Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Volunteering in Your Community (w/ Mitra Jouhari)

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

Comedian Mitra Jouhari (Big Mouth, Three Busy Debras, host of Urgent Care) joins Nicole to discuss missing malls, the horrors of dating in high school, awkward Zoom auditions, and reminisce about their improv days in NY. Plus, Mitra talks about how she's providing hygiene kits to the unhoused, and how you can support your local community help organizations. Donate to Resisterhood LA here. Support Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy Buy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964 Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? The podcast where Meena Kulbhair tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though I would leave my house at midnight to get you whatever you wanted. Oh, boy, my guest today, you have seen her on Three Busy Debra's, which is very fucking funny.

She's been on Miracle Workers, Broad City. Have seen her on Three Busy Debra's, which is very fucking funny. She's been on Miracle Workers, Broad City. She's written for High Maintenance, Pod Save America, The President Show. Mitra Johari! Scoop-a-ba-da-da-da-doo. Hi, Nicole. Hi, Mitra. How are you?

Oh, my God. So good. I have a question. Are you in the midst of moving or have you just moved? I just moved a week and a half ago. So all this stuff is, yeah. But what if I said no? No, I've been in this place for two years. I would have been like, Mitra, can we talk?

You have boxes just everywhere. I just love the feel, the aesthetic of having an assortment of items in a cardboard box. I mean, I have boxes in my room right now and I have not moved in years. I just keep ordering shit on the internet. I know. It's the only thing that makes me feel good is knowing that there's something coming to my house for me. Yeah. And I've started trying to buy from like ethical people and not like asos or forever 21 and it's so much more expensive it's so much more expensive and it's just hard to find um cool stuff yeah yeah yeah i've been i've been like trying to get home stuff on like etsy or whatever and yeah like resale places it just takes so fucking

long but etsy is now confusing because i was looking for a tiny hammer you know for for fun time in my life no for like a stupid fucking bit and i found one for like four dollars and i was like sick let's get that one and it was from china and i was like this isn't the etsy i know yeah every everything i try to buy on etsy is like eight dollars and then shipping is like forty six thousand dollars and then i just end up getting it at target so yeah but target is truly a dream come true i love target i just went back to Target for the first time since quarantine last week and had an amazing morning and like went to the Starbucks. I just, I just remembered all the things I love in one place. Got myself a big drink, got a cake pop, got a bunch of candles. That's Target. I love it. I went in to get like two small household items and left with like

a cart full of shit that i know that i didn't need new clothes i love it that's what i love the most about target because most targets when you walk in you have to walk past the starbucks so you go okay let me get some starbucks then you keep walking like well i have to look at the clothing and then you go wait which way is the household stuff? Oh, I should have made that left before I went straight to the clothes. Well, I might just hook around. Oh, they're shoes. It's a whole thing. Yeah, I do a lap around before I ever get the things that I need. That's like in Clueless. Have you seen Clueless? Yes. When Cher goes to the party and she's like, we have to do a lap before we commit. Yes, that is my target aesthetic. I freaking love it. Mitra, can I ask, you are not single,

correct? I'm not single. How long have you been in a relationship? I have been in a relationship for like two and a half years about. That's nice. That's so nice. How did you guys meet? We met at a show and we were friends for like a year and then I was coming to LA a lot for work and after a while it just sort of hit me that like every time I came to LA we saw each other every day and we're talking all the time. And I was like, oh yeah, just my friend that I see every single day and I'm attracted to. And then eventually realized that I wanted to date him. That's fucking cute. Okay. Because I've been like looking at so many memes cause I had so much time, but there was this meme I saw last night where it was a picture of this girl in a truck

with like a projector screen or whatever. Like they're in the bed of the truck and they were like laying there and she's like, my boyfriend rented a truck and put up my favorite movie. And underneath it was this person who had like retweeted it who's like, I don't think I've ever dated a person who likes me. And I was like, yeah, I feel that. nobody's ever done anything nice like that and that story is

like oh my god you guys were like friends who cared about each other and then started dating it's rocking my world there was a week where we just went to the americana like six times Americana like six times. Which is like, yeah, it's like so trashy. No, it's not. It's like suburban delight. Yes, it really felt like so familiar and nice. Just be like, yeah, I guess we'll just go make fun of stuff in Sur La Table again. Honestly, sounds like a dream. I love the Americana. I love the Grove. Yes. I like outdoor malls. I think they're delightful. I love any mall. Mall culture is so, I'm from Ohio,

so mall culture is just such a big part of my identity. And the Americana is such a special, a special place to me. I miss it so much. Same. I really miss going to a mall. I'm from Jersey. So we had our nice mall, our shitty mall, the mall in the middle that my mother felt comfortable dropping me off with my friends alone at. Yeah. So yeah, I miss it. We had Tri County and Kenwood and those were the two like big malls. I was closer to Kenwood. So a lot of my time is that I literally was talking to, um, Sandy and Alyssa, the other Debra's. And I was like, Kenwood mall is like the best mall in the world. I was like, that's probably not true, but my favorite is a real hot take that you're like, nobody asked for this. They like okay sure i guess the best

mall in the world we had mammoth mall which was a good mall but then became a shitty mall and then freehold mall was the creme de la creme of malls and then the woodbridge mall was also pretty good i just miss starting at one end of the mall and walking to the other end and then going, ooh, an escalator and then doing the same thing on the second floor. Yes. And maybe buying shoes. And Auntie Anne's. Also, maybe not. I love Auntie Anne's.

I love an Orange Julius. I love a food court. I love a sample at whatever Asian fusion restaurant. Always the teriyaki chicken glaze being handed to you. Probably will never happen again. Mitra, that's depressing. I'll say whenever it comes back, I will take one. Whenever I feel comfortable doing it again.

I mean, that's so wild. We're never going to have samples. Did they stop doing samples at Costco? I wonder. I was just thinking that. I was like, that would be so sad to me. Like such a huge part of my childhood was like spending the day walking around Costco eating. How many siblings do you have? You have a sister. And a brother. Oh, okay. Both younger. I feel like that, yeah, that warrants costco it was just me my sister my dad and my mom we were a family of four my mother would shop as if she was feeding a whole village same i mean my dad would usually be the one who would cook and he would always cook

for like 10 and then we would just have the food i think it's like an maybe partially an iranian thing where it's like, you're just cooking in bulk for like whoever comes over, whoever wants something. I like that. I love people like that. Like my mom used to always have shit for people. Like if you came over, you could have whatever. Cause she had it. If you come to my house, I'm like, do you either want air or like water in a Mason jar? I don't have anything yeah i really like as a result i really don't know how to cook for one it's so depressing to me and anytime i cook i cook for a million and i'm just sort of let the food rot i do that with a lot of vegetables i'll get in like a

vegetable groove and then be like okay okay, I need eight heads of fucking cauliflower. Nobody needs eight heads of cauliflower. And it just like goes bad because I'll make like a sliver of the cauliflower and be like, I'll save the rest for later. So you got to fucking eat it. So wait, you're Iranian. Are you first generation or were you born there? First generation. My dad immigrated. Ah, how old was he when he came over? He was 16 or 17. I can't remember, but really young and came alone. Oh shit. That's like terrifying. Yeah. His older brother was here, but he was, yeah, like pretty, pretty on his own. Pretty, pretty brave.

And then did he start out in Ohio or did he end up in Ohio? He started out in Kentucky. He went to school in Louisville, Kentucky, which is where he met my mom. And then they ended up in Cincinnati shortly after. This is like my dad and my mom. Really? It wasn't Kentucky. Well, my dad was in Canada for a little bit with my grandpa.

Then they moved to Chicago. My dad met my mom in college. And then they moved to Jersey. Sweet. Yeah. Sweet and it's nice. Yeah. It's nice to think about.

A lot of times I'm like, do I have to go back to like college to find a man? And the answer is no, because they're too young all of the guys i met in college were so cool you should definitely go there yeah i mean i didn't go to college where there was very many straight men i went to this this like two year conservatory where everyone was basically a homosexual. Like they even let us live together because they were like, nobody's fucking. It was tough. It was so hard to like find a date because you'd have to like go out into the city and be like, hello, I'm 19. We're at the Blarney Stone. Would you like to date me? Blarney Stone, would you like to date me?

Well, I went to state school in Ohio, and it was a lot of really sort of scary heterosexual guys. You could also sort of experience that if you wanted to. Yeah, I feel like I dodged a bullet by going to theater school. Yeah. Yeah, men in like the age of like 18 19 with like hormones and uh fucking entitlement issues it just sounds literally terrifying it's like a 38 year old woman i don't know how old am i and then all that stuff sort of goes away as soon as they turn 20 jk that's so wild jk i can't believe like women are sent to these places alone to deal with men

alone who are like learning and growing and maybe not learning like kind of like getting together with like a gang mentality be like we could do anything we want well yeah it's like frat culture or even or even if you're not in a frat, it's like OSU where I went is so, um, like sports centric too. So there's just a lot of like sort of mob mentality that goes down. Scary. Yeah. That's terrifying. Wait, you went to Ohio state. I thought you went to Oberlin. I went to Ohio state, but I met you at Oberlin. Yeah. Um,. You were the only funny person in that workshop. It was literally astounding. I'm also a terrible teacher.

No, I still remember. I was talking to someone the other day about how nice you guys were and how I always used to wait like five hours in line to see you guys at DCM because you guys were so nice to me. And so funny. Thank you. But it was like, like so like that you guys were the only people that I knew in New York and that I used to message you specifically on Facebook all the time about what

New York was like. And you were so nice. Well, cause I wanted you to move to New York because literally it was a group of, I don't know, 10 kids. I'm truly a terrible teacher and I can only know people who are funny because I'm like, ooh, that was a funny move. If you did this, it would have like, you know, exacerbated like the gay move you were trying to, whatever, improv fucking jargon. But like it was you and like, I don't know, seven white dudes who are aggressively not funny. And then like this other woman who was like, I've never spoken before and I don't think I'll do it today. So I was like, you, you are funny. We need people like you in New York.

Come. But it was just. It was so cool. It was just so funny. Like just watching men trying to be funny and you like effortlessly being like, hello. I was like, oh, what a treat. I mean, it was, that was like one of the coolest, that was also the weekend that I met Patty Harrison and became friends with her. Yeah. Because we both went to different schools in Ohio. She went to Ohio university and I went to

Ohio state and she, um um our schools got like the worst time slots at the festival so we like sort of trauma bonded over that but then we like her school and you Keisha and Sasheer were the only people who stayed to watch my school perform like even even the hosts left because they gave us such a bad late time slot. We went right after the host school, like after the headliners. And so everybody left, including the school that was hosting us. But it was a very pivotal weekend for me.

I love improv in such a dumb way because it's a dumb thing. Like a bunch of adults being like, and guess what? We're going to make believe. But I've met like some of the best people of my life playing make believe. Totally. I mean,

Patty and I used to, at one point when she was living in Ohio, we were, we were both living in Ohio. I would drive to her house, pick her up, drive 30 minutes back to my house so we could do two person improv

alone in my house that's fucking adorable and then I would drive her home I fucking love that that's so cute that's what happens when your scene is a very very small oh. That's so cute. That's what happens when you're seen as a very, very small. Oh, God, that's so funny. I mean, yeah, Sashira and I are still very close.

We just bought $300 dresses from Instagram. Yes, wait, I want to see a picture. Oh, it is not okay. So the picture, it looked really cute. And then I got it and I was like, this is bad. And then I sent a picture then i got it and i was like this is bad and then i sent a picture to sashira and she was like it looks like it was designed in party city and i was like yeah it's not okay and she's like we still have to do our photo shoot in it i was like okay i'll show you it's very ugly i don't understand instagramiques. Now you might look at it and go, yeah, Nicole, of course this was ugly.

No, no, no. I get, I get why this, I get why this was purchased. And it's really fun. It, and it, and I feel like right now the clothing that I'm buying is stuff that I might not normally buy, but it feels really fun. Yeah. I think that's all that I'm buying right now. Cause Sashir was like, I want that.

And I was like, you? You dress like a weird earth mom slash witch. What do you mean you want this glamorous, weird thing made out of? I think it's made out of plastic. I don't know. But I think she was like, I need joy. I need to look down and feel joy. And that's how I've been dressing to leave my house.

Not that I'm not dressing for myself, but I like wearing something bright, poppy and fun for someone to go, Ooh, don't you look happy? And I'm like, yes, today is a good day.

Yeah. Now more than ever, I'm dressing for attention and compliments. Yes. Because it's like, I've been inside for so long and nobody's complimenting me. Yeah. What else do I have?

I have control over nothing else. Yeah, it feels literally, truly insane. The other day, I guess I hadn't worn makeup, to be fair, hadn't worn makeup in maybe a week and a half. The nice man who lives with me, I came downstairs, and he was like, oh, you actually look nice. And I was like, actually? No.

Okay, actually? And then I had to put myself on tape for an audition, and my roommate, oh, you actually look nice. And I was like, actually? No. Okay, actually? And then I had to put myself on tape for an audition, and my roommate John, I was wearing a cardigan and a shirt, and we were going through it, and he was like, you need to go over these lines more. And I was like, you're right. So then I went upstairs, changed my cardigan to a leopard print one, and he's like, oh, you think that's chic?

Because I had said that the character was supposed to be chic, and I was like, yes, I think it's chic. And then I lost my mind i was like i'm actually pretty i'm not chic i don't know these lines i want this part and he was like calm down and i was like oh you don't tell me to calm down it was like the perfect storm of bullshit for me to lose my mind i completely the other day i had to tape something where I sang and wit very like just like was like no you I was like feeling really insecure about it because it's not something that I do normally and I was like I'm just so anxious like look you don't sing like Whitney Houston or whatever but

you sound good I was like for some reason I was like you think I don't sing like Whitney Houston? And I was like, I know I don't, but I was still like, how could you? It's so funny that like the smallest thing, which you fully kind of agree with. I was like, yeah, Leopard Prince, not chic. I find it a neutral, but like a lot of people don't. It's kind of like trashy. But like when he said not class i was like

oh okay and in that moment if he was like you don't sound like whitney houston i'm tone deaf i would have still lost my mind i was like i can't believe that he would say something like that to me it's like i know what i sound like there. There's no world in which someone would hear me and be like, that's Whitney. Oh, boy. We love that. It's Whitney back from the dead. This is beautiful. I do not like these fucking Zoom auditions and putting myself on tape.

It's not for me. I don't like it. It makes me feel bad. I'm a very in the room girl. Same. Same. That's how i get things you walk in if you get everyone to teehee once that means you'll get a call back at least for me but if i walk in and everyone's like hmm i'm like oh okay they don't want this but like on a fucking zoom you're just like hi and then there's a delay sometimes and then you're like next joke and

then they're like haha and you're like oh god oh it's tough. The worst is like when people will turn their cameras off and then turn it back on after you're done with the scene and then they'll be like that was great and I'm like you don't have to like pretend to laugh oh my god it was

it was really bad. Oh my god that's eerie. That is truly eerie. I'm like i know that it wasn't so funny that like the laugh is carrying over sometimes casting directors are um a source of nightmares um i sometimes i will think about like what ladies say this one lady i had an audition she was like after i was done she said well that was interesting cool that's great and I said thank you and she went okay and I was like huh okay doesn't that's never been a response to thank you I did not get it really JK

oh it's so fucking rude we're in the rudest business it's true like i just oh i but i like it one time someone um someone that i care about deeply told me to um i was portraying a couch and i was asked to sound more like a couch. Which, you know, what's that mean? Did you ask, what do you mean by that? I was sort of, I don't even remember if I asked for clarity because I was like, if you're saying that, then I don't think we're in the business of clarity. Yeah. I had an audition where I was an elephant, and they were like, can you do elephant effort noises?

And I was like, sure. And they're like, rolling. And I was like, wait, I'm sorry, what? I've never been around an elephant. I don't know what elephants sound like. You know the famous noises they make when they exert effort? Yeah, oh yeah, I know those. Yeah, do- do, do.

And then they were like, make an elephant like noise with the nose. And I was like, again, I don't know. I don't know how to do that. Lately, I've just been like, just tell me, give me a line read and I'll just repeat verbatim what you've said. I want to go home.

I want to go back home. I also think I can dance until people go, hey, can you dance? And then, so I just did this thing where it was like a party scene. And with COVID, it was the saddest party. Like there was nobody at this party and we're all social distanced. But they were like, okay, we're going to dance to um but they were like okay we're gonna dance to the music the music's gonna drop out and as soon as and i have rhythm if i like really concentrate

on the beat so i was like concentrating on the beat the person i was dancing with it looked like we were dancing and then the music dropped off and i thought i was keeping the beat but then i look him in the eyes and he's mimicking me and fully making fun of me to my face. No. And I was like, oh, boy. And I was like, you can't talk. There's music. So I was just trying to find the beat.

But there was no music. It was a literal nightmare. It's not your fault. I was very upset and sad, but also laughing. It was... One time I went in for a McDonald's commercial and I had forgotten that I had said that I could dance on my list of skills.

I was like, okay, so you're a dancer. And I was like, uh-huh. It was like, great. Yeah, so this will be just sort of like a like sort of hip-hoppy song so if you want to just like dance um go for it and there was like no music and it was him and me alone in the room and i just sort of was like um i don't i don't really know like um is there anything that you like want or um can you help me and he was like all right thank you thank you so much but not before he was like now try to dance while like pretending to eat? And he was like, all right, thank you. Thank you so much.

But not before he was like, now try to dance while like pretending to eat fries. And I was like, I just don't think that this is something that will go well for me. I wonder if they wanted you to like break dance while eating fries. I'm sure there were people who really could pull that off, but I was like, I just don't even, I don't want there to be like footage

of me doing this yeah I don't I don't know what I have at my special skills and I don't they tell you resumes are important but I don't know if anyone's ever asked me for a resume this was when I was like still living in Ohio and it hasn't been something that has come up for me since. But yeah. Also, they tell you to get headshots. I guess they use headshots. I feel like that's over now. I don't know.

I but I didn't stop me from getting fully scammed in Ohio. Oh, no. What happened? There was just someone who was like, all right, if you want to work with us, you need to get headshots and you need to get them taken by this guy. He's the best in the biz. And it was just like, I looked insane. Like they fully like, I just like, I look so like, um, whitewashed in them. It's really sad.

I'll find one. It'll take me a minute to find it, but I will send you one after. It's really, it's really really sad I have gotten headshots I think four times and I went to this person I think their name was Thaddeus no it was something weird and I was wearing blue contacts at the time yes and he was like are you sure you want your headshots with blue contacts and i was like that's who i am unless that's what i look like and i look so scary i'll have to find that i'm blown out i'm a different color than i've ever been i'm i'm super super light with these like blue, steel blue eyes.

I look, I fully look insane. My hair is like straightened and like foundation caked on. Like any trace of olive like removed from my skin. Like crusty lips. I look so insane and bad

and like 10 years older than I look now. Oh no. It's pretty sad. Like I feel like I looked at, I searched for them a while back trying to see them because I was like this will be so funny I was like this is really sad that's the worst and you're like oh wait I can't wait to tee hee hee and you're like oh no this is

this is the saddest thing I've ever ever seen I was really abused real quick we have to take a break. And we're back. Can I talk to you about, so you're wonderful. You have been making hygiene kits for our unhoused friends, which I feel like is more than what our government is doing which is like the bare minimum and i think it's really great how did you get involved doing that so i had been volunteering for a while with um an amazing group called sila um which is a um it's

like silver lake echo park los feliz at water hollywood and they've expanded to more neighborhoods but they're a great group that does outreach they had partnered with this group called resistor hood so this these women kat kim and mary kenny started at the original hygiene kit drive which i want to say like like thousands of kits and I just participated in that as a volunteer and found it really comforting and inspiring and it was just like a very accessible way to get involved because it was like right at the beginning of the pandemic and so many outreach services for unhoused people were no longer viable because it required so much in-person contact or like facilities weren't available anymore. So it just felt good to do. Then they sort of said that, you know, they are

so busy because they run these organizations and they were like, we just don't have the bandwidth to keep doing this every month. And I was just sort of like, I guess I could try. Um, and I'd never done any kind of like outreach or anything like that or like any kind of significant organizing before that. But I was like, I'm pretty organized. And like, I know that I have this like awesome network of friends that will want to help. So I'll try. And then accidentally raised a lot of money and then was like, okay, I guess I'll just do this until I run out of money. And so I've been doing that since like April or May. I can't remember, but we've done like 8,000 kits so far. So we've done a ton, I think so a ton of,

a ton of hygiene kits and then a ton of like menstruation kits too. Yeah. I, the menstruation kits are so good because it never occurred to me like i'm very fortunate i you know have a place to stay but like my period is so fucking messy me too and i have a house and i cannot imagine not having a house and having to deal with that every fucking month yes i'm literally sitting on a chair that is covered in period stains. And that's like me in the comfort of my home wearing my clothes plugged up with a tampon and I'm still like destroying property.

Yeah, it's so fucked up. I cannot wait to not ever have my period again. Dude, it is bad. Yeah. But what will I complain about after that? I'm just kidding. I'll find something. Oh, you could find so many things.

I'll find something. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. It's like, it's just something that I personally had never really thought about. Like, obviously, it is so in your face, like the people who are unhoused and how much of a big deal it is in LA. But I just had not really thought about periods until doing weekly outreach with Sela and talking to unhoused women and seeing what they were asking for. And it was like, oh my God, duh, I can't believe

this never occurred to me. And I hadn't even originally included it in the kits because I was like, these kits aren't only going to people who get periods, blah, blah, blah. And it, it just, um, one of my friends, Anna Saragina was like, you should consider menstruation products. And I was like, oh yeah, duh, that makes a lot of sense. But yeah, it's been great. I mean, it's just been so cool. Like almost everybody who does the kits is, it's almost entirely people that I know from comedy and it just, it's also been nice to like see everybody, but it's been great. So where can people donate if they want to, if they're in the Los Angeles area? So right now, I'm actually, I don't need donations right now, but Resisterhood LA is doing drives,

is doing a huge drive because this is coming out October 30th. So Resisterhood LA is doing a huge drive in November. So any money that you would maybe want to donate to me, you can donate to them. Or there's SELA, LA Can, K-Town For All, Polly's Project, Fish of West Valley Pantry. There's like so many LA groups that are great to donate to. And just really doing amazing work.

Oh, and Polo's Pantry, which is run by Melissa Asadera, who does incredible food work around LA. See, I like smaller things because smaller things get immediately to people. I've been donating a lot to I can't remember. Fuck, I have to look.

It's like Silver Lake Water Project or something. I don't think I'm saying the right thing. There's Water Drop LA. Maybe that's what it was. Water Drop LA. Ground Game and Miss's what it was, Water Drop LA. Ground Game and Miss Rogers Hood. I mean, there's just so many. And then, you know, wherever people who are listening live, I'm sure there are amazing groups in their area too

that could really, really use the money. Yeah, this was the year that I realized that supporting local community-based things that help the community are better than donating to like bigger things because bigger things have to take the money allocate it pay people this that and the other before it trickles down and it's a lot like donating to like a bigger corporation to me is like thinking you're gonna vote for the president and everything will trickle down it's like if you

have to get in at the bottom and like maybe the two people who run this thing are helping like 100 people. That's better than donating to this like big ominous thing that you don't know where the money is going. Yeah. And it just feels better. It's like, oh, yeah, this is somebody that like I know and that I could see out on the street. And I know what exactly what they're doing and where the work that they're doing is going. It's it. Yeah.

You feel more connected to it. Yeah. I asked you the hygiene kits and then immediately was like I can't do it but you asked and that is what yes and that's you know that's the one it's the thought that counts uh yeah I mean volunteering is like a thing where I was like I would never and I don't know why I was like that in my early twenties. I was like, I would never.

And now I'm like, why would I ever think, why did I think that way? I felt that way too though. Cause last year was really the first time I was ever, I think ever really volunteering for anything with Sela. And I think I just felt so embarrassed that I had never done it before. And then Hayes Davenport who is a comedy person who's really involved with Sela was like you should come volunteer sometime because I was like oh that that organization looks amazing just like

making conversations like you should come and I was like oh totally I'd love to do it sometime and he was like great I put you on the list for Saturday. And I was like, oh, okay. And I think I was just so convinced that I would like do something stupid or like do volunteering wrong, whatever that means. And embarrassed that it like hadn't really occurred to me to do it before. And it was just like, as soon as I got there, I was like, oh my God, like what is my problem? This is so nice nice I'm meeting amazing people and feeling really I was the first time I ever like really felt connected to LA too

because I was pretty new to LA yeah I like that but I fully understand and see you and you're like what if I volunteer wrong because that's how I currently feel like what if I do it wrong what if people are like she's a bad volunteer? Yes, completely. But then it's like, they're like, okay, move. Can you go over there and separate the shirts by sizes? And it's like, oh. Yeah.

You're like, oh, that's the easiest thing. Yeah, what did I think I was going to be doing? Like like if you're not a trained doctor don't bother showing up to get back to love and relationships because it is a love and relationship podcast and sometimes people message me and say you're not talking enough about love and relationships but also i'm not dating right now and the world is on fire uh do you remember your first significant other yes wait actually i i remember i just messaged you about this a little while ago but um the guy who was my first boyfriend who took my virginity is a big fan of yours which is very funny so you're really in really seeping into every corner honestly it it truly boggles my mind because i don't have very many straight male friends

or friends fans straight male fans i i really think you do though i guess so but usually when i was allowed to tour and do shows uh i shouldn't say aloud i can you know go kill a bunch of people and do shows but um legally you you may so that's pretty cool i may which is so crazy to me i just it seems so weird to be like i'm gonna get on a plane invite a bunch of people to a close space to tee hee hee ha ha ha jokes that I haven't done in eight months but usually after shows the straight men who would come would be like I

had no idea who you were I didn't know who you were when I rolled up here my girlfriend dragged me but you're pretty funny well and it's like they bend over and they have like a nailed it tattoo I'm just like who is this for yeah okay great you're straight

awesome I would love for someone to bend over and have a nailed it tattoo I think it would be very funny I feel like I am inches away it's like keeping me alive the way that I laugh such a silly show every single reveal.

I laugh too. In the later seasons, people have gotten a little more uptight, I think. Oh, no. They cut it so you can't really see that. But I think people are taking it more seriously because they're like, oh, this is like a solid amount of money on the line. So I can be the best out of everyone else who's mediocre. We're in like the first two seasons. People had no idea what the show was and they'd be like, I don't know.

Here's what I did. So yeah, it's been like, I have to like critique it in a way where I'm like, I don't hurt your feelings. We're in the first season. They're like, I know it's trash. Can we giggle? Yeah, it's been an interesting learning curve. It is iconic to, at this stage, see someone who refuses to follow a recipe.

It's so funny to me, because we give them, so we give them the recipe, we just don't tell you how to assemble it. So like in a normal recipe, it's like add the flour slowly as you have the mixer on low. This is just like here's flour, butter, salt, sugar. And then you have to decide how you add it. And then we will not tell you how to assemble it, which to me is like that's fun. It's like Legos.

It's like Tetris just put it together it's so funny that the show works it's so wild oh i just i there was one day i turned it on having really just only watching it because you were doing it and i i have it's so sweet it's so sweet it reminds me a little bit of nailed it but like in a way where people know what they're doing though so but then sometimes you see some of the wildest dogs it's also like like what matt rogers was like made to do yes yes there's one episode where matt is flirting so hard with this nice gentleman and it made me laugh so hard i just yes i really love watching people be like oh i'm gonna take my shot and i'm gonna swing hard

and then after like they're done interacting with them being like, did you see what I did? Like to me, that's so funny. Well, it's you with Weston. Yes. Oh, Weston. Weston Barr. He's, yeah, it's funny. I feel like I'm the little sister he has never wanted or asked for because sometimes I'll do things in his face and then after we like

stop i'm like i'm sorry and he's like it's whatever nicole i'm like i'm sorry it's so dumb but you know it makes me happy oh wait i don't remember what oh my boyfriend how did we get here I also couldn't remember I was like hmm I asked something you know oh yeah your first boyfriend how old were you I think like 13 I can't remember if we started we dated on and off through like junior high and high school and yeah but he was my first almost everything yeah i didn't date until i left my house i mean kind of great i what was i watching i was watching something where it was like a dad didn't want his daughter to date or something you know like that old trope or whatever and i was like my dad didn't care my dad was like uh go do whatever my parents both did they cared they cared they were not i i was i was being sneaky oh i just oh i was watching

90 day fiance the only thing i watch and uh like the he was like this one couple really wanted the dad to like embrace them and then he like came to the door and went back in and they were devastated and I was like well that's what my dad would have done he would have came downstairs and been like great and then gone right back upstairs. I was like, what more do you want from a stoic man from a different country? I don't want to drag my dad too hard, but I got asked to prom when I was a freshman. And that starts as a huge brag, but the story will go downhill. So I was like, great, I'll ask my dad and my dad was like he should call me and i was like okay i'll have him call you and then the boy calls my house

and he's like can i please take me to prom and my dad was like no and i was like on the other side of the door being like dad what! What? Your dad's really funny. That's so funny. I want him to call me so I can reject him to his fucking face. It was crazy. Like, just not, I could never have imagined that that would be the outcome. It's truly perfect. That's, I love when parents do things like that.

Like throwing myself against the door, screaming, crying. No, Jenny. I'm going to go to prom. So you think it's going to prom as a freshman? I did not go. I mean, maybe that's for the best. Because I think there's a huge difference between how you are freshman year and senior year. Like, I feel like you're still a baby as a freshman.

And then as a senior, yeah, you're still a baby. But then you're like, I'm a baby with a little bit of experience. Yes. It was completely fine. But he did, the boy asked me via a Harry Potter book, which was very amazing to me at the time. Wait, what? So did he like stick a note in the Harry Potter book? Yes.

And I think there was like some like key lead up, but I don't remember what it it was but I like opened the book and it was like will you go to prom with me and I was very charmed and then of course it didn't work that is that is sweet also what a bummer but Harry Potter I mean it wasn't a huge part of my childhood but like I did enjoy the books up until book four or no five no four and then now she's just really terrible yeah i it was a so i read the first book in like second grade or something like that and then the last movie came out after like right after my high school graduation so it really did sort of like bookend my childhood and like meant a lot to me so it's sort of nice to have that um completely ripped from my arms it's so wild yeah i just it like and every time i see her like tweet that trans women aren't women i'm like who who told you this and why do you feel this way i did i did block her

which i never thought would happen in my life. But I just anytime I saw her, I blocked her and I muted her name because I was like, nothing good is going to come of me seeing this. And like, how many times can I just like dunk on her on Twitter? I haven't muted it or blocked her because every time it comes up, just like get confused I'm like why do you feel the need why why do you need to say this I'm so confused about people who have comments on things that have nothing to do with their lives yeah I I have I now well I deactivated Twitter recently because it was ruining my life congratulations and um I'm sure I'll be back on in like a week so you know god bless but i have a mute list that is like 70 phrases long i mean twitter is very bad it's really bad good i was

like if i'm muting that many phrases should i I be honest? Maybe I shouldn't need it. If it requires constant maintenance for me to not want to die every time I look at it, perhaps it's not something I need. I just don't like when I tweet some things, like I tweeted something about how I want universal healthcare, but also to be dupe-dicked.

And tee-hee-hee. What a great joke. But then like a bunch of weird trolls would like trolled it. And they were like, here's why you can't have all that stuff. And then wouldn't comment on the deep dicking. And I'm like, so you missed the joke. One,

two, yes, we can have universal healthcare and things of that nature. But then I, I don't know. This year is the year I've learned I think I'm a socialist. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Capitalism is so interesting and weird. And I don't get it. Well, I think it's perfect. It's perfect and it's been working

and we can't change a thing. I would like for all things to remain the same. It's been great chatting with you. I love it. Thank you. And I can't vote because I love capitalism so much and everyone else can make the choice for me. Bye-bye.

My husband doesn't let me vote. It's funny you say it as a joke, but like there is a woman listening who's like that's me yeah and to you listening please vote yeah please vote leave your husband most importantly leave your husband and leave him leave your husband and then on the way to wherever you're going, there's going to be a box and you can vote. Oh, boy. Have you voted yet? Yeah. I need to go drop my little ballot in the box.

And I just like I like voting in person. So this whole absentee or vote by mail thing is like kind of bugging me out. I love the feeling. I like the line. I mean, I don't like it when it's long but like i like being online i like pressing the buttons last year or no four years ago i thought i accidentally voted for trump because i broke the ballot because it was not the computer it was like the scantrony thing and i was like i was doing something i think you poke it i don't remember but then i was like i broke it and the lady was like well i'm not-y thing. And I was like, I was doing something. I think you poke it.

I don't remember. But then I was like, I broke it. And the lady was like, well, I'm not allowed to touch it. And I was like, but I broke it. And she was like, here, fine. And she like looked away as she fixed it because there's like very, there's rules. And I don't know if there's like cameras watching these people because it's all fucked up. But she like fixed it for me.

And then I was like, wait wait did i vote for true she was like just go over there and finish voting i did it i did good i voted for uh our lord and savior uh hillary to break the glass ceiling ultimate girl boss squad yes she's a girl boss slay queen slay the fact that she's endorsing anybody in the races in los angeles i was like why i was like like you're dusting me away go away bitch we are done with you and i was like honestly though it would be a solid bit if she ran again it would be so funny and her slogan is just kidding just let's see what happens who knows i've lost my mind i would have loved it so much. She runs again with the slogan, why not? Why not?

Or like the slogan is like, today is the day. This is my turn. Come on. I get that energy from her. She's like, it should have been me. Like, lady, chill the fuck out. Go away. Had enough.

I just, It's exhausting. And I love when people are like, I can't wait till after election day. I'm like, you can't stop. We have to keep like holding people to task to change yet. It's exhausting. Yeah. When it's when the election day ends, everything will be perfect. Everything will be back to normal or a lot of the same. And I'm excited about it.

Fuck. Well, when this comes out, it'll be what, like four days away? Oh, my God. Makes me sick. It's going to be really close. But there's been like a record number of ballots being cast. And I think that's really great. That feels very positive to me.

Yeah. But that's the most positive thing that I'm positive to me yeah but uh that that's the the most positive thing that i'm willing to say it's nice that a lot of people are voting yeah we just gotta figure out how they're voting it's also so wild i just like read an article about how the like there was a company maybe in ohio that was supposed to to make the mail-in ballots for people in like Pennsylvania in Ohio I think and they delayed them by like 10 days and I was like well this is like more than voter suppression this seems like a crime I feel like so many crimes are happening and nobody's getting arrested no nobody's gonna get arrested and uh they're just all the rules and stuff it's like i if it's

not in the right envelope at the right angle yeah that to me is fucking nuts and in some states you can't take a selfie with your ballot and that's that should be a crime that you can't take a how do they find you yeah it's like who's reporting that like there's unsolved murders how are you fucking finding people taking selfies with ballots yeah how about how about find the missing kids bitch just in general i don't know which ones just find the fucking kids well Mitra we've come to the end this has been truly delightful I enjoy you so much and I think you're so fucking funny same oh thank you do you have anything you want to promote if people have not checked out three busy Deborah's on Adult Sw Please watch often. All or most of the episodes are free on adultswim.com.

But if that is not the case when this comes out, please do not hold me accountable for that. You also have this great Comedy Central stand-up where you're doing a character the whole time and the audience is not sure if it's real. And that is honestly maybe one of my favorite genres of comedy where the audience is like, we don't know. Yeah, there's like every 30 seconds there's something that they're like,

okay, this is a joke. Yes. It's really funny. Thank you. And then I saw you at the satellite rest in peace i'm so sad that the satellite's not doing shows or comedy shows anymore me too i love that place but you did a bit where you were an incel and you were screaming about a comic that we all know. And I was deaf-awing. I was laughing so hard. And again, the audience was like,

I've been encouraged to stop using real people's first and last names. It's honestly, it makes it funnier to me. I fucking love it. The bit is just you screaming and it's so funny. Thank you. You're welcome. I love it. Thanks.

Oh, and check out Urgent Care. Me and Joel can boost or host a podcast together. That's my other plug. And Joel's simply the best. And if you like Joel, you can listen to his episode of Why Won't You Date Me? But this has been Why Won't You Date Me? If you like this episode, you can like it. You can subscribe and give me a five star review.

And if you send me something nasty, I will read it out loud, like something nasty hitting on me or just talking about my body. Because, you know, I like that. I set it up, and I still like it. So this person said, if I am Jim Henson, your pussy is my puppet. I want to make that bitch sing in languages she never thought she knew. We'll get together like Jim and his producer, David Connell. This is deep.

And create a brand new approach to childhood programming. Oh, no. That ends up setting the bar for mainstream development media for the future. You know, this one. This is more about Jim Henson than it is about you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll read this other one. This one's not dirty.

This person just said, Hi, Nicole. I am a fan because I watch well. I think you'll read this other one. This one's not dirty. This person just said, hi, Nicole. I am a fan because I watch well. I think you have a lot of fun. I want to live with you. Oh, my God. That is honestly more intimate than the first one. Kind of.

I want to live with you. I love that. I don't think I'll be taking you in, but that's so funny that you want to live with you. I love that. I don't think I'll be taking you in, but that's so funny that you want to live with me. That's beautiful. That's it. Bye-bye. Bye. Okay, so I forgot to ask Mitra if she would date me.

So I emailed her and asked her to record her answer and I haven't even heard it yet. So, uh, Ooh, I can't wait to hear it. So the answer is yes, I would date you. Um, you're so fun. You're so funny, uh, gorgeous, talented, successful. I mean, what is not to like? And just so nice. I think the only thing that would maybe keep me from that emphatic yes is just that I look up to you so much. So there might be like a little bit of a power thing just because we met when I was very new to comedy and you've sort of been, dare I say, mentor-ish or at least like someone that I really look up to. But I think we could get past that. This has been a Team Coco production.