Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Secretly Dating your Improv Coach (w/ Edi Patterson)

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

Actress Edi Patterson (The Righteous Gemstones) joins Nicole to talk about falling in love with her improv teacher, hiding their relationship from the world, and mistaking his proposal for a joke. She opens up about being a late bloomer in dating, throwing house parties that felt straight out of a '90s film, and the one dating lesson she learned from a kid that she wishes everyone would follow. Plus: ghosting guilt, cringey first date stories, 90 Day: Hunt for Love, and the time Nicole’s dog showed up on a stranger’s Instagram story.WATCH this episode here: https://youtu.be/j9aKyd_PtzISupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» SquareSpace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» EarnIn: Make Any Day Payday! When you download the EarnIn app, type in Why Won't You Date Me under PODCAST when you sign up – it’ll really help the show.» Booking.com: Book now at Booking.com!View all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Wanna watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. Mcrispy strips are now at McDonald's. Tender, juicy, and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious.

New Mcrispy strips, now at McDonald's. Ba da ba ba ba. ["Why Won't You Date Me?" by The Bachelorette plays.] Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ha ha. Please tell me why. Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where Mina Kolobier was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could

come in my hair and call it a barrette. My guest today is an actress that you know as Judy Gemstone on the hit see on the hit showo- Blah blah blah blah. On the hit show, The Righteous Gemstones, the complete series can now be seen on HBO Max. It used to be Max, but it's back to HBO Max because they said, we better keep changing the name of this company. And you also saw her in the Knuckles of Miniseries event

that was on Paramount Plus that I loved so much unironically. It's Edie Patterson! Hi! Edie, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for having me. I think you were so funny. Dude, thanks. The feeling is huge.

A dream. I have to talk to you about Knuckles. Okay, let's get into it. What was it like joining the Sonic universe? I mean, to be real, that was pretty dope. Like to get up in that world, especially with like Pally, who's just fun and a blast.

An absolute delight. Yeah, a delight. And then Stockard Channing played your mom. Yeah. Which is fucking cool. That was wild. Did you know when you were Stockard Channing played your mom. Yeah. Which is fucking cool. That was wild. Did you know when you were cast that she was playing your mom

or was that like you were cast and then they were like, and guess what? They, you know what? They were still waiting to hear. It was like they were figuring out, was she gonna do it or were they gonna have to do something different? So that was like a after I got cast major bonus.

Oh, what a dream. My favorite part is her action sequence where it's clearly a man in a wig. Yes, a slight man. It made me laugh so hard. Because I feel like we don't do that anymore. Everything is serious to be as realistic as possible. But I'm like, why?

Stocker Channing can't fight. Yeah, come on. She's a little older. So like, clearly it's not her. And I loved that they made no effort to make it look like her. I love that too. I'm like, let's just go full like naked gun with this.

Oh my God, it was so funny. I was obsessed with her growing up. And like in my high school, we did Grease and I was Rizzo and like, yeah. Did you tell her about it? I had to like temper it because she's one of those people you see her enter a room and literally everyone in the room wants to tell her.

Tell her something about their childhood. Yes. So yeah, I don't even know if I ever got it out. I just didn't want to tell her what that meant to them. Tell her something about their childhood. Yeah. So yeah, I don't even know if I ever got it out. I just didn't want to bother her. I just wanted her to love me. That makes sense. I do that all the time where I'm like, I'm gonna be quiet because if I'm quiet,

you'll love me and you'll adopt me and you'll love me and say things on your own about me. Yeah, you'll just think, you'll think I'm awesome because I'm not bugging you. Yeah, doesn't make any sense. Edie, are you single, dating, married? Married. When did you get married?

I got married a long time ago in 2003. Ooh, 2003. How did you meet your partner? Well, we like met romantically later, but initially we met because he came to teach my improv group. You know, I love a comedy relationship. A lot of it comes right back to improv. Yep.

Is it the Groundlings? No, I was in Austin. I had just graduated college and I was there for just a minute. I knew I was gonna move to LA. And he was an improviser in LA and he and another guy came to teach my group because we were sort of in the beginning

of the improv scene in Austin. And I was super young, but I wasn't, he thought I was like 17 years old, and he had a girlfriend, so we absolutely didn't occur to each other in that way. But I do remember thinking, this is so weird when I think back on it. I can remember in one of the classes he was teaching us,

I kept going, I know him. That's so weird, I know him. And I knew it wasn't because like, oh, I'd seen some show he was on or some commercial he was in. I just was like, through some time portal, I know this guy. Wait, did you know him? No. No.

You just, oh, it was like this feeling. Yeah. You're like, I just know in my soul that I know you somehow. Really weird. How did you reconnect? So we, I knew I was moving to LA. So I, he, me and him, Dan O'Connor is his name. And the other guy, I was friends with them.

And then when I moved to LA, I started doing stuff with their group, which is now Impro Theater, which does improvised plays, full length improvised plays. Then when I first came to LA, it was still in the phase where it was like a short form group called Theater Sports. And so I was doing theater sports

and starting at the ground links. But yeah, we just started doing shows and then we started hanging out after shows. Yeah, when we were both free and he knew I wasn't a child. We started hanging out. He's like, you are of age, I can hang out with you legally. Do you remember what your first official date was

besides like the hanging out? Was there an official date? Yeah, there was an official date. It was... Well, the first like time we realized like, oh, we like each other was... I was not cool. I remember I used to hope... When I knew he was single, I used to hope that when I knew he was single,

I used to hope that he, it was the dumbest, weird, I can't even believe I'm saying this out loud. I don't know if I've ever told anyone this. We would, I would drive home from like rehearsal or whatever and there was a minute where he had to go the same way. And I used to hope in like my nerd brain, I hope he just follows me to my house and then we can talk there. It makes no sense.

I really like that though. I hope he... Because it's like, I want to spend time with him. I don't know how to say I want to spend time with him. So I hope he just has the instinct to stalk me. Why would he ever? Why would he ever? And so then there was a point where we were hanging out after a show. We had gone somewhere crazy, like, not crazy,

but one of those places like Residuals. Do you remember that place in the valley? No, but I think I've heard about it. Yeah, we had done some show close to there. If you brought a residual check, they gave you like a drink or something? I don't think that was a thing anymore, but yeah think I've heard about it. Yeah, we had done some show close to there. Where if you brought a residual check, they gave you like a drink or something? I don't think that was a thing anymore, but yeah, it was something like that.

Yes, it's that place. And we were dancing and he was like, for whatever reason, he knew some... He knew like a couple of... This sounds so dorky. He knew a couple of swing dance moves. And he knew that one of swing dance moves. And he knew that one where you like turn around and like, you know, that thing where you like- Yeah, where you like rub each other's arms.

Yes, oh my God. So anyway, he was like, again, I don't know if I've ever recounted this, but he was like, you want me to show you some stuff? And I was like, yeah, cause at that point I liked him. And we were dancing, dancing. And he basically just said, like,

I kind of have a crush on you. And I had a crush on him too, but I was so like, awkward. That my answer was, I went, well, that's a two-way street. That's a two-way street. Like, how lame, how deeply fucking lame. But it's so funny. He teaches you swing dancing.

I have a crush on you. It's two-way street, buddy. This is like truly in action. You cannot say the wrong thing to the right person. You guys are just being thing to the right person. You guys are just being so weird to one another. And I really fucking love it. Yeah. And then we had like fun dates. Like I remember.

But my idea of a fun date was maybe not like his same idea of a fun date. For one thing, he's older than me. But this one is just like he does not like horror movies. And I remember I thought when we were first hanging out and stuff, I was like, that'd be so fun to go in the daytime to a horror movie. And so I made him meet me at something. I feel, dude, we'll have to look and see if this lines up.

I feel like it was something like what lies beneath. Which isn't that scary. No, but it is, you know, a little jumpy. Yeah, and I remember going like, let's go see that in the daytime. And I just remember he was like, he came and we had a good time, but not until later did I realize like,

oh, he's not into horror movies. So my ideas of like fun dates weren't as good as his. His were like, let's go to this nice Italian restaurant. I'm like, can you? Let's in the daytime get scared. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I lived at this, by the time we were dating,

I also didn't want anyone to know we were dating because he kind of like, he was the artistic director of that theater company. Yes. And I was like, oh, I don't want anybody thinking like, I don't need anybody wondering about this. I don't know what this is. I got here because I'm dating him.

Come on. You're also so funny that I don't think anyone would think that. Well, that was his theory. But that's not what I thought. I was like, I need to just be on my own deal. Like we can date, but don't tell anyone. And so we, I lived at this house with three other girls and we used to have these insane parties, Nicole.

I mean, I am, I'm not kidding you. It was like a 90s movie. Hundreds of people would descend on our house because each of us would ask everyone we knew and we were all kind of in a different world. Like my one friend was cocktail waitressing at like the Improv and the Ice House. I would invite everyone I'd ever met through Improv.

One of the girls was working at Nickelodeon. And we all would have asked everyone we knew. Everyone. So the parties were... How big was this place? Not that big. I mean, we would be in the yard. We'd be outside. The guy who rented us this house had a mullet.

At the time, mullets are dope now. I love it. But at the time, it was not great that he had a mullet, and he had an IROC Z, and the license plate of his IROC Z said, I rock. And he... I love him.

That's great. The other three chicks had decided that, like, of all of us, that he was the most into me. So I had to call him anytime he needed anything or whatever. It was the weirdest. But anyway, Dan would come to those parties and we were kind of dating, but I didn't want anyone to know. And so I would make him not be obvious about that. And there was a time when he left one of those parties and then went to come back.

Because he was going to come back and hang out with me because everyone had left the party. He saw some people on the road that were leaving later. He hid behind a church sign. This is a grown ass man hiding. This is literally the perfect example of like, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. This man said, I will hide behind signs for you.

But then he told two friends of ours, who he had been friends with longer, these two women. He told them and I was very not stoked that he told them, but then it was fine and it all worked out. Now it's fine. Now you're married. It's okay. Yeah, we're married. That's so funny. How did he propose? He... Here's another. This just shows you how weird I am.

We were in London, and we were taking a walk on Hampstead Heath. Everything was frozen. And we were sitting on a frozen log, and he had been weird all day. We had been playing this game... That game where you say, like, a movie or an actor, and then the other person has to like a movie or an actor

and then the other person has to say a movie or an actor and you just, it's this weird like brainstorming game. What do you mean? Like if I say Titanic, you say? If you say Titanic, I could say someone in Titanic. Yes. And then you either say someone else in Titanic or another movie that that person I said was in. Okay, that's fun.

Yeah. So if I said Leo DiCaprio, you could either say Kate Winslet from Titanic or someone else from Titanic or you could say... Billy Zane. Yeah. Great. And now I would have to say someone else from Titanic or a Billy Zane movie. Mmm. Which gets tough. I wasn't going to say it. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, how cool is this? This is my person, we're in it, twin it. Nothing in my brain thought, next people get married.

Nothing. And I never thought, like, hope he asks me. I just thought like, this is the best. Like, now we're together forever. So when he asked me, he did the whole thing, got down on a knee in the snow and said a nice speech. And I literally felt like someone with a big coat had hugged me. Like the sound went away.

Because I didn't understand what was happening. And I asked him probably 20 times, is this a joke? What is this? Is this real? To the point that he had to do that movie thing of going like, so you haven't answered. Huh? I've been on one knee for 15 minutes. It's cold. I'm wet. You haven't answered? That is honestly so cute that you were like, this is it.

Like, we're just going to be together and this is nice and not having any sort of expectation. I weirdly didn't. Yeah, my parents were married my whole life. I don't know why that just, I just thought, this is going great. I like that. That's so sweet.

Weird. Did you date a lot growing up? You grew up in Texas, right? Yes, Texas City, Texas. That's right. That's so funny. Not a ton. I was for sure a late bloomer. And I mean, some, like, I don't know.

My freshman year, I had a weird boyfriend who was either a junior or a senior. I had a weird boyfriend who was either a junior or a senior. And, like, then wasn't real worried about it for the most of the rest of high school. Dated, I don't know, this friend of mine for a minute. Wasn't right. And then the rest of the time, it was like,

I went to prom with my friend Ray, who was clearly in love with our other friend and I didn't care. You're like, whatever, I just need a date, who cares? Yeah, I just, it just was fun to all go together. I wish growing up I didn't care. I wanted to date so deeply. I think I did too, but none of it was right. I didn't, there were no like,

there were no boys in the mix at my high school that I was like, this will be romantic. I was very into the notion of it being, like, really fucking romantic. I don't even think I thought about romance. I think I was like, I just want to be wanted. Which explains why I became an actress. That's the whole thing. You go to auditions, you're like, please, I just want you to want me. Which explains why I became an actress. That's the whole thing.

You go to auditions and you're like, please, I just want you to want me. I was like, oh my God. Oh, you're so needy. Edie, real quick, we have to take a break. Okay. ["The Daily Show Theme"] Life doesn't happen bi-weekly, so why should payday?

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So, Unrighteous Gemstones, was that written for you or did you audition for that? Yeah, no, it was, that was for me. It's so clearly for you. You you audition for that? Yeah, no, it was, that was for me. It's so clearly for you. You were so fucking funny on it. It is just a fucking delight. Oh, thanks.

I really, really, really love the show and I loved being Judy and I wrote for the show as well. And so, yeah, it was just the dreamiest, the best to be in on the creation of the whole thing. And... Yeah, that's, I mean, what a fun writer's room that must have been. Yeah, it was wild. Um...

We, yeah, the first two seasons we wrote, like, in a room together and then COVID happened and then we rewrote the whole season via Zoom. Like rewrote the whole thing. And then from then on it was Zoom. Oh really, you guys never went back in person? Mm-mm. Mm. Yeah.

I guess it's handy. Yeah it was. You just like be anywhere and be able to go to work. Totally. And sometimes I was anywhere. I'd be somewhere else even shooting something. I was. And sometimes I was anywhere. I'd be somewhere else, even shooting something. I was anywhere. Sometimes I was anywhere.

So the first season you stayed in a Hyatt for six months? That's exactly right. A Hyatt house. A Hyatt house? Yeah, which all it means... What's a Hyatt house? All it means is it's got a kitchen. And yeah, that's what it means.

I was going to stay in a bathroom, but I re-entered the bathroom as a bathroom. You're like, and get this, the Hyatt house has a kitchen. And yeah, that's what it means. I was gonna say in a bathroom, but a rear-end cell room is a bathroom. You're like, and get this, the Hyatt house has a bathroom. But it was, that was a long time to do that. And I learned my lesson for sure of never do that again. Yeah, you gotta stay in like an Airbnb or something. Something that feels a little homey. You have to.

Because hotels will make you go crazy. Yeah, literally madness will start to creep in. Yeah. And like the fan in the bathroom is always on. And like, I don't know, I set off the fire alarm once, trying to make a Beyond Burger. And like, it's just like... Yeah. And I would do all the things that would make it a little bit better.

Like, I had a friend at the front desk. Mm-hmm. And so he would make sure I got... Because if I ever did leave, like every now and then I would leave for a minute, it seems like I had to switch rooms once or twice. Not a lot. But I finally ended up in this corner room, which was the help of him. Which at least was more windows.

But yeah, if anyone can help it, don't ever live anywhere for six months. That is a hotel. Yes. Also, hotels, sometimes when you're staying there for more than a couple of days, they're like, we got the room for you. And you get there and you're like, there's no windows. There's no. How will the sun get to me? How will any happiness reach me? Totally.

And then I feel like something on like a primal level starts realizing, oh, to get out of here and see the sun, I have to walk down a hall, around a corner, get in an elevator, ride it to the bottom, walk through that giant room, then be outside. It's just like, yeah, it starts to fuck with you. Be outside a hotel. Yeah.

And for what, like, if it's not like in a city, and it's just like, there's grass, you're like, what am I doing? Seriously. What is happening? Seriously. Did you do comedy and acting growing up? Uh, yeah. Not like...

officially. Until I could. Mostly it was just like for family and friends. For the biggest chunk of it and forcing like my sister and my cousins to be in my horror movies, which were also comedy movies. Wait, do you have like, are they taped? Do you have them? They are, and I need to like,

we haven't been back to Texas for a minute. My mom lives with me right now, and we need to go and look for these tapes, because there are some good ones. There's a really, really good one called Gunther, Son of Hunter. And where my cousin Bradley was, I think he was probably four, maybe five.

And I made him play a murderer in this... In this movie. And his father... His father was a teddy bear. Because my grandmom had, like, weirdly, my grandmom had a ton of teddy bears. So you just... You just what you got. That's truly so funny.

I also really like that your family was like, yeah, make a movie. Why not? Yeah, I mean, we had a VHS camcorder and yeah, just make it. My friend, shout out Sherri Scott, used to have a few of us come over and spend the night sometimes. Like if her parents... Her parents were really fun. And they would just like sometimes go, I feel like, and do like, I don't know, fun things for like a whole weekend. And so we would go, we would head to Sherri's on like a Friday night and just hang out. This is my senior year.

And many times I would just force them to spend the entire time making a movie. And I would pick like who's gonna be what roles. And it was all like editing in the camera like kind of thing. I was like, okay, put your hand on her like you're pushing her down the stairs. And then it would be like filming a body

at the end of the, at the bottom of the stairs. You have to get these. That is incredible. I wish we had a camcorder, but like nobody could figure it out and it just sat in the closet my whole childhood. I would have loved to have played with that. That's so incredible. Yeah, I don't know that they're any good, but they exist.

Mwah! I mean, they're probably incredible. Like, they're probably truly wild and delightful. So, did you start dating in college, would you say? I would say first, like, serious boyfriend was college. Like I said, I had had a boyfriend or two in high school, but yeah, probably real deal college. I couldn't do it in college, because I went to musical theater school,

so all the boys were gay. Mm-hmm. I would say most of my friends were gay. But yeah, the guy I dated in college was, uh... like, theater adjacent. Ah, okay. I think he was like a journalism major. Okay. Played guitar. Oh, I love a man who plays guitar especially in my early 20s. That's right. You better believe they're gonna take it

out and they're gonna say have you heard this song? And it's just Green Day's have you the time of your life that one one song, it's like, yeah, I've heard it. Yeah, thank you so much. It was very good. Here's a wild story about that dude who I'm still friends with. Not tight, but we are still- It's still friendly.

Yeah, it's still friendly. The guy that I dated in college was, looked kind of like Enrique Iglesias, like very, very cute. And so sometimes there was some kind of Enrique Iglesias album in the mix or some, I don't know. Anytime, anyway, sometimes people would put that picture up somewhere and write his name on it.

But kind of like everyone was sort of like low key infatuated with this dude. And I can remember that this is all looping around to a funny story. There was a point where it was his birthday and I got him a, I didn't have any money. And I got him, because he played guitar, I got him like a Stevie Ray Vaughan guitar book. Because I knew he liked Stevie Ray Vaughan. And that's what I got him. This other girl we knew, we were friends with, who I don't know how, but had a lot of money, bought him a Fender Stratocaster.

And I was like, huh, I hate this. Yeah. That's actually unhinged It was fucking unhinged. This girl said I'm gonna steal him from you with my money I don't know what she was doing. I don't know what she was doing She was trying to buy that man's love a whole ass guitar a whole ass guitar in we're in college. Yes That's actually unhinged. That's simply too much.

That... Did he take the guitar? Because you should have said that's too much. Yeah, he took the guitar. Yeah, of course he did. Ha ha ha ha! I would too. Who am I kidding? I knew a brand new guitar. Thank you so much. I wonder if he still has it.

Great question. He's like, wonder where that lady is. Ha ha! God, that's so wild. I love that so much. So wait, you never had to be on the apps. That's nice. Never. Never on the apps.

I know. The apps are... I'm not on them anymore, because I'm a partner to Thank God, but being on the apps was truly awful. It was so terrible. Never fun? Not really. I mean, at first, when it was like,

when you first get on it, you're like, oh my God, the world is my oyster. Who will I meet? And then a man messages you and he's like, let me see your toes. And you're like, oh, well, the world is my oyster and I don't want this part of it. This is bad.

Oh man. I hated it. And I lived in New York for a while and I thought dating was easier in New York, but now I feel like I see online that it's like, oh, it's hard there too, cause nobody talks to one another. And I just started watching.

It's called 90 Day, The Hunt for Love. Oh. And the 90 Day universe has really expanded. It's wild. The Hunt for Love? I don't know this one. Okay, it's brand new. So they have like five people.

Oh, is this the one with the, um... It's got like a throuple in the mix? No, that's just the regular 90 Day. Okay, okay, okay. It's gone off the rails. The whole thing. But they have like five or six people from 90 Day, and then they mix them with like a bunch of other

just random single people. And I was watching the initial episode and all the men gravitated towards the other men and the women gravitated towards the other women. And I think it's because we don't know how to like approach someone that you're romantically interested in. So you're like, I know how to talk to men, so I'll talk to the men, I'll talk to the boys.

I'll make friends first as opposed to like, why are you here? And I feel like that's what happens at bars. Everyone's just talking to their friends and not like mingling. Yeah. I did some dating, like, before I started dating Dan. And it always just filled me with dread. Like, the day of, it was a 50-50 chance of whether I would go or not. Oh. You would cancel? Yeah, because sometimes I just couldn't take...

No, it would be a cancel, but if I did go and it wasn't right, I can't lie and say I never ghosted. There would be times I just would go like, maybe they'll just never call me again. And I'm just not gonna respond to this and then they'll never text me again. Yeah. It is easier than dealing with it. But I did.

It is, but it makes you sick. It makes you feel like so sick. Okay, that makes me feel good that when people ghost, they don't feel good about it. I did. Because I've been ghosted and I'm like, do you not care? Do you hate me? You never did it?

No, I try very hard to be like, I'm so sorry, this didn't work out. I think that's awesome. I feel so inspired, like, when I watch Love on the Spectrum. Because they're so good about just being clear. And they'll say it that night. Yep. Before the date's even over. Hey, we're not a match.

Do you want to stay friends? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. And yes or no. You might want to stay friends, you might not. Either one's fine. I think it's so great. I do too. And I know that neuroty-typical people will,

God, what is it? They won't just straight up ask you a question. They'll like say something for you to then say a question to them. But like neuro-divergent people, I don't know the words. People with like ADHD, people on the spectrum, they'll just like ask the question

that they want the answer to. There's no like weird societal things going on with it. I love it. And that's why I'm like, yeah, I'm, I have ADHD and I'm like a little bit on the spectrum, but I'll just straight up be like, what? I would like to know. Ask me the thing.

Yeah, ask me the question. What are you trying to get out of me? Totally. There's, it's almost like, yeah, I wish we could all just go back to almost kid style. Yes. I can remember like, there's this girl I know, my uncle in Texas, he has a granddaughter. He's not related to me.

Okay. But I remember one day they came over and we were, we were hanging out, she was probably eight. And just was rapid fire telling me like, everything from school, everything like the other girls done was bad, I've got this kind of thing where kids sniff something on me and they go, you're coming with me to my room and we're gonna get into it.

You have a friendly face. Is that what it is? Because I think I have a friendly face too, because kids love telling me things. And I love to hear it. Like, I love to talk to a kid like they're an adult and like really get into it. But she was telling me all these things

and literally going like, don't tell my grandpa. And he's right there. But she did this thing that I was like, God, can't we just do that all the time? Every adult, she would talk and talk and talk. And then if there was one second of silence, she would go, what do you want to talk about now? And I just would go like, huh, let's talk about,

let's talk about music. What do you, but it was so fun to just go like, let's play. I love that. Yeah, do you want to play? What should we talk about now? Yeah. We stop, we should keep going.

Yeah. I think people should do shit like that. I think that's, it's talk about now? Yeah. We stop, we should keep going. Yeah. I think people should do shit like that. I think that's, it's kind of like when you're little and someone passes you a note, it's like, do you like me? Yes or no. And it's like, yeah, I want to be your friend. Yes, I do like you.

I feel like we should do that as adults. And I do that. My friend Jessica, I asked her, I was like, will you be my friend? And she laughed really hard and she was like, yeah, Nicole, I'll be your friend. I love it. Then I burst into tears.

Cause you were so happy. Cause I was so excited. Yes. Dude, I so get this. When I went to college, I know a soul, and I just thought, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna walk up and down and look into rooms and just go in and say hi to people

and see if they wanna be friends. And I remember I walked into these girls' room and I went, hey, I'm Edie, I'm just like right down the hall. Do you guys wanna be friends with me? And they did, we were friends the whole time. I love that. I had learned, like, weirdly, not to loop this back around. I'm just fascinated with this.

I wish dating was like this for everyone. Yes. Where you could just say, like, I like this. I'm not feeling this. You like this. I'm not feeling this. Yes. Yeah. But my, the summer after my ninth grade year, I think,

I don't know, we had gone to visit my cousin, Jamie, and her mom and her brothers. And I just remember watching her. She was so, she was so comfy with herself. She always had been. And she just had this swagger. Like it's now like full. And she just always has since she was a tiny baby.

Now she's a full adult woman who has the, maybe the most lesbian swagger I've ever seen in my fucking life. Just, it's just in her. It has been since she was little. So we're there, we're hanging out, we're like making... We actually, we were sitting around as teenagers, making a... Taping a talk show, pretending we were a talk show, called One on One.

I used to do that with my cousins. Yeah, and we would each be the characters calling in. Anyway, but in between this, she's like rolling calls to like girls she's in, that are in her grade, and she's like, hey, what's up? What are we all doing tonight? And like, just so easy. And I'm like, that easy?

Like that's how you're popular. You just call people and see what's up and what's going on that night. And so I just started doing it. I just, the next year I just was like, let me, I'm gonna be Jamie, but I'm me. I'm just gonna do what Jamie does. And it fucking worked.

I think you also just have to be okay with like someone might go, I'm busy tonight. And then you go, all right. And then you move on to the next part. Like also just have to be OK with like someone might go, I'm busy tonight and then you go, all right. And then you move on. Like, you just have to be OK. Totally. With a little bit of rejection. Yeah. I think we're all so scared of

rejection. I saw on I think it was like on Instagram, it was this lady who has an art car, which means she just painted her Nissan Altima with like a bunch of gnomes and fairies and like all these like intricate things. And I was like, okay, that is her special interest.

I love that. And she was like, I think the thing I love most about my car is like people at Red Lights will talk to me. And then we like can bond over that. And I just meet a new person every day to talk to. And I was like, huh, that is nice. It is nice sometimes to stand out. And it is nice sometimes to have just like a fun conversation

with a stranger you don't know, and you probably will never see again. Uh-huh. Yeah, totally. Totally. That one would maybe get to be a little too much for me. That one would turn into the whole thing we were talking about earlier, walking through the audience to get to the stage. Yes.

I'd be like, sometimes I just need for no one to look at me. I need them not looking at my car right now. Yes, that would, because I really wanted to wrap my car in leopard print. I mean, dude, that's pretty good. I was like, but there'll be a day where like something devastating has happened and I'll be at a red light, like almost on the brink of tears

and someone will be like, cool car! And I'll be like, just start sobbing. They're like, oh no, I saw this lady in a leopard print Jeep crying. Well, it would be the next level up from that too, because it would get around so quickly that Nicole Byer has a leopard print car. And so there's no way they'd be like, this lady.

They would be screaming your name and referencing your project. And I'd be like, please leave me alone. And I'd be like, nailed it. And I'd be like, ugh. Also, my dog ended up in... so I was driving with my dog. My friend sent me a screenshot from some stranger's Instagram story of him hanging out the window of my car.

And was like, is this Clyde? And I was like, yes. And he was like, I guess this guy I'm talking to just saw your dog hanging out of the car and just randomly took a picture and posted it. And I was like, that's too much. So if I had a leopard print car, it would happen all the time. Yeah, so bad.

I mean, it seems very appealing. I've thought about wrapping many different cars. I used to I used to put real like paint that's not for a bike onto my bike as a kid. I had one super cool bike that I didn't want to put paint on. But then at one point I had this, like, old bike of my dad's and I was like, can I just paint it? Because, yeah, I just wanted it to look different and cool.

Sometimes I just want to look different and cool. And then sometimes I'm like, oh, just let me blend in. I never want to talk today. Totally. Edie, I'm like, oh, just let me blend in. I never want to talk today. Totally. Edie, real quick, we got to take another break! Great. [♪ MUSIC PLAYING FADES out...] This episode of Why Won't You Date Me is brought to you by Booking.com.

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that turn your stay into something special because life is too short to stay anywhere boring. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking.yeah! Book today on the site or in the app. And we're back. So before you got married in 2003, you were dating around.

Do you remember any like bad dates you went on that you wanna talk about? Yeah. I went on one once here and I don't think my name ever got said the entire date, but I was referred to over and over and over as girl. As girl? Hey girl, like, you look great tonight, girl.

And I remember I was just like, oh wow, this is wild. That is truly wild. I mean, I wonder if he knew your name. He did. He did. And he was very, he was very cute. And yeah, a very, a very nice guy. But yeah, I just called her girl over and over again. That's really funny. Yeah. Was it only one date or did you go back for more, girl? Just one, and there was a minor makeout at the end of it. And I think that just showed me, like, I think this is just like a nice guy. There wasn't really a ton. There was no real spark. guy that there wasn't really a ton.

There was no real spark. Yeah, there wasn't a spark here. This is a great person, but the spark wasn't there. And I went on one here where there was one point where I think it's just because he knew the poem. But the guy was trying to be smooth and he started saying a poem to me and I was like, what the fuck is happening? And the poem was not even like a sexy poem. I haven't even looked up the lyrics, I mean the words lately, but the poem was, I feel like if this is a real thing, something like, owed to a Grecian urn. But I think it's just because he...

A Grecian urn? Yes. And I think it's just because he knew the words and maybe like wanted to hear himself say the words. That is genuinely so funny. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna pull out a poem. She gonna love this poem. That thought has never occurred to me, to like recite a poem to someone or like,

or like a monologue from my favorite TV show that I have talked about cars on dates at Nausium. I like cars. I do too. You do? Yes. What's your favorite car? I would say, I'm all about aesthetic. Okay. That's the lame thing.

You probably know, like, engines and horsepower. No, not really. I like the looks of cars. Okay, okay. Right now... Now it's tough. Everything's an SUV. It is. But if I had to get something now... My thing is I like retro. I do have a Bronco Sport,

but I would go get one of those ones that I think they're made in Atlanta. They're called Vintage Broncos. Yes, I've been to the factory. You have? Are you getting one? No, because they start at a hundred grand. They're so expensive. They're so expensive.

It like broke my heart when he told me how much they start at. I was like, oh. And honestly, Nicole, they start at like 160 grand. I know. And that's with like not all the cool shit. Yes, I know. It's disgusting. They're so expensive.

Yeah, but they look so good. They look so cool. And the fact that they have the crank thing, but it's actually automatic. I'm like, oh, you're killing me. It's so great. And they have a purple one, this like lilac, lavender one that is so beautiful.

Oh, that like powdery shimmery. Yes. Oh, I love it so much. I want one so bad. But I'm like, over $100,000. I can't drive that. What if I crash it? Also, what?

I know. But they're so pretty. It seems like the argument, at least on the Instagram, is like, they'll go like, this won't go down in value any time you drive a regular car off the lot. It's go down to value immediately. I'm like, okay, there's maybe something in what you're saying there, but... I don't know. They are right though, because I have seen some with like a hundred thousand miles that

are still like $80,000 and I'm like, that's so wild! It is so wild. But that's a very good pick. What's yours right now? Mine is a Mitsubishi 3000 GT. It's been my favorite car since I was a kid. Oh, so is that a full sports car? It is like an economical sports car.

Ooh! I liked it when I was little because I is like an economical sports car. Ooh. I liked it when I was little because I was like, it had good safety features. And it was moderately priced. This is so good. And it was slightly bigger than the Mitsubishi Eclipse. And actually, probably, yeah, a little bit bigger. But yeah, I just, I love a two-door car.

I will not drive a four-door car. Awesome. Because nobody asks me for rides. And if they do, I'm like, well, climb in the back. Have a nice time back there. Ugh, I love a car. Edie, I have a question for you. Okay, yes.

Do you have any advice for single people? Well, I've got some, but I'd say take it or leave it. I think my advice for single people and for anyone in general is one of those things, one of those things that everyone says, which I'm like, don't eye roll me here, but like, if you can, just stop worrying about it. Like, just like live your life and get on a fun vibe and like, hang out with your friends and try to get in a frequency of like, joy and fun.

And then like, stuff will start to percolate. That's my one advice that might, like I said, might get an eye roll, because that's like, what everyone says. But then my other one is like, I don't know, just don't ever try to be anything other than what you are. Like go hard into like your specific weird. And at some point the exact right person is gonna show up. I think you're right.

I think you're really right. I also like your, when you were in college, going into like people's rooms being like, do you want to be friends? I think that's also a good piece of advice to just like, hey, put yourself out there. Totally. You might get a new friend.

Totally, cause it's hot as hell to walk up to someone and go, whatever, I like you. I think you're really attractive. Would you go, I would love to take you on a date. Even if they say no, that's so fucking cool. Yes. Yes. And it's so baller, like to have the bravery to go up and do that.

And to have the vibe of like, I don't care what you say. Like you can say yes or no to this, but I have to get this out there. But I have to ask you. Come on. That's very, very hot. Yeah, agreed. Yeah, ugh, I like it. Me too.

Edie, this has been fun. Really fun. Thank you so much for doing this. Do you, ooh, would you date me? Yeah. Thank you. Yes! We would just go car shopping.

Have you been to the auto museum here? No. It's really fun. I think it's on La Brea. I might be making that up. I think I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like a weird building. It's a weird like red and silvery building.

You can see into the glass? I think so. I'm not sure, but they have a bunch of like displays. And then if you go into the vault, they're not in any particular order, but it's almost every car you could dream of down there. Like Ferraris, Volkswagen, Volvo's, like a Volvo with like suicide doors. Like it's so fun.

I had such a nice time just walking around and going, ooh, ooh. Oh, that's great. I tried not too long ago to find my... When I got my driver's license, my mom and dad so awesomely got me a car, but the one that they could get and that they felt like was safe, safe and affordable, was from somebody in town

had a barely used 1981 Ford Granada. Ooh, I don't even, do I know a Ford Granada? I mean, it's just a boxy. A big boxy four door car, yeah. Actually a small boxy four door, which I loved about it. It wasn't like big tank. Okay, so it's not like a Taurus, it's like a Escort? Maybe the predecessor to the Escort?

I did have an Escort GT at one point. That's two door? Yes. With like the little circle, the little circle headlights? Loved it. I loved that car. I loved that car. It looked like a little oval.

Yep, it sure did. It sure did, but that Granada was so awesome and it was so not a cool car. But it was so awesome in that I was the only person who could fit a bunch of people into my car. And so the Granada from far away looked like Grandma. And so all my friends called it the Grandma. And we would go like, are we getting in the Grandma?

This weekend. We would go running around in the grandma. It had those plasticky seats. The seats were like baby blue. And it wasn't even leather. It was like, I don't know what it was. I guess it was leather. But all I know is it was hot and vol.

We've strayed from making cars cool. Like blue seats in a car. That's so fun. Baby blue seats in a Navy car. What a dream. I was obsessed with it. I kept it immaculate. It was so pimped, like fucking awesome.

But I looked recently, I was like, can't I find like a damn 81 Granada with baby blue seats? You probably could, go on Auto Trader. Also there is a, God, it's like a dealer that deals specialty cars, and not even specialty, they'll just have like, like an old Ford Escort that you've wanted, or like a Geo Tracker.

It's like GR Gallery or something, it's in Michigan. But sometimes I just go on their website and just like look at things. Cool. I love cars. Yours, did you have it shipped from Ohio? Yes, they were very confused. They were like, why do you want this car? Why are you paying to ship it?

And I was like, it's a childhood dream. Leave me alone. Thank you. It was also very reasonably priced. That's great. I mean, I paid more to ship it than like the cost of the car. That's awesome. Edie, thank you so much for being here.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Do you have anything you wanna promote? I'd say just now that, now that Gemstones is over, go watch all the seasons, one, two, three, and four. Truly, they should, because you're so funny on it. Truly, you make me laugh. You're such a delight.

And if you, oh. Oh, oh, oh. You're such a delight. And if you... Oh! Oh! Oh! If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you could like it, you could rate it, you could subscribe, you could give me five stars on Apple Podcasts, and if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I'll read it. My farmer Nicole, because I'm a farmer. That's right. I've been following your farming adventures, and I want to treat you like the little cowgirl you are. Come ride my bullcock as long as you can hold on. I'll grunt and fuck your fat pussy all around.

Whenever people say fat pussy, I'm like, just because I'm fat doesn't mean it's fat. Anyway, I'll have you yeehawing like a real country gal. Your cum will flow like a flood and all your crops will be watered, ensuring next year's harvest is plentiful. I'll give that pussy a good ol' hock to a eel for good measure, and return you to your backyard farm

before sundown like a real southern gent from Alex. Alex, that was funny. I liked it so much. What a nice time. Bye-bye! -♪ You've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kenovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kemp. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose.

And our theme music is arranged by Mike Cometay. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye bye. That was a Headgum podcast. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson and I host the Headgum Podcast. So do me a favor and come check out an episode and then bounce around our catalog. We're over 150 episodes so far, so there's plenty of stories for you to discover.

Subscribe to We're Here to Help on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday, and bonus episodes drop on Wednesdays. Hi, I'm Jessi Klein. And I'm Liz Feldman, and we're the hosts of a new Headgum podcast called Here to Make Friends. Liz and I met in the writer's room

on a little hit TV show called Dead to Me, which is a show about murder. But more importantly, it's also about two women becoming very good friends in their 40s. Which can really happen, and it has happened to us. It's true. Because life has imitated ours. And then it imitated life. Time is a flat circle. And now we're making a podcast that's about making friends. And we're inviting an incredible guest like Vanessa

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