Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The Funny Guy Trap (w/ Wayne Brady)

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Comedian Wayne Brady (Whose Line Is It Anyway?, What If? podcast) joins Nicole to talk about the struggles of dating when everyone expects you to be the funny guy from TV. He opens up about being an introvert, and how his dates sometimes get disappointed when he's not his 'persona' they know him for. Wayne shares the wild story of dating someone whose parent was openly racist, the struggles he's faced navigating racism in relationships, and what it's like dating as a single father. Plus, the crazy story of how he got fired from Disneyland playing Tigger... the day before landing his big break. WATCH this episode here: youtu.be/9GIwjGwhpxsCheck out Nicole's episode of Wayne Brady's podcast here: youtu.be/FGykSL24GZU?si=Vu9oYhPdpgPK2wLrSee Nicole do stand-up at a city near you. See all dates and tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken.Write to Nicole! Send your dirty messages to [e-mail] with the subject line "Dirty Message" and Nicole may read it in a future episode.Follow:YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746View all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hello, everybody. Nicole Byer here before we get started. Guess what? This podcast is now on TikTok. Go follow us right now at Why Won't You Date Me? Pod, where we're posting some of the most fun clips of the show. And don't forget, we're still posting full length video podcast episodes every week on our YouTube channel.

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and make sure to subscribe. Tap that bell icon and never miss an update. Okay, now on to the show. Hit that theme music that I sing myself. ["Why Won't You Date Me?" by The Bachelorette plays.] Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why.

Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my nightstand and say, that's a sleeping pill. My guest today is a legendary actor, comedian, singer and improviser. And you know him from Whose Line Is It Anyway, Let's Make a Deal and The Wayne Brady Show.

He is the host of a brand new podcast called What If? Out now on HeadGum. I'm so excited that he's here today. It's Wayne Brady! Man, I hope those sound effects translated at home. They did. And people listening, they got so excited. Wayne, I'm sure you've been asked this 1,000 times, but I don't know the answer and I'm gonna ask again. Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch? Has that haunted your life?

You know, for a time, for a few years, it was all the time. And it's a double-edged sword like anything, right? That you, how cool to be, to have something tied to you. But then again, you're like, sometimes you're like, we can stop that now, especially in the bathroom. I just wanna pee and go home. You just wanna pee and go.

And yeah, and if you are going to quote something, which I'm glad that that's the only thing that I've really had tied to me where someone has a catchphrase, say it right. Oh yeah, like if someone's like, hey Wayne, hey Wayne, hey man, does Wayne Brady have to strangle somebody? I was like, well, now you just made it more violent

than the, than because... In the fun time it was. Right, Chuck. Does Wayne Brady gotta kill a nice woman at night trying to jog? Yeah, she was like, I don't wanna do that. She was just trying to enjoy her little jog and be fit, don't turn her into a murderer.

So, So yes. But how cool to be tied to something that sketches in the TV and radio museum. Oh, like the Library of Congress? As one of the best TV moments. I mean, it is very funny. In history, that, I mean it is very funny. In history, that's ridiculous. It's very funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was very funny. So Wayne, I do wanna ask, are you single? Are you married? Are you dating? I'm gonna be coy, I'm single. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I know that you're not on the apps yet. I'm not on the apps yet.

Do you wish to get on them? I'm playing with it. I'm playing with it. I think I have this fantasy of where I go on the apps but I'm too lazy to make the profile. First off, let's start there. Okay. I'm a very industrious person.

Okay. My folks are from the U.S. Virgin Islands, so you know, if you know any island people in your life, we are industrious people. Except when it comes to things like social media or paperwork. I can't be bothered. So for me to actually, on an app, put down... I can't... I'm imagining the work that it would take.

Now I've never seen it, so maybe it's not as much work as I think. It isn't that much work. It's just you answer some prompts on some apps, some apps it's just like about me, and you're like I like to do X, Y, and Z, and then you just like get, and then you upload pictures, and then you get to swiping.

Hmm. When we, when you're on my show, we talked about me going on the apps. Yes. And you recommended Raya. Yes. Which is the, I guess it's the industry one? The famous person one, the like,

I did a thing one time one. But it did, I don't think you'll get waitlisted. I was waitlisted for, I think it was two years, Mars. I don't remember how long it was. I think so, yeah. Yeah, it was like two years. But I don't think you'll get waitlisted. I think, you know, I think that someone, not me,

but someone from my camp as we reached out and started the process, and I believe, maybe I've got access, I could be completely wrong. But I'm gonna follow up and see. OK. But here's the thing. I kind of feel if I wanted to date an actor again, because I've dated actors and peers, yes, folks that I've done stuff with and I've dated people who aren't. And. And maybe you've you've discovered this in your life.

The catch 22 is. You date someone who knows what you do because, oh, they get me. But then there are inherent problems. And then you date someone who isn't, and then either they don't get it, or the thing that I've run into in the past is, because you have a level of notoriety or name recognition, that person comes built in with assumptions

of what it is that you do. And my thing has been meeting someone who, it's been cool until they do the thing of, oh, you're on TV? And you're like, oh, wow, she doesn't have any preconceived notions in him. And then later like, oh wow, she doesn't have any preconceived notions in him. And then later, like, I was playing. I love all your shit.

And I like when you do something to make me laugh. I go, oh. And I've actually had that conversation. And then I've also been told, you know, you're not as much fun as you are on TV. I go, no, because that's my job. You know, you're not as much fun as you are on TV. I go, no, cause that's my job. Well, your job is to make me happy. Oh well, then I quit.

Oh, I resign. I put in my two weeks, but I'm leaving today. Ooh, that's tough. I've never, I don't think I've had anyone say that I was less fun than I was. I've had people be like, oh, you, there doesn't seem to be a distinction. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm like, I'm going to be a fjord. And they're like, okay. Sometimes they're like, you're weirder than I thought you were going to be. I love that. Yeah, see, but your weird is endearing weird.

And so I think that that would be wonderful. I think it's a shock. And I get it. I completely own up to the fact that I am two Completely different people off-camera because I just know that about myself. I yeah Wayne and I he but then off-camera I'm pretty I'm not gonna say I I'm I hide in the in the in corner and, and don't turn on the light.

You're just in the dark being in a time wave. Leave me alone, my precious. But I do like quiet. I do. And that's, you know, and that's just my own thing, the way that I've always been since I was a kid. For, for me, comedy and acting and being extroverted in that way, even music, that was my outlet of being able to express myself or to get that little thing. And then I get to be Wayne over here, which is why I always wanted to play characters. So that's why it's weird when you become known for, oh, that's Wayne Brady from The Thing. And Wayne Brady is a character too. So when I meet someone and you try to date,

I kind of have to put the Wayne Brady character on to even meet them and to interact. And then later, I'm like, uh, fuck this. Here comes the mask. And it was like, I'm going to sit and read my book now. That does seem exhausting. And I do get it. And I was once dating this guy, this was a while ago.

And I like come home from, I was working a job, we were shooting something and I came home and he was like, how was your day? And I was telling him and I was like, I'm sorry, this is like not interesting. And he's like, you're not here to entertain me. And I was like, ah. And then that just like really kind of flipped a little switch.

He said that to you? Yes. And I was like, it was until it wasn't. Ha ha. It got bad. Oh, no. And I stayed. Oh.

Ha ha ha. You kept riding the trolley. I said, let's see where the train's going to crash. And then much like in the fugitive, I jumped out. You said wind. Ha ha ha. Not even, that's very telling. When somebody's on the shit, you're like, this is gonna crash.

Uh-huh. This is bad. No, I've seen relationships where, I've dated multiple people where I was like, oh, this person hates me, or doesn't like my little quirks. I'm a late person. I'm always late, and I've dated people who are like,

who would just like say snide things when I'd show up like 10 minutes late. Oh wow, you're here. Yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, yeah, I am here. And they're like, well, I waited. I waited, I waited a long time. And I'm like, you only waited 10 minutes, I'm sorry.

I also told you I was running late. So like, it's one of those things where like, I am, see we have like the opposite thing. I'm a lot and I come on strong, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll tell you all of my feelings. And a lot of people I've dated are like, ah, I don't want that. I don't want someone who feels as much as you,

who is as loud as you, I just don't want it. See, that's the weird thing about dating, right? And I also guess it depends on which section of your life you're in, the 20s, 30s, 40s, and on, like how all that works out. Because when I hear you say that, you wear your heart on your sleeve, and even just in knowing you the couple times

that we've met, I feel that if you were the person that I know what I'm getting, if I, so, and maybe you might be different, maybe you then shut off and you're quiet at home, but if you're like this all the time, I've met that person. So why should I be surprised that you're that person? So two months in, why am I yelling at you? I don't understand when people don't accept you. I don't get it either, but I think it might have to do with like,

I think when people are with you, they're like, why aren't you Wayne Brady all the time? Why, and then when people are with me, they're like, why aren't, why don't you turn off sometimes? Like, why aren't you, why don't I get to see the real Nicole? Where I'm like, this is it, this is the real Nicole. So then they should listen to you, that if you tell, and isn't that that thing that they say in relationships,

that if someone tells you who they are, listen. So if you tell somebody, hey, this is me, that person should get the memo. Yes, they should. I once said to my boyfriend, I was like, I'm really anxious in relationships. And he looked at me and he said, yes, I know. And I was like, oh!

Oh! Ha ha ha! I thought I was being a little mysterious, and I simply wasn't. Ha ha ha! Now that's the person that you're with now? Yeah. And how long have you dated?

It's been a minute. It's been over six months. And- That's been a minute. It's been over six months. That's good. Yeah, it's going well. And he's one of those people who, he accepts me for me. Once we were in the car and I had just gotten, I leased another Jeep and we were driving

and I was like, ugh, I just can't listen to Sirius XM because I'll get used to it. And then I'll be mad when my free package goes away. And that's how they rope you in. And then I was just driving along. And then he goes, I like when you say things like that. It's nice to know how your brain works. Oh, that makes me so happy to hear that you would have that

because we all deserve that. Oh, that makes me so happy to hear that you would have that because we all deserve that. Yes. That thing, that like somebody that gets what it is versus, oh, I really wish you wouldn't say that because I've been that guy in a relationship that not like in that way of trying to shit on somebody. Yeah. But I know that I've been in a relationship. Not like in that way of trying to shit on somebody, but I know that I've been in a relationship with somebody

where at some point I didn't like what was coming across. And I had to be honest because I didn't like me not liking them, if that makes sense. Because you should be free. You should be free to be you. You don't need me or anybody policing you, because I don't want that. Yeah, and I don't think there's anything wrong

with saying to your partner, hey, please don't scream in my ear. Scream all you want, just turn your mouth that way or whatever, because sometimes I do scream right in his ear, and he'll be like, hey, and I'm like, sorry, yes, I scream that way now. But there's a difference between him disliking you screaming in his ear and you screaming in general. Yes.

That if he was just like, whether it's in my ear or whether it's over there, will you please stop? That's a problem. That is a problem, because that means you fundamentally don't like me as a person. Right.

And I think in dating, we tend to just be like, whether the person's like famous or whatever it's like, I guess I'll just try to change them so they become this person that I want. And that's not okay. No. I've tried, I've had people try to change me. I've tried to change people just by being like,

hey, I looked this up, why don't you do that? You were talking about it. I did the work for you, you know? Here, you could try this, like, you want to go to the gym? I found a gym that, like, fits your criteria. It's in walking, and it's like, nobody wants that. Like, they want to do things on their own. They just want to be in a partnership.

Say they want something like that, but at the end of the day, no. Yeah. No. Real quick, we have to take a break. Can we take a moment to talk about underwear? Because I've got some thoughts. You see, okay, bras usually drive me up the wall.

They're tight in weird places. The straps slip, the fabric's all scratchy, and by the end of the day, I'm like ripping it off. But I finally tried the Fits Everybody Bralette from Skims, and it's actually good, like really, really good. You see, I got a bit of tities, so I am very picky about bralettes. Most of them either do nothing or they feel like overkill,

but this one, the band is supportive without feeling stiff. The fabric, it's buttery soft and it feels like it was made just for me. I forget that I'm even wearing it, which has never happened with a bra before. I've worn it under tees, lounging at home, even recording this podcast. So if you're tired of uncomfortable bras,

give Skims a try. Shop Skims Fits Everybody Collection at skims.com and in Skims stores. It is available in sizes from extra extra small to 4 XL. After you place an order, be sure to tell them that I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and make sure to select my show in the drop down menu that follows. Now go get yourself a bra that actually fits you.

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I have two kids. One is my daughter, Miley, you have children, right? I have two. I have two kids. One is my daughter, Miley, who is 22, and she's amazing, beautifully talented writer, singer, dancer, blah, blah, blah. And I have a two-year-old. A two-year-old? A two-year-old named Val.

You started right over. I did. What's that like having a 20, you said 22? A 22-year-old and a two-year-old. That's wild. It is. It is. It is a different... It's different energy. I'm definitely a different person at my age now

than I was at 30 when Miley was born. So chasing around after a two-year-old. was at 30 when Miley was born. So chasing around after a two-year-old, you know, I can keep up, but I don't want to. I was like. You get over there, then you'll come back eventually. It's like, ooh, look, daddy's chasing you, run, run. Run, run, run away, I'm gonna rest my eyes.

I remember saying, ooh, Lord. Daddy's resting now, daddy's resting. It's interesting, but I love being a father. So even in dating, even in dating now, I'm not, because my criteria has changed. What is your criteria? I don't even know exactly anymore. That's even the thing.

And I don't even really know if I want to date. OK. I kind of feel that maybe I need to be open to it. I am single. And then you end up having the talks with yourself where you're like, oh, I'm getting older and I don't know if anybody wants me. And I'll just sit here in my rocking chair and be alone and isolate and play Xbox in my boxer shorts and you know,

but I like playing Xbox in my boxer shorts. I like being in it. So I don't know. I'm trying to be open to it because I'm trying to be more open to life and love and, you know, all that good stuff. So I think my criteria now would be somebody who, like we were talking, somebody who accepts my life. They'd have to be open to knowing that my schedule is what it is. I happen to be very lucky that I'm very busy. They have to be open to the fact that when I'm not busy, I need time for myself.

They have to be open that I have a very, very tightly knit family that they can see on my show that's on Hulu called Wayne Brady, the Family Remix. The reality show about my family. My ex-wife Mandy is my best friend. Her partner Jason is like my brother. They've got a kid named Sunny. Now, how did that, was it a natural evolution from being romantic partners to then being like,

you are my best friend? And was it an amicable breakup? Was it the two of you being like, yes, just isn't working? Kind of the whole thing. We met and we were always, we were fast friends. And we moved out to LA together, we had a goal. So when you meet someone and the two of you

just vibe on the creative thing of, we're going to move to LA to do this together. When we moved out, she was a, she wanted to dance and she became a professional dancer and model and I wanted to act and I was auditioning and acting and singing, dancing the whole nine. And so we came out as a unified front. And then that became more romantic and we fell in love. And then we reached a point where, after we had our child, we were not meant to be together. And talk about the train. I never pictured being on a train

that was going to go off the bridges and explode. And I didn't know how to get off that train because I had it drilled into my head. If you get married and this is it. And especially around the time that I started to take off a little bit, everyone was like, oh, Wayne's got a perfect relationship and da da da. And I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to fail. I think we get trapped in relationships

or we may trap other people sometimes. Yes. Because if I let you go, then I fail. Then I failed, yeah. And I'm bad and all the things. This is coming from years of therapy. All of those things that you may hear as a child or that you take in, I didn't want to fail.

So if I would have actually used better sense and been more empathic and loving, I probably should have tried to get a divorce earlier. Rather than stay in this. Write it out, stick it out. Stick it out with me. I mean, and make your life miserable and make me miserable so I make your life more miserable

and we got a kid and that. So after we sorted that out, there was always love. And then we said, no matter what, we're going to be family because we're going to do this. As opposed to some people say, let's be friends or let's take this out for the child. We said, we're going to do this because we need to keep our relationship and she will prosper if we are on the same page. And shout out to Mandy. She is the reason that we stayed friends. She did a lot of the grunt work and put up with me

and a lot of me needing a lot of therapy and to talk things out and to try to develop and really mature and grow up and do a lot of the parenting work that I didn't have as a kid. I needed to parent myself and change the way that I did things. And it paid off.

We are still a team. I love that. I think that's really great. Because I feel like sometimes people end relationships and they're like, I fucking hate that person. And it's like, but there was love there at one point. And especially if you have to co-parent, but like, just in general, I never want to break up

with somebody and then be like, I wish them ill. Well, like, I always want to be like, I loved you. I wish you the best, but like, this didn't work out. So I like to hear that, like, you know, that worked out for you guys. So you were telling me before we started recording that you started musical theater to get the chicks, to get the booty.

You know to get the hotties. To get that. What was I saying? What was I saying? What was I saying? Come on now. Yeah, I, um... When did you start musical theater? And you had a stutter,

and then on stage it went away? Yeah, yeah. I, I, and this is where that other Wayne that's off stage, I've always been an introverted little kid. I was always very shy and leery of things and didn't want to engage. Uh, I knew that I was very different or I knew that I was very different, or I felt that I was very different from a lot of the kids in my neighborhood and the things that I wanted or I liked.

And my folks, like I said, were from the Virgin Islands and raised me, so they had very strong accents. So I had this accent when I was a kid. And I think because of anxiety, I had a really bad stutter. So that made me not want to communicate even more. So, yeah, when you open your mouth and you try to say something and it gets laughed at, and you try to do something, you get laughed at or you have to fight. And I was in constant fights all the time because in my household I couldn't…

It's like, when? You beat her ass if she hits you. So I have to go back outside and fight if this kid, like... I was told to beat her ass, so... I was told to fight you. I'm not gonna... Okay. So always fighting. So I always had all this... Like tension.

Tension. I always had that. So it wasn't until... And I knew that I could sing and dance and act, because I would do it in my room. And I had this tape recorder that my dad got me, and I would read books, I read everything, and I would do all the voices. So I'd record myself doing voices, singing songs,

but I kept it to myself. Until... I would also do that. And when I played it, I'd be like, so I can't sing? Like, it was... Like, I would sing, and I'd be like, I'm killing it. And then listen back and be like, so I can't sing? Like, it was... Like, I would sing and I'd be like, I'm killing it. And then listen back and be like, well, that's not, that's not me.

That's a different bit. You've had early discernment. Truly. You're like, ooh no. That's not good. Sorry, so you knew you could sing and you could dance. But I kept it to myself for a long time. And it wasn't until I was like 16.

And there was, and I had to take a speech and debate to fulfill one of the art requirements. And I was an ROTC. And even being an ROTC was cool for me because A, it helped me have something in common with my dad, because my dad was in the army, and he was like the epitome of GI Joe. And I wanted to try to fit in with him.

And in my mind, it wasn't a uniform, it's a costume. I'm on stage and I love the marching. I used to love, this sounds so funny. I would march like, left, left, righty, left. I was like, oh shit, look at me march, look at me march. My hands are swinging. My hands are swinging. My hands are swinging. That's so funny.

That's exactly how I would be if I had to wear army fatigues, I'd be like, yes! You can't see me! I'm camouflaged! You are playing a role! I used to sing in my head, like the soundtrack is where Marching was like, ba-da, ba-da, ba-da-da-da, Marching, Marching. So I loved that, but then I really wanted to be in theater, and I got thrown into this

class and my life changed. It was like one of those after school special moments. I was like, I'm in the theater class. And then I met this girl, Sandy, who they were having auditions for Oklahoma. And I thought that Sandy was so nice and so pretty and da-da-da. But she was the star of the chorus and she sang. I said, oh, I've got to get in that show. And I was asked, do you sing?

I'd never sung a lick in front of anybody and went, uh, yes, because my grandmother had all these records and she used to play West Side Story. So I sang Maria and I got one of the leads in Oklahoma. And I did end up being Sandy's boyfriend, but the best part of the thing was, I went, oh, I guess I can do this. I love when people stumble into a passion.

It's so fun. Also very Billy Elliot of you to just like be in your room, dancing and singing. I got into this like Instagram hole where I was watching this woman, she was wearing LaDuca shoes. It's a dance shoe. Yes, of course, I love LaDucas, yeah.

And she was talking about her like limited edition LaDucas. And then I was like, well, let me look at the rest of her page. And then she does like, I guess she calls it Broadway jazz dancing. And she's like, it's a dying art form. And I was like, it is. And I was like, how do we get this to the masses?

How do we get people to put on a Leducas and do Fosse? She's like, pow! Yes, I mean, if I had any sort of rhythm, I would take a Broadway jazz class. I love musical theater. I cannot sing, I cannot dance, but I can be an ornery old lady who's like, hey, what's up with those kids today?

Which is what I did in Bye Bye Birdie. I was getting, that's the other musical that I was in high school. Oh, really? Were you Conrad Birdie? No, it was Albert Peterson. Oh, okay. Who were you?

I was just in the chorus. You're one of the parents? I'm one of the parents. What's the matter with kids today? Ba-da-ba-da-da! Ha-ha-ha! I, I, okay, so there is a tape that is in my house of me and Godspell where I sing, I sang Turn Back, Oh Man,

and I'm 17 years old. I have a red feather boa. Have I talked about this? I have a red feather boa. I sat on somebody's dad's lap and leaned back and sang turn back. Oh man, for swear by foolish And then was like shaking my fucking little titties

On this dad on this dad and people loved it And a star is born ladies and gentlemen. And I never sing publicly again. Well you went out on top. That's how you have to look at it. You went out on top. Oh god I have such a special place in my heart for God. Have you ever been in Godspell? No I've seen it a couple times. Day by day. In fact the last time that I saw Godspell that cast was amazing. It was the Broadway cast where I'm going to butcher her name. So instead, I'll say the show that she's from and you know who I'm talking about. Orange is the New Black.

Yes. Crazy Eyes. Yes. Adubo? Adubo. Adubo is... I'm not sure about her last name. Her. Yes.

That's where... I saw her in the cast and my buddy Telly, who I ended up doing rent with at the Hollywood Bowl, who played Angel and a bunch of other stars, but she was the one. Were you Collins in Rent? Live in my house. I tried learning that song. I love that song. I tried so hard to learn that song.

I love it, it's so good. So you like the reprise or you like the first one? The reprise, come on. The reprise is good. It is so bone chilling. And every time I've ever seen it live, I weep, openly weep. Oh, I- It's the thing.

It's great. It's the thing. And see, even the way that when you talk about musical theater, you're watching something, that's why, that's that spark, which is why I think I told you once that I have, I feel like I have no game. Mm-hmm. So I would just let my talent be my game.

Mm-hmm. So that's why it was easier for me to meet somebody if I was in a show. Yes. So I didn't have to do a lot of the socially awkward work of talking for talk. Someone's like, hi, I'm Wayne. I like video games. Have you played video games?

Wait, what's your favorite video game? Um, right now, on my Oculus, I'm in VR, did... Mars just gasped. I love VR. Did I hear a gasp of the Oculus? She does Beat Saber. I love Beat Saber. Beat Saber's great.

We should play Beat Saber together. I'd love to bring you into the studio sometime. Because you can play with your friends online. I'm not a video game connoisseur. Oh my gosh. I've only played Aladdin, Sonic, and Donkey Kong. Oh, those are the old school games. When I was a kid I would play.

See, I like playing the things now. I like VR or I'm playing Call of Duty, Black Ops 6, the zombie mode. like VR or I'm playing Call of Duty Black Ops 6, the zombie mode, I play Fortnite, but I've stopped playing some of those multiplayer games because I realized that at my age, A, I don't need to be angry with some little kid in Iowa who decides to break out the N-word. That's wild to me. Because I went on a kill streak.

It's wild, but people are like, that's where I'm going to say it. On a video game where we're all having a nice time. And that's the fact that that's the word that goes boop. It's like slots. It just goes into little slots. It's like, why did you have that primed? I don't. It's interesting.

America's a really interesting place. And sometimes the excuse is, well, I didn't even know that that person was black. I just said, it's like, why did you have that word primed? Why are you just saying it? Why isn't it in the chamber? Why isn't it in the chamber?

It's because of internalized racism that our country refuses to acknowledge. And on that note, we have to take a break. Yeah. After these messages, we'll be right back. And oh, we're back. What is one of your favorite musical theater parts that you've gotten to play? Without a doubt, Lola in Kinky Boots.

Kinky Boots? Kinky Boots is such a fun, vibrant show. Did you do your own makeup? Oh no, no, no. You did it on Broadway, right? And here. But I replaced, I was the second one, I replaced Billy Porter.

So I got to, like it was still a fresh roll. They let you, now I could do my own makeup-ish, but they hire amazing makeup artists to be able to achieve a very specific look. And yeah, and what's weird is like doing kinky boots, talk about letting the talent do the work. They were, oh my God. Even doing that show though, I'm, you know, I'm six foot in heels.

I'm six four, singing and dancing on stage in a British accent, doing all this stuff. The, so many DMs in my inbox, women just like, I just saw you on stage as Lola. We'll get you out them tights. Take off that wig and we snatch that wig off, bitch. And get that red dress off. It's like, oh no! That was...

That's so funny. But also very indicative of like a woman being like, this man makes me feel so safe. I don't care what the fuck he's wearing. I'm gonna rip it off. I'm gonna have my way. You're gonna have my way with that safe man. What was it like learning how to dance in heels?

It was amazing. It gave me so much respect, which I wish I already had respect for female performers and for women at large in terms of when, like you were saying, you know, when you dated someone, they're like, you're late. Look, the amount of work that women feel sometimes that they have to put in for the male gaze and to be ready for us to go out on a cute little date

and you want to put on your heels. Oh, I've got these great little Louis Vuitton's and my little red bodice. Good for you. Be a little late sometimes. Learning to walk, not even dance. Learning to walk and even the baby heels. It's a different set of muscles. From having to arch, because I've got a flat foot, thanks dad.

My arch was all messed up. My heels were always engaged. My thighs, my IT bands were going, what the fuck are you doing? Everything, it hurt. In fact, it hurt so much. After the first day of rehearsal, I flew to New York, I knew all the music, and I'm rehearsing. And then they go, oh, you're such a quick study

because they taught me the first number, Land of Lola, I Learned to Dance, killing it. Great, let's put on the rehearsal heels and try it. Okay, let's try. Eeeh! Eeeh! We rehearsed for four hours. Oh my God.

I went back to my hotel room, took my feet off, and my feet were like this. Just pulsing. Just pulsing, you could see it. And I picked up the phone, and I called my agent. I said, hey Kevin, I don't think I can do this. And it really hurts me because I love the show, but I think I have to go home. I think I have to go home. Not only can I not do the show, I have to leave the state.

I think I have to leave the state. I have to get on a plane to go back to my place of residence. And I've never done that, but I honestly couldn't see past the pain. Like this moment I was like, how? You tell me how I'm going to do this. And luckily, ice and I stuck it through, but kudos to women, kudos to Beyonce. Kudos to Beyonce. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I think you have splits. Wild. Wild whenever I see shit like that. I wish, I wish I had that. But again, I don't have the rhythm.

But it's nuts because in those heels, and I've always said this in interviews, I've never felt like more of a man than when I was in those heels and in certain, and I'm in a dress and wig, the whole thing, but powerful. I felt super powerful, very empowered. It was really cool.

I think men should don a wig and heels and then just like feel pretty. Well, here's the thing. Did you know, Nicole, that it's so funny how masculinity, everybody's like, guys won't even carry, wait, where's mine? Guys won't even carry, you know, like a bag like this,

they call it a man. A merce. A merce, a man bag, you gotta pull all this man, it's a man. This is a, yes, it's a satchel, but it's a purse. Mm-hmm. Men, men, in the days of yore, men had purses. Yes.

There were bags, that just was the literal word for it. Purses. Yes. Men, royalty wore high heels. Mm-hmm. To keep them out of the shit that lined the streets of Paris and London. Men wore the high heels because that was a sign of I didn't have to walk in all the offal and all the shit. Men wore wigs.

We wore things to adorn ourselves. At some point... Yeah, I don't know when the transition happened where it was like... Wild, wild west. Like, I don't know, like looking in the 80s, men in short shorts and crop tops, and I'm like, why did that leave?

Half to George Michael and all these dudes dancing. Yes, why? I wish we Have to... Why? George Michael and all these dudes dancing. Why? I wish we allowed men or gave men the room to experiment with style. Or like, also just carrying a bag, a purse. You could put all your things in it. And then your pockets are free. And then you don't have that ugly ass wallet bulge. Yes!

That's the thing is the conflation of masculinity and what you wear and how you talk and you're not being able to dress a certain way. Or if I say a certain word, pause, pause, because that's the... All of that is so harmful. And that's why sometimes bringing it right back background to dating and everything that I'm trying... When you meet people, it's sometimes hard to have even those first date conversations because people have such weird ideas of masculinity that people will say wild things to each other. Yes. And that's weird. So now you even have to watch out who you talk to because you don't know if

They'll have some wild views on sexuality or on life or oh my god I'm so glad because that's so gay I can't be your friend you hate you hate the people I like Tweet that killed me. It was just like fellas is it gay to sit next to your friend in a movie theater? And I was like, oh. And it was like a full earnest tweet. And they're like, well, if there's nobody else in the theater, you got to leave a seat between you and your friend.

I was like, what is happening? What is happening? The only way that that question has any merit is if it is a gay movie theater in the late 80s in Santa Monica called the Donkeyhut. Then the answer is yes, it is gay. That's pretty gay. That's really gay.

Not if it's a Cinemark, no. I also think like sexuality is just so fluid. I refuse to label myself. I also, I don't use the queer label because I feel like I usually talk about dating men. So I'm like, I don't want to take up space there. But I'm like, I would date a woman, I'd date a trans, I'd date any old person,

because I would never close the door to love. And I think it's- Hearts not parts. Yes, hearts not parts. I've never heard that before. Hearts not parts. Mars, have you heard that before? No, that's great.

That's new, that's new to us. Somebody in the comments is gonna be like, that's not fucking new. And I'm gonna be like, chill out. It's been around since 1873, when Ezekiah Brown first fell in love. So wait, you're the son of immigrants and did they ever put pressure on you to date?

No, in fact, in a household like mine, which is dangerous, I think it's a lot of black households. I mean, we didn't talk about sex. So what you don't talk about, you find out about in the streets. And you can't trust, if you're 10, you can't trust a 12-year-old to tell you the ins and outs of sex.

You should, no, that shouldn't happen. So we didn't talk about sex, we didn't talk about dating. The only thing is I remember my grandmother, don't you bring no girl in this house and have a baby. That was it. That's it, those little, okay. So I can't bring this bitch home and I can't put a baby in her?

Don't even know how. No, baby. Jokes on you, granny. Ha ha, I'm putting it in every hole and maybe I'll get lucky. That's, yeah. I mean, yeah, I didn't, we didn't, my mom, she did an okay job,

but my grandpa recently said to me, he was like, wow, guess the family name dies here. I was like, okay. Okay, you don't have to put it like that. Was it said, was like, okay. Okay. You don't have to put it like that. Was it said, I'm joking. No, no, it was pretty serious. And it was like, yeah, none of you,

he was looking at my aunt and my uncle and he was like, none of y'all are gonna have a baby. So the family name dies here. And I was like, okay, grandpa, you don't have to be so upset about it. You could just chill out. Also, it's okay if our family name dies. There's a bunch of buyers in Barbados. They can carry it on for us.

That is hilarious. We don't know what they're doing over there. That's where your folks are from? That's where my dad's side of the family is from, Barbados. Wow, okay. Yes. Island people. Love that. See, I knew I liked you. I knew I liked you. And I went back, I went, I took my grandpa there a couple years ago

and I was like, why haven't you brought me here? It's so beautiful. Barbados is so beautiful. It's gorgeous. And I was like, maybe I'll find a man here. And then I did and I had to come back here. Wait, you did find a man there? No, no, I had to come back to the States to find one.

Well, that was meant. It was meant. It was meant to be. Do you remember your first kiss or your first girlfriend? Yes. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Trying to remember if it was my, did I have a kiss or was it the puppy love thing?

Oh, yeah, my first kiss. I think my first kiss was with... Sandy. I think my first kiss was with Sandy in junior year. I also love that your first girlfriend is Sandy that you met in musical theater, just because of Grease. Sandy! Hey, Sandy! Yeah, Sandy was my first kiss, whose father was incredibly racist. Oh, no! Because, yes, yeah, Sandy was my first kiss, whose father was incredibly racist. Oh no.

Because yes, Sandy was white. And I'd had a girlfriend, you know, like when you're young, you like, I'm going with, or whatnot. So I'd gone with people, but I'd never had a kiss. So I think I really never had a first kiss until high school. Yeah, and her dad was racist. Did he say things to you?

Oh, he said many things to me. But yeah, like at one point, it's cool. And all this is prefaced by saying I was raised in Orlando, Florida. So I was raised in Florida. So yeah, let that be what it is. Florida's tough. So it's always cool when somebody likes, when a parent of somebody, whether they're a friend

or whatever, is like, oh, great kid, come on over, da da da. But then as soon as you express some interest or something happens, then they're like, not in my house. Yup. Not you. And it's like, not in my house. Not you. And it's like, wait, I thought you liked me. You made me dinner. You said I could stay for dinner. What?

You don't like me? Yeah. You taught me a lot very early about negotiating people in life and race and relationships and all that stuff. Which is tough. But I feel like black people have to learn that much earlier than our white counterparts. Absolutely.

Which, it's not even a... I don't even think it's a bad thing at this point. I think knowledge is knowledge. Yes. So, learn. It's like, oh, that happened. So that means that that's an issue. So I have to navigate the world like this.

Bingo, got you. Thank you for teaching me. Yeah. And it is always interesting to me when people are like, So that means that that's an issue. So I have to navigate the world like this. Bingo, got you. Thank you for teaching me. Yeah. And it is always interesting to me when people are like, oh, it's always about race. And I'm like, kind of. From a very early age,

my race has been a thing I've known about. There you go, playing the race card. Yeah, and it's like, my name is literally Nicole because it's a white sounding name. On paper, my name looks white. And that was a strategy that my parents had, which is unhinged if you really think about it. Oh yeah.

Before I was born, my race was a thing I had to think about or my parents thought about. That is a part of who we are. And that's why it's so funny that when those conversations do come up and someone says, oh, it's always about, why does it have to be about race? Why can't we all just, well, yes, Pollyanna, that would be amazing.

It would be ideal. If we didn't, but on the flip side, I think the conversation is also, you know what? It's not bad that race enters the conversation sometimes because race is so wrapped up in cultures. Like, I love being black, and if black conversations happen, we can have a black conversation,

someone can have a Latin conversation, an Asian conversation. The difference is, don't hate me because of the black con conversation or treat me differently because of it. That's the thing. Or tell me who I can and cannot love, which it damn sure seems that we're getting pretty close to

in this frigging time machine that we're in right now. It is? The way back. Weird. That we've been strapped into. Not to like bring politics into it, but the whole make America greedy thing. Just hear me out. How come it's not make America better?

Like why go back? Why not go forward? Why look back? Make America great again. Make it better. Make it better than it's been. Which I know a lot of people, we have touched on this and said the same thing.

It's maybe I missed something, but within my span of life, life's been cool. And thank God, like I always tell, you tell my daughter, I said, Miley, you know how lucky, because I was born in 72. Just outside of that, we weren't allowed to be in the same schools as somebody. Just outside of that. If you even loving, dating, talking to somebody of another race, not that it was frowned upon, that shit would get you killed.

Just outside of that. So I get that my generation, we are the luckiest that to be born there and to be raised here and to reap the benefits of, hey, we're on TV or we can be successful or whatnot. But still to answer that question, I don't know about great again. I think that it was great to certain people who may have had certain advantages over other people. So yeah, let's make it better where there are no advantages.

Where we're all doing our thing. Yeah, we all start at zero, but that doesn't happen. Like, I have aunts who are still alive who can tell me stories about segregated movie theaters where they would, like, spin on the people who were allowed to sit in, like, you know, the orchestra or whatever while they were in the balcony.

And I'm like, that's wild to say, make it great again when they have memories of that. Anyway, off of that, you said you grew up in Florida. Yeah. And you worked at Universal or you worked at Disney? Both. Oh, who did you play at Disney? At Disney, my very first job,

which I put those marching skills into play. -♪ LAUGHS. -♪ My very first job at Disney, I was a toy soldier in the, in the, um, sparkling Christmas spectacular. Ooh. So I was marching, and I was like, soldier in the sparkling Christmas spectacular. So I was marching, and I was like, I'm a pop. I'm a pow! You'll see all that shit.

And then I was goofy, and I was Tigger, and I did that because my whole aim was I wanted to be a kid of the kingdom, which are the singer dancers. Oh, a face. Yes. Well, not a face character. Actually one of the singer dancers called a kid of the kingdom. I didn't know if we had them out here at Disneyland But they were on the main stage and they and they danced beautifully and did all the choreography and they sang

I was like I want to be one of those singers. So I've got to get into Disney somehow So I got in being a character and that was my whole thing is I was like I am going to be A singer at Disney. That's what I'm gonna do. Did you do it? Almost Because I was fired. Why were you fired? Quick story. I auditioned for my, one of my dreams was to be the lead singer in a show called Rap and Roll.

There was one male singer and the rest of them were characters. But when I saw it, I was like, that's my show. That's my shit, I can do this. I auditioned for it, I got it. I was so excited, I told everybody, I'm leaving the character department, I'm gonna train into the show, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That was like on a, let's call it a Wednesday. Friday was my last shift as a character. But Saturday, a buddy of mine named Chris, and yeah, I'm gonna say who he is, I've told this story, Chris Judd. Now, if you know who Chris Judd is, Chris Judd is an amazing choreographer, dancer, but some people may know him.

He is one of the ex-husbands of Jennifer Lopez. Oh, I know! So we were best buddies. Like, when I worked at Disney for two years, Chris Judd was my best friend. He still is one of the most amazing guys. I don't get a chance to talk to him, but that was my dude. And I don't even, I've never even spoken to Chris really about this.

One day I've got to talk to him because I have to... So Chris, handsome, handsome, handsome ass dude, especially at the time he had his hair and da da da. Chris got hired as a character, but he was never really feeling the character thing. So he got called in to do a character shift. Wayne, can you do me a favor? I really don't want to do this character shift.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Chris had been dancing at this point. He learned to dance and big things were gonna happen for him. He really didn't want to go and do the character thing. I wanted to pick up an extra shift with some money. I was like, sure, I'll go in and do your shift for you. What are you doing? They've got me scheduled.

I'm doing Pluto. Oh, I don't do Pluto, but I'll see if they need a goofy... Yeah, man, I got you. I'll do this for you. It's the last thing that I'm going to do because on Monday, I start a rehearsal for Rap and Roll. This story is the equivalent of if I would have been on I'm gonna do because on Monday I start a rehearsal for rap and roll. Uh-huh. This story is the equivalent of if I would have been on the police force and I'm going,

oh man, I've been a police captain for 45 years. I'm hanging up the shield on Friday. Hey Sarge, you mind covering me on Friday? You know myself and Miranda, we are scheduled to go to Cabo San Lucas. We haven't had a vacation together in 25 years. All right, young blood, I'll cover you just this one time. What can happen? And then I get shot. Oh, no!

That's what happened to me. You got shot at Disney. I got shot at Disney. I show up, I'm goofy. No, I'm Tigger. You're Tigger. I'm doing my Tigger set. I got shot at Disney. I show up, I'm goofy. No, I'm Tigger. I'm Tigger. I'm doing my Tigger set, I'll never forget it. I'm in front of the bank.

Hey, shaking kids' hands, doing the whole thing. Blah, blah, blah, the clock is ticking. I'm looking up south, almost finished. Last show, last shift before I go do rap and roll. Oh, shit. A lady comes to the front of the line with her little cat. She looks very important. She's like, excuse me, excuse me. Places comes to the front of the line with her little cat. She looks very important. She's like, places her kid in front.

Now, as we all know, characters don't talk because that's the magic. Yes. So this lady, there's a line. She puts little Timmy in front. I was like, oh, so me, I, using the improv skills that I have honed at Disney, I'm communicating to her, huh, it's Tigger. Look at this line.

Woo hoo hoo hoo. Woo hoo hoo hoo. Bell kick. Woo hoo hoo hoo. Uh huh. She's like, ha ha ha, no Tigger. You was, and I'm like,

ha ha ha ha, woo hoo hoo. Woo hoo hoo hoo. Ha ha ha ha. And I'm counting, I'm like, uh huh. Uh huh. Ha ha ha And I'm counting, I'm like. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. She puts Timmy in front, and so now I'm like.

Shaking the bits, so picture all this movement as Tigger. Big old head, just like, mm-mm. Mm-mm. She's like, Tigger, and she grabs Tigger and pulls him a little closer. And it's like, because people get handsy with characters. She goes, Tigger, I am very, and now I'm gonna paraphrase what she said. We say, like, Tigger, I think you need to see my son.

We are in a rush. You do not know I am very important here. I blah, blah, blah. I was like. I'm very important here. I blah blah blah. I was like I go to move her again You will find and then she just goes off on me and says some like some shit about you will find out Yeah, we'll deal with you and it so I look to whoever you know that they're called character leads Uh-huh the the person that that's responsible for handling. So this lady's, and I look over and I'm like, so you gotta move this person.

Now also keep in mind, I am, I am 19? I'm 19 at this point? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm 18 turning 19. So she's yelling at a kid. An adult is yelling at a child. This adult is yelling at this teenage kid. But also, this woman, this adult woman is yelling at Tigger. Is yelling at Tigger. Woman, you are yelling, whoo-hoo-hoo, you're yelling at Tigger. So then I turn my back to, oh, that's the thing that really got her.

She's, blah, blah, blah, blah. I turn my back to her. Her child decides, Tigger's tail is a piece, at that time it was a belt, like a military belt, wrapped around your midsection, connected to a piece of PVC pipe. PVC. It looks soft, that shit is P.V.C.

Kid grabs onto the back and decides to pull my tail. I grabbed the tail and I let it go. Ow! I did not hit the kid. I was not intending to hit the child. He pulled the tail back. I grabbed the tail so that it wouldn't hit the kid. I was not intending to hit the child. He pulled the tail back. I grabbed the tail so that it wouldn't hit someone else. And I can't see.

Yes, you're wearing a huge head. All I can see is this. So all this happened over here. When I turned, so I grabbed my tail and I turned and I feel, but I don't know what happened. So I turned my back to her. That's the part of you. You'll see. You'll blah blah blah. Girl, I'm Tigger.

And what's happening Monday? I'm in wrap and roll. I finished the character set. Wayne, you've been called to the character supervisor's office. Why? They must want to commend me. They must want to commend me on how...

On how I handled that bit. Amazing, because I am, in my mind, now I gotta tell you, I was one of the best, I will wear that shit today, I was one of the best characters that Disney had seen up to that point. I was animated, I would break dance, I did the, I killed it.

So I was like, oh, surely, are they giving me an award? Are they gonna commend me? Are they gonna commend me? I didn't know. Am I Walt Disney? Am I the next one? Is this like Willy Wonka and they're giving me? Am I Wayne Disney? Am I Wayne Disney all of a sudden?

No commendation for me. It turns out she was a supervisor, a character supervisor, who she brought her son into the park. She wanted Tigger to, oh, and I did this to her too, because she claimed, because when she was there, I was like, mm-mm, I did this, and I pointed, I was like, these people, these people, have been waiting in line.

No, you have to go back. No, sorry. She should have whispered to you, I am the character supervisor, or said something to the handler. And even if she did, here's the thing, and this is, even if she would have gone, I, my last name is Disney.

You need to let me in front. No, these people know waiting. It's Florida. It is frigging 2,000 degrees. Did they have fans in the little costumes, or were you just dying? No, it's Florida. It is friggin' 2000 degrees. And these kids- Did they have fans in the little costumes or were you just dying?

I think in the newer models in the generation since I've been there back in the day, no fans. Oh my God. So if I'm hot, these kids are hot. I loved doing that job so much. I loved, I always had this big ass smile on my face and the kids, so I'm being berated by another supervisor. Do you know what you just did? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

She brought her son. So now you are being written up and we're going to do an investigation because of your insubordination. Oh, no, no, wait, I'm sorry. At first it was like, a parent. Do you know that a parent came and they said that you were looking at your watch, you told them to leave, you were rude, and then you turned around and you hit them with your tail on purpose and you were da-da-da-da-da, and so we're going to do an investigation. I was like, no, that's not what happened at all.

That's not what happened. Then I find out because at first I said, oh, parent, then I find out. And they were a supervisor. So I said, oh, the person works here? Uh-huh. Yes, and you were rude to her child. And you were rude to her.

And it was his birthday and you could have handled it differently. And all I remember, my little teenage ass, as I'm being told that I was suspended, was suspended at that point was code for, now you're done. You're fired. No, you're fired. Is that it? Uh-huh.

But, oh. We think yelled at you while you were half in costume. Okay, so I've still got the skin tight fur on. Do I get to do rap and roll? That sentence, do I still get to do rap and roll? No, no. That sentence, do I still get to do rap and roll? No. No. You're suspended. Fucking Chris Judd.

Chris Judd! Chris Judd did it to you. Chris Judd! If you hadn't taken that shift. If I hadn't taken that shift, but. But it's a blessing in disguise. You could still be there right now. Come on now, Jesus.

Not to be rude, not shitting on anybody who works at Disney, but like, you were destined to do something else. But everybody's destiny is different. I see, I've got friends who I grew up with them. They are still at Disney in managerial spots now and doing other things. They love that life. They have a home in celebration.

Beautiful home and they have a life. That wasn't for you. That wasn't for me. And so everything happened the way that it was supposed to. And I learned a lesson. You know, I learned a valuable lesson about how, you know, expectations and all these things and so,, thanks, Chris. You know?

And then because I got fired from that job, then I ended up getting hired at Universal Studios, doing a bunch of, I was a Ghostbuster, and I did the Bealejuice Rock and Rolls show, and I was a percussionist, and I was a breakdancer. I did all these things. I learned all these valuable skills doing theme park shows in theater

that ended up giving me an improv mindset, and that's how I got on TV. I love that. I love a story that like, I mean, it could have gone a different way where you could have been like, well, I guess that's it for me. I don't perform anymore, da da da da, that fucking bitch.

But then it was like, no, there's another theme park here. I will work it the fuck out. There were multiple theme parks. I'll do it. Shit, if I had to, I would there's another theme park here. I will work it the fuck out. I'll do it. There are multiple theme parks. Shit, if I had to, I would go and be Black Shamu. I'd put on a Shamu out for the Sea World. Oh, fuck! Wow, Shamu is a man?

It's like, yeah! Yeah, I am! God, Wayne, I love that. I really do love that story. I was let go from Lane Bryant, a fat woman's clothing store. Why? And it was a huge blessing in disguise.

It's a long story, but it was a blessing in disguise because I was like, it was before I started doing improv and I said, well, I am getting minimum wage, but I can pay my bills and I keep taking other people's shifts. And then they would be like, don't come in tomorrow, Nicole. You're going into overtime. And guess what? I would go in tomorrow and get my overtime.

But I was like, I'm going to be a manager of Lame Bryant and not shitting on anyone who's a manager of Lame Bryant. But I was not destined for that. That was not what I was supposed to do. But I had, like, become, like, a little complacent. I was like, oh, yeah, this is what I can do. I'm really good at counting out a register. Ha ha ha!

It's so funny how you end up—and you're right, it isn't shitting on anybody that does that. No. Because—but it's your—it's where you see yourself or your goals. Like, my bar, at one point in my life, if only I could get that rap and roll thing, then that would be, and then you end up going, well, if only I can be the manager of Lane Bryant. And then once you pull out a little bit,

maybe I can do this. You pull out and you're like, well, maybe I could do something else. And then the next thing you know, you're doing things that you didn't even dream for yourself, which I love that. That's the part I love. it makes you continue to dream. Yeah, and when I got fired from Lame Bryant,

I had to pay off my Lame Bryant credit card. I know I've told this story, but I paid it off and I wrote lame giant in who, like the payee was to. Lame giant. And then they sent it back and they sent it. So then I sent it back and then they wrote a letter saying, that's not funny. How petty.

You've already fired you. Yeah, just take your check. This is lame, giant. But maybe the bank was like, we can't take this. We can't take this very funny bit. That makes me laugh so hard that even the bank, you knew who they were talking about. Just take the damn money.

And you have to pay off a lame Brian credit card. You mean you bought stuff in the store? Working retail is a scam for the employees because they tell you we want you to wear the clothing at the store. But you have to buy the clothes. And they'll give you a discount. But I was getting paid $7.50. None of my checks were ever gonna clear for those clothes.

And my rent and my food and shit. So then I opened up a Lane Bryant credit card with a 22% APR that I was never gonna fucking pay off with my minimum wage. It's a scam. That is a scam. See, that's what Kanye was talking about when he said that he worked at The Gap.

That's what he was talking about. It is, it's a scam. Well, you've done good. You've done good for yourself now. You've done good too, and we've come to the end. Do you have any advice for single people? The advice that I could give right now is, I'm gonna rip off and paraphrase RuPaul,

because it's the truth. Going on these apps, trying to find somebody, finding solace in somebody else, how the hell you gonna love somebody else if you don't love yourself? Can I get an amen? Amen. And I'm gonna give you advice, Wayne.

I think you need to be more upfront in your dating. I think second date in, they should know that you need your alone time. Second date in, they should know that you are an introvert. Second date in, they should know that like, you're looking for love because you're such a marvelous, wonderful person. And I think if you want a partner, you deserve a partner.

But also if you wanna take some time for yourself, you also deserve that too. You work so hard. Thank you, ma'am. You're welcome. Thank you. Also, Wayne, I ask all of my guests this, would you date me?

Yes. Hell yeah. Thank you. Yes, ma'am. The reason I ask is because I need validation. And you have it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ta da.

Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, subscribe, you can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts, and if you write me a dirty message to Why Won't You Date Me, podcast at gmail.com, a nasty message hitting on me, I will read it. Dear Nicole, it's always bothered me

that all these imaginary guys in your intros constantly gaslight at you that their cum is something it isn't. Now all of my intros are a man lying to me about what cum is. That's why you did. I love that person, that that's the fact that, oh, that's brilliant.

So the first thing I'm gonna do is get you a lie detector to use on them. You'll never have to worry about something being come again. After that's settled, I'm gonna go right to Mr. Marvel himself and convince him to cast you a storm in the next Avengers movie. You'll be so iconic that they'll contact the director of the Sonic movies to do Marvel's first crossover. Storm, Sonic, and Friends are going to go so fast in beating bad guys together, saving Vin Diesel from Eggman and Thanos.

Now Vin Diesel's in here? Why is Vin? I don't know. Nothing about Fast and the Furious to thank you. Vin Diesel and you as Storm have electrifying sex. See what I did here? Okay. All night long. Next day, Vin makes you a delicious breakfast

before Sonic comes to pick you up. You and the Sonic crew zoom into the horizon as the credits roll. You realize that even though you're all so fast, you have each other in the end. I hope this was a treat to read. It was. All of my favorite things were in here.

I love Storm, I love Sonic, and I love Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was a bonus. I didn't see him coming. It really was. I, people constantly are like, Nicole, I thought Vin Diesel died because I post his, I'll put his Instagram in my stories and I won't write anything. It'll just be a picture of Vin Diesel.

Have you had Vin Diesel as a guest? No, I would, oh my God. I'm holding my hair in a weird way. Why? We have to make that happen. I would be so excited. Head'm holding my hair in a weird way I Well, that's it bye bye don't ask Wayne would he like to promote ah shit It says if I never do this podcast I always forget something I've been doing this for five years

Six. Oh shit. You have to do that very successfully. I mean you're the recipient of a silver winner Award of the signals, which I didn't know that's not me. That's not me. Oh, that's that way. That's not me Nice, not me. No, but your names on it Yeah, co-hosting Oh, that's for newcomers, me and Lauren Lapkus. Where we watch movies that everyone has seen, but we have not. Did you know Star Wars is a lot? Is a lot of what? Is a lot. A lot is happening.

Each set of movies is a different genre of movie. The first three, the middle three are Indies, and then the first three, the second three are indies and then the first three, the second three, they're very 2000s and then the back end, very now. And I'm like, how, how, this is very, this is very convoluted movie viewing experience. I'm a nerd, a died in the world nerd and I have never watched a full Star Wars movie. No? I know all the lore, but I've tried, oh no, I've watched one. Which one?

Not the first three, the first one of the, so what, there are like nine movies now or something? So the fourth one, so the second trailer, not anything with John Boyega, I'm talking about the second one, like the second batch. Oh, with Natalie Portman Yes, and that man who wears a scoot he rides a scooter That's like when we thought that that was gonna be is I oh shit

This is gonna be I sat through that my buddy Dean we woke up We were at the movie theater at 7 a.m. Because it was his whole thing. You're not getting tickets I was so mad. I sat through almost three hours of this bullshit. I was like, is this your Star Wars? Is this your king? Is this your king? Keep him. Boo!

I did like Darth Maul. He rides a scooter and I find that very funny. Darth Maul is dope. I like, hello. Jar Jar. Yes. I looked at Mars, I was like, who is it? Me's the like, that's actually one of the only characters I like,

and he was the most, most maligned. People hated Jar Jar Binks. And you know the actor. Yes, um, Ahmed, Ahmed. Best. Best, yes. What an amazing, talented dude. Such a good character, his co-actor.

An incredible musician and dancer, and his wife, she danced in my Vegas show, and she's an amazing dancer and singer. He got the wrong end of the stick. He culturally got the wrong end of the stick. He was directed a certain way, I could go into a whole thing. Justice for Ahmed Best, justice for Jar Jar.

Justice for Jessie Spano, I just watched Jar. Justice for Jessie Spano. I just watched Showgirls for the first time. She did what the director wanted, which was an unhinged performance that is perfect. Yeah, people get... See, that's the series that we should do. Go through movies that are maligned and performances and show how now in the bright light of day,

they were actually good Yeah, a hill I'll die on Madame Web fun movie. I haven't seen that yet. Listen, I would not recommend watching it alone I would recommend literally spending money renting out a movie theater and getting 50 people together and tell them it's like Rocky Horror Yell at the screen have a nice time That's I was in a theater where at one point the villain was speaking and his mouth was not moving and I just yelled, they didn't finish the movie. And then everyone was like, ah, we're in good company.

Cause then everyone, like we laughed, there is this one pivotal scene that's supposed to be like a, like just action packed. And we all laughed so hard. And it was so... I really think once they saw that cut, they should have been like, we should mark it as camp.

This is campy. We're bringing camp back. And I think it... Maybe that would have saved it. I think so, because I had a great time. Joker 2, another Hill I'll Die On. I love Joker 2. Craven, a movie no one's heard of.

Ooh, Craven, I want to watch Craven because I love him. I loved it. Because I think he's so talented. He's great in it. I loved Craven. Aaron Taylor Joy. Yes. Oh, I'm a fan.

He was great in Kick Ass and everything else he's done. Never seen it. Oh, he, see? Okay, yeah. Like once you're finished with your five other podcasts. I'll start another one! We will do another one. Thank you for being here, Wayne.

Thank you. Do you wanna ask what he'd like to promote? Oh yeah, that's right! Oh my God! Oh yeah, we got off on something. You have to leave all that in. Wayne, is there anything I can, wait, you said that and then I, whoa, how did we go on such a tangent?

Wayne, do you have anything you wanna promote? Yes, I will promote right here on Headgum. You you got to check out. What if it's an improvised podcast? Where it truly is about anything we get a guest someone like yourself Who I happen to be a fan of and then we bring them on and we talk about whatever we talk about their life We talk about their career anything that's going on in the world. And then we put the little improvisational twist on it of what if, and we make up songs, we have live music, we never know where a conversation is gonna go. It's myself and my partner, Jonathan Mangum,

who you can catch me with on the upcoming season of Let's Make a Deal, the upcoming season of Whose Line Is It Anyway, and you can catch me on the road doing my musical improv show with him called Making Shit Up. And I've got a bunch of other stuff, but that's good for right now. Check out the podcast right here on Headgum and on Apple and anywhere else where podcasts are.

And we don't have a YouTube page right now, but by the time you watch this, we will have the YouTube page up as well. Hell yeah. Thank you for being here, Wayne. Thank you, ma'am. Okay bye bye. Bye. You've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kenefskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsey Kemp. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose, and our Thief music is arranged by Mike Kometay. Ah, thanks for listening!

We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then! Okay, bye bye! That was a Headgum Podcast. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like this.

So, if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to Headgum.com. And if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to Headgum.com. And if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to Headgum.com. And if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to Headgum.com. And if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to Headgum.com. And if you're interested in learning more about Headgum, head to HeadGum Podcast. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal. And we're now hosting a new improvised show called What If on the HeadGum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of TV, film, tech, and literature.

Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big, ridiculous questions like, what if you heard a monkey's feelings? What if your grandma was a secret agent? What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout? I'm not. And then we turn the conversation

into spontaneous scenes, songs, well, because that's what we do. Subscribe to What If on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, wherever you get your podcasts, and watch episodes on YouTube. No script, no net, just What If.