Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Pooping Together (w/ Meghan Trainor and Ryan Trainor)

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Does the couple that poop together, stay together? Grammy-award winning singer-songwriter Meghan Trainor and brother Ryan Trainor (co-hosts of Workin on It') discuss the special relationship that's bonded over pooping. Meghan confesses she had 2 toilets installed in her bathroom so her and her husband can poop together. Ryan shares how the pandemic lead him to sobriety. They also discuss dating red flags, the importance of being regular, and the effects on dating if you avoid social media. Plus, Nicole tries a Sybian.Black Lives Matter. For a list of over 100 different ways to support racial justice, click here. Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter:@nicolebyerInstagram:@nicolebyerNew Merch Store! podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Hello baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? Podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could take me for a walk and push me into oncoming traffic, I would say, wow, that was a close one. I still love you. I have siblings on the podcast today. One is a Grammy Award winning singer-songwriter. The other is a video game live streamer.

They are best friends and together they co-host the new podcast. Working on it, it's Meghan Trainor and Ryan Trainor. Yo! What an intro!

Meghan's so much cooler than me. All right. How are you guys? Thank you so much for doing this. We're so good. Thank you for having us.

Thank you for having us. We're honored. Your podcast is legendary. You are a legend. We love you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I just, people keep asking me this.

I just want to talk. Have you ever been on like a dating show? Have either one of you ever like had to go on a date like on camera? Nah. I mean, I've gotten reached out by like some shitty reality TV shows. More recently, probably Ex on the Beach. I think they wanted me

on Ex on the Beach. The Kaplan twins really wanted me to pull up. I'd pull up as... Yes, we have friends that have been on those shows. Yes. So I've dated like Lexi

off and on and she wanted me to like, you wash up ashore and you're like, I'm the ex and I'm pulling up the beat, like something ridiculous. But no, I never had to do that. I was close though because I felt like you, I was like, why won't anyone date me? And I would ask him, I was like, am I threatening?

Like, do I give off a vibe of like, don't touch me? Don't talk to me? Yeah, you're a scary person, dude. And you're intense. You're just a powerful woman. But I was like, in my prime, like just in a grammy and i was like gorgeous as hell and i was like i finally know that makeup goes on my eyebrows like i'm my prettiest like why doesn't every guy jump on me i couldn't even get like hookups like it was oh my god it was a long i feel like well you didn't commit to like the apps i

feel like if you did one of the stupid i was on Raya and all those apps. But you didn't really commit to it though, bro. Because I also like I got matched up with the hot tub time machine guy. Oh, I remember, dude. I was hyped. I know, I love him, but like these are the guys that are matching me with and I was like, okay, cool. There's a lot of gentlemen hot tub time machine. You don't

have to name names, but that's not your type. You know which one. I think I i do i did the celebrity dating game and people keep being like how was your date and i was like do you not know how television works there was no date also yeah they're all fake kind of you know it's bullshit yeah but i don't think i could ever do that dating i i watched uh the first season of are you the one and then i watched well it's not hot what is it it was like on um netflix where they tricked everyone they're like you're gonna have a vacation with a bunch of hotties and then they're like actually you can't hook up we just started that remember the machine right it was like you are not allowed to touch

each other oh you walked in on me and daryl watching that yeah because i love garbage like that i loved it oh my god i loved it and they were like extra slutty i love it too i love hot idiots yeah dude i love them and i love how they were hot they were all being extra whorish too like they're all getting on top of each other and i was like yeah they know the game they know and then they're like what we're not allowed to touch you know I would be so mad if I was a hot dummy who was like all right I'm gonna fucking Mexico or wherever and I'm gonna fuck and then they're like actually no I would be devastated I mean I couldn't do it yeah I'd be upset so megan you are in a relationship and ryan you are single single yeah yes i am are you looking to mingle or are you like on a self-care self-discovery journey

yeah yeah i'm i'm on a self-discovery journey because i mean for the past decade i was not i feel like i never took care of myself once so now I'm finally like you know what let me figure out my shit first and then I can go back out there so this is yeah so I'm pretty bored but I feel better mentally this is it's a good it's a good 180 I think it was necessary it's time I got to grow up you know I'm like 28 I'll be 29 December so i'm trying to snap into i gotta be an adult he's recently sober oh congratulations i love to hear it love it and so he like partied all his life and then would like always have hookups and like some would some would last longer than others but he's never really had a real relationship since like high school oh what do you do you know what you're like looking for

nah great question uh nah i don't know not really he's it's weird too because he sees daryl and i and we're like we like breathe in each other's air like we're very close you guys are so that's you guys are maniacs like that is not chill for a lot of... It's way too much. I need my personal space. You guys are weirdos, bro. I tickle him at night. Wait, Ryan, explain this a little further. What do you mean by weirdos?

They poop together. She's pooping, and Daryl's like, I'm going to go hang out with you now, even if we're in the green room at a fucking award show. He's like, I'm going to go hang out with you while you poop. Bro, you are crazy people. Megan, you're taking dumps before award shows in a dress? Bro, I was like, also, I can't poop in public.

Yeah, you do, bro. I can only poop in public if Daryl's with me and he's blocking the door. Bro, it's weird. It's too much. We do have, and we just got a new house and we did construction. Nobody knows us. But in our bathroom, there was one toilet. And a lot of times in the middle of the night when we're with the baby,

like we got to pee at the same time. So I was like, can we please have two toilets next to each other? So we. No, I'm telling you. It is insanity. That's an exclusive. Wait a minute. We got two toilets sitting next to each other.

And we've only pooped together twice you looked at a contractor another adult in the face and you said we need a bathroom with two toilets next to each other and that adult said okay he laughed and thought i was joking and i was like no i'm not joking and then he did it i'm telling you man they're at an extreme, which is cool. That's their thing. It's just like, nah. I'm shook and floored. And both of you are trying to move on rather quick.

And I'm still stuck. How far apart are these two said toilets? No, like next to each other. Like closer than we are now. They're fucking right there, dude. And do you use them together? Often. Often.

Yes, we pee at the same time a lot. I can't be near him when he poops because his poops smell foul. Okay. And I can't handle it, even if we have poopery. And a lot of times he forgets to do the poopery. But when I'm pooping, I encourage him, come on in. You encourage this? Look at this one. Yes, because I'm like. Look the poopery. But when I'm pooping, I encourage him, come on in. You encourage this? Yes.

Look at this one. Because I don't poop. I didn't have a good poop life before. Okay. And now we're learning about nutrition and I'm seeing my poops are great now and healthy and every day. Okay. And I'll look at him and I'll be like, Daryl, do you see this massive thing that came out

of me? It took us a while to get there. At first we were. How long? A year. That's not that long. What? You are a liar. You are a liar.

No, on tour. Because we started dating and I went on tour and I flew him out and he was with us. We met through Chloe Moretz, an actress. She went on a double date. She set us up and like day six we were like, I love you. On day six, you said I love you. Yeah. So walk me through this.

So you went on a date. And then how many dates was it to date six? So we went on a bowling date. And we hooked up night one. It was excellent. And I was like, wow, he's in love with me. And then like two days after that we saw each other again with chloe on another date and then he would just come i was

staying at a hotel and he would just come to my hotel like every night and then by day six we like knew all about each other and and we went on a date with chloe and i went to the bathroom and she told tells daryl she's like, do you love her? And he's like, yeah, but don't fucking tell her. Like, what are you, 19? And then, because she was 19. And then he went to the bathroom and she told me, like, do you love him? And I was like, yeah, but don't say anything.

And basically she spoiled it. So then we went back to the hotel and I was like, I know how you feel about me. Just say it. Because I'm 12. Oh, my God. Six. That's incredible. That's so wild.

I mean. What am I doing wrong? No, no. No. We're weird. We're weird. We're weird. We're weird.

We're weird. We're weird. We're weird. Special case. Aliens. Aliens. No, like, all. Out of this world.

None of it makes sense. It's too much. All my friends are single and I'm like the only one with a baby. Like I'm way past everything because I found this person that I'm like, we need to get married because I worship you. Wow, that's truly incredible.

I'm so single it fucking hurts. I bought a Sibion machine. Do you know what that is? Oh, hell yeah. You know what a Sibion, oh, you ride that thing, girl. Yeah, let's go. Is it like a saddle?

I mean, more or less, it's like this hump and then a fucking dick sticks out of it and then it wiggles around and it is rather intense. It's a little too much. I mean...

Yeah, so Howard Stern used to have those things on his show all the time. That's like... When I was like 13, I was like trying to stay up late and I was like I gotta see the Sibian Rides wait Howard Stern would put the Sibian Rides on television I mean yes and yeah on radio I mean yeah but it was it was filmed like I'm pretty sure Carmen Electra hopped on one of those and it like wow world like they would obviously get off before it got out of control but it would always get pretty

close it'd get pretty close oh boy yeah it's quite the machine everyone i thought i would say something was too intense it's too intense and it's now just in my closet giggling at me i do want to tell you that like um i used to think too like because i was so single that I'm just going to settle for, like, a shitty guy and I'll try to fix him. And then, you know, I'll always hate these things about him. But there is someone out there for you that, like, will, I don't know, that is, that will worship the ground, like, that will worship you. You know this? Where? I know this.

Where? I don't know where. But I also said to the universe, I was manifesting him, I believe, because I was like, he's being a silly boy. He's just making mistakes somewhere else. Like, I would talk as if he was already here. Uh-huh. And then it worked. And everyone told me, like, oh, my God, just stop thinking about it, and then it'll just

naturally happen. No. No, ma'am. Okay. I begged every day, and I got him. So you guys are married married like you had a wedding yes we had a wedding and shit on my birthday because that's how we do it on your birthday wow i mean yeah you'll never fucking forget your wedding anniversary there's too many

dates i have to remember so this one's great so how long from the first date to marriage? It's like two years, I think. Oh, okay. But we were like, we waited. Oh, yeah. We got engaged like a year and a half in. I don't know. Okay. I was like, how long do I have to wait

until everyone doesn't judge us that we're engaged at a younger age? That's how we, like I would beg my mom, like, can he propose to me yet? And then how long did construction take on your house? We were in one house, and then we bought this one recently in November, and then we did construction this whole time, and now we're just finally getting in. Dang.

Dang, that's a long fucking time. That's a long-ass time. It's a mission, yeah. Wow. It was an old, spooky house, though, so we had to, like, clean it up. It's taking long fucking time. That's a long ass time. It's a mission, yeah. Wow. It was an old spooky house though, so we had to like clean it up. It's taking longer for your house to be finished than it took for you guys to say I love you.

And honestly, that's wild. I mean, they got those toilets though. Like they're fine. As long as I got those toilets. So Ryan sees our relationship and he's like, eek, that's a lot. It's too much. But like there's something for you out there.

The best part about my relationship is that Daryl makes, he tries to I don't know, he cares so much about me, my well-being, my emotional state, my physical, everything. And he just wants to do anything he can to make me better. Right. And to make my life

easier. That's really sweet. You know what i mean and when like and i was like ryan you could have a a soldier like a partner like high-fiving you and encouraging you to stay sober yeah no i get it i get it i'm just not in a rush you know i'm just kind of doing my own thing i i feel like you have this idea because the first person that comes in if they're not that like bye bitch yeah ryan what's your type what are you looking for because the people will slide into your dms from this i hate to tell you it will happen it happens to all of my male guests ladies not so much but you know whatever so yeah what are you looking for who

should be sliding no i like i like them all i like them all really um i just i guess now i'm looking for different things. I guess I kind of liked a party girl. I could do some partying, but not all the time. I think that's changed for me. Okay. I got to get some outdoor stuff in. Okay.

She's got to love dogs. I could do some hikes. Cute. You don't like to do hikes? No, I'm not hiking. There's insides for a reason. Also, I mean, I guess the view is nice, but I'm not. I'm not here for a hike.

I have to find some sober hobbies. I'm trying to get back into surfing. A surfer babe, that could be dope. That could be dope. She might have a six pack, but we're into it. Yeah, you want her to have a six pack because then she's got a strong core that's a little too aggressive

I don't know if I'm into the six packs you're into a six pack? I mean I don't even have a six pack I pictured like a blonde like sand girl covered in sand with a six pack I love it just covered in sand at all times. It's like, are you well?

Do you shower? Yeah. Okay. I'm all over the place, though. I don't know. Again, focused on myself. I got to figure out. It's hard, too, because dating out here in California, what I've seen, it's like all

the girls, even his age, you're 28 now, they're like, let's go to this club and like see wiz khalifa or like i mean there's definitely some girls that are like lost and like they're still doing that shit like going to the tiktok parties and shit and i'm like yo you're almost 30 like what are you doing but there's obviously some women out there that don't do that i just i just gotta get out there and like try and find them but right now i'm just really not i'm just like i'm training for the new york city marathon all i do is all i do is run and game pretty much that's it i'm just i'm just like i'm training for the new york city marathon all i do is all i do is run and game pretty much that's it i'm just i'm just running from his demons yeah why run uh okay 26 miles yeah running's been the best thing for me. Again, yeah, like Megan said, I'm running from demons. I'm running from, like, all my stress.

You know what I'm saying? It clears my mind. I do feel better, but I also feel exhausted. Like, this past week, I've been, like, pretty much a dead man because I ran 17 miles last Saturday. I definitely feel that. But it's been so good because him and my younger brother, they'll stay up all night long, and then they'll sleep in all day because they have nothing to do.

I mean, we don't do that a lot during quarantine. Yeah, quarantine. So now he's like getting up at eight or 5 a.m. even to run. I'm getting up at like 5 a.m. And like we're up with a baby. So we're like, howdy neighbor. Like we're like somebody else. How old is your baby?

My baby is seven months now. Wow. So still a baby. Still My baby is seven months now. Wow. So still a baby. Still a baby. Has having a baby changed your relationship at all? Kind of. For a minute, I didn't feel sexy at all. We talked about this.

We're a very open family. Because I got a C-section, so I have all my stretch marks going one way and the C-section going the other way. And he's like, your body's perfect. And I'm like like but i see it you know like i don't want to see it i don't want to i don't feel sexy i go into ptsd moments of like she's still inside me you know like oh yeah so i had a weird place with trying to feel sexy again with my husband and trying to like not cry you know while he's like, take your clothes off. Sure, I get it.

It's tough. Babies change your whole fucking life and your body. So sad, bro. It's so sad. It's hard. I'm just like, I'm just chopped open, man. And it's also, you're like changing poopy diapers and you're not thinking like, oh my God, I can't wait to bone after this.

Like, it's just not there but i mean changing poopy diapers to me sounds like that would put you in the mood y'all like to shit together so you know you know foreplay change a poopy diaper take a dump and i understand that yeah yeah so you said you were on riot and you didn't meet anyone there. Were you on any other apps? Yeah, I think I did Bumble. You know what my problem was? I would text them or talk to people and match with people.

And it'd be me. And I was just way too scared to meet my person. I was like, ooh, you're going to murder me. Yeah, true. You don't know about these online situations. And I don't want to be like, you want to go to the movies with me and my bros? Yeah, that's the thing. In a safe place.

Whoever we're dating, like, they're immersed into the trainer family. Including my mom and my dad. They're over all the time. Yes. I mean, I've had even, like, you know, a one-night stand, and all of a sudden, my dad barges in through the door. I'm like, yo, GT, GT, someone's here. Yeah. No, for sure.

And I don't even know her name. And I'm like, this is my dad. You've been in the bedroom. And your dad has come into your bedroom? You know, he had like a house project. He's the house manager pretty much, right? He's always working on something. He's retired.

And I'm like, yo, dad, no, no, no. And he can't hear me because he's kind of deaf. So then I'm like, oh, so this is my dad, Gary. Yeah, there's plenty of one night stands where they walk out the room and my mom is there. And you're like, hey, this is my mom. And they're dad, Gary. Yeah. There is plenty of one night stands where they walk out the room and my mom is there and you're like, hey, this is my mom. And they're like, oh, it's just holding their extensions. Wow.

What a full blown nightmare. Yeah. What a wild fucking nightmare. I'd be like, this is no, no, thank you. So it's tough. You know, that's definitely an element in the whole dating process. And it's all of us. It's not even like when I had Daryl come in, I was like, all right, you're going to like

literally day four. I think he met my entire family because it was Fourth of July. Oh, yeah. I had a party and he came over and I texted him like, never mind. And he's like, I'm already here. My cousins, my uncle, my aunt. On the fourth day you knew this man, you were like, I need you to meet my whole extended family and celebrate America. And he still wanted me.

Yeah, man, that's fucking love. You love to see it. We just did everything right away. I mean, I've been trying to have a hot girl summer, but honestly, the Delta variant and people being a little scared has curtailed that. It's hard. It has been a's hard. Yeah. It has been a fucking nightmare. Yeah.

I did hook up with this one dude and I accidentally punched him right in the face. So I don't know if it's going to work out. Why'd you punch him? I mean, not on purpose. We were like hooking up and I was trying to move. And I guess my hands were in fists. I just connected with his face and I was like I'm so sorry and he was like hey you know it's

alright and I was like I don't know if it's alright I don't know if you can come back from that imagine if he was just like hit me again yeah yeah yeah that would have been interesting I'd be like spice it up maybe this is something new for me

I'm gonna read you this profile that I found that I was like, yikes. It's not good out here. It's bad. Yeah, let me see what you're working with because I'm on zero apps and I've been thinking, I'm like, do I just get on one of these? Yeah, I'm in LA. Yeah, it's the worst place to date. Yeah, it really fucking sucks.

Okay, so this person, oh wait, shit. Our younger brother is on all those oh he is how old is he he's 25 now i think he's 25 yeah oh okay is he single as well yeah he lives with us but he he does these bumble apps and then he'll meet one girl and that and they're like talking right now but they've never met and he's like i'm off the grid i'm like oh you're taking it wrong i was like just keep on swiping no yeah you gotta go out with people I've decided if people do not ask me out within the second interaction I unmatch them what are we doing yeah let's go out and meet I can't learn to like you they're literally they

talk to each other and they go okay we're gonna watch this movie ready one two three press play and they sit at home that's how people date now. That's crazy. I'm vaccinated. So I go out into the world and I meet people. I found it. Okay. This person,

uh, he's eight miles away from me. He said, uh, okay. So he's a, he wants a BDSM connection. He's a dom.

He wants a sub. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. And then he said, if you're vanilla, I would be interested in a hookup or friends with benefits situation. Only if you think you can keep up or rock my world. I doubt it, though.

And I was like, what the fuck? I doubt it, though. What happens on this? Who raised him? You know what I mean? Truly. I was like, this is nuts. Like, why are you know what i mean this truly i was like this is nuts like why are you already doubting me i could maybe maybe i'm the one but now i'm thinking i'm

not because you're doubting me this was on tinder tinder's truly the wild wild west that sounds like a craigslist like looking for a sex hookup that doesn't sound like a tinder it makes sense that it's on tinder i guess i didn't know it was getting rowdy like that oh yeah tinder's i say the most rowdy of the apps wow like anyone if they sign up on tinder nowadays is it like we just here to fuck i mean that's what i think of as tinder i feel like tinder's let's fuck bumble is like i guess a relationship i don't know i don't i don't do bumble i'm very bad at. Because I also heard that you can find friends on Bumble, too. Yeah, I know girls out here that are like, we all met from Bumble. We met on Friends.

That's so sweet and sad. How does this work out? And I'm not here to make friends. That's the one thing from reality show that I'm taking with me on these fucking apps. I'm not fucking here to make friends, okay? I have enough. Hinge, I think, is also relationship-y. Okay, Cupid, I I dabble I don't really

fuck with that too much but yeah these fucking apps suck it sucks dating here I hate it I think I'm all set I might just wait for those DMs you were talking about we'll see maybe something in there yeah maybe his love of his life is gonna DM him today yeah so if you're gonna DM

Ryan you gotta be a surfer you gotta have maybe a three pack, not a full six pack. You got to be covered in sand, a little tan. And then you have to be like, hey, let's go on a hike. So that's your intro. That's your opening. And you have to impress the entire family. Yeah. Then you have to meet the entire trainer family. You have to be accepted.

Easy peasy, dude. No problem. Megan, I have a question. How did you get into music? Oh, forever, always. My dad's very musical, and he would wake us up. He was like a music teacher on Nantucket Island where we grew up, and he also played the organ at the church. So I was surrounded by it, and in the mornings,

I had a keyboard that he got me, and he would come in and play music and be like, rise and shine. And I'd be like, Jesus, every day. Wow. I just at a young age was writing my own songs and playing all the instruments because my dad would help me. Okay. Ryan, are you musical at all? He tried.

No. He tried? I tried every instrument imaginable and I'd just go, I'm not a pro. I quit. I would just quit. He was a drummer, a guitar player, a trumpet. He was like, I'm not a pro I quit he was a drummer a guitar player a trumpet he was like I hate this maybe I had ADD I have no idea

I was just like I'm done and move on to the next thing can you sing if Megan will use me for like background vocals or something or if she needs like a male vocal to cut a song if she's in the room and trains me how to sing the notes and just like

i can like record it oh so no no yes yes i physically can i just need your help all right real quick let's take a break break and a way back so tell me what your podcast is about it's called working on it because i wrote a song on my last album treat myself it's called working on it and it's about like how when you receive compliments like my first reaction was like it was stop like no I'm not pretty stop shut up you know and I'm like no I'm gonna work on hearing that compliment and go thank you wait Megan why why do you go ew

cause like okay so I just went to the Emmys thank you so much lost to RuPaul thank you so much but I got to wear this like stunning Christian Siriano dress it was like lovely purple like my whole team team fucking crushed it. He's the best. But people on the carpet were like,

you look beautiful. And I was like, I know. And they were like, oh. And then we'd start again. I was like, you don't think I looked in the fucking mirror before I left? I look fucking stunning. Why are you shocked that I love this?

So I don't get you being like, ew, gross, with a compliment. I have to start saying out loud more stuff like that. I was on Ellen the other day and she was like, you look amazing. And I said, yes, I know. Thank you. Because I get it from my mom.

She talks very poorly about herself. If you're like, let's take a picture. She's like, I'll break the camera. It's out loud. Horrific things. So that's where I picked it up from, I think. And I've let's take a picture. She's like, I'll break the camera. Like it's out loud. Horrific things. So that's where I picked it up from, I think. And I've been trying to train myself. It's okay. Let's be nicer to ourselves.

So I wrote a song working on it. And we were like, our podcast, what's it going to be about? Like we want to help people, but also like shoot the shit and help each other. So it's kind of a win-win. So we're like, we're working on like being a mom. And he's working on sobriety. Yeah. Happened at great timing for us.

That was excellent. Thank you for going sober. And each week is like a new thing. We're doing working on nutrition, working on. Okay. Yeah. We had a bunch of different topics and then have people, you know, fans getting involved. Yeah.

And working on living with siblings. We just did with our little bro and we just let you can see the dynamic all of you live together yes ma'am so this is what we've always lived together and anywhere i go i i force them to come with me wait do your parent your parents don't live with you though they live um like they used to live four minutes away but now we moved to another house so they're like 20 minutes away but they're over every single day here at 8 a.m because we need a babysitter My dad was sitting on the couch with me the other day. We were watching something. He's like, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I guess I'll go do something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, I'll catch you later, man. Our parents are 20 years apart, so my dad is like 75. My mom's 55, so she's like young. She like walked here, you know, took two hours. And my dad is like, it's 4 p.m. We need dinner, Kelly, you know.

you know it took two hours and my dad is like it's 4 p.m we need dinner kelly you know that's i mean i'm me and my sister were close but i don't think we could ever like live together we're two very different people so wait so like the whole time so like did you guys go to college or anything there was one year i went to college for a few years oh a few years yeah i did i put in three years oh wow it always feels like two you went to nashville i went to nashville he went to florida and our younger brother went to santa barbara yeah uh-huh and that was like the worst time for me because i missed them and i was just like being a songwriter and just writing all about that bass and then when that started popping off i was like i have to go move to california and i need you to come with me

so drop out of school and be my bro yeah i was just like all right fuck it i love it i mean you were in florida right or no the other brother was in florida i was in tampa florida i was like i don't need it i don't need to go back i think this la thing might work out so yeah no offense to florida actually take all offense. Yeah, get out. Get the fuck out. I mean, is this a big house? I don't want to be rude. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, are you on top of one? It's a good house.

We used to have another house where they were on the other side of it, so it was a very great layout. We had our own wing. It's hard for us to find houses that work like that so looking around for houses because i have a baby so i wanted my baby to have a bedroom not in between the boys because in the last house it was literally in between their rooms so in this new house it's a nice big house with extra bedrooms for when i have all the other kids and then downstairs my

younger brother is in there right next to the kitchen and Ryan got the apartment over the garage Oh a nice ADU an alternate dwelling unit This is his lair that we're in right now I love this He's like an adult

he's like in his own place but I'm like don't leave Okay so this is hypothetical say Ryan and then this younger unnamed brother He's like in his own place, but I'm like, don't leave. Okay, so this is hypothetical. Say Ryan and then this younger unnamed brother get partners. Is everyone going to be in the same house? Would you move out? Tell me about this.

I would like them to stay. But that's why we have to like the gals, you know? I don't know. I'm trying to pull a Daryl and find me a rich pop star. I'm moving with her it's a pretty good gig i feel like he figured it out why can't i do that why can't it be you of course my younger brother has like randomly said sometimes like i don't want to buy property in california because it's so expensive like i want to go to another state in the middle of nowhere and then just buy a great property and i was like but i'll never see

you so that scares me but i think i'll trap him here forever i think i'll have ryan okay well i don't want you to have to cross that road until you arrive at that location destination i think i'm stuck here i'm stuck here for at least five years because we made a deal during quarantine i was because i was like yo i gotta move like i don't want to do this quarantine thing i i gotta i think i was like one of those people like fuck it i'll move to texas like lunatic and then she was like yo i'll buy you this pc if you stay for five years i was like all right bet oh that's right yeah fuck you bro you're stuck here yeah we're locked in these expensive computers she got me this dope gaming pc stream pc so I could do the

YouTube gaming thing I tattooed that on myself I have to put in five years that's the minimum so she can buy time can she buy your affection I'm kidding that's a terrible question what an awful question to ask somebody

I love it it works Megan here's a question so like you all about that bass was like huge and it was like for me it seemed like overnight I don't know how much work like and back work went into it and maybe it wasn't overnight for you overnight yeah I mean I I well like every yeah everyone has their everyone has their own take on overnight. Because, sure, I was working and doing songwriting for my whole life, but I was also 19.

Like, I was still a baby. But the song blew up. It felt like overnight, like really fast. And it was because of Facebook. I'm pretty sure it was because of moms on Facebook. Like, you got to hear this one. And it went everywhere. And I was like, oh, Christ. I didn't even know how the music industry worked like I didn't know charts and all that like I wasn't that heavy

into it so I learned as it was hitting me they're like you're number one here and I was like fantastic like what does that mean so it all happened really fast and they were like just hold on tight and that's what I did was it tough to like because i feel like as soon as you're in the public eye people have opinions and they're like they want to hear my opinions and i can say i don't but like uh how did like how did you deal with that how'd you deal with like people's comments and shit on like instagram like twitter and shit um my mommy um deleted a lot of mean Twitter comments before I could see them. I love that. I love that for you.

It was so nice. She saved me. And I didn't go looking for them. I feel like you never really read those comments. I never do. And I know my safe places. I know Instagram. All my comments are going to be nice.

I know YouTube. They're not going to be, so I don't look. Except for our podcast. Comment below. Yeah, we read those. But my TikTok ones are always nice. Like, I know where the safe places are. I know Twitter.

I don't got to be fucking on there. Nah, Twitter's crazy. I got to be looking in there. So, yeah. They mean on Twitter. I can't figure out TikTok. I'm like, I'm thinking of a whole video. It's not for me.

I can't do it. Oh, making a video takes me an hour or two hours. It's too much. So, yeah. It's too much. But i'm on it all day every day like when i poop i need it i love how that is where it's all just gonna keep coming back to you i poop now because it's a blessing i'm so happy i could poop and when you say now was there a time where you weren't yes ma'am yes I would poop like once every three days.

Yeah. Could you imagine? Weren't you? Does it? Are you? What? I think she was just super stressed out. I think she was just in a constant state of.

I thought that was normal. I was like, a poop is like a fun thing that happens once in a while, right? No, I didn't know it was like every day, multiple times a day. Wow. Yeah. Wow. That's wild. Do either of you have like dating advice for me oh man i'm the last guy to give advice but let me think of something um yeah uh no

um yeah it's tough tough in this city i guess, I feel like you're pretty good at reading through bullshit. As long as you can avoid the bullshit. I call them red flags. Yeah. You see a few red flags, cut it. Don't waste your time. You know what I mean? Like if I was dating someone, I'd be like,

these are a lot of red flags. Like, see ya. It's not going to happen. Because I know I wanted to be married with babies. So if I met someone too that I'm like, can I see us having kids? Can I see you being my guy for the rest of my life? And that's,

I knew that with Daryl and I was like, I gotta lock this in. What are some dating red flags? Like if they're mean to you, you know? Okay. You like, you said that first and I'm like,

that is the simplest thing yeah like i think back to some dudes i've dated i'm like you are straight up just like mean to me and i'd be like yep okay i'll take it it's like you can't i also yeah i went out there to the world too and i was like i just want a nice guy and like daryl was the first guy in my entire existence that was still does opens the car door for me like that kind of shit where you can't get that anywhere else like he makes my breakfast in bed every day

I know that sounds fucking bullshit but he I'm a princess that's nice what do you get fed? he makes me this special oatmeal that I've been losing weight with and it's yummy and he puts frozen berries in it

so it's like cold and chunky and amazing and chia seeds and stuff he helps me poop and then he makes my he puts frozen berries in it so it's like cold and chunky and amazing and chia seeds and stuff he helps me poop and then he makes my coffee with my protein in it that helps you poop yes I see a theme here yes it's a simple theme

when I'm on a date I like to see how they react to like the wait staff servers and the people around I mean i used to wait tables and um yeah you get to see like people at their true core in that kind of situation um also like just you're you and if they don't fuck with any part of you you just you just fuck them like that's it also you have to know how special you are, too. Because, like, I know, I'm fully aware of how amazing my family is. So when I was bringing someone in, if they don't fuck up my family, I'm like, this will never work.

For example, my mom went to a restaurant with you, and you, like, hooked up with a server once. No, I never did. Oh, you never did? It was just my go-to breakfast spot, dude. Why'd she hug her? She panicked. She thought that I just like, I'm friendly, so I made friends with like the waitress that worked there.

It wasn't like anything crazy. I was just like, oh, yeah, this is Nicole. She's going to take care of us today. Like just being nice. My parents are like visiting, and my mom gets up, and she's like, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Kelly. I was like, mom, mom, mom, mom, momlly i was like mom mom mom i don't know her i don't know her so when you come in to date that's very

funny the greatest mom i was crying laughing my mom was like we need to leave now she just like she's a nice woman i just came to work i'm just trying to bring you fucking eggs. And this woman is hugging me. That's so funny. But my mom, yeah, whoever I bring in, my mom's going to love this shit out of you. I know how awesome your family is.

And like when that person comes in, if they don't get that, it's like goodbye. Yeah, I guess so. I love how tight knit your family is. This is so foreign to me. Really?

I told you dude, we're weirdos. Oh, I think it's weird. I was talking to them on our episode. I couldn't imagine life with them in a different place. I couldn't imagine being those siblings that's like, see you at Christmas.

Yikes. I'm just like, yeah, that's what I say. I'm like, see you next year it's been real what a lovely week it's so funny oh shit I had a question I can't remember it that's the ADD ooh I'll read you another

profile just so you know what's out there Ryan just so you can see the craziness. Yeah, I love this. Okay. This person said, real profile. Please read. 6'1", dark, black, American, intelligent,

hung, horny, handsome. We'll share more. Man, interested in attractive, cool woman. I'm easygoing charismatic and hope you could feel my vibe and play with my big black cock this summer and be ready to be a slut for me holy shit is that tinder too humans that is tinder as well yeah people be uh be wild that hookup that you had where you punched him in the face

it was that from tinder um i don't remember what app that was from that was a little bit ago that is so funny huh i mean i don't know hit him up see if he's anything like that sibian you got there could be a good comparison yeah it sounds like a crazy ride yeah it sounds intense maybe i will i'll be like i can I can handle your big black cock. I just can't. What a wild thing to type out and then reread and go send. That's so crazy to me. It's just like, tie it tight.

Yeah, we'll let them all know. Let them know. Bizarre. Wow. Okay, real quick. We got to take a break. Okay, real quick, we gotta take a break. I've been on a good amount of dates this year since April or whatever.

And it's not been easy. It's been... How do you date? And do you message them like, hey, are you vaccinated? Or are you good? Have you been around anyone with COVID? Like, how do you approach that? Well, a lot of them have like a little vaccinated thing. So like, I really won't talk to you unless your profile says vaccinated.

Although mine doesn't. So I should probably change that. And like, could they lie? Could they pop that on there? Like, yeah, you could. I guess they could. But I feel like after you talk to someone enough you kind of get what their actual vibe is with science and stuff uh but also i get tested three times a week

same and then i'm working on this other show so now i'm getting tests i've i don't know there's always someone up my nose with a fucking q-tip and it's a nightmare. Yeah. I mean, hot take. I'm like over the pandemic. I'm done. We've done it for too long. I feel that. I've maxed out. Yeah. Was quarantine fun for you guys since like you like being near each other or did you

get into like fights? Well, for me, it was fun. I made a baby and like did all that. So that was like a thing I've always wanted to do. But for him, I should have ended up in a mental house i think he collapsed he is sober now because of that uh it just like escalated it my drinking escalated yeah big time i lost it because i'm kind of a social i guess i was a social guy maybe that's's changed. I don't know. So I kind of panicked. The booze didn't make you as fun as you are.

You know that. It was a real moment. Yeah. I don't know. But I was used to moving around. We were flying back and forth from London to LA. I was meeting new people, hanging around, and just living. And then we were stuck.

Beautiful house, of course. Spoiled. But you're stuck in one place long enough. Depends on the person, I guess. And because I was pregnant, they were really good to me. My brothers didn't go out and see a person.

Yeah. If he went out, he quarantined in his room for two weeks. Holy shit. We would put food outside his door. That was after a year

and some months. It took that long for me to be, it was pretty much until I was vaxxed. That's when I first left the house. He hit his final rock bottom in his bedroom at the last house. He fell down on his face.

Ooh. That's intense. It was an intense time where you had too much time to be introspective and make choices know choices like i drank a lot during the pandemic i was like oh i guess a bottle of wine a day is healthy and then it got to a point where i was like yeah no it's not like you can't wake up at noon hung over every

day and then try to like slog through fucking life so maybe you like start roller skating or something yeah it was tough yeah yeah yeah it was tough good now though just figured it out yes figured it out new house new you there we go new house new you new year new you i love it new level of the pandemic new you 2022 the delta the this the that it's getting out of control it's like a new way of life I feel like every day they're like there's another variant and I'm like let's stop announcing it let's just assume

that it's getting worse and mutating or whatever I want it to end and I want to be a survivor like oh I never got it, you know, because we never have. None of our family members think fuck,

but like, yeah, I want to be like, yeah, I'm a survivor. I didn't do it. I didn't get it. I mean, there was like what the Spanish flu in like 1912 or whatever.

I feel like we never really heard about it. And now I know why. I don't fucking want to talk about this after it's all said and done. Yeah, yeah. This gets put away forever.

Truly. Just locked in a fucking vault and we're like, that was that. We don't open that fucking vault. It's done. It's good. Throw it into the fucking ocean. Goodbye. Put it with the Titanic.

Oh, man. Yeah, it does make dating extremely hard. I mean, I feel like I've just been maybe too afraid to try. I'm like, ah ah it seems like too much i'm just gonna fucking do my own thing it's probably half of it like my brother why he's like watching movies with his girl that he dates oh through the phone because i told him like she's unvaccinated man like you can't really see her or like if you do like i can't see you for two weeks like you can't be here so he's like he's trying to find somebody who is vaccinated he

don't get it he don't get he's not he's never been on social media he's like the only human being i know that doesn't have instagram doesn't have facebook doesn't have tiktok oh and he's 25 yeah he's a little little caveman he just stays in his room you know wow but he does some shit how does he like waste time Does he read books and stuff? He'll make some music. He does stuff. He's my engineer, so anytime I need to record something, he hooks it up. But he also plays video games with Ryan.

I'm trying to find him a gig at a game design company or something like that. Because he's really good at sound design. If you know any video game companies, let us know. I truly can't even think of one. I was like, Grand Theft Auto? That's the name of the game. Just a game. That's just a game.

It's not a company at all. I'm deeply envious of your brother not being on social. The other day I was like, I can't wait to get off fucking social media. It's cool, but it also makes different humans. Like he thinks, like dating for him on these apps, he's telling these people his whole life. And I'm like, you haven't met them. You don't know if they're evil.

You should probably wait that out. So it makes your brain different. You don't know how to be protective right away. I'm worried about him dating someone who's un-vaxxed, and he's vaccinated, because it already means that you have very different views on science. I'm worried about him dating someone who's unvaxxed and he's vaccinated because it already means that you have like very different views on science. I know, but I think it was one

of those like she hasn't got around to it. Oh. How wild. Oh yeah, I'll get to it. I'll just let the global pandemic rage on with people dying, but I'll get to it. The day we could, we were like, let's go. I can't wait for that booster.

The day I could, I went and did it and then made a fucking dick appointment for two weeks after my second shot because I was like, it'll be in the body. I'll be dead the safest. I mean,

I don't know. It's just funny talking to people who don't like it and I'm like, guys, you didn't have polio or measles or mumps and shit. That's a vaccine

that's in you currently. We already have a bunch. We don't have to talk about that shit. Let's talk about titties. No, I'm kidding. Should we go back to pooping? Mine are so small. Yeah, let's go back to shitting.

I'm still floored that a contractor said yes. You poop every day like multiple times a day? They make whatever you want. I know they'll make whatever you want. But do you know that Instagram account, Zillow Gone Wild? No. What is this, bro? Do I need to follow it?

Just the most insane houses. And when you try to sell yours, they'll be there. They'll have a nice picture of your double, your duo toilet. My double toilet? I mean, are they both white? Or is one like? Yeah, one's like the fancy fancy like it'll sing to you and heat up your toilet seat

it's like Japanese you know like it's a square that was like a present I got him for his birthday and then the other one is like a Toto just regular this is really nuts how this runs deep in your relationship you gifted your husband

a toilet. It was his birthday and I was like, let's get a toilet that hugs us. It's love, man. Is she just teaching us something? Maybe a couple that shits together stays together? Is that how this works? Maybe.

Maybe the next person I go on a couple dates with, I'm like, do you want to come over and take a dump with me? That's another weird thing our bro like and he started he's never like dated people till he's 25 and this girl was at my house and he was like i'm gonna go poop like right in front of her and i was like you're gonna tell her that and he's like yeah we poop it's fine and i was like you're this is like day two of knowing here you're just like i'm gonna poop so well i guess if you date online you can just just be like, oh, I got to go dump. And you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, I'll just be here waiting for you to come back and text me or whatever.

This was another girl who was in person. Oh. Yeah. I see. Okay. Maybe this is just a family theme. The trainers love to shit. No, I can't poop in public.

Ryan's like, no. I'm a shy pooper. Every girl I've been involved with, I was like, I don't even think they fart, bro. Well, we have come to the end. I ask all my guests this. Oh, shit. I forgot to ask my guests earlier. Whatever.

I ask most of my guests this. Sometimes I forget because life is tough and I wrapped yesterday at 5 a.m. Anyway, would you date me? Would either of you date me? Oh, I would date you so hard. I think you're fantastic. I'm a big fan. You're a good time.

I love it, but that wasn't a yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I can read between the lines and it's okay. Yeah, what was yours. I don't mind. I got one. Yes. Do you guys have anything you want to promote? Just our working on a podcast.

Working on a pod on all socials. It's just me and my bros just talking it out. But my big bro. And then my Instagram. Oh, yes, Ryan. Yes, tell them your Instagram so they can get to it. Ryan.trainer. More importantly, link in my bio.

Takes you to my Boston Children's Hospital. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Fundraiser for the New York City Marathon. Yes, yes, marathon running. This November 7th. Should I start an OnlyFans? You should. Yeah, start an OnlyFans.

It's a great way to supplement your income. Yes. You can make bank. bank well if you like this episode of oh why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can subscribe you can give me like i don't know five stars on uh apple podcast if you write me something nasty i will read it this person said i want to take you to a plant store and find the rarest most succulent then turn you upside down and pot it in your pussy you'll stay upside down for the rest of your life getting a tingle every time i spritz the succulent or turn on a plant grow

warm light uh to warm your clit and the pretty pink aloe sprouting inches away after years of successful growth your roots will become so strong i'll use the biggest one to fuck us both at the same time your root would then go straight through my body killing me uh instantly i'd appear as a ghost briefly to essentially to sensually whisper thanks for being a breath of fresh air and then i'd turn into a puff of smoke and fly into your quote-unquote pot only to be released as a queef a few years later when a couple of white kids dig you up like a Jumanji board game. This was the most detailed weirdest fucking one I've gotten in a very

long time. That was creative. That was an A++++ on creative writing. That might be your soulmate. That is your soulmate. I'm locked in. Maybe, but I'm upset I have to stay upside down for so many years. Yeah, it sounds exhausting. Thank you guys so much.

Thank you. We love you. You're the best. Thanks. Okay. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me?

With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening.

I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha, ha, ha. This has been a Team Coco production.