Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Take a Look at Nicole's new Tinder Bio! (w/ Zeke Nicholson)

Episode Date: June 8, 2018

Zeke Nicholson (A.P. Bio, Take My Wife, Lopez) joins Nicole to share stories from their first acting gigs, discuss the incestuous feel of dating people in the comedy community, and Zeke rates Nicole's NEW Tinder bio!You can play along and see Nicole's Tinder bio and photos on her Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedyBe sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

why won't you date me why won't you date me why won't you date me please tell me why Oh boy! Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where I explore why I'm still single, even though I'll blow in your butt if you ask me nice. I tickled myself too hard. And the other giggles you're hearing right now are of my guest. You know him from Take My Wife. He currently writes on AP Bio.

He was on Westworld, according to IMDb. Is that real? Yep, I had one line. Did you really? I fucking missed it. Zeke Nicholson! What? Butthole.

Usually air coming out of your butthole, but not when you're around Nicole. Well, if someone said to me, Nicole, I just want you to blow right into my butthole, I'd be like, alright. I'll do it. Will this keep you here? That's where I'm at right now. Down for the cause. I'll do it. Will this keep you here? Oh, that's where I'm at right now.

Down for the cause. I respect that. I was on a flight yesterday and as we were taking off and I was falling asleep and I said, Nicole, this plane goes down. No one will say in loving memory of my wife, Nicole. And then I fell asleep. Isn't that an awful thought? That is an awful thought.

No one's ever going to be like, in loving memory of my beautiful wife who loved me dearly and was so good to me. Does that wife thing feel like an important qualifier to you in your life? Not super important, but when you read obituaries, it's like survived by a loving husband or a loving wife. My obituary is going to be like, she had a bunch of friends and she was wild. Survived by a dope podcast. And she never got the answer. Now she dead. What a tragic end to this whole experiment.

Truly, it would be. If I never figured it out and just died on a Delta flight. Yep. Oh my God. Are you single? I'm currently single, yeah. Are you on dating apps? Are you meeting people in life?

I am not on dating apps. Okay. Yeah, they scare me a little bit, a lot of bit. Uh-huh. I was thinking about this. In anticipation of coming on this podcast, I was like, why wouldn't I date Nicole? No, I'm just kidding. You can't talk about it yet.

Not yet. I wouldn't. But I was like, genuinely, I was like, what? It just made me, I was just thinking about the whole thing, the whole endeavor a little bit. And I was like, there's something about the privacy of it that really scares me. You're really just like, here's what I equate it to. scares me like you you're really just like here's what i equate it to it's like what like you ain't gonna be haunted by a ghost probably unless you go looking for one okay all right so it's like there's a lot of crazy people out there yes you won't find one unless you go looking for them

in that fucking pool of insane people yes and obviously there's some great people that are doing that are doing it but are are there? I don't know. I don't know either. I think I've got a bit of an old school romantic vibe about me too that like really like love is love so dead that we need computers? I guess so. I mean, what if you should put that on a t-shirt and sell it as Zeke merch? Zeke merch? Yeah, that's truly I've never thought of it that way is love so dead that we need computers

to help us find love i guess the answer the answer is technically no no yeah but i think it's like everyone's wrapped up in life and doing shit and everything is compartmentalized so it's like well why not just be able to go on an app and find somebody? And I think the practical way to look at it is like that is just now filling a social void that was, you know, that was sort of filled in other ways prior. Like even arranged marriage, I think, is sort of it's it fills the same purpose of like connecting people, you know. And yes, certainly the sort of social dynamics to shift as technology progresses. But like there is something about it that's like it just feels on. Yeah, it feels unromantic to me. I don't know. And yes, certainly the sort of social dynamics just shift as technology progresses. But like there is something about it that's like it just feels unromantic to me. I don't know.

Yeah, it is. It is almost clinical to like look at someone's picture and be like, no, yes. And then read a bio and be like, all right. They said two things that tickle my fancy. Totally. Yes. And then you meet them. And I think you get like a preconceived notion before you meet someone especially when you text i've said this a hundred times on the podcast that

texting creates a false intimacy yeah and then you meet this person you're like they're not what i thought they were wow that's of course not they're a stranger yeah they're a weird fucking stranger who's putting their life out there and you're doing the same thing so because i haven't really done that so i know obviously like you text with people and then you go and meet them in real life. But that's so fascinating. I've never thought about that false intimacy based on like extensive conversations

that are happening through this. Well, think about like people, like friends or acquaintances that you have, like say at UCB. Yeah. The UCB theater where we both perform. Like people you're not genuinely friends with, but you've like texted with or like Instagram commented with.

And then you see them in person and they're like, and you're like, why can't we talk in real life? We talk online. Right. It's the same thing. Yeah. Except you're just like, you love me. Yeah.

You want to be inside me for a little bit. So you like to meet people in person. Why are you single? That's a weird question. So you like to meet people in person. Why are you single? That's a weird question. Do you know why? You're really delighted by that. Well, because you're pretty. Thank you.

You're welcome. Likewise. Thank you. Yeah, I'm pretty picky, I think, as part of it. Ooh, okay. I don't, there's a couple things.

I don't also like i don't like the exercise of dating in general like i think that that and that's another reason why i kind of stay away from the apps like there are people who like to go and and get like my roommate really likes to or he starts seeing somebody now but like at a time was like really enjoying sort of going and and just like shooting that bullshit with like people you know like that people enjoy that it makes them feel good and alive insane and i'm just not structured that way i'm not like that either yeah and i think a little bit too do you how do you feel about dating people within the comedy community versus now i'm sure this has come

up on this podcast before it has but not very often yeah I used to just run through dudes in the comedy community. Just like, kiss it, and fuck it. Sure. But lately, I'm like, no. I don't want to run into some dude that I was trying to make something happen with at a show. It feels a little incestuous and it's almost as if you fuck one person, you're fucking like a bunch of your friends cause they fucked a bunch of like our friends. So it does feel weird.

Something about that like is really tough to me. And I think specifically when I was in college, I was on the track team and And unlike, exactly like improv, it was very incestuous. We had practice together every single fucking day. It's like, you go and be fucking those people. And everyone has a nice body. Y'all were running around. Everyone got a good ass body. Except for the field girls.

They built like fucking bricks. Well, the throwers. The throwers, yes. Them jumpers, though. Well, track and field. The field girls. That's what I call them. I threw shot putts.

You did? Sure did, yeah. Some coach was like, like she big I bet she can throw something heavy and guess what I was good oh I could see that yeah not if I had like train trained I could have been like state champion but I was like no not doing that because like like a good throws about like 30 a great throws like 35 a like like really really good like 40. So I genuinely landed in the 38.

Wow. In high school shot? Yeah. And if I worked at it, I probably could have gotten to like 45. But I was like, nah, I'm good at being mediocre. I got to go practice for Godspell. That's great. Good for you.

Thank you. Tell me about fucking track people. No, but I think there's something about when I'm like in the improv community and everybody's sort of incestuous in that same way. It makes me feel like I'm kind of going backward in my life a little bit. And so, yeah, I don't know. There's something about the pool that's like you just circle in the drain. Then I'm sort of like, but then it's hard because that's who I hang out with.

Those are my people. We don't do anything else. We don't do anything else. We don't do anything else. Like do you have a hobby? What does that even mean? Exactly. It's when your whole life is a hobby. It's like, yeah, I play pick up basketball, but that's not a hobby.

No girls doing that. Exactly. I don't like bars also. Like I'm a fucking hermit. I feel the same way. like bars also like i'm a fucking hermit i feel the same way like whenever i think of going out to a bar now in my mid 30s uh-oh held my i think i'm 31 but uh anytime i think about going out to a bar i'm like why yeah i have booze in my house i can just sit at home and drink if i want to and it gets so loud in a bar it does it's too much yeah but i don't have hobbies

i do fun things all the time yeah like when people are like i love to travel duh everybody loves to travel and i get to travel for my job that ain't a hobby that's a thing it's not a hobby i think a hobby at least the way i define it is like a habitual thing you do to blow off steam. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like crafting. Like crafting, exactly. Anyway, I feel like we're off topic, but yeah. We can go off topic. It's okay.

What even is the topic? The topic is why am I single? But right now it's talking about why you're single. Yeah. I think I just like, I don't'm built i'm one of those people who doesn't like i'm like if i'm gonna do this like let's do it for real and that puts a fair amount of pressure on that person or just on like doing i don't really do like the casual dating thing much it's not really my speed and i've gone through portions of my life where i'm like

maybe i should do that. Like, what is that like? And it just doesn't really make me happy. I don't know. How many relationships have you had in your whole lifetime? Um, not, um, I don't know. What's this? I'm 28 years old.

Like, uh. Oh, you're young. Baby. Whoa. Yeah. You're still in your 20s. Wait till you get 30. You'll forget so many things.

Who am I? I get so forgetful. Yeah. But it might just be my ADD. It could be that. I don't know. Oh, maybe those headphones are too tight. Oh, no.

Oh. I don't know. Like 10, 12. And college relationships are also like, what the fuck, you know? Oh, okay, that's more than I thought. I thought you were gonna be like two. No, no, no, no. And I've never been in one that's like,

you know, the people, like eight years long and never had a relationship like that. That's such a long time. It's a long ass time. Eight years. How are you gonna be the same person when you go in, when you come out? Right?

Eight years. I feel like everyone gets ruined after five with the same person. It's so true. Yeah, I don't know. Ugh. But. So what's the longest relationship you've ever had?

Like two-ish years. That's a good chunk of time. Yeah, a year and a half. And where'd you meet that person? A college-ish, yeah. What college did you go to? I went to Williams College. Where's that?

It's in Northwest Massachusetts. Very small school. Is it white? It's pretty white, yeah. Although for the type of school it is, more diverse than you would think. But I certainly did not have black friends really prior to coming here.

And it was a real revelation to have a group of people I could just unabashedly drop the N-word with. Oh, man. I wish I could say the N-word. It just sounds hateful coming out of my mouth. And I recently had to say it like on a job on camera. And I just decided to thread the words together. So you'd be like, did she maybe i don't know

and then i like just put a smile at the end because i don't know just the way my voice sounds i feel like it sounds hateful i have the same thing i mean i we both talk pretty quote unquote white you know who the fuck knows what that means but uh i was playing pickup yesterday and some random guy was playing with us and he was this black dude who like was being mad aggressive and like pushed us and i just had a real like street switch i was like hey what's up i was like you better watch yourself sometimes you could do that like sometimes it comes out of you and it sounds good and like it belongs in your mouth. Yes. But then sometimes you're just like, oh, is that a hard R? Sometimes you're like, too many Gs?

Too many Gs. Oh, no. How did you just spell that word? I was like, bitch, what are you doing? Do you have an ethnicity that you like to date? I'm glad. That's a good question. I appreciate you asking it.

Hey, no problem. So obviously everyone that listens to this is a huge fan of mine. So you know that I'm a light-skinned African-American man. My father is black. My mother is white. And as a result- Oh, so you are mixed. I am mixed.

I didn't know you were mixed. Yeah. And I grew up with my white mom. Oh, dad. But then I met my black dad when I was 17. Whoa. Yeah. That's the name of your pilot then i met my black dad when i was 17 yeah that's the name of your pilot that's i met my black dad me and my black dad my black dad um but as a result like i was i'm a pretty uh the way so my black dad is insane but to quote him he's like i'm an equal opportunity

employer when it comes to parking. Is that something he really said to you? Yeah, he says that. He says to me, he goes, son, don't go doing nothing stupid like falling in love.

Women are a buffet and you gots to sample like you was at the Sizzler. A buffet and then a Sizzler reference. Your dad, your black dad is my favorite human being.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great. You would love him. Oh, that's so funny. Women are a buffet. He's insane. But I think honestly, genuinely, as a product of a mixed relationship, racially at least, there's not a type that's really specific to me.

Part of it is I grew up around white people, so I think like initially that was very much like white women, but I've had, yeah, I've dated Asian women, black women, Puerto Rican,

half black. Oh, yeah. All kinds of just hodgepodge of disenfranchisement. Puerto Rico has no electricity, so please donate to Hurricane, I think Maria Relief in Puerto Rico. Just do it, please. Nice. And if that's the wrong one oops yeah oopsie don't know which hurricane but it's fucked up yeah um i also thought i liked

white men yeah like i thought i was like that was my preference but the older i get i was like oh i think it was just because that's what i was open to. Like, growing up, it was only white guys. And then when I did get to meet black guys, they would sometimes criticize me for the way I spoke and the way I held myself. And then the older I get, I'm like, oh, the world is filled with so many different types of people. I think my preference is someone who's, like, nice to me. Totally. Yeah. Right?

Like, just nice. Yeah. Just that's all I want. And I joke about wanting a big dick, and I do want a huge dick. So if you nice and got a pencil dick. Get the fuck out. Move on, motherfucker. No, I'm kidding.

I'm getting to a point where we can work with the pencil dick. You'll take it. I'll sharpen it up. We can work with it. I can make it good for me. I got a pocket knife. I will sharpen it up. Imagine.

I'm like, come on, just put it in here. I'm just going to sharpen your dick. I got a pocket knife. I will sharpen it up. I'm like, come on, just put it in here. I'm just going to sharpen your dick. I want to feel something. But I think to your point, like part of it is like, I feel like you're attracted to the people that I think if we're getting real psychological about it, it's like the people that you're around when you like reach sexual maturity is like a really important thing. And so when that's why you're like oh i like members of the opposite sex the same sex or whatever and you're like this is what

the type of people are around me of course you're going to continue to have a sort of thing for that type of person but yeah i think like my type and it's just like here's the important thing for me i'm like you don't have to do what i, but you gotta love what it is that you do. That's like a real deal breaker for me when somebody's sort of like, eh, I don't know, I do like.

Same. It's gotta be like passion. Yes. I think passion is really important. Yeah, and like, I don't know, this career shit is kind of crazy

and so it's like, you gotta be, even if you can't understand like what it is that I do exactly, I need you to be able to engage with like the, the idea of me being really committed to this. Sure. That makes perfect sense. Would you date someone with dreams who's, like, not working where they want to work, but they're like, I aspire to this.

Absolutely. As long as they were, like, legitimately on the grind and sort of, like, nothing is going to stop me. I'm all the way up. Woo! Get a million on the grind and sort of like nothing is going to stop me. I'm all the way up. I heard that song the other day and I was like, this is a Sprite commercial. I can't listen to this song. I can't do it.

Yeah, but I would almost like be more attracted to that person than somebody who did have like was really successful and sort of like, I don't know. I don't really like this. Like that is not. I don't love that. Fair. How do you feel about that? I don't know. I don't really like this. Like that is not, I don't love that. Fair. How do you feel about that? I don't want to date nobody with dreams. I don't want to hear about your aspirations.

Really? I don't want to hear about what you're going to do tomorrow. Wow. I want someone who's living their dream. Okay. And it's real specific. I also don't want someone who's over their dream. Like I would hate to date someone who, like I met with this money manager person and he said is there a number in your head

that would cause you to stop working and i was like what no yeah i'll work till i die fuck yeah what does that even mean he's like oh well some people they want to reach you know x amount of money and then they retire and then they just like live and i was like what the thought has never occurred to me yeah to do that. So I would not ever, I don't want to be with somebody who's like, oh, once I hit this goal in my career or my life, like I'm out, I'm done. And I just want to like coast. I'm like, no, no, that's so scary. So like, I feel like those people are very far and few between to be like, I grind hard.

I work hard. I'll sleep when i'm dead that's like my whole thing for sure i will work until i'm like cross-eyed and my body hurts right and that's why you got seven damn tv shows and they all keep getting canceled i mean yeah i just i like to work it makes me happy I like to make people laugh. I like to sometimes get in my car, drive home and go, am I funny? And then sob down the 101. All of that is so great. That's great.

Can I say also, just to butt in, you provided my first ever paid acting job. Did I really? Uh-huh. You ground up on me. Oh, on Fast Food Heights? On Fast Food Heights. What a dream. MTV web series. Uh-huh. You ground up on me. Oh, on Fast Food Heights? On Fast Food Heights. What a dream. MTV web series.

Yeah, that was the first time I ever made $250 acting or whatever it was. I remember that day. They were like, Zeke is coming in. I was like, I don't think I know Zeke. Or maybe I did know you at that point. I don't remember. I feel like we'd met maybe once. Yeah, but they showed me your picture and I was like, he's pretty.

I can't wait to back up on him. And then we had the time of our lives. What a day. But that was not our true bonding moment. No, that was during Red's Apple Ale. Branded sketch comedy series. Did you get to do it the year after? Yes.

They didn't ask me back. I feel like you were shooting something. I think they hated me. I don't. That was me. I don't. That was tough. I don't even know if the commercials are still online. They're not. They took them out.

They did? Yeah. I think they ended the whole thing. They did, yeah. Well, Red's Apple Ale, it's a free commercial for them. Yep. Hard apple cider, and they would collaborate with comedians every summer and put out some sketches.

Nicole and I did a music video with Colton Dunn and Lamorne Morris, and it was a shitload of fun. It was called Summer Cold. You were very good in it. I was very bad. You were like, I don't sing. Y'all know that, right? I was like, I don't sing.

So they had some wonderful black lady with a beautiful voice sing for me. And then lip syncing is something I've never done. So then I had a lip sync to this woman whose like cadences were hard to catch. And then nobody told me that it was going to be sped up twice the speed. So like on top of like being worried about lip syncing, nobody told me that. So then I got there and I was just like, it was mind boggling. And then the amount of time they had us waiting that one day in that mansion. We stayed in that mansion that belonged to an insane Persian woman who kept checking in.

So sad woman. She just kept checking in and she's like, yes, my husband, he died. He died, but he loved comedy. But he loved comedy. I was like, oh my God, that's what I want to get married and have my husband be like, she loved comedy. Come into our home. Yeah.

Please, Comedy Central. Oh, man. And then we were in the desert for like were you you were on that day right yeah oh man honestly that was a great summer job i love that they're on a baseball field for something kickball yeah oh that was fun it was like summer camp it was totally was like summer camp acting is a lot like summer camp you just hang out with a bunch of fun people yeah especially in comedy yeah you hang out with fun people for like like 12 hours a day yeah and then you like just that's like your family for like six weeks or however long you're on the shoot oh boy so follow your dreams guys follow

your dreams and you too can go to summer camp with rad's apple ale maybe nicole will give you your first 250 i wish it was more money, Hal. No, no, no. That's a perfect amount to start with. Man, you get paid so little in the beginning of your career and then so much when you make it. It's insane. My first paying acting job was for Landline Television, which is this online thing like Comedy Central. It's like College Humor, central it's like um college humor but

like doesn't exist anymore i think i got paid a hundred dollars in snacks oh yeah and i was like boom i fucking did it i made it but it feels like free money at that point because you at that you've been doing that same shit for years for free for free and so you're like and then yeah and you're just like a hundred fucking hours i'm ripping them off blind and then i remember the first time i got paid like a good chunk of money to do something i was like whoa for wait what yeah you feel like you're stealing yes but now i'm like oh this amount no i'm not doing it that's not enough and it's like a good amount of money and i'm like no not worth my time you done change girl you get some money in your pocket you don't change too but i also have a mortgage now so i'm like um yeah i guess i don't want to but i'll do

it yeah oh it's wild okay we have to take a little break great but when we come back, more with Zeke! And we're back! This is the quickest commercial break I've ever been a part of. It's called editing, so the commercial will be edited right up in there. For those that are at home and can't see what I just saw, the commercial break consisted of Nicole throwing her arms straight up in the air like one of those car dealership blowy dolls, and then it was over. And here we are. Wow. Here we are.

Do you remember in that music video, that dog that could drive a car? What the fuck was his name? I want to say Denny, but that's wrong. I think it's like Binky or something. Oh, Dinky. Dinky, yes. Dinky the dog. Another free advertisement for somebody.

Follow Dinky on Instagram. Dinky the dog. He's on Instagram. He can drive a car. He drives a car, yeah. He does other things. I don't know what, though. I'm not sure.

He always wears sunglasses. But do you remember then, you might have left at this point, but they wrapped. So Dinky shot his piece and he was wrapped. The dog was wrapped. And then Dinky's owner refused to leave set because he was just having too much fun. And he was just like distracting everyone because he continued to drive Dinky around in a car. No, I remember that because we were outside by the pool. And they didn't have another outfit for you, but they wanted you to be in the pool.

Which is so insane. Totally. If there's a pool just have more outfits whatever outfits um last quick detail about that and then we can not talk about that ever again but we're gonna continue to talk about it remember warren g showed up he was also in this fucking video warren g showed up the most bodied shit ever with a backpack just filled with 20 cans of michelob ultra I don't think I saw that. Oh, he did.

That's incredible. The producer was like, can we get you anything more in June? He goes, yeah, Carl's Jr. So they drove to go get him Carl's Jr. What a dream. I cannot wait until I get to that point in my career where I can demand Carl's Jr. wherever I go.

Also, I think he told them he was like two takes. Yeah, he was a true baller. Yeah, he came in, I think late, two takes, and then was out. Yep. Perfect. Hell yeah. But then also it was like, you don't need him for more than two takes. No.

Just like get it right. For sure. Just set it up with somebody else, get it, whatever. There was one shoot where we were outside. It was like a crab shack. Were you on that one? Oh, yes. that one oh yes yeah yeah and you had the gun and the guy yelled at you yes i was a cop with a gun and at one point i thought it was funny to pull down go pop it and pop and then the director of the at was like never ever do that

and then he made some people get shot in these streets for less than that yes And then he made some problem like, people get shot in these streets for less than that. Yes! And then he took the gun and was like, this is not a loaded gun! This is gun safety! And I was like, oh my god! Didn't you complain and get him fired also? Probably. But I was like,

all he needed to do was pull me aside and I'd never held a gun before on set. A lot of times when people do stupid shit, it's because they've never done it before. All he needed to do was pull me aside and be like, hey, this looks like a real gun. Don't do that. Okay? That's just, like, safety first.

And I would have said, my bad. I am so sorry. Instead, the wardrobe lady had gotten me clothes that were too small and were cut up the back so my whole back was out and then this man is dressing me down and i was like this is the worst day of my life oh what a dream red's apple ale hey red's apple ale don't buy it don't support that no do or i don't care who cares they No, do. Or I don't care. Who cares? They put money in my pocket. I don't know if it was them or Comedy Central or whatever.

Oh, what a dream. What a true dream. What a... You'll do... If you want to be an actor and you're listening to this, you're going to do so many jobs that you will look back and go, why? Why? Why do they do anything the way they did?

Why did I say yes? Why? do you know betsy sadara sure of course i don't know why i just asked you that no who's that oh well that's she's really funny she was on animal practice she's on banger rank sure she was telling me about animal practice was the credit fall there i guess i got clipped uh oh her fucking netflix show disjointed anyway she was telling me about on animal practice she had to hold a turkey for a while oh yeah and she was like the bigger the funnier but then she was stuck holding a turkey all day so it's like you think something's gonna be real funny until you have to do it uh i was an intern at the production company that made that show really yeah like seven years ago um and i remember seeing like they had the the uh basically all

people wanted to see of that show based on nbc's testing did it was betsy and the monkey they loved betsy and the monkey so much they're like more of that woman with the top knot and more of the monkey i would love to see people like leaving the testing being like oh boy the top knot and the monkey are doing it for me but honestly betsy's one of the funniest people i know it's so bizarre to me that she doesn't have a show just like catered to her. Like she's so funny. Yeah, 100%. We want to see more of Betsy and that monkey.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, the best comment on Hollywood, unquestionably. Oh my God, I fucking love it. Would you date an actor, like an actress? Yeah, so this is, I think like part of, I've thought about this because I've gone on sort of both ends of the spectrum where I did date somebody in the improv community for a while. And then I was like, it was socially challenging in a way that I hadn't really anticipated. And then I was like, ah, maybe no actors is, like, fully the way to go. But it's hard to meet people that are not actors and like they don't really understand the lifestyle

um so i think like it's i i think even like six months ago i would have been like no absolutely not and now i'm sort of like it just has to be sort of right like it's there's got to be whatever it is there needs to be like a little bit of distance from like my immediate life i think like i it would be challenging to, I'm at the theater less now than I was, but it was like just challenging to sort of be like, where's the line get drawn between this thing that I sort of socially engaged with

is also a professional thing to a certain degree and is also my relationship. It just like, it was sticky. It was really hard to sort of untangle. I think it's easier to date an improviser if you spend less time at the theater. Yeah, 100%. Because I don't don't spend i like i have my show sunday nights at 11 p.m search history you have your show tuesdays at 11 carnal redbird and then sometimes you perform with white women

uh i'm just doing ads right littering this episode with ads for everybody you get an ad anyway uh so like i'm not there as often as i used to be so the thought of dating an improviser seems oh maybe i would but then the more i think about it i'm like so i want to date like a 23 year old fucking cargo short wearing yeah it is interesting like um i don't know but, like, have you ever dated somebody that just didn't understand your lifestyle at all? No. I've been on dates with people, but, like, nothing long term. Right. I went on a date with this one guy who's like, so what do you do?

And I was like, oh, I do comedy. He's like, yeah, but, like, what do you do for money? And I was like, comedy. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, but, like, what? And I was like, huh, TV? And stand-up? I get paid to do stand-up?

And he's like, oh, but, like, are you sure you don't do anything else? And I was like, I don't. Just because you don't know me doesn't mean that I don't make money doing it. There's so many YouTube people that I don't know who make a shit ton of money. It was just his like, him trying to like discredit me. I was like, oh, this sucks. Yeah. And then he told me about his dreams and he was working at a Red Robin.

He had long fingernails. And I was like, I, this sucks. And then he told me about his dreams and he was working at a Red Robin and he had long fingernails. And I was like, I hate this. Yum. Your face before you did it was brilliant. I was so excited for that joke. It got into your head and your eyes lit up. I had to let you finish your sentence. I love it.

But I think like back to your question, I think I'm at an interesting point in my life. As I said, I'm 28 years old. And I'm starting to like, I think I'm a pretty structured person. Like I like, even in this life that is sort of by nature lightly unstructured, I'm still a person who like

likes to show up to improv shows like 30 minutes early to like warm up. And I think it's, I was a pretty serious athlete in college i think that's part of it it's like that that routine i think is important to me um and i think i'm sometimes i've been that way with like uh my life at large a little bit where i'm like this is what's right for me i know myself i'm pretty like self-assured person but i'm slowly coming to the realization that like maybe those patterns are not like they should be more malleable than I've made them out to be in my life.

So those like strong declarations of like, no, I definitely don't want to date an actor or like I only did like that. It's starting to feel like I don't really even know anymore. You know? Fair. I truly day to day it's touch and go. Yeah. I'm like, no, never.

Well, maybe. Yeah. Absolutely. maybe. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, it's, I feel like with our career, it is so much of the unknown. Like, will this get picked up? Yeah. Will we get more seasons? Will we get canceled?

Who fucking knows? Yeah. I think in your personal life, you try to make things finite or, like, make them just a certain thing because you're like, I can depend on this. Right. This I know. Yeah. I guess it because you're like, I can depend on this. This I know. Yeah. I guess it is just like going into it. You just have to be like,

I think it's like legit to, and I think this is the thing that I was maybe lacking the last time. It was like, you need to be able to like voice like what your apprehensions are about it. Like, hey, I feel like there's like an underlying competition to some of our conversations that doesn't make me feel good. like even just saying that kind of shit would probably make it

okay to like hey i acknowledge this feeling but you're but you don't want to be like that either at least especially when you're like a young comedian you're like nothing bothers me yeah i think we spend a lot of time being like either you're just like nothing bothers me i don't care that other people are getting success even though they like started after me or whatever yeah or you spend a lot of time with your friends being like why they get that why they get it's such a very weird we're in such a weird business where like nothing's personal but everything's totally yeah you know and some of the funniest people i know aren't working. Yeah. And it's not their fault. It's not really anybody's fault.

It's just like the luck of the draw, being in the right place at the right time. Is that what relationships are? I think a little bit, you know. I think, I don't know. I'm sort of just coming to this thought now, too. But I think, like, there's also a real thing about like when you are a person that performs for a living like i think you have to be i think i need to learn to like not feel like that you get used to sort of people like looking at you and sort of like wanting shit

from you and i think like with regards to your relationship you can't worry about that like you can't worry how people are perceiving your relationship or like worry about what are people going to think like how is this going to like you know what i mean because then you're not immediately your focus is split like it's just got to be like no i'm just going to be in this relationship and people can think what they want about it and like i don't know that's not that's a fucking idiotic point to come to do you know what i mean like it's not i think relationships and discovering things things about yourself, no one's ever done. You're not done processing how you feel or what you think about things. No one is.

If anyone is ever like, this is finite, I'll never change, and then they never change, it's like you're a stagnant person. You're not a real person. People change over time. Okay, so you're not on Tinder, but I want you to look at my Tinder. I'd love to. Read the, like, about me and describe the pictures,

and if you want to see what Zeke is seeing, you can go to Nicole Byer Comedy on Facebook. All right, first things first. Not to put you on blast, but just because you said you made mention to your age of being 31 and on this it is 28 i can't change hey respect respect you know i said it uh earlier younger oh no i said it younger uh specifically because the internet didn't know how old i was yet

and i didn't want anyone to catch it but now the internet knows and imgb has it and imgb for whatever reason wants people to suffer and they won't take your age down once they have it. Got it. Got it. Great. So we see Nicole28. Hey, she's less than a mile away, guys.

Yeah, baby. So in your photo, am I just supposed to describe this? Yeah, describe the photos. Describe or just read about me. Great. Well, first of all, you're holding what looks like a pineapple drink and then putting the top of the pineapple on your head great so good picture bad picture do you like it i like the picture a lot i think it's actually a really good representation of your essence as a human being you seem fun you seem like i'm like this is a chick who's down to live

yeah you know she don't want to die she wants. She got to get a husband so her obituary can read she's survived by somebody. I want it. You want it. Great. So our description is, I'm a big old bitch with a fat ass head. I like people with a sense of humor because life is too fucking long not to. Some things to know about me. I'm definitely a thot.

The happiest out there. I'm also a P, the happiest out there. I'm also PYT, probably yodeling tonight. And I'm USA, usually sitting around. Also, I'm all about that D, and by D, I mean dinner. That's a Molly Tarlov on a previous episode. She told me to put that, so I put it. And we're going to see how it works out.

I truly just changed it on my flight yesterday and laughed so hard at what I came up with for those acronyms. Probably yodeling tonight really got me. That is funny. I love it, yeah. I would almost put PYT above the happiest out there because it's so specific. The happiest out there, yeah. Usually sitting around is really good too. One interest.

I know. Call your own damn show. I can't figure out how to get it off. I guess I have to log into Facebook. I never go on Facebook. So I should do that. This is, this is a good,

I think this is a really solid profile for you. Thank you. Yeah. This, like, there's not... Oh, wait, let me swipe through your photos a little bit. Thank you. Okay. Oh, right, so this is the dildo one that's been discussed on this show before.

And I put some googly eyes on it. You got a real... Just because it's in the lexicon right now, but the smoky eye is... Or in the zeitgeist, rather. Everyone's talking about the smoky eye in regards to Michelle Wolf. People are talking about the smoky eye. Real smok Michelle Wolf. People are talking about the smokey eye. Real smokey eye in this dick photo, huh? Thank you.

Michelle Wolf fucking crushed. Yeah, she fucking crushed. Good for her. This beach photo of you is hilarious. I don't think I've ever looked happier. Oh, my God, no. That is truly the happiest out there. These are great.

I like this last one of you, too. This feels like a pretty good, like, this is like a lightly more adult photo for you. You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. This is like me

in front of some shrubberies. Right. Like, hey, this is like, if I was to take you to a wedding as my date, like this is the vibe that I'm bringing

to that wedding. You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. Just like here for a nice picture and a nice time. Then we get a couple drinks and you start screaming about dicks to the bride.

You want the same dick forever? Why do you do that to you? Great. I mean, shit, I would swipe on that. Okay. Would you really? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't swipe on anyone because I don't believe that.

But you know what I mean? on anyone because I don't believe that but you know what I mean um I think I think if your your goal is to curate a profile that is like this is my this is my sort of true essence obviously it's it's the internet so you gotta like manicure it a little bit but I think that's a I think you really hit the sweet spot there oh thank you so much you're so welcome oh what a treat thank you so much okay let me ask you a question. Yeah, please. Why won't you date me? I've never asked.

No. But in this world we're living in, would you or wouldn't you? So I was thinking about this. The last three times that I've seen you, the, I think, second question you've asked me is, so who are you fucking now? And immediately I got so defensive and was like, I don't know how to answer that question. And like all of my insecurities about comedy and being on display and like, not me as a

comedian, but like romantic shit romantic comedy really were just, I was like, I got to get out of here. Oh no, I'm sorry. I won't do it anymore. No, now it's funny.

Cause I'm ready for it. You're not the only person who's had that reaction. They're like, why do you do this? I'm like, I don't realize I'm doing it. It's just words falling out of my mouth. It's yeah, that's you. Um, but I was like, I don't realize I'm doing it. It's just words falling out of my mouth. Yeah, that's you.

But I was like, it's a funny representation, I think, of the differences in our personalities a little bit. I'm like, I would never ask somebody that question. Especially because I don't see you that much, you know what I mean? But yeah, I was like, I don't know. I think, yeah, it's that like you are, and if I have a read on it incorrectly, I'm a person that's like a little bit private. Oh, yeah, sure. And I think you are not. You are correct. Yeah.

I tell people all my business. Totally. And I think like dating you, that would be a little bit challenging for me. Because I would feel by proxy that my life was on display and a little bit out of my control. And I think that would be hard for me. Interesting. You're the only person who's ever said that. And you're right. Yeah.

Because I would talk about it. I would talk about it on stage in stand up. Yeah. I would talk about it on stage and stand up yeah i would talk about it on this podcast yeah yeah you're i wouldn't say your name but then like i'd probably post a picture of you on instagram so people would know exactly who you were motherfuckers would know yeah like our mutual friends would all know totally so yeah you're very right and that's the like real true core of like that's hard for me yeah um and whether that's that is not a that's not a knock on you by any means.

That's just a potential insecurity on my part. We live different ways. Or just like a personality difference. But boy, you got a great energy about you. I love spending time around you. Thank you. But yeah, I think, and it's like, I don't know. It's such a hard, like that's a thing that I think I've, as I have gotten older, I realize I value more and more else is like, is talking about my life and I'm not, you know, pushing that.

Or I don't have control over that narrative, I guess. The only time I've ever felt that way is when IMDb published my age because it wasn't something I told anybody. And I made a very, a very aggressive point to never say my age on stage on film anywhere like i just made a very conscious decision not to do that because i was like i look young or i can look older i say i don't know i look about maybe i'm a lady on the plane she was a black lady she was like how old are you 26 and i was like aha how old are you? 26. And I was like, aha, I could be, you know, black dough crack. And then we tee hee heed all the way to fucking Atlanta. But like, I was like, I could play younger or I can play older depending on like what

you put me in. And then once you put that age up there, people, especially like when you get like in your mid thirties, nobody wants to like let you play, you know, younger or whatever. And I've heard casting directors say, oh, they're 35, too old. I i'm like they don't look 35 i'm like well they are and i'm like oh so age does yeah so when that was published i was like beside myself which is probably how you would feel every single day if we ever dated right yeah why is she saying this? Well, why? Why? Why? So my man came home the other night. You would not believe what he did. I would just have a podcast called My Man Came Home Another Night.

My impression of you is like a very stereotypical black comedian. I love it. My man came home another night and what da da da da da... A lot of N-bombs in that part. Oh, man. So many. This nigga came home and he dropped all the silverware. He woke my ass up and I said, nigga, what you doing? You gonna give me that dick to make up for that mistake.

And then he did. And you know what? It was fine. And it was fine. And we all went to sleep. The silverware stayed on the floor. It's fine. It wasn't know what? It was fine. And we all went to sleep. The silverware stayed on the floor. It's fine. It wasn't good, but it was fine.

If you like black lady stand-ups, you should watch Old Sherri Shepherd on Def Comedy Jam and then just like on YouTube. Yeah. She has this one set where she opens up. She's like, I love to suck a dick. I suck a dick so good. The dick come to me and I suck a dick. And there's no jokes for about a full minute. And then I don't know if any jokes start.

She's just screaming about how she likes to suck dick. And it's so funny. That's amazing. Oh, so funny. Who else on Def Comedy Jam? Adele Gibbons. Have you ever seen her set where she's like, because I'm a fucking lady.

It's so funny. She has this one joke. I'll ruin it for you. Please. She goes, I got big lips, so I need a big dick. I can't fuck nobody with a tic-tac. No, what is it? I can't fuck nobody with a tiny dick.

That'd be giving a tic-tac to a whale. And the audience reaction is, they all stand up, start stomping around, and like run around the theater. And it's maybe the funniest reaction to anything I've ever seen. Black stand-up audiences

are the best thing ever. They are, because they'll let you know if something's actually funny. They fucking feel it in their guts. In their soul. It's so fun to watch. Yeah.

I love, I can't remember. Something happened recently that was so funny that I stomped my feet and hopped around. It's like. And I couldn't stop myself. It's like, what is that? It's a, like, there is just this, like, it's like a tension release thing. You're like, this is so funny that my, I can't unclench my stomach. So I've got to stomp my feet to try and get that energy out.

And it's like, it's so beautiful. Oh, I love it. I think maybe it stems from church because when you catch the Holy Ghost in church, you're stomping your feet and you're like running around because you're feeling so much. So I guess it's the same thing when like something makes you laugh so hard that you're feeling so much. Catch that comedy ghost. Oh, truly.

I love when someone says something funny and someone has to do a lap yeah oh they have to just run around i don't do black rooms often but maybe i'll start maybe i'll start maybe you find you a nice thick chocolate bro honestly the older i get the more i'm like yes i met chadwick postman the other day oh my god he was at ucb right that's what somebody said at um john said he was at UCB, right? That's what somebody said! Or at, um... John said he was at, like, a UCB show. He was at Franklin & Co. Well, he was at Franklin & Co.

Is that where you saw him? When I saw him, yes. Were you in Madeline? Yes. Yeah. And I saw a little bit of that show. It was funny. It was fine.

But I couldn't stay. I can't possibly watch any more improv. Certainly not. I'd pass right away. But, um, so Madeline and I were eating. Chadwick Boseman, the fucking Black Panther, comes into Franklin and Company. Yeah, Wakanda forever. And I, Wakanda forever.

I look up and I was like, nobody clocked him. It was insane that this man who made a billion dollars, like the movie made a billion fucking dollars. Yeah. Which means statistically everybody in that restaurant saw that movie at least twice. Yeah. So he sits down and I was like he can't he can't just sit someone has to say something i'll say something so i go to the bathroom and i was like what am i gonna say just like on the toilet so then i like leave the bathroom and i lean down

and i was like hey i know you're eating but you are sexier in person and it's a treat to be in your present and he laughed and i looked at his friend i went oh you're hot too oh what a fine table of chocolate and then i went bye bye walked away and said i was like natalyn i think i'm insane she was like you are what'd you say and i told her we laughed we tee hee heed oh it was a real treat. He looks smaller in person. I bet. Yeah. But like his skin is so nice. Saw that heart-shaped herb he's been eating.

Truly. Heart-shaped herb? You haven't seen the movie? What? Black pan? Oh, the purple juice? Uh-huh. Yes.

Okay. The heart-shaped herb. So you saw it more than once. I saw it a couple times. I only saw it once. He. I saw it a couple times. I only saw it once. He was in the frame going, oh yeah, can I have the power of the Hatshift up? I'm sure people say lines like that to him.

It's going to be so fucking annoying. All the time. Have you seen the meme of him doing the Wakanda forever, the little salute? And he just, his eyes are dead. Yes. He's like, oh God, what have I done? Really? Wakanda forever? Forever, ever. I love love it it's so great

i have a question for you on this note do you so i was having a conversation with a black woman the other day um who only who specifically only dates black men um where do you fall on that spectrum or like is that a a thing that you can connect to or yeah well i used to specifically only go for white men yeah because black men sometimes would uh have comments to say about my blackness and i was like i don't want to spend time defending my blackness yeah i'm a black woman i may sound the way i sound i may act the way i act but at the end of the day if i I get pulled over, I'm fucking black, you know? If I'm applying for a house loan, I'm fucking black. Like, none of the things that I do take away from my blackness, but as I've gotten older,

I realize that there's a lot of other black people who've grown up the way I've grown up, and sound the way I do, and had parents who raised them the way I was raised. But, so now, I kind of really want to find a black man who like speaks my language and is like me. Yeah. Because if I have kids, I want little chocolate roll nuggets.

Sure. I want cute little black kids. Yeah. Little black girls are precious. They're adorable. They're so cute. Yeah. They're so funny.

That's a really interesting thing that i i have been processing that a little bit recently like after this conversation like the the this woman sort of said she was like my thing the reason that i do it is that like or that i i am sort of limiting my quote-unquote limiting myself in that way is that like um yeah she just like wants somebody that can really connect to that same experience which makes sense you know um i think, me being sort of a product of a biracial relationship, that's like not something that I connect to in the same way.

But to your point about like, you know, it's such an interesting thing of like black people being like, it's on the one sense, it's like a really kind of amazing thing that black people are like, I want to continue to sort of connect with my culture in this way. And so that's where I focus my romantic energy.

But on the other half, like black people are so like authentically black is such a thing that is talked about constantly. And like people are really like put on blast for not ascribing to that, maybe less so as we continue. But like that was such a thing like you talk white, you sound white, you dress white. Like this thing of like trying to prescribe to a specific set ideal of blackness. And it's like, those two things feel antithetical to me where you're like, how can you be so about the culture that you are like, I only am going to date this sort of subset of people. But at the same time be like, but that person doesn't fall into that subset that I want.

When in reality, like maybe we do or maybe we don't. Crazy. I talk about it on stage because I've had casting directors say to me literally, be blacker. Sure. This one lady said, if you go too black, I'll bring you back, which blew my mind. And I was, for the first time in my life, speechless. But then I, like I say on stage, I'm like, well, what kind of black can you tell me to be blacker? Like, do they live in, you know, public house, like fucking the or like do they live in you know public house like

a fucking the projects do they live in like baldwin hills yeah do they live in beverly hills do they go to college are they not there's so many different types of black yeah and like so just for you to put black in one little subset is stupid and it's rude and then for someone like a black person to be like oh i can't date them they sound white it's like. And then for someone like a black person to be like, oh, I can't date them. They sound white. It's like, well, you're trying to erase my blackness. 100%. You can't.

I think that's the thing that really gets me. It's like that idea is so clear. Like the lack of recognition that black is not a monolithic experience is a specifically like, that's a white point of view. Yes. You know? Yes. But it's a white point of view. Yes. You know? Yes. But it's one that black people also really have.

And it's, I don't know. I think black people don't realize how much racism and white people have influenced how we live, how we think. And what we do. Yeah. It's insane. Because like for you to reject any sort of blackness it's not from being black yeah that's from white people telling you that you have

to act a certain way for sure that you are a certain way and then the more i learn about what white people did in the past the more i'm like you're the descendant of a bad man yeah i just learned about red uh red lining red apple ale red apple ale hard apple cider quench your thirst yum i just you know what redlining is redlining is um so redlining is when you district like a city and then like the green zones for white people, the red zones for black people. And you make it hard for the black people in the red zone to get a loan to move to the green zone. So have you ever heard of like. It's like gerrymandering based on race. Yeah, it's gerrymandering for housing essentially. And, like, in my experience, I grew up in the suburbs, and there was only two black families in my whole suburb of maybe 100 houses or something, or subdivision, whatever you want to call it.

And my mom's family kind of treated her in a certain type of way because they felt like she had gotten out and she, like to the suburbs and was like living this wonderful dream and people would ask her for money and shit and i never really understood why she was treated the way she was treated or why she would have comments about what people were saying about her until i learned about redlining yeah and i was like oh shit she i guess won the housing game yeah it's really interesting and they're like they make it it's so like suburbs just stay white. It's like a white little utopia. Totally. White picket fences.

I was in one in Connecticut. I got lost. What part of Connecticut? I don't fucking know. I thought I was going to Colby College, but that's not where I was. I was in New Haven. Colby's in Maine, right? Yep.

I was so confused the whole weekend. And I kept saying Colby College and nobody corrected me. Were you at Conn College? I think I was at New Haven University. Okay. Because I was in New Haven, Connecticut.

But I got lost like an hour away from New Haven where there was literal stoplights for bikes and there was all white people

and the only non-white people I saw were Asian adopted children with white parents that's crazy because new haven is fucking hoods parts of it yeah parts of it are why i was an hour away from new haven i was an hour in the wrong direction got it like yale where yale is that is a my friend was there that's great no it's ghetto i like it okay there's lots of black people i felt i felt

good it's great uh my good friend growing up his his dad was a professor at Yale for a while. And when he was five, he saw somebody get shot in the back. Yes! In front of Yale. Yes, Yale! He witnessed a murder. Ivy League! Get murdered!

Come on, murderous Ivy League! Oh, boy. I got not pulled over when I was in this white utopia. But I was behind a cop and I was like looking at my phone to be like, how far away am I from this hotel? And the cop got out of his car and I was like, does he think I'm holding a pink gun? Because my phone case is pink. I was like, I don't.

So I like very slowly lowered it and like just put my hands in like my lap. Cause I was like, don't make any sudden movements. Like don't do anything. And then he like motioned for me to roll down my window and i was like don't make any sudden movements like don't do anything and then he like motioned for me to roll down my window and i was like okay so i rolled down my window and he's like your hubcap's a little wonky i noticed that from my uh rear view mirror and i was like no way yeah so then when i stopped the car and got out it was like slightly coming out of the top like there's he clocked me and wanted me to know he clocked me. Wow. And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Wow.

Like this sucks. Yeah. I felt, I don't feel safe when there's only white people anymore. Yeah. And growing up, I used to never feel any sort of way about it. But the older I get, the more I'm like, nah, no. It's so interesting how I'm having the exact same experience where my like internal barometer of being in white spaces has really changed a lot. And that was, I grew up in a town literally that had three and a half black kids.

I went to school and was just like, it was pretty white. All my friends were white. And I still love my white people. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, I like them too. But I'm getting set to go to a wedding next weekend where I know for a fact I'm going to be maybe one of two people. I'm like, that is is gonna be rough because the older you get the more microaggressions happen yeah where sometimes an old because old white men for whatever reason at weddings at around midnight

lose their minds with me and they touch me and they say things about my body and just the older i get i'm like oh that's not a one-time thing that's uh i'm exoticized or something or whatever and they feel like they are allowed to say these things to me i was at one wedding where this little white guy kept slapping my butt and then like winking at me talking full five finger and i was like who you can't complain to hr like who do you want with a dj like stop playing music you can't so i just dealt with it yeah you can't scream at someone's uncle at their wedding call him the n-word he'll love honestly he probably would he'd be like yeah i'm one of you tonight oh my god oh boy that's crazy yeah yeah i went back to my college reunion uh a couple years ago my five year and i was like i was just like it was so weird being surrounded by the exact same

people but feeling completely different in that space where i was like god damn like this is and that's one of the beauty beauties of la is like it's mad diverse did you grow up in la no no no but just like having lived here for the last seven years like it's i diverse did you grow up in la no no no but just like having lived here for the last seven years like it's i have shifted in a really fundamental way that i'm still sort of shocked by i don't know why but i'm like wow i don't and like the thought of me having kids like i could i wouldn't be able to take them to a place that wasn't you know yeah i couldn't have my kids grow up in an all-white place. It would just, I don't know, it does something to you.

Yeah, do you want to have kids? No. No? But if I were to have kids, I want little chocolate nuggets. Yeah? But I decided if I hit like 55, 60, and I still don't have a partner, I'm going to adopt a 13-year- old gay kid, rename him Aquaria or Aquarius or something and then just take him around

at 13 where he has no sense of self give him a new name give him a new name, an orange feather boa and say we're going to France for the weekend that's what I want and then he'll just be feral because he won't know how to interact with people he'll just be with me

I guess I'm Aquaria now do you have anything you want to plug? I don't know how to interact with people. It'll just be with me. I guess I'm Aquarian now. I'm Aquarian. Zeke, do you have anything you want to plug? Oh, plug, plug, plug. I don't know. Come check out Cardinal Redbird Tuesday night at 11 p.m. at UCB or White Women second Friday of every month at UCB Sunset. Both very fun shows. Also, you can catch AP Bio where Zeke is a writer on it.

It's all on Hulu. It's on Hulu. Get it up there, yeah. So pay for that Hulu. Pay for it. Watch AP Bio. Help it get renewed to keep my black friend employed. Hell yeah.

And if you like listening to this podcast, you can leave a comment. This was a really wide-ranging conversation that we had. I like it. It was great. Nobody really leaves me nasty comments like I ask for. What kind of nasty do you want? I want something nasty that's like, Nicole, I want you to sit on my face and fart so that I can blow it through my mouth. Right.

Back into your butthole. Uh-huh. Let's see. Oh, here's one. so then I could blow it through my mouth. Back into your butthole. Let's see. Oh, here's one. Nicole, I would stretch out that booty hole and wear you like a hat. That's great. I like that. Oh, here.

Hey, Nicole. The first one was from Jam Diggity. I'm trying to picture that. Stretch out that booty hole with his head so that he would. Yeah, I guess. And then I would just be a person sitting on top of him like a hat. Like a real fun Easter hat. Hey.

Zach H. Official said, hey, Nicole, I'd bend you over and treat you right, but I got to put a bag over your head because I'm gay. Hit me up. Okay. Which is funny that he can't take my feminine face but is okay with my pussy I would put a strap

on on me and keep my bag my head bagless sure oh whatever Zeke this has been fun thank you so much thanks so much

bye bye bye this has been a team cocoa production