Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Sharing Trade (w/ Willam Belli)

Episode Date: July 17, 2026

Drag queen icon Willam (Drag Race S4, host of Race Chasers) returns! She joins Nicole to break down the mathematical formula for the optimal orgy, the proper etiquette for passing good trade around to your drag sisters, and what really goes down inside LA's underground sex dungeons. Willam also reveals her pro tips for scheduling multiple hookups in one night and confesses the absolute kinkiest thing she's ever done. Plus, hear the hot story of how she met her 6'6" lawyer ex-husband at the door of Micky's, why she turned to OnlyFans to pay her two mortgages, and why she simply has to stop hooking up with the contestants on her new dating show, Love's a Drag.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast by checking out our sponsors:• Firstleaf: Get personalized wines, delivered. Head to TryFirstleaf.com/DATEME to sign up and you'll get 50% off your first box PLUS free shipping for an entire year• Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/3v6r90n6 #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.• Audible: Listen to Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent, available now on Audible. Go to Audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today.• Wayfair: Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less.Check out all of our sponsors and discount codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The nice man in my life once planned a surprise trip for us to Eiddlewile, and it was unbelievable. He booked a stay on Airbnb and found this absolute dream of an A-frame cabin tucked right into the snowy mountains. It was gorgeous and sat on this massive private property, which meant my dog Clyde also had a fun vacation roaming the woods all by himself. Then we finally went into town and discover Isle is literally the greatest place on Earth. Do you know who their mayor is? A golden Retriever name Mayor Max the 3rd. I'm not joking. You can go downtown on the weekends and actually meet the mayor and his staff of deputy golden retrievers. And when we got back to the cabin, we had this private hot tub all to ourselves under the pine trees and enjoyed a private sunset view of the

mountains. It was so romantic and cozy. It felt like our own private sanctuary. And it made the trip just so special. I'm glad he found that cabin. When you book a stay on Airbnb, you find these absolute gems that are so much more spacious and have so much more personality. It really elevates any trip into a memorable one. Give it a try yourself. The next time you travel, try booking your next day on Airbnb. Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. I am not paying for apps to meet people and I don't. Like I did Bob's podcast two weeks ago and he's like, you have ads on Grindr. I was like, you're more concerned about my ads or the fact that you

tried to fuck me on there and now you won't fuck me in person because he didn't see my face and he saw everything else and he wanted it fuck cracker fucks all these little skinny faggot twinks and he won't fuck me that's rude well he did invite me to game night which is better I'd rather game night is fun at bobs yeah I want to go to that you gotta come to one and then maybe I'll like blow him or something like why doesn't he want to fuck me don't you date me to another episode of why won't you date me a podcast or

Mina Cole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my purse and tell me it's a bag charm. My guest today is an iconic drag queen who competed on Rupal's Drag Race Season 4 and co-hosts the hit podcast, Race Chasers, who I know from Nip Tuck. And she also now is hosting a brand new comedy dating show called Love is a drag. Now playing on Elixir. I'm so excited. It's a well. Bob, ba, pop. You're...

I didn't realize it had gotten zipped up. Oh, yes, honey. We got tricks. It reminds me of Lee Bowery. That is the greatest compliment ever. Thank you so much. He is the one. Yes.

Him or Hart. They live there now. Him and Sylvester are like my two favorite drag queens for sure. Yes. The only reason why I know about Lee Bowery is because of the failed musical tab It was successful in England, and then it came over here, and despite not being the director, Rosie O'Donnell was in the audience yelling notes during Tech Week. Wait, really?

Yeah, I know a couple of people that were in the American version, and Rosie was very vocal about her likes and dislikes. Ah, interesting. And she was told she was not allowed in the building anymore at one point, because actors complained to equity. Yeah, so. You know... But taboo. I love taboo.

It's great, yeah. I think the songs in it are so good. I adore. I love door is such a pretty song. I had callbacks for Marilyn. Beautiful child and raising. Yes, I could see you playing Maryland. Maryland's such a fun part.

Yeah, it really is. Talk amongst yourselves is such a pretty song. I think it's Liz McCarthy who originated that role. Big Sue, I believe. Yep. Boy, oh boy, what a long time ago, but I love a musical. So good. So good.

So, was Lee Bowery the inspiration for this look? I love doing monochromatic and, like, head-to-to-to-to-to-looks. There was a glove. I forgot it in the car. There were more nails, whatever. We're doing the best we can with what I got, like Mariah says. But I was inspired by Beyonce because she wore a David Coma look that was, like, a dress for her Renaissance tour with, like, green boots. It was, like, roached up the side.

So I got that dress, and then I got the bikini and then some other things. and then I went on House of Bezos and got the knockoff. And we made the booth, the leggings. I'm dying. That's very, very fun. So is the rainforest. Which is my camera. He said something recently where he was like,

if I ran my company like X, Y, and Z, you wouldn't get your packages for more than a week. And I was like, that's how it used to be. And I don't think anybody was mad about it. It's just people get mad now because you've told them that they can have things in an hour or whatever. I don't know.

It's insane. Everything's wild. Willem? It is. Wild, wow, Willem. Okay. Are you saying,

you're married? Yes. And you've been married since 2009? Yeah, I got married on September 9th, 2008, so my first anniversary would be 999.

And then we forgot until the 13th. And then as soon as my mother told me and him because we were on speakerphone in the car, he's like, you owe me a blowjob.

I was like, me, you forgot too. Wait, he said that in front of your mom. He didn't give a fuck. He's like two years younger than my mom. So he's not mine and peas and cues. How did you guys meet?

We met at the door of Mickeys. I was getting more flyers to hand out when I was 19, and I was next to the cashier, and this 6-6 guy comes up in a suit, and I was like, oh, damn, I was like, pull your dick out, you're getting free, because that was my door policy. And he pulled it out,

and then like 30 seconds later he came back, it's like, it's bigger, do you want to see it? And I was like, yeah. Biggest dick I'd ever see. on a white guy. Uh-huh. So after that, I told my boss I was sick.

I suddenly became very, very ill. Very ill. She was dick-sick, honey. And then I put up two more posters on a pole, and then he took me to the Century Plaza. We fucked for like 13 hours.

Next weekend he bought me a pair of jeans. And then I was like, oh, this is my man. Flew me to San Fran. We fucked for 13 hours, and then he bought me a pair of jeans. I think that's really...

What kind of jeans were they? True religion? No, they were Levi's, but they were... customized with my name on the back pockets. It's from the San Francisco Levi store back when it used to be in Union Square and they would do the little things. That's actually really sweet. It really was.

So you guys have been together for a really fucking long time. Oh, no. I left them in 2015. Just kidding. But divorce is a lot. And like you have to like there's papers. You have to show up somewhere at some point. And I was just like, you know, I'm not going to do it.

We only got married because it was like going to be illegal at some point. point we thought and then they did make it illegal so we were like well we should be part of the the wave yeah and there was no ceremony it was me in a tammy winette shirt said stand by your man he was in a cardinal's jersey and then the little person that married us and then i i did blow him in the bargaining lot there i like that that's nice it's a wedding it's a celebration some people throw rice i throw throat that was funny i liked it you can have it So you were only married till 2015. Was it a messy divorce?

Do you mind? Like... It wasn't messy. I kept Blanca. She's my housekeeper since 2003. Uh-huh. So it wasn't messy for me. Everything stayed very tidy.

I see where we went with that. Yes. Okay. But it was definitely... We had, like, no contact for a while. And he and I were not seeing eye to eye on things. And now we're friends. Oh.

He's one of my best friend's lawyers. And yeah, he's a good guy. I love that that comes full circle. He's still my lawyer, too. Really? Oh, yeah, he's a great fucking lawyer. I love that that came full circle. It's like, we love each other.

We're getting married. We're not seeing eye to eye on shit. But then we, like, figured it out because there was something in the beginning that was special and good, and you got back to it. You know what it was? He's a lawyer, and lawyers are very good at two things. Cocaine and lying. Oh.

And when one. affects the other, then it's just too much. And then you can't take it. So you leave and you move to Englewood. Oh. Yeah. But you're not in Englewood anymore. No.

Now I'm in, so I'm right down the street. I'm not like where... Honk, honk! Don't tell these people where you live. You're right about that. What is that out? I'm in Silver Lake. Are you dating right now?

No, I'm doing a podcast. But... Well, when you... leave will you be dating someone? Were you dating someone before this podcast? I'm, I keep my options open. I like that your phone's on a leash. Oh, baby. I lose too many things. But literally, okay, trade, trade, trade. Three of them in a row, it's like they could smell it when I put on the drag. And one said, why fuck pussy and deal with girls? L.O.L. So many hot young femboy faggots to use. And he's just sending me these pictures. Oh. And funny thing is, he also used to

to be La Ganges' trade. Oh. So one day I see someone walking up, but like, hey, then I see him go next door. And I was like, oh, it's like that. Little Miss likes to do splits on dicks. And then the next one,

he's, well, he's got an Emmy, so I might keep fucking him. He's got a nice tushy. Oh, yeah, he does. It's like a bubble. This one, he gets real flagrant and wordy. He's like, send me some stuff.

I'm feral. I was like, how is that anything to do that? do with me. Yeah, that's your business. Like, I'm sorry I'm not your personal porn like vending machine. And then he keeps trying to fuck Courtney. He's like, boy, when Courtney fuck me? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I show. I really love that y'all are just passing these little, these little men around. Yeah. Well, if I'm not here and my sister is and she wants some dick and these fucking ponsas always want pussy, why not pass them on? Sharing is caring. It really is. And if I know he's good at it

and he can make my sister happy, why not? I love that. Yeah. That's simply not how I ever think. I'm one of those girls that I think when you come to L.A., you call if you need something. Because if you need, like, where do I get six-ply ostrich? Where do I get shrooms? Where do I, you know, find a guy that can make me forget my problems for an hour?

That's nice. What's a nice? Where would you get the ostrich from? The ostrich? Mood? No. I'd either get it from Motherplucker or the feather place. Is it just called the feather place?

I don't even know how to work with feathers. I'm a novice at sewing. Okay, well, feather work, it can be no sew because you can just use glue or E6,000. What's E6,000? E6,000 is this toxic adherent that if you don't use it in a ventilated room, you get lightheaded and headachey, which is one of the perks. Yeah, I was about to say.

Gemtack don't do that shit. Seems a little fun. Shut the door. Put a towel under. Shut, shut that door. Let me get it out. Oh, whoa. I love feathers, though, and especially ostrich, it elevates anything.

This is turkey, but, like, it's abundant enough that it doesn't look thin, you know? No, it doesn't look thin. It's not all Joey J. Chicken Feathers first season. When you got on drag race, wait, you were married. So, was your relationship open when you were married? We played together a lot I'm not opening food I'm opening jewelry

But we definitely had thruffles Do you want me to open it? We had one for like We got it We had one for like 18 months And then we had another one for Oh really? Really? Does it not fit?

It doesn't light up Oh Got to open a second one You always bring it back up Same thing with trade. You got to schedule two because they're flaky. So when you're scheduling two at a time, how much of a gap are you leaving between each boy?

They're men. Okay. And if you do a 130, you know and you know it's not going to be working out for the next guy. Like it's a one and done, but Mr. 130 is doing his job. You cancel the other guy. Or you'd be like, oh, hey, roommate just got home.

Sorry, whatever. I'm alone. So I would say, oh, 45 minutes in between. Honestly, that's a good amount of time. Do you just squeeze it? Yeah, there's a little button. I don't know why they don't work. Oh, no.

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With her throne on the line, Mo and Jojo embark on increasingly unhinged schemes to secure succession. It's part medieval mayhem, part razor sharp social commentary. Don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and a killer cast in Heads Will Roll, Air Apparent. Seed a child or Seed the Throne. Listen to Heads Will Roll, Air Apparent, available now on Audible. Go to Audible.com slash Headswill Roll series to start listening today. Sometimes after a terrible first date where a guy talks about himself for two straight hours, all you want to do is come home and pour yourself a nice glass of wine.

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Do people like get in your DMs and like, they're like, hey, you want to let me come over? Yeah. Do people send you whole picks? It's usually, if they send me a whole pick, they're barking up the wrong tree. Ah. Yeah. You're not a whole gal. I mean, I'll eat it if it's there and it's delicious, but it's never like first on my list.

I'm usually looking for what else is on the charcutory potter first. Maybe a cured meat. Okay. Nothing cheesy. Nothing cheesy. And some nuts. I think, like, if you're confident enough to say this is what you're getting, and you know that it will make my mind.

mouth water and my pin drop. Do it. Take your, shoot your shot. You miss 100% of the shots you do not take. Who said that? My dad? But I feel like a famous person said it like Patrick Swayze or something. Probably. I don't know. But are you looking for a relationship or are you just like living and loving being single? That part. Yeah? I was with a guy from 19 to 33. So I never had like a while in out phase. and I wouldn't say I'm wild. I'm pretty, I'm okay in domestic situations, but I definitely like not having to worry about somebody else's needs ahead of mine, which is why I don't have pets right now.

Yes, I have a dog, and sometimes I'm like, oh, I just want to like go somewhere and I'm like, oh, wait, I have to figure out who's going to watch them, who's going to do X, Y, and Z. It's why I can't have a kid. I try to do that. You try to have a kid? I've done artificial insemination twice. We did IVF.

I've done it three times now. Yeah. Huh. The last time was right around COVID. Really? Mm-hmm. So. We got embryos, none more viable.

Do you want to have children? Yeah. I don't think I'd keep trying if I didn't want to. You know what? Fair. Yeah. But, like, I keep swallowing. Mm-hmm.

And a very big. You can't grow in the dummy. You said, wait, do you want to raise a child by yourself? No, because like pets, it's a two-person job. Who would you be raising? It's been three different people. We tried it with my old partner and my cousin, old partner and my sister, and then a friend out here. Oh, okay.

He runs a makeup company. I hope you get the baby that you want. Oh, my God. I hope I get two. You want two? Yeah. Oh, my. Yeah, so I don't want to raise a kid who can't.

like blame shit on their sibling. I need these kids to learn how to lie. I want my children to lie. Yeah, they're going to live in Hollywood. They need to learn. It's all a lie. Keep building your studios for nobody to film anything in them. That I don't get.

Girl, that one on Santa Monica Boulevard, they don't understand. They knocked down that good old abandoned Sears for nothing. It's so big. What are they going to film there? I don't know. Actors Access Reels? Jesus Christ.

But I'm like, whoever's running for mayor, Nymthea and Karen, I'm like, why isn't it important for you to bring back productions here? It feels crazy that they're not talking about it more. I'm like, there's whole lineages of like grips. There's like families who've been in the business for years. There's people who fucking moved here. There's people with like warehouses full of costumes that they don't get to use because we're not shooting shit here.

It's crazy. You go to a lot and it's fucking empty. Yeah. And it's like. I moved here 10 years ago, and that was not the case 10 years ago. And now it's, I don't know, it's so crazy. In 2015, there were over 33,000 active days on sets live in L.A. In 2025, that number was just over 17,000.

So in a decade, our business has almost been decimated by half. And that trickles down to everybody in production, including, like, the people that cater. Yes. Oh, once a month we'll get a coffee truck on set. Those coffee trucks, no more on set. Yes. No break top of show. Yes. No parking. You have to park in the lemon lot. You can't even get on Paramount. Yes. It's really fucking wild. Yeah, it is. It's such a bummer. The movie stars do TV, so the guest star roles are now co-s. And then like, you take what you can get where you can get it. And then you have a lot of TV people now doing Broadway. And then it's like, well, we're the Broadway people. And then like, commercial work is all like, It just sucks. Yeah.

And that's why we have to write our own way out and make our own breaks and do all that stuff. And I'm trying to do that. It's just really hard with all the drugs and dicks around. What's your drug of choice? Shrooms. I love shrooms. Shrooms, pot, poppers, Molly. I don't like to sniff stuff.

It tastes so bad. I don't know how it'll do that. It hits you in the back of the throat and it's a little while to keep doing all night. Yeah, I can't. And then also, I think that's it. I really like shrooms. Me too. In the desert in Palm Springs.

Lovely. In a pool looking up at a disco ball. Lovely. The fave. I also like that you can just microdose it a little bit. So you can just be a little giggly. Or if you want to see shit, just eat a little more. Makes the whole day better.

You're like, oh, you're an asshole, but I'm fine with that. Yes. You're just like in a good mood. It's great. It really is. Everybody should do them. I think teachers should be allowed to do them to deal with students. Because you can't hit them anymore.

They've got cameras in the classroom. You can't hit them anymore. My sister's a teacher. What grade does she teach? Larda, special ed. Or sorry, special. It's not, they don't call it that no more. My sister does that too.

Really? Mm-hmm. What do they call it L-D or something? Something. I don't know. Yeah, I don't fucking know. But yeah, patients of a fucking saint. I could never.

Me either. I just couldn't teach. I couldn't teach special ed or the mainstream class. Like, I just couldn't because kids are so rude now. So fucking rude. Like, it's because you can't hit him and they don't have fear anymore. Like, I got beat grown up. So I had manners and I was allowed to, I knew one to be polite.

But, like, honestly, these kids are crazy now. Yeah, my friend's daughter is very well-behaved. She's a great kid. But I, like, picked her up from school. And I was like, how was school? And she was like, fine. And I had to be like, we know each other. Let's have a conversation.

Get off your phone. I would love to hear about how your day was top to bottom, even if it's not interesting. to you. And she was like, oh, yeah, okay. And then she's, like, we started having a conversation. I was like, nobody says this to people anymore. It's like the, when people talk about the Gen Z stare, all you just got to do is, hey, I'm talking to you. And they kind of snap out of it. But whatever. Girl, these kids don't know how to make friends. They don't know how to do anything. They only

know how to text, which is fine. But you know what real friends do? They don't text. They buy tickets. Ooh. Isn't it random that I can't believe you still have this? Well, it's because I'm saving those eye stickers to use. And it was in my makeup kit yesterday. And I was like, I'm doing this tomorrow. I don't know how many years ago it was when you were at the Wallace.

I don't know. It was at the Wallace Theater 7 p.m. Friday, October, 2024. Oh, there you go. That's wild. Yeah, it was a good show. Thank you. Yeah. Friends buy tickets.

Friends do buy tickets. And I was in a phase where I was like, oh, I simply couldn't. never see another show. But now I like, I'll go. I'll pop in. I'll see my friend. I'll leave. But it's nice to see like a friendly face in the crowd. And like I did a show last night and Trixie came and I was like, how nice. You didn't have to come. And she was like, well, I wanted to see it. And I was like, oh, okay. Exactly. Yeah. And it's just lovely. I think I'm going to Meatball and Dipper's show tonight at the improv or something. Was at UCB? Yeah. It was yesterday. Oh, I'm not going. Oops, I meant to

We were actually talking about you last night Because I did the show And I was like someone Who was? I think Tricky was like Oh, you should have Willem do it Because Willem would be so funny But that's so funny that you're like I'm going tonight

You're not, you simply are not That is the most me thing Unless it's a different show tonight But if it was improv it was last night Yeah, I think it was But you know what? The intention That's what counts

That's lovely I think Meatball is like the Great White Hope. I think she's a crossover for drag. She's so funny. She's the funniest person and I love working with her and I leave wigs at the studio that I want her to wear. And she just keeps wearing the same fucking one. That big blonde one. That one.

Yeah. She won't wash the blush out of the ends. Get her! She's such a hard worker. She's so funny. And she's also just a very reliable friend. Yes, she is. And we just need to like be like that, like just be reliable.

If more people just like did what they said they were going to do and weren't assholes, they would probably garner better gifts from the universe than what karma is allowing them to receive now. Because she throws great parties. Yes. She's not an asshole. She's super inclusive. Yeah, I can't think of much bad about her. No.

I did say to her. I was like, you're one of my worst behave friends. She was like, me, I win? And I was like, yep, you win. She's crazy. I love her. She reminds me of me with more liability factor. Because she has, like, wrecking ball capacity.

Oh, yeah. Where I have whirling dervish capacity. That's really funny. Yes. Two different kinds of chaos. What's one of the, like, worst dates you've been on? Okay. I was interviewing to find a place to live when I was 19 out here, mid-Wilshire.

We're in the first floor apartment of this place. All of a sudden, I see a flash go by the window. And then a dog yelping. A dog had jumped from the second-story window, a greyhound, down to the first floor. And the guy interviewing for me for the place, own the place, and then rent it out the spot upstairs. He was looking for a new tenant. The dog fucked its leg up bad, which sucked because I was in the middle of blowing the guy.

Because I really wanted this place. And then I was like, this dog sounds like it's in a lot of pain. Like, I have some Vicodin. Let me give it like a chip. Like a half. He's like, you can't give a dog Vicodin? I was like, they do it all the time. Yeah, I think you can.

They do it to like when they have heart problems to clear out their heart. It's like a blood thinner or something. Or they give dogs Viagra when they have heart problems. Oh, really? Yeah, when my dog died, I kept this whole prescription to give it to trade. So I didn't get that place, and it wasn't really a date. But like, while you're blowing someone to have something happen where you're like, what the fuck's so? And then the dog yelping, you're like, did I bite him?

Oh, that's not even me or him. That's from the outside. And then you're like, I'm not getting this place. After he looks at you like, you're a crackhead because you try to give drugs to a dog. Who's clearly in pain, though? It's not like I was pushing it. So that was probably my worst, worst date. I'm also currently maybe being ghosted by.

Oh. Yeah, because we matched on Raya and we've been talking. Oh. Hmm. Yeah, so we've been talking. I went to a show in New York last week. But I want the dick. I would like to hear about the dick.

Whose dick is it anyway? Well, now you whispered the name, but... You won't know. I don't know. That's a good clue. Is it? They might think I'm fucking... Drew Carey.

I did a panel with Drew Carey, and he was talking about how he owns a soccer team. And something, I think he owns a soccer team. And then somebody asked him why he took the price of prices right, and he started talking about how it's like iconic, this, that, and the other. And they're like, Nicole, why did you take nailed it? And I was like, because I don't have soccer team money. Because they said, do you want to work? And I said, yes.

But it was just very funny to be like, some people are on a different fucking level. you're just doing it for the cake. I'm just so hungry. I just want some sweets. It was before I was diagnosed with diabetes. You're not a girl. What's one of the best dates you've been on? Probably one of the best dates I've been on was,

I think his name is Levi, and I think he lives in Brazil now. But it was just really, really, really good sex where he had already come. I thought we were done. He's like, No, get back on the bed. And I was just like, the way he had said it,

and then the way it doesn't sound tender. But if someone's fucking you doggy and they put their foot on the back of your neck because they're trying to brace you for what's about to come, baby get ready. I have a headboard that I'm putting handlebars on. Like those old, low school Cholo Rider handlebars, I'm getting them from my headboard.

And who do you get to install them? that? Me. Oh. Are you a handy dandy gal? Yeah, I redid the whole dressing room at precinct with Alaska. You did a good job. Yeah, I did.

I was just there and I was like, huh, that looks nice. Looks better, right? Yes. Better mirrors, better lights, cup holders, a fan. Yeah, I'm very handy. My dad taught me how to do stuff. My dad only taught me how to change my oil. That's handy, though.

Think of all the hundreds of thousands of dollars you will save in your life. I never do it. Oh. I never ever ever. do it. But you can. I can. And I can change a tire.

That's even more important. Because people that can't change tires, it's like, oh, you just want to waste two and a half hours for AAA to maybe find you. And it's really easy. It's like easy in a way that like, you're kind of dumb if you don't know how to do it. The tools that you use to do it are called in textbooks, simple machines. Yes. They are simple.

They have one to two parts. Yes. And that's all. Yeah. And you just jack it. Twist, twist, twist, twist, pull, put on. Just twist, twist, twist, twist, lower the jack, and you're done. That's literally how I get in drag.

Got to jack it up. Jack it up, twist, twist, twist. A little twist a lemon. Or lime. I want to hear about more dates you've been on. Okay. There's an app called Sniffies. Do you know about that?

Yes. There's another one called Jacked. Ooh, I don't know Jacked. Jacked is great. J-A-C-A-A-A-P-D. Okay. And what is, what's, so Sniffies is like a map, a map of d. Yes.

What is the premise of Jacked? Jacked is more like Grindr. Oh, okay. Which Grindr is just too, not what I'm looking for. Jacked is better. I also go out of town on dates and match with people on Raya and like just try it out. Yeah, Miami was, I was at Soho House, Miami. Okay.

And this guy came over. And when he got there, there was already my other friend was there. So we all just went out to I think it was the boardwalk And we just hung out there Picked up a stripper at the boardwalk And what I thought was going to be a three-way Turned into a four-way with a stripper

I think my favorite thing about all these dates is The math The math And none of them are like So it started at this restaurant We went to the movies It never starts at a restaurant with gay dates Because we have to worry about butt-fucking

Yes Like you girls have self-cleaning models down there. We don't. We have to worry about what we put in. And if we do put something in, ooh, I'll have the bone broth. Because you never know how fast it can move. And like

if you take a modium, that could like stop you up so you don't process it. But then you're like, T-minus how many till I'm Picasso, baby. Or a Jackson Pollock. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

What's the king? thinkiest thing you've ever done. I could show you better than I could tell you, but... Can I? Yes! Yeah, why not? She won't care. Oh, it's a video. I don't know what I thought was happening.

I was like, are you going to show me, show me? Acted out? Uh-uh. This isn't union. Okay. Oh, I remember. Oh, I'll just show you that because that'll probably explain it. Two words.

Brazil. Oh, that's lovely. That's three dicks hit in the tongue. When you're doing like threesomes or foursms, is there ever a point where you feel like you're watching and you're left out? Or do you like, how do you delineate who's doing what? Okay. The best three ways have a star bottom.

Okay. That's one person and he's the star. Yes. Both ends, all that. If you go to a four-way, it gets more complicated because then people tag up. And if someone's star-bottoming, there's a fourth guy. What's you supposed to do? The dishes?

Hold the camera. So if it's five, that's when you can have two-star bottoms. Because if you have three penetrative partners, then nobody's, like, an empty well with their fucking thumb trying to hitch something. So five is the optimal amount of people. Five is the lowest non-common workable number if you want more than one bottom. Okay. Do you go to sex parties and stuff? I've never been to one.

I keep asking Dipper if he'd let me work the door of one, and he won't let me. He won't let me either. And I want to be the cum-dump concierge. I think I could run a whole business. Instead of stop that train, I want to do pull that train. And it's me and me fall, trying to make everybody's orion. you better. I was like, I want to take

coats, just like work the coat check and give people just like little pearls of inspiration. Like, I hope you get the dick that you want. Or when you come out, like, did you have a fun time? Tell me about it. Did you wipe your nose after the poppers? Yes. Stuff like that. What are you doing?

Was there something you wanted to try that you didn't get a chance to? You know they tow on Lancashim after four. Like those kind of things. That dungeon at 6-2-66 Lancasham? We've all I didn't know there was a dungeon on Lancasham. Oh, yeah, honey, North Hollywood, everything happens. Really?

Yeah. And what? I've never been to a dungeon. I'm rather vanilla. There's one by the airport too. Really? Well, I believe that. I did.

And then there's one, a glam dungeon. It's like got like red vinyl walls and big cages. I did my Christmas video there. Oh. It's lovely. What happens in a dungeon? Obviously, it's like kink and you're tying people up and shit. It's not like Game of Thrones, like that dungeon-y.

It's just, I think the dungeon implies restraint, like bars, slings, leather, possible, like, things to thwack people with, like, cat of nine tails or, like, a flogger. The sex parties I go to, there's one by, have you been on Fat Life? No. Fat Life, Fat Life will open up your... What's the other one? Field. I was on field. Oh, no. For a little bit.

But I've heard about that. They didn't add on mom too. I was on field before I met my partner. And when I went on it again, right before I met him, they were like, you can't be on here. You're impersonating. And I was like... Yeah, I had that on Grindr too. Cool.

I am not paying for apps to meet people, and I don't. Like, I did Bob's podcast two weeks ago, and he's like, you have ads on Grindr. I was like, you're more concerned. about my ads or the fact that you tried to fuck me on there and now you won't fuck me in person. Because he didn't see my face and he saw everything else and he wanted it. Fuck Cracker. He fucks all these little skinny faggots twinks and he won't fuck me. That's rude.

Well, he did invite me to Game Night, which is better. I'd rather... Game night is fun at Bob's. Yeah, I want to go to that. You gotta come to one. And then maybe I'll like blow him or something. Like, why doesn't he want to fuck me? I, you know, maybe he does.

Maybe. Or maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship? he's not that friendly to me. He did my makeup and he told me he was colorblind after. That's actually very fucking funny. That's so funny. What's funny is it wasn't even the worst makeup job I've ever had. It wasn't that bad.

But Jacob, his assistant slash slam piece was like, you don't see the, Bob's like, what? He's like, no, I'm colorblind. I was like, what? That's so fucking funny. That's so funny. And he was painting me for me to wear Kennedy's, Trey didn't like the session, crystallized Hooker Phoenix, because I bought that outfit.

You did? Oh, yeah. That's like my... Do you still have it? Yeah. That's my Jackie O, like, pink suit. That's... I cherish that.

Crystalized after a night of... I love... What happened was Trey didn't like the session. So he had gutted me. But I had crystallized. And now I'm a glamazon bitch. ready for the runway. I love her so much.

She too. I love the RuPaul Challenge on All Stars. Oh, yeah. Where she was holding up the signs. She was so fucking funny. I like any girl that works outside of the parameters given. Kennedy with that, Joey J. with his own sound machine. Not asking permission, just doing it.

Don't give them a chance to say no. I love the Davenport. You should meet Clexas. Clexas Davenport is the matriarch of all. Oh. She is basic, she's Cracker's mother, Monet's mother, Shangela, Kennedy, Sahara. Oh. She's the Davenport of the Davenports.

Well, she did a very good job. She really did. She's wonderful. Like, all of those girls are so incredible. Yeah. Oh, I love good drag, but I also love crunchy bad drag. Oh, me too. Oh, I just like when someone takes a chance and they're like, this?

Not covering my brows? Yeah, I'm soft. My whole early career, nip-tuck. Why, when did you, like, I feel like early in your career, very natural. Yeah. And then. Because that's what they wanted on television, which is where I was living and working. They wanted my face to clearly tell the story that I was born a man.

Yes. So it was a natural brows, a little bit of something. In my head, I was booking all these parts because I was. the fishiest fish that ever fished. In reality, it was because I was, not Cinderella, I was a cinder block. I was hard, honey. Hard.

Just a little hard. But it told the story for what it needed for those purposes at the time. And now I don't hook no more on TV. I do it in real life, off my only fans. And I love that. You've an only fans? Oh, yeah. Wait, real quick, we gotta take another break.

Your space should feel like you. And if it doesn't yet, it's usually not a taste problem, but a budget problem. Wayfair fixes that. I was on the road touring and I had some downtime, so I went to this amazing vintage shop. And I saw this gorgeous, funky purple velvet couch. I wanted it so badly. But shipping it back to Los Angeles would have cost way more than the actual couch. I was so sad leaving it behind. But then I went on Wayfair right on my phone, search for something similar and found an even better version that fit my living room perfectly. The price completely surprised me, and they delivered it right to my door for free. If you're putting off a home

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I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy.

Yeah. And we host the show, what's our podcast here on Headgum? This podcast is brought to you by Square. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online Like your skateboard through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain showcase your offerings with a professional website Grow your brand and get paid all in one place I like that it's all in one place I know I like that I don't have to go around you know like different stores or something it's just all in my website

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Oh, what's come up with a domain right now. Let's see. I want it for it exists. www. Friends meeting. Friends. FriendsmeetingFriends.com. That's an original thing that we came up with.

Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off for code headgum, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. And we're back. I do want to go back to Dungeons.

Dungeons. So do you have to be invited to a dungeon? And Dragons. I used to work the door. I never had to be invited. Now I find the dungeon parties on FetLife. There's a guy named Cosmo who throws all these parties. And is this going to sound racist?

We might have to cut this. Okay. But I've noticed a cross-section between guys that like drag queens. They also like BBWs and Asian women. Oh. Enough so that one of my big girlfriends, Lindsay, she was having a big girl party at her house for Halloween. and one of her big girlfriends, his boyfriend, her boyfriend hit on me.

And I told her about it after. And she's like, oh, it's fine. You know, they love us. And I was like, us. And they're like, yeah, big girls and tea girls. She didn't say that. But I was like, really? I didn't know that.

I started noticing the cross section, yeah. Oh. Huh. Yeah. Interesting. People like what they like. They do. And I'm happy they do.

And then how did you start your only fans? The only fans started because I just needed more revenue streams because stuff is changing in Hollywood and the residuals aren't happening like they used to. And I figured I'm Airbnb. I have a podcast. I do rentals for my studio space. I do the touring. I have YouTube. But I still wasn't making shit meat. So I was like, only, what do you have that you can exploit my pussy? So I show people my hole and then if they ask for videos or whatever, I try to, what's the word? Fulfill. If I can. Yeah.

Okay. It's just one of those things where I was just like, if people want to look at it, why not open up that door for them to pay me to look at it? Yeah. So it's not like tons of. of money, but some month it's a couple thousand. And I'm like, I'll take that. That's nice. I got my monthly before I wake up just for mortgages and rent because I have two mortgages and then I have a rental in Hollywood is over 10K. It's actually right now it's because I'm trying to refinance one. 83 plus 53 plus now 62. That's 14. Oh my God, that hurts.

It's 18. Oh my God. My studio rental in Hollywood started at 2750. Every year they moved it up the max amount that they're legally allowed. That fucking sucks. Now it's 3680. I've been there 10 years. My mortgage at my house in Silver Lake is 8,600 because I refinanced it when I hurt my back.

And I didn't know that the payment went up. I thought they just give you more months at the end when you take out money. That's not how that works. and then my Palm Springs mortgage is like five something. So, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's wild that when you refinance, they didn't walk you through all the steps of it.

They did. I didn't listen. That's funny. My ex was there. He's a lawyer. You just sign your name 3,700 times. And then you see, you get something new in the mail where you're like, wait, this is my new payment. I was like, I was just planning to give them more at the end, like more months.

And you don't get to make that decision. No. Banks are wild and they're all bad and they act like they want to help you. And they don't. They just want to take your fucking money. Oh, you don't have $3,000 in your account this month? We're going to take $16. Yes. And we're going to take $16 every month you don't have three grand. Yes. Which is why do I have to have a minimum amount of money in my bank account? It's my money. You're just holding it for me. Hate it. It's fucking rude. It really is. Well, do you have any advice for single people out there? I do. My advice for single people is before you try to get into a relationship,

is you have to be enough for yourself. You have to want yourself enough and know that you're worth something enough to be a part of someone else's life in a beneficial way. You don't need someone to fix you. You don't need someone to complete you. You need to be enough on your own. And if you're not, lie to yourself. And then others.

I like the theme of this is math and lying. I mean, I've been lying on my back most of my career. And the numbers keep going up. I was introducing my partner to somebody and I was like, I have a boyfriend. Can you believe it? And then my friend was like, yeah, Nicole, I can. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, you're pretty great.

Why wouldn't you have a boyfriend? Exactly. And sometimes, I know I'm enough alone. I know that I'm a good person, but then sometimes I'm like, but am I worthy of this nice relationship? Am I worthy of this nice person in my life? And I always have to go, stop doing that. Yes, you are worthy. You do deserve this. This is nice. Yeah. I'm glad that you found happiness, too. Well, thank you so much. Because you know you can't spell happiness without a penis. Try. Oh. There's an E, there's a P. Yeah?

There's an N, there's an I, there's a S. Uh-huh. I mean, penis is nice. It is. I do love a nice dick. Mmm. You got any grips around here? Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

This is the least sausage party place I've ever seen. Oh, wait, there's two guys. They don't look like they know what they're doing. No, they actually really don't. Only one does, and the other is just looking around. Hannah's pockets. I don't know. I don't think either one of them

quite know what they're doing. What is you climbing? Where's it going? He's going to the sky. There's nothing even. Life bulbs. If you're listening, there's just a nice man on a ladder. What's the thing that you

hope happens in the next year for yourself? What are you manifesting? Okay. My personal tranifest destiny is loves a drag is going to get picked up by a major network.

work, such as Comedy Central or something, and they are going to order 26 episodes. Yes. A full season. And then I'm not going to blow any more of the contestants anymore. Is that because it's a conflict of interest? No, it's just a lot of work. Wait, tell us a little bit about love as a drag. You host it with Raja? Raja's my lieutenant, my correspondent in the field. We get three guys. forcibly feminize them so they can see what women have to go through to meet unrealistic beauty expectations

and then they compete for a date with a lovely young girl or lovely young woman and one of them wins and they win the date and then the other two they have to take off their drag and then they go home

sometimes they get a blowjob but Marco Marco does the costumes or a sexton is one of the makeup artists Rajah's there it's a really gay production. So that's why I don't feel like they're using me for a straight people dating show trope.

Because this does make guys more sympathetic and better in general once they realize what women are doing. Yes. Or like why their razors cost more because of the pink tax. Guys don't know that.

Yeah, and it's kind of crazy. It is. Tampons being taxed, that's crazy. The fact that, like, tampons aren't in restrooms for free is fucking wild to me. Yeah.

It's so, I'm like, just have them. Like, it's a thing that I can't control. And it's like, you have toilet paper. So why not, why not tampons? Because it just affects, you know, like half the population. But it's like, that's half the population. Yeah. It's fucking wild.

It really is. So after dating or loves a drag goes viral and gets picked up, I'll probably, hmm, get a brawl lift. Oh. I think I'm going to get a brawl lift. I'm going to go to Brooklyn's guy. I just want my eyes a little, just a little open.

Have you had other surgeries? When I was 19, I had lipo a lot. And then when I was 20, I had a little more under here. Because you gain a little bit of weight after, and then you're like, oh, I'm so thin. And then all of a sudden, you're like, these boots won't sit, because my calves gained an inch,

and then my face is a fucking jack-o-lantern. But when you get liposuction, the fat doesn't come back? in that spot or does it? So when you get liposuction, when you get fat, when you gain weight, the fat cells that you have expand. So when the fat cells need to expand and there's no fat cells there to expand, elsewhere will expand more. And you'll gain weight in an area that you normally aren't predisposed to gain weight in. All my weight goes to my ass now. See, that's nice. I'm fine with that. That's nice. Yeah, nobody's complaining. A nice little juicy boot.

Baby, if the burger's bigger than the bun, they're still eating it. I've never heard that one before, and I really like it. It's true. But that's my favorite kind of burger when there's like a little extra meat. On the edge? Yeah. And it's like a little crispy? Yeah, not like White Castle, soggy shit.

No. No. I don't like White Castle. It upsets me. I don't know how people eat it. There's no textural component that makes me gasp other than the pickle. And if I'm getting excited over a pickle, wrong party. Wrong party.

I'm not a pickle hound. I don't like pickles. I love pickles. People love them. But not those thin little white castle pickles. Oh, yeah, I'll get a fucking fat garlic dill. Oh, no. Mars, do you like pickles?

I do, yeah. People love them, and everyone looks like they're really having a nice time, and I just don't like them. Do you like pickled onions? No. I don't like pickled anything. Oh. Okay.

What about Rick and Morty? There's a pickle on that, isn't there? I've never seen Rick and Morty. Oh, it's a great show. That's what people keep saying. That, my cartoons are that big mouth, human resources, And then Gem. But Gem.

Gem and the holograms? Yeah. But it was redone by this guy named Evil Jeff. Uh-huh. And he also produced and edited, uh, Kachi and Trixie show. He takes Golden Girls, Gem, all these old shows and overdubs them with voices. And it is the funniest thing ever. Okay.

It's called Jizz and the Mammograms. Jiz wants all of the girls at her at the Starlight Foundation to get abortions. She wants stem cells. She is... I'm going to send it to you. Please send it to me. It sounds very, very funny.

There was a song called Only Analy that came from that, and it was the parody of Katie Perry's Unconditionally. She was not happy. Because that song meant something to her, and I just made it about butt chugging because I stopped drinking 12 years ago, and I wanted to find a way to still enjoy liquor. So you can butt chug it

And that's what that song was about You've butt chugged I drink with my anus I have my drinks anally Pour wine in a douche And drink it anally Do you still do that? A few clubs have asked me not to anymore

So I keep it in the back of my repertoire Because it's not like I turn my ass on the audience And like spray them I'm not doing that After I put it up Because usually what I do is I get a fleet from the store, and then on stage, I, like, open it, and they see it's factory sealed, and then I pour out the water on stage or, like, in a cup, and then I find someone in the front

row with a drink that's half empty, and I pour it in the thing, and then I drop trow and shove it up there, and people are just so shocked, but it's like, what am I supposed to do? Learn to dance. Like, come on. Learn a lip sync now! Stupid human tricks are always better. I'm going to butcher. I don't. I don't lip sing. Yeah, sure. I don't. If you've seen drag race, you know why. I don't. So wait, why is butt chugging better than just drinking it? No calories.

You're an innovator. That's really fucking funny. No calories. No calories. You get drunk. And then everybody's looking at your butt. Which is like the goal for the end of the night anyway. Everybody's seeing it there.

They're like, oh, okay. And she's got cocktails up there? I don't even need a drink ticket for this bitch. It's a win-win situation. Mm-hmm. Well, Willem. Yes. We have come to the end.

At least we come. We all came. Would you date me? In a hot second. Yes. Would you date me? Yes. Oh my God.

I do fun dates. I really do. I think we would have a lovely time. You know where I take all my first dates? Where? Jumbos Clown Room. Because if they're cool with the girls and they know how to tip and there's a really good tie place right next door too.

Yes, there is. That has that mango sticky rice and lots of good things. And Jit Lotto is right down the street. I love Jit Lato. God, me too. Ugh. Next time you go there, bring me. Okay.

Well, I'll bring Raja because the owners know Raja, and they sent out plates and plates and plates. That's one of my favorite things when someone knows the owner of a good restaurant and they just like start, or you like make friends with the server and they're like, oh, I thought you should have this. Yeah. And it's like, oh, thank you for thinking. That part. So Jumbos is a good date spot that I take people to. I also take them on a hike.

Because, like, if you can, if you want to go see the Batcave with me where the Batmobile used to pull out. Sure, there's a fence, but if you want to climb in there and get your dick sucked, like, I'll know you're down for other stuff, too, you know. You like taking people on dates where there's, like, a sense of adventure so you know if they're, like, down to clown and have a nice time. I'm not really so much talker. I'm a doer. I like to do physical things and, like, go see strippers and get lap dances and, like,

wrestling and, like, crazy stuff. I like, I don't want to take someone. on something that they've already done. I'm not interested in repeating myself. I like that. I think that's fun. I think that's also a good lesson for people. It's like, I don't know, step out of your comfort zone

and do something unexpected. Yeah, let's not go to Buffalo Wild Wings before you try to fuck me. Jesus Christ. Let's not go to Buffalo Wildlings. I like that you said it like that because it feels like it's happened. It has.

It has. My ex-loved wings. And I was like, first of all, you don't always wash your hands. And so the buffalo sauce burns my asshole because you're trying to finger bang me too. And plus, have you ever heard of a manicure? These tops?

Their hands? They're, it's like fucking lion paws. They're like, oh, I'll just shove that up there. Someone tried to DP me this pride with no lube. That's rude. That's rude. Yeah, and dangerous. Yes.

I don't like that. People are idiots. To that man out there, shame on you. Man, man, it was two of them, double penetration. To those two men. Now I'm getting mad again like it's RuPaul. God damn it. Those two men, you gotta use lube.

Come on. And also, gentlemen, straight, gay, cut your fingernails. Like, file them, have a nice time, put lotion on them. Men can have soft hands too. Yeah, and also, when I say come on, come does not count as lube if there's already a load in there. Yes. Because there's like those little babies in there, they cause friction. It's not all just vicarious liquid.

little tiny like swimmers. You saw the beginning of, look who's talking right? I did. Yeah, those. That's in my butt. Yes. You can't use cum as lube for more than a few seconds. You can't use cum as lube. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. You can know, actually. You can. There's this program.

Hold on, actually. This one show called Making the Devil's Dick. Okay. It was a program made by the good people at Treasure Island Media. It's a pornographic film company. Sure. And this man named Dawson, he took 50 loads in a And then he had another weekend frequent where he took many, many, many, many, many come. Yes.

And then he took those loads, put them in a jar. And then he poured the loads into a condom and then froze it. Okay. And then fucked himself with it? Well, several people fucked him with it. And then he would put it in him, then shoot it across the room. I might have wiped off carpet fibers. Then do it again.

And can I tell you, did you see the movie The Mist? No. It was very sad. It was Stephen King. Everybody died, and then right after this guy kills his son, the rescue crew comes in.

And you're like, you just made that choice to make us so sad. But when this devil's dick of come starts to melt and he realizes it, he's so sad. He's so sad.

He's like, I'm not, it's like when a snowman melts and you won't see him again until next winter. He was so sad, Nicole. Because if it takes, so long to re-freeze it. That was a lot of work.

Also. And you can't refreeze it really because you need to get the loads back and they're all over the carpet and the fucking motel six bed spread. But I just feel like that would be so cold. He was putting in his mouth too after it was on the floor and that was dirty. I don't like that part. I didn't like that part. It would be cold.

It would be cold. Like so cold. Like I feel like it would be really uncomfortable. Yeah. But hey, sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your art and what you love. He let 51 guys fuck him in a weekend. Do you think he has feeling back there on what's uncomfortable? or cold.

Oh, the nerves are dead. Just dead. The only thing he's feeling is anything on his prostate. Oh, my God. His asshole looks like a hernia belly button. Well, that visual was awful. You're welcome. Well, we've come to the end.

What would you like to promote? I would like everybody to watch me on the mob this fall on Hulu, hosted by Parker Posey. And loves a drag on YouTube and the mom network of podcasts. Gosh, we have Very Delta. We have sloppy seconds with Meatball and Big Dipper. We have Race Chaser with Alaskan Willem and also Hot Goss with that same wonderful pairing. Also, what is mob?

You mentioned this twice, but you didn't explain it. So it's a show from the traders and squid game producers. And we filmed in Italy. Debbie Mazars on it. Ooh. Just got off the elevator, just ran into Debbie Mazur. That's fun. Who else?

Bruno from dancing with the stars. Okay. A bunch of reality people. I hear a tutorial from the Sopranos. Little Romeo. No. I know. Little Romeo.

You just don't know. The way you... No, that's a little bow-wow. Oh, Romeo, give me a chance. That 30-year-old woman singing did that year old boy. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'll kiss me. Mm-hmm.

And this is a different time. Different time. Yeah, very much. So. Well, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Oh, and everybody go see Titanic in New York at the St. James Theater right now.

You were in it. I am, and I'm a investor. Yeah. So everybody goes to see that. It's a great show. You'll love it. It's only 90 minutes by the time you have to pee. The boat sunk.

There you go. What didn't mean to spoil it? Oh, no. You never know what could happen, though. Celine's magical voice could bring everyone back to life. Maybe that's what happens. Who knows? Open-ended.

Willem knows. Open it. What do you want to promote Nicole? This podcast, please keep watching it. Tell people about it on Reddit. I have another podcast called Best Friends with Sashir Zameda. And, oh, I have a show. I have shows coming up.

I have the, you see? Well, she's looking. I have shows too. I'm in Australia for all of July. And then after that, I'm elsewhere in the south. I have a tour with Ador Dolanos. Sonique, Coco Montreis,

myself, and we're all singing. We're going with a rock band. I fucking love that. That's going to be delightful. We're in like Nashville, Florida, I think Dallas, Houston, New Orleans. We're doing a test. So come to the gigs, Mama.

Come to the gigs, Mama. I'll be at Cap City Comedy in Austin, Texas, the 24th, 25th, and 26th. I'll be working out new material. And then July, did I say July or did I say August? I think you just said I just said the dates So I'll be at

Cap City Comedy in Austin, Texas July 24th, 25th, and 26th. And then I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis, July 30th, 31st, and August 1st. And then Good Night's Comedy Club in North Carolina,

August 14th, 15th, and 16th. Also, just working out new material. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Day Me, could like it, you can rate it, you could follow it, Give it five stars on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com, I'll read it. This person says, hi, Nicole. I'm a long time listener and I love your podcast. Though I have to say, I spent the first couple of years thinking I was listening to Gabby Sidibe. Oopsie. Anywho, here is what I would do to you. What a wild thing to write.

I thought you were a different black woman. Okay. I would like to take you on a long walk through Vinnie. on a hot, sunny day and have you wear the thickest winter coat in your wardrobe. So you want me to suffer. Then we get back, when we get back home, I would squeeze your sweaty underwear right into the ninja creamy mold, then freeze it, cream it, and feed it to you as your reward for completing your daily steps?

What? This is, so you thought I was a different black person and now you're fat shaming? Well. Why do you have to wear panties all of a sudden? I don't know. I want my little coochie lips to be free. Yeah, but let a birdie. Well, that one was fine.

Bye! That was a Hidgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Often. A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.