Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Sleeping for the Story (w/ The Vixen)

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

Drag queen The Vixen (Rupaul's Drag Race S10, host of Black Girl Magic) chats about calling out microaggressions on Drag Race, the type of hate mail they receive, and how appearing on the show lead to an amicable break in their relationship. Plus, they share the secret to flirting (which they learned working at Olive Garden), the fun of having a 'Weekend Boyfriend', and sleeping with someone just for the story.Also, Nicole needs to know the CDC's guidelines on doggy style. What's the safest way to find and lock down a fuckbuddy during quarantine? The Vixen weighs in.For more drag queens on Why Won't You Date Me, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fg8EpuSupport Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and places to donate click here: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746Advertise on Why Won’t You Date Me via Gumball.fm

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where Amina Kohlbauer tries to figure out why I'm still single, even though you could not wear a mask and spit right in my pussy, I would still date you. My guest...

I might have said that already, and I don't know if I have, but my guest today, you know them from RuPaul's Drag Race. They also created and host this show called Black Girl Magic. It's The Vixen! How you doing? I'm good, The Vixen. Thank you so much for doing this. I truly appreciate it.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited. Yay. I mean, it is a love and relationship podcast, but truly I've been talking about the world and drag and whatnot i've been having a lot of drag queens on because uh the world hadn't been open and i was like oh they're home they'll be available for me to talk to yeah i think the first thing everyone realizes was like

wait so my favorite rue girl is just chilling and then suddenly we weren't chilling no more. I could talk to that. Yeah. So wait, how long? You've been doing drag for a long time, yes? Yeah, six years officially. But I was one of those androgynous kids in high school. So if you actually try to pinpoint when it became drag, it's very muddy.

Yeah. I love it. And then you, did you grow up on the south side of Chicago or that's where you live now I grew up born and raised south side of Chicago um the thing about you know coming from the hood is you should get out and so I did so I live I live on the north side of Chicago now um you know less police uh more white people but I feel I feel safe nonetheless I my family lives on the south side and I think I've probably said this on the podcast before but I would visit them every summer and whenever white people were like I'm from Chicago I'm like I don't think you're telling

the truth because Chicago is like the most successfully like segregated city in America, I think, because I truly never saw white people on the south side unless it was a white lady with braids and mixed kids. And I went to the north side and like I was 27 or something like that. My friend Mateo was doing a show and I truly it was like a horror movie. Got out of the car. I was like, they're everywhere. Not like a horror movie, but I was like, they're so mad. I was like shocked. It was like a horror movie. Got out of the car. I was like, they're everywhere. Not like a horror movie, but I was like, they're so mad. I was like shocked. It was shocking.

I mean, even going to school, I think I was probably a sophomore before I had a class with a white person. Yeah, I buy that. On the sad side, I absolutely buy that. It's really, it's an interesting, I love Chicago personally. I think it's a beautiful city that sometimes gets a bad rap but like I just it's it's and that's the thing with it being so segregated it's like you can live in the same city and have a completely different experience yes I've been born and raised here I've had all

the experiences I've lived on pretty much every side in every area and so I know that you know you can see the beautiful Chicago and I always say I'm not from the Chicago in the movies. I'm from the Chicago in the news. But at least now I live in the Chicago from the movies, which is good. So do you were you traveling a lot as a drag performer? Yes. Before quarantine? Yeah, I was doing, you know, February, I did a whole Black Girl Magic, Black History tour. And so I was in all different cities and then it just came screeching to a halt. I was supposed to go see it when it was it was supposed to come to L.A.

Yeah, we're going to do a huge show for DragCon. And I can't even think about how great the show is going to be because it's such a loss. And I just have to know that one day we'll be able to get it done because it was gag worthy. I hope I get to see it someday. Did you how did you come up with Black Girl Magic? Was it because there was a lack of spaces for black queens to perform? Yeah, for me, it was there was only about four or five queens that were really getting to work in like high profile bars. You know what I mean?

In Chicago, our queer area, Boys Town, is like, if you want to get on Drag Race, you need to be working in one of these bars. And so there was maybe five bars that were really popping in. Each bar only had one black queen, like kind of. And so me and those other queens got together and was like, we need to do something. And so we started like sneakily plotting, you know, our own shows. And I didn't even tell the bar, I pitched the show to the bar and they were like, okay, sure.

I didn't mention that it would only be black queens. But luckily we had a great turnout and they let me come back and do it again. And those queens were Shea Coulee, Lucy Stuhl and Dita Ritz. So, you know, icons. Honestly, yes. Icons bring Dita Ritz back and Lucy Stuhl. I just discovered. What a treat.

I love them very much. They're very best friends. You just don't know it. Y'all are best friends for sure. Also, the name Lucy Sty stool is so fucking funny i like read it and i was like huh then i said it out loud and then it made me laugh so hard it's so funny it it took me too long to get it and then once i got it i was it took me like three days to get used to it and now i don't even hear myself say it you know i

mean like i just say it so casually and people are like what is the name oh right right so shit jokes are a thing so after drag race did dating were you oh are you in a relationship currently not to my knowledge so after drag, was dating harder or easier? Just because you had notoriety, people knew you from TV, and they had... You were very polarizing on the show because you didn't back down from making white people uncomfortable about microaggressions and whatnot. Absolutely. Which I fully applaud you for, and i think the show could have framed it better because it's edited yeah you're taking a lot of things out of context to put them in a context

so i i think they it could have been painted a little bit better as opposed to i feel like they kind of painted you as the villain and i don't think you were a villain i think you were a black person who who like you know, OK, so here's the thing I've started doing. Like if there is a joke that's like a black centric joke and like an old movie and a white friend laughs, I started going, why is that funny? Ah, yes. Because then it's the onus is on you to explain to me why this microaggression is funny to you, which is what I think you were doing on the show, being like, why is that okay to say yeah and um I didn't realize how in tune with you know wokeness I was until I was in a room and I was like I don't like that oh I

don't I really don't like um and you know it's a it's a drag reality show they want to you know they want the ooh girl moment they want the drama and I think when you have someone like me who's talking about really real issues you can't trivialize it to shade you know and so and when you do it um it makes light of racism as an entire thing and it's just not healthy for anybody I uh specifically the moment where you said it was in regards to Eureka who I like and you said uh everyone's telling me how to react but no one's telling her how to act and I was like that is such a powerful statement thank you because it's not your job to teach someone how to act like they can go learn somewhere else learn how to speak to people learn how to respect people and if somebody comes at you and says this hurt my

feelings because of x y and z or like you said something offensive it's on that person to take in that critique and go oh shit let me look inside as opposed to barking back at the person and go i'm not wrong yeah i said this because x y and z it's like um the conversation framed it as if it was almost problematic to stand up for yourself and i I was like, yes. What? Yeah. Yes. And that's not good for anybody. And I mean, I still to this day, I dare anyone to rewatch the season, you know, nitpick,

be a stenographer, find one instance where I started anything. Now, I never ran from a fight, but I definitely never started one. I think you're right about that. Yeah. I mean, I've, you know, I've, uh, I staked my name on it. I had to, I've combed through the season and made sure, okay, well, okay. What was the semantics of everything? And he's like, no, I really was just responding to my environment, but yeah, a black girl thinking that she has the right to stand up for herself or, you know, tell the truth when no one else says is problematic, I guess.

Yes. Very curious. But yeah, dating had that. Did that put like a spin? Like were people, did they have expectations when they would go out with you? Oh, absolutely. So while the show was airing, I was, I wasn't a three-year relationship when it aired and it was like, definitely I wouldn't say that the show was airing, I was I was in a three year relationship when it aired. And it was like definitely I wouldn't say that the show broke us up, but I would say like, you know, I've here I am at the tip of my five year plan, you know, doing my life's work, you know, you know, finally getting, you know, everything. And I just didn't have the, you know, professionally, you just don't have the bandwidth to be there for another person when it's your moment. And you're like, and so that was like, for me, it was more so like, okay, I know that I cannot be fair to you in this moment because I can hear how self-centered I am right now.

But if I don't honor this opportunity, then I'm going to regret it. So that was, you know, an amicable break. But then trying to start anything else was like, okay, if you want to date me, you got to be really, really with all of this. You got to be into drag. You got to be interviewing in the public eye. But not too concerned with being, it's like it's a needle in a haystack finding somebody who doesn't mind dating somebody that's on TV, but doesn't want to date somebody that's on TV.

It is a weird fine line where you're like, chill with everything, but you're not a clout chaser. You're not somebody who's just in it because you're like, I want somebody famous. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's really difficult to find and you get that thing where it's like sometimes people try to overprove that they're not into you for that and they're like no you don't have to it's like if you don't let me pick up this check i did not yell at eureka for six hours to not be able to pick up the check let me pick up the check. You're like, I earned this. I earned this. Let me fucking treat you.

Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Do you ever have people like slide into your DMs trying to date? Oh, absolutely. I think if I ever seriously want to get married, I should just go to Brazil. There are lots of Brazilian men waiting for me. And I, you know, I take you up on it as soon as I can. I love that I wish there was just a a section of the world where there was people who were like Nicole Byers who I want to fuck forever

I gotta gotta find that guy gotta get a plane ticket and go on over I'm telling you if it if it wasn't for quarantine I think I've really become a fan of like the weekend boyfriend. Oh. And so say you have somebody who you, you know, you've chatted with online for a while and there's like a holiday or birthday coming up and they come in for the weekend and you hang out, you go on. It's like a extended blind date. But I think that's a fun way to catch COVID. That is nice. Maybe I'll start doing that after quarantine ends.

I mean, if it ever fucking ends here. If it ever fucking ends. The other day I was like, oh my God, we've been inside since March, April, May. It's now fucking June and shit's closing again because nobody knows how to fucking act. Yeah. Oh, we could have had a summer. We could have had a beautiful summer but no everyone's out of their fucking minds because they wanted to have a okay spring

yeah truly just like a kind of okay spring where you're just like scared in a bar an awkward spring instead of a beautiful summer do Do so some of the black Queens have talked about, um, I follow mayhem. She's on all-star season five right now. And she was talking about how people send incredibly hateful messages to the black Queens. Or have you experienced any of that at all?

Oh, in droves. I mean, you talked about, you know, kind of my role in season 10 of drag race and we had five black queens on season 10. But I think because I was so polarizing that way, I took a lot of the heat. And so now the girls that are on are being like, wait a second, what is going on? I don't have Vix in here to like

take up all the slack. So I really, I really feel for her. And I mean, I still get messages all the time, every day. There's, you know, and I try to, you know, keep the perspective. Okay, if you got a hundred messages today and two of them were death threats, you're doing okay. It sucks that it comes to that, but it does. And you just have to, you really do get used to it, which is sad. That's not something you should get used to, but, um, yeah. And then you kind of, I gauge, I'm like, okay, is this person batshit crazy and I should

not engage with them? Or is this person very heated because they watched, you know, the climax of an episode and they wanted to say something. And can I, can I say something to them that makes them realize that they're talking to a human being and they need to correct themselves. So I pick my battles, at least then I pick my in the DMs. Not on VH1 I didn't pick my battles.

Not on VH1, no ma'am. I just think it's so insane. I have never once turned off my TV, gotten on my phone, found the person and the thing I didn't like to let them know I didn't like it. It to me, that's so many steps where you can go, I should just take a nap. We're like, oh, I can make a sandwich. Oh, I could go masturbate. I could go do anything else. Anything. Your phone has infinite possibilities and you want to talk to a person you don't like.

Mm hmm. People are caught up in the wrong things, I think. Are you on any of the dating apps? Well, I guess you could use them to date. I just like pictures, I guess. Yeah, I still have Grindr, but with quarantine, it's like, what's the point, right? So you haven't gone on any FaceTime dates? No, because I need to be touched. I feel the same way. I can't.

The visual does it. If I want to watch porn, I'll just watch porn. I don't need to meet the porn star. And I know a lot of porn stars. If I really wanted to just do that, that's a pick of a litter. I'd rather just go straight to the source. I've been looking at a lot of porn on Twitter. It's great.

Just because it's there, it's quick, it's to the point. Sometimes you're not asking for it, but it shows up on your feed and you're like, you know what? Actually, I will have a little porn today. I will just take a little detour from looking at the horrific things on Twitter and look at a big juicer dick. Oh, yeah. There was one that I saw the other day that was so big that i was like honestly i don't know where this would fit on a person it was enormous and all it was it was just like him jerking off but i was like and i kept scrolling to see if he did fuck somebody but i

couldn't find any fucking videos and i was like is this sad for him i think a lot of guys run into my dick is unfuckably big. Right. I mean, I, I am different though. I would love to see a challenge. I would love for someone to pull their pants down and me go, where will it go?

Yeah. Just to be like, okay, this is like, this is going to be one for the books. This is, I can't, I can't wait to tell the girls about this.

Truly. That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a dick that truly is a story to tell the people. Just where he drops his pants and goes, oh, I go, it's a treat. It's a treat for me. I am so horny right now. I don't know if you can tell. I feel you.

And I'm like, I don't know if I should curtail you because I can go right there. No, let's go. Let's take a journey. Let's do it. Okay, so I'm typically usually a top. But if I see a dick that is a good story, I feel like it's a missed opportunity. You know what I mean?

I've seen enough average dicks. I don't need another one under my belt. But if I can, you know, one for the books is I can't pass that up. I love that. You're like, usually, but this huge dick, I'll take it. I'll want it. It's for me. This will go on my mantle.

Yeah. Very loud. You said you were in a three-year relationship. Is that the longest relationship you've had? Yes. And it was great. Yeah. A three-year relationship.

It was honestly right as my career was picking up. I think people come into your life exactly when you need them. And he was just really great at helping me, supporting me. You know, you get those voices and even when you're doing great, you get voices in your head that you can't do it. And to have somebody like, be like, are you kidding me? You're the best at this. You're amazing. A godsend. And then for me, you know, Drag Race in general was this dream that I had that, you know, in a lot of ways became a nightmare in real time. And so I was like, this is this part's going to suck for me, but get out while you can. And so, yeah, but we still talk almost every day, I would say.

Really? Yeah. Some people are just family. You know, once you meet them, you're like, yeah, this is how close everything got. His mom presided over my mom's wedding. Wow. Oh, my God. That's so cute. There's no undoing that, right? That is so cute. I love how intertwined you are and how it's like you when you said amicable, I was like people throw that word around a lot. But truly feel like yeah it was a nice break yeah when it's like that when you when you're that close to somebody it's like I couldn't actually break up with you if I tried yeah that I love that that's

what I like when I think of a relationship I'm now at the point in my life where I'm like I want that I want like family I want closeness I want to feel this person on a different level like uh I have intimate relationships with like my friend like I have dear dear dear friends where that intimacy is like further than friendship but it's not like sexual or anything but I'm like that's what I want in a relationship with a person that I'm sexual with like just like full-blown intimacy where like our lives are intertwined and we just like being next to each other oh boy and you got a big old fat dick and a big one and when you do that you hold on you hold on to those people. I think I'm one of those people who, sorry, I think, you know how some people are like, you love me or you hate me, right?

And I honestly think that most people who meet me don't hate me. I don't think there's a lot of people in the world who know me and hate me. You know what I mean? Like, you might think you know me and hate me, but so often I'll meet somebody and like, in an hour, I'm like, you're going to be in my life forever. I can fucking feel it. And it's true. I have my best friend, JT.

I met him at an after party and we were like, it was like I was looking. And this is a white, blonde hair, blue eyed guy from Ohio. And we were we looked at each other like it was like looking in a mirror. We were so like wow and I have spent like every weekend with this guy and for in the past year and it's because you just when you meet somebody and it clicks you know um so I have a lot of people like that in my life that are great I think I met one this past weekend which is really weird to like, like you meet someone and you're like, oh, you're not going anywhere. And so I'm excited to see where this one goes. I don't think I've met anyone in the last year like that.

Like, I feel like all of my very close friends that I'm like, oh, you're going to be in my life for like forever. I think I feel like I've already met them. Yeah, I think it should be rare, right? You don't want, because otherwise you just got a house full of squatters. Just a bunch of people in my heart house. That won't leave, yeah. Fuck, what was I going to say?

Oh, shit. I have ADD and I like, my brain spaces so fucking much. Wait. Oh, where did you meet someone last weekend? Are you out in the streets? What are you doing?

Well, no, I'm not out in the streets, but so I have a very codependent group of friends. So luckily we all have very big houses. Not to, I still live in Chicago. Don't get me wrong. But, um, so I was

at my friend's house and he was like, Oh, one of my friends was going to stop by. And it was like, okay. And I'm, you know, one being the vixen nine times out of 10, if I run into it, if I meet a new gay person, they know who I am. So I always try to like fall back and like go unnoticed if I can. And that didn't work. But yeah, I just, I met a guy and we weren't trying to see each other, but we saw each other. So yeah, we'll see where that goes. Wish me luck.

I wish you all the luck in the whole wide world. That's all I want is for people to like fucking be happy. Like I think the world would just be a more magical place if we all just fucked worried about ourselves and just try to bring sunshine into people's lives yeah it's like honestly if you go and i don't get why people don't get this but if you go about your life trying to help other people you will be a better person you just will yeah you will my mom was super into that she loved helping people she was one of the most selfless people i've ever met in my life but like sometimes i'll like do something like okay i'm gonna do something for

somebody and then there's just more steps of things i need to do for this person and i'm like oh boy i really uh opened a can of worms it's a one of those situations where you give a mouse a cookie and then they want fucking milk and a plate and a place to stay and you to pay for this and pay for that you're like hold on i gave you one fucking cookie that's all you were getting from me and that's what it is you have to think of yourself as a gift and then you have to choose who you're going to share that gift with right and so like so like, I, I, I know that with my friends, if they need anything, I am, I'm the type of person who drops everything. I'll, I'll make my whole day about you if you are in need. And so when I meet people, I'm like, I have to suss out

if you're worth it, you know, are you naughty or nice? But once I, once I think you're nice, um, yeah, I'll give you the world. I love that. That's incredible. I try to be selfless. I'm like, the older I get, the more I'm like, it's so much easier to just be nice. And then like, if you offer to do something for somebody,

you might make their day a little easier. It might make them feel better than when they smile, you smile. I'm trying to really just like put out positive energy. Yeah, and if they're a good person and you really shouldn't be wasting your efforts on somebody who isn't a good person. And so if they are, you know, that will come back to you. They'll recognize that you were there for them and they'll be there for you when you, because you never know when you're

going to need it. So it's good to like cash in those chips and, you know, you know, lay out some favors so that it'll come back to you. I agree. Are you are you good at flirting? I am terrifyingly good at flirting. That's what I feel like. I feel like you're a good flirt. You like you've got a very enchanting voice, I feel. And then you like kind of make eyes too sometimes when you're talking I was

like oh my god am I like falling in love oh it's working it's working I was like oh my god I feel so special right now um so okay you're good at flirting soon the economy will open up and I'll feel comfortable being in a bar how how do you approach somebody that you're interested in? Oh, God. I really, if I really like a guy, if I really like a guy, I am bashful. It's embarrassing. I am like, I can't. And a lot of people are intimidated when they meet me. And I am like, oh, my God, you're so hot. I am such a nerd.

Like, give me a. But if the stars align just right, I just know. I think it's because I'm good with words. So I know how to banter. I know how to like, you know, catch you up and like make you smile and get those aha gotcha moments that I guess end up flirting. I've had guys tell me so much. Oh, you're smooth.

And I was like, I am not smooth. I am freaking out on the inside. You're just entertained by it. I wish I had some sort of smoothness to me. I've done improv for so long. Like a good example of me not being smooth is I went on vacation with my friends this year. We were flying back, I think from Spain

and we were going through customs and the guy was like, do you have anything to declare? And she was like, yeah, her and pointed at me. And then we all laughed. And then he was like, and you? And I was like yeah her and pointed at me and then we all laughed and then he was like and you and i was like i swear i do comedy i swear i was like i do comedy i'm funny sometimes but so she was like you could have said anything you could have been like you back at me and i was like i know i don't know he's a man talking to me and i freaked out yeah i think the best advice that I've ever gotten when it comes to like flirting or anything is.

So I used to be a server at Olive Garden. Hated it. I'm not a people pleaser. And one of the managers that was like kind of cool just broke it down to me. He was like, talk to them like you're trying to get them to suck your dick. And I was like, what? Excuse me, son? And he's like, oh, right. So he's like, he's like, have you ever had your dick sucked before? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, what did you do to get it? And I was like, oh, you want me to be that guy? And it's like, you know, like when you're trying to get laid, you do like, there's a different charm. And so like, if you approach people with a,

I'm trying to get laid charm, it kind of works. And like, I mean, I've definitely applied it in the most inappropriate of places. But you know, I might not have gotten my dick touched, but I got what I wanted. I got a coupon. I got a coupon. Yeah.

Oh, I love, so I go michael's all the time i love arts and crafts store and yeah oh okay and you know they have the uh they have all those good coupons right there at the register and if you're nice enough they'll scan them so i always i fix my face before i get up to that register hi how you doing oh it's good to see i i need you to love me i need you to scan that koopa i used to do that when i was little at mcdonald's at the drive-thru i'd always tell the girl the drive-thru i'm like you're so pretty and they go oh my god she's so cute here's an extra toy and i'd be like yeah that's like a charm i wanted so maybe i gotta live every day when i meet somebody as if i'm at the mcdonald's drive-thru and i have to just compliment them and then they'll go oh okay i love you and then that's i don't know i just yeah

and plus you know you're nicole byer people are shocked and excited to meet you so you have to like own that and then like kind of wield it you know i'll tell you something the straight men are not excited they're truly truly like another bitch. Like straight men, they're not my demographic. I have like seven straight guys who listen to me and consume my content. I would not suggest it. Yeah, they're usually just like, whatever.

Men are just, straight men specifically. I think I want a man who like was gay, but then he's like, Nicole, you're for me. And I go, ah, ah perfect i love this but this is the thing straight men especially are idiots and they want their dicks out so maybe you talk to them like you just might suck the dick this is bad girlfriend advice i mean i've been in conversations where i like i i can't figure out if he's flirting with me.

So I'll just be like, oh, I'll I'll suck your dick. When I was younger, I would do that so often. Just be in a bar talking to a dude. He touches my shoulder. I'm like, I think he I'll suck your dick. Like, OK, let's get out of here. OK, cool. Cool.

I did it. If I'm in drag and I think a guy is like kind of into me I'd be like alright now you better be careful this makeup comes off it ain't nothing to get a wet wipe and then they know it's on oh so you don't fucking drag that's another question I love asking listen if the

moment is hot the moment is hot if you don't mind I don't mind cause I can't see any of it until it's like all over your dick once your dick is rouge purple from my lipstick then I know that I've made a choice I love it my favorite thing is like kissing someone with like lipstick on and then looking back and not only is my lipstick all over them but like my brown makeup if they're a white person is all over them yeah I slept with this one guy and he went to the bathroom after we fucked and then i heard him go oh no and then like quiet a quiet oh no and then a lot of water and then i was like

are you okay he's like yeah i just um i'm just washing something and then i came back and i was like oh i think he was washing his dick because my makeup got on his body and he was like am i dirty oh my god yeah i've even just you know you meet somebody and you hug them and you see your chin on their shoulder sometimes i'll point it out if it's a good friend but if i don't know you i'll just be like they'll hug somebody else and somebody else can take the blame for that yeah and you're the only black person in the room and they know it's you. They know. And they're like, I know what you did. Okay, we have to take a break.

Okay. And we're back! We did it! The break was amazing. Such a good break. I have a question. What is your type? Like like what type of person are you looking are you looking for someone right now or no I am always open to having someone I I live alone I hate being alone for even for two seconds I hate being alone um so there's definitely, I have a big house, room to fill, but I don't suffer fools at all.

So it's, like I said, because once I like you, I like you and I give you the world. So you got to pass the test. But type that I'm looking for. People who know me well know that I am a sucker for a good pair of eyebrows. Okay. Something, I think it's, you know, most of the people in my like immediate household growing up had thick eyebrows. And I think it's, that's just like a, it's a sign for me. It's like, you're cool.

You're one of us. You can like, like my grandmother had the best eyebrows. So like a guy with good eyebrows, doesn't matter what race, I'm into it. Oddly enough, I really like femme guys oh okay i think because out of drag one i'm so type a and i'm so assertive that like it just it pairs well for me to be with someone that's a little more submissive and so i yeah i typically find myself with someone a little androgynous and yeah and you know doing drag it just helps to be with somebody who gets it who's like with it yes who isn't hung up on masculine archetypes and stuff

like that uh so good eyebrows a little feminine I do have a notorious and slightly embarrassing track record with uh lots of latino men I can. But, and this is what I always say. I've been living in Chicago for 29 years. If you think I have not dated every eligible black guy possible, honey, I've done the legwork. I have done it. And I think it's also, it's very limiting. You know, like when you think about how many people are in the world, if I was to only date my race for the rest of my life, it would be such a shame. Yeah. But I did the legwork.

Oh, I've had all the flavors. But yeah, so I'm a big fan of interracial dating and that can be anything. But typically Middle Eastern and Latino men have the best eyebrows. I love this obsession with eyebrows it is so specific to you i have never heard anyone say oh i'm just looking for some brows that's what i want and honey when i when i show you the men that i have dated or hooked up with in the past year, you're like, Oh, you are serious about this eyebrow thing. And I find, I find the rare one of a kind collectible eyebrow guys.

You're like, that is, that is a cartoon caricature of your type. And I'm like, yes. And I had to have it. That is so funny. I now want somebody who likes camping. I have never been a person who ever,

ever wanted to camp. I've always been like, there's walls and roofs for a reason. Bring me inside. But I get maybe it's because I've been inside for too long that I'm like, just bring me to the outside. And I don't know how to camp. So I need to date someone who knows how to camp. I bought or I didn't buy, I'm leasing a Jeep. So I have a Jeep Wrangler. I can go into the wilderness. I can off-road. I just need someone who knows how to do it to come with me.

Yeah. I am very much, I think I'm a good cheerleader type girlfriend. So I like guys who play video games. I don't know shit about video games. You know what I mean? I like guys who are into sports sometimes. You know, like, let's not get crazy.

But don't make me sit and watch a game. But if you play a sport, I love to be a cheerleader. You know what I mean? Like, I'm all for that. But camping, I think that's where I draw the line. It's where a lot of people draw the line. I just, okay, I have this image in my head i get in my jeep the top is down i'm with the person i love we go to some sort of like very short hike

to like a watering hole of sorts we get in the water it's pretty clean and clear and then we like have fun we drink a little we wait a little before we drive again and then we go to this like a nice cabin in the woods i'm not trying to sleep in a tent i don't want to sleep in a tent i get a cabin in like a woodsy area that's cute i'm very into that lake house you need a lake house yes a lake house would be absolutely perfect i spent a weekend at the lake house a couple weeks ago um you know it was my friend's birthday and it was like the it was a 10 bedroom house it was like five of us can go it'll be fine you know what i mean and it was just absolutely gorgeous there was so many bugs so many bugs that's what they don't tell you i i love nature i think it's

beautiful but when you get out there and things are biting at you and you see ants with wings and i just thank you now i'm now i'm like pulling back on this camping thought yeah i don't want the bugs i want the view so the lake house is great because you you can you have the the back patio and you can see the water and you can be at a safe distance from anything that crawls get a lake house i also want to like fuck in a place where i look outside and I'm like, the woods are here. We're fucking among nature. That like really excites me right now. And I don't know why.

I get it. I know that fantasy. And it's great. But you want to be inside, pressed against the glass, looking at the nature away from the bugs. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I don't want to fuck in nature. I'm not trying to get bit by something and be like, ooh, baby, that was, ooh, what a love bite.

And it's like, uh-oh, it's swollen and now I have to go to the hospital. That I don't want. You want a nice view is what you want. Yes, a very beautiful view. I love it, yeah. So, like, when you are traveling, traveling do you i can't remember what i interviewed bendel o'crem and i call people who fuck comedians chuckle fuckers she oh clown clown fuckers clown chases yeah yeah do you ever encounter that like to have sex so if someone

that i want to have sex with wants to have sex with me, I don't care what their motives are. Because at the end of the day, I'm still getting what I want out of it. So whatever. It could be my eyebrows. It could be my hair. It could be... And we had a joke on season 10. I used to always say, I was like, if someone wants to fuck me because I was on TV, I worked very hard to be on TV. I earned that dick. Okay. So go right ahead. Yeah.

It was not easy. There was an audition process for this. Any dick that comes as a residual is, I'm taking it. That's part of the payment. Yeah. They paid you in money, exposure, and dicks falling out of the sky right right in your face if i had known how much dick i was gonna get after season 10 i might have been a little bit more amicable that is so funny i just maybe i would have been a little bit nicer they didn't tell me there was so much dick on the other side

i fucking love that oh i'm just like i'm on the apps right now and I have tried interacting with people. It's so it's just it's hard when there's no finite thing where it's like we're going to meet. It's like we're just going to message each other for days on end. And as much as I love dick, I'm not trying to risk my life for some mediocre dick. No. Which is so depressing. But, you know, talk to me in July. I might be, you know, fucking tricks here and there.

Just being like, Corona, come if you will. Yeah, I gave up on sexting when quarantine started. It was like, what's the point, really? Where is this going? Yeah, it's not fun. Yeah, if there's not a dangerous threat of you being zero feet away and like knocking at the door i don't it's not i don't want it but then i was thinking i was like what if i wear a mask we both wear masks no kissing doggy style only get in get out

we're done i was like but it's not like on the cdc website i went and looked and it was just like uh i there was no information on that no doggy style in the frequently asked questions yes i was like is that okay can i do that you have a very creative imagination you really really play out these scenarios i think it's great well i'm just like if we're if there's if he's breathing heavily behind here and the droplets only get on my back so there's corona on my back so my droplets are going forward and he's back there so if i go home and shower does the corona away? But you don't want to get them Corona back juices in your butt crack. The butt crack is, listen, listen to the gays. We know about viruses.

Listen, the butt crack is a very sensitive place when it comes to, it's not, don't risk it. You're right. I say this after dispelling that I just had sex in a lake house like two weeks ago. well i mean do don't what is it do as i say not as i do or whatever and you know that was my mother's favorite thing to say to me growing up so i'm sure it rubbed off yeah parents love to say that they're like don't pay attention to me i told you no you're like but don't but don't it's rude i'm i am the i was that kid that was always like, but you said, and it was like, stay out of grown folks' business. I was like, all right.

Maybe I will fuck. Maybe I will do that. Maybe I will risk it all for some mediocre dick. No, find a good dick. Set up a calculated, you know, I think you're a busy girl a hookup is uh essential work at this point right yeah i think hooking up is essential work yeah so you know set it up you know talk to somebody you know it's the same thing as like asking someone's hiv status

how long have you been quarantining you You know, like don't lie. Tell the truth. Don't let them know that there's pussy on the other side. Because then they'll tell you anything. Maybe. Maybe. Okay. So if I hook up with somebody,

I guess I could be like, we both get our Corona tests and an STD. That's like so much worse to be like, go get a test. I'll get a test and then we'll fuck no that's like a whole thing yeah i think what i'm gonna do is wear a mask not kiss and do doggy style i think maybe wear gloves i think i think there is a i think there is a well-hung guy out there for you who has been just beating his meat in his house for the last three months and he is just waiting for the right girl

and you know you just gotta find them it's tender thing i feel so bad for heterosexuals what do y'all do it's i mean this you start a podcast you talk about how horny you are no there's tinder there's hinge there's okay cupid uh raya which is a thing i have right too oh it's awful it's truly awful raya is such a weird thing right yes raya sucks it took me two years to get on raya they kept me waitlisted when i finally got on i was like okay so it's just like a bunch of djs and models and there's no black people on this thing very that it's like i knew a couple power gays who had raya and they were like oh girl i'll suggest you you'll be on it was like all right i the only thing that good that came out of it is i found out a couple different actors were gay that i didn't know and that's literally that's literally it they still weren't close enough available or nice i mean i just the

online dating is truly just awful i hate it so much uh but you know you gotta keep doing it because how else do you fucking meet people yeah i mean i'm honestly I feel like having sex is almost like if we had to catch food in the wild. It's such a chore. I'm good at it. I can do it. I am a hunter, but it's like, oh, God, I gotta eat again. Yeah, that is honestly, I think, the best, what is it called? Description of dating.

Because it's like you try to catch a fish, you get the fish, but it's slippery and it fucking jumps away. And you're like, but I almost had it. I almost fucking had it. Yeah. But this new guy that I met and just being in that social situation, I was like, oh, I missed the hunt.

This was fun. I convinced someone that they liked me. Ooh. That was fun. I convinced someone that they liked me. That's fun. I do. I just miss like talking to someone on an app and then making plans almost immediately to go out, meeting them and then knowing immediately whether they were a person that I would see again or not. I just because like right now, I guess I could meet someone like in a park and social distance with them. But also I'm like,

I don't like this new normal. And, uh, maybe if I wait too long, I'll miss, I don't know. I just, I just,

I don't want this to be the normal that I have to live in right now. And I guess it's me dealing with that. And then being like, I don't want to add dating on top of that. But I think right now now especially the opportunity for like a really good fuck buddy you know because if you hook up with somebody and it's good and it's convenient right now

they don't want to have to go through all of that again so just like lock one down just gotta get one just gotta catch one oh god I'm already exhausted at the thought of Just gotta catch one. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm already exhausted at the thought of trying to catch one to consistently fuck.

But honestly, that's what I want. I am truly in the mindset right now of I'm not doing a fucking thing. If somebody is going to come into my life now, they can. Like, I'm not looking. I go on the apps like literally once a week and go who have I matched with no no no no no close it out and go back on Instagram I'm just I'm tired yeah and with Instagram and Twitter especially porn Twitter and I have OnlyFans now and it's just like I love OnlyFans you realize how many beautiful fucking people there are in the world and it's just like i love only fans you realize how many beautiful fucking people there are in the world and it's great and it's exciting but it also cheapens it because you meet a

beautiful guy and you're like i know somebody look just like you i know you're like you're like i used to get so excited when i meet a beautiful guy like oh my god and i'm like now like having seen more of the world i'm like yeah i know 10 tend to view i have a folder i have a folder for you i have a folder i have a folder of great eyebrows right over here and you are actually just mediocre eyebrows right i'm gonna put you at the bottom but you're you're in there though yeah i think that gives me confidence too is knowing that whatever beautiful guy i meet there's another one there's another one i don't ever think like, well, I've been trying to think like that.

The last person I dated that I actually really liked or it didn't work out, I was like, well, if he exists, somebody better exists. Yeah. Like each person I've dated, like I was dating this other guy, this is like maybe a year and a half ago.

And I thought I really liked him. But thinking back, I was just like tricking myself into liking him because he was like nice to me but then I was like was he even that nice to me you never got to sleep over and you paid for your own uber's home yeah sleeping over is very big to me I think that's like when people are like really hung up about like sleeping over I'm like so we had a really really good time and you just have to go home on principle it's kind of weird yeah it's kind of weird well i i'm a person who goes home

i will always go home unless you say would you like to stay and then i'll stay it's not like i'm like forcing it but i'm always like okay i can go now yeah and then when they go okay bye i'm like ah okay yeah things right yeah i i never want to overstay my welcome but i definitely want to be invited to stay if things are going good if it's going good i'm like all right i guess i should be going and then they're like all right i'll order you an uber i'm like okay okay but rude yeah it's like don't you want to like wake up and make me breakfast that I'm gonna eat cause I'm hungry yeah

I'm that guy sometimes I am sometimes I'm not well the vixen we've come to the end oh my gosh I usually ask all of my guests this would you date me I would so date you yay I would so date you.

Yay! I would so date you. Just because I want, I really, one, I think I would turn you out, no lie. But two... I love it!

Because you're a camping adventure. I see it for you. I think deep at the root, we're both equally prissy, so we can enjoy the view, but not the bugs. I think we've got a match. It's a match. I love it.

Do you have anything you want to promote? So, yeah, my show, Black Girl Magic, is on Twitch now. It's a digital show. It's nothing but black drag queens, drag kings, trans women, you know, just the amazing you all. Everybody knows that black queens have the best performances. And so when you put 30 of them online and let them do everything that they can from the comfort of their own home, it's amazing. So it's on twitch.tv slash the Vixens World.

I love it. I'm going to watch it, I think. Yeah, it's fun. And it's usually up for 24 hours. It's free to watch and everybody just sends in tips and donations, which actually works out a lot better for us because people are very generous. Oh, that's great. I'm glad that drag has been able to survive. Honestly, it was so funny because like TV shows were like, I guess we're in a hiatus until we figure this out.

And then like the day after quarantines were announced, like Bitch Puddin' was like doing shows. You were doing Black Girl Mad. It was like doing shows. You were doing black girl. Matt. It was like, ah, I'm in this show tonight. Adapted. It's so it's I I love drag. It's so fun. Yeah.

Drag queens don't miss a check at all. No, no. They're just like, pay me. Yeah. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can subscribe. You can like it on iTunes. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me i will read it this person said nicole i would love to puff out my cheeks and pretend your pussy is a tuba while i play i play the bass line to 76

trombones from the music man then i'll flip you over and bury my face in your ass while singing gary indiana with the signature lisp made famous by five-year-old Ron Howard in the movie version of the music man. Lastly, I would turn you around doggy style facing the mirror while I put my dick in you and we fuck while full out performing the song trouble. You guessed it from the music man. I'll be Harold Hill cause I'm already off book and don't worry. I'll send you the sheet music for the ensemble part. We could practice the choreography over zoom until the pandemic is over. So we're good for opening night lastly oh wait hold on uh opening night oh after that we would cuddle up and watch drag queen videos while eating fruit snacks and chips lots of love from a

very gay homosexual i think we found your soulmate we found them i think we did it fucking to the music man all right well thank you the vixen i truly appreciate it thank you so much nicole i appreciate it okay bye-bye This has been a Team Coco production.