Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Quit your Job (w/ Kornbread "The Snack" Jeté)

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Drag queen and reigning Miss Congeniality Kornbread "The Snack" Jeté (RuPaul's Drag Race S14) joins Nicole for a live episode, where they discuss her favorite kind of dick, the bad jobs she had before drag, and the men in prison who are contacting Nicole. Then, they answer audience questions about their favorite sex toys, the weirdest compliment they've gotten on a date, and blowjob tips. For more drag queen interviews, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: bit.ly/wwydmdrag Black Lives Matter. Click here for an updated list of over 100 different things you can do to support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please! Tell me why! Oh, baby! Yes! Thank you so much for coming out! Okay, so this is a live episode of my dang podcast, Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer.

And it's a podcast where me, Nicole Byer tries to figure out how I'm still single even though you could come in a little packet and tell me it's just liquid sugar. Now, how the fuck... This is going to be a long-ass day. Oh, my God. Who am I guest tonight? This is going to be a long-ass day. Oh, my God. Who are my guests tonight?

Oh, the reigning Miss Congeniality of RuPaul's Drag Race. It is Cornbread the Snack Jete. Hi. What's up? Oh, they're rowdy. Yes, my crowds are rowdy bitches. I mean, with the joke you started off with, I see why they're rowdy. It's fucking very specific.

Yes, I'm sick and disgusting. Same. Okay, Cornbread, how are you? I'm actually doing quite well. You made my drink, so I don't know how I'm going to be feeling halfway through it. But as of now, I'm great. It's so funny. I poured equal drinks for the both of us, and you were like, damn,

bitch. Literally. And I was like, ah, refreshing. Yeah, and that's gaggy because I'm a drag queen, and we literally live in bars and clubs, so I drink all the time. Bitch, what do you think I am? Who the fuck? Yeah, you right. I put the wig on.

I'm wearing more lashes than you right now. You are. This is also true. Almost flew away, them bitches a bit. You did. Yeah, yeah, very much energy. Wait, tell me about this tattoo. It's like a Ouija.

It's the planter from the Ouija board that says cornbread on it. So I'm like a really big anime nerd, and I'm obsessed with Naruto. Nobody's going to steal this. No. I was doing that because my button came loose, and I had time to button it up. Oh, okay. So we'll put that right back there.

Yeah, then I'm going to wait until you start talking so I can button it. Do you want me to get in front of you so you can snap back? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Can I get in front of you so you can snap back? Yeah. Okay.

And that's what friends are for. I took one singing class on Monday. Did it pay off? I can't find the button. Just stay. I will find your button. Help. Okay.

Okay. Okay. They see all of your ass. It's just in the people's face. Why do they do this button like this? Them nails is cute. Thank you. I like those. Okay, now I can see my first ass.

That's the rudest button I've ever encountered. It might be my body that's fucking up with the button. But anyway, I'm doing great. Wait, what were we talking about? Me doing great and what else? Bitch, I don't know. I have ADHD. No, it was that fucking drink.

It wasn't ADHD. That's what we were talking about. Oh, yes. Got it. This shit is strong as fuck. Is that what we were talking about? We were talking about the drink. Ah, yes.

A friend in the back. You might be on to something. Okay, so this is from Naruto, right? Who? It is Naruto, the anime. Oh, I know anime now. So this is Itachi Shininga, right? Itachi Shaki? Sure. Itachi.

We're going to say yes. So in order to get this, he has to murder his best friends at a specific moon. And so, my name's Cornbread, and this is my entire drag family written in the planchette. And you're going to murder them? And then my knuckles say House of Jetay, so the Ouija board finds them, and it has the moon in it, so it's technically

like an anime connection, spirit world kind of moment. I like that. That's very cute. But about the murders, are you going to murder your drag family at a moon? No, because who's going to drop me off at my gigs? Oh, that got me good. And we just started.

This is about to go downhill. I love it. Tell me about this hair. I fucking love this. This is cute. Did you do it? No. To be honest, I can't do shit. This is cute. Did you do it? No. Debiyaki do shit. I pay people

because if I were to do it, we saw Drag Race on the Someone Challenge episode, y'all. So I hired somebody to make it. Someone made this for me. When I was in North Carolina, she's another drag queen who made it. Don't ask me her name because I will not say it because I meet a lot of them and I don't remember it.

But she was like, this is something you'll wear. And I'm like, sure of them and I don't remember it. But she was like, this is like something you'll wear. And I'm like, sure. And then I put it on today. So she was right. She was correct. It's cute. I like it. I was like, okay, cool. I wanted to try at least up top because down below I was like, whole dress. Wait, what happened down below? Just my whole dress. So I had to

try up top of that like I can. Oh, I see. When I got dressed today, I went through several different outfits. I was going to wear my Sonic shirt because I just saw Sonic. You guys, Sonic 2 is so good. You better believe in the middle of the movie, they changed the rules of the movie,

and Sonic could escape if he went fast, but they were like no and it doesn't make any sense but I cried twice and Sonic there was two scenes where I was like oh my god

it was just like really heartfelt and Knuckles is really great and I love Tails and I wish I was Tails but they got the original person to voice Tales, so they didn't let me be Tales. Unfortunately. Is that why you cried, or was it the same? No, no, no.

Just checking, just checking. No, no, no. The writing was really great in some moments. It was very specific on that some moments part. You can tell I'm fat, though, because as soon as you said Sonic, I started thinking about a Coney Dog attire. I was like, yes. And then you said the hedge. I'm like, bitch, I want food.

Here's a secret. I've never been to Sonic the Restaurant. I know. To be this big and not taste everything. What am I doing? Let's go to Sonic in six months. Why in six months? Because I made a stupid bet that if Willow won Drag Race,

I'd go plant-based for six months. Oh. So I can't go. I understand. What? Don't tell me that. But are they fried in the oils of animals? Hold up, bitch.

I said plant-based. So that's not vegan. That's said plant-based. So that's not vegan. That's not plant-based. Based. Based. Yeah, plant-based means no animals. Yeah, I'm not eating the animals. Just because we next to each other, we ain't the same person.

The tater tots ain't the same as the coney dog. No. Yeah. But I can't go to Sonic and get tater tots. That's, I think, blasphemous. Yeah, you get tater tots with a side of a chili dog. You know, so it's like, I can't do it. I'll be honest.

I have never had a chili dog. I know. I know. I know. I'm a very picky eater. I'm just about to go. No, please. I'm kidding.

I'm fucking with you. I'll stay here. Please. Nobody else is food. Wait, are you a really picky eater like that for real? Like, what do you like? Is it very, very like specific things? Oh shit.

How I eat my pizza? How do I? Oh, I, thank you. I forget everything. You literally asked how you like your favorite kind of things. Yeah, I fucking forgot. Last night, I was on stage with my best friend, Sashir, and I was like, I've ridden in...

Yeah, she's great. I was like, I've ridden in a private jet. She was like, me too. I was like, bitch, when? She was like, with you. And you forgot that you went on it? I forget everything. Obsessed.

But I like pizza with extra cheese. So much cheese that it makes you sick. Wait, really? Yes. And sometimes I'll put in the notes of things like, can I have extra cheese? And when you think it's enough, give me more. But do they do it? Sometimes they do.

Okay. I once got a burger very recently and I asked for more bacon than they could imagine and then when they imagined more, put a little bit more. There was so much fucking bacon on this burger that the next time I ordered, you could not put a note in.

Are you serious? They stopped you from making suggestions. Yeah, I broke it. They were like, we can't do this. What if everyone's a lunatic? They probably They stopped you from making suggestions. Yeah, I broke it. They were like, we can't do this. Goddamn. What if everyone's a lunatic? They probably sit there like, bitch, you should just ask for a pork chop. It would have been way easier.

Hashtag yes. Okay, Cornbread, this is a dating podcast. Y'all. Slash show, whatever the fuck. Are you dating? Yes and no. Someone gasped. They were like, I can't believe she asked that. Are you dating? Yes and no. Someone gasped. They were like, I can't believe she asked that! I know. Are you dating?

It's gonna be on Reddit tomorrow. Yes and no. Yes and no. No and yes. No and yes. Yeah, like it's one of those things like it's not set in stone, so I can still be a hoe. Yes! Yes! So, is the technical term you be fucking?

Used to, yes. But the way these tours set up, girl, I be so fucking tired, I'm like, dick, sleep. Dick or sleep? Sleep. Really? Yeah, but then I end up not going to sleep because I be looking for dick and then I be too late.

I end up having to to sleep because I'll be looking for dick and never be too late. And I'm having to go to the airport. I will take dick over sleep any old day. You could really wake me up in the middle of the night with your hard fucking dick and rail me with my sleeping mask still on. Like, I do not care. I love it. I, oh boy, I'm always horny. Same, but I just be too tired. Then it's the hormones, too, because I started transitioning, right?

So it's like the hormones and the T-blockers. They just make you lose the desire. And I'm glad I'm on hormones, but I hate them. Because now you're not horny no more. You'd be mad as fuck. I'd be like, damn, this is pissing me the fuck off. I can't do shit. I'm so sorry.

God bless. Yeah, it's stressful. I'll pray for you. Please do. I'm not eating meat nor putting other meats in my mouth. I can't do shit. I can't do nothing. All of your holes are vegan, and that's depressing.

Yeah, that's true. I had to think about it. I'm like, the nostril. The nostril. I had to think about it. Like the nostril. The nostril. Okay. So what is like, what's like your, like a desire in a partner? Like what is your perfect partner look like? Isn't that a terrible question?

Answer it. It's like fucking awful. And I'm obsessed and cannot wait to answer the question. So this is me in like my regular everyday life i am very like loud and like boisterous and like in fame um but like when i'm at home i'm extremely introverted because i like my like you know my personal space um so you have but i'm also very dominant in my career for real so you have to be able to tell me like sit your ass down okay i need that you have to be able to tell me, like, sit your ass down. Ooh, okay. I need that. You got to be the opposite. Like, you can't just let me,

just like, yeah, motherfucker, yeah. Like, you can't do that. You got to pull me back. So as long as you can do that, which is basically prison trade. Okay. On my Tinder, it says, at least a five-year sentence.

Does it really? Yeah, so I can know you had to fight off a few people. You at least worked out a couple of times. You can protect me if we're in the streets. And if we ever go hungry, you can make me a meal out of ramen noodles and toilet water. We good. Hell yeah. Absolutely. You know, that's

smart because you want someone who's resourceful. Yes, absolutely. You know? I really like that. Maybe I want someone who's been in prison. You know? I really like that. Maybe I want someone who's been in prison. You should try it. I don't know. Okay, so.

No, don't try it, actually. It's very dangerous. I will. I don't know. I love danger. Me too. Same. Truly, today I drove down the wrong way of the street to get to this theater in front

of a cop and pulled a U-turn. And guess what? They let me fucking go because I'm what? A criminal. Danger. I walked to the theater. Danger. Honestly, more dangerous than the U-turn. The life. The life.

Do you know what the prison communication system is called? Hell no, people. It's called CoreLynx. And the only reason why I know that... Cornbread. Cornbread. Cornbread links.

Cornbread links. Men from prison contact me all the time. I'm so fucking jealous. I chose the wrong career. Yeah, so they used to play girl code in prisons. Like, at the height of girl code, I would get like 10 inmates

emailing me being like, boy, oh boy, I would love to fuck you. And it was like very kind, but... I know damn well they're not playing drag race in prison. I know good know damn well they're not playing drag race in prison. I know good and goddamn well they're not doing nothing.

They might. You know, maybe now. It's 2022. Oh my God. You forgot where you was at? Listen, bitch. It's been a long 2020 and... It's hard to remember that we're not still in

2020. Yeah, I get it. You didn't remember cheese on pizza in the early years. Honestly, I'm sure this audience knows so much more about me than I remember about myself currently. Same. Here, shout a fact about me. You're vegan! I'm vegan?

Now listen, we on the stage together. We're not the same person. Yeah, fuck off. So ghetto. We in the same room. Someone in the back is like, that bitch duplicated herself. How is she here?

And somehow is wearing different outfits. I got here earlier and they were like, we're going to get the green room ready for you. I'm so sorry. I said, baby, I'm not the bitch you think I am. Wait, really? Yeah, they was like, we got to get the green room ready. People in the back, I'm just sitting here like. And I'm like, oh, no, it's okay.

Take your time. You good. They probably thought I was you, child. That's funny. I love this for us. I got to the front and I said, hey, I'm in the show. I said, what's your name? I said, Cornbread.

The guy in the front said, uh-huh. And I said, this is going to be interesting. I get mistaken, or my friend Meatball gets mistaken for me. Okay, so there's like a picture of me in drag. Trixie and Monet, Monique Hart, or no, Moe Hart, put me in drag, and a picture's on the internet. And they use it to promote things for Meatball. It has happened twice now.

What the fuck? Meatball and I are different fucking colors. No, completely different colors, less hair. Yes. Like. Very different. It's wild to me. They get me all the time, child.

They call me, um, every fat black person that has ever touched a TV. I've been Silky, Latrice, Pharamone. I've been them all. They mistaking me for RuPaul one time. I was sitting behind a desk and then I stood up and was like,

never mind, fuck along. People love to be like, hi Lizzo. I'm like, never mind, fuck along. People love to be like, hi, Lizzo. And I'm like, I wish. That bitch got money. You know what I'm saying? Hello, and I want some of it. Yeah, she does do it.

She made me a lot of money, too. That's all I walk around and do is Lizzo songs. Oh, I see, I see. Maybe I should start impersonating Lizzo. No, that would be literally insane. You should. If I just start a new career impersonating somebody. Just change your whole Instagram name to something Lizzo. No, that would be literally insane. You should. If I just start a new career impersonating somebody. Just change a whole Instagram name to something Lizzo related.

I'm saying Lizzo! And they're going to be like, damn, you look good, girl. They're going to even know the difference. Clearly, the people in the audience ain't know the difference from us sitting right here. They sure don't. So they're definitely going to thank you, Lizzo. I can't believe someone yelled that I'm vegan.

I haven't been vegan for a while. It was so hard. Was it like, really? Yes. Are you kidding? You're doing it now. I'm eight days in and I've checked out. Oh, you're eight days in? I've checked out. I'm so sorry. God bless. I'm not here. You know that phrase, it gets better, it doesn't.

Oh, I know. I have dreams of chicken wings. Like they just float down and I'm on the bed like that. And I wake up. Wait, not to torture torture you but where's your favorite place to get chicken my house I cook a lot you cook? look

I don't I go get it bring it home you did say you didn't cook because I listened to your podcast so I heard you say you didn't like to cook thank you for listening of course I got you no I cook, because I listened to your podcast, so I heard you say you didn't like to cook. Thank you for listening. Of course, I got you.

Ding. No, I cook a lot. I prefer cooking at home. Oh. So it's like all this touring stuff and new on the road. It's weird to me. I'm like, all right, I'm leaving the airport. I got my bags.

I'm in an Uber. I need to go to Uber Eats or DoorDash. I'm like, bitch, I just want to be home and just eat my troubles. I don't want to order it or eat it. So wait, you fry your own chicken? Yeah, yeah. And you're not scared of the oil? Absolutely not.

Huh. The skin. I fried a bunch of bacon the other day and it was like attacking me. It was really upsetting. Were you scared? A little. And I kept screaming. It was bad.

I'm a nasty bitch. So the bacon popped me. I'm like, ooh. Ah. Ooh. I turned it up. Woo. He's like, you're burning the bacon popped me i'm like oh i turned it up he's like you're burning the bacon i don't give a fuck i mean loving it my god you do need to get fucked yeah it'd be the bacon you just fry it it got me one time child i burnt my burnt my titty, and it spilled out.

I was mad as fuck. I was like, now damn it. We broke up. Fuck that bacon. I'm so sorry. I called him back, though. Everything reminded me of him. Has your dating life changed since being on RuPaul's Drag Race?

Yes and no. Okay. life change since being on RuPaul's Drag Race? Yes and no. I want to say no because I really want them to think they actually think they like me for me but it's really because of Drag Race. So I be on like this specific app. I won't say name because you're not getting free but it rhymes with Schminder. So I be on

the motherfucking app, right? And then I'm like I'm like, oh yes this is it. I'm in somewhere in San Antonio Texas and ain't never seen something like me before and they're like oh my god I'm such a fan of yours I'm like what the fuck is this I don't give a damn what you a fan of this is not why we here messing me on Instagram so I can't see it like not on Grindr it is annoying as fuck because you're like well what do you want you want to compliment me or do you want to like eat me out? Or compliment me while you eat me out.

But don't say you're a fan of me. Like tell me after we done. Yes. Be like, by the way, I loved you on that show. I'm like, well, shit, we already done. You can leave now. It is weird. It's like when you're on TV, it becomes this thing where you wonder if everybody is speaking to you because they want something from you or they like you.

Right. And usually neither one. But no, I'm kidding. The person that I'm talking to now, we started talking. They came to see me at one of my shows in a specific state. And a specific state. I'm not going to say where. You guys, there's 50 of them. I don't think you... Listen, I thought it was 51. Wait. I think if you include Puerto Rico, that's 51.

But that's one of our territories. Also, Guam. Is it? Thank you. You lost me at really. Because when you said really, you started giving information. I'm like, I know nothing about this. Wait, how many other territories do we have?

That's it? I don't trust you, because... What do you have against this person over here? We do drag together. You do drag together? Yeah, that's Nabor. I wouldn't trust that bitch either, but I ain't want to call out. No, she actually got a good little brain on us.

I trust it. I might believe it. A good little brain. A little brain. A little brain. I was wrong. I admit when I was wrong. I was wrong.

See? Wait, we got more than one? So we have three territories? U.S. Oh, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. So we have four? What? I don't even know what the fuck y'all were talking about. Do we have more?

The what? Oh, American Samoa? That's five. I feel like I'm collecting Infinity Stones. I'm so lost. And I only get that because I've just watched a bunch of Marvel bullshit. Because you literally just watched it. You guys, these fucking movies suck.

They're so bad. Like, the close-ups of fucking Robert Downey Jr. flying in this fucking robot suit are so fucking corny. I hate these. Cornbread, they're bad. What are you saying, Kamara? They're 14. Yes, sir. 14?

Seems like too many. Are you lying? Google. Google? What the fuck is that phone? Why is it so tiny? What kind of phone is that? Ew.

Aren't we like on 14? What do I have? I don't know. You don't know. I know damn well you don't know. You remember you like cheese on pizza. So I know you don't know what phone you got. I know.

You know what's crazy? We'd be so deep into a conversation and we'd both be like, hey, so what's up?. I know. You know what's crazy? We'd be so deep into a conversation and we'd both be like, hey, so what's up? And be gone. We talked about Sonic, then went from Sonic to Dick, then went to traveling

to U.S. territories to many phones. And I'm obsessed with all of it. Would you like to go back to one of them? Can't even tell you where we came from.

Okay. Well, we, okay, U.S. territories. We were talking about data. Yeah. And then travel. What's your favorite kind of dick? U.S. territories. We were talking about data. Yeah. What's your favorite kind of dick? Yes.

Straight up yes. Just yes. No, I'm very into buffets, so I'm cool with like whatever. A buffet? I love a buffet. I can't do a buffet of dick. People be sneezing. Yeah.

What I be doing with them sneezing is the latest of my worries, child. There's some skills, but we ain't going to talk about that. Hello? Wrong podcast. No, it depends on the mood. Okay. You know, sometimes it's just like, yeah, fuck me up. And then somebody, oh, I just want to jump.

So it don't matter to me, honestly. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Two shots, you know.'s something like that. Oh, I just want to jump. So it don't matter to me, honestly. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Two shots. You know, not too freaky. Five shots. Hello. Two shots.

Oh, of liquor. Oh, wait. What? Well, it actually take me a sip of water to get it going. But like, you know, the shots for that too. When you said two shots, I was like, these people are coming twice in a night. And then you said five. And I was like, five times?

Is it usually just one? I mean, sometimes it's one. Most of the time it's one. Sometimes it's two. But never more than two. I must get my slumber. A mood. That's why I always host. Because I'd be like, alright, you can leave now. I don't want to roll over. I don't want to travel back to my

place. Oh my god, I used to be like that. I used to be like, get out! But now I'm like, can we cuddle? Really? I think I'm horny for love. I'm too fat and too hot to be horny for love. Bitch, get the fuck up off of me. I'd be like, don't hold me. I can't breathe.

You gotta get better air conditioning. Turn that bitch down to 60. You can tell who got money. They put that damn air conditioning on 60 in California, bitch. Hello? I ain't never heard a motherfucker say,

put it on 60. Damn. A sensible 72, bitch. The fuck? 60? Yeah, I set it to 60. I bet that bitch just be on own.

You look like the type that don't even use auto. You just click right over there. What is auto? See, I told you. I just set it to 60. All day? Not all day. When I get warm. But also I turn off all of my lights.

I save energy that way. So you can put it into the thermostat? Genius. Obsessed. Saving the planet. Well put it into the thermostat? Genius. Obsessed. Saving the planet. Well, am I the only one? Does anyone else have their sterm... Sterma... Therm...

And you talking about you putting a lot of alcohol in these goddamn drinks. You took one sip but can't say shit. You're absolutely right. I put it down and I was like, thermostat? Thermostat? Thermostat?

Who else turns their thermostat to 60? We got a hater up here. Fuck you, nobody. Some people do. No, I don't think they said no because they don't do that. It's because they live in California. Bitches in California ain't got no central air or central heat. So they just can't set it to 60.

They just got to set it to whatever God put it at. It'd be like 90 today. Okay, cool. Hell yeah. Yeah, but like what about a wall unit or like a window unit? Well, I live in a place with Central Air and Central Heat, so I can't relate. So you don't know that life. You don't know the window unit life.

Oh, I knew it two weeks ago. I just moved to the new one. I just learned about the ACM. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Have you been interior decorating yourself or have you outsourced? new one. I just learned about the ACM. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Have you been interior decorating yourself or have you outsourced? Oh, I do it myself. I do it 100% myself because I'm like, my roommate was talking to me because I need somebody there to watch my stuff while I'm gone. So I'm like, okay, the kitchen's going to be yellow, black, and gray. And he goes, ooh, that's nice.

Came home today and was was like why the fuck is the kitchen blue i was like i changed my mind i just wanted to switch it up literally everything has changed so it's changed about two times since we've been there and we've been up about a week and a half i i love that so you painted your kitchen blue no i just put the decor blue the decorations what decorations are in your kitchen the wall above the sink sink. You have to put, you know, something nice. And then there's like little cabinets. You have to put little cute trinkets and flowers and things. I decor.

You decor? Decor. Decor. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. It has to look nice. I'm never there. Like, I'm pretty sure I spent more time looking at the place online than I've been in it because I've been on the road so much.

I pay so much rent literally just to say, hey, how's the house? I swear to God. Yeah, but like when you are finally home, it's nice to have like a nice place. Yeah, that's also true. Yeah, because when I'm on the road and I finally come home, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's my house. Do you have like a limit of how long you'd be on the road? Like, do you like, okay, I need to go back? I took a little bit of a break this year because i was just really overwhelmed it was like wild to go from 2020 it was like march to july i didn't do anything and then uh shot a season and nailed it and then other things fell thank you other things fell into like you. Other things fell into like, you know, step or whatever. And then 2021, I shot Grand Cru.

And then, thank you. This side, catch the fuck up. This side, y'all are good. You're watching my shit. This side, what the fuck? And then I shot my special Labor Day weekend. Thank you. From shooting Grand Cru.

So like, we wrapped on a Friday. i flew out saturday did shows in brooklyn uh sunday monday shot the special flew back and was working again on tuesday um so i was like you know i think for my sanity yeah i gotta stay put for like a little bit so like i was supposed to go on tour this year, but I was like, I can't do that. It's too much. I'm going to die. But next year or the end of this year, I don't know yet,

she'll be fucking going places. Ooh, that's going to be kind. I'm trying to slow down. I think. I don't know. My agent's in the crowd and he's like, what? She has told me none of this. I ain't had none of this. I ain't none of this.

I think that's why dating don't work out for me because I'm literally going, I do 14 days on the road and I do two days off, 48 hours off. I come home the first day, do all my laundry. The second day I sleep and then I go do 14.

So I do at least like 14 cities or states in 15 days and I come right back home. So it's like I literally have no time to do 14. So I'll do these 14 cities or states in 15 days, and I come right back home. So I literally have no time to do anything. Yeah, that's wild to me. It's insane. I don't think I could do that anymore. I flew to Syracuse like a month ago,

and I'm still complaining about it. And I was like, oh, the plane, it was cramped. Also, no food in Syracuse. I'm numb. One thing, there was a Ruby Tuesdays in the parking lot adjacent. You went to Ruby Tuesdays and you weren't feeling it? No. A Ruby Tuesdays.

Get real. No. Just like you and Sonic, I've never been to Ruby or her Tuesday. You haven't? It's not good. I ain't going. It's bad. They have a buffet.

The reviews were like, people were sneezing. And I was like, people were sneezing. And I was like, ugh, yeah, I don't want to go there. So I ate Burger King, and I am not that kind of girl. I am a queen, not a king. And I don't want Burger King. I didn't want it.

I'm still bent out of shape about this one trip a month ago. If I sat here and talked about all the shit I'd be pissed about by being in the airport, we'd be here for them 15,000 hours. Because I hate the airport. I'm so numb to the airport. What is your airline?

Oh, Delta. Yes! All day. Delta all day. Diamond. Are you a Diamond diva? I am on my way. I am almost there.

So I've been doing this for like three months now. Uh-huh. And I'm almost at Diamond. I have like two more trips and I'll be at Diamond. Okay. They're so kind to you when you get to Diamond. They thank you for your service. Yeah. I went to Mexico with Sashir and we were flying.

I bought three economy seats because they were sold out of first class. I'm bougie. I cannot fly economy anymore. You know, I can't do it. I can absolutely not. I bought Nero and then I was first on the upgrade list because I'm, you know, a, I can't do it. I can absolutely not. I bought the row, and then I was first on the upgrade list because I'm, you know,

a diamond fucking diva. Hello. And they called me from the gate while I was exiting the lounge. And they were like, ma'am, we have an upgrade

for you. And I was like, nope, I don't want it. And if Sashir is second on the list, don't give it to her either. So I was keeping her behind with me as you should real really just gatekeeping yeah you should but i fucking love delta they

got the lay flat seats from new york to la and that's my favorite to get on first and lay fully down and people just stare at me fucking snoozing i was talking about age i was like listen um we're not about to do this economy, Steven. He was like, wow, you're bougie already. I said, no, baby, I'm fat. Fat. I cannot be back there. Yeah.

I'd be in the corner like, what the fuck? The whole flight, five hours, just dying. Can't do it. So I'm just like, it got to be comfort plus. Yes. Or first class. Yes. And usually it's like, you know, first, I got to do first class now.

People get mad when they see your fat ass coming near them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, not here! And you're like, sorry about it. And I love to wiggle. Oh, yeah. Get your way up in there. Yeah, when I used to fly economy, I would walk back there and I would fucking wiggle.

Get in there. And they would get so mad and guess what? Nothing you can do. There's literally nothing you can do. Deal with it. If the seatbelt fit, bitch, you in trouble. You good. I'm about to sit my ass right here. I do it all the time, though.

I be like, listen, you and my thigh about to be best friends. I'm not about to sit like this. It's going to lay over, bitch. I'm going to be comfortable, and I'm going to sleep. So this thigh going to have to reach over there. If you even want to sit next to a fat bitch, you should sit in first class. Yeah. Get more money if you don't want to sit next to fat people.

Yeah, bitch. We sit in the economy all year, motherfucker. But I think my favorite thing about Delta is like I will sleep like I'll be knocked out. I always want to play, but I can hear those squeaky wheels rolling down that thing and I need my Miss Vicky's salt chips. And I can't stand salt chips when I'm on land.

If I'm like walking around, never. When you're in the air, it's something about gravity that make them chips good as fuck. Interesting. And I be eating them down. I like the Biscoff cookies on land. Ooh. But not there? No, I love them in the air.

Oh, just kidding. I think I just love them. I think they're so good. Mmm. They're so dry. Very dry. They suck the moisture right out of your mouth.

It's an experience. And if you eat enough, it cuts up the roof of your mouth. It's an experience. And if you eat enough, it cuts up the roof of your mouth. It fuck you up. And then they hand you a cup, half of this, with ten times the ice in it, and a splash of Coca-Cola, and be like, here you go. I'm like, bitch, where the fuck is the liquid in here? Gone. Here's the secret.

If you're, like, overtly nice to flight attendants, and then comment on, like, a poorly behaved passenger, they're like, oh, you're cool. And then they'll bring you more booze. I was once on a flight, made friends with a flight attendant. He was this adorable dude with dreads. I wish I could remember his name. I think it began with a K.

But like we had a real tee-hee-hee. He gave me a bottle of champagne and then I think four vodka sodas. And then we landed and I was like, if I scream, maybe they'll let me off the plane. And then I was like, don't scream, Nicole. You'll get arrested. You literally been no-fly list. Yeah, you been fucked.

And then I got in the Uber and fell asleep, and then the lady was like, we're at your house. She screamed at me, because I don't know how long she was trying to wake me up for. Yeah. And then I stumbled in my house, looked at my dog, and I said, I cannot walk you. And then power puked into my toilet and popped a blood vessel. So be nice to flight attendants and you're going to have a nice time.

Hell no. You fucked me up with that one. I'm about to be mean to every flight attendant I meet. I am not your... Hi, dog. I can't walk you because I got fucked up on the plane today by a guy with dreads and I can't remember his name. He could be listening like,

damn, I got in trouble with an alcoholic. I just can't remember my name. She might be mad as fuck. Whoever it is, they listening right now. Maybe. I hope he's not mad. He's on the New York to LA route. And if you fly enough, you'll meet the same flight attendants.

Oh, I've seen a few of them. I've met a few of them. Some of them I'm like, ooh, girl, we don't get along too well. Oh. Mm-hmm. They be rushing me when I be eating. I'm like, damn, bitch, let me take my time. They rush you when you're eating?

Hell, yeah. I be in there. They be like, are you done with that? I'm like, bitch, I met you. You don't see this fork halfway in there? Hell no, I ain't done. This plate going to be clear, are you done with that? I'm like, bitch, I'm mid-chew. You don't see this fork halfway in the air? Hell no, I ain't done. This plate gonna be clear, bitch. You ain't even gotta wash this dish. You gonna know when it's ready. Yeah. No, I actually get along

pretty well with the flight attendants, because I'm asleep before we take off, so they ain't got no troubles. Be good. Do you like children on flights? Hey. Oh, I don't think the audience does I personally don't like people on the flight Fair

For one But if I hear a baby like What the fuck am I going to do Be like Oh my god baby please shut up They're not going to listen to me So bitch I just lay back I'm gone

I deal with drag queens So I hear babies crying all the time Hello How did you get into drag? Oh, I wasn't supposed to. My drag mom, Calypso, was like, there's a competition

for people who've never done drag before and you should do it. I'm like, girl, I want to do no fucking drag. I'm fucked up. She ain't never doing it. And she's like,

just this one time they're offering money. I'm like, ding, okay, here, I'll be there. So I called out of my job and I was like, hey, girl, I can't do it. I'm going to go do

this little gig or whatever. So I did it and I went back to work and I sat at the computer for two seconds. I'm like, I can't do this. So I just quit the job. I was like, hey girl, I can't do it. I'm going to go do this little gig or whatever. So I did it. And I went back to work and I sat at the computer for two seconds. I'm like, I can't do this. So I just quit the job. I was like, I want to try drag. And then I just tried drag. And apparently it worked out. Okay. Yeah. But that does not work for everybody. Don't quit your fucking job, bitch. No, quit your job.

Here's the thing. You say don't quit your job, but I truly believe in taking a chance on yourself. No, I do too. Quit your job. I was working at Lame Bryant, which my favorite thing to say when people would check out is go, ho, ho, ho, lame giant. And I'll tell you, they didn fuck? They didn't like it. I bet. But yeah, I ended up quitting that job and it was the best decision I ever fucking made.

In the moment, I was like, I did bad. But also, I was getting paid $7.50 in New York fucking city. It was terrible. I got written up all the time. I just found an old piece of paper of one of my write-ups that listed the times It was terrible. I got written up all the time. I just found an old piece of paper of one of my write-ups that listed the times I was late. It was like, three hours, two hours, 15 minutes,

two minutes, four hours, didn't show up. Not a no-call, no-show. All the fucking time. Well, listen, sometimes I'd be hungover. In one of the slots, it was like any additional comments. And I wrote something to the effect of like, I promise I'll try my hardest not to be late anymore.

Pinky swear. I wrote that as an adult. Where you put pinky swear? I think I wrote pinky swear or pinky promise. What the fuck? I was like 22 years old. Like too fucking old. And then another adult read it and was like,

I guess we won't fire her. Oh, they let you stay? Yeah, I think they were trying to keep me alive. I was like pretty wild in my youth. Damn, not keep you alive. In order to keep him alive, let's just keep her right here at this job. Even though she calls out when she's fucked up. They ain't doing too good at my goddamn job.

New Year's Day, I called out and they're like, what's wrong with you? And I said, I hurt so bad right now. And my manager, Lisa, I'll never forget it. She was like, what the fuck, Nicole? What's wrong with you? And I was like, I hurt so bad right now. And then she hung up on me. She already knew what was up.

Yeah. And then she kept saying it. She thought it was so funny that I couldn't think of a line. I just hurt. I hurt so bad. I was just so hungover that I was like, I can't lie. I can't do it. I hurt.

I just hurt so bad. She's probably like, damn, that's depressing. Wait, so did you quit or did you get fired? Huh, who's to say? You quit that job. I'm so proud of you. You did that. No matter if they told you to get the fuck out. You did that.

Thank you. You're welcome. I got your support system. Quit your job, everyone. Just quit right now. Yeah, just quit. Who cares? What kind of shitty jobs did you have before drag?

What was I doing before? I was working at a theater. I was like selling tickets for like the Amundsen in like downtown LA. And before that job, I worked at Universal Studios. The theme park. Someone just gasped. They were really impressed. They was like, were you there?

Yeah, that was me. But I used to work at Universal as a production assistant. It's not what you think. It wasn't like the movie's production. We literally walked out like SpongeBob. You go, you got it. We walked out like SpongeBob. You walked out SpongeBob?

The character. All right, come on, SpongeBob. And everybody line up here. Let's take a picture. you go you gotta we walked out like spongebob and then you would take the character all right come on spongebob and everybody line up here let's take a picture and i will take the picture with your phone a spongebob and i tell you to go and like please don't punch spongebob in the face that was me very much wait do people punch spongebob they be beating them characters asses they being in like yeah i love my job. I'm like, what the fuck? This might be shady, but there's a video of Justin Bieber throwing a basketball at SpongeBob's head, like trying to dribble with him because they don't realize what it is. Go look it up at Universal.

But they be doing the craziest shit to these people. And then SpongeBob had this really big nose. And just imagine what the nasty fuckers be doing when they walk out. I was like, this is from Bikini Bottom, bitch. You nasty as fuck. Like this SpongeBob hoe. Wait, what do this is from Bikini Bottom, bitch. You nasty as fuck. Like, the SpongeBob hole. Wait, what do you mean? The nose stick out like this. And it ain't even square. And it's just SpongeBob,

like, dramatic. And they be like, oh my god. And like, yeah, taking pictures with it. I'm like, ma'am, your kid right there, what you doing, bitch? You doing this completely wrong. It's supposed to be for the kids. People are wild. That is truly wild. I used to hate working at Universal. Oh, I'm so sorry. God bless. My favorite is, oh my God, we have a

flight in an hour. Can we please get a picture with SpongeBob? I'm like, baby, you're not making that flight, love. So you can wait till the next time we come out. In an hour at Universal, you gotta go to LAX. Child, you're gonna take an hour to get out of Universal itself. Fuck no. I love this. What a treat. You're just like ruining people's

dreams. I love it. Absolutely. That's why I had to no. I love this. What a treat. You're just like ruining people's dreams. I love it. Absolutely. That's why I had to leave. I was just watching them walk away and I'm like, yes. I love it. No, but yeah, that was my most shittiest one was Universal. I hated it. Like a lot. Like I used to

love going to Universal, but I would never go back because I know what happens behind the scenes. It's like, well, if I had to zip this motherfucker and do this and do that and then walk around, I'm like, yeah, I can't go in the theme park no more. Is it like Disney where no one's pronounced dead at Universal? Yeah. Really? Did you guys know that?

Nobody dies at Disney. You could collapse on the ground. They take you underground and then ship you out and then pronounce you dead off the premises. There was a situation that happened. I mean, I ain't in no Indiana or contracts or nothing, so I'm going to you dead off the premises there was a situation that happened i mean i ain't in no india no contracts and that's i'm gonna talk about it but there's a situation that happened at oh at universal and there's this guy um his name is uh mike um my dollar and um you don't gotta say people's first and last names well that's how

we talk to him we call him hey mcdowell you can't just say mike the mike dollar you gotta say the whole thing anyway his name was mike dollarler. No, I'm kidding. And so we have these like walkie-talkies, right? So if you press it, you're stepping over somebody else. And there was a situation that took place at Universal or whatever. It was like an emergency. So they told everybody, you know, go to the relative corners. Mike Dowler's on there.

Somebody's over here. I think they got a gun. They're like trying to tell him to shut up. They're trying to tell him to shut up, but he's pressing the button, so you can't tell him to shut up. So he's screaming and panicking. No one on the other half of the park knew what the fuck was going on. So all of us got walkies on our hips.

They can hear everything that's happening. The whole park panicked. We ain't seen Mike Dollar after that. I don't know where he at. They fired Mike Dollar, bitch. But I was just like, ooh. They know how to hide this stuff very well. Very, very well at Universal.

Wow. Corporations, I think they're bad. Yeah. Corporations are terrible. Heard it here first. Bad. Bad. Corporations are bad. Except for Netflix. You better. And you held that too, honey.

I don't know where that camera at, but they got that part. Yeah. I love all corporations, especially Netflix. I ain't got nothing to do with Netflix, bitch, but I did that just in case. But one day you might. Yeah, one day. Fingers crossed. Yeah, why not? I'm going to pray for whoever over there.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a move. But, yeah, no. No more Universal for me. No more, like, big company because I'm a drag queen now. I'm just going to do this for the rest of my life. I ain't doing nothing else. Fair.

Yeah, I like it. I enjoy it. So, how many times did you audition for drag race once yes I was like I'm gonna do it one time and if I don't get on season 14 I want to take a different route I'm gonna find something else to do so it was just literally was like this is it I was like I'm just gonna do this one time and I said because I've been in LA for 10 years um and I got graduated uh and I't graduate. I dropped out. But I went to college for musical theater. So that's what I came in here for. I've been hustling for 10 years. So like my drive to be like, I want to be a star has shot down to, I just want to sit at home and water my plants and, you know, barely make it. And then as soon as I said that, they were like, hi, you should come to the show. I'm like, fuck. But I was like, money?

But I'm also like, fuck, I don't want to do nothing. I wanted to be lazy. It's tough to choose between money and sitting. Yeah. And now, I just sit and make money. No, I don't. I stand up. I got to stand up and walk around.

I'm lying. Yeah, you got to stand. But yeah, I just want it done. I did it, and I got on it, and I'm glad I did it. Did they teach you how to paddle turn at AMDA? Absolutely Did anyone here go to AMDA? No Good job

Who went to AMDA? Do you remember how to paddle turn? What did you study? I studied acting Oh yeah that's why you're asking You got your BFA? You're young When did you study? Oh, yeah, that's why you asked. You got your BFA? You're young. When did you graduate?

Oh, okay. I went way back before they were accredited, and people called it SCAMDA. So you would go for two years, and then they go, okay, your credit credits fully transfer to New School University but when people would transfer they would be a freshman and you already went for two fucking years and then they got sued and that was fun You sued them people?

I didn't sue nobody You got real thrilled when you said sued I had to check Well I mean I didn't have a great time It wasn't my favorite place to be. I loved the people I met, but the tulage? Is that what you can say about school? Tulage? Is that how you say

learning? Tutelage? Oh, God! It's tutelage. What's tutelage? Is that a word I made up? Yeah, I ain't never heard that. I was confused. Wait, how do you say it? Tutelage? Tutelage. This is humiliating.

Tutelage. Which I learned I said wrong maybe two years ago. I said humiliating during a voiceover, and they were all like, what are you saying? Wait, oh, it was while you were at work, and you thought she was reading down on you. I was like, I'm humiliated! And they

were like, you're what? And I said it again, and they were like, why are you saying it like that? They thought I was making a choice, and I wasn't just dumb. It wasn't a choice. It wasn't a choice. I just learned last night that tandem means one after the other not

together yeah you have to say in tandem to mean together and that fucking blew my mind it really stressed you out i just thought it was a shift in your spirit just now you thought about tandem and said oh it went down i old. I am 47 years old, and I am constantly learning new fucking words every day. Take that back. Rewind it. You 47? No. I was about to say, bitch, you lying like a motherfucker.

I can never remember how old I am, and 47 is a nice round number. That's fair. Or odd. Wait, that's an odd number. That's an odd number. It ain't round. Humiliating. I'm humiliated.

What is humiliating? But it was funny because I got to be like, oh, I'm humiliated that I couldn't say humiliate. And we all had like a good chuckle about it. And then they just changed the line, which was even more humiliating. Yeah. They were like, just say embarrassed. I was like, okay. No. Rewrote the damn script. You weren't just say embarrassed. I was like, okay. No.

Rewrote the damn script. You wasn't even trying to. I know. People are so nice when you're dumb. Should we do audience questions now? Yeah, I'm here for it. Okay. Do whatever you want to do.

This is your show. Listen, this is our show. Yeah, this is our show. You hear that? Agent, cut me my check. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, that's it. Okay, let's do, let's do. I don't know what time we started and I confidently told them I didn't need a light. Because I was

like, I got it. There's a clock on stage. But the clock doesn't help when you don't know what time you started. Literally. And we would sit here and go all day. Yeah, truly. It's probably 1040 a.m., not even 1040 at night. So that is the microphone. And it's traveling, traveling, traveling, landed.

Front fucking center. If you have a query, you can ask us. And that does not mean bring your ass up here and start built on Wicked. Add that microphone just because it look like you about to do it. What I mean? That is the shadiest fucking thing I have ever seen. What?

That walk away? Ask us a question. Homegirl fucking got up and walked out. I got excited too. I got excited, too. I got excited, too. I was like, I think the sweater's cute. I can't wait to compliment my friend. And she said, I'm not your fucking friend.

Yeah. It was my fault because I said, don't say anything wicked. They said, God damn. She left. She said, you got to go. Oh, hi. Hello. Hi.

I'm not joking. I'm here. Nicole, I love you. Thank you. um my question is so on your podcast you always talk about tracy's dog yes do you have any updates on your favorite sex toy at the moment or cornbread feel free to let us know single lady i would like to know okay i do still love my tracy dog. I think it's great. I also like a Hitachi magic wand. Also, if you are brave enough, I do love a Theragun. Not the big one.

I think that's too powerful and borderline scary. But you can use the big one if you find a dildo with a hole big enough and then it can just drill you a little bit. But I use the smaller one. Wait a minute. Hello? I'm shook boots. You said a Theragun? Yes. You know better. Hey Siri.

Go to Amazon and order a Theragun. I'm kidding. The little one. The little white one. It's like a little triangle and it's perfectly it fits your hand perfectly yeah the way I gotta reach around to the opposite side baby I don't think that's gonna work for me

I think it will too much work nope but yeah those are my recommendations oh that and um a g-spot vibrator where it's like a it like just dips like that oh yeah

okay so the womanizer I do like but I also like a little penetration so the womanizer just sucks on your clit and I need a little bit of like G-spot stimulation oh my lanta also bitch get up and get online

yeah what did I say get up and get online bitch you get up and get online hello thank you so much thank you and then BFA graduate from Amden I want to have a conversation with you too I got a question for you and get online. Hello. Thank you so much. Thank you.

And then BFA graduate from Amd, I want to have a conversation with you too. I got a question for you. It's stuck in the back of my head, but it's not about G-Spot, Tracy's puppies

or whatever they talk about over here. Patricia's pit bull. What is it called? It's Tracy's dog. Tracy's dog. Yes. And they're a great company.

I promised a whole audience in Phoenix the fucking product i was like if you email me i'll give it to you and then too many people did it and then i like spent i think maybe a thousand dollars of my own money because i promised it before the company stepped in someone from twitter was at the show no. Someone at the show reached out on Twitter and they were like, I know someone at the company. I'll reach out to them on your behalf. And then the company fulfilled the rest of the orders.

They were very kind. So Tracy's Dog, very wonderful company. Damn. Yeah. So I learned. I don't make promises. Hello. I was wondering, what is the weirdest compliment either of you has gotten on a date? Ooh. The weirdest compliment either of you has gotten on a date? Ooh.

The weirdest compliment I have ever gotten on a date. That's, hmm. Hmm. I don't think it's weird. I was like very appreciative, but they were like, you're really good at breathing through your nose. Y'all nasty hoes know exactly what I'm talking about. Let me explain. Yes.

I'm so sorry. Just give us a sec. We're going to get right back to you. Stand there in your very bougie white woman boutique outfit. We'll be right there. So if you're ever feeling adventurous, I promise you there's no danger to it. You just lay on your bed, right? Lay on the bed face down or face up? Hell no. I'm going to tell you right now.

You lay on your back. And you scoot all the way to the edge of the bed. Oh, yes. And then you sit on your hands. Yes. You put them under you and you lean your head off and you scoot all the way to the edge of the bed. Oh, yes. And then you sit on your hands. Yes. You put them under you and then you lean your head off the back.

Oh. You got to lean it off to the side and you just let them do whatever they're doing. And they be tearing you off. And then they be like, wow, breathe through your nose, breathe through your nose.

Because you're choking. And he was like, wow, you're really good at breathing through your nose. Wait, I'm sorry. So my head is off the bed. And his dick is in my mouth. Yes.

And you're sitting on your hands. Your hands are under you. But I can't breathe through my mouth? No, it works. It's going to be stuffed. Yeah, but I can't breathe around the dick? Not if they're doing it correctly. If it's all the way back, yeah.

But you're not just like right there. You're off the edge. The whole head. Yeah, lean back. So I'm like this. Yeah, and then your hands is under you. Yeah. But your hands are not there.

You have no control. Oh. Oh. Yeah. So you got to breathe through your nose. I get it. So you can't remove it to be like. You can't because you're sitting on your hands.

Yeah. Oh, wow. That makes sense. It makes sense Very submissive kind of moment I usually take my good eyelashes off before I do it I mean that makes sense I have to tell them listen I draw my eyebrows on so by the end of this after all It's sweat off I'm going to look like Whooping Goldberg Because I ain't got my eyebrows

Ain't nothing up under here But as long as you tell them that you're good Fair I'm trying to think of the weirdest compliment. I mean, it's not weird, but sometimes men will see me perform after going out with me and go, you're actually funny. Actually?

Yeah, they love saying the actually part. Rude motherfuckers. That just made me mad. That ain't no damn compliment. I don't know. It happens every time a man sees me perform I don't know. It happens every time a man sees me perform. Or maybe not. Maybe not every time.

If bed night happened, I wish a motherfucker would. I'll meet you in the lobby tonight. I'm trying to think. Be like, you real fucking funny. Everything you said was hilarious, Nicole. I mean, it was fucking funny. And then come to me like, well, she was actually pretty good. I got you. No, I'm kidding.

That's fucking weird. Yeah, but it's okay. Women aren't funny. And then come to me like, well, she was actually pretty good. I got you. No, I'm kidding. That's fucking weird. Yeah, but it's okay. Women aren't funny. Damn. Thanks for your question. Thank you. I guess that's it. There's no more questions or queries. We got time. Let's cause some trouble. Let's get messy. What the fuck

wrong with your kiddo? I just want to go back just a little bit, like five seconds. Would the ball be smacking your nose when the... Unless they're in there too. Hey, y'all know, you put them inside. Y'all are boring. Listen,

if you dare, right, and then, hold on. I'm trying to mimic it. Baby, first off, if it just gonna sit right right down, spitters and quitters, I always swallow. So if the gum go down, it's easy access. We good. The gum freaky, too. So you lean back.

No, you good. I feel like, yeah, you're good. Like, the balls are hitting your eyes, hopefully. And then, if they're going back and forth, boom, boom, boom, you got time. Breathe through your motherfucking nose. It's rhythm, honestly. And then, if they're going back and forth, boom, boom, boom, you got time. Breathe through your motherfucking nose. It's rhythm, honestly. Mm-hmm.

The balls and the penis go in tandem. In tandem. That got me good. Such a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry. Oh, hi, hi, hi. Okay, so we have three more questions. Oh, wait.

No, someone got sent back. Oh, they told you no? Oh, we have to wrap the show up. Yeah, we stood up here for a minute, and then they told us to leave, yeah. Oh, so maybe, am I supposed to wrap this up oh shit we get it what's up

someone said no and I have no idea if they work here or not hurry up ask the question now while we got time before they kick y'all asses out my name is Demi I have a podcast called Hookup Horror Stories and I was wondering if you guys had a hookup horror story a hookup horror

a hookup horror story a hookup horror story. A hookup horror? A hookup horror. What the fuck is a hookup horror? A hookup horror story. A hookup horror story. A hookup horror story. A hookup story. I ain't got no hookup horror stories. I ain't got none. Baby, you're going to know what this fat look like. Turn them lights on.

So when you figure out what it is, it ain't going to scare you when you're done. You're good. I ain't got no horror stories. I don't have any horror horror stories. I told't have any horror horror stories. I told this story on the podcast, I know, years ago. I went on a date with, no, I went to fuck this dude and... It's still considered a date. Thank you.

Yeah, I got you. And after the trick was turned, no, I'm kidding. When I was leaving, right before he closed the door, he was like, I don't mind that you're fat. And then closed the door. And I was like, I didn't even think that was an option. I didn't either. If I'm here, how could you mind? It was wild.

Also, I think that apartment was a model apartment because there was a dry erase board in the apartment. And I tried drawing a dick on it. And he was like, we don't do that here. And I was like, we don't do that here. And I was like, we don't do that here? We don't do that here. And I would've been like, well, where the rest

of the motherfucking people? I would've scared the hell out of them. Look up under the bed, they just like, hey, how you doing? No, luckily for Drag Race, you could tell how fat I was on the show,

so bitch, you know what I look like when you walk up in this motherfucker. Although I'm fat in all my profile pictures, you can't hide it, child. I mean, I wasn't hiding it either. Well, I know, but that's what I'm saying. But, like, if you're telling me you don't mind, I don't mind. I'm fat either.

You know? More creases, more rows, more places to put things. Yeah, we can hide things. Uh-huh. Like your penis. No, I'm kidding. Someone really hated that. They were like, oh, well, fuck you.

I love a surprise. Oh, bitch, let me tell you. I have lost my cell phone so much over this Dunlap. I have literally been like, where the fuck my phone at? I get a phone call and like, it's literally in there. It's literally in there. I swear to God all the time. But I ain't got no horror stories. But I like your name. Is Demi, D-E-M-I?

Yeah, that's short. That's what I go about Demi too, Demori, but that's beside the point. No horror story. Thank you. Thank you by Demi too, Demori, but that's beside the point in the horror story. Thank you. Thank you, Demi. Hi. Hello. This is a good sweater. Thank you.

I get all my shit from Target, so. As you should. I like your sweater, Target. Motherfucker. You work at Target? No. They paying you to advertise. The shirt's from Target too?

Yes, I own it. It is. I also like Jurgit. Okay, what's your query? What is the best date that you've ever been on? The best date? Ooh. My favorite one was the person I'm talking to now.

I had a deck a few days off, and they flew me to the specific state that they're in. You got flewed out? Absolutely, yeah. Nobody's ever flewed me out. Damn. Well, that's why they go, like, well, you spent so much money on your drag race costume, you're probably going to afford a plane ticket yourself, so I'm going to do it. But literally, you know, no kidding.

But they flew me out, right? And then we had in common a performer that not many people, I guess, know. And they were obsessed with her just as much as I was. And they got us front row tickets to it, flew me out to where we go. And that was my favorite date. It was great. That was my favorite one so far. And I didn't hang my head off the side of the bed at the end of the night, so I knew I really liked her.

Yeah. I got on my knees. No, I'm kidding. Okay, I have three favorite dates. When was Benihana? Just because I love Benihana. Mood. Another was Applebee's where I wore a full length gown and he wore a tuxedo.

Mood. Or like a tuxedo jacket-y thing. Obsessed. And then the other one is I went to the Burbank airport to eat at Guy Fieri's burger joint. I bought two refundable plane tickets. We went through TSA. Truly ate burgers and then left the airport. We valeted the car and they were like,

when will you be back? And we were like, 30 to 40 minutes. What the fuck kind of flight was that? A flight to Flavortown. That was smooth as fuck. In tandem, Flavor, you are good.

Thank you so much. You were actually fun. No. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hi. My question for y'all is, what is your thoughts? What are your thoughts on strap-ons? Wearing them, getting strapped down, yeah.

I say, why not? I don't know. I think a strap-on is fun. I've never worn a strap-on because I am lazy. And I've never encountered a strap-on because I am lazy. And I've never encountered anyone who wanted it. And I've asked many a times. Well, as soft as my face is,

even though I talk like Morgan Freeman, my strap-on is permanently on me right now. And I still don't use my strap-on. But I've never had one, but I wouldn't be mad because it wouldn't go down. I'd be happy as hell. I'm backed up,

so that might be good. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I will wear a strap-on one day. Just to walk around with it on? Yeah. Just to be like, I got a dick. I already feel aggressive.

I don't want to say everyone with a dick is aggressive, but... They're going to be like, oh my god, why are you walking through the TSA to get to this Guy Fieri restaurant with a strap on it? Just fuck a burger! Just fuck that burger up! Flavor Town, motherfucker! No, I've never had one used, but I'm not opposed

to it. Yeah, I say yes. Okay, let's do one more question, but I'm not opposed to it. Yeah, I say yes. Okay, let's do one more question, and then I will wrap this up, and we will fucking leave. Run, bitch, run! Ooh, them titties almost fell right out. I'm here!

I'm sorry. This is your show. You're funny. I like you. Thank you. Where's this outfit from? All over the fucking place. This is my dad's. Okay.

Don't tell the government, but I stole this one. Don't tell the government? All right, I won't tell Nancy Pelosi. I don't know. she's in the government. You stressed me out. If you can't tell him, I'm at a very chaotic phase in my life. I don't think you are. You seem fine.

I think this is like peak greatness right here. Yeah, I think you're doing great. You got fringe on your titties. This is awesome. I'm like, look at me. I need to get me one of them. Whoa. Yes, queen.

Everybody listens to the podcast like, what the fuck did they just do? They can't see shit. But what happened? I am taking suggestions for which next chaotic step I should take in my life. And I would really love- So what are you, crowdsourcing your midlife crisis? Like, what the fuck? Yeah, I am.

Okay. And I would really just appreciate one or both of you just giving me advice on which next chaotic step I should take. Well, I'm going to tell your ass this right now. I ain't going to tell you shit to do with chaos because they're going to be like, well, Cornbread told that motherfucker to do this. So do not hang your head off the side of the bed.

Do not learn how to breathe through your nose. You know, don't do this. Do not hang your head off the side of the bed. Do not learn how to breathe through your nose. Don't do that. Don't ever try that. What's the last chaotic thing you've done? Ran up here. That was my chaotic run.

That was pretty chaotic. I had my first orgy last week. Why did you look around? Did you think someone from the orgy last week. Last week? Why did you look around? Did you think someone from the orgy was here being like, shh? You never know. You never know. I think they were looking to see if the audience, like, they didn't want to be shy in front of the audience.

But you turned around and shook your titties to them so they already know. But how was it? Yeah, how was it? It was actually the most gratifying sexual experience of my life. Ooh. Yes. How many people were of my life. Ooh. Yes. How many people were involved? Seven.

Seven. Okay. That's a good amount of people. That's cool or whatever. Was this like friends? Yeah. How did you get to the orgy? Okay.

So this couple I know, we had, you know. I like this. A threesome. Yeah. And then they have all these friends. Who have threesome yeah and then they have all these friends who have threesomes yeah and so all so the three or the two threesomes came together then you're like let's get one more person precisely exactly okay yeah that's fine that is that I did math I did math I was counting over here like a motherfucker.

Like, this ain't adding up. I don't know. An orgy is pretty chaotic. I think, like, you're doing good on your own. You're doing real good. This is also my first day in LA, and I'm here alone. So I just went out here, and I decided chaos. Well, first off, that was just chaotic.

Bitch don't ever tell nobody that. Yeah, don't tell anybody. Congratulations, did you? Move number one. Don't tell people you're alone. You moved to L.A.? What? You just moved to L.A.?

Did you move here? No, I'm trying to be a bi-coastal bitch. Oh, okay. And then the other coast is New York? Yeah. Okay. I was about to say, you chaotic from moving to L.A., but if you're coming from New York,

I ain't got shit else to say. New York's fucking wild. But that's good. Seven people's not people's not bad always tired of your experience um seventh heaven since you're like the seventh person in it after the tv show but um if you ever go to West Hollywood um it may not it may look like everybody's dancing on the dance floor but actually fucking each other so that's probably the biggest orgy you ever been to truly and it happens behind Mickey's there There's a dumpster. Never mind. Really? Ooh, yeah, there's a dumpster behind Mickey's that is, like, real good.

I've never been there. That's the funniest sentence I've ever heard. Let's talk. There's a dumpster back there that's real good. Yeah. That used to be my name, dumpster. Um, no. We are... They know exactly what the fuck's happening back there.

Wait, really? You know about this dumpster? Everybody knows about that Mickey's dumpster. Wait, should she visit the dumpster? No, please don't visit this dumpster. Don't visit the dumpster because everybody's like, hey, sis, girl, we're doing stops. They might tell you to leave.

They'll tell you to leave the dumpster? I would never feel worse you to leave the dumpster? I would never feel worse than arriving at the dumpster and someone goes, ma'am, you've got to leave the dumpster. They'll tell you to leave the dumpster. I would truly walk into traffic. That's a wrap. Well, I mean, it's

because it's a bunch of homosexuals. I don't care. That's a wrap. You can be like, I gotta go. You arrive at garbage and you're not good enough for it? You gotta go? I'm done. I'm done. They'll never kick you out of Elysian Park. And that's another story. Well, on that note,

thank you guys so much for coming out! This has been Why Won't You Date Me? Bye! That's it for Why Won't You Date Me. Bye-bye. Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you.

Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.