Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Stealing Condoms at the Olympics (w/ Adam Rippon)

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon (Winner of Dancing with the Stars) joins Nicole to share the dating life of a Olympian. He shares what it was like being one of the first openly gay U.S. Olympians, why the infamous Olympic condoms left him disappointed, and what the sex life in the Olympic Village is really like. He also breaks down for Nicole exactly what it takes to become an Olympian, and the incestuous nature of figure skaters. Meanwhile, Nicole and her boyfriend take a vacation where he gets to witness her true colors for the very first time.Check out Adam's podcast - Intrusive Thoughts by Adam Rippon.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» Sorry I Missed This: Search for “Sorry I Missed This” in your favourite podcast app! https://lnk.to/sorryimissedthisPS» OSEA: Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code DATEME at OSEAMalibu.comView all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Did you fuck a lot when you were at the Olympics in the villages? Here's the thing. I really was concerned about like, where are all the condoms? Because I, listen, I was open to fucking, okay?

I was not closed off to it. And so I was like getting ready for bed and I get this like knock at the door. It's this doping agent. they need to take me to the medical tent. At night when you're going to sleep? You can be taken for these tests at any time. So I go and I'm in the medical tent and I see this tiny little basket

and it's filled with, and it says in Korean generic condom. This also like ruins the illusion for me because I did believe that it would be like Olympic rings and it would just be like these amazing. Just a limited condom. Yes. Because I saw that little basket

and I undid my zipper whole basket in. Jump it right in. Yeah, and I gave them to all my friends as, like, a gift. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please. Tell me why.

Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me a podcast. I'm a couple of buyer. Was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my shirt and tell me it's a button. My guest today is an Olympian figure skater, television personality, and podcaster. You've seen him guest on Rupal's drag race and win on dancing with the stars. He is the host of the new podcast One show, Intrusive Thoughts. It's Adam Rippon.

Come on my shirt and tell me it's a button. Is my favorite family limerick. It goes back many generations. and my family. Now I know that we share that. I've been doing this podcast for a while and the beginning of it gets sillier and sillier. I wonder if I've repeated any, probably.

I don't think so. I think when you're using, I come on my shirt, tell me it's a button. Feels original. Hey, thank you. You're welcome. Adam, you were one of the first out Olympians, correct, in figure skating?

Well, I was the first out Olympian from the United States. It's like ever in the winter games, which is crazy. Yes, it's nuts. It's so crazy. Not to be rude and like. Not the first gay person, but the first out. Figure skating is pretty good.

Kind of gay. Yeah. Right? There's some definitely like gay aspects to it. A lot of spandex. A lot of sequins. Sewing. A lot of hair gel.

Yeah. Isn't that? All the telltale signs of gay. It is kind of interesting. And this was in. When was this? 2018. 2018, which is fucking wild.

That's late. No offense. Well, you know what it is? It's like, I feel like 2018, but like a little earlier than that is like the era of like the YouTube coming out video. Oh, yeah, where it's like, guys, I have something to tell you. And you're, yeah, you're sobbing in front of your parents and but you're filming it. And so that was like that era of like 2014, 2015. And in 2014, I was like, I tried to make the Olympics like three times.

So, like, I was an alternate in 2010. I did not make it in 2014. What's the process? How does one audition for the Olympics? Well, so basically to make, like, a long story short, like, there's a, they see how well you do at competitions for, like, the two years in the lead-up to. And then in that season, because there's, like, a, competitions that you'll do in the lead up to the Olympics. And the Olympics will be like towards

the end of the season. And so that season is like weighed the heavy, like it's the most important. And so how you do in that and that lead up. And then they take your like whole credential and like pedigree and then they decide who is like best qualified to represent at their Olympics. And how you get into the competitions before the Olympics? Okay. So how it like all starts. And we could start today. Yeah. If I wanted to go to the Olympics, how would I go about that?

Okay. And say I'm like really gifted. I've always thought that. Hey, thank you. So what you do is like, one, there's like, you have to take tests to like pass different levels. And so the highest level is senior. And then under senior is junior and novice and then there's like more.

But how do I get to the test? Okay. First, we get into my car. Okay. And then what we would do. if we were really going to do this, we'd get into my car and we'd drive to Burbank.

Okay. And we're going to Pickwick Gardens. Okay. Any TV show that's ever had some sort of like skating scene films it at Pickwick Gardens. Okay.

So like there's like some parks and rec, like episode where they're like at the rink. It's at Pickwick Gardens. We're going there for proximity. Okay. Okay. And we're going to,

I'm going to teach you everything. And like you said, you're talented. You got it all down. I'm teaching you everything. Say you don't even have to teach me. I know it. I'm like, Adam, take me to Pickwick. We go to Pickwick. I know how to do everything. And you're like, great. Great. So how do we get into competition? So then the next

thing we're going to do is like, we're going to sign up to become a member of U.S. figure skating. Okay. So we do that. And let's say, let's say I go, you're such a savant. I'm, I've got that covered, girl. Don't even worry about it. I'm signing you up. Okay. The next thing that we're going to do is we're going to take that we sign up for tests. So you're going to test your way up to the highest level. Okay. Then you're going to sign up for regionals. Oh. And you're going to compete in the Southwest Pacific region. And then you're going to win, obviously. So that means you'll make it to sectionals. Okay. Which is a combination of a bunch of regions from the Pacific Coast. So like there's regions throughout the country and then there's three sections. The Pacific

Coast, the Midwest, the Eastern. Uh-huh. Coast. And so you're going to compete in that. Then you'll make it to the national championships. Uh-huh. And then once you do the national championships, you'll win that, obviously. They've never seen anything like it. And so you'll go, you'll win. Then they'll, they'll, like, qualify you to different international competitions. You'll win those easy. And then that's, that's how you get to. That's a lot of fucking steps. Yeah. I mean, you can't just be

like a savant and just like show up. Yes. You have to like, there is like a years long process to like even being considered. I did not know that. I wonder if my listeners knew that.

I wonder if I brought them through that whole journey and they're like, you stupid bitch. But it would be, of course. It would be different for like track and field because track and field like I'm not 100% sure on how you would go about this.

But like track and field is just based on like time. So you do different races to qualify for different meets to then qualify for different meets that eventually would qualify you for the Olympics.

Sports is so wild to me because I'm like, how do you start? How do you start sports? Yeah. But I guess you just go to a rink and then like... You figure it out. Kind of figure it out.

I didn't know anything. My mom didn't know anything. Like, and so that's like you just get started and like slowly you, like find, so like I'm from this like Scrantz in Pennsylvania. And so when I started doing like more like local competitions, then my mom signed me up for like, I was so into it. And I was begging my mom to like take me all the time. So she signed me up for like different camps and like

bigger cities. And then I eventually met like a higher level coach in Philadelphia. And then that led me to like then really improving and then moving on to other like different coaches that eventually led me here to California. That's what does. fun journey that very few people have been on. It's crazy. I don't like I think the more distance I have from it, the more like I appreciate it. Do you still skate for fun? Kind of. It's just, you know, it's tough because like I don't, I, it, I enjoyed doing it and I loved it, but it wasn't something, like, it was my job. So like, it's very weird to go into a space and be like, it's just for fun now. And I don't know, like, you don't know how to do it. Like, I had a really weird, like,

time trying to get back into the gym to just, like, stay in shape? Because I was like, what do you, like, what do you do when you're not training a body to be a professional athlete? Exactly. Like, how do people go to the gym for 30 minutes? What do you do for 30 minutes? How long did you go to the gym when you were training? Hours? Hours? Every day for hours? I'd be on the ice for like three to four hours. And then I'd be in the gym an hour before I skated the first time. I'd skate another time in the afternoon, and I do another hour before, and then I do about an hour and a half or two hours after to do the real workout, because these are all, like, fake workouts. They're all, like, therapy things and, like, yoga-like things to get your body, like,

warmed up and ready for when you go on to the ice. So it's, like, an hour of prep before you even do the work on the ice. Yeah, so it's, like, eight hours of work, like. And I'm, like, in my head, I'm like, oh, my God, that's so wild. But the job is body. Your job is body. Make body move. Make body twist and turn.

Yes. Can you do a triple sow cow? Yes. And you know now because you're savant. Yes, I am. Yeah. Can you do, oh shit. She's a black ice skater.

Siria Bonally, the backflip? Yes. Can you do one of those? No. No. No, I think when she does the backflip, it's like, it's like gorgeous. Mm-hmm. But I personally don't believe in flipping backwards.

I'm too scared of it. I think that as me, I have to stay, like, up and down. Just up, up, down. I get that. It's safest. It is a wild move. It's crazy. It looks so scary.

Yeah. But she has a gymnastics background. So when you introduce a move, do you have to submit it? I have so many questions. We'll get to dating, but I have so many questions about sports. I don't know sports. So say you want to do a move that. that's not in the book, the book of skates.

Do you have to submit it? It's a very good book, by the way. You should read it, the book of skates. Uh-huh. It's such a good read. Do you submit it or do you just do it in a competition? So it's like it's different than like gymnastics. Because like in gymnastics, they'll find different ways to like, like, mount onto the pommel or whatever.

Like, I don't really know. Sure. But they get names, they get elements. named after them. Yeah. Basically, if they're the first person to do, like, if it's the same element but they do like an extra rotation, the same element that's named something else, like that extra rotation will then be named after the person who did it the next time, even though

it's like the same thing. Oh, interesting. So like when Simone Biles has these like elements named after her, it's because she's added extra flips and twists to like basically at the core, the element is still the same. but in skating we have like our list of jumps and there's not any other variations that you can do like we have when you have your skates we have an outside and inside edge on the blade

so like inside would be the inside of your foot the outside the outside you're following yes we talked about this in Burbank yes yeah so um for like for instance like there's a jump where you'd be like on your if we rotate we're let's say we rotate counter-corrhizant clockwise, which is the most like typical. There's already a jump that like you'd be on the left foot and tap in with the right one. There's already a jump where you'd be on the right foot,

tap with the left one. There's already one where you just jump from the right. There's already one where you just jump from the left. And there's one where you jump forward. So there's no like variation to it. I have like a variation to a rotation position named after me only because like I was the first person to do it. And so they kind of like name these like little variations. And you don't submit them. You just do it. It just becomes like to the shorthand for like what it's called. But you just do it in a competition and they go, oh my God, that was wild. Yes. Well, because I'm adding a variation to like something that's already been done before. So like I'm still doing a triple lutz. But instead of like before I had, before I had to, I did it with my arms over

my head, like both arms like this. And so then that became like a ripon variation. That's fun. Isn't it? Do you feel iconic at times? Do you wake up sometimes and you're like, people are out there learning my move? Sometimes. I mean, sometimes, I mean, I do like that there is some sort of like variation named after me. There's not many.

That's cool. Why is the backflip banned? She did that in competition. Or it's not banned? It's not anymore. Oh, they unband it. So it was in 1978. Do you hate that I'm asking you only about figure skating?

No, I don't. because I don't mind talking about it because I think it's like fun. I think it's really fun and I've I don't think I've ever gone skating until we leave until we leave this studio and head on over to their bank.

Gardens, yes. So, okay, here's a little bit of like lore about Syria Bonally. So the backflip was like first performed by like a Canadian in the late 70s and immediately the international skating union banned the move.

They said it was like too dangerous to be doing in competition because the fear is that like people are going to do this, they're going to break their neck. And you'll get injured and then it's a big to do and you got to call the ambulance.

Too many, too many steps. And at the end of the day, it's figure skating. It's not gymnastics. Those are gymnastics elements and like there's a like a huge part of it where it's like a performance and like they want you to focus

on like the quality of like the skating. And I think skating as a little side note, I think skating is like really interesting because it's like where skill meets sport because like you can be in great shape but like skating is not like riding a bike

where it's like if you don't keep the skill up you're much worse. You atrophy. Absolutely. It's like pole dancing. You can be very, very strong but if you don't do it. If you're not doing the flexible stuff,

it's going to be harder for you to do. Yeah. So it's like you need to keep the skill up. So like even if you're like, you need to be on the ice for hours, to have that feel, because it's not like walking. It's completely different. Like, you're never up and down. You're always at an angle.

And the body, like, forgets that feeling the more time you're, like, off. So, Syria Bonalé, from France. Yes. She's, like, so, like, avant-garde. And she's, like, bizarre. And she's also, like, dressed by, like, French fashion houses. Oh, I love that. Her story is, like, she was adopted, but she had a coat.

And her mother was, like, heavily involved in the, like her career. It's very like Syria and her like mother, Suzanne. Suzanne. So Suzanne and Syria. She had a coach who's like super heavily involved and made up all of these stories about her that she was like from Africa. But she's not from Africa? No, she's from literally like a French orphanage. Like she's from France. Okay. But he tried to like create this like more stories around her. So she is so charismatic and like can look into the camera. And like can look into the camera and And, like, she's a fan favorite of everyone. Mm-hmm.

But the way that she skates is, like, very choppy. Like, she skates, and it improved. But she's performing, but, like, it's not smooth. Mm-hmm. And she'll try, like, the hardest jumps, but they're not, like, fully all the way around. But she's trying all of this stuff. And so, like, she does very well. Mm-hmm.

But there's always this point that she gets up to where it's, like, she, you know, gets second at the World Championships three times. And it becomes like so overwhelmingly frustrating to her where like she's out of world championships and she skates well. It's still messy. Like it's messy at its core. But she's still like going for everything and she's entertaining and it's she's doing great. But then another skater comes out and they do less but it's all done like the spins are more fluid. Less is more. Yes. And this skater wins. So they go out to do the podium. It's not. 1994. This is also right after Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. So this is in the same, like,

cycle. So they go out to do the podium. The winner comes out. Syria comes out and she, like, refuses to get onto the podium. And she's shaking her head. No. And then the bronze medalist comes out. And she's still like hugging everybody, but she's like arms crossed like, no. The president of the ISU, the international skating union, comes out to like congratulate and put the medals on everyone. And he, like, puts the medal on her and, like, shakes her hands and, like, kind of manhandles her up onto the podium. It's a little uncomfortable. And he puts the medal on the bronze medalist. Uh-huh. And so then they start playing the national anthem of the winner, and she rips the medal off her neck, and she holds it at her, like, at her side. She's pissed. Suzanne is pissed.

Uh-huh. The Bonillae family is mad. And obviously, this, everybody's booing booing now Syria that she's because they're in Japan and the woman that won was Japanese. So now they're booing her like poor sportsmanship. So she goes on after this to like then still continue to like compete and skate. And she her performance quality only like improves. And she shines in these like exhibitions and these shows. So she goes to the Olympics in 1998. And all the while she's still in the mix to like win a medal. She's still in the middle. She's still in the this elite metal mix. So she goes to the Olympic Games and in the short program, she doesn't skate great. And she's kind of like out of the medals. You never know what's going to happen.

So like in the free skate, she's like, I'm going to fight for it. I'm going to like, I'm going to go for it. She starts skating and she starts to make a few mistakes. So it's just like it's not going great. And so she decides she's going to go, fuck it. Who fucking cares if I get like a deduction for doing the backflip, I want to get this audience like on their feet. So she does a backflip in this Olympic routine, because she already isn't going to get a medal. She doesn't give a fuck. She then finishes the routine and she makes sure that she figures out where the judges are and she finishes the whole program with her back to them. She bows to the audience in front of her, to the left, to the right skates off, never bows to the judges, then goes on. She like retires

and she has this, like, fabulous professional career where she can... She, like, tours, right? She tours and... Oh, my God. She becomes, like, one of the greatest professional skaters, like, of all time. Because she shines in, like... In a performance aspect.

Yes. Because she's, like, incredibly charismatic and, like, this incredible performer. But she's also insane. But it's also what makes her so cool and so fun. I love that. I kind of like somebody who's like, listen, fuck it.

if I'm not doing what you people want me to do the three of you or however many judges there are I'll perform for the people yeah and so that's like what that's where her like iconic backflip comes where she felt like the judges didn't give a fuck about her anyway and so she's like I'm not going to give a fuck about you in the end

and she does that at the Olympics I like them I think that's a lesson for everybody it is because do whatever the fuck you want yeah and then she moved to Vegas eventually so that's the end of the end of to move after doing figure skating. You're like, eh, got to be in the heat.

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Short answer, no. No. I know. But here's the thing. I really was concerned about like, where are all the condoms? Because I, listen, I was open to fucking. Okay. I was not closed off to it.

But I'm like, where are all the condoms? Because I remember the games before was Rio where they're like, we're going through a million condoms. day. And I'm like, how is this happening? Like, where are they? And so when you're an athlete at the Olympics, you can be like randomly drug tested, like at any time. And so I was like getting ready for bed and I get this like knock at the door. It's this doping agent. They need to take me to the medical tent to get a doping test. At night when you're going to sleep? It's any time. You can be like, like, you can be taken for these tests at any time. So I go and I'm in the medical tent. And so you have to

like, then you have to pee in front of somebody and do the thing. And I see this tiny little basket. And it's filled with, and it says in Korean, generic condom. This also, like, ruins the illusion for me because I did believe that it would be like Olympic rings and it would just be like these amazing branded condoms. Yes. And so I saw this little basket. I'm like, those are the condoms.

And they're like, yeah. But I don't think anybody knew where they were. But then I was like, I know how they're going through a million. because I saw that little basket and I undid my zipper, whole basket in. Just dump it right in. Yeah. And I gave them to all my friends as like a gift. As a little hi, hello, hello, good luck.

Here's a generic Korean condom. And it's a great little thank you. Is the ice skating community incestuous? Like, meaning do people hook up with each other, date each other, have falling outs? Totally. I never, I don't think, no, I never dated anybody that, like, skated. Oh.

But, yes, especially, like, the couples, like the dancers and the pairs, because they spend so much time together. And they're spending, like, eight hours together, right? So if you're training as a solo skater, you got to train with your partner. Yes. And so there's a lot of, like, like, our reigning world dance champions, like they're married. Ah. And so, like, a lot of, like, couples within the, like, couples.

And yes. Because it's like, you know, they're the people that you see all the time. Mm-hmm. Do you think dating, you're married? I am married, yeah. And when did you get married? I got married in 21. Okay.

And then when did you get together? We got together in like March or April of like 2018. Okay. So, and then you went to the Olympics in 2018. But before that, you had some notoriety, yes? I mean, like, if you watched skating. Yeah. And I'm sure a lot of, a lot of people do.

But did people slide into your DMs? No. Really? No, I don't think I give off, like, sexual energy. And I think that, like, nobody. Well, because I was also there with, like, so I'm the first, like, openly gay Olympian, like, to, from the United States to compete in the winter games because of, like, timing. Because my event was before, there's another one, the beautiful Gus Kenworthy, who was a freestyle ski. It still is.

And he's like just, he's just much hotter than I am. And so this was a huge distraction to anybody who would be looking to slide into my DMs. I just don't think I get, I don't think people look at me and they go, so sexy. I think there's a lot of people who go who are like, so sexy. Yum, yum, yum, he better skate on my dick. Oh, that would hurt. But after you were in the Olympics, still no DMs? Still, like, people weren't throwing himself at you?

I don't know what it is. I don't want to find out. Okay. All right. But yeah, no, I don't. You know, some, not, no, not really, no. Okay. What do you think it is?

Don't make me cry. I would never try to make you cry. I don't know. It might be you not checking your DMs. I was checking them pretty avidly at the time. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it was like the universe is trying to send you your partner.

and that you didn't need to be distracted and maybe you didn't need to be distracted from skating and whatnot. I think that that's so beautiful. How did you meet your partner? So I was at a competition in Finland. Okay. And I did what anybody would have done

if they were in Europe. And I pulled up Tinder and I said, wouldn't it be just so funny if I found like a European husband? Wouldn't that be the funniest joke of all time? And so I, you know, obviously I'm so focused at this competition left. Right. Right. And we matched. And we messaged like a few times back and forth. But then my event got started. And he was, he went away to vacation. So we like never met up. And so, you know, it was what it was. And then like two weeks later, I saw that he like liked like three or four of my pictures in a row on Instagram. And so then I was like, I found you. Like like not that. he had found me. So then we started, like, messaging back and forth, and I thought that, you know what,

I'm never going to meet this guy. So why don't I just, like, test drive this new theory I have of, why don't I just be honest? Okay. And so I would, like, ask questions, and I would just answer them honestly. You know, like, when you're, like, sometimes you meet somebody new and you want to impress them, and it's like, you find. You try to put your best foot forward.

You try to be, like, your. you're wittiest, your nicest, not say things. Yeah. You tiptoe around the lines just to see like what are their things that they're into

so that like you can eventually find a common ground with them or not. Yes. But it's this like tiptoeing. And with this guy, I was like, who, why would I tiptoe around this guy?

I'm never going to fucking meet him. He lives in Finland. And so we just kept going back and forth and I think he felt the same way that we were both just using each other is this like test flurter guy. But then we became like very close and we still hadn't met. And then I, you know, he knew that I skated.

But then after the Olympics, he could see that there was like a lot of like media around me. And he was like, I can't believe this is like the same guy that I'm talking to. And so we fell out of touch for like a little bit only because I was like really busy. And I think he was trying to, like, find the line of, like, I don't want to feel like he's, like I'm trying to pursue him now more. Yeah. Because it changes things once somebody finds out that you're in the public eye. Yes. Then you start questioning.

You're like, oh, wait, maybe I don't actually know this person. Or maybe they'll think I'm, you know, pursuing them because they're in the public eye or whatever. Right. And I get why he pulled back. Yes. And it was like, and I was trying to find like a happy medium too of like just like letting the dust settle. a little bit and so then we never lost touch but we weren't like

we were talking like every day. And then we weren't talking every day. And then we like reconnected and because we didn't really disconnect. Yeah. But so we start talking again and he's like you know I have friends in L.A. Like I would love to like come out there and like you know visit them. He did not have

friends in L.A. Not a single friend. Not a single soul. And I was just like you're my friend. Yeah. And I think we both knew that like I knew that he didn't know anybody but he was like also an easy answer because like if it didn't work out in person he could go CLA yes and he came out and we just like absolutely hit it off that's so sweet yeah I like in the beginning of your relationship you were just like putting yourself out there I in my current

relationship I feel like that's what I did and I'm happy I did that also my boyfriend got to see my true colors the other day we were checking into a hotel and the lady the hotel was like, can I have your credit card and your ID, a normal thing? And I said, thank you. And she goes, our systems are down. Fill this out. And I was like, excuse me? I was like, your systems are down. I'm not employed here. Yeah. You have all the information there. And she was like, well, I just need you to write that down. And I was like, oh, okay, I can write that down. And then she was like, I just want to explain to you. Did you not in an email that our system was down.

I was like, no, I'm writing right now. So I can't look at my phone for emails. And then she was like, well, you just seem really upset about it. And I was like, I am. I'm pretty upset about it. And then she picked up a piece of paper. And she was like, I've been writing down people's information all day. And I was like, because that's your job.

I don't work here. So I don't know why you're catching an attitude with me that I caught an attitude that you don't want to do your job. Right. And my boyfriend was just standing back watching. watching me interact with this lady and then she was like, well, we upgraded your room and I was like, oh, yay, I'm so excited.

You upgraded my, okay. And then we like, get to the room. The room is so disgusting. It is the Venn Hotel in DC, I think VEN or something. I love the full. If someone does me, I'm going to talk about you. No, please, yeah. Because your customer service needs to.

I'm saying please, like, no, please. I own it. So, yeah, truly. I own it. I mean, I'll talk about AirBungy Fitness for the rest of my life. They're in Burbank and they were rude to me one time. Anyway, so we get to the room. I hate it.

It's disgusting. And I was like, fuming. And I was, and my boyfriend was like, do you want coffee? And I was like, yes. And then I was like, how mad would you be if we switched hotels? And he was like, not mad if that's something you need to do. We can do that. And I was like, good.

Great. And then we like, go downstairs. And then I explained to him. I was like, I wouldn't have been mad if this lady had just said to me, hey, our systems are down. I can write this down or if you don't mind would you mind writing your information?

Just give me the option so the illusion that I don't work here that I didn't just clock in or write my own shit down. So then we're leaving. Because it would have made you feel like it was your choice. Yes.

I'm doing her a solid. Yes. And it's like, of course I would have written it down if it was presented to me that way. She literally threw my idea on the desk and was like, here, fill that out. And I was like, you have the information. It was just in your hand.

So then we're, like, leaving, five minutes after we check him, we leave. And then the manager chases our car down. He was like, are you leaving? I was like, yes. And he was like, what was wrong? And I said, everything. And he was like, the customer service. And I was like, yes.

He was like, the property. It was like, everything. What don't you get? Don't chase me down. And then we got to the other hotel. And I was like, we. Everything here is nicer. And he was just like, wow.

And I was like, I had a moment. I'm really, I'm sorry. I had a moment. He was like, I don't know. She was kind of in the wrong. He was like, I see where you're coming from. He was like, I liked watching that. You know what? I, that's a quality that I really admire and people who like stand up for themselves. Because I won't. I would cave. Really? Oh, I would be writing my information and I'd go, we need help with that.

I'd take other. I would start, I would be there writing information for. I'm a pushover. And then I would get to the room and I'd really let her have it. She wouldn't be there to the wall. No, I'm going to let you know when you're. being rude to me. I know. I wish I was more like that. There's been so many times at the airport

where I'll let somebody have it. Who have you let have? So many people. There was a man sitting in my seat. And I was like, sir, you're in my seat. And he was like, oh, well, the screen says see. And I said, oh, okay. Well, the thing above the, by the overhead bins,

that tells you what the seat is. There's a problem, a glitch on that screen. Because if you look in front of you and look in front of you, you'll see that those seats are the same. So you know that you booked yourself an aisle seat and you did not book yourself a window seat, correct? And he's like, well, I'm just going off the screen. I was like, well, I think you should go off what you booked.

You know what you booked. And then we sat down and then he started furiously texting. And I was like, he's texting about me. And I simply don't care. And then the flight attendant was like, thank you for your, not service. What did she say? Thank you for your loyalty. Thank you for your service on Delta.

And she was like, thank you for being a million mileer. And he was like, a million miles. Whoa, that's why you knew where your seat was. And I said, no, I just remember what I booked. Read the ticket. Huh? That's how you knew that you have to fly a million miles to know where your seat is? That blew me away.

Let's see. There was another time I sprained my calf while singing party in the USA while vacationing in Mexico. That song is very tough on the calves. It is. Well, I was skipping. And of course. Strain my gas. And I truly limped for five days around Mexico.

And then when we were getting ready to go to the airport, I was like, I don't know if I can do a big airport with this limp and my luggage. So I was like, get myself a wheelchair, just make it easy on myself. I was with two friends. And they were like, yeah, that's probably for the best. You're not doing well. I was rapidly deteriorating. And also, like, just getting drunk and being like, I can walk again. Like from the next day being like, I did worse.

I did bad. So we, like, boarded first, get on the plane. And I was, like, standing, putting something on the overhead bin because I could stand. Walking was the hard part. And then these, like, 40, 50, 60-ish people were like, oh, so you can walk. And I was like, yes, I can. I'm injured. Why are you so interested in my life?

Why are you so mad that I got on this plane before you? Where are you going? To the back of the plane? Get to step. Go. That's a crazy thing to say to somebody. Yes. performing a miracle out of a wheelchair.

That's a crazy thing to say. Well, you just don't know what's going on with people. Like, just leave me alone. I couldn't believe. Where did you get married? Wait, who proposed to who? Okay. So, beautiful cold brew, by the way.

Oh, thank you. I brewed it myself. I love it. So what happened was, like, we were starting to talk. talk about getting engaged and being married. But we weren't, like, really there yet. And I always, I, like, really didn't care to be married. Because I was just, you know, like, my parents are divorced.

And I've just, like, it's not really important to me. That's a better way of putting it. And so we were talking about it and just figuring out what that might look like. And he, we spent, like, New Year's of, like, 2019 to 2020 together in here at the studio. Right here. Right here. Right here.

And so we then he goes back to Finland and then the pandemic happens. Yeah. And I always said that like if there's a reason to get married, like the universe will like give me a sign or give me a reason. And so if you were in the United States, you could not get into Europe. If you were in Europe, you could not get into the United States. States unless you were married. Okay. And I thought that, like, I would never want to, like, be separated from this person and not

have a way to them. This feels like that, like, reason. And so when we had talked about it, we had these, like, conversations of, like, how would we do it and how would we apply? And there's, like, there's two, like, different ways that you can go about it where it's, like, you can get married in the United States and then you apply for, like, all of your paperwork. Yeah.

And then the other version of that is, and this is like the more official way, of you apply for a K1 visa, 90 day fiancé. I love 90 day fiance. So you apply for that K1 visa and then as you're well aware, you have 90 days, but it takes about six to eight months for you to get that visa. And so while he couldn't come to the United States and I couldn't go to Europe, we thought, why don't we apply? for this visa and it's going to take it because we've been putting we were kind of like putting off the real conversation of like when would we do this because it would definitely be this like six to eight months where we would might not see each other or only see each other when I could get to Finland and so we had been putting that off and then when this opportunity opportunity when this

pandemic happened and I saw it as an opportunity an opportunity yeah a global pandemic an opportunity for me. And so I said, you know what, let's apply for this, like, let's do it. Like, we can't see each other anyway. And it really, like, helped change our perspective and, like, mindset because it was, like, at least we were waiting for something. Uh-huh. And so when we started talking to the lawyer, she asked, like, when we had gotten engaged

and we were like, we're not. And so, like, you know, cheekily, it's like, JP, will you marry me, like, on the phone with the lawyer. And so she's like, oh, that's cute. And so we apply for the visa. And finally, when I can get to Finland, I could go to Finland later that year. So I did celebrate the January 6th insurrection from Europe. Yes. It was amazing, amazing views from Europe. Amazing views. Yes. And so we decided that, you know, we were going to be based in the U.S. But I wanted us to get, like, rings from Finland. Okay. So, I was like, let's do it in Finland and we'll like get the rings and we're like, we'll get matching ones.

We were like in the jewelry store for about two seconds before he's like, what if I designed something? I was like, I'm going to get my own thing. You get your own thing. And we decided that we would like pick a, pick a day and that we would ask each other at the same time so that nobody was like, he did it or you did it so that we would be like, we, yeah, which does when you say it like that makes me want to melt and throw up. Yeah, but that's nice for, um, that's. nice for, like, a couple to be like, we did it. Yeah. We had a nice time. Sorry, I was waving at Christian Shaw, who was just in the hallway. I didn't want you to feel like, I was just like, like, waving at you, and then I just don't acknowledge it. No, I was like, I appreciate it. Marriage is such an interesting thing. I was like, I don't think I want to get married. I've gone

back and forth. If you listen to this podcast from the beginning, I'm like, I want to get married. I don't want to get. I go back and forth, but I recently officiated a wedding. I am ordained by the Universal Life Church. Two weddings now. Me too. Can you? Oh, yeah. I've done two weddings. Oh, my God. All right, Diva. You're ahead of me. I've only done one. But during that wedding, I was like, wait, this is beautiful. Just a public proclamation of your love for this person in front of your friends and family. And at this wedding, they were like, phones away, be here in the present moment. And it just felt so... So scary. Beautiful. And I was like, maybe I do want to get married. And then I loved all the speeches everybody. Like, it was just, I loved it. We never had a

wedding. Oh, no? No. And so, because we had 90 days to get married. So what happened was the visa comes through. He comes to the United States. And, It's like the end of 2021. And so we're trying to, like, figure out. Like, I think, I live in Pasadena. And so there's a beautiful, like, courthouse and, like, city hall. And I'm like... Do you want us to bleep out where you live?

It's pretty big. No. Okay. Merrill Streep lives in Pasadena. I'm doxing her. With Martin Shore? Isn't, aren't they so cute? Have you seen them together?

Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know. Does that make you believe in love? Yes. They're so adorable. horrible together. Anyway, so you didn't have a wedding. No. And so then when I was like looking

into like, you know, booking a time at the courthouse, you need to do like two different trips to get married at the courthouse. You need to do like one, I don't know. Oh, were you apply for the marriage certificate and then one for the ceremony. And so we were trying to figure out like how to do that. And then I just had the most brilliant idea of like, how do you get married fast in L.A. And I found this website of like instant marriage L.A. in Encino. And it was as a woman and Maria, who just does marriages from her, like, office. And I called about, like, when did she have time to do something? And she was like, I have time tomorrow.

And it was New Year's Eve. And so we got married on New Year's Eve. And I was like, this is actually perfect because, one, if you want to go out. You can still go out. You got married in five minutes. Yes. And it's like fireworks for your anniversary that you're not covering. Then if you want to stay in, it's our anniversary.

Who's going to say no? to stay. It's the most brilliant thing I've ever done in my life. That is smart. Real quick. Real quick. We got to take a break. Adam, do you have any advice for single people? I think my advice is like being single is great. And I think that there's this like woman that I met and she was like quite a tough lady. And she rolled her own cigarettes, no filters. This lady is tough. And she said, we come into this world alone and we leave alone.

And I know that's really like dark. That's not true. It's true. We come in by ourselves and we leave on our own. And I think that there's like a beauty in that. And I think the beauty in it is that like if we do this whole journey like on our own and it's our journey, we should only have people included in our lives that bring joy and enhance the journey.

Mm-hmm. And so I, like, I love my husband, but I'm with him because he brings, like, joy into my life. I don't need him. And he doesn't need me, but we bring, like, a lot of joy to each other. So we, like, make our own life experience better. Mm-hmm. And I think, like, I always try to, like, check in on that. to make sure that like we're still you know the things come up and like you get like annoyed with people

when you've been with them for years but like it's always just making sure like does this person still bring me joy because this is my experience yeah and I think like if you stay like I think you'll find the right people and whether that that like love and those the friendships of people around you like you'll find what like love looks like for you but it's your love is just a small part of the whole like human experience yeah it's about like connection with other people and sometimes you find that connection that's like on a deeper level with other people but it's your experience and you should focus on you i like that i like that a lot is this person bringing me joy is this person fucking a hellscape yeah like only bring joy into your life i have a will where

there's a lot of things that people need to do in it but i can't legally enforce it because you can't do that when you make a will. And my boyfriend was like, don't you like, he was like, don't you like when you die, like before you die, or like when you're thinking just randomly, don't you think it's like, he's like, how do you know the people will do what you've asked them to do? And I was like, I think I've surrounded myself

with enough people who love me so much that they would know how important it was for it to get done after I'm not there and that there is no one to check in on them to see if they did it. just for like the love of me and I started like welling up with tears and I was like, I have such good people in my life. Yeah, I mean, that even makes me emotional

to like here where it's like that's so beautiful that the people that you've surrounded yourself with would make sure that they do things for you whether you were able to see it or not. Because it's just one last adventure. I've just asked people do a lot dumb stuff. Burn down the Ven Hotel.

Yeah, burn it down. One last one star review. For the bungee jump place in Burbank. What is it? AirFit bungee fitness? Yes, air fit bungee. Air fit bungee. What did they do to you?

Sounds so dark. So I've told this story on the podcast. I'll tell it again. I'll never stop. So I went and took a class and they asked you how much you weigh on the thing. Hated already. I don't mind it.

It's a bungee cord. You got to know how much I weigh so I don't snap it or die. That's fine. Okay. So I told them 10 pounds more than I actually weigh because I was like, I want to pad this a little bit. But I didn't tell them until I got there because I just forgot to do the little intake form.

And then I had some clarifying questions because I didn't understand if this was just cardio or if it was like strength building because the way she was doing squats was not the correct way to do a squat. And she didn't have no ass. So I was like, I have a query about this. I don't know like how we're doing these squats. And I don't know how much tension should be on it to make it effective. and then she didn't like that I had questions and then we were doing this like run leap thing and I was like I don't really understand

how you come back from that Wait you did I know exactly what you're talking about I thought that you were just like bungee jump No you did a fitness class I mean Nicole come on What do you think But it looked fun But what kind of workout

It's basically like a toddler chair That you just bouncing It is cardio It is cardio But I was like I also feel like you could use the bungee to get like an actually good like strength workout in. But do you? Yes, because once I adjust it, once I self-adjusted, I was like, oh, this is actually pretty good on my hip flexors and my like, my actual butt.

Okay. And then I just like kept asking clarifying questions and they put this really tall man like right against the wall. So we kept running against the wall. And I was like, these people don't seem to know what they're doing. And then I asked one too many questions. And she was like, well, that's why it's important not to lie about your weight. and then she, like, looked at me. And I was like, what?

I was like, I'm the only fatty in this class. One, two, I didn't lie about my weight. I just told you later than you asked. And then I, like, looked at my friend. I was like, did that just happen? She was like, mm-hmm. And I was like, okay. And then I asked for another adjustment.

And she was like, well, we're all going to do three and you can do one. Like little herpes. And I was like, okay. Crazy. And then when we were like, we didn't do a warm. up. We did a cool down, which I'm like, I think a warm up is more important than a cool

down. But who am I? I don't own Air Bungy fucking fitness. And I was like, I'm going to look at my phone because maybe something nice happened on my phone. And then the owner of the place walks in, she's like, are you going to stretch? I'm going to do the cool down? And I was like, yeah. She's like, well, it's happening over here. And I was like, okay. And then later, we're in the parking lot. This lady comes over. She looks like hatchet face from Crybaby. and gorgeous she says to me she was like did you have fun i was like no i did not and she was like oh well we're really sorry to hear that why didn't you have fun i was like because i asked for adjustments this lady was like very unkind about giving them to me she's like no that didn't happen

if you asked for an adjustment you would have gotten it i was like oh well now you're just like denying my experience you're saying that you're you're saying it didn't happen and she's like no i'm not saying that and i was like why are you being so defensive she's like i'm not being defensive i'm defending myself and i was like well what's the root word there you are being defensive and you are defending. Both of those can be true. And then she was like, well, and I was like, has no one ever criticized you? Because that's all I'm doing.

It's just a criticism. There's no hard feelings. I didn't enjoy myself. I'm not coming back. And she's like, well, that's what you think that. And then my friend stepped in and said something maybe a little bit more eloquently than me. And then she went, oh, I understand. And then looked at me and was like, I hope that wasn't defensive for you.

And I said, lady, what's wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? That's really intense. And I simply didn't understand why she couldn't just take the criticism and be like, hey, instructor, when someone asks for an adjustment, don't bring up their weight. Also, just give them the fucking adjustment. Like, it was just so nuts. And I've done other classes.

Like, I pull dance and I've asked clarifying questions. And then sometimes they go, hey, I actually don't know the adjustment for you right now. So maybe you try it this way. And if it still doesn't work, we'll try to figure it out. That's all I needed from her to be like, maybe you try it. Also, it's so crazy when if you, if it's like based on like your weight and your height and like everything, that like it's crazy to expect that not every, that everyone is going to need an adjustment.

Yes. Because it's also not, like it's how much like weight are you putting into your legs or whatever? Everyone's going to need it. And there was another lady who was like fixing her little harness and she was like, are you good? What's going on? And I was like, well, that's not how you ask. Why would you ever ask somebody? Are you good?

obviously not. She's fixing it. And it blew me away as to how rude they were. And that instructor's name was Marjorie Taylor Green. I wish I knew her name because I would say it. But I wish nothing for them. No, that's really awful. I'm sorry about that. Hey, thank you. You're welcome. I mentioned it so many times on this podcast. You got to get it out. I just hate them so much. Anywho, Adam, do you have anything you want to promote? I would love to promote my podcast intrusive thoughts. You can listen to it wherever you listen to your podcasts. I love that. Also, would you date me? I would date you. And I'll tell you why. Because a few years ago, I saw a video of you doing like a tour of your bathroom and you're the person who taught me that Gucci makes wallpaper. I did a tour of my

bathroom. I think, or something. I saw a clip of this of this show and you forgot you were on a date with somebody. I was on a date with somebody. I simply don't remember, but my bathroom does Gucci wallpaper. And I remember vivid, because I was like, I don't remember what it was for,

but it was something that came across, like, my feed, and I stalk you. And so, and I remember seeing it, it was like, huh? You have to put the glasses. I'm like, Gucci makes wallpaper? And it was so. stunning. Thank you. Do you still have the wall, do you have Gucci wallpaper in other places? Or do you just the bathroom? It's just the bathroom. Okay. It's a small space. Because it was,

it was a little bit more than I'd ever want to spend on wallpaper. Well, home stuff is crazy. It's all more expensive than you've ever dreamed of. Yeah. And then Gucci has this fabulous wallpaper. It's pink with white herons. I don't know. The birds. And, oh, I, I know exactly, because now I did a deep dive on the wall. I know exactly what you're talking about because of you. Thank you. And so. Well, I got the Fucci version in curtain form.

Gucci does not make curtains in that print, but I found it on Etsy, somebody who would make me in that print curtains. And pretty soon you'll be able to make your own if you learn how to sew. If I learn how to sew. Exactly. If I just learn how to do it. Well, Adam, we've come to the end. We have. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me?

You can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you write me something absolutely fucking filthy to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com hitting on me, I will read it. We are running low, so please send some. Hi, Nicole. I'm a fan of the podcast and listen regularly. That's tough for me to say. Here in Germany as an immigrant from the U.S.

Sprekenzy Deutsch. Here's a dirty, they didn't write that. That was me flexing my German. Here's my, here's a dirty. message for you. If you allowed me to date you, I would bring you to Munich in the fall. First class for the Delta Diamond Diva, obviously. Thank you. And take you out for a nice time, the German way. That means we would go for a long and fairly pointless walk, rambling around town, and remarking on all the 100-year-old buildings that currently sell boutique cuckoo clocks, Nordic walking holes,

and expensive leaderhosen. If you get tired, we would stop for a strudel, and I would insist that you pay for half, just so you're, just so you're sure to have the full Doucette experience, Deutsche, Deutschish experience. Then only if you enthusiastically consented, I would take you to a nearby beer tent kitchen where I would lovingly tenderize that sweet, that sweet, sweet pussy, pounding it thin. Pounding it thin. Then I would dust your grade aid meat curtain in flour, dip it in a watery egg

mixture and coat that sweet thing and breadcrumbs before I slapped it on a flat top grill. Oh, my God, I'm getting cooked. When that tasty lady snack was golden brown and delicious, I'd lovingly arrange it on a plate atop some iceberg lettuce with a lemon wedge on the side, add some piping hot french fries to sup up that juicy pussy and serve it with some enthusiastic, serve it to some enthusiastic, red-faced British tourist. We'd all sigh with satisfaction and wash your pussy down with several liters of disappointingly warm, but still delicious pies, pilsners, as you mumbled to yourself,

my pussy is so gluclick. My pussy is so happy, and it sounds like, oh, thank you, it's phonetic. Mineo mushy is so glukish, glucklish. Thank you. Bye. Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya.

It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempth. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our Thieve music is arranged by Mike Komete. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye.

What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up everybody? I'm Beck Ben. And man, ooh, I got, we got something to tell. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast she'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany Brosky, Caper Lan, Bobbi Moynihan, Meg Stalter, and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Jory, Joni McGrathes, and Dender.

And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube, or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm gonna go do it right now. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is The Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum.

You know, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of. Some you definitely haven't. But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew?

Who knew? The mobs involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcast. and watch video episodes on YouTube, new episodes every Thursday.