Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The Viral Hijabi Pole Dancer (w/ Neda Momeni)

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Nurse practitioner and pole dancer Neda Momeni is here and teaches Nicole a lot! From her years as a labor and delivery nurse, she explains what actually happens in the hospital during childbirth and what most people never hear about until they’re living it. She talks about Muslim dating, from family expectations to apps like Minder and her experience using an online matchmaker. Pressure pushed her to marry the wrong man, and she ended up going no-contact with her parents. After cutting ties, pole dancing became her outlet, and a video of her performing in a hijab went viral - sparking both backlash and an outpouring of support from women who she inspired. Plus: a hot tip why you should watch some True Crime.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport for this episode comes from Bumble. Start your love story on Bumble - bumble.com #bumblepartnerFollow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Today's segment is brought to you by Bumble, the go-to dating up for finding love. You know how everyone says they have a type, but if you listen to the show, you know, like half the time people don't end up with the type they thought that they wanted. I know, I have. Some of my best dates have been with people.

I didn't think that were going to be my type. And that's the thing about love. It doesn't follow a checklist. That's what's so great about Bumble with features like shared interests and profile prompts. You actually get to see someone's personality before you meet. It's not just a headshot and a bio. You get an actual sense of someone's vibe.

It opens the door for connections that you might not have expected. That feels really right. So what are you waiting for? Download Bumble and start your love story. You know, this is, this is not Halal at all. What I'm about to say, I am not saying any of this is right. But, like, you know, and then, you know, the wind is slightly blowing my hijab off. Oh, no.

Oh, my goodness. And I didn't try to fight that wind. I'm just like, it's this wind is in God's hands now. I don't. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why.

Oh, baby. Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Beyer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my book and say, it's a sticker. My guest today is a nurse practitioner and poll dancer that you've seen on the Try Guys. She documents her life on her very good Instagram account, hijabalicious. Did I say that right?

I think you did. Hijabalicious. Yeah. And I got to play with her baby, and that was very nice. I love babies. I just love stealing them. You know what? I didn't even say my handle right.

It's hijabbit luscious. But I picked that handle because hijablishes was taken. Oh, that's funny. It's a good handle. It's very funny. And I do love that you just yell. Wait, I need to just introduce you. It's Neta Momeni.

Did I do it? You said, Dad, it's perfect. Thank you. Okay, what a dream. Okay. So I met you. I don't even know when I met you. I feel like we just started, or like, we go to the same pole studio.

I'll tell you, Luscious Maven. I'm not a gatekeeper. It's my favorite place. I feel like it's super inclusive and nice. And I feel like I saw like a video that you had posted and tagged Luscious Maven in. And then we just like ran into each other a couple times. I think because also we have the same poll instructor Veronica and she's super cool. And anybody who's friends with Veronica is already by default, really cool.

I agree. Yeah. I remember we were in level one pole together. I think at some point you showed off that you could do the splits or something close to it. No, I can do the splits. I can do a full split with my left leg forward. Yeah, I can't do the splits. I have not even a 10 splits since I gave birth.

Wait, tell me about giving birth. Everyone has a different experience, and it just seems very scary. You know, I think, so it is very scary, but also I think it helped because I was a labor and delivery nurse for five years before I became a nurse practitioner. But it doesn't take away. I feel like in some ways I made it worse because I knew too much, right? Yeah. You know, so I think the hardest thing was the sleep deprivation, right? I was induced for elevated blood pressures because in pregnancy, that could become very dangerous.

Uh-huh. And because I'm 37, there's certain risks again. You're geriatric. I am a geriatric pregnancy. They said that first thing on my chart. I am old. Just write on your name, geriatric. Yeah.

I think it's so rude to call anyone 30, 30-anything geriatric. Yeah. Well, also, you know, unfortunately, there are certain risks, but pregnancies are risky. either way. I've dealt with people in their 20s that bled out, you know. I feel like at least for myself, I was never idealistic about this pregnancy, you know? And with that said, in the hospital, I feel like because I knew too much, certain things that would be, for example, I started to become very dizzy at some point. In my head, I'm like, am I going to get a seizure next? What's going to happen? And then the nurse I had was just like, girl, what was the last time you ate? I'm like,

20 hours ago. She was like, all right, let me up your IV and I felt better. That was an easy fix, but I thought I was going to have a seizure and die.

I catastrophize as well, but I don't catastrophize like that because I have not been in a situation where I'm like, oh no, you're now having a seizure or whatever. That's, a baby's scary to me.

Yeah, it is scary. Did you get an epidural? Hell yeah, I got an epidural. That was no question. I just learned. And an epidural. I thought it was a shot one and done. They put a thing in you and you're like attached to a thing.

They put a thing in you. You're attached to a machine thingy. Did you know this Mars? No. It's wild. It's a thing. It's like a wiry thing that they stick up in your spine. And then you're just like attached to a thing, a thing.

But it was it, what, here's the thing. When you are enough pain to get an epidural, you don't care about the pain in your back. Right? because for myself, the pain really hurt when my water broke, okay? Before that, it was tolerable. But once that water broke, then that sends your body into like, okay, this baby wants to come. And for me, because I was induced, my water being broken was a part of trying to get shit going, right? So when that broke, right, the contractions were the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

And especially because I wasn't an induction on a drug that stimulates contractions. It made it worse. I physically hurt my husband. I like how matter of fact, you're like, it was the worst pain of my life. Because I feel like a lot of parents will be like, you know, it wasn't so bad. And then my bundle of joy was here. But you're like, no, the pain was so bad. I didn't care that there was a fucking string up my back.

My water broke. What's it like when your water breaks? I don't think I've ever asked anybody that. Oh, so because they broke it for me because they didn't want me to be in labor for two. long, right? Because again, I was being induced because, like I said, elevated blood pressures can turn dangerous. We did not want to go in a situation where this was going to turn into an emergency, right? So better that baby come out a few days, you know, sooner than later, right? Anyway, so once they go up in there, first of all, it is a terrible pressure, right? And they

put a stick thingy up there because my cervix was already maybe this much open. I was a five. So normally a cervix when it's closed, it's like that. It's up and high, right? Yeah. So typically when, let's say you're doing a pap smear, the thing you need to do the pap smear goes up and touch, touch, bye. Right? When they break your water, it's, I'm going to take this.

Okay. It's twice as long as this. Yes. It's a stick that goes up, your cervix, which is that big, and it's like pop, right? And then it's a big gush, right? It's a big old gush. They put towels under you. And then after that, it makes the contractions, like, feels like something's ripping inside you, right?

But here's the thing. I can objectively tell you I was in the worst pain in my life, but I don't remember a goddamn thing. And that's why I'm probably going to have a baby next year again. I'm going to do it all over again. I didn't know that they stick a pin in you, like a balloon. Yep, you get popped like a balloon. You're like a party city. Except instead of confetti that comes out, it's a waterfall.

It's just a waterfall. And that's amino acid? No. Ambiotic fluid? Yeah. That's amniotic fluid. Okay, I got there. Yeah.

And every contraction, it just squeezes more and more amniotic fluid out of you, right? Wait, every contraction you have, more fluid comes out of you? Yep. So you're just, oh, my God. This is, Mars, did you know any of this? That's so painful. I don't want to give birth anymore. Oh, you wanted to?

Someone on the fence, but now I'm waiting towards a house. God, that is so wild. I feel like nobody tells you, like, everything about, like. Yeah. So, you know, and then here's the thing. I had the epidural, but not everybody is totally numb with the epidural, right? Because you have other factors that make the experience terrible. And here's the thing.

I can tell you medically, my delivery was not complicated. Medically, I had a very smooth delivery, right? But the hardest thing that came up. was when it was time to push, right? First of all, when it's time to push, that means that when you have, so my fingers are the cervix, right? When you're like a five dilation, the head, it's like that big, right? When you're 10 dilation, it's like this big. It's for the head to come through, right?

Yes. And when the nurse can go in there and touch the head, right? Oh my God. Like when the nurse can go there and we can go maybe two fingers deep and touch the head, right? So we're going like that. There's the head. Okay. And then the fingers are in the vagina.

then it's time to push, right? Uh-huh. Especially when his first baby, pushing can take up to, for me, it was almost three hours. It was like with every contraction, it was like, okay, Netta, hold your breath, and then push, one, two, three. You know, it's like you're pushing each contraction to get that baby down. The head is not going to come down on its own. And if it does come down on its own, you are very lucky. There are some people that can push maybe three times, and boom, head is crowning.

So, you know, the head is like right here outside the vagina. Right? That's the, you know, you could see the crown. And then the doctor comes in, catches the baby, right? Some people only need three pushes to do that. I needed almost three hours, right? And I was doing that on 36 hours of no sleep because you cannot sleep in the hospital. Why? Because, I mean, the beeping machines, it's not a familiar, you know. Just like, yeah. And also, I can sleep anywhere. Yeah. And also because professionally, I knew too much. So if there was codes going off in the building, I would think that I need to show up. I had to remember. I had to remember. Mind myself. I'm not at work. I'm not working. I'm having a baby. Yeah. Do you have to like reserve a room in the hospital? Like when you're like having your labor induced, you have to like call the hospital and be like, I'm being induced on Thursday. Can I have a room on Thursday? Oh, the doctor and the secretary do that. Okay. Yeah. I know literally nothing about having a baby. Yeah. So. Except that sometimes you shit. Yeah. Did you shit? I absolutely shit.

But I will tell you that when I shit there, I mean, first of all, I didn't eat for a couple days. I didn't eat anything substantial because in the hospital is just like, I don't know, with everything going on, like hunger didn't really hit me. And also there's certain parts of labor that you cannot eat, right? Because if let's say you could be at risk of a C-section, for example, it's complicated. But long story short, there's certain parts where you shouldn't be eating, right? Some people will argue about that, but that's not the point of this podcast. Anyway. So I think I shit maybe a couple bunny pellets when I was pushing because I just had nothing in me.

So, I mean, I didn't notice anything, right? I would say that pooping after delivery, the couple days after delivery, I needed my husband to hold my hand. It was painful. Oh, my God. This is wild that you're like, I barely remember it. But then you're telling me such visceral fucking things. And you're like, I might do it again next year. That's so wild.

How did you meet your husband? Oh, I hit on him aggressively. So as far as why didn't anybody want to marry me or date me when I was like 27 or 28? First of all, I was still, I think I was still emotionally immature. And I had not yet come to terms with the fact that I was choosing partners that were very much like my parents, even though I resented them. Well, there's like a big old TED talk where it's like you pick your partners based on your parents because that's the relationship. you've seen so that's the relationship you're trying to like recreate or whatever which i think is crazy well this morning i heard a therapist say that your nervous system is going to choose a

familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven right and that's why we pick shitty partners is when i almost got engaged when i was first of all i almost got in i almost got married when i was 24 and i'm 37 now i got married at 24 whenever people get married young i'm like that's such a I mean, yeah, you get divorced, but, like, that's such a big decision and you're so young. So, wait, tell me about that. Oh, okay. So, um, he's, uh, he was a motherfucker named Derek. Hello, I am famous now and you're sad, bitch.

Anyway, I was too timid at that time to actually tell him how I really felt that I'm just like, you know, you're a sad fucking. Anyway, so, uh, I, I'm giving my, uh, 24 year old. old self the mic now and being like, I should have cussed you out a long time ago, Derek. Anyway. How did you meet Derek? Through a Muslim matchmaking site. Okay. So here's the thing.

At that time, I had just graduated nursing school, right? And I wanted to get out of my parents' house. And I saw that at the time, the only reason, the only way that I could have my own life I envisioned was through a man, right? It was either I live with my parents or, like, I can get married and have my own life. For some reason, I mean, I know the reasons, right, culturally, that I... Yeah, it's how you're brought up. Yeah.

It's like, you know, either go to college or then get married. Usually, like, the end is you get married. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, at that time, things were very tumultuous with my parents, right? I had no concept of boundaries yet. Like, the thought of boundaries was foreign, you know? And so I just graduated and when he was this, I saw him as this opportunity that came up, right?

He had everything good on paper. He was a white convert and I very problematically thought that because he's a white convert, he doesn't come with the same cultural baggage. But white people, white people have their own baggage. It's just that as an Iranian woman, right, you're taught that, okay, I get to go with this literal blank slate of a person, you know, and I don't have to deal with the cultural baggage that. the men of my country have, right, or of my religion have, right? So I saw him as like, okay, he's this lawyer, right? He's going to be culturally easy for me to deal with. He's Muslim.

He meets these bullet points. I saw people as bullet points, right? And I saw him as I can finally have my own life if I get married to him. And because we were long distance within those years, I mean, sorry, within those months. Thank God it wasn't years. But because it was long distance, we were idealizing the hell out of each other, right? When we would have those phone calls talking online and everything like that, it is so easy to get infatuated with somebody who's not in your face, right? And unfortunately, within among a lot of Muslims, because, you know, we're taught the whole, and I'm not saying I don't believe in this.

I do believe in this. I'm, for me personally, I'm happy I've only had one partner, which is my husband, right? but at that time you know you're taught that you should not have sex until marriage right and you're also taught that you should not be dating long term so oh wait really you're taught to like short term then just get married yes now that's that's on paper right of course of course there's people that are in relationships for years right it's complicated right but i mean we're talking like you know surface level how things are taught that like there is no such thing as dating right he's either your husband or he's not, right?

Which, there's positives to that because it weeds people out, right? In theory, it weeds people out. That, like, if I'm out and meeting you, right? If I don't see husband traits, I'm not wasting my time on you, right? And I was kind of like that with my husband. I was just when we first started, you know, seeing each other and everything in my head, I was just like, are we going to get married or what? And, you know, but anyway, with him, right, with that guy, Derek, you know, you.

You know, we were just idealizing to hell of each other before we finally met. And like I said, far away was the long distance. Like, where was he? Oh, Texas. He was in Texas, right? And so, you know, among the people that I was around that were like, okay, you don't date. Like, ask these questions, right? Ask these questions, if y'all align on certain values, right, then what's the problem?

But here's the thing. People lie on job interviews all the time. Yeah. I lie on job interviews. The fuck? Like, I don't, like, here I am thinking that, like, you know, that like, oh, you You know, all I need is a set of questions to keep me safe. But I'm just like, I have a certain set of answers when I show up to job interviews that I know, you know, there's a part of me that's real.

But then there's also a part of me where it's just like, I'm playing the game. Well, I feel like that's with any like first couple months of dating or, you know, a job interview or like hanging out with a new friend for the first time. You're putting your best foot forward. You're not going to be like, I sometimes get really annoying and I whine. You know, you're just going to, like, be on your best behavior. So I think long distance would, like, especially, like, in the beginning of dating, would just, what's the word I'm trying to make it bigger? Oh, yeah, because when we met at the airport that day, it was, like, big and explosive. And it's just like, you have all these feelings that were just building up this whole time.

And you see them in this light that it's just like, this is not the real person. You know, this is a bunch of feelings that have. have accumulated over the last couple months, you know, and... So between meeting and then meeting in person, how long was that? If I remember correctly, I think it was like two or three months. Okay. So I think that we had like, you know, and we would coordinate meeting up again, you know, around our vacation days, right?

You know, and there was times where I would be flying in Texas as well, you know. And it's scary to think that, like, I was close to marrying him. And I think that what stopped me, and like, I said, said things were very tumultuous and I saw at home I mean and I saw my life that like if I could just get a nursing job in Texas if I could just marry this man then I could hide behind this man I can give my authority up to this man and be like oh well he's my husband now so I don't have to I don't have to answer to my parents anymore I was escaping one authority to the next instead of questioning why can't I be the authority you know that's good yeah so it's very like it's

It is interesting because I feel like sometimes people don't want to just take hold of their life. They're like, oh, this person's in charge of me. So then I'm just going to migrate to my husband who's now in charge of me. And then if that ends, I'll just get another husband. And then it's like, oh, I just never have to make a choice on my own or do anything on my own. Yeah, because with my parents, like, I never stood up for myself like I deserve, right? So, like, it felt too scary to just take charge of my own life, you know. And you're no contact with your parents now.

no contact six years. And it's been, I would say, the first two years of going no contact were very hard, right? Panic attacks and, you know, just like your body does not process until it feels safe enough to do so. My worst panic attacks was when I was out of danger. Interesting. Yeah. Is it because your body just gets used to, like, being in danger?

Then it's just like, I don't know what to do. Yep. Like I said, a familiar hell. You know, a familiar hell is better than nervous system-wise, right? It doesn't know what to do with an unfamiliar heaven. No, it's good. It's good. I didn't know what to do with peace because with peace it was like, oh, shit, I'm alone with my thoughts, you know?

Like, I don't have to put all this energy into running, you know? Yeah, that is interesting. I mean, I'm in the first relationship currently where they're, a nice person who treats me the way that I would like to be treated. And at first I was like, well, certainly the other shoe will drop. Yeah. Certainly something. Should I be dramatic about this?

Should I throw some spice on this situation? And it's like, no, Nicole, just like be nice and normal. Like you don't have to make this bad. It's nice. So when did you break up with Derek? Did you break up with Derek or did he break up with you? I don't. Let's see.

I, again, I was too. scared at that time to take charge. So I put him in a position where he would break up with me. Yeah. Because it was much easier to say that, oh, the other person decided this for me than take things in my own hands and deal with the consequences of what if I was wrong, you know? It's scary to take risks. And I was scared of taking risk at that time.

I was scared of putting my foot down and being like, this is not what I wanted. I don't want any of this anymore. I see who he really is, you know, and again, it's like, I mean, he could be a better person now, but I think that at that time, you know, yeah, but I don't care. He married someone else. I don't give a fuck. I'm just saying the only thing I regret was not, was not standing up for myself, you know, and this is why I stand up for myself as much as I do now, because it's much easier to get it off your chest and put someone in their place now than think about it for the next few years and being like, oh, I wish I said that. I'll be like, I'm not going to wish. I'm going to say it now.

Like, you know. I'm going to say what I'm going to say. Yeah. I, it depends. If I don't know you, I'll tell you exactly how I feel. Like, just a random person at the airport, I'll tell you exactly how I'm feeling about you. But, like, a friend, I just simply can't do it. But I'm trying to get better at it to be like, oh, I didn't like that, or that hurt my feelings, or I'm not feeling it.

Oh, there was this one. time where I was like, I got home and I was so elated that I told my friend how I felt. We were going to this estate sale. There was four of us. And I got there later. And when I got there, there was the longest line I've ever seen in my life. And I was like, what number are you? And they like yelled at me the number.

And I went, I'm going home. And they were like, really? And I was like, yeah, there's no parking. And I simply don't want to be here. And I felt so empowered. Yeah. And that's like the smallest bit of empowerment you can feel is when you're like, I'm just not doing that.

It doesn't feel fun. Yeah. No, I mean, and what I try to remember when I want to speak up for myself is that like people have spoken up to me before. I've had friends that confront me. And yeah, like, it does kind of hurt. I'm in my feelings for a little bit. But then I cope.

Yes. I can give other people the chance to cope too. Yes. My therapist is always like, yeah, if you get upset, you just take some space and like move on. She was like, other people will do the same. You don't have to worry about their feelings. Real quick, let's take a. break.

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And what do you mean by the traditional route? Oh, at that time, I even hired an online matchmaker. It was I think the company was called Beyond Chai or something like that. Because at this time, the Muslim dating sites, like, we have something called Minder. It's Muslim Tinder. And that one was a disappointment. I think there was also like a Muzmatch or something like that. I don't even know all the Muslim dating sites, but they're there.

They're all first drafts. That's really funny. Yeah. And so there was an online matchmaker person. And I was just like, okay, cool, I'm paying. I'm paying for a personalized experience because I was working labor and delivery. I worked with all women all day. There's no, and I was not in a teaching hospital.

I was not going to meet some hot resident or something like that that was going to be my husband, and we could have this amazing doctor, nurse, married life. So is that where, you see TV shows where there's, like, young people in the hospital, those are teaching hospitals? Teaching hospitals, yes. Interesting. And I was even so, so desperate, I guess, to find a husband at that time where I was just like, you know what, I'm going to take a per diem nursing job at a teaching hospital,

so maybe I could find my doctor husband. because the doctors I worked with at my full-time job they were all like in their 50s or higher I mean like you know the selection was poor okay right

so I was just like I'm gonna go work per DM at Long Beach Memorial because it's a teaching hospital and I will find my Muslim doctor husband I mean I like it yeah to me this is a good plan yeah you know

so yeah so I was like okay I'm gonna pay for a personalized experience through Biont Chai. I don't even know if they're around anymore, but I gave her my deal breakers. I was like, I don't want someone who is homophobic. I don't want somebody that, you know, I don't want, like, a misogynist or so.

I was giving her all, like, you know, the woke criteria. Yes. Yeah. Yes, very woke criteria. But honestly, it's not even that woke. It's just like, yeah, don't hate gay people. Don't hate women. Just, like, be nice.

I was giving a relatively for them, you know? Yes, yes. No, I get it. And so, and I made two things very clear. I was just like, I am not taking my hijab for anybody because surprise, even though we're Muslim, there's Muslim men who do not prefer someone who wears hijab. They do not want someone who covers their hair. Even though, like, you know, like, yeah, like it's crazy on the online Muslim community that it's like they will get very strict on certain things. But it's the Internet.

It's the Internet. inconsistent virtues is always they're going to be virtue signaling while having very inconsistent virtues themselves right so they want religious this and that but they're like nah hijab is where I draw the line so this site was giving other men the option to do you prefer hijabi or not hijabi they get they get to do the drop down menu anyway so I made it very clear I was like I am not taking my hijab off and also I don't speak Arabic I am Iranian because you know there there is there are a lot of men who prefer someone Arab of speaking, right?

But I made it very clear. I don't speak Arabic. I can read Arabic for Godan reasons, right? It shares the same alphabet as Farsi, but I, like, you know. Do you speak Farsi? Like a kindergartner, because that's when I left Farsi school. But I can get by. And this lady was sending me matches where it said, not hijabi preferred and prefer

Arab speaking. And I was just like, hold up. I'm not paying you to be someone. second best I was and and she was arguing with me she was just like well they're not deal breakers and I'm just like I am not paying you to give me people who see me as second best yes because then it's just like oh I guess I'll go out with her or it's not what I prefer yeah it's when you have a matchmaker it's like we'll just match preferences with preferences yeah because I'm like I'm paying if I wanted to be second best I'll go for free on Minder like what is this you know and so

So as far as how I met my husband. Minder is really fun. Yeah. And so I was fed up. And so that night, one of my friends accidentally double-booked me and then my husband now, who's his friend. And they were like, can we all just go out to dinner tonight? Like, I accidentally double-booked both y'all. And I was like, okay, cool.

Turns out he was cute. And like I said, at this time, I was fed up trying to go the traditional route. So when he was telling me that, you know, his family was born and raised. Ron and you know all that and I was just like okay I'm listening and again he was I found him very attractive so he was showing me photos of his cat on his phone so I took his phone and I put my number in it and I said now you got another pussy in your phone and now we're married like it's very smooth I mean he liked it you can I'm a firm believer and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person yep he liked it yeah because in my head I was like I have

nothing to lose. And also, if he sees me as too forthcoming, then that's not the right person for me, you know. So, but yeah, we also broke up the first time. We had a lot of growing to do. And how long have you been together? In total, like, since 2017. So, yeah, but we- Eight years? Yeah, we broke up. Did I do that now? Yeah. Yeah. So. And you broke up for how long? We broke up, I think, for like six months. We even deleted each other on Facebook. You were like, this is it. Goodbye.

Well, he's younger, so he's five and a half years younger than I am, you know? And like I said, at that time, I was not yet no contact with my parents. Oh, okay. So not that he knew my parents. He did not meet my parents the first time around. But I think that it was something in my gut told me he's the right person but at the wrong time, you know, which is what made the breakup harder. I was crying way more over him than I was Derek at that time. You know, Derek, it was like, okay, I told him, I'm like, you know what?

I ain't moving to Texas. I take everything I sit back. I am not moving. And he was like, well, I am moving to California. I'm like, cool. It's like, all right, well, I guess it is what it is. I guess we're not going to be together. Yeah.

So real quick with Derek, he said, why don't we just be friends? And I told him, outright. I was like, you can break up with me. but I did not sign up to be your friend in this. If you decide to break it off, I am blocking you everywhere. I know it's very contrived, but whenever I date somebody and they're like, let's be friends. I always feel like I didn't come here to make friends. Yeah.

I ain't one of your little friends. I'm not coming to Minder to make a friend. And also, they want you to stay around as a friend to keep you as a backup option. Yes. You know? I did stay friends with one man that I dated. and I think I was like, I'll call your bluff. He was like, I think we'd be better off his friends.

And I was like, all right, friend, let's go to the movies together. I was not having fun. I did not have one fun time with this person. But we went to the movies, I think, three times after we stopped dating. And I think it just really, I think we both ghosted one another. I don't remember how it actually like ended up fizzling out. But, yeah, he broke up with me because he was too busy with work in tennis. and he was on the podcast.

We'll talk later. Yeah. So, you know, but yeah, with my now husband, I think we broke up at that time because, you know, he still was not healed from his prior relationship and I still had my own growing to do. You know, we came back around the second time

because, again, we met through mutual friends and, you know, those mutual friends were keeping us apart. How did you get back together, though? So by 2017, I was not yet no contact but it was what happened everything with my parents was enough for to be for me to finally move out and get my own apartment are you from california i am from la california um yeah so i got my own apartment and um it was uh it was it was it was ramadan and so i was i kept having

people over for like dinner and everything and months had passed by and uh in my head i was just like i just see that guy as a friend i'm over it i got too much going on i'm enjoying having my own place like we're just in a different place and the mutual friends were like hey can can are we cool can we all hang out again right you know they were like oh well you know that like he's he's over it he's fine everybody hanging at he's seeing other people and i was like i'm good yeah so um long story short uh he's every time that they would come over for dinner during Ramadan he he would stay up and wash my dishes while the rest of them were just like lounging on my sofa so he would wash my dishes all the time and then his birthday came around and I was just like I feel like doing something nice for him

so I got him a little cake and I just remember the way he smiled at that cake like just made me so happy right and I was just like you don't feel this way about someone who's just your little friend you know so then weeks later uh you know and then and then I think like a week later I was just like you want to go for a walk and I was because like you totally take just one of your little friends on a walk on the cliffs during sunset. Uh-huh. Very romantic walk with my friend. My friend.

Nothing will happen. Yeah. And, and, you know, this is, this is not halal at all. What I'm about to say, I am not saying any of this is right. But like, you know, then, and then, you know, the wind is slightly blowing my hijab off.

Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. And I didn't try to fight that wind. It's like, this wind is in God's hands now. Yeah. And then you totally kiss your friend when the sun is setting. And it's so romantic. Friendship.

Yeah. I love, that's so sweet. And then, okay, so after you kiss your friend at sunset, that did you or was he like, let's get back together? I think it, I think like three weeks later, I was, the whole What Are We situation came up and I brought it up again. I was just like, do you see us getting married one day? And he was like, absolutely.

And I was just like, all right. And so that was July 30th, 2017, that was it. That's so sweet. You know, I think we were going to get married. We didn't get married until 2023, but we were. wanted to get married, I think, probably around 2019, and then pandemic happened. Yeah, that throws a lot of plans for a loop, a global pandemic. How did you get into pole dancing?

When did you get into it? In August of 2019. So that's the month that I went no contact. So basically, at this time, me and my now husband were together and, you know, he had a relationship with my parents, right? Because with how tumultuous things were with my parents, they liked him, right? And that gave me hope I was just like, okay, maybe we could have

I could have a civil relationship with my parents from a distance and he could be the bridge, right? Because they liked him. Yeah. Until he stood up for me. Then they didn't like. Then they were like, oh, fuck this. We want everyone to belittle her.

Yep. I think my mom was hoping that, like, one time I got very sick. And I got a norovirus. And while I was throwing up in the urgent care, my man answered the phone it was my mom calling first thing my mom told him was

she does this to herself like she doesn't listen to me about not getting sick she eats out too much she does this to herself like just talking shit about me to him while I am right there and he was horrified

you know but she thought that he was going to be one of her little friends to talk shit about me you know that's wild anybody who says shit like that is so wild to be me because I'm like, that's just pure narcissism to be like, oh, they didn't listen to me so they in turn are now sick?

And I'm going to say that out loud to somebody, especially their partner. That's so wild to me. Yeah, because, again, he met bullet points to my parents. He was educated. His family's from Iran, you know, like he's tall. He's good looking, you know, and, you know, make them look good. So, anyway, so in August of 2019, when one day. my dad was coming at me sideways yelling at me because I was finally putting up of some a reasonable

boundary he starts yelling at me and my husband was like you know I don't like you talking to her that way and then he was like who the hell are you right and he was just like I'm her future husband and you're not going to talk to her that way right and then my dad got belligerent it's a blur I don't even remember what he did I just remember he started swinging and we were gone you know we ran out and I never saw my parents again and so two weeks later I did pull because I think that although I was finally freed you know and I reached rock bottom which was seeing them treat somebody very close to me the way that they treat me I was used to it right it's a terrible thing to get used to but I was used to it that's why I couldn't recognize when that danger was happening to me but when you see it on somebody else that's when you're just like nah Like, I was ready to fight after that, you know, and I had to fight to keep that no contact. It's not like my parents just accepted that, like, oh, you know, our daughter's not going to talk to us anymore. They convince themselves that my husband is who's keeping me from them, right?

Uh-huh. So with that said, the next few weeks was just, like, therapy twice a week, you know, panic attacks and so on. I needed something to take me out of my comfort zone. And so I saw that just a mile from me was the problem. Cole Studio, right, in North Hollywood. And class path was giving a promotion two weeks free. And I was just like, let me go learn some ho shit. I'm learning some ho shit is what's, it's what I need right now.

I don't need to do running or swimming or karate. I need to just do some stripper shit, right? So I showed up to the first class, which was Monica's class, I think, which is where we met, right, the level one. Yes. And I just was expecting to just, you know, learn professional stripper shit. because I just wanted to shake my ass in a group full of what I called prior

I was like, is this going to be a women's only class? I was like, okay, I'm going to come in and shake my ass and have people applaud me for it. I just need something to take me out of this like hell that I was feeling at this time, you know? And yeah, the answer was just shaking my ass in front of a bunch of women who would applaud me for it. It is nice.

It does feel good. and you like get a move, right? And everyone's like, yeah, you go, girl. And you're like, yes, I go. I go good. Yeah. And so I wasn't expecting to stay. I mean, I walked in the class with my hijab on

because I was just like, okay, like, I'm prepared to be the joke here. I'm prepared to be the outsider because I'm not doing this to try to learn how to be a stripper. My idea of poll class was for like strippers and training. I thought I was just visiting. I didn't expect to stay. I was just visiting the stripper. her world just to stop on the train yeah and so but everybody was just so welcoming they wanted to know who i was monica introduced herself as like you know she saw me coming with my hijab and she was like

oh you know my sister's a convert you know and i was just like damn like she she's a former stripper herself and she or she was trying to make me feel welcome rather than trying to question like what is she doing here that's what i love about the studio i do feel like it's super inclusive and like very welcoming, because my very first class, I was the biggest person in the class, but nobody ever made me feel like I was the biggest person in the class. Nobody ever made me feel like I couldn't do things. And Veronica in particular is, I've said on this podcast before,

I love her so much because if I can't do something, she'll figure out why I can't do it. So like, I've come to like our private sessions and she's like, okay, so I watched a video of this lady with really big boobs and this is how she holds it better. And I was like, oh, okay. okay. And then like, I don't have the biggest cities, but I got a wide back. Yeah. A nice lady who did a profit on me. She told me that very loudly. So an actual big back.

Yeah. Yes, I am an actual big back. She's got it. Um, but yeah, she'll just like make it adjustment for me. And like that feels so nice as opposed to like, and I've gone to other studios and other states and not to shit on them. But I've had instructors be like, oh, you just need to be stronger. And it's like, no, I don't. I can lift my body up the pole. I can hold. I can hold. my body on the pole. Maybe it's, maybe it's the way you're teaching it or you're not teaching it for my body. I don't know. But you get a lot of like comments when you post stuff online that like it's immoral or like, which is wild to me because you're fully clothed. You wear grippy pants. Like you're fully fucking clothed. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm fully clothed, but I have a I have a double D chest, right? So like,

you know, it doesn't matter that I'm fully clothed. But here's the thing. If people want to see you as a hoe or, or, or an actual whore, they're going to find reasons, right? I could be, if you want to believe, you know, I'm indecent, like, the fact that a little bit of my hairline is showing, it's just like, okay, I'm going to hell for that. Right, really? People, that's the thing. People come on the internet and not trying to, they're not looking to accept you as a person. Yeah.

They're looking to dump. Mm-hmm. Right? And so, you know, I very innocently posted my video. Because the reason I stayed in poll was because when I went to Veronica's class, which, you know, Monica's class was more like, you know, dance, which I was. loved, right? Veronica was more strength. Yes. Right. And so when I noticed, when I started to learn that pole is hard, right? My ego was like, nah, like I'm going to keep coming back until I learn

how to climb. I am not going to live with myself. The fact that I can't climb this pole and everybody else can in that class. So I kept coming back. And I kept, I would go to Veronica's classes and everything. And so when Veronica became my private instructor, she would take videos. And And she was like, that's a beautiful video. You should post that, right? And I did not understanding the implications of Instagram being public. You know, I treated it like it was Facebook. I just, I acted like a boomer on the Instagram.

I was just like, I want to post this nice video from my friends to see. And then it got shared by a bunch of angry Egyptian men who look like a thumb. I remember this dude's one receding hairline. It was like that the reflection of his camera was like, But I guess it is sure on that receding hairline And I don't speak Arabic I don't know what he was saying about me But people my friends were being like

You know they're sharing your videos I'm like really And so like you know then I saw my following go up and up Because they were sharing it to make fun of me But then it attracted a bunch of other women Were just like hey I'm Muslim and I do poll too You know or I love seeing you on the poll Like it's inspiring so it's just like jokes on them

They made me popular you know I wasn't even trying to get popular. I'm a nurse practitioner. I'm not in this industry. I'm not trying to be an influencer. I have a high following, but I don't consider myself an influencer. I'm just a regular-ass person who people think I'm funny. You know, like, anyway.

So, yeah, like they were, I got a lot of hate messages. I got, like, a lot of messages saying, I hope you break your neck on that pole. And I'm just like, you know, none of you are saying anything that comes close to my abusive parents. So at least I had a, I mean, I had a terribly emotionally abuse of childhood, but mine, you know, it numbed me enough where I'm just like, there is nothing any of you can say that'll come close to what I grew up with hearing. I like that you arrived on that on your own because that's how I feel. Whenever people say awful things about me, I'm like, well, I don't know. You're not telling me anything new. Okay, I'm fat.

I have a mirror. It's like, you're not funny. And it's like, you can't be funny for everybody. That's literally impossible. It's like, you're ugly. I'm like, all right. Maybe my makeup didn't look good that day. I don't know.

But like you're not telling me something that's like hurting me. I did learn insults on an international level. I was like, damn, this is educational. So like there was, I want to make you very clear. It's not just like Arab men that were coming after me. Like the Russians were the meanest. The Russians? And I'm just like, we're not even, you're not even Muslim.

Why are you coming after me? What did I do? Like, apparently on my videos, there was a, there was, Russian pool instructors that were talking shit. And they were like, you look like a fat cow on ice. And I was like, that sounds very specific to a certain culture. We don't have that insult. Yeah, we don't. Yeah, no.

No, they're just mad about Vladdy Poots. They're just trying to get their aggression out on you. That's wild that other poll people were like, I have something to say. You also posted a video where you fall off the pole in the wildest way. I think you land on your back? You were doing a poll sit. It was, yeah, it was during pandemic, and I was maybe seven months experienced, right? And I had a stage pole because at this time, all the pole studios were shut down, right?

And, yeah, I had a silicone pole, so I was able to pull in regular clothes, which I adhere to it. And unfortunately, I was approaching pole like I did swimming or like any other endurance sport. I was just like, now I'm going until I have nothing left. That's a very dangerous thing to do on pole because by the time you find out you have nothing left, you're in the air, you know? and basically I was just like at this time my following was growing so I was just like I need to give the people what they want The people want to see me in the pool

I have to hop in the pole I have to climb the highest I've ever climbed Yeah and so I was doing a layback So my legs were gripping the pole for dear life And I was laying all the way back And then I was just like alright I got the perfect video And I come up and I fatigued Like here was the pole, here was my hand

This is where I fatigued And I just I couldn't grab it And I just fell flat on my back. And my downstairs neighbor, this very nice old Jewish lady named Lois, she called me. And she was like, Nana, did you feel that earthquake? I just want to make sure you're okay. Now that's an insult. That's very funny.

Did you, if I fell in someone called me, did you feel the earthquake? I would fade right up to heaven. I'm dying. That's so funny. What did you say? Were you like, we're okay? I sent her a video of what I was doing because I caught the fall on video and I was just like, Lois, you don't know this about me.

But I needed to find a pandemic hobby. That's so funny. Did you feel the earthquake? Yeah, I felt it. I felt it right in my back. Did you hurt yourself at all? Or was it just the wind knocked out of you? The wind knocked out of me.

Luckily, I fell such that, you know, my neck was protected, right? And I fell flat on my back. So it just hurt. The wind was knocked out of me. And I had to catch my breath. But you could see that my heel, I had my hoe heels on at that time. And you just hear them clanking on the stage pole as I'm trying to turn around and trying to come to. But yeah, I didn't lose consciousness.

I didn't hit my head or nothing. Boy, sometimes I get scared. Like, I don't really do tricks in the air. One, because it's incredibly hard. But I think past it being hard, my brain's like, no, uh, you're not going to get hurt up there. You stay close to the ground. Yeah. And I've only fallen off.

I fell off my own pole and I didn't have a mat. You didn't have a mat either. At that time, I didn't. Yeah. After that, I got a mat. Yeah, but at that time, Monica was still, it was still safe enough for Monica to come over and give me home lessons. And I, and I reviewed that fall with her. And I'm glad that fall happened because, you know, she had to sit down talk.

She was like, look, like, I know you're getting popular, right? Okay, but there is no injury worth getting a perfect video for. She was like, you are not trying to perform. You're not trying to train for Cirque du Soleil, you know? And her being a former stripper, she was like, you know, Neda, like, even if, even if you wanted to work in the club. Okay, nobody cares about those complicated tricks, okay? It's not worth it to get injured over a complicated trick. They're looking for, you know, the audience is looking for tricks that you look very relaxed and seductive.

And they don't care about the Aisha. She was like, you want to do other things in your life, don't you? Like, you know, she was like, you still want to go to work, you know. This is not your source of income. You don't got to be doing all this. And that's when I was like, you know, I'm glad she had that. talk with me because I never had an injury since. Oh, good.

There is never, if I start to fatigue, I don't push it hard because I'm just like, this is not my source of income. Yeah, this is something I'm doing for fun. Yeah. So it's like, why push myself to the brink of exhaustion for something that I'm doing for fun? I hurt my arm last week and now I'm trying to nurse it back to health. Oh, did you hurt it in pole? Yeah, I think I was doing it.

I think it's called a swizzle. I don't know. A body twist. They make names for everything. They do. And everybody has a different name for different things. Like, and around the world is a step around in other places or, what else did I hear? Whatever.

They all have different names. And I just called them. I'm like, ooh, that's a swing aroundy. Yeah. And this one was in a one-armed body in front with a swing aroundy. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, you know, now it's like, well, at least it was just, it's nothing that Moulterin can't fix, right?

I'm going to have surgery or nothing, right? No, I don't think so. Yeah, that's why I don't feel like I could ever compete because there's people that are competitors in poll. Mm-hmm. And I'm just like, okay, I respect it. I respect the passion, but no. But that's too much.

That's like you're an athlete training for, like, you're an athlete training for like the Olympics, I guess. Pole competitions are kind of like mini-Olympics. Yeah, except you don't get no sponsorship. Many Olympics. Mm-hmm. I have a question. Do you have any advice for single people?

Let's see. Damn, that's a hard one because it's a different time from when I was, from 2017. I have not been single since 2017. It's hard to give advice because it's just like the level of crimes out there, man. Like, there's so many dating documentaries now that are just based on people just having this double life. You know, I would say my dating advice is to like watch forensic files. to, like, just, you know, just to know what people are doing or, like, you know, true crime or something like that.

I hate true crime, true crime on TikTok, but it's just like, you know, you start to learn this. So I would say, you know, if, let's say crime was not in the back of our heads, if, like, murder wasn't something we had to worry about, right? I would just say don't treat your dates like it's a job interview. Like, you know, don't tell people what they want to hear because eventually what you really wanted to say, And what they really wanted to say is going to come out in a few months.

And then your blindsided would be like, they were not this, like, you weren't this way either when you all started dating, you know? Yeah. I think that's good advice to, like, just be yourself. Don't try to put your best foot forward. Just be who you are. Yeah. If you're an annoying bitch, be an annoying bitch.

Yeah. Be that. Like, I think the worst thing you do is tell someone what they want to hear, you know? And some people see that as, like, like, you know, that's what, you know, that's what, you got to do to pay the entry fee. And maybe that's true. In some case, I'm not saying, you know, I did hit on my husband, right? So he knows exactly who I am, right?

But I'm not going to unload all my trauma day one either. No, that has to trickle out. You just drop a little bomb here and there and be like, this awful thing happened. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? I would say, though, like, you know, I would say if, let's say, you were just dating, whether you just got divorced, right? Because I'm 37.

A lot of my friends are now divorced, right? And they are trying to start dating again, right? I would treat the casual dates like it's an open mic, right? You're not going to pay too much to show up. You're not going to, you know, stay there too long, right? They are open mics to train for, you know, the main show that might be coming soon, right? That's how I would approach it. I think that's smart

because you can't go into every date being like I'm going to marry this person And I used to do that I used to go on every single date being like This is it This is the end all be all We're going to get married And it's going to be great

And then my therapist was like Why don't you just try having fun Yeah Why don't you just try having a nice time And then I started doing that And then I would get asked on second dates And I was like why You had a nice time

And then I was like Oh yeah I had a nice time Yeah And then you have to like really think about I was like, did I like that person? Or was I just having fun by myself? Yeah, I would also say as somebody who's had, like I said, I've only had one partner, right? But I know that's not standard these days.

I would say, though, that it's easy to get dignitized. Okay? Don't, I know, like, I support having sex with whoever you want to have sex with. But if you are trying to get a long-term relationship, okay, don't, don't let that dick deceive you too early. I got very lucky that I got a good D from a good person. otherwise I totally understand why people stay in terrible relationships with someone who has good D.

Do not let that man put his best D-forward before he puts his best self forward. That's how you get dignitized. That's how you end up with the wrong person. And if you want to have kids, just remember that, like, you know, whoever you're with, you are protecting your future children

if that's what you want, you know. Yeah, that is right. My friend's mom said, don't marry somebody that you wouldn't divorce. Damn. And I think that's really, good advice because it's like if it doesn't work out you want the divorce to be amicable so it's like marry someone that you know that your divorce will be okay that you both can choose to not be together

and no one's going to like backstab one another and I was like that's good yeah yeah no because it's just like family law is terrible family court does not follow constitutional law really no I mean there was a documentary I'm not a lawyer right but basically the friends that I've gone through divorce like if the other person makes allegations against you now you got to pay your lawyer to beat those allegations they can say whatever they want and now you got to pay your lawyer to try to disprove those allegations because now y'all got kids my god i have friends i've had friends and you know they're going through ugly divorces yeah just don't get married don't do it don't get married what is a nurse practitioner oh uh nurse practitioner is somebody that can uh is someone who is

an RN, right, I was an RN for five yet. And I still have my RN, right? But if I want to have prescribing capability, right, without having to call a doctor and ask, can I prescribe Tylenol or something like that, right? I have the authority to prescribe and diagnose. A nurse can treat, a nurse can treat and assess, right? And they could intervene as in emergency situations, right? They can manage emergencies and so on. But a nurse practitioner, I have the, I have the authority to prescribe and tell you what's wrong with you. I have a supervising physician, right? But again, the nurse

practitioner means that I went to school for a little bit longer and did extra licensing so I could see my own patients in a clinic. So you can write me a prescription today if I wanted one. Yeah, what do you want? Oh my God. What do I want? Oh my God. Adderall. No, I'm kidding. I'm on

Vibance. I don't need any more ADHD medicine. It doesn't do anything for me. like passed helps me open my mail you know I can't really abuse it I'll just do more work around the house yeah

yeah I mean with ADHD medication honestly I let the psych NPs or the psychiatrist deal with that because I'm like now with that medication we call those controlled drugs and they have a higher risk

of addiction yes and they make it very hard for me to get it from Walgreens every month yeah it's not nice because I have to be responsible to call them once a month, but I take the medicine so I don't forget to do

things, but when I've run out, I'll forget to do it. It's a vicious cycle. What's the closest drug to a quailude? What are you trying to escape? Damn. But I've just like heard about quailudes and how wild they are. And I was like, what's the modern equivalent? So quailudes, I think are a barbiturate, right? And they are downers. So I would say alcohol. Oh. I'm not 100% sure because Quay loses some 70 shit. It is. Yeah. So I'm like well I guess we have benzos now but like I don't I don't consider those too. What's a

benz-inzo? Is that Xanax? Atavans Xanax. But those are benzodiazepines. They're not barbiturates. They're still downers I guess. Well what's a barbitur A barbitur is that shit that Marilyn Monroe overdosed on. And they don't make them anymore? They do but it's not like you know it's like we call phenobarbital

for example. That's a seizure medication. Uh-huh. Right. And again your guess is as good as mine because I don't prescribe arbitrates either. I was like, maybe I can get some drug answers. Well, we have reached the end. I ask all my guests this. Would you date me?

Absolutely, I would date you. Because Nicole, you are the same person as a friend. You're the same person when you're a friend and also like when you are here. Because, you know, I have, I have been, I have been on podcast. before and I'm just like, the person that this host is is very different from when we talk in person. Interesting. It's like, you know, you're an actor, so it's like, you've got a certain personality. Here, you have to, right? I have a certain personality at work. Totally acceptable. But I don't feel like the person you are when we talk in real life is much different. I feel like

I've just been talking to my friend this whole time. Yeah. Well, it is interesting because I've had people say that, like, who've met me and they're like, oh, you're just like how you are when you host nailed it. And I was like, yes. And I do understand that, like, some people have, like, a persona and then their persona is different than, like, who they are as a person. But I guess I'm like, that seems to be very exhausting to create a whole different persona. I just rather lean into, like, maybe I'm happier when I'm recording than I am in real life. But, like, in real life, I'm pretty happy. Well, I mean, you've seen how many people cheat on each other.

Yeah. Leading a double life comes naturally to certain people. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, that was a hot take. Leading a double life comes natural to some people. I think you're right. Yeah.

For me, it couldn't happen to me because I feel like once you lie, you've got to make another lie to cover up that lie. Yes. So I might as well just tell the truth from the beginning because, like, I'm too lazy to keep up with myself. Yes. Because then if, yeah, if you lie and then someone calls you out on it and you're like, well, yeah.

And then this, and then this. And then you're like, well. There's too much effort. I just would rather just tell the truth up front. And I'm going to tell the truth right now. I called out sick for this podcast. Sick as hell, dude. That's how you justify it.

I thought you were sick. Yeah. Sick as hell, my dude. Do you have anything you want to promote? Let's see. Well, you all can follow me on my page, hijabi luscious. Hijabi licious is a different Muslim who's not affiliated with me. well perfect um uh oh i didn't look at any of the notes today sorry lindsay

wait you did a two mile race in the ocean i did it seems hard yeah i can do hard things that should have been something i should have taught whatever okay well if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can subscribe and give me five stars on apple podcast um and if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me Podcast at gmail.com. I will read it out loud. Please keep it a little short because people, you've been writing novels. Okay. This person writes, Hi, Nicole. I want you to show me all of your favorite poll moves. Oh, I'll watch an awe and admiration, showering you with praise. When you're done, you sink to the floor and I pull out some

purple shabari rope and bind you intricately to the pole until you cannot move. Then I slowly kiss lick and nipple at your neck, your nipples, your hips, your thighs, until you're dripping wet and begging for more. I present you with an array of dildos, and you choose the thickest one, which happens to be a lovely lavender silo cone number. Purple's my favorite color, and I sling it into my strap and pound away. You come again and again and again until you're a quivering puddle. I've untied you, but you still cannot move. For aftercare, we'll get Stone, watch Ghost, and eat Crackland Oatbrand! That's my favorite cereal.

Okay, goodbye! Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of Content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our Thief Music is arranged. by Mike Cometay.

Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye. That was a hate gum podcast. Today's segment is brought to you by Bumble, the go-to dating app for finding love.

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