Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Setting Relationship Boundaries (w/ Trixie Mattel)

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

Drag queen Trixie Mattel (Drag Race S7, All Stars 3) returns to the podcast! After experiencing how exhausting it is to navigate a private breakup while smiling through a press tour, Trixie opens up about why she is now fiercely protective of her new relationship. Nicole explains why Drag Race S7 is her all-time favorite season, and the girls discuss wild dating reality TV shows like 90 Day Fiancé, Love After Lockup, and Love on the Spectrum, plus whether Trixie would ever actually compete on The Traitors. Trixie also discusses her impersonator recent retirement, gives her honest advice to all the gay singles out there, and reveals her obsession with crime scene cleanup.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTake our listener survey and shape the future of the podcast!Support this podcast by checking out our sponsors:• Jones Road Beauty: Use code DATEME at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Gift with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #ad• Betterhelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/dateme today to get 10% off your first month.• Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/3v6r90n6 #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. We talk a lot on this show about how messy, dating, and relationships can get. But here is something that will make life a whole lot messier. The ongoing efforts to defund plan parenthood. Shutting down health centers makes it so much harder and so much more expensive for everyone to get the affordable care that they need.

Recently, a lot of life. has passed to defund Planned Parenthood as a part of a year's long effort to shut down these vital health centers. Now, some members of Congress want to make that defunding permanent, which robs care from the millions of people who rely on Medicaid to get their health services. Cancers will go undetected, STIs will go untreated, and patients won't get the birth control they need to plan their families and their futures. But Planned Parenthood isn't backing down. They're still showing up for patients every single day, making sure everyone can access life-saving, life-changing, sexual and reproductive health care.

Planned Parenthood needs you in this bite right now, no matter the size of your donation, it makes a real difference. Don't let them get away with this. Go to planparenthood.org slash defend and give today. Oh, baby, we're working on some fun stuff behind the scenes, and we want you to help shape the future of why won't you date me? We put together a super quick listener survey because I want to hear exactly what you want to see. Who are your absolute dream guests?

What kind of wild topics do you want me to cover? Tell me what you want. The survey can be found in the link for the why won't you date me link tree in the episode description. Click that and the survey link will be listed at the top. It only takes a few minutes and truly helps me make the show better for you. Answer now. Find the why won't you date me link tree in the episode description. for the listener survey.

If men my age wanted me the way 19-year-old lesbians do, like, oh my God. Have you ever gotten to the bottom of that? I don't know. Yeah, your demo is just young. 20-year-old, like, Sappet girls are like, that's my wife. And lesbians. And Trixi and Katia are my lesbian wives. Yeah.

But you know what? It's very loving and nobody's going to respect your boundaries like female fans. That's very funny. They could have a tattoo of you and they're still like, can I touch you? That's very, very funny. And like young girls asking old white men for consent. sent to touch them. Wacky! You know what I mean?

Wacky! Flipping the script, Diva! Don't you date me? Baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Meena Cole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on a desk and tell me that's a keyboard. My guest today is a legendary drag queen who competed on Rupal's Drag Race Season 7, which is honestly my favorite season, even though people say it's not a good season.

But I'll tell you why in a second. Went on to win All-Star Season 3. She's the founder of the makeup brand Trixie Cosmetics. Host her own massively popular YouTube channel. You can hear her co-hosting the podcast, The Bold and the Beautiful. And you can see her around America on her solid pink disco tour. I'm so excited. She's back.

She was once on the podcast on the 63rd episode in 2019 before the pandemic. It's Trixie Madell! Oh my God! I feel like I have... Am I only been on this once? Only, yeah, one. In my mind, I've done it several times. Nope, just one time.

But you are more than welcome to come back whenever you want. Do you know what it is? I do listen. And so I think what happens is I think I'm talking to you. I do talk to... If I listen to podcasts a lot, I think I'm the other host. I think I'm in it. You're not the only one.

Okay, good. My sister sometimes will get on the phone and she'll be like, oh, she'll say something that she heard on the podcast and then I have to go, what? Did I tell you that? And she's like, oh, no, no, no, sorry. I was listening to the podcast. And then I had to tell her to stop listening to it

and just call me. Stop listening. Well, somebody told Katia and I, my friend Vanessa, was like, oh, I listen to Baldwin and Beautiful while I drive. And her friend goes, I watch it while I drive. I was like, okay. I think we need to pull back from the YouTube watching.

Yeah. And I love YouTube. I think we got to drive. But if you're going to drive, just drive. I was in an Uber and I said, could we listen to some music? And he said, sure. Then he put YouTube on the screen. And as he was driving, was like, oh, that's a good song.

And I was like, you have to look at the road. What are we doing? I know. At this point, the Waymo's are safer, I think. I can't do a Waymo. Girl, I've never done it. I was biking. I was a bike in Hollywood, though, which is like, that's wild.

I know. I was biking yesterday and I was biking next to Waymo. And I was like, if you had a cuttie, get sideswiped by a Waymo on a bike, like, that'll be my. It's going to happen. That could be like my Aaron Brockovich, like, PG&E story. Like, I don't want to get hurt. Sure. But I want to angle in a way where it's like AI targeted me.

Trixie, you're going to have to get a little hurt to get the money. What if I just like ride next to a Waymo, throw myself on the ground, have a neck brace, you know? Well, because they have, they have cameras on the sides. I guess who's going to, like, don't you think no driver is still better than a gay driver? I'd rather get in a waymo than like a gay person. We were doing the Queery Awards and I had this little monologue and we were talking about my new business venture is going to be gay mo where it's no driver but it's the worst music you've ever heard and it's like a curbshot every couple blocks. The worst driving worst music. Honestly, I think that's really funny.

Yeah. I would do that. I would do that. What do you think about? Do you smoke cigarettes? Yes. You do? How often?

Every day. No, you don't. I'm a smoker, baby. Shut up. Do you smoke in the car? No. Because people love to smoke in the car, and I think that's crazy. I used to love smoking in the car.

It's a whole thing, right? It's a whole ritual. It is, and it's beautiful, and I used to use my ashtray. What? And then just, like, hanging out the wind. Sometimes, okay, if I'm in, like, a panic where I haven't had one and I've got a long drive, I'll smoke it in the car, but all the windows are down. Because I just don't want my car to smell like stale smoke.

And it will. Yes. Quickly. Quickly. One will do it. And you won't smell it. No. Because you smoke.

Yeah. But yeah, I used to love it. My old Honda Civic, ugh, stunk. Those are made for smoking. Stunk. I think when you get a Civic, it comes with a pack of cigarettes. And you just have to smoke. You just got to light up.

Yeah. Why do you ask? I don't know. Do you smoke? No. I think I was thinking about, oh, gay smoking and driving. And like, I have had friends tell them. that's when they're trying to quit smoking, the driving is the hardest part because they're

used to the ritual of the driving and the smoking. Yes. Most of smoking is just a ritual. I read this book called The Easy Way to Quit by Alan Carr, and I got to, I don't know, the last like four pages, maybe the last chapter, and I was like, oh, I want to quit. So I closed it, put it away and didn't quit. So it sounds like you almost quit and then change your mind when you really think about what that story is.

You had quitting in sight and you said, four more pages. This is where I draw the line. Absolutely. Well, do you feel cool? Like, I've never smoked a cigarette. Do you feel cool? You've never smoked a cigarette? No, what's it about?

Because when I'm smoking weed, I don't feel cool. Okay. In high school, I was friends with this guy named Dan, very gay. In high school, I only had gay friends. What's changed? Nothing. Nothing. But Dan was like, Dan smoked.

Dan drove a white Dodge shadow, which is just, like a boxy sedan. And he would smoke out the window and I was like, God, he looks so cool. And he was like, do you smoke? And I was like, yeah. And then he gave me one. And then I was like, ooh, I don't smoke. And then I was like, I will learn how to smoke so I can smoke.

Right. So then I would like be in my garage just like chain smoking cigarettes, making myself sick until I got addicted. That's really fierce, girl. Thank you. I did this to myself. I think it's the tenacity of the human spirit. When I talk about Nicole, we talk about boundless determination.

Yes. We talk about follow through. Yes. Yes. I followed through. I said, I want my lungs to be bad. But I just gave you a hug and you don't smell like smoke. So what's the secret?

I haven't had one today. Oh. Because I feel like it's hard when you have long hair, too. It's like this is my smoke, my smoke blanket that I wear on my head. Do you what I mean? Yeah. Like hair collects smoke smells. Yes, so easily.

When you go to a restaurant, sometimes you leave and you're like, oh, my hair smells like the restaurant. Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. I mean, I don't, you can smoke around me. I don't think my scalp is going to pick up the smell. How long have you been bald? I mean, I was born bald.

Yeah, most of us were. I was born bald. But I had to think about that. I was like, yeah. My grandpa used to say I was born at a very young age, which I, like, loved. Stupid. Let's see. I started shaving my head in the summers when I was like 22. So then on summer I just kept doing it, maybe like 26, 25.

I had hair on Drag Race, but then maybe shaved after that. Oh, yeah, you did. Season 7 of Drag Race, why do you like it? It is my absolute favorite season. Why? I have seen it so many times. Why? Because every challenge is an acting challenge.

Yes. And then the group of girls, there are very few. actors in the group. So it's like after two acting challenges. It's like just Kennedy and Ginger. Yes. That's all there is for good acting. After two, you'd think the producers would go, oh, we got a shift to see what these girls'

strong suits are. And they were like, we won't. It was like exposure therapy for drag queens who've never read a script. They were like, so eight challenges of acting in a row. I mean, that's basically what it was. And no tea. They're not going to be funny. No.

The writing Shakespeare. Bad. Shake is. Was it Shake Squeer or Shake Usqueer? Shake Squeer? Girl, I'm like so blacked out from it. But I remember reading it and thinking like, okay, sure. Katte and I did a re on The Bold and the Beautiful.

We rewatched Student Seven last summer. And I hadn't seen it in 10 years. It's 10 years old now. So I was like, wow, this is like all acting, number one. Yeah. And not altogether funny. No. Like Roo Hollywood Stories is weird.

Yes. They're all weird. They're all insane challenges. And I love it. I love it. I had Jasmine Masters on and I was telling her how much I loved it. And she was like, girl, I was half of the whole thing. Because one of my favorite moments is a cocoon. So it comes out of a cocoon. And then a butterfly comes out of a cocoon. So is it a cocoon. I just. We lived it. I've seen the season no less than maybe 15 times. You're lying. I have seen it so many times.

Jesus. You know, there is a... It's my comfort show. It makes me so happy. It's my discomfort show. Miss Fame, not understanding how's your head is so deeply funny to me. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. There's a lot to it. I mean, Kennedy's great. I'm so happy she's on Drag Race again.

I love Kennedy. I know. I'm so excited to see her. That's one of my favorite lip-sinks of all time. Kennedy versus Katia. Oh, yeah, Roar. When she jumps right off that stage. Roar.

Great. I love Kennedy's ugly dress when she's the old lady, the church lady. Yes. I love the, I didn't die. I was, I was crystallized. Crystalized chicken. That's crazy. It really is crazy.

Season seven was a different time. And like season six was so good. And then season seven was so odd and unflinching. Like, it just stayed weird. It was like, you know when a joke's funny the third time and the 11th time? Yes. That season occupied four through 10. the times it wasn't funny and like wouldn't give up.

Yes, yes. And it was like, no, no, we're going to keep doing this. But there's a lot of working drag queens who've had major impact from that season. Yes. Like a lot of named, like drag queens of name that people would still know. Yes. So I don't know what that is. Like, Violet, still working.

Like a lot of these people are still be working all the time. Yes. Because it was a good season. Dare I say you and Katte are maybe the most successful from the franchise? Yeah. And we never even, we weren't even friends on drag race. We barely spoke. That's because Katia was best friends with Ginger.

She was best friends with Ginger. And also she was in the old lady brigade. And I was lumped in with the young, skinny, white fashion people, which I wasn't. So I was like, yeah, that's me too. I'm just like Violet. I'm just like everybody else. When you guys think of fame and Pearl, I want you to think of me as well. Yes.

I'm also stunning. But also when you go home and you're like, I didn't get to tap dance. It's... I don't... Girl, it's... It's so funny. It's really... I don't know what.

I wish I could go back in time and have you be on the season with us as, you know, just as another drag queen. I would love to have been there. It is like the... The divine challenge, the eggs, eggs. Like, it's just all so funny to me. It's crazy.

With live piano playing, with the live singing with the piano accompanist, the John Watershit. It's crazy. Wild. Rupal. yelling at you guys during Shake Square. I wasn't on stage for that, but I remember them coming off stage and being like Shell shocked.

I remember Pro being like RuPaul like just screamed at us. It's perfect because it's like you're yelling at the girls, but you had a hand. You knew what the challenge was. Right. You know, you probably saw a little bit of it. It's the blonde leading the blonde for sure. Yes. Yes. And it's a really crazy.

And then like I have to think of Jazz and Masters and the Shake. scrobing like basic bitches not wanted like the most wooden deliveries of like heightened language but heightened language written by like a gay PA. Yes. Like it's not this isn't like collegiate. This isn't Hamlet. This is like some gay guy who Googled Shakespeare. Yep.

It was like I don't know. They'll say it like this. It's like cheerleading tryouts. Shakespeare cheerleading tryouts. And it was like a live like a stage with a set. Yes. There was like a castle that we don't use. Well, Pearl used it because Pearl pops up.

Oh, yeah, and Pearl hits that tree. But nobody told Pearl that as soon as you pop, if you can see, the camera can see you, so she pops up, steadies herself, and then says her line. It's so funny. It's really something. It's my favorite. I love it. I like it more than season six.

Season six to me is not that fun. Season six is like genuinely really good, like genuinely very good characters and like good drama. I don't know, Bianca Del Rio from the jump, I was like, well, she's going to win and then she won. Yeah, she kind of does stuff on the hose. But, like, season five is so fun because you got Roxy Andrews hating Jinks Mons. That's the best shit ever. Like, I don't even get me started because obviously we've done pit stop together. When I was doing pit stop, I love doing pit stop, but it's, we are, we need to get the drag queens less afraid of fans.

Yes. Drag queens used to be like Chanel. They used to just be like, I don't fucking care. Well, that's why I like Mistress Isabella Brooks so much. She really. He doesn't give a fuck. She'll start shit with any old person, and I love it. Plain.

Plain is ruthless. Very, very mean. And she doesn't care. Be mean. Corey King, very funny. Very funny. But also. Very shady.

Yes. But also plain and mistress, I think the way their brain works, too, is like, the worst thing I could do is be dishonest with you. Like, I think they actually feel kind of like, wouldn't need to be mad at me because I told you I didn't like what you had on. And when you put it that way, it's like, yeah, who cares if some drag queen is a like a job on. Who gives a shit? Who cares?

You know, as much as like Katya and I always joke about, as much as drag queens will joke about Katia, like, you know, the work we'd get to do or whatever, the drag queens are never like, well, we wish we looked just like you and Katia. It's like, nobody's ever like Katia, that outfit, wish I had that. Trixie, oh my God, I wish I could do my, you know, I wish I looked just like you. Nobody's ever saying that to us.

I don't know. Don't you have a full-time impersonator? She just retired. She just retired. She just retired. And you know what? Nobody understands getting sick of being me more than me. When she announced that she was retiring, I was like, you did a great job and you've lasted longer than than the second.

Did she retire from drag as a whole or just impersonating you? I think both. Oh, okay. But I'm not sure. But she did a wonderful job. And she was younger and thinner than me. And so I always was like, yes, that's my double. Here she is.

But yeah, she announced on Instagram that she's retiring. and she started selling off all the Trixie wigs. I almost bought one of them. I was like... That's very funny. To buy a Trixie wig from a Trixie impersonator. You need one. I would love one.

You need an impersonator. You don't even have to show up anymore. Who do we get? Who do we get? Meatball. Oh, my God, that one time... We have been mistaken for one another. You look...

Well, you've kind of done... When I put you in Trixie drag, you kind of looked like Meatball. Yes. But we haven't put meatball. ball and Nicole drag. So maybe we could get a hair like this with like the vans and get her in here. Have you ever had to be ball on this? Yeah. Have you back and have her dress like you and have her sit over there. Oh. And then interview me. Trial run. Wait. You said you bike ride around Hollywood. I have a bike. Yeah. I bike. Sometimes I bike. I mean, I bike to my studio. So it's like a

two mile bike ride across Hollywood. But I take Hollywood Boulevard for like half of it because there's a bike lane. Okay. So do you think it's safer to take side streets? or be on the streets that are busy enough to have a bike lane? Like, what is the safe? I think it's safer to be on the streets that are busy enough to have a bike lane. But you also run, too, right? Not so much anymore. My arthritis, I can't really run anymore.

How'd you get into fitness? COVID. I mean, I got really into running during COVID, so I started doing marathon stuff. Have you ran a marathon? Uh-huh. 26.2 miles? Yeah. But then I just started doing smaller distances.

And then when I got my inflammatory arthritis, I had to pull back on really any exercise that was like high impact because I'm always trying to get my nervous system like de-escalated. For me to feel the healthiest, I have to keep very zen. Interesting. I do low-impact exercising with a nice man on the internet name, Daniel. On Zoom? No. I just look at his videos on YouTube.

Oh. And I just like follow along. It's like I tried to do Taibo. I did Taibo for two days. Do you know Tybo? With that guy? Yeah. It is not low impact and it's really hard and it killed me.

He does not have a low impact body. He sure does not. That's a high impact body. Yes. And he wants you to do high impact in your living room and be hopping and step in and kicking. And I was like, well, I simply can't do that. Right. So we're going to do these nice videos where this man goes, I do low impact because I have bad knees and I go me too.

And they're a half hour and they're really nice. Yeah, I really loved running. Now I'm at a point where if I push my system too much for extended discomfort like that, my body starts to attack itself, inflame itself. Oh. Like a fever. Oh. It's horrible.

I'm so sorry. I'm kind of getting one now. Do you feel it? Feel my skin. Oh, yeah. You're kind of warm. Yeah. So it's not like contagious, but basically my body thinks that it needs to auto attack itself.

Oh, no. Maybe take your hat off? It is warm in here. Sorry, they... It is warm. It is warm. We don't run headgum. We don't run air conditioning down at the headgum.

Isn't it rude? Can you believe? You've been at headgum for... I've been at head... So I started a headgum, then I went to Team Coco, and then I came home to Headgum. Headgum. Hegum. Remember, I was thinking the other day, remember when you and I were doing the belly flop competition?

We were hosting on Jimmy Kimmel. You and I were hosting the belly flop competition with Sean. White. Oh my God, yes. I absolutely forgot that's who the third person was. Me, you and Sean love that you only remember us. Sean White. I was like me and my best friend, I'm saying. Yep, me, you and then I remember the first person to do, you were in full glam. I think you had like a braided updo with glam. You had a glam. You were in glam. And the first belly flop, the splash was so severe that the wave of water hit you in the face. Just me. Just me. Just me. Just me. My contact was knocked out. And I was like,

well, all right. You can't do anything. I didn't have another contact. So then I just like couldn't see. And then I remember the car ride home. I was like kind of vaguely wet and like with one eye closed. And it was the first beginning of the segment. So Jimmy was like, all right, first belly flop.

Immediately drowns her. And then you were the first. So then they go, all right, first up, Nicole, what did you think? And you were like choking. I think it was really good. Yeah. And I remember it was Sean White. I'd never see.

I mean, I didn't realize in person he was so handsome. He's very handsome with this beautiful short red hair. And I remember he was like, oh, he watched Drag Race, I think. And he was like, congratulations on Drag Race. I was like, thank you. Congratulations in your four Olympic gold medals. But thank you for saying that about Drag Race. It is really funny when you meet someone who's like really done a thing.

And they're like, you've done things too. And you're like, no, not really. No. Not like you. You went to the Olympic. Yeah. Like that's wild. Imagine being so good at a sport that you like win medals and compete with other people.

Oh, I know. I just did the queerties and we gave an award to Gus Kenworthy. And I was like, God, you're, you're an Olympian. You're an Olympian. It's wild. I find that type of like, to me it's because sports, being good at sports is so beyond my reach and my comprehension. Correct. That I'm like, you have done something that has blown my mind. Yes. I can't imagine being you for a minute. And you've done it so consistently for such a long time. And like when you wanted to give up, you didn't? Yeah. I mean, there is an ice cream shop. There's a foster freeze that's like a mile away from my house.

I have tried to walk there three times and I have given up each time. What do you do? Just lay down or do you turn around and go home? I just lay down right in the middle of the street and I go, Somebody take me to the ice cream. No, I turn around and go home. You call one of those Uber helicopters. Come get me!

The Waymo! The Waymo! I could call a Waymo. No, I'll just turn around and walk home. I usually get about like 10 minutes down and then I go. You don't even like walking? No. A little power walk?

No. Okay, okay. I don't really like exercise. Okay. And I've lost like some weight and now I'm just trying to maintain it. And I'm like, oh. And now I actually do understand how I gain the weight in the first place. It's because you munch, munch, munch, and then you don't walk around.

Yeah, I mean, walking is really a magic trick for a lot of things. It's annoying. It's really helpful. Like, it's good for your mood. It helps with back pain. Yeah. It solves a lot of fucking problems. And it's so annoying.

Yeah, I know. Trixie, we have to take a break. Oh, okay. Well, buck me then. I am convinced that half the makeup out there is designed to completely mask your face. And to be honest, I like my face. I don't want to be walking around like a CGI filter. I just want to look like a healthier, more radiant version of myself.

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Cash app, slash legal, slash podcast, for full disclosures. Trixie, we're back. Oh, my God. At least you're calling for breaks. Katte and I never do that, and then the ad just like starts in the middle.

It would be like, girl, I was at L.A.X. Today's episode of Baldwin, The Beautiful is brought to me. Whatever. Who cares? People like it. Can I ask a question? No.

Yeah. About working with someone that you're romantic with on a business venture. Uh-huh. Was that hard? I would say in some ways it was the best most magical. It was a very magical time. Like it was creating with someone you love is like such a fun, cool feeling. And I get that feeling with Katia.

I get that feeling with, you know, when you can just work with anybody. but because the Trixie Motel was like, I would have never done that on my own. So like, you know, Dave and I really put both our brains and blood and sweat into it. I would say renovating is stressful. Reality TV is stressful. And so like opening a business is stressful, renovating is stressful, and making a reality TV show stressful. And we're doing all three at the same time. So I would say, if anything, I know you know what this is like.

cameras being around usually just brings out what's really going on. Yeah. I'd say all things considered, there's that moment sometimes where you feel like it's been a long day, whatever, and you feel the camera lens and you want to almost look at it and be like, please go away. You want to do that housewives thing where you're like, don't film me right now. Don't film me. I'm done.

But I would say, honestly, to keep it some pretty positive, it's probably the most, it was like the most magical to be making something. I remember the day we revealed the first room, the pink flamingo suite. I remember seeing it finished. first time and being like, oh my God, like the power of creating with someone you love and trust. Because you have to have a lot of trust to do something that big. Yes. So when you think about doing a project that big with just like a business partner, that seems crazy.

I know you're not supposed to work with people you like are in family with or anything, but to me it almost felt like making such a big life decision with somebody you genuinely trust outside of business felt safer. Yeah. You know, we could be more ambitious because. we always were just like, we always knew that we were making something really cool that was, like, bigger than our relationship. I love that. And I work with Sashir, who's, like, my best, best friend in the whole wide world.

Your wife. Your wife. She is my wife. My work wife. Are you guys going to do a motel? We are. Are you really? No.

Oh, Monet just did a prank call. She called Katia and said, like, do you think, I'm thinking of opening the Mo Motel and Palm Springs. She asked Katta, do you think Trixie would be mad? And Katta was like, I don't know, girl. I would keep her like a heads up. I mean, I wouldn't be mad, but I would be. Interesting. Interesting.

Of all the cities in the world. Yeah. Could have done Burmink. Okay. But could have done Studio City, Pasadena or something. I'm dying. I would love for there to be a drag, like a drag themed hotel in Burbank. The Momotel.

The Momotel, right by the Burbank Airport. But would you ever do? Is that like... Well, we haven't talked about, like, a business venture together. Or we'll be, like, lightly talked about it. We've just never, like, follow it through on it. But there is nobody I trust more than her. So it feels like we have a strong enough relationship that, like, if...

Like, nothing could happen in a business venture that would, like, make us not want to work together. And I know that. Like, I know we would always figure it out. So, like, I do think it'd be fun. But we're not romantic. That's like the only thing where I'd be like, oh, like the nice man in my life. I don't know if we'd ever go into business together. No, maybe we would because he usually just says yes to the things I want.

Right. That's healthy, right? I guess like I'd feel comfortable with you. So I'll just tell you. Like, when you open a business with somebody who's in your life that you care about, you have to also imagine what if our friendship relationship changes in this business outlasts us, what do we do? So I will say, I think it's important to think about that stuff. Like, could, it's kind of like, could you co-parent if you weren't together? Yes. Yes. You know,

and we always knew, like, the motel and what we, like, we believed in it and we love it. And we always knew, like, whatever our shit was is, the motel. The motel and what it stands for and what it means to people. And, like, our co-like love and pride, we have so much pride in the motel was going to probably outlive our like, we were going to die being proud of that motel. So it was like, in a way, I hate to say it's like a,

it's an art and business venture that felt bigger than our, bigger than a personal relationship. I don't think that's something you should hate saying. I think that's really incredible to build something. Unconditional. Like our relationship to each other becomes unconditional because of this link. Yes.

And honestly, what a lovely thing to create with a partner. Like the motel is so cool. It's so, you've been several times. I've been. It's incredible. It's, it really is fun to like, I don't know, see something that was like dreamt up in somebody's brain, like be actualized. Oh my God.

Like I can't even tell you. I mean, we made that maybe four years ago now, maybe five years. I can't even tell. When was the first season? 2021 when we recorded it maybe a long time ago now. Yeah, it was a while. It was after the pandemic. Maybe five years ago now, but like I remember seeing it come together for the first time,

seeing like the first finished suite and being like, oh my God, we did it. We're doing it. Like if we could finish one of these suites and have it be amazing, I was like, this is actually going to work. And I mean, again, so much of what made that motel good was like being deeply entrusting with another co-creator. So I don't know. Like if you, if some random business guy was like, do you want to open a motel? you just wouldn't have the same approach because it's not a labor of love.

Yes. The motel was like such a labor of love. And so when you go there, you're like, wow, this is not a chain hotel. This is like... No. And that's what I love the most about it because I was not going to just a year about this recently.

I was like, we went to this hotel. It was definitely a sex hotel in New Jersey, but they had a champagne fluted tub. And I was like, why don't... Why don't more hotels have fun things in them? Because it's like, we don't care. What's a champagne fluted tub? Oh, so it's a tub in the shape of a champagne flute.

You've never seen what? What? So it's like two. Like you climb into a champagne glass? Yeah. You're lying. No. Did you get in it?

Yes. Was it awesome? Yes. Wow. I loved it so much. How do they clean it? I cleaned it. Well, I'm sure they clean it, but.

You also cleaned it? I was like, yeah, I don't, I don't, this is a sex hotel. I don't, I don't. I don't know. So I carry Lysol with me when I travel. So I just, you know, sprayed it, rinsed it out, wiped it down. I follow this Instagram where people clean up crime scenes. Oh. And a lot of like, they post pictures of like before and after of like clean up crime scenes. And usually it's like, if it's ever a hot tub, it's like a body that was in there for days. Oh. And like how do you clean out the jets and stuff of the dead body juices? Sorry. I don't know. I just been, I can't unfollow.

because it'll be like, oh, this was a deep composition. It'll be like a person's shape of a body, like a wet spot in a bed with like the oils and the blood and the secretions. And like that and like hot tubs can happen because people like are alone and... Yeah, people die in hot tubs all the time. I think what you would do is probably like vinegar run the jets with water and vinegar so the vinegar gets into the jets. Or don't dish soap. Bubbles. Bubbles everywhere.

Bubbles, bubbles? I don't know. I just... How do you get into crime scene cleanup? Like... One of the things I read on the Instagram was like... Well, in time they posted that they were hiring, it was like fierce. And then another time...

A career change? But they said like it's a job that exists everywhere there's crime and bodies need to be cleaned up. So like it is a job people are doing. They just maybe are not having billboards about it. It's not Adriana Fuentes Accidenti. In L.A., there's like a few very... Is she the one? with the dog.

No, that's Veronica. Adriana Fuentes is like a very glamour shot. She kind of looks like Adrian Malou for something. She's like just very glammed out. It just says like, Accidente. Adriana Puentes. And she's always in like, she's in the full glam. Are you still watching 90 Day?

Of course. I just watched, I think, season 10 with the gentleman who was dating the now trans woman. So when they started dating, the person hadn't transitioned. The guy from L.A. with the hair, blonde hair blown out. Oh, yes, yes. I call him Chaz Dean. Okay. So maybe that's why I'm like linking into that, right?

So he was dating this girl, this trans girl. Yes. And when they started dating that she hadn't transitioned. So that was like a really interesting thing to watch play out that I haven't been able to talk to anybody about because I was like, oh my God. Like this is all the drama of a 90 day fiance with the distance and leaving your family and your culture. And somebody wrestling with like the person I fell in love with is changing dramatically. Yes. And they still get married.

They do. He's very mean to her. And she's two hours late for her wedding room. She's two hours late and she's wearing one of the most questionable dresses I've ever fucking seen. I made a TikTok about it and didn't post it because I was like, you know what, it's 2026. I don't need to come for anybody's wedding dress online. You know? But it is a wild choice. See through. Yes. With a bikini with the visible bikini. Yes. Yes. And she took so long on the hair and makeup. She looks the same. The same. She looks beautiful, but she doesn't look different. The wig. And if you have a wig, what are you doing for two hours? The hair has been pre-done, right?

Exactly. Chas Dean pre-did that wig. Right, right. He did have the work. But my whole thing, and it's a very touchy thing, I think you're allowed to be sad, grieve that your partner's changing or isn't the person that you fell in love with. But I think you either have to accept it or move on. I know. And I don't know.

I've never been that scenario. me either. I don't know what I would do. That was a crazy season. You also had that French lady. Manon? What's really crazy is the number of people who leave there. Which French lady?

The black French lady? Black French lady with the old white guy who flies planes. Yes. With that adorable little baby that was raising itself. That's the thing is the, as the seasons have gone on, there's a lot of leaving your children. Yep. Which I just like, again, never been in that scenario. And I'm watching it almost as a supporter of all parties.

I'm watching it like not pretending I know what I would do. But I'm like the amount of leading the children has escalated. It's wild. Where it's like, oh, and if the kid can't come, then I, they just never see them. I need to. It's because therapy speak and therapies on the rise and people are like, well, I have to put me first. Where it's like, well, if you have children, no. You kind of have to put the child first, right?

I guess. But are parents famous for always doing the right thing? don't think so. Otherwise, therapy wouldn't exist. No, you're absolutely right. They're keeping therapy by traumatizing more people from their parents, right? I mean, you've done therapy. Yes. So much of it is about your earliest relationships. Yes. You can't help it. Your brain is just like hitting record at all times before you even are aware. So I don't know. I'm watching it. I'm just like, keep thinking of these complicated things with these leaving the children in other countries. And I'm like, that is so. Who else did that? Gino and. Jasmine. Jasmine and James.

And then Gino. Gino and Jasmine. Gino. No, Jasmine left her two children in Panama. But now she's got another child here in Florida. With a new guy. With a new guy, Matt, because she wanted an open relationship. And Gino didn't quite want it, but ended up agreeing to it.

Then she got pregnant. Then they broke up. I know. Are you watching, do you watch Gypsy Rose Blanchard Life after Lockout? No. Love that you act like that's not exactly the type of shit you would like. I don't know what this performance is. No.

You're like, no, I watch premium cable cinema. No. It's 90-day vibes because she, at the end of the first season, leaves the guy she marries in the first season, leaves him. And like four weeks later, is pregnant with her ex's baby. I love it. By the second season, she's in a whole new relationship. Pregnant. She, okay, I think the reason why I don't watch her is because I'm like, is this ethical?

This is a girl who's abused for most of her. life by this woman, her mother. Sure. And then she arranged to have her mother murdered, and then she goes to jail, and I'm like, did they help her in jail, or was she just in jail? Do you know what I mean? And then you let her out, now she's just in reality television? Oh,

the first season, the first time we see her is her getting picked up from jail. Or prison, not jail, prison. Picked up from jail, and the next day they go to shoe carnival to get her a pair of shoes. She hasn't owned shoes in eight years. Like, or they have the prison slides. But, like,

The show is about as real as you can get. If you think that, oh, she gets out of jail and then has this whole period where she fabricates reality. No, it's cameras in the prison. In her face. In the prison parking lot. And they take her to like the hotel and they get her McDonald's. And like the first episode is like her, her first night out of prison. That's wild.

But I, um. Maybe I will watch it. I mean, I. It is complicated. You really sold it to me though. It's complicated because I guess. the way I watched the show is I've never had a parent abuse me in that way on that level so long. So again, I don't ever watch these shows with any sort of moral.

I would have never done that. Here's what I would do. Even the leaving your kids thing, I'm like, I've never done it. I don't, but like I'm not saying, I'm not judging. Yes. I'm learning. The human experience is on parade. Yes.

I also do think of it like from the kids perspective. I'm like, maybe they don't want to learn. another language. Maybe they're happy living with whoever they're living with. Maybe they're okay. I don't know. We don't know. I should be watching these shows from your point of view where it's like, I don't know, I'm just like observing something.

But I guess I watch, I like love on the spectrum and I watch that with no thoughts other than they're very honest with one another. Everybody on the show. And that's nice. Do you watch the new season? I did as well. I just, I gobbled it

up. Too fast. I liked it. It was over. Truly. Love the new gentleman, the new dater. Yes. What is his name? He kept calling the interviewer Sean. Yes.

And he'd be like, Keenan. He'd be like, sorry. Sorry, Keen. And then I was like, well, your name's now Keenan. Love him. And then I loved him, the Redhead gal. I'm sorry, their names aren't all sticking yet. Yes.

Plus, we get Connor and Georgie Beck. Yes. We do get some Abby and David. They're broken up now. I know. It bummed me out. Yeah. But, you know, that happens.

I got a feeling watching it, though. I got a feeling watching it. What I like about love on the spectrum is these people, in a lot of ways, I'm always bombarded with the similarities of the feeling of a first date. Like, neurotypical people worry about what to talk about. Yes. What if I don't know what to say? What if I don't know what to do? So I don't know.

I get a lot of, again, learning. Not that I'm, obviously some part of me watches because I love to watch interesting things happen. Sure. It's not like some part of me isn't like, I want the wild situations too. I like love on the spectrum because I have ADHD. I'm a little bit on the spectrum. And I fully identify when someone's like, now it's time for me to show you all my dolls.

Because I've done that with the nice man in my life. I said, now is the time I'm going to show you all my salt and pepper shakers. Okay. Well, I get made fun of because, as you know, remember when I had that pool party and I had a, it was like two to five? Yes. And you said, damn, bitch, get in the water and go home. I sometimes feel like maybe I have weird boundaries about,

Like, I'm having a pool party. This is when it's over and it's on the paper. It was two to five. There was still someone at my house at 10 p.m. So what do you do? Like, am I rude for being like, here's when you leave? Because no one leaves. If I hadn't put five, would they still be at my house now?

Yes. But Nicole was like, damn, bitch, get in the pool and go home. I was like, I guess that is kind of rude. It isn't. It's kind of crazy. You put a... Because Bob the drag couldn't be like, I'll invite Bob over and I'll be like, do you want to come over for two hours?

And Bob, like, makes fun of that. And I'm like, well, at least you. you know. Bob said, I guess I have my marching papers, huh? And I was like, I don't know. But trixie. Quality over quantity. Yes. And I think more people should have boundaries because I sometimes will find myself hanging out being like, I'm done. I don't want to anymore. And now I've gotten better at being like, hey, I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. It's over. But if you give, because it's like, yes, I want a party, but it's like, I also want you to leave my house. Yeah. And I didn't have guests when I was younger. We lived so remote.

and my home life was not something I was willing to show to other children. Sure. So, but we lived so far remote too from other neighbors. Like, I did not have a childhood full of people coming over. So as an adult was most of my people coming over at all. So I think sometimes I get a little bit overly. What will they eat when they get here? What will happen?

How will I let them know I want them to leave? Which bathroom will I tell them to use? I'm like Wendy Williams. What we're going to wear? Am I going to cry? But I also think. The art of hosting is a little bit lost. When I go places and there's not snacks and drinks, I'm like, then why are people over?

Trixie, when I go to someone's home and there's not an area snack, I say, why did I leave my fucking house? But guess what? I never have snacks at my house. So you're an offender. I am bad. Yeah. But I'll order shit.

Yeah. Once you get here, I'll go, what does everybody want? I'll order it. Pizza or something. Yes. We went to Monet's house for a game night. Yes. And she had put a Trader Joe's appetizers in the oven.

and she made margaritas. I was like, this is showing, you don't have to do a million things, but you have guests now. Yes. And you're just doing, it's simple. Simple, but like. Very, very simple, but nice. Nice. Yes.

And she, it wasn't theatrical. No. We saw the Trader Joe's box. Yes. We saw her pull out of the freezer. It wasn't, it wasn't Martha Stewart. No, and I was so delighted to eat them. Delighted.

It was like, it was like roll up chikitos, tequitos. I don't know. Chiquitos? Chippita. I don't know. Tequitos. Teatatat. A little.

Lupita Nyango. That's what I meant to say. I'm sorry. Lupita. Yes. Have you seen? I just rewatched a movie that she was in. Have you watched that movie Little Monsters?

No. Where she play, I think it's called Little Monsters. She plays a kindergarten teacher who's taking kindergartners on a field trip to like the zoo during. And then the zombie outbreak happens. It's a comedy where she's trying to like. Wait, when to do it? Let the kids find out their zombies. It's very sweet.

She plays ukulele. When did it come out? A while ago. But it's great. I'll watch that. That sounds like fun. I watch just about anything with her in it. I like her a lot.

She's so funny and oh, I loved her in a quiet place. The one with the cat. I'm not interested in a quiet place. Too scary? No, everyone has to be quiet. No. When I saw The Quiet Place. Is it A Quiet Place?

The Quiet Place. I think it's a quiet place. Touch me in my quiet place. quiet place. I saw that at the movie theater and at the time I was really into tomogatchez. I was on tour and I kept getting kamagachis as gifts. So I had like a, I had one of my pocket and it tomoguchi went off during the quiet place. That's really funny. What was it? Feed me. No, it's like beep beep. And I was like, oh, I would be dead. I didn't have a tomogachi growing up. I had a gigapet. Which animal did you have? Cat.

Okay, I remember that. It was a yellow cat, gigapet. Yes, I remember that. And I was so upset that my mother wouldn't get me a tomagachi. But they were like slightly more expensive. They're so similar. It's really a non-event. It's crazy to think that we loved that.

What a non-event. What a dumb toy. Yes. It's a little, yeah, it's just like a little thing that you have to take care of. Yeah, and it's just, I mean, it's like a stopwatch, really that just like won't stop beeping. That you have to, every time this beeps, you got a touch a button. And you have to feed it? What do you have to do?

You have to feed it? You feed it. You play with it, you discipline it. You have to administer medicine if you get sick. I think it poops as well. You have to clean up the poop. For a while, I was trying to develop a tricksy, like, virtual pet, like as a merch item. Oh.

Where you would, like, feed me a cocktail or like. And then you never did it? I never did it. I talked to some companies in China, and it was like to design like a, they were like, we can make one and put your face on the packaging, but the thing won't look like you. I really wanted the little character to look like me. Oh, yeah, yeah. The technology is not there yet.

It's just not there. it hasn't caught up. Now with A1, I could probably do it. With what? A1. A1? AI. Oh.

Linda McMahon. Secretary of Education. She called it A1 in its speech. Like the steak sauce? Yes. She was like, what we really need to get on top of is the A1. Isn't that fierce? We're living in the wildest of times?

We're living in like a community theater production where everyone got sick in every Every understudy. Every understudy is on. And they never had a proper run through. That's what it, honestly, that is a perfect way to describe it. I just saw a video of our president just sleeping. Fierce. During hearing.

Just sleeping. Sleepy, Joe Biden. I was like, okay, maybe he was sleepy. But, sir, you are a sleep. Rem cycle. Truly. Like the Sims, like a dream bubble above your head. Okay, we have to take one more break.

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Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's our podcast here on HeadGum. This podcast is brought to you by Square Spang. Squarespace is the all-known website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web. SquareSpace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place.

I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all in my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like. It's all in one place. The video or the audio or like. No, it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes, and you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts.

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Anybody could do it. Wait, Trixie, this is a dating podcast. Oh, yeah. Should we talk about dating? Just a little. Carbon dating. So, you went on a date, and the first thing a guy said to you was he was off his antipsychotics. Yes, I was very young.

I was like maybe 20, and I was dating. And this guy, I was going through this phase where I didn't want to spend money. so I was inviting guys over to my house, not for sex, but for like to meet them, which is fucking weird. Like, I don't know. I was like not hooking up yet, not hooking up age. I thought I was like dating, but inviting people to your house is weird for the first day.

I don't know what I was doing. But he came over and he had blue hair, which was fine. I just like, I just feel like if your hair is maybe a totally different color, I was like, oh, wow, different person. I like didn't recognize him even when he walked in. One of your pictures should have you with colorful hair. Yes. He had different body type and blue hair.

And I remember being, when they knocked on the door. it took me a whole second to be like, this is you, okay. I don't care. Whatever, he was still cute. But he at the time was like, I'm a little nervous. This is my first week off my antipsychotics. And I knew, and still know, so little about antipsychotics. I've never been on them.

I don't know. But I remember thinking like, oh, now I have the guy in my house that I don't know who is in a disguise. And is experimenting with different medicine regimens. That is a little scary. I do appreciate the honesty But also it's like Well now I have follow-ups Why are you on antipsychotic

Why did you go off of it? Yeah You having a good time? A big swing Yeah One time I went on a date with the guy A few dates actually He cleared his throat constantly

I didn't even know that something like that Would annoy me until it was happening What did it sound like? At the end of every sentence Like almost every sentence And I Maybe he had to be Maybe he had phlegm. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe it was a tick.

But it made it hard for me to connect with them because it's sort of like, it's sort of like disrupted the flow of just trying to talk a little bit. I feel like that sounds almost able-less because what if it was a tick now? I'm like, I don't know. But it made it hard for me to connect. That's all. Here's the thing. It might be ableist, but it's not a thing that you can meet them halfway on. So it's. I know. I was like, should I start doing it? Or do, like. You're something. And I didn't want to, and I didn't know him. So I wasn't like, I was sort of like, are you okay?

I didn't want, you know. Yeah, you can't just be like, what's wrong with you? Are you okay? Is everything okay? Do you need water? But then as it went on, I was like, oh, he's doing it all the time. It's just a thing he does. But you know what?

Maybe if I would have connected with him, I bet I would have gotten over it. So I bet there was also just really no connection. But also maybe you wouldn't have. Maybe you would have been like, I love almost everything about this man, except for he has to clear his throat every 10 seconds. It might be a thing that you get hung up on. Sometimes you can get inside the actor's studio on yourself and you can be like, why does that bother me?

And then you can kind of let it go. Hmm. Because I do think, I don't know, I think a big, we're talking about why. This pod should really be why won't people date others? Because you and I are not single. So I think one of the problems I see in the gay community is that people are really. unwilling to accept anything outside of like an idea of what they want. People are very closed-minded to connections if they're not exactly what they thought it

would be. Yes. People are not open to different types. People are not open to dates that don't go well or like being open to the idea that you might like someone in a way you never liked anyone else. But I don't know. I just feel like people need to stay open. I've always had boyfriends.

Maybe I'm a serial monogamist, but... What's the longest you've been single? maybe a year. Oh, yeah. And I don't think I'm that awesome. I think I just, I'm open. Open to things. Open to experiences.

Does your current partner, obviously they knew who you were, but were they like a fan of Drag Race or no? No, they'd never even seen Drag Race. Oh, really? Yeah. So did they know who you were? Yes, yes. Yeah, they knew who I was because their roommate at the time was like knew who I was.

Oh, okay. But for me, what works best for me, me typically is somebody really not knowing anything about me in drag. Somebody who has an idling amount of respect for it, but maybe, maybe, but I, my mom doesn't watch my content. Like, I don't need people in my life close to me to, like, be involved in my work. I agree. The nice man in my life.

I like that. You know, I don't say my boyfriend's name because I just, you know, you did Trixie Motel. I was so front-facing with my relationship before. And I've changed gears where I feel a little more protective of my personal space about it. Yeah. And I've recently been wanting to start calling him Blanket, like Michael Jackson, because I'm like, because if you're saying the special man in my life, I'm like, Blanket or, you know. Yeah, Blanket did this. Yeah, I don't know.

I need to come up with like a code name. Yeah. He's not in entertainment. He didn't ask to be spoken about. And we did have a conversation where he was like, I trust you. He's like, I don't think you would say anything that would make me feel uncomfortable. And I was like, okay. So I always just try to like think before I say anything, you know, because that's just being respectful to him.

But he knew I was a comedian, was not familiar with my work. And when we started dating, I was like, oh, do you want to like come to this show or whatever? And he always be like, oh, no, I have other plans this, that, and the other. And I was like, oh, okay, so he doesn't want to watch me perform. And then I was like, oh, do you, should I stop him? fighting you to think, like, what is it? And he was like, oh, well, I've seen you perform. It just feels weird to be in the audience when you say something funny where I, like, want to respond to you, but like I can't, but I can at home. So I'd rather just spend time with you at home.

And I was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense. And I was like happy he was able to articulate that to me. But like, I have friends who just don't get it. They're like, it's weird he doesn't want to see you. And I'm like, it's not a want. He wants me. He doesn't want to just watch me perform. Do you think your partner's the same way? Does your partner watch you perform? Out of like what else is he going to do? Like he goes on tour with me. So like he'll watch from the sidelines like play on his phone. But like sometimes he'll, I mean, I've had boyfriends where I travel with them and like sometimes they sit in the dressing room and watch movies on their iPad. Like it's like having an iPad baby. Because when you're on tour, you're, or let's say your mom jumps on the

tour bus, they're the only person who has nothing to do that day. They feel underfoot. They feel like they have nowhere to go and nothing to do. And so they are there to spend time with you. Yes. So, I don't know. I like to, again, I feel like I never told anybody who David was until we did Trixie Motel. Because again, they are not in entertainment. They don't agree. If I had a partner who was like on TV or something, I think I'll be a little more who cares about. I don't care. They're on television. Whatever. Yeah. Also something you need to protect is like whenever one knew what David looked like, he could no longer like go drink at the bar. are during a show. Oh. So something you can protect now is you're, the man in your life, can go to your show and no one's

staring at him. Yeah, nobody ever looks at him because I don't post. Once that genie's out of the bottle, you know. Yeah. You become one of those people who blurs out celebrities who put emoji on their kids' face. Right? But you know what? I used to think that was weird.

And I used to be like, just don't post the picture. And now I'm like, no, do it. Post it. And just, you know, keep. Their face is not what this picture is about. Yeah. You're sharing your love for your child. Yes.

And you're just having, you're actually saying, the only boundary I need is this sticker. Just that. I just don't want you to know their face. Yeah. And I think that's honestly sweet. Yeah. I think it's really sweet.

I have a couple friends who do that. And anytime I've posted like Lauren Lackett's children, I'm like, you want me to cover their faces? She's like, yes, please. And I'm like, yeah, I have no problem doing that. I post her kids all the time. As often as I just as often as you can. For a hot second, I was like, Trixie does.

No, no. No. I was like, oh my God. No, I used to think it was, but I used to have very little boundaries about, like, social media and stuff. I just would post anything. I wouldn't ask people if they were in the background of a story I took. And I've gotten a lot more permissive, seeking permission. Yeah.

Well, I think the older you get, the more you're like, well, I don't have to share everything. Right. And other people have boundaries. Like, I take poll classes and they had to start saying, you need to ask the people who might be in focus. if they're okay with you posting it because people who just post stuff willy-nilly and it's like you don't know somebody's life, you don't know where they work,

you don't know if they're going to be penalized for this or whatever. There are just like things, like life things, a birthday, a funeral, a baby, that you as an artist, even though you share big chunks of your life, I've learned the value in being just a little bit protective of like your mom's birthday you're going to go to just make it about your mom and don't make it about.

to post it. It's fine. Yeah. And so I guess I understand more now, whereas like before, I think I just operated from a place. I felt the most comfortable operating from a place of the audience just knows every single thing. And I've learned the value of like, again, separation sucks. Separating when I had done multiple seasons of a show with the person was extra, extra. It was just extra. Yeah. So I've learned like, oh, the really good or really bad. parts of your life are less fun to have to share. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Well, yeah, because it's like in the relationship, it's like, we're in this. This is fine. Whatever. But then like when it ends, it's like, well, how much do I share? I don't want, it's like I do comedy. I'm a clown. I don't want to be like, I'm sad. Right.

Like, I'm devastated. Like, it then it just, I don't know, it feels like you have to like break off pieces of yourself in a stranger way than like just sharing everything. Well, because it's autobiographical, like when you do what you and I do, which is basically share our real lives. Yeah, in real time. We basically leave out home addresses and social security numbers. But, like, we'd be saying names. We'd be saying where we were.

We'd be saying the grocery store on my corner. We'd be saying where we live. Yep. So I feel, like, if you're, like, you know Marie Banford, who I love. Yes. Like, Lady Dynamite, she cast, like, somebody to play her boyfriend. Like, she's building a world that's like her life so she can have more freedom. When you're actually explicitly talking about, my mother's name is this.

I went to this high school. It's just a little more, I don't know, you open yourself up to more. Yeah, I agree. And when I was younger, I think I was so stupid that I actually, not stupid, but I didn't even really realize, realize how much I was just like, whatever, everyone knows everything. And that didn't make me feel exposed in any way. No, because you're young and you're like, whatever. but then it's like you build relationships of people and you're like,

well, I don't care to share that. That should just be for us. I think it's the older you get, the more things you have to hold close to you and be precious about because you don't know when that might end. Right. I don't know.

The nice man in my life, I'm like, well, you know, I hope it doesn't end. But like, if it does, it hasn't been so public that it's like that I have to then share how publicly devastated I am. Right, right. And, like, I mean, David and I separated before the second season came out.

So I had to go to that press tour and stuff. And that sucked. Yeah. But it also was like, well, I want people to experience the show the way we experienced it when we were making it, which was like joyous and fun and loving. So it's not like it was a bummer that I was like withholding because I wanted to represent that time of my life. It was like over a year ago. I get that you're like, I want them to experience it the way that it was shot. But then it's like not performative.

You kind of have to act. You're kind of put yourself in the mindset of what that happens. You have to act in your own life. And then that's like, it's kind of a mind fuck. It is. It's sort of like in reality when, like on drag race when you're doing your interviews. And they go like, all right, it's the top of the day. You're walking in the work room, give us a sound bite.

And you talk in the present. You go, I'm feeling good. I'm putting on my blue gown. whatever. Yeah. You aren't lying, but you are having to rewind and replay it in your mind for reality. Yes. For reality.

And that's also a mind fuck on reality television, which is like, I heard producers say this and always trip me out. They'd be like, okay, yeah, reality's up in 15. Like cameras start, like reality starts. Oh. Reality's up at 11. So whatever you need to do before, like cameras are on, realities up at 11. Now, some shows, like Housewives, they shoot like three, eight-hour camera crews. They shoot, like, on a girl's trip all day, 24 hours a day, basically.

Like, while the girls are all sleeping, there's people with cameras in case someone wakes up. Like, because we had them at Trixie Motel for Salt Lake City. That would make me crazy. Yeah, and it was so educational because not invasive in a bad way, but like these women basically sleep with body mics on. Yeah. They are surveilled. I mean, you're surveilled. That is wild.

But I guess that's what you sign up for it. Of course. And I will say, as a purveyor of reality, What I can always appreciate is like realness and candidness. Yeah. And like I don't like performing and lying and like self-producing. It doesn't feel good. It's insulting to the audience.

The audience goes, do you think I'm stupid? I can tell you're trying to shift this. Yeah. Which is why on Drag Race, for example, if you ever bomb a challenge, do not go in that chair and try to rewrite American history. Yes. Because then it's going to cut to you going, I was incredible. And then you look crazy. The best thing, the golden rule of reality TV is that nothing is more interesting than what really happened.

Yes, I agree. And the audience, if you bomb something, if you're in the chair and you go, it was the most humiliating moment of my life. They will be like, girl been there. But they don't want to hear as, I thought I ate. Because they're going to be like, but you didn't. That was like Lexi Love for her snatch game. She was like, it was bad. I did a bad job.

And I was like, you did. And it was funny though. Oh, wait. You were in the comeback. in a just a short clip of Trixie on Traders. Would you do traders? It's just not for me. They have asked.

It's just not for me. I guess that. The people I think would win are like Bob. So I'm like, if Bob couldn't win, I would never win. Yes. Like I remember thinking like people like Bob Monet. Like there are people who are better for it that I'm like, if they couldn't win, what do they do? Just shoot me?

They just take you out back and Alan Cummings shoots you. Right. And, you know, peppermint, who I think is maybe one of those beloved people. If she can't win, like, you know, I could never. And there's an appreciation I have for, and I'm going to tell you this too, straight people. Like, drag queens are famous for their talent. Yes. Straight people from reality shows are just like that fucking crazy person from your hometown.

Yes. Who's like kind of good looking, but it's a shame she's crazy. Psychotic, yes. That person found their niche. And you're going to go live in a castle with that person. Are you out of your fucking mind? That's really funny. Like, to be a good reality star, you have to be a little bit disconnected from the tether of reality.

Yes. And as much as that is fun to watch, it's not fun to live when you live with that person. No. And I've done Dragress a couple times with people like that. And it is like being in the room with Dr. Jekyll, Mrs. where the camera turns on and they amp it up. So you're like, what is going on? What is happening?

Why are you acting like that? Like, what are we doing? I used to think I could do it until, have you played the game's Secret Hitler, right? We played it at Monase. I was kind of in shock that that's what we were playing, but I wasn't going to be like abstaining. The name of the game is a little regrettable. But I played it like a couple days ago. And I was the president who had to give the tiles to something.

somebody. Yes. And I was also a fascist. I'm not explaining this game well. So you like give them two tiles. They have to choose. Usually it's like you give them two fascist tiles if you're a fascist because you want to pass that that bill or whatever. So I like handed them two fascist bills. And this is a person I met maybe an hour ago. And I was like, I've given you a choice. I had not given them a choice. I'd given them two fascist tiles. And I was like, I've given you a choice to pass a liberal bill. And that's on you. And we'll see what your party affiliation is when you put that tile down. And they were like, what? No, you didn't give me it.

And I was just like lying to this person. I mean, it is traitors, right? It is basically traitors. Yeah. But they wouldn't make a TV show called Secret Hitler. No, they simply couldn't. That's bad. But then the next round, I was a fascist again.

I was like, it took so much out of me the first time lying to everybody. It's too much. I was like, how do people do this every single day? On camera for 12 hours a day with like Derreet. Like, I'm not doing that. I don't think I could. I'm not doing that. And the people who I thought would be, like, I thought Bob would dogwalk those bitches.

I thought Bob is going to kill it. And so I was like, if Bob wouldn't do good, I don't know who does. Because to me, Bob is such a force who makes everyone love him. How would he not literally host the show afterward? Do you know what I mean? I was like, what's going on? So, I don't know. Part of why I would never do this because I do not underestimate how difficult it looks.

And I was talking to Michael Pector King about this. And so that's how I think he got the idea. for that scene. Because I met him at a St. Patrick's State Party where I got too drunk. I got too drunk. And I met him in a St. Patrick's State Party. And, girl, I was talking to another artist there, an actor who was on the comeback.

And I was like, oh, my God, I loved the comeback. And I had not met Michael. Didn't know who he was. And I go, oh, my God, I love you on the comeback. And he goes, oh, my friend, Michael, I said, oh, do you love the comeback too? I was talking to your friend Tim. He was on the comeback. And he goes, yeah, we love doing it.

I go, oh, were you on it? He goes, I'm Michael Patrick King. Fierce. Love it. I love that. It's very Valerie Cherish to like just. It really is. But then you ended up on the show.

So they called and said, we have a part for you on the comeback because I did, you know, I love the comeback. It's so funny. And I love Lisa and I love Malin Ackerman. I mean, that's such a good show. It's so fucking funny. And so when I got to be on it, they sent me the scene and it was like, basically an improvised scene where we're on the traitors. And I was like, oh, that's fierce. And so.

I love it. We had these stupid little tart. puts on it. She was cracking my shit up because she was just like, you know, Valerie wouldn't be good at the traders. No. So it's like Valerie would be bad at secret word or like, you know, so Valerie just being like, don't you guys wish you knew who the traders were? I know I do. Like, Valerie would suck at that. And it was hot though, but I was just so excited to be there. And my mom was just, I mean, I love Lisa. And she was like, I was like, would you ever do the traders? And I said, they have asked. I just don't think it's right for me. She was like, she was like, yeah, that's crazy. I mean, we both were

marveling at like the emotional, I think like the mental duress of that. Yes. I think Traders looks fucking hard. Yes. And whatever they pay you, I don't think it's enough. It looks. They don't get to, they don't seem to eat. I don't seem to get food.

You lay in bed and like worry. Worry that you're going to get murdered. Murdered. You're going to have to hop into a casket. And then the next morning, like seeing who's gone. Knock, knock, knock. I don't, it just, it's too much anxiety. Again, I think it looks out of respect.

I think it looks too hard and too crazy. Yeah, I really thought I could do it until I literally played a game with no cameras on me where I was like, oh, I've lied for so long. I can't do it. I can't even handle Secret Hitler at Monase. Do you remember there was a girl playing Secret Hitler with us who said, remember she couldn't read her card? And she goes, well, I can't see really. Yes. I say that all the time. It was really. It was so funny. She goes, well, I can't see really. I can't see this card. I can't see really. Oh, yeah, because she didn't have good vision. She'd have her glass done. She's like, well, I can't read it anyway. I can't read it. Well, we're playing a card game. So I love that you're just like, whatever that says, do that. Well, I can't see really.

Well, it's different. I mean, Secret Hitler is a shocking name, but it's different than America, which is public Hitler. Oh, yes. You know, people not so secret about their fascistic. Trixie, I was so confused. I was like, what do you mean America? There's a game called America? No, no, no.

We're in America. We're in America. Wait, Trixie, we do have to wrap up. I know. You know what I get, they get me on the pods, and I talk, talk. talk, talk, talk, and they have to carry me out of these fucking things. It's okay. Here's the thing.

Do you have advice for single people? I do. What is it? I do. You have to kiss a lot of frogs. It is a game of numbers. I know nobody wants to hear that because everybody hates... I love TikTok and I follow a lot of young Gen Z women.

And it's just horror stories of these dates. Yeah. And it's hard. And I know it's hard. And I watch these girls be like, guys just want someone who sits there and ask them about them. Yeah. And, like, I have feedback for my single female friends being like, it's so hard.

He was so cool. Then I found out he loved drunk driving. You know, it's like, it's always this, like, he's awesome. But. And I know it's hard. I know it's a game of numbers. But I do believe in when you know, you know, sorry. I do believe in when you know, you know, you know.

Every single boyfriend I've ever had, I knew on the first date we were going to be together. Really? Immediately. At least, like, oh, there's a second and third day. Like, I always knew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just, people out there, I know, I know that, what's the word, not negativity, like pessimism as far as like love is kind of like rampant.

And I know that I'm a cringe millennial who like believes in love. Like we're the, what's that movie 500 days of summer or whatever? Like we're that people. And so I know I just, because I'm happy in a, in a bliss, I am now at a point where I'm trying to make everyone to have a boyfriend and girlfriend. I keep being like, are you dating? Ooh, he sounds nice. Are you going to go out with them?

Like, I'm the date pusher now. So if anybody out there needs encouragement, reach out to me and I'll be like, well, is there anyone in your life you kind of feeling for? Anybody makes you feel a tickle inside? A tickle inside. But it is a game of numbers. And as much as I know that Tinder and all that is exhausting, I think you've got to flip through the Rolodex.

There's a lot of humans on this planet. And you've got to pick everything up at the store. And you've got to try the jeans on. You will know when you put them on. I think you're right about that. Because you can order 10 jeans, you know, to your house. But you got to put them each on to know if they actually fit. And I'm not saying, you know, it's not like I went on one date with David and was like,

we're open in a motel. I'm not crazy. But there is a, you had to let your like satellite dish of what you can be open to be really big and wide. And you've got to really put your ear to the railroad tracks and feel the vibration and be like, yes. Because in your mind or what you saw in a movie or what you've told your stuff, yourself you want. Yes, but you also got to like look at who's in front of you. I really think people have to be more open. Not settle. No, no, no, not settled, but like,

just be open. It's like, I'm open to anything. He just has to be six, five and named Diego. It's like, okay, well, then you're not. Like, so I just encourage people to be open. I get that. Well, do you have anything you want to promote? I do. If you want to come see my new show, Super Disco, I'm DJing Bonaroo. I almost said Lala Perusa like they say on Drag Race. Lola Perusa. And I'm DJing a bunch of pride gigs.

I love to play. I love to tour. You ever see that clip of Michael Jackson saying I love to tour? I love to tour. I go through hell touring. And you can come see Katte and I do Ball in the Beautiful live. Check out our Pod Ball in the Beautiful. And pick up some tricksy cosmetics.

Why not? You are worth investing in. Honestly, your makeup is really good. Thank you. I just think it's one of the last. things that we can do for ourselves in this world that's on fire is buy yourself a lip. It's nice. I have so many, like, eye shadow palettes that I've, like, recently just, like, gotten back in. Dude, I'm like, oh, my God, this is, it's very pigmented.

Yeah, it's nice. Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you do, do you, do you, do, do you, do, do, do you, do, do, do you, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do you, do, do, do, do you, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, and they look, disgusting unless you like wash they have like eye shampoo yeah I watch the tic talks of people like shampooing their lashes I'm like girl just can't do it just how long do they take to glow on a minute like when you not even

I would say like 30 seconds each and you and girl if you have lashes you better sleep like this yes because if you sleep on them they get all crunchy and disgusting yeah and if they're human you can't wet them or they get straight to I don't know I don't know why people sleep in them but I don't know

Trixie would you date me of course who would A lot of people. Shout out to Blanket, a special man in your life. I love that you want to call him Blanket. It's so fucking funny. Well, I was like, we didn't.

So Blanket made me dinner last night. Blanket fucked me in a way that I was not ready for. Happy Valentine's Day, honey. I'm dying. Bye. Well, no. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can follow it.

You can rate it five stars on Spotify. and Apple Podcast. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com, I'll read it. This person writes, Hi, Nicole. I want to dress you as a baby

with a bonnet diaper binky in the whole shebang. I'll have you ride me while you suck on a bottle of milk. Your choice of milk. Ew. And, oh, and moan, baby wants milk. When I'm ready to come. What the fuck? Are these real?

Yup. Yeah. Jason sends us. this. When I'm ready to come, you'll take off your diaper and hold it out like Oliver Twist asking for porridge. I'll splooge all over the diaper and you'll say, milk, thank you. I love the show. Also, a cum joke for you to use. You could come on my face and tell me it's face wash. Keep lotioning. Best, Jason. Okay. Rather disturbing. You know what, though? You want impassioned.

Yes. Okay. Yes. Do you know many teenage girls write me letters like that? Really? That you haven't asked for that are just horny. Oh, my God. If men my age wanted me the way 19-year-old lesbians do, like, oh, my God.

Have you ever gotten to the bottom of that? No. No. That's a wild question. Have you gone to the bottom of why young girls like you? I don't know. But yeah, young. I don't know.

Yeah, your demo is just young. 20-year-old, like, Sappet girls are like, that's my wife. And lesbian. And lesbian. Yeah. But you know what? It's very loving and nobody's going to respect your boundaries like female fans. They could have a tattoo of you and they're still like, can I touch you?

That's very, very funny. And like young girls asking old white men for consent to touch them, wacky. You know what? Wacking the script, diva. But you know what? I love gay fans, but like any amount of gay female fans, they will, if you guys were like, anyway, we're doing a show in a volcano next week. We're all just going to jump in.

They'll be like, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. We're going to go. I have a question before we go. Have you ever read a comment where you went, not too much? You're really actually saying something true. Katty and I struggle with people talking to us the way we talk to each other.

Oh. Hi, old bald, like that type of shit where I'm like, oh, shit. Like the way she and I talk to each other, rip into each other, the audience, I'm glad we make them feel like they're sparring with us. But in real life, when they're like, hi old bald. It's like, damn, girl, we're at the shoe carnival. Why would you say that? That's not nice. Yeah, but it's okay.

I had a clip go viral where I talked about how I only lotion the parts that you can see of my body. Okay. I have since changed that. Now I lotion the whole body. Huge of true. But it is true. Every day I lotion my whole fucking body. Because of a comment?

No, because this went viral. And then all of the comments were very mean. And then this man said, Hey, she used to be over 300 pounds. She's just getting to the point where she can touch different parts of her body. And I was like, not too much. Not too much. That's beyond too much.

That's like your family doctor. That's a private note they would write about you that you would never see. Yes. Because I was like, I had to think about it and I was like, that might have been one of the reasons. I was like, I was bigger. So it was like some places were harder to reach. but also it was like ADHD where I was like, well, just slap some on the ankle. But I was like, who, this is a comment that felt a little too close to home.

Little real. A little too real. Don't get that comfortable. No. Don't you just comment work? Yes, work. Yes. Diva.

Good job. Love you, Nicole. Love the pod. Yes, that's nice. Well, Trixie, we did it. We did it. Bye. That was a hit gum podcast.

Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast.

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