Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Real Life vs Your Persona Life (w/ Raven-Symoné and Miranda Maday)

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

Raven-Symoné (That's So Raven) and wife Miranda Maday join Nicole to share the story of how they met, broke up, and got back together again. They discuss learning to love your real self as well as your persona self, organizing a micro wedding during COVID, and Raven shares her experience co-officiating a wedding with Cardi B. Miranda suggests to Nicole how she can find love at OA meetings. This podcast is nominated for a People's Choice Award! Please vote at  bit.ly/VoteWWYDM Black Lives Matter.  Click here for a list of ways you can support racial justice. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerNew Merch Store! podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could come in my conditioner and I'd put it in my hair and say, mm, this was helpful. My guests today are a married couple. Ooh, I think this is the first episode where I've had a married couple. Ooh! I think this is the first episode where I've had a married couple. Ooh, we have legendary actress, singer, and songwriter

who you know from the series That's So Raven and her new series Raven's Home. And she's here with her wife who together hosts the YouTube channel called 8PM. It's Raven Simone. No, I got it wrong. Me? Yeah, Raven, you were shaking your head. Did I get it wrong? Oh, no, you

did not get it wrong. I'm over here like this woman is fantastic. I love her. That was like the best. I just keep going. Okay. Oh my God. I messed up the flow and everything. And Miranda Mayday. Did I say that right? I was waiting for that. And Miranda Mayday. Oh, I did say it right. Mayday. You're amazing. You're amazing. What a dream. Why are you still single? Honestly, I don't know. It's a question that I ponder every morning before I wake up and every night before I go to sleep.

I go, why isn't there somebody in this bed? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe you guys can help me. Okay. So I just want to start with saying, thank you. What a treat. Um, second thing, how did you guys meet? Um, wait, first of all, I just want to say that when we found out that we had the opportunity

to do this podcast, we both were like, Oh my God. Yes, please. And we get people who ask us to come and be their guests. And we've talked to some amazing people but when it was you we both just were like oh my god yes yes yes yes yes so we love you and you know depending upon how much longer you stay single you can totally consider coming over here and having like a sister wife thruple warm cozy situation we have a big ass bed. Come on over. Come on, Nicole. Come on over. How big is this bed? It's big. It's pretty big. It's so big that I swear to God I sleep in it alone every night.

Is it a California King? Yes. Oh, that's luxury. Times two. You have two California Kings. So here's the funny part. We kind of do have two California Kings because she asked me for a bio mat. Do you know what a bio mat is? No. So a bio mat is the most, it's delicious. It's one of the most amazing, um, natural health risers that you can find. And it is different kinds of stones from amethysts to onyx to whatever you want to call it inside of

a mat. And it heats up with infrared rays am i right yeah and you lay on it and it helps your cellular it helps you at a cellular level get better so i bought her one because she wanted a bio mat but she did not specifically say what size so i got the size of a cow king instead of like a single one that you just buy after you get out of the shower i wanted like the yoga mat sized one that was like a little bit more portable, a little bit more, I can roll it up and hide it when I'm not using it. And Raven, being Raven, was like, go big or go home, and got this massive carpet sized one.

And you're supposed to put it on the bed to sleep on it. It's also like a thousand pounds. Wait, so y'all sleep on rocks? Yes. Yes. You're sleeping on, it's 100% pure crushed amethyst. And it can go up to 150 degrees. And you lay on this thing, and it's like laying on hot rocks. But when you have a smaller one, it doesn't hit as hard.

The larger one is very uncomfortable when you're trying to sleep and not turn it on yeah so we slept on it for a week thank you honey for just indulging me she's like i can't do this anymore i can't oh we slept on it for way longer than a week oh i felt like we and then um she's like thanks honey this is amazing i don't want it and i was like no we went through we called the company we were like it's really uncomfortable they sent us a top layer cushion raven was like, this is amazing. I feel like I'm sleeping on the floor. I feel like I'm in Japan.

And I was like, I can't walk. I can't move. I'm waking up stiff and like, you know. So we put it on the floor next to the bed. So now we have two cow king beds. So you didn't ask for any of that, but how we met. No, I love this. No, I can't wait to get into a relationship where I get to say, honey, I don't want to sleep on rocks anymore.

I'm like, why don't you want to sleep on rocks? Because I don't. These are the kind of arguments I want to be in. There you go. They're great. They're fantastic. That's very funny. You think you're doing something nice and like i got you all the

rocks baby he's gonna take up the whole bed actually i don't want it yeah i know i feel so bad right i was just like oh my god i just wanted the little one the easy one there you go i can lay on it every day now but she could sell that there's so many amethysts in that thing oh my god raven's solution for everything is you can sell it no i literally i i'm kidding you not i got something the other day it was a size too big and i was like i'm gonna have to send this back don't send it back we can sell it i'm like i don't i want the refund i don't want to sell it you know like literally we have a bullet that's like 15 years old and like okay i'm gonna donate no we can sell it for one dollar on let go yes i mean but you could open a business where you just start selling shit out of your house thank you for understanding me yeah no

worries i'm all about that i sometimes resell things that i buy wear like a couple times and i'm like i'm gonna sell this i'm like, I'm going to sell this. I'm not going to, what am I going to do, donate? Well, I guess I do donate some. That sounded terrible. I donate some too.

No, no, you have to donate some. I love goodwill. I love a goodwill moment. You know what I mean? But then sometimes it's like, hmm, that still has a little bit more wear that could be of value.

Let me see if Letgo, OfferUp, or any of the other sites that I shop on, want my stuff. Now here's a value. Let me see if Letgo, OfferUp, or any of the other sites that I shop on want my stuff. Now, here's a question. Are you doing your own shipping? Yes. Wow. Wow.

She's humble, everyone. She's super humble. And we have merch for our YouTube channel. We have these shirts that are going to be ready for purchase within a couple of weeks and i'll be doing all of that shipping so we love it we're just shippers we're sellers and shippers we are multi-tie wearing people i love this okay so now how did you meet? There you go, Nicole. Sorry. Welcome to our world. Oh, I love it. Go ahead.

Okay. No, wait. No. Miranda, I want to hear from you first. Oh. How do you think you met? And then I'll hear from Raven. Sounds good.

Okay. We've worked the story out. I was just trying to be polite. We met at an event. Raven was hosting a karaoke night at a bar in west hollywood drag bar um it was well i knew it actually as 11 which wasn't a drag bar it was just like a gay bar that had a lesbian night every so often so this bar 11 she was hosting this karaoke night um i was there we started chit-chatting she was there with some friends i had some friends and raven was very brief meaning she like did her job and then sat with me for a little bit and then she was like i just thought things were like warming up and we

were getting into like a good conversation she's like i, I got to go. I'm sorry, what? She's like, I got to go. You're cool. And I was like, oh, OK. And then she leaves. And she then we but she came back around in her car. And at that point, my friends and I had walked outside and we saw her on the corner and she invited me to her house party the next weekend. And that was kind of it.

That was our first meeting. All right, Raven, are there any discrepancies? Yeah, she was buying something off my site that I was selling. She forgot to say that part. No, I'm just playing. No, I mean, yeah, there was no real discrepancies. I remember that the karaoke was actually a drag karaoke. It was not.

Okay, so that was another drunken night that I was out. Cool beans. And then the conversation was great. I was with Carlisi. No, you did pretty good. I just mixed up my drag nights, my gay nights. Yeah. No, she did pretty well.

And yes, i invited her to my house party which was actually my going away party i was moving to new york to go do the view at the time and it was like my last time i was like oh of course i'm gonna meet you like right before i moved to new york and but what actually ended up happening was after that night so that was a fr. I don't hear from Raven into that week. And I'm thinking about her and wondering, and I knew very quickly, like I met Raven and instantly had this thought in my head of I'm going to know her. And I just felt this very strong connection. And so no text, no nothing. And I remember I was in the parking lot of a Whole Foods,

the one across the street from the farmer's market slash Grove. And I was like, okay, forget it. I'm texting her. And I texted her and she answered me back and she was getting her nails done. And she said that she had been getting her nails done for like six hours. And I was like, what kind of nails? It was the coffin nails. Remember when the coffin just came out? It was like these big coffin nails and they were black and white. I was getting ready for the opening of the view. Anyway, so.

But six hours. I thought it was drag race, you told me. No, no. Those were done. We obviously don't know how or when shit happened. No, those were done for the thing. You can see it on my opening of the view. There were these black and white nails. That woman took so long because she didn't

know what she would do. Well, anyway, she was texting me from there and I said something like, you know, it'd be fun to see you. And we went and hung out on that, the Friday of that week. So one week later after having met, we went and that Friday was like our first real date and we hung out for hours. And then the next day was her, um, going away party. And then that Sunday night, Raven came to my place because her house at that point was completely packed up because she was moving. And she stayed with me until her car picked her up to go to new york on thursday and it was yeah it was very lesbian i mean it is funny i feel like i do speak to a lot lesbians who are like yep uh we met and then kind of just stayed together for the end of times. Yeah.

Yeah, that's how it works over here. But, yeah. You broke up? Yeah, I was raving about that first. Okay, Raven, tell me about this breakup. So, we were living in New York, and I was going through a lot of things with The View. Yeah, because it was a fun job filled with no drama.

Exactly. And on top of it, I was adding drama to my relationship because my thought process of the Black community with thinking about me being with someone who was outside of our race would cause extra stress on myself. Also, I have a problem with conflict. I don't like arguments. I'm also not a big talker. So I have a beautiful woman who's like, my feelings, I'm vulnerable. And I'm like, pie. And so I was wrestling with a lot of different things on the inside. And then I just, I couldn't do it. I needed to act out in some way. And so I said,

yeah, I can't, we can't be dating anymore. I love you. You know, it's going to be, it's going to be not what she said. That is not what she said at all. No, I don't really remember what I said because it was actually a big fog. She remembers, obviously she remembers the Tuesday after the first day of meeting on Thursday, but I don't, it's not my job in the relationship. Yeah. Things, some things just leave burns in my brain yeah i know um but we stay in the same interesting that like you were cognizant that like people are so rude and people have opinions and people think that you want to hear all of their opinions and that's like such a shitty fucking thing to go through to be like i love this, but I don't want to hear a backlash.

I don't want to hear people's opinions about it. So I might as well just dip out before any of that shit happens. Like that fucking sucks. And I fully understand that. Like, ugh. It sucks. We live in that society. We live in that type of mentality.

And it wasn't overtly out. It wasn't outwardly. You know what I mean? It's like that stuff that you hear in the corner of the shop and those old school jokes that they used you know what i mean it's just that that unconscious rumble and it's like i don't even want to deal with that i used to have a problem you know walking down the street holding her hand i think people were walking by and staring at me uncomfortably because that's how the stereotype was of being an interracial couple from the south or you know from that generation and it just felt heavier than any problems that she and i would go through i wasn't

old enough or mature enough to be able to handle and say you can shut up i don't need to talk to you anymore and then just deal with whatever problems that we're gonna have on our own like rocks just like buying just dealing with californ that we're going to have on our own. Like rocks, just like buying. Just dealing with California king size or rock sheet. Miranda, in the same respect, did you feel any pressure dating somebody who is so prolific in the public eye? No, I didn't. And honestly, for me, Raven didn't share any of those feelings with me. So I had no idea that she had this internal conflict and struggle about, you know, our being of different races. And I just

had no idea. And again, I don't know if it's just like my mentality in general or the world in which I grew up in or my past experiences. But when it comes to the people that I love and especially in my romantic relationships, it's like nothing. And this sounds crazy, right? But it's like nothing else matters. Raven to me at that point and still now today is so important to me, her happiness, her safety, her mental health, that those are number one. And anyone who gets in the way of that to me is like, that's something that has to be handled and figured out. And no one tops that. So when we were dating in New York, her celebrity never phased me because it just was one aspect of who she was, but that is not my person. Raven is so different at home and

with me than she is when she's at work or with her fans or being Raven Simone. And those, that part of her just, it never crossed over. I also didn't grow up watching That's So Raven. I did not watch any of her work before that either. And it just, it was such a different, it was like, I just felt like this is my person. I don't see her as that. And when we were in New York together, there was like one time that we were paparazzi. And I remember I didn't even see the person you did. And she just like dropped my hand and crossed herself into the middle of the street. I had no idea what was going on. And she just walked into the middle of the street. I had no idea what was going on.

And she just walked into the middle of the street and I was like, okay. And like kind of followed behind, but she, and then she called the person out. She was like, I see you. And then I saw the paparazzi at that point. And I was like, okay, I got what was going on. But that was the only time that even I felt like we were being invaded, quote unquote invaded in some way. So it's really it's we have a very normal relationship,

like most people who have to fight over California King Rocks, you know. It does sound really healthy that you were able to compartmentalize very early on that, like, Raven has different aspects of who she is. And that must have been nice, right? I like it. I've never had success in a relationship when there was a fan aspect to it. This one has been so successful because she understands my job in a way to where it, she allows me to do my job and she's not like pleading me to be, you know, but I'm here. I'm

here. I'm like, I know, but I gotta, I gotta go do Raven Simone. Like that person was created way before I even knew what love was. You know what I mean? So she understands that and respects it. And, and I appreciate that in her. And it's also, it's funny sometimes she'll be like, oh, I forgot you. You actually, you're like, you're famous. And I was like, yeah, no, not really. She goes, yeah. Like the fact that we walked in front of all those kids that day in the school, she's like, I forgot what you did. And I'm like, exactly. That's how my relationship should be at home because my parents made sure that my understanding of me as a human was that way as well. And when you start adding, oh, you're famous, I can't do this, or oh, you're blah, blah, blah, you can't do this,

then you don't you get into those people who are used to yes ass kissers all day. And I'm not used to that. I had black parents, and they didn't allow that. I love that. That's fucking cool. So how did you guys get back together? I broke up with someone. And throughout that relationship, there was always that conversation that I had with Miranda on many occasions while we were dating where she always challenged me to be vulnerable or tell my truth when I was taught to just kind of don't say anything. Nobody needs to know anything, especially if you're just dating. If you're married, it's different. But when you're dating, you don't know how long it's going to last. So you really can't trust anybody but she always found is my phone broken she always found

a way sorry she always found a way to challenge the status quo and it got underneath my skin a lot of the times and when I broke up with my person at that time I went back to all the things that Miranda said and I was like damn she's right I have issues that I really should deal with so I called her up and I was like you're right she goes what what I wasn't expecting this I'm like yeah you were no I was not I was I okay I wasn't but that's okay because I didn't feel like it was a right wrong situation I honestly didn't. Like, I don't even, I'm sure that I did say things to Raven, like, you have to learn how to communicate if you want to get over this. And telling me about pain from your past. And, you know, when you're getting to know somebody, you ask them about their family and things, like, normal things. And Raven had such reservation.

And, like, I don't talk about that. And I get it. You know, I understand from her stance of needing to protect and not trusting and all of those things. But I also know myself and I'm like, I am so fucking loyal and you can tell me anything and it's not going anywhere. And I'm also smart in this area. But it was, as you said, too much at that time. But I don't remember ever having like a, this is who you are and you're going to find out type of thing. So I'm not saying it was like that. I'm saying in all of our conversations, it's you need to be vulnerable. You need to do this. You need to do that. And as a female in general, you can't

tell me that when I called you and I said you were right, you didn't have a little, I knew it. Like, you can't, you're, you can't not say that that didn't happen. You might not have been

expecting it. Oh, okay. I'm very honest. I'll tell you what did happen. First of all, you didn't call me, you texted me.

It's the same thing nowadays. Okay. And, back to my, my days, right? So, on Thursday,

no seriously. On Thursday at 2 p.m. I'm going to tell you, I? So on Thursday. No, seriously. On Thursday at 2 p.m. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you all. This is what got me the most about it. So it's pandemic time, right? And I had left L.A. and driven in one day to my mother's house in Washington State. I drove 19 hours.

I was like, I know it was disgusting, but I was like, I have to get somewhere safe and whatever. So I get there and I am going to bed on a Sunday night and Raven shut up. So funny. I don't even know what today is. I just know. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird how my brain works. Cause I don't, sometimes I don't know the day either, but I know this day. So it's Sunday night. I'm going to bed and Raven pops into my head. And I just thought, I wonder where she is. Like, and I wonder how she is. And I had a vision in my mind, puns intended. I had a vision of seeing her name on my cell phone. Like you have iMessage, Raven.

And I went to bed. That was the last thing I thought of when I went to bed. And I woke up Monday morning and I had a text from her. And I literally was like, oh my God. Because in the five years that we had been broken up, we'd had a few of these occurrences where I thought of her and then she'd call or I had a dream about her and then she'd text. And so this to me was crazy. And I don't even remember really what the text said other than I know you said you were right. And I read it and

I remember thinking, that's weird, but she's hurting because she was saying that she had broken up with somebody and she said we can be friends now and or something along those lines and then we started talking and talking and I was like like three weeks later as I was standing in my mom's kitchen sending her a corona care package which included like gooey butter cake and brownies and barbecue sauce for her brother and I was like I looked at my mom. My mom was like, you need to calm down. I'm like, I'm going to marry her.

You need to. And literally, we're married. I put all my little witchy witch in that care package. And Raven said she married me because of that care package. Oh, I love that. That's so fucking cute. I feel like you manifested it yeah i knew i was gonna marry her i had already had visions too that like if i saw or had some kind of notification that she was getting engaged or married or i guess you were engaged technically or something right we're not

gonna talk about old times okay if you were like engaged or married to somebody else that i would show up and say stop yeah she she's over here in fantasy land it was great i love it no it's true i knew that like raven was my person and i was just gonna have to make her realize it come hell or high water your wedding photos are really fucking cute i was creeping on Instagram and I was like, oh my god, that's adorable. I love her so much. Okay, so who proposed to whom? I proposed to Miranda and

we, I took her to one of my favorite high spots in Los Angeles, which is actually in Malibu. Oh, like a high point? People are going to be like, high point yeah people are gonna be like high spots that's why i clarified i was like oh maybe it's just like a hookah bar where raven likes to get high yeah exactly sorry about that you guys no um a high point a longitude latitude

a lookout point and um it's off of poima road and i took her there and it was the first day i've ever been there that it was completely cloudy. You could not see the ocean. You could not see anything. It was actually very dangerous. And I was like, this is great. I said, we're going to go out there. I was like, I had this whole speech prepared, but the clouds messed it up. And I said, I'm not getting on the ground because I'm in Gucci and I love you dearly. Here's your ring. Please marry me, I'm not getting on the ground because I'm in Gucci. And I love you dearly. Here's your ring. Please marry me. I promise you it's going to be very interesting. I don't really remember what I said. But what I do remember afterwards is that I ran across four lanes of

traffic, up to three or four lanes of traffic, because it just felt, I don't know. I don't know if anybody's ever been through anything. And I was like, oh, I remember this. This is what she does when paparazzi come. I'll just wait right here. I don't know. It's like when I was younger and I thought about getting married, I always thought that I would get married on the side of a cliff. And after we said, I do jump off the cliff into the water and then have a boat pick us up and the party's on the boat. So I needed something to kind of shake me alive to see if real life was actually happening to me for the first time. I've been so used to scripted things. I've been so used to just the mundane, yes, I'm Raven-Symoné, check me out on this and commercials and all this. And something

as a human was actually happening to me that I'm not used to. Like the next big thing will be when I'm pregnant. I'll be like, is this real or am I playing a character? You know what I mean? Like these real human life landmarks that when you are someone that's been in the industry for 34 of the 35 years you've been on the planet, they don't always like sit in reality. So ran across a couple streets of traffic came back still alive i was like oh this is real cool okay cool let's do this yeah oh i love that that's really sweet i love that you didn't get on in me because you was in gucci i feel you on that

you can't fuck up the gucci sorry baby priorities i love you so much. But this is cute. So wait, when did you get married? You got married last year? Yes, we got married in 2020, June. June of 2020. Yeah. And so during COVID. So was it a big ceremony, little ceremony? No judgments. No, it was a really beautiful, no judgments no it was a really beautiful intimate ceremony um we were going back and forth between ourselves kind of trying to figure out what we wanted it to look like and we had a few people you know close kind of in our at that time quarantine bubble and we're like okay we can have these people or we could just do a um what's it called, like city hall style thing. Ultimately, we just wanted to get married and we were like, we can do a party in a year or something of that sort. But Debbie Allen, Raven told Debbie that we were getting married and Mama D, as we call her,

took over. And she was kind of like, oh my gosh, if you're getting married, you're doing it at my house. I'm hosting. It'll be safe. She was prepared. They had us come and walk through. They're like, here, you can have the tennis court. We'll put tables. We'll do this. And we were like, we literally have four guests to invite. We're not taking your tennis court. We'll take your front yard. And honestly, she made it so beautiful and so special. It was such a gorgeous day. I was just going to wear like a little random dress and Raven surprised me and got me this jumpsuit. Gucci. Yeah, got me this.

Gucci juicy. This Gucci juicy. This juicy couture jumpsuit. I actually totally would have worn a juicy couture jumpsuit. I think that would have been so amazing. But it was perfect. It was absolutely perfect. When we said, I do, the music that played right after it, I do.

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one. Check me. That was one of my favorite parts. Yeah, you always reference that. I love that. I love throwing humor and love because that's what it is. It doesn't have to be like super serious or like overly romantic at all times. You can also have fun with it.

Raven, you said something earlier that I was like, oh, shit, maybe I suffer a little bit from that too. Like, is this real life or am I acting like I've never had someone say they like me and mean it in real life. It's only been scripted. So when and if it ever happens in real life, I don't know how I'm going to respond because I don't have the scripted lines in life. Right. And then you're like, do you like me? And then for me, it's like the list of, well, do you like me because you've seen me before? Do you like me because you think that I'm quote unquote, the Raven Simone that you've witnessed in the past? Like, which like me do you like? And how do you like me? You don't even know my childhood. You don't even know how I was raised.

You never met my mom. Like, how do you like me? So I totally understand it. And it's definitely a mental hurdle that I think all women and all men have to learn how to accept because that's the same thing as like, you're beautiful. Yeah, but like, no, say thank you. You're being accepted. You're being loved at that moment. And it's really hard to accept it because we have so much, everybody has pain in their life, no matter what it looks like. So I totally get it. And Nicole, it is a journey. We just have to continue to push and continue to say we deserve our real life as well as our persona life. We deserve it. Yeah.

And that is such a hard thing to remember that it's like, okay, I am deserving of love. I'm deserving of someone to say nice things to me when I'm not in my full makeup and wig and whatnot. Cause I have a very hard time saying thank you when people are like, you look beautiful and I'm not in my wig and I'm not in makeup. And I'm like,

but am I, I don't look like me. I look like a different person. I look like homey. So, yeah, it's tough. You look beautiful today, Nicole. I'm going to just say thank you and not quietly have a mental breakdown. I don't look beautiful.

I know my hair is not done. I'm wearing my glasses. Thank you. Miranda. Miranda actually helped me get there when we were in quarantine and finally married you know i was so used to like you the weaves and the hair and the glam and i have to put on this girdle and i have to do this and she really made me feel comfortable with the person i was when i woke up and that's a totally different person that really

hasn't been in public uh even still i I'm like, I'll get back to my story. So she's made me feel comfortable doing a lot of the interviews and a lot of our publicity and even our YouTube and like my real hair and my real like outfits and things like that. And, you know, coming to this understanding that for the longest time I was branded as something. And I took that as the person I needed to be when I walked out the door. But I can be anything that I want to be behind the door. And she made me feel like the person behind the door was just as important as the person in front of the door. And it's hard.

I could just sob. That's beautiful. That's like I fully identify with that because even when i go out to eat i'm like somebody wants a picture i better look good so i don't look like trash in the fucking picture that they post so then people don't talk about me and it's like i don't really care about what people say but it's like i have things that i say about myself internally so when someone says it again it's like oh you're just co-signing this awful thing I've said about this person that I like myself. So, yeah, that is I really love that.

I think that it's interesting because a lot of people can probably relate to that feeling like, obviously, I'm not really in or have not been in the puppet guy. So that added layer that you guys share is unique to your profession, but I think most people can probably relate on some level to not being good at receiving compliments or having, you know, self-esteem or being their own worst critic. And I think it is just so important. You know, it's something that I've had to really work on and still kind of struggle with in my life to this day of just feeling like I'm enough and worthy as I am. And it's just, that's it. It's like, I am enough and I'm enough. Why? Simply because I'm here. And that makes me equal to you or this person or that person. And, and showing that respect to each other is super

important, but feeling comfortable in your own skin, I think can be super, it's, it's just, it's hard. It's really, really hard, especially if you get stuck in the comparison loop or if there's people say mean things about you, whether that means it's like trolls on the internet or, you know, the mean kid at school or a family member or a family member, like those things impact and leave scars. And I guess my hope is that like through finding somebody who loves and supports you, right? So it's like, that is an individual journey. But I think what Raven is saying about what I gave her was I gave her a comfortable space and someone who would look at her when she got out of bed and she was just literally herself.

And I was like, you're amazing. Like, I love you just as you are and you don't. And your hair is so cute. And the curls are amazing. And then what happens is it's funny. It's like she goes out in the world more as herself and has her curly and people are like obsessed with her curls. And they're so happy to see her natural hair. And you get all of this, again, positive reinforcement, which then makes you feel even more comfortable in your own skin. But I think, you know, having one person that you can lean on can be really beautiful until you feel solid enough in yourself to do it. beautiful until you feel solid enough in yourself to do it. But I think it is like a universal struggle within that element of it outside of the celebrity factor. Yeah.

That would be so nice to wake up and have someone be like, wow, you look beautiful. And I'm like, I do. Because I, in the morning, am a true little gremlin. Me too. You'll find your gremlin to love you back, I'm sure. Thank you. Real quick, quick we gotta take a break and we're back okay so how do i find someone to love me i have no i have so many questions about okay this struggle and what the deal is and like have you

dated and had just like unsuccessful relationships or is it you just have never connected with somebody or I've never been in like an actual relationship where the other person knew about it and confirmed it um I've been in I've like dated someone where I was like, I think this is like exclusive. And then they're like, it's not. And I'm like, oh,

okay. So I had different thoughts. Tee hee hee. And then I've really only dated people for like two, three months. And then at the end of the dating course, I'm like, oh,

okay. I don't even think you liked me to begin with. I think you liked maybe what you thought I was and then I ended up being maybe less interesting than you wanted me to be. I don't know, because if I get comfortable with someone, I tend to, you know,

not be as animated. Like sometimes I'm just like, it'd be nice to just sit and have a drink. And maybe those people were like, oh, I don't like that part. I like when she was happy and laughing and making jokes and, you know, doing that. But this, she's just a regular ass person.

I don't like that. So I don't know. I can't speak for them, but that's the feeling I get. Gosh. I understand you, Nicole. I definitely. Gosh. I understand you, Nicole. I definitely understand you. When I was younger and trying to be in the dating pool,

it was always a thing of, why aren't you smiling? I said, everything is not so happy. I don't have to smile all the time. They were like, well, why aren't you like this?

I'm like, because that's a character I play, like get over it already. And one of the things that I found was when I wasn't looking for anybody, someone would come up, but that person was always looking to come up in the industry of some kind of way. It's hard when you have a very big personality and you have a lot of power and you are a strong female and you have eyes wide open, right? So I'm only guessing, but you have smarts up there in that brain of yours, Nicole. You know that people can't push you around for any old reason. And it's hard to find someone in the opposite sex, in the same sex, whatever you

go for, I don't know your preference. But I'm just saying, it's hard to find someone that understands that and allows you to go through that moment to come down and be grounded. They're trying to come up because they want to reach that level. And that's hard. That's just hard. I can own like, I totally get it. I think in general, you know, dating is tough and meeting people is really hard and people all, we all have shit. We all have baggage. It's just, we all have expectation and ideas. I know that a lot of times, like I remember in high school when I would have crushes, I would put all of this stuff on this person. I would completely build them up. I would make them this amazing person.

And without really even knowing them, it was merely based. knowing them. It was merely based. It was like just taking this, you know, taking this water bottle, for example, and just creating all of these dreams about this water bottle without actually knowing that when I open it, there's like shit water inside, you know, it's just like, it wasn't based in reality. So I think we do that. And I think for you being in the position that you're in, I mean, I mean, I agree with Raven. I think that it's like when you stop kind of looking or obsessing about it or thinking about it, someone might walk in. But at the same time, you also have to take initiative if you want something, right? So it's like putting yourself out there.

And have you been on apps? Have you had friends set you up on dates? Lord Jesus, I'm on all the apps. Oh, you better believe she's on Raya, Bumble, OKCupid, Tinder, all of them. And I've had, yeah, just not good luck on any of them. Hinge is another one. Yeah. I've been dating more since being vaccinated and it hasn't it hasn't gone

very well i went on a date with a nice person who uh rode a scooter away and there's no shame in riding a scooter but it wasn't even like a bird or a lime it was just a scooter yet he had a push like a razor yeah and just in my side view mirror watching him scoot away, I was like, I don't know if I could. It's okay for some people. I don't know. It's not for you. You're like, I don't know if I can really date a scooter. What happens when he wants to pick me up for the date?

You're like, I can't even get on the back of that scooter. It's not a Vespa. Right? It's like, do I sit on the handles? How are you going to push us both? I'm pretty big. So, yeah, that didn't go super well i went on another date where uh it was like right after it rained and every time he spoke and said something i he said a lot of things i was like well this sucks but like lightning would happen behind him

and i was like i think the world wants me to leave and then a server dropped drinks behind me and i got like a little wet and i was like i think the restaurant wants me to leave and so I just haven't been having good luck uh but I've been putting myself out there because no one's gonna knock on my door and say hello uh can I eat you out even though that would be the nicest thing possible there's toys for that though I think they actually have words for them now like they literally speak back to you. I've looked it up. Ding dong. You've looked it up? They speak back to you. Oh my god. You know what?

This reminds me of that. That was very funny Miranda. You were like you looked it up. I was so taken aback. She was so angry. It was a full turn to you. You looked it up? But the thing is she probably has. like she's saying that she hasn't but she has listen everybody needs a friend i have lots of friends and i recently just cleaned out

my sex toy drawer because i was like oh there's a ton that i don't use and then i threw them away and then as i went to work i was like what if the truck makes a mistake and the garbage goes everywhere and there's just dildos in the road it's like and just the truck makes a mistake and the garbage goes everywhere and there's just dildos in the road it's like and just in front of my house and then are they gonna leave them will they pick them up and i like bugged out for a little bit and then i was like whatever it'll be funny if there's dildos in the street when i get home turns out nothing happened to the garbage truck and it was fine i'm like why is she worried about the dildos in the road did she put her name on it is it like yeah right you literally like engrave every one about the dildos in the road? Did she put her name on it? Is it like, right. It's like,

you literally like engrave every one of your dildos. Hilarious. That's hilarious. You know, I'm going to say this and I'm, I know I'm on a public forum right now, but it makes me want to say it. There's nothing wrong with a little altar piece to a little sage,

a little Palo Santo, a little, piece to a little sage, a little palo santo, a little smudging of one's self to really bring you to the ground. I mean, with the industry that we're in, we tend to be around a lot of energy vampires. We tend to be around a lot of energies that make us rise to a level that isn't necessarily the homeostasis of who we are. And sometimes that can block the energy of love. It can attract the wrong love. And I enjoy you, Nicole, and I don't know you from Adam. I love watching you. I feel close to you and I feel confident enough to say, sometimes when you're on top, ain't nobody can love you more than the workhorse itself. You got to like, you know what I mean? You got to kind of like bring it back down, see what's up. And that's what COVID did

for me. I don't think I would have gotten married if it wasn't for COVID because I was allowed to really just be in my own skin and accept love correctly into my life and not just try to soothe the orgasm that I need all the other times. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're talking to toy friends. Yeah, all the toy friends. But you know what? There's a difference between lust and love. And sometimes you just got to lust it out a little bit, be a little bit of hoe. But then love will come around when the hoe days are over see i was never a hoe like i didn't have that i like didn't have that in me i don't know i'm honestly what a funny sentence i was never a hoe i okay so you never went through a hoe phase no i couldn't i wanted to

i envied the hoes around me secretly now you know why I married her she's hilarious and I was like I okay let me try and then it would and then I would how did you try to hoe babe?

I just you know I put on something tight and went out and I was like hi and then I was like I gotta go like I just

I gotta go and I am too for me attraction is too based off of like connection. And, you know, it's not just this like physical, I could, I just never let the lust portion take over where I'm like, you're fine. Let's go. And then whatever, I might wake up with a disease in the morning. I might not, I might know your name. I might not, it wasn't appealing. So I never got that whole phase. But my question for you, you Nicole is outside of your work and your life like do you have other interests are there places that

you could position yourself where you might meet someone who like also loves this thing you like or uh well I pole dance but uh I do private lessons because I was like i don't want to be around a bunch of people in covid times right um i used to roller skate but i dislocated my ankle so i haven't done that in a minute because i was like i don't want to fuck myself up more because i i'm working on a job right now uh but we did that in a park and people never really approached us or anything i really yeah i don't have any hobbies where like people could come in and be like, hello. Yeah, because I know that's, it's almost an irritating question because I've had people when I was like in my dating struggle, people be like, well, go take a class and da da da. So I'm giving you back advice that I kind of rejected and hated.

But maybe it does work. Maybe it does. I don't understand. I know. I know. It's very confusing. I'm saying that I do know that some people like love to cook and then they take a cooking class and it just so happens that like Adam loves to cook too. And Adam's single and cute. And then you guys like bond or like, you guys remember the episode of sex in the city where Miranda joins Weight Watchers? Yes. And then she eats a man who licks donuts because he won't eat them fully. And then it didn't work out.

Yeah, but he ate her out. And that's what you're looking for. On some level. And he ate her out like he could eat the licking of the Krispy Kreme. I'm going to stop. I'm going to say this is the best advice anyone's ever given me you said

go to where the people have eaten problems and like to eat and then you'll get eaten out it's the best advice I have ever heard

in my whole life and it's so fucking funny all I'm trying to say is if you go to an OA meeting you're gonna have your pussy eaten for a week, Nicole. Okay? That's all you got to do.

Just show up to OA, OA Watchers. And you're good, girl. That's my wife. This is who I am. That's Nicole. Hi, I'm Nicole. I'm looking for my pussy to be eaten. Miranda sent me.

Thank you so much. They're like, ma'am, you have to leave. No, they'll literally, they will, but you can, you're just like, I'm gonna leave this list right here. Okay, I'm just gonna put this piece of paper up on this board and y'all can put, I have it one to ten. You just put your name there

and there you go. You're gonna have ten names so fast, Nicole. Everyone's hungry in those meetings. Maybe I'll do it. But I think they're over Zoom now. Oh, well, that's hard. Well, the other thing, too, the other added point about or like the bonus is that those people are also trying to lose weight a lot of the times.

And then they want to burn calories. So it's like double. They get to eat and burn. And then they get points. So it's like double. They get to eat and burn. And then they get points. So it's like it all works. You know what I mean? You've really opened up the Weight Watchers point system. Because you get more points because you burn more calories.

So it's like, ooh, I'll fuck to get more points. And then I'm on top. And I'm doing it. And this is great. That's very funny. Food addicts. That is the way to find love. Nicole, I've cracked your code.

I'm going to do it. She is at work all the time. She is at work all the time. She's going to have to have it on the eating skirt. I don't. But I do rap soon. I rap next week. So November, I'm hitting up those OA meetings.

I'm going to find somebody. There you go. Somebody who's hungry, who wants to eat it. Real quick, we have to take another break. I feel like, I don't know. I think you're wonderful. I think that you're going to find someone. Yeah, she is wonderful.

She's really smart. You're super. Really, really smart. And Nicole, how old are you? I am. I just, I'm You're super. Really, really smart. And Nicole, how old are you? I am. I just. I'm 35. I just turned 35 in August.

But I like to say that I'm like 47. Oh. Or 49. I think it's funnier to age yourself. This is true. Oh my God. I love you. August 29th.

Happy belated. So you're. You're. I'm a Leo. You're not a Leo. No, I'm a Virgo. A Virgo. A Virgo.

Raven, what are you? I'm a Sagittarius. I know nothing about the signs. I was just like, oh. I mean, we know once we look it up, but we don't know it off the dome. But you use it a lot. I use it a lot. Raven will say, well, I'm a Sagittarius. That's why. But then she says she knows nothing about it. Well, I know about myself because I'm a Sag. I mean, I know you because I need to know you. Got it, got it. Okay, but the point being is that you just turned 35. You're still young.

You still have so much eating out time ahead of you. It's just ridiculous. I mean, I don't think we have to be. This is not a death sentence. We're going to find someone for Nicole. Thank you. Yeah, and if you, you know, come in contact with someone that you think would be good for me, send them my way. Send us a list of who you love, because I know you and Wes will never really truly get together.

Wow. He's married. Wes is married? Mm-hmm. To a Viking? He wears a ring, and people just don't clock it. I'm not going to clock that. He's yours.

I don't even know who she is. I'm sure she's an amazing woman. She's so pretty and she's so nice. And she came over to my house once and, yeah, he's a baby. I think he posted about having a baby. But she couldn't drink alcohol because she was pregnant. So I made her Kool-Aid and she was so kind and drank it a little bit. It was like, mmm. And then when I poured it out, I was like, I I made her Kool-Aid, and she was so kind and drank it a little bit and was like, mmm.

And then when I poured it out, I was like, I didn't stir it enough. There was just so much Kool-Aid particles at the bottom. And she just very kindly was like, yum, yum, yum, mmm. Oh, my God. See, it's funny, because, you know, back in the day before the world changed, and you're going to understand what I mean when I say this, you know, at work you could have found a little boo thing. You can't do that now. You know what I mean? Nowadays there's meetings and stuff.

So I would have helped you out like maybe 10, 15 years ago. But it's like you can't do it anymore. And I'm like, oh, it's so sad because in our position, and Babes knows this now. She's on YouTube. She's working. I'm working. You're working. It's like after work I'm tired. like oh it's so sad because in our position and babes knows this now she's on youtube she's working i'm working you're working it's like after work i'm tired yeah i want to go home i want to go to sleep i got another job you got a podcast a scripted show an unscripted show you in every country i've seen i don't know how many languages you speak nicole but you and everything so i'm

just like just one just one it's gonna. It's going to be difficult. And I believe, like, babes, it's not a death sentence, but. It's a numbers game. It's a numbers game. Dating is a numbers game. It takes a strategy. And it's just like you keep swiping. You keep swiping.

You keep going. You keep going. And then you decide to take a break. Then you keep going. You keep going. And then all of a sudden something happens and it's bizarre and weird. Like I never would have thought that I would have ended up here. Like I wanted to believe that this would be my reality one day, but a part of me never thought it would be at the same time. Yeah. I thought I was going to marry a man and just

have a girlfriend for the rest of my life. That's interesting. It's true, though. That's interesting. Well, that's interesting. That's so funny. I mean, that's like a nice marriage of convenience where you're like, I don't know, I guess I marry you. But also, I got to get something somewhere else. Goodbye.

Because this is what I really want, you know? Yeah. So are you cis know yeah so are you cisgender what are you listen i'm open to everything wait am i cis what does that mean am i non-binary i identify as a person a woman a feminine woman perfect okay cool beans um i use she her pronouns but also you could just be like hey you i don't i'm very much like i don't really care like i get misgendered on air airplanes a lot because i wear a little hat and i have no hair oh and then i don't have any titties so if i'm wearing a sports bra like i truly look like

a little boy and they'll be like sir what would you like and i'm like a vodka soda and they're like oh no uh ma'am uh and i'm like oh i don't give a. Just the booze is what I want. I don't want an apology. Hilarious. So truly, call me anything. I don't care. And then for love, I don't mind. I'm open to everything. I usually go for the gentleman,

but I'm open to truly anything. I've dated women. I don't think I've dated anyone trans or non-binary yet, but open to that. The door is open. Who cares? Love is love. I think it's really strange when people are like,

I'm streeter than the fucking trees outside. I'm rock hard straight. And nothing gets me off but sweet pussy and titties and teeth. I like lady teeth. I'm just like, what? That must be exhausting. So I don't subscribe to that. And also, so, like, you have so much more room.

You have so much more, you have options where that person just wants a tree straight with titties and pussy and perfect teeth. Like, sorry. And that person, too. There's corn somewhere. You have five people in this world who are going to fit that, you know? And most of those people end up finding people online and yeah. At farmersloves.com.

The porn fantasy sites. It would be nice to meet someone in person. That sounds nice to like meet someone in person, vibe with them and be like, hmm, I'd like more of that. That sounds like that sounds like 1997. We could go back to that time. Oh, I would love to hop in a time. Actually, no, I'm not trying to go back in time.

Black people weren't treated nicely back then. Let's go forward. Let's go forward. Let's go forward. Forward in time. Forward in time. But I get it. Like you just want to be like casually shopping at whole foods and like you accidentally graze

someone and you're like oh and the eyes linger a little longer than you guys both reach for the same jar of peanut butter you guys obviously don't watch you oh i am halfway through season three and i gotta say i do not like when joe talks to the baby i'm like get back to murdering see i had to go back to two and finish my two she started three without me but that's my thing I'm scared of meeting

people out in the street you don't know now about him I need a whole conversation offline before they look like Penn Badgley just go the other

way but I understand I would let him kill me but also he doesn't kill women of color true I'm like I'm safe if I meet Joe this joe this is true oh god this is true wait miranda how deep are you in season three um episode one oh okay well when

you get to the end oh wow it's oh it starts off with a bang the first half i was like where are we going with this i'm five episodes deep i watched it with my friends this year last night oh we love you people love you so much and i loved the first i thought the first season was great and then i had a personal problem with the second where i was like you know it was you know when you know people and then you see them on tv and you don't like them people? That type of thing. Okay. And now I feel like I have to watch season three because everyone is just going goofy over it. I'm going to finish season three by tomorrow.

I'm on a mission. It's fun. I'm having a great time. It's very funny in the darkest way. It is. It's so good. I just want to meet my joe um i just want a man to love me so much he wants to murder me but too much for shit kinda uh raven can i ask

you about uh you and cardi b officiated a wedding yeah that happened how did that happen are you friends with cardi b cardi loves raven we are not official friends i don't have her number in my phone um however she wanted me to help them plan the wedding. We talked to them about the dresses and just heard that beautiful love story. And I got to know Cardi a little bit and she was uber pregnant, which was even more fun because she had on all the outfits. And I'm like, baby, baby, baby. So sweet. So short. So small.

So petite. I wasn't expecting it. This is fun juice that I love because I love Cardi B. I think she's so fucking funny. She is. I just love a beautiful woman who's actually very funny. Yes. I love that as well.

She is funny. We did a, did you, did we post it already? We posted it. We did a YouTube video while we were there and she was talking about her LGBTQIA plus equals experience, which was hilarious. It was so funny too, because when we were there, Raven was like, okay, I'll see if she'll be down to like do a little ditty for the channel. And I was like, okay, awesome. see if she'll be down to like do a little ditty for the channel. And I was like, okay, awesome. And then she said yes. And Raven like literally like ran and I was in her dressing room.

She was like, come on, come on, Cardi's ready. And I was kind of like, how are we going to have to like, you know, strategize the conversation? And Cardi just went right into it. And I didn't even know what the topic was. She's like, so bisexuals. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? She just literally went in. So bisexuals.

And I was like, I'm sorry, what? She just literally went in. She's like, I'm going to need all this Gen Z people to explain to me who they is and why they do it. And she just went. And I was like sitting there on the couch like, OK, Cardi, OK. And she's like, yeah, they confusing me. And I don't know. Like, why are you emotional about eating some coochie?

I eat coochie all the time. I was like, oh, my God, I love you. Just keep going. And she was so fantastic. It was just good. Why are you emotional about eating coochie is a perfect line. That is very funny. Yeah, it is.

Hashtags all over. Cardi's known for that, but she was great. Oh, what a dream. I just want to meet her. Raven, can I ask you a question? Did you ever officially come out or did you just say, I'm married and it's a woman and that's nice? I did officially come out or did you just say, I'm married and it's a woman and that's nice?

I did officially come out. I officially came out almost, goodness gracious, I'm only 25. I almost came out almost 10 years ago almost. Oh, how funny. I missed it. And then when you got married, I was like, what a treat. It's okay. I was like, when Niecy Nash got married, I was like, oh, what a treat.

No, no, no. It's fine that you missed it because it was not at a time when people were like, yay, it was, oh, my God. And then I said what I said on Oprah, which was, you know, I don't like labels. And, you know, as time progresses, people's confessions of who they are more embraced and loved. And then there's some people in the industry who, for instance, I was the thick girl for I don't know how many years, and nobody was really loving it. It was very demonized in a way. And I had to just roll with that until later now and future. It's like, yes, love your body. I'm like, I've been here. Y'all made me feel so bad about myself so that i think when i came out was kind of in that same vein a little

bit so i'm not mad at you no worries was it weird okay i have we do have to wrap it up but this is a question that i'm interested because you mentioned your body so you like went through puberty in the public eye and then your body changed and you know you get titties you get hips and stuff and then people are like she's thick or chubby or whatever it's like no I've just become a woman was that confusing or were you like oh I guess I'm chubby it's funny you said that because I was like no I was always thick but I was looking back at hang on Mr. Cooper and all my concerts and I really wasn't as big as I was when I was doing that so Raven I was actually a lot smaller but I was still labeled as the bigger one of the crew in my friend group slash entertainment industry and being that size

at 15 16 17 18 19 20 up until recently why it was a little bobblehead I had a little moment of bobbleheadism um when I doing whatever. It was dire days. And, yeah, it hurt. Fucking hurt. You know what I mean? It's like – but at the same time, I get so many people that are not in the industry that say, you helped me with myself. And because of you, I feel comfortable in my body. And I'm like, thank you.

Can you please tell Perez Hilton, who called me a poodle and a fat one because my hair was curly and he didn't like my hair like can you please he's rude he was rude um how do we make him how do we unsubscribe him from saying things you mean cancel him yeah that's yeah I feel like he's been canceled though he said a lot of shitty shit about a lot of people and I feel like he's terrible yeah his whole like he made a whole career like drawing little cum things on people and saying awful things he's terrible bullying was rewarded while i was in my puberty phase it was rewarded and it did a number on my not on my self-esteem because i'm a bad bitch, but like it did a number on my eating habits

and my toolbox of actually taking care of my emotional state. It really kind of threw a wrench in what healthy eating is, what intuitive this is and depression and things of that nature. So I'm deprogramming myself from that time period and reprogramming myself into this time period. And I think it's amazing that there are so many people out here with the confidence and the love and the respect for themselves to stand strong and say, no, there's more than just one person out here representing for the thick girls. That's what it's going to be. And I just felt alone during my time of that. I didn't really feel like there was anyone I could stand with. And it feels good to be in the presence of so many now. Oh, I love that. I'll just tell you this. I'm sure many people have told you that.

But like growing up, I watched you and I was like, huh, a funny black girl. I'm a funny black girl. And then just watching you is just like, oh, I can do that too. And then I last summer shaved the sides of my head and had braids in the middle. I was like, I'm Raven. Welcome. Welcome, Raven. So I got to say, like you inspire a ton of women and girls and thank you and it was

never like oh she's thick it was like she's funny and black and that's what i like so you're doing great i love you miranda i just met you and i love you also raven i just met you i like you both so much we love you we love you truly for hours but we do have to wrap it up okay can we be friends can i like get your actual number i kind of just kind of want to be friends with you i'll put it right in the chat thanks let's be friends yay she's really doing it you guys it's real i am there it is there we go go. I got it right. It's from Whoopi Goldberg to everyone.

That's perfect. I was like, that's what I'm doing. Yeah. Text me and be my fucking friend. I love this. I love it. I was going to say the same thing. I was going to say we have to have like a game night.

We have to hang out or do something. We can watch you together. I would do a game night. I will be done with you very shortly. But a game night I have to hang out or do something we can watch you together i would do a game night i will be done with you very shortly but a game that i would do yes let's do it miranda raven i ask all my guests this i've missed it maybe three or four times but would you date me yes i would date you yes i would date you too oh i love this what a treat two yeses has anyone ever said no oh absolutely yes that's rude it's not rude sometimes it's like a oh we're too much alike or i think my friend mitch was like no because we would enable each other to just eat dominoes all day every day

and i was like that's true i mean there's that then uh do you guys have anything you want to promote the channel can you add me yeah i was just about to do that um i'm gonna have a group chat nicole but then we can all talk separately because we're independent oh my god we'll talk shit about each other yeah um i would say 8pm our YouTube channel watch it our Instagrams Miranda Mayday at Miranda Mayday

at Raven Simone and Raven's Home yeah fifth season of Raven's Home will be dropping really soon we just started filming I'm very excited about it we're going to be going back

back in time into nostalgia days if you ever watched that so Raven be prepared for a reboot of epic proportions oh that's exciting i love this well if you like this episode of oh why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can subscribe you can i don't know apple podcast or whatever okay and if you say something hitting on me i will read it this person says

okay it's dusk and there's a blood moon in october after hitting it off at a halloween party you follow me back to my place where you suck my dick and queef at the same time we both hilariously wore renaissance costumes half of them still on at this point you tear and ball the rest of the costume materials into a makeshift fabric buttheads what buttheads before slowly insuring the malformed shapes into my ass this is wild you pour melted chocolate from the candy bowl that sat too near the fireplace down into my ass as the original anal beads enter i anal beads i come and you squirt putting out fires with our combined forces you spend the rest of the evening slowly removing chocolate beads and slapping me in the face kindly. Gotta say, this one was wild.

Sounds like love to me. Maybe. Yes. Maybe I'll wear a Renaissance costume and pour chocolate in someone's ass. And then I'll be like, hmm, will you be betrothed to me? Well, that's it. Okay. Bye-bye.

Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode.

What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.