Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Monogamously Challenged (w/ Holly Robinson Peete)

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Actress Holly Robinson Peete (21 Jump Street, Queen's Court) opens up about her experience being in a relationship with someone who is "monogamously challenged", dating around Paris in order to learn to speak French, and being very publicly proposed to on the set of Hangin' with Mr. Cooper by NFL quarterback Rodney Peete. Plus, the challenges single people now face in today's social media-driven world, and how it affects relationships in ways both big and small. Write something dirty to Nicole! Submit your dirty pick-up lines, dating stories, or questions to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me and Nicole Byers just exploring the theme of love because I truly can't figure out why I'm single. I have bad luck. It's terrible.

My guest today is an award-winning actress with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. You know her from series like 21 Jump Street, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and her many appearances in Hallmark movies. She co-hosts Peacock's new dating series, 21 Jump Street, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and her many appearances in Hallmark movies. She co-hosts Peacock's new dating series, Queen's Court, where she joins three famous single women in their search for love. It's Holly Robinson Peay. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to talk to you. Okay. I'm excited to talk to you because I love hanging with Mr. Cooper. It was one of my favorite shows.

Yeah. That TGIF nostalgia. I mean, we were all at a certain age, which is like it never leaves you. It never leaves you. Yeah. Love that show. And just made so many amazing friends. And I'm still friends with so many people on that show.

And I want a reboot. I keep saying to Mark and Raven, I'm like, let's reboot this. Everybody else is. Why not us? I mean, why not? I think it would be incredible. It would be fun.

I would watch it. Yeah. Okay, Holly, I have a question. Are you single? Are you dating? Do you not want to say? What is going on? Are you serious?

That's a fun question. I have been married for 28 years. I am not single. I am not dating. I'm not single in dating games. Days are long behind me. I have four grown-ass kids, 25, 25, 20, and 18. I wouldn't even know how to think about dating. And as a matter of fact, I really do feel like,

I feel badly for so many of my single friends that want to really find love right now because dating now is tough, especially in the age of social media, where everybody kind of knows everybody's business. You can be petty to your man or your woman if you want to in so many ways. We have such a big toolbox to be mean-spirited if we wanted to. And when I was single many, many moons ago, actually during the Hang with Mr. Cooper days, I had a good time. I loved being single. But when I decided I wanted to get married, I mean, I was like a woman on a mission. And that was before social media.

I remember one particular time where I couldn't find Rodney. We were dating and I couldn't find him. And I was like, where is he? Where is he? So I sat outside of his, this does sound a little stalkery, but I sat outside of his house all night waiting for him to come home. And where was he? Where was he? He was at the strip club nicole oh well listen he was still single

i mean he had a girlfriend but you know he's he was doing his thing but i just keep thinking that in this day and age you could gps a brother you don't even have to worry about sitting outside or following them um so i just think it's a lot harder now. But I loved being single. It was so fun. But I am fully married with full-grown adult children. I love that you said that you had fun being single. I'm not having fun.

I find it to be lonely and hard and dating truly is a nightmare. Yeah. I mean, listen, I have friends that are a lot younger than me, but I have friends that are my age in their 50s who are, you know, not married, no kids. And they're kind of OK with that. I think part of them is OK. I think they've convinced themselves they're OK with it. But then I have other friends who are out in these streets in their big ages, out in these streets, dating younger guys. And my conversations with them, I'm just like, wow. I mean, the energy it takes. But that's keep you on your toes. I just did. I really did enjoy my single date. Now, if I was still single, I don't know how much I'd enjoy it. But I think it involves patience. It involves so much self-love and knowing who you are and knowing what you will put up with and what you won't and not settling, but still being open to not being judgmental. So it involves a whole bunch of things. And when we were working on Queens Court,

we had a chance to talk to these ladies in their 40s, and they had lists, you know, like, oh, he need to be this, this, this, this, this, and this, and he better not be this. And I told them, you got to throw that list away. And you have to think outside the box because what might be your type is, you sticking to this type might be keeping you single

and I think they kind of listened we had some good results I mean I feel like everyone is like make your list uh make sure that that person checks things off but not like physical things like are you in therapy uh do you are you in touch with your emotions that's the kind of list i'm making now because it used to be very like visual shit like is he tall is he right right now i'm just like i don't give a shit i just need you to be nice and in therapy okay but here's one or something funny that was number one on my list was Rodney Peete. I will not marry you if you don't go to therapy with me. And I really do think that that's, I mean, we've gone through a lot of shit over the last 30 years. We've known each other 30 years.

We've had some highs and some lows and some high highs and low lows. and low lows. But when I tell you the fact that we have the tool of going to therapy and working through that stuff and that he's open and willing to as a black man and don't have all the hangups about what that looks like, it's been a lifesaver. So keep that on your list. Take it from your sister. Keep that on your list. Are you willing to sit down and work through your stuff with a third party?

Are you, you know, what are some of your other emotional issues? Because, you know, tall, light-skinned, wavy hair, all that, you know, we can push past all that. But seriously, the long-lasting relationships come because you have two people who are willing both on the same page to work for it. So, OK, 20, you said 28 years you've been together. That's a real treat. We've been 30 together, 30 years, but we've been married. 30 years, married 28. This June will be our 28th anniversary.

And what are you going to do for your anniversary? I'm so glad you asked me that. Because we're in the middle of planning it now. ask me that because we're in the middle of planning it now uh but yes we are going to europe to kind of backtrack our honeymoon we had a honeymoon in paris okay and we are going to see beyonce for our honeymoon what a dream for our honeymoon anniversary we're going to see beyonce but we were going to go see her in Paris because that's where we honeymoon. But Paris is apparently going to be a very,

how should I say it, just busy, nutty stop for her. And so it's like New York, LA. It's just those hubs can be crazy. Just a little too much. Logistically crazy. I mean, everyone in the world wouldistically crazy i mean everyone in the world would be there but everyone in the world would be there so we decided to go to barcelona

i love barcelona i uh i've never been it's really pretty um if you go to the i think it's the gaudy park museum just know you have to make a reservation, and no matter how many times you go without a reservation, they will not let you in. Into a museum? Yeah. Into the park itself or just the museum? I think into everything.

I don't know. I went with a friend, and they were like, you got to sign up online. And we said, you can't just let us in? They said, no. Okay, good to know. So make sure you have a reservation yes and uh and then you know we're looking at hotels now and everything but our tickets are purchased and we

are ready to go now the big question is which one of these adult kids wants to catch one of the tickets they're all over here looking at us like well you know i've been beyonce's fan since and i'm older than you and i know this song and that's all i'm like okay well so you know, I've been Beyonce's fan since, and I'm older than you, and I know this song and that song. I'm like, okay, so we'll see. We'll see who gets the golden ticket. So you're going to bring one of the kids? Well, we have four tickets. We're going to bring two.

We have four total. One is in Japan. He lives in Japan, so he's back up. Okay, and for that reason, he's out. So really, it's a toss-up between three. One will likely be working, so it will make it easier, and we'll probably just take the remaining two if they act right in their rooms and stuff.

Do they still live with you? Some of them do. So one, my middle boy lives in Japan now. He's studying. He's at Temple University, Tokyo, so he's doing his thing. My youngest son is 18. He's studying. He's at Temple University, Tokyo. So he's doing his thing. My youngest son is 18. He's just getting ready to graduate high school and

headed off to college soon. But my oldest boy, RJ, he's my special kid, right? He has autism and he's a working adult and crushing it. But he's just doing things that everyone said he would never do. So that's really dope and amazing. But he's just doing things that everyone said he would never do.

So that's really, really dope and amazing. And he's practical. He's like, well, if I move out, I got to pay rent somewhere else. So he figured out that being home, he's saving money. And I like him home. Can I just say this? I like him home, Nicole, because I worry about him. He's a lovely young black gentleman.

He's gorgeous. He's sweet. He doesn't date. He's kind of nervous about dating. His autism keeps him a little socially awkward. But he's got a great job, and he's so cool. And I worry about him. So I like him being here.

I like knowing where he is. I mean, it's smart. It's hard out here. Rent is very expensive. The twins, my twins were just talking about getting a place. And so they're the 25 year olds and they're both home. They're like, we got to get a place. We got to get out of here.

So they just started looking at rent. Uh-huh. And they were like, whoa, mom, we didn't know it was like that. Yeah, it's truly wild in these streets. Wild. So who knows? Maybe we'll be able to find something for them together. We'll see.

But in the meantime, just really an empty nester on paper. When you started dating your now husband, when did you know that you were in love? So Ryan, he was so monogamously challenged when I first met him. You know, that's why I was sitting outside that car waiting for him to come home from that strip joint. He was very monogamously, just didn't really understand what the word meant. And he always left the door just a little ajar for these girls. He never really broke up with anybody. Okay.

So when I first started hanging out with them, it came with the baggage of all these girls who still thought they had a shot with him. So I had to be like the cleanup woman and clean all them bitches out the way. And that was a lot of work. And when he finally really showed me that he wanted to try to have a real relationship with me, I think when I felt like I loved him. And this might sound materialistic, and I'm really not that person, but he was playing for the Detroit Lions at the time, quarterback for the Lions football team. was playing for the Detroit Lions at the time as a quarterback for the Lions football team and they had this little like pre-season trip to go to London and they were going to play like an exposition game and he asked me to go and I was like all right we only been dating a few months

and I went and we went to London and that's how you really get to know somebody you in a tiny little hotel room together and um one morning when he went off to practice, he left me like a little, what do you call it? Like a scavenger hunt, little game thing. Walk this way, now turn here, now make a left. And then look down, open that up. And he left me a lot of cash, but he also left me a card. And he said, go to this place. He left me a lot of cash, but he also left me a card. And he said, go to this place.

So just get in the cab, give him the card, go to this place. He sent me to the atelier, the workshop of Manalo Blahnik. The shoe god. Now, mind you, this was in the 90s, mid-90s. Yes, that is the creme de la creme of shoes. But he wasn't Manolo Blahnik. He wasn't as blown up as he became later on in the 2000s. So it was still sort of like a mom and pop shop, and Manolo Blahnik was there.

And he said, Mr. Rodney, wanted you to choose what shoes you want. And I was like, this, brother? Whoa. This wasn't the Red Lobster date I had with the last guy I dated. Like he was, I really had glowed up in my dating department. So I wouldn't say that made me love him. It just made me look at him like he, I don't want to sound like, oh, he gave me some money and some shoes. So I love him.

But it was thoughtful. It was the effort. It was the effort, Nicole. It was the effort. And that was thoughtful. It was the effort. It was the effort, Nicole. It was the effort. And that was amazing. And then, of course, arguably, Rodney Peete gave the best proposal any man has ever given. Oh, my God. Tell me, what did he do?

He proposed to me. You've got to look it up on YouTube. It's insane. He proposed to me on a set of Hanging with Mr. Cooper in front of a live audience. Oh, my God. How sweet. Yeah. All four cameras running. I had no idea.

He really tried to, he's a scammer. He's like a scamming guy. Like he tries to scam me. And he tried to make me feel like he was breaking up with me right before that. So I was a mess. I thought I had run him out. And he was supposed to be in Dallas playing a game. He came to LA, called the studio network, called my mom, I had run him out and he was supposed to be in Dallas playing a game.

He came to LA, called the studio network, called my mom, called my dad, set it up. And then at the last scene of this episode, somebody, Reggie Miller, the basketball player, was in the episode. He was my date. He was Vanessa's date. And then the doorbell rang. And I know this isn't in the script. I'm like, oh, who's playing a game? Can y'all hurry up so I can go call this man and it was the door opened and then he walked with this white Armani suit looking like some kind of dream on top of a fairy tale and he got

on his knees and he proposed me in front of everyone and it was it was a moment so I mean I loved him so much before then. But that moment, I was like, oh, I think I found my person. Oh, my God. And I hope this lasts. I know. Oh, my God, Nicole, you have to see it.

I'll text it to you. Okay, that is so romantic. It was super, duper, duper romantic. I've never had anyone do anything remotely as romantic. I've gotten flowers one time. I've never had anyone do anything remotely as romantic. I've gotten flowers one time. I like flowers. I like flowers and everything, but you know,

I think romance is definitely amazing. They don't have to be the big grand strokes like Rodney did. But then after we got married, it was the smaller things, you know. It was just putting some water. His love language now is putting some water next to my bed at night. Every night, he puts a bottle of water there.

And one night he didn't, and I was like, where's my water? Where's my water? What happened? That's true romance. It's a little thing. That is so nice. He just wants you hydrated. He just wants me moisturized.

Oh, my God. Does he have any brothers? He has a brother. Is his brother single? No, he's married. Okay, but is he happy? Sure, yeah. They're doing great.

But you guys have friends, but his friends are older. Do you like older guys? Listen, I'm not saying no to anything. I have been single for truly my whole life. I've never been in a relationship like a real one where both people agreed that it was a relationship. I've been in situationships. But yeah, I'll date an older man.

I think that might be fun. Yes, date an older man. I think that might be fun. Yes. Date an older man. And I might have some options for you. We did. So listen, we did. We did Queens Court. And now people are walking up to us in the streets talking about, okay, you found some love for two of them ladies. What about us? And if I've learned anything, it's just I really feel like it's out there. I feel like people's people, people's persons are out there. And I think it's really a matter of where we are internally and what we're ready for and being able to process all that. But if you're looking for a couple, I do have some older gentlemen, single gentlemen, couple that I know that have come to mind?

Well, hook me up. I want it. And you said your criteria was? In therapy. Definitely would go on to therapy. Nice. Does it have to be in therapy or can they just be willing to actually go to therapy? I would like them to be in therapy.

I've dated enough people who are like, I'll go. And then they don't end up going or they go and they get worse. So yeah, I would like someone who's like actively working on themselves and likes themselves and is confident. I'd like for them to have a job and money. They don't have to have a ton of money. Just like it'd be nice if they could, you know, go on vacations when I wanted to go. Yes, that's not too much to ask. Okay, got it. Anymore? I'm writing these down. No, not. Okay, it's, I'd like them to be taller than me,

which is, you know, a bit of a vanity thing. How tall are you? I thought I was 5'7", but it turns out I'm only 5'5", so it's not going to be that hard to find someone who's taller than me. That's not too much to ask. But there are a lot of guys out there that are, you know, 5'7"-ish. What about 5'7"? See, you thought you were 5'7", now you're just 5'5". I think I could do 5'7".

Okay. I mean, in my brain, I prefer like 6'2". But also, she's been single for so long that 5'7 will be just fine. You can't be picky when you're begging people to set you up. So wait, hold on. Real quick, we have to take a break. And we're back. So wait, you grew up in L.A. or California?

No? Yes? Started in Philly. Okay. And then moved from Philly to L.A. How old were you when you moved to L.A.? I was nine years old. Okay. Listen, I got to pull a cigarette out and a glass of wine to talk about that story.

I was only nine. I was dragged from everything I knew to California. It was so unbelievably devastating. But it gave me such a beautiful life and opened me up. But, you know, when you're nine years old, you got to leave your family dog home. I was like, and then I had a hamster

that my mom, I begged her, she let me take her. I took the hamster, but she wouldn't let me bring her in the motel, so the hamster froze in the backseat. Oh, no! Trauma. That is trauma. Childhood trauma.

And then she told me we're going to leave it in the Mojave Desert for a better life. Oh, no! And now I'm having flashbacks again because this new movie, Are You There, Goddess of Me, Margaret, is coming out, and I named the hamster after a character in that book. Oh, no. Just really bringing the trauma out.

I'm so sorry I brought it up. I know. Thanks a lot. I'm going to call my therapist after this. Okay, well, we'll move on to something else. You studied abroad in, wait, where did you study abroad? In France? Yes, in Paris.

So do you speak French? I do. Je parle français. Très bien. Oh, wow. Je m'appelle Nicole. That's all I know. Okay, that'll do it.

Je m'appelle Nicole. Works. Did you date a lot in France? How was that? Fantastic. That was the way I got fluent. Really? By dating the Frenchman?

Somebody said, get you a French boyfriend, learn how to cuss him out, and you will know all the French you need to know. The only problem is they're very emotional men. And when you discard them, they don't take that well. Wow. So I was in France in 1984 and 84, 85. And I did my junior year there. I had such an amazing time.

Poor Eric. Eric was just, he's still, I think he's still salty eric baby eric he was fine too he was fine as he wanted to be but you know i it was like okay all right i'm fluent and i'm ready to go back to new york to college for my senior year so bye but he kept wanting to come see me and uh-huh and then I just finally was like Eric and then that like around that time like Facebook was kicking in and he was trying to Facebook me all the time I had to unface a deep unfriendly friend whatever I had to get him out he was a man and then poor baby he was so not over me uh you just used me to learn the French. I was like, I'm sorry. Yes, I did. I really did.

You had some other good qualities. And then the, oh, that 21 Jump Street happened. And then one of the biggest countries 21 Jump Street was famous in was where? France. So poor Eric was not only like, he had to watch me be on billboards and on tv and i traumatized that man but back to what i said best french teachers okay so you've dated in france you said you went to school in new york and you dated in california so what yeah what city is the best for dating oh in uh in the cities that i have spent time in i would say for sure Paris.

And by the way, I don't know because it's been so long since I've dated that I don't know if it's still like that. And there's so many other distractions and social media and GPS. People know where you are. Things are different now. But it was just, I don't know if it's because i was a young black female then brothers with them french boys were checking for me and i didn't really get a lot of business back in the states like guys liked me but i don't know i had a little self esteem issues or whatever i didn't really think i was all that and then and then i got to paris

and like these men were just so they were really, as we know, they historically have a great appreciation of Black American culture and music and all that stuff. And I think the women. And then I thought that was the number one place where I was the most appreciated until I went to Italy. Oh, okay. And you dated in Italy? Okay, follow Italy. Oh. Okay. And you dated in Italy? Okay, follow me. Okay.

I didn't date in Italy, but I dated an Italian man who I met when I was working at a club med in Spain. So I was working at a French club in Spain with an Italian orchestra. I was singing with this orchestra. And I, so I got, I kind of met a lot of Italians there. Like at those club meds, it's just lots of Europeans, right? And I just found that the Italians appreciation of women in general, but certainly black women is quite profound. You be cleaning up. What is your secret?

Well, I was 19 and like, I mean, I was 19 and 20 back then. But like I said, I did mention I had a lot of insecurities like about who I was and guys that like me where we moved from Philly to we moved to Malibu. There were no black people there. I was in shock. And the white guys in the school weren't really checking for me. They weren't. So I felt some kind of, you know, I was mad at my mom for putting me in this all-white school because I was like, oh, my gosh, no one wants to date me. I'm just everybody's little friend.

So I was a little traumatized. So I didn't really start cleaning it up, as you said, until I got into my 20s and really started feeling better about me and traveling and seeing the world. But yeah, but those were some pretty heady days, those 19 to 25, those were fun. It does sound like fun. I did not have an early 20s like that. My early 20s is pretty similar to my 30s now, where I'm just looking, looking, looking and can't find a thing. They're out there, Nicole.

They're out there. I know they're out there. You're so funny. They're out there. I know they're out there. You're so funny. I think that's why your podcast is so fun because so many people can relate to you. I have a really good friend who listens to your podcast all the time and loves it. And when I told him that I might come on, he was like, oh, you got to do it. You got to do it. You're going to love her. You're going to love her. We're going to find you a man. You're going to get some dates. I want it. I want it so bad. I don't want to be relatable anymore i want to be like tee hee hee

i'm in a relationship i'm better i'm kidding you're not better than you have to change then you got to change the name of your podcast i guess yeah yeah because you're too cute you're too much fun you're you're you're you've got so much green energy. And that person is out there for you, sis. I know he is. Okay. Well, what advice would you give me in trying to find that person who's out there? You know, I'm an old black dresser from another time. But what I can say is that it's opening yourself up. It's emotionally being open, right? A lot of people say that. I'm not saying this is you, but a lot of people say they're emotionally available already, but they're still closed off.

So that requires being able to navigate some hurtful feelings or some painful situations. And then I think travel. I think traveling outside the states is it. I think you meet people. Sometimes you meet someone who is from your home state or someone who's went to your school or something outside of our own bubble of space. I think travel is a great way to meet men. And that was my key. I didn't travel to meet men, but that's how that really happened. And then meeting men of different cultures and learning from them. And, you know, I'm sorry that, Eric, if you're listening, I'm sorry that I kicked you to the curb after you taught me French.

But, I mean, there's so many ways to really get out there and meet. And I do feel that travel, especially abroad, is a very good way. I just don't have good luck. I went to Costa Rica a couple years ago with a friend. And we ended up going to, I can't remember the town, but it was like kind of touristy. We went to this club. We met a bunch of like Americans. We ran into people we like knew personally we were partying with them this dude was like staring at

me and then we started dancing and then he was like i'll buy you a drink and i was like they are so cheap you don't have to buy me anything but you bought me a drink and then we were flirting and then he was like what's your instagram and we exchanged instagrams and then i was like is this man gonna like ever kiss me and then he didn't and then's your Instagram? And we exchanged Instagrams. And then I was like, is this man going to like ever kiss me? And then he didn't. And then we like, we're gonna make plans for the next day. But me and my friend had other plans going on. And then he just Instagram met like he DM me all the time. And I was like, this is now done. I don't want to be your friend. I didn't go to Costa Rica to meet new friends. I went to Costa Rica to maybe fuck somebody and have a nice time. I was so angry.

There you go. There you go. You know what? That is that. Listen, but that was just that was that one cat. There are more out there. And, you know, you didn't expend too much energy with that. You know, it wasn't too much time out of your life, but they're out there.

And Costa Rica, by the way, that is on my bucket list. I've been wanting to go there for a while. It's so pretty. much energy with that you know it wasn't too much time out of your life but they're out there and costa rica by the way that is on my bucket list i've been wanting to go there for a while it's so pretty i absolutely love it i want to go back yes very lush very green um just like beautiful the beaches are so nice oh i loved it take that's how i went on it i went on an eat, pray, love trip before I met Rodney to Bali, Indonesia. I went by myself, kind of. The girlfriend of mine managed the hotel that I was staying at, so she was my hangout. She was my friend, companion when she wasn't working. And I had, at first, in this romantic area area was feeling kind of sad because I was like,

what am I doing wrong? I can't find the right man. I'm dating these wrong guys. It's not good. And I had such a revelation and epiphany there, which really was, you're not really ready. You're not really letting go. You're not really open. You say you are, you're not really ready. You're not really letting go. You're not really open. You say you are, you're not really open. And then my girlfriend was like, I want to introduce you to this. I thought I'm making myself sound like an old hoe on your show.

But making myself, I want to introduce you to- There's nothing wrong with living a nice, fun life. Yes, this is true. And this was so many years ago. And I will put it in my memoir. She's like, I know a guy. He's an Australian guy. And he's really cool.

I was feeling kind of down. She goes, we'll go out. He's a friend of mine. We'll go out. We'll have a good time. We went out to this restaurant in Bali. We had the time of our life. We drank.

We had so much fun. It was so much fun. We danced. We had so much fun. The little Aussie boy was saying a little something. So I liked him. And we had this wild, amazing, fun night. I never saw him again. I want to say that's probably my first and last one night situation. I trusted him. He was vetted a little bit through my girlfriend. little bit through my girlfriend. But I remember thinking, wow, like this was fun. This was the kind of free fun that I know like my parents were doing in the 60s and 70s, right? This was like, you read a cat and then you just like have fun. And I had so much fun. It definitely awakened me to what I was looking for, which was A, someone who wanted to travel. I needed someone who was be

willing to experience new adventures and someone who was just open to seeing the world and who loved the earth and was fascinated by mother nature and things that God, we can't even explain on this earth. And so I kind of really meditated on that on the last five days of this trip in Bali. I kind of really meditated on that on the last five days of this trip in Bali. And then when I got home, I want to say two weeks. That's when my friend Lila Rashad said, I want you to meet this guy, Rodney P, who I did not like at first. Oh, wait. So you didn't like him at first?

I liked him. He was a quarterback, an NFL quarterback. I was not trying to mess around with no groupie ass having sports guys like that was I was like uh uh let me find me a nice attorney or

shit I don't care just something where I don't feel like I gotta beat bitches out the way you know what I mean like I don't want to do that and so but he was persistent he was so persistent but coming off of that trip I was like so calm and

like okay and I didn't I before the trip stressed tequila partying hanging out moaning crying whining it'll never happen but after that trip my mind like I meditated on what I wanted and I guess I manifested that but I almost didn't because I just felt like he was you know yeah all these women and stuff it was felt like a lot of work but in the end he was he will tell you that because I wasn't so checking for him, because I was like, man, I could do without him. That's what intrigued him, which was really weird. And I wasn't trying to play hard to get. It just, that's just how it unfolded. I'm not good at, I just like throw my cards on the table when I meet someone.

I'm like, I like you. Do you like me? And apparently nobody likes that. People like mystery. And I'm like, I'm not mysterious. I'm me? And apparently nobody likes that. People like mystery. And I'm like, I'm not mysterious. I'm just a little dummy. TTT.

You know, but I don't feel like there's a lot of mystery out there now. I feel like everybody's stuff is on blast. You know, you got Instagram with it, whether you're curating something you want people to see or whether you're really showing the real you, it's still too much information. Like we know so much about where you're going, what you're doingating something you want people to see or whether you're really showing the real you, it's still too much information.

We know so much about where you're going, what you're doing, what you like, what you ate, who you're with, all that stuff. So I feel like that mystery is kind of gone. And I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, you know what? I really like you. You just check all my boxes. You want to try? I don't think anything's wrong with that. Stick with that.

Don't put that away. So far, I've scared people away. I told this one guy I was dating. This is like a little bit before the pandemic. I was like, so do you want to just like date each other and like stop dating other people? Because I'm dating other people and I would like to stop doing that.

And then he was like, oh, I don't know. I don't even know if I believe in monogamy. And I was like, okay. And then we ended up breaking up. But you know what? Okay. Keep it moving. That's just another, you know, that's a goodbye and then move on to the next. That I don't mind that. I don't mind you telling me you don't believe in monogamy. Cause that, that, that's a, that's when I get in my car and put it in gear and take off. Goodbye. But then there's a Rodney Pete who was like, he was struggling with his monogamy stuff. And I had to help him along.

My thing was, do I want a damn project right now? Like, do I want someone that I have to help put together? And he was showing me signs that he really had the potential. So I went for it. And, you know, all these years later, you know, it was a good move. But, you know, you got to roll that dice. I don't mind you. I like you being up front like that.

And I like you asking the questions. And I like his answer because it told you exactly how you needed to get on. Yeah. And I got on to being single for two years. Dating during the pandemic was truly hellish. Like I went on a couple park dates and that's never fun. I just right now I'm in a spot where I'm like, I've been stood up, canceled on, and just like rejected too many times. And I'm like, I don't think I can do this anymore.

And my therapist was like, I think it's okay if you take a break. But then I feel like if I take a break, I might be missing somebody. I don't know. Yeah, then you get that FOMO. I think you should keep going. I think you're on the right track. And I think your intentions are great and they're honest. And I love it.

And I think you should keep going and manifest what the hell you want. And if you don't get the answers you want to hear, then you move on. And it's all little pockets a little drip drops of wisdom as you move on this journey but i don't i love putting it out there i love being honest i want to go on a date i want to be in a relationship with one woman and most of them were really sincere and genuine rodney and i could smell it especially rodney because he because he was one of the cats so he could smell it uh and then there were others who was just there because they were building their brand building trying to be on tv get the people to see him and

those ones were pretty obvious from from jump street literally but when they curated these men that were and they were opening up and talking about the things that they wanted in women i was like okay okay atlanta there was some brothers in Atlanta who were, you know, we found some good guys. So they are out there, and they were very straight up about what they wanted in life and how they wanted a partner. So they're out there. They're out there.

You keep going. I don't know where. I went out last night with a friend, and, I mean mean our intention was to just like hang out catch up i we had to hang out in a minute but i also was like i mean if i meet somebody i am open to talking to them for a second or two but like in la i feel like people come with their friends talk to their friends and then have no desire to talk to anybody else and i just i don't know how people meet people in the wild anymore well i mean in all fairness to be fair

this must be the worst town to meet people like it just is because everyone's transient. Everyone's looking for, they want to move fast and make things happen quickly. LA's tough for dating, for sure. And that's why it may be, you got to get on that road. You got to take this show on the road. I'm telling you, I've taken it on the road. And whenever I go, when I tour, I'll like set my Tinder to where I'm going and end up talking to people.

And then nothing ever happens. And maybe it's me. I don't know. And then I go on dates and dates are terrible. It's just, I think I'm just like unlucky in love. I feel like a witch has cursed me or something. In another life, they were like, you'll be single forever. No, no.

You're going to find someone who feels the same way. And they're going to find themselves in you and go, oh my gosh, really? You get me. It's going to happen. Mark my words. I hope so. I'm sitting here on April 26th. April 26th.

Holly, I'm coming for you if it doesn't happen. Yes. Do it. Do it. In the meantime, I will look in my arsenal of men. I'm horny. A couple of them just came to mind. I'm going to powwow with the old man, and I'm going to come back to you.

Okay. I'm going to hold you to it old man, and I'm going to come back to you. Okay. I'm going to hold you to it, because the last date I went on, this man truly thought I was the least funny person he's ever met in his whole life. He didn't laugh one time. I made jokes, and he just nodded at me. What? I was like, this is awful. He didn't nod at your joke.

He just politely nod. And I would like laugh because I'm very, I like me and I'm very tickled by me. And I'm always having a nice time. And I was like, oh, you don't want to join in on the nice time? Okay, let's just eat our pasta in silence. Oh, he was terrible. Oh, is that the worst of the bad day? Not the worst of the bad day. But I'm telling you, it, there's nothing worse than a bad date. Nothing worse than a bad date. But I'm telling you, it is in the cards. You're too wonderful. You're too special. You're

funny as hell. And if he didn't laugh, he was not. Then something's wrong with him. And that's what it is. It's just really about just that moment and that moment's coming. You know what? I love it. You sound so confident. Real quick, we have to take another break. Ooh, ooh, Holly, we're back. Okay, can I ask you about the Masked Singer? Oh, please. How heavy was your costume? Because I guess judged or whatever, and then got to see the costumes in the back. And they are so intricate and wild. And I was like, these look so heavy and hot. I was not hot because they keep that place for raising. But they were heavy. For me,

my issues were I was a fairy. And so for me, my issues were the peripheral vision and being able to read sort of the monitors and the words to the songs that I didn't know, which was like the, what do you know, the song when you're going at each other. The whatever song, you know, the song when you compete with the other person. Oh, yeah. Like the head to head or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I just like I'm not thinking about it now. I can remember that because those are songs that you don't necessarily know. You have to learn on the fly. Yeah. Yeah. I just like, I'm not thinking about it right now. I can remember the, cause those are songs that you don't necessarily know. You have to learn on the fly.

And so, so you got it. So I needed those lyrics. And when I was trying to look through these little fairy eyes, I could not see. And then I come to find out like someone who I have obsessed with, who's a singer who say, Oh,

I was just, I was just dancer. I think she sings too too but she's a dancer she danced for beyonce and she's like one of my favorite one of beyonce's dancers i follow on instagram i just think she's good she was like my background dancer in the back for me singing now you know i thought i was something that this beautiful girl was doing my background dancing but i never saw her because I couldn't see behind me. And I had these feathers or not feathers, wings.

I loved it. I was so glad I didn't have to be some hybrid jackalope or snake, a snake goat or a damn horse buddy or something. I got to be a fairy. Just a nice fairy. It was very ethereal. And I really had a good time. It seems hard. The one episode I was on, I can't remember who was in the teddy bear costume, but it

definitely was like an older black woman. And after she finished singing, she was just like wandering the stage. And I was like, I don't think she can see. And I truly like screamed. I was like, can someone help the teddy bear? Oh, yes. Because people have fallen off the stage they have to get those guys or those guys who come out and they escort you off if they're not there and you start walking you going off that stage and so that's been an issue

for the show over the last seasons uh but yeah it's it's it's a really crazy show because you you really do walk around from the time they pick you up from your house to the time you go in your dressing room with a huge hoodie with a zipper. And it says, do not talk to me. You have to have gloves on so they can't see the color of your skin. You have to have socks. They cover you from head to toe. Yeah, you're like totally covered. And then you get out of the car. You're not allowed to speak to anybody. And so it's very funny. But I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it.

And I hadn't sang like that in a long time. And I loved it. And I know everyone on the panel, including Nick Cannon, and not one of them guessed me. Didn't even come close. So that was kind of fun. That's so wild that they do so much. But I guess it's like you're trying to hide people's identity that i couldn't do it i talk too much i'd be getting out of the car being like oopsie sorry oh no i'm not supposed to be speaking i just i talked too much i couldn't do it i talked too much too they kept having to tell me to be quiet like

stop talking i was like oh that's right were you a singer first and then got into acting or were you no you acted first you were on Sesame Street as a child right I was on Sesame Street as a child and my dad was starring on the show and like I was like trying to work the nepo baby thing and he wasn't having it for a long time I Really? I was like, can I get some? Oh, he did not want me to be on the show because he didn't like the idea of child stars and child actors. And he knew my personality that if I got on the show, I would just see those lights and see Big Bird and see Ernie and Bert and be like, oh, yeah, I'm here. I'm going to be a showbiz kid. And he was right. When I begged him and pleaded and he finally let me

come I was like like starstruck and later on though I really did love singing like singing was like the first thing I got really excited about in junior high and high school and then my mom was already a personal manager to actors and actresses at the time she's like you want to go out and audition for some stuff and she sent sent me out on what was called Jump Street Chapel at the time, became 21 Jump Street. And then I never looked back. But then I sang. I got a record deal. Wait, was 21 Jump Street your first audition? No, it wasn't my first audition. Like I did other stuff. I did like after school specials, and I did a little. it was just my first big show

it was like my first star vehicle damn that's yeah no no no it was my first star vehicle but but i i hadn't done a whole lot though so it was a big deal um and then i sang the theme song to 21 jump street i got a record deal but this was in the 80s late 80s when back then if you were a TV star or on TV they didn't want you to be a singer then later on in the 2000s

if you were on a TV show it was a platform to become a singer Miley Cyrus Ariana Grande you know Britney Spears all of them you know Zendaya like they that of them, you know, Zendaya. Like, that's how, that's like really the path. But timing wise, us old divas back in the day with Tisha Campbell and Jasmine Guy, we all had record deals and stuff, but it was hard to get over that, you know, be taken

seriously as a singer. You have a collaboration with prince that never got released i could just sob thinking about it and since it was recently the anniversary of his death i pulled out my little prince box i have this like prince chest with all my prince stuff in it jack um the the the song that we we did record together in 92, all my little stuff from my little souvenirs from Minnesota when I was out there recording with him. Yeah, it's called Holly Don't Care. And you know what I found? I found the demo that he made that he sang all the lead on.

And I went in and re-record recorded it with him in the background. I'm trying to figure out how I can get people to hear this song because it's just, the song is, it's a great song, but it's more like I'm singing on a track with Prince. With Prince, yeah. That's absolutely like the dream and you achieved it. It's epic. And I, mind you, when he called me in 1992 uh i had sang

the theme song for hanging with mr cooper and the person who was the director for that main title shoot was also prince's videographer and she went back and said oh this girl there's a prince you know trying to hook us up but let's take let's go back to paris and let's go back to the 60s, 80s, and the 70s when I was in high school. You couldn't have told me nothing about Prince Rogers Nelson. Like, I was in love with him from moment one with the makeup and all of the G-strings and the garter belts. Honey, he was everything. He was so like, just no fucks to give about anything. I just was like, and then the music was so deep.

So I loved him 20, you know, not 20, maybe 19, 18 years before that I got a chance to meet him. And I'm still not over losing him. It is really sad. But what was it like working with him? I got a chance to meet him and I'm still not over losing him. It is really sad. But what was it like working with him? Was he as magical as I think he is or was? All of it.

I pulled up at Paisley Park. First of all, he picked me up in a car. I don't think I ever saw the driver because once I got in the back, he had lava lamps in there and incense burning and sheepskin carpeting. In the car? I love it. In the car was like pimped. It's pinched out. What a dream. And then when I went to go talk, I'm a chatty lady, so I went to go talk to the driver.

Like, hi, I'm Holly, and I'm from... And that old partition went up. Like, I'm not talking to you. And I was like, okay, well, he's not talking to me. And then we got to Paisley Park. I got out. And there was like a whole welcome Holly, like signs, walk this way. I get in there.

I see his assistant. She's like, welcome. She was a really normal lady. I thought she would be, you know, dressed like vanity or something you know wearing some something you know sexy or whatever and she was just like a normal secretary she's like oh hey prince will be right down and then of course i'm standing there and then poof he appears behind me out of nowhere i'm like oh my god you really do do that huh like that you just be showing up behind people and then i went this way i looked up he was on this? You just be showing up behind people. And then I went this way.

I looked up. He was on this. He was just showing up different. I'm like, there's five of you here. Stop playing with me. But we went in the recording studio, and we had such a great time. I was so nervous, but I was determined to really turn it out for him. I knew the song backwards and forwards.

I was in good voice. And he was like, wow, we're done. We're done in two hours I thought we I booked the studio for eight nine hours all night to think you know we and we're done he goes great I'm gonna mix it and I'm gonna send you a a rough mix and we'll keep moving from there get the paperwork done and and then from there he's like well we're going to do it all our free time. All right. Let me give you a tour of Minneapolis. I was like, yes. And he put me in a car.

And, you know, look, really, I was like, can we go on a motorcycle like Purple Rain? He was like, no, not riding that anymore. He put me in the car. We went to his club. And we went to First Avenue. And he took me through the back way. And then he took me through the back way. And then he took me to the gift shop.

It was like, what do you want? Take anything you want. Now, you know, somebody say, take anything you want. You know, your mom's in your ear. Say, don't be. Don't be that person. Take a little thing. But I saw that. I saw a black leather jacket with a beautiful silk screen of him on the back.

And I was like, I want that. And he goes, you don't want that thing and I was like oh you're right I don't want it so I got me a little tambourine a little sign and then I got me a tambourine with the print sign on it but I was thinking about that jacket so anyway we went upstairs and I'm dancing we're dancing and stuff and then and it was just so nice. And then he goes, you know what? My girl really, my girl, he was dating my Tay at the time. My girl needs me. So I got, I kind of got to go, but you are so amazing.

You did a great job. I can't wait for you to hear the mix and let's talk soon. And your driver's downstairs waiting for you. I was like, okay. You know, I got in that car. I got back to the hotel hotel I walked in my hotel room and that jacket was laying on the bed oh that's so fucking sweet I cherish that coat more than I cherish some of my kids baby clothes I'm like yeah you can throw that away but by me telling

you this coat jacket not that jacket don't talk to me about my prince jacket and i never got him to sign it which i really wanted him to but anyway it so i had some great moments with him and um i just to this day just uh miss him so much oh wait and we can't hear the song it's nowhere no i i have it and i just gotta figure out like how to oh yeah you just said got to figure out how to play it. Oh, yes, you just said how to play it, how to get it out there. Yeah, how do I get it out there? And then do I need to, I don't want nobody to come sue me, right? Do I need to call Prince's people? Do I need to ask them, hey, how can I play this song?

You probably have to ask his estate how you would go about. Yeah. Like, yeah, can I put it on Spotify? Can I just, you know, I'm not trying to make any money off of it. I just want people to hear it. Just people to hear it. I mean hear it I mean I just like hear it yes well you're going to give me your phone number stuff and then I'll play it for you I'll let you hear it but I've pulled people together that I know are really big Prince fans and come up with a little quiet listening party of this

one song and then we never did the record we never did the record deal because, quite honestly, the record deal wasn't great. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it wasn't great. It sounds like record deals and being signed to a label. I just learned that you essentially are in debt. You sign a deal with the record label and they give you a million dollars, but then that's against your sales. And then you have to sell a million to then break even and then you have to sell more than a million to like make money back but then you're only getting a percentage of

it and then usually by your second album you're still in debt but then they give you more money and then you have to pay it's really it's kind of a scam totally and we have you know we all have the receipts we've seen the tlc story, the this one, that one. Like we know what we know what happens with those deals, which is why nowadays the artists are commanding that they own their own masters and that they basically be their own record company. And so that you can do now. Couldn't do that back then. now couldn't do that back then and with Prince it's weird it was like you know he was had gone through that whole slave phase where he wrote slave on his face and he was mad at what Warner Brothers was doing and him not owning his masters and so he really did was part of the revolution of ownership of your masters and all that but with the deal that he offered me it was like all you owe I he would own everything he All my publishing, he would own everything. It would have been one of those deals.

So my attorneys were like, I know you love him. I know you want to be able to say no, but you can't sign this. So that was weird. And he called me. He was like, why? Why won't you do the deal? And I'm like, oh, my God, I want to do it. And we ended up being really good friends so

it worked out it all worked out in the end i love that what is honestly what a dream okay holly we have come to the end and so your advice the line item of having to be in therapy. Okay. I mean, I know you said maybe it didn't work out one time with one guy who said he would go and then it got worse. But there are a lot of guys out there that just really want to try it. And it would help them. You don't know, maybe if there's recent trauma or something. And I think you should be open to a guy not necessarily being in therapy already,

but just really being willing to try it. And that might be something really bonding for the two of you because you opened his world up to that. And then from there, some good stuff can happen. I'm just saying. So just, I mean, just think about that one. All right. I'll think about it.

Yeah. Holly, is there anything that you want to promote? Gosh, I mean, I have a really great book that's out now that i really love you you could actually see this these two little guys here they're really cute yeah children's book it's called charlie makes a splash it's a follow-up to my brother charlie which was an award-winning children's book that i wrote co-authored with my daughter when she was just 12. And this one, Charlie Makes a Splash, was co-authored with my son, RJ, who has autism. And it's a really beautiful book about kids with autism who love the water and how much they love every aspect of the water, whether it's the ocean, whether it's aquariums, whether it's rain, whether it's raining, whether it's the bathtub.

But yeah, a lot of kids with autism have poor outlooks. Bad things happen in the water. The autism goes missing. Oftentimes, they'll go check the closest body of water. And that's because even though our kids love the water, they don't all know how to swim and they don't all know water safety. So Charlie Makes a Splash is about these twins, much like mine, and all the adventures that they have in water. But also it's about, you know, autism acceptance, accepting neurodiversity, accepting that we all have to be the damn same and having acceptance, inclusion and all of that. So I'm very proud of these books.

acceptance, inclusion, and all of that. So I'm very proud of these books. And if you have kids or if you know a family who's dealing with autism or any kind of neurodiversity, it's a great book to get for a cousin or a friend to explain what autism is. And have more acceptance. Yes, because, I don't know, I think, I mean, I'm on the spectrum.

I have ADHD and other things that,, like I have a like sensitivity to things. It's like, I think a lot of, a lot more of us are on the spectrum than we care to admit. And I think it's okay that we're all so different. I think it's very beautiful. Wait, Holly, I forgot to ask you. I asked all my guests this. I think I've only missed it like four times, but would you date me? Oh, yes. Oh, yay. like four times but would you date me oh yes oh yay totally date you you would be such a fun day and i would not nod at your jokes i'd laugh well thank you okay holly you're welcome thank you so much for being here um if you like this episode of why won't you date me you could like it you could rate it you could subscribe on iTunes or Apple Podcasts or whatever. If you write me something nasty hitting on me, you can write it to whywontyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com. Mars has to look at it, my producer, so no pictures.

This person said, Merry Christmas, Nicole. Just wanted to write a quick one filling you in that I had two beautiful intense orgasms with my magic wand and nasty thoughts of you while my body reached to the deep yet powerful vibrations on my plump pussy and ample inner thighs as I laid on my holly's face as I laid on my soft belly and pressed into the wand my thoughts of you raced through my mind of how I wanted to press my entire face and nuzzle my way to your beautiful clit even as I recall these thoughts I could feel my pussy tingling and swelling. I'm fantasizing about loving and caressing every part of you, sucking on your nipples if it feels good to you as well,

kissing your neck, lying on my belly, and spending forever just sucking and licking and sucking every inch of you. Thank you for these two hot orgasms on Christmas Eve. They're the gift that I needed. Okay, bye-bye. Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer.

Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream.

Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.