Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The Torture of Working with an Ex (w/ Nicholas Scheppard)

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Comedian and drag queen Nicholas Scheppard (Very Gay Paint, Art to Me) is fresh out of a breakup. He joins Nicole for a chat about the uphill climb out of it, why working with an ex-boyfriend is absolute torture, and the haunting theory that your partner will tell you exactly how they'll break your heart in the first week. Nicole shares the messy story about a situationship who didn't believe in monogamy, and her obsession with her Ninja Creami.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastCheck out Nicole's episode of ART TO ME. Follow Trudy Tective's journey to catch her sister's murderer at @trudy.tective.Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» MeUndies: Right now as a listener of my show, you can get to get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping at MeUndies.com/DATEME, promo code DATEME.» Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» IQBAR: Text DATE to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply.» Wayfair: Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.» Equip: Learn more about Equip’s virtual eating disorder treatment at equip.health/dateme» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/defend.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. You guys, it has been pouring rain nonstop in Los Angeles. It is gloomy. It is wet. And it's making me want to stay inside and be cozy with my dog Clyde. But when I've been stuck on my couch for three days straight, I start to notice things. I look around my space and I'm thinking, if I'm going to be stuck in here, it needs to be cute. So since I can't leave, I have decided to finally get my act together. This year, I am actually going to elevate my space with Wayfair. Wayfair is the only place that has literally everything, from functional basics to the just for fun stuff.

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So when I have friends over, I look like a responsible adult and not a woman living in a costume shop. So get organized, refresh, and back on track this new year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. You know I love a mess. I live for the messy dating stories we talk about on this show, but there is one thing that's too messy even for me, and that is all of us losing access to our

sexual and reproductive health care. Planned Parenthood believes that we should have the freedom to make decisions about our own bodies and our futures, whether you need SDI testing, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion or sex ed, Planned Parenthood is here for you. They've been doing this work for a long time, and they are basically the best friend you need when things get just a little complicated. But right now, lawmakers across the country are trying to stop us from getting essential care. They want to deny people birth control and promote abstinence-only programs, which is just, ew, nobody wants that. Millions of people could lose access to care, especially black and Latino people, people in rural areas and people with low incomes. It's scary.

But Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right that everyone deserves. They're fighting every day to build a future where everyone can get the care that they need, no matter who they are or where they live. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at planparenthood.org slash defend. You guys know I'm always on the go. It was a hectic year, so I planned to get away to Joshua Tree with a few of my friends. because we just needed to stare at some rocks and disconnect.

And here's the thing about hotels. Okay, I like them. Sometimes you find a cute one, but when you're traveling with your friends, a hotel room is just not big enough. And I refuse to sit on my bed eating room service just so my friend can have the one chair that's in the room. I like a hotel pool, but I do not like fighting for a lounge chair or getting splashed by strangers. I want a kitchen where I can open a bottle of wine and just yap all night without worrying about getting a noise complaint. That's why for this trip, finding a home on Airbnb was the only option. We found this amazing, cute spot on a huge property with a private pool,

and it meant we could just sprawl out and enjoy our time together without being just like on top of one another. And if you only want the best, you need to look for their guest favorites. It's a badge on Airbnb that shows the most loved homes based on ratings, reviews, and reliability. It basically takes out all of the guesswork. So if you want to have fun with your friends on your next trip, book your next day on Airbnb. We went out to dinner the other night and I like to put, you know, on like open table. It's like, are you celebrating a birthday, an anniversary? So last time we went to this restaurant, I said it was our anniversary.

It wasn't. So this time I was like, well, I'll put celebration. And our server was like, what are you celebrating? And I was like, oh, shit, I forgot. And I went, Black History Month. And she went, okay. And then they were out of a dish. And she was like, I'm really sorry.

And I was like, but did you tell them what I'm celebrating? And she went, I sure didn't. And it made me laugh so hard. I feel like as a server, if someone came in and said that they were celebrating Black History Month, I would be like, your meal's comps. It's comps. If it's not on the house, it's on me. And I decided this Black History Month, I'm going to say it everywhere I go.

What are you celebrating? Black History Month. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? me why won't you date me please tell another episode of why won't you date me a podcaster was trying to figure out why I was so single even though you could come in a jar and say hey those are mini marshmallows that I melted for some hot chocolate my guest today is a comedian muralist and the drag queen known as drudy did it's been tough for you forever

Exactive. True detective. He's famous for turning walls gay with his company, Very Gay Paint. He now co-hosts the weekly podcast, Art to Me, with his ex-boyfriend where they decide what is art and guess who was their very first guest. It was me. And you can listen to it now and I'm so excited. It's Nick Sheper. That's right. Hi. Hi. Hi. Nick, thank you so much for being here. Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Can you tell me, are you single or dating or in a relationship or married or divorced or separated or just not into it at all?

This drop down is wild. I am kind of freshly single. I had to break up about two. When you came on our podcast, I sort of was doing my Tom Cruise on the Oprah couch. I love my boyfriend moment, which is so funny because about a week later, we did break up. But you came on my podcast and I was like, I'm the most amazing guy. He's perfect. And that was true.

And that is true. I'll always love him. But we did break up. I am two-ish months out of that. Harts like hell, I'll tell you that. Every day is an uphill climb. I don't mean to laugh at that It was just the way you said it

No, this is just my truth And my heart is not yet open to love again Okay Because we've got to get our feet Under ourselves a little bit more Yes I want to make sure that my oxygen mask is on Before I start fiddling with someone

In the seat next to me Yes, safety video Before I start fiddling with someone In the seat next Fiddling with someone The flight attendant is like Put your own oxygen mask on If you're going to jerk the guy off next to you

For the love of God I that okay I really like that you know that you're not ready it doesn't feel up to me like I if I could be ready honestly like if my brain worked in a way where I was like I miss love I miss being in love it was amazing and so if I didn't have to lose a person in my life who loves me and checks on me every day and is Mr. Sweetie Pie I would have that again I just it's not up to me I can't do it see but but you have the that you know that you can't do it. I have broken up with people, have been like, well, get back on the horse, get in the saddle and fuck somebody. And then I don't feel good. And then I'm like, I don't like this person.

This person simply doesn't like me, but I gotta just do it, rip that bandaid off. But my last breakup, I was like you. I was like, I actually can't do this. And I'm just simply not going to force myself to do it. And that wasn't even a relationship that was good. I would say in that case even more so, then how about we look inward for a second?

Oh, you were in a relationship that really wasn't good? Yeah. Oh, for a decent amount of time? Let's take some time. Let's peek in. Let's take a look under the hood, my love. Let's open the hood and tinker around. It happened because it was a situation ship where this man said to me maybe a month and a

half been, I don't want to be in a relationship. And I said, I think you'll change. change once you realize how incredible I actually am. And as time went on, he was like, no, no. I was at Sundance like a week ago now. Bragg. It isn't because I have to tell you I had a dark night of the soul at Sundance. Oh, no.

The breakup's sort of recent, and I was like, you know, it really hurts, but I'm going to the gym. I didn't care of myself. I'm speaking with friends. I went to Sundance and was in a dark room quiet for two hours over and over and over again. And so I was like, I'm a hit. Like, the grief really got to me. But an amazing part about Sundance, the reason I bring this up is I was staying in an Airbnb with this woman Kim Pierce, who I hadn't met yet. And I asked how my day was one day.

And I was like, oh, like just weeping. But she, in talking about it, was talking about one of her exes. And she said, the person that you're seeing always lets you know right away exactly how they're going to break your heart. and with your situation being like I don't want a relationship and you're like La la la

Yep I don't hear that There's just It's every freaking time Every time I've had my heartbroken I've been like Could have told you the first week That this is how I thought

That this would happen Interesting Now I'm like Thinking back on like And honestly All of them were like I don't really want anything serious And I'm like

But if you get to know me you will. Right. I was dating this dude right before the pandemic. It was 2019 going into 2020. And we were kind of fizzling out. And I had asked him, I was like, hey, so are you like dating other people? And he was like, yes.

And I was like, cool, me too. And I was. Yeah. But I didn't want to be. And I was like, hey, what if we like just didn't date other people? And he was like, I think I'm going to keep doing that because I don't know if I believe in monogamy. And I was like, oh, okay. He's now married with a child and fully believes in monogamy.

That probably feels awesome as hell. It felt so good. I was like, ooh, so you told me something different and then you're living different. But then it's just like, did I want a kid? No. Like, did we work? No. Yeah.

Just fucking move on. Right. You know, you suffer, you learn, you grow. We choose love anyway. We choose love wins. Yes, sometime. Not for me. Personally, but for others, I've heard that love wins.

Love wins. It moves forward. No, wait, what was that campaign? It moves forward. The It Moves Forward campaign. No, don't you remember that? It gets better. The clock keeps ticking campaign.

Time's running out campaign. Oh, the time. Hurry up and be gay. Can I tell you something? Please. I've really just gotten into watches recently. Okay, you should speak with my father. He's go-go-go.

for watches. Really? It's his special. My whole family, like, as an adult, I was like, so the whole family each has, like, a hyper niche special interest. So writing's on the wall there. My dad's his watches. How many watches does he have?

Oh, my God. Easily 20. But he spends time online just, and nice watch. Like, 20 watches that he's, like, researched, saved up, gotten from different dealers for different deals. Wow. Yeah, he loses watches. We're a little different.

Oh, okay. Because I'm going for aesthetic and a bunch of my watch. that I recently got don't have batteries in them. Oh, I'm not, I... You mean watches as a fashion choice. Yep. Of course. This one says 610.

Sure, and who's to say it's not? Time is made up. Time is, yes, that's what Mariah Carey says. Honey by Mariah Carey. The Derek Jeter comes on, Honey by Mariah Carey. That's about Derek Jeter. And it's come. It's just like Honey.

I hear when your love pours over me. Here's the thing. If your cum is like honey, you gotta get to the doctor. Too thick. Oh, but the flavor. That would be nice. I know. I'm saying a honey flavor is a massive improvement on the typical.

I wouldn't know, but I've heard. Massive improvement on the typical flavor. I would like that. If someone came in my mouth and it tastes it like honey or like a sweet tart or like- I would write a hit song. Oh, I think I would just suck their dick all the time instead of eating candy. Oh, yeah.

Probably less calories. Little, miss little. I'm withering away. So in your next relationship, what are your non-negotiables? Like, what are you looking for? I would like to have a really just awesome time together. I would like to, when we're not together, always be like, remember when we were together

that's a non-negotiable I always want that I would like to have someone who is really open to looking at themselves taking some time in the mirror asking what's happening

getting curious about themselves that can get scary but don't be too afraid to do it you don't mean like physically you mean like emotionally and like mentally look in the emotional mirror take also a second in the physical mirror

let's just see I could take that advice as well. Okay. I need to take a couple more seconds every day. Just look at yourself before you leave the house. But in the physical mirror? In the physical mirror. Okay.

I spend actually probably more time than I needed in the emotional mirror. I would say my advice to me, Nick, when you're watching yourself later, I see you in the emotional mirror. Take one step to the left and look in the physical mirror and leave the house. I really love that. Yeah. And I, so I have ADHD. So if I ever left a message for myself on a video and then watch the video and then was like, I would be so scared. You wouldn't remember that you'd done it.

No, and I'd be like, oh my God, that's crazy. You'd have a psychotic break, like the woman with a pluribus fridge. That blows me away. Mars, did you hear about this? Yeah. Okay. People who haven't heard about it, she had a sheet. Well, I'm not going to victim blame, but she bought a refrigerator that has a TV in it.

That's, no, that's victim blame. Why would you do that? Big mistake. Carol. Why would you buy a refrigerator with a TV in it? Again, I'm not like, I'm not trying to be rude, but how many TVs does one need in a home? I know. I will say anytime I've gone to a hotel and you go in the bathroom and behind the bathroom mirror is a TV, well, come on. You like that? It's so cool. But why do you, I'm putting on makeup in the mirror. I'm not, I can't watch the TV. Right. It's not functional, but the idea of it is so like Jetsons. It is, the future is here. You're right. But

But in your home, in your apartment? Not at my house. You're getting orange juice. So then it's like now on CNN. Like what? What do you need it for? I will say now in my time of sorrow, as many screens and distractions as I can have going. Let's get those cooking.

Let's play a little video. Speaking of distractions and stuff, what do you do to like stay off your phone? Or do you just like be on the phone? God, I'd love to know if I could find something. I bought a book yesterday. Oh. I purchased a book at Barnes & Noble. It's aspirational.

I would love to get off of my phone. It's called, oh, I'm not going to remember, but it's a murder mystery. Ooh. Love a good murder mystery. Okay. Oh, it's, I think it's called I have some questions for you. Oh. A friend recommended it to me.

It's going to get me off my phone. Nick, you're watching this a couple, a little bit after you filmed. God, I hope you've read that fucking book. I love that you censored yourself to yourself. I don't want me to hear stuff like that. Honestly, we should all be speaking kinder to. ourselves. Yeah. The beautiful thing about this trying time is that I've been talking like a little baby to myself. See, that's really nice. I've been doing the out loud. I love you, so you're

going to be okay. I bought heated rivalry. The book. The book, yes. Have you cracked it open? You know what? Sure haven't. But I am going to read it because I'm very, I really liked the show. I've watched it twice. It is so romantic and I really loved it and it's so sweet. There's so much love. And I was like, love is real. I love it, I love it. I love it. And then I was like, I want to live it again in my head. I'm doing a heated rivalry drag brunch on the 20th in Palm Springs.

The 20th of February? Yes. Dang. That's today when it comes out. Dang, that's today. Get your cars. You're watching this from the backstage at your heated rivalry drag brunch. Wait, Nick, stop watching.

Go host your brunch. Your number, your number, your number. Go host. That's really fun. So what is it like heated rivalry? or is it just like bring your love of the show? They have been pretty specific and they're like, we need to see every character from the show.

Okay. You need to be playing at least one of these songs that are popular for the show. I got all the things you said, which was a huge win. Okay. So I'm already starting a little... How does that song go? Oh, the thing you said.

Oh, yes, that's a great song. Yes, tattoo. Ah, to do, do. It's gonna be awesome. I will say the cast is almost all, the cast of heated rivalries, boys, boys, boys. Yes. So I'm going to be in a lot of kind of like drag spins on boy characters.

Okay. It's hard. It's gender fuck. But we're making it happen. That got me good. Gender fuck. My drag is a little different. I'd actually describe it as more gender fuck.

That's exciting. That's fun. Yeah. I love a themed drag brunch. And just something that people will go up for. Yes. Artistry is amazing. Opening a drag show and being like,

everybody do whatever you want, bringing the thing you're excited about rocks. The way an audience gets when you bring an existing piece of IP that they love, the way they get their wallets out. Uh-huh. Let's go. It's kind of wild that I don't, how do I say this without being like insulting to audiences? I feel like audiences do like an original thing, but if you sneak in something they know, they like lose their minds.

Especially brunch time, the name of the game is familiar. They want to recognize something that they know. I did a show over the weekend in Eugene, Oregon. I liked Eugene. It was a little wild. It's being occupied. They like tear gas and protesters at the federal building, which is like right near the show.

And that was very scary. But that aside, nice time. Sure, sure, sure. Forget about that. Forget about that. Nice time. I liked it there. But I referenced Natasha Benningfield.

field at some point and I said my story is unwritten and the response truly like titties were out people were like yeah squirted me with fucking milk like it was wild they have t-shirt cannons and I it blew me away in a way that I was like but there's no joke yet I just we don't want a joke we want a thing we've heard before and I told them I was like I don't have like an actual joke for that bit yet but they were like they were like we don't care say Natasha Bettenfield again! You like money? Get a catchphrase.

Yeah, get a catchphrase. Do you smell what the rock is cooking? What was he cooking? I don't know, but that is like baked into my subconscious. Right? I think about so. Anytime I have a smell a strong smell, his voice plays in the back of my mind.

Whenever I see like a, or if someone's like, oh, working my nine to five, I think of Dolly Part. Yes. That's why she's so rich. She's all, no, she's rich because of I'll always love you. Oh, of course. And she said, who might to stop somebody from singing the song with a good voice? Right.

It's like, no, it's really good. Oh, thank you. I go on the road and I'm like, I'm now a dolly part impersonator, y'all. You leave everything else behind? People come to my shows and it's me with a guitar and I'm like, howdy y'all? I'm working nine to five. It's so good. I don't know the words.

It's truly convincing. Oh, Nick, thank you. Yeah. We gotta take a break. Okay. Here's something we don't talk about enough. How much brain space can we lose to food noise? We may think eating disorders always look a specific way, but they're way more common

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Okay. So you grew up in Vegas. That's right. Las Vegas. Hate it. I'm sorry. Was Vegas not enough for you? Did you think people wouldn't know Vegas?

I wanted to put some respect on Vegas. Put some respect on Vegas. Las Vegas. I can't say enough bad things about it, if I'm honest. I don't love Vegas so much. Okay. For me, I've only really been to Las Vegas in the sense of like the strip and, you know, gambling and strippers and what was it like growing up there?

Did you grow up near the strip? No. I did go to high school near the strip. There's a performing art school in Las Vegas that's like right by Fremont Street, the old strip. Oh, yeah. Okay. But that was about 45 minutes from my house. Everything else in Vegas outside of the strip is like,

Ultra, ultra suburban. A billion houses that look the same. A smattering of megachurches. There are some, if you go to Las Vegas around Christmas Eve, try to find your way into a megachurches Christmas show. Because it is like Broadway-level budget. I saw a Santa with a jetpack fly through the audience. Really?

Yes, a Grinch came out and this will give away what year it was, but a Grinch came out and sang Old Town Road with a real dog and tap dancers. It was unbelievable. It is a fever dream of worship. A fever dream of worship. Wow, that's wild. Can I ask, well, you said you can't say enough bad things about it, but that sounds incredible. That is unfortunately awesome.

But that's something I became. So Jensen, my podcast co-host and ex-boyfriend and close friend. And partner in very gay pain. Yes, yes, yes. We had a long four-year love affair that ended. And then now we've managed to stay beautiful. beautiful friends, which is awesome. I like that.

But his family, he also grew up in Las Vegas. We didn't, no relation. We didn't know each other at the time. No relation. My ex-boyfriend, no relation. He also grew up in Las Vegas, and we one time went back to visit, and his family was like, how about we take you to our mega church? So that was an experience that was actually kind of independent of my childhood there.

I just find Vegas to be a little bit sparse and exciting things other than the strip, which to be honest, I haven't engaged a ton with due to being a child at the time I lived there. Fair. Have you been back as an adult? Not done the stress. I went back and saw Drag Race Live. Okay. Which, a hoot and a half. It's very fun.

I've seen it twice? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Kennedy Davenport was on it when I saw. That is crazy. I love Kennedy Davenport. I said it. I'm pretty sure I've said it on this podcast, but her lip sync against Katia in season seven in the Hello Kitty.

challenge I think is one of, I think might be my favorite lip sync of the show and I feel like it's not brought up enough. Yeah. I think Katia says that she told Kennedy backstage I would give anything to just be able to sit and watch you do this. I love that. She's amazing. She's so incredible. Oh, when she jumps off the stage and lands in a split and then she gets up and there's a close up and then I'm on the thigh. She is the blueprint. Oh, I love it. I love Kennedy Davenberg. Yeah. So what got you into? Wait, I want to talk a little. little bit more about Vegas. Yeah.

So as a child and like a performing art school near the strip, were teachers like pulling inspiration from like showgirls or like? You know, one of my core wounds is that my high school did a production of cats. That was Cats Las Vegas. It was I don't know where they got this budget, but it was a very high budget production that they got real neon signs from the neon graveyard. And that's where they set it. Like it was set in the like retired neon graveyard of Las Vegas and the cats were all crawling around on the signs.

I did not get into the show. I'm so sorry. It was the darkest depression I had been in. I've probably still been in. From a place of heartbreak, I'm telling you, I'm still not as sad as I was when I didn't get into cats. My freshman year of high school. I'm so sorry. But they did do a little like maybe it's Vegas style.

My high school also before I got there premiered. the school edition of Miss Saigon, which is an insanely inappropriate musical for a high school to do. 16-year-old girls in, like, thong bikinis. Yes. It is baffling. Interesting. I'm sorry. I don't want to, like, dig into this wound that's still a little open.

The cats of it all? Yes. What was your audition song? So here we go. This was, what made it all the worse is that this was second semester of freshman. year. First semester, I had been, as a freshman, which is pretty impressive at the time. I know you guys are gasping. I was cast in Sweeney Todd. Oh, okay. The week that I got to school, there were auditions. It was the big musical. Everyone was like, you know, the thing about freshmen is don't expect to make it

into these shows. Kids have been toiling for years, started out to get parts like this. And I was like, right, no, definitely. Like, I'm here to focus. I'm here to get. It's just my reps in. I got into Sweetie Todd I was one of two freshmen in the show and I was like I'm drinking on I'm drinking I'm doing I was like so excited the show ends

second semester rolls around this season the musical Cats and I was like honey I've got this How many shows a year did your school do total I would say probably six or seven Oh my god how wild But I guess it's a performing arts school

That's right That's what we're all here for, baby. Cats auditions are all around. It's second semester. I go, cool. I know cats. I'm familiar with cats. I really want to be in it.

I am going to sing Mr. Mistophiles, my favorite song in cats. The gag is my voice hadn't dropped yet. Okay. And so I was with a new voice teacher as a 14-year-old, and he was like, it's no problem. We're going to have you sing it up the octave. Okay.

Because you have a beautiful falsetto. Debatable. Okay. And to the director debatable as well. So I sang Mr. Mastophiles. Boy falsetto head voice. They were, of course, not feeling me. Sure.

Not even a callback. Oh, I'm sorry. Can you give us a little taste? I'm really digging in this wood. There's no way. Well, my voice has changed now. I couldn't even access the part of my voice that I was committed to in the whole song at that juncture. It's just not available to me anymore.

Okay. Yeah. I wish I sang. Me too. I went to college for a musical theater. I wish I sang. So you don't sing? Not in a way that merits someone

paying me for it. Oh, fair? Yes, all right. Yes, yes, yes. I want to, like, learn how to speak sing so I can, like, trick people. Do a little patter song? Yeah, just a little.

I am a very model of modern. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's what I would love to do. And then, so did you date in high school? No. I came out in, like, the interim between high school and college. So I told the very end of my senior year,

I had a couple friends that I loved and closely confided in that I was gay. I actually told my parents first. Oh. Yes. Which is completely sweet. But then I did not do like a wide come out, got to college. And I was like, I'm gay, I've been gay.

Yeah, no. You just told. I didn't do a press release until I got to college. And then were you, did you tell people you were straight in high school? Or you just were like, I'm not doing that. No, I think, I mean, the official story was that I was straight. but I was undatable. I mean, I love musical theater.

I was so nerdy. I was Mr. Goofy. Yeah, it was not on the table. It was in the cards for me. I always wonder about straight men in musical theater. I'm like, are you a predator? Yes. Because most of the men are gay.

And then it's like all these women that you get to just have a nice time with. Yeah, some of the nastiest freak bitches I ever met are straight guys that do musical theater. What was dating like in coffee? doing musical theater? You know, I had one real boyfriend in college. And he was such a sweetie pie, like amazing, big-hearted, awesome sweet guy. But it wasn't until the very end. So college for me was much more of like exploring, like hooking up with people.

Oh, yeah. I think with queer people, there's such a delayed, like dating growth thing. So I did, I think, probably what everyone is doing at like 13, 14, 15, in like 18, 19, 20. I identify with that as a fat black with bad acne. Dating was a little delayed for me. Yes, yes. It really was. In college, we, I went to AMDA, the American musical and dramatic academy that some call Scamda.

Rightfully so. It's an interesting place. Right. And our week-long orientation included a man who I believe was wearing spandex who was telling us about, like, sexual safety or, like, how to be safe when you have sex because he's like, it's inevitable. You all will do it. And he was like, and if you're going to eat out a woman, get some saran wrap, place it right up on there and go to town. And that, I don't know what else that man said to us, but it is. Yeah, it'd be hard to remember anything else after that.

It is imprinted in my brain. Serran wrap. And that's still how you do it? It's still how I do it to this day. Yeah, of course. There is a saran wrap or cling wrap. just right in the nightstand. I always keep a little on me. Rip it out and I'm like, you stay ready, you ain't got to get ready. Yeah, there we go. And then you just sit,

and I'm like, lick it. Yeah. Mess cleans itself up. Yep. You just take that saran wrap, scoop it. Yeah, and it flies because it's filled to come. No, yeah, so far. I feel like I almost killed you.

That was shocking. Sorry about it. It was the natural conclusion. I don't know why it surprised me so much. How did you get into, so from musical theater, how was there a shift into interior design? Total accident. I mean, the mural stuff happened because Jensen and I, we were living together at the time of lockdown. So COVID happened.

I don't know if any of you guys had something like this happened to you, but we had this weird thing where we had to stay in our house. And so I think I just saw a mural online while we were locked inside. And I was like, oh, we could do something like that. And so I painted a little one. And then I was like, that was so fun. Let's do more. And Jensen came on and started helping me. And then when we posted it on Instagram, I think all of our friends were like, do that for me,

do that for me. And then it just snowballed into strangers and then businesses and then celebrities and Rupal. Which is incredible. Craziness. So fucking beautiful. Thank you. Your guys' work is really incredible.

So when you take a client on, how does the consultation go? Do they tell you exactly what they want? Do you come with ideas? Usually we will have them send us a bunch of inspiration images, be like just vibe of what you like. If it's stuff that we've done, if it's stuff that you found on the internet, just send us everything. Based on that, we'll give three pretty varied options. They'll pick one, give notes, and then we'll make adjustments to it. And hopefully that ends up becoming the last thing we do.

Nice, nice, nice. But with some celebrity clients, like with Rupal's house, the interior designer had already been like, this is the exact vibe that we want. So we really just got to go in and execute. Hey, Nick. Yes. Thank you. Of course. We have to take one more break.

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certified to operate by Shiv. That was the last one. How did it feel? It was, the finality of it was a little overwhelming. But all good things must end. All things, you know. Does it ever happen to you where you try to repeat somebody? And then you're like, oh, no, the words are all fucked up.

I give myself the simplest task and even that. Can't do it. No, no, no. Okay. How did you get into drag? And how did you come up with the name? True Detective, true detective. True Detective was a name I came up with in probably like 2017 or so.

I was watching True Detective and I was like, True Detective. Okay, hold on. Let me get on my notes up. And then I started doing drag to be on Bad Drag Race. Yes. Oscar Montoya and Mono Agapiens show. Yes. If you don't know, it's a Dynasty typewriter.

It is the crunchiest drag in L.A. It's amazing. And it's so deeply funny. Yeah. It's like the focus isn't on like, how expensive is your look. It's very much like, we rob this, Michael's and put a look together. And it's like, what is the stupidest possible idea that is going to win? Yeah.

It's a fabulous show. And so, yeah, I got asked to be on that. And I was like, well, I've had this name sitting in my pocket forever. And I came up with a storyline for Trudy, which is that a year ago her sister was murder. She's really, really, really close to finding out who did it. And for the last three years now, she's been really close. She's all so close. I just think it's so funny to have like a full-blown storyline

that you're just gonna just gonna keep doing. Of course. Well, I have to get him. I have to catch him. You have to catch him. You absolutely have to. And when I do, we will kiss probably. The sexual tension between a detective

and the murderer they're trying to kill Unparallel. Or kill. Catch and kill. Depends on what kind of detective you are. That's right. Some of us are loose cannons. Yes. Some of us are issuing two huge subpoenas tonight. But I do feel like when I watch TV shows about like a detective fight, like trying to find somebody and they're like, oh, I'm so close. Yes.

And you're like, ooh, okay. I'm like, you two are going to intercourse each other to death. Intercourse each other to death. Yeah. I love that so much. I just watched Wonder Man. Have you watched it? No.

Okay, it's a Marvel show. Marvel's not paying me. I loved it. Okay. It is so incredible. Is it new? It's new. It's on Disney Plus, if you got it.

Can you look up the leads name? I believe it's Yaya. I don't know if I'm saying his name right. He's one of the... Yaya Abdul Matine? Yes. Okay. He is...

I saw him in Top Dog, Underdog, which is a play. It's a two-hander. It's such a good play. I saw him in it. He was so captivating. He is incredible in this. And Ben Kingsley is also in it. Sir Ben Kingsley. Can you believe?

I can't. And I didn't know he was in Marvel stuff. And the nice man in my life was like, oh, is he playing the same character he played from Iron Man 3? And I was like, no. And then we watched it last night and he was like, Nicole, he absolutely is his whole storyline is based on Iron Man 3. And I was like, okay, okay.

So you really want to just like, a man's playing this to me? Good, good, good. Good reversal. Get him. Get him. Get him. But it's such a fun time, and their friendship is so wonderful, but this, like, detective who's trying to, like, get somebody. Don't want to ruin it. Like, he's got, like, I don't know.

It feels like when a man is, like, when you watch a TV show and a man, like, is rejected by the person they've asked out, that's what this detective feels like. He's like, come on, when's it going to happen? When are you going to get them? So, yeah. The horniness is there. The horniness is there.

There is something inextricably horny about being hot on the heels of a killer. About having a huge case load. Just a big load, and you're waiting for that saran wrap so you can release. Sorry, I'm late. We're not going to have one damn thing that we can clip for this. It's all going to get flagged. Yeah, social media is going to be like, this was disgusting. What was this podcast even?

fucking about. Traveling to Pornhub, pervert. Oh. Oh. I wonder if I could upload this podcast to Pornhub. I don't know what would make it. I really could. I've heard that Pornhub pays a better CPM than YouTube does.

So people have been making actually like good money uploading to a point out. I feel like they might have to do to all of the kind of ethical trouble they've been in over the years. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's a bad thing. Because like, weren't they like trafficking people or something? And just not doing a good job at taking down revenge porn. They were like, oh, there's not. Nothing we can do.

Yeah. Awesome stance, you guys. Well, if anyone works at Horn Hub, at Horn Hub. Horn Pub. If anyone who works at Porn Hub wants to let me know how you guys are doing ethically and stuff, please let me know. Yes. If you guys can prove good ethics, we will giggle and gab.

And then I'll upload my podcast there. And then in between squirt and vids and gang bangs and buccake, you can listen to why You listen to Watch, why would you date me? Bukaki is such a funny name for what it is. Yes, it is. I had heard the word so long before I realized what it meant. Yes. And my imagination rewilled with what I thought it could be.

I thought this is not, I'm not making it up. I thought it had to do with like cake or something, which is pretty wild, but like Bukaki, khaki, cake, cake. Yes, of course. I don't know. But it is the name of a dish. There is such thing called Bukaki Udon. That's likely, that's probably where it comes from. Oh.

Yeah, oh, maybe it does. Yeah, I'm not sure. It's like a creamy udon with a lot of cum in it. It's a chilled noodles and a savory broth. It's a chilled cum noodle. Oh. Yeah, just a bunch of things in it. Interesting.

Hmm. Taste the rainbow. I don't, also like a Bukaki. I don't think I'd like it. No. Just a lot of people coming right on you. No. It just, I feel like diminishing returns on the excitement there.

Yeah. Because then you're just like sitting there wet and cold. Yeah. Because cum does not. stay hot for very long. Right. And the texture changes quickly. It does.

Crests right up. Yeah. It's not designed to last. The shelf life could not be shorter. That's why they don't sell it at grocery stores. That's the exact reason. They're dying to. Why? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And honestly, why can't AI try to figure out how to keep cum hot on you? Wake that up. We have the best scientists in the worlds. We've been to the moon and we can't keep my cum hot. That's crazy. Come on. Let's heat up that come. Let's heat up that come.

Your new intro. Wait, Nick, can I ask you a question? Say you meet somebody. This is a year from now. When your heart is open, ready, full, and plump. Okay. And you're like talking, and it's been like, it's been like three months. And you're like, I really, really like this person.

Yeah. And they. So amazing. Right? Yeah. It's, and I want this for you. Well, not this scenario. But what would you do?

Okay. What would you do? Shit. If they were like, Nick, I'm really sorry. I've been lying to you. I hate musical theater. And I never want to see a musical again. Also, I don't like drag.

And I do love your paint. I love that you paint. How would you feel? The musical theater thing is a non-issue. I don't really need my partner to love it. Okay. I think it's fine, but I also, I don't honestly engage.

with musical theater in my day to day so often. Okay. We're good. I don't like drag. I don't like live performances. Oh. I can imagine a way where we make this work. Oh.

I don't like concerts. Sorry. Why? I haven't gotten to the bottom of it. Oh. But every time I've gone to a concert, I've been like, I'm not loving this. I love music.

I love listening to music. I love studio. I love listening to a live recording. Okay. I don't love a concert. That's really curious to me. I love a concert. Most people do.

Concerts are huge. Yeah, people fill stadiums to see these people. There are hundreds of thousands of people, probably daily, that are going to concerts, living their life like it's golden. Yeah. And not included. I don't count myself among them. I also, I don't need my partner all my shows.

Sure. What was the third thing? Because I remember being like, oh, that might be an issue. Oh, no. Oh, no, they love paint. Yeah. They love that you paint. They're turned on that you paint.

Yeah, that's going to be hard because I don't, I'm not turned on that I paint. Like, painting is this big thing that happened by accident that I'm like, this is a sick day job. But I do not have a passion in my heart for that one of my creative skills. Interesting. It's fun. It's an amazing way to make money and meet people and be creative. But the, like, the engine in me that wants to make art doesn't care, couldn't give less of a show. if that happens via painting.

Interesting. Yeah, that is just an amazing happy accident. That's really interesting to me that you have a job that is fully, like, creative, and you're like, meh, take it or leave it. I don't need to do this to, like, fulfill things in my life. Yes. I would rather do it than any other sort of day job. Sure, yeah.

And doing it with Jensen is really fun, and he is very good at the actual act of, like, creating beautiful shapes, like the stroke pattern, et cetera. And I do all the designing and I do like doing that kind of plotting, but it isn't, doesn't fill the well. Can I ask? Working with a former partner, so you were together, started a business, broke up, continued the business. Was that hard? Excreting. Every moment of it was torture until it wasn't.

It also happened during the height of like the most successful we ever were. So we did Trixie Motel and got all of this publicity. We ended up then getting the Rupal job. Martin Lawrence Bullard, who is the interior designer? Who's Martin Bachine? There's no way to know. Okay. Jury's out.

He was like, you guys couldn't meet Rue. We could have her come here and make like a little video with you. And we were both like, neither of us are in a mental headspace. Like interacting with each other is the top of the mountain of labor. where we can do. So do not bring RuPaul here. And then it just got easier. We just, we processed through all of the like in between us stuff. We both found different partners and love in different ways, had different heartbreaks and hard times that we then were able to lean on each other for. And, yeah, and I feel lucky to still have found a way to keep that relationship in whatever version it is.

That's really sweet. Yeah. That's incredible. I also, I think, I said earlier that you have like an incredible self-awareness and you kind of like, you were like, whatever. But like you really do. Thanks. Because I feel like a lot of people would be like meet RuPaul do a video with RuPaul. That'll, you know, make our careers like evolve even faster of that goes viral or something. But like you had the self-awareness. You and Jensen to be like we actually can't do this. We do not have the bandwidth or the space. Yeah. And that's something I would love to learn. I am constantly. I'm just instantly stretching myself too thin for either an opportunity or like to help a friend or to like do something that I'm like, I feel like I should be doing. And I'm very envious of that quality of you. It's a blessing and a curse. I will say the self-awareness sometimes is like totally crippling.

And I'm like, stop. Don't look at yourself. This is me saying, step away from the mirror where you look inward and go into the mirror where you see if there's something in your teeth. For the love of God. This is not the same thing, but I got off a plane on Sunday

and I had made plans to go pick up a ninja creamy from a man in Pasadena. So is that a euphemism or? No, it's an ice cream maker. I feel when she pick up my ninja creamie. My ninja creamie. Girl, come over and pick up my ninja creamy. I wish it was a euphemism for a wild euphimism.

Totally. But I... You have to explain what it is. Oh, it's an ice cream maker. Oh, it's ninja brand. Yes, a ninja brand. And it's called Creamy and it creamifies ice cream with creamy technology.

Farmy cap'n. And I landed and I hadn't slept the night before because I had an early flight and I was worried about not waking up for the flight. So I was exhausted and like kind of spinning out. And then I was like, but I have to go get this ninja crick. And I was like, I knew I was landing. So I don't know why I didn't give myself the grace and had the self-awareness that I'd be so tired that I wouldn't want to do that. But instead I took it. I messaged that man on Facebook Marketplace because I'm trying to not buy.

new things. I'm trying to buy used old things. Old creamies. I want that old ninja creamie all up in me. So, I told that man, I was like, I actually can't pick this up now. Can I pick it up later? And he was like, I'm moving and I was like, okay. So then I went and picked it up at 5 p.m. And all the lights were off in the house and the yard was overgrown.

And I was like, uh-oh. Did I over-extend myself? And I'm going to Get murdered? Turns out no. He came from the backyard with that ninja creamy, and I drove it on home, and I made some ice cream later that night. Oh, God. What flavor? So I found, have you ever had pink milk or strawberry milk, Nesquick strawberry milk? Yes.

So I made a base of vanilla with pink milk mix, so I made, like, artificially flavored strawberry ice cream that was delicious. Put anything else in it? No, just that. Then I made another one with vanilla ice cream, and I put Reese's peanut butter cups, peanut butter, and chocolate sauce. And it creamed right up. Oh my God. And it was so good. And that nice man who's in my life, who he's not a huge sweet treat person.

Okay. He even was like, Nicole. I'm not either, but the stuff you're saying out loud is going to make me cream, if I'm being honest. Yes, you will cream. Holy cow. And I was so excited. Every time I hit light ice cream, because I, there's. There's an ice cream setting and a light ice cream setting, and I think the light ice cream works a little bit better.

I would clap until it was done, and then I would cheer right before tasting it, and then I would dance a little after tasting it. Nick. This sounds so good. You got to get a ninja cream beat. It's making me so happy. I'm like, you're lighting. Like, the light in your eyes is bright as shit. Oh, my God.

Well, that nice man in my life had gone out, and I texted him at like 10.30. I was like, hey, do you need me to, do you want to, do you want me to, like, wait for you. to make this ice cream or like can I make the ice cream? And he was like, I'd love for you to wait for me. And I was like, but then. You're like my one joy in this life. Truly. But then after all of that, he was like, I just want to tell you I'm really grateful that you

showed restraint and you didn't make the ice cream without me because I really liked us making it together. And I was like, hey, that was sweet. But the fact that you understand the restraint it took is even sweeter. I'm going to cry. Like, you guys have such a tender love. He's really, really sweet to me and, like, very much understands me. He sounds amazing.

Is he single? Unfortunately. But talking about the guy that you're dating. No, he's not. Unfortunately, we're dating. And he's chill about things. He's a white. And we went out to dinner the other night.

And I like to put, you know, on, like, open table. It's like, are you celebrating a birthday, an anniversary? So last time we went to this restaurant, I said it was our anniversary. It wasn't. So this time I was like, well, I'll put celebration. And our server was like, what are you celebrating? And I was like, oh, shit, I forgot. And I went, Black History Month.

And she went, okay. And then they were out of a dish. And she was like, I'm really sorry. And I was like, but did you tell them what I'm celebrating? And she went, I sure didn't. And it made me laugh so hard. And he laughed. And he was fine with it.

He likes that I like fun. I feel like as a server, if someone came in and said that they were celebrating Black History Month, I would be like, your meal's comps. It's comps. If it's not on the house, it's on me. Sorry about what happened. That's really funny. And I decided this Black History Month, I'm going to say it everywhere I go.

What are you celebrating? Black History Month. And maybe I'll get a free meal out of it. If you don't get one free meal, I can't. I'm going to sue America. Yeah. It's about damn time. Heard here first.

Nick, we have come to the end. Do you have any advice for single people? I would say, decide percentage-wise, between the two mirrors, one which looks inward and one that helps you check your hair and your teeth, make a goal for what percentage you want to spend in each mirror, and spend some time in one, the other, both, but decide a little bit about where you want to be at what time. I like that. I like that we keep coming back to mirrors.

I pick one metaphor per podcast And I don't fucking let it go I sink my closet I love it that's commitment Yeah Okay another question I've asked almost all of my guests this Okay

But I've forgotten it A couple of times Okay Would you date me? Yeah I think we have so much fun I think so too Especially now that you I know you have a cream eat

I would cream so much for you We would cream out Do you have anything you want to promote My podcast art to me It comes out on Thursdays Nicole was our first guest For the most recent season And we also have people that you love like Meatball and the girls from my MHAO and Mono and Oscar.

So please tune into that. I am performing as True Detective all over Los Angeles and Palm Springs in the Southern California area. I will likely be ready to date again in a mysterious number of months. But in the interim, anyone that wants to reach out with me to me with an affirmation to say that, hey, you know, I think you're sexy and hot or you have a beautiful, gorgeous mind. or I've always had a thing for six-foot-six weirdos. I feel like self-describing as a weirdo is gross. I didn't mean that. Six-six guys who are frankly cool as shit.

Say those things to me because I could use the boost. Boost. Boost. Mobile. So if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you could like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe and give me five stars on Apple Podcast. If you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me Podcasts at Gmail.com, I will read it.

Just a little reminder, if we could keep them short, that would be ideal. This person writes, Dear Nicole, you are so fucking hot and funny. Thank you. Let me come over after you're sweaty from pole aerobics and use me for your amusement. When you are hoarse with laughter, we can finger each other till we collapse in a bubble bath, the size of three jacuzzis. That nice man better not be reading this from my mom. secret admirer.

Oh my God. That was awesome. Okay, goodbye. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show.

That's how Law Works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Do Boys play a game called Meal or No Meal, and Steph Tolliv and I go head to head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next We Have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.