Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Sucking D in the Locker Room (w/ Laganja Estranja)

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

Drag queen and choreographer Laganja Estranja (RuPaul's Drag Race S6) joins Nicole to discuss her truth coming out as trans, finding confidence in self-love, the thrill of sucking dick in the high school locker room, and getting off on Grindr messages. Plus, Laganja discusses the injuries she sustains stunting, and answers if she would participate in a future season of RPDR All Stars. For more drag queens on WWYDM, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: bit.ly/wwydmdrag Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, see blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer New Merch Store! podswag.com/dateme Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me and Nicole Byer try to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could replace all my contact lens solution with your cum. Anyway, my guest today is a drag queen, a choreographer.

She competed on RuPaul's Drag Race season 6 she placed 8th and was a killer lip sync assassin on All Star season 6 it's Laganja Strunja yes god mama thank you for having me I'm so excited to come all over your lenses

it's all I've ever dreamt of someone to just ejaculate into my contact lens solution i got you covered sis okay so laganja do you like to go by your government name jay or laganja what do you prefer you know what i love both my names so it's honestly whatever makes you feel more comfortable you call me what you want i guess i'm gonna call you laganja because that's how i was introduced to you i love it Call me by your name. I love it. You are, I mean, if people have not seen you perform live, like what you did on All Stars,

electric, incredible, fun, stunty, gaggy, but like live, you are so vivacious. And then also like on top of the stunts, like you're just really magnetic. So when did you get into dancing? When did we discover that you were good at this? Well, I grew up basically dancing literally straight out the womb. My mother always says that I was tap dancing on her belly when I was inside there. And I was really fortunate that both of my parents supported the arts and had such a love for musical theater.

So I grew up dancing probably around the age of eight. I tried all the sports, but it wasn't until they moved me indoors to an air conditioning room with a mirror where I could stare at myself and be surrounded by women that I found my true self and found my comfortability with expressing myself through movement. I love it. You also are like very connected with your body. And I've had like a couple people be like, I don't feel connected with my body. And they're like, Nicole, I love watching you pull the ants. You feel like you're connected. I'm like, I'm not connected with my body. I'm like, so disjointed. I have no rhythm.

How do you find rhythm? This is a very selfish question. I would like to find rhythm. How do you find it? You know what? I hate to break the bubble babes, but I think you're either born with rhythm or you're not. You can get better at it for sure with class and training. But I think, you know, some people just inherently don't have rhythm. And it's just really can't be taught. But there's very few and far between. I do believe 90% of people have rhythm. It's just first, you got to allow yourself to find that. I think a lot of people block themselves before they ever begin moving. You know, this is something I try to teach in Lagange's dance school, my high heel masterclass that's toward the world. You know, the first thing I teach is confidence is key. Stop looking at the ground, put the chin up in the air, put the chesticles out. You got to feel it before you can really move it.

But here's the thing. If you are wearing heels and you're not looking down, I feel like that's a good way for you to fall down. No? Well, if that's how you feel, you maybe shouldn't start in heels. Barefoot's a great way to start. You know, hey, it worked for Martha Graham, so it will work for you.

Heels are so hard. They are. I can wear them for like, I don't know, like 20 minutes. And then I'm like, I can't do this anymore. It's too much. It is a lot of work. I'm not going to lie. I'm actually sitting in a pair of heels right now.

But, you know, heels for me, I think, represent something so much more. You know, I did just recently come out as trans. And a part of that truth is that I've always wanted to exist in heels. I love high heels. They make me feel powerful. They make me feel beautiful. And so for me, it's been really amazing to be wearing heels throughout the day because usually I saved this specialty for myself at night. And so that's why even during a podcast today when no one can see, I'm still sitting in my lovely, gorgeous Steveve madden fully glittered rhinestone pumps i mean i love that we all have to do stuff for ourselves that's how you get through

you know this life and for me if i'm not constantly in pain i guess i'm just not living so i'm like bring it on mama although i did just get my first pair of louboutins and let me tell you mama they're probably going to be the first and only because those bitches hurt oh my gosh i will not be dating louboutin period well i feel like so many celebrities they wear their louboutins and i'm like well if they hurt why is everybody fucking wearing them i don't know girl the label is not worth it to me i mean i'm glad i have a pair but the the largest size they go up to i believe is a 42 which is a women's 11 which i can fit but my god the women's 11 is so small like those shoes run very small they run very very tiny i feel like all like european sized heels run very small i just really wish somebody would come out with a line of wide heels for

the big sisters with the wide fucking feet because I have to squeeze my fucking foot into a shoe and I'm like this would be more comfortable if there was just more shit on it. I couldn't agree more sister. I mean there are definitely companies out there that specialize

in larger shoes. However they're always much more expensive. So I would like to see an affordable shoe for the large footed woman. Absolutely. R.I.P. Payless. That was a nice place for a big footed woman to roll in because they went up to like a 14. Yes, I loved Payless.

I grew up going there at the malls and everything. Oh, I miss Payless. the malls and everything same oh i miss palos well pleasers they actually make a pretty decent heel that's like kind of wide but also caters to someone without a wide foot i fucking love pleasers yeah no pleaser is amazing i actually was one of their cover girls several years back so they're super supportive super supportive of the lgbtqia plus community so we love that and i do love that they carry fashionable shoes in large sizes. Cause I think that's also something a lot of time, the larger sizes are smaller heels or we have to,

you know, miss a little bit of the fashion. And I love that. Please are always keeps that in there. Okay. I have a question. It might be a personal question that you don't want to answer and we can just edit this out,

but wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you think it's because, wait, do you think because we have big big feet that's why people won't date us maybe because i really want to get to the bottom of this today too okay maybe well i'll ask you about dating in a little bit actually very quickly but i do want to know

did you feel pressured to come out as trans or did you want to share that with the world? I think both. Okay. I think both. I think mostly it was me, but I think there was a pressure for accountability. So for instance, I had a huge alcohol problem right after season six of drag race. And it wasn't until I like came out publicly. And so I came out and I told people I was getting sober and it really held me accountable. And I think it was because of that, that I really decided I wanted to tell the world that I was trans. Now I had told my best friends, most people who are very close to me knew, but I felt like it was time to come forward and to share it with the world so that I could also hold myself accountable. I feel like I was hiding behind a shell of myself

and trying to, you know, well, I wasn't even trying, girl. I just basically didn't exist as myself. I just lived in the shell. And then at night I came alive. And so for me, it was in Corona that I really realized my truth. Well, not realized that I really owned my truth. I've known for a long time, but it was Corona that helped me realize like, this is, you know, who I am. Drag is what I do, but trans is who I am. Monica Beverly Hills said that best. And so I, I really did choose to come out for myself, but of course there was a little pressure. I think, you know, when you're a public figure, everybody wants you to be an activist for everything. You know, I've been a cannabis activist for years and, you know, in coming out as trans, of course, now everyone's like, okay,

so you're this amazing trans activist. And it's like, wait, can I just be trans first? Like, can I just exist? Can, can coming out be enough, you know? And so I have felt a little pressure from people, but I don't do anything if I don't believe in it first and foremost. Okay. This I love I love uh when did you start smoking weed girl I've been smoking weed since I was probably 17 I started in high school my dear friend Lauren Glenn was like girl after school we should go and get medicated before our rehearsal it will help you be so much more creative and so I'm really lucky in the fact that the first time I smoked, it wasn't

presented to me as some drug that was going to get me high or turn me up at a party. It was presented to me really at the first moment as medicine, which it is. So I'm really lucky that that actually worked for me. I became a presidential scholar in the arts working on that piece while I was medicated. So from jump, I knew that Miss Mary Jane and I would have a very long monogamous relationship. I started smoking weed when I was in middle, no, high school. And it also wasn't presented as like this bad thing.

My friend Dan was just like, do you want to just go smoke weed? And I was like, well, I've never done that before. And I'm very much a person that's like, well, I haven't done it, but I'd like to. And he was like, okay. So he smoked out of his honey bear bong. And then I was like, oh. And we sat under a tree and giggled.

And I was like, I like this. And then I started doing like my homework on it. After I smoked weed, I do my homework. But also, I'm not a functional smoker. Really? In the slightest. No, I do my homework. But also, I'm not a functional smoker. Really? In the slightest. No, I cannot get anything done.

So, like, I would smoke weed and then stare at problems and be like, there's still a problem, isn't it? Like, now I'm very into edibles. Okay. Very, very mild dosages. Like, I think I have these little dudes that are maybe two milligrams or maybe five, like super duper low, low fucking THC count or whatever. Take those and I just tee hee hee and that's what I like. I can't be like super high and do anything. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's different for everybody. I think that's why it is a medicine. Medicine affects people differently.

And, you know, for me, it really helps me focus and helps drive my very, very busy days and keep me on schedule. But, you know, for some, it does the complete opposite and takes them off schedule and makes them stop, which there's nothing wrong with that. But like you said, time and place. Yeah, I need uppers, baby. Give me that legal meth. I'm on ADD medication. baby give me that legal meth I'm on ADD medication I was gonna say I'm a sativa diva so I can relate but the meth you scared me gal

no I'm on something called Vyvanse which is time released you can't really abuse it because I told my psychiatrist that I like cocaine and she was like I think I've said this on the podcast before but she was like what do you like about it and I was like oh that you have a really nice conversation that maybe you clean your house a little and you have a good night's rest and she was like i think i've said this on the podcast before but she was like what do you like about it and i was like oh that you have a really nice conversation then maybe you clean your house

a little you have a good night's rest and she was like what i feel the same way honestly truly yeah and i mean and the numbness of the mouth i like that too yeah that's always very fun okay so laganja you are single? Fully. Okay. When was your last relationship? Oh my gosh. Like real one or like hookup? Real one. Oh, honey, we're in the decade at this point.

Ooh. I mean, I've never been in a real relationship. Really? I'm not that kind of girl. I don't know what it, what even looks like. I mean, I would like it, but just hasn't happened for me. Interesting. Well, I got really lucky, I guess, in the beginning of my life before I became a drag queen, um, when I identified as a gay male and I dated my first boyfriend for

three years, my second boyfriend for five years and my college boyfriend for three years. So I had a really great record, but something happened, you know, with the drag that I think scared people away. It is interesting when you decide to go an Avenue for like a job where it's like, it's like loud, like drag is,

I mean, you could be a quiet drag queen, but I don't think your type of drag is quiet. I think it's like, no, look at me. I am the fucking show yes download my single look at me i love it yes look at me but like i think that is intimidating to some people

because it's like well if they look at you will they have to look at me this is right too much no it definitely it definitely i think drag brings out people's feelings and emotions, whether that's positive or negative, because we're not really invisible. You can't pretend we're not there. We are very colorful. We are very big. We are very over the top. And so if you're not a person who likes that, then it sometimes, you know, is confronting. Yeah, very, very, very confronting.

Did dating change after Drag Race? I would imagine, yes? Yes, it did. I mean, like I said, pretty much at that point, well, I never said this before, but so I'm telling you now, I'd been doing drag for a year before Drag Race and pretty much for me,

I really did call drag like the kiss of death. It was like once I started accepting my femininity, gay men just no longer found me attractive. Or if they did, it was because I was Laganja and I'd been on television and they just wanted to be able to say they slept with me. Yeah. It is always hard to like navigate the world of do you like me? Do you like my television persona? Do you have like a fetish that I'm fulfilling?

What what is going on in your brain? And then we live in an age where like you can't just ask somebody that. Well, I do. Do you? Yeah, I think maybe that's also another reason I'm single. I don't have no time for bullshit, mama. I'm going to say how I feel and I want the exact same from my partner, you know? Okay, so we're at a bar and I'm hitting on you.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, LaGondra. I was just wondering if I could take you out on a date. I would be like, Hi, sir. Nice to meet you. What's your name?

Carl. Carl. Well, where are you from? I am from Springfield, Illinois. Illinois. Well, what brought you all the way to California? I liked the sun and then I decided to buy a convertible and, uh, that's what I do. I'm also an apple farmer. Wow. You just bought a convertible. Now tell me more. Did the apple farming fund this car or how did you do that exactly?

It funded the car. Uh, yeah, I'm like pretty, I'm thriving with the apples. So can I take you out? Well, depending on that Apple credit score, maybe we could go out on some kind of date. Where are you trying to take me? I would like to take you to dinner. Where? Oh, that's a great question. Well, you ever been to this special little place called Red Lobster? well you ever been to this special little place called Red Lobster okay see I'd actually be down with that you know I love Cheesy Bay Biscuits

so you know what Carl it's a date see that was nice you didn't ask them if they were asking you out for Lagondra or anything well I'm gonna get free dinner first before I turn anybody away baby hello with Carl the apple farmer

a girl's gotta eat Before I turn anybody away, baby. Hello. With Carl the apple farmer. A girl's got to eat. I loved that role play, by the way. I was like, I wonder how long we're going to do this. I'm dying. I mean, I could have gone on for a very long time. I forgot to take my medicine today. And now it's too late.

Actually, it's not too late to take it. Oh, boy. I just, I wish. Today I woke up and I was like, do I have COVID? Or did I just smoke too much weed last night? And I think it's like I smoked too much weed last night because I've had like eight tests since I've been back. I feel you, though. It's kind of annoying to just be like. And scary, right?

Yeah. Is it death or did I have too much fun? of annoying to just be like and scary right yeah is it death or did i have too much fun i hooked up with this guy at one of my shows and i was like oh she's back baby she doesn't care anymore but like truly he was in my hotel room and i was like are you vaccinated which is like almost too late to be asking someone if they're vaccinated a little he was like i am and i was like okay good and then i was like nicole would you have asked him to leave if he wasn't vaccinated and then i was like let's not ask ourselves that because i don't know the answer period yeah no i think if you've already got him in the room mama it's going down that's usually that's usually my rule. Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. He was

pretty cute. He was also like from Ireland. So he had this like accent and I was like oh my god. I'm mesmerized by this. It must be so easy for you to get laid. I wish I had an accent. Right. At least here in America I do think that would

help us. Maybe we should learn that. We should learn an accent and just start talking with one. Madonna did it. She did. Madonna has it's like a like an Englishy. It's like it's hard to pinpoint the accent she has chosen for herself. But it works for her. So maybe that's what we need to do. Girl, we need to shrink our feet and we got to get a new voice. OK, we're getting there. We're getting there. Maybe I we got to get a new voice. Okay, we're getting there.

We're getting there. Maybe I'll talk like Lindsay Lohan. Come with me. I'm me. Hello, I am Nicole. Her accent is so strange. Completely. Completely.

Oh my God, that video. Have you seen the video where she's like talking to this family and she's like, come with me. I have a hotel room. And they knocked her over. Have you seen this video? No, but I just assumed that you were just riffing because you literally sounded just like her. No, there's this. It's this insane video.

I cannot remember where she is, but she's like trying to take these people's kids. And she's like, come with me. I have a hotel room. I have hot water. I have things for you. And then the parents like knocked her over and she's like, they knocked me over. And she like posted it on her Instagram. And I was like, but you lost. Why would you, why would you post this? Oh my gosh. So wait,

you started doing drag only for a year and then went on drag race. Yes. I was extremely lucky. You know, my mother, Alyssa Edwards, was on season five before me. And I think that, you know, definitely that didn't hurt that there was the lineage between the two of us because she was such a breakout star. But I also think, you know, I did create a name for myself here in Los Angeles before the show had ever started. I had a cute little following on Instagram before all drag queens were like at a million like they are now. And, you know, I definitely think I deserved it too. But I definitely think and always give credit to Alyssa for helping me get on that show. The House of Edwards, is it dissolved? I wouldn't say so. No, I would just say that, you know, it's going to take a lot of money to get the

three of us extremely busy, you know, professional ladies back together. Because we're all doing our own thing, you know. But Alyssa absolutely still has her House of Edwards in Mesquite, Texas, with her dance students and all her, you know, friends that surround her. So I just like to say that I feel like the House of Edwards has just sort of changed its face. You know, it's not Shangela, Laganja, and Alyssa anymore. But it also doesn't mean that it couldn't be you know oh yeah absolutely that makes sense um when you tour do you i think it was benda lacrim who said this but uh do you have clowned chasers uh gen also what i don't know

what your oriental people what what do you what are you into i don't even know i love me you know a man of color with tattoos very masculine seems very out of place at the gig that's usually who i like okay yeah okay all right and then uh do they throw themselves at you well they don't but that's what i wish they would do. I wish they would be very aggressive and come on to the lady. I feel like that hasn't really happened yet. But I think a lot of that is because I wasn't owning my truth for almost 32 years of my life. So things are rapidly changing now that I've come out as trans and I'm not embarrassed by my own self. Were you embarrassed about yourself? I was, yeah. You know, where I grew up, people like me were looked at as chicks with dicks. And I always, you know, was trying to fight this.

I really was. That's why I considered myself non-binary because to me, it just made sense. Like, oh, well, then you can be both or you don't have to be either. But, you know, the truth of the matter is I am a woman that is how i feel that's how i've always felt and um i'm not a freak and even if i am a chick with a dick so what it's 2021 babe you know i think the parts between our legs do not define who we are and who we love anymore at least that's

where i hope we're moving towards i hope so too i think it's just so so boring to care do you know like the whole bathroom situation it was so funny i was in an airport and i was in the the room deemed the ladies room and a man came in used the stall came out was washing his hands and looked around he went oh no and i said hey babe uh gender's just a social construct you're fine you got it done don't worry and he went oh boy thank you that made me feel better because i was just like who fucking cares right who cares i mean i'll go in the men's room the like if there's a huge line for the women's room why do i have to wait if there's no line in the other bathroom i agree that's just called you know critical thinking hello truly it's just it's

so weird and it's so annoying and i feel weird like asking you questions about being trans because i'm like i wish it was just all normal like i, I wish I didn't have questions, you know? But I think this is how we get there, you know, is by talking about it, is explaining how we feel and how all trans women definitely have different identities and feel differently about their body. You know, I think a lot of trans women would never even say chick with a dick, you know, but I am just like, trying to reclaim that, I guess, because I'm very proud of my body. I love my body. I never grew up hating my body, which is why I think it took me even longer to discover my truth because, you know, I didn't look down at my penis and think, oh my gosh, that's so manly.

I mean, it's my pussy stick, girl. And I love her. And you know what I mean? I just, because now that I've come out as trans, it has really made me do a lot of work inside and realize that just like you said, gender is such a construct. And I know that I've been making dance pieces about that for years, but now I'm really like taking it on. You know, I'm, I'm super open to dating trans men because even though I've never, you know, touched or been with a vagina, I am open to trying

because I feel like I've been close to that my whole life. I was told that you were attracted to dick and so you're gay and you're this thing. And now I'm realizing, I just think a lot of that is constructs that people built before us to segregate us, to make us hate one another. And I really do think, at least this is what I hope,

in the end, it's just that we'll be people. And that's why think at least this is what I hope in the end, it's just that we'll be people. And that's why bathrooms. Yeah. We should all be in the same bathroom. We got to break that stigma now, if we're ever going to get to where I'm talking about, you know? So I think it'll happen though. I really do. I mean, the kids are 12 years old and on Tik TOK and they know more about pronouns and, you know, using they, them than i do it's amazing you know yeah i feel like a lot of older people are real hung up on the they them pronouns because they're like it doesn't make sense and i'm like okay a lot of things don't make sense sure you're used to saying they or them to talk about multiple people but like somebody's asking you to say it like it doesn't hurt you right and then

if you you know like if you're corrected like that's okay too i sometimes make mistakes and i try very hard to remember people's pronouns and if i make a mistake i try very hard to be respectful and be like i'm sorry i fucked up no and, look, I hear other people's, you know, complaints about they, them. Grammatically, I understand it doesn't make sense and that it is difficult. I, too, struggle because, you know, when I was non-binary, I still was going by she, her pronouns. I never felt they, them fit me. But I do have many friends that are.

And it is definitely a challenge. But again, if somebody wanted me to call them frog, I would like it doesn't matter. Yes, there's going to be an adjustment period. Yes, you're going to mess up and hopefully the person you're talking with understands your intention is not to misgender them, but rather you're learning, you know, the the the grammar pattern and relearning something that you've used to mean to people. And, you know, I don't know. I just think, again, like you said, as long as you're sorry, you say you're sorry when you mess up and you just try your best. That's all you can do, you know? Okay, real quick. We got to take a break.

And we're back. I've been trying to use they them for everybody right but then somebody was like well no you have to respect when people want to use she and he and i was like yes that is true that then i was like ah what if i just say you or your name and i was like names are good we could do names names are great for everybody i personally i've been i mean it's weird to say misgendered but a lot of times on airplanes i'm wearing like a sports bra and i don't have any hair i shaved it and i'll be wearing a hat and i get a lot of sirs and sometimes i feel empowered. I love that. They'll be like, sir, what would you like to drink? And I say, ooh, baby, a vodka soda.

But then sometimes they get like weird and they're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. You're not a sir. And I'm like, I could be a sir. I don't know. I just, it's fine. I do. I don't care. And honestly, same. I mean, you know, look, I have definitely been presenting female.

I definitely feel beautiful in it. But are people still misgendering me? They are. And, you know, I've seen some of my sisters react very aggressively towards that. I've seen some that like take no stance. I've seen some that educate. And I'll be honest, for me, I am a no stance gal because I really don't care. If you think I'm a sir, that's fine.

I know I'm a woman. I don't need your approval. Just get me my drink. You know what I mean? Like, I really, but that again, is different for every trans person. And that's why, you know, like you said, it is so important to recognize people's pronouns, especially when they want them to be. Now, my publicist, she's writing everything and they, them. Trust and believe for everyone. Because, you know, and I get that. I really do. Like, in publications, I think it is easier to, you know, do that.

And that's what I mean. There's, it's just going to be a learning curve. Everyone's going to have to try and learn. I, yeah, I think it is just like, we all, yeah, you said it. We all just have to learn. Learning is okay. I feel like we all think at some point we're like, oh, we stopped learning. We're full grown people.

I'm going to do whatever. And it's like, no, no, no we all we have to keep learning keeps life spicy keeps it fucking interesting i'm always like what a treat when i learn something new and this is helping other people and myself be better so it's like who cares if it's rough who cares if it's weird who cares if you don't understand it it's helping that person don't y'all want to help each other like I don't know I grew up with two high school counselors as my parents so helping people is like a big part of like what I want to do and why I'm an artist so your parents they're pretty supportive right yeah they're very supportive I mean you know it's definitely been difficult them. I've come out five different times in my life as a drag queen, as gay, as a pot smoker, now as trans. You know, so it has been a journey, needless to say.

But I am so blessed. I am so lucky. I wish all queer people had parents like mine. Like, they really are so supportive. And even when they don't understand things like my music video daddy, they just don't watch it. And I love that, you know? I love that they allow me to be me. I mean, my parents, they are, they've passed on.

They're dead people. But like, I think it's so funny when I have friends who are like, oh, my parents watch everything that I do. If my parents were living, I'd be like, guys, there's like some stuff I don't think you should watch. And there's some stuff I think you can watch. But like, I'm not trying to make you upset. But also I'm going to like live my life the way I want to live my life and say the fucking things I want to say.

Right. We have to. We have to live loud and proud and be bold and beautiful. And, you know, it has definitely been hard for me because I am such a mama's girl. And I definitely grew up always wanting to please my parents. But at some point in my life, I just realized, you know, I am worth more than their approval. And if they really love me, they'll get over whatever they don't understand or don't like or choices I've made and blah, blah, blah. And they have.

And that's why I just feel so lucky. Let's see. How are we going to get you a do we how are we gonna get you a partner? How are we gonna get me a partner? So wait okay you collectively you've been in relationships you've been in three like long-term relationships one for three one for three and one for five that's a long time so wait when did it start? Wait, how old are you? Wait, I'm trying to figure this out. Sure. So I started dating my first boyfriend when I was a sophomore in high school. So I would have been like, what, 15? Something like that. So you were out in high school? Maybe 16. I think I was

16. I was out in high school my sophomore year. My freshman year, I went to a public high school and I was closeted. But my sophomore through my freshman year I went to a public high school and I was closeted but my sophomore through senior year I got to move to Booker T which is an incredible art school in Dallas Texas and so yeah I was definitely out and proud and had a boyfriend and lived oh I love that yeah I really love that I love that people like more and more get to live their truths earlier and earlier like how cute to have like a high school romance it was pretty special i love it you know i wish i had a high school romance i was gonna say you know sucking the d in the locker room it was totally that fantasy really yes girl although you'll die at this story oh my god i can't even believe i'm gonna tell it

i was so scared because I'd never done it. And like, I didn't really want to honestly, like I was like, I thought it was kind of gross, but I just will never forget it because of course, two seconds in, I was like,

I love this. This is sickening. I'm so gay boots, you know? But yeah, I'll never forget. I was totally scared. Like I just remember being like,

I don't know. And are you sure? And he's like, just do it. Yeah. I, how old was I just remember being like I don't know and are you sure and he's like just do it yeah I how old was I I think it was seven who was the first dick I sucked seven years old no I was in seventh grade I think

I was about to say wow or it might have been high school or it might have been college I don't remember but I remember the first time I had a dick in my mouth I remember the feeling and I was like huh not what I thought it was going to be. It's just like a bunch of skin in my mouth. But then I like looked up and I was like, oh, he's enjoying this. Woo. I'm powerful. I hold the power. Truly. So many thoughts were going through my brain. I love it. You're so right, honey. Sex is power.

Yeah. And I, oh boy, I'm horny. I'm always hor horny it's a constant state of being i'm just like horny horny horny um i did have sex okay so it's uh it's what what month is it august now so i had sex last month and i thought that would tie me over but it doesn't it doesn't i'm already horny again gotta find it but okay so i went and i saw i had a phone call with a psychic who said that i would meet someone in july i met someone in july and then they're like you're gonna meet the one at the end of the year so that's what i'm trying to manifest i love that for you that sounds like a good journey thank you. I'm very excited about it. Yes. Wow. The one they say, huh?

Yeah. He said, this is a psychic that I found on The Real Housewives of Potomac. I figured out who he was. I found his number, called him right up. And he was like, yep, end of the year, you're going to find your person. And I'm very excited about this. Well, if he's from the House of Potomac it's got to be legit right yeah i mean he was right about july that's true the premonition okay i'll keep my fingers crossed for you gal okay thank you i appreciate that and at least if it's not the one i hope you find some more dick

thank you i mean honestly i will just like just consistent dick okay is what what i would like or a person i mean i do not limit it i'm not just trolling for dick although like right now i kind of am yeah right now i'm like like just really like ravenous for penis. I just like I'm like I want that. I want like I want just like a big big man. Oh yes.

I'm feeling all of that. Just a beefy little treat. That's what I want. I want a little treat too. I don't want a big treat. Okay. I'm over the big treats. Yeah. I like a little treat too. I don't want a big treat. Okay. I'm over the big treats. Yeah. I like a little treat. Sometimes I like a big treat,

but like right now I'm like looking just for like a nice little treat that won't blow my fucking pussy out. Yes. And then like maybe knows how to eat me out. Well, like that's what I think I'm looking for. I'm absolutely looking for same hashtag same. Right.

But then again, talk to me next week and I'll be like, I want a huge treat. I want to be turned inside out. Hashtag same. Right. But then again, talk to me next week and I'll be like, I want a huge treat. I want to be turned inside out. Call me Rosebud. No, no, no. I will not be. I will not be changing it.

Mama, I used to have a thing. I used to say on stage, honey, below eight, I'd rather masturbate. But now I like to say below eight, you got yourself a first date. Oh, that's very funny it's funny how like shit changes the older you get you're like this isn't fucking important to me anymore oh no i don't give a shit i am not 22 and i'm not trying to snap it back like that nope truly nope i had a training session today with my my personal trainer from four years ago who now lives in England.

We did it over FaceTime. And he's just like also a friend. I really love him. We were talking today and I was like, how is like you're engaged? Like, congrats. I haven't talked to you in such a long time. Congrats.

He was like, yeah, it's nice. I'm finally with someone who's nice to me. And I was like, it's funny how like you said that out loud, but it's the truth. Like a lot of times people are just mean to you or treat you like shit and you just take it. I know, which is why I've stayed single for so many years because I won't take it. I just won't. I'm not interested.

I'm really not. What's the point of having a relationship if it just makes you miserable? I'd rather be miserable and alone than miserable with someone else. Truly. I sometimes feel like that, but then sometimes I'm just like, boy, it'd be nice to argue with someone. Yeah, no, I argue with myself every day. So I'm good on that one. Fair.

Okay. So I feel like you've done just a lot of work on yourself. Okay, so I feel like you've done just a lot of work on yourself. You seem like so just like secure in who you are. How did that happen? Because people ask me a lot. They're like, how do you get confident? And I have a hard time answering it because I'm like, I honestly just like look in the mirror and choose to like that person and then when I'm out in the world I just choose to present myself in a way where I'm like I like me do you should like me so yeah how are you so self-assured maybe you have like actual advice for people well I thought your advice was great a and I loved it and I liked how you're like and you should like me question mark mark. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very that girl too, for sure. But I think for me, confidence just comes from, yeah, loving yourself. And so I'm always working on myself to love myself more.

I know that's so cheesy, but it really is true. And whatever that means, whether that means like I'm eating healthier or I'm working out or I'm being nicer or I'm trying not to yell at my assistant when I'm getting freaked out and in drag or whatever it is, I feel like I am trying to always evolve. And because of that forward motion, it allows me to just be really confident because I know I'm constantly in work. And when you can accept the fact that you're a work in progress, always, you're never perfect. You're always going to mess up, but you can be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday.

I think you can be at peace with yourself. And that's why ultimately for me, you know, again, not to keep bringing it back to this, but coming out as trans has been such a powerful thing. I mean, it has truly allowed me to reach such a level. Oh my God, I'll make me cry of euphoria that I've never felt before in my life. And I just feel like it was the last piece of a puzzle. And now it's like all the pieces are in place and everything is coming together besides having a man. And you know what? I feel empowered and I feel great. And I just think that that's where confidence comes from working. It doesn't just happen. You know, like you said, you choose to like yourself and I choose

to love myself too, because I only got one me and beating myself up for years and years. Wasn't really doing anything like to help me move forward and loving myself has absolutely helped me move. I forgot. I have a photo shoot after this and I cannot cry oh my god oh my god girl oh i'm so sorry i mean it is a really like transformative thing when you can like see that you're doing things that like help you and you're not just because like i don't want to say that like because like you can be depressed i get depressed like sometimes i'm just like not happy amen but you know there's other days where like i get into a little funk and then i go you know it's not doing it today correct i think i want to i think i want to be happy so i'm gonna put on you know a face of makeup i'm gonna

put on a cute little stupid outfit. I'm going to wear a little crop top. Have some people stare at me and feel good. And not to say that, like, depression isn't a real thing. Because it's like, I believe in medication. Me too. Please go get medicated if you are in a place where you cannot pull yourself out of it. Or smoke some weed.

Yeah, or smoke weed. Or like, yeah, like, I feel like we stigmatize so much shit we stigmatize like going to therapy smoking weed like i have a ton of friends who smoke a ton of weed and get so much shit done that like more shit than me and i'm like yeah people who smoke weed aren't lazy i just i'm like we need to like i think it's like normalizing i do x y and z solely for myself to help me be a better person right okay let's take another little break sometimes i'm like i love myself so much maybe there's nobody out there who will love me as much as I love me. I think the same thing sometimes.

I really do. I really do. But then I think like, that's such a positive thing to have. Because if you really do feel that way, then it's like, well, screw it. I don't need the relationship. I want it. But also, I'm having so much fun with me. And girl, I love to be alone.

As much as I love being with people, I love to be alone. As much as I love being with people, I love to be alone. I can put on Netflix, have my dog, my weed and my food, and I will be happy just by myself. And it's taken a long time to get there. I really did. I've run from myself for so many years because I didn't want to confront, you know, my truth. And I just feel like, yeah, once you accept who you are and just live it loud and proud and say screw what you think you're better for it yeah I recently started living by myself I had a roommate I've always had a roommate I went from a family to college right a roommate after college live with a bunch of people moved to LA and then for nine years had the same roommate who like is he was more like family than

he was a roommate so then he moved out to live with his boyfriend and I was like well I have to get another roommate then I was like wait you don't know what you're like alone you have no idea who you are when there's nobody else there like are you still as performative are you still as goofy like what goes on and I'll tell you for the first like two weeks, I was like silent. I was like, hmm, I don't know how to be this person. Now, oh boy, do I talk to my dog a lot and I sing for him and I dance for him. And it's like, oh, I'm being silly for myself, which is nice. No, I love to hear you say that because I am so silly.

And my best friends are so silly. I swear to God, if someone overheard us, they would be like, are those adults acting like children on purpose? Like, we are crazy. But you know, I think laughter is life's best medicine next to cannabis. I really do. And yeah, having a pet, I think as a single person is crucial. You know, I feel like if I didn't have my little dabbers, I definitely would struggle being alone. But because of her and because of all the things I talked about before, I love being alone. And I will say in the beginning, it was hard because I too was a roommate, family, I had always people. And when I first lived alone, it was really hard. And I got lonely. And I didn't

have a pet at the time. And it definitely was a struggle. So, I mean, this is new for you. You just started living alone, right? Yes. So give yourself a break too, if you ever feel any of that, because it definitely is an adjustment. But girl, once you get into it, you're going to be like, I'll never live with anyone else again. I can do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, how I want. Yes, mama. I went swimming naked the other day. Yes. And I would never have done that with a roommate. I truly was like, wait a minute.

I don't have to shield my titties from anybody. Exactly. So I took one tit out and I took the other one out. And I was like, oh, I'll just take it all off. Yes. And then I was just naked in my backyard. But then I was like, oh, my neighbors can see me. Oh, oh totally my neighbors see me all the time because I'm usually nude for the art projects that I do I'm shocking um but yeah like literally I've just learned to be like whatever

don't look over here if you don't want to see it I mean truly it's my backyard you don't want to see it that's truly so funny look above the. Don't look over here if you don't want to see it. That's truly so funny. Look above the backyard. Don't look down out the window. Look up, look up, look out. Or if I were you, I would look. There's a free show every night in your backyard, literally. So be grateful. Have you ever hurt yourself doing like a jump fucking split?

Like that was so nuts. Mama, I'm hurt right now to no other extent like i was in dewey beach i jumped off the stage into the crowd dewey beach beach meaning they're sand so i skid so that's still healing on one side of my foot then here look you can see it in our in our frame i jumped and because my knee is injured right now, I tried to catch myself and my acrylic nail ripped off with my real nail in the middle of a performance. Then kept going during that number, right?

Went backstage, had to fricking tape it up and go back out there and do another number where I continue doing stunts. And then it gets worse. Go home and cut my own acrylic that was attached to my nail off. I threw up. It was so intense. So, yeah, I get hurt.

I get hurt. This is what I do for the gays. I risk my life. I know. Maybe we dial it back a little. Oh, trust me, honey. Once the hormones kick in and I start getting body, it's over. I'm sitting down and pooching for the rest of my career.

once the hormones kick in and I start getting body, it's over. I'm sitting down and pooching for the rest of my career. And I don't want to hear shit from nobody because I gave y'all stunts and shows and shenanigans for over a decade, okay? Once the hormones kick in, I'm just going to be sitting and pooching. That's very funny. Yeah, I mean, when I saw you at... Executive Suites. Yes yes executive suites and then

drive and drag oh yeah um my god truly the stunts you do in person are incredible but honestly for for the safety of you as a person i would i would love it if you maybe did 22% less yes well literally the other night I did zero dips and my girlfriend who came to the gig with me was like that's it and I'm like yeah girl that's it so it is happening

slowly but surely mama is slowing down but you know like last night at my gig girl I went full out and jumped off the stage into the crowd and the whole nine yards so you know it just depends it depends on the booking fee sure i feel like you're saying that as a joke but like no it really does no it really is more she'll do a little more well yeah you want me to risk my life at 32 i mean it was different when i was 22 and it was like, oh, you got a bottle of vodka? Sounds good. I'll jump from here. But now I'm like, I'm trying to go home and actually not be in pain.

So, yeah. Wait, so you don't have a nail on this finger right now? What is going on? What is, what is? Oh, my God. She's Glovisha for the next two months. Oh, my God. That is truly wild.

Wild sis. I was, I'll never, I'll, I've honestly never gagged in my life more than that moment in my life. Like it was so intensely intense. Like it was so painful and there's blood gushing out and I'm the only one that knows cause the audience is just living. And I'm also like,

I can't get it on this costume cause it's my physical costume that I wore on drag race and I'm having to tour the world with it. And it's like, I can't get blood on that. because it's my physical costume that I wore on Drag Race. And I'm having to tour the world with it. And it's like, I can't get blood on that. It was just the whole thing. It was the whole thing. But the important part is I survived it. I'm better for it. And now I have more reason to say, well, you wonder why I pooch.

Yes, you are a survivor. You made it. I cannot remember the rest of those lyrics. I'm a survivor. I'm not going to give up. I'm a work harder. I can do better. I don't know the lyrics to anything.

Me either. Would you do All Stars? No. I would love to come back as another lip sync assassin, but really what I'd love to come back as is a choreographer. Ooh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That would be fun. I mean, you truly are very gifted with the dancing. Well, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That would be fun. I mean, you truly are very gifted

with the dancing. Well, thank you. But also, I fully get not wanting to do a whole season of television because you get edited in a way where they show you how they want to show you, and then the children never forget. Right. And it's not only that, it's just, it's so much money nowadays. I mean, these kids are going in there with, you know, double digits. Well, not even doubled it like, you know, 20 grand. So it's like they're really going at it. And of course, it's an investment.

And of course, eventually, hopefully most of them make it back. But for me, just not a risk I'm willing to take right now financially. A. B. I already survived the shark tank once. Why would I go back in? You gotta, you gotta want to be able to do that. And I'm, I'm good on that. Um, and see, I feel like, you know, this last moment that I just did on all six was an incredible, like bookend goodbye. Thank you so much. Never forget me. I'm that bitch moment that it's like, I don't even know how I would top that, nor do I have any interest in topping that

because I don't need to. I don't need to have a title of all-star. I don't need to go back on the show. Would it be nice to gain lots of followers like I just did from this one moment I had? It would. But in the end, that's not why I'm doing this. I'm doing this to forge a career on my own.

And I just feel like I have been a drag race girl and will always be a drag race girl, of course. But I'm trying to go to the next level. I'm trying to find something else outside of the brand and constantly going back and relying on their opinions of you, for me, stops your growth. And so that's why I always love to go back to the brand because I would be nothing without the brand. And that's why I love World of Wonder. And I'm so grateful for everything they've given me. And, you know, I'm so thrilled they included me in All Stars and allowed me this moment because they didn't have to do that. You know, they didn't. And it was a gift. It really was a gift. I mean, it's made so many people see me finally, which is, you know,

was a gift. I mean, it's made so many people see me finally, which is, you know, unbelievable as an artist and someone who's been in LA for so long, you know, just jumping off platforms night after night. And to finally have the world really see that and it not be convoluted with how good my acting challenge was or how I did in that runway or, and it was just my talent. It was like such the, you know, verification that I needed to know I'm on the right path because I haven't gone back to that show. And the way I went back was exactly how I wanted to do it from entrance, from the look, from everything. And so I feel really good. I'm at super peace with it. I hope they include me on more things because like I said, I love the brand so much. I just know my mental stability and my financial stability are

worth a lot and I'm not ready to risk that right now it doesn't mean maybe you know this brand's gonna go on forever I really believe that so maybe one day when I'm rich and fully a woman and and where I want to be in my transition I will go back but for right now and for many years no fair no I fucking feel you on that it's it is tough it is tough to be under a microscope and then yeah the financial responsibility of all of it i fully agree with you because it was it was just iconic it was fun it was one of the best lip syncs i've seen on the show um i think it should have been a double win i do think you won but i do think trinity really fucking brought it yeah and it was just like every it was just so fun to watch both of you truly a treat i think it

was because they had a double win the week before i really do because yeah we we definitely she definitely deserved it as well but that that if we were to do a double win between the two, this lipstick. I agree. It was just so fun. But like, okay, let's go back to dating. Are you on the dating apps? No. I like to get on Grindr every once in a while, but it's usually just to get the pictures and jack off and then I delete the app. Okay, fair.

Doesn't take much. I guess not. Just one little picture? Oh, no. I want several and a video and maybe a FaceTime call. Oh, okay. See, I like a video. I'll do a video.

I think a picture is useless. Oh, I like pictures. It leaves something up to the imagination. Yeah, I guess so. But like a picture, I'm just like, there's too much imagination where I'm like I don't know if it's actually that big why don't you take something next to it for scale are your fingernails dirty I don't know but it's just like in motion like a jerking off video I'm

like okay I know what that dick do that's nice okay fair I also see that point of view and now I'm also going to be looking at their nails. So thank you, because that was something I never thought about. God, now one more thing for me to worry about. Great. I'm always looking at the nails because I'm like, if you're going to finger me, I don't want tetanus. Like it just it needs to be just like just, you know, a little clean, a little kept, a little kept up. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to need a nice cuticle cut. Well, kept up. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to need a nice cuticle cut. Yes, that would be nice.

I mean, honestly, in a dream world, what a treat would it be if I, like, went on a tour, did a show, found somebody, hooked up with them, brought them back to L.A. with me, and then I was like, you're mine now. That's what I want. I know. I dream of this, too, especially when I go to Brazil. I'm like, come on, one of you, please. Wife the doll. I've never been to brazil oh she's everything really for me yeah i felt like you know as a blonde haired blue eyed little angel yeah they were ready to tear the puss up honey we've never seen this we love it um no it's also because the culture is just amazing. I love the music there, the food.

I mean, even we saw a soccer game and it was like such a celebration that I was like, I think I like soccer. Like it was crazy. Like it was crazy. There's just so much like joy and dance and rhythm there that I love it. You know, the food is a little on the meat side for me. It's like lots of meat and steak. And I prefer like, I don't know steak and i prefer like um i don't know fried chicken and like i don't know things that are not in brazil but you know it's it's it's

fierce food it's got a lot of flavor to it not necessarily a lot of spice i think that's also something that's missing because i mean honestly my favorite my favorite food is spicy fried chicken like i grew up on that and i'm obsessed with it and it is just, I don't know. I was talking to my girlfriend the other day and she was like talking about being vegan and I was like, I could never do it.

Like I could never give up cheese and spicy fried chicken. Those two things. I do love fried chicken. Have you ever had Howlin' Rays? No. It's in Chinatown. They have-

How, H-A-L and Rays? Howlin'. Like howl. Oh, oh, oh, no. I've never had her. It's in Chinatown. They have... Hal, H-A-L, and Ray's? Howlin'. Like, howl. Oh, no, I've never had her. So good. Their fried chicken sandwich. I need to write this down. Oh, my phone's on here.

Yeah, write it down. You can get it on... I love a new fried chicken spot. Okay, I have one for you then, too, after this. You wrote it in the chat, and then I wrote it in the chat. I want chicken! They have they have okay so they're like so i like the wings are fine but i think they really shine with their fucking sandwich okay

and i had their hottest the hottest is like abuse like it's truly i don't want that so hot that you won't enjoy it but i would say the mild and the medium. Medium is like pretty spicy. Mild is like too-hoo-hoo. And then the country is just like, mm, yes, this is just a fried chicken sandwich. This is so good. It's so fucking good.

I love that place. What's your favorite fried chicken sandwich in LA? Okay, so I feel bad because I don't live there anymore. I used to live in North Hollywood and then I also lived in Van Nuys for years and years and years. And there was a place that literally was outside of a car wash late at night. And I want to say it's called Ragin' Hot Chicken.

Okay. But I will confirm the name for you because I heard that after Corona, they did so well during the pandemic that they got like a storefront place which is so cool but there they have like okay so I love like KFC although I'm a Popeye's girl but I love

KFC because they have those chicken littles you know where it's like okay so whatever those are called where there's like little chicken sandwiches this place Rage and Hot they make those and they are so bomb. Oh my God. I just, I love them.

I love them. I forget sliders. That's the word sliders. Little sliders. My medicine is kicking in. Sorry. And now we're talking about food and I'm just like in my happy place. I do.

I love, love, love. I love food. I love chicken. I wish I could eat it. I, just like in my happy place. I do. I love, love, love. I love food. I love chicken. Me too. I wish I could eat it. I, like, I'll have chicken every now and again,

but like, I just don't digest meat well. I tend to break out really badly. And I tried everything. I was like, okay, I'll drink more water. It's all the hormones that they pump into the food. It is. Yeah. It's fucking wild.

We eat trash. We do. Like a lot of people are like i won't take the vaccine i don't know what's in it and i'm like well you eat taco bell right like yeah you eat taco bell like you eat organic apples from whole foods those apples are a year old did you know that no yeah why do you think everything is in season all year long it's because i might have said on this podcast before but i'll tell you they put it in these like giant containers these metal containers they take the air out of it and

they like vacuum seal apples oranges lemons limes everything that's like not in season and then they like release them slowly and sell them to you know uh supermarkets and stuff so that's how you can get everything in season we're like wow to a farmer's market there's months where you can't get an apple sure because they're not in fucking season because they're actually growing them so yeah everything you eat in a supermarket is old that's why shit rots so fast sometimes because you're like this is already a year old now it's been in the supermarket for a week now it's been in my house for a week it's actually been in in its state for a year and two weeks isn't that wild okay nicole now not only am i

worried about trades nails now i'm worried about going now i'm worried about going to the grocery store like we have got to end this podcast i'm getting scared by the second what is going on i'm sorry well we can end it I cannot believe this about the groceries girl that's too much we eat trash okay Laganja I ask everybody this would you would you date me

would I date you yes I feel like no okay yeah I feel like our energies would be so chaotic that like literally we would not even be able to go out to eat. Like we would be so loud at the table that like it would just be an issue. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I think normal functioning day to day life would probably be a problem.

So I fully agree. I think normal functioning day-to-day life would probably be a problem. I fully agree. You know, people in the restaurant would just be like, you have to shut up. Like, that is a lot. And just us showing up in our looks alone, like, that would be a lot to take in. But it does sound like a lot of fun. Yes, me too. Well, Laganja, thank you so much for doing this oh my god of course you are absolutely delightful i think you are delightful too and i loved just laughing and kikiing with

you and talking shit and getting dirty and just this was good yes i love it okay well if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it uh rate it i don't know subscribe apple pot i've been doing this for two years and i can't not they rate us gosh i think yeah they can like it uh rate it i don't know subscribe apple pot i've been doing this for two years and i can't not they rate us gosh i think yeah they can like rate it five stars some people have rated it zero stars uh some people say some nasty stuff but that's okay um as long as you listened every every listen counts for me amen and if you write me something nasty, I will read it. So this nice person said something nasty. When you said wine and dine me on this week's podcast,

it reminded me of an old trivia name, wing and ding me, which I would absolutely do for you. I would take you out for wings, then peg you at a lady glory hole in the bathroom. If we happen to play trivia at the wing bar i would accept all of your answers without question and if the mc tried to say you were wrong i would fight for you honestly that's like really sweet that honestly is nasty that's that's nice anybody who wants to fight for me and did i hear that you got chicken wings in there was that part of it

yeah they said wings and dings they were were going to get me some wings. They're spot on. They're spot. They've already heard this episode. They're hiding in my house. Oh, no. Oh, there comes the pegger machine. Ah, yeah. Okay.

Well, thank you, Laganja. Thank you so much, Nicole. Okay. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by,

oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a treat. What for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday

with a brand new episode. What a treat. What a dream. This has been a Team Coco production.