Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Tasteful Dick Pics (w/ Jermaine Fowler)

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

Comedian & actor Jermaine Fowler (The Blackening) joins Nicole to reminisce on their time working on Guy/Girl Code, his joy of being a unexpected father, and discusses what makes a great dick pic. Nicole is now horny for them, but before you go sliding one into her DMs, she shares her criteria on how to take a tasteful pic. See Nicole Byer live on tour! Get tickets at nicolebyerwastaken.com. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast for menial buyers exploring love. I was trying to figure out why I'm single, but guess what? There's been no answers in six years.

My guest is a comedian and actor that you know from Coming to America. Sorry to bother you, The Drop and Guy Code. He now stars in The Blaganing. Now playing in theaters. Put your little virtual hands together for Jermaine Fowler. What up, Cole? Jermaine, how are you? I haven't seen you in so fucking long. No, the last time I saw you was at a comedy show.

You killed it. Wait, no. The last time we saw each other was at a game show because you asked me to be your partner on one show. And then I told my agent the wrong show. So then they reached out to you for the wrong show. And you're like, I guess I'll do it. And then we didn't even play together. Oh, shit. I think that was it. I think that might have been it. Wow. Wow. And then we did the pyramid show. What was it called? Yeah, it was a thousand dollar pyramid or something. I remember we were laughing because I'm so bad at game shows and I'm not competitive at all. I'm the least competitive person. In fact, I just love chaos, right? I just love the, and it felt so bad for my partner, who I had to win the money for,

because I really wanted to win, but I'm not good at the game stuff. You know what I'm saying? So I remember after the game show, she was like, you know, taking the photos with us, and we were having a good time, like smiling, but you can tell she was still angry she lost. And then you said something like, she's pissed off she's so mad this woman is so mad at you

my guy i was like i was truly trying i was trying so hard i too am not great at game shows but i do love to win dude i i wanted to win for that person i don't even care about him personally but and then involves money i'm like man she man, who knows what she might need it for. I really wanted to win for her. But there's just so much pressure when there's like hammers in your face and stuff like that. It was just added pressure I couldn't handle, man. I hate that stuff. But I'll do them because I'd rather just kind of, you know, I do like games.

Like you said, I love Uno. I love Uno. I love Uno. What are your Uno rules? Can you put down multiple cards at a time? You know how some people will be like, I'll put down a reverse. I'll put down a draw two. I'll put down a draw four. Pylon, right.

Yeah. And the hood, yeah, that's like a rule. You can pylon, pylon, right? If you do pylon, it's got to match the card. You just can't match the color, right? Like if you have a blue skit, you can't put up a blue draw two. You just can't do that. Someone also asked me, hey, if someone has a draw two

and somebody else has a draw two, can you put down a draw four? And I was like, no, that's a different card. It's not, it's a two plus two. And I'm like, no, you can still change the color with that card, it has different attributes, nigga. That's actually insane. It's insanity. You can't just go two plus two equals four

so I can put down a draw four. No, no, no, no. But people want to make up those rules because they really want to win and that's how chaotic that game get, is. I have a Uno chat, right? And we, well, okay. So if you go on your phone, if you have an iPhone, like I'm on your, I'm on your, our chat right now. If you swipe, you know, on the bottom, there's a thing called pigeon, right? And you click it, and they got Uno right here. You can click it, but you need multiple people on it. So they have Uno right here. They call it Crazy 8, but it's Uno.

They don't have the license for Uno. Too much money. But AFN is the most lucrative company in the world. I don't know how they can't afford Uno. Yeah, it's like, I think you can afford the licensing to Uno. The extra dollars for us. But no, I love Uno, man. Like my whole Uno chat is dedicated to just playing Uno with my friends and family and stuff.

And it started during the pandemic because I needed something. I love that you play Uno. I loved playing Uno with my sister and I was terrible. I would cheat so bad. and I was terrible. I would cheat so bad. Like, if I was shuffling and she turned her head, I would stack all the draw fours

in my favor. Okay, so that's just impressive to be upset at, number one. Are you like a magician? Like, you can just like... That's very slick. I couldn't even do that. Well, I would just like

shuffle them and then spread them out and then put like as I shuffled them collect the draw fours and then like spread them out and then my sister would be like what are you doing and I'm like a new way of shuffling but then I would stack them in a way that when I dealt them I would get all the draw fours that's her fault actually I blame her for not even notice yeah at all I went to Costa Rica with Joshua Benowitz. You know, you know, of course.

Yeah. Fellow comedian, friend of ours. Funny as hell. And we had we did a retreat in Costa Rica. And we met at the retreat. We met these these French guys who liked, you know, as much as us. And they had different rules. So their rules were called their rules called So their rule was called faster.

They called it faster. And I'm like, what's faster? And they were like, well, if you have a matching car, it doesn't have to be your turn to lay it down. You just have to fast with it. And I loved it. It actually made the game crazy. So that was a little rule I didn't know about. But I guess every state, every region,

every country has a different sort of... I feel like you could just go down the street in the same neighborhood and people will have different rules. Yeah, yeah.

We only play with like eight cards, you know what I'm saying? So like every... And you gotta, you know, who knows first. Whoever says who knows first, you just win.

It's like a two-second game. Like that's a wild... I agree with you. a two-second game. That's a wild, I agree with you. A two-second game? I might need to put an UNO party together. I forgot how much I loved UNO until you just started talking about it. And I just bought a new deck during the pandemic to play with, played with it, and then just kind of was like, oh, well, whatever. But now I think I'm going to pull it the fuck out.

I was in Australia and we were on set waiting to go film. It was me, Zac Efron, Andrew Santino. We were all on set trying to just, you know, we were just killing time. And me and the guest stars or the co-stars of the film, we were all just kind of playing Uno on set. And there were people who probably never played in their lives who saw us, what you playing? We're like, uno.

And they were like, this older woman who was like one of the co-stars, she sat down, she said, what are the rules? And we were like, the rules are this or that and that. And she goes, okay. And by the middle of the game, she got super competitive. And that's one, the game is so easy to play. Then it starts to kick in, like you really want to fucking win. And that's what happened to play. Then it starts to kick in. Like, you really want to fucking win. And that's what happened to her.

She got sunk in, man. She was sunken in. Like, it was actually a little faster than you watched. That's funny. What is Zac Efron like? Man, he's really down to earth, dude. He likes to travel. He has amazing stories.

His experiences in Hollywood are amazing. I keep telling him, yo, you gotta talk about this story on late night or just write a book or whatever. Like he has the funniest stories and you could only expect that from someone who has done as much as him. I'm such a fan of that dude. I watched probably, you know,

damn near probably every movie he's ever done. It was so wild to see how cool he was, man. He's chill as hell. We watched Cocaine Bear together down in Australia during the filming. And it was, that movie is so funny. It was so funny. I'm like, I'm watching Cocaine Bear.

It was like, is this where I thought my life would be going? You've been traveling so much. I feel like last time I saw you, you were like spending time in Atlanta too. Do you bring your wife and children with you? It depends. If the project's lengthy, bring the family. If it's like a couple weeks, I'll just go in and out. But they came to Australia.

I'm happy they did because, man that flight is so long it's 16 fucking hours yeah yeah well my flight was 13 I don't know how deep Australia you did you leave from LA I left from LA maybe I left from New York maybe I went from New York to LA to where you you're an airline I was on Spirit Airlines and we landed in the ocean for a little bit and then they were like, everybody get back on this ain't a boat.

And we were like, oh my God. We have a layover in the water. Kind of taxing a little on you. No, I think I was 13. I don't remember.

Whatever. But I bring the family whenever I'm just like, you know, I just need to see my kids when I need to see my family. Where are you right now? I'm in New York promoting the sale. Promoting the blackening?

Yeah, yeah. So we're here until the 19th. And dude, it's premiering in the fucking Apollo Theater. That's fucking cool. On Juneteenth? On Juneteenth weekend. Yeah, yeah. That's great.

That's nice. That's nice. That's like a, I don't know. It's just like a fun moment to be like, it's Juneteenth weekend and I'm promoting and opening up like a black horror film or black horror comedy, right? Right. And not even like some sad, moody-ass movie. A fucking funny horror movie. You know what I'm saying? I'm so happy, dude.

And I used to live in Harlem man I used to stay in Akash Singh's house when I was broke as hell so really yeah yeah yeah for a couple days

that's so funny I didn't know that it's wild man yeah man it's just crazy to be back in the city when you have money you know it's lovely

when you have money cause I remember I lived in a four bedroom one bathroom apartment on a the top of a six floor walk-up it was caving in on itself uh there was six of us in there at one point that was fucking wild and then to like go back to the city be like oh i don't have to do a six floor walk-up i don't have to stay in an apartment that's caving in on itself. I could be in a hotel.

I could take a cab. Isn't that such a fucking 180? We lived in New York for a minute. I lived in New York eight years. I'm not sure how long you were there. Eight years. Yeah, we went to LA at the same time. We got successful at the same time.

Isn't that nice? Success twins. Success twins. You got it a little earlier because you got Guy Code before I got Girl Code. I think you got it like maybe a year or two. Nigga, let's talk about that. So we got Guy Code came out first. And it came on MTV too.

And that was super popular. Really popular. That show got me my start. That Nia Jax show. Super grateful. But then when Girl Code. Y'all took over the world, dude was really wild as well and i remember a lot of niggas that was on god code with jealousy y'all because it was like i don't wait wait wait why why the fuck why the fuck these new niggas are

we know too and he's boring the whole galaxy we We just like, it was fucking, fucking shit. But no, all y'all was so like, Carly, you, and I loved all y'all, man. I was so happy for the show. I was happy for y'all. And I remember just the impact that show had and it just changed your life. It changed my life.

Overnight. Literally. At the premiere party, I couldn't look at my phone because it was like buzzing so much and I had never experienced that my whole life. I was like, oh, so I guess I turned the notifications off now? Like, what?

My first date, I had it with a woman named Marita. We went to this bar in Brooklyn, and it was the premiere of Guy Code, right? And Twitter was just popping up. I'm not on Twitter no more because it's a terrible place. But when I had Twitter, it was the first time I ever got such a wave of, you know, reaction. And just all these notifications were just popping up on my phone. And I couldn't help but just look at it because we worked so hard. Fortunately, it was at her expense. And I'm just like, I am so sorry.

I've just never. I am so sorry. I've just never, I am so sorry. And it was so embarrassing, but I couldn't look away. And it's still, it was so bad. But yeah, man, it was just a big deal. I get it though. Cause it's like, yeah, we do work hard. You do comedy for nobody, for a bunch of people who still don't know who you are.

And then you're just like trying to prove that you're funny over and over and over again. And then you got a show that just takes your funniest bits and then puts them out there on a huge platform you're like oh shit people like me and then like when people started coming up to me for pictures i was like oh um why and then i remember carly taking it so well just being like yeah and like talking to people and taking pictures. And I was like, oh, that's what I do. You talk to them.

You say hello. No. Thank you. It was funny seeing the stand-up comics like me, Soder, Barnett, and who else was a stand-up? Pete. Like we were all like the stand-ups on the show. I would say we were kind of like the, I don't know. I felt like we were outcasts in a way um and it's because we weren't like you know personalities

you know what i'm saying like we're cynical we're comics we're you know we've been through the grimy as shit and you know to just sit down and just spew out jokes is what we do but we used to do in front of the audience but having someone behind the camera like Stucky uh and his producing partner kind of throw stuff that she was new to us you know and um I remember me and the guy code guys we had a it was a paintball episode where um it was uh and that's how they split up the teams up it was um I think it was Schultz and Charlemagne and Big Do. I'm sorry. It was kind of like, I don't know,

the more type A guys or something like that. Or nerdy guys. And it was me, Pete, and Catherine. I remember we smashed the shit out of them. And we paintballed the fuck out of them. And they got so mad because I guess that wasn't supposed to happen. We had a great time filming that episode. That was the first time I was like, man, this show is fucking fun.

I went fishing for the first time with those guys. That's nice that you got to do those things. I got my pussy waxed for the first time on camera at 630 in the morning with aussian woman telling me to stop screaming and be strong what we were on different shows who's pussies ready for that at six i don't know not mine certainly not mine ready at 6 a.m 6 a.m and at one i think stucky was there or maybe it was laura murphy i don't remember um but one of them was like, well, I guess we'll just have a camera in there. And I was like, no, we won't. We'll film it through the door.

You'll just listen. I'll be vocal. This is before me, too. Yeah, we'll just set up the camera in here. You spread your legs. And I was like, I don't think so. Like, some don't feel right. Some feels real fucking funky.

Jermaine, real quick, real quick, we gotta take a break. Here's a question. So, after you started doing Guy Code,

did the ladies slide into your DMs to be like oh jermaine you so funny it wasn't massive it wasn't like a you know i'm saying like a a huge i don't know i don't know like there wasn't like a huge influx. It was just like a trickle of tricks. Yeah. But I don't know. I feel like when you're on TV or when you have some sort of platform, you're just going to get people hitting on you online in any way.

I mean. Fair. I mean, you could say that. But I truly don't. I don't really have that. That's not true. Yes, it is. I don't have an influx of people hitting on me. What are you talking about?

What am I talking about? I'm talking about my DMs. They're open and people barely hit on me. I have like two people who consistently hit on me. Two is good. Two is a couple. I'm trying to get a crowd of people well why do you think it's because they might not think you like you don't like you don't have that like sexual like like i want to

say material but i feel like when you're like kind of like spewing sex and or that sort of like, you know, that it just it comes. But like you're so you're so Nicole that I know exactly what you mean. I I'm not like really like I don't really put out vibes that I'm like, oh, come on. But also I'm always like, I'll say it. I'll be like, I'm looking for dick. But I feel like people are like, that's cute. Ha, ha, ha, ha. They don't like truly take me seriously.

Because I'll take dick pics. I'll take dick pics in my DMs. I would love to open my DMs and see like, I will say this. If you're going to send me a dick pic I now want them for a while I didn't want them now I do I'm a little hornier but like clean up your space and I don't want to see dirt behind the dick

I want to see like a clean floor or like a clean couch just a clean environment I thought you meant dirt all in the dick I thought you meant like a little dirt dick wash your dick before you send me a pic. I thought that's what you meant. I was like, well, yeah, you gotta fucking clean your dick before you...

No, what I want you to do is put your dick in dirt. Like, plant it like an eggplant and then pull it out and go, here's my eggplant. Not like before you fry chicken, you gotta like put the chicken on the flour. You went like that, like slap it on the dirt. Slap your dick on the flour and fry it up.

No, when you talk about sex, right, Chicken on the flour. You went like that, like slap it on the dirt. Slap your dick on the flour and fry it up. Pat it at the dirt. No, when you talk about sex, right, I hear exactly what you're saying. I guess, like you said, people may not take you seriously because it just comes out so bluntly. And you're always giggling. Like when you say the sexual stuff. Maybe. Also, a bunch of gay men listen to this. So I'm just going to get a bunch of gay dicks, which is fine.

Gay dicks are fine. They'll sound like cleaner dicks. I think they are the cleanest, the gay dicks. But I just, I would love for like a dude who is into me to slide into my DMs and be like, hey girl, let me take you out. And I'd be like, okay. Okay. And that's never happened.

No. Nobody's ever slid into my DMs and been like, let me take you out. That I was like, oh, I'm attracted to you. Because that's the second part of it. I ain't just going out with everybody. I'm not desperate. I got to like feel something. Number one, I thought you were in a relationship, like a long one.

No. For some reason. But you had like a, didn't you? I thought you were in a relationship like a long one. No. For some reason. But you had like a, didn't you? I thought you had a joke about some guy you were dating. A joke about a guy I was dating. Nicole, I think he's referencing Dan Black. Oh, well, I did post that I was in a relationship with Dan Black. Thank you, Mars, who's an improviser.

And I posted on my Instagram. But that was just a joke. Okay. All right. We're still trying to, but that was just a joke. Okay. All right. We're still trying to figure out what the actual joke is. Okay. Did people think that was a joke? No. Do you think the reason why people don't hit on you online is because they still think you're in a relationship with Dan Black?

I mean, I haven't posted about Dan since New Year's. I can't imagine a man being respectful. years. I can't imagine a man being respectful. Wait, Jermaine, when did you meet your wife? Wait, are you married? Am I? Are you like officially married? But you've been together for so long. We are partners and people call her my wife all the time. I never correct her because that's what I said it twice. And I was like, I'm wrong okay how long have you been with your partner we've been together since 20 we've been dating since 2015 yeah you guys have been together for so long yeah but I met her a couple years ago before uh I met her a couple years ago before that on guy code and I sent her she's she's just beautiful I just hit her up via email like, how are you?

Do you like movies? You know, I just trying to find something to talk to her about. She said, she keeps reminding me how weird that email was. And I'm like, it's weird that like I was being nice to you? Are you so used to like douchebags? Like when a guy's like, do you like this? You know, movies? It's just, I guess it's that weird.

I'm like, I thought it was nice, but I guess it was weirder than, you know, the other way she gets hit on or whatever. And so we started dating, and then we had our first kid, you know, a couple years after that. Now we're on our second kid. He just turned three. It's so wild that you have a three-year-old. Yeah. In our friend group,

when it was announced that I was having a kid, everyone's reaction was, Jermaine? I remember when you were like, I'm having a kid. I also said, Jermaine? And I deserve that. I'm just who I am. You know what I'm saying? but I've always felt like my disposition has made me a great dad I just love to have a good time and

me and my kids we you know it's almost like they're my best friends for real I take my daughter to the movies all the time

like we went to go see the Super Mario movie together and you know something we both laughed at the exact same moments for the exact same reasons.

It was great. It was great. I was like, I'm a good dad. I'm a pretty damn good dad. It's just one of those things where I was just, you never know when you're going to have a kid. But I knew the moment Megan says she was pregnant, I was ready for it. I wanted to be a pop. That is so fucking cute.

I love that. Yeah. I bet you're a good dad. Because I feel like you find the humor in everything. Like, one of my favorite memories is doing a college show with you, Kevin. It was you, me, and Kevin Barnett. And college shows go either way. And it's like either they're really great or they're like really awful because the kids are terrible.

And Kevin was bombing so hard. And you were like in the balcony cackling. Because like the jokes were funny. And you would like cackle at the punchline. Because we'd all heard Kevin set before. And then I started cackling because you were cackling. And then Kevin was just like, oh man, I can't. Can you all stop? They don't even like me. And it was the most magical moment. And it made me laugh so hard. And even now, if I'm not doing well in a set,

I'll laugh at the punchlines for myself because I'm like I know it's funny other people laughed and it's because of that moment it brought me, I was like in tears laughing at how hard you were laughing and how mad it made him and how the kids were like we don't get what's funny about any of this like you said

the college shows I'm crying thinking of it it can be an arrest yeah and kevin's my favorite comedian of all time he's my favorite like he's just the funniest one and i know what he's capable of like i've seen kevin have some of the funniest sets i've ever seen any comedian have and i don't know what it is about like he just knows who he is and he was a few comics who just knew who he was and he could exude that on stage so if you didn't like him you just didn't like who he was and once you didn't like who he was it would open him up to just this you know foray of just like non-sequitur statements. Like that's what he would do.

And so the fact, I only laugh because I know what he's capable of. So when he was bombing on stage, it was just like the greatest thing. In fact, seeing your friends bomb and do terrible like, wait. I mean, listen, seeing a comic kill is not fun. Like I know you can kill.

You know, we can all kill. We're supposed to do a good job but when something goes the way it's not supposed to go yo especially when you've seen it work you've seen it like he did his black wolverine joke and it i've seen it a hundred times it works and then he did it for these kids and he gets to the punchline and you're in the balcony just going that joke that joke is like we made a sketch

out of that joke this is a perfect joke and Kevin's a writer like Kevin's a particular writer you know writes to a T and every joke has a beginning middle and a fucking end but when something doesn't work for Kevin you can see it throw him off a little bit. And he'll go, ah, man.

Ah, man, you're like that. You're all right. What's up? Kevin, I'm always late to everything. I was late to the podcast. I'm very sorry. It's okay. But I was late.

Me and Kevin, we had a co-headline in this comedy club in Baltimore. And, dude, I was running. I live in Maryland. You know, I'm from Maryland. So Kevin's on stage killing time for me. And he was doing a terrible job. And I had to go on stage and close the show. And I did.

And after the show, I did a good job. You know, after the show, the booker of the comedy, of the comedy club walked up to me and Kevin and was like, all right, cool. So listen,

throughout the weekend, Kevin, you're going on before Jermaine. Jermaine, you're going to close the show. And I was like, all right, but we had this thing

where we were going to, you know, tandem, you know what I mean? Maybe even like, close out some nights and maybe Kevin close out some nights.

And as soon as I said that, the booker goes, no, you close, Kevin close. goes no you closed Kevin closed and then you see Kevin going ah and so it was great

our opener was named Alabama he murdered harder than all of us right that's the best when a fucking host is crushing more than the headliner which has happened to me where you're like I don't know

you want to do some more time and I'll do less time you're just doing real good this nigga knows Baltimore they knew everything about Baltimore we just visited so that's what

that was dope that's what they wanted to hear we didn't really have much that they wanted to hear you know what I'm saying and this happened every night twice a night

he would go out to Alabama eat a dick and I would go on and do my shit night, twice a night. He would go out to Alabama, eat a dick, and I would go on and do my shit, right? And so one night, it finally hit Kevin. Kevin finally snapped, right? Two, three. After bombing so many times, Kevin said, you know something, man?

It's just beautiful because none of y'all like me. And you've all showed up at the exact same time, the same place for your hatred of me. And that broke the audience. Like that made the audience go like, he was finally just fucking letting them have it. It was like that moment in Philly when he had that, that tirade in Philly, you know, just letting them have it it was like that moment and philly when he had that that tirade in philly you know just letting them have it and that was like man this nigga's the

funniest dude i have because like listen we can kill like that's fucking we're capable of it but you really know how great a comic is when they're eating eating shit and they can turn the audience and then they're like oh i like you that happens to me a lot. And I think I did like chocolate sundaes or something, which is a black room. I am considered sometimes weird in black rooms, a little too alty. And black communities, like, aside from rooms, like in life. Yeah. I worked at Lane Bryant and all the girls who worked at Lane Bryant in New York were like from Brooklyn. And I remember my first day, all the girls from Brooklyn were like staring at me and I was like, hey, girls.

And they were like, you're fucking weird. And I was like, cool. I'm so glad. I'm so glad to be working here. And then won them over slowly. But like in black rooms, I got to win them over over slowly and then it's always like an older black woman in the front who goes you stupid and then the crowd is like oh okay we like her it's true like think about black people in general right like we

we're very slow into getting into anything new or anything different off kilter right this is just just period so we're very like trepidatious by nature period right so when someone like kevin me or you or whoever just is a personality they're not used to it takes a minute it takes a minute like uh i've seen some of the best sets where people like go on stage and it's not even winning over an audience it's an audience accepting who you are yeah you know what i'm saying and that's what we do like i i i talked to this song i think it was me and larry wilmore i think we were talking about i think like larry we were just and larry's just like king larry man that dude just one of the goats right and we were talking about like is okay stacy dash has said some of the worst things

right things that like people may not agree with right things that you know would be considered just like you know uncle thomas right and we were like is she invited to the cookout and everyone i think around us were like, because we're so forgiving. We're very forgiving. We're also super. We, like, welcome people in. We're like, okay, you can come in as long as you're not a weirdo. You know?

It's like, you're not being weird. You can come on over. Right. You know what I'm saying? I think, you know, in our lives, we've seen people like, you know, if you're good at what you like, Prince is such an enigma. You know what I'm saying? But that nigga is the greatest guitar player ever. So talented that it's like, I'll overlook some of this weird shit. You know what I'm saying? But I can go, you can say that about any talented black person, like R-3000. That dude had an uphill battle when it came to hip-hop,

right? But he, in that moment when he went on stage at the Sorcerer's Awards and said, the South got something to say. The South got something to say.

You forget, this nigga's from Atlanta. That's a hood-ass fucker. You know what I'm saying? Like, he ain't no different than us. He just dressed like he dresses and likes what he likes

and wears wigs and like... And just got a silk press. You know what I'm saying? Like, that is just, who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? Like, that is just, who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? I think, just stay who you are.

People will come to you. My mom told me that. I moved to LA and I was having a terrible time in some ways where I was just, I was just, like, out of it. I was like, man, what's going on? I feel like I'm not, you know, I got to prove myself here and there. And my mom said, Jermaine, as your your mother I'm going to tell you that you're very different and I'm like uh-huh she goes people are gonna have to come to you baby and when my mom said that it just like it made everything make sense you know what I'm saying like it made my

mother said that and I'm like thanks for the honesty mom I didn't need to hear that and then like I was what I was more patient with myself. I was more like, you know, I stopped comparing myself to other people. You know what I mean? Like, and that's the death of progress is comparison. So that's what my manager always told me. I mean, that is honestly, truly good advice. I think just in general, like for life, for career, for love, for everything is like, stop looking at the other paper. Like, just keep your eyes on your own paper. You are you. And my mother said the same thing to me. She was like, you are a lot. And people will have to come and they will have to like that. And you can't force everyone to like like that you will not be everyone's cup of tea but the people who enjoy your tea are going to be your people for life and my mother said that and

she was absolutely right because the people who fuck with me fuck with me and the people who don't really don't they're that great like you know who they are you know what i'm saying that's the best part like i'm too i'm i'm too old to be caring about new friends like if you you know i'm saying like i have my core group i respect if you don't like me who would me just let me know that's great let me know i don't mind oh it's just the best when you get like in your 20s you're making the worst mistakes yes your 30s answering for those mistakes and your 40s that's who you are this This is it. You know what I'm saying? Is it? In your 50s, you don't give a fuck who you offend no more.

You know what I'm saying? I can't wait till I'm like 80 and I get on a bus and I trip someone with my cane and I'm like, what are you going to do? I'm 80. I'm going to say, fight me. What about catchphrase? Fight me. Fight me.

Okay, real quick, we gotta take a break. I will say, I do like the choices you make. Like, you did an episode of Celebrity Drag Race where I feel like a lot of black gentlemen might feel emasculated

or like, this is too gay. But it's like, well, it's not gay unless you're gay. And also, it's fun and there's nothing wrong with it. Listen, man, I did that for that reason. I grew up around, I had a gay cousin people, you know, were scared of for no reason. And my mom, she was a lesbian. And her funeral was wild because people were still homophobic

in the fucking funeral. Wild. Yeah, I'm like, anyway. And I did it because I love everybody. You know what I'm saying? Everyone. I don't know what it is about my personality but I am damn near interested in cultures and like everything I was a kid like I was just curious

about lifestyles of you know people that I don't know it just was a thing that I've always been fascinated by. And so when they asked me to do RuPaul's Drag Race, it was an easy yes. It was just, yeah, I love RuPaul. And I love playing characters. That's what drag is. That's literally what drag is. What a fucking great way to break it down. That's literally what it is.

It's just people playing a character and having fun and having a nice time and exploring thematic things. Wait, Jermaine. Okay. I would talk to you forever, but we do have to wrap it up. Jermaine, listen. Okay. What?

Listen. I ask everybody this. Would you date me? Yeah. I'd date you. I feel like it'd be fun i feel like when you watch crazy ass movies all the time and i don't know i feel like you're already fun to talk to right now like in this interview you know what i'm saying uh-huh i don't know like what we're talking about do you think

you know like we were saying that like you know let people come to you do you think, you know, like we were saying that, like, you know, let people come to you. Do you think that would apply a dating world? Oh, my God. Maybe. Maybe I don't need to be like searching for somebody. Maybe I just have to wait for like a good person to approach me. Because like I work hard in my career, but it's like most of the stuff I've gotten was, like, people coming to me. Dude, it's a fact.

I told my friend who is a hardworking producer, director, very single, and very beautiful person. I'm single. Why am I single? I want a boyfriend. I want a date. And I'm sitting there looking at her like, dude, you are too busy. You busy as hell. Yeah.

And you're happy doing your work. I think maybe you're going to find that special person within your work while you're doing, you're chasing your own dreams. I think when you're out searching for it, it's like searching for an agent. Nobody wants a needy actor. Nobody wants a needy person. They want some, everybody wants someone that don't want them. Yes. Which is so wild. Like when I was looking for reps, it was just like, you're too green. I'm like, yeah, you'll help me not be green. You'll help me get work. And you're like, no, we'd rather you've done a little bit on your own. And it's like, what? Huh? But I guess that's like a relationship. It's like, I don't want a needy person I don't want a

person who's desperate I'm just I would like someone who's secure with who they are and has a little bit of experience right but listen there are people who do need someone that needs them those are some strange people but I don't think that really is going to lead to happiness to be completely honest I think you have to be full and whole as a person as an individual and then along the way you're going to meet someone who is hopefully an individual and you come together and you make you know a great relationship you know what I'm saying add this whole thing about like you ever meet someone who says you complete me yes that nigga crazy that nigga you shouldn't need someone to complete you you need someone to compliment you

you know what I'm saying? Yes. Dude, that's just how I think it should feel like. You know, I don't know. That's just me. No, I think you're right, Jermaine. That was nice. Listen, we're done.

Thank you for doing this, Jermaine. Thanks for having me. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. I think you're great. I can't wait to fucking see you again. Like, let me know when you're in fucking L.A. Anyway, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you could like

it, you could rate it, you could subscribe. If you write me something dirty hitting on me, you could write it to whywontyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com. The dirtier, the nastier, the better. I'm running low, so send them on in. And they don't have to be too long. This person said, I would dress us both up like bunnies, but hot, and take you to that weird raw vegan place where all the menu items are affirmations. Ooh, cafe gratitude. We'd order and be really sincere, but then the food comes. I'd jump on the table, feed you vegan slop mouth to mouth, and then dry hump you as foreplay.

Then I'd take you back to my place, lube of all kinds, different vegetables, and we go to town on each other. No hole is sacred. Okay. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much.

We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha, ha, ha. What a dream! Ha ha ha! This has been a Team Coco production.