Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Never Dated (w/ Kim Chi)

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Drag queen icon Kim Chi (RuPaul's Drag Race S8, author of Kim Chi Eats The World) joins Nicole to talk about what it’s like to have never dated anyone, and whether she even wants to. She opens up about being afraid to get hurt, growing up with crushes who didn’t like her back, and why are all the conspiracy nuts booed up? Kim shares wild stories from her drag-tour days (including the time she was recognized during a lap dance), having a twink convention show up at her hotel, and story about queens who skip meet-and-greets and cause chaos on tour. Plus, she and Nicole bond over their mutual hatred of Animal Crossing, her love of cottage cheese, and shares easy recipes from her new cookbook Kim Chi Eats The World.Check out Kim Chi's new book, Kim Chi Eats The World at https://kimchithequeen.com/pages/cookbookWatch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:Green Chef: Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to Greenchef.com/50DATEME and use code 50DATEME to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.Quince: Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to Quince.com/dateme for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.SquareSpace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.BetterHelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/DATEME today to get 10% off your first month.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. I was looking ahead on my calendar, and I realized that the holidays aren't as far away as a thought. That time always gets so busy, so I'm going to get ahead of the game and shop for looks that'll take me from now into the holiday season. Lucky for me, Macy's big fall sale is happening now with 40 to 60% off fall. essentials that'll take us from now to then. Anne Klein and D.K.M.Y have some adorable dresses I've

been eyeing. So it's the time to buy. Macy's also has tons of luxurious cashmere in so many colors, which honestly, I think I might just start wearing now. I might also pick up a new Calvin Klein suit from a friend as a gift. There are so many holiday parties coming up and we'll want to show off. Macy's big fall sale is happening now through October 26th. Shot at Macy's.com or in store. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery.

That's audible.c.a. slash Wondery. On tour, we went to, I think it was like a Swinging Richards or something or it was like some like strip club. And then the promoter about lap dances for all the queens. And then all the queens were getting like their hot lap dances

from like their goal dancers. And mine looks down at me and he goes, you're kimchi, right? And I was like, no, you're taking me out of the fantasy. And then I was like, yes. And he was like, I'm a huge fan. I'm like, no, no! I just wanted you to be a piece of meat.

That's all beautiful and sexy, just dangling it in front of me. I just wanted to objectify you, and now you've humanized yourself as a person with a TV in your home. Yes. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole

Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my night table and tell me that was my metformin for my diabetes. My guest today is a drag queen superstar that you know from RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8. Her new cookbook, Kim Chee Eats the World is available now. You are also on the RuPaul Christmas special. I'm so... Years ago, oh my God. But going quite of your way for that Christmas special.

They only did one. They said one and done. And then they'll play it year after year, you know? It's kimchi! Also, you have a makeup line. You've done so much. Yes. Oh, my God.

Someone once told me our goal to success is creating it as many passive incomes as possible. So I'm trying to, you know. I mean, it's smart. Yeah. It's very smart. Kim Chi Cosmetics is in CVS. Yeah. Every time I pick up my prescriptions, I peruse and I go, what's new?

It's in CVS, JCPenny, and now also sold on Ulta.com. Ooh. I love that. What did that feel like to walk into a store? and see your product with your name. Especially when I go to, like, I was just on Work the World Tour, and we go to, like, a lot of small towns. And I would just always walk into the CBS, just to see.

And then there would be my face in that store. And it's really cool. And the storecala's like, what are you doing here? And then I'm like, oh, just, you know. Just perusing. Just making sure, you know, things are just correctly, you know. Just dragging the display right here in the entrance. So people see it immediately when they walk in.

That's what I would do. It's always in the back, but it's totally fine. All the good stuff is in the back. I agree. The good stuff is in the back. The cheap stuff's in the front so that you need to be in the back. That's where all the cool kids are. Exactly.

Kim, can I ask you a question? You can't ask me anything. Ooh, all right. I'm kidding. It's a standard question. Are you single? Are you dating? Are you married?

Do you not want to say? No, I'm single. I've never actually dated anyone. Really? Yeah. Okay. I know on season eight, You talked about being a virgin and not wanting to, or you just hadn't dated.

Yeah. Do you not want to date or has the opportunity never arose? Opportunity never arose because I never wanted to be, like, thirsty about it, you know? Mm-hmm. And I think it has to do with my past trauma where every single guy that I've had a crush on has never ever been interested in me. Mm-hmm. And I've had crush on guys of, like, various, like, appearances and different, like, places in their life, you know? They've never been interested in me.

So then I don't want to get hurt. Fair. So then even if I like someone, I will never act on it. Oh. But also then no one ever approaches me either. Wait, really? Even after drag race, no one's, like, slid into your DMs and been like... You think, but no.

Oh. And it was also kind of crazy because, like, all my, like, drag sisters, they're, like, all boot up. Like, none of them are single anymore. And not only boot up, like, you know, when they just got engaged. You know, like, Bob is, like, 2,000 partners, like, one in every zip code. You know, Naomi's always with, like, some, like, hot, you know, like a new man, like, up the hour. And I'm like, you know, I haven't even kissed anyone since pandemic. Do you want to?

Or are you just like, yeah, I don't be opposed, you know? Okay. But it just hasn't happened. I also, growing up, had crushes on people who did not reciprocate the feeling. And I did the opposite. I was like, if first you don't succeed, I will try, try, try, try. Try until I want to die. I loved chasing people.

Well, not loved. I guess I was just like, well, this is what I just have to do. If I want to be in a relationship, I just have to chase somebody. And now in my old years, I've cooled down. You know what they say? They're like, always date someone like who likes you more than you like them. And I'm like, but no one likes me. So like, it's not like a one with me.

It's just, you know, like a fact. And then I even like sign for Hinge. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to. to like anyone, I want to see, like, if anyone is, like, interested in me. Yes. In over a month, I have, like, not gotten, like, single ding on my profile.

Interesting. But I do think on the apps, you have to do a little bit of work because I think when you swipe and you heart people, I think it shows your profile to more people. And I think when you're, when you're being, what's it, passive? When you're being passive on it,

I don't think they show your profile to people. But then if I like someone... they have the upper hand. And that's why I'm single. Yeah, we solved it. We got to the bottom of this. Because you think of dating as upper hands and like a game. Like you're trying to like win Mario.

I don't know. Maybe I have like hard time like showing my like true emotion and feelings, you know. But it's like I just don't want to get hurt, you know. No, I fucking get it. It sucks getting hurt. It really does. Breakups are bad. Yeah.

I had a breakup where I was. I was so sad I had to go on antidepressant. Oh. I said, yum, give me that Lexa Pro. I mean, I know a lot of friends on Lexa Pro, but I actually know a lot of people that drop Luxapro. That what? Dropped Luxapro too. Oh, I was, yeah, I dropped it.

I was on it for like, I don't know, like six months. I was on five milligrams, just a touch. And then I was like, I think I'm okay. Let me come off of it. And you know what? It was a nice little, it was a gentle. bassinet cradle

you know I have a couple of really good gay friends we were like going to go to like an outing for like the weekend and because they were planning on like doing drugs and all that they like stopped taking Lexapro so they could feel like drug to the maximum and I was like oh you know nothing will stop the gays from like getting their money's worse I've never heard that before

you know I've never been on Luxap Pro so I don't don't know, like, what that is like. I guess it does dull your emotions a little bit. Okay. But that is really funny and very, I'm going to say smart, but it is smart to, like, if you want to feel something, come off of it for a little bit, have a nice weekend and hop right back on. And I don't condone this in any way, you know?

I do. Yeah, yeah. Self-diagnose. Self-do shit. Do it. Believe in yourself. Yeah, do your own research. Just kidding. Does this how America ended up the way it is now. The whole do-your-one research is so.

wild. It's so wild. I believe scientists and doctors and stuff. No, every time I go on the internet, there's so much like misinformation. For some reason, I ended up in, okay, so I started following fitness accounts. And then from the fitness accounts, I started getting like wellness, you know, content. But then from wellness content, it started going into people promoting raw milk and like carnivore diet. Uh-huh. It's a very slippery, slippery slope and And it's like, yeah, solely going to a Q&ON, like, MAGA, like, all that, you know? It's wild. Did you know, Tylenol causes autism?

Did you hear? You know, pregnant woman, like, stick it out? Or is that what it? It's crazy. It's wild. And then all the press conferences are like, but also it kind of doesn't. It's like, what are we doing? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Like, making these decisions. I don't know. It's a bunch of men who are like, listen, we're going to say something. See if it sticks. Also, the rapture was today

while we're recording. You know, if there's one thing like Trump has inspired me, it is that it doesn't matter what it is. If you say it enough, people start to believe it. They sure do. So among my friends,

I started spreading a rumor that Monet got a BBL. You're not the only one. Meatball also says this. Guess who started the rumor. And then we just started repeating it until people started believing that it was real.

That's honestly one of the funny rumors you can start about somebody. Did you know Monet had a BBL? Did you know? Did you hear? If you say it enough, people will believe it. But also, you look at Monet and you're like, that's a BBL. Every time I see that ass, I'm like, this is a nice ass. Where'd you

get it from? It's like, let's diminish all your hard work by claiming BBL. By just claiming a little BBL allegations. I love it. Also, the carnivore shit is wild. It is crazy. I watched a lady. She was like, I'm on a She was on a plane with her husband

And she brought frozen meat That I guess thought The Asian lady? Yes That lady's fucking crazy It's nuts to me No she even I saw another video

She said just when I knew she was like crazy She was like since I started doing carnivore diet I never have to wear a sunscreen anymore Ew And I'm like Covered in oil like what? Which I'm like that is crazy You either have to be rage baiting

Or you're like so far gone That Well you know what I think a lot of it is rage bait And I think it's like They get their money when, like, people are interacting with the post or whatever. I don't think this bitch is just eating hunks of butter.

But then there are people in the comments saying, like, I started kind of a diet, thanks to you. I started drinking raw milk, you know, like, oh, blah. And I'm like, that. It's just so wild. Raw milk really gets me, though. I'm like, you want to just, like, be under an udder and drink that? Anti-Bactors, like, raw milk, all these people are, like, we created these technology for a reason. So humans can live longer.

Yes. And they're like, never mind. What if we shorten up that lifespan? Because honestly, the no vaccine thing really kills me because I'm like, so like you want the plague? I don't want the plague. I don't want it at all. No. The bubonic plague with rats in the street?

I don't want it. Why do you have years of research for you to be like, oh, I looked it up on Google. I don't need it. I googled it and I found a very strange article that says, I don't need the vaccine. But it's like, and then there's measle outbreaks and shit. And I'm like, what are we doing? And these people, they're never single either, so I'm like... Oh.

Kim, maybe that's what you got to get deep into the right shit. You know, I feel like all these crazy, like, conspiracy theory people are always booed up. Have you noticed that? Yes, because you got to find someone to match your freak. You know? Two little raw milk drinkers sitting in a tree. Just getting sick from raw milk. Just D-Y-I-N-G.

D-Y-N-G. D-Y-I-N-G, yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Wait, Kim. Okay, so do you want to date at all or no? I know you don't want to get hurt, but like... I'm open to the idea of dating, but also because I've never dated. I'm like, at this point in my life where I'm almost 40, like,

I feel so sorry for whomever I'm going to be dating first because the trauma and the things that are going to have to carry on, you know? Uh-huh. And I was like, does anyone deserve that? I think somebody deserves it And I think you deserve somebody If you want it I don't know if I want it though And the thing is because I've never dated

I don't know do I want it or not? That is actually a very interesting perspective to have To be like I've never done it So like I actually don't know if I want it I've been told that I want it Movies and television show you know What a relationship is and it's like Everyone should want this

But it's like actually I don't know And it's like when you hang out with your friends that are a couple, and then, like, at the end of the hangout, they go home together. And then you're, like, just riding on the car alone, listening to sad music for no reason. And you're like, huh, I wonder what it's like. But then you also see people that are, like, so dependent on other people where, like, like, they didn't, they got lunch with their friend. And then they called their partner after lunch and then told them, like, everything they talked about and everything they did in the past two hours. And I'm like, why do you need to, like, report to each other?

Yeah. Why do you have to report back to this person? That is weird. And then also couples who are together all of the time Where like you call your friend to be like, let's hang out And then their partner is there and you're like, huh You never said that your partner was coming Also, I just want to hang out with you, my friend Yeah

I'll never understand that Because the conversation dynamic changes when your partner is there Oh, of course, because you can't talk shit about the partner That too, yeah Because sometimes you're like, your partner See, I never talk shit about anyone's partner If they bring it up, I'll listen But I will never, ever, ever.

Sometimes I'll be like, yeah, your partner did something weird. You want to hear about it? Like, one of my friend is dating this guy, and all of our friends all collectively hate him. Like, we hate him so much. We think he's, like, a scum of the earth. But none of us will ever say that to her, you know? But then after, like, the hangout, we're all just like, oh, my God, can you believe he did this today? I will say, there is a beautiful camaraderie when a friend group,

hate bonding, yeah. Where it's like, you just get to talk shit about this person that you hate. But I get that. I'm not going to tell a friend like, oh, your partner sucks. But I might be like, oh, this thing, didn't you think that was a little weird? Oh, no? Oh, okay. You know, at this point, it's like, you got to be smart enough to like, no, you know.

And also, I don't know their sex life. You know, they might be miserable in their day-to-day life, but maybe the sex is so amazing that, like, none of that matters to them. You know? Yeah. A lot of people stay in very bad relationships because they be fucking. I've stayed in things because the dick was nice. I've stayed in relationships where I was like, this person actively doesn't like me.

And I've said that so many times on this podcast. But I'm like, ooh, the dick liked me. If the dick good, you know, maybe. If the dick good, got to stay. Kim, how did you get into drag? I'm an accidental drag queen. So, you know, gay men were very inspired by. strong female figure.

So, you know, like, the gays would jump at a chance to get in drag. So for Halloween, my friend and I, we bought a bunch of, like, makeup from CVS. Practice our makeup for a month,

and then we went out. And then the first time we went out, we ended up getting booked for a show. Wait, you just, like, went out and drag for fun, and then someone was, like, come do a show?

We went to a club, and there was a drag show happening. We didn't even know that there was a drag show. And then the host was like, you ladies look amazing. do you want to perform here? And we're like, okay.

I love this. Where was this? It's in Berlin, Chicago. Okay. And then we got booked again after that. And then after that, we stumbled into another, like, gay party. And then they asked me to host their party. And then next thing, you know, I was hosting every single one of their party.

And then that's just kind of how it happened. And is this, were you performing as Kim Chi or were you performing as Disney Princess? So Disney Princess only happened the first night I went out Because I was dressed up as a mini-mouse I'm like, let me just come up with like a dumb Disney name I'm not even a Disney adult so I don't even know why So Disney Princess was the name But then I was like, all right, I need like a better name if I'm going to be performing

And it was between Lucy Loub Lucy Loub Or Kimchi and I think kimchi stuck around Kimchi is such a fun name But Lucy Loub is very funny to me I met Lucy Lou and I told her like my name was almost Lucy Lou. And she's like, I'm actually really upset.

You didn't pick Lucy Lou. I met Lucy Lou once at Comic-Con. And she walked past me. I went, hi, Lucy Lou. I'm Nicole Beyer. And she went, okay. I saw Lucy Lou at my Korean grocery store once buying like K-Bourkeb barbecue meat. Ooh.

I didn't, I like left her alone because, you know, like, I'm sure. She's just shopping. She's trying to be a normal person. Exactly. I would have been like, ooh, what kind of meat? I'm Nicole Bayer, Lucy Lou. Girl, can I come over? You go cook for me, Lucy Lou.

I'll do the girling. All you got to do is eat, you know? Are you a makeup artist? Were you a makeup artist? I was not, no. I was a graphic designer. Oh. What does that mean?

Graphic designer? You know, like design for like publications and... Like logos? Yeah, logos and like flyers and menus. Okay. You know. Commercial art. Okay.

Commercial art. Yeah. All right. So, wait, but... Hold on. In my research, it says that... that on your season of drag race, you won the first challenge.

We came with a small cash prize and you sent it to your mom and you told her that you made it through makeup work. So did you tell your mom that you were a makeup artist and not a drag queen? Yeah. And then when she found out

you were doing drag, what was that like? Was she... She asked me how much money I make during this. And then I told her and she was like, keep living your dream. I love that.

Variation parents, you know? I mean, I think, I think it's very, like, I don't know, ethnic parents. Because, like, my dad, he did, but when he was alive, he was, like, make money. So I think, and he didn't really want me to, like, get into comedy or acting or anything. But, like, if he was alive now, I think he'd be like, nah, keep doing it. If you make money, that's good. If you're not struggling, you know, by all means.

Yeah, by all means. Have a nice time. Do you whatever you want? Yeah. Do you make your costumes? Not anymore. Or did you used to? I used to, yeah, because I was, like, poor, you know.

But nowadays, you know, like, there's so many people who can make it faster, better, and quicker, and cheaper, you know? Like, Danny Godoy makes, like, somebody in my office. I was just about to say, Guadoy makes incredible pieces. And God, God, taught me how to sell. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, you were there? Wait, were you there? Yeah, it was there.

But I didn't have anything to work on it, so I was answering emails. He left very early. Oh. Well, I was trying to leave before a rush shower. You know how that goes. Fair. Whatever. You could have hung.

Vicky came over. It was a nice time. That's why I left early. I'm kidding I'm kidding I've actually never met Vicki Wait you haven't No

Vicki's great I heard I learned how to make a pant pattern and then a shirt pattern that I made on my own Have you made anything since Yes

the same pants and shirts With the same pattern If it works You know it works Yeah Because you know what A perfect fitting pants It's hard to come by

Yes It really really is These are good jeans These are They're your good jeans They're my good jeans She has good jeans She has good

Good jeans. They are from Target, but I didn't get them from Target. I got them from Poshmark because I'm not allowed to go to Target. They never gave me an end date for our black people protesting of Target. And I haven't set foot in a Target since they were like, we don't do that anymore. Yeah, same. And I miss it. I really miss Target.

Only thing I miss Target for is they carry my brand of cottage cheese. And they're so hard to find for some reason. What is your brand of cottage cheese? Good culture. Oh. And every time I go to any other grocery store, they're always sold out. And Target had them. But obviously, I don't go to Target anymore.

We don't do Target. Okay. Wait, what do you make with cottage cheese? I just, like, eat them. I like to eat them, like, straight out of the tub with some, like, crackers. We have to take a break. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Chamberlain University. Sometimes the idea of going back to school feels impossible.

Life is busy, you got bills, maybe a full-time job, and the thought of starting something new, it's a lot. But if becoming a nurse or leveling up and health care has been in the back of your mind, Chamberlain University makes it what doable, they're not just a school, they're the number one largest nurse in school in the country, with flexible programs built around your schedule. You can choose from fully online programs, hybrid options, or even attend classes in person on evenings or weekends. Whatever works for your schedule, they got a path. Plus, you're not doing it

alone. Chamberlain has a whole community of students, faculty, and alumni. Over 177,000 of them cheering each other on. There's real mentorship and care built into everything they do. And classes start every eight weeks. So if you've been waiting for the right time, this could be it. the first step at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Shev. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform that helps you stand out online. Whether you're starting something new or growing what you already have, Squarespace makes it easy to build a beautiful site, book clients, and get paid all in one place. If I were to build a website, I'd use Squarespace.

because it actually does everything for you. You can start with the blueprint tool. Just answer a few simple questions about your goals and your vibe, and it gives you a polished layout that you can customize with drag and drop editing. It will look like you hired your own designer. And if you're someone who offers services, maybe you teach, coach, do makeup, whatever it is, you can list your offerings, let people book appointments, and get paid directly through your site. Squarespace also makes it simple to work.

grow. You can use their email campaigns to reach your audience, share updates, or promote what's new, all while keeping your site and your look totally consistent. And with their library of award-winning templates, your site is going to look amazing no matter where you start. Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code, date me, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. that moment when the weather finally cools down and you're like, oh, it's layering season, baby. That's when I reach for my quince. They're a go-to, cozy, quality essentials that actually last and don't cost a fortune. I'm talking $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters, premium denim that

fits like a dream, and those wool coats that look designer but cost a fraction of the price. And the quality, honestly, just as good, if not better than the expensive stuff. What I love is that Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman, so you can get that luxury feel for half the price. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that just feels smart and effortless. I have been living in my Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince. It's the second year I've had it, and it still holds up like it's new. So, okay, if you're ready to build your fall uniform, find your fall staples at Quince. Go to quince.com slash date me for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available.

Canada 2A, that's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot-com slash dat-me to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash date me. And we're back. I just cut his cheese

the consistency is you don't find it upsetting. Okay. That is a common thing. Yes. But what is, is it too squishy? Yeah. It's too squishy and

runny at the same time. See, I get that, but good culture cottage cheese, it's not like that at all. It is dense. It's almost like, it's like a texture of like ricotta cheese. Oh. And it's not runny at all. You open it,

turn it upside down. There's nothing that runs from it. Okay. And then you can blend it. And then it turns into like a consistency of cream cheese because it's sick. Oh. And it has like a sour tank that feels like cream cheese, except It's way healthier and it's high in protein.

Uh-huh. So I just don't think you've met the right cottage cheese. I don't think I have either. Like, the only ones that I'd recommend personally, if you don't like the running consistency, is Good Culture and Nancy's. Nancy's. Mm-hmm. Nancy's like the brand that I go for when Good Culture is, like, gone.

Who's Nancy? I don't know. She just has the Good Cottage Cheese. But try Good Culture, Cottage Cheese, the Skim one. It is, oh. Okay. I mean, this is a very glowing endorsement for cottage cheese. I am not paid or a sponsored by them.

Like, I just really like a culture cottage cheese. It would be really funny if you were in a brand deal with a cottage cheese company. And they're like, just mention it casually on any podcast that you do. Have you heard of good culture cottage? I keep seeing cottage cheese recipes where it's like, you can have dessert without all the calories. But then I'm like... Okay, I'm like, we don't have to go that far, you know. You know, it's kind of kind of cottage cheese is what for like white people, what, cauliflower was supposed to be five years ago?

People have so much expectation on cauliflower where you have to be a pizza crust, you have to be rice, you have to be chips, you have to be like... And is she really that versatile? And I think cauliflower is just like, I can't take this anymore. Cottage cheese step into the ring. And now people are like blending cottage cheese with anything. and everything. Yes. I did see someone make a cottage cheese pizza crust,

and I was like, this has gone too far. You know, with that being said, I have made that recipe that is delicious. I'm dying. That's so funny. You just take two eggs and one cup of cottage cheese. You blend it up, put it in parchment paper, and you bake it at 400 degrees for 25 minutes,

and then you get the perfect wrap that... Why do I know that recipe in top of my head? Because I made it alone. Because you're sponsored by Big Cottage Cheese. You wrote a book. I did. Was it hard? Not at all.

I wrote a book that's mainly pictures, and I found it to be daunting and exhausting. Honestly, I feel like the hardest part for me is even like trying to convince people that I wrote a good book. Well, this is the time to convince the people that you wrote a good book. What's it about? So actually I have two books. One is a young adult novel called Donatella Matumach. She and the Library Avengers. Okay.

It's a novel about a Korean-American queer kid using the pop... With his drag queen superheroes to stop his mayor from demolishing the public local library. So this is based on basically real life? Basically, yeah. I mean, it's wild how they're like, we want to get rid of all sorts of educational things.

Yeah, so I also open my feelings like reading articles about how a lot of public libraries were getting defunded. So then I tweeted about how much, like, libraries meant to me. And then that tweet ended up going, like, viral among, like, the librarians. And a lot of them were messaging me saying, like, thank you for speaking up for us. And then I got that book deal. And then that book happened.

When did it come out? It is out now, along with my cookbook, kimchi eats the world. And, okay, what is your favorite recipe in kimchi eats the world? Ooh. It's like asking me to pick a favorite child. I think a lot of parents could do that. You know, actually, you know what? Yeah. My mom did. You have siblings? Yeah. How many? One brother.

I have one sister and she was the favorite. Yeah, my brother was definitely the favorite. Yeah. Yeah. And you just have to live with that. Are you younger or older? Older. Oh, wow. And I'd like break my parents in for everything, you know? That's wild. I'm younger. So she was there. And then they were like, we like her more. There's a new one. We still like this fresh one.

Oh, my God. Yeah. See, growing up, like, my mom never let me drive. She wouldn't even let me learn how to drive. And if I, like, accidentally missed a bus, like, on the way to school, like, she, like, yell at me, scream at me. Come to find out, after I went to college, my mom drove my brother to school every day. That's rude.

Isn't that rude? That's rude. Have you ever, like, asked your mom about that? I've been like, why? I have, actually. And she's like, oh, you know, the past is in the past. You know, we've got to move on. And I'm like...

I like when parents are like, yes, and I did this mean thing. I inflicted a little bit of trauma. But the past is in the past. We have to move. We got to be bigger people and just move on. We got to learn and grow. Learn, grow. And it's like, ma'am, I'm in a lot of therapy because of you.

Wait, okay. So what's one of your... Top recipes. I won't say favorite. I really like the anchovy pasta recipe. I also like Korean-Hibbinghoku's a recipe. A lot of the rest, so the concept of book is all the food that I've eaten around my travels. And then how to recreate those recipes in like an American kitchen using American equipment.

Like a Vitamix? Sort of, but I would not stop you from using Vitamix if you want to. It's like, I don't know anything about cooking. What is, like, a simple recipe for someone who's just, like, a novice at cooking? Pancon tomato. It is very simple, but it's very delicious. It sounds very hard. And what is that?

So you take a tomato, you grate the tomato. And the season of a little salt, pepper, and some olive oil. Uh-huh. And then you get a nice toast. Uh-huh. And you take a whole clove of garlic. You rub the garlic on the toast. Uh-huh.

And you just top it with the grated tomato mixture. It sounds simple as hell, but it is so good. It doesn't sound simple. Grading a tomato, I've never done that before. That sounds crazy. Literally, you just take a grater, the tomato and go, go, go, go, go, go, go. You're like, bitch, it's super funny. Like, literally, you just go back and forth.

Do you have a cheese grater at home? I have many. Yeah, you can just, like, slap it and then just grate it. All right. Maybe I'll try it tonight. Yes. Because I did buy a bunch of tomatoes from Costco. Oh, yeah.

I'm like trying to enjoy tomatoes as much as possible before the tomato. season is over, which is like any day now. Any day now. I know. Have you ever had sugar bomb tomatoes? Yes. That's what I just bought, and I ate a bunch of them this morning. They're so good.

They're so tasty. Oh, my God. I also like scrambling tomatoes with my eggs. Oh, see, I don't love that because it reminds me too much of ketchup, and I don't like ketchup on my eggs. I get it. I get it. Do you do ketchup on your eggs?

I do not, no. I'm a purist when it comes to my eggs. Okay. But I will slice up a tomato with my scrambled eggs, just not heat it up. Absolutely valid. Thank you. Thank you so much. I have a question.

So you once were recognized during a lap dance? What was that like? Oh, yeah. On tour, we went to, I think it was like a Swinging Richards or something or it was like some like strip club. And then the promoter about lap dances for all the queens. Uh-huh. And then all the queens were getting like their hot lap dances from like their go-o dance.

And mine looks down at me and he goes, you're kimchi, right? And I was like, no, you're taking me out of the fantasy. And then I was like, yes. And he was like, I'm a huge fan. I'm like, no, no! I just wanted you to be a piece of meat. That's all beautiful and sexy, just dangling it in front of me. I just wanted to objectify you and now you've humanized yourself as a person with a TV

in your home. Yes. That's so funny. I love that so much. to be like, I know exactly who you are. And it's like, maybe you just... It's like, maybe you can at least wait till, like, after the lap dance, you know. Yeah, after you're done, be like, hey, I'm a fan.

Exactly. That's so funny to do it during. I know. What other shenanigans do you get into on tour? Me, personally, I don't get a lot into, like, a lot of shenanigans because I don't really, like, go to a club or drink or, like, do drugs. But I get to witness everyone else crumble. Crumble.

And I have recollection of everything because... Because you're sober. Because I'm sober. And it is very entertaining. Oh, my God. Which story? Yeah, tell a story. And you can omit names.

Oh, yeah. This one queen, she somehow... She has, like, everybody saves them their phone with the city name. So then when she goes to that city, she'll type in the city. And then all of her trays, like, pop up. And then she'll, like, message all of them. And then they all show up to the hotel. And at one point, I literally, I'm not joking you,

I saw 30 twings in the hotel lobby. And I'm like, where did all these twins come from? Like, who told them where we were staying? And they were all going to our room to party. And also come to find out, she rented three different rooms to put different twigs. And she was going back and forth between, like, different rooms, fucking different twings.

What a operation! Isn't that crazy? That is wild. I'm like, how do you even have the stamina? I often wonder about that. And then in one of the cities, she picked up another twink. And then she's like, she's joining the tour. She's going to help us, like, run the meat and green.

And we're like, we don't need help. We have, like, actual staff, like, do that. And, of course, they weren't. They were just, like, following from, like, city to city on our bunk. as her little, like, boy toy, I guess. And then when she was done, she was like, all right, you got to go now. And she just kicked him up the bus.

And then he had to find his own flight on his way home. Wow. Honestly? Oh, and I walked into the tour bus again in the afternoon. And then it caught him washing his dick in the sink. Well, you know, you got to keep it fresh, I guess. I guess, yeah. Wash it.

That's, honestly, that's pretty wild to just be washing your dick out in the open. You could at least go in the bathroom and close the door. Yeah, it was just, you know, like, just... And did he say anything? Was he like, whoa? Or was he like, hey?

Just like, turn around and, you know, like, just pants up. And I'm like... I kind of love... I would love to walk into a hotel, like, reception area and just be like, oh, am I in the twink waiting room? What's going on?

Why are there so many of them here? Right. Is it a twink convention? And then, um, also like so many queens for some reason really hate doing the meeting greet like they like hate it with passion yeah um so it's kind of they pull some stunts to try to get out of meeting greet

and it's also entertaining to watch uh-huh like this one time this queen just decided to we all like get ready and then like walk to get to the meeting greet together because the meeting greet's before the show before the show yeah which i think is crazy but so then she decided to get dressed early and had to the meeting greet on her own. And we weren't even late.

So we were just like all getting still getting dressed. And then she like started flipping out and saying like, all of you get to relate. I've been like waiting for hours. And we're like, meeting greet is at sick is $5.55 now. She's like, I can't do the meeting greet because all these other queens are very unprofessional. And then she gets out of drag and then goes into her room and locks it.

And we're like, the meeting hasn't even started yet. Girl, why are you flipping out? And then because like the promoter is like too scared to confront her about it, they decided to hold like a group meeting and confront all the our queen's like, we need to, like, have a meeting about your timeliness. And we're like, none of us were late. She's just pulling stunt because she doesn't want to go to the meet and greet. Honestly, I kind of love it.

Create your own reality to get out of something. Everyone else was late. I was here early. Ma'am, you were here before the start time. Yeah, early. And everybody else was later. So I shan't be doing it. I love that.

And now I just saw the new queens, you know, like, it's up to you. It only looks bad on you if you don't show up to the meat and greet to the fans. So if you don't want to show up, I guess don't show up, but don't like drag out of people into it. Yeah, if you don't want to do something, just don't do it. Don't make it my problem, you know? Also, it's like if you're selling tickets, it's like it's a show with a meet and greet, you kind of are obligated to do the meet and greet. It's also really interesting witnessing like queens that come from different backgrounds and how they deal with all of this. Like a lot of the queens that come from theater backgrounds.

are super professional, super punctual, and super on time. And a lot of the queens that come from, like, and this is, and don't come from me, it's not all of you. Like, a lot of the queens that's never had, like, a real job, but it has only ever. Yes. Especially, like, a lot of young queens, like, that just turned 21. You go from your parents' house to drag race to the real world, and then you don't have professional decorum.

Yeah, they have, like, no work ethic, you know? So then they'll be late. They'll complain about the dumbest things, you know? They'll just not show up to things. That to me is kind of wild because, like, when you sign up to be a performer, that's what it is. You are a performer and you have to be on and you got to do the meet and greet and you've got to perform and you're not feeling it. You might have had a bad day, but if you have a show that night, guess what? Sing a sad song and just turn it around.

Sing some Celine Dion. All by myself. Don't want to be home by my mom. I hope Celine Dion hears that and then sends a cease and desist. Yeah. Her reason that meme of like this one girl, she sings to Celine Dion and Celine Dion like rolls up the window.

It's so funny to me. She's like, none of that. None of that. Over it. I love it. Celine Dion's so funny. Oh, she's an icon. I love her so much.

Have you seen her live? So I've tried to see her life three times And every time, like the day before or the day of She had to cancel for one reason or another I want to see her life so bad But I just never got to I saw her in Vegas and it was incredible I loved it so much

She told little Little stories in between the songs It was delightful and the voice The voice is there My biggest worry in life is like Me Dying or Celine Dian I'm passing away before I get to see her perform live. No, that shan't happen. You'll see her.

I hope so. You'll definitely see her. Kim, we have to take another break. Let's do it. Ooh, baby, there's a new way to experience one of the most iconic love stories of all time. The new Audible Original Pride and Prejudice is not just an audiobook. It's like being dropped right into Elizabeth Bennett's world. The performances are so rich and detailed. You feel every spark of chemistry with Mr. Darcy.

It stars a full cast with Marissa Abella from Industry and BlackBag as Elizabeth Bennett and Harris Dickinson from Baby Girl and Where the Crawdad sings as Mr. Darcy. Plus, Marianne, Jean-Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nyey, and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine DeBerg. Marissa Abella brings you right into Elizabeth Stubber. complicated mind as she faces family expectations, social pressures, and those messy first impressions with Mr. Darcy. And with an original score by a Grammy nominated composer, it feels vibrant, modern, and fresh. Whether you're brand new to Pride and Prejudice or revisiting a favorite, this is such a delightful listen. Listen to the new Pride and Prejudice at

audible.com slash jane Austin. That's audible.com slash Jane Austen. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. On World Mental Health Day, we take a moment to say thank you to the people who really make a difference. Therapists! Because therapy, it changes lives. I've had those moments in therapy where I finally say something out loud and think, oh, so that's what's been going on. It's powerful to have someone who listens, asks the right questions, and helps you untangle the mess in your head, especially if it's affecting your dating life. BetterHelp has helped over five million people worldwide, find those moments with licensed therapist who care and show up. They've been doing this for over 12 years, and their matching process makes it easy to find the right therapist for you. And if it's

not a good bit, you can switch it anytime, which is super important because you need to find someone who meshes with you, and that's okay. So if you've been thinking about trying therapy, take this as your sign. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. My listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash date me. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash dateming. Fall dating season is here, and listen, if you invite someone over and make them dinner,

you will look like a catch, especially if you cheat a little and let Green Chef do all the hard work for you. Green Chef recipes use fresh, organic, seasonal produce, and responsibly sort of proteins so you can feel good about what you're eating. And they've got so many options from Mediterranean, gluten-free, plat-based, protein-packed, even gut and brain health meals. They have over 80 dietitian-approved recipes every week so you can switch it up based on your mood or your schedule. The other night, I had their Greek sirloin steak, and oh my God, oh, baby, it was so good. It had this creamy lemon basil caper sauce that I wanted to pour all over everything. It came with roasted summer squash, tomatoes, betta, almonds, and I felt like a

fancy little chef, and it only took, what, 25 minutes? Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com slash 50 Date Me and use code 50 Date Me to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code 50 Date Me at greenchef.com slash 50 Date Me. Because honestly, nothing sexier than someone who can make a healthy meal. that actually tastes good. And we're back. Okay, what is, if you were to go on a first date, what is your ideal first date with somebody?

Not a movie because you don't get to talk to that person. Ah, okay. I mean, my ideal first date will be, I mean, I'm such a nerd. I would like to go to, like, a board game cafe. Where's there a board game cafe in L.S. There was one in Glendale, but it closed, like, during pandemic. But the other city is having one. Why doesn't L.A.

have a board game stores that you could go. But that's a little too nerdy and, like, not beautiful. Yeah, but if it's something you're into. Okay, let's pretend I wasn't in L.A. I was living in a city that had a board game cafe. Okay. I like to go to a board game cafe. Uh-huh.

I play a lot of board games, so if they're not familiar with board games, I'd teach them. Mm-hmm. And if they can't comprehend, like, a simple rule. I know they're not the one, and we will part ways. Okay. But if they ignite something in me, and if they, like, if they understand the rules right away, if they give me, like, a fierce challenge, we could go on a second date. I like that.

I feel like you have very high standards, and I feel like a lot of people don't. Because, well, I think it's fun that you're like, if you can't comprehend simple rules, you're not for me. Yeah. Because that probably is a thing that carries on into other parts of their life. Do you know what I mean? So it means like the whole person just isn't good for you. I think that's a fun way to think.

And also, if you're going to be dating, we'll probably have to play a lot of board games together, just because I love board games. What is your favorite board game? Right now, I'm really liking this game called Frommage. Frommage. And then also this game called Combeal. Cambeal. Don't know. Oh, we'll play.

You will love it. I like playing games with you. You're a very, very fierce competitor. Last time we played Mafia, Nicole killed me first. Because the game started, and I jokingly asked Nicole, are you a mafia? And Nicole's like, no. And then she killed me that night.

And I was like, get her out of here. And I did so good truly to like the last three people. And they were like, it's definitely you. And I was like, I'm... Me? And I get so... Well, no, I'm not going to tell my secrets. But I do love Mafia.

And Bob was the one doing the, like, narration. And I... Mafia's so fun. Oh, my God. I love lying to friends. Yeah. Oh, my God. Then you'll, like, blood on the clock tower.

Oh, I've never... I've never heard of that one. Okay. So, it's a social deduction game, just like Mafia. Mm-hmm. But way more intricate. Everybody gets the role. Okay.

And even when you get killed in this game, you're not out of the game because you still participate as a ghost. Oh, okay. So everybody's lying until the very end of the game. And, like, sometimes you want to be killed on purpose because you might have a role that you find out information when you get killed.

So it is really fun. Oh, that does sound fun. It is such a popular game that there's even, like, conventions and things for it. Wait, really? Yeah. We played, what was it? Oh, Secret Hitler.

Mm-hmm. Where you were a fascist. Yes. And boy, oh boy, were you lying and just gaslighting in a way that I was like, this is wild. I think you won, too. Oh, I always play. Except for that one mafia game we played. I was like, get her, Kim.

Killed the first night. Yeah. And it was funny because it was like Monet's friends from high school or something were also there. And they just did not trust it. I was like, y'all just met me, what do you mean? Come on. Like, Amanda said, ooh-woo. You're also good at monikers? I do like monikers. That's the game with the cards, right?

Yes. We still, it's like a game where you, like, imprisonate, like, celebrities and things. Oh, yes. We still talk about your impersonation of Harriet Tubman to this day. So iconic. Holding a lantern. Oh, Monterger's is such a fun game. Oh, my world.

We should play it. What's your favorite, favorite, favorite game? I would say probably combio because it's really easy to introduce people into it, but there's a lot of elements. It's a game of memory, deceit, speed, and betrayal. Mm-hmm. And every single person that I introduced game to all went in and bought their own deck. and everybody loves it. Okay.

Well, maybe I'll buy it. I have a game that I love that nobody likes. It's called pizza. Oh, pizza? How do you play it? It's got little cards, and then you have to, like, get them into a shape of a pizza. Oh.

And it gives you a letter and a category, and you have to, whoever says whatever the thing. It's like actors with the name of A. So if you're like, Alan Alda, you get a point. Oh, I would love to play that. Okay. Also, I really like this game called Frommage. Mm-hmm.

You're a cheesemonger in France, and you're, like, competing to be, like, the best cheesemonger. Okay. It's really fun. It sounds fun. I used to play this game on my phone. Oh, I can't remember the name of it, but you had to make, like, hamburgers for people, and then the customers would get so mad at you didn't make it. Oh, yeah.

Exactly which game you're talking about, yeah. I don't know what the game is called. I loved it. And I worked in a restaurant for such a long time, and I was like, why am I putting the stress on myself? Yeah, the games were, like, Flo's Diner and things like that, where you have to, like, serve angry customers. And I'm like, this is not relaxing.

It's not relaxing in the slightest. And, yeah, same with the game where, like, enemy chases after you, like, Pac-Men and things like that. Yes. I do not enjoy those games. No. Why am I being chased? No, I'd rather get together with friends and lie.

Also, I don't enjoy games with, like, farming or fishing. I don't want to do menial labor on my day off. Let me tell you. Animal Crossing. I hate Animal Crossing. I fucking hate Animal Crossing.

I played Animal Crossing during the pandemic because people were like, it's a good way to connect. Come to my island. Never got a house. Also. We'll go fishing. We'll get boots.

Fishing is the reason why I quit Animal Crossing because I'll be on my friend's island. We'd all be fishing. My friends would catch like the biggest most succulent fish. And I'll be getting these stupid little guppies I never even got a guppy

And then it shows you like a stupid pun And every time I'll see that pun Like it would make me like Irrationally angry And I'm like this pun doesn't even make any sense I hated it Yeah I agree I simply hated it

I agree Tim Nook can suck my dick I'd rather build Legos Me too and I'm not a Lego girl Yeah I'd rather do like underwater Basket Weaving I would rather get fucking waterboarded than play Animal Crossing. I'd rather go work at McDonald's.

I would rather walk into traffic than play Animal Crossing. I'd rather... I don't know. There's a lot of things I'd rather do. There's so many things. Yeah. I'd rather wear shoes that are too small. Now, I'm kidding. That actually is a nightmare when your shoes are too small. Or, like, they rub your foot

the wrong way? Or, because I have a wide foot, if the shoe is, like, narrow on the size and it's just, like, rubbing on the size. Oh, and it's just so uncomfortable. Did you know pleasers has wide shoes? Yes, I do. And it made me so happy. Oh, what size, what are you?

I am an 11 in normal shoes, a 12 in pleasers. Okay. 12 wide. Okay. Oh, yeah, because you do a pole dancing. Sure do. But right now I can't do it because I hurt my arm. I went to a poll competition this weekend.

Oh, you did? Yeah, one of my best friends was competing in it. And my God, everybody there is so talented. It was like going to a drag show where everyone is talented. Like everyone actually had like a legit skill, you know That's so funny, a drag show where everyone's actually talented I'm dying to know which queens you don't think are talented But we'll save that for all, Mike

Well, Kim, we've come to the end No Do you have any advice for single people out there? Yeah, give up I love it Just give up You heard it here first I did.

Get the fuck up. And so will you. But if you're truly single out there, gay and available, slide into my DMs because not that many people slide into my DMs, so you might have a chance. Okay, so wait, for real, is that, would you want that? Would you want people to slide into your DMs? If you made it as far on this podcast, you're clearly somewhat interested. This is the litmus test.

If you can listen to me talk for an hour, go ahead and slide on it. Yeah. Come on down. Well, I hope that someone does slide into your DMs. And also, okay, let's be very specific. You want it to be respectful, or do you want, like, hogs? Do you want dicks? Do you want dickpicks?

Let me see what, you know, I don't want to censor anything. Show me who you are as a person. Oh. And I will decide if it's for me or not. I fucking love that. I really, you're like, you're like, you really have high standards and I feel, yes, because I feel

like you're like, I haven't been into a relationship because I don't want to get hurt, one, two, I have not met anyone who's worthy of me. That's what I'm inferring. Oh, I mean, I guess, I guess maybe that's why I'm single. And don't be scared to slide into my DMs. Worst thing I can do is ignore you.

I love that. Kim, do you have anything you want to promote? Yes, please purchase my books. Don't tell I'm watching the Live Revengers. kimchi's the world. My makeup is widely available on kimchicbony.com, CVS, JCPenny,

Ulta.com, and also love me. I am also available for sale. I love that. I'm also available for sale. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you could like it, you could rate it, you can subscribe, give me five stars on Apple Podcast,

and if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me podcast at gmail.com, I'll read it. Please keep them a little. shorter because Mars, my wonderful producer, has had to tailor some of these just to be a little shorter. So this person writes, Dear Nicole, you asked us to keep it short. And at 5'2, that's all I know how to do. So I decided I'd write you a sexy haiku. Let's tend to our farm making sweet love and moonshine. Your nice man can watch. XOXO, X-X-O, Champagne Crotch. That was nice.

Poetic. That was nice. I liked it. It was short. It was short. It was poetic. It was literally a poem, a haiku. Is there a number in there too? My number? Their number? No, their number's not in there.

Just X-O-X-O-X-O-Champaign crotch. Ooh, you better slide into Kim's DM. She liked that haiku. Slide it in. Come on down. Come on down. I don't know the... I know the song, but I don't know the...

Yeah, but it's kind of hard to sting. Wait, come on down. All by myself All by my myself. All right, goodbye. Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue.

With guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at HeadGum is Katie Moose, and our Thieve music is arranged by Mike Cometay. Thanks for listening! We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye! That was a HeadGum podcast.