god your mom I can't believe it. Oh, my God. You know, and like pretending that I actually care.

I'm just like, are we getting hit or not? Okay. But he was like the first person to like actually listen to me. And I'm like, oh, this is new. Okay. You actually care. Wow. Yeah.

When men remember things I have said, I'm shocked i'm like wait what you're listening to little old me which is insane that's an insane way to live your life no it is it is and i was just like my god what's happening but i mean he just like literally like what's going on but like what helped me with so many things and just I don't know how we ended up together. Like, I'm still, like, I just don't, like, even like the wedding. There were so many things that were just against us. Like, the night before we got married, my mom had a stroke, which was insane. Oh, no. So I was like, are we? No, she's perfectly fine.

Perfectly fine. Living her best black life. Chilling. She's good. She's good she's good but like there were so many things that were happening i'm like oh my god so i actually got married in the hospital oh my god wait did you like move everybody to the hospital it's like we're going on a trip but let's go literally and my uncle carlton shout out to him came in his minivan with the little cheetos crumbles that he sweeped over so I could have my little white dress in the back.

He had the video camera while I'm driving. He was like, we need to have Uncle Carlton for the win. Like, my whole family came. They let everybody in the ICU. The florist came. Girl, like, it was insane. That is the before times. Right now, they'd be like uh-uh get the behind

the dotted line you cannot come in here wear your masks that's wild i love that they let everybody into the icu i'm sure someone dying in the bed next door was like this is not how i want my final moment to be i have to listen to somebody else's joy? Are you fucking kidding? That's it. That's it. Oh, God, that's so funny. That is truly fucking wild. Yeah.

That your mother had a stroke the day before you got married. Honestly, sometimes moms are always trying to make it about themselves. No, I'm absolutely kidding. That's an insane story. Yeah was it was wild it was wild and like i mean and then like my mom who was like barely able to speak was like oh you guys are going to hawaii and then knocked out and we were like what and i was like wait where are the tickets when what do we did she tell anybody else about this so then we spent like the rest of the day trying to figure out like when we were going on our honeymoon and like who was going but it ended up being so dope and the fact that like our pastor was like we're still gonna do it at the church too

so like we had all these other people that came and we still did the reception the reception was lit everybody was utterly just like she's alive trash and like my whole family's jamaican and his irish irish and british and he's an australian fucking partying it was next level the receptionist people they felt so bad they were like we'll just keep going for as long as y'all need and i was like i don't think we left until like 5 a.m like the dj was like it was like one of those old like webster hall from back in the day it was dope that sounds like a very nice time it was dope it was so fun so after 10 years like i've been reading a lot about like okay instagram has been like really feeding me stuff about relationships i think instagram's like hey girl are you all right but it's a lot like you have to

choose to love your partner love doesn't just come you don't just have love so like after 10 years is it hard no I mean the thing it really is not. And that's the thing. I'm always reading these things. Like, yes, there will be different difficulties, right? So one of the things I would say is, like, when Jack and I got married, we were in our 20s, like, early 20s. So now we're in our 30s, and that's a whole different moment. So, like, we've had to adult together. And I think once we reached, like, 30s, we were like, mm, money like money what is that we don't even know should we be saving like should I be saving what's going on do you have a retirement

like there were so many things that happened once that 30 mark came where we're like okay we need to like adult together figure this out um because like our parenting money scripts were just from different home you know like my mom's a single mom I was raising my grandmother he had mom and together figure this out um because like our parenting money scripts were just from different home you know like my mom's a single mom i was raising my grandmother he had mom and dad you know what i mean so like it was just very different things um but yeah we just it's dope like i don't know like i think it's just dope he's so great and we just be goofing like that's the thing it's like he never makes me feel crazy you know I mean this industry is so wild like and he's mad supportive and like I've I mean even my body has changed in the relationship like when I first got married to now he's never made me feel

crazy about that or anything like that I just I feel like sometimes you got to go for the weird ones, the ones that you really don't be expecting where you're like, okay, I don't know, maybe because they might surprise you. You never know. You never know. What's the one thing he did that you were like, yes, I will spend the rest of my motherfucking life with this motherfucker. I have, honestly, I have to say, it's also how, like, he takes care of my mom. Because Jamaican mothers are tough.

You know what I mean? Black mothers in general are just, like, a whole different breed. And, like, how he, like, cares for her, looks after her, like, checks in. I was like, okay. Yeah, you can get down with family. I like this. I'm here for this. Cause I'm such a family girl through and through. Like if you can't get down with my family, it's, it's a wrap. So seeing that was just a really big moment for me. Also the sex is phenomenal. That was the other shock too. That was a shock, Nicole. That was the other shock, too.

That was a shock, Nicole. That was a shock for me. I'm telling you, the first time, I was like, oh, this is what's happening overseas. Really? Because I was thinking, like, oh, my God, everybody at CBS is going to cancel this whole episode. Sorry, CBS. And sorry, Maureen. That's his mother.

The first day we hooked up I was like okay how is this gonna cause you know it's like cute when you're going on little dates and stuff and kisses and I'm like okay so like how do you have sex with a white person is it different like what are we gonna be doing

you thought it was gonna be different just because he was white that's so funny it's like oh is it gonna be seasonless how is this gonna happen really i'm like what do we do we need to shower beforehand like i don't know what's happening don't worry yo i was so shooketh and then like it we had sex and i was like oh this is lit this is lit this is lit i was like okay and then like he's so fucking corny the like the morning after he was just like welcome to england and i was like you're dumb ass face up. And I was like, I love him.

He's so funny. That is very funny to wake up looking so at that you just fucked and they went, welcome to England. I was like, my God, this is a backstage pass of fucking, what's my show with Maggie Smith? Downton Abbey? Downton Abbey. Downton Abbey! I was like, what's happening? Man, that's really, I love that. I also really

love that you speak about him with such fucking joy after 10 years. I feel like I've spoken to people who've been in relationships for like two months and they're like, well, you know, I love, I love them, but you know, it's just, and it's like, no know i love i love i love them but you know it's just and it's like no you're just like easy breezy like he fucks me good he's funny as hell i love him

like i want to be at your wedding because i feel like that's what your vows were you're like yeah no they're literally literally screaming literally. I love that so much. Real quick. We got to take a break. We're back. Okay. So do you like Shakespeare? Is that something that's real?

Yeah, absolutely. that's a yeah shout out to shakes did some research you know and then you find things you're like don't know if it's true but I'm gonna ask I like Shakespeare in theory I'm like read like would read synopsis is when I was in school or whatever, and then, like, really fucking struggled through it. And then someone was like, oh, Shakespeare's meant to be seen, not read. And I was like, oh, fuck. Well, I've been doing it wrong. Yo, I feel the same. Like, literally, when I first started reading Shakespeare, I would be so confused. And my grandmother would try, because the british were you know colonized jamaica for so

long like that was everything like shakespeare was everything for her so she'd just be in the house reciting stuff and i'm like wow you're really out here reciting lady mcbeth that's crazy and you're really like 70 years old like hobbling around doing this this is wild and i just didn't never got it and it wasn't until um i was at temple university and i got cast in midsummer night's dream playing nick bottom and they were like just do it as you they're like don't try to put on any voice don't try to speak in a british accent like what is like dissect the language for you? What would this mean to you? And once that happened, it opened up my whole world when it came to the text.

Love it. I mean, that makes a lot of sense. It's never how I've been taught Shakespeare. But I mean, I went to an interesting school called the, I won't even say it because I don't want them to claim me anymore. But we would do Shakespeare in a way where like, we would get coached through it and it's like oh but then I didn't get to make

any choices and also I don't know what I'm saying I'm just saying these fucking words and it doesn't make sense you would be incredible who would you want to play in the canon okay well I really love Twelfth Night because I love the movie she's the man yes can we get a reimagining of that come on I did love it I it's I think Amanda Bynes has never been better Channing Tatum is in it

it's just it's all stars it's a great it's one of my favorite movies what else I love Othello Othello's great fucking dark as hell dark It's one of my favorite movies. What else? I love Othello. Othello's great.

Fucking dark as hell. Dark. And then The Tempest, I did like a, I didn't do the full length play, but I did scenes from The Tempest. Yes. Yeah, those are the ones that I'm like the most familiar with. I did steal the complete works of Shakespeare from Barnes and Nobel. Shout out. While I was in school.

Because I learned if you went to Barnes and Noble and you just walked out with the books, no one would say anything because it's like, oh, maybe she bought them. Maybe she came in with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Who we don't know. Maybe it's Maybelline. So I would just take shit. I get it. I get it I would just take shit I get it

I get it I get it I mean that was me at Temple Libraries like literally just being like backpack backpack I love those videos those videos make me laugh so hard if you don't know what we're talking about it's on Instagram oh I should figure out what the

the person's name is oh I'd have to look so far back on my Instagram, but it's so funny. Backpack, backpack. You literally name the books. Like, okay. Yeah, I just would just take things from Barnes & Noble. And I'm not saying stealing is good, but back in the day, she didn't have no money. Yeah.

But she needed to be educated, okay? I get it. Like, the books in school were expensive like we're already paying tuition yeah give us a break give us free food and give us the free books that's kind of incredible that you pay it's a la carte you get tuition and then you're like oh do you want a room well that's a little extra oh do you want to eat that's extra too like that's why why isn't it like why isn't it a resort why don't you have an all-inclusive package and then the a la carte package that's what i'm trying to say nicole it's too much money it's ghetto what if i'm just trying to eat at

college i don't want the credits they have good tater tots yo it's crazy or they should have like a glamping experience at least that's free where it's like you don't want to be in the dorm you could glam you could glam that's what you could do you could live the fuck outside and get your education i'd be into it that's a choice you could save a little bit of money also a choice make college free hello america what's going on uh i was in mexico like last week this past week and there were so many like american flags at the airport coming back to the states and i was like boy oh boy y'all love it you love america in a way that i'm like i like it here too but like shit's wrong they're like why isn't college free? Why don't we have free healthcare?

Why are you advertising a bad country? Literally. It's ghetto. I mean, it really is. It really is a ghetto moment here. You know, shout out to, you know, certain things that I'm able to, you know, that are accessible to me and the privilege that I have but it's also really ghetto like I just paid off my student loans it's taken

me forever my mama still has student loans Nicole like it's ridiculous this woman is about to be 60 that's wild that's why I said two years of school please because four is a lot to fucking pay off.

I think my sister's still paying off her student loans. It's wild. It is. It's wild. It's wild. For no reason. Health care. What's happening?

Yeah. I want free health care. I don't want to pay $700 for an ambulance. What's going on? Never. OK. So you did you do Body Courage, your one-woman show, out of school, or was

that while you were in school? I did it while I was in school at Birmingham Conservatory in England, and then that was my dissertation. So at the end, they were like, look. Okay, real quick, I don't mean to interrupt you, but who's a dissertation? So

it's basically your final project like it's your finals it's your finals in your master's program so they were like finals y'all gonna come up with a one-person show whatever you want it to be about so my background at temple was in documentary theater like for so long nicole i wanted to be the next anna devere smith like that was literally my only goal in life was to just like interview people bring their stories to the stage make a change I want to be everywhere like and doing that so I was like that's what I'm gonna do but I want to focus on body image because I felt like a lot of times like plus-size black women especially in theater it was still like made slave Hattie

McDaniels number one Hattie McDaniels number two so like I was just like you know what I'm just gonna interview a bunch of different people and just bring their stories out so I interviewed my best friend who was the first plus size actress at a grad school in San Francisco which was her experiences were wild um I interviewed a young woman who was Muslim who had her freckles removed because she was like, I hated my freckles. Got plastic surgery, sis. And she was from Birmingham. And pageant queen, Miss California, USA, from way back in the day.

And I just like performed as them. Did my little doodop. And somebody from New York was like, yo, somebody just forwarded me this tape. You should do this festival. So I did this little strawberry theater festival in New York. And my family was like, yo, this is actually really good. So I'm like, I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to bring it to the Chicago stages.

And that show was my life for six years. Six years? Literally six years interviewing people because like once the word got out people were like i want to tell you my story so then it was like me interviewing the little girl the south side of chicago girl who got got bullied you know i mean then it was like me going to northern ireland to interview a man who had early onset parkinson's then going to india to interview a man who was about to be at the Olympics but was taking steroids and then couldn't do it so like there were just so many people that were like reaching out

and I was like okay cool yeah I had a blog like that was my whole universe were you updating the play or the show? I was updating it so it was like come see it before it fucking changes literally literally and the final production in chicago was the first time that i had my personal

story in there so then i shared like what it was like growing up with my mom and my grandmother being first generation jamaican american when i was like up till i was eight i was wheelchair bound which a lot of people don't know i had a disease called dermatomyositis with my husband calls dramatic Miley Cyrus. That's very fucking funny because I was like, no matter who to who. Exactly. Can you wait? I have never heard of this. And I don't mean to like make you explain it if you've explained it ad nauseum.

But what what is this? It is a sister disease to MS. So it's an autoimmune disease. And like literally one day i was just walking and the next day couldn't walk anymore and all my fun my muscle functions from like the um like boobs down just cut out and then like i was just on steroids for years and like physical therapy and all this it's it's wild how it happened but all good now and chilling and how does it get uh reversed i guess like how does how does one overcome steroids it's just steroids

yes which was like as a kid i went from like 50 pounds to like 160 you were bulking the fuck up you're like i gotta stand as an eight-year-old and then that's when all the kind of like shelby dramas of like school came because when i came back to school people like what the fuck is that what's going on yeah so and i talk about that in the show and stuff yeah yeah when kids make fun of other kids i like it just it only really occurred to me as an adult. I'm like, Oh my God, that kid is going through something. That's why they're like that. Literally mental illness. That's what it is.

It's like, what is good? Like when you make fun of somebody different, it's like, Oh, they might be different because their home life is different. Or like they have like a learning, like they learn differently.

Like why make fun of that kid? Just be like, Oh, that kid's different. I guess I'll leave them alone. I don't exactly but that is wild like you're like I'm on steroids can you not call me chubby please let me just live my little osh magosh life like let me just chill like and then it was just earth because like all these kids they were like in their little juicy couture and I was like in Burlington Coal Factory and like the limited

and looking like Maxine Waters and Steve Harvey's love child like why was I in school in a three-piece suit like I looked crazy I was crazy yeah I remember going to the limited too being like oh okay we'd have to show some things together and then going to the limited and being like ah this is where I belong. And it's like, it's a little adult. Literally, literally. Kids in Jersey are rude. That's it. They are. They're just rude. That's it. Where in Jersey did you grow up? I also grew up in Jersey. Yes. So I was in North Jersey, an area called Teaneck, New Jersey. So it's like Bergen County, right next to New York, literally right next to george washington bridge oh okay yeah i grew up in uh like central jersey i think you would probably say south jersey

it was like middle town it's like where the jersey shore starts did y'all have joyce leslie up there i fucking love joyce leslie and nobody but people on the east coast know what Joyce Leslie is I'm dead at the fact that you just brought like a whole thing of memories oh my god Joyce Leslie did y'all have dots? I don't know if dots was a thing I was trying to think of what dots was

Joyce Leslie, fashion bug and then rainbow and then dots Joyce Leslie was the moment though Joyce Leslie I would get all my Dots. Joyce Leslie was the moment, though. Joyce Leslie. I would get all my club clothes from Joyce Leslie. Yes, because it was made with spandex. Because it was like, we will go up to a large.

But we will accommodate someone slightly bigger than that. That's it. That's it. Oh, my gosh. Joyce Leslie. Shout out to Joyce. Shout out to Joyce. The yellow Joyce Leslie with a red heart i worked there for a little bit oh my god and big women would come in with their daughters and they'd be like where

your plus section at i'm like oh we don't have one they're like then why do you work here and i'd be like oh oh um wow i guess i'm having a crisis i don't know i need the money i thought i could work anywhere i'm sorry oh my god oh my god i love joyce oh my god yo because when i was when i was a teenager that's when i started like acting out because my dad had passed away when i was 16 so i was just like f everybody so i would like sneak into the clubs in new york with my crazy best friend at the time and we would be in Joyce Leslie and Rainbow concocting the fashions

literally to get into the clubs oh my god that was a memory Nicole I love that you were sneaking into clubs my mom died when I was 16 and I was sneaking to New York to go see Broadway plays we are different rebellious youth you're like I'm cool sneaking to New York to go see Broadway plays. We are different, rebellious youth.

You're like, I'm cool. And I was like, let me get my fill of musical theater. No, but I would have much preferred that. I think also I was like super like, I was one of those kids. I was like, we're friends. So whatever my friends do, I'm going to do it. I'm like, y'all don't really feel safe,

but I guess we're friends though. Where are we? I would have much preferred Les Mis. I mean, I saw Les Mis so many times. I saw Phantom of the Opera so many times. I would like forge permission slips and make my dad sign them. And he was just like, I mean, whatever. I guess if you have to go see another play it's part of the curriculum

I love it I love it Les Mis is good Les Mis is good the music it's like hits it really does on my own pretending he's beside me you feel it when my boo drags that man on god on high god then when he's like god on high yo it takes me out i want to see all black castellanians

oh wait that would be so incredible and let them just be Haitian because that's the part let them be Haitian it's about the French Revolution well Haitian people they're French, they speak French period I'm ready

real quick we have to take another break so like being big growing up did you date in high school at all no my dating life in high school was non-existent i had intense crushes. The way you looked at me as if I was the dumbest woman in California. No, no, no. I had intense. First of all, I grew up, my family was so Christian. Like I was in church from Fridays through Sundays because my grandmother was seven day Adventist, which is christianity with a jewish twist so like sabbath on saturdays like vegetarian and my mom was like i'm pentecostal so like we would be

in church all weekend and then i remember like when we had god our uh high school our middle schools were like you guys gotta have parents have to have the sex talk with the kids you don't sit down the stage and my grandma was talking about um if you get she was like if you get pregnant i'm gonna call a taxi to drive you out to a dark wood and we won't find you and i was like oh no is that really the talk like so i was terrified i was terrified of everything as a kid i I had intense crushes. I had the best mixed CDs that I would like send to my crushes. I'd be like, oh my God, listen to this. Has a little Usher, has a little Aaliyah.

And I would be writing in my diary. My best relationship was with my diary. Literally. I have never identified with something more. I also did not date, not nary one time in high school, but I did love, like, not love. I mean, I was a child, but I did have like intense crushes. Intense.

And I'd be like, hey, I think you're cute. And they'd be like, okay. And I'd be like, oh no. Do I die now? Literally. And doing like the most random things like i remember my first party that had like drinking and weed and stuff and i was like yes i'm here i've arrived like i've arrived and i remember this guy this guy that exclusively wore birkenstocks like this

black guy like in high school and he was like yeah you, you know, I'm trying to be a macanye. And I'm like, in love, obsessed, obsessed. You're different. You're different. You're different. Your toes are out. Exactly. And I remember him being like, oh, have you drank vodka before? And I'm like, yeah, obviously.

Nicole, why did I take that bottle? I was like, well, this looks like water. Down the thing and then sprayed across the room and he was like oh you're so weird and I'm like I'm not weird it's just a different flavor I once in high school after

one of our theater performances was at an after party where I drank like half a bottle of vanilla absolute. I cannot drink it to this day. I drank like half a bottle and I think I passed out on like face down on someone's foot. It was bad. I was like, yes, I've drank before.

And I think I may have had like a cocktail or like a fucking jungle juice but boy oh boy was it disgusting honestly I I was in theater heavy in high school like we I was Captain Hook and Peter Pan like I did Reno Sweeney and anything goes I was like I want to play these roles and the cast parties were everything like I just was like this is where i'm like i want to be the next elaine stritch like this is where i this is where i thrive i was so comfortable like i felt so bougie and so cute and i'm like yeah i'll have a little malibu yeah let's do it you know i love it the techies come with they're all black and they're like you did a good job and you're like okay like layers of ben nye

oh my god my favorite were the play they did arsenic and old lace at my school i wasn't in that production i think that was my freshman year before i was like i love the theater and everyone did like old person makeup in a way that i was like oh shit and they're like it's for the back row and i was like that's not for any row like you know thinking back on it's like i don't know who the fuck that was for that was bad that was not good i'm dead i'm dead it's like where are these theater kids now you know what i mean it's like i hope they're still in the craft but i wonder because there were superlatives at my high school there was broadway bound and i did not win it but i will say i can't believe i'm still petty about this like i'm doing fine and

i'm like the one thing uh if i could go back in time, was really campaign for Broadway bound. I'm so pissed that they ruined my senior year quote in my yearbook. It was like a Jay-Z quote because I was obsessed and still am to this day. Not so much after Lemonade, but at the time, obsessed. And they had typos. And I'm still like, can we get a reprint what was the quote oh I can't wait the giggle the tee hee hee leading in the quote is only God could judge me so I'm gone either love me or leave me alone yup senior year

had to go out with a Jay Z band and they messed the whole thing up I don't know if I had a senior quote by the end of high school I was like I'm done uh you have kept me for four years which is three years past I think I should have been here um I'm not attending school anymore um also let me graduate and they were like okay that's where the divide happens you gotta come

if you want to graduate and I was like, I think we got a problem here. But I did get out. I did get out. I'm very happy about that. And you have done extraordinarily well. Like, has the high school reached out to you to be like, can you do? No. No.

No, they have not um which is like really depressing for me actually no i never thought about it one time until you were like did they reach out and i was like oh they would reach out that's a thing oh hmm no but it's okay i'm not trying to go back to jersey anytime soon i did i don't know if i mentioned this on the podcast i did go back to jersey recently because i had a storage unit from when i moved from new york and got to the storage unit with a friend and did mars did i tell this story is it about the lock that you accidentally yeah oh yeah you yes you have okay never mind you gotta cut all this mar think or leave it i don't fucking care i don't fucking care. I don't know. I didn't bring a key.

Had to cut off the lock of someone else's storage unit and hilarity ensues. Oh my god. When I tell you I had a storage unit situation in Jersey, they stole all our stuff. Like my mom had a big house that she had in Jersey and moved to LA so she could be closer to us and all

of our stuff is gone like everything from the house like furniture gone what company was this shout them out I don't even no I literally I have no it was like a mom and pop shop that got bought in the pandemic by this bigger company and they just like swiped everybody's stuff. Wow, that's fucked up. That sucks. I'm so sorry that happened. I was so mad. I was like, really? I was like, I have some good journals in here

I want to look back on. Oh my god, what if there's just a fat black girl right now reading your journals being like, I've never felt more seen. It's literally about to be the next Shonda Rhimes. Like literally, Danielle's Diaries. I'm about to be like next Shonda Rhimes like literally Danielle's Diaries I'm about to be like wait Netflix what's happening Danielle's Diaries that's so funny that happened to me wait a minute what's going on when did you move to LA in 2016 and yeah okay fresh

in the fall of 2016 I was like uh if I was going to come, first of all, I never thought I would be in LA in a thousand years. Like I was a theater girl through and through and just still was on my end of Devere Smith. Like I just want to be doing HBO special where I'm in the theater with a group of people with the craft. Like that's like the biggest goal of my life. Honestly, the biggest goal of my life. Like, that's like the biggest goal of my life. Honestly, the biggest goal of my life. And I actually, she did this workshop in San Francisco where she selected like 15 actors to work with.

And she was like, I think you need to do TV. And I'm like, whatever you say, I will do. I was like, I worship you. So my agent in Chicago was like, yo, let's just start getting you some TV auditions. But I was terrified, Nicole, because I'm like, yo, I'm bigger and on stage, you know, it's like you can be big on stage, but it's different. But now I'm like, it's different when a camera is close to you and they go, you know, the camera adds 15 pounds. You're like, I don't need that.

And then I'm like, how do I sit? Like, what's going on? What's going on? So I was like, okay, well, let Like, what's going on? Like, what's going on? So I was like, OK, well, let me just try and let me do an audition. And like my third TV audition, it was for some like Whitney Cummings pilot that not ended. I'm not getting picked up, but they flew me from Chicago. Oh, it was for Amazon. Something.

It was like, no, it was HBO. It was HBO. Oh, OK. And the role was written for a person that was, like, on YouTube at the time. And I remember coming out of my screw desk and being like, wait, you're the person they wrote this for. You weren't at the original audition. LA, what's happening? And then she booked it.

And I'll never forget. I was in Casa Barton in Santa Monica, like bawling over tacos like I'll never act again. And then my manager was like, yo, there's this play happening at Geffen. Why don't you like go quickly go audition while you're still there just to see what happened. Wait, just to rewind.

So one of your first TV auditions, you got to test. I did. I love that you like skipped over that part. I did. I was like. What a beautiful story. Gotta say, your friend,

it took her years to get to a testing room. Years. Friend, I can't even. Years. Like when I tell you, I was just like okay maybe it's like the years of just not getting like I was in theater I felt like for a little too long like I feel like everybody kind of like a couple years in dipped went to LA went to New York and i was just still in the same theaters with lenisa my co-creator of hashtag book like we were just in it still together and we were like should we move like we're the last people here um yeah but then you were ready like i mean that's there is no

clearer sign than like flying being flown out to oh listeners if you don't know what testing is the acting world is very hard and convoluted so you drive to santa monica at 3 p.m in rush hour traffic you spend an hour and a half in your car uh really really worried you go to the audition the person auditioning you goes great and you're like that wasn't great you hated it then you get a phone call and they're like we want you to come back to a callback you drive back to santa monica probably like the next day and you have to wear the same thing that's what they tell you and you're still in rush hour traffic this time it takes you three hours to get there do the same thing again they go all right that was good and you're like it wasn't and then they go we want you to test so then you have to go to a studio lot

where you if you don't arrive at least an hour early you will be late because then you got to get your credentials and they don't have your name right at the gate and then they make you park six miles away from the room and then it is just somebody's office with a backdrop and then the network people are sitting there staring at you going we don't know if we want you because we have six other people who look just like you or you're the black out of the quirkies yeah that's it because sometimes they go white and quirky or fat and black so you go oh okay the they are leaning towards quirky i'm the only black here so the likelihood of me getting it is pretty slim oh nicole that's it that's it a read's it. A read. That's it.

Because when you're playing the best friend of a nice white lady looking for love and you don't have a life and you're saying, just go for it, Cindy. You know he loves you. You can only be Asian, a white quirky, a fat black. And now we've got some South Asian representation. Yes. But that's about it. No, no. In real time.

In real time. And I'm still waiting for like, you know, that's why I love your character so much on Grant Crew because it's like, she's like romantic. It's not no shit. Like, it's never anything about any. I'm like, finally, like actual representation. Like, we're just chill and she's funny. And like, I was like, yes, we need this.

You know what I mean? Like, we need this you know what i mean like yeah we need this we need it i've been very lucky in my career to very actually i don't think i've like ever had to play a part where i was like oh boo hoo i'm fat or this man doesn't like me because i'm a fat and i'm like there are so many fat women with kids which means i got fucked uh there's you know without kids who are getting fucked. Like, it's just it's such a wild thing. And I've gone on so many auditions where fat is the joke. And I'm like, yikes.

Yeah. Oh, boy. We can't we can't be any more creative when we come to this person. Every time. Yeah. Every time. That's exactly you're exactly right. That's it.

That's it. I mean, my best friend, we have a page called hashtag book which is on Instagram and um like when we first came to LA we were like wow this is like the acting olympics out here wow it's a lot it's a lot it's a lot going on because you know here we're like going in for check off three sisters and we're like that's a lot which it is but now I, okay, wait, everybody looks like me. And like, all the fat people that I thought were fat actually aren't fat. And everybody, like, you know what I mean? I was like, but I'm like really fat for real.

Like, I have so many friends that are like, yeah, girl, I'm curvy. I'm plus size. I'm like, no, bitch. I'm fat in real time, on camera and off camera. And off camera, like, rolls, chichos everything you know i'm saying so like it's it's hard for me when i would be in like these like different like all these different kinds of fat people but like it just was yo la was a mindfuck when i first got here without question it's a fucking trip when you get out here

like because you're right it is like different fat like you got the round face fats where they're lollipops where their bodies are thin the the face is round so it's trickery yeah so they they've tricked you into thinking this person's fat and then you have slim thick where it's like i guess on camera you look a little heavier but like in person you can shop anywhere anywhere and then you got like fat fats and then you have like the super super fats where you're like well that you're making a point with that casting yes and then like it's yeah it's wild and then there was a like i'm late to everything there was like a solid month where i was late to everything and i would get there at the Asian time so I'd look around and be like oh shit am I at the right audition and then I'd look and see some black actors that

I knew who were bigger be like oh okay I'm just late whoopsie daisy I I girl when I tell you I hate the auditioning process like it gives me so much anxiety just being in the waiting room, looking around like I just can't do it. So like being able to audition for Ghost on Zoom in the middle of the pandemic for me was like the best case scenario because I could be in my pajama bottoms and my little fur coat and be like, hello, you know what I mean? And like really feel like I could run that room and say, did y'all really get the take? Because I'm comfortable in my own house. You know what I'm saying? Like my husband is literally in the kitchen right here. I'm auditioning.

He's making a sandwich during my audition. You know what I mean? And he's like, great. That's fucking adorable. Good job. You're doing it. And I'm like, please. You get to do like your character is so like, I don't want to say broad, is like big.

It's like big and it's like campy and it's fun. So like what was the, what was the journey to that? Was that just like everything you brought and they were like that, exactly that? Or was it like, we want you to go a little bit bigger or they bring you down? Like, I'm just curious because you're really great no absolutely it's been such a first of all it's been such a joy being on this show because i get to work with the best of the best like brandon scott jones is one of my favorite fucking people in the planet like in the planet earth so funny and kind so kind and like richie moriarty she uh carasco like there's i mean ramon like the whole

cast is utterly incredible so being able to play with everyone is fantastic when i was first auditioning for the character on zoom um i was like i'm just gonna play this like my aunties because i'm like okay 1920s okay cool so this woman is a diva but she thinks that you know in her mind she may have been a diva but we don't at that point i didn't know that much information so i'm just gonna go with the fact that she really believes it even if she may not have been so she's just gonna order everybody around and just command the space when she comes in and i think that's what resonated with them also i improvised maybe like every single line of oh okay i don't think i was on script and i was like i was like can i improvise like i did one take clean and they were like oh

let's try it again i said can i just improvise the script how y'all feel about that yeah making shit up because i could go one of two ways you It could go, oh, okay, we loved it. Or it could go, hmm, maybe, hmm, we do that again and you stick to the script and you're like, ah, yes, all right. Exactly, exactly, exactly. But it worked, you know what I mean? I'm just like, I can't believe that I booked a job in the middle of a global pandemic on Zoom. Like, I think that's the thing that blew mine. And then, like, I had to learn how to sing and possibly learn the Charleston. So wait, so you weren't a singer? You're not a singer?

No, I'm not. I'm not a singer. I'm not a singer at all. Like I was doing a little high school plays, but like that was really the extent of any singing. So like I got into voice lessons and started dance lessons and like really try to immerse myself in the culture. And singing so like i got into voice lessons and our dance lessons and like really try to immerse myself in the culture and i'm like i want to be i want to be this woman through and through but also even with the writers when they were writing like the big albertus fan episode i was like this is really a chance to as weird and quirky as this episode is like this is a chance for y'all to really dig into like these hidden figures in black history that we really don't know about at all because we didn't a didn't have the internet and we just didn't know so i'm like we could really get really specific so then when season two comes along we

can do like a really beautiful flashback and they were just open to everything so i'm so grateful for like joe portent or wise men who are the showrunners and writers of the show because like they were just open to any and all suggestions and they let us improvise all the time that sounds like the nicest like most collaborative environment like that's what you dream of yeah there I mean it's unreal like we all like each other for real you know what i mean and that's not necessarily the case it's usually sometimes one bad apple where you're like but like everybody across the board is like the sweetest humans are the sweetest humans in the world and so kind so giving and even on the long days we're always finding ways to make each other laugh and like the improvs are just gold and a lot of sometimes they do make it

in the takes which is so great to see on screen because like we don't know what they're gonna go with so it's fun it is funny when you finally get to see the episode and you're like okay i did a really wild take uh i wonder if that's what they picked and you're like ah no they didn't they went with the or you'd be like oh damn the whole scene's gone that's the moment that we're like where's the scene what happened what's going on i cannot remember i did a guest star on the unicorn and i think i maybe it was the word adios i don't know i said this word the wildest way possible because midway through i was like i improvised it midway through i was like wait what are you trying to say and it just came out so strangely and then i watched the episode i was like that's what they picked

but it made me laugh really hard i was like it is funny and it does seem like a choice but i was like no that's my brain betraying me oh my god i love it i love it and shout out to the unicorn that show was good it was good and i loved where uh well i recurred the first season second season she only got starred but i loved it it was just like it was a fun another fun set to be on absolutely i'm all about like let's have fun at work yes well listen i'm manifesting that you can come over right on to Ghosts and you could be right on there with it. We could play Siblings for real in the 1920s. Can you

imagine? I did. Love it. Pitch it. Pitch it to them. I'm ready. I want to come over. Let me back on CBS. I'm ready. I'm ready. And you guys got picked up for season two, right? We did. We get started in June, which we're so, we're so hyped about.

And then you shot in Canada? Montreal. We sure did. Yes. Oh, that's French Canada. Yes. Montreal, Quebec. Bonjour.

That's it. That's it. Bonsoir. Bonsoir. Wait, how long were you guys in Montreal? like three months seven months seven because we were supposed to be there from july until october and then we got picked up for a back five and then we were there and then um we had to shut down in december and then we came back in january to finish out the rest of the episodes. But yeah, it was a

long go. We saw all the seasons. It was like summer, fall. Wow, did I pack for this? But Montreal is absolutely stunning and I mean the landscape of that city is unreal. And the food! My God. The food is good?

Unreal. I went to Montreal one time and I could not find the good food i was like where is she and it was like not where you are there's a huge caribbean community there so i was like eating haitian food and jamaican food and like everything i never found them when you come when we play siblings i love it fucking manifested i would love to i would love to work with you i think you're so talented and so funny and so great. I appreciate that. I feel the same. It's mutual. It's mutual. Oh, thank you. Hashtag booked. When did you guys start that? We started hashtag booked in 20. What year are we in now? Oh, God, everything's going to get 2018.

Oh, OK. Was when we was when we started that and um it was really just us exploring can we be on social media i think the other thing was like i was so tired of going into auditions and people being like oh wow you went to grad school do you have a social media following and i'm like what else do i need that was like a weird moment in time where they would ask like how many followers do you have and i I'm like, what does it fucking matter? Did I read the words good? Literally. Do you think I could hit a mark? I was like, what more do y'all need? Like, the training is there.

Let me just play the tactics and call it quits. So my friend and I, we were just like, you know what? Let's just like talk about weird stuff that happens in audition waiting rooms. And that's like how we started was like, was it being the black handmade going in for that? And like random stuff. And it started developing this little cult following, which was so cool. And I would be on set for Young Sheldon. And like people be like, that's the girl from Hashtag Books.

And Young Sheldon people be like, what's that? So it's just been great. It's been amazing running that page um we're developing it into a television series right now which is awesome we're running our little are doing a little stuff congrats you love to hear about success yeah yeah so we're really excited to just like keep going we get our little pitch ready and doing all that stuff so um butisa Frederick, who I co-created with, is my best friend. And we came up from Chicago together

and she is just one of the most incredibly talented humans and the best person to improvise with on the planet. I love it. It sounds like my Sashir. Or Lenisa's your Sashir to my Sashir. I don't know how the fuck I'm trying to say but uh you get it

yeah you get it absolutely that's it that's it that's it well Danielle thank you so much

for doing this I appreciate it do you have anything that you want to promote listen we're back at Ghost on Thursday nights

at 9 on CBS so y'all come watch the show. It is going to be fabulous. The rest of this season is chaotic and so funny. And follow me on social media at BodyCourage and at HashtagBooked. I love it. Okay. If you liked this episode of Oh, Why Won't You Date Me?

You can like it. You can rate it. You can review. You can subscribe on Apple podcasts. And if you write me something dirty, you can write it to why won't you date me podcast at Gmail dot com. I will read it aloud. This person says, hey, Nicole, I want to eat you out so long that I get lost in the caverns of your pussy. How big do you think my pussy is?

And I have to find. You said wow. The cavern. of your pussy how big do you think my pussy is and I have to find you said wow come on I see a little hiking sponsorship come on re I mean come on let me get some hookahs I think those are hiking sneakers I don't know and I have to find my way out by following

a trail of dried up little cummies how awful as i emerge as i emerge from the depths of your half-shaven lips i'll feed you each dry droplet of cum like it's a goddamn raisin i don't want to eat my own cum that's disgusting yum yum yum yum yum yum shout out to that person give Give them an HBO overall stat. I mean, that was... Euphoria part two. This was from Griffin. So thank you, Griffin.

That was nasty and I loved it. Well, until next time. Bye-bye. Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross.

Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a treat. What a dream. This has been a team Coco production.