Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The First Black Chippendale Dancer (w/ Quentin Plair)

Episode Date: December 9, 2022

Actor Quentin Plair (Welcome to Chippendales) chats with Nicole about the fetishization faced with being the first Black Chippendales dancer, the empowering nature of stripping,  and whether playing football or dancing attracts more women. Want to write to Nicole? Submit your dirty pick-up lines, dating stories, or questions to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air. Black Lives Matter.  Click here for an updated list of over 100 different things you can do to support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why? Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could surprise me to a trip to Idaho. Tell me that we're going to pick potatoes all day. And then leave me there and say, you're a stupid potato bitch. My guest today is an actor who plays the first and only black Chippendales dancer. Oh my gosh, I just hit my mic. And the bio drama.

Welcome to Chippendales. Now streaming on. Hello. It's Quentin Blair. I honestly have no idea how I can follow that introduction, but I'm glad to be here. Quentin, it was maybe the worst I've ever done. Just stumbling around. We're starting off strong.

Quentin, so I assume you dance? Well, I did. Yeah, I did in the show. I definitely did not before. I'm not a dancer. I'm not professional. No, I had to train for two months you know for this yeah five days a week hours every day like really getting it yeah yeah that's wild since the

show has come out have people slid into your dms being like yum yum yum get into my dum dum i i have i've had a few people slide in the main like, oh, what do I got to do to get a private dance? I'm like, you got to, you know, you got to go to your couch and watch Hulu. I'm not giving out private dance. You get out of here. Wait, so you're just like, wait, are you single? Are you married? Are you engaged?

I am very, very unfortunately single. Like, very single. Yeah. Okay. So like, what are you looking for you know i'm looking for the real thing you know i come from a family my parents got married i think when they were 21 22 been married for 35 years now going on actually no they hit 36 so they got married in 1980 yeah yeah cannot do the math yeah exactly a exactly. A while ago. A long time ago.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's, you know, it was a great, great house to grow up in. I saw it done the right way. My grandparents were 50 plus years until my grandfather died. And then I love this stat. My great grandparents were, until my great grandmother passed, the longest active marriage in the state of Florida. And you know, people go to Florida to retire. So, yeah, like 75 plus years. Damn. so yeah yeah so like that's what's in me and and i'm sitting here

you know i'm like all right when she gonna show up you know that's so i can't um like even fathom being married for that long like my grandpa is 94 and was married for so long and i was like what is your life like like you wake up with the same bitch every i'm just kidding not bitch it's my grandmother it's like you the same lady every day it's just so wild to me but i also i think want that i think i want to be with someone for a long time yeah Yeah. Someone who's like my best friend. Yeah, exactly. Do all the things you like to do with all that. yeah, but also I want like my own life.

Do you know what I mean? I get that. Some people are just like together, together. And I'm like, yeah, I can't be codependent. Like I need my own space.

I need my own time. Yeah. Yeah. Like I, and I think that's part of the reason why I'm still, you know what I'm saying? Sitting where I'm sitting because I'm, I think I'm a very particular individual.

Uh-oh. What kind of particularities do you have? I don't know. I mean, I think, I don't want to say moody necessarily. But just like, you know, like I need my own space sometimes. And I don't know how great I am at communicating that. You know? But I'm working on it. I am at communicating that you know so but I'm working on it I am working on I'm working on myself are you in therapy no no I'm not I've got I've got a

really really great group of friends and like family so I've never been a person that's been scared to like you know just go to somebody close to me who really knows me to just have conversation about real stuff um and like I can go to my parents for anything. And like I said, my friends are really close. Like one of my close friends just, you know, got through a bout with cancer and all of us were on him the whole time, you know? And so I've got people that support me, whether it's, you know, paid to or not. Okay. Well, I was was thinking i was like if you're in therapy that could be a thing to work on with your therapist about how to communicate

like what you need from your partner or whatever but if you got friends that's nice yeah yeah it's something i gotta work on maybe i could i don't know i don't know i don't know if you're like good at opening up to friends i think that's nice i'm not i'm like oh boy i cannot burden a friend with this problem i shan't i must burden the woman i pay too much money but at least you have somebody to burden it to at least you're not just you know doing it yourself um here's a question so okay i know that you played football in college yes yes i did so what was harder like getting in shape to play football or getting in shape to play a chippendales dancer and which got you more bootay okay yeah so i wasn't that great at football in college compared to who i was playing against yeah like i

had like we had some dudes at our school um but you you know, because it was like a lifelong thing. You know, I had done all of high school getting ready for it. So I guess I'd have to say it was harder to get in football. Yeah, yeah, it was hard to get in football shape. I mean, I spent two months dancing. But dancing is extremely hard. And it's so specific and it's so calculated. And then it's also graceful and beautiful.

So if you're in your head, you still look bad. It was tough. Now, which got me more action. I will say I actually was like going, you know, into college. I had not, you know, I hadn't had sex yet. I was a virgin. So I'd have to say that the dancing has done me better you know considering the football kind of all the football did was get me to a school so all right i like that i like that

dancing like dancing which is you know i think dancing's like a real talent football is a talent yeah but like dancing's like oh wow he has a rhythm. Oh, my God. I have no rhythm. Yeah. And see, that's the thing. I do have rhythm. And, you know, I go to a family reunion. I can do what I do. But I think it was just, it's just different.

It's just like a different level to just be like, oh, you know what I'm saying? I'm jigging. I'm doing little dances that people do or I see on TikTok. And then like doing a real choreographed routine. people do or I see on TikTok and then like doing a real choreographed routine. And oh, by the way, take your clothes off in the middle of it for hundreds of screaming women. And you've never done this before. Wait, that must have been an incredible experience. It really was. And you know what? I was so nervous before my first day. I, you know, because I'd done all this training, I'd done all this practice. I got to a point where I felt pretty confident about what I was doing as far as the dancing.

But I had not done it in front of people. And I definitely hadn't done it in front of, you know, women that were there to watch it. Screaming. Exactly. And like, I want it! So I was so nervous. But then the first day, like literally the music comes on. I started doing a little finger snap.

And I started doing a little, you know, hip roll. People start getting louder and louder and louder. And then by the time I'm fully into it, like they were losing their minds. Now they're paid background. So, you know, they're doing their job. But it really did feel genuine. It felt like I was doing it myself a little bit.

Because sometimes like the other, yesterday actually, before we wrapped, one of the background actors was like boy you make me laugh and it's a scene where like you know people react and they're like laughing or whatever and she was like i was genuinely laughing at you you're really funny and i was like oh thank you so much so i think they were genuinely enjoying it so i think they were getting hyped and they were like we like this they really were and and you know and so going through it i i actually i got to the point where I'm like, oh, man, stripping is like it's empowering. Like it was really empowering to me. And I felt a different level of confidence and different levels, specifically of sexual confidence that I hadn't felt before.

You know, it kind of I don't know, just altered things, the way I felt about myself. When I was about to go be Otis in the middle of the stage, I was just like, yeah, that dude's about to show up. Let's go. And then I kind of took that into my real life with me. I love that. I pole dance a little. Not good at it, but it's something I enjoy. And I started doing it because I love strippers. I think they're incredible.

doing it because i love strippers i think they're incredible yeah and i also think stripping is very similar to acting because you're using your body the way you look to be like do you like it and then same thing with acting is like do you like it it's just i think acting is slightly more desperate than stripping too but um please love me please please cast me please love i just want to call back up please yeah oh gosh um but i yeah i started pole dancing and then i very quickly was like oh i don't find myself sexy i think i'm cute and pretty but i think i'm too goofy to be sexy so i try to work on being sexy i know exactly what you mean you know it was so interesting i had that same thing and I was going through with my dance instructor and he was like, look, I think there was some there was a Magic Mike series happening at the time, like an actual. Yeah. To be a Magic Mike, like a reality show type of thing.

Yeah. And apparently he kept telling me he was watching and he kept telling me about this guy who was really good, so good at the dance detective, but he just didn't have the essence or the sexiness or whatever and he was saying like that's you you need to find that and in a way i think i just kind of when it actually came to the day changed it because i am i'm like i'm just a goopy goofier happier person i think like the sexy thing is not really something i've ever really brought to the table i'm not the brooding, the rock type of guy. But I just had to find it for me. And then I found that once I started smiling and laughing and being myself and just having a good time, it kind of worked for everybody else too.

So I was like, maybe I'm just sexy just being myself. Which is a wild thing to discover. Be like, oh, just this? This is sexy? This to discover. Be like, oh, just this? This is sexy? This whole thing. All right. Okay. Here's a question.

So you grew up in the, no, you're, wait, you went to the Bahamas with your family last summer. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Actually, this, yeah, this past summer, 2022. What did you guys do in the Bahamas? I'm going soon. Really? Okay. This is just a personal i'm going soon okay a personal question what i could do on vacation yeah okay so when we went i think first we stayed at uh well we didn't stay we stayed at one of the places that atlantis um uh-huh you know so we could do all the atlantis stuff and i'm telling you can you can bust two three days out, just at Atlantis and all the stuff that they've got there.

You know, they've got the water park there. The beaches are just beautiful. The water is so clear. You can see through the bottom. I hadn't been in the ocean and probably a decade. And it was, you know,

by choice because of sharks and stuff. And so like this, I can just see the bottom. So I went back in the ocean. And then once you actually go in the town, there's stuff, it's like, you know, one of the pirate cities. So we did a lot of the pirate, you know, not excursions, but, you know, looked at the pirate museum and stuff like that. It was really great. And it was just Top Gun came out at the same time.

And they've got this just gigantic IMAX theater there. It was a perfect place to see Top Gun. Yeah, it was just really a great trip. And honestly, anytime with my entire family, I have the best time. Did you swim with the pigs? We didn't. That was the one thing.

My mom was like, I'm not swimming with no damn pigs. I wanted to. I think my sister wanted to. Mom shut that down real quick. I get it. But also, they're just real quick. I get it. But also, they're just so cute.

Yeah, exactly. The pictures look great. The pictures are worth it. What is the worst date? We'll get back to dating. What's the worst date you've been on? Okay, so I'm probably telling on myself a little bit. Okay, so back in Atlanta, you know, where I grew up, I went on this one, I can't even call it went on a date. We've been talking for a while.

So it was like late at night, probably a little too late. A little bit later than it should have been for a first hangout. But anyway, so I end up, I go over this young woman's place and I get there and we, you know, just go watch a movie, talk, chill, whatever. I get there and there's, first of all, like, there's nowhere to sit in the place. Wait, what do you mean? She didn't have no chairs? She didn't have a chairs, no couch, nothing. I'm like, oh, did you just move in?

Like, no, I've been here eight months. I was like, okay. What? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, all right, that's fine.? Like, no, I've been here eight months. I was like, okay. What? Yeah, yeah. So I was like, all right, that's fine. So, you know, she does have a bed. That's fine.

That's a red flag. You know what? Go to the Salvation Army and get yourself a $10 chair. $20. Get a chair. I should have known there, but unfortunately it gets worse. So, you know, I go the the showers and there's like no shower curtain no and i'm like what's what's happening here dog in the shower i guess

yeah luckily i didn't need to take a shower so i'm like okay not gonna worry about that so we get back to her bedroom and i'm looking and she's got a trampoline, a personal trampoline in the bedroom. You know, like it's 1980s and that's how she's going to work out. But there were just clothes piled on it. Like, I guess this was her laundry, you know? And I'm like, okay, all right. So I get to the bed and I'm sitting on the bed and there's just sticks all over the bed from the outside. Yeah, so, like, she had a dog.

And I'm like, all right. And so the dog keeps, like, coming up to me. It's, like, one of those little dogs. I don't even know what type it was. And she was just very weird about the dog. She's like, oh, she likes you. She wants you to be her boyfriend. I'm like, it's a fucking dog.

Like, stop. It was like, oh, she likes you. She wants you to be her boyfriend. I'm like, it's fucking dark. Like, stop. It was like, get out of here. And then we were watching the movie 13, which I personally love that movie. I think it's an incredible movie. It's a very good movie. Very incredible. Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Reed. Exactly.

It's great. Great. But, so in watching it, she's telling me like, oh, yeah, I love this movie so much. I'm like, yeah, yeah, me too. It's a great movie. She's like, it inspired me to do drugs i was like okay okay cool and i think she saw my face you know quickly change and she's like oh don't worry none of the hard ones and i was like okay cool so then she goes on to tell me about it what the drug she's taken has taken you know growing up and heroin hits the list

and i was like heroin's not one of the hard ones i thought that was you know i thought that was the hard one uh but yeah but then she told me stories about where she was from and it was like a two-week period where like 20 kids her age had died of overdose of meth and i was like oh i guess meth is the hard one but uh yeah so you know we finished the movie and i promptly left and uh yeah i was like i need to start making better life decisions yeah it sounds like she was truly an active youth no no furniture uh you you want to be my dog's boyfriend and lots of sticks interesting and i'm not laughing at drug use but that is a wild thing to walk into yeah it was especially i just wasn't i had none of those red flags that popped up in the conversations like i

was i just i felt like i got bombarded i got caught off guard was not dang yeah that's wild yeah yeah so do you have better luck like talking to people in person or on like apps and shit i will i will say the the three relationships that i consider had the longest potential right now they didn't go the longest but the people that I thought you know that I probably fell for the hardest and it made the most sense um they were all in person you know I met them either you know one was college and then a few were acting uh people that I ran into but yeah I mean I don't know I with the apps I think a lot of people I don't know if With the apps, I think a lot of people, I don't know if it's looked down on the apps or think differently about the apps. And I'm like,

you know, it's the same people that you might run into in real life just using their phone for something else. So I don't look any different type of way to app. You know, if I meet someone on there, great. You know, I'm like, it's hard enough to meet somebody. Give me everything. Give me every opportunity to help. I'm like, it's hard enough to meet somebody. Give me everything. Give me every opportunity to help. I'm on board. I agree. Yeah, I think it's just like people are like, yeah, I don't want to say that we met on Tinder or whatever. It's like, it's 2022.

You're either meeting on an app, through a friend, or just randomly in person. Those are the three options. Or you had an arranged marriage, and that's fun too. Boom, yeah. I went to a bar this week. I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever. I won't say what the bar was.

No, Club TG in Atwater Village. And I was like, there was a lot of people there, and I was like, okay, it's time to flirt. Let's flirt. And then I was like, how do I know they're single? What do I say? Just like, oh. And then I was like, shut it down.'re single what do i say just like oh and then i was like i shut it down i don't know how to flirt in person anymore it's been like two years since i've like hit on someone in public so i literally don't know what to say to them and then the bartender this short-haired monster lady i was waiting like 10 minutes for a drink and my white little

blonde friend went outside she came back inside she sat down and then she went to her first it was like what do you want and then she like i was like actually can i have a vodka soda she was like sure she turned around i was like i cannot believe she came to you first and then that lady turned around she was like you have to wait at a bar and she yelled at me that short-haired monster bitch at club tg yelled at me and told me that sometimes you have to wait for a drink and i said ma'am you have implicit bias because i was the only black person at that fucking bar and then my friend who sat down next to me literally was there for a hot second before she was served and then we moved tables and then my other friend went up to get

a drink and got a drink in like 60 seconds not even and i was like yeah i'm right i'm right these people have like and i also was dressed like garbage so like i half get it no no no no i was so mad so i was like not only did i not find any dick i was racially profiled this tuesday sucks which is a nice innocent day it's a day after monday i don't know how to flirt in person anymore so okay say you're at a bar you're sitting there your friend goes to the restroom you're open the the target's open what do you want someone to come up to you and say that's gonna like entice you literally anything because i am terrible at approaching i am the worst so it's so funny like my group chat

they all in you know they're it's not actors it's all guys i went to college with you know played sports with and stuff they all gas us for different reasons or whatever and and they all like oh yeah cute you know you got this you got them all xyz and i'm like look adam who lived with me went to college he knows when we go out he's like that guy he's the way man he can go pick up anybody and then once they now know us and talk to us then i come alive then my personality is all there and i'm fun but like on the approach, no. And I'm also very introverted. So I'll be at a club and I'll just be like, oh, wow, I'm being a young person.

I'm out. I'm enjoying people. And I won't talk to a single person. It'd be fine. Like I'm good. So, yeah, literally just say anything. But if you do the whole like, oh, I'm going to get real close to him and he'll say something. Nope.

Not going to happen. Promise you. Okay. Yeah. I'll look at you and be like, oh, well, my space by myself is no longer by myself. Because I got to go somewhere else now. I have a friend who's so tall and so handsome. And we were at a party once.

And he was standing at the bar and a group of us were talking. And I watched him fake trip in front of a woman and go, oh, my God. Wow. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I bumped into you like that. And she fell for it. And they talked for so long. And I was like, that would never work for me.

I'm sure whoever I fake tripped in front of would be like, you stupid bitch. Learn how to walk. I couldn't believe it i wish i had like any sort of game i don't it's so hard the exact same like i see people like that that it really just works for you know and then they have all the confidence they have all the swag and they can pull something like that off and uh i'm envious i'm always envious like when i see the movies about the guy and he's like you know the a-hole whatever guy in high school he could approach anybody he was the star player i'm just like

oh what it is to be that guy what is that life i wish i was like i wish i could dip in the nerdy guy studying good like when i hit 25 they'll regret and i hit 25 when i hit 30 they'll regret just keep on going up at some point maybe okay real quick we gotta take a break Bebop, boobop, we're back. Okay, Quentin, I have a query. So you play the first and only black Chippendales dancer. Now they have black ones, right? Yeah, definitely, definitely now. That would be really messed up if they still didn't.

Yeah, because I shot something with the Chippendales boys years ago. Okay. And I was like, there was definitely a black one there. Yeah, because I shot something with the Chippendales boys years ago. Okay. And I was like, there was definitely a black one there. Yeah, for sure. And gotta say, those boys were very sweet, but some very dumb. I didn't know where that was going. Very, very dumb. Which is to say things that I was like, what?

That can't be a thot in your head. So I haven't watched the show yet. It is on my list because i do love stripping and i love men but um what were some of the things that the first and only black chivendales dancer had to go through being like all white other dancers and see and that's that's really what it was that's that's actually one of the real reasons i was very excited about the role and drawn to it um you know because it's also it's in the like i think we start in about 1979 and go through the 80s you know he becomes the most popular dancer at the club oh okay and uh and because, you know, the the owner is having some segregation practices, he doesn't really let black people into the club. So it's not just all white dancers in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's not just all white dancers. It's, you know, all white women in the clubs as well. All white. So he's, you know, the only black person in this entire. Excuse me, Lord Jesus, situation. Yeah, I'm sorry. Lord Jesus. Oh, we can't end it. Yeah, racism makes me gassy too. Don't worry.

Exactly. Exactly. Racism makes me burp. makes me burp um but yeah so you know so going through all of that i think the thing for me that i really wanted to to make sure i was very intentional about was that to be desired it's not a bad thing and it feels good to have people want you but knowing that it was because i was being fetishized for my black body from this guttural place of truly discrimination, I knew that gutturally it would feel wrong. And I wanted to be able to kind of have those two opposite feelings going at each other and, and, you know, the conflict inside to be able to play.

So, yeah, you know, I think the thing is, you know, Chippendales is started by a, um, an by a an Indian immigrant named Steve Banerjee. And so their original connection, Otis and Steve, is one. They're very close. Like he takes him under his wing. Steve takes Otis under his wing. They become really close friends because they're both people of color in this environment. because they're both people of color in this environment. And then, you know, as it goes forth,

basically when the club starts to blow up, the calendars start getting huge. Otis is not put in the calendars because we can only sell to America with these white faces. And so after going through all the segregation, all the discrimination that he was, you know, inside the club from the white people, the one person that he thought was his confidant and close friend who was also a brown person does the same things to him.

And, you know, Otis being an ambitious person himself, you know, that kind of hits to a head. And, you know, you got to watch the show for how it all plays out. Ooh, wait, you set the stage. Now I'm even more excited because that's it's really interesting to me when another brown person yes kind of doesn't raise up another brown person instead takes the side of the the white patriarchal supremacy and to like aid themselves you know like a little uncle tom like it's really interesting to me because you do have a choice.

And I don't blame people who do that. I'm not like, oh, you're a piece of shit. It's like, no, it's survival. And, you know, it's one way to survive. Another way is to be like, well, no, I'll just create room at the table and bring everybody up. It's a very interesting thing that goes on in your head that white people don't ever have to think about. Yeah. It's like even though that white patriarchal, you know, pyramid, even though it is set up.

And if you're even if you're at the top of the pyramid and not part of that, like, you know, Steve Bennington is not a white male. So should not fall into that. But still, because that is set up as, you know, how things go, you still fall into it. And something that could fall outside of it gets put into it because that's how he and his mind saw success. So yeah, it's very interesting. You know, I think it touches on a lot of those type of conflicts and those type of issues on top of just the, you know, sexual and cultural revolution. And, and that,

that moment was for Chippendales and everything in that time period too. If things stopped working out as an actor, do you think you would use your dancing and stripping skills to just strip? I don't think so. I am not an exhibitionist. I am shy. I feel like there are other ways i could find to make money sure i'm like i'm great with sports i can sports cast my my behind off and keep my pants on my behind at the same time so well i know that growing up you didn't dream of acting your initial dreams were to play for the NBA or

NFL yeah it was you know and actually my true dream was it was like and I was I'm like a very goal-oriented person I have been since I was a kid I'm like so on my list of things like if you want to date me you want someone goal-oriented I. Like, I got you. So I think it was when I started playing football and decided like, oh, I really like this. Maybe 16. I was like, all right, boom. I want to go to the NFL. I want to get to play at least six years to get pension. And then I want to start acting like that was my plan from jump.

And then I got to college and, you know, my first day against Hakeem Nicks, who is now an owner of multiple Super Bowls. I found out real quick, I'm not good enough to go to the NFL. Very quickly. I gotta get out of here. I'm not good at this. We're going to have to switch up this plan a little bit. Come on, give me a script. I'll learn lines.

I can't be on the field. Yeah, because if I got to stop him, that's not going to work. But yeah. That's so funny that that was the plan. Get your pension. Wait, does that mean if you don't play six years, the money just stops? I believe so. Now, I don't know where I was told that six years gets you pension. Because I could be wrong because I haven't really researched it.

Since, like I said, I very quickly found out I wasn't good enough for it. But at some point, someone told me that. And so that was my goal. I was like, boom. Because I could be wrong because I haven't really researched it since, like I said, I very quickly found out I wasn't good enough for it. But at some point, someone told me that. And so that was my goal. I was like, boom. Play these six years so I know that I lock that in once it's time. You know, retirement, I get the pension from that. And then, boom, shift over.

And obviously, if I had been very good, I would have kept playing past the six years. Of course. That was the goal. Hit the six. That's so wild to me i feel like if you step foot on like the fucking field you should get some sort of pension because i read somewhere it was like two years after retirement if you don't make it to pension or whatever most players are like broke yeah no one teaches them what to do with their fucking money and then you're just not

getting paid anymore it's so rough like i mean and, you know, it up close what some of the guys got and didn't get as far as help, you know, college wise. It's frustrating. I'm very happy that the NIL stuff switched and they're able to make some money, you know, while they're playing in college. Because, you know, even if you do make the NFL, I think the average amount of time is three years, you know, and it's like, yeah, man, nothing, you know, and then you're out. And so, yeah, that's wild. OK, here's another question about love and relationships. Do you remember your first kiss? I think so.

Yes. You know, sometimes I'm the type of person like, was that really the first kiss? Or did I just attribute it to this person because I wanted them to be in there a better story than the actual first? I think this one was my first. And it's actually kind of sad now. It was this girl that I liked for just so long, all through middle school. And since she's passed, she had sickle cell and you know yeah yeah and i had just the biggest crush on her um and we had just like gone back and forth and just never never happened always close but never actually happened and i think like eighth grade

right before i was about to leave to um to go to another high school that wasn't the main high school that she would have been going to. I don't know. It just worked for like a glorious two weeks. And yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, when I found out that she passed, it actually kind of affected me. It was some years back. But yeah, yeah, I definitely remember her. Oh, well, that's sweet i don't have

any like sweet stories from high school i was very zitty okay and like round and loud and i don't think anybody was like oh that nicole better be kissing on her. But I bet now they're sad they didn't kiss. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. I don't talk to anyone. I talk to like three people from high school. So wait, when did you get into your first relationship? Um, man.

Yeah, like the first real one, I guess. I guess there was somebody I kind of dated in high school like later in high school maybe like was it junior year yeah i guess it was junior year i met her in my best friend's neighborhood she went to a different school and we dated kind of off and on for that year we definitely we went to prom together um but yeah like i mean that's the thing i really like growing up i went to a uh a christian pretty much all white uh high school in the south and so you know being a black male at that school i wasn't i wasn't the top of many people's list interesting yeah you know what i mean um and then also i was younger in high school i started school

up north so when i came down um because literally i was like yeah we were all younger while we were in school younger than everybody else so you know that on top of it and uh and honestly like to be completely real with you i just wasn't ready for all that like mentally i just wasn't there i was just kind of enjoying being a kid and and all that kind of stuff and playing sports um i really didn't get super super interested in it until like college honestly yeah i can't fathom dating in high school i was like again very round very zitty had a lot of homework was dealing with my fucking parents like how am i gonna have a boyfriend during that time i don't know i don't think i could do i don't know how people did it yeah i i mean i can't even like you know i'll see these movies or whatever i love you

i was like i couldn't even imagine loving someone who didn't have my same last name at that point you know what i mean like yeah that lives in a different house yeah it's like i love you and we don't live to what you go somewhere else here yeah no i mean i was honestly i was like every weekend a you basketball or football or soccer or at my best friend's house playing pickup bass you know like my my young times were just so much sports and you know in school kind of whatever i mean yeah school took up time but did i care about school no i came to school to make friends i think i've said that before but that's my truth i did not go to school to learn i came to make friends um so you said you're close with your family i don't know that life but like does that mean when you date someone you're like oh fuck you gotta come meet my family i hope they like you

my mom might hate you like what what goes through your mind when you introduce someone to your family well i have never actually introduced anyone to my family yeah yeah yeah i'm really i'm behind the eight ball there was someone they met in college but it was an accidental me like it was like yeah i had a spring game and i was dating her and she showed up and i was like oh damn no i really don't but there's no way to get out of okay and that was it like she just met we didn't go to dinner together we didn't spend any time and like my mom knew my mom knew. My mom was like, mm-mm, she's not it. So, but, yeah, but, you know, there's, like, I'm not worried about it because I know how good they are. I tell people all the time, I'm like, yeah, like, they're above, like, I'm just a cherry on top.

My family, like, you getting them as your family, that's that's the real you know that's a real win here um and my mom you know she like we talk all the time and my dad and sister also but like they know people i really am interested in and you know if any of those were to ever work out which it's not looking that way it's not looking likely um okay how would you how would you do the introduction would you wait to like thanksgiving and make like a big like there she is well chances are because i'm not like when i get excited about somebody i can't hold it in so they will have known about them for so long at this point okay you know what i mean and so like the the introduction would literally just be like oh finally meeting you finally we meet you we've heard so much about you exactly yeah yeah so i mean there's people now that i will probably never date that they

know about that i've liked for however long so if that ever were to happen i'm like hey they're finally here oh great speaking great. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am obsessed with Krishan Rock and Blueface. Do you know them? I definitely know all of them. I think they're so funny. And also, like, in a very toxic way. Like, she on a live threw a chair through a wall. And I was like, you can fix it.

You rich. Which is like, that's not the response. But the way she made her mac and cheese. Have you seen that video? I have seen that video as well it is wild if you haven't seen the video she puts noodles in a pan hot noodles i assume puts milk in the same pan butter in the same pan the cheese in the same pan and then uses her fucking hands to just massage it all together yeah and i was like what is going on also her relationship with blue face is like the most toxic relationship i've ever seen just on video i'm like at one point she was like i ain't going nowhere and i was like you're threatening this man

you can tell she meant it too it was just like it was from like a deep place like an extra deep vocal i'm going no like that man going no it's like oh my goodness i i look at that and i'm like oh who would ever want to be in a relationship like that where your partner looks frightened as you say, I'm not going nowhere on camera. Yeah. And, you know, I can like 100% I absolutely see what you're saying. But I can also kind of understand, you know, because sometimes like I'm my own worst enemy and my sister makes fun of me of this all the time it's like i'll be good with something and then like and this is past me some stuff i've

worked on but just like blow it up just blow it up and i think sometimes like if the other person would have just been like i'm not going anywhere i'd have been like, thank you. You know what I mean? Do you want to be threatened by a woman missing her one front tooth? I think, I mean, I think where it would have been for me is the mac and cheese. I'd have been like, nah, you gotta go somewhere. But yeah, imagine serving that to people knowing full well what you did. I could never give that food to someone and be like, yeah, I mix that with my hands.

How do you make, do you make mac and cheese? How do you make it? I don't make mac and cheese. Everyone around me makes bomb mac and cheese. So I'm like, why would I even? Why would I even attempt to do it? Why would I try? Yeah, it's so good.

I will learn at a point. Like I feel like I'm one of those necessity learners. Like, I'm really excited for the opportunity whenever it comes. I'm not yet, but to be a father. And so, like, I already know all those things are going to kick up in me real big once I am. Because, you know, obviously, I have to do it for kids. And I'm like, you know, I want to be a father. I want to foster. I want to adopt. I'm really... Yeah, definitely my reason that I've been put on this earth. I feel like... And so, yeah, I feel like once those times come, I'm going to be like, alright, you got to pick these dad skills up. What's going to be the food you make? What's going to be, you know, taco Tuesday? Oh, dad's making taco!

You know what I mean? Get my LeBron James on. I went home for... Or not home. to chicago for thanksgiving to visit my family okay and real quick i just want to tell you i had a rough time so i did a show the night before where we did a power hour which is a shot of beer every minute for an hour and then i did some shots of tequila during the show and And then we went to karaoke after the show, where I drank even more after the show.

And then got home at midnight, was the drunkest I've been in a long time, ordered Taco Bell, passed out on my couch, woke up and was like, gotta go to sleep. So then I went to sleep. And then at 3.30 in the morning, I was like, gotta pack. And then I put four outfits that didn't make sense together, forgot pajamas, forgot any sort of toiletries that i needed and then woke up at 4 30 got in an

uber got on my plane at 6 a.m and then started drinking vodka sodas i had six vodka sodas and then i landed in chicago four hours later my sister picked me up got to Thanksgiving dinner and I said oh no I'm hungover and then my cousin was like I have wine so then I started drinking wine and everything was okay and boy oh boy did I not feel good after dinner um I don't recommend anybody doing that yeah I mean that sounds like a an incredible 24 hours hours. A lot of highs and a lot of lows. A lot of highs, a lot of fun, you know, a lot of challenges. It was fun. But by the end, I was like, I'm not 21 anymore.

I can't, what am I doing? I'm almost 52 years old. I don't know how old I am. I'm almost 82 years old. I can't be doing this. Quentin, real quick, we gotta take another break. Okay, another break. Got it. And we're

back. Wait, how many kids do you want? Eight? Twelve? Two? Well, you know, when I was a kid and I didn't understand what it took to have them, I used to always be like, I want ten, you know, when I was a kid and I didn't understand what it took to have them, I used to always be like, I want 10, you know. Then I started to realize, oh, you have to, well, for one, someone has to actually birth them and go through the things that their body would go through. So 10 seems a bit much. And then also you have to pay for them.

Yeah, and house them, feed them. And then also you have to pay for them. Yeah, and house them, feed them. Yeah, so, you know, now I'm more so down in the four range, but I am really big on fostering. I think fostering, like adopting is very important, but I think fostering is kind of a little bit above that just because I know whenever you foster a child, that child, teenager, you know, whatever age, needs you right then at that moment. And I just really am, you know, attracted to that helping a child that needs it right then. I think that's wonderful because I don't think people think about fostering. And it's like those kids bounce around from maybe like not a great situation to like maybe even worse situations, maybe a good situation. It's like, and if you could be that good situation, maybe that helps them in the long run.

So I think that's like just really nice and really sweet. And I think a lot of people that have the heart to do it are, you know, pushed away by the fact that like the thing about fostering is like you have to at some point potentially more than likely give the child back. And I think, you know, you develop this bond, this love, and then to give, you know, a child back, I know that's tough. And I know that I think some people might shift from, oh, I want or have the heart or the want to foster to adoption because of that. And I think that's kind of why it's risen more in me. I'm like, I just, you know, the kid that needs it the most,

that's who I would like to be there for, ideally in my, you know, fantasy life. But, you know, we'll kind of see how that all goes. Yeah, there was this family growing up that fostered kids and the mom of the family was like the most fun. And then like the kids were just like happy. And I was like, that's such a nice the kids were just like happy and i was like that's such a nice thing maybe i'll do that but i can't take care of myself let alone somebody else

who actually needs it too hard no thank you i definitely i definitely get that like i want to wait until you know hopefully someone else is there with me has the same interest and all that and then you know we'll knock that out once i don't know once i'm grown up okay so what is your type like what kind of partner do you think that you want like what are the top five qualities that you want five qualities okay um you know i think i think the main thing is like you want to just get along with somebody and and vibe and have similar interests somewhat but not all the same interests because i'm the type of person like i can get really comfortable doing the same thing all the time but i don't think that's super beneficial for life like i want someone that pushes me a little bit and wants me to try new things and wants me to leave my couch

because you know that's couches are safe couches are nice couches are so nice especially mine oh man um but yeah you know and obviously funny in and i think funny is a mutual sense of humor like i don't want to feel bad for some of the jokes i tell you know what i mean like you tell it and then you get like you know somebody like oh well that's what's wrong with the world. Like, damn, I was just joking. Like, you don't want to feel that. Let me see.

Yeah. Smart. Obviously, I think a similar, since, you know, kids is one of the most important thing, a similar idea of how, you know, you want to raise kids. I'm also a very, as you can tell with our conversation i'm very into sports in general like all of them you know usually would they have to know about sports or are you okay teaching as long as they retain i'm okay teaching and open i think i think the big thing is you know you know when you you meet somebody and like you can tell they're open to your interests, but they're not really as interested. So it's like you kind of got to enjoy what you like less because you're like, you know what I mean?

Because they're not fully there. I don't want that dynamic because it's really, that's been something where a lot of my best familial memories have come. Whether it's me playing something, Alexis, who was my sister playing something, all of us going to a game to get like, that's been something that's really some of our best memories have really come from.

And I, you know, I hope to find somebody that I can continue that with, whether they like, you know, like my mom was not as much of an athlete but she just like likes to go to live events and likes to support things and stuff and then obviously likes to be around all that so it worked but yeah i mean you know some of those similar interests and then also somebody who

really can push me to find new things because i know there are a lot of things that i have liked when kind of forced to do them um see there is something to forcing someone to do something i was dating someone and i was like sonic 2 is coming out have you seen sonic 1 they were like no and i was like well then we have to watch it together and they were like i have zero desire to see sonic 2 or sonic 1 and i was like oops it's on the tv i guess we're watching it oh it's on though and then they fell asleep midway through or maybe 20 minutes in so i turned it right off watched something else and the next time we hung out we picked up right where we left off and they were like oh i don't want it took us maybe five days

to watch the whole movie and then when sonic 2 had been out for like a couple days and i was like okay tonight we're gonna go see sonic 2 and they were like really nicole and i was like i don't know if i explained it well enough i love sonic yeah okay so on that note not sonic sonic's cool but i am hardcore harry potter oh okay yeah big time slytherin and so oh you know a lot of people don't admit to be Slytherin, but there's a lot of Slytherin people out there. So many. And that's the thing. We were wrongly. What do you call wrongly portrayed in the movie? Do not let Draco Malfoy be the only Slytherin you know. Exactly. That's not it. We got a bunch of guys. No, I do personally love Voldemort. But that's just that's just because i want to play him at some

point in life like i want to do the biography of of uh tom riddle as me played by me but anyway but yeah so like stuff like that you know because there's stuff like that whether it's whether it's harry potter or i do like lord of the rings, not to the same extent, stuff like that. Oh, you're a fucking nerd. I really am. And it excites something inside of me that I don't really get to show elsewhere. And I get to be full out nerdy kid version that I left, you know, the kid that got bullied growing up,

that I left him, but like that really gets excited and love things, you know, and I don't want, that's some of where the happy the happiest parts of me are and so like i need somebody who you don't have to be in it the same much but like i cannot be made fun of yeah yeah like i want to be able to be myself and not be made to feel negative about you know some of the you know vulnerable stuff of me growing up there's other stuff as well but um yeah yeah i mean just yeah i feel you on that because if he had not gone to see sonic 2 with me i would have been devastated i would have been like well yeah this is not working

this is bad you can't sacrifice and i think what song 2 was like what an hour and 48 minutes if you can't sacrifice 48 minutes for this ain't going to work, buddy. My friend Natasha's in the movie, and I texted her, and I was like, this might seem like I'm trolling you, but you did such a good job in that movie. And she's like, oh, my God, thank you. She's like, you saw it? I was like, yep, me and a 10-year-old had the best time. We were just laughing real hard. Oh, is that Sonic 1?

She's like, you went with a 10-year-old? No, she was in Sonic 2, too. She had a bigger part. She was so good in Sonic 2. Oh, is that Sonic 1? You went with a 10-year-old? No, she was in Sonic 2, too. She had a bigger part. She was so good in Sonic 2. Oh, that's right. She was great. And I actually, that's right. Yes, yes.

She was so great in that. She may have gotten her Emmy nomination for White Lotus, but the work of her career was found in Sonic 2. I was just like, why is she eating in Sonic? Like, I remember watching it with a friend of mine. I was like, yo, she's like for real, for real acting in Sonic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's great in White Notes. I'm actually going through that right now.

Yeah, she's great. Yeah. Okay, wait. So that's like three attributes that you want for your partner. What are two more? Dang, you're hitting me hard. Okay, all right. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, this is what it is. This is what it is. Why won't you date me? We've got to get through this. Okay. Let's see. Two more attributes that I want.

Okay, I did say smart. So that one as well. Smart, into stuff that you're into or at least willing to come with you. Pushes you to do new things. Yes. I do like driven. I love when, you know, because I'm very driven myself, you know, and very goal oriented, like I said. So when the person opposite me matches that and

also pushes that. And I think I find it mostly like, you know, when I have set goals, I do think it's important to actually, you know, celebrate your successes or whatever you make or steps along the way. But I always also still want to keep looking forward because I still got somewhere to go. And so sometimes in the past I've run into like when I'm like, oh yeah, you know, I'm trying to either get to this or, you know, I'm trying to hit this weight or body, whatever, whatever it is, like whatever goal I'm trying to hit. weight or body whatever whatever it is like whatever goal i'm trying to hit so like oh you're good like you're in a good i'm like nope that's not what i'm looking for no you're stagnant no yeah yeah like you can absolutely say you're good and and appreciate

those things while still hey we still got somewhere else to go um so i think that's definitely something and and i also do like when i really respect what a partner does and like they're good at it it does like you know kind of turns you on a little bit like oh shit like look at them over there you know what i mean look at them doing their shit okay exactly exactly okay what's the last one the last thing i think i like the and it's it's both ways because it can't be too much. Like I said, I am very introverted. So, you know, I think I like someone who can kind of be that, not the face for the family, if that makes sense, but kind of be like that bigger personality, like when we're out like you know like sometimes yeah just like kind of commanding and like a give and take of like uh being the the person in charge for lack of a better word yeah yeah or just the the space taker like where i can kind of be like oh man like she's

on stage right now i can kind of just step to the back like i don't have to you know be put my what i call like my movie star face on where i'm like everybody's biggest friend and i'm an extra yeah you want like an extrovert yeah somewhat see that's the thing you can't be too extroverted because then i don't think i would be enough for them and then we're gonna be like damn we always gotta go out i am tired my couch my same couch i ain't seen my couch in like at least 24 hours. So I got to revisit. I got to see my couch is okay. Very interesting. You didn't say anything about looks.

So I guess you looks don't matter. You're looking for a hunchback. The thing I say about looks, looks is obviously like that's what gets you in the door. Like if you're not, you know, if we're not attracted to each other, then like we're not even in the same building you know what i mean like it's not gonna get started um so i don't like to mention it when i'm going over everything because i feel like you would seem so shallow if you did you can't win either way if you don't mention it you gotta be fine. She got to be big. Two girls. Big butt. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, that's fine, right?

Yep. Okay, we're coming to an end, but you are also single. I'm single. But do you have, like, any advice for me? Okay, so I think the advice you said before was, like, just say anything to a person to hit on them. Yeah, if you walk up. Just, like, just literally say anything. I mean, I think because I don't know. Yeah, if you walk up. Just literally say anything. I mean, I think because I don't know.

I don't need a line. If someone does come with a line, I'm going to laugh at it. But anything of any kind of interest. Actually, even a high. I could probably go something with that. But if there's any kind of high and then topic to expound on, boom. any kind of like high and then topic to expound on boom like the right person the right witty person is going to turn that into whatever it needs to turn into that's okay that's what i'd hope at least all right so the advice is say anything and be witty oh boy hopefully that works out yeah i'm also single so like, feel free to, you know,

completely take my advice and just throw it out the window because clearly I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's okay. I try everything a little bit. Okay, Gwen, I ask all my guests this. Actually, I missed it, like, maybe four or five times. I don't know. But would you date me?

Of course. You seem great. It was, like,, really nice conversation. Oh, what a dream. Sometimes people say no. And then I stare at my wall for a little bit and go, okay. It's just a hypothetical. You get a line.

Yeah, exactly. I didn't ask you out, buddy. Relax. All right. Yeah. Well, I will warn you of this. yeah um well i will warn you of this there will be a lot of people in your dms after this because all of my male uh identifying guests get a lot of dms from the ladies so just get ready buckle the fuck up quinn i'll take it i'm reading them i'm reading i'm reading them okay quinn is there

anything that you want to promote before we get the fuck up out of here? Okay, yes. All right. So, like we talked about, Welcome to Chippendales. It's on Hulu right now. I really think it's good. It's interesting. And, hey, it's a bunch of men stripping and dancing.

Like, you got to watch that. And then coming up next March, April-ish, a little wild out Tiny Beautiful Things also will be on April, it's starring myself, Catherine Han, Saren Pidgeon, Tansen Crawford it's gonna be great, the book by Cheryl Strayed and her dear Cheryl Strayed, is she the one

who wrote Wild? Yes she is She's nice, I like did a tour with her once, which sounds insane It was Hello Sunshine and somebody else is she's nice i like did a tour with her once okay which sounds insane yeah it was um hello sunshine and somebody else that's a production company yeah so it's you know okay yeah yeah it's reese witherspoon and laura dern's um production company and yeah they made some great stuff i really feel happy about that but i'll also be home hulu uh coming out so yeah yeah just you know

tune in well that's exciting quentin thank you so much for being here. Truly a delight. Thank you so much. I really enjoyed this. Oh, thank you. Okay. If you like this episode of Oh, I Want You to Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts. And if you want to write like a little ditty hitting on me, a dirty little ditty. I will read it aloud. Don't send dick pics. Mars doesn't like that. She doesn't want to see any body parts, just words. So this person said, we start with your favorite takeout while working on our script. Ugh, original song for the music video we will make. It'll be dirtier than WAP. Your quote unquote costumes will be yummy foods. I will cover you with Jiffy Puff, hot fudge and frosting.

Don't worry. I'll be careful around your vagina area. I don't want you to get a yeast infection. Between costume changes, I will give you nice neck rubs in the shower. Once it's edited, making sure there's lots of booty shots and pole dancing moves, we will rent a movie theater to watch it and share a big bag of popcorn and cocktails.

Well, alright! Your fantasy is making me work for free! Okay, bye-bye! Oh no! Oh no! That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer.

Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream.

What a dream. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.