Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Transcending Norms (w/ TS Madison)

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

Actress and activist TS Madison (judge on RuPaul's Drag Race) is here for a heartfelt chat on her journey from being a viral TikTok sensation to a vocal advocate for trans rights, and all of the unseen struggles she faced in navigating systemic biases. She discusses doing sex work for survival, shares real examples of the transphobic harassment she receives to this day, and her relentless efforts to forge a better future. This episode is a raw exploration into the battles and victories that come with being Black, trans, and unapologetically visible.Content Warning: This episode contains audio clips featuring transphobic harassment which may be disturbing for some listeners.  See Nicole Byer live on tour! Get tickets at nicolebyerwastaken.com. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Hi, I'm gonna be on the road for a little bit. July 6th through 8th, I'll be at Comedy Works Downtown in Denver, Colorado. September 15th, I'll be at River City Casino in St. Louis, Missouri. September 16th, the Pantages Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then September 29th, I'll be at the Newmark Theater of Portland. And then September 30th, I'll be at a casino in Washington. I don't want to mess up the name. I don't want to say it. It's hard. I should have looked it up. But you can see it on my website, NicoleBeyerWasTaken.com, and that's where you can get tickets. Okay, November 4th, I'm at a theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I'm at another casino on November 9th in Ben Salem, Pennsylvania. And then November 11th, oh baby, I'm going to be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts. And you can get your tickets at NicoleBeyerWasTaken.com. Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah! Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me?

Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, is just exploring love and stuff because I was trying to figure out why I'm single, but you know, I've done it for like six years. There's no answer. My guest today is a LGBTQIA activist, author, and actress who you know from movies like Bros and Zola. I loved her in Zola. She was so good. And the drama series Hush. She's also a rotating judge on RuPaul's Drag Race and the host of Bring Back My Girls on WoW Presents Plus.

I'm so excited. It is T.S. Madison. RuPaul's Drag Race. Start your engine. Start your engine. RuPaul's Drag Race. Make the best woman win. Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh. Ooh, she went there. Ooh, long. Ooh, she went there. Ooh, long. Ooh, she got the rain. That's that soul glow in me. That's that soul glow. That's why I'm always feeling wrecked.

Oh, I'm feeling wrecked. I was introduced to you with the vine 22 inches. Ooh, Ms. Nicole. Ms. Nicole, you done took it way back, girl. You've took it. Baby, you've taken it back to when Vine was the place. It made me laugh so hard. It showed everybody I've ever met in my whole life.

It's so funny. I mean, if you don't know T.S., I don't know what's wrong with you. Her voice is used on so many TikToks. So many. Listen. Your voice is used on so many tiktoks so many listen it's what your voice is everywhere everywhere beyonce used my voice honey yeah how does that feel listen you already know that beyonce is a deity honey from the heavens and when and you know when when when the when the deity steps you and says, honey, this is the part of all creation, you feel great. It feels great. And she's wonderful.

I love her. I love Beyonce. What an honor. And I love her for using my voice on such a song. Like, Cozy, when I listen to it, even now, like it's been almost a year now. Even now, when I listen to it, I'm like, that's me. And that's a statement for all people, like all people. But being black and trans and cozy and comfortable in my skin.

I love myself, goddamn cozy. Cozy. You know, and just to be able to out loud scream, bitch, I'm black. And I'm just not black. I'm all shades of black. I'm dark brown, dark skin, light skin, beige, fluorescent beige, bitch.

I'm black. You know, it just made me feel like that. That's the new, all of that stuff is the new Black History Month anthem for Black History Month. For all things black and black women, black trans women, honey, just black people. It feels so empowering to be part of an empowerment thing. I mean, I couldn't even imagine. I would lose my mind. I would never stop talking about it.

I mean, I don't try to rub it in the girl's face that can't take me, honey. Because sometimes the girls will be like, oh, honey, she only used this much. And I'm like, well, sweetheart, listen, she used that. We have a great contract with each other. I'm a writer on that. And, you know, I get my percent of the sales and the things. And, you know, it's more than just she used that, you know, because in a time.

Yeah, it's a business. It's a business. And at a time where I hear my voice all over TikTok and all over these places places and there's no compensation to me for it and Beyonce comes through and be like honey we're gonna pay pay the lady pay the lady and continue to pay the lady it was it's it's respect because she could have easily just grabbed that and just yeah moved on it's respect it's me being credited it's me being continuously compensated in perpetuity because i love those words in perpetuity and just an anthem

for my for the people all people my people i'm so glad that that happened for you because it is so wild that there is no compensation for tiktok using your voice and it's weird to me that it hasn't parlayed itself into branding things because there's other trans people who have had opportunities that i feel like you should have had because you you've you've been in the game you've been a social media icon for a very long time. So I'm like, where's T.S.'s endorsement deals? Not to like, you know, be an asshole, but... And I love the way that you tapped on that door and said, let me crack it open and T.S., you just walk on into it.

And I'm about to walk on into it. In no way am I jealous or angry or... In no way am I jealous or angry or have resentment towards Dylan Mulvaney or even Caitlyn Jenner. We understand that there are systems that are in place for those women to thrive in. No, they are not their ancestors, but they benefit from the things that their ancestors have done. And that while they reap the benefits, I still am swept up into the system of, and I want to talk about this with you, Nicole, I got to, I swept up in the system of, they still reaping the benefits of things that happened before they got here. And I'm still reaping the benefits of things that happened before they got here. And I'm still reaping the injustices of what has happened from back then. Let's talk about it really quick.

And I'm going to be very transparent. This is definitely going to tie into why won't you date me? Okay. When you saw me online, you saw me come in with the uh with naked my nude body no wave 22 inches yeah when you saw dylan or caitlin you saw them coming in clothed and and they openly transitioned in you know in public and stuff. I was already transitioned when I was introduced. And I was transitioned and I transitioned in sex work and all that type of stuff.

Survival. Now, here's where I'm going to really, let me take my Apple Watch off because, girl, I'm about to talk with my hands. I know y'all can't see me, but I'm about to move some mountains in this conversation. They'll be able to feel it. You're about to feel this. I love the way that you said, Madison, you've been in this for a long time and you've paved and knocked and opened. What people don't understand is this. I did not want to be involved in sex work.

I didn't want to have to have to have to do survival sex to, you know, make a living. But the system that was in place at the time for me as a black transgender woman, you know, growing up in a time, I'm 45 years old. I don't look it, but I'm 45 years old. This was 30 years ago, 30 years ago. So times have changed. Okay. So I'm thrust into the world of, of, of transitioning during that time period. And it's like, okay, you can't come to my job. Don't come to the workspace like this because you're making other people feel uncomfortable. So I was fired numerous times.

And not just fired, but also just saying I'm not qualified enough. So hence I have sex work on my background from a system from a system who wouldn't let me be an upstanding citizen. Fast forward. I have to take the

lemons that were given to me and create lemonade. I have to hula hoop, jump rope, skip stick, back flip, cartwheel through society and through social media and all of these things just to get enough, enough accolades outside of the sex work industry to be noticed and recognized for something outside of that. Get a TV show, the T.S. Madison Experience, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. These women wake up one morning, pick up their cellular device and say, day 22 of me being a trans person. Day three of transition, day 46. And society has the the audacity the audacity to say that this is they're

classy enough because they've never had to do any of the things that this whore did they're classy enough to be on a level to be you know celebrated for their day one through day 365 transition and here i am on the other end of the spectrum forced into having to do these things to survive and i'm not good enough to be celebrated on these things or i'm still having to prove myself it's interesting that you say that the way that you're saying this because i I think a lot of people will be like, well, if you didn't want to do sex work, go get a different job. And it's like, was it black trans woman? Where? Who? Well, especially 30 years ago. Who? Who's hiring? things that you did in your past stay with you when it's like it had nothing to do with anybody you didn't do like it that sex work i personally think sex work is work uh i think it's you do what you do whatever but i don't think you should be judged for doing it because a lot of people have sex and a lot of people do it for free if you monetize it whatever and i do and i think a lot of people go race gets brought up a

lot but i'm like because it matters it matters that there's you know a white trans person who is documenting their experience i'm not saying anything shitty about this person but it is interesting that they get lifted up whereas you transitioned a long time ago have created so much content and people like you use your voice. Yet there's a there's a wall. There's a wall where you can't get ahead. And it's just it's racist. So it's wild.

And systemic racism is wild. Transphobia is wild. And I just like that you you keep going. Yeah. And you're passionate and you're you're funny and you're great sister i have to i got it out of the mud so i understand that that's what i have to do because i understand that there are sisters so no one is i'm not i'm not angry at dylan or caitlyn well wait let me i gotta watch what i think we could be mad at Caitlin.

I think Caitlin's not very kind. Yeah. So I'm mad at the systems that are in place that would make what I had to do lower class. And what she's awarded the ability to do, like just waking up and saying, and I'm not just saying that her journey wasn't it wasn't hard or anything like that but ma'am but ma'am and not just i'm so it's unfortunate that it's you that's that that we have to talk about but you're in the forefront ma'am when i got transitioned when i was transitioning we i everything was under the table under the table and then then we have conversations about oh you have that black market silicone in your body you have this you

would you that under the table stuff well well times were different and even then the white girls were going getting you know surgeries and things like that because because they knew, girl, stop making this like it is our fault and it's not theirs. Like, ma'am, this woman picks up her phone and she's day 365 on her trans journey. And she has Budweiser and opera singing and meet the president and this and the other. And on the other end of that stick, I'm day 5,200 and 100 million. And I got to tell y'all, I had to sex work and wish that the opportunity was available for me to document my day one. the opportunity was available for me to document my day one and somebody comes in and gives me a facial

a free facial feminization a years worth of supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics you see where I'm going here? Absolutely and it is

yeah it's it blows my mind it also blows my mind that they seem to be the like. Not seem to be they're the one that's uplifted where I'm like black trans women are the ones who are murdered at a higher rate. And I'm like, where's the representation? Why don't we have more representation? presentation so that's why i'm like so glad you are so visible and i love that you were added to drag race i think that's huge i think that's congratulations i think that's really wonderful i also loved you in zola you were really really great send us niggas can i say that here okay sorry you say whatever the fuck you want send us niggas so you grew up in florida yes what was it like growing up in florida um it was real okay i'm 45 i always and i love i love celebrate me being 45 because there are so many trans women that are dying just just last just about a month ago by the time this airs it's

going to be like two months ago two trans women were murdered in the same week 24 20 24 37 i think one was 37 one was like 24 both were shot in their face i'm 45 i've been talking about trans women being murdered ever since my platform was able to you know be open talking about this so it's so it's been for the past 15 you know 15 years or so but i'm talking about and it's always a young one every every freaking it's a young one so i celebrate me being 45 years old black and and trans. Celebrate it. You should. It's tough. It's so fucked up. It is so fucked up that, like, you know, such young girls die and you don't hear about it often.

You only hear about it every now and again. And it happens so much. So much. So growing up in Miami, people don't understand that it's still the South. It's still the south it's still the south and what's so scary now is that we have run to satan that's you said it you're not wrong run to satan that is a true representation of the things that they have been trying to cover up down there for the longest we've been dealing with racism down there i'm from the two live crew era i watched uncle luke get the you know go through the things he did being banned in the usa when it was nick navarro

and all that stuff from the two live crew music and stuff i attribute luther campbell to being the person that broke down the barriers for the freedom of speech and the freedom of of sexual expression and things like that so i love luke luther campbell for that but he was going through this as a black man with racist police officers racist people like i experienced that to a severe degree and on top of that being trans so not not only was i did i have my fists up fighting fighting you know racism off i also had to fight the transphobia and the homophobia in my own community so when people say madison you're so crass or you're so vulgar you're so bitch I was trained a product of your environment if you're around that shit it sticks with you

this is what I had to do if I didn't fight or I if I didn't stand up or I didn't oh I would I didn't talk tough or be tough or blunt or raw I was gonna get beat the fuck up. Or I wouldn't be here saying I'm here 45 years later, especially with all the things that were handed to me. And I don't want nobody out there that is listening to this podcast to feel sorry for me. Oh, honey, because if I had the chance to do it in the words of Trina. I don't think anyone could feel sorry for you. If I had the chance to do it all again,

I'd be doing it with a bat and a gun. Younger. Real quick, we have to take a break. And we're back. T.S., I gotta know, are you dating? Are are you married would you prefer not to say because that's an option um you know we're here now so what's up Nicole we're here now so what's up what's up I'm single

what are you yeah single yeah I um I don't want to be what are you looking for I ain't even looking I I don't want to be what are you looking for I ain't even looking I don't want to be single because the bigger that my star grows and the more

things you know happen for me because you know I'm going to be here way well over well over 70 I'm going to be here a long time shit what I'm about to just tell a long time. Shit. What?

I'm about to just tell you all my business. It's okay. I feel comfortable. I don't want to be because I've been so for so long. You're a star. So you get it, Nicole. You know, when you're growing and you got wonderful things happening for you and so much, you're making good money. You live good.

You live comfortable. You want to lay up in the bed with your peace. You want to lay up in the bed with your people. You want to be able to pull your wig off and feel comfortable. You want to feel safe. You want to be, because there's a world out there as being a star where it's not real. It's a fakedom, a fake world of people. you don't know who's really in your circle or who's old and it could be this the person that's laying in the bed eating your coochie yeah they could be eating your coochie but they're for the wrong reasons yes they want your money they want to they want to climb up off your star that you know so it's hard it It is hard. It is hard. Yeah. Are you on any of the apps? I used to be until I used to be on those real raunchy apps. Like, here's the thing. In one of my openings, which I didn't do, I'm going to do it at the end.

And you probably could chop it to the front or we could do it in the middle. You know, I like it in the middle. But, you know, I always call out the apps. What's up, YouTube land, Twitter land, Instagram, Snapchat, Grindr, Scruff, BGC, Jacked, Facebook, Periscope. I used to be on Jacked. I don't know what Jacked is. Oh, honey, Jacked is the app, honey. It lets you know how many feet, seconds, miles, moments away you are, close proximity you are for. Am I like crying in there?

Yeah, it's like that. It's just Jack, though. And I used to have a Jack account. I mean, it's still there. I haven't logged into it in a long time. I think I'm really contemplating if I'm going to really, really, really delete it but i haven't logged in into it in like over a year and something like almost two years now because i was i met a guy off of there and i started dating him i actually was dating myself actually because he was still a piece of trash

i signed out of jack he actually signed in the Jack grinder and everything else. So, you know, I signed that cause I thought that, you know, I'm kicking it. This is real. Yeah.

But you know, he never signed out of Jack. He just changed the profile. But anyway, I also, we, we, I'll tell you that more than it is,

but the reason I got off of that is because a gentleman came on there one day and said, Hey, Madison, is this, if this is really T.S. Madison, you need to get the fuck off of here. And you need to get the fuck off of here because you got too much going on to be on here.

I wouldn't even expect to meet you on something like this. This is for hookups and fucking and stuff like that. And I'm like, damn, am I not worthy to hook up and fuck? And it was like, no, it's not that. It's just like, this is raunchy. This is, you know, like, I wouldn't, no. I wouldn't want, no. Like, do you know the contributions you made?

And da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know, the stuff that starts running down your accolades. And he was like, I don't know. I don't think that you should be this accessible. But then it's like, if you're not accessible, how do you find somebody? I don't know. I don't think that you should be this accessible. But then it's like, if you're not accessible, how do you find somebody? You have to be out there for someone to find you.

Girl, I guess Instagram and Facebook is the new, those apps, because I get the same amount of dick pics in those that I do on fucking hookup apps. Really? I don't get no dick pics. I don't get anything. Nobody hits on me in my DMs. Girl, I get so many dick pics, girl. Listen, the reason why I don't check my inbox, you have to email me because it's overflow.

I see so much dick, balls, booty. I get so many voice girl listen i'm gonna play you something that you can hear from my inbox from this guy and i want i want to tell you that it's it's so weird because every time i go live on the thing he is in my live and he'll say some weird shit and then after he says weird shit he'll go to my he'll inbox me stuff girl listen so he tries to face call me listen to this girl one day he said hi how you doing i said i'm good how are you he said i'm sorry for saying something whatever he so he's tried to video chat me. And then he came on my live and he said some weird shit. And I said something back.

And listen. You trying to win a medal or some shit? How you don't? Just because I was on your live don't mean I don't get paid. That don't make sense. Okay, because I told him. I said, sweetie, why are you on my live talking crazy? Go make some money somewhere. Like, why are you on my live talking crazy? Go make some money somewhere.

Like, why are you on my live? You know? And then he says, I don't appreciate that shit you said. You know, in my inbox, right? Now, just a couple of days, you started telling me how beautiful and all this stuff I was. But listen. You're right. You're right.

You get paid, but you're fucking sick. You're fucking psychotic because you're a man trying to be a woman. Anytime a man trying to be a woman, something wrong with you. That shit ain't normal. Something fucked up with you in your mind, in your head. You want to be a fucking woman and you're a man. You think that shit is normal? That shit ain't normal. Something wrong with you with you fucked up in the head because ain't no right ain't no man in his right mind gonna try to be a fucking woman knowing that you can never be a fuck knowing he can never be a woman something wrong with now there's countless of this going on but you were just complimenting me are you complimenting you that what a hard turn it was probably because he didn't get the response he wanted. So then he was like, oh, I'll just insult her. Yeah. But also, you have the time to do that, my friend.

You've got to get a hobby. Look, Nicole, look. Look, girl, look. This is, this is the. Oh, my God. The. Okay. I'm looking at this, and there are so many voice memos.

Audio calls, missed calls, video calls. I just, that, that's scary. That shit's weird. Weird. And so this, I just, that's just one of those things. I don't even go in my inbox anymore. And I hate that Facebook has it to where they can call you on Messenger. Wait, on Facebook, they can call you on Messenger. Wait, on Facebook they can call you?

Girl, they be calling my Messenger sometimes. It's insane. That's too much. Now I fully understand why you want to be out there. Like, that's scary. That shit sucks. And I'm trans. And, like, this fool was talking about how he wanted me.

This is the stuff like they the mental i'm not gonna be i made it to 45 baby i'm not you're not gonna kill me yeah not this one not today saying i just i think my whole issue with people who are anti-trans is like how are trans people affecting your life they're not they're living their own life like leave leave trans people alone that person is unhinged and i don't know i feel like you should report them but then i'm like is anything gonna happen i don't know that you got to know to try to disrespect me and shit you know what i'm saying i'm surviving no i ain't getting paid like that but i'm surviving i gotta move on my head i don't live in the fucking street my family well-trained care and

all that i'm well-trained care and shit my girl. I don't live in the fucking streets. My family well taken care of and all that. I'm well taken care of and shit. My girl is. We chilling. My girl is. We might not be rich. Nah, we not rich and shit but we ain't fucked up. We ain't fucked up.

We ain't sucking dick for money and shit. We ain't kissing a white man's ass for dick for money and all that shit like you doing. The fuck out of here. Look at you, you plastic bitch.

You want to be a fucking woman and you a fucking man. You don't even look like a woman. You still look like a fucking man. The fuck I don't give a fuck. How much makeup you put on your face and all this other shit, plastic surgery, you still look like a fucking man because you are a man. The fuck out of here. You sick. You fucking sick in the head. You sick. Anytime a fucking man want to be a woman, something fucked up wrong with you. Your mind is fucked up. That's not normal for a man want to be a woman don't you know that's something wrong with you you fuck up you fucked up in the head

that shit ain't normal man i just i i honestly i'm glad that you played those because i do not think people realize how much hate is spewed at trans people and how much y'all are bullied and harassed like that's past bullying that's just straight up harassment and this is a black man who if something happened to him the ts whose platform as big as it is is going to be fighting for justice for him and this is a man that has been writing me prior to this wanting to fuck me make it make sense he's like oh she rejected me so now i'm going to harass her until she says okay i want to fuck like what what's the end goal that's so fuck it's so wild it's that's just i guess fully unhinged i guess

because i told him that he didn't have any money like boy get your broke ass out because you know get your broke ass on fuck you that you know, get your broke ass out. Fuck you. That's where that stems from, I guess. Like, girl. Oh, no. That means he is very broke. Oh, no.

Oh, dear. And I ain't taking care. He looked at his bank account. He got sad. I ain't taking care of nobody's son. In a perfect world, say, like, everyone is like loving and accepting. What kind of person are you looking for? Like, do you have a type?

I like a mental secure man. You know what? That should be the first thing. That should be the first thing on my list. Mentally secure. Is the brain right? Yeah. Like, are you, are you hinged hinged are you mentally well are you in therapy

are you dealing with trauma are you doing these things because we all have we all have bitch we're black so we have bunches of traumas to unpack like are you dealing with these things you know what i'm saying like then i'm gonna move to your fight i need to know if you're well here first so that before we even really start then i'll move to your finances and i want to say this so the people the audience out there can understand there's a difference between fucking and fucking with now if we fucking you know but i don't i don't need to know all these things but like if we want to date like you i need to know if you're saying like i don't need you because this i don't need you flipping out on me down the line or i don't need i don't need you having some moment where you're now questioning questioning your sexuality because society

has said uh that you're gay because you're dating a trans woman or you know now you have to try to deal with this mentally or i don't need you to i just we work on the mind first the mind then we move to the stability stability in in in, do you have a job? Can you sustain yourself? Because I don't necessarily need a rich man. Because here's the thing. I'm always going to make money. Always and forever. And whether a man is in my life or not, I'm going to go after the big bucks. So if he comes in and he has money, that's great. If he doesn't have money, he needs to try to get some money. Yes. You know, because I'm not taking care of him. Because I do want his money still. I want him to do.

And I don't mean want his money like he has to be. Like I want flowers. I want candy. I want dinner. I want this. You want to be pampered. You want to be romanced. You want to be romanced. You know, come on.

You know, you know, my light bill is probably the cheapest thing here. Have it once, one or two or something. Then we're going to go for the dick. I need to know if you're well endowed. Because both of us have to be well endowed in this situation. One of us can't be well and down and the other one isn't. Because then, you know, I'm the woman in here, okay? So you a size queen. You looking for a big old dick.

I need a big dick. They are delightful and delicious. They are. They are. And listen, we're girls. We have, we got, we got some weight on us, girl. We got ass. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Nobody ain't got time. I need somebody who can handle it. God damn, we got ass. Ain't nobody. Handle it as I throw it back. I throw it back. I mean, you know what I'm saying? We, you know, we the type of girls that may sit on your lap and everything may disappear.

Anytime I date someone and they're like, come here, sit on my lap. I'm like, are you sure? Right. It's a lot. It's a lot. Are you sure? It's a lot. Okay.

I'll do it. I like men who like meaty women because I've really been in this space of trying to diet and eat right and exercise and all this stuff. And my mom told me the other day, she says, boo, listen, you're not built to be skinny. And if you're trying to be skinny because, you know, that's what people, just socially acceptable except you and I'm like yeah I am on cozy comfortable in my skin so I have so I have my extra sandwich if I want to have it and I have my ice cream if I want to have it I still work out because you know to do the healthy thing but I'm not over here stressing out like I gotta be small I gotta get small I gotta be small. I gotta get small. I gotta get small. Yes, I want to go from a 3X to a 1X. Yes, but I'll get in a 2X. I'll get in a 2X. But I'm not built to be skinny.

I think a lot of people need to come to that realization. I don't think I could sustain whatever the BMI is telling me. I think the BMI is like, you should be 150. I'm like, I don't. whatever the BMI is telling me. Like, I think the BMI is like, you should be 150. I'm like, I don't. I was 150 in elementary school. I don't think that is for adult me. It's not for me.

No. And it's just like, if you can't eat it when it's, if you can't eat that thick meat while it's thick, I don't need to eat it when it's lean. That's another thing. I was like, if I were to ever lose weight,

I would feel some type of weight dating because I'd be like, would you love me if I gained weight? Right. Would you stay with me if I were to ever lose weight, I would feel some type of way dating because I'd be like, would you love me if I gained weight? Would you stay with me if I got big again? So, yeah, I feel very, very funny about that. I want a man that's comfortable with that. That's like that he likes he likes meaty girls like he likes a girl because I'm meaty all the way around, honey. Meaty all the way.

And so I just I want a man that's into meat like i need a carnivorous man eat me a carnivorous man with a big old dick have you ever been in like um a long-term relationship i've never been on one i've only dated people for a couple months uh i god it's a long so if he was still paying my mortgage for a while is that a long-term relationship i think so um okay you know what nicole yes or no okay in this world like if you date for a year like y'all been together for a decade. And if you date for six months, y'all been together for like five years. So I've dated a man. Yes, I actually did date a man for a long period of time. And then he went to prison. We were dating before he went to prison, you know, and then he went to prison. Then when he got out, I didn't keep the relationship going because and i i did a whole prison sentence with him and sometimes i think like damn i wish i

would have not this but my life was changing then like i wasn't the girl that he met like before he went in like when i when he got out i was somebody else yeah you changed and sometimes you change together but then it's like well if he's a person you gotta change by yourself and he's gonna change I'm sure he was different when he came out I

you know what Nicole yes and you know what I did I recently spoke to him and i apologized profusely to him and i was still angry with him because i had found out he had cheated on me like before he went to jail and i thought that over through that course of time that i was with him when he was in prison because he was still spending money. He was sending me money home from prison like that. Like I used to compare niggas. Excuse me.

I used to compare men to him. Like y'all niggas ain't my dude. My dude locked up and spreading the bills over here. He's still sending me money. Y'all on the street not doing this? Uh-uh. So he was a good dude that cheated on me. And here's the thing that I want to pose this question out here.

Does it make him not good anymore if he cheated on you? That's hard for me. I think if you asked me like two years ago, I'd be like, once a cheater, always a cheater. Bad, get out of here. But now I'm like, I think if you find out someone cheated on you i think there's a way to go hey if i'm not giving you something you need maybe we open up this relationship and it's don't ask don't tell you do you ah i ain't going for that no no i ain't going for that opening it up hell no the only thing you open up is his back because that's it but i you know I I thought that I had forgiven him but I held that

in for a long period of time and I just I was not really able to get over it I think that after after 10 whole years when he got out and he came to my show like i was doing some whole i was touring i was doing i wasn't even you know i wasn't even this person anyway so we talked and he started telling me about his this girl he's messing around with how he did this for her he did that he did a beat he got her bbl and all this stuff and you know talking and then he told me how he he has this other girl over here and i said oh yeah this then i started thinking like this would have been me and that's not what you want so you gotta excuse yourself from the situation i want a bbl i don't want i want a bbc that's it fuck that bbl shit. What's a BBC? A big black car! Oh no, I walked right into

that. I will too. I walked right into it. Backwards. Backwards, yep. Back then I was right up into it. I will, yeah, I'm horny right now. I'm i'm so horny me too i was supposed to go on a date with someone and then they canceled on me last minute why they were like they said that they

might be getting back with their ex and i was like okay what that got to do with you what does that have you i don't know tell them you're getting back with your ex too we can get back with our exes together. Just before we do, we hang out. So how... Okay, Nicole, let me ask you this. Because I talk about this a lot about women. I said...

I don't think that women should have to adhere to the body count thing. I mean, I think your body count is a personal thing. And I think if somebody asks you, you have the right to be like, I'm not telling you because men judge you. Women also judge you. People always judge. And it's like, why do you care how many people I've slept with? No, you don't. Like body count should not even be a thing with women because here's the thing that I feel.

A woman knows maybe three men in her life. She knows the guy. She likes, she has a crush on in school. I feel a woman knows maybe three men in her life. She knows the guy she likes. She has a crush on in school. She knows the guy that she ends up dating and she knows her dad. And then, and she's going to marry either the one that she had a crush on in school or the one that she dated like somewhere. And of course her dad is like the first man that she knows you

know i'm saying like you know and so she's gonna have these thoughts like how well that's if the dad's in the house and you know mine mine wasn't there but whatever so when you go out here in the world and you you only have two bodies two by two three bodies And all three of these bodies are terrible. Just a little dick. Bad in bed. Serial cheater. You know what I'm saying? You only know these three men.

And then you have your grandma over here. Or your big mama. Just work it out. You know what I'm saying? Because you don't want to be a slut. You just want to have three. What you what did you earn nothing that's why i'm like fuck whoever girl use your pussy use your have a nice time use the pussy use your pussy i feel like a lot of older women are like work it out or whatever because they're like i don't

know that man might take care of you and it's's like, I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to take care of me. I'm a strong, independent bitch and I can do whatever I want. I just would like somebody. I would like a companion. And use your pussy. Bitch, I be using my pussy. Nobody wants to keep this pussy. They say this pussy was nice for the night, but I have to move on. Well, girl, you gotta think like a man. Thanks for the... Thank you. Next.

Thank you. Next. Maybe I'll read that Steve Harvey book. He's got a book called Think Like a Man. No, girl, I don't need Steve Harvey telling me how to do a fucking thing. I love Steve Harvey. I do, too. But shit, they need to they need to listen to me women need to listen to me having these lectures and conversations with them about the way that men are like men are busy so just so there's no there's no reason for you to turn your busy meter off because he's he's busy. Okay. That's good

advice to not turn your busy meter off and wait for this man. Just stay busy the way he stays busy. Listen, get your coochie ate. If you don't want to get penetrated, get ate up. Because I'm going to get my dick sucked, girl. Do you hear me? That's also good advice.

You don't want to be penetrated. penetrated get sucked fucked and licked in the front or the back with the booty hole whatever you like whatever it is you know what i'm saying it's like stop sitting over here thinking that this man is gonna he's gonna turn around and magically be this good man and you're just gonna hold yourself for him and you know girl uh-uh and you know girl uh-uh no like explore you have the right to explore explore explore and when they ask you how many men have you ever been with you say four that's it explore and say four that's it explore and say floor turn on your christopher columbus and explore then say four and say four the ninja the pina the the Santa Marina, and the holy goddammit, I need you.

I don't think I've ever answered anyone. I've been asked, but I've been like, none of your business. Uh-uh, four, girl. But also, those relationships did not continue. Just four. I'm gonna use that. Four. Four. That's it. Just four. Some of going to use that. Four. Four. That's it.

Just four. Some of them motherfucking men probably had the same name. Malik, Malik, Malik, Jerome, Michael. They all one man. Four.

Four. Just four. Four. T.S., we have to take one more break. Okay. Okay, what other advice do you have for single people to get into a relationship? The advice I have for single people who want to get into a relationship is,

Mommy. Mommy, can you close your door, girl? Oh, my God. Ma. I can hear that. Yes. I can't hear it at all. Girl,

my mama don't give a damn. Mama, I am still doing this. I'm sorry, babe. I just woke up. Oh, God. Okay, advice is if you're really trying to conserve who you are,

let your mama live with you ain't gonna fuck nobody you go out on dates that'll keep it from fucking you. I think that if you're single, you should mingle. And I'm going to give this advice that I should have given to myself. Do not fall in love with the first signs of what you want. Because sometimes people are playing charades or they're playing, they have this facade that they're putting up because they know that this is probably what you're seeking. And, you know, it's a mask that they're wearing. I think that you, I think, and I didn't think like this before, but after this, the last situation that I had that I didn't expound on.

I think that you should be open to dating multiple people at a time. I didn't say sexing. Sex is optional. It's optional if that's what you want to do. But you should be open to dating a couple

people at a time. Now, don't mean date 10 people. Like four? Four. Maybe don't mean date 10 people. Like four? Four. Maybe five so that you can rotate. One a week for the work week. Yeah, four. You know what I'm saying? And just be transparent about

like, hey, I like you. You know what I'm saying? Date them because you don't really know these people until you know them. You know what I'm saying? Go on. Go be with them. Because everybody's going to show you that. They're going to put their best self forward, you know, in the beginning.

You know, date them. Date for a while. You know what I'm saying? And just try to feel them out before you call it a thing. Because usually you start fooling around with somebody and then y'all start calling it a thing. Because usually you start fooling around with somebody and then y'all start calling it a thing because you feel, oh, we got chemistry. I like, oh, this sex good.

And then you happen to pick up his or her phone and you're like, oh. Oh, you having a lot of things. You having a lot of things. I have a bad habit of doing that where I'm like, okay, you like me, so we're going to get married. And then I stop looking

for other people. Nah. Mm-mm. That doesn't mean you have to date everybody. Because then you start getting confused. Which one are you? Larry? Sean? He? Jeff? Like, you start getting confused which one you larry or sean jeff jerome like you start getting confused because you got so many and i think that's men's problem

too like get you okay you might be dating three girls try to figure out what them three doing not nine and ten I couldn't imagine dating nine or ten people. That's too much like, I gotta remember you like this, then you like that. Like, that's just too much. Four. Four. Four is the magic number.

You might slide that thumb in there later on. Maybe. For a wild card. Maybe a fifth. That's the one with the biggest dick out of all of you. Like, if none of y'all work out, I'm gonna get five over here. Because he going to tear this pussy up. I'm going to get that fist on. God, that's so. Okay.

I think that's pretty decent advice. I think that's something I could follow. Can I ask you about Drag Race? Yes. Let's talk about it. How has it been being a rotating, a permanent judge? It is amazing. I get the opportunity.

I mean, listen, you get the, I'm not going to even sit up here in front, girl. I used to be so jealous looking at you get to see the girls week to week to week to week. But you live in L.A., right? Do you not live in L.A.? No, I live in Atlanta. Because I would have came over to your house. Girl, I would have came. If I was in L.A., I would have came over your house girl I would have came if I

was in LA I would have came over your house girl we would have sat right on the sofa and did this but and that's another reason why you're dating it's like it is let's go back to that and we'll talk about you because you live in LA and those those men out there in LA especially those black men they like those girls those Kardashian looksashian looks i don't look nothing like a kardashian i look like you know i look like earn a scene i look like he sure i look like shonda you know what i'm saying i look like big who big booty felicia you know they they want those girls that are like you know paper thin and spin with a butt, big titties. I don't got that. I got little titties, big old belly, big old butt.

No, no. They don't even want them with big butts. It's just like what they consider big butts. Okay, yeah. But I'm a 60 around, honey. Ooh, I think I'm a 59. I'm a 60 around. Wait, 60?

60 inches is how many feet? That laugh. 60 around. Wait, 60? 60 inches is how many feet? I want to figure out how many feet you are around. What's 60 inches? That's five feet. Five feet! Unwrap you too. That's small woman. Actually, two women.

Well, three women. Shit. I'm almost five feet around. I love i love that yes but that's the problem there too okay now let's talk about drag race drag race i love i was i used to be like oh my god nicole is gonna be there every week and i don't get a chance to even sit with her i wanted a chance to even just sit with you and you will be there every other day i was like oh i'm so mad would be there every other day i was like oh i'm so mad because you get the chance to see the girls go from you know they just blossom and so this season when i was able to do more more drag race i'm able to see them grow from week to week to week to week you know it's so amazing because

that competition show it's an amazing experience it's wild i don't think people realize how much work goes into it and how like i when i first did it and i realized that the runway was silent and then or once with music and then once silent i was like if i was one of those girls i would be so in my head like waiting for the jokes if no jokes happen you're like what is my outfit not good oh tough it's a tough show to be on but fun to guess fun to guess judge and then to be a part of the like to be a part of the challenges sometimes you know and then to go back there in the work room like like this is a this is real this is a real competition show. Like, these are not paid actors to come in and entertain you.

These girls are coming here and they're baring their self. They're baring their... They want that $200,000. Mm-hmm. And that year's supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics. I want that.

That would be nice. Oh, that'd be so nice. That and the $200,000. I'm like, girl, where do I sign sign up have you ever done drag yeah girl listen i had to do everything that i could to eat because here's the thing drag is a drag is an art it's not an identity so a trans woman can be a drag queen a cis woman could be a drag queen a A cis woman could be a drag queen. A cis male could be a drag queen or whatever. He can do drag.

So it was art. And so I got up and I used to do those lip things. Take me to your planet. Wait, wait, wait. That's new age drag. Wait, here we go. Wait, wait, I'm 45. So what was i did i found out what i've been missing always on the

run you just used to have to have those lips you have a pretty voice those little bit you know when i get those rasp out you have to have those lip those lip stickers have to be on uh-huh you gotta clear your lips a little bit you have to. You have to pick your dollars and stuff. You got to sew your costumes. It has to be, it has to be good when it comes in. Girl, you know, it's a whole, it's a whole thing. That's why drag is not a crime. How can art be a crime?

I, it's been very fucked up these last couple months. Just just hearing our government say that they're banning drag, adult places. You can't do drag within 12 feet of a school or whatever. And then it's like, well, where do you draw the line? It's very fucking weird. I'm like, what do you think is happening at drag shows? Well, okay. Here's the thing. There's so much stuff happening in the world

that has nothing to do with drag. On my morning show, sometimes I'm screaming, where are the drag queens? The school shootings. The people trafficking. Where are the drag queens? I'm always asking the people trafficking, the,

where are the drag queens? I'm always asking that. Where are the drag queens? They're nowhere in sight. But this is what you choose to focus on. They're still in a costume. They're not doing terrible things. You're choosing to focus on the drag queens with all the other real problems.

Where are the drag queens? I mean, it is just fucking wild because it's just like the number one killer of kids is guns, not drag queens i mean it is just fucking wild because it's just like the number one killer of kids is guns not drag queens it's i just i'm like why can't we figure out gun control i mean i guess i know why they like you know fund these fucking politicians and stuff i don't know i'm just like so depressed i'm just like looking at the news i'm like why why more why what is where are the drag queens where are the drag queens i'm always looking for them like anytime that there's some there's some trouble there's

something that gets the law there's some huge thing working out somewhere i always ask where are the drag queens they're at work yeah they're working their mind in their own business i'm going to be honest with you i will say that it is not our responsibility as entertainers, period, whether we're drag queens or whether we're comedians, whether we're actors. We just do the art.

That's it. You have to raise your kids. And if you know that drag shows can get, it's a spectrum. It could be loud, live, and in color. It could be sexy.

It could be burlesque. Leave your kids home. It's the same thing with movies. Like R-rated movies, I think you could bring kids to R-rated movies. I think it's like with adult supervision or whatever. It's like, okay,

you chose to do that. You chose to take a kid to a drag show. Why don't you just take your kid to like a drag queen story hour or something that is for kids but again like i've never been to a show at night in a bar with a child they're not allowed in it's a bar so i'm like what where are these children seeing terrible things that they shouldn't be seeing i don't know it's just such a bummer and it's just like yeah it's art it is just art that's it and stay keep your kids home see the problem is everybody's talking about what's influential to the children sweetheart what you do in your house is influential to the kids you you smoking those

fucking cigarettes you fighting with your wife and your husband. You cussing like a soldier. You fucking all in the room with the door all out and stuff like that. You are the number one influence on your children. Look at America. You built this. Not the drag queens. No. It's so wild.

T.S., the world is bad it is what's dick is good dick is good and hopefully they get some soon but i am off i'm off the apps for right now because i needed a little bit of a break what apps did you use i was on tinder hinge uh i fuck with bumbos bumble sometimes but not really so it's like tinder hinge and raya what i love you just sit there blinking at me because you're not on you're not on raya You just sit there blinking at me. You're not on Raya? Get on Raya.

You might have some luck on Raya. So Raya is... There's a whole process where you have to get approved, and then you'll see semi-famous people on there. The way you're looking at me. Girl. You said, I'm not interested. I'm interested in meeting your mother. She sounds fun. Girl, she a lie.

Mama! Can you make me some beans and weenies, girl? I gotta taste. You just tell me you are messing around and turning the thing over. I am, but I just want to make sure you can make me some beans and wheelie because I got to take for some Franks.

Girl. That's fair, ma. I'm sorry, boy. Okay, ma. Well, don't come in here making out. I know I just pulled a wheelie's eye. Please. Are you being a out. No, just pull the weenies out. Please. Are you being a man?

No, mama. How you want me to cook it, you still in on something? But you don't have to be, weenies don't take that long. You pull weenies out. Well, I ain't talking about them kind of weenies. We talking about this different kind of weenies. But what I'm talking about. The weenies that you pull out, they got to come out.

Girl, bye. Yes. different kind of I'm talking about yes I like your mom she sounds like fun so Tia's we've come to the end do you have anything that you want to promote yes June 23rd I'm starring in a movie with Gabrielle

Union it's called The Perfect Find it's on netflix i'm so excited for you guys to meet greta i'm a german woman by the name of greta i love that yes great greta i'm also uh if you haven't watched dragPaul's Drag Race All-Stars, yay! Yes. Are you doing All-Stars this year, too? No. Why?

Unfortunately, I'm not. But I did talk to someone in production. I was like, let me back. Let me come back. They're coming. You're going to come back. So maybe season 16. Who knows?

I don't know. Wash these fingers. That's my little fingies. me come back they're coming you're gonna come maybe maybe season 16 i don't know wash these fingers you know that's my little fingies ds thank you so much for doing this but wait do you have more do you more that you want to promote girl also congrats on your movie i'm so happy that you're acting more because you're great well you know i'm trying i've i've gotten better like these the cameos the the stuff has made me get better. It's made me challenge myself as an actor. But, yeah, these are the only things I can talk about right now.

So I'm going to talk about Drag Race, All Stars, and The Perfect Find. And then I'll be doing a comedy show in Seattle. Actually, tonight. June 9th. Oh. In Seattle. Ooh. Yeah.

Go see Tia's new comedy. Yes. You know? I have lots of things that I can't talk about. But just know that I'm pressure. I'm pressure. I'm excited for you. Because I think the sky is the limit. I'm excited for you because I think

the sky's the limit and I think you're so funny, so warm, so talented, so nice, so caring and giving and honest.

I'm a very, very big fan of yours and I'm really excited that you did this podcast. So thank you so much. I'm so happy for you having me like, girl, you don't know

I'm a big fan of yours too, girl. And I'm so, we will, in the name of the Four Corn corners, air, air, water, water, earth, fire, heart. By these powers combined, we will become Captain Planet. I'm telling you, we're going to work somewhere together. We're going to get together. I want to. Let's become Captain Planet.

Yes. And we're going to do something together, a lot of things together, because I just think that we will be able to speak to the masses of people that likes, especially the carnivorous men. The carnivorous men who like their meat. Meat, honey. Well, they have to like meat and potatoes over here. That's good. That's good. You got to love the meat and potatoes i got sausage and potatoes baby come on oh it would have been perfect your mother walked through it was like you're not

talking about the real sausage thank you so much for being here ts um if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like you can, you can subscribe, you can give it five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com. Mars, my producer, has to read it, but I'll read it out loud. So this person said, I'll take you on a conveyor belt sushi date. You get to the restaurant. All of a sudden you realize I lied about this sushi. sushi date. You get to the restaurant. All of a sudden, you realize, I lied about this sushi. Instead, it's a bunch of dildos increasing in width and length each time that we can test on ourselves. Lube provided in sriracha bottles. We do this in front of a crowd of people, and they

score us on how well we take each toy. I end up beating you by a long shot. In fact, I'm so competitive that I end up shoving all the dildos up my butt at once. But I mistakenly use actual sriracha instead of lube and end up not feeling too well. Winner gets all. You can eat sushi. So you watch me eat a ton of sushi while my ass is burning. We finish and I walk you home and we end the night with a kiss on the cheek because I'm a gentleman. I text you the next day saying I had a great time and that I love you and send you pictures of my infected asshole for the next day. Your face. That's it. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer.

Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream.

Ha, ha, ha. This has been a team coco production