Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Sleeping with DJs (w/ Greta Titelman)

Episode Date: June 7, 2019

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... But not this."Greta Titelman (The Worst podcast) breaks the double-standard behind having sex on a first date, talks about their first masturbation stories, and what it's like to date and sleep with DJs. Nicole enlists Twitter to help her find a man she met in a shoe.You can play along and see Nicole's Tinder bio and photos on her Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedyBe sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

🎵 Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! 🎵 🎵 Oh baby! Welcome to another episode of Oh, Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though I will lick your nipples for an hour and do nothing else if that's how you come. My guest today has a podcast called You're the Worst. It's Greta Teitelman. Hi.

Did I say everything correctly? Almost. My podcast is called The Worst. Fuck me. But it's fine. You're the Worst is a TV show on FX.

Yeah, it's Tim Robinson's TV. Wait, you're the show. Wait, sorry. Now I fucked up. You're the Worst is a show on FX.. You're the worst in the show on FX. You should leave his Jim Robinson show on Netflix. Which is very funny. Have you watched it?

Very funny, yes. I was tee-hee-hee. It was very funny. Very funny. Truly, I love it. It's a must watch. It really is. Comedy heads out there, must watch.

Yeah, you little comedy nerds. If you like comedy, you better watch. Exactly. Grata. I'm so excited to be on your podcast because, number one, Yeah, you little comedy nerd stuff. You like comedy? You better watch. Exactly. Greta. I'm so excited to be on your podcast because, number one, I'm a huge fan. Greta. And number two, I just want to talk about something off the top that I'm now taking over your podcast. It's okay.

You met Dr. Silky Nutmeg Ganache. I did. I met the Reverend Dr. Silky Nutmeg ganache. I met her at the Minneapolis airport. I love that. I walked off my plane. There she was standing next to a tower of snacks. She was like shimmying her backpack off. And I walked up to her and I said, the Reverend Silky Dr. Nutmeg ganache. and she just looked at me like I was crazy and I wanted to be like, how dare you?

Yeah, well, 100%. Don't look at me like I'm crazy. Yeah, no. You're a very big personality on this show. Your fans might approach you like that because that's what they say.

And I know she's, you know, a person with levels and whatnot, but I also didn't know how to say, hello, I love you. We look almost identical hello I love you we look almost identical I like you I think you're very funny

so then I was just like you're very funny you're great on the show I think you're gorgeous and I was like just wanted to say that and she was like you look familiar and I said yes I'm a fun person I'm an actress named Nicole

and she went you're done and I was like yes nailed look familiar. And I said, yes, I'm a fun person. I'm an actress named Nicole. And she went, you're done. I was like, yes, nailed it. And then we had a tea. And then she was like, I want to dress up in drag and be you for the intro of your show. And then be like, just kidding, it's not you. And I was like, that's very funny. That would be, what an amazing reveal that would be.

Talk to somebody. Oh my God. About doing that for an episode where she opens it and then she can sit at the desk for a little bit and then I appear sometimes and we just never address it. I would love that. I have to talk to a producer about that. You need to be a judge on Drag Race. I already was.

You were? Truly I was. What season? I did All Stars Season 3, the Snatch Game episode. And look at me. Well, I didn't, my comments didn't really make it in a whole bunch. Because All Stars really isn't about, like, helping or critiquing. It's like, you're an All Star, baby.

You're wonderful. Like, Rue doesn't send anybody home. It's a very silly time. Right. But I truly was like, here's how you do the Snatch Game. It's not rocket science. No. Like, I think there's been three failed Beyonces on it,

and I'm like, guys, you can do Beyonce. I mean, nothing was worse than Evie's failed Whoopi. Whoa. That honestly shook me to my core. I like Evie. I like all the girls this season. Me too. I think they're great. I like all the girls this season. Me too. I think they're great.

I think it's a fun season. But Evie, man. It was really bad. It was kind of crazy. It was insane. She also didn't know she was on The View. I was like, how dare you? At least know where the person you're impersonating,

what they're doing today. And that's their main thing for a very long time. And if you're going to do Whoopi now and not do any of her iconic classic movies that made her a sellable black star internationally, if you're not going to, you know, really get into the legend that she is, you could pull from The View.

Your panel is The View. Everybody else is a person on The View. That's your game. Yes. And then she has a clothing line coming. Your panel is the view. Everybody else is a person on the view. That's your game. Yes. And then she has a clothing line coming out where everything is a tent. That's great. Just keep putting on tents. I was shocked.

I was like, she should have just done Hollywood Squares Whoopi would have been better. Yes. Than that. It really bummed me out. It was really bad. And you better believe Brooklyn Heights is the second failed Celine. Milk did Celine in, I think, All Star. Maybe it was her season.

I don't remember. But Celine, again, not hard. Not hard. Follow her Instagram. She's kind of a Looney Tunes. She's a nut. She's very funny. She's an absolute funny nut.

She's very, very funny. I went and saw her live. How was the show in Vegas? Great. She is an impeccable voice. I'm sure. She does a tight, a loose 10 minutes in between each song. At one point, she was like, my husband, Rene, he used to say, I would sing him to sleep.

And I would say, Rene, is that nice? And he would say, of course. And I was like, this course. My heart will grow. And I was like, this is bonkers. Do that. Yeah. Like, it's your Vegas show. Just sing the whole time.

Yes. It was very confusing as to what Brooklyn Heights was doing. It's bad. I think they get self-conscious. I think they get really scared. Because it's like, people that like don't, even though I do believe drag, it is hand in hand with comedy like 100%. But I kind of feel like when people are doing impersonations and they're not used to doing that in that way, they become extremely self-conscious. Yeah.

And then they get real stuck on like this has to be true to them. Right. Real to them. And it's like no. No. No. be true to them. Right. Real to them. And it's like, no. No. No. You're not them. Rachel Dratch's Barbara Walters is so far away from Barbara Walters.

But she did one thing. Barbara says like a couple letters weird. So Rachel really turned that up. That's an impression. Yeah, it is. You take that and it's fun. And now when I think of Barbara Walters, I think of, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, ugh. It's really funny. I mean, I could talk about Drag Race forever. I know. I know. I know because Matt Rogers has been living with me. It's just like all that we do is that. I mean, it's a good time.

It is. It's an excellent show. It's very fun, very campy. The fandom, a little intense. Crazy. Like, people get mad about things, and I'm like, guys, it's a TV show. Yeah, but, like, that's—fandom as a whole is psychotic. It is too much.

I don't like it. I mean, you must have psycho fans. No. Yes. No. When you do me and Blair's show in L.A., you have people that come in, they're like, wow, going crazy. People like me in a way where they think, because I talk so openly about my personal life, they're like, you're my friend. No, I hear you.

And I feel the same way with, like, my podcast that I had before and my podcast that I have now. Especially when you're podcasting like this and when you're speaking about like personal shit. And it's also it's like personal shit. And then whoever's listening is usually doing like an intimate thing like laundry or like there. And I'm in your house doing laundry with you. Or commuting. Or like in someone's head on the train or in their car or like whatever it is. I know it's really interesting.

Yeah. You run a very great show. I know. It's really interesting. Yeah. You run a very great show. Thank you. It's at Genghis Khan. Did I say that right? Well, Genghis Khan was the terrible man, but it's at Genghis Khan. Which is a Chinese food spot in LA. Yeah.

And they've got pretty tasty food. Yeah. But you run a great room. Your audiences are always really kind. I've worked out several bits there where I was like, if they work here, they'll work on the road. Because there's some rooms in L.A. where you're like, oh, I'm sorry. You all are hipsters at the Virgil who don't want to laugh. What a treat.

I'm happy I left my home for this. I know. That is the hard part about doing shows in LA. Mm-hmm. It's like I am driving my ass fucking 40 minutes to come here for you to sit here with your arms crossed. Yes. Like, acting like you're not having a good time. Bitch, number one, this is free.

Yes. Okay, this is when people complain about podcasts, too. I'm like, this is free. This is free to you. You don't like it? Turn it off. Do people complain about your podcast? No, no one complains about my podcast.

But when I had Lady Levin, which we got some complaints. Oh. But that's what happens when you have a bunch of listeners. Yeah, I get complaints sometimes that I'm too loud. I get complaints like, let's see, someone once complained about my vocal fry, even though I feel like I don't really have vocal fry. To me, vocal fry is like the Kardashians, you know? I don't feel like I'm really talking.

Like, this is vocal fry to me. And I feel like I don't really talk like this personally. I don't think you do either. And then like Lady Levin was an amazing podcast because it was me and two other girls and we talked it was truly all about

emotions like female woman emotions. And we would have people that would just be like really sensitive that would just really like really sensitive that would just really listen to what we were saying and take everything very seriously and then be like but I don't feel that way and like that's not how I feel and it's like okay well it's like we can all feel different things yeah it's all right yeahta, you're in a loving relationship. I am.

You live with your significant other. You're not married. Not yet. We are engaged. But you're engaged. How? And he's very handsome. Thank you.

I mean, what a dang treat for you to wake up every morning, roll over and go, I get to fuck you repeatedly. Exactly. So. Yes. How did this happen? Wow. What a way to phrase it.

It happened. It happened because, number one, I think I was, like, in a place where I wanted it to happen in a way. Do you know what I mean? I don't know that that makes sense. Yes, I'm perpetually in a place where I want it to happen. It way. Do you know what I mean? I don't know that it makes sense. Yes, I'm perpetually in a place where I want it to happen. It's where I live.

I understand. It happened unexpectedly. I was not expecting. I had just broken up with a boyfriend that I was dating for two years before. I mean, literally just broken up. Like, not even... When I met Abe, it was like as me and this guy were breaking up.

And I met him, and we met because our sisters went to college together. Okay. And I had—he works at Netflix. Netflix, a very small streaming company. Yes. You might hear about it sometime soon when it, like, premieres or whatever. Yeah. It's a really small streaming service, and it's honestly embarrassing that he works there.

I know. It's so sad. Yeah, I don't even like to mention it. So sad. But I had meetings at Netflix, and I happened to see his sister, because I was living in New York at the time. I happened to see his sister the week before coming here. Long story short, she was like, you should be my brother to just like be friends.

And I was like, cool. And then I met him. And I don't know. I just. You said I want to be more than friends. Yes. And I met him and I was just like, I don't know. I was so attracted to just like talking to him and hanging out with him.

And then nothing happened between us. We just like continued to talk. And then— How long were you friends before you fucked? We were friends before we fucked for, like, I want to say a month. Oh. But we would have probably fucked sooner had I not lived in New York. You know what I mean?

Yes. Distance will make it hard to fuck. Yes. And I don't know. Some people are like, don't fuck on the first date. If you want something serious, don't fuck on the first date. I've never been in that camp. I think if you're feeling like you want to fuck on the first date, if the vibe is there,

go for it. I don't necessarily know if that means that you're not gonna have a serious relationship with someone I agree with you and I think it comes from people being like he'll never respect you if you give it up so early and it's like well do you want to be with someone who's not gonna ever like who's not gonna respect you do you know I'm saying yeah like if you made a choice and he doesn't respect you for it then that's not the person you need to be with also if the man I agree with that completely. And also if like the man is then going to judge you by being like.

And he was doing the same thing. Yeah. I'm so fucking over that narrative. Guys being like, oh, but they fucked me on the first date. It's like you fucked them on the first date. We live in a world where there's just so many double standards. Men can do no wrong and women are trash heaps. But it's crazy how it's still that way.

Mm-hmm. Like women still get so shamed if, and I don't know, all the time. I hear girls talk about like going on dates and guys being like fucking grossed out if they suck their dick but then upset if they don't. It's like it's bullshit oh i would love to suck someone's dick and have them go yuck yuck you're a slut but then that's how you get out of there i hate it you get out of there but i don't know yeah we we had sex yeah like a month after we met and then we just like very quickly fell in love. And I moved in with him like four months later.

Whoa. And then we got engaged like a year and a half later. So you've been together for almost two years? Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, wow. And I was a person, I was on some like, I'm never getting married.

Marriage is whack. My parents got a really bad divorce. You know, I really was like, I'm never getting married. I don't believe in monogamy, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I'm just like. Now you're like a one dick lady. Now I'm just a one dick gal. I mean, things happen.

Things change. There's ebbs and flows to life. Yeah. I met a man recently in a shoe. Yes. What a dumb sentence but since i met him in a shoe i was like i want to tell my grandkids that i met grandpa in a shoe what do you mean you met him in a shoe i know i'll explain i'm like what were you in a literal giant shoe ever explain it and i'm just

like you know and i'm supposed to act never explained it, and I'm just like, you know. And I'm supposed to act because I would be sitting here being like, yeah, totally. I love this shoe. I met a man in Tom's yesterday. So I was in Vegas doing this very fun thing called Very Fun But Very Serious Drag Weekend. My friend, Langan's friend from high school, Daniel, puts it together. And it's like 30 people who don't do drag get on a bus drive down to Vegas we drink on the way down uh we take an hour to get into drag and then we walk around downtown Vegas have a little nasty dinner and then do a drag show that's like pretty bad and like

since nobody looks great no one's lip-syncing great no one can really dance or sing but like every year there's someone who's not a part of it who's like man this is one of the best shows i've ever seen i'm like you live in vegas this is one of the best shows celine dion is like a skip away truly like a stone's throw like just go on the strip you can see something better on the street anyway it's so much fun so we went to the cosmopolitan because my lang and sister uh wanted to see the chandeliers so we go and at the cosmopolitan because my Lange and sister wanted to see the chandeliers. So we go and at the Cosmopolitan they have these giant shoes that you can get in.

Like what? Like a stiletto? A pump. A sneaker? A pump. Two pumps. I love that. One with a platform and one is like a pointy-toed red stiletto. Okay. And I was in the pointy-toed red stiletto and I was like taking pictures and then this very attractive man

who was English came up, and we, like, took a picture together, and then he got in the shoe, and then I was, like, you know, rubbing my little butt on him because I'm nasty. You're a nasty bitch, and that is what everyone says about you.

Just a nasty gal. Rest in peace. No, I think it's still a website. It is still a website. But it got bought, and they don't have the same thing. They don't have the same things. It did get bought. It did like go into bankruptcy maybe. I don't know. She

filed, I believe, for bankruptcy the day Girlboss premiered on Netflix, which I thought was hilarious. Funny but also so sad. And Girlboss also got canceled after like one season. It did. It did. I feel for her. But truly, like how ironic.

I know. So I posted a picture of this man on Instagram and Twitter to be like, internet, find him for me. Internet, do your thing. And they did. Turns out... Isn't that fucking crazy?

It's bananas. Who was the person that found him in less than 24 hours two people on twitter were like i have his information i know if he's got a girlfriend or not dma and i was like less than 24 hours how do crimes go unsolved i mean yeah that i met a man in a shoe i said find, find this man I met in a shoe. Less than 24 hours later, somebody found the man in the shoe. It's nuts. Nobody should be getting away

with crimes, okay? No. It's crazy. It is crazy. It's crazy. The internet was your detective. One kind of blurry picture that I zoomed in on

and the internet said, we got you, bitch. So then his girlfriend DM'd me. Oh, no. And was like, he's my boyfriend. Damn, you're thirsty. And I was like, dehydrated. Very

thirsty. Good to know. Truly very silly. We were just having fun. She responded, he's fucked. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't need to be fucked because nothing happened.

It was truly like, I'm a comedian. It was a very silly, fun time. We talked for literally 30 seconds and then she went, nah, he's fucked. And then she was like,

thanks for updating the caption. Cause I updated it to be like, he has a lovely girlfriend. It's okay. Search closed. End it. Thank you. Bye byebye we can confirm he is fully taken but yeah she was not happy with him but he didn't even do anything he just posed in photos with you yeah that's it that's crazy but then i was like oh i guess what happens in vegas should stay in ve. But then you should have circled back. You should have been like, let me know if you do dump him, though.

Yeah. Let me know if the relationship does end. Oh, I'm sure that would make her even angrier. But I was like, okay, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but, like, not this. I have to shoot my shot because if I marry a man I met in a shoe, how on game would that be for me? It would be crazy. It would be wonderful. It would be wonderful. I would love that.

But wait, you're on all the apps. Every single one. You're on the Raya. You're on the Hinge. You're on the Bumble. You're on the Bagel Meets Coffee. Even though I hate it. Are you on Match and shit like that?

I'm not on Match and I'm not on eHarmony because years ago they rejected me. Are you on Match and shit like that? I'm not on Match, and I'm not on eHarmony, because years ago they rejected me. Are you serious? Yeah, it's part of the 2% of unmatchable people. And I've said this on prior podcasts, more people are coming out of the woodwork to be like, Hey, me too! Okay, but that's fucking crazy. It's very mean. It's because...

Is that the Christian one? It is the Christian one. You have to fill out like a hundred page survey it's so long like a questionnaire or whatever i realized that they were asking the same question just in different iterations so i would give different answers and i think they were like sociopath she is crazy so she's unmatchable she's unmatchable this sick woman can't have love. How do you feel about Tinder? Tinder seems to be a place to fuck. Okay, my cousin married her incredible husband from Tinder. How long ago did they meet?

They got married last summer. They probably met on Tinder maybe three years ago. Yes, I think I missed the boat. I'm meeting a quality person on Tinder. Now it's just fuck site. It's just fuck city. It's just fuck city. It's like Grindr for straights. Yes, but also no, because on Grindr people don't play games.

It's like you get a dick pic and they're like, you ready? I'm a foot away. That's true, and I love that. I love that too. I would love Grindr for straights. Yeah, why don't we have, do you think it's like too, do you think people feel like it's too predatory? No, I think men don't think women are down to fuck and never see you again, which I fully am.

All that I did for a very long time. You know, I mean, right now I am so fucking horned up. When was the last time you had sex? Oh, forever ago, last year. We need to fix this problem. I know. I tried to do it in Austin. I talked about it on a different podcast episode.

This man during my set, he said he threatened to fuck me, and I said, great, I want it. And then? And then he disappeared into the night, calling. And then I never got to fuck him, and I followed up. I found his number. I did the work. I did the fucking legwork, and it didn't happen. And I don't know what to do anymore.

Do you think you would use a casual sex app? Absolutely. Just, like, holler at me with the dick and just, like, come through and lay it down. Yeah, like, let me come over. Let me fuck you. I will leave almost before you're done. Yes. Like, I don't—

I will maybe watch you come, but I will leave. Yeah, I want to come first, and then I want to leave. Just, yeah, right now, I'm just very horny, and it's a lot of me masturbating furiously. The other day, I masturbated so hard that I started having muscle spasms in my arm, and I could see the muscle jumping in my arm, and I was like, I did this because I was just

masturbating so much so hard with my little g-spot vibrator oh I used to masturbate so hard I started masturbating when I was in like the fourth grade oh which me and Blair talk about this like early very funny person yes she's the best. But... Oh, wait. We have to take a break. Okay. And we're back. I love that. Yes. I love being back. Yes.

Okay, so you masturbated. But I started masturbating very young. Yes. And my first time masturbating was with the faucet of the tub. Ah. Yeah, a classic, you know, at home sort of situation, if you will. I can't do it. Why? Because...

Well, now I don't do it anymore because we're too large. Do you know what I mean? Well, I discovered that people were doing this when I was like a full-sized person. Ah. So like scooting my butt to the edge of the tub to get under the faucet, I would just laugh too hard. Yeah. And I couldn't ever like get back to being sexy with it. No it's silly.

It's like the same way I feel about role play I would just be laughing the entire time. Or like a sex swing I'd be laughing the whole time. A sex swing I think I could do. Yeah. Imagine.

Imagine yourself getting fucked in a swing. That's just what I want you to think about. I think I could. Seriously. If it was like, if there was like a whole dungeon set up. Okay, yeah. But like just a random sex swing that like doubles as a hammock. Like, no thank you.

Or like the kind that you set up in your house that has like, you know that they have, they set it up like over the bed and they have a whole kind of rig. It's like scaffolding. Yeah, I think I, I don't think I want that in my room per se. Like I think I would like a, like a sex dungeon, like 50 Shades of Grey. They got the little key, they unlock it, they go in. She's like, oh wow. Very luxe. It's very luxe down there.

That's what I, I would like someone with a lot of money to have a sex dungeon you could fucking paddle me all you want hurt me tie you down tie me down fuck me hard fuck me till my pussy bursts apart let's get this done let's find this person i mean it's been an uphill battle i dating in la L.A., I will say, is impossible. That's what it feels like. But you found someone while you were in New York and they were here. So it seems like it's possible for you. No, it is possible. But it's like L.A. is—everyone's so alone in L.A.

You know what I mean? You're in a car. You're at your job. You're doing whatever you're doing. And there's not that much interaction outside of that. So it's, like, very challenging, I find, to meet people in the field. You know what I'm saying? Like, in New York, you have a much higher probability of stumbling into a bar after work and then going here and going there,

even being on a train and making eye contact with someone. I don't know. It's weird. I mean, it's really upsetting. I'm on Bumble. Right now? Yes. Who's texting?

Well. I run my sister's accounts for her. Really? Yeah. Because she hates using dating apps online. I mean, it sucks. I messaged this man. I said, hi, hello, quick question.

If you were only allowed to eat potatoes for the rest of your life prepared one way, how would you eat them? I know it's a wild question, but there's so much you could do with a potato, you know? Then he said, attractive question. I'm going to go with raw. How about you? What? Okay. I lied. How about hash browns? I'll go hash browns. So then I said, okay, frozen or fresh? McDonald's are like, you're going to make them yourself. I need more info. Then he said,

fresh, always. I was, I'm going to say curly fries are the way to go if I'm eating out though. How do you like your baked potato? I said to him, I said,

one way, so you can't have curly fries when you go out. You're stuck with hashies. Also, who said I like baked potatoes? I'm a mashed potato loving bitch. Yes. Then I said, because I was like, he might

think I'm crazy. I was like, this has been a great icebreaker, right? He said, one of the best ones I've ever had, and I'll never assume that you're not a mashed potato lover again. My apologies. So I said, what's your deal? Then he said, I have so many ways to answer that. Let's grab a tamale when you're free, and I can try to explain myself. I said, great. When are you free? He said, next

evening. Blippity-blop. We went back and forth, and then he was like, want to exchange numbers and work this debacle out? I said, great, when are you free? He said, next evening. Blippity-blop. We went back and forth. And then he was like, want to exchange numbers and work this debacle out? I said, yes. That was April 15th. Okay, and? It is now not April. And he never texted you. He never texted me.

Okay, see, this is wrong. This is when we as people should be able to write a ticket for someone and find them and then have them pay you. I give you my number. I give you my personal contact. And you are not using that? Are you out of your fucking mind? I think it is so rude. And this has happened to me a lot in my past.

We are at the point where I'm giving you my number. I don't want to give you my fucking number if you're not going to use it. What's the point of that? I don't want my number floating around the bumbles. No. number. I don't want to give you my fucking number if you're not going to use it. No. What's the point of that? I don't want my number floating around the bumbles. No. Also, I don't want to be your friend. No. I hate it when people then,

I'm not here to be your friend. I have friends. I don't want another friend. No. Don't talk to me like a friend. That's bullshit. You know what you should do? You should write back to him

if you wanted to see this guy. Okay. Which he, I don't know, but I would just be like, it's really rude. I was always that bitch. I was like, it's really rude. I was always that bitch. I was like, it's so rude to ask for my number and not use it. Maybe I'll text him back and be like, your phone broken?

Yeah, just like, what's wrong with you? Yeah, I was like, I thought we had a good, you know, combo. Very silly. Very much like, this is my personality. And he seemed into it. And then then nothing. Guys suck. They really do suck.

And it's just like, what is so hard? If you're making plans with me on this, I swear it's like when you switch from the app to the text, something like a wall gets broken and something becomes real or something like that. I think so. And whenever anyone's like, do you want to like get off the app? I'm like, yes. Yes, I do. It's like the first step into like, are we a thing?

Right. And then you go out and you're like, I hate you. But this wasn't a thing. A lot of people get upset when they go on a date with someone that they met on an app and then they find out that they're still on the app. Oh, what? Yeah, I know a lot of people that I've heard be like, we went on a few dates and I found out he was like still on the app.

be like we went on a few dates and I found out he was like still on the app and it's like well I kind of feel like unless you are sort of officially seeing someone yeah in some capacity they can kind of stay on the app you can fuck whoever you want until we have a conversation that we're not gonna fuck anybody else right like uh I ran into I had a date with this dude I've mentioned it before on the pod I had a date with this dude. I've mentioned it before on the pod. I had a date with this dude on, like, a Tuesday. And then on a Wednesday, I saw him literally out on a date with somebody else. And in the moment, I was like, wow, I think I want to die. Did you say hi? No.

No, I didn't know how. I know, I know, I know. And then the girl he was with kept staring at me. And I didn't know this because they were sitting literally directly behind me. Where were you? Jay's bar. It was a very crowded bar with a ton of people in it and then I asked him about it.

So I texted him the next day and was like I didn't say hi because I figured it would be weird and he was like okay and I was like also like no hard feelings. It's fine. We're all out here, you know, trying to get a dick flip. He was like okay, cool. I didn't really know how to, like, approach it.

Thanks for, like, saying something first. You beat me to it. But also, like, sorry. And I was like, oh, he apologized. Also, like, I don't really care if he apologized. Like, I don't care. Right. Because I gave my number to the Lyft driver that he paid for for me to go home from his house.

So, like, truly. My cousin was fucking a Lyft driver for a while. Yep. Like after she, we were out and she got into the Lyft and then was like, yeah, the Lyft driver ended up like coming up and we like got high

and then like ended up making out and then they were like fucking for a bit. See, all that didn't happen because I don't know why, but I was like, take my number. Then we were like texting for a while and then I went and saw him DJ, which is like an awful sentence to ever have to say out loud.

I one time fucked a DJ. His name was DJ Zachy. I'm not kidding you. How many DJs have you fucked? I've fucked two now. I've fucked slash dated. Fucked five, dated two. Oh, wow. Truly, you've beat me and you have a dated two. Oh, wow.

Truly, you've beat me and you have a high tolerance. It's dark. I once fucked this guy who was like, yeah, I'm a DJ in Pasadena. And I said, that's not a sentence I've ever heard. And he went, what do you mean? I was like, oh, I don't know how to break this down. Who's partying in Pasadena like that? Wait, so where did you go and see him DJ?

In Chinatown. And how was it? I left before his set because I was like, I so where did you go and see him DJ? In Chinatown. And how was it? I left before his set because I was like, I'm not going to sit and watch you DJ. So we met like an hour and a half before his DJing set,

got drinks, made out a little bit, smoked some of his weed, which he was like a stoner and like grew it. And I have got to stop smoking people's good weed because I like shitty weed.

And I don't like, I shitty weed. I actually cannot smoke nice weed. Me either. I grew up smoking schwag. Me too. And that's why I don't smoke weed anymore. It gets me too fucked up. I really love shitty because I like smoking a blunt and or a full joint and not being comatose. Yeah.

So, like, I like smoking stupid, nasty little shit. But I also really like a little vape pen. And then I love an edible. I love an edible, too. I love, like, a little 10 milli. I like a little gummy bear. And I can't do 10 milligrams of that shit. I'm, like, a 5 milligram person because I'm so sensitive to weed.

Like, I went through a phase. You because I'm so sensitive to weed. Like I went through a phase, you know, this espresso, those dark chocolate espresso beans. Yes, they also come in like blueberries, like Kivas. Yes. First of all, I love Kiva. That brand's great. But I went through a time where I was just like eating these espresso beans. And the last time I ate them, I had like two or three. And I was at a Benihana in Midtown in New York.

And I was laughing so, you know, when you laugh so hard, you start to hyperventilate. I couldn't look at anyone I was at the hibachi table with. I could not look at the chef. I was beyond dying laughing. I had to go into the bathroom and like calm myself down there was a 70 year old woman that was the bathroom attendant who was looking at me like I was fully insane and she kept on telling me to put water on my face and it was just so bad I had to excuse myself from Benihana that was the last time I ate very funny a mass amount of weed which

was very fun I live like that not being high. Like sometimes I think my brain is just like not wired for anything but amphetamines. I feel you. But so Shira and I were in Austin over the weekend and she decided she's going to learn how to swim this summer. So I was like, cool. I'm going to call you Swim Shira. Very funny. You put that on call you Swim Shear. Very funny. You put that on Instagram.

Yeah, very funny. And then we were walking back to the hotel and I was like, wait a minute. She has a lot of chairs in her apartment. I was like, you love to sit. I'll call you Sit Shear. And it's not funny. But I laughed so, like I stopped walking.

You laughed so hard. Bent over and laughed so hard that I thought I shit myself. I love that. And then couldn't stop laughing. Because then you thought you shit yourself, which is even funnier. And then, so she started laughing. And then every time she would stop laughing, I would be like, no.

And then I would start laughing. And then I would stop and she'd be like, no. For blocks. And then I was like, oh, everyone must always think I'm STEM. People ask me all the time. They're like, when you shoot Nailed It, on a scale of 1 to 10, how high are you? And I'm like, oh, that's my baseline. That is so funny.

My baseline is pretty wacky. But also, Nailed It is such a wacky show. It is very wacky. I die laughing at some of that shit. Thank you. It's a real, it's interesting because there are parameters. Like, I have to explain the challenges. Right.

But other than that, they let me say basically whatever I want. Yeah. Well, some of the shit that those people make is so bad. Oh, it's a real. And crazy. Wait, can you smoke weed, though, with strangers on dates? So bad. Oh, it's a real. And crazy. Wait, can you smoke weed, though, with strangers on dates? It depends.

I don't really love to smoke weed with strangers on dates and then, like, be out in the world and try to get to know them. No. Because sometimes people get weird. Yes. And then I don't want to have to be, like, policing your weird. Right. And I don't want to have to be like policing your weird. Right. And I don't want to have to worry about me being weird. Also, if I smoke weed, sometimes I get a little loose slipped about the industry and stuff. And then I don't know who you know.

Right. I don't know who you're going to tell shit to. So then you become paranoid afterwards. Not even paranoid. Yeah, afterwards. Like after it's all done, it's like, oh shit, I said X, Y, and Z and maybe I shouldn't have. So I tend to really only, I said X, Y, and Z, and maybe I shouldn't have. Right. So I tend to really only, I don't really like to, and then people get weird with me, and I don't want to deal with it while I'm high.

No. So I like to only really smoke at home or with people I know. Right. But I do miss high school where we would, like, smoke weed in the car. Like, get your, like, hot box the fuck out of the car. Yeah, and then drive to Chili's, tell them it's our birthday, so we can get a free dessert. We would do that. And just giggle. And we would do that.

We would go to Beach Week. I grew up in D.C., and, like, we would go to, like, Rehoboth and these places and go to Hooters and say it was your birthday. And then they do, like, the salt and pepper shakers. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. Oh, well. I nodded yes like I did, but I don't. Basically, a Hooters girl stands on a table.

She'll sing happy birthday to you the whole time, just shaking salt and pepper over her shoulders. It's so weird, and I don't know why they do that. The last time I went to Hooters was during this very fun, very drag weekend in Vegas. We ate at a Hooters two years ago or three years ago, and we all gave them our orders, and then I was like, where's my salad?

And one of the girls goes, um, I put it down on the table over there. And I was like, why didn't you bring it to me? And she was like, I don't know. Nobody got any of the food they ordered. Wait, what, did she just like put it on another table? Yes, they kept just bringing out food and just placing it where they thought it should go. That is so bizarre. Also, I'm the fattest one here.

Why don't you just give me the salad? You could fat shame me. I ordered it and I wanted it. The last time I was at a Hooters was at a Hooters next to Flappers. In Burbank? In Burbank. And I was there with Joel and Megan Gailey. And we had been day drinking all day.

And I had a spot or something, and we decided to go to Hooters before, and I just remember eating so many fried pickles. Uh-huh. They were so hot and good. Sometimes food gets to you, and you're like, too hot. It's way too hot. Why would you serve this to me? It burns your fucking tongue off. And then when it gets to you, too cold, you're like, why? Well, what's worse? I think too cold is worse than too hot. Why would you serve this to me? It burns your fucking tongue off. And then when it gets to you too cold, you're like, why?

Well, what's worse? I think too cold is worse than too hot. Too cold is worse, but you can eat it fast. Yeah, but too hot. Too hot, I'm going to burn my mouth because I want to get into it. I want to eat it. I know. And then you need to wait, and then your friends are done, and then by the time you can eat it, it's like too late.

Wait, and then your friends are done, and then by the time you can eat it, it's like too late. In Austin, so Sharon and I went to this restaurant where they were like, you have to sit at the bar. We're like, fine. And then the bar was sticky, and I was like, can you wipe this down? And he said, sure. And the rag he used stunk so bad. That's fucking disgusting. We should have left, but we stayed. And then her mashed potatoes were like ice cold.

So then we were like, can she have new mashed potatoes? And the guy was like, oh, actually, that's the last of our mashed potatoes. And I was like, so you didn't heat them up? Yeah, what? Don't you have a microwave back there? Yeah. What the fuck? Pop it in the fucking wave, babe.

People don't know what to do. People don't know what to do. Sometimes you go to these restaurants and people don't know what to do. And then you say, I ordered mashed potatoes. Why are you giving me these cold? No one wants to eat a cold mashed potato. Not one person. It would be terrible.

It's not for me at all. You know what I like to do? Take mashed potatoes even though I can't eat butter anymore. Why? Because I'm severely lactose intolerant. It sucks. Oh. I didn't find out until I was like 20.

For the first 20 years of my life, I was literally just like shitting my pants every single day. I used to get very high, come home from school and eat like a block of cheese and crackers. Oh. That was my favorite thing to do. I would eat a lot of mashed potatoes after school. Oh, here's a fun thing I did in Vegas. I don't know why mashed potatoes reminded me of this. But, okay, so I was in Vegas, and I was pretty drunk.

And there was this woman who had just gotten married, and she looked so pretty. So I walked over to her. She just got married at, like, the chapel in Vegas. I assume, yes, in the Cosmopolitan. This is after I met the man in the shoe. So then I walked up to her. She didn't want it. This was unsolicited.

I said, hi, hello. She was likeolicited. I said, hi, hello. She was like, hi. I said, you look so beautiful. Congratulations on your wedding. And she was like, thank you so much. And I said, is this your husband? It was the guy next to her in a tuxedo. She was like, oh, no, that's my friend.

My husband's over there. And then there was this, like, scraggly-haired man who was not as pretty as her. And he, like, was off in the distance, not with the wedding party, looking pretty angry. And then she was like, hey come over here this lady wants to wish us like you know congratulations so then he like stomps over and then i was like congratulations you know you got to do tonight and he's like what and i was like eat her out good and he's like i already did that stomped away and i was like oh i know know what I said was kind of vulgar, but I don't think it warranted that response. No, and also you're getting married in Vegas.

In Vegas. So then I turned to her and I said, if he's not nicer to you in a year, divorce him. Nobody will be mad at you. Yeah, no. And then her bridesmaids nodded very emphatically. And I was like, ooh, I really read that man well. He bad.

Yes, yes. So, homegirl, if you remember me and you listen to my podcast, I stand by it in a year if he's not more fun and nice. Yeah. Get rid of his ass. Also, you're a babe and he, like, was not. And you know what? That happens.

And that is the truth. A lot of people settle in these shitty, shitty, shitty relationships. They do. Because people are scared of being alone. And you know what I have to say? Better to be alone than to be with some motherfucker that treats you like shit. I agree. Especially if they're about to pull up to your wedding.

Right. Looking like a wet rat. Looking like a piece of shit. Acting like a piece of shit. Have you ever thought about your wedding? Yes. All the time. Do you know what you'd want it to be?

Yes. All the time. Do you know who you'd want it to be? Yes. I don't know where the venue would be, but I assume in LA somewhere I would like all of my bridesmaids in some sort of purple. Like a periwinkle or like a royal purple? I think either royal purple or lilac.

I'm not letting them pick out their own dresses. Okay, that's nice. I am picking out a very ugly dress for them. I love that. Like very puffy, very ugly, something they'll never wear again with like glitter and rhinestones on it. See, you're actually describing a dress. I can't talk. You're describing a dress that I would love.

Probably. A rhinestone, poofy purple dress. Kind of like 80s, but like not quite. A rhinestone, poofy purple dress. Kind of like 80s, but not quite. And then all of my bridesmen have to be in drag, otherwise they can't be at my wedding. I love that. And then my husband's people can wear normal things if they want. But also maybe like an eggplant color or something.

I don't know. Or like navy blue. I love navy blue. Right. I don't want it to navy blue i love navy blue right like i don't want it to be black maybe khaki i don't like gray um but i like want drag queens at my wedding just so like my in-laws understand what they've gotten into what they've uh brought into their lives someone who is fun gender and you know inclusive, but also a real fun time. Yes, the most fun. That's all that I care about for my wedding is like having a huge party.

Yeah. And then I really don't want the ceremony to be anything but me walking down the aisle, my sister giving me away, the minister being like, is everybody cool? And everyone's like, cool. And then we exchange rings and then fucking kiss and then we fucking drink until we die. And I love that. Do you know what dress you want to wear?

Something really slutty. Like I want titties out, my legs out, my arms out. Maybe white. Also maybe lilac. Lots of glitter. I would like lilac hair. You know what else I like?

I love a soft yellow as a bridal look. I don't think soft yellow, like pale yellow works on me. It would have to be like a... Richer yellow. Maybe a gold. Like a canary. A golden canary, if you will. I want to wear big old heels, even though I can't walk in them.

I just want to look stupid. I, even though I can't walk in them. I just, like, want to look stupid. I love that. I think you should. And the wedding, it would be for my partner's family, not for me. Yeah. But also a party. Yeah, a party. A party where I get to wear a dumb dress.

Yes, exactly. I just want a party where I can just dress up and do whatever I want. Do you have your wedding dress planned out? I potentially do, yes. I can show you a picture. I can't wait to see it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

How many boyfriends have you had? I've had... I've had one. I'm not going to include high school. Why? You had boyfriends in high school? I did. I'll include them in this list if you want. What a treat.

No, my second boyfriend in high school was a piece of shit. Why? What happened? Ugh. It was bad. You don't have to get into it. No, it's fine. He was my best friend and then and then basically like

when we first started hooking up, I had also hooked up with my ex-boyfriend. Does that make sense? My ex-boyfriend was a senior when I was a junior. Okay. And he went off to college. Bye-bye. And now I was a senior, and now I'm, like, hooking up with my best friend.

Hi-hi. So when my ex-boyfriend came back in town for, like, fall break or something, which, by the way, remember, like, fall break in college? Only a month had passed. It was like only a month and a half had passed. And everyone's like, I've changed so much. And, like, you don't understand me. You don't know me anymore.

It's like I saw you at the end of August, and I'm seeing you on October 4th. Like, I don't really know. But so that happened. I, like, hooked up with my ex-boyfriend. Then months and months and months and on October 4th. Like, I don't really know. But, so that happened. I, like, hooked up with my ex-boyfriend. Then months and months and months and months and months passed. I am fully in love with my ex-boyfriend my senior year of high school. Okay.

And then it is a week before prom. It's in June, and I'm at orientation for college. My orientation was super early, and while I'm there, I get a call from him, and he's just like drunk, and he's like, did you cheat on me?

And I was like, what? And I was truly like, no. But didn't you kind of? But then I did kind of, but it happened so long ago that in my head I was like, what? And then I realized like, oh yeah, I guess I did kind of cheat on you.

So you said he was bad. Yes. And now you've explained that you cheated on him. No, but I'll tell you how he was bad. Okay. So then we basically he told me that he was down to keep dating me in private. No one else could know. He would tell all of our friends that he broke up with me, all of this shit. He basically turned like everyone in my

grade against me. So then when I would be out anywhere, people were so fucking nasty to me, like beyond, beyond, beyond. I mean, his cousin screamed whore at me when I got my diploma in my hand at my high school graduation. Yeah, it was, like, so crazy and bad. Was it on video? No, I don't think it is. It probably is on someone's video somewhere, but, like, my parents weren't, like, video people. My parents, like, it was psycho. And then it was just a lot of him, like, you know what it should have been?

I should have been, like, strong enough to have been, like, let's end the relationship if you're going to treat me like this. And he should have either made the choice to not treat me like a piece of shit if he was going to stay in the relationship with me. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Both of us were in the wrong. Mm-hmm. And actually, that relationship really fucked me up for a really long time. I'm sorry.

So much so that like three or four years ago I actually emailed him and I was like, hey, because we had never been cool after that and I emailed him and I was like, hey, like I think about this often and like I need to put this to bed for myself. What did he say? He never wrote me back. But I will say sending that email, like, set me free. It was cathartic.

Yes. And was like, it really helped me just, like, get over it. And I know it sounds dumb because it's, like, high school, but that trauma. No. Yeah, that's a shitty thing to happen, and then shitty things stay with you. And I don't blame him. Like, I don't think he's a bad person now. You know what I'm saying?

I don't know him. We haven't been in each other's lives in over a decade. And I don't think he is a bad person. I think that also when you're like a teenager, the way that you feel love when you're a teenager in high school is like not the way that you feel love when you grow, when you are an adult. In my eyes. I don't know. I feel like, I mean, I don't, I agree with you, but I feel like since I've never been in love and I've never been in a real relationship, that my first relationship will be, you know, like when someone comes out of the closet and they're like a baby gay and they're like essentially like going through like, yeah, like not puberty, but like the first pangs of like this is this is my feelings and I don't really know how to act. I feel like that's going to be me in my first relationship.

But then it's like I'm in my 30s. I should have it not figured out. Not figured out, but. No, I think that when you are in a relationship or when you are feeling feelings of love in a relationship in high school, your life is in such a different place. Like, you're not living on your own. You're not really, like, a fully developed person. And your commitments are, like, going to school and getting your work done and, like, hanging out with friends. That was my commitment.

I didn't do any work in school. Oh, me either. I was a trash student. I barely fucking went. I, my GPA graduating was horrific. I don't even know how I would find out what my GPA was. I didn't even know we got GPAs. Yeah, mine was so bad. And I went to like a psycho competitive academic

school. I went to the University of Arizona for my freshman year of college. And my school was like, and the first person in the history of our high school to go to the University of Arizona is Greta. But, um, how many boyfriends have I had? One, two, three,

four, five, six. I've had seven. Okay. Including my fiancé. Okay. That's a good amount. Yeah. Um, I've had none.

I have almost, I almost had one, but I've had none. Have you had, like, consistent hookups? Yes, I've had consistent hookups with, I think, three people? Mm-hmm. Where it's, like, gone on for, like— For two people? Months. Yeah, one was, like, a couple months, and then one was, like, on and off for three years.

That's the fucking worst. But he was no bueno. He was so bad. Bad, bad, But he was, he was no bueno. He was so bad. Bad, bad, bad. Yeah, he was,

I don't know, for three years and he never like fully committed at any point. No, and I asked him to and he was like, okay.

And then after he said okay, he moved in with a woman and then like a couple months later moved back to his hometown and didn't tell me any of this and then was like, I'm coming back to LA. Can I sleep on your couch? And I finally was like, no, no, you can't do this. You can't tell me any of this. And then was like, I'm coming back to LA. Can I sleep on your couch?

And I finally was like, no, no, you can't do this. You can't treat me like shit anymore. Oh, God, bye. This isn't fair. Don't literally delete my number from your phone. Yes. And getting over that was very hard. It took a lot of therapy.

Well, that's very emotionally manipulative. Yeah, he was terrible. He would be like, I love you. And I'd be like, does he actually love me or does he like want something? And it always be like he wanted something. How did you meet this guy? You better believe doing improv. Oh, my God.

Really? Let's make up a relationship. God. Improv guys are low key the worst. Some of them are. Some of them are good. I've yet to meet one that works for me who is good. I don't know.

I keep going back and forth with, like, what I want and what I think I want and what I need. It's very confusing all around. I don't know. I think that the great thing about you, though, is, like, you are a positive person. I try to be. You are a positive person and you're a fun person. And that's going to attract something very fun and great in your life. Thank you. Well, that's just the rule of attraction, you know?

Eventually, it works. It's just shitty. Dating people is shitty. You also see the worst side of people when you date people. Because you're like trying to be vulnerable and you're trying to be cool and you're trying to be all of these things and it's like fuck and then you're stuck with people looking on the internet being like well why would I settle down with you when there are 900 other people to settle down with and it's like when does it fucking stop? It's hell. Yeah, I don't know. I sometimes get real sad.

But I'm not sad anymore. I'm really just, I'm on the apps. I'm trying so hard. But I feel in my heart of hearts that I'm going to have a boyfriend by next year. And the reasoning makes no sense. But I 2020 is gonna be my year i think so too 2019 has been pretty bad i say throw it away throw it away i know we're like not even halfway done but throw it away we are almost halfway done we're so close i hate it 2020 is gonna be my year my mom was 33 when she got married so that means when I turn 33, I'm going to have a boyfriend. The logic, it's not there. Can I tell you

something? I'm putting it out there. 33 is a very powerful year. How old was Jesus when he died? 33. How old was Michelle Pfeiffer when she played Catwoman? 33. How old was Madonna when she came out with, I think

Blonde Ambition? 33. Yes. How old was... This is a very easy test. The answer is just 33. Yeah, you get the point. I do, and I truly don't know what... I just, like, I really have this, like, great feeling about next year. I have 33 that number tattooed on me.

Do you? I do. Wow. It's on my arm. Very small right here. It is very small. I can't even see it. Yeah, I'll show it to you when I get up.

It's so tiny. Very small. It is very small. I can't even see it. Yeah, I'll show it to you when I get up. It's so tiny. Also, people keep asking, what will happen to my podcast if I find somebody? I'm not going to end it.

No. So stop wishing for me not to find somebody. Also, this is not just about you. It's also about the community. Yes. It's talking about, and then then let's I can't even wait for the conversations once we have the person to be like what were the steps that got us there yes how are we feeling in the relationship I need some check-ins yes okay so people listening start wishing for me to get a partner so then I can teach you how to get a partner.

Maybe you follow some of the steps I've taken and then I help you out and then guess what? Nothing's fucking forever. I'll probably break up with them and then you get to hear about that fun time. Exactly. Or everyone gets to hear about the wedding

planning process, the heinous bridesmaids dresses, the slutty ass dress Nicole's going to wear. I'm going to be a real fucking whore. A real bridezilla. Oh my God. We need to get you on Say Yes to the Dress. Oh boy. We need to pop you into Kleinfeld's.

Yesterday, my big fat gypsy wedding and this woman put dollar bills all over her dress. I'm obsessed. And it looked pretty bad. Her mom laughed at her when she came out of the room. She got mad at her mom for laughing. Then during the reception, her mother broke a window, and I was like, this is the wedding I want. I've gone to some really crazy weddings with really crazy mothers.

I've only been to like a couple of wild ones. Not like too, too wild, but you know. Wait, Greta, we've come to the end. Here's a question. Would you, would you date me? Yeah, duh. Oh, what a treat. Who would ever come on here and say that they wouldn't date you? A lot of people. No, I would love to date you. You're a great candidate for me to date because you're fun. You're down to do draggy things. Yes. You're down to have drinks you're fun you're down to do draggy things yes you're down to have drinks yes you're down to eat mashed potatoes love them you have a great sense of humor thank you you're a homeowner hey you drive a nice car thank you it's a little banged up because

i keep hitting things but you know what you know i just think you have a great laugh oh thank you and a great heart oh and that's why i would date you i try it laugh. Oh, thank you. And a great heart. And that's why I would date you. I try. It takes a lot of work to, like, be a nice person. It's very hard. It's very hard when you have a lot of people around you that are shitty. Yeah, but also, like, I would choose people to not like.

And I've, like, hit this point in my life where I'm like, well, why? Why are you spending the energy to not like someone? I was going to say, it's way too much energy. Even if it's, like, secretive or whatever, it's just like it's too much. It is. It also makes you ugly. Yes. It makes you ugly.

So now I've decided everybody a good person. Everybody good. Unless they're bad. Unless they're bad. Fuck them. But like for the most part, I didn't like people for like stupid reasons. Yeah. It's like they weren't a bad person. You were just being insane.

Yeah. And also that all that shit weren't a bad person. You were just being insane. Yeah. And also that, all that shit too stems from like, insecurity. Whenever I haven't liked someone, it's always because they represent something

that like, makes me feel threatened or something like that. And then when I take a step back, I'm like, oh, I actually really do like you. Yes,

I like you. I'm just jealous of you. I was just being a little banana. Yes. Okay. Truly, Greta, this has been a real treat.

Thanks for having me. Just a dream come true. Thank you. And also, today was the day I asked you to do it. Yes. Because I had someone cancel on me, but it's okay. I love her. Do you have anything you want to promote?

You should just listen to my podcast, The Worst, which you will be on, which will be very exciting. Yeah. And then if you're in L.A. and you want to come to a good free comedy show, come to me and Blair's show at Genghis Cohen. You might see Nicole there. It's one of my favorite shows. It's very fun. I truly love performing there. I love testing out new material.

We love having you. It's every Tuesday. Yeah. You guys are just really perfect. You guys are just really perfect. And if you like this episode of, Oh, I watch it daily. You can, I think, subscribe on iTunes.

I don't know. Or like Spotify. I don't know. There's a whole bunch of ways for you to like listen to this. So if you say something dirty to me in like the DMs or rate it on iTunes, I'll read it out loud. I won't say your name because people have been getting a little, you know, upset about that. Okay. So I know you like it dirty. So I would love to make your body vibrate on top of mine so hard that it's a human vibrator on my clit and have us both squirt in completion.

So there's that. Thank you so much. Okay. This has been Wild Wild. Bye bye. Bye bye. This has been a Team Coco production.