Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Romancing Overseas (w/ Zurin Villanueva)

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

Broadway superstar Zurin Villanueva (Tina: The Tina Turner Musical)  joins Nicole for a discussion about the awkwardness of working together with a past hookup, safety precautions when dating abroad, and the best grocery store to find a good man. Plus, don't miss Zurin's recounting of a date gone awry when her phone rang, and on the other end? Her date's ex. Nicole wants to hear from you! Need some dating or relationship advice from Nicole and her guest? Submit your question to [e-mail] for a chance to have it answered on an upcoming special mailbag episode. Follow Nicole Byer: See Nicole on tour! Get tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single. But guess what? We couldn't figure it out. So I'm just going to talk about love and relationships with people I find interesting.

My guest today is an actress and Broadway star whose musical theater credits include Clueless, Mean Girls, and The Book of Mormon. She now stars as Tina Turner in the Tina Turner musical, which is touring nationally. I saw her in it. It was so fucking good. I had such a good time. I immediately after was like, Marissa, we have to book her. She's so good. It's Zarin Villanueva.

Hi. Hi, hi, hi. Hey, Nicole, girl. How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? I'm good. I'm so excited to talk to you.

I saw the musical. So before I even saw it, the man who checks your bags looked me in the eyes and said, you're going to love this show. Just to me, not to my friend, not to anyone behind me, not to anyone in front of me. And I was like, oh, is it good? And he said, you're going to love it. And then that small man was right. I loved it. That's amazing.

That's amazing. Thank you so, so, so much. So, Loki, I have been watching you since Girl Code. Really? I have had my eye on you since Girl Code. I was like, I like her. She's funny. Zarin, thank you so much.

I am so happy to see where you've gone, see other things that you've done. I was like, yes, yes, yes. Let's go. Let's go. Because I mess with her. I think you're amazing I think you're awesome thank you I really think you're amazing I'm so sad this is my first introduction to you because you are fucking incredible your voice is wild thank you so much when did you discover you had that fucking voice um You know, it's been a long discovery.

I used to sing in choir when I was in junior high. I wasn't really thinking much about it. I was like, I want to be an actress. I'm a serious actress, you know? So it was very like serious actresses don't do musicals. Like it was a whole thing. I was very cute. I was very cute as a young one.

But then like in my quest of having more acting jobs, I was like, well, I need to pick up as many things I can do. You know, so I've already I had already done dancing. I was already a trained dancer. And I was like, well, I need to add singing to the list because we're working. No matter what happens, we will be working. So that's really what started me into musical theater I was like let me just learn how to sing so I have it in my back pocket and then you know I started booking stuff and I was like well shoot I'm not cool if you're gonna give me the part I'm gonna take it thank you thanks a lot I this. I cannot really sing. And I just started taking singing lessons to be like, you know, it'd be nice to have it in my back pocket.

But I don't think my voice is ever going to sound like yours. Like, what a dream that you were like, I guess I'll learn how to do this. And then you're like, my sound, just as good as Tina Turner. I definitely, definitely built that up. Like, I did not sound like Tina Turner when we started. I had just finished doing Once on This Island and it was giving like very Disney princess. I had to like

bring it down. It was a long, it was a long process to get the grit, get the depth, get that all of that stuff back. That is pretty wild. Once on This Island really is just like poppy, like upbeat and then.y yeah and then singing tina like you gotta get the growl and the bravado like it's just and then at the end you do

like a concert okay let me tell you this i loved tina turner growing up i begged my mother to take me on the wildest dreams tour she would not do that because i was unruly and she couldn't trust me and i get it i get it badly behaved children don't get to go to concerts but at the end of the show the curtain call is a tina turner concert what is that like true story it's bananas i mean some you like you're like oh i'm done with the musical no i am not i am not done with the musical get more water touch your toes let's go you're like all right come on come on come on god it must feel so wild it's a good release actually because like tina turner's music story is so heavy and so emotional and so you know and because we're on stage the entire time you know like all of that angst and all of that emotion is building up in you so by the time you get to the to the um mega mix we're just like let it out so it's a really good way to just let everything go and be like, take it.

Oh, I fucking love that. It is pretty intense. And I saw it with a lot of Black people, which was lovely because every dramatic thing that happened, all of us, I couldn't even help myself. I kept being like, I know, I know. No one can ever help themselves

and let you out. I want to make sure everyone knows this. We do not want you to help yourself. Please let it go. We love it so much. Now, sometimes we do have a really long scream where there'll be one person like, for whatever reason, and they're just screaming and they won't stop. And we're just like we'll wait for you to be done and then we'll move away i don't know what that person is going through

i don't want to judge i don't want to judge but we'll wait we'll wait we'll wait we'll wait for you to feel your feelings we can't really start stage like you stop screaming that's wild i think for a lot of people who maybe have gone through abuse seeing it on stage it's very visceral and i can understand how it might trigger some stuff but it is like wild to know that she went through all of that and then persevered to become like the biggest fucking rock star of my lifetime what was it like what are rehearsals like i don't okay so i love musical theater she cannot sing so i'm like give me all the dirt give me all the juice what was what are rehearsals like well rehearsals um our rehearsals for this were kind of like they were very um we had a beautiful um phyllida lloyd as our director

and she was she was an actor's director, which is why I loved her. You know, she was about the story. She was about the character development. She was about, I was like, yay. Because we don't necessarily always get that in musicals. You know, so I really enjoyed the like, she had us doing like acting exercises and all of this stuff

and like that kind of stuff. I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm back in conservatory. And in school training. Yes, let's do some Shakespeare. So that was like the first thing. And also we are double cast because we are singing 21 songs. The show lasts for two hours and 45 minutes. We are not off the stage, not for less than four minutes more than four minutes

and um so we have two tinas um the other um is miss naomi rogers and so we go back and forth we like i do tuesday she does wednesday i do thursday she does friday and we go like that um so we were learning things together and babe i remember one of our first days of rehearsal, we both got a mic. She gave us a prop mic and she had us at the top of the steps so we can learn simply the best. And I'm looking at this mic and I look at her and I'm like, what is life? playing rock stars like this is not a regular a regular uh musical we're rock stars right now so we would like we would just learn everything side by side um and then we started you know taking turns and it was it was really cool it was really really fun god i love that and the book is really good katori hall i believe wrote the book right yes katori hall wrote the book who created p valley which i think is also incredible, but she does such a good job.

And you guys, as the actors do such a good job of balancing like the, the heavy shit and the like light shit, because it'll be like truly in the two hours and 45 minutes, you're just like, Oh, and then you're like, Oh,

and it's just, and it doesn't feel, I wasn't like exhausted after watching it. I felt full and like joyful. Oh, that's good. You did such a wonderful job. Yeah. Couture Hall script is another thing that we very rarely get, like having a real, you know, playwrights writing the scenes where we actually like can go deep into the into the acting and then do the musical and then go back like,

oh, I love her words. I love it so much. So that's a highlight. Oh, it's so good. Wait, okay. So you worked as a singer in a circus in Switzerland? Yes. Where did you see that?

My assistant, Lindsay, is the champion of finding things that you don't even know that people know that they know. So I don't know how she does it, but she does research for me. I'll watch videos just so I can get a vibe of the person. But she does like a deep dive. Tell me about this circus in Switzerland. Oh, so first of all, it was a mistake. I swear it was a mistake.

And the whole thing started with a mistake. So like when I was out there hustling in New York, I'm getting all the jobs. I was very, very intense. And so I go in the backstage and you see each little blurb. And I started looking for AA, AA meaning African American, right? So I'd be like, AA, AA, AA, AA, AA, AA. I would like sign it, sign it. And then I would just submit, submit, submit, submit, submit. So I see AA submit. I forgot. I missed the fact that it said AA male.

It says AA male. Didn't see it. I saw AA. I saw the age range. And I was in there. Funny enough, the casting director, who happened to be a Black casting director, director calls me up and he's like, yeah, I see that you submitted. I figured you must have missed the male part. And I'm like, yeah, I did. And he's like, but, you know, my friend, a friend of mine, Nate Jacobs, is auditioning some black singers.

He needs them to go sing in this show. And I was like, sure. Sounds great. You know, like I was like, free travel. Let's go. He's singing the show over there. And I'm like, all right, cool. So I show up.

I sing the song. Much to my surprise, I get it. And then I get the contract. And that's when I see this little tiny circus cannelli at the top of the contract I'm like circus no one had said the word circus no one said the word the whole time and I'm like circus and I'm like well I'm going anyway so I said we get paid in francs and not until I arrived because we had rehearsed in Florida. We fly to Switzerland. Then we're like, okay, so we got to go to tech.

And that's when I see a big red tent on the river. I'm like, oh no, I actually joined the circus. And no one told me. That's so funny. I always say, if you want to kill an actor, give them a because i don't ask questions i just show up to sets i just get on planes i will get in a van if you you tell me where the van is i'll get in it i'm getting it that is so funny i could see myself joining the circus i got on this plane i went to another country with my passport talking

about, hey, they told me they was going to pay me in francs, in cash. But yes, that is how I joined the circus. And it was lovely. I'm getting cash. I'm getting booked. I'm busy. I'm blessed. That is so funny. How long were you in the circus? It was for the holiday season. So it was from November until right after New Year's. And it was a family run circus. The wife was the wife of the family was run by the husband who's who's German Swiss. And his wife was this, what's that called? Vegas showgirl from Canada. Oh, my God. So she was all like, she was fun. She was a hoot, let me tell you. And they ran their family circus.

They also owned a SeaWorld up in the mountains. Oh, my gosh. It was great. It was great. Oh. Oh, yeah. That is so wild. I love that so much um so wait you grew up in Brooklyn yes I did are you still in New York or are you have you moved

to LA where are you now I'm technically still in New York but I am on I'm on tour so you know we're everywhere but I I have been flirting with L.A. for quite some time. We're waiting for her to close the deal. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Waiting for the offer to come through and have it be good enough.

You know what I'm saying? No, I get that. What are we? I need you to define the relationship. Thank you. Well, speaking of relationships, are you in one currently or do you choose not to say? Because that's an option. Oh, yeah, that's nice. No, I am not in one currently. Okay. Are you looking? Are you on the apps? What's going on? Oh so I I've I'm convinced that looking is like a kiss of death so what I'm

trying to do is not look which is impossible because yes it's impossible not to look because everything in my brain is like oh oh you know what I mean? Like after a certain point, all we do is look. Are you kidding me? Yes. Yes. People are like when you're not looking. My biology is not set up like that. Yes. OK. Jesus Lord. So there's that. Same. I do do one app at a time. Oh. Currently it's Hinge. OK. Yeah. Because too many apps, I get overwhelmed. So I'm doing one app at a time. I'm currently on Hinge because the last wedding I went to for my line sister, she met him on Hinge. So here I am on Hinge. But, you know, I'm trying.

I'm not excited about it. No, I'm never excited about the apps. They're so it feels like another job. My therapist the other day was like, well, your job is comedy and you like doing that. So is there a way that you can bring that mindset to dating? But like, maybe it'll be a good show. Maybe it'll be a bad show, but you'll have fun doing the show. And I was like, huh? That's a good way to think about that.

That is good. That is good. I saw a few things that were saying that, like, make dating fun. And I was like, you know what? Like, these regular dates or whatever is going to happen on the dates, like, who cares? And it's like, let's do something that I actually want to do, actually like to do, and see if they want to do it too, if they like to do it too. And we'll just do that.

Like, just trying to take pressure off it. Because the pressure, honey, my clock, my clock. Yes. Yes. The biological, my favorite movie is My Cousin Vinny. And when I was little, I used to love the scene where Marissa Tomei is wearing that one, like, it's a floral jumpsuit and she's stopping and she's like, my biological clock is ticking.

I had no idea what she meant, but I was like, I love that. She's screaming about something and florals. But yeah, sometimes I'm like my clock, my clock. And then you messed around and found out what she was talking about. Fucked around and found out. That's my mom's favorite movie. That funny you said really oh my god yes as i've seen it a million times that stuttering lawyer is priceless are you kidding me are you kidding me it's so funny and i don't think you could write that now you can't it's it's so funny we can't have that night i feel like no we really can't really can't oh god and then the judge these two youths it makes me laugh every time i see it i can't say it like when when

young people because now there's young people around the young 20 year olds i'd be like the youths the youths these youths over here i have to say it ites over here. I have to say it. I have to say it. I have to say it. Look, comedy is so hard right now. I don't know how you're doing it. Comedy is hard to do. Well, I will say I do understand evolving with the times. And I feel like some older comedians have refused to do that.

So I try to really only speak from my experience or like an observation that I have and how it makes it unique to me and then I really try to not talk about stuff I don't know about do you know what I mean like if I don't know about it I I'm not touching it because why true yeah for what purpose and then when I do crowd work it's pretty easy to be inclusive to just be like they them or be be like, what are your pronouns? Before I talk to you, like just real quick, just like get it out of there. Yeah. But yeah, it is like telling the line, I will say is hard.

I have a couple of jokes where I'm like, oh, but I just tell them before. I'm like, you're not going to like this. Yeah. The declaration. I love the declaration. Everyone's going to be be mad get over it and here we go uh-huh and here we go yeah and usually if it goes well i'm like great and then if they really actually hate it i'm like i told you you would hate it and then we all have a nice

laugh about that wait zurin real. We have to take a break. Boop. Boop, boop. Boop, boop. We're back. Okay. So you think the best place to meet a guy is Whole Foods? Yeah, I do think.

You know, I have been on tour. You know, you have to be really uh I don't know creative but I've been looking around and I was like where where do guys be you know what I mean and I'm not I'm not a gym person I'm not a gym person at all but I feel like even if I was like people seem to be very in their workout and it's a little. Yes. Strange in terms of approaching. And so then I was just like walking around and what I always do is go to Whole Foods when I hit any new city. And I happened to hit it like early.

Like it was an early Saturday. It was like 10, 11. And usually I'm a late girl. I'd be in there for five. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't be up. But for whatever reason, I was up. Maybe it was jet lag.

I don't know. I was up and I saw like a dozen black men. I was like, oh. And I started looking around. I was like, wait a minute. And so I went again just to see. And then I saw it again and I was like we gotta make sure I'm gonna go again

I see them girl they up in there they up in there did you talk to have you like made a love connection with anybody at Whole Foods no the only love connection I didn't do it in the in the Whole Foods the only love connection i actually did make in a store was at a home depot last summer that's what people say you gotta go to where the men go they love a home depot they gotta fix shit they gotta fix stuff and they thought and they and he thought it was really attractive that i was in there renovating my bathroom by myself oh because that's what I was doing because I'm a boss.

Did you renovate your bathroom? I'm a boss bitch. Yes, sir. Did you do tile and shit? Oh, no, no, no. I painted the tile. We'll try tile next time. I painted the tile.

I replaced things. I painted everything. I got, you know, the dollar. I went to the dollar store and got like cute little decorative thing. You know what I mean? I love a DIY queen. It came out really nice. It really did.

It really did. Do you have pictures on like your Instagram or something? I sure do. Oh, I can't wait. I'm going to follow you as soon as we're done with this. Because I do love a home renovation, whether it's paint, whether it's changing a fixture. Oh, I'm like stuck in home decor Instagram

where it just keeps showing me like, hey, this is easy. And then a woman removes a tub and then puts a standing shower. And I'm like, how is that easy? How? That's not easy. That's a lot of work ma'am

that's a thing I'm one of my active friends one of my active friends did his entire kitchen the bathroom he retiled he did everything I was like you're gonna teach me this bro you're gonna teach me this my friend Jess McKenna redid her whole house they lifted the ceiling I like went to her home and was walking around I was like how did you do this that's crazy and it was so pretty and they oh my god everything they did was so nice and I was like you did this with your hands and then her husband was like yeah and I made a book and then there was a book that like detailed like from the start to the finish and it's so cute and I was like I can't believe you're cute and crafty I wish yeah that

is the dream and that's why I want a partner so I can do a home renovation with them I could do a whole whole no whole renovation with them that is my dream it's my dream too wait when you were in Switzerland in the circus did you date anybody while you were there? Because you were there for like two months. I did date somebody. I was very young, so we weren't dating for profits. We were just dating. You know what I mean?

We were just having a good time. Just having a nice time. God, how old was I? 22? 21? I was young. So we went to this place that kind of looks like serendipity in New York City. Like, you know, all the fancy ice creams and floats and confections and cakes and things.

And we had this cute waiter that has such a sweet disposition. And my friend, Danielle Fulton, friend and actress, hey, Danielle. She was with me and she was like, oh, you got a, yeah, he likes you, da, da, da, da. And I was like, ah, c'est la vie. When in Rome, I mean, when in Switzerland. When in Switzerland.

So, yeah, so we went out and he um actually got in his car which is not safe not safe ladies the young ladies don't do this but I did it okay but when I did it I was texting Danielle the whole time I texted him his uh his number and his his full name and his license plate number I was like this is where I am just in case just see I mean I love that that is some would be like overkill but I'm like I'm in Switzerland I don't know what this Swiss man is gonna do to me I love it that's perfect so I was like I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay he takes me up to this all the way up this mountain to this secluded restaurant. Like we were just driving up, up, up, up, up. Gorgeous, gorgeous restaurant.

And they had the wine service and we had the duck with the red sauce on it and the separate sides, you know, all of the things and this was being 22 this was really the first time i had had luxury fine dining before without you know working at the restaurant of course yes and then that's not luxury you're just in the back being like yum yum yum yum yeah yeah just sneaking food sneaking food like but yeah so yeah so like uh-uh and then so it was really really lovely and I met him I dated him for about a couple months he took me to his family in Germany like Michael he was so sweet he's a sweetie oh my goodness yeah I love that just like out there being like whatever and then it turns into a couple months you're meeting the family that's fun yeah he's a sweetie he's a sweetie oh i would love an overseas romance of course

that sounds like fun you've never had one no i've never gone anywhere where someone was like you i'll take you um and i've only really hooked up with like two people while touring i just they don't they don't slide into the dms oh do you have people who like wait at the stage door and try to like like flirt with you no i haven't had any of that yet i was really like honestly honestly low-key when i got to you now i was like oh maybe that'll happen maybe my prince charming will show up at the stage door with his suit on and his good 401k. No, honey, no such thing.

No such thing. No, not yet. I was a little stage door rat when I lived in New York. I would go to see shows and then just hope to see the person in the show afterward and be like, you were wonderful. Girl, I'd do that now. If you're fine, you're Girl, I'd do that now. If you're fine, you're fine. I'd do that now. Like the fine man in this play,

I'm going to see it. I don't care. Have you ever dated a co-star? You don't have to say who or what show, but I want to know if there's any, like, commingling. Not, no. No? No.

Not, let me say, let me say, not while we were doing the show. Ah, okay. All right. A couple of things what had happened is that we had hooked up and now we're doing a show. And that's fun. No, it's not fun. it's not fun it's not fun at all it's awkward it's freaking out and they always assume that you still want that what is that about uh-huh i was like baby we went on one date seven years ago don't nobody want you

i haven't thought about you since i saw your name on the cast list. That's the first time I thought of you. I think men have like this inflated ego. I watched this video where an interviewer was interviewing couples and would be like, what's her middle name? And most of these men were like, oh, I don't know. What's her birthday? Oh, I don't know. What's your wedding anniversary? I don't know. What's her birthday? Oh, I don't know. What's your wedding anniversary?

I don't know. And I was like, do men think of women? Or are they just fully in their own brains thinking about themselves? I think that's true. I mean, it's... You're getting close. You're getting close. I wish I wasn't attracted to men oh they're terrible they're awful why are they like this i don't know

and it's really interesting because i see that they are always complaining about us like in terms of like i see the dissatisfaction on both sides and that is the part that makes me very very like I'm very interested I'm like how are you having as much dissatisfaction as I am when all of my friends are baddies with education and with accolades and money and you won't have to work as hard because she has a whole career and and and she looks amazing like how is how is something's not happening the math ain't mathin you know what I'm saying it really isn't so like what I hear from them they're just dating bimbos they must be dating like they're dating the wrong women they didn't date me or my friends or you know like they have to be dating silly silly

stupid women or something because i'm surprised that you're single i feel like you're such a catch you're like talented you're employed you're working like it you're just going places uh your career is exploding and on paper i'm like me too what the fuck is happening i I don't get it. It's called too much of a catch, honey. It's too much of a catch. I think we've topped out. Which is a good problem to have. I think there's something to be said for guys that really want the damsel in distress, even if they don't realize that that's what they're looking for.

Because I've seen guys in other generations do that. Like she needs to depend on me and need me. And it's just like, no, no, no, no. I depend on I would definitely depend on you just because I have money does not mean I don't need you. Like you are a human and like you are a man. You are a human and like you are a man. Like you can't replace a man with money. That don't work. I tried it. It don't work.

I tried to roll up the dollars and make it into a dildo and it don't work. It don't work. You get paper cuts. It don't work. The lube just makes it limp. You just can't. You can't have a money dildo. It don't work and I was like they have

and like I really I what I really want to do is try like the next time I'm dating is to make them know that I want to know you and appreciate you and love you not your accolades or what you're doing even though like I need you to have purpose some direction because I want you to you know have that fire in you like I do but it's not about that it's about who you are and I feel like oh I was I went to Erykah Badu concert how was it I hear she's so good she sings down oh my god I want to go baby she sing down honey go you have to go i okay so i was having so much fun so i was having so much fun i was there and she said oh hey sisters how y'all doing hey brothers how y'all doing and then she asked it again hey brothers how y'all doing

and then she answered she was like yeah yeah i asked y'all twice because no one asked y'all twice. And I was like, that's true. That's true. We say, hey, how y'all doing? And then I noticed that when I asked, I started asking men how they doing and listening to their response more often. And sometimes they wouldn't even answer. And I asked again. So I was like, wait, wait, no, I really want to know.

How are you doing? And then they're like, it's like it almost doesn't compute. And I was like, oh, I see what's going on here. You know what I mean? Like, we really want to know how y'all doing, brothers. Come on. I think you're onto something. I think men are neglected in a way where like their feelings aren't taken

into consideration so i feel like they're just bulldozing through life hiding feelings until they get so upset that they're like i feel this and it's like oh no that if they can't hide it no more and then they then they oh my god and you're like ah chill out you're like oh i don't want this yeah didn't see that. But this is how it is. It's so like, yeah. I'm just like, guys, it's not about all this other stuff. We like that other stuff. That's nice.

You know, whatever. God, you got gold for you. That's great. But this, you know what I mean? Between me and you, this is about me and you. It's not about anybody else. Just us. So wait, you weren't allowed to start dating until you were 18

pretty much but you went on a date in high school i did and your mom never knew about it she did not know about it she did not know one thing about it my girlfriend in her church there was this really cute guy she was like yeah she should go out on day with him she was always a great enabler love my best friend rachel lee carrie yeah great enabler oh yeah my best friend the great enabler um yeah and i went on this cute little date and we went to the park at night so it's a little like oh it's romantic parks it was giving romantic childhood. So it was a little like, oh, it was romantic park. It was giving romantic childhood is what it was giving.

Okay. It was giving wonder years, yes. And it was really cool, but I think he was too scared to... It took a really long time for the kiss and I was like, let's go. What's up with this kiss? You're like me.

I'm like, let's get to it. I came here for one reason. Let's smooch. Sometimes it takes a long time sometimes these guys are like hey now take your time i'm like my time time is money let's go time is money i gotta go that's something i'm working on trying to relax trying to relax that is also a thing i'm working on trying to relax take things slow and be okay and letting things evolve at the rate that they evolve and not trying to force something. It's exhausting. Oh, we can do it.

We can do it. That's why I breathe. Breathing exercises. I've started chanting like Tina because why not? I was like, why not? Let me see what happens. You know, let's try it out. Maybe I'll start chanting.

I've been trying to meditate and i find it so hard it's hard but the more you do it the better it is and then before you know it people keep saying before you know it 30 minutes goes by and you don't even know like it's good i actually i started meditating so that i could not be on anti-anxiety meds because i was so like i didn't i didn't want to be on regular medication i was not interested in that so i was like let me meditate and try to get this stuff and it actually really really helped like i've gotten my stuff to a manageable level so it's really really good that's great that i feel like people don't talk enough about like alternative because

I'm on, I am medicated, but whenever I like, but there's like a ADHD medicine shortage. So the days that I like just don't have it, I have to figure out how to life, how to do life. And sometimes I have to just sit and be like, okay, Nicole, what do you have to do today? What is manageable today? How about you just sit in yourself for just a little bit and feel feelings? And then I'm like able to do stuff. So I guess maybe I should start doing that a little bit more. Yeah, definitely recommend.

Yeah. Before you were on anxiety medicine and how did you did you get anxious before performing? Sometimes. You know what? The only time I would get anxious before performing was when I was performing in rehearsal or performing in an audition. There is something. Let me tell you, there is something about this table with this paper and this pad that freaks me out. Because you don't know what they're writing about you it could be good it could be like she booked it it could be like we never want to see this person again i agree the performance is fine the performance is fine i love the audience i'd be like honey that pen and paper comes out and i'm'm like, and I'm like, I had to, I had to trick myself when I was first auditioning. I had to trick myself out of it in order for me to function

properly in audition. And then I started, then I started making it comedy hour and I would start like saying inappropriate things and I would leave the room like, why did you say that? Why did I say that? Why, why, why, why? Because you're so uncomfortable that's why I started I had a casting director she once said she was like I just want you to do the best job possible and then I was like oh that is all they're not here to hurt me they want me to do good so they can stop seeing people and book the part and go home then I started yeah and go home and not do this so I started going these are mini performances yeah these are mini yes there's two or three audience members and I'm just gonna perform for them and then the

audience might say but what if you did it this way which is weird for an audience member to say, but this is a weird performance. Yeah, I literally, I started like scoping it out, like the windows would be the orchestra. And I started like, just being over their heads, like y'all are not here. Like I refuse, like they would blur out, I would blur them out with my eyes. I would actually, I didn't know if I looked cross-eyed. Maybe I did, but by any means necessary when it comes to auditioning. And then that would really like, okay, I am in a theater. I am not here. I am in a theater. Yeah, it's helpful. But also it's fun. I feel like, because I went to acting school and they never told me that an audition is different than a table read that's different than being on set or being in a performance. Because what you do in all three of those is different. Yeah, sure is. The first I remember the first table read I did,

I like really was like performing the jokes. I was like, boom, boom, boom, got my laughs. And then on set, I was trying to do it the same way and they were like this is tv you gotta bring it down and I was like oh okay and then I was like okay so if I bring it down to like an eight and then maybe like a little bit less and I'm like oh okay they're like stop moving your face so much I was like, oh. And it was just this huge learning curve that I feel like Skewell should have told me. Yeah. Well, a lot of school does. We go to school for theater and not TV film.

And that's the issue. Yeah, you're right. I think we only had like two TV and film classes, which was silly. If we get that, that's maybe. So, yeah, like my face, honey, my face is on. My face is a runaway train. It's just like, oh my God, it's so much, so much. I once had an acting teacher.

I won't say his name. I remember it. I'll never forget it. He said I would never have a film career because my face was too expressive. And I was like, oh my God. So I would practice saying lines in the mirror or film myself like with my I had a pink digital camera that I could take pictures and video with. And I would do videos of myself and see if I moved my face. He made me so self-conscious.

But then I was like, but I was like, well, what about the people like Lucille Ball and. Yes. And and and all my and Robin Williams and Jim Carrey? And all they do is their face. And I'm like, I want to be down. Let's be real. Same. Okay, real quick.

We have to take another break. We're back. Okay, tell me about dating while touring. Have you ever been in like a relationship while on tour and then having to do long distance? Um, yes. Yes, dating on tour. Well, there's my last tour because I was on tour with Book of Mormon in my 20s when, once again, we were not dating for profit. So that was more of a shopping spree, if you will. they kind of caught on when there was a different guy bringing my bags to the bus every city that we did and they were like they're in that's when we that's you know but uh to be young it's beautiful um but in my experience like dating

on the road um I'm always having to I have to convince the guy that it's safe. He's like, no, you know, but you're not going to be here. But you're not going to be here. I'm like, don't you worry about that. We cross that bridge when we get there. He's like, yeah, but in three weeks, you're not going to be here. Baby, this is day one. So like I'm constantly soothing them.

And they're like, I can't catch feeling to you and i'm like it's gonna be all right maybe but don't worry about that it's really ridiculous so that's really what has been my time doing also we might come back to this city who knows i can come back but but but but but so that is definitely one thing i'm always doing that's definitely one thing i'm always doing this i love if you're but you're in if you're in a city for a month you can really figure out if you want to see that person past that month or not you know or you can it doesn't really take as long as we think it does. You know,

like people know, people know. I agree. I feel like by the third date, you know, you're like, I like this person. I'd like to do more with this person.

They take you, they take you to their favorite places. So basically you get a free tour guide up in there. That's the other thing. Free tour guide, baby. Cause they know all the spots. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, look at this bar in a cave and look at this, you know, beach side, whatever. You know what I mean? So like you find all the places, then you call all the people on tour and be like, look, look, look, this is where we go. This is where we going. I love it. Just use it. I mean, why not use the information that you gather?

You find a nice man and then you have information as to where to go. It's a lovely thing. Exactly. It's a one-stop shopping. So we definitely do that. In this tour, I've been having trouble. I don't know if it's me, if I'm just like blocked in some way, I don't know if it's me, if I'm just like blocked in some way, or is it the fact that we are doing shorter stints here on this tour than I did on my last tour?

We have a lot of one weekers and that like, honestly, we were one week. You get there, you do the show and you leave. There isn't much time to do much else. But I was in L.A. for a month and I ain't getting nothing. I don't know what happened. Something's wrong with me. No, not one bite. Nothing's wrong with you, baby. Nothing's wrong.

No, it's not you. No, it's not you. I will say, you're probably exhausted. That show shows hard. I'm a little tired. But honey, I ain't too tired for no date. I'll tell you that. You're like, I might be tired, but you don't gotta do much to find a dick.

You just kind of sit on it and have a nice time. I am tired for everything. I'm tired for everything except for a date. I'm awake. Because time is ticking. Time is ticking. I once had to explain that to someone. They were like, oh, well, you had to work later than you thought. Do you want to reschedule? And I was like, I'll always work later than I think. I will always be doing something right up until I meet you.

So no, this is, I was like, I can have a cocktail a cocktail drink some water and then be at my best and listen and have a nice time no well what I think is happening is that like number one with the with Tina and like the the way the show is and getting punched and dragged around and all this other stuff you know the converse of that is love so that's why I'm open to dating, like doing this show. I feel like you need some kind of just good feeling. You know what I mean? Like just to even it out, you know? And also I'm much pickier than I was on my first tour.

So like we're looking for, I mean, we're looking for upstanding gentlemen. We're looking for. We're looking for upstanding gentlemen we're looking for we're looking for it we're looking for the gentleman forever we're not looking for riffraff you know what i mean if you don't know where you go who you've been which then that's not gonna work for me baby we're not you know we're not playing around we're flirting for profit we've yes going for profit uh i feel like in my early 20s i was truly so not picky i did not care i was just like whoever will do and the older i've gotten the more i'm like no you're not gonna do no absolutely not i can't do that divorce for kids no you know what i'm saying don't know what you want to do in life? No. You know what I'm saying?

Your teeth are messed up? No. If you're divorced with kids, I will think about it. But I also don't want to be a mom. I feel like the first conversation with these kids, I'd be like, I'm not your mom, nor do I want to be your mom. Do whatever the fuck you want. I'm not here to to ground you i don't care you're you're a friend to me you're just a young friend young friend no i like i do i definitely do want i want to have kids i just find that like the divorce with kids thing. If I'm not divorced with kids, it's just unequal.

You know what I mean? Like if I had kids, I would date someone with kids because we would both, we both would have that situation and we would relate on that. But like you're talking about your kids and your ex all the time. Don't nobody want to be here for this. I don't want that. I don't want that. I am the one and the only. Please. Thank you. Yeah, that's all the time. I don't nobody want to be here for this. I don't want that. I don't want that. I am the one and the only. Please. Thank you. Yeah, that's all I want. I want to be someone's

favorite person. I want to be the person that they like wake up and think about. I don't want them to have to think about like, oh, my kids come this weekend. It's like, yeah, but I want to have fun this weekend. How about they don't come? Yeah, you got to schedule all that stuff. We got to schedule all that stuff. So yes, honey, I want to be the best friend. schedule all that stuff we gotta schedule all that stuff so yes honey i want to be the best friend wait okay so you've spent lots of time overseas you went to the british academy of dramatic art this is great you know everything your assistant did everything okay snaps to the assistant she better work the best she better work and i just i i i fear that she'll find something better than working for me and i don't want it i genuinely love her she's so nice

and she's she's just so great and she's just funny um and she writes well she's like she's such a good writer she's a better writer than me um but did you did you date a lot in in england did i well once again that was in college so like that was when i was first first opening my flower you know what i mean i was first stepping into my young womanhood oh such a beautiful precious time you know i went on a few dates i went on a few dates i had this um there was this guy in Spain because I also did a Spanish intensive during the summer because I just wanted to be elsewhere. And this guy, he I swear he looked like one of those one of those Hispanic guys from the Bronx. I don't know how he looked like that, but he did.

But he was from Spain. And I was like, oh my God, I love him. Wait, was this a man in Spain wearing Timbs? Yeah. I don't know if he was wearing Timbs or work boots or something, but he just had that vibe. I was like, he had New York vibes

and he was Spanish. And I was like, oh my God, I love him. I love him. And it was really fun because he wanted to practice his Spanish and his English. And I wanted to practice my Spanish. So I would speak to him in Spanish

and he would speak to me in English. And it was like, oh my God. But oh, he was cool. Honestly, I love it. He was great. He was great. But I love a good give and take where it's like, not only are we romantic, but we could also help each other with our Spanish and English lessons.

Yes. But this is when I realized the guys, the European guys over there, honey, these American guys need to take lessons on these European guys. Y'all need to have yourself aan friend and talk to the man about dating about women talk to them because whatever they taught us over here is crack i tell you that's right now it's crack talk to your mans talk to your mans and find out because he know how to treat a lady he know how to court the lady hear what i'm saying even in the 21st century where you don't have to spend a lot of money he still know how to court the lady talk to the lady rub the lady out get the lady to open herself

like the flower she wants to be you know what i'm saying like i mean i think you're right anytime i've had someone in like europe or any actually anywhere outside the U.S., the way I've been flirted with, I'm like, oh, my God, you are making me feel so special. And yeah, and like I'm the only person in the room that doesn't happen here. And it needs to happen here. It's unacceptable. It's unacceptable. I feel like because we're taking, taking, taking here, we're taking, taking, taking here. The European guys are, are hey what do you think

you know what i mean and everything is very simple and very open and it's not guarded and weird we're so guarded and weird here like it guys are like hey you know you're beautiful that's just a fact come with me and we're like, yes, I will go with you. Thank you so much. Just be nice to the lady. I was so distraught when I came back from Switzerland about like the American guys. I was crying the whole time on the plane. I was like, I have to go back to this?

Like a baby who doesn't want to go to summer camp. I don't like them there. I want to stay with my boyfriend in Germany. That's so funny. Wait, okay, what's the worst date you've been on? Well, first of all, I tend to black them out. Mm-hmm. As do, I think, most of us. I do tend to black things out.

The only thing that's coming to mind, because as I say, I truly black things out. So I know there's a worst one in here. But for me, it didn't happen. Vamos. But, um... This guy... Vamos, it didn't happen. Vamos. But this guy. Vamos, son of a bitch. Let's go.

Goodbye. But one thing I'm remembering is that this guy was, we were on a date and I really dug him. I dug him. Really hot guy. And it was during the summer in New York. So it was hot at two in the morning for no reason. And we're walking, we're taking a walk and my phone rings and it's an unknown New York number. I answer the phone and it is this guy's girlfriend. Oh, no.

Child. Wait. Oh, yes. How did she get your number? How did she get my number? That's the question. How wild. Oh, yes.

So apparently, apparently she was just like i can't really remember what she said she was like hey like is such and such with you or something like that and i'm like yeah he's right here who is this and she wouldn't introduce herself she wouldn't say who it was and then um i gave him the phone and i'm like watching this like he gets off the phone. He says whatever he says gets off the phone. And I'm like, so who's that? That's your girlfriend? And he says that that was his ex-girlfriend and that she is living with him.

Oh. I was like, I'm sorry, your ex-girlfriend is living with you? Does she know that she's your ex-girlfriend? Or you're just coming up with this? No, she knows, but we have been, you know, basically situation shit. They're not together, but clearly they've been doing stuff so she's like she and her feelings i was like how did she get my number because also this is during

cell phones like so she went into your phone and got the number and held on to it for later bro you need to handle that you've got to handle that that's wild that was fun that was a fun day one it's wild because like you're getting a phone call

from this woman who's like I'm his girlfriend or whatever but then it's wild of her I would be like well this man is out there in these streets I'm still living with him

I have got to figure out a different living situation. I'm not calling anybody. I'm not calling her. No. I was like, honey, whatever the issue is with these guys, don't call the girl. Take it with him. No. With him.

That's who you got the problem with. Him. It's not her fault. Like, I don't know. I don't know why we do that sometimes but it's it's null and void it's not a girl just go to him i wonder if we do that just to be like if i can get rid of her i can have him but then it's like why the fuck do you want that man because he gonna find another one if that's what he own uh-huh and you're gonna keep doing it

ain't nobody trying to be out here i didn't try private eye all day wait did you go to la guardia high school i did and then you went to the dance program and then you switched to the drama program as a sophomore i did oh my god i am impressed okay okay that's bananas okay nobody not a lot of people know that well the only people who know I switched from dance to drama are the people who was in the school when I switched from dance to drama Lindsay's snooping around interviewing people you went to school with being like, what happened? Give me the dirt. What made you want to switch from dance to drama? Well, that was my plan all along. When I auditioned for the first time in as a freshman, I wanted to be a drama major. My mother wanted me to be a dance major. I had been dancing since I was six. So that was the easy end. So like me dance was my back my backup and drama was what I

wanted so like I um so I auditioned for both but I had a monologue that I did not understand like it was a monologue that my teacher gave me and I was like yeah but I kind of did it because he told me to because he had went there and I was like, but I don't understand this. And I think that that's why that's why it didn't work. So I got in for dance. And then so I'm in the dance program and I'm like, I know why this didn't work. I know what monologue I need. There was another girl in our cast in our class that had a monologue that was like, I know what to do with that. I call that girl up. I get the monologue. I did it freshman year and I got in. I was like, see, I told you that's what it was. Do you remember what the monologue I did it freshman year and I got in I was like see I told you that's what it was do you remember what the monologue was that didn't work and the one that worked I don't the one that did not work was poetic it was more pro it was versus like it's

pros-ish it was something like that the one that did did work was this girl in high school being mad at somebody for like betraying her, like a friend of betraying her. And she's at the locker and she's like, I'm gonna tell you what's what. And she slams the locker and she's gone. And she's like, yeah, that's me. That's me. I love that. I feel like my brain works the same way where like poetic prose poetry. I don't necessarily understand it without a little bit of help from somebody. But like something where there's a clear beginning, middle and end that I can get into that I can break down and that I can do.

But yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. But now we're different now, you know, because that was before we went to Bada Darling so now we handle now she understands everything we handle the text baby like please

you know just let the kiddies know that I am available for Shakespeare works thank you another classic she doth thou can do Shakespeare. Another classics. You know what I mean? Let's see.

George Bernard Shaw. A little. Oh, God. Everything's escaping me. Who did Three Sisters? Chekhov. Who's that? Yes.

A little Chekhov. A little Chekhov. You know, my personal favorite favorite i do love a good tall tooth oh some tall tooth yes yes i do i do zarin we've come to the end do you have any advice for single people out there yearning for love oh honey take some deep breaths. Make sure you keep laughing. And keep that dildo closed so you don't go crazy. And that's it. Stay laughing.

Keep the dildo. Do your breathing exercises. Uh-huh. And work on you. Stay laughing. Stay coming. And breathe. That's what I'm saying.

That's it. L-C-B. L-C-B. I love it. L-C-B. L-C-'s it L-C-B I love it L-C-B L-C-B Zarin thank you so much for doing this I ask all my guests this I've only missed it a couple

times but would you date me? I would definitely date you you are so funny and you are so hot wait wait wait your Netflix special all of those outfits in the next one special i was i was like hey she came she came to play honey you look good thank you that's so sweet god you're the best thank you so much for doing this i

of course i truly appreciate it i saw you perform and i was like i have to talk to her like a psychopath happy that you happen to see me and like you particularly i have had my eye on you i love your stuff don't you stop for nothing i am here for it and let's go like let's go and you and i need to do a sitcom together we're doing yes i would love that okay zurin i do ask people to write me dirty messages hitting on me you can write it to um nicole no why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com if you write me something nasty hitting on me i will read it oh just kidding before i do that marissa my producer says would you like uh would you like to promote anything where is tina going next oh yes tina turner is going where are we we are currently in costa

mesa for the next seven days then we will be going to San Diego. And then we will be hitting a mump stint in San Francisco. Please check us out. Ooh. Yes, yes, yes. Honestly, I can't say enough good things. Oh, and one more thing. Please look out for my e-book called Stay Booked. It will be coming out very soon. How to Keep Yourself Indispensable in a Very a very dispensable business let's go oh maybe i'll read it yeah that sounds like a good thing that's basically like it's like just the side rules and all the broadway stuff it's like some stories that i've things that i've gone through and lessons that i've learned as a result of those things outside of singing and dancing and acting like the business side of it, the social side of it,

like that kind of thing. I love it. Can I ask, you have shells and beads in your hair. Is that heavy under the wigs? You know, the wig is already heavy because I have two mics in there

and the wig itself is heavy. Oh my God. So like, it's a little like, but I'm used to it. I did Lion King with the head pieces. It's fine. My neck is used to it i did lion king with the head pieces it's fine my neck is used to it we good that works you were not on the lion king right yes and shenzi i did

shenzi too i would go back and forth oh that's fun yeah i wish i could i want to do broadway you gotta learn how to sing first nicole uh okay um anyway so here is a nasty message that someone wrote to me um okay nicole i would like you what is it oh i would like to take you to dylan's candy bar or a similar candy store after hours and stack up peach gummy rings on my dick only for you to slobber them off until they dissolve in your mouth then i'd stick my still moist hard-on into pop rocks and plow your pussy with it. Pop rocks! Oh! You'd come from the popping and the pounding.

And then I'd stick my finger in watermelon fun dip and stick it in your body till you come again. We rehydrate. Zoran's face. We rehydrate with some weird soda flavors and go out for salads. Still sticky and multicolored from the waist down. Ooh, that's good. That was funny.

I liked that. That's a really good one. People get creative. Honey, I got to get my nasty chalk up to snuff. You know what I mean? I've been out of practice. But I do love some peach rings, so that's a good idea. I might try that.

Same. They're so delightful. I some peach rings, so that's a good idea. I might try that. Same. They're so delightful. I love peach rings. All right, Zarin. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco.

With talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Auden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywontyoudatemeepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future episode. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Dee-doo-boo-boo-bop.

Bye-bye. next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.