Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Overcoming Emotional Setbacks (w/ Echo Kellum)

Episode Date: October 18, 2019

"Please acknowledge your pain."Echo Kellum (Arrow, Rick & Morty) discusses overcoming life's pain after emotional trauma, controlling negative feelings, and his experience practicing abstinence as a Jehovah's Witness.They also discuss dream wedding locations, funerals, porn, and Nicole has a breakthrough- she's figured out what she's looking for in a partner.Check out Echo's SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/user-440510135You can play along and see Nicole's dating app profiles and photos on her Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedyBe sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance to have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=9649

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Take Me? It's a podcast where me, Nicole Byron, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though if your fetish is you want to dip your heel in some whipped cream and have me lick it off, I'll do it, even though, oh, feet are yucko.

Especially guys' feet. Guys' feet are disgusting. The person you're hearing, ooh, you know him from CW's The Arrow. He plays Mr. Fantastic, or played Mr. Fantastic. Mr. Terrific. Well, fuck me. Mr. Terrific. This is

embarrassing. He was also on Ben and Kate. He was not Ben or Kate. It was Kate and Ben. It was Kate and Ben. He was on a sketch team with me called New Money. It was Money That's New. Oh, no. Oh, it's Echo Keller. Yeah.

Hello. Yes. Nice to be on. Echo, I cannot believe I fucked up your intro so poorly. It's okay. Mr. Terrific. Yeah. You're terrific. Yeah. I, yeah. You're terrific. Yeah, I was terrific. I was pretty terrific. You were terrific. Did they kill you off?

No, no. I'll be- Bring that mic close to your mouth, baby. Sorry, get closer to me, baby. I will be in the final season. I can't talk too much about it. Okay, okay, okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

That's nice. Yeah, yeah. Being a superhero, I have questions. Do you do your own stunts? I think I've asked you this before. I've done some stunts, but, I mean, just for liability reasons, they don't want you to do a lot of the major stunts because if you get injured, then they have to shut down.

That's it. They let this actor do, I think it was for the, what's that, the film with the, it's Ultron. I think it was Ultron or something like that they were shooting. Something like that and the actor was doing

his own stunts and he jumped over, tried to do this really easy stunt, missed the truck, skinned his face. What the fuck? The movie got pushed,

the production got pushed a year and a half. His TV show couldn't shoot because he'd lose in the hospital and so they were like, no, you can't.

You know, so yeah. But they let me do a lot of them that I could and so they were like no you can't you know so but they let me do a lot of them that I could so I was always game Echo if you want to lean back you can bring the mic oh I can bring the mic back to me there we go podcasting is a audio medium I want you guys to know Echo was sitting straight up

just really trying to get to that mic I was actually going to keep talking and walk out because I thought it was just a camera following me. No, I'm sorry. This is not television. This is not a movie. And I know you've done a lot of television and a lot of movies. Well, mainly I just have cameras following me at the house.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Because you have your own reality show. Yeah, my own reality show. It's called Alone Brother. Oh, my little brother. Alone Brother. Not big brother. Just alone brother.

No, just alone brother. A lone brother. Not a big brother, just a lone brother. No, just a lone brother. Yeah, it's really boring. So you are in a relationship currently. No, I'm not. Sadly, I'm not in a relationship. We separated a few months ago. I'm sorry.

I didn't know this. I mean, yeah, it's life. Okay, was it a conscious uncoupling? Yes, it was a conscious, as Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin would say, a conscious uncoupling. I think it, you know, John Cena's ex, who I don't remember her name, but she did this Instagram post. And she's like, I always love him and and I'll always be rooting and supporting him. But our timing just was really off. And that's how I really feel about it is like our timing was just off, but I will always love her and support her and wish the best for her for sure.

Honestly, what a nice thing to be like, we just didn't work in this moment, and I still love and respect you, but we have to go our separate ways. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, and what's the cool part about that, on top of all the heartbreak, and we're not dealing with that, obviously, is that, like, I've really just been able to focus on me and career and things like that. And in my life, I've always been, I've been pretty much a serial monogamous. You know, I would jump out of one relationship and right into the other. And what's been cool about this is like the time that I've just been alone and, you know, processing it and not doing the same crap I used to do, which is like just try to put a Band-Aid over my heartbreak.

It's really taught me a lot about myself and really helped me learn to appreciate myself and the alone time that I have on myself too. So it's been a really learning and healing experience just to kind of go through it. And so I know like whenever that next thing happens, I'll be ready. I won't be doing the same bullshit that I've always been doing, causing those same issues, you know. And therapy too. Get in therapy. My brother is thriving.

He is growing. He is using the life experiences to inform new life experiences. I love it. I love therapy. I talk about it so much. Oh, yeah, it's great. Everyone should be in therapy. It's so great just to talk and unpack things.

It's so great. And they talk, like, I've had a lot of codependency issues, you know, just, like, feeling like I need someone to feel validated or whatever. And so it's been nice to be like, no, I just need me. You know what I'm saying? Kind of do that. Yeah. That is a nice thing that I think a lot of people need to hear that truly in this life, all you need is you.

Yeah. And then if you find somebody who compliments you and is good for you, then that's just the cherry on top. That's cherry, yeah. But you are the Sunday. Absolutely. And if you don't have self-love and that just feeling of goodwill to yourself, it's not going to translate to someone else. You're not going to be able to love someone else properly

if you're looking at yourself beating yourself every day, beating yourself down every day, rather, you know? So that's the important part. And what's been great is, like, since then, like, I've shot a short, I wrote an EP, I finished a screenplay. Like, I've just been, like like I'm focusing on work and that stuff and not focusing on the trivial BS of like let me find something can somebody make me feel complete or whatever so it's just been really beneficial in that way love that I love that so much so you said you've been a serial monogamist yeah um

so when did this start when was your first girlfriend I've oh man I mean well okay probably I say 16 was my first serious girlfriend okay and then when I was from 18 to 20 I was like super into being a Jehovah's Witness so I like stopped dating and was just like I'm in a god you knock on the door you're like hello but you know I never got that far it's like it's a level system right that's missionary work so I never got that far. It's like the level system, right? That's missionary work. So I never got to missionary work. I was just like going to the hall and like, you know, being involved.

But I was like, oh, I was being abstinent and like trying to work through that. What is the hall? I know nothing about Jehovah's Witnesses. The Kingdom Hall. It's like their church. It's their church. So Jehovah's Witnesses are Christians, but they take the Bible really serious. Very serious.

They're like, boy, you better listen to the Word. Especially the New Testament, they're like, uh-huh. Old Testament, they're like, yeah, that's cool, but New Testament, give it to me. Let's do it. So God says, I mean, Jesus said, go out and preach the Word, so they take it serious. They're like, let's go out and preach the Word. But obviously, organized religion is very flawed.

I had a falling out with them because they didn't want me to have braids, and they were weird about me having a beard. And so they always say, like, don't be worldly. Like, don't be like the people of the world. Like, we have to be, you know, secular and, like, all these things. And so they said having a beard and braids was worldly. But I was like, wait a minute.

You're using basically a white business trope to tell me how I can look? That tell me that if I go to someone's house and I have a beard that can be off-putting. I was like, oh, no, no, no. That's crazy. You know what I'm saying?

That's fucked up. And then the way they, you know, like my father, my real father passed away when I was nine and my father was born in 1933. So he's 50 basically

when I was born. So he had a nephew who was old enough to be my dad and he like stepped up in a big way in like my young teen years and stuff like that. And he was Jehovah's Witness but he was gay. He had a family. He was married for 13 years and was like, you know what, what am I doing? You know. And so

he came out and they disfellowshipped him. Disfellowship means like expelled. Yeah, basically you're out of the religion and you can't have any. So everything you knew is now done. All they disfellowshipped him disfellowship means like expelled yeah basically you're out of the religion you can't have any so everything you knew is now done

all your family members your friends they all just like basically shun you holy shit because that's what is because the way the reason why they

disfellowship you is so you don't corrupt others essentially right it's like if he's being worldly then he can corrupt his friends whatever whatever you know but it was still bull crap to me.

And I was just like, the reason they did that because he chose to love a man and my beard mainly. You're like, I'm not fucking shaving. Goodbye, church. So I was like, I'm not feeling it. And then I was just realizing things about organized religion in general, like how messed up a lot of the leadership is. And then they're trying to preach things into you. So I was like, oh, no, no, no. But so then I had my first girlfriend at 16.

And then after that, I started dating again from like 20. But pretty much serial monogamous. I think the longest I've ever been in not a relationship was two months prior to right now. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. I think I could be wrong about that, but I feel like, I feel like I've consistently been in something at least, you know what I'm saying? Like very

quickly. So right now it's like a really like, Oh, this is like different, like different. Yeah. Never done this before. You don't have to check in with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been on the apps at all? Yeah, I've done the apps. I've deleted the apps. I tried Hinge for like probably three days. It was just like, get me out of here right now. Yeah, I like meeting people in the wild. You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's just, I'm not like great on apps.

I feel like I'm going to talk to my own app and then I'm going to Instagram like this dude sucks. I'm like, oh no, you know, trying to say something witty. But I just, I like connection with people in the wild. You know, I like to see somebody in our eyes link and we smile and it's like, hey, it's like, hey. It is hard to look at a picture and go, oh, I like this about, I don't know you. Yeah.

The way you text. I don't, I don't know what you're really like. Sometimes people are very good at texting and then very bad as a person. That's true. Or vice versa. I'm vice versa. I'm very good in person. Very not great over text.

Yeah. I'm bad over texting. I'm bad at getting back to people. Oh yeah. And then I'll be like, Oh shit. I should have answered that text from two days ago. Yeah.

I really liked you. Damn. It's bad. Yeah. It's bad. So how do you meet people out in the wild? Like, for me, it's all about connection. Like, it has to be something like we have to lock eyes or smile. Like, because I'm also like, and also, I'm not trying to really

meet people. Like, I'm really like embracing just kind of. Yeah, before yeah so i would meet people uh i would like like if if there's a smile and it's like hey then i'll introduce myself i'm like hey i'm echo and then do you have any lines that you lay on ladies no i i'm i think i'm just too i'm too much like i'm of the age of just like is this working or not like are we feeling each other or not i don't want to play the game but when you were younger did you have lines when i was younger i Too much like I'm of the age of just like, is this working or not? Like, are we feeling each other or not? I don't want to play the game. But when you were younger, did you have lines? When I was younger, I had an icebreaker when I was out.

And my friend Chaz taught me this icebreaker. But it's basically like if you're out in a club or whatever. Okay, so I'm a girl, I'm a club. Oh, yeah, girl. So you're chilling. I would come up to you and I would dance like I would like grind on you, I would come up to you and I would dance like I would like grind on you, like my butt on you, like as a kind of switch to make you laugh. And then we laugh and then it's like, let me get you a drink. And then we talk.

So it's like I'm silly, but also I can buy you a drink because most dudes just suck. It's really, you know, it's honestly pretty simple. I feel like dating, especially in L.A la i feel like guys in la from what i've heard are just not very attentive or considerate and things like that so i'm just like just treat someone like a human being and you're pretty fine i feel like um so that's kind of i just you know just be a. Whenever a gentleman is a gentleman and nice to me, I'm like, well, I have to marry him. He was kind and nice and I'm going to marry him. That's for me. You know, but, you know, I, in my older life, there's definitely people who I would have met and been like, oh, let me jump into something with them. Like, this is because she's kind and nice.

But now I'm just being like, I need more. I'm like, I really need it all. I need it all. And until I can have it all, then I'm just going to be alone. You know what I'm saying? What do you mean by all? What are you looking for? Well, I know you're not looking right now, but eventually when you start looking again.

Eventually, kind and nice is very important. Sense of humor gotta have beautiful inside and out you know um their own career um preferably very limited baggage you can have some baggage that's life you know it happens uh but you're not looking for you know baggage that you that's overweight you got to pay more well yeah i'm not trying to have to carry you know i'm saying like i like i want a partnership jada pickett said this really jada pickett spiff so sorry said this really uh interesting quote where she's like you need someone that you can walk your own separate path with together right not someone jumping into your

path in your lane but we're all on life to walk our own path. And when you have a good partnership, it's you two walking your own paths, but together, right? Yes. And so when you have to carry people or of like, you know, there's like envy or things like that, or it just creates a lot of ripples in relationship and a lot of unnecessary, I think, issues and trouble. So I just want somebody to kind of be secure in their self. First of all, have a lot of like self-love is so important, I realize. Like that's so important in a partner.

So they have to have self-love. They have to not take life too seriously. They have to be whatever they are in their career. They don't have to be like multimillionaire. But even if you're a nurse and you're killing a nurse, get it. And I support that. You know what I'm saying? Or whatever you are. Just't have to be like multi-millionaire but even if you're a nurse and you're killing a nurse get it yeah and i support that you know i'm saying or whatever you are just they have to be like firm uh in their own power is what i like to say you have to be living in your own power you know i like that uh i also feel that way like you don't have to be the master of what you do but you have to at least love what you do be thriving in what you do of what you do, but you have to at least love what you do, be thriving in what you do, love what you do.

Like, I don't want anybody who is miserable at their job because then you're going to be miserable when you come home to talk to me and you're just going to complain about all this shit. And it's just like, I love what I do. Yes, I complain about it sometimes. Who doesn't? But that's not all that I do. You know, I'll tell you about all the joyful things. And then I don't need anyone who is angry because I'm happy with what I do. Right.

Or jealous. Yeah. Or envy. Like, it's just, there's a lot that just has to go into being secure with who you are and what you are and where you are. Yes. In that moment, you know. Because you're right. That's energy they're going to bring to the relationship. And that and that energy isn't gonna translate well and then that energy is gonna dim

your energy and that's like we have a finite amount of energy we can give off yes so when you're dealing with negativity and stuff like that it's just distracting you from doing anything positive so someone who's optimistic too is like very important yes you know i'm saying so even if like it's a shitty day it's like it's a day. You know what I'm saying? But I'm looking forward to tomorrow or whatever. And it doesn't mean you can't vent

when shit goes wrong because I love what I do but there's damn sure some days where I'm like get me out of here. This fucking thing happened on set and I can't believe it.

I'm looking for somebody that I can vent to and then after we're done venting I turn around and they're like dancing or something to make me smile. Yeah. Because I like to do that when someone's not, you know, I have a roommate whenever he's like not happy or something.

Yeah. John Milhiser. I like to dance around. I dance a lot just to like get him to laugh or smile or whatever. And I'm like, I want someone like i want someone to be goofy with me yes someone who's unafraid yes of looking silly yeah not too cool for school also i need someone who's like into broadway because i fucking love broadway i love a musical oh gotta be in the musicals come on what's your favorite musical ah you know, this is tough. There's so many good ones.

I can say Hamilton. I can say Book of Mormon. I really like Dear Evan Hansen. I haven't seen it, and I really need to. People have raved about it. I saw it three times. I saw it twice with the original cast, and I saw it when it came out here at the Almacen.

I love it. It's phenomenal. It's a really great story, And I think the cast is wonderful. I saw Hamilton years ago and that was always my favorite. It was just like, obviously. Hamilton's great. Yeah. I saw the original cast and I went in being like, you know what?

This has been really highly touted. I don't know if it's going to be as good as people say. But by the end of act one, I was like, yes, yes. And then middle of act two, I was sobbing. And I was like, oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, so good.

Hamilton is great. It lives up to the hype. If you haven't seen it, what are you doing? Go see it. You got to go see it. I was literally wearing my yay Hamlet shirt yesterday. Do you remember that? The little tweet he sent out. And the woman was like, I love you.

Yay Hamlet. And he's like, I did Hamlet. Yay Hamlet. That is so funny. And I was like, the way he wrote that, I was like, that was a black lady. But I love it. Yay Hamlet. That's so funny.

So funny. So funny. Yeah, there's so much. I just, yeah, not afraid to be silly. Yeah. Just let loose. Like, I want someone to dance with me in Target when a good song comes on. Yeah.

That's silly as we're like shopping for a blender. Yeah. And who cares who you're looking? Yeah, who cares? You're making me laugh. I'm making you laugh. A hundred percent. Oh, boy.

I guess I'm really looking for intimacy outside of the bedroom. I think I just had a breakthrough. Whoa. I think that's what I'm looking for. Someone that I can be intimate with in public. Yeah. And I also will say, I didn't mention that, but intimacy in the bedroom is important too. Like having a connection there, I'm not going to downplay it.

Like that's not important to me as well. You know? So that's why I say it all. Like I really do kind of need something to encompass it all. Or else it's like, what am I doing? What's the point? I don't want to need something to encompass it all. Or else it's like, why am I doing? What's the point? I don't want to waste anyone's time. No.

And I am in a place like, I want to get serious here. I want to get married. I want to do the whole nine yards. And that's what I learned from my last relationship. It was like, oh, man, I didn't think I was ready for this stuff. But now that I process and really look back, I'm like, oh man, I am ready to kind of take that next step. Where would you want your wedding? I think I want

my wedding, honestly, in Maui. Ooh, a destination wedding. Yeah, I really feel like, and I've never even thought of that question of where I wanted it until right now when you just asked me, and that's just a natural thought that came to my head.

I think that's a nice, I would travel to Maui. Yeah, come to Maui. That's nice. Yeah, I guess I'll invite myself to your wedding. And on that note, we gotta take a break. Oh, and we're back. Okay, so I don't know where I would,

I don't even know the answer to that question, where I would have my wedding. I guess I would make it a destination wedding. Okay, destination, okay. Just so I could be like, here's a fun destination that people want to go to. Maybe I would do Cabo, Cabo San Lucas. Cabo, yeah.

Because it's close to LA, and then I would do it so people could like schedule like vacation time around it. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like maybe in November, like the week before Thanksgiving. I don't know. Maybe that's bad. The week before Thanksgiving?

Maybe people are just. Because people are going to be needing a vacation for Thanksgiving. Oh, wait. You get Thanksgiving off. So you don't need a vacation for that. So no. But I don't want to have it on Thanksgiving

in case you want to see your family. Or just bring the whole family to your wedding. Bring your family to my wedding. Everyone has separate Thanksgiving days at your wedding.

And there's one big turkey. What type of wedding do you, like I've seen a lot of weddings recently and I've seen some that's like, oh, that's just nice and lot of weddings recently And I've seen some That's like

Oh that's just nice And traditional and fine And I've seen some That's like Holy shit They are unique and fun And that's gonna last forever I have no idea

What these people are By the way No But like I saw this one wedding Where these two musicians Got married And they literally

Had a freaking choir And the groom Came down Playing a song And the song was so dope And his bandmates were there And it was like Holy crap

This is long I was like I holy crap, this is long. I was like, I want this. So I'm just, I'm curious. Like two people's personality coming together and be like,

let's do this, right? I would want, so my male friends who I would have as my bridesmaids, I want them in drag. And then I want him to do something fun

with his female grooms people because I truly want to marry somebody who has a mix of friends. Yeah. Like, I don't, if I end up marrying a man, I don't want him to be like, God, I only have male friends. Yeah. Like, I want him to have female friendships. And I want him to be sensitive. And I want him to, like, be able to open up to somebody other than me.

Right. So, you know, a very gender fluid wedding party, a lot of bright colors. I don't think I want to minister anything. I think I want like maybe a friend. A friend gets like the ordained or something like that to make it legal. Something like that to make it legal. And then maybe I want my friends who are coming to sit in the audience. I don't know.

What is that called see this is the problem when you work too much in like the industry because you forget terms of like how normal people like I was talking I was like when I used to serve and like me and the crew I mean the what do we call what do we call he's like co-workers workers i'm like yeah yeah yeah the workers yes but the audience the audience mars what is it called when people go to a wedding the audience doesn't sound 100 accurate it's what yes yes okay that's good the wedding guest because it's not the wedding audience that's right it's your wedding they're like looking at the show like, yay. Applause.

At one of my friend's weddings, when she came down the aisle, I stood up and started clapping and everyone was like, no. Well, I mean, we were standing, but I was clapping.

They're like, don't clap. I was like, but she, I don't know. This is a performance. She looks beautiful. But I guess I want my wedding guests,

you know how they sign a guest book? I want them to like roast me, like say a joke or something or like something nice. Oh, yeah. And then the minister or like my friend, whoever, can read some of that stuff. Oh, fun. I like that. I just came up with that now.

Hey, that's good. I think that would be fun because at my funeral, I want jokes. I want tight two minutes about me. Yes. From all of my friends who want to talk about me. Are you doing a cremation or six feet under? Please cremate me. Okay. Well, during, so my funeral will want to talk about me. Are you doing a cremation or six feet under? Please cremate me. Okay.

Well, during, so my funeral will have a viewing. Okay. So I'm going to be in the casket, maybe propped up with a cocktail in my hand. I dig. I want a full face of makeup. I want my good wig on. I want to be looking real slutty.

I want flames on my casket. And then I want everyone to like roast me for a little bit. And then I've given Sashira a lot of things that she has to do. Okay, nice. I want dudes that I have fucked

to talk about my pussy. I know. Also, I can't wait to die so I can haunt people. I know this sounds so morbid, but like, I just like want to haunt my friends

and knock shit off their desks. Yeah. Like, I think that would be really fun. That's what I'm just a little bit like. Right? Yeah, like. And then I want them to be like,. That's what I'm just a little bit. Right? Yeah. And then I want them to be like, oh, Nicole.

Oh, she's still talking about him. Girl, when you gonna learn? I've been dead for three years. Oh, boy. In your single days that you're in currently, do you watch a lot of porn? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like porn and singledom go hand in currently. Do you watch a lot of porn? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like porn and singledom go hand in hand.

I think they do. I mean, to be honest, I watch, I just like, porn's great. I have a very high sexual appetite. Same. Yeah. So even our relationship like twice a day is like great to me. It's like fun. It's like, let's do it.

That is a dream. What a treat. What? to me. Like it's like fun. It's like, let's do it. That is a dream. What a treat. What I, yeah, I think it's chill. I'm like, let's get it. What a great way to like bookend your day.

It's like you fuck in the morning, you fuck in the evening. I love that. It's like perfect. It's like heaven. That's amazing. Give it to me, you know?

So yeah, I'm a fan of that. But, yeah, a big reason why I do porn, though, especially now, is just because I don't want to be sleeping around. And I don't want to, like, confuse my feelings or anyone's feelings. Like, to me, it's kind of a Band-Aid, too. Like, if I sleep around, I want to, you know, really mean something. So I'm just really trying not to you know really mean something so i'm just really trying not to go there you know i'm saying it's so porn is very helpful right now because i don't i don't i don't want super fit like if i have something i want something real

and i really am just trying to be like i'm gonna be with me you know um so you know, it's just, just trying. I like it. Work on your dang self. I've been trying new porn. Okay. I've been watching, uh, porn, pornographic short films as of late. Whoa. Break that down. Yeah.

I had this woman, Erica Lust on my podcast and she gave me a little password to look for. It's, you have to pay for it. But, uh, they're just like these really great shorts where the acting is pretty good and you're like invested in the storyline and you're like I hope she comes and then she does and you're like oh what a treat and I guess I'll come now

so is it like Skinamax where it's like a story but then they don't show it they fully show it so they put effort into the story they make sure they're decent acting yes good location location they have great performers and then it's like i love you yeah and you're just like oh my god get it on because i do like to watch people with a connection it's kind of off-putting when they're just like uh we just met and uh we're going to smash. Right. Let me put the pizza down.

Nah. Yeah. Yeah. Why is a pizza man such a trope in porn? I don't know. And for strippers. Like when strippers come to your home for like a bachelorette or like whatever house you're renting or whatever,

they're like, anybody order a pizza? Right. No, nobody did. It's either police or pizza man. Police or pizza man. Which is real scary if you, a bunch of black people and a cop shows up. You're like, what? No, I don't want that.

No, thank you. I still don't trust that stripper because she chose the cop outfit. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, it's like, why did you choose that one? Be careful, everyone. That's the case. Everyone's recording, right? Great.

We're just recording for our safety. Do you like strip clubs? Because I was talking to this guy yesterday just recording for our safety do you like strip clubs because I was talking to this guy yesterday who was like I don't like strip clubs why would I pay to frustrate myself

I agree with that assessment I agree with his assessment very much it's like but we don't do anything like it's like I guess you're naked and I see that

but it's like it feels like a waste of time to me honestly I'll do it for like the fun of like friends or like if I'm in my lowest of low and I'm just like it's like it feels like a waste of time to me honestly I'll do it for like the fun of like friends or like if I'm in my lowest of low I don't just like

I just need to get out of here you know what I'm saying like I just need to go and see some titties god damn you know but it hasn't been

it's been a while since those days but I'll do it like if friends want to do it as an event or something like that but generally nah I don't go to strip clubs a lot

there I like a strip club yeah I haven no i don't go to strip clubs a lot there i like a strip club yeah i haven't i don't know if there's male strip clubs in la i'm sure there has to be one but then it's like a moving one it moves from like place to place uh but i'll go to ladies strip clubs because i am so in awe of the strength that these women have when they pole dance. Oh, yeah. I'm taking a pole dancing class. And I fucking love it. I love it so much. And I love a lady who's scary on the pole

who can climb to the top and then twist and fall down while still holding the pole and then drop into a split. And I'm like, you would murder me. Did you hurt your... I'm like, did that hurt? Yes.

It does. And they're just like, we don't show it. We don't care. Oh, I love it. That's how strong we fucking are. Because pulling does fucking hurt. Yeah, I bet. Like I've, I just learned how to sit on the pole.

So you climb up a little bit and then you sit and then you hold the pole between your two legs. And then you just like hover and spin a little bit. Oh, whoa. It hurts so much oh my god but you can't show it yeah because you're entertaining yeah although in class i will scream oh yeah it rehearsals everything like that like i just had my first show yesterday so prior to everything i was like oh god what am i oh what if i mess up a line what if i during headlights blah blah but once you hit the stage as a performer, as you know, it just melts away.

You're just like, let's get it. You know what I'm saying? There's been times where I've been on stage and been like, that line is gone. Yep. And you just look into your scene partner's eyes and you blink a couple times and you go, it's gone. It's gone. We performed a lot together on stage, actually. We have.

I'm sure those moments have happened with us. You just kind of blink. You're stage, actually. We have. I'm sure those moments happened with us. You just kind of blink. You're like, I don't know. There was one scene that I distinctly remember. You had monologues in this sketch. Monologue, monologue, monologue. The whole scene was yours. And I would just be like, yes, sir.

No, sir. Of course, sir. And I only memorized the ends of your monologues because I don't think anyone had made it to rehearsal and we were all like flying in day and night. It was crazy. Because we were all working so much. And there was a moment where on stage you were trying to signal to me that you're like,

I don't know what comes next. And I was like, me neither. Oh my God. And then you improvised a little bit till you found it and then you were like, you were fine. That's the worst nightmare for every performer, right? Just forgetting what you just blanked. Oh, my God.

And you're like, I don't. I got to do something. I have to keep talking. I was working on this show this week, and there's kids on the show. And I am so, I am not used to working with children. And there was this one line that I could not remember. It was, I love to see him go. No, no.

I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him walk away. Yeah. Which is not the phrase. It's, I love to see you go, but hate to see you walk away. Yeah, something like that. So it was like switched. No, because you've got to like to see them walk. Because it's like, oh, I hate to see you go, but I love to see you walk away.

Because it's like, I hate to see you go, but dang, you fine. But you've got a nice butt. You've got a nice booty. But I think it's, I hate to watch you. I hate that you're leaving, but I love to watch you go. But that wasn't, it was, something was a little funky from the saying, but they changed it. I don't know. But I couldn't get it.

And I was like, fuck. And then two little people were looking at me and I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry! And then everyone was like, you've been saying shit, Nicole. You've been saying awful things. This isn't the first one. They hear it. And I was like, oh no. And those kids probably, well, they might not be in school depending on what show they're working on.

They might have tutors or something like that. Well, it's so weird when there's kids on a show, every like 15 minutes they have to go to school. It's so crazy. You have them for 15 minutes and then they like 15 minutes they have to go to school. It's so crazy. You have them for 15 minutes and then they go, all right, they got to go to school. And I'm like,

why don't they go to school when the show's not on the air? Yeah, they take over their lives. if you're shooting for eight weeks, then you just go to eight more weeks of school? Yeah.

Well, yeah, I guess it'd have to be some specific, because it's hard to just put them in grade school, right? You know what I'm saying?

They'd be like, all right, this, all right, eighth week, you know what I'm saying and be like alright this alright eighth week you know what I'm saying US history you already missed world history

yeah you missed the world let's do US history I don't fucking know it's all in the final anyway but yeah working with kids do kids have finals kids

don't kids have standardized testing standardized testing which is inherently not fair yeah because some people don't do well on tests. Me, I was very bad at testing because I had ADD and I would just stare at words and they'd circle around. I'd be like, I wonder what the man who wrote this problem's like.

I wonder if he's got a family. I wonder if he loves. I wonder if he likes walks or the beach. And they're like, all right, Nicole, we're done here. i'm like are we then i just scratch in whatever i could yeah just abracadabra yeah so i was really good at test and not so good at the other stuff but i was like oh i test i can do this i handle that see some people test really well but they don't uh retain a thing yeah that's true yeah yeah uh. So you performed last night. Tell me what you were performing.

So I wrote an EP when my ex and I broke up. I'm calling it Dating and Other Things because it deals with a lot of relationship stuff. So I was rapping and singing and, you know know I'm saying I I produce all my own stuff so it's just been kind of this labor of love I've been doing do you find it therapeutic to talk about your breakup uh I don't talk about it a ton well I mean in your music in my music yes oh my god uh and it's and it's not like in a, F, you hurt me type of way. A lot of it is like, I loved you, you know, and I'm sorry. Or like where I am right now.

I have this song called Damage just that's like talking about where I am right now. Like in the sense that my emotions are not available like for something serious, you know. Like so it's been very, I didn't intentionally mean to write like this. It's just, that's kind of what just came out naturally. Every song I write is very different from the other, but a lot of them just like, I realized like when people would tell me,

it's like, damn, that's really like, hear your lyrics like really came. I was like, oh, did it? I was like, oh crap, I guess that did really come from inside, you know? Cause I'm just writing, I'm just like kind of in this other zone of just like oh well how does this go with this and you know things like that um but yeah it all is really personal and it's i've realized that

it's freeing to me it's like oh actually i like kind of just because i don't do that in general in life like i don't share a lot on social media about my personal life or talk about my personal life too much. So it is very therapeutic to talk about it through music. I share too much about my personal life in the media and whatnot. But I had broken up with this dude and I didn't want to talk about it on the podcast because I was like, that lasts forever. And I'm still really hurt over it whatever whatever uh so I wrote a joke about it because before we started our relationship I wrote a joke about how excited I was to have a boyfriend yeah and I was like I can't believe I wrote this before I even have a boyfriend but then it was like this thing that was like really good and like maybe was going

to become more and then it truly didn't and then I was like oh dang oh that hurt so then i started writing and it was one of those things where i don't know if this ever happens to you but i started writing and then i couldn't stop writing yeah and then i was like oh i think i have a joke about this and then i did a show it was one of the first shows of the this last year in January and I did it and I was like oh this is a 12 minute joke okay well let me like really work on it so then I started touring with it and was like really working on it punching it up uh changing some things making other things and then I had this like 15 minute joke about this breakup that I loved because the joke starts off about how I got a boyfriend, the road to me getting this

boyfriend. And it tells it's like a seven minute journey as to how this man became my boyfriend. But then after seven minutes, I'm like, I had a boyfriend. And then I talk about how we ended up not dating for a long time. And it was one of those things where, as I told the joke, I loved it because I could control how the audience felt. I can make them root for me and be so happy for me and then flip it and have them feel so bad for me. And I was like, I couldn't control anything in the relationship. I couldn't control whether he was going to text me back that day. I couldn't control whether we were in a date past the time we were dating.

And then when he broke up with me, I was like, I can't control that. But I could control this. I can control the audience and how they feel about my situation. And I told that joke for six months and then or maybe five months. I think I stopped telling it in May or April. And I was like, you know what? I think I'm done. I think I've told enough people how hurt I was in a funny

way that I don't need to tell this joke anymore and I talked about it in therapy enough but I didn't have anything new to say so telling the joke was so helpful in helping me get over it and then the last time I told the joke I was like I should probably move on move on. And then I was like, oh, I think that's it. I figured out a way to move on. And it was for me talking about it almost every night for six months. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's, you know, there's this really great interview with Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper. Did you see that interview? I didn't. It's about grief. And I've been meaning to watch it because I've had a lot of grief in my life and they've had

a lot of grief in their life I mean yeah Stephen Caret lost his father and brothers as a kid and then Anderson Cooper's

brother killed himself and then his mother just died yeah so but just to talk about like heartbreak

and things like that like the truncated version of what they talked about is basically that it's all a gift to even experience pain and hurt, right? Like, you don't get life without it, right? Like, it's all a part of it. And how lucky are we that we get to keep experiencing these things?

And it does make you stronger. You know what I'm saying? So even, like, talking about it for five months and whatever and processing it, like like it's put armor on you in that part that was so heartbroken and it doesn't mean that you probably won't still have moments where you think about this person you're like dang you know but it truly does make you a better person I dealt with a lot of grief as well like tremendous amounts of grief and in those moments you know I thought I was gonna die and i didn't want to live even you know um but what that stuff taught me was that like there's really big shit happening in the world and then there's really small shit so when rent's late i'm worried about losing my place i'm

like this is a small thing or you know um you know work is going crappy whatever it's just you know it just helped me have that perspective so i was oh, it gave me a strength of being like, not letting the small stuff get to me as much. You know what I'm saying? But just taking that and finding it and realizing like, oh, pain and suffering gets you to a better place. When you work out, you feel pain the next day because that's how you build.

You know what I'm saying? It's through pain. So that's a really important lesson that I'm still teaching myself and learning. This interview really, like, coalesced it. It was, like, great. Yeah. Anytime I talk about painful things with my therapist, she always says something to the effect that it's not a huge thing in the grand scheme of life, but please acknowledge your pain. Please acknowledge that this thing made you feel a certain type of way

and then acknowledge that you need to move forward and what can you take from that pain to inform how you operate in the future. And I really liked that because there is a part of you that just wants to dwell and be sad and be like no one's ever going to love me because this

one person didn't love me. And she also says feelings are not facts so it's like I might feel like that but that is not a fact um the way that I uh was vulnerable with this person the way I opened up to this person the way that I told this person exactly how I was feeling and how I wanted is something that I can bring with me to my next relationship where I feel like earlier I would just be happy that they were paying attention to me and I might not say what I was feeling or somebody was rude to me I might just take it because I'm like well I'm lucky that he even

likes me but now I'm like no we're both lucky that we like each other and this is a two-way street and I can say how I feel and they can say how they feel back to me so I do agree that pain makes you grow it makes you stronger absolutely yeah and that's like being 100 with people is so great like I didn't get to do that a lot in past relationships just like be 100 yes I'm like a shell of who I was like I would try to morph and fit into these things to make them happy. Because I also was like, I'm lucky to have them. And am I good enough? I mean, we literally all think these really horrible shitty things about ourselves.

That's a part of why I stayed in a lot of old relationships that I should have gotten out of years earlier. Because I didn't think I was good enough to have anything better. I'm not worthy. I suck. I'm ugly good enough to have anything better. You know, I was just like, I'm not worthy. I suck. I'm ugly. Whatever it is you think. And a lot of the way that you present yourself to the world is the way that you talk to yourself. And my therapist says, wouldn't it just be nicer if you were nice to yourself and you talked nicely to yourself

and you didn't beat yourself up when something didn't go your way? And that was very eye-opening. So anytime I look in the mirror and I'm like, ugh, you look so gross today. You go, wait a minute. No, you don't. beat yourself up when something didn't go your way. And that was very eye-opening. So anytime I look in the mirror and I'm like, ugh, you look so gross today. You go, wait a minute. No, you don't. You don't look gross today. You're feeling a little off,

but why don't you put on like a little crop top and really feel yourself. Maybe you put on some lipstick and I'll do it for you. So I've been working very hard at trying to speak to myself in a very positive way. So when I go out into the world, I'm positive. I'm also trying to speak to myself in a very positive way so when i go out into the world i'm positive i'm also trying to not be hateful because uh sometimes you're like really petty over bullshit yeah we're like oh man this guy likes this girl i don't understand why i hate

that girl and it's like well why why why why it doesn't make any sense she has nothing to do with you he has nothing to do with you it's not your business so I've in the last like year and a half I've been really trying to evolve and grow yeah and hate is a really

strong feeling to hold yes oh it it takes over yes like from the inside to have that

and it's it's not a good feeling to hate someone yeah but then sometimes you're like, oh, I hate you. And you're like, yeah, that makes me feel. And you're like, but in the grand scheme of things and long term, it's not doing you any good. Yeah, it's not.

And to me, like, showing someone I hate them shows that I still care. Uh-huh. To me, the best way to show somebody how little you care is just to not care. To not give them any of your power or your attention or at least not outwardly give it. You can't control what's in your head. But you know, like, I'm

like, I might feel whatever, but I'm not going to let you know anything because then you're going to be, there's some satisfaction, like people you block. You know, they're just like, yeah, he blocked me. And I was like, mute. I'm just like, mute people. I was like, mute.

You don't even exist to me. And you will never know that you don't exist to me. Thank God. You know, it's just like, and that's how I got on Twitter. I know your Twitter is very different than mine. But anybody who would say anything negative, I would just mute them. I'm just like, mute, mute, mute. Because honestly, I just don't want that energy in my life.

Fair. You know? I will retweet when someone says something nasty. No. Because. It's a funny bit, though. It's such a great bit. Like, if you were like, did it once and like, Echo, you can have this, I would have taken it and be like, thank you.

This is my thing I do so it's a hilarious bit and I love it thank you I truly started doing it because I was like oh you wanted me to see this I will let you know that I saw it and now you the ball's in your court you have the attention that you wanted

I know that you hate me that's not gonna stop my trajectory or like what I'm doing. This one, I think I've talked about it before, but this guy DM'd me and was like, you are not funny. You are the worst host I've ever seen. And I hate you. And I wrote him back. I was like, thank you so much for letting me know.

I hope you have a good day. And I hope this made your day better letting me know this. And then he wrote back ha ha ha I am so sorry I said that to you I was having a really shitty day and I really needed to vent but you know what more power to you go out and make people laugh not me lol oh my god I was like oh I love that he doubled down on how I'm not funny that is funny that made me laugh so hard i've been uh talking to people on dating apps and i want to read to you a conversation that i just had with somebody what apps do you use right now i'm on hinge and i'm okay so i'm on hinge bumble tinder okay cupid

but i don't really open that so much. I was on Coffee Meets Bagel, but I really hate that one. Is Tinder still decent? No. No, Tinder's bad. Which one's your favorite? I honestly like Hinge. Hinge.

Hinge is where I've gone on dates with some nice quality people. Wow. And then it has little icebreaker things. So mine says, my childhood crush is Captain Picard from Star Trek. This guy messaged me and said, mine too, honestly.

And then I said, I mean, who doesn't want to take a ride on that bald head? Then he said, I'm trying to take a ride on that important alternative to toxic masculinity. I said, yes, that's a very good answer.

Then he wrote, I also want to take a bite out of that surrounding oneself with a diverse group of professionals, each with their own specialized field, looking for them to advise when faced with a situation beyond what you're capable of dealing with alone. And following that advice, regardless of their rank or gender or species, as long as it's the right thing to do. That really gets my engine going gets my my rap core activated i said wow that's very deep what else gets your engine going and then he didn't

respond for four days so i said ah so it's just that one thing i get it oh my god not responded back to me what is he data what was that like what the heck why did he go so deep and then not respond i don't know see that's what i hate about dating apps it's like i'm like that person got back with his wife he was like they split up for like three days he's like i'm on the apps i'm gonna talk about all the science i know oh we're back okay let me get out of here Yeah. I, it really shook me. Whoa. I was like, that's a lot of information.

Whoa. Cause at first, the first one was like, Ooh, that's kind of cute. And then he got way too heady and like what? Diverse group of professionals when faced with the, I,

you reading texts from, I don't know. Doris Kern. Yep. Good one book? What the hell is this? And the thing is, he's kind of cute. But his simple pleasures say natural wine, dinner parties, linguine with clams, and city pop.

I don't know what natural wine is. What's city pop? Yeah, that too. I don't know. So wine comes from grapes. yeah so isn't that already natural yeah is it like organic grapes what is he i don't know it's very you have to mush it with your feet like no machines what does he mean maybe maybe he wants to like go to a winery and stomp on it ourselves first of all i don't trust grapes that have been stomped on by people's feet. I don't think you got rid of all that fungus. I do not believe

washing that got rid of all that fungus. No, but I also really love that video of that reporter. Oh, it's the best. Just for that video, I'm willing to allow the stomping. If stomping grapes got rid of that video, I would keep grapes stomping.

The best part is when they hit back to the newscasters and they go, oh, wow. Yeah. I think she's hurt. Yeah. Oh, my God. And the best part, the best part about that video, she was trying to show off. Yes, bitch. Take it easy, bitch.

We're going at it. Slow down. Slow your roll. Enjoy life. Take it day by day. Second place. There's this, if you can find it this uh i love newscasting uh mistakes yeah there's this newscaster who is like this is very sad there has been a shooting and

a police officer was killed her name is dd mega doo doo And that's not her name. Her name is Did they write somebody It's like on the screen next to her and that's not her name and she says it

so seriously. Dee Dee Mega Doodoo. Did you ever see the reporter turn his ghetto in five seconds? He's like

he's like there's like something happened at this school and he's like what really happened and then an insect flies in his mouth what the fuck was that shit flying in my mouth get me out of this country motherfucker oh my god so you know i have to say like i have

such a hard time just being me on social media it's hard it's tough i'm like but people love you when you're authentically you some i feel so fake in everything I do on social media. I was like, God, what am I posting? What is this post even for? I wish I could find. I used to be very authentic on social media a couple years ago. But I feel like relationships have kind of muted me from just being who I want to be. And now I don't even know who I want to be on it anymore.

So it's just so weird. I stick to, here are things that I like I like being in a bikini I like swimming I'll post about that I like pole dancing I'll post about that I like a good selfie I'll post about that and then like I don't really like posting about like dinners with friends that feels too disingenuous like when I'm out with them to be like let's take a picture yeah yeah so i try to do just like the things that i uh that bring me joy yeah and just share that with people okay um and then twitter i try to tweet jokes yeah mostly but um i do think often about

if i was in a relationship with somebody i don't think i would post much about them yeah um specifically because when you break up i don't think I would post much about them. Yeah. Specifically because when you break up, I don't want people to be like, where'd they go? No. And I went through that. Where'd they at? I went through,

I still have people ask me like, where's your, I'm like. Yeah, it's tough. And then when you make it public, it's even tougher. Oh,

it's even tougher. Where you have to like make an announcement. It's kind of like, well, we are no longer together have at it so uh it's open season for fucking me let's see i said it in terms of have at her go for it, you idiot. That's why you wanted to the whole time. You wanted to the whole time. I know you date you sons of bitches.

Go for it, you idiot. Well, Echo, on that note, we've come to the end. I've asked all of my guests this. Yes. Except for maybe five. Would you date me? Yeah, I would date you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah. You're dope as fuck. Are you kidding me? Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Echo, is as fuck. Are you kidding me? Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Echo, is there anything that you want to promote? Nope.

You have a show at UCB called Winslow. Okay. I know. I'm just like, I never want to promote any things. But yeah, I'm on a show every Friday at UCB called Winslow. UCB Franklin. Come out. Support us.

It's at 930. It's great. I'll be on TV and stuff this year on different things. And yeah. And my music. Your music.

my music. Actually, I do want to promote my music. Check out my SoundCloud. I'm going to be dropping more music very soon.

I have a single out now called Cheesin'. I have so many songs. So, I'm definitely going to be releasing some stuff. I'm working on my second EP right now, and I'm just trying to figure out

all the business sides of everything. Do you have a website at all? I don't have a website. I mean, I do have a website, but I need to update it and figure some stuff out. So how would people figure out how to see you live? Go on my Instagram, and I usually post about it. And that's Echo K? Yeah, Echo

Kells. On Twitter, it's at echo k on instagram it's echo kels k-e-l-l-s uh yeah so i guess those are things that i'm promoting now so yes you are echo's very funny i enjoy him immensely and if you like this episode of if you like this episode why why would you date me? You can like it. You can subscribe. If you write me something nasty, I will read it out loud. So if you hit on me and say something nasty.

So this person said, I would love to eat that sweet, sweet pussy. Just bury my face in there, getting your juices all over my face. When I'm done, I'm not going to wipe my face off. Instead, I'm going to walk outside, look up into into the sun and let it dry up and crust over oh my god save it and taste you again later he's a freak this is another one nicole i want to stick my tongue so far up your ass that i can taste the shit you're going through i would also say to you nicole i want to stick my tongue so far up your ass that I can taste the shit you're going through. I would also say to you, Nicole, I want to eat you out so often that I collect enough pussy hairs to make you a new wig.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Here's another one. I will Eskimo kiss your muff until it's sopping wet. Then ball fuck you while my dick rhythmically thumps up and down on your clit until you kaboey i'm making a show something different from kaboey i was in until you said kaboey okay here's another one okay here's my pickup line i want to stick my finger up your ass and spin you around my finger like a basketball while the har Globetrotters theme song plays in the background.

Oh my God. Wow. I think that is it for now. Wow. Ooh, also, okay, I talk about the, have you, do you know about the man who loves his curvy wife? No. Oh, yes.

I remember that post. Yes. Yes. So I've talked about him so much on my podcast that he reached out. What? He said, hi, Nicole. I hope you're having a great week. A follower of mine just sent your episode where you talked about me.

And then that, like, smiley face that's like, ah! I just wanted to shoot you a note and let you know I'd be down to be on the podcast whenever. I think we'd have a very entertaining chat. I don't know. I don't know what he would say to me that I don't already know. Maybe I will have the curvy wife man on my podcast. But I would only refer to him as the man who loves his curvy wife. Yes, 100%.

And then I'd have to bring up, he said that the way he announced his wife's pregnancy was by saying his seed was in her. That's a fun way to say it. What a treat. Thank you, Echo. Thank you so much for having me. Bye. Fun. That's a fun way to say it. What a treat. Thank you, Echo. Thank you so much for having me. Bye. Bye. This has been a Team Coco production.