Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Stripping & Sex Work (w/ Teddy B. Ruxpin)

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Dancer and sex worker Teddy B. Ruxpin chats with Nicole about all things stripping and sex work. They discuss her start into the profession, finding her niche as an "alt girl", dealing with racism in the workplace, and her work for stripper advocacy. Plus, Teddy reveals she dated a comedian who would talk about her work in his stand-up routine. Tonight - See a LIVE virtual episode of Why Won't You Date Me? with Heidi N Closet! Tickets: onlocationlive.com/nicolebyer This Black History Month, research anti-racism resources and donate to Black Lives Matter at blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Ooh, guess what? Okay, so I'm doing a live episode of my podcast today. It's February 12th. It is live episode of Why Won't You Date Me Day and my sister's birthday. I keep saying it because, you know, you try not to forget things. Anyway, I'm doing You can watch it any time for up to a week after. The ticket link is in the show notes. And listen, I think it's going to be fun. Who knows what wig I'm going to wear. I will be in a lot of makeup because that's like my whole thing. Okay, see you there. But I won't because it's weird and virtual. And also we're going to do questions and answers at the end

this is a long promo why won't you date me why won't you date me why won't you date me please tell me why. Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. It's also about other things too, because 2020 was a wild year. But I'm trying to figure out

how I'm still single, even though you could break all of the vases in my house and I would go, huh, I guess they belonged on the floor. So my guest today is a dancer named Teddy B. Ruxpin. Teddy, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you so much for having me. I was telling you before we started that like, I came across my friend Dan sent me your Instagram live that you had done with your friend Honeyless Strange and you were talking about like performative allyship in the dancing community in the sex work world. reacting negatively. And I just thought it was so interesting because I was like, I feel like in every little niche pocket of like what people do, everyone's having kind of the same problems. Especially in sex work, I think. Yeah. How long have you been dancing? I have been dancing for about like five years now. And did you start in LA? Are you from LA? No, but I started when I was in LA because I moved out to LA when I was 18.

I left LA like at the like mid last year. I snuck out. Honestly, I didn't tell anybody I left. I just kind of left. But I was like, surprise. I don't live here anymore.

I mean, it must be fun to just Irish goodbye a similar state goodbye yeah I'm not coming back no goodbye party is just kind of dipping out I love it I wish I could do that but I love attention so much that I'd be like like when I moved to LA from New York I was like so I have to have several goodbye parties and say goodbye to everybody and then I got a job in New York so I was just back there almost immediately it was so dumb but the attention you get from leaving and not telling anybody is just as good because then you start getting a slew of texts sort of like wait where are you you're gone, ha ha, yes. Farewell. I fucking love that.

With dancing, like being a black dancer, what is it like? Is the racism overt? Are you the one black girl in a club? Your eyes just got so big. Yeah. That's a conversation we've been having and dancing for a while. Sex work is appearance-based.

I think it's shallow to act like it's not. It is. I mean, no matter what your appearance is, you are selling the way you look first before you are selling your personality. And even if you're selling it to niches, you're still selling the way you look. So with that stuff, the isms of the outside world can be really, really magnified in sex work, especially as black dancers. Because clubs tend to be divided into what are known as black clubs and white clubs. You'll call it that because that's what you have to call it based on the girls that they hire. And so there are like mixed clubs in the middle. But the thing is, whether you're at a black club or a white club as a black dancer, you still have to fit an archetype. So you're kind of like damned if you do, damned if you don't.

you do damned if you don't because if you are like um like a black dancer at a club that doesn't really hire black dancers you can't you can't really be like black enough to make people uncomfortable in that sense you have to be like always really really polished always really really put together you have to look consistently better than every single white girl you work with. Otherwise, you won't make any money. And then if you work at a black club, you're kind of expected to always pander to the stereotypical players club image of a black stripper. And so in both cases there it can be like really restrictive you don't feel like you have a lot of like room to wiggle because I I found my niche eventually but it was very hard and it took a very long time and it took years of like rejection from clubs and rejection from customers and

rejection from other dancers before I was able to carve out like places I can work and like people who like liked me and would like you know like follow me to different places because when I When I started dancing, I wasn't just, like, black. I was, like, I'm cool, edgy black. I like metal and stuff. I'm different. Like, I noticed as I became, like, as I leaned into that more, certain stuff did, like, kind of close up for me because also like you said you have to fit an archetype and customers don't necessarily always like a dancer they can't understand within the first five seconds of meeting her so that's why you'll see girls who are like

rock girls like i'll name for an example i don't know if you know this dancer, Malice McMunn, because she used to come to Cheetahs. Yes. Malice loves Bay Area gangster rap. That is Malice's favorite genre of music. She almost never dances to it because she's a white woman with a mohawk and she knows what people expect of her.

Interesting. That's so wild. Yeah, she's like, that's not going to gel with their image of me. And so people want you to be really digestible in sex work. And it's a give and take where you understand that and you play into that. And so as I started getting more and more tattoos, and I think back on it, and I did have dancers who went, are you sure? Because it's going to get way harder for you when you get them.

And I was like, no, it won't. And it did. They were so right. They were so right. were so right that's so huh i mean i guess that makes sense because like black clubs i i don't think i've ever been to a black club i've only been to like white clubs where there's like one black dancer two black dancers uh but like from tv the tattoos are very like, like flowers or like, it's like,

you can't really like, you don't see a lot of variety. You don't see like, you know, horror tattoos or like any like full sleeves or anything. It's just like, you know, a thigh tattoo,

a back tattoo, maybe one arm. And that is, it is interesting that like the aesthetic is so different and it's weird that customers aren't like, I don't know, let's see, maybe I like what they serve.

I think it'd be really interesting if malice, you know, dance to like fucking rap music, like with a huge Mohawk, I would be like, huh, this isn't what I expected, but like,

okay, but I get it. Like people are like, they like what they know. They like what, you know, that's not weird. Then they don't have to think about it. It's like, it's But I get it. Like people are like, they like what they know. They like what, you know, that's not weird. Then they don't have to think about it. It's like, it's just easily digestible.

Yeah. So as I got more tattoos, I had to lean into it. And I had to like go to work, like wearing all black. Like my heels got taller. I got, I will say the benefit of it is I got to get meaner. Because when you're like an alternative girl, people expect you to be a little bit bitchy. And I was like, oh my God. god excellent this is my favorite part this is so good I love this yes fuck you you can fuck off I don't like you but I would notice that on nights

where I was like I don't know I want to I want to play some Drake people would be like no we don't like that because that's not what you do I was like oh like, oh, okay. I misbehaved. I'll play some Marilyn Manson. I'm sorry. How has it been transitioning from, like, live performing to performing online? Really fucking weird, but really fun at the same time. It's fun because I think, like, you get to get a lot weirder in what you do. You don't have to be as conventional. You can play with like lighting and angles and like set and costumes and all this other stuff. What's the weirdest thing you've done?

Oh, or the thing that you like the most? Like what's your favorite online performance that you've done? I've done a couple of weird ones. Let's see. I did a couple where I like attach my phone to the ceiling and did like bed sets. Those weren't that weird. Those were pretty fun.

I did do one where it was Carrie themed for Halloween. And at the climax of it, I turned my lights off, covered myself in fake blood, and then held like an LED light up to certain parts of my body. So you could only see like flashes of me and the fake blood at a time. I thought that was pretty fun. Yeah, that's fucking cool. And then I ate a whole cup of noodle in a Naruto costume for one set.

I think I saw that one. That one was funny. We were like giggling about that because I watch it with my friends in like a Google Hangout. That one was, I thought it was funny. I like when people can balance like being sexual and then funny

because I'm like, I love a good bit. I love to laugh. This is great. Yeah, I mean, I used to eat all the time at Cheetah's, so I wanted to give an homage to what used to be my thing in person, which was eating on stage. Did you work at Cheetah's after, because they like changed owners or something like last year.

Yeah. Because I hadn't been in a minute. And then we went last Thanksgiving, walked in and we're like, wait a minute. This is not the Cheetahs we know. Do you? I mean, there's some drama around it. Do you want to hear it?

Of course I do. Yes. So Cheetahs didn't change owners. They changed management. They gave over management of the club to the guys who ran the live L.A. over management of the club to the guys who ran the live LA. And the girls at Cheetah's found out about this because the weekend before, they were like, hey, we're going to close for two weeks for renovations,

but don't worry, you're going to get your job back. Don't worry about it. You're just going to be off for two weeks, and when you come back, you'll still work here. And we were like, all right, cool. And then we got a group text message on Sunday that was like, hey, so I'm sure y'all heard there's going to be new management. You're free to talk to new management about employment opportunities. But as it stands, come pick up your last check on Tuesday. So they fired us all up for that. No fucking way. For the new management.

You can't. This is this is so fucked up i was talking to am uh earlier and do you know am yeah i love am yeah and she was telling me about like uh like paying the club before you dance and stuff and like there's just so many fucked up things about strip clubs that like just aren't regulated and like it's just it's so insane to fire a bunch of people via text message yep that's so disrespectful it's truly so fucking wild it was so bizarre i feel like no one like really believed it happened when it happened until we all went to get our last checks and they were like yeah that's that's it we're like okay it was also jarring because we walked in we were like we don't know any of these people we don't we who are these people because they wouldn't hire any of us

back they were like you guys can we never said that you got fired you can go and be hired back no we couldn't they literally wouldn't hire any of the old girls back that's so fucked up i hate that it's rude it was the. It was because they didn't want to, they got tired of paying us minimum wage because we were employees at that point and they were over it. So are they not paying the girls minimum wage currently?

No. When they redid it, what they were doing was they were having the girls sign contracts that said that they weren't dancers, but that they were models the girls sign contracts that said that they weren't dancers, but that they were models. What? That they were getting paid in tips to be there.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, boy. How fucking... This is... This is so fucked up. I wish... I mean, I don't know, like, who's the manager that you talk to

that's like, this isn't right? It's so fucked up. It is. I mean, I don't even know where, who's the manager that you talk to that's like, this isn't right. It's so fucked up. It is. I mean, I don't even know where the management of Cheetahs is now. As far as I know, I'll say his name. Nick moved to Miami, but I don't know where Bobby is. What's it like auditioning to work at a strip club? Do you like walk in and you're like, and you just dance?

Is it? Yeah. Right. Pretty much. You walk in. Well, it's good to call ahead of time, but that's not, that doesn't always work because they may change their mind when they see you.

So the first test is if you ask if they're even taking auditions. Even if they are, if they don't like you, they'll say no. And you go, okay, cool. Either way, it doesn't matter. And you get back in your car and you go somewhere else. But if they say yes, you're like, all right, tight.

Where do I go? They tell you where to go. You go in the dressing room. You put your clothes on. You tell the DJ what song you want. And then you just do your best for two to four minutes. And that's it. Have you ever had a bad audition?

Oh, yeah, I've had a couple. Because I've had terrible acting auditions where I'm like, well, I know for a fact you're not going to hire me. I don't think you'll ever see me again. Yeah, I've had I mean, I've had some where I went and then just halfway through getting dressed, I just had an existential crisis where I was like, fuck, I don't want to work here. I just kind of flopped around

on stage and I'm like, I know I'm not giving my best. I know I look terrible. I know you guys are not impressed right now. And then I just leave and I'm like, I know you're not going to hire me. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to leave. I just came to, I don't know a workout for four minutes uh goodbye did you learn how to pole first or strip first does that make sense so like did you know how to pole dance before becoming a stripper no I took here's a fun story about am actually I took

two like two pole dancing classes before i started stripping um both of them were at luscious maven where am used to teach and this is years before am and i met each other in a professional capacity as like dancers and soldiers of pole and she does not remember that's what i think is so funny but afterwards i stayed after to talk to her because she mentioned that she used to be a dancer. And I was with a friend. This was a friend I started dancing with. We're not friends anymore.

It happens. And I was like, hey, we're looking at like becoming strippers. What classes should we take? And she looked at us and she went, don't take any classes. You'll just learn as you go. Like, what are you doing? And I was like, okay. And she was 100% right.

If you're thinking of doing it, do not take any classes. Just go dance. Interesting. I mean, yeah, kind of the same thing with stand-up. You can take a class, but you'll learn the most by just going to open mics or going to shows and looking how other people craft jokes and being like, I guess this is how I do it. And you just kind of figure it out as you go along. You mentioned Soldiers of Pole.

What's that? Soldiers of Pole is a strippers advocacy group. We used to be union focused, but now we're in a transitory period where we're kind of reevaluating what we're about. But it basically is like a stripper advocate group made up of a collection of strippers and some cam girls and full-service sex workers.

We're trying to expand to be across the spectrum of sex workers. We just do shit for strippers. We'll do know-your-rights things where we're like, hey, these are your rights things where we're like hey these are your rights as employees these are what clubs can and can't do we did multiple like mutual aid initiatives through the year where we called it like stripping for strippers where we would strip and then collect the money and like distribute it to like um like sex workers we knew who were

like single mothers or people of color or like like, on the verge of eviction. Is there anything we could do to, like, help out? That's, like, truly so incredibly wonderful that, like, your community seems to really, like, take care of each other in a way that I'm, like, more communities can do that. Like, people could put money back into their communities and whatnot and just, like, help a little bit more since, like, the government has been, like,

we will not help. That's just something we don't do so sorry it's crazy to me it's crazy that we as people have to do shit like this but like what a what a beautiful thing like that's really fucking incredible i love that oh yeah it's been great i've gotten more i mean i've gotten way more like mutual aid and money from like the sex work community than I have from the government or anyone else during this time. So it's been really helpful. Which is fucking insane. That's crazy. We're like in a pandemic and you guys are like, all right, well, let's just fucking do it ourselves.

We're all we got. Oh, boy. Real quick. We got to take a break. Real quick, we got to take a break. And we're back. So, Teddy, this is like a love and relationship podcast. So, like, I got to do my due diligence and talk about love and sex and shit. Are you single or are you married?

Are you dating? What's your status? I'm dating. I'm not married i'm just dating okay uh are you dating through the pandemic how's that been uh it's been pretty chill i got i got out of like a long-term relationship at the start of the pandemic which was really fucking annoying absolutely pissed me off because i was like cool I'm single hello everyone I had a no joke I had a list that I had been like accumulating over the years of people who were like who I was close to or who I was attracted to who were like hey whatever you get out of this relationship

please call me like this is not a joke this is not a drill i think you're very cute and i was like okay cool time to hit up this list and then we're in a pandemic uh it couldn't happen but what was nice was there were a couple people who i like developed deeper relationships with i'm not doing uh monogamy right now because no why not why not not do that yeah why not it's 2021 yeah but there are a couple people that I am like really close to and at various points during the year we did manage to have some safe contact that's so nice I've had no safe contact with anybody. It has been awful. But I did, was gifted a

so I dislocated my ankle and I was gifted a Theragun and I learned a Theragun's not too strong for my pussy. So that's a nice thing I learned. Yay. Oh, the pandemic needs to end.

I'm so tired of this pandemic. I hate it so much. It's truly awful. Is dating hard as a sex worker? Like, do you run into people who are like, just like incredibly jealous of what you do and like, just like not good at like coping with it? Oh, yeah. All the time are people who are like, yeah, totally. I'm fine with it. And then they are not fine with it. So I find I typically end up if anything develops with anybody, it's with someone who is either dated a sex worker before or like has been a sex worker themselves. I found at that point, those are the only people that stuff tend to work with. worker themselves. I found at that point, those are the only people that stuff tend to work with. Either like, one of the people I talked to now used to run their ex's cam shows. So they were like, yeah, I get it completely. I used to be like, moderating my ex's chat room and be like,

hey, don't give that for free. So I was like, okay, you completely understand kind of like the line between like business and like pleasure but a lot of people just legitimately don't get it which is so confusing to me because to me it makes perfect sense but i don't know i mean i feel like it makes sense too but then i guess maybe not i don't know i guess a lot of people like me sure, I talk about comedy and like acting or whatever with like my actor comedy friends. But like if I'm talking to somebody who's not in the business, I can fully have a conversation with them.

And I think there's some people who identify their job to be their life. And they just there is no separation. Have you seen Soul, the Pixar movie? I have not. I heard it was very cute, though. It is very cute. And the main character? I have not. I heard it was very cute, though. It is very cute. And the main character, I'm not spoiling anything, he's just, like, really obsessed with jazz.

And, like, part of it is, like, you're more than just this jazz obsession. And I think a lot of people have a very hard time moving past, like, they let their jobs define them, where it's like, no, what are your interests? Like, do you have a hobby? Like, what do you love? Do you like a horse? Like, maybe you're a horse person I don't know I think people have a

hard time with that that's fair I think the difference is in like in sex work you'll find not as super strict but a stricter like cut between like your professional life and your private life like one of my favorite uh stripper culture things is that you know you're close to a stripper when you know her real name that's how i've always like known i've become someone's friend is when they've like hit me with their government and they're like we can hang out like outside of this context and you can see like me in my daily life which is like my government name versus like sapphire how did you come up with your name? I mean, I understand it.

It's the 80s teddy bear. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Teddy was a labor of love. I came up with it when I first, oh, gosh, I think back on myself as like a little baby stripper. And I'm like, you're such a little clown. But when I first started dancing,

I had like a little list of names I wrote out. And I was like, I'm going to try every one of these. And then the first time a DJ asked me, I just blanked. And I was like, uh, Teddy, because I used to work at a 20s store in my teens. And me and my coworker were like, let's come up with like 20s names. So that was the I had done and I just like it stuck and every time I thought about changing it customers other dancers and DJs would be like I've never met another dancer named Teddy you should just keep it it's kind of like your thing now and I was like fair enough and then one night when I was at Cheetah's there were um it was a party night and there were a couple girls there with last names because usually in the dancing world if a dancer has like a last name as her professional name it means one of two things either this dancer does burlesque or they do porn those are typically the main reasons you'd have a last name and so the dj because there were a

couple of dancers with last names was was just assigning last names to everyone because he thought it was funny. And he was like, hey, what about yours? And I was like, I don't know. What about like Teddy Ruxpin? And he laughed and he was like, ha ha, like the talking teddy bears. And he was like, I think it needs something else. And I was like, put a B in it because the B stands for bear. Because the B stands for bear.

And it kind of just like stuck ever since. That's honestly very funny. Teddy Bear Ruxpin. Yeah. That's very funny. It's my brand now. I didn't realize that strippers usually only have one name. And then burlesque and porn actors have a first and a last name.

That's funny. Yeah, it's a really interesting like cut off i first learned that when i would because before i danced with burlesque girls i danced with girls that did porn and i'd be like why does she have a last name and then other girls will be like google her and you'll figure it out and then i'll be like oh good for her keeping my branding going i'm good for her that is so interesting maybe i don't know i was trying to figure out the reasoning i was like maybe they have last names because and then i couldn't figure it out and then it's inconvenient to be a stripper with the last name honestly unless you have like a performance brand it's very it's unwieldy you're right because it's just like you get announced and you're on stage and it's like well we don't really have time to get through all your names just get on stage yeah i

wonder what my stripper name would be you gotta pick something fun and sexy i mean maybe like fluffy no i don't know i think i think i would just use my full government name which probably isn't smart. That also works. I've danced with a lot of people who have used their full names. So maybe it's not so bad. Yeah. How long was your relationship that you were in before you broke up? Five years. Dang. That's such a long time. I can't imagine being in a relationship for five years. I've never been in a relationship. So like five years seems like such a long time i can't imagine being in a relationship for five years i've never been in a relationship so like five years seems like such a long time it's five years with

a male comedian from la so i've done time to put it that way a male each other at shows i know also part of his stand-up bit used to be my girlfriend's a stripper which fine but then i would like go to shows and people that i didn't know would be like hey you're a stripper right and i was like oh how do you know uh how do you know did you have a problem with that joke i think i might have i think i would be like hey you're a stripper right and i was like oh how do you know uh how do you know did you have a problem with that joke i think i might have i think i would be like you can't do that don't don't tell people what i do before i get a chance to tell them yeah i don't mind people knowing i would just rather be the one to tell so that i could gauge the situation and be like this is a person i can tell this to or just just I'd rather you not know this about me. Yeah because you don't fucking know how people react to things. People are fucking insane. They're truly just so fucking wild. So with you being single now are you on the apps? Have you

ever been on the apps? I have been on the apps. I hate the apps. I like get on the apps during like extreme lapses of horniness and then like two days later i delete all of them every time i can't handle them i hate them so much they are truly awful i i'm on all of them the ones i'm on now are oh my god tinder which truly has been not good like tinder has been so bad lately um and then i'm on raya which is bad bumble which is like fine hinge which is like uh okay i like match this man on hinge i want to read you the conversation because it was very it made me laugh oh wait i was looking up glory holes and i found a one in Berlin. Okay, so I've been looking for lady glory holes. I can't find any in like the United States, but I found a couple in Berlin

and then I was like, I can't go to Berlin right now. And the reason why I want the glory hole is because of COVID. But anyway, this is what this man said to me. He said, this is New year's eve he goes you're available tonight i was like available for what he was like a new year's kiss i was like bro we're in a pandemic i'll kiss you through a computer or meet you at a glory hole but no kiss and he said we could get a covet test today however your glory hole suggestion is more of a 2020 mood

and i was like where are you getting covet tested where you instantly know the results that you didn't pay for? Sir, those tests are like $200. What? What? It made zero sense. And then he promptly unmatched me. And I was like, okay, this is probably for the best. You're a horny level and his horny level were at two different points.

Yeah, like I'm horny, but like not going gonna put myself in danger for some mediocre dick that i don't know yep and he very much is willing to put himself in danger he was like i will fucking die for some pussy and it's like it's not that serious my friend you don't have to do that it's really not worth it just just buy like one of those eggs you'll be fine it'll pass so are you still doing online shows or no like has things slowed down what's going on no uh we're still doing online shows the show i do we went on hiatus for like a month last year uh but we have reappeared we're back we're back in're back. We're back in Better Than Ever. We're back in Gaining Steam.

And this is Cool Cats? Yeah. We are back. We're going to be doing more shows in 2021, which I am happy about and terrified for because we only have

three producers, so we're all constantly working. But it's okay. We will survive. We're going to be doing four shows a month, two Friday shows, and two Thursday shows. I'm going to be running the Thursday show. I love that you're laughing because I feel like you're thinking about how much work you're going to have to be putting into this. And like talking about it is like one thing, but like actually like executing it and doing it is a whole nother thing painful painful but the thursday shows are

gonna be our our weird like art house art school shows i was told by the other producers it's like they're like it's you and the other like weird bitches we have on the show you get to be as weird as you fucking want for the thursday shows and i was like great it's not gonna be sexy at all no sex just weird i mean i like that i like that there's different you know there's like little niches in sex work it's like it could be fucking weird as shit or it could be like very very sexual i lean towards like i like the middle i like it right in the middle like it's like oh there's a little weird oh it's kind of sexy oh okay whatever i like it yeah people pay for weird Like, it's like, ooh, this is a little weird. Ooh, it's kind of sexy. Ooh, okay, whatever. I like it.

Yeah. People pay for weird. So, like, people think about it. They don't realize it. But people will tip for weird. When I used to eat chips at Cheetos, those were always the nights where I would make the most money. Especially because I would just sit there. I'd be like, I'm going to take a little break

and I'll look at me. I'm going to eat this bag of Sun Chips. I will dance. But first I need a snack. And people were really into it. I think it just speaks to a lot of people. Yeah, I mean, I love it. Just, I need a little snack and then I'll fucking do it.

Give me my snack first. You know, I'm like, but first, first I need a little break. I need a second. I me my snack first. You know, I'm like, but first, first I need a little, I need a little break. I need a second. I need to refuel. But then sometimes people would like throw money in my bag of chips and I hated that. Cause I'm like, I actually eat these chips. Like, it's not a joke.

I'm really going to eat these chips when they get on stage. Why would you do that? That's fucking rude. It's like, don't put money in the bag. Just put it on the fucking stage. I'll get it. Cheetos was like the least rude club, but people do weird shit like that all the time they do that people would like try to eat my chips and i'd be like i don't know you get your hand on my chips

people have boundary issues i feel like everywhere you go like i don't know what would possess someone to be like i'm gonna put my hands in the stranger's chips but i guess it's like well you're performing for me so like you're mine for now it's the same thing with comedy like when people meet you after they like will grab at you and stuff and i'm like i don't know you i know you think you know me because you we just spend an hour of me talking to you but like this it's not like the barriers are all down and do whatever you want to me. Yeah. People do that a lot. It's tripping. And I'm always like,

Hey, no, you got to pay for that. Like you can do it. But as I always say, I'd be like, nothing's free. People are like,

can you do this? Maybe like, can you give me some money? And then we can talk. Yeah. I think it's with a lot of artistic things that people fucking are just like, Oh, it's artistic. Or it's like, uh, I think it's with a lot of artistic things that people fucking are just like, oh, it's artistic or it's like, I don't think, to me, there was no skill,

so it's free. It's like when people, when you try to commission art and you're like, how much? And they're like, 2,000. You're like, for this? And you're like, yeah. It took time.

I created it. You want it. That's the price. And they're like, are you sure? And it's like, well, can you do it? Yeah. You get up on this stage and you do it. And it's like, you gonna make any money?

Probably not. I've only said that, I think, like, three or four times dancing. Every time it's been so, so satisfying. I got meaner and meaner the longer I dance, which I think happens. satisfying. I got meaner and meaner the longer I dance, which I think happens. As you'll know, a dancer has been dancing a long time because she doesn't feel like she has to be nice to you, which is very cool. It's my favorite thing. But I used to work at, before Cheetahs, I worked at this tiny little dive bar in the valley called Star Garden, which was another in the chain of like fun rock dive bars, like Cheetos and Jebos. There's also Stargarden. They're a little indie cousin in the valley, which isn't cool anymore,

but was very cool when I was working there. I was there at the end of the heyday, truly cresting the wave. And one night I was dancing and there were a group of ladies off stage who i guess had just returned from a pole class and they were watching every dancer and then as we went up they were naming our move and then like rating them by degree of difficulty oh and it was just weirding everyone out because it's another like dancer pole dancer thing but we don't strippers don't have names for the moves we do that's only in the pole dance world i don't know what to call any of the things i can actually do i don't give a fuck i will i've been to other dances and be like that thing you do where you like wiggle your leg and you do how do you do that and then you kind of do like finger movements until you both realize the move you're talking about and that's how that's

how you learn it and that's fine that works for us and so the lady's like oh that's that i can do that we did that in class last week but they also weren't tipping so it was just extra insulting because they were like just watching not really, but like reading everything and being like, I could totally do that. I don't think that's that hard. And so I think it was like the third time I'd gone up with them on. They had been pissing every girl off, but they're all like, I don't know. I'm not going to say anything. I had had a couple of drinks with me that night.

So I was like, I'm going to say something. So I got off the pole and I stomped over to the edge of the stage where they were and I was like if you think it's not that hard you can do it and they like got really quiet and I went no no no here and then I took off my pleasers and I put them on the tip rail and I went look if you wear a nine you can put these on right now you can borrow my shoes go ahead I'll tell the DJ to play a song for you and you show me what you've got because you can do it so much better than me, apparently. And then they left. I was like, get out of here.

I fucking love that. Also, I didn't know that in stripping that you don't have names for moves, which is funny because I dabble in polls. I'm not very good. But I'll like post something and be like, is this a thing? Did I do something? And then in the comments a ton of poll dancers will be like, it's called a da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And it'll be three or four or five different names.

And then a stripper will comment and be like, it's something. I don't know what it's called. It's just very funny to me. We're like, names? That's also why when. We're like, names? What? That's also why when I would talk to girls who do pole dancing, they'd be like, oh, cool, so can you do this? And I'd be like, oh, what?

And then they'd show me and be like, oh, yeah, of course. How long did it take for you to get good at it? Forever, honestly. I mean, I will say, once you get good at it, forever honestly um I mean I will say once you get good at it you only get better but I'm sure in my head it took shorter than I think it did but for me for such a long time I just I felt like I looked awkward even when I probably didn't so in my head it took me like three years to not be like completely inept. But it's I mean, you learn on the job. I think it's better to learn on the job because pole dancers and strippers dance differently.

Very, very differently. You can tell when someone has taken a lot of pole dances before they came to stripping. Even like the way you move is different this isn't to say pole dancers aren't sexy or they can't be sexy but strippers are sexier because inherently everything we're doing is meant to look hot so you're very very conscious of every single movement and the hotness not the the strength or the grace, but the hotness of it. That's the basis. That's the bottom line. Also, you conserve.

Strippers do a lot more moves that conserve energy because I've noticed with pole dancers, you have really, really complex combos. Everything you do on the pole is really slow and really graceful. But for strippers, it's, I have to do this shit at least five times tonight and it has to look as good every single time so i'm not gonna do all of that because i'm

gonna this is gonna be repeated i'm not gonna be like look at me gently ascend the pole like no i'm gonna do stuff when i get up there don't worry about me climbing up there but it took oh it took me so long because when i started i didn't know any pole stuff i just did a lot of floor work and then i just i mean what helped was for one i'm i'm cute and my voice is high pitched so girls other girls thought i was cute which very much helped they're just like you're a baby and i was like i am a baby please help me um but then also i was just willing to like take an L constantly I would go up to girls who I knew didn't hate me and whose dancing I really like specifically girls who had really similar body types to me so I was like this is realistic in terms of what I can do

and I would be like hey I really like that like how do you do that or I'd be like is there something you think I'm like doing wrong and I remember there was this one girl and I really I admire her for this I think about her to this day she looked at me and she went you would be way better if you like figured out how to do a transition and she was like you're really awkward you'll do something and you'll stop and you need to keep going and my friend was like that's really mean and I was like one no that means this girl watches me, which is incredible. Because I didn't think she'd ever met me before in her life. She was so pretty.

I loved her so much. But I was like, too, that was legitimately really, really good advice. So I spent like a month working on like transitions. I would come in and work day shifts when it was really slow. Just so I could bother the girls on day shift into teaching me a pole trick. So they'd be like, there's no one else here. Can you please show me how to do this? And the rule is, as long as it's not someone's like proprietary move, as long as it's not

the move where they didn't necessarily invent it, but they're like the only girl at the club who does it because everyone does have like, not to make it like a fighting game, but everyone does have like a move. What's your move? I have two. i kick the ceiling i used to kick the fuck out of the ceiling at cheetahs i kick the ceiling and i do this thing i think it's on my instagram but i invert all the way and then i tuck the pole in my hips that's the only part of my body touching it. And I put both arms behind my back.

And then I wiggle my legs so it looks like I'm walking down upside down. That's fucking cool. Thank you. Someone stole it and took it to Jumbo's. And then she told me she stole it. And I was like, why would you tell me? You could have just taken it. Why would you tell me you stole my move?

That's so weird. It is funny that she's like, I stole it. Sorry, I'm not going to stop. Yeah, she was like, I took your move, sorry. And I was like, you just, you could have never mentioned that. And I would not have known. But now I do know, and I'm annoyed about it. But yeah, I would just hassle girls.

And I'd be like, please, please, please, please, please. Please, just teach me how to do this. And they'd just be like, all right, but you can't be afraid to fall. Have you ever fallen off the pole? Yeah. Like from a high place? Have you seen the video of the girl who falls from like the top of the fucking pole? Yes, she broke her jaw.

It's terrifying. She broke her jaw? I didn't realize she broke her fucking jaw. Oh my game. She broke her jaw. She truly kept dancing after but i guess you're in shock if you like have that heart of an impact plus everyone everyone falls at least once it's just it's how you fall if you try to like not make it as bad i fall in uh i just

always play it off act like i meant to do that i'm really into i mean it's my fault i'm really into doing drops like suicide drops and nosebreaker drops which are so named because if you fuck up you can fuck yourself up and i have i do know there was like one nosebreaker drop i did a cheetahs where i very much over essay made him in the floor and like smacked like that's my face in but then i just like looked up and i like, I don't think anyone saw that. I'm just going to keep going. Everyone act like they didn't see that. My God.

That seems painful. It is. I've only fallen off the pole once. And it's like a, I don't know, know it's where you like uh you do a pole sit and then you lean back and then you just hold it like and then you cross one of your legs over the pole and over your leg uh i think yeah i tried to do that and it i did it for like truly like maybe two seconds and i was like i think i got it and then my body was like, no, bitch. And I fell. And I had a mat like around my pole.

Thank God. Because I felt, because I climbed a little bit. I was like, I'm going to do it from like a high place. And then I fell real hard. It hurt. It does. But then you just kind of shake it off and go, well, let me try it again. There's a reason strip clubs are all in red light.

You do not want to see what our legs actually look like at the end of a shift. It is bruises galore. How did you learn how to walk in heels? Or was that something you just could do? That was something I could do. I had a heels phase in high school, so I was already pretty decent at it. But I just, the trick is with pleasers is you just have to wear them constantly before you wear them to work. When I buy a new pair, I wear them around the house for at least two days just to do mundane shit.

Like I play video games in them. I do laundry in them. I cook in them. I use the bathroom in them. Just to get used to it. I just, I'm not good in heels. They're hard. They're hard.

They're so hard to walk in. I can't do it. It's okay. They're hard, but you get used to walk in. I can't do it. It's okay. They're hard, but you get used to them. And don't think that, like, strippers don't fall. We fall all the time. I think in clubs, stable, beautiful. Everyone's graceful.

The second I was, like, outside on, like, a surface, like, going outside of Cheetahs to smoke, just rush and relate. I could have hit a cigarette butt and just completely gone and also everyone falls like at least once or twice you're good i've fallen in heels just once i'm like very very careful i walk very slowly it's the least sexy thing you'll ever see and uh one day i'll get good in them. I don't fucking know. You will. And then you'll just start wearing higher ones and higher ones. And once you go higher, you never go down. I can't wear under 8 inches now when I wear pleasers.

I typically stay anywhere between 8 and 10 because those are my favorites. That's insane. 10 inches. That's so big. And then heavy. Yeah, 10 inches are the ones they sell with the warning that you're not supposed to dance in them because they don't want you to see if you break your ankle but it's fine i'm 5'8 i'm really like not even that tall but in eight inch pleasers i'm like

6'2 and in 10 inches i'm like 6'5 I love it it's my favorite thing to sit down and have a whole conversation with a dude sitting down and then he's like yeah let's go for some dances and I'm like let's and then we both stand up and I'm just like staring down at him like are you ready to go

it's so funny I love it so much they don't like it I love it let's and then you just like keep expanding you're just so tall that's so fucking funny um let's see so i'm a single lady do you have any advice for me to like find somebody like how are you good at like flirting well yeah I guess yeah I mean you're probably very good at flirting what's a flirting trick that I can use oh gosh that's a good one um I don't know I'm always I feel like it's good to be off the cuff you're a comedian so you know I think it's best to be as funny as you possibly can being funny really disarms people and they like never see it coming i'll also say uh this sounds creepy but it does

work if you like mirror people like mirror their body language people really really like it oh interesting also if you're trying to get something specific out of someone, look in like the direction you're trying to go. Don't make it like super obvious, but do it like a couple times into the conversation. And they will look over there and they'll start thinking about it. Because I mean, as a dancer, I would like just like glance at the dance room and dance back. And I try to do that like three times at like three random points in the convo. Because by the third time I did it, the dude would like turn and look and i'd be like good now we're now we're both thinking about it wow so flirting is just subliminal messaging very much though it's just mind control this is great

this is actually very honestly this might be the most helpful thing that anyone's ever told me from a professional flirter. Yeah. This is fucking fabulous. What's like a good opening line to somebody on a dating app? Do you have any? Oh. No, I'm really, I'm really, I mean, I was on dating apps mainly to hook up.

No, I'm really, I'm really, I mean, I was on dating apps mainly to hook up. So I was never really very, like, clever or cute. I don't know really good openers. I usually just ask people if they want a fun fact, because I'm just loaded up with really stupid fun facts. Okay, so if I said, yes, I want a fun fact, what would you respond with? I would say, did you know that penguins have knees? They're folded up inside of their body.

What the fuck? Is that real? Yeah, penguins have knees. And they're little penguin skeletons. That's fucking wild. There you go. Oh my god. What a fucking great one. I didn't know that.

That's very, now I have to look that up. That's, I don't know how I feel. Yeah, it's a treat. Once you think about it, every time you see a penguin, you're just like, what if you stood up? Okay, well, I ask all of my guests this because we're towards the end. But would you date me? I would date you. Ooh, thank you

you're welcome uh do you have anything you want to promote i do so as i mentioned earlier i have an online show i produce the two of my best friends called cool cats online we do shows every every second and no fuck every first and third friday and every second and... No, fuck. Every first and third Friday and every second and fourth Thursday of the month. So if it's a Friday or a Thursday, you can catch us, come hang out with us. We dance. I get really drunk and say a bunch of other fun facts.

And it's always a really fun time. I can attest. I've been a bunch of times. Also, I think it's like only $10 or $5. How much is it? The tickets are $6 and 66 cents. Yeah. I mean, I mean, yeah, that's fucking cheap and

it's fun. 6666. So, and then what is, do you want to put your Instagram out there for people to follow you? I do. You can follow me on Instagram at uh so and then what is do you want to put your instagram out there for people to follow you i do you can follow me on instagram at teddy b dot ruxpin and come say hi yeah yes okay so uh if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it you can subscribe you can leave me a nasty message in the iTunes or fucking Apple Music Review. Or this person DM'd me.

They said, Nicole, I want. Oh, and you have to like hit on me and say something nasty. So this person said, Nicole, I want to lay on a table. I want to lay on a table and have you sit on my face while I eat your pussy till you come so hard. You levitate like David Copperfield as you lip sync jump in the line from the movie beetle juice as you rain pussy juice down like a mighty hurricane uh thunder in the background as you float back down your body quivers and pulses uh of orgasm ripples through your body and a priest stands by praying for our souls and blessing our ministry as i'm covered in holy water from a fountain from your beloved pussy.

Praise the Lord. Did a bunch of water emojis. Honestly, this one's very funny. So thank you very much for sending this one to me. Okay, bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other

wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a treat. What a dream. This has been a team Coco production.