Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Relationship Deal Breakers (w/ Nina West)

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

Drag queen Nina West (Drag Race S11, Hairspray) is just as tragically single as Nicole. They commiserate over the single life, talk about how Nina’s life drastically changed after Drag Race, the most annoying responses to get on dating apps, and absolute deal breakers in a relationship.Originally recorded May 25th, 2021. Our Best of 2021 list is here! Listen to top episodes you voted for at teamcoco.com/dateme2021 Black Lives Matter. Click here for a list of over 100 different ways you can support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerNew Merch Store! podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746 

Five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year! To wrap up the Why Won't You Date Me holiday special, today I'm releasing my live-streamed episode with Nina West from Behind the Paint Wall. Nina West is a drag queen who competed in season 11 of RuPaul's Drag Race and was named Miss Congeniality. You can also catch her playing Edna Turnblad

in the Tony-winning musical Hairspray, now touring nationally. I had a very nice time with Nina. It was very fun. It's an extra long episode for your ears. Okay, let's hear the deep sound. why won't you date me why won't you date me why won't you date me please tell me why Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. It's me, Nicole Byer. Thank you so much for watching this. What a treat. Okay, so this is a live virtual episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though every time I lit a candle, you blow it out and go lights out you dumb bitch boy I'm my own biggest fan it's delightful also I'm doing a question and answer at the end of this

so there's like a there's a thing it's a thing to the side I think you know me I don't ever look at an email to tell me any information. Anywho, my guests today. Oh, baby, I'm so excited. They placed sixth on RuPaul's Drag Race and was awarded Miss Congeniality.

She's a drag queen, a philanthropist, a wonderful Ohioan. I think Nina still lives in Ohio. Whatever! It's Nina West! Hello! Hi, Nicole. I'm living my full fantasy. I just got to a hotel to do this podcast, and I put Nina in bed because she was really sleepy.

So she's like right behind me. Heels and all. I mean, she's here she was really sleepy. So she's like right behind me. She's here. I love it. Honestly. Hi, Nicole. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited that you agreed to do this, Nina. I think you are so wonderful and fun and I don't like can't be in a way that makes me smile.

You know, do you remember when we met in person the first time? At the airport? At the airport where you came up to me and I was like so in my own world. I had just landed. They come into L.A. to film the finale of season 11. And you'd come up to me and you were so kind and incredible and so funny. And you hugged me. And then we bonded outside for a little bit.

Yes. I was afraid. Well, like at first I was like, I don't look like me. I'm out of drag. I don't have have a wig i don't have any makeup on i look like a little boy in a hat and i was like hello i like dragon you know what i like it so much i didn't i didn't recognize you you know what it was it was the glasses it was the glasses that drew me and the and the little baseball cap. I was like, this is the cutest. But I was so thrilled to say hello and meet you.

And then we got to hang out more. Yeah, we did. We got to hang out at the Comedy Central Emmy Party of 2019. One of the last nice fun parties, industry parties I got to go to. And you look gorgeous. When you were there this to go to. And you looked gorgeous when you were there

with Sasheer. Yes. And we had some cocktails. That was a night too I felt like I was really spoiled because I've not had a ton of like, I've not had a lot of experience doing those Hollywood party gigs, right? So I felt, I got really spoiled by, you know, getting to

hang out with you and Jackie Tone and just a lot of really great, nice people who were just a really good time who just wanted to have fun. It was really great. Now you're hanging out with a bunch of assholes? No, I'm kidding. Do you want me to start naming them? Are we at that point already? Nina, where are you?

You said you landed. You're at the hotel. Where are you you said you landed you're at the hotel where are you at i i'm at i'm in new york city here for uh some some work you know now that covet evidently is kind of almost over yeah i'm in the big apple um so yeah trying to catch up on life i'm so jealous i wish i was in the big apple instead i'm still in la but that. That's great, right? Come on. I mean, you've been really busy. You've been so busy during the last year.

I've been busy, but I'm tired of my house. I'd like to leave it, go anywhere. But truly, I'll be in your neck of the woods. I'll be in, I think, Cleveland, Ohio next month. Yeah, Cleveland's close. You're about two hours north. Aren't you coming to Columbus too at some point? Are you coming to Columbus?

Maybe. I don't read an email. I'm not thorough. Somebody will remind me and then I go, oh, I better buy a plane ticket of sorts. I love that though. I mean, that's very me. That's very me. I need someone to keep me in track. I mean, it's very me. That's very me. I need someone to keep me in track.

I mean, it's hard. Do you have an assistant? I don't. You know, I really, it's been a crazy, crazy year for me. I got rid of my management company in the middle of COVID. Yeah, I just said, you know what? I need to, I think I need to make a clean break. And I have been kind of doing it alone.

And then I went and, do you know bianca del rio i went and worked with bianca i mean everyone knows bianca right and she's got this amazing friend who's also her assistant i'm like i just wish i could get this shit lined up and like kind of get like the the the the jive of that like in that groove that like i don't i don't have that so it's like a perpetual oh my my God, I forgot to reply to that email. And like, I am like, you know, like I'm trying to manage it all and do it all. And so it's, I wish, I wish I had the skill. Like Bianca's just got it down, man.

And I was just really thinking about that. I'm like, ah, of course you're the best. I mean, you're just like, you're like a well-oiled machine. I wish I had some grease in my wheels. I mean, you're just like, you're like a well-oiled machine. I wish I had some grease in my wheels. I mean, I wish I was an organized person. I was truly saying today, so I was like looking around my room and I was like, okay, I have a pile over here, a pile over here, a stack of papers over here. I know what's in all of them, but wouldn't it be nice if I had the organization skills

to put it all away? Well, that's what makes it fun because when you go to like a pile and the bottom of it, you find something you've been looking for for like three years. You're like, oh, there it is. And then you're like, oh shit, I didn't deal with that one thing. No wonder

my credit's so bad. I can't find any of the bills to pay. I mean, that's my life. It's so hard to pay a bill. They need to start putting them in like fun colored envelopes. So I'm like, ooh, purple, to pay. I mean, that's my life. It's so hard to pay a bill. They need to start putting them in, like, fun-colored envelopes. So I'm like, ooh, purple, what's this? Oh, it's Capital One. They want their money. Right.

I legitimately am that girl. I, like, just get so wrapped up. I'm like, I mean, and I know it happens once a month, but you'd think, like, they'd change it, right? Like, it just would make sense if it was just on a different, like my schedule. Because I think my schedule would be much more appropriate. Oh, right. Three months later, I'll pay the electric bill. There's no late fee.

How great is that? I wonder why that's not an option. Like you can pay 2% more to pay on your schedule. I mean, wouldn't that be lovely? And then it wouldn't go against your schedule. I mean, wouldn't that be lovely? And then it wouldn't go against your credit. I mean, like, I just am, because I am not the kind of person who just wants to,

like, succumb to what the man wants me to do. You know, like, it's, you know, give me,

I don't want this month's schedule where it's on the 15th or it's on the 1st. And that's not for me. I'm more of like a 28th or a 4th. Yeah. Five months later.

Yeah. Like, you know, and just catch up to me. Whenever I fucking think about it. Thank you. All right later. Yeah. Like, you know, and just catch up to me. Whenever I fucking think about it. Thank you. Whenever.

All right. I should. If you think about it, credit is just wild. So if you have bad credit, they go, you're not going to pay. We're not going to give you shit. But it's like, just give people things and then be like, oh, you got to go. You're not paying. We give you a nice little cushion. You get a little grace period. Then you got to, you gotta go, you're not paying. We give you a nice little cushion,

you get a little grace period, then you gotta go find something cheaper because you're not paying. I mean, I really thought we were gonna come on here and I was gonna talk about like getting screwed and this credit is really probably the main way I get screwed every single time. This is foreplay, okay?

Where we talk about credit and how capitalism is a fallacy that doesn't make any fucking sense. You're trying to tap into me. You're like, Nina, you're a lady of a certain age. Let's talk about credit. Well, let's get into it. So, are you single?

Dating? Oh, my God. What is it? Tell me. Nicole, it's tragically single i think drag is like the at least for me i mean you know drag is kind of like not it's not the great equalizer or allows me to walk into a room and have someone go oh wow aren't you you're charming attractive and confident and you're dressed up like a woman, come on over.

It's not the thing that I think, I've just not had a lot of luck. So I'm like single, and I think I go through bouts of being so like, I don't need anybody. Look at me. Look what I'm, like, I've got this. And then I'm like, why does no one want me so it's like this it's like this manic bipolar relationship status that i can't understand why yeah so i'm single so long story short single nicole well i feel the same fucking way i was scrolling through instagram yesterday

and i like came across this woman who i follow who always just seems to have a boyfriend and I was like we kind of look the same we have the same body type you always have somebody oh why why and then I was like Nicole go eat some ice cream and get a fucking grip you know what I mean yeah it's sometimes you look at other people's papers and then you get sad and then it's like what that person has isn't necessarily what you would want i mean look i am you know i that i do that i do that like doom scrolling where and for me it really is like i i get into a habit of i don't know i don't know about you but i get into a habit of like almost comparing it's like damn

how are they so happy how is this all happening for them and then I'm like I do exactly what I check myself because it's like shit like I can't like this is just like this is a never ending cycle and I've got all these other shit happening that really does matter

and to me I don't know relationships are in and of themselves their own work and so it's like other shit happening that really does matter and to me and you know like i think it'd be i mean i don't know relationships are in and of themselves their own work and so it's like do i really want to put in that like it's like this i can barely pay a bill on time do i really want to have to do i really want to have to have accountability to somebody who's going to tell me i'm not paying my bills in time i already know that you don't need to tell me i don't even know what being in a relationship is like like sometimes i'll fantasize and i'm like what what is it like truly my fantasy will be like hey babe i want to eat a salad today and then he goes okay and i'm like is that a relationship do you announce what you're gonna eat every time you eat i don't know i think that's why

when i go any like especially over the last year eat i don't know i think that's why when i go any like especially over the last year when i would go anywhere i would have a really almost like a heart-to-heart conversation with everybody i was encountering because first i was in a my bubble was super small so i'd go to the grocery store my my best friend's boyfriend partner was my grocery clerk they might as well have been it was an 84 year old woman i would walk in like how are you today gina she's like she's going she's like i'm so good and i'm like this is what this is what exactly what i need i get my groceries i get to talk to you and i go home and you don't even eat my groceries that's the best part of a relationship i mean i bought so many groceries during this pandemic and didn't eat most of them.

I would say I didn't eat 75% of them. I ate all of my groceries and then some. I would buy like arugula and I'd be like, I'm an arugula girl now. I'm going to make arugula salads and then I wouldn't do it. No, because you know why? No one wants the peppery deliciousness of an arugula salads and then I wouldn't do it. No, because you know why? No one wants the peppery deliciousness of an arugula. No. Give me ice cream.

Give me the brown frozen fries. Give me the pizza. Yeah. That's all I want. I mean, seriously. Like, you know, like pizza is comfort. It's like, you know, it's going to be bread. It's going to be tomato sauce.

It's going to be cheese. That's what I want.'s gonna be bread it's gonna be tomato sauce it's gonna be cheese that's what i want i want a relationship that's comfortable i don't want to like have to get to know people like i'm talking to people on apps because like the people are out they are ready to meet up honey they're vaxxed and they're ready to spread their love they are like, in a way that is annoying. Like, these men are trying to like get to know me on the app. And I'm like, there is no get to know me. Let's fucking meet somewhere and get to fucking. I want all of my holes filled this summer. Constantly. I have to tell you, I knew nature was healing when I saw a tweet that said, I just made my first dick appointment. It was the author, Nicole Byer. I was like, life is getting back to normal. She had the dick appointment, and I gotta say, he was interesting.

So we, on this date, he told me, we were just talking and he was like, you know, Nefertiti? And I said, yes. He goes, Nefertiti. I said, yes, I know who Nefertiti is. He said to me, Nefertiti is an alien. All black people are aliens. Hieroglyphics is pointing to the sky because we're trying to get back to where we came from and had he been not black i'd be like this is a hate crime you can't say this to a black person but he was black so i just said you don't say you know i was just like i i gotta get fucked so like you can say whatever you want to me okay no but wait where this begs the question where how did you meet because like what application was this we met online what was the apple, how did you meet? Because what application was this?

We met online. Can I ask you what the application of choice is? This is not branded friends, not paid. So don't like, unless you hear this and you're like, we want to throw money in Nicole's way. Then it's real. Don't say it then. Text it to me and I'll be like, oh, judgment.

Well, I'll just tell you. Hinge is the one for me. I feel like tinder is more like hookup friendly but not as of late as of late people have been like so when you look at the stars what do you think and i'm like of dicks fuck me i don't want to i don't want this when you look at the stars, what do you think? I see balls. I see shafts. Oh, dick, Big Dipper, fucking scoop my pussy out, okay? I mean, what can I ask you? What hemisphere is that in? Because I'm not seeing the same goddamn stars.

Really? I can use some help. It's right in LA. You look up in the sky and you're like, oh, that's a pussy scooper and a dick yum yum yum yum yum but uh anyway this guy i want to tell you he like we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things he said a lot of things i was just like hey listen i'm along for the ride as long as you fuck me. And then when he finally did, oh boy, was it a treat.

It was as if he was making a pizza pie. He like threw me up in the air. He was like, he was pretty big and muscular. And when I say he like tossed me like a raggedy and all, that's what he fucking did. And I was like, this is everything I've needed. But then I was like after, maybe it's not everything I needed. Maybe I needed a connection with someone I actually like.

Oh, boy. So wait, but the question, I mean, like, listen. I mean, that's the constant battle, right? Because, I mean, like, every time, like, when I would have a gentleman call, I would be like, God, afterwards, I'm like, I just kind of feel, like, unfulfilledfulfilled yes you know but but there's you're also you know you're meeting another need right i mean but the question i have the question of nicole is he like a regular is this like is this someone you're gonna i don't think is he gonna is he gonna need the is he gonna need the dough again he's not no no i just i don't think i could listen to him again do you know how you like listen to someone

you're like you are drying me up we need to go somewhere and fuck before like there's i have to like rethink my whole life so i don't think he's gonna be a return customer uh but yeah that's all i want i want like a regular you know what is the the cheers theme song everyone here's a friend no that's how it goes sometimes you want to go where everybody knows you nicole welcome yes yes i want a man who knows my name i'm happy to scoop out your pussy let's do this that's all that I want. What are you looking for in a relationship, Nina? Oh, God. Someone who can just handle themselves, I think, against me. Relationships for me, I think, kind of like what you're saying.

It's not that I want a relationship. I think it's the ability to have somebody there that is a friend who also has other roles. I mean, I've got plenty of roles. I mean, it's only us to have multiple roles. I've gotten plenty of roles. But I think I need somebody who's confident enough to just kind of be my friend who wants to also have sex. Every once in a while. And maybe more so than not but um uh yeah i don't think i want um

a relationship because i don't think i'm just in really in flux right now you know and i think after drag race happened nicole like and i know you probably know this from being friends with so many of the queens from the show like and your life changes so. And so you're just kind of just trying to hold on to whatever's going on. Right. Cause I had this whole other career previous to drag race and then drag race happens like, bam, bitch go.

You're like, where am I going? I don't know what I'm grabbing onto. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. I'm like, you're just kind of flying in the middle of space. You're like,

there's a big zipper. There's a pissy scooper. There's like, you're just trying to figure it out. And, um, I still am. I'm still kind of trying to figure it out and like i made a mistake true story i'm like i came back from filming drag race and i was like oh my god my whole life is about to change i've got to find somebody and i've got to nail them down i got to get the dick get it like nail it down, so I'm like going into this, like

grounded, confident in the relationship. And that's exactly what I did. And that was like, one of the big mistakes I made was that I kind of met this guy, fell in love with this guy. And I was like, all right. And we're just moving so fast right before the announcement. And I was trying to keep kind of like, I was like, oh I'm like how balanced my life is and it was like falling apart because I couldn't I was so out of sorts and I couldn't pull my shit together but I I feel like I understand that that mindset to be like my life's about to change I don't know who's gonna want me for me who's gonna want me for uh this persona that's on television so let me grab someone here who knows me from the before time so that they're with me for the ride.

I fully understand that. But I do understand how it could implode and not be the best choice. Oh, girl, I was just like, he was a wonderful guy. And I just was like, oh, obviously, we're going to go get married. I don't even know you. Two months in, I'm like, I think we're going to get married. Don't you think we're going to go get married. I'm like, I don't even know you. I'm like, two months in, I'm like, I think we're going to get married. Don't you think we're going to get married? He's like, yeah, I think we're going to.

I'm like, and then all my friends around me are like, girl, slow down. What the hell is happening? And I'm like, this is the guy I'm marrying. And then eventually I'm going to move, and he's going to move with me. We're going to live together. And I went crazy. I went so crazy during that time period between filming and announcement that it was like, oh shit. And then everything, and then they were, we were announced and was like, oh, this relationship's not going to work.

You know what's not going to happen? This. Because you're a different person. Yeah. Like, people say fame changes changes you but it does in a way uh even if you are this the most super grounded person in the whole fucking world having people come up to you in the street does something to you especially like in the beginning you start to be like oh i am you know wonderful. Yes, these people do love me. And then it kind of takes you a minute to like settle into it.

Well, you know, I also, I was confronted a lot with, oh my, you've changed so much. And I also recognized that not only was this a big change for me, it was a big change for everybody around me. And so everybody around me was also going through change and reacting to my change and having their own kind of process and growth and it kind of like really shook the like it completely shook all of my like my framework of like what relationships were stable what was uh like where could like who could i trust and what was it like you know what was the basis of any relationship at any point post this? Everything had changed. And I do agree with you.

Yeah, like, I changed. And, like, I think it made me better. I think it made me more aware. Sometimes I like to feel myself. Okay, a lot of the times I like to feel myself. I'm like, yes. But mostly, I also recognize that a lot of these people that were in my life before this who knew I wanted this. I mean, like, right, that's part of my story.

I auditioned for nine times and I really wanted Drag Race. And so everybody in my life knew I wanted this. And then it was this process of kind of having those relationships really change as a result of this happening, knowing what the change would be. Right? Super meta. But everyone started to be like, well, this is going to happen. And their reactions weren't, you know, were just a big change.

So wait, you auditioned nine times? I think I knew this. Honey. How did you make each audition tape different? I didn't. I think that's why it took me nine times. And I was like, they're going to want me eventually. Let me just go ahead and redo the same thing I did last year.

But that's the thing with Drag Race. I don't think I knew what they were looking for because I would always look at who won the previous season and be like, oh, part of me does that. Part of me is kind of like Jinx, right? I'm campy and crazy and fun. Part of me is that you know part of me is kind of like uh jinx right i'm campy and crazy and fun part part of me is like bianca i can really mc and talk to a crowd and i'm like oh okay i'll just really play that up for the season seven audition because she had just won six you know it's like so i was trying to figure out so then like when violet or aquaria won well shit i'm not the skinny white fashion girl so it's like well okay so i won't play that you're like oh my god

what do i do paint a face on my leg and just have my leg on there to be a skinny white bitch that's what i'm doing next time thank you for the idea we're gonna take an ad break we'll be right back with more nina west after this so after drag race things change do do like do you have clown chasers i think that's what benda lacrem called i call them chuckle fuckers people who chase male comedians who are like you look like a dumpster i will still fuck you i'll suck that dirty dick i love it uh but a clown chaser someone who follows drag queens around do you have clown chasers yeah i think we called them yo i've been doing this for a long time we used to call them panty sniffers oh you know they'll be sniffing around because they're sniffing

around your pants you know so they're trying they're trying to get a whiff they're trying to get a whiff of the panty and i'm like girl then you're gonna take a sniff of this it has been in these pads and in these types for hours it smells like vinegar potato chips and regret it smells you don't want any of it um but yeah i think there are i am really um i like just tone deaf to uh a sexual aggression and or like in a public space i'm just kind of like whatever everyone's here everyone's so nice i'm here to say hi to everybody hey so you can be someone can be slapping me in the face with their dick i'd be like oh it's so nice to meet you so great to have this time with you thank you um you know i just i'm not i am just not attuned to it and i don't know if that's because like i just I just, I'm like, you know, I don't know.

I always don't feel like people are interested in Andrew or Nina sexually. Yeah, I've never done that, though. Like, I've never had sex and drag. Why? No. Why would I? No. No.

No. No, that's not me. That's not the fantasy I'm living at all. See, we're very different. That was, like like a next question. I'm like, so wait, so you get,

so you get into character. I've never had sex out of drag. I've had wigs fall off. I'll put them right back on. But, you know, I do, I do the makeup and everything.

Yeah. Yeah. That's me. That's me. Face down, wig to the sky, trying to Yeah. Yeah, that's me. That's me, face down, wig to the sky, trying to get a book. She's passed out. She's on a slow roll. So no, she's done. No, I've never done that.

And it's such a funny thing because I think with drag, people think, I get this a lot. It's like, I think, especially with people who are encountering the show who are not a part of the LGBTQIA plus community. I don't know if they know how to process what drag is. I think they still question how someone gender identifies and or sexually identifies. And so, like, you get all, still, there are a lot of questions around, like, oh, you know, so you, you know, you want to be a woman or you are, you're having, you are, you are sexual in your character. And I'm like, um, no, no. But yeah, but there are, but there, of course, there are cross sections and crossroads to every piece of this that have you know kind of a you know some kind of layering to that and so for me no but for other people that i do know yeah and like it's um

i think but that's what complicates the the performance part of it because it's like you know like people want to layer it to put things on which i know this is like nothing strange to any kind any kind of like performance or stand-up comedian performance artist say when he does things in front of they are it's very very very subjective so they're already putting anything on you anyway so it seems to be hyper sexualized and then like a drag environment yeah um let's see so you haven't had sex and drag but have you met someone during a show or like at the club or the the theater venue where they were like i would like to see you when you were all out of the makeup and we could do it yeah yeah yeah of course yeah of course of course hello yes uh that truly perks

to the job hardly ever happens to me hardly really well i just went high i went really sorry i don't know really how was that possible well no because you're sexy and like you're on stage and you're doing your thing and you're confident i'd be like if if that if i swung that way i'd be like damn like this is like how sexy is this i think that's thank you that's a that's like gay men like love you well i mean a funny woman i think is the least attractive thing to a straight man a confident woman i think is not very attractive also i tend to move pretty fast the last dude i dated i don't know it was like two and a half months in i was like can we just lock this down and he was like oh dios mios i chased you and now you're chasing me i don't want this and i was like all right well uh let's keep fucking and then the pandemic hit what a beautiful excuse to get out of a

relationship or a budding relationship or a dating ship sorry i can't see you global pandemic because i know so many people who got into relationships as a result of the pandemic so don't i know it i have friends whose relationships were strengthened through covid and i was like isn't that nice that you got to like double down your love isn't that nice you were already in love and now you're like more in love i realized this is like a week ago at the airport i got into a fight with this man and i was like oh i think i'm just like sexually frustrated at this point my like theragun isn't doing the job my hitachi magic wand's not doing the job my tracy's dog clit sucker's not doing the job my g-spot vibrator

i'm trying to keep up i'm trying to keep up but okay'm trying to keep up. But okay, I'm going to tell you this story. And it may seem like it's my fault. And I'll take, yes, it's my fault. So, okay, I'm at the airport. I'm picking up my friend's sister. And this trio of like G-wagons just cuts in front of me. And one of them almost hit me. And I was like, you just had to be in front of me. So then I pushed my car right up to their bumper at the red light

and then pressed the gas so they knew I had hit them. And then I did that several times. And then he hopped out of the car and he was like, oh, we're going to have a problem. And I just said, you just had to be in front of me, didn't you? And then he was like, oh, we're going to have a problem. i just said you just had to be in front of me didn't you and then he was like oh we're gonna have a problem and we said that numerous times back and forth and then he was like you do that again i'll pull you out i'll drag you out of your car and i said no you won't i'm too big for that and then he got back in his car and my friend was like don't do it again i don't want you to get murdered. And I was like, what is he going to do?

Rip the doors off my car? He's not going to do anything. And then I continued terrorizing him. And when I got home, I was like, I think if I got fucked, I would be normal again. I would be a normal human being and a productive society member. But at that moment, I was like, this man? This man wants to be in front of me i want him behind me literally i want a man behind me just fucking me and my face is like going into

the headboard in a way we're like maybe i'm hurt maybe i'm concussed concussed we need a nickname for this we need a nickname for this kind of behavior because i think anyone who's listening to this right now can relate especially if especially if you were single during the last 14 to 15 months. So what could we call this? Sad. The buyer method. Yeah, the buyer method. Let him have it.

Let him have it. Being safe until you don't have to anymore. Were you dating during COVID? Hell no. I barely left during COVID? Hell no! I barely left my house. Hell no! I literally barely left my house. I had one person in my

bubble, and I think that by the time again, when I saw that tweet, when it said I made my first dick appointment, I was like, I have permission. I'm vaccinated. I'm looking to my goddess. I have permission. You have permission. I'm vaccinated. I'm looking to my goddess. I have permission. You have permission.

Get out there. Talk to the people on the apps. I gotta say. But you know what? That is a game, girl. That is such a game. Going on the apps and trying to talk to people. And then you send them your face picture and they're like, Oh, you're fun.

How are you? How was the show? What's Silky like? Was RuPaul really nice? I mean, it's like, oh, my God, friends. Oh, no. So you're getting that. You're getting people who who just want to know about the show.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, because once they see it's me, they're like, oh, she's the nice one. She is so friendly and she's so kind. And I am. And I really am. Like, that's the thing. But sometimes even nice girls like to be bad. Yeah.

I mean, I mean, isn't that that's like the whole thing about Grease. Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. And then she's bad, Sandy. I mean, yeah. I mean, i'm not courtney act though so i think i do that in australian accent what is the most annoying question that people ask you from drag race when you're trying to be on the apps um they'll say um oh they'll go meh i get i'll get oh my god that like follows me that is like the and like i usually love it but then when you get a mat and a response oh hey you're like this you're like

oh yeah oh oh he's really feeling this oh i think it's time because you're feeling you're building it up you're like now now do i let him know like now, now do I send the picture? I'm going to send my face picture. And then you get a meh response to your picture. You're like, now wait, is that because they said it to me on the show? Or because you really don't find me attractive? Sir, just be direct and let me know. So that way I can know how to talk about this with my therapist. I feel like if you send somebody meh, you have to explain the meh.

I know it's from the show, but it's like you're a human being. So it's like, meh means, oh, I don't like this face that I've now seen. And you're like, okay, this is bad. All right, cool. And I usually say, well, you know what? I really did lose that lip sync. And it's a tough song to lip sync to you know try

it's a mid-tempo bop I mean I think it's tough a mid-tempo anything give me high energy or give me a ballad

mid-tempo funk yeah you know what's your ballad okay if you were gonna if you were gonna perform okay this is a double

prong question you're gonna perform a ballad and or have sex to a ballad for the rest of your life, it's got to be the same one. You can't pick two songs. You're like, okay, you got to perform this and fuck to it. I mean, probably Unbreak My Heart. That's so sad. Yeah, I'll be writing and be like, stay, you'll love me again. Undo this heart you caused with you.

And he'll just be like, oh my God, she's fully intense. Okay, what song for you? Oh, probably something like a Bonnie Tyler like a bonnie tyler like making love out of nothing at all it might as well be like just the theme to my life making love out of nothing it's basically i mean hello okay for the rest of this year what is something you want to manifest in regards to dating relationships and fucking uh that they that dating relationships you know i could i'm pretty confident to do you know we can still keep you in the place that i've put you fucking yeah let's let's let's see the return to that you know welcome back to 2021

yeah i mean like i mean i don't know i think for me it's been uh like uh it's been i think this really weird kind of relationship to try to like convince guys that i am i am fun and i'm great and i'm cool and i'm more than just whatever especially for you know people who consume the show they're like oh you know like i'm more than that i'm like all of that and more so don't you want to have fun with that i mean because that's so much fun um but also right part of the job i think that i have to do when i'm out like my job for myself is to like also not beat myself up because i'm not i can't hold myself to the standard of somebody who really actually only only knows me from that side and only wants to know me from that side and only wants to kind of measure me in that regard and doesn't get to know the full me.

And I'm beating myself up about it. I'm like, I'm not, you know, like, girl. Again, like I said, I get trapped in these comparative games. I'm like, wait a minute. You know, I'm pretty goddamn great. I'm pretty fucking cool. I do a lot of really cool shit. I have great friends who, you know, support me and lift me up.

And, like, I got, you know, I pretty much got my shit together. And, dude, you don't want this? Fucking great. Because, you know what, I can go focus on something else. You know, go focus on the next guy who's going to say, meh.

Because that's the best damn part. And I'm looking up at the stars saying, God, I need a pussy. What is that, a pussy scooper? I need a pussy scooper and a big dicker. Can I tell you, I also was, like, saying pussy really weird because, you need a pussy scooper and a big dicker. Can I tell you, I also was like saying pussy really weird, because you know it's a word I never really say.

That is very funny that you're like, pussy. Pussy. Pussy. I mean, I can borrow so much of that from you, because I'm never like, great, on to the next. I'm always like, they don't want me. Okay, well, I better talk about it in therapy for the next year. I mean, like, I got my own baggage, man.

Like, I carry it. I literally, literally. If physically, if you want any indication of the kind of person that I am, I travel with three full-size suitcases because I can't make a decision on what I'm going to wear at a performance or what wig I mean so like imagine that in a relationship like it's not like I'm just like going okay next one I'm like of course I'm like toiling over it and like absolutely fighting my feelings about it but in the in a conversation like this it really does give me the ability to like even find strength and say you know what it just doesn't like why do i do that to myself like it just doesn't fucking matter like it doesn't matter yeah like

in the grand scheme of things i'm like i am an independent woman i make my own money i get to travel the world i get to perform for people who like me uh i get to act in really cool shit uh i get to wear fun wigs and butterfly clips like i don't really need a man but like you know when you get in bed after all that, you go, huh, wouldn't it be nice to tell someone about my day? So I guess I could just, you know, talk to my dog more often. Although today I was talking to him in the car and then I was like at a red light

and someone was just staring at me. So I held him up to be like, I'm talking to him, which made me seem even crazier. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Because that completely makes sense. Nicole, it makes sense because you're like, and then I get caught up in this whole

thing of like, do I want a relationship because that's what I want? Or is it because I'm told that's what a successful, healthy life looks like is you have, you're able, and then it goes into the next question of, can someone actually have it all? Can you do it all? You know, and I'm like, well, like well wait i think i can but i haven't done it yet so it makes me want it but do you know what i mean like i said like i go down that you just saying that makes me

go but does that make me want a relationship because i want one or is it because i'm told that's what success looks like is when you have a relationship or something. But I'll tell you, honestly, it'd be a lot more fun to talk to somebody in bed about my day than just go, okay, well, good job, buddy. Yeah. It's like, oh, you did good today. Good night, you by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I guess sometimes I do want a relationship because I'm like, oh, that's a societal norm.

I am 62 years old and I've never been in a relationship. That's crazy, you know? But then also I'm like, well, who cares about a relationship? It's a very complex and very annoying cycle of thoughts that goes through my head. Not every day, but some days i'm just like oh i want it then i'm like oh i don't want it because like i look at my friends who are in relationships and i'm like i don't necessarily want what you have i want i guess my own version of that i know you're not talking about me then damn because i'm one of your friends who's not in

a relationship so okay that's not in a relationship. So, okay, that's not me. My friends listening are like, oh, wow, I guess they don't like my significant other. And the answer is not really. Oh, damn. No, but you know how you're just like, wow, you guys like fight a lot in a way that doesn't seem fun. But like it seems to work for you guys. I don't know. I just, I don't know i just i don't know i'm trying to manifest

right now a good a good relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily know exactly what i do like is aware of what i do and understands that i travel and i talk about my life a lot but it's just like happy to happy to be with me can i ask you how do you negotiate that when your picture is on every netflix across the world like how do you like you're like i want someone who just kind of just is like you're kind of like they're aware but they don't really know and there you are like a blue jacket click on me watch me most of the people i've gone on dates with don't don't really know who i am uh yeah for the most part they're like oh i'm like aware of you but i've never seen this

like your face seems familiar to me i've seen your face you know next to john cena but like i don't really know what you do that begs the question then like why would you want to date somebody with terrible taste? I mean. Also, can you imagine sex being like the wipeout ring? Oh, my God. Jump on the dick. Slide.

I mean, that would be like. I would do it in a heartbeat. I would absolutely slither and slide around onto a dick. If the end of the wipeout course was a big honking dick i'd be like you have to let me do it you have to let me on that course you know what i just want to really practice i want to show everyone it can be done that's all i want i just want a big fat juicy dick i'm so horny i truly hope because like i go back to touring next week, or not next week, next month in June, and I'm like, okay, do I put on my Instagram? I'm like, straight men, come on out.

Come on out with your big old dicks, because mama is not even taking applications. You get straight to hire. You know what you should do, honestly, is you should run a contest in every city and have all these wonderful queer people who love you and embrace you be like, okay, challenge to my LGBTQIA community. Bring a beautiful, single, straight man to my show. And I will determine if they get a date.

And it could be like a why don't you date me? Like, ancillary product. I feel like that's like setting myself up for failure. It's a lot of work. Anytime I've like opened my DMs, because I go through my DMs because people will send me nasty things to say on the podcast. They'll be like, I have a friend for you. And then they'll send me a picture of like a cutish

person in like a Star Wars shirt. And I'm so sorry if you buy a Star Wars shirt. That means you're too into the franchise and we can't cutish person in like a star wars shirt and i'm so sorry if you find a star wars shirt that means you're too into the franchise and we can't date because i have some hot takes that you're not gonna agree with okay no wait hold on so this is deal breakers now all of a sudden you're going into deal breakers what are your deal breakers i because i've got like three okay wait what are your deal breakers breath okay number one number one breath i mean like i mean like at once i mean i'm getting past a lot of the other things like if i'm getting close enough to you to smell your

breath i've already i've already been like yes you've got your you are my type right um but breath is a big one it's a huge one It's almost, I have a heightened sense of smell. Oh. And so it's kind of, it's just I smell funk, just kind of just the smell of funk just gets in my nose. And it's like, and then it's in there. It's like burned in there. So if that experience, I'm like, so if like smell myself like after a show i'm like oh god i smell really bad i can't be around anybody uh-huh and then i have to go do a meet and greet

it's the same kind of experience if your breath is that hot i can't like number one i love that this is your number one deal breaker breath oh yeah because it could be like tonsil stones or it could be like any girl you don't know what you're dealing because it could be like tonsil stones or it could be like any... Girl, you don't know what you're dealing with. Could this be like a very serious thing? Wait, what are tonsil stones? Oh my God, girl, you don't know what tonsil stones are. So you get food in the back.

Are we really having this conversation? You get food particles lodged in the back of your tonsils that could fall into the pits of your tonsils if they have not had them removed and then they're kind of like stuck there. And so it becomes a stone. It becomes like, I'm not a scientist nor a doctor. So if you're watching, do not quote the Nino West definition of this because Google it.

But then it gets hard and then it smells. And it provides the whole, it's like having one of those sensory experiences in, like, a movie theater, right? Where you, like, hit, like, a, oh, look, it's a skunk. Like, oh, the skunk will happen. They spray the skunk smell. Basically, that person is walking around spraying that skunk smell everywhere they walk because they have tonsil stones. Oh, no. And I apologize to people who have tonsil stones.

It's tough. Wait, so food just, like, stays in your throat? Like, back here. Oh. I mean, it's a really hard thing. It's a hard thing to, like, stays in your throat? Like, back here. Oh. It's a really hard thing. It's a hard thing to, like, probably manage. And I'm trying to make a combination. I feel bad that I said that to people.

You already said it. You hate tonsil stones. If you got tonsil stones, keep on stepping. Nina don't want it. You know what? Walk across to the other sidewalk. Not even near me. Wait, so give me one of your deal breakers

okay one of my deal breakers is yeah like Star Wars t-shirts okay just like I'm not I don't I don't want it oh no Nina do you have a Star Wars t-shirt I feel like you and I can never date

I feel like I packed one oh my god wait did I oh my god Nicole I feel like you and I can never date. I feel like I packed one. Oh my God. Wait, did I? Oh my God, Nicole. I feel like I have one. Yeah, I just, I, I, someone who likes Star Wars enough to wear, to wear, to wear it. I'm like, I, I just, I don't think we're going to have anything to talk about. And then also, okay, you, you said you have a Star Wars shirt. I'm going to say just, I don't think we're going to have anything to talk about. And then also, okay, you said you have a Star Wars shirt. I'm going to say it.

I think. I just, I don't think you have, or not you, you personally. You're going to read me. People who wear like Star Wars things. I'm like, do you have personal style? Why are you wearing something that's like you can get at any old place? Like, why not? So like I have a shirt from

the first strip club i ever went to that i found vintage uh baby dolls in kansas and like i wear that because i'm like oh that was a fun experience that like other people might not know or like have but like everybody likes star wars except for me is it yeah what I'm not I don't want to like I don't want to I'm not a therapist I don't want to really go deeper into that I want to find out what did what happened with you in Star Wars was it the Sith Lord that sound like Sith

it's Darth Vader's helmet coming off and he looks like bubblegum he looked like chewed up fucking bubblegum also they cut Darth Vader or no Anakin's legs off. Not Anakin. What's his name? It's Anakin.

When he gets his legs cut off. That's Darth Vader, isn't it? Now you're testing me. I feel like this is actually an elaborate ruse to test my knowledge. Wait, who plays Darth Vader in the prequels? It's Hayden Christensen. Yeah, when Hayden Christensen,

he gets his legs cut off on that lava planet, and then Ewan McGregor's like, I'm just gonna leave you, and I was like, you gonna leave this man? Not the lava planet! Not the lava planet! It was a lava planet, and then his face got all burned up,

and he's like... And I was just like, this, who wants this? That's somebody who has tonsil stones. So yeah, my deal breaker is Star Wars cargo shorts. Like just people who don't have their own personal style. Like I like a dude who like wears clothes that fit. If you wear clothes that fit, you could talk to me. But if you're wearing

baggy bullshit get the fuck up out of here i get that i mean i don't get that but it's hard for me yeah i get that i get that oh we're gonna hear more of nina west deal breakers right after this break what's your second deal breaker um it's like face uh i love facial hair like i love like i love it like you tend to like an older guy you know like a daddy type um okay okay but i don't like it's like when there's like stuff stuck in the beard and that's much more common than not like you can walk through again someone who walks through an airport a lot you're just like which is like the best people watching it's like yeah i just i couldn't it's like you get close to somebody like yeah yeah oh yeah it's not gonna work out good thing i gotta go catch my flight

good good good thing i'm over here at this gate and you're at that one see you later have you ever fucked someone at the airport no because i feel like it'd be like that whole political scandal do you remember that the minneapolis airport the senator somebody had sex they're tapping their foot in the stall i think that every time i go to that airport i don't know what that guy's name was but i think that every time i walk into a male restroom at that airport i'm like someone's gonna be tapping their foot i think every time if someone were to tap their foot at me i'd be like what do you need do you do you need help i would never think it was like sex toilet you want toilet paper do you need a tampon what do you need i would think that they've had airpods in there probably just

tapping their foot to a beat i'm like yeah okay yeah yeah shitting on beat do do do do blue blah pooping on the street bah bah okay so uh deal breaker number two is uh shit in the beard yeah what's yours

I think my not shit not like actual literal shit no no no like a like little crumblies little thingies

little uh little trinkets trinkets um leftovers remnants I think my second deal breaker might be like your nails

not you, I'm saying their nails I don't like long unkempt nails with like dirt visible dirt is a no no I know people bite their nails but if you if you can't just run a file over that and they're like bottle cap up like their little bottle caps i i don't want to

be cut by your fingers um or your like jagged toes in bed like that grosses me the fuck out yeah i'm not a yeah i agree with that completely 100 yeah okay what's your third deal breaker um my third deal breaker is anybody named steve i'm just kidding no steve i'm just kidding i'm totally kidding i'm totally kidding you're a steve out there, I'm single and ready to mingle. No, I think my third deal breaker is probably the, there's a certain point where I know where like, if someone wants to talk about drag race, I dated this guy who only wanted to talk about drag race. And it was like, so like, it's kind of like spotting those. I mean, but is it like physical?

I mean, nails are a really good one. N physical? I mean, nails are a really good one. Nails. I mean, that's a really good one. I think that's, I mean, what's your third one? Okay. My third one, I think is just like not being able to like hold a conversation because that sprouts out into like do you have interests do you do things do you have friends uh do you articulate with these people well uh so yeah like if you can't hold a conversation i tend to feel like you might not have as full of a life as me like if you

if i've been if i'm like what's your interest and you're like honestly like i went on a date with a man who i said what are your hobbies he said i don't really have hobbies i work the night shift at this location and i sleep during the day and i said i think that's called depression and maybe you should go to a therapist i was just trying to be helpful and he was like therapy's for rich people and i was like okay i don't see this working in our future and it turns out it didn't i mean that's yeah that doesn't sound great. And I'm glad that he's not in the picture. Yeah, there is nobody in the picture.

I wish, I wish, you know what? Maybe I'll like, okay, so here's what I did. I went on Etsy and I found this psychic who will draw your significant other. But in the directions, it says, do not show this to anyone. Do not, do not, it's for your eyes only. Don't you dare show another person. And I was like, oh, this is because you were just sending out the same drawing. To every single person.

And over again. Let me tell you, I went to a psychic during, it's really funny you bring that up. I went to a psychic during COVID and she kind of did the same thing with me. And she said, okay, are you single? I think you're single. You are? Okay. Now what I want you to do, I want you to go get on all of the applications, you know, go get on all of them. Don't put a picture up. And I'm like, I already don't put my picture up, them don't put a picture up and i'm like i don't already i already don't put my picture up but don't put a picture up and then start talking to people and if someone messages messages you with the letter j in their first name that's who you're supposed to be with and i'm like what is this craziness just like side note nicole nobody with the name that starts with jay has messaged me

so guess uh she's wrong no but maybe she's right maybe jay is coming because i saw a psychic i wonder if it's the same psychic who's yours who probably is is it a psychic from the real house wives no i don't have that kind of money i mean he wasn't that much money but i saw him on the real housewives of potomac he was talking to i think her name's robin yeah robin i haven't watched it in a minute uh because the new season i like got caught up in this but whatever so uh i i made an appointment with this man i can't remember his name and he told me that i'm gonna uh have a relationship with someone with a J in their name. And I'm going to meet them at the end of the year.

Maybe all psychics just tell you J. I mean, don't you think that's weird? A little. But I'm holding out hope. The end of the year, I just like burped. Did you hear that? I totally heard it. I was like, well, maybe no one just heard it. I can't believe my body betrayed me like that.

It was like, brr. Your body's telling no lies tonight. Truly. In a way where I was like, usually I feel a burp coming on, but my body was like, gas. How embarrassing. If Jay is watching, Jayay that was for you jay is like my number one deal breaker is women who cannot control their burps uh so i for that reason i'm out uh your last day your loss your loss but yeah i'm waiting for it to happen uh i was told that this month uh things would be changing

and there are some changes going on in my life. So I hope to meet Jay by the end of the year. Did they give you any kind of like circumstance with what you would meet Jay? Because that's like what I always want to know, right? With a psychic, I'm like, so like, is there, do you see anything? Is it a setting, right? And they'll like try to paint a picture in the broadest of strokes. Okay.

He said I was going to meet someone on a show that I work on, but I do voices on it, so I literally don't interact with anybody. So I don't know how that's going to happen. Because when you do voices on a cartoon, you just go in, you know, you just go in by yourself and you record it and they mix it together and it's like you're talking to people. So I don't know how that's going to work. Could it be a sound engineer named like John or Joe or Jim?

You better believe every time I go in for a recording, I go, remind me of your name again. You first and last. And I haven't run into any J's. Do you really? Yes. No, you do not. Yes, I do. I am looking.

Oh, man. Mary. Mary. That is so good. That, I do. I am looking. Mary! Mary! That is so good. That is so good. I am looking. I am not leaving any stones turned up. No.

I'm not. You know what? What is this? You're not leaving any tonsil stones unturned. Yes. I am getting to all of the tonsil stones. Okay. Nina.

Nina. getting to all of the tonsil stones okay nina we are going to uh we're gonna take some questions from the people watching okay okay so here is the full question before answering samantha irene from california asks how was your dick appointment? I did answer this earlier and honestly, it was delightful, delicious, everything I needed. Very, very sexy,

sexy, sexy man who I did not get along with on a intellectual level, but it's okay. Okay. Avery and Rob from Calgary oh canada canada canada uh nina and nicole after covet is calm and it is safe describe your ideal post-covid date shall it be sexy time only or are there other fun things going on? Nina,

what is your ideal post-COVID date? I think pizza and foreplay. Probably. Pizza from where? A chain or locale? Oh, you know what? This is the thing. If you're in another city, you go,

so where's the best pizza around here? And then, hopefully, they take you to a pizza hut. Because honey, I like a deep dish with a stuffed crust. And that's all sexual. I think an ideal post-COVID date for me would be, you know know i was never a rooftop or outdoor drinker slash eater but now i like it if there's foliage there's lights it's a moment i'm here for it as a real treat i'll do that and then go back to your place where you can fucking pound me until i don't know my name preferably i think she wants everyone who's

watching and listening to this to make sure that they have a Darth Maul cosplay ready to go. Darth Maul. She's like Vader. She likes Maul, though, for sure. Yeah, I like Darth Maul. That's that man who rides the scooter? Yeah, we're gonna say that. Sure. Whatever meets your

fantasy, that's what we're here to do. I'm here to be like your hype man. I'm here to be like. I love it. When I come out to LA, I'll be like this. Nicole Byer is about to enter the building. We're going to go to Comic-Con. Oh, my God.

We're going to Comic-Con, and we're going to find you love. This is a challenge that I'm totally accepting. We're totally doing this. We're totally doing this. We're totally doing this. No, because you're going to be so uncomfortable. It is so good. It is such a good idea. I think it'd be really awful to go to Comic-Con and try to find a date.

That's why we should do it. Listen, let's do it. Are you kidding me? Me and Nicole. Okay. Comic-Con. I'll do it. I would do it, but I don't think I'd find anyone.

I think you're so wrong. I think you're so wrong. I think you're so wrong. I think you're wrong. I don't think I'd find anyone at Comic-Con. It's like a love story, because then you're going to fall in love with somebody, and you're going to be like, how am I going to deal with the fact that they dress up

like Darth Vader every fucking year? I get it. This is totally going to happen. There is Stormtrooper number seven. I have to... He's back there polishing his uniform. I can totally see it happening. I would be so mad.

Colin from Nova Scotia asks, Nicole, what is your dream acting or hosting role? And how can we make this happen for you? I mean, I get to be on a really cool TV show that's going to be on in the fall and that's a dream so it's already happening can't help sorry

I don't know I want to be in movies that'd be fun what's your Nina what's your dream ideal TV hosting what would you what do you want

I mean I just want to continue I mean I kind of want everything that you know kind of comes my way I say yes to almost everything and I'm just want to continue. I mean, I kind of want everything that, you know, kind of comes my way. I say yes to almost everything. And I'm just trying to, like, feel it out and figure out where I'm going. I really want to do movies. I think that'd be so much fun. In and out of drag.

I think it'd be really great to do some hosting gigs and, you know, take a page out of your book. She wants to be a host. You heard it here first. Nina West's Drag Race. Why don't you throw me to the Vipers? That's gonna be so good. That'll be great. Like

Nina West's Best Friend's Drag Race. Oh, honestly you could do that where it's like the whole point is like, well I just want a new drag best friend. And then at the end, you win a dog. You're like, this is going to be your actual best friend. Come on, fight out.

Michael from Philadelphia asks, for both of you, what was it like navigating performance opportunities that were less safe during the height of the pandemic? Ooh, well, I didn't do anything that wasn't safe. I didn't either. I only did things that required a COVID test, stayed local, and then took care of myself. Like if I was on set and I felt like someone was being irresponsible,

I would literally narc on them. Or I would just like remove myself from the situation, be like, i'm gonna go hang out my trailer till you know shit's right out here yeah that's the same kind of the same thing for me i didn't do anything um and then like the first time i did a show was in person was last week um after like the day after the announcement was made about covid restrictions being lifted it was like i i just, the only thing in person I did was season 13. I flew out and I

quarantined for two weeks and then was COVID tested like six times before I went to set. And I was like, I feel safe doing this. I feel comfortable doing this. And I don't want to put anyone at risk, nor did I want to be put at risk. And it was like, it didn't make sense to me. So, yeah, just get back. Drag Race was no joke. Because I did that during the pandemic at risk nor did i want to be put at risk and it was like it didn't make sense to me so yeah just

get back was no joke uh because i did that during the pandemic and like they were their standards was what i took with me everywhere i went i was like if we're not doing it like this you're wrong yeah you're right i was like we all we walk with shields like if we're not testing enough i would say things i was on one production where i was like i think we should be doing um lab tests and the rapid tests and then they were like okay sure so you know you got to like advocate for yourself which is i have no problem i'm loud thank god though you know why that's great though because there's some people who probably don't have the courage to be able to speak up and say i feel uncomfortable because no one else is saying anything too and i'm just so thank god because if you didn't do that, somebody who was probably

very uncomfortable would have been kept in the same situation. So you're an angel. I'm an angel. Catherine from California asks, do you think there's an ideal time of the year for a proposal to your partner? What would you want your proposal assuming you're open to marriage to look like uh would you want to be the proposer or the proposee i don't know if there's an ideal time i mean tie it to something that i think matters to the couple

maybe yeah oh that's a nice answer you know like oh i love when we did this thing in the spring yeah i want to be proposed to on a plane why um because then everyone has to pay attention to it that's so good that's really good now i want to be proposed to on a plane it's a captive audience no one can go anywhere you're hijacking the plane with your proposal that's awful yeah yeah i want to make it really miserable for everybody who's single maybe that's why i'm still single because i'm like i want you to suffer when i am happy you get to suffer i'm kidding but i do want to get proposed to on a plane i so you want to be proposed to i think i do too yeah i would hate to ask someone

to get married uh just because i'm at a point in my life where i'm like i will die before i tell someone how i feel um they have to say it first i'm not telling you i just i won't do it uh brian from ohio oh do you know brian probably everybody knows everybody in ohio do you know gay brian from ohio oh do you know brian probably everybody knows everybody in ohio do you know gay brian from ohio i actually probably do i'm sure i do i hope you do so okay brian nina's best friend from ohio says hello love love you both to death i went through a breakup during quarantine and i'm having a hard time jumping back into the dating scene now that i'm vaccinated i'm not ready to go back to the dating scene now that I'm vaccinated. I'm not ready to go back to the gay clubs and it's hard to look past the selfishness.

I saw members of the community before vaccines. Where do I start? Listen, you start when you ready. Yeah, I think that's I think you listening to yourself is absolutely right. And I think maybe just start by going to a coffee shop or going to a gay neighborhood, taking walks when you know, if you've got a dog, go to a park. Or if you don going to a gay neighborhood, taking walks. If you've got a dog, go to a park. Or if you don't have a dog, get a dog.

No, don't get a dog. Yeah, if you don't have a dog, get a dog so you can go to a dog park. That's such a great way to meet people. If nothing more than just to have interesting conversations. Maybe I should go to the dog park more. I bet Jay's there at the dog park waiting oh i wonder if jay's at the dog park just waiting for me i went i want his name to be jonas jonas your jay is jonas i think or jeremiah or josiah or jabadiah i hope his name is Jebediah. I'm already in love with Jebediah. I've already played everything.

Come on, Jebediah. Come on. We have to go out to eat. Jebediah, I'm ready. Jeppy. Jeppy. Jeb. Stop it, Jeb.

Okay. Isabella from Rhode Island asks, Hi, Nicole and Nina. Are you two limiting your dating search to the US? Nicole, I'd love to see you on one of the million different 90 Day Fiancé spinoffs, lol. I can't fathom being in a long distance relationship after being single for so long. I'd be like, no, I need someone, a warm body in my fucking bed, okay? Okay, look, after COVID though, I'm sure I could do a long distance relationship and be like do you want to facetime okay cool oh no i'm done with zoom i know i could

do it i know i could do it but i think i love that meeting over goodbye i'm going to sleep meeting over bye-bye i don't like this okay let's do okay so walter said do you think john cena would ever do the podcast no he's a rather private person and i respect that he's so hot he's very very very pretty in person i yeah yeah he like honestly looks like he walked off a billboard into like the room like he looks you know how some people look different from camera to real life he looks exactly the same so i would be not disappointed i like that you would not be disappointed no one would ever be disappointed because then also he's like really nice yeah Yeah. That's the best. And you're like, you still want to be friends and that's, that'll be work good too.

I'd like to think he's my best friend. Let's do one more question. Okay. Ashley from Boston asks Nina, we didn't see many roasts against you that were very unique for the season 13 roast. How would you have roasted yourself? Um,

I don't know i don't yeah can i tell you that was such an interesting experience too because it was like i wish i mean like they went there those girls went there but they just weren't funny like and i'm totally down for the joke if the joke is funny like mick was incredible you know i don't know if i'd roast myself i don't want to give anyone though i don't want to give anyone the ammo to like go in on me you know i think that's rather smart did that joke land flat as flat uh in person as it did on television girl when it it was this whole set and it felt i think they what the editors did a really good job of was capturing the moment.

And you really did. It was dead silent. And I still, like, my skin is like, I'm getting clammy at the suggestion of being sitting on that stage and remembering. I can't even imagine how Utica feels. I'm sure she feels terrible about it. And, you know, her social media would suggest. Well, the whole you speak whale thing, I was like, it's a joke from Finding Nemo.

And you just got to figure out how to make it unique and different and interesting. Asking RuPaul to stand up, though. That got me good girl you should have been in the room that got me good there was a beat

there was a beat where everyone was kind of like what's gonna happen I was like oh my god I mean the room erupted the room went crazy boy I mean that was good that's savage i was like okay

but i really wish i mean there's only so much coaches can tell the girls when they're you know doing the competition but i was like i wish someone had said you can be mean you just can't be mean for the sake of being mean there has to be some sort of uh twinkle in the eye or something so it's not like oh my god this person's being an asshole yeah there's got to be a nuance to a roast roasts are hard and that's and like you've got to have some nuance to it to bring the funny and it can't be like like ashley suggests it's like right i've heard this joke you know and like a thing to do would be like yeah watch the experts watch someone like bianco in drag or like bunny or like watch those old rows right watch some joan rivers but yeah don't take don't take

their jokes you know like figure out what's funny about them but like yeah figure out you know what a setup and a punch is um i gotta say say, Lady Bunny makes me laugh so hard. She's so funny. She's so good. She's so quick. Her brain. So quick. She's like, is this funny?

And she'll just say something. You're like, oh, you're brilliant. Don't ask the question, is this funny? You're funny. She's really great. I love people like that who just like are instantly like oh oh that's good fire well nina we've come to the end i ask everybody this i feel like i've only missed it maybe three three times but would you date me the real question is would you date me? The real question is, would you date me? I've got that Star Wars shirt in my closet.

I mean, if you burned your Star Wars shirts, yeah. Yeah, I would date you. But honestly, I would not date you or go out with you while you wore it. I've never. Listen, I'm getting rid of them all because you know what? I'm dating you. We're together now. Yes, you heard it here first. I'm getting rid of them all because you know what? I'm dating you. We're together now. Yes!

You heard it here first. I'm dating Nina. What? One step closer to John Cena. You have a whole street named after you in Ohio, don't you? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? It's really crazy.

That's fucking cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. Columbus is a really great community and a really incredible city. And if people have never been, it's this little progressive blue dot in the middle of the state that is like art-centric and it's

really young. It's where Ohio State University is. And it's just so the energy is really great. And I got on Drag Race and they're like, we love you. Here's a street. I was like, this is crazy. That's so nice. Yeah. I want a street named after me in New Jersey.

Someone make it happen. I'm on it. I'm kidding. It would never happen. I'm from a very Republican part of New Jersey. What part? Middletown, Middletown, New Jersey. I'm from Lingcroft, which is a little town inside of Middletown.

I don't know. It's fucking weird fucking weird it sounds great it sounds picturesque and someplace they have it was fine it was a nice place to be raised will i ever return probably not anywho if you like this episode why won't you date me you can um because i think this will come out i think we're going to put out all the live streaming things at the end of the year uh but anyway if you send me something nasty hitting on me i will read it this person said nicole you sweet foxy giggler please let me part the the pussy curtains to your blooming onion and writhe my brawny tongue all over that clit like a powerful fish dying in the bottom of a boat. Three long fingers will burrow up into your gushy folds as I sink a hand into you like I'm exploring a bounce castle in ecstasy. And feel your heartbeat ricochet down my arm.

How far are you going? Your pussy will drip like an overwhelmed ac unit in miami put that dimpled velvety ass in the air hey it's not that dimpled so i can pop my my cock into it like a porky pig at the end of a looney tunes and then carve you up like an industrial corn thresher i don't even know what a corn thresher is. But he said the word carve. I don't think it's going to work. Yeah, I'm not trying to get fucking cut up. No, let that be good.

I'm cute intact. I don't think a la carte pieces of me is good. Yeah, when you say take Nicole in pieces, she doesn't mean in actual pieces. No. No, I'm not Ashley Simpson come to life where I'm saying pieces of me on a Monday. And by Tuesday, I am fading.

And by Wednesday, I can't sleep with you. Can you can you believe I know so much of that song? I fall so fast. I hardly can last. Oh, I. I wish I could sing. I cannot. Well, that's it. Thank you guys so much for watching. And then when this is released, just as it. Thank you guys so much for watching. And then when this is released, just as audio, thank you for listening.

Okay. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a treat. What a dream. Ha ha ha.

This has been a Team Coco production.