Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Nicole Eats a Banana from a Sex Worker's Pussy (w/ Naomi Rodgers)

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

Broadway star Naomi Rodgers (Tina: The Tina Turner Musical) opens up about secretly dating her co-star while on tour, and offers advice how to grieve and get over a breakup. Nicole shares her latest European dating mishaps, including an unforgettable visit to the Red Light District. Follow Nicole Byer: See Nicole on tour! Get tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746 

Oh, baby, do you want to see me live doing stand up? I'm doing fun new material. So Saturday, August 26, I'll be at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas, Nevada. Friday, September 15, I'll be at River City Casino in St. Louis, Missouri. Saturday, September 16, I'll be at the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then Friday, September 22, I'll be at Meridian Hall in Ontario. No, Toronto, Ontario. Canada! Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast. Oh my God, I already fucked it up and I just started. It's a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single, but guess what? It's a mystery that nobody can figure out. My guest today is currently in the Tina Turner musical.

I didn't get to see her, but I have watched lots and lots and lots of video because I really liked the musical. Okay, get ready for Naomi Rogers. Do, do, do, for Naomi Rogers. Hi, whoopee. Hi, hi, hi. How are you? Listen, I'm fabulous. I just got back from, where was I?

I was in Greece. I went to Mykonos, Thessaloniki, Paros, and then I went to Amsterdam. And Naomi, let me tell you, people were like, import a man, go overseas, go get you one. The only person, two people hit on me. One was a 19 year old who was a server at one of the beaches we went to. Very cute. And I was like, well, how old are you? And he was like 19. And I was like, well, how old are you? And he was like, 19. And I was like,

we can't go anywhere. Naomi, the second person was a 70-year-old man in a neck brace. Like, I don't know. And he, so we were like waiting for our luggage and he was like, where is the luggage? And I was like, I don't know. I think it's

going to come out here. And he was like, yes. And then he walked away and stared at me and he was like where is the luggage and i was like i don't know i think it's gonna come out here and he was like yes and then he walked away and stared at me and i was like oh my god then we were walking to get a cab me and my friend mano and he like ran up behind me he's like where is your final destination and i was like this is nikki and he was like this is nikki is happy to have you and i was like okay and then we got in the cab and i was like how do you think he got that neck brace and my friend mano was like probably from the first fat black woman who sat on his face that's good right there well well there it is there it is then we spent a lot of the trip just being like you're the 10th fat black woman to sit on my neck.

Do you want to sit on my wrist and break my wrist? Naomi, are you single? Are you dating? What's going on? I am actually in a relationship with the love of my life. He plays Ike. Oh, my. I told him you were going to do this.

I told him. I said, you're going to shit when you hear that I dated him. The irony of that situation is truly wild. Truly. Did you meet doing the show or did you meet before? What happened? So what happened was he came in to take over for the role of Ike. Previously, there was another guy doing it.

And then he came in and then like I saw him and he saw me. And then we had like a rehearsal. And then we just looked into each other's eyes while we were doing lines one day. And we went, nope, nope, we're not doing this. This is not going to happen. We're not going to happen. I'm not looking at you. You're not looking at me.

This is not happening. And then, like, one day I didn't have a show. And I invited him to the casino because it's, like, my happy place or whatever. And so I went to the casino. And I kind of heard through the grapevine, through everybody, that he likes to gamble a little bit. He likes to play blackjack and whatever. And so I was like, I called him and I was like, do you want to come to the casino? And he was like, yeah.

And then we spent five hours falling in love the entire night. Oh, my God. What a dream to just look in someone's eyes and be like, you. No, I can't. Ooh, yes. But like doing the be like, you, no, I can't. Ooh, yes. But like doing the lines like, shut up, bitch. You know? You were like, ooh, I kind of like this.

Wait, that is so wild. How long have you been together? We've been together, it's going on five months now. Oh my God, I love this. I'll just say it. I'm jealous. I have done a show. I've done improv. I've worked with men and none of them have looked at me and been like, you. And I've been like, hey, baby. And they're like, no, not you, somebody else. Also in Amsterdam, I was trying to find a tall Dutch and none of the tall Dutch has wanted me. I was told that they were like really like up front and like like blunt. So I was at this bar

and I asked one of the Dutchmen who was working. I was like, what's your name? He was like, Derek. And I was like, Derek, that's not a Dutch name. And he went, I will tell my parents that they named me a bad name. And I was like, oh, I was just kidding. It was just a joke. And then he hated me for the rest of the night. And I was like, you know, this is not working out for old Nicole Byer. These Dutch men. I don't know why.

You should have just jumped on them. No conversation. Just do what you got to do. I should have been like, let me climb you, Derek. Yes. But I didn't. Also, Naomi, I want to tell you more about my trip. Tell me, tell me.

I was like, I will ask you questions about yourself. I promise. But okay. So I went to this, it was called the Bananen Club. And I cannot recommend it enough if you like silly sex things so if you're ever in it so you can so when you walk in the door there's a man standing there that's like sex show you want to come uh you can eat a banana out of a woman's pussy and i was like yes yes i would i will so we you can get as many shows as you want, and they charge you per show.

And one of the shows was a woman who wrote me a postcard with her pussy. And while she's writing this, she literally puts a Sharpie in her pussy, holds her lips together, and writes on a piece of paper. And I was like, and as she was reading, I was like, how did you learn? At what point were you like I think my pussy can write and she was like oh during lockdown I got pretty bored she said I was testing out some tricks so I could bring them back outside that's exactly what she was doing and then the next next one was a lady put a banana in her pussy and then opened it up. And then she was like, take a bite. And I was like, okay. I don't like bananas. So I spat it right out. And I was like, no offense to you. I just don't need that potassium. It's not, I don't like it. And then the third show was a woman put, she put a vibrator on each of my friends' heads

and then like fuck the vibrator on their heads and then slam their face with her pussy. And then we had a play catch the vibrator where she put it in her and then she swung forward and it shoots out, but it's covered in lube. So it's a rigged carnival trick because you're never going to catch it. Baby laugh.

So like, why wasn't I there? This is too good. It was so funny. And then the last one was our friend got spanked. And that was like pretty wild. She like pulled his pants down, slapped his bare ass. And then she was like, how many more slaps? And my friend was like, I don't think I want any more.

I don't think I want any more. I don't think I want any more. God, it was absolutely, the red light district. Have you been to Amsterdam? No, no, I'm go, I need to go now. You gotta go. Weed is legal. So like, there's just like a faint hint of like, marijuana in the air. Sometimes, sometimes not. There's like pretty canals so like by the day you're just like in a canal having a nice time and then at night the red lights on windows come up red is for ladies purple is for trans and uh they stand in the windows and they're like who wants it and there's signs everywhere that are like do not take pictures because they're at work. And it's pretty respectful.

And I was like, I think we should do this everywhere. Why not? Why not? I like it. That makes sense. I think that's what we need. It's so necessary, especially because I feel like a lot of other countries are, they get to express their sexuality and their freedom a lot more than we do in this country. They tell us to cover up. cover up they tell us to you know don't dress like this when you walk outside but they're like living their best lives over there in Amsterdam I think so and then I didn't see very many like nobody was like cracked out of their minds which I was like that's funny because everything's legal here um and then I didn't see too many like homeless people and then I found out that they pay like an incredibly high tax and there's a cap at how much you can make. And I was like, maybe we should all do that.

Maybe we don't need extreme wealth and maybe everyone should just be like nice and happy. Exactly. Naomi, I have a question. Prior to meeting the man that you love, did you like ever hook up with anybody else in a show? No, never. This is your first time never no exactly I came from doing the frozen tour so before I did this I was with like people who were just not into black bitches okay they were into like you you there into like the very like lighter skinned or very, you know, white, you know, girls. That's just what it was. So like even the black guys in the show, like, hey, Christophe, no, he doesn't want me.

So bye, Christophe. See you later. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, Christophe. later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

So, you know, I dealt with that majority of doing theater was just being around a lot of white people and that's not that wasn't really my go-to. I dated a lot of black guys, but I was always open to dating people, but they didn't want me. They did not want

me. But to be in like this is like my first show, which I can say like predominantly black show. Like, and it's dope because I'm around people who are like minded and I don't, I can be myself. And also I can find, you know, my man. God, I love that for you. Okay. You also went to AMDA?

AMDA. The American Musical and Dramatic Academy at the Ensonia at 70th Street and Broadway. I also went to AMDA. I know. You're a star there. I'm a star there?

You're a star. You're a star. Wild. Because when I first started working, they did not claim me. And then they tweeted about me. I was like, don't claim me now. Oh, they did not claim me. And then they tweeted about me. I was like, don't claim me now. Oh, they did.

I remember that. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Don't claim me now. And everyone from AMDA was like, yes, Nicole, speak for all of us. It's just funny because I don't think they were tweeting about me until Nailed It. And I was like, but I've been working. You've been working. You've been working. You've never asked me until nailed it and I was like but I've been working you've been

working you've never asked me to come back and talk don't claim me now I mean you look up girl code and you're the front of the picture uh of every like I'm just like why don't people know you are especially them but of course they don't you know so, because I'm not in a musical or something. Did you live in student housing? I did. I lived at the Stratford Arms. Okay. I love that you did that. So I assume, because you went far after me.

You're much younger than me, which is nice for you. When I went there, it had been converted from like an assistant living center. Yes. And there was like a bunch of old people. They were, they're still living? They were still, yo, they were still upstairs when I went. They were still upstairs. Like, was it separated?

So Stratford Arms, you walk in the building, you go to the elevator. There's only two floors that you can't go on. Or if you do go on it, like your friend is like weirdly placed in this room because that's what the school did. And they're living next to these old people. It's like that. Like, there's old people still living there. Like, it has not changed. Okay.

I like that there's order to it now where there's two floors for them. Because when I went there, they did not have a dedicated floor. They were everywhere. They were everywhere. They were everywhere. They roamed the hallways. They would scream at us. They'd be like, get out of here. And you'd be like, but I'm just 18 years old

trying to sing something from Rent. Do you want to hear Rent? Do you want to hear Rent? They're like, absolutely not. But the thing is, we also knew that there weren't, the thing about the straffer arms is like there it really wasn't as tight knit and like the security wasn't as good as they needed to be because we could go in like different rooms that nobody was in and that's what you like do that for

is to like do an audition or you like sing a song so you're not disturbing your friends so you go on the floor with the older folks, it's the funniest thing because I'm like, minutes before I die, I don't want to hear Wicked. I don't want to hear Defying Gravity as I'm passing away. I can't think of anything worse

than being old and close to death and living with cheerful musical theater idiots doing paddle turns. Did you do paddle turns? Did you do paddle turns? I did do paddle turn. When in life have you ever used a paddle turn? Now. Wait, really?

Do you see it when we do Proud Mary? It goes, uh, uh, river. Five, six, seven. Yes. If you're listening and don't know what a paddle turn is, it's like you are hopping around on one foot in a circle. But if you do it with some style, it looks good. But they didn't teach it to you with no style.

They say you do it like this, you look a little bit like Riverdance. I am just... Okay, was Randolph Pearson still there when you went? No. He was wild. He... He once told me, he was like, the way you dress is not going to get you cast. You like to wear things in the middle of yourself and you don't have a very good middle. And I was like, oh, what are you? What? He was trying to tell me I was like dressing wider than I was. I was like, oh my God.

Like what? I swear half of those teachers have said things to me that I like was like, you're allowed to say that, you know, like, like you think that's going to help me, but also you're allowed to say that it blows my mind that the half of the people that are still there are there as well like I did were you there when Elaine Petrikov Blaine Petrikov and no none of them okay okay okay so well yeah yeah yeah I'm trying to think of my teachers you probably had some wild teachers that had to be let go oh absolutely uh-huh. So you graduated in 2017. Mm-hmm. And then when did you get your first job out of school?

So I did Legally Blonde. They booked me. So I got my agents on panel night. And then they sent me in for a whole bunch of auditions, got Legally Blonde, did that in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Don't, if you're Black, don't. Never mind. I'm not going to say that. Be safe. You, I mean, I've been, and I agree. Be safe. But that was my first gig. And then, but I knew I had Frozen waiting for me while I was

doing that because I was doing so much auditioning. So, so many people were like, oh, we want her, you know, at this time so I could do this gig at that time. So that was it, Legally Blonde, then Frozen, and now Tina. What a dream. What a nice thing to just work immediately after school. I didn't work for a while. Because they didn't really sit, they send the musical theater kids out with i think a wealth of knowledge and like just tools and then the the kids who don't do musical theater they're just like well we did something with you because it was the hardest thing was getting an agent it was it was just so hard everything was hard and then i was like looking at backstage

going to like theater auditions and just do it so poorly. Wait, did you ever hook up with anyone at AMDA? Okay, so I did the dumbest thing because I did the two-year conservatory, obviously. So I ended up getting in a relationship with a guy from my friend group. He was Native American and lived on a in a reservation he's from Cherokee North Carolina so like he's I like me and my mom my sister were talking about this the other day they were like where do you think he is right now I was like I don't know somewhere being the a chief like he's like taking oh he's about to take over he's about to make this brand like

that's why he probably moved back home but But, like, ended up just, like, getting in a relationship my last semester. That was dumb because, like, I knew what I wanted to do. And then, like, a whole bunch of stuff happened. So, yes. Okay. I did not date while I was at AMDA because there were no gentlemen there who liked my persuasion. Like, I even lived with a guy. Like, my best friend evan

uh we were like can we live together and they were like yeah of course it's not like you're gonna be fucking or whatever so i was like you're right that's correct um but yeah i had no no luck at enda with the dating and what's so crazy is I didn't either until we just looked at each other one night and we're like, let's do this. What is this magic that you have where you look at people and they look at you and they're like, yep, this is, this is what we're doing. I feel like it's a little bit of the, like the performer in me. Like, I'm like, like, if you, like, you read, you read a lot from movies. And so you just, like, you look at it. It was like a movie moment.

We were just like, like, yeah, like, okay. Like, it was really weird. Because he got kicked out. He got kicked out of his friend's, well, his dorm room because his friend was trying to have sex with somebody else. So he was fucking somebody else in another room. So he was like, can I just like stay in here with you like for the night? And like, you know, and we just like end up watching Twilight. Okay.

How romantic. And that's like not my thing. But like also I was like a boy in the room in my bed. Why not? And then the rest was that. Boy, oh boy. I love this. Okay.

Real quick, Naomi, we have to take a break. And we're back. Okay, Naomi, when did you first start dating? Was it in high school? It was. I think I had, like, little boyfriends in middle school. Like, those ones that you're like, you know, like, this is my boo at that school because he liked me and I liked him. But, like, what happened was I didn't start really dating until I got out of school.

And when I say out of school, my mom homeschooled me because I was like not very good at like ADHD kid, like very like hyper. It just like a chihuahua like that was me. So it was in class clown as well. So it was hard for me to pay attention. So my mom was like, you're not they're not going to fail fail you we just can't have this so my mom homeschools me and then I continue to uh start like going outside a lot more and that's when I found my first boyfriend and so like we were all hanging out a whole bunch of me and my uh friends at the time and uh we would like be outside of people's houses and hanging out like on their front porch and how you find a boyfriend honey just go outside

I mean I keep going outside and and I keep not finding anybody yeah but, my first boyfriend was like my most serious one. And that's when I was 16. And then my really, really serious one where like I was like always at his parents' house and hanging out. He was a preacher's kid. So a lot of that relationship really was more about, and I feel like this personally, it was to teach me like how to be a better woman but only in the way that I saw fit for myself not in the way that they wanted me to be like so they wanted me to be like this like this very like prissy like very like church girl and that just that just was not me that just wasn't me you know so that's it was that's a bit of uh a weird thing that I had to

understand about myself is that I literally just have to continue to like like who I am and stick with that and also grow in that as well like a lot of things I just can't do anymore so that is a hard thing to like stay true to yourself when you start dating somebody because like you'll find yourself being like oh yes I will do that I love skiing sure why not eat pickles and it's like I've never been skiing and I hate a pickle but you just find yourself trying to like appease somebody which is wild yeah I think I spent a lot of like doing that with even friends as well you know like a lot of people because I was a PK people were like oh you you're softer you know you act like this you act like that and I'm like little do you know you have no clue I'm like you don't know who I am outside of what you know what you think you know about me but also just trying to like you said appease and being that I hated it

it wasn't great I remember I went to my boyfriend my ex-boyfriend's mom's house the one the preacher she said I just came like in sweats and like a jacket or whatever just to be comfortable because we were just gonna go watch movies and hang at his house she goes Naomi every time you come over here you look look homeless. I said, excuse me? I said, I was just coming to chill. Yes. Well, you gotta get all dressed up to hang out with her son. Exactly. But like stuff like that sat in the back of my head for a while. And then like, when they saw me like actually dress up, they'd say things like, oh, she can finally be a part of our family now. I think

we'll take her in. I think we'll have her. Oh. And the thing that irks me the most is that my ex wouldn't say anything. He just would let them talk to me like that. And I think that's what sucked was like, oh, wow, you're okay with the actions and the things that your parents say to your girlfriend. That's a bit much, especially when you know that it hurts me, but then you get called soft and then, you know, you need to have tough skin to be around my family. No, I don't. No, I don't. No, you need your partner to be like, Hey mom, you don't got to say that shit to her. That's not nice. I'll never understand someone being like, well, that's just my family. And it's like, no, your family can have manners and your family can be kind like and you can explain it to them i feel like that's why a lot

of people are like oh i hate like there's like in-law jokes or whatever and they're like god my mother-in-law it's like yeah because she's a terrible person because your husband or your your girlfriend or your partner or whoever isn't like shut up you can't say that like i'm not being stolen i'm just continuing my life with somebody else that isn't you yeah and i think that's what we can go down to like mommy issues like you don't like you don't even know that like your mom's an issue and she is and then come to find out later your mom's a huge issue to not only you but like the community that we live in like it's just it's weird your mother's a mother's a

menace little do you know I knew it all along great Naomi it seems like you've had like lots of experiences dating which is very lucky for you how blessed you are um just really nice and what a dream um but how do you deal with like breaking up? Because I was dating someone for a little bit and it was like getting kind of like serious, although he was never my boyfriend because that's the fun thing. But like we broke up and I'm still sad about it. And I'm like, how does one get over it? I literally got over a lot of my breakups and the thing is I'm a cancer so I'm a lover at heart like I that's like how I how I see you even if like the good and the bad I love you either way so it's always hard for me to leave it's never me that leaves it's always them so

because I'm willing to fight for whatever we had whatever I thought we had so I always ended up on the other end literally going I'm not I don't feel good about myself I'm not worthy why they break up with me what did I do wrong usually I don't do anything wrong they just end up cheating on me because I'm a fucking great person and also I have things going for myself so they hate that security comes into place but long story short I got over a lot of my breakups literally by just realizing that like there is someone out there for me like and you know I had to like remind myself of that and like drink a little bit, you know, and, you know, watch TV. And, you know, I don't eat ice cream. I eat burgers. When I feel like when I feel sad and, you know, I just have to remind myself that, like, I'm that bitch.

Like, you can't let what experience you have with someone else dictate who you are. You can't let what experience you have with someone else dictate who you are. Seriously. Like the heartbreak is because you're basically it's like a death. You're losing someone and you'll never have them the same way that you had them, you know, before ever again. So but it's just like not not my loss. Your loss. That's a good way to think of it. My therapist was like, well, it she also was like, it is like a death and you have

to grieve it. But then she was like, you do have to eventually like move on. And then she was like, and when you do just know that it's going to be incredibly frustrating. She was like, because some people find people very fast, but others don't. And there's no rhyme or reason. And it might take you a while, but it's going to be frustrating. And you have to just kind of like open your heart and accept that it's going to be frustrating. And I was like, ain't that a bitch? That's not nice. You have to accept like most of the things that I had to accept. Like I said, I got cheated on. That's how I got broken up with this. Like a week later after the breakup, they were like posted up with like another girl or like we're posting that they were with someone else. And, you know, and it was just like, so you've been cheating on me this entire time. So I it was really bad. It was terrible for me.

I was just like, how do I get over you doing everything for someone else that you wouldn't do for me? for someone else that she wouldn't do for me. You know, how do I get over that? But it wasn't until I was like, I can do that for myself. But also I know that someone's going to love exactly who I am and I can't give up on that. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love love. That's so nice. I in the back of my brain, I'm like, OK, I know there's somebody out there for me. I know someone's going to be like, oh, she's the loudest. She's she's wild. But I like her. And it's this is for me. But I'm just like, when? Tick fucking talk. When? You're you're you're too good. You're too good. They'd be scared. It is. I don't know. I think I probably talked about on this podcast before, but it is a wild thing to like you're like so many people just liked me but there isn't that one person who i like back and they like me and we're best friends and

we fucking were in love and it's like huh that must be nice for people to like do good at work and they come home and their wife or partner or husband or spouse is just like, hey, I'm proud of you. Give me a hug. You want chicken? That's just what I want, Naomi. I want someone to give me chicken because I do good. I swear it's going to come to you. You're manifesting this for yourself. You know exactly what you want. So you're going to have the perfect man. I already know it. I do. OK, I know I said this on a podcast a while ago. What I did before I started dating the person I broke up with, I wrote a letter to my future partner and I put it in the mailbox at the post office. And I wrote on the envelope to my future partner.

And then I just wrote a fake address. and then I put a stamp on it. And I hope so that the post office just like opened it and read it and was like, I hope she gets what she wants. And that's how I got sent that person. It didn't work out. We had just different, you know, ideas about life and it was like pretty mutual and it's fine, but I'm like, maybe I should do that again, but just get even more specific. Yep. Write a book. Write a book, cast a spell, just do it all. Wait, Naomi, when did you start singing? When you were 12? Yes, actually. I was like playing softball and volleyball and basketball. Like I was like the tomboy of my family. I did not like makeup, like stuff like that.

That was not up my alley. Like I wasn't that girl. But she takes me to this theater and we're watching The Music Man. And the girl who plays the lead role in The Music Man, she's this girl I used to go to elementary school with, but she's also Black. And so and usually that role is played by a predominantly white woman. And so I was looking at this stage and I'm like, oh my gosh. And then hearing her sing, I was like, oh my gosh.

And I was like, this is really good. So my mom and me, we walked out and she was like, did you enjoy that? And I was like, I did, I did. She goes, great, you're auditioning for this shit next week. So like my mom's like that crazy like dance mom's, like, that crazy, like, dance mom, but, like, theater mom.

This was the theater mom crazy. So she's like, okay, we have to get your song together. What are you going to sing? What are you going to sing? So I figure out, like, Home from the Wiz. And, like, that was my start. And that's actually, that was my audition song to get an AMB.

Oh, I love that. I love that that song was just taking you places it did it really has I was like this this is a good song it's not bad it's not bad now that the whiz is coming out I'm just like hey I don't know if you need a Dorothy maybe I don't know I sing Tina Turner now so I don't know if that's up my alley anymore like I'm I'm like I'm right here right now. So wait, when you started doing Tina, you were unfamiliar with the story of Tina Turner's life? I was a bit unfamiliar with the second part, which is everything before What's Love,

the movie, Angela Beckett, all of that. Yeah, I know that. But I didn't know the second part of her life at all not like that but i knew about this woman with this crazy wig and these crazy you know outfits and this insane voice you can't get that voice out of your head no it's such a wonderful voice and i recently just because i had seen the movie saw the musical and i was like well and i seen the documentary because i grew up loving tina turner um and i was like i might as well read her book the book is wild hun she says things so like cavalier where you're like

it's just like one day i was walking around and then i could beat me with a shoehorn and i'm like wait what how did we get here and it's like it was interesting because I was like, oh, that's literally just abuse. It comes out of nowhere. It's like there's things leading up to it. But the first time someone acts on violence, it really is like how I didn't do anything to deserve that. This came literally out of nowhere. Yes, they're like not like they're abusing cocaine or whatever. But like it was just it was really wild to read i would also read it on a beach and i was like this is not a beach read um it was really like and then i had to sing with a mouthful of blood i'm like well let me get in the water and like really just uh try to feel a little better no it literally and i think what's so crazy is she never even wanted to tell this story at all. You know, she was like, why, you know, why are we doing this? Like, why do you want to know about, you know, what I went through like that? Because what's so crazy is a lot of people profited off know, she didn't even get to be known as this woman that we know her to be in in the second part of her life, which is the second act, which is this iconic, amazing, you know, friendly, joyful, funny person. We only just know about what happened to her and what someone did to her. Yeah. And, you know, and I know, and, you know,

growing up, one of the main things that I remember is people joking about, you know, that the one scene in the movie and things like that. Eat the cake. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Eat the cake anime.

So growing up, just seeing all of that and then to now be, you know, basically stepping into her shoes of her life and emulating that on stage. It feels different to, you know, joke about those things. It feels different because it's literally stuff like that happened out of nowhere. Yeah. And it's also wild to me when people do make jokes about it, when it's like, do you not understand how awful that must have been like how awful it was to live it and then have to relive it and then have to hear jokes about it like it's just i was like i get why she went to switzerland or wherever the fuck she went just to be like let me get the

fuck out of here that's literally what i say to people all the time i'm like she found love of her life she made the money that she needed to people are trying you know, you know, I had a question asked to me today in an interview. Like, did she know? Like, did you think that she knew how loved she was? I'm like, of course she did. Of course she did. But that wasn't enough for her to stay here and continue to keep dealing with this. No.

She said, we are out. Goodbye. I asked Zarin this, but when, so the finale finale you've heard me say this before because I just interviewed Zurn about it but the finale is truly just like a Tina Turner musical what does it feel like to do that like do you feel like a fucking

rock star I feel like Beyonce uh huh I feel like Beyonce because this is why I wish you you could see both of our shows because you would be like oh my god bitch yes that's how I literally

I give looks like this I go like a I do stuff like that but I also like bring Tina into it as well but I like feeling like I can bring Naomi into it in the beginning of the concert, I do a lot more talking. I'm like, I go San Francisco. I'd be like, what's going on? I'd be like, did y'all enjoy yourselves this evening? And they're

like, yeah. And I'm like, if you did, can I hear, hey, hey, Tina. And they'd be like, hey, hey, Tina. And I'm like, all right, all right, all right. Saying, friend, I just got one question for you. Is it all right if me and my friend sing and play a dance, two more songs with you? Is that all right? Like, I'm in this, like, I'm just, I'm living my best life every night. I, oh, God, I do want to see you in it. Maybe I'll fly somewhere and be like, okay. Yes, please.

But what a fabulous opera. Like, what a a just a fun fucking role okay i have a question i want to pivot oh wait first we're gonna take another break we're back okay so i want to know your current partner, what is the most romantic thing that you guys have done together? Oh my gosh. We have done so much together in these five months because we're literally like two college kids. Like when we met each other, we were like, we're like rock stars. Like we live the rock star lifestyle. Like we get fucked up together. Like we just do things like, it just do things. It's so much.

This is my best friend. So I think one of our things that is like when we're not winning, it sucks, which is the casino. That's one of our main things that we love doing together. But I think it wasn't until he was like, I love amusement parks. And I was like, you do? He was like, and I love huge roller coasters. I said, you do? And so ever since we've been on the West Coast, we've been going to amusement parks and stuff like that. So we just went to SeaWorld and we had a ball. But I think stuff like things that are active is like our love language. Like just being active and being up and moving around.

But, um, I think the most romantic thing that we've done together that he's done for me in general is throw me a fucking surprise birthday party. No one's ever done that for me. My birthday was July 12th. So he like, he's like,

he's like, come on. He's like, come on. I'm just getting done with this show. And I'm like, okay, okay,

okay. He bought me these like Dolce and Ganas or whatever and i okay i'm designer diva but earlier he was like earlier he was that day he was just like are you gonna wear the shoes and i was like yeah i'm gonna wear the shoes i'm gonna wear the shoes to dinner like of course i am and so like he's like okay well come on come on come on so, like, he's like, okay, well, come on, come on, come on after the show. And he's like, hurry up. We're going to be late. We're going to be late. And I'm like, yo, okay, hold on.

I got the Dolce's on. You're like, I haven't broken these in yet. Exactly. I'm like, hold on. And so we walk in and boom, surprise. It was like no one's just ever done anything like that for me. So I think stuff like that, like a gesture of, you know, like showing that, you know, you give a fuck about my being. Like that means and you want to share it with everyone else how much you give a fuck about me.

That is so romantic to me because a lot of people don't do that. A lot of people don't do that. Oh, I love that. Okay, I have another question because I have trouble with this. So you first hung out in a casino for like five hours. At what point were you like, let's hang out during the day? Because I feel like dating happens at night a lot. And then you're like, how do I tell this person I want to hang out with them sober when the sun is up?

So this is something like me and you have to talk about in depth more without anybody listening. Because you will never believe what even came about of us being together. It was a struggle. We had to be in secret for a while from the cast and from everybody because, like, there was a lot of stuff going on. So, like, we really didn't get to spend, like, the daytime together. And if we did, we'd have to go, like, very far from proximity of, like, the theater and the hotels and everything. So, like, I was, it wasn't until we woke up the next morning. We were like, oh, shit.

We like each other a lot. And we just spent every day in the room together all day, all day. So but the thing about it is we're foodies. So we like to go out and eat food and do things like that. So it was a lot of fun to know that he's like he's a very lively person. He goes to the gym. Great. I don't every every morning I don't do that every morning um so he's like all right babe bye I'll see you later going to the gym and so I'm like okay and then he comes back and you know you just I think we were in our honeymoon phase that's what it was so we didn't want to go outside we just sat in all the time. But now we be outside, honey. Now you go outside.

That's so funny that the beginning of your relationship was just like secret rendezvous, hiding in a hotel room, being like nobody can know. Yeah, we would go to like girls would flirt with him and stuff like that. Not being in a corner like this and like. He couldn't say anything. I couldn't say anything I couldn't say anything like it was it was pretty bad it was pretty bad at first but like it felt it was fun it was fun uh-huh I'm sure it was I feel like any kind of secret relationship is fun until you're like I want to tell people yeah wait okay so has he met your family and have you met his family? I met his family and he's like met my mom like through, you know, the phone and things like that and my sisters. But he's going to meet them actually next week.

They're coming to come to San Francisco to like my sisters are going to have a girls trip with my mom. And so they're going to meet for the first time in person. But I've met his family because when he started as Ike, he was in his hometown, Cleveland, Ohio. So we were already in his area. So it was easy for him to tell his mom, hey, I'm in love with this woman and I can't tell anybody, but the only person I'm going to tell is you. So I'm going to let you meet her, bring her over. Like, let's have dinner. Like, let's do a whole bunch of other stuff. So me and his mom are like this now. Like we were on the phone nonstop all the time. She's a, she's a vibe. Like, she'd be like, girl at these hoes, like, like that shit. She'd be like, like, yeah, I don't care about what

nobody say. Like, and make sure y'all protect. She always says like, make sure you protect each other and like, make sure that nobody, you know know comes in between what you have going on because you know people will try that and um you just got to be confident what you have going what you have so that's so sweet i love that you're best friends with this fucking mom this is the night over you're making me jealous also interesting because like you met on a tour. So you immediately had to like travel together. Yep. And I feel like that's like a huge step some people take.

They're like, I don't know if I'm going to travel well with this person. But like you guys travel well together. Yeah. Nicole, we're in my hotel room right now. And I'm like looking at our luggages and I'm like, oh, God. I'm like, oh, God. Like, I have to clean up. I have to do this. Like, I'm like, oh, God. I'm like, oh, God. I have to clean up. I have to do this.

I'm like, oh, God. He's a boy. He is a boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A boy. Yes. And he's a Pisces, too. So he's just like, eh, like a good time and all over the place.

So he gives those vibes. But yeah, I think the traveling has been a lot more easier. I hated doing that. But like, I like doing it with him. Because like you said, you get to, you know, experience a lot more things with. I mean, we truly, truly get frustrated if one person is doing something that the other person is not okay with or doesn't like. Yes. Especially on travel days.

That is so annoying to have to worry about another human being and plus yourself like that's a lot yeah I try to be good at traveling I'm terrible at packing but I've learned that I'm like I just have to do it earlier than I think like leaving Amsterdam we were like let's meet in the lobby at 12 or no at 9 30 and I was like like, I'm going to tell myself nine. And then I put it in my phone. I was like, nine, nine, nine, nine. And then I was so early. But I was like, otherwise, I was also late to the nine. So like, I would have been late if I had said 930 to myself. And it's a boy, a boy, the worst. But also, I was traveling with my my good friend Mano. And it was funny, because the day after we like separated, went back to our homes, I was like, I miss Mano. I wonder what he's doing. And then today he sent me a voice memo where he was like, Diva, I miss you. I miss being with you every day. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's what happens when you travel with someone that you like. You then get like accustomed to being with them.

get like accustomed to being with them. And then that made me even sadder because I was like, what if it was a man who wanted to fuck me? That would be that would be so nice for him to say, I miss you. Naomi, what I'm saying? I'm just I'm sad, but also perfectly fine. I had a nice vacation. I I just have to keep telling myself it will happen. Literally, literally. I feel like my question would be for you are like you want you're looking for a man that's going to be OK with amps to damn and walk in and, you know, seeing, you know, the men, you know, asking you, hey, how you doing and things like that. And then not getting jealous or anything like that. Good. Well, to me, that's like unhinged if like I can't imagine being with someone and then getting upset that like a woman hit on them

I'd be like good good I'm glad someone hit on you that means they're hot and I made a good choice if nobody hits on my partner I'd be so sad I'd be like do I have a uggo what's happening do I have a uggo yeah is do I have an uglygo? What's happening? Do I have an uggo? Do I have an ugly person with me? Nobody's looking at them. I'd be so sad. Yeah, I just want someone who's like secure in who they are and emotionally available. That is my new number one, number two. Secure in who they are and emotionally available.

Because I keep meeting people who are not emotionally available. That is the thing that sucks the most. My last relationship before I got with Roderick is like this guy who just, you know, he just did not feel the way that I feel like he did. You could and you could tell by like the conversations that we would have. You know, he never said I loved you enough. He said you know I support you I'm proud of you he never like just just and it felt like someone with someone who really just was intimidated by who I was like especially just me making more money than him and things like that that was a huge huge issue for him so for a while I was just like yo like before rod i was like i'm just gonna

be by myself because i'm never gonna find someone who literally is my equal in a way or who's gonna feel secure in themselves enough to be like yeah my woman's the breadwinner in the house like yeah that's okay a lot of guys are like not okay with that especially because like the stereotypes that are being put on about black women like only wanting men with money like like it's you know it's it's weird so it is weird and it is like a weird little hill that you have to uh deal with where it's like you got to be okay with all of me which means you know i might be more financially secure than you. But also it's like, if you could ride, you could ride. That's fine. Exactly. Like, it is a little frustrating.

But, you know, one day. Yeah. Also, the day I left Amsterdam, like, landed back in L.A., opened up Tinder, and I had matched with a man from Amsterdam who was so hot. And he was like, I think you're beautiful. What are you doing today? And I was like, I'm in LA. And he was like, really? And I was like, yes. He was like, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get a drink tonight. I was like, of course you were because I'm no longer there. I also, this is

too much information, but I had my period for all 14 days that I was away. See? And it stopped the minute I went to the airport. And I was like, what is the good Lord doing? What is the universe doing to me? Why? Why? Why?

So many things could have been thrown back and popped out and all this stuff. And now you want to pop pop, get me popped out. Is that the airport? What are we doing? At the air, you want me to try to fuck somebody at the airport?

No way. Where are they at? The bathrooms are too nasty. And Nicole goes, where are they? Where are they? I don't want my period anymore. Hello.

Hello, gate agent. Also, I did fall fucking in love at the airport. So after I went through security uh you like scan your passport and then someone looks at it and he looked at it and he was like headed back to jersey and it says like i was born in jersey and i was like no i'm actually going to la and he's like oh it's hot there and i was like yes and then he was like i think you're gonna have fun i was like i think you're gonna have have fun. I was like, I think you're going to have fun. And I like lost my mind. And then I was like, oh my God, should I like marry that man? And then I

was like, Nicole, he was just passing time at his job. He does not love you. He doesn't feel any, he doesn't even remember you. But that's me. I fall in love everywhere I go. It's a beautiful thing. It's not. It's frustrating. Anytime someone's nice to me, I'm like, oh, is this it? It's never it. It's never it. There's no husband. There's no partner. There's nothing. OK, Naomi, I have to ask, I would give the advice of literally, genuinely being you is going to draw your partner to you. It's going to bring your person to you. Continue to live the life that you live and that you feel comfortable living, grow in who you are,

but also know that you have to be secure in yourself before you invite someone else into your life, because what they will do is try to, if they're not the right person for you, they'll try to project things on you that are not meant for you to, you know, to put on yourself. And it's, that's when it comes into play of being secure in who you are so that when your right person comes along, you go, yep, that's it. That's all, you know? And I feel like I'm in a really good space right now in my relationship. And this is where my advice comes in is because of the fact that like, I'm looking at someone and I'm going, that's my fucking best friend. You know, it's not bad to want to be with your best friend. Okay. It's not bad. It's not bad, but literally never give up. If you, if you, if you want love, you're going to find it. not bad but literally never give up if you if you if you want love you're

gonna find it i'm never gonna give up on love if this doesn't work out i'm still gonna find my person i'm gonna have it but i know this is gonna work out so i'm not gonna say that yeah let's not put any of that juju exactly i don't know if i can say juju anymore is juju can i say juju i don't juju let's not put any bad vibes out there exactly exactly but yeah okay naomi we have come to the end is there anything that you want to promote i mean come see the damn tina turner musical i mean i heard it was pretty good and you know nicole was telling me that like she was having a great time and she like stalked stalked the Tina's after the show. And she wanted them to be on her podcast.

I did. I had the best fucking time. Literally, that's all I'm doing right now. And just, you know, I, yeah, support that. And that's supporting me. Okay. I love it. Naomi, thank you so much for being here.

If you like this episode of why won't you jam you can like it you can rate it whatever it's on apple podcasts everywhere you fucking want to get it yeah um and if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com i will read it aloud okay This one says essence fuck fest. It's a long one, but good. Okay. Dear Nicole, I would like to invite you to join me and my boys for one day at our annual essence fest trip. I've never been. I would love to go. Uh, it would start out with just me and you hanging out on bourbon street, eating and drinking all the best new Orleans has to offer. Then we will ride and bask in the glow of 1 million beautiful black people having a good old black time before we head back

to my hotel suite i would get you down on second line street parade celebrating the fact that you're about to get fucked down when we get back to the hotel i tell you to get ready and when you come out of the bathroom i will greet you with my big black dick and let you swallow as much of my 10 and a half inch meaty dick in your mouth as you can, making you gag a bit. Then I let you know that I'm going to turn you into a human beignet. I'm going to cream in your mouth, pussy and ass. Just when you think this shit is wild, my boys show up. We are all pansexual freaks with no hangups. I'm a Sigma and my guys are one Alpha, two Kappas, one Omega, and one Alotta. We will cover you in powdered sugar, licking it off your body with special attention on your titties, clit, and asshole. You will be so wet when we start fucking.

You should know we all have big black dicks and you will need to be loosened up for what comes next. We will start fucking your mouth at one time with slob and pre-cum running down your chin and chest. We got you on the bed so we can double penetrate you. You will be going fucking nuts as you feel fat dick in and out of your pussy and ass. Then when you think it's too much, another bra puts his dick in your pussy and another

puts his dick in your asshole. So here you are sucking dick like a possessed Hoover vacuum with two dicks in your pussy and two in your ass. We will continue fucking you until you feel enough cum. No, until you have come enough times when we finish off by covering you with chocolate syrup and licking it off and you drift away to sleep in a state of ecstasy.

You are awakened by the smell of fried chicken, maple syrup, waffles, and mimosas. You find a note signed by us thanking you for a memorable night and an invitation to join us again next year. You smile as you look at two dozen purple roses sent to you and immediately call your bestie to tell you how you got

fucked down at Essence Fest. Honestly, I'm into it. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me. Usually they're terrible, but that was nice. I liked that one. Okay, well that's it.

Bye-bye! Bye! Bye! that one. Okay. Well, that's it. Bye-bye. Bye. Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs,

Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco with talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Auden. Got a question,

crazy dating story, or a dream? This has been a Team Coco production.