Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Mistaken Identity (w/ Raven Goodwin)

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Actress Raven Goodwin (Single Black Female, SMILF) shares her worst first dates, the adorable story behind her picnic proposal, what she planned for her bachelorette party, and how dating long distance helped strengthen the love in her relationship.Crazy dating story? Looking for advice? Want to leave Nicole a dirty message? Submit it all to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air.   Black Lives Matter. Click here for a list of over 100 different ways you can support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerNew Merch!! podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could drive me all the way to Santa Monica and say, walk into the ocean, bitch. My guest today is an actress you know from Being Mary Jane, Smilp, Good Luck Charlie,

and the new Lifetime movie, Single Black Female, and I am confused for her sometimes it's raven goodwin oh my god you get mistaken for me that's so funny i do um when you were on smilf uh i would say maybe like two or three times someone was like, oh, my God, I love you on Smilf. And I was like, that's not me. That's not me. Which is so, so funny to me. I was like, I just want. Have you ever been mistaken for me? You're like, no, sorry.

No, it's me and Amber that people always like confuse. But no, I wish I have gotten you. I would have said, yes, I am. Well, that makes me feel very good. So, OK, single black female. Was that something did you guys like pitch that or was it brought to you because you guys are mistaken for each other? No, it was brought to us. It was brought to us.

I wish I would have thought of that. I thought it was so cool when they brought it to me and I was like, we have to do it with Amber. Like, it has to be a thing. So it was a lot of fun. You know, I was drunk

through the whole film filming, so that was great. And it was just a good time. Wait, drunk during the filming? I'm kidding, I'm kidding.'m kidding I was like oh is that an actor secret that I should take tequila tequila shots

tequila helps you learn your lines and hit your mark right so yeah it was good that's so much fun I love that are you guys were you friends before you started filming? Yes. I met Amber at Glee auditions when I was 17.

And, you know, we all went in there and sung our little hearts out. And then we hear her like, I am telling you. And I was like, fuck, mom, we need to go the fuck home now. That's a fucking rap. I did not get this. Exactly. I did not get this shit. You have been in the industry for a hot minute.

You're a child, a child actor. Lord, help me. When did you start? I did my first. So I started. I took my first headshots at four. OK. And I started, I took my first headshots at four. Okay. And I started auditioning.

I did like, you know, some weird local commercials, which, you know, are always fun. You know, some background work on shows that, you know, were just like very violent. And I'm kidding. And yeah, so I booked my first movie when I was eight. Went to California for the first time. Filmed that. It's called Lovely and Amazing. It's actually a pretty dope cast.

It was like Jake Gyllenhaal, like Catherine Keener, fucking Brenda Bethel and Anjanue Ellis. Like this fucking crazy cast. And I'm like, I want to go home. Like, fuck this. But no, it was such a dope experience and um looking back of course when I was in it I was just a kid and I was like take me to Universal Studios but um yeah it was it was it's been a journey so okay as a child actor did you did you date a lot did like were you homeschooled were you in school tell me about this if you consider fucking hot pockets homeschool and ddr max dating sure let's

go with that let's go with that all right okay um i didn't start dating nicole until i was probably 17 dated like the worst guy like ever okay ever and i was like i gotta marry him and he was like just the worst so um that that was my first experience having a boyfriend i feel like i feel like the first couple or at least for me personally the first couple of gentlemen i've dated have like looking back i was like yikes like you were in public with him like showing him yes just like being like can you believe i got this and it's like can you believe he's mine and everybody's like what the fuck are you doing and I was like you just don't think I deserve love no he's whack yeah um so you didn't date growing up you didn't date until you were like a little older do you think that was like helpful? No, I think it was terrible.

You know, my dating life didn't get good until like right before I met my husband. So there you have it. But yeah, it was just a lot of weirdos in there. Just a lot of them. Just so weird. So were you ever on dating apps? A little. I did a little i did a little tinder for a little while and it was just rough oh it's absolutely rough i have never truly very few people are like i'm killing it on here i love it it's so good it's working it's just full of fucking weirdos that you

gotta sift through I remember I was here in Atlanta filming and I had this dude come meet me at the restaurant that was under my apartment and he brought in a tray of food

from Publix like their hot bar I'm like you're a weirdo you got food tray of like food from Publix, like their hot bar. Like, I'm like, you're a weirdo. You got food from the hot bar. Like at least get a fucking sub. But anyway, that's so funny.

I was like, yeah, like, right. I'm like, and you brought your own food. You didn't bring me anything. And he sat there and ate it.

And wait, he didn't bring you anything. No, he sat there and ate it and talked to me for a little bit. And I was like, I'm going to go upstairs and like, you know, just, I don't know, floss. And I'll be back. And I left him there for like an hour. And when I came back, he was gone.

I was like, perfect. You're like, I need a fucking drink. Hopefully he's not there. And he was like, bet. I won't be there. Goodbye. I not there. And he was like, bet. I won't be there. Goodbye. I don't want this either. So, yeah.

Okay. So that's a terrible date. What's another, what's another date that's just like weird that you went on? You know, I went on a date with my gay best friend and I knew he was gay. I don't know why we went on a date. Hi, Jovan. I love you. Wait. friend and I knew he was gay. I don't know why we went on a date. Hi, Jovan, I love you. Wait, so you're gay best friend, you're like, okay, maybe, maybe not gay.

Maybe not. You know, he's handsome. You know, like, yeah. His mom wants us to be married happily ever after. Why not? So we went to P. chains for um valentine's day and he was so cute he got me a card with like old white people on it it was so sweet and um yeah we we ate and we shared the sweetest weirdest like kiss that was like yeah no you're gay and he was like yeah no and um we watched a movie and I love him so much that's so funny I in high school um was very good friends with my friend Nick who's gay and I remember he like came out to his mom and his mom was like but like what about Nicole don't you maybe want to date Nicole? Like anybody, like any lady? And truly she was like, any girl, like even Nicole.

And I was like, hey, I'm here and I can hear you. I'm here. No, but it was so much fun. But we just both, I just knew and he knew. And we were like, what are we doing? Yeah, it is tough. It's, I mean, I know me personally as a single person i'm like i will try any any avenue any street any left turn i have to fucking make across like eight

lanes of traffic to try to find somebody to to like settle with no you don't want to do that. No, it'll happen. You don't want to do that. Yeah. Just you're, you're amazing. And, you know, being by yourself, you know what I realized being married, that being by yourself is the most amazing gift ever. And that's, that's no slight to my husband, but solitude is so important And being alone and loving being alone is important. And before I met him, you know, I was taking myself on dates. And I was, like, just out and about. Just, like, living my life. And I just think that's a beautiful thing as well as having someone.

Did you ever have a hoe phase when you were single? Yeah, we all did, didn't we? I keep going in and out of my little hoe phase like i had a real big hoe phase about like three or four years ago i was like we are oh wait three or four oh my god no this pandemic started two years ago so this is like maybe five years ago jesus christ everything's bad i hate it but i was just like on tinder making dates and i'm bad at scheduling so then i'd be like oh yeah let's go out thursday oh let's go out thursday i'd be like hmm well what if i bumped you up to five and bumped you down to 10 30 and then i just like fuck two

dudes in one day what about that nice that is and i was just like, oh, this is exhausting. That's an exhausting Thursday, Nicole. I know, Raven. And that's why I don't do it anymore. Yeah, yeah. No, you know, I just, I dated around. I had a good time. I had to, you know, I had to. I had to see what was out there and what I liked and what I didn't like.

And boy, did I find out what I didn't like. Yeah, that's what i'm learning the longer i go on as a single woman i'm like there's a lot of shit out here that i don't like it bad i just can do without you know i'm just i just rather like be by myself and do what the fuck i want to do and then i met a cool person who, you know, values his solitude as well and but still wants to be with me. So it's been great.

So how do you deal with that? Because I can't fathom someone in my home all day, every day. So like, how do you have solitude? Do you just go, hey, I need alone time, please? Yeah, we just tell each other like. It's just easy like that?

I need to be by myself. He's like, all right, have fun. You know, go do your thing. Go free your mind. Go do what you got to do. Because that's the only way that it works is if everybody has, you know, that individuality, you know, that self-love. Like it's super important. So I'm going to go be in nature and like smoke cannabis and like do a cartwheel and a split and live a little bit by myself and then go get oysters and a glass of wine and a shot of tequila and then drive home.

I mean, this sounds like self-care, baby. It is. It is. I'm the queen of self-care in that way. How did you meet your husband, if you don't mind? Oh, how did I meet Waila Jo? Bad a honey. Kyla Jo, badda honey.

So I was here in Atlanta filming and I just had that realization, like, actually being by myself is so much fun. Like when I do meet someone like that's going to be my person. I'm pretty sure of it. I don't know why I had that, but I was just I was just set in stone. And my friend Mara, she went to Spelman and she was like, our homecoming is this weekend. Like you're in Atlanta. Come, it's Morehouse Spelman. It's all the things that I'm like, there's going to be a lot of attractive, smart black men here. She was like, yeah, I was like, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God,, God. Thank you so much. I felt like I went to the black man's store. And when I got there, I looked really hot.

I did my makeup. I did my hair. I wore some high heel boots. Why? And I ended up like, I need new shoes. Like, I can't do this. And so she got, you know, some some some of her friends still were there. You know, her younger little what you call them mentees were still filming.

So they went to go find me some shoes. And then she brought me back a big bottle of Hennessy. And, you know, I finished that off and I had my new shoes. I got up. I started walking. It was magic hour. I'm getting like, like, I felt like men were coming from like every angle. They were like, come here. Like, I was like, oh my God, guys, stop. Like, oh my God, stop. Don't do that. And somehow I was with a group of women and somehow i ended up by myself and

we physically bumped into each other oh yeah okay we physically because it's like it's tailgate so it's just like a bunch of people cars and people and shit passing and we bumped into each other and he was like, you cute. And I said, thank you. Bye. Like the psycho that I am. And he was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You can't walk away from me. And I was like, oh, I can't. OK. And we just got got to talk in and he called me 15 minutes later. got to talking and he called me 15 minutes later. He was like, what are you doing?

I'm like the same thing I was just doing when I just met you 15 fucking minutes ago, sir. What's up? And he laughed and we started, you know, the banter was just, it was just natural. I went home that night and we partied.

It was a couple of days before Halloween. So I got all dressed up like Lil' Kim and crush on you. The yellow look. Okay. Yes. Truly freakish. I felt real freaky.

I truly fucking love Lil' Kim and I know that look and I fucking love that look. That's a good pull. I'm here for it. And I did it. It was a good night. And I was like,

no, I'm not going to call him. I'm good. And I ended up just laying myself down, going to bed. And that next day he reached out. We've been talking in each other's lives ever since. Oh, I love that. I just really loved how he pursued you. It like just seems nice that like he was like, oh, I know exactly what the fuck I want.

It's her. And I'm going to put a little bit of the work in and keep reaching out until she's like okay but not in like a shady way or like a persistent way where it's like bad for you or whatever he just exuded confidence he was just very confident and very sure of what he he wanted and I mean, all he really got from me was just looks and vibes, like nothing else. We didn't have a conversation. I was just, you know, it was just an attraction. So I was like, I don't know if he's going to like my career. He, you know, he's corporate. I don't know if we're going to mesh. He was like, I don't know if we're going to mesh. I don't know what kind of girl she is as far as the industry goes. Cause he didn't, you know, he's not into all of that,

which was something else that was super attractive to me. But he, um, yeah, we just been cool, man. We were long distance for two years. Um, yeah, he was in Charlotte at the time and I was, you know, by coastal, I was here in Atlanta and in LA bouncing around. And, um, you know, bi-coastal. I was here in Atlanta and in LA. Yeah, bouncing around. And yeah, I was in D.C. for Thanksgiving. We hadn't seen each other since homecoming. And it was like around my mom's birthday. It was like November 20th or something like that. And he was like, I'm coming to D.C. It's time for me to see you. We haven't seen each other in a month. And he came to D.C. He met my cousin. He met, you know, one of my good D.C. It's time for me to see you. We haven't seen each other in a month. And he came to D.C. He met my cousin.

He met, you know, one of my good friends. We went out. You know, we just had a good time. We had a good time. He's dope. Oh, I, this I love. I like this. It just feels like you were romanced in a way that feels nice.

I don't know. It just feels nice to hear. You know, Nicole, I was romance, but it was the perfect romance for me. He trapped romance me. He did all my favorite things. He took me to the club. He took me out to eat.

He took me every, he just took me everywhere. And I was like, oh, this dude is so much fun. He's so much fun. And his friends were so much fun. I just felt like, okay, this dude is so much fun. He's so much fun. And his friends were so much fun. I just felt like, okay, this is cool. And for him to have been, you know, a corporate guy, I was like, I hope he's not stupid. He's psycho. Does he wear a suit to work?

He does. See, that's hot to me. I fucking love a dude in a suit, just a tailored suit. Well, since the pandemic, it's been a little interesting. It's been collar shirts up top, you know, swim trunks, anything he can find on the bottom. Anything on the bottom. Yeah, but the suits were very, very, yeah, in the beginning. Yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, this I can do.

He was like a little mini Obama. Better work a little mini Obama. Martin shit. I was like, say that again. I don't even know what it means. Say it again. What is that word? Oh my God. That was like more than two syllables and I'm hot. Pretty much. And he fed me well. He fed me well. fed me this i love real quick we have to take a break okay and we're back okay so i need to know so you got married uh last year yes and i would love to know how long your propose like or engagement engagement was and what was the proposal? Okay. So my proposal was really, really special.

He proposed to me on May 18th of 2019. So I took him on this really cute picnic like a year prior at Piedmont Park and I just went all out like I had a cute little menu of what we were eating and I made these sandwiches that were bomb oh what kind of sandwiches please don't skip on that detail it was like pesto and chicken and like, it was, it was, it was good. It was about opulent. I'm here for it. Right. And then I, I had, uh, you know, mail back and just, just all of our favorite things, good music, a good playlist. And we sat out there and it was just a magical day. And, uh, like six months later, I saw this picnic basket and I was like, babe, this is so cute. He was like, you don't need that. Come on.

And I was like, fuck, fuck. Stuff like that pisses me off because I'm like, don't tell me what I need. If I see a picnic basket, you don't rain on my black girl happy parade. Don't fucking do that. If I see a picnic basket, I will have a fucking picnic basket. I will have a fucking picnic basket, boy. So I checked him about that. He was so tickled.

I could tell he was tickled. Like she's really going in about this picnic basket. And so fast forward to that next year, I shot a Christmas movie in New Orleans. And the girl I was filming with, Dominique, we really connected. And she just kept saying, when you go home, you get engaged. When you go home, you get engaged. And I'm like, what are you talking about? That's not.

You don't know my life. What is this? We're not on that radar. That's just not. I'm not pressed. We have a good thing. I'm good. And as I got home, we went out to eat the night before and he was like nervous energy.

Now looking back and he was like, Oh, are your nails done? Like, I love you. And like, just do it all this weird shit. Okay.

I was like, are you fading? Um, anyway, like what was going on? Right. So the next day, God, uh, went out. Um, he was like, Anyway, like what's going on? Whip a buck. Right. So the next day, got up, went out.

He was like, we're going to have a good day. He just kept saying, we're going to have a good day. We're going to have a good day. Today's going to be amazing. And I was like, come on, affirmation. I love it. Like, okay. Yes, these positive affirmations. We are going to have a good day.

Yes, truly. So we pull up at Piedmont Park at the exact spot where we had our first picnic. And he pulls my picnic basket out of the trunk that he said I didn't need. And I was like, oh, you got it. That's so dope. We're about to have so much fun. And he proposed. He proposed right there after we set everything up. It was just

us and his cousin who took our photos. That's so fucking cute. I could spit! That's adorable. My fucking God. I'm... I want that. I want something cute like that.

Also, I love the bait and switch. You don't need that picnic basket because he didn't want you to buy it because he was gonna buy it for you no i think he felt guilty and went back and got it like damn he was like this is my plan all along i wasn't guilty at all that is so fucking adorable. I love that. He just sounds really thoughtful. And I really love the way you light up when you talk about him and you talk about the whole experience. It just like I feel it.

And that's what I want. I want like a relationship that makes me smile and brings me joy where I get to like keep parts of myself and share other parts of me. So where did you get married? So we got married in Greece. We kind of eloped to Greece. Yes, come through, destination wedding. Yeah, but we loved being engaged so much that we got pregnant two months later. Okay.

So the wedding was postponed. Pandemic happens. I have this baby in the beginning of a pandemic. And we kind of just started having real conversations. And we were like, a wedding? Why? That's fucking stupid. Just, you know, the climate.

I mean, just what was going on. It just didn't make sense to me. I didn't want masks in my picture. Like, just weird. I just can't. So I was like, you know, it should just be us. And, you know, we'll bring Macy, my little cousin who Riley loves. She loves chilling with her. So she'll watch her and I'll just bring somebody to do my hair and makeup. And that's what I did, who is also a friend. So we all stayed in a villa. It was so nice. It was beautiful. Yeah. It's like private and it seems like it was just for you guys. And that's really beautiful because I feel like it's really easy for people to get caught up in, um like uh the the whole like a big wedding and like what are my bridesmaids wearing like do i have to send out the shoes like where's the venue and

it's like if it's just for you then it's like you worry about your dress whatever the fuck you're wearing and that's all we have to worry about even the details like i met a wedding planner over there we did a couple of Zoom calls. I told her what I wanted and it was executed. It wasn't terrible at all. It was just easy. Seamless. I did not want to deal with people.

I was like, y'all are not about to get on my nerves. On my day. That's what a dream. We'll have a party one day though. Like just a party. That's nice. A party where'll have a party one day though. Like just see. Yeah, that's nice. A party where you go.

I love this person. Now buy me gifts. Yes. I have a registry and I want shit. Thank you. Because we're in love and already married. It is funny though to have like a bridal shower. It's like,

I love this person. Lucky me. Buy me shit. Buy me shit for the house. We're getting a house. Buy me shit. Buy me shit for the house. We're getting a house. Buy me shit. I'm lucky. More stuff.

That's another thing. My bridal shower and my bachelorette was so much fun because I got to take care of my friends. Like, I just did everything a little different. Like, I had massages set up for them and just all kinds of just like cool shit as to where we can just be ourselves and just like enjoy um you know the last of single raven because that i mean despite it all single raven was a fun bitch rest in peace r.i.p her her days are numbered. She's never going to be resurrected. My vagina is in like a coffin.

Goodbye. What did you do for your bachelorette? Oh, so I rented this cute house in Tarzana, California. Elegant, opulent Tarzana, California. Near glorious Encino. In the valley. Right next to Bally. You know,

we just did some hood rat shit, you know, just in a beautiful place. But we did go to Nobu, which is like my favorite in Malibu. Okay. I've never been. Really?

No, I don't go to bougie places. I really want to start going. You should. It's nice. I fell in love with it. I mean, being around like Richard Roundtree and fucking Gabrielle and all of these opulent Black people. They were like, eat an oyster. Drink some real tequila.

Drink some real bourbon. I was like, LA water, please. Like, just like a man. Like, four loco, yeah. And they were like, no. No, let's refine this palate. And that's what they did. And so, yeah, we went to Nobu.

And then I got really drunk, fell asleep that night really early. So that's that. Saturday, I did like a lingerie party. Oh, that's fun. So that was cute. It was good to just, you know, be naked and have fun. And then Sunday, I did a bridal shower. So it was like a

little weekend of cute shit that is adorable i love it yeah i don't i'm not like super well versed on the real housewives but there is an episode where i think they're doing a bride i think it's like a it's either like a girl's trip or a like a bachelorette where they have this stripper come named bolo while they're having a lingerie i'm familiar with the bolo episode it's wild i watched it as a standalone and it was like a whodunit of who fucked bolo and i was like this if this is what the show is sign me the fuck up yeah we had a stripper but he he wasn't bolo but he was good he won bolo he was good he won bolo he's good that's oh my god he was entertaining i was like okay bye thank you goodbye they were like we have to feed him i was like we have to feed the strippers it's

okay wait you had to feed the stripper i don't know what that was about but he definitely ate a plate that's very funny he ate a plate a whole plate that's incredible i love that so fucking much he was just like uh y'all gotta fucking feed me i'm tired i'm tired and hungry i danced for so long and it's like sir we paid you go stop at mcdonald's i'm like of course at my bachelorette so i my husband has this joke like i'm the old lady in the dirt house like on in the on the dirt road and i'm like of course at my bachelorette i'm like hey honey sit down i have you a plate go ahead and eat baby go ahead and eat you done danced you done did your thing go ahead and eat like no it is the most auntie way of living just everyone oh baby you need to play everybody need a place I want to pivot back to your acting career.

What made you want to start acting? My parents made me. No, I'm kidding. No, they definitely asked, like, is this something I wanted to do? And, you know, I was like, yeah. Yeah, I make believe yeah sure and so I was just always just like hamish out there just a crazy kid like I was a kid that was like locked in my room with like teddy bears lined up like so imagine being a mom hearing that, you know, next to you.

And they just decided to find a manager in D.C. from the D.C. area. And it just went on from there. And the biggest decision was deciding, is this something that I want to do in my adult life? And the way that it transitioned and flowed, I was still working. was like i love it i'm good at it this is what i do like i feel like this is my gift this i'm passionate about it why the fuck not i'll do other things eventually but this is what i want to do so i like that it didn't seem like it was forced on you it just seemed like it was like are you still interested yes okay are you still interested yes let's keep going with this um i don't know how you identify as plus size can i say that big bitch no i'm kidding i'm fat plus size chunky all of it baby i have called a fat

friend fat and then they got offended so now i'm just like oh i guess i ask people how they identify because i'm like fat i don't give a shit like i'm big as fuck like whatever she cares like that's fat like my arm jiggles like what that's fat yeah same my arm right go take a flight we're getting out of here let's go you got the bat wings baby right but uh as an actor has anyone ever told you to lose weight or told you couldn't get this part because of your size the smile that crept on your face not really i would say a network wanted to work with me and do a show surrounded by me and they and they they wanted me to lose weight so they got a trainer etc yeah yeah i was like oh my whole thing is like up my fucking quote right and keep your trainer

right but my thing was at the time i wanted to lose weight so i was like y'all gonna pay for me a trainer and i'm super thankful for him. I love Lafayette. He introduced me to kickboxing and I love kickboxing now to this day. So, you know, there's always, you know,

a reason for shit, but they could have kept that. Cause like they didn't even do nothing with it. So like, I'm just losing weight. And y'all motherfuckers don't even know what you want to do. So yeah, you know

hollywood yeah i once had a manager who was like i i was going to the gym he was like what are you doing the rest of the day i was like oh going to the gym he was like don't lose too much weight and i was like hey don't even talk about it let's not do that and i was like also i'm not gonna lose enough weight in an hour that's gonna change the way you pitch me to people like get a grip what are managers for why do we have managers do you think well i think a manager's the day-to-day and then the agent is the big picture stuff honestly i don't know let's let's talk about it do i have to get rid of some is it time i know your manager's like shut the fuck up bitch she's like oh no raven's poisoning poisoning her thoughts telling her lies i'm you i i actually

really do love my manager i totally have a manager that I love. I'm just like, hey, girl. But it is interesting that it's like a manager, an agent, a lawyer, a stylist, a publicist, a makeup, a hair. And you're like, boy, oh, boy, an assistant. It's just a lot of a lot of. And your residual check is like $23. So help me figure out that math. I literally just put a residual check in the bank. They'll send you a letter saying you didn't deposit it for one penny. For one penny.

And I was like, I just don't want the headache. Yes, she's rich. I rolled it to Wells Fargo and I said, do you know who I am? I got a penny. Why are we like this? I feel like you've done TV. You've done movies. What's your dream role?

Honestly, you know, I've been pinned to play Hattie McDane, which I'm really excited about. Oh, congrats. Thank you. That's a dream. But other than that, I don't know. I feel like I want to just do everything. Like my dream is to just do fucking everything and anything and just have fun doing it. Kind of like, I love Samuel L. Jackson's approach. He's like, I'll just do that. I'll just do anything as long as we have fun and cut me this big ass check, I'm good.

So like, I love that mentality and I've taken that on. And I feel like a lot of what I've had a pretty versatile career. So I would say Missy would be fun playing Missy or something like that. I love biopics. So anything biopic, like Fannie Lou, like whatever. But anything. I want to do everything. Marvel, everything. Yeah. How the fuck do we get up into Marvel? We need to get up in...

They need to just do a Marvel about, like, four big-ass superheroes or some shit. Just create our own. Do it. That's what I want. I want to be in an action movie. I think that'd be fun. I think that'd be so much fun and so funny do you think

your daughter will right yes your daughter do you think your daughter will get into acting do you want to be a stage mom I would prefer not to be but if it's what she wants to do I'll obviously support her but I'm seeing some things that's kind of like

like when I record us together if I record a video like she has to see it she runs over she's like what's in the edit like it's like what's in the edit actually I think we need to cut more of this for time okay I don't know if this is necessary to the

storyline no she thinks she's very funny and very entertaining so we'll see she's funny she's only two well she'll be two in a few weeks but she has a hell of a personality on her she's a lot i feel like all these pandemic children are thick with personality yes talking before you think they're gonna be talking you know what i mean like she told her dad the other day she was like be careful fucking idiot like she's like like aren't you an adult be careful that's so funny i went to brunch yesterday and the smallest child i have ever seen walking rolled up to brunch nobody had a stroller for her i was like usually i'm like that that

child's too big to be in the stroller this one i was like get her in a stroller she must be exhausted her little legs but i was like yeah this pandemic baby is thick and strong and rolled up to brunch and said give me a fucking omelet i couldn't believe this child she didn't have a stroller near her she's like mimosa now now hold the orange juice. And I'm like, ah, this baby. No, seriously, they are something else. They're something else. My God. Okay. Raven, I have a question.

Yes. How, okay, as a single woman, that's me, how do you think I should go about, so like you didn't really like put on, he just was like, I want you. So how do I get someone to just want me I honestly I was a hundred percent into my fucking self I wasn't looking for anybody I was just out there just like I'm free fuck everybody I know you niggas think I'm attractive I am beautiful I am stunning

I'm successful fuck you and he was like oh yeah this is what I want I'll take one of those so yeah alright so I guess I just have to like you just have to say fuck everybody

fuck everybody fuck you everybody. Fuck you. Yeah. That was the mood I was in, honestly. I gotta get there. Because right now I'm just like, excuse me, she's lonely. What if another variant comes and I gotta go back inside and I gotta do it alone?

I don't want to. Oh my gosh. I mean, it's been wild. Because, wait, when did you meet your husband? You met him. I met him October 29, 2016. Oh, okay. So it's been a minute.

Yeah. Wait, how long is that? That's a little. Five years. Yeah, we got married on our five-year anniversary. Oh, my God. You guys are fucking sweet. It makes me sick.

It's a little annoying. Real quick, we have to take another break. What's the most romantic thing he's done? I would say for my 25th birthday, he like booked a flight. He was like, meet me in Denver. And I was like, He like booked a flight. He was like, meet me in Denver. And I was like, Denver, Denver, we, Denver, Denver, Denver. I'm kidding.

No, I'm not. So I got on the plane, went to Denver and he took me to like this jazz club and we had amazing food. And it was just such a sexy moment. It was just a very sexy moment in my life. And I was like, oh, I'm'm an adult this is what adults do so it was just like i bought you a plane ticket meet me in denver and we're just gonna have a night in denver or a weekend in denver a weekend in denver for your birthday i'm getting wet just thinking about that right a dude with his own money a dude who said i bought you a fucking ticket. And he would send me playlists to listen to while I'm on the plane.

While I'm on the plane to let me know what it was. What kind of weekend we were about to have. I love this. This is incredible. I would recommend long distance. Starting off long distance and seeing if you can come together. It was actually a lot of fun that does sound like fun because it is just like meet me in denver or like i miss you so much i'm horny for you i can't wait to jump your bones yes yes oh that's

so nice i love that i mean obviously now it's like a babe you won't believe the shit I just took but it's like it turns into that but um babe make me coffee it's like a whole thing but but starting off long distance creating that you know fun and friendship over the phone through FaceTime is is definitely it definitely helped with the love growing. When did you know you loved him? Cause I've like dated people and been like, I don't know. Is this love? I literally Googled the other day.

I was like, how do you know when you're in love? I knew I loved him. So that weekend in DC, we hung out. I was like, so when are we seeing each other again? He was like next weekend, please. I'm like, so when are we seeing each other again? He was like, next weekend, please.

I'm like, okay. So I booked my ticket right at brunch. We went to brunch and I went to Charlotte that next weekend. And after I left from Charlotte that weekend, I was like, that's my husband. I was like, I'm going to marry him. I'm going to marry him. How many months into it were you that was early december we met in october oh my god that's so soon it was very soon it was very

soon but i feel like that's what everybody says they're like oh when you know you know you know baby but i mean we we still had we still had, we did not know each other. We did not know each other. We did know each other. Let's be clear. Our representatives were in the building. You know, we wanted everything to be perfect. And, you know, it was trench coats and dinners and just like too much.

So it's easy to fall in love that way. So when you get into life and when you get into the flow, that's when you're truly tested. So I knew for sure I loved him. Like for sure, for sure. Probably like a year later, I called my mom. I was in Boston shooting Smell. And I called my mom and I was like, Mom, I'm going to marry this dude. Just prepare yourself. Cause me and my mom, you know, we were really close and we lived together for a long, a long

time until I was 27. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to marry this dude. She was like, I was like, okay, well thanks for the support. Love you. It's happening. And we were engaged two years after that. So, yeah. I love that. So, was it just you and your mom growing up or do you have siblings? No. So, it was me, my mom, my dad, my sister. I have an older sister.

Her name's Tracy. She's seven years older than me. Her and my husband are the same age. They were born the same year. And, yeah, we are sisters. And we love each other. Honestly, I get it. My sister is my sister and I love her.

I love her. I don't really talk about her a lot on the podcast or really ever because I'm like, she didn't ask. She didn't ask to be. She once said to me she was like i wouldn't want your life and i was like wow what a punch to the gut that was very mean uh you were so mean and she was like oh i didn't mean it like that she was like i just don't know how you do that how you're on and how you are always like you perform at like several different times of the day and then you acting you get

called at 6 a.m and then you have to like be on and like nice to people in between she's like it's just a lot yeah yeah so yeah i'm just like you didn't ask for it so i try very hard not to talk about her yeah same i just wanted to live her life and enjoy her boys and her husband and do your thing i'll do my thing and when we come together it's family shit you know yeah she uh my sister is like decorating her house right now and i was like i i can help you but also like what's your style you can't depend on me for everything wait i want to talk about single black female just like a little bit more okay so it's on lifetime people can watch it now yes they can stream it now everywhere um well not everywhere what am i talking about just on hulu oh okay so

it's on hulu hulu the hulu the hulu tell me a little bit about it i want to hear about i haven't watched it yet i need to single black female is the black version of single white female there we go psychological thriller uh very uh creepy you know girl on girl i'm obsessed i want to be you i want your hair i want your man i want your life type of vibe um it's it's cool it's fun you know just a fun psychological thrill i can't wait to i do love it it reminds me of obsessed uh beyonce and i can't remember the other woman in the movie but one of my favorite movies that is tough to be like oh great i great, I'm in a movie with Beyonce. Not one person's ever going to remember my name.

And it's true. I'm truly struggling. I cannot remember that woman's name. It seems like you shoot a lot on location. How's that? I don't ever really shoot on location. I'm usually just like L.A. or New York. I love it.

I love it so much. I love getting away. I love being by myself on dining, doing all of that. So that's what I do. That's what I do when I hit these different cities. Like when I was in Boston, you know, Boston's kind of racist and, you know, Boston's racist. And I would go to like, I went to the Museum of Fine Arts and the security guard just hated that he had to hold the door for me. I was like, dude, you can go. You don't have to. And he was like, like rolled his eyes. Like it was a whole thing. I would go to restaurants and

they would just look at me crazy. Like, why the fuck are you here? And I'd be like, well, just bring me a fucking bottle of Savion Blanc, you you bitch and i'll take clam chowder with it thanks like so nasty so rude but i actually like boston like the restaurants and you know the food it's very cute it is funny i like boston too but like it's unfortunate yeah yeah i went to soul cycle they were like what the fuck they couldn't even ride they couldn't even yeah i went to soul cycle they were like what the fuck they couldn't even ride they couldn't even like they couldn't even focus they were like what the fuck is she doing here i'm like i'm soul cycling guys wild so it's wild when people are just like i don't want you to live your life i'm mad that you exist and i'm mad that you're in my space my space

like but you know i was like good morning how you doing just annoying y'all ready to ride let's go like just annoying i think that's very funny to just be like you know what i feel it it's fucking awkward i'm just gonna be over excited and that's what i do just like really happy to be here that's what I do every time. And it's funny. I enjoy it. Do you have a love language? I do. I do.

You know, I love words of affirmation. Tell me I'm a bad bitch all day long. Tell me I'm gorgeous. Tell me I can cook. Tell me my butt is big. Tell me you like my collarbone like tell me everything tell me everything so that's I think that's physical touch too I'm very affectionate like too affectionate like I like smell your this i'm like because you're like

i love your smell i do love the smell of a man it's like i can't really put my finger on it it's not like i don't know it's like manly which is nico, what are you describing? Manly? It's like, yes. It's like, ooh, it smells comforting or like strong or something. I just, I don't know. Is it a, I think it's a chemistry, like pheromone kind of just thing. Maybe. If it's the right person and it's just like, ooh. just like oh i don't know i've been going like i went out on a date with this guy who like he smelled so good and his voice was so nice but he never said anything interesting and i was like i don't know how to how to make this work like i just i'm like attracted to you but like there's nothing there my brain feels nothing yeah. Yeah, it's tough.

I'll tell you this, Raven. It's tough in these streets. What a blessing. You're in L.A. I'm in L.A., right? Oh, that's why. Girl, don't date there. Date somewhere else.

What do you mean? Like, where? I don't know. Go to fucking Amsterdam or, like, I don't know. Go somewhere else. LA is not it. Especially for a plus size of fat black girl. It's not for us.

It's just not for us. What it seems. It's really depressing. My friend, Michelle Buteau, she imported. I didn't depress you because you don't, you don't want to,

you don't want, I don't want. All right. So maybe that's what 2023 is for me i'm like just gonna move to houston or amsterdam to find somebody i'm like go anywhere fuck anywhere girl oh my god la is the worst i had the worst dating life there it wasn't until i started dating other places that i was like okay this, this is okay. I'm not ugly. Like, like Jesus.

I do sometimes. I mean, it's funny. Cause like I look in the mirror and I'm like, I'm cute. I know I'm cute. I, I know I'm out in the world and I look adorable. I'll catch myself in a, in a glass. And I'm like, Ooh, she looks good. Y'all don't see this.

That's how I feel. And then I'll be like swiping. And I'm like, how come these ma'ams, these people aren't saying yes, they want to meet me. And sometimes I just feel insane. You're not. You're not insane at all. Trust me. There's somebody waiting to lift all of that up.

That's nice. And do it right. that's nice to hear i'm just nice waiting wait does your husband have friends they're all married they're all married that's the problem i'm running into now like the older i get the more people are like oh everyone i've ever met my whole entire life is married. He's married. All my friends are married. And then they're like, oh, oh, oh, okay. There's this one guy who's like, he just got divorced. Well, he cheated on his wife. Actually, he's not good. You know what? Oh, sorry, Nicole. And I'm like, he just got divorced. Yeah. And it's like, no, okay. I don't want to rebound man yeah no thanks and then other actors

i feel like are either married or they're very focused on like bagging every girl they can find or they're like looking for a trophy like just a a very pretty woman who's their ideal of pretty to just be quiet it's so annoying so annoying It's so annoying. That's not even something I ever went after. I have never gone after a dude in the industry. I just don't. I just can't.

I just, I don't know. I just, I just can't. It's just not for me. Well, I do think actors, especially male actors, are a certain type of person. They're definitely

a different type of man. And it's just not my type of person. They're definitely a different type of man. And it's just not my type of man. But I appreciate it. I love all my actor friends. They are amazing men. But no. Yeah, because it's just like you have to have a little bit of narcissism to you. And I'm vain. I get my nails done. I mean, they're not done right now. And I like, I'm vain.

I get my nails done. I mean, they're not done right now, but like the nails, I wear lashes. I usually have makeup on for things. And it's like, men also have to keep up with appearances.

Like they have to look good. They do, but it's just, it's just weird. It's just weird. When, when you date that and they're like, I got to get up at 5 a.m.

I got to hike. And then I'm going to go to that. And don't get it twisted. Wiley is self-care. He takes amazing care of himself. I'm thankful that he does because, you know, Black men do not like the doctor or the dentist. He loves the dentist. He loves the dentist. He loves going to the doctor.

He loves making sure that he's good, which I appreciate. Yeah. It's just, it has to be a balance. I can't. Men, like in the industry, I just, I love them, but I can't. I'll be just hitting the roof that hitting the roof every day I hate the dentist I like that he likes to go to the I hate it it's bad no he's like I gotta go to the dentist like three o'clock in the morning out of his sleep like babe ditches I gotta go I'm like okay honey

we'll make you an appointment wish I was. I hadn't been in so long. And then I've had a ton of dental work done. My mouth will never be the same. Now there's crowns in there. And I only want crowns on my head. And that's it. Cavities filled. And I'm just like, that's awful.

I hate it. I went to one dentist and they were like, you need all four wisdom teeth removed. You need four crowns and you have six cavities. And I was like, that's a lot. I want a second and i was like that's a lot i want a second opinion i got my second opinion and they said you only have three wisdom teeth and i was like where's the fourth one and he was trying to pull out of my fucking mouth yes they were they were gonna pull a pretend wisdom tooth out of me i couldn't believe it i said they're out here trying to scam me. Hell no. Yeah, I don't want it. Pull out three and charge

you for four. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. You want a plate? No, I'm kidding. Raven, we have come to the end. I appreciate you doing this so much. I'm such a fan of yours. I think you're really wonderful.

And anytime I've ever auditioned for something that you've gotten, I'm such a fan of yours I think you're really wonderful and anytime I've ever auditioned for something that you've gotten I'm like she deserved it and she's doing a much better job than I think I would have because what people don't know is whenever you see a big black woman in something all the rest of the ones who are her age have also auditioned for it unless it was

an offer like help help but we will work together i would love to i would truly love to i think i think we would be great we would be great i think so too and from your lips to the lord's ears amen amen. Raven, do you have anything that you want to promote? Just, you know, my sexy ass. Just keep up. Well, what's your Instagram? What's your Twitter?

Tell the people. Everything is Raven Goodwin. I keep it simple. I keep it cute. And I keep it classy on these platforms. Y'all stop telling y'all business on these platforms. We don't care. God damn.

I mean, that's good advice. And if you want to give me advice or write me a dirty message hitting on me, you can do so by emailing. Why won't you date me? Podcast at Gmail dot com. And I will read it. So this person wrote me a dirty message hitting on me. And it says, I would love to take you out to the restaurant of your choice,

feast and fuck. You order whatever you want, and as the waiter brings the first dish, I slide under the table and start nibbling at your toes. As the next course comes, course is spelled wrong, comes by, I work my way up towards your crevice.

Crevice? I've never heard. No one's ever said that. Crevice. Licking and teasing until you slam your fist upon the table. As you finish your main course,

still spelt wrong, I emerge from below and vigorously swipe the empty plates and glasses onto the floor in a dastardly display. Ooh, this is a wordsmith. And fling your voluptuous temples.

And yet, course is the challenge. But go ahead, I'm sorry. No, that's funny. Digging deep in you as we grind in sweat, you can feel the sensation building and building like a bubbling champagne bottle about to burst. And in one final clenching rush of blood and skin and pure ecstasy, you

scream, check, please. That's funny. That's funny. All right. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me?

With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream! Ha ha ha! This has been a Team Coco production.