Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Why Won't You Scare Me? (w/ Mano Agapion)

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Boo! Friend and comedian Mano Agapion (Drag Her, We Love Trash) joins Nicole for a Halloween special with a creepy ghost story, a "psychic" sex criminal, funeral planning, and lipstick teeth. Mano recounts the chilling time he saw a ghost in Greece, the so-called astrologer who stuck a finger up his bum, and Nicole shares her plan for a funeral birthday where friends give eulogies while she lies in a casket. Plus, Nicole realizes she's too clingy in her relationship. it’s our most haunted episode yet. Happy Halloween!See Nicole and Mano live co-hosting Bad Drag Race, on Nov 15th at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:OSEA: Give the gift of glow this holiday with our listener discount on OSEA’s clean, clinically tested skincare. Just use code DATEME for 10% off your first order sitewide at OSEAMalibu.com.NUULY: Change your clothes! Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code DATEME at Nuuly.comSquareSpace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, if you want to watch this episode and see our cute little costumes, head on over to YouTube where this episode is available for your eyeballs. The link is in that description, so use your eyeballs to read it and then click. This is a headgum podcast. The holidays are right around the corner. If you know me, you know I'm a bit of a planner, and I like to get ready ahead of time, which is especially true this year, since I have some big. work trips in November and December that'll make everything extra hectic. So I'm going to take advantage of Macy's Friends and Family Sale, which is going on right now through November 3rd. Perfect for me! They have some gorgeous 100% cashmere sweaters and tons of colors for under $100, which I'll be buying for myself. And a few people on my gift list, you really can't go wrong

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Elmo likes dick. That's bad. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Boo. Baby.

Welcome to Boo. Why won't you scare me? What a weird pun. This is a spooky episode of why won't you date me? It's crazy. Why don't you scare me implies that you've just gone all your life. Why won't you scare me? Trying to get terrified.

It's all I want. I just want to be scared. Anyway, I'm not going to do my normal intro. Ooh! My guest today is a comedian. We're not going to do the cum thing? Okay. Do the cum thing.

Okay, so this has been a long-running podcast. Remed Nicole Byer has been trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my toe and call it a corn. My guest today. I think that might be the grossest one. I've ever done Also, I'm not sick I've been traveling and the seasons change That's a corn

Pop the corn and feed the children Pop the court and feed the children Who hated that? Miss fame That's disgusting My guest today is not disgusting My guest today is a comedian Who hosts the podcast

We love trash And the one and only Rue Paul's Drag Race Recap podcast That's right drag her. I can't believe so many years have gone by and nobody else has come up with a recap podcast. I think it says a lot about where we are in the

culture. Right? People are scared. I think people are terrified. And we did, I did inherit, you know, we inherited that podcast from you. Game of Thrones style. We killed you. And we took it. I passed right away. My guest Austin puts on the show.

Bad drag race here in Los Angeles, California. A show that sometimes co-host, a show that I go, yes, yes, I'm in town. And then two days before the show, I go, I am absolutely not in town. I'm in St. Louis. Oh. It is wild. How poorly I plan, how poorly I dedicate my time. Any, the finale is coming up, November 14th. 15th. That's my bad. November 15th, which I am in town for, and I am. I am coming, and maybe I'll wear this beautiful costume again. My guest today is a wonderful, wonderful diva, who I once co-hosted a diversity showcase with.

And I said, I don't know, diva, because you're some kind of Latina. And my friend who I had known for at least five years at that time said, I'm not Latina. And I said, what? This is in front of me, live audience. I said, what are you? My friend said, Greek. And I said, mm-hmm, that makes sense. It's Mono and Gapien!

It's my favorite intro I've ever had happened to me. Oh, it's fun to introduce someone you've known for like 88 years. For so long. I've known you for so long. And we've done so many stupid things together. My favorite is walking into this recording. You dressed as Chucky a child's toy? Yeah.

Slutty Chuckie. Sluddy child's toy. And then I am also a slutty. Okay, this is, mine is even grosser. Because my grandpa's government name is Elmo. Really? So I decided to dress up as a slutty Elmo. That's funny.

But, you know, Elmo has always been trying to get tickles since the 90s. He has. He has. But I think it reveals a lot about us because we are childlike. Yes. Yet also. Nasty. Nasty.

There's so much lipstick on your teeth. I knew it. I told you. But, Mano, the way you put it on. Was crazy. Was so nuts. Also, it is, I think it's Mabeline, it's like long-lasting.

It's Mabelene. So it's not going to move. It's just on your teeth. It's just there. I don't care. It could be blood. It's, ooh. Oh.

Wait, smile. I knew that it's all over those by cuspids. It's all over. Bicuspids. Yeah. That was a good dental term. Yes. So normally you put on makeup like this, you go,

doop, doop, you follow the line of your lips. You were putting it on like this. But you were watching me, which made me nervous. You were like, you were holding the camera as my, as my, like, mirror. And so it was like, imagine seeing a mirror, but then behind the mirror is just someone going, oh, oh. And so, like, I just couldn't. I couldn't be good. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for appearing behind the phone mirror. Yesterday, I went to go pick up my dog at John Milheiser's house, my old roommate. Your former roommate? Yes. And he was teaching full on. teaching a class on Zoom. And I don't know why I was like, can I have some of your enchiladas on the stove?

And he was like, and I was like, please, can I have enchiladas? And I didn't realize it wasn't on mute. And then he was like, well, it's Nicole Beyer who's asking me for enchiladas. And then turned the computer and I was like, um, I've been naked in the background of Gene's work zoom.

It was bad. Wait, really? It was like 2021. And he was. Back when we were figuring out the Zoom. We were still pretty confused. And I was like, oh, I can go to this closet without being seen. No.

Fully very naked on his work Zoom at his big tech, big boy job. That's very funny. Gene is your husband for the listeners. Yes. And viewers he Jr. That's right. So did he have to tell you or did you know that you were appearing? Oh, he was like, because he called me Mo.

He was like, Mo. Like, and I was like, and I was like, and then they like laughed a little. But it was like, it was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. I mean, yeah, it was pretty bad. Have you met these people in person who have seen you naked? Yes. Yes. That's really funny.

I will say it's liberating. It's like, you've already seen you're naked. You've already seen my body. Whatever. Do you want to be my friend? I have gone to this Apple Christmas party a couple times. And have you gotten like drunk drunk and taken your clothes off and been like, let's recreate the Zoom? It is interesting to see like nerds try to let loose.

Because they either can't let loose or they let loose. way too hard. Do you know what I mean? They're either like, no, I can't have fun, or they're like, let's fucking do coke. Well, I feel like that's like

if you have like a rat party, the people in the office are the wildest people. Yeah. Where you're like, oh my God, we can't keep you hostage in an office like this anymore.

It's done bad for your brain. It's made your brain cooked. This made you crazy. Nicole. Mano. I can't believe we're here again. Wow. Ooh.

Oh, happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Which we mean bad Halloween because being scared is good on Halloween. Being scared is good. Have you been to the haunted hayride? Yeah, it's one of the worst in town. Yeah, I said it. I have.

It's like terribly run. It's like run by drunk children. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. But the atmosphere is amazing. I love it. Yeah, the atmosphere is amazing. But I've also never been to another scary thing. thing in L.A.

Oh, why not? I don't know. Well, I was supposed to go to delusion. Not scary farms. You're supposed to come with us. But then I fucked up my scheduling. Mm-hmm.

Because I'm very good at that. Mm-hmm. Very good at committing. And then going, oh, I have double or triple book to myself. You try to make too many people happy. Yeah. Me and my therapist have talked about that. Well, I get it.

I'm the same. Like, I do the same thing. I'm like, wow, I have to stop that. I will be like, I literally just texted someone today. I'm sure you've heard me text where I'm like oh I have a funeral that day but

maybe the funeral Yeah And we'll see if I can actually make it After the funeral Yes I have gotten there's text You have a funeral You can't come You can't come

You can't say no You can't come You can't come Trust the Duchess You can't come I'm dying Mono Okay what were you saying

I don't know But I really love I love that we dressed up. And I really love, where are your hip pads from? I think Planet Pepper. It's a pretty popular drag queen company. I need to get better hose to like... No, this is iconic and perfect.

I don't want you to change one thing about this. I was hosting, when you host a show called Bad Drag Race, it's so liberating. It really is because you don't have to look or be good. Hot take, I think we've already seen the best drag the world has to offer. the world has to offer. And I think that's why, like, gorgeous drag isn't as interesting. That's why, like, I recently interviewed Corey King. Mm-hmm.

And-hmm. You know what? That is, I've been trying to get Corey King on this show. I'm sure she would love to. I love Corey King. She's amazing and so funny. She is so fucking funny. Yeah.

And I don't think her drag is bad, per se. I think it's interesting. But she's doing, like, weird stuff on purpose. She's doing very fucking weird shit. Because it's like, we've already, Plactic Tara already exists. She already exists. What are we going to do?

What are we going to? Although Aja keeps turning out some really pretty look. She turned out this like pretty, like, lavender look that I was like, oh my God. I just kind of weird. Like, but Aja just like weird beauty too, though. She does. And I do like when she cosplay is like a Pokemon. Yes.

Yes, she did a couple times. What? I cannot. Oh. New Pokemon game. What? No, no. Uh, shit.

I was, her name escapes me right now. But can you look at it. up so I don't seem like an asshole, I met the voice of Ash Ketchum. Whoa. And it was really cool. She was hanging out with my friend Harvey Gien and I was like, can you, I'm sorry, do the voice. And she was like, yep, it's what people always ask. And then she said, she sounded just like Ash Ketchum.

And she said, I choose you, Nicole, and I almost died. Your teeth are frying me. It is truly so funny. It's Sarah Natocheney. Yes, her name is Sarah. Yes, okay. She is so nice and so wonderful, and I couldn't believe it. Do you know there's a new Sonic Racing game out?

No. There's a new Sonic Racing game. What gaming system? It's on Switch. You have a Switch. And I never play it. I know. I don't know how to cast it to my TV.

How about I just come over with my Switch and then we'll play the Sonic Racing game. That'll be fun. Okay, I love it. I'm a little self-conscious with my arms out like this. You look great. Well, I like, I moved my arms and I was like, oh, there they go. Yeah, but... Yeah.

Welcome to the club. Welcome to the party. You know I've lived this life. Yes. Yes. I do have got some loose skin, but sometimes I really like it because I feel like it's like, some people just wave, but I'm giving you a double wave. You have the added benefit of gorgeous skin, too. Like, your skin is so...

You scare people when they touch your soft skin. They're like, that's what you feel like. It's so wild how soft I am. And if you want, you could take a... Yes, I would like to. Describe it. It is like lanelin. No, it really is, I don't know.

It's really, I don't think I've touched many people's skin who's like this. It's warm. It's supple, but it's not oily. No. It's just, it's like a baby's bottom. It really is. It really is. I have booty arms.

You have booty arms. Why won't you scare her? Someone, please. Scare my friend Nicole. Bull. Okay, I would like to talk about some dating talking points because this is a dating podcast. So, ghosting. I thought it was a scaring.

Okay. Oh, ghosting. Ghosting is on two levels. Spooky. Yes. Have you ever been visited by a ghost and have you ever ghosted somebody? Yes, to both. And you can take that however you want.

I've seen a ghost in Greece. And here's the quick version of that story. Okay. Okay. I was at my brother. We have to go to this island because we love. I love Greece. Yes, I love Greece.

And I need to take you this island. Do you remember the phrase that I was saying that people were so impressed by? Were you saying thank you. We were saying, like, paracalot, which means like you're welcome. No. Every time people were like, do you like Greece? I would say something. And they would go, yes.

Wait, was it just brava? Oh, it was bravo. Yeah, bravo. Bravo. Anytime I just said, what is the phrase I was saying? And it was just a word. Bravo. Wow.

Okay. Sorry. Go with your story. Okay. I was in this very old, old, old home in Greece, like hundreds of years old. It was my brother-in-law's family. They owned it. We stayed there.

When we're staying there, we're like kicking off the dust. Like we're literally like taking tarps off of furniture that had been there for years. Like my big fat Greek wedding. three where they stay in that house. Also, that's the only one of those movies I've ever seen. I can't believe that's the only one we got you too. Love, see, a sequel.

I watched Venom 3 before Venom 1 and 2. They made three Venom? Yes, and then I cried during the first one. It's about friendship. You know, I haven't seen Craven yet. I know that's sad for you. I watched it again last night. And you like, okay, we love Madam Webb. I love Madam Webb. I love Madam Web.

I might rent out a movie. theater and host just like me and another comedian, maybe you. Let's do it. I think it would be fun if you did it with me. Let's do it. Where we just like host it like Madam Webb and Craven back to back and just like talked over it.

Yeah, we have to talk the whole time. Because that's the only way to watch movies. Maybe get like five people in the audience microphones and they can just pass the microphone. People just get to say funny things. Utter chaos. I really like that. Right? Isn't that fun? I really like that. I love I have interrupted this story. This is how we talk, though.

It is. Okay, I'm in Greece, whatever. I'm staying in this very old house. I'm trying to go to sleep. I'm getting a bad feeling. I'm getting a weird feeling from this place because there's a lot of old goat butchering equipment in this house because this house is so old that there's old equipment and this is just like what his family used to do back in the day.

But it is dilapidated. I go to sleep. I think I'm asleep. I have a sleep paralysis moment. And this is a Greek house with no doors. So a door to the hallway is just an open doorway. And I see smoke begin to gather and begin to form a person. And this person figure, their hands drag all the way down to the ground.

No. And I'm trying to like, I'm like, am I asleep? Am I sleep paralysis assist? And I'm like, I need to move what's happening. They're not moving. But eventually I'm able to like move over. and I'm, like, facing the wall. And I remember I had to pee so bad, but I was like,

I am not moving until the sunlight is, like, pouring into my eyes. I'm not moving again. I wake up in the morning. The man who grew up in this house, my brother-in-law, is like, how did you sleep? I was like, eh, not good. I had dreams, nightmares, or whatever. And he's like, hmm, really?

He's immediately interested. And I was like, yeah, I just had, like, had dreams about a thing or a creature. Turns out I was sleeping in his old bedroom Okay He goes to a cabinet that's in the room Opens it opens an old book Shows me a drawing he drew as a child With a black figure with hands to the ground

And he said did you see him I don't like it I don't like it I don't like that you started the story with We got to go there. It's a beautiful. The beaches are stunning. The beaches are stunning, babe.

Storn and spipes. That's wild. I know. But we won't stay at that house. No, I kind of want to. And I kind of want to stay in that room. And I kind of want to know what he's about. Here's the thing.

Because I have had spooky oaks in my room. I don't do anything. I did what you did. You're like, I'm just going to stay in this bed. I'm not moving. I'm not moving. I'm not getting up. you could get me faster?

No, you have to come to me and then I'll be like, what do you want? What do you want? You know what? I just remembered, we went to a restaurant recently and we ordered, you made us order all the desserts,

but you didn't want to, like, we didn't really want to pay for all of them. So then you were kind of like, hey, we want, can you just bring us, can you just bring me a spoonful of this one? We don't like really want it.

But then she was like, that's not really possible. So she just brought that. Yeah. But we didn't pay for it. Mono, I'm unhinged at a restaurant. I love it. I went to one, where was I?

I was in St. Louis, yes, over the weekend. And we went to a Capitol Grill, which is like just a steakhouse chain. And they had this apple tart, and it was so good. And I said, I don't want your almond ice cream. Can I have vanilla? And he said, you got it. And then we finished the ice cream. And I was like, I said, excuse me, I need another scoop of ice cream.

He said, what? And I said, this isn't done. And he's more ice cream. menu and another scoop of ice cream and he was like okay and he went got me another scoop of ice cream that's great i will always ask for what i need i know i'm learning that from you i was at dinner recently with the husband and i was like this meal needs bread and they didn't have bread on the menu but i was like do you all have bread back there and they're like um let me check and they did Yes, and then you got what you needed

And the meal needed bread It was crazy that wasn't on the menu So I've been on a Wolfgang Puck Kick kick I love Wolfgang Puck Yeah Because you have to be excellent To be in the supermarkets

He's in Gilson's Oh I'm familiar with his Gilson Every time I pick up one of his Gelson's items I'm not reminded of excellence I will say that Here's the thing Yeah The brand gets a little diluted

As it gets to the nurses But Spago Very good Talk about it on this podcast, talking about it on many podcasts. So then I was like, I want to go to Cut, which is a steakhouse. And then it was a weird vibe. I don't want to shit on it, but like the vibes were weird.

They set us at this like long table where it was me and my friend who was visiting and then that nice man who's in my life. So it felt like I was like interviewing them because I was on one side of this long weird wood table and they sat us right by the entrance to the kitchen. And it wasn't like in a fun booty way where you're like, oh, I can see what they're making. It was like, oh no, I can see that one has made a mistake and he's mad about it and he's yelling at somebody. And I was like, this is not the vibe I want. So then we had ordered drinks and then I was like, we're actually going to go. And my, the nice man in my life was like,

what? And I was like, I made a reservation at Spago. We're going to go to Spago. And he was like, when's the reservation? I was like 15 minutes. We got to close out. We got a leap. So then as we're leaving, I paid the bill and my credit card has my name on it. And then this server didn't look at me the whole time and then looked at my friend who was visiting Nick and handed it to Nick and goes, here you go, Mr. Byer. And I was like, what?

Why would, there's, and my my corporate name is also on the card and that also has a woman's name on it. There are two women's names on that card and that man was like I'm going to talk to the man. Yeah. And that's, I was so, I

didn't like Cut. Cut had a bad vibe, but Wolfgang is curating the vibes at Spago. Can we talk Speaking of scary movies Why does the nice man in my life Sound like a scary movie And

That's what I call him I know it's nice Because I don't want to call my boyfriend I'm like 62 years old Like that's weird Be like my boyfriend I think it's okay And I don't want to call him my partner

Because I'm like What are we Bonnie and Clyde And we're gonna like rob you I mean maybe Maybe It hasn't happened yet I could see you doing it together but honestly he wouldn't and it's really that kind of depresses me right if i'm doing crimes i'm doing

them on my own everyone in my life i'm doing crimes on my own i was stealing from walmart and i said to my sister i'm a steal this and she started freaking out and i was like shut up don't call attention to this there's still time i've been teaching jean to steal i love that we recently um submitted to whatever you get like a discount on furniture if you pretend to be an interior designer oh yes and we were gaming the system and I tricked him into being a liar and gaming the system and pretending to be a designer so that you get a discount on everything. And did this work? Did you get a discount? Yes. Okay, here's a gag. Yeah. Make your own email address for like your assistant or whatever you're aspiring to be to game the system. And then that email address makes you seem legit.

And then you just email people and be like, can I have a discount rate on this hotel room? I'm a publicist from X, Y, and Z, or I'm, I'm an interior designer. What is, can I have the designer discount for this couch? Mono, real quick. Yes. We have to take a break. Ooh, baby, there's a new way to experience one of the most iconic love stories of all time. The new Audible Original Pride and Prejudice is not just an audiobook.

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Wait, what does almost sound like? I think you did it. Wait, uh, uh, uh, Elmo likes dick. That's bad. That might not be okay. Can we do that? Is that okay? Is that bad? I thought that was really good. Yeah, I thought it was bad to be like, Elmo this children's character wants dick? But I think we know you're not Elmo

Like I feel like you're embodying something That isn't Elmo Yeah this is okay This isn't true Elmo This is Fashion Nova Elmo Yeah Unfortunately this is fast fashion Yeah mine too

This might shock you but mine too I don't know I thought that looked like Coutor Thank you Thank you Literally the second I opened it This button just flew off I'm dying Nothing is made with quality

It's wild I'll go thrifting and I'm like Everything in here is from like Sheen And, like, and T-Moo. The store shouldn't be allowed to do that because now they'll do that. We're like, oh, I like this.

And you're like, wait, this isn't thrift. This isn't thrift. This is, this was from yesterday's fucking hall that somebody did. But it just, like, looks thrift-ish or, like, retro-ish. Yes. You were asking me a question. Keep going. This is your podcast.

Have you ever done a love spell, a manifestation, or a moon ritual for romance? Oh, my God. I will say this. When I was out there looking for love, no one spells hit less hard like no one spells had a worse hit rate than mine I was out there being like I am obsessed with you please kiss me

and so often no absolutely not no thank you diva I don't want it and and I think we might have this unfortunate thing in common like when we put ourselves out there emotionally

Yeah. And so, like, I know for fact we've both been with people are being like, I am ready to be married. Like, I'm ready to give you everything. And they're like, I met you five minutes ago. Mano, I dated someone for close to two years. It was like a situation ship where I was like, I love you. And like, I want to be with you.

And this person wouldn't even say they were my boyfriend. And I was like, but I'm ready to give it all to you. I give my all To have Just one more night with you I give I was Mariah Carey trying to give my all And he was Tommy Motola

Being like I don't want to give you anything Right Which that song is apparently about Jeter I think Oh okay so he was Derek Jeter Who didn't want to give me anything Yes or maybe it is

Whatever Whatever Okay the point is Yes I've been there I did that shit in college there's a man on the latest season of Love is blind who the woman is like

I'm leaving you and he's like yes we're gonna figure it out she's like no no it's done I'm not attracted to you and she's like okay okay so we won't go to Baja

we won't go to the beach but when we're home we will keep talking like if you're watching you know what I'm talking about this man just could and that was me I saw myself

I think I'm in the middle of the episode I'm dying I'm in the middle of episode There's like furies flying into my throat. Oh, it's the cheap fur. It's the cheap fur flying around the workroom. It's the chicken feathers. These aren't chicken feathers.

I don't know what these are. That I'm sorry to say is a skin dolly cat. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's just forever chemical plastic. It's disgusting. Yeah. Okay.

So what do we learn from this? So we're both really interesting because we have that same illness, but we found nice men. Yes. What do you, what do you feel like you've learned now that you're with the nice man in your life? I have learned you literally cannot, and I keep saying this, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person because I say insane things to this man. And he goes, are you hungry or something? And nine times out of ten, I'm usually pretty hungry. Good.

Or like, did you not sleep good last night? Like, he'll ask questions when I'm being crazy. And he'll, like, nice questions. Mm-hmm. Not like, are you on your rag or whatever? But it's like, that might be it too. That could be. Sometimes I'm on my period and I truly act like a psychopath.

Sure. But you're a nice man. I'm a nice man. What? I'm a nice man. No, I said, you're a nice man. Oh, my nice man. I heard you're a nice man.

My nice man, yes. You're a nice man. I'm a nice man. No, does your nice man, like, does he do things to, like, reassure you that he, like, loves you and whatnot? And I ask for it. So I think, like, that's what I've gotten better at, just, like, asking for it. being like, I'm really sad. I need to scream at, like, you about a work thing, or I'm just sad.

I need to, like, lay on top of you and cry. And he's always like, okay. So, like, I think you just, like, ask. And hopefully, if it, again, if it's the right person. Yes, they'll be, like, accommodating. Or if it's the right person, they might have a little boundary to be like, yes, but only for tonight or, like, only for 15 minutes. That's all I can handle or whatever.

And nice man, Jean does that. He's like, yes, happy to do that. And I have to do this thing or, okay, it's too much touching. Because I like touching. I also like touching. There was a phase where I would hang on to him like a sloth on a tree. And I would like send him pictures of a sloth on a tree and be like, I want to do this to you tonight. And then I got to a point where he was like, hey, so you know when you say out loud, this must be annoying.

He was like, I think you're reading the vibe And maybe we don't hang on to me so tightly And I was like Yeah Yes, I understand I can sloth you for a couple of minutes And then I have to unslawth you Yeah, can I say as your friend

It's nice, it's so nice to see you in a nice thing Thank you! It's really nice. It's really funny, all of my friends have said that They're like, it's just really nice that somebody loves you We're so deserving and it's that weird thing I remember obviously we've both been single before it's hard

again it makes sense when I say it I'm like you're the most deserving person to be loved but when you're not receiving that love from a person it's like but it's not happening yes and it's very easy to get stuck in like well I guess that means I'm fucking trash I'm a nasty little

garbage bitch yeah okay if love is that's my other thing about love is blind they need to prove the concept they keep putting fairly attractive people. That's what I keep saying. I'm like, give me some of the ugliest. Like, there's this man who was on YouTube and he posted this YouTube video about being an ugly person. And he was like, this is what it's like with me being ugly, this, that, and the other. And then a woman message

him was like, I actually don't think you're ugly. And then they met and they got married and they're in love. Yes. And I'm like, yeah, let's put out some uggos because, you know, somebody's attractive to somebody. Yes. But like, let's mix it up. Let's mix it up. Let's put Brad Pitt in a, in a fucking uh the tricks rabbit together i don't know i didn't want to say somebody i you did the right choice i okay now that you're in a ruPaul situation where you could talk to your former self oh what would you say to former nicole when she was like i'm a dumpster little bitch but now you know you're not a dumpster little bit i would say beep beep back it up back the dumpster up you're not a dumpster and you're not a bitch and you got to start talking nice to yourself yeah

Because you're going to be with you for a very long time. Yeah. You might be in a relationship that's really great and it might end. Yeah. But like you got to like you. Yeah. So when you are in this relationship, you know how to advocate for yourself because you like you. So you're not going to let a person from the outside treat you poorly because you treat yourself nice.

That's really nice. That's really nice. What, mono, what would you say to single little sad Greek mono? sad so desperate trying to fuck everyone who doesn't want to fuck me um i would say you are beautiful you and and think about all the people who choose you yes look at your life and look at all the people who are choosing you and loving you for non-physical and physical things but i mean let's really think about it at the end of the day when you're like i'm lonely take a step back and be like, but how many people in your life choose you?

Yes. And like that, I think we all, we lose side of that. I think we do too, because I have so many near and dear friends. And I feel really blessed about that just to like make it really corny. Yeah, I like it. Because some people don't have a lot of friends, but I think I have like a lot of like really close people in my life that I could call for anything. Yeah.

Be like, I need this. Can, will you help? Like, I just, I feel so blessed about that. I do too. Do you want to know what I'm going to do for my birthday next year? What? Because you were very low-key this year. I was.

I truly didn't feel like, I don't know why. I was like in a mood where I was like, I don't want to like focus on me. But it's my 70th birthday next year. She is turning the big 7-0. I'm going to have a funeral. Because I saw a post where someone was like, we should be saying shit that we say at funerals about people to them. That part. People don't get to hear it.

No. So I think I'm going to rent a casket and sit in a casket. And then I'm going to have like a sign up sheet where I want people to sign up to say really nice things about me. And I want everyone to wear my favorite colors, purple and leper print. Dress too impressed, purple and leopard print. You got it. I'm in. Say nice things.

I'm going to have it catered by Gus's. It's like old school black funeral. So there's going to. Oh, Gus is fried chicken. Yeah, yeah. But I want to black people read. pass after. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I want some praise dancers, and I want some singers. And then we can get drunk after. Great. But I want everyone to say something nice about me. Can we lower you into your pool? Yeah. Imagine they close it up, lower me in, and then I actually die. And then they're like, ah, shit, now we've got to redo this with her actually dead.

I'm going to do it again. I already said the things. I already said the nice things. I don't want to say the nice thing. What my favorite thing is when someone dies and they suck. and you have to get up there and lie I've been there Have you?

I'm going to out someone I'm sorry May your memory be eternal My grandmother wasn't the nicest lady She used to mock me For playing video games And

One time she broke my game boy Because she was scared of technology And she thought it was Satan So I wasn't And you opted to speak at her funeral I yeah I you know what it was it was it was a casual thing where it was like the family hanging out in a circle and just kind of being like oh memories of her and then I remember being like okay I guess we're all lying I guess we're all just like making up stories about how she was cool and chill that's funny someone in my

family died and everyone was saying all these nice things like oh she loved adventure and I was like she did she was so nice she did that I was like she was nice she was okay she used to scream it children for laughing she hated children's laughter that's true I get that you ever be on a plane and be like what's so funny

okay I've seen you scream at a child on a plane we okay to be fair that child was wreaking havoc that child was standing on the seat looking back and its parents were doing nothing

so I was like and then it kept looking at me because it got scared Yes. And then I tried to translate your child's a demon in several different languages. Yes, I was like, it's Russian or Ukrainian, and you were like, I'm on it. But they didn't seem to understand it. Do you remember in Greece where I could speak Greek for a little bit?

Yeah, I do. I do. Because you got too hot. You got cooked. They beat me with a wig. And it was a, it was a Turkish bath. It was a hot Turkish bath where we got, we got, we got, uh, we got, uh, I don't know, bathed up. We got bathed up. I loved it. Someone bathed me. Yes, but there was a cold water option that you didn't find out about until way too late.

No, and I was so hot the whole time. And also they gave me these like one-use panties that were like one-size fits everybody and they didn't fit over my labia. So then I was just wearing my underwear because I was like, I got to have my labia covered with my friend. It was not ideal. We're close, but not that close. No, it was not ideal. No.

And then they kept dumping hot water on me. and then our driver was speaking Greek and I was like, Mano, I think she's trying to say this to you and you were like, oh, she also was like, oh. And then she said something else and I was like, she asked if you learn Greek in school or through your family. And both of me were like, oh my God,

and then it just went away. You had magic powers that cooked your brain. Remember when you were driving a dune buggy and how scared I was when you were driving us in the dune buggy? Yes, but I had a lovely time. It was great. You were a great driver,

but I was just like, people die. To be fair, in Mekonos, people die every year on ATVs. And I can see why. There's no rules in Mekonos, and I loved it. It was fun. It's one of my favorite places. We had a nice time. And I was, oh, no, I was still dating that dude when we were there because I wish I wasn't.

I know. I think I would have fucked so hard. I know. Here's a question. Yeah. Has any psychic made a prediction about your love life that has come true? Ooh. Ooh.

Yes. Yes. Well, this is a crazy story. I was at the Eagle. Uh-huh. And a man came up to me and said, I'm sorry, I have to read, I have to read your star chart. And I was like, okay, sure. He was like a handsome older man. And he was like, he was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, how old are you? And at the time I was like 38. And I was like, I'm 38. And he goes, me too. And I was like Okay I'm dying He was like handsome

Me too He was like He was handsome But I was like Was he white? I think he might have been Latin X I'm not sure But

But I don't know And not to like read the whites But sometimes they don't age too good Yes Yes He was really handsome But he just was lying For some reason

I was like Just say you're 53, 45 38 Me too Me too. I'm dying. That's really funny. And I was like, okay.

So then he was cuckoo. He was, you know, I was telling him when I was born. He was doing the horoscope star chart thing. And he's actually like saying some things that are dead on about my partner, about my family. He was also like, you're going to make a lot of money. And then I was like, ooh, I like that. I love you. Like, he was like, you're going to make a lot of money.

Oh, okay. Did he say when? He just, I don't know. said in the coming years. That's tough. Because like what if you make a lot of money right before you die at like 110? I know. A hundred and ten. Who knows?

Science is going to get crazy. I know and I don't want it. No, you don't want it? No. My grandpa was 97 fucking years old. I know. All of his friends are dying. I know. Every time I talk to him he's like this person died. Yes. My dad made it to 98. I know. And he kept being like, he just kept being like, when you get that old, you

you're just like, I don't know, see you tomorrow, or I won't. See you tomorrow, or maybe I won't. You have a huge sense of humor about it. I'll say that much. Okay, so here's the gag. This man's reading my star chart, and then unprompted reaches his hand into the back of my pants, puts his finger up my asshole, and he says, oh, your anus is in Mars. What? And I was like, uh, and for some reason I wasn't like, get out of there.

For some reason, I was like, it was so funny that I was like, huh, what? Like, he just kind of, he wasn't all the way in, but he was like, kind of in. And he was like, what do you mean? And he was like, yeah, you're fiery. That's where your fire is. I can feel like you have Mars in your chart and like you hold it in your body and your anus. And he's just getting his finger right in my butt hole. And, and here's the weird.

part instead of stopping him I treated it you know when sometimes in life you treat it like you're in a sketch and I was just like what do you mean expound yes clarify that was so I think it's like it's like a flight flight fight fight fight fawn I think you fawn you were just like oh okay thank you so much for being up in there yeah I just remember me like it was so fun me that I was like, what do you mean? Clarify. And then I think he was gagged because he was expecting me to go, ooh, go, go, go. Or get out of there. He was expecting some kind of reaction because he sexually assaulted you in public. Yes. That is nuts. I wonder if that's his kink. And that's how he gets to his thing. I think it's his move. Sticking his finger up people's butts, but he like gets them in with like a star chart. There's a man in New York City who wraps himself up in like a carpet and wants people to step on him. what would you do if the nice man in your life was like I need to be carpet stepped on I think I could

I think I would be like okay well I mean if that's if that's what you need to get off I'm willing to explore that with you yeah because if I had a weird freaky thing that I came to him with I know for a fact he would be like okay yeah well let's talk this through let's figure this out okay

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but bonus play ends November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's. What would you do if your nice man wanted to be stepped on, rolled up in a carpet all snug as a bug and a rug? I would figure it out. I think I would figure it out. I'd be like, okay, sure. Isn't that nice?

Yeah, that is nice. Or I would be like, go find someone to go do that. I'm not doing that. You go on the apps and find out. Lindsay had she found something that I did not know. What? So your first, you lost your virginity to a man on your college salsa dancing team. I don't know if we've talked about this.

I don't know if we have. either. Well, you might have the first time you were on the podcast, but I simply... I don't think we did. Don't remember that. I don't think we did. No, and I don't think he knew it was my virginity either because I was like trying to be cool and chill.

Yes. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Because at that point, I mean, it was, I was like 20, maybe 21. Which is a normal fine. I know. I think losing your virginity in your 30s, in your 40s. It is normal.

It is whatever. That's just when you lose it. But like, I think we tend to put things on top of that to be like, Like, oh, why is it taken so long? But sexy back by Justin Timberlake was playing. Sexy back by Justin Timberlake was playing while I lost my virginity. I think that's really iconic and I love it. And at the time, I was like, wow, I'm cool.

Like, I was like, I thought I was living in queer as folk. Like, I felt like I was in the movies, on TV. Like, I really did it. I'm obsessed. Did you feel like Brian or were you Justin? Ooh, Brian. Okay. Yeah.

I love Brian. He's so hot. I have seen Queers Folk more times than I can count. I know. That one scene where, remember the scene where there's no music and it's just like they amplify the sounds of the bedroom? There's one sex scene, I think, between them. Is it between Brian and Justin? Yes.

And it's just like, the satin sheets. I'm pretty sure that's like the first time. Maybe, yeah. And then he was like, rim me. And he was like, okay. Sure. And he's like, you don't know how to rip. And it's like, no, he's 17, which is, you know.

It is funny how. So sexy back was playing. And then I slept with a man on the college salsa dancing team. I've since been like, ha ha. That was crazy. And then I slept with two other men on my college of salsa dancing team after that. I just said, I like that. That's good for me.

Salsa right in my butt. And then I infiltrated my college's bongra dancing. team. What is Bungra dancing? Bungra is like Indian folk dance and so I was like well let's keep the dance the dancers are working out. I really like that that you were like this is what I like ethnic dancing. Yes because I used to Greek dance Did you know this? No I didn't know you used to Greek dance. I used to

competitively Greek dance. I have a bronze for regional. You went to the Olympics? Oh, Regional, like a regional Greek dancing competition in Atlanta, Georgia. I have a bronze because we dedicated our lives to learning the specific Greek dances from the island of Thraki, got the costume perfect, and like did it well enough to earn a bronze. And you've never taught me any of this Grecian dancing? Yeah, Greek dancing. Can I say Grecian? Usually Grecian are items.

like Grecian vases Like items are usually Grecian Oh, I see And people is usually Greek I can't believe you've taught me No Greek dancing I know Okay, let's do it

You want me to do it at your funeral You want to dance on your casket? Yes Dance right on that casket Are you gonna rent? Can I, wait, what? What did you say? He said you're gonna rent the casket

I am gonna rent the casket You would just invest And just have it ready to go For when you do die Imagine it's just like in my garage just a casket. I mean, I had my, some, like, there was water damage in my garage

and there was guys working on it. And I had taken everything out of the garage and they were trying to figure out what I did for a living based on what they found in the garage. And they came in and unanimously said, clown. And it hurt my feelings until I really thought about it. And I was like, well, yeah. I guess I am a little bit of a clown.

You're dressed a sexy Elmo. They found a life-sized dummy that had been spray painted poorly. A bag with dicks in it. Like dildos and whatnot. A sword. That was not mine. I don't know who sword this is. Roller skates, a fishing pole, a bag with dicks on it.

That banner for our 43rd birthday. Yes. There was just a lot of stuff. And they were like, must be. be a fucking clown. Yeah. And I was like, well, I guess I am a silly billy. And you are.

We are. We spent so many years, too, like buying the stupidest thing for the stupidest reason. Like, buying an inflatable hammer because you're like, this sketch has to go ahead. I need it in this sketch. I mean, I have two chest plates. Yeah. Wait, like male presenting or female presenting? Female.

Love. That matched my skin almost perfectly. That's awesome. When do you get to whip them out now? When the occasion arises. Okay. Well, I wore one for a show that Marcy and I did. Oh, you looked so good.

From 90-day fiancé. You looked so good. Thank you so much. And then I wore it again for a meeting. Yeah. A Hollywood meeting. The jury's out. And I forgot it.

You wore it for a Holly. I need more information. I'll tell you off, Mike. Okay. I'll tell you off. Okay. A Hollywood meeting. Uh-huh.

How's Ed doing? How's Big Ed doing from 90-day? You know, I'm not a huge fan of Ed because I think he is a terrorist. But he has not been on the iterations I've been watching. He might be a 90-day diary, but I'm not sure. Okay. But truly, not for me. Simply rude, nasty, not a treat.

I don't like him. Seems bad. Go to the questions, girl. Go to the questions. I can't believe there's this much research about me. Yes, because sometimes Lindsay finds out something that I don't know. Don't know about you. But I think that was the one, the one thing that I didn't know.

That was the juicy, juicy, juicy. Are we going to go to a scary thing this season together? I would like to. We were going to see hocus pocus with Ginger Minge and others. What happened? Well, they changed the day. And I don't remember getting an email about it and I can't make it to the day that it changed you. That sucks.

Isn't that rude? That sucks. You know, since you messed. Since you've left Dragher, you want to hear one of our new, the new rumors. We've spreaded about Ginger Minge. What rumor are you spreading? That Ginger Midge is in the Epstein files. Oh, no.

Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. You're already here first. Release the Epstein files. If Ginger wants to be exonerated, release the files. Let's get to it. But, no, seriously, about spooky times. Mono.

What an awful rumor. That's so funny. Meatball's rumor about like Monet is she had a BBL and you were like, we're telling people she's in the Epstein file. Mono. She's from Florida. She spent. What does that mean?

She spent a lot of time in Florida. Mono, you can't spread that rumor. I'm sorry. Okay, okay. Okay, well, look, I want her to be exonerated. Release the file. It's so wild that like, there's a list, there's a literal. Who has it?

A list and no one will. Who has it? I don't know. All the wrong people got it. But I'm like, is it a PDF? Yes. Where are the hackers? Aren't the hackers?

Yes. Hackers are the hackers? Where did the hackers go? I thought the hackers. Like, instead of sending me a text message being like, hey, do you want to come to this party on Friday? And I'm like, what? Who is this unknown number?

Go get the files. Go get the files. Don't try to take my credit card information. Stop sending me voicemails about a loan that I've been approved for. Have you gotten those? Yes. Oh, my God. In auto loan.

That's so scary. I once went to a haunted house in New York and I got like recognized. One of the like zombies was like, oh, nailed it. And I was like, aren't you supposed to be? He's like, yeah, scary. Can you stay in character? I kind of was like, yeah, stay in character. But also it was really fun.

They do that to Betsy all the time. They're like, me. Hey, Dabby got some weed. Or like, hey, aren't you supposed to be a ghost? That's really funny. It's really funny. That they cannot stay in character. They're just that excited.

Yeah. We were in Amsterdam. I remember. Oh, we had a nice time. And we were shit-faced and then decided to go to one more bar. And then the bar was so crowded and everybody knew Betsy. And it was so funny. They were just like, just like encroated.

reaching in on her and it was like, I have to save my friends. Yes. What a nice time. That was a really nice time. Amsterdam was cute. I loved Amsterdam. Those boats? Oh, I loved them little boats.

It's kind of wild that they just let you on that canal and you have to figure it out. Yeah, I got lost. You get lost. You figure it out. You got lost so many times in those damn canals. Truly did. Mono, this is a dating podcast. Yes, ask me.

Yeah. Boo! What is your advice for single people? okay and how they can get not scared okay this is going to okay here we go ready if you okay here's the annoying the annoying advice is if you feel beautiful people think you're beautiful and every time I have felt my jush or just like channeled the things that I am good at and sounds weird but like if I'm like smiling or or just being this version of myself where I am a little goofy a little charming as opposed to trying to be this other thing that I am not it works out a lot better

because especially in like queer male community there's a lot of men there's a lot of posturing and trying to be more masculine or tougher or more mysterious if you can do that God bless I can't I like that advice it's truly like just be yourself no one's ever said it before just be it well I know it's real though but it is real it is nice and I think yeah it really is real I think there's the way that yeah I think there's a way to say this same thing in a different way but I can't think of it I don't think you need to say it in a different way I think it's really nice it's just like figure out who you are and be yourself because once you love yourself and you're like so solid and who you are when you meet your person they're going to love that person they're going to love that

person. Don't you feel like more attention? Have you felt more amorous, just more intention in general since you have felt more comfortable in your situation with your man? Say that again? Do you feel like that whole thing when it rains, it pours? Now that you're in this incredibly secure place, and you feel you know you're giving off this secured energy. Do you feel more people like lighting a flame to you? Like being like. Yes. I'll be like with him and people will like kind of like kind hit on me. And I'm like, what is this? Yeah. When I didn't have him, nobody was hitting on me. This is weird. Yes, it's very weird. Oh, wait. We have run out of time, but I did want to talk about your

birthday party where you had a... Oh, my God. A Galinda impersonator. God damn it. And how did Gene find her? I think she was found on, like, something called, like, Celebritylookalike.com or something. This woman had the most confidence I've ever seen and someone took a video of her getting into her Toyota Crollo fully in her like her cosplay and it fried me in a way that like I had like it was such a treat to watch it was

truly incredible Los Angeles in five seconds yes and I hope somebody took a video of me getting into my car looking like this because I drove here like this that was crazy I was shocked and I was was trying to have a low-key birthday party. That was taken away from me. No, but it was lovely, but it was like somehow the most intense moment of my life where everyone gathered in a circle around me.

And then this Galinda impersonator showed up to sing songs. And may I say, not Galinda Impersonator, Ariana Grande doing Galinda in person. Oh, I didn't realize it was that specific. It was her. Because you haven't seen the movie? I haven't seen the movie, but I will be seeing the second part. God damn it, why must you do this? It's one of my favorite things to do

to only be informed about the second part of movies. So you'll see why, like, her, her impersonation was just of the movies version, which made it more insane, and she sang at my face for 25 minutes. It was iconic. It was really fun. And then we had to say nice things about,

I loved it. It was so wonderful, and it was like, it felt very thoughtful because it was like, you love a silly thing. So Gene made sure. something silly happened on your birthday yeah and that was another that's another really i mean when you get a partner make sure they are someone who celebrates you when even when you ask not to be celebrated yes and he was like no we need to do something to celebrate you even though i was

like no i also love that you dressed each other and he was like i feel like shit i dressed him as me and he looked like wearing a stupid Mario shirt he looked adorable he looked great but he was like i was like that's that's what i really wanted for my birthday was you to you to dress like me. Which is just so, it's so funny and it's so silly. And I love that he was like, I don't like this, but I'm willing to do this for you. Okay. Let me ask you this question.

What do you think about couples? Because we both are in relationships where we are, we're balanced by our opposite. Yeah. What about people who are the same who date people who are just like, we're the same? That exists. That freaks me out. No, it exists. I think it exists.

And I saw a couple like. that at the airport I was leaving Las Vegas and this couple was Las Vegas in Las Vegas identical yeah it was a burly woman and a burly man yeah and they had their Teva's strapped to their feet they had their cargo shorts past their knees yeah they had their shirts with anime something on it tucked in with the belt they had their backpacks for hiking but nobody was going on a hike and I was like Whoa. How?

How does that work out that you just, you dress identical. And then their faces, they were different ethnicities, but their faces were almost the same. They love that. It was wild. People love to fuck their self. I don't understand it. I don't want to fuck myself. That's a lie.

I think I would like to fuck myself. But I've never done it. I've never fucked someone who looked like me. I don't think. Me either. Yeah. I tend to get turned off a little bit when, when, when. Because I've been on dates where people, like, they look similar to me.

And I'm like, ooh, I don't know about that. That's too much. Yeah. I don't want to fuck me. I don't want to fuck me. I want to love me. And I want to love me. I give my all to the heart.

Just one more night with you. Boo. Boom. Well. that's it we've come to the end was this the scariest in a way this is probably the scariest episode this was the scariest episode i'm sure the people watching it are just hiding behind their fingies did you watch weapons yes oh so good i loved weapons so crazy i loved it so much yeah and i was reading some reviews about it and some people like didn't like it and i was like but

why? I know. It was, the payoff at the end was so delicious. Huge, delicious. And I was ha-ha, teahee-hee-h-h-h screaming through it. And then there was parts that were so scary that I was like, oh my God. And I've had several people after watching that movie being like, Nicole, you have to lock the doors of your car. And I'm like, no.

I will never lock the doors. Because you just notoriously don't. It's a Jeep. It's a soft-top Jeep. If you want in the windows are plastic you can get in i haven't we both have a nice friend i don't want to out her but we have and she's nice and this is nice what i'm saying is nice she leaves her doors unlocked at night in case someone wants to sleep in her car yeah she's like if someone wants to get in there i want them to get in there i also i have $20 under in the like uh don't in the the thingy the what's that called the center console.

Yeah, and it's a note that says if you need it, take it. Wow. Yeah, I mean, if you lose 20 bucks, you lose 20 bucks.

Okay. Yeah, I don't mind. Yeah. And if you're looking for the money, it means you need it. Yeah. So who am I to not help you? This is mutual aid,

what I'm doing. Elmo nice. Elmo wants you to have money. And sex. My, oh, no. Mano, Elmo

Ammonishes you Elmo says no nasty What does Chuckie sound like Like a grown man? He really does sound like You fucking bitch, you slut I'll teach you to fuck with me Does he call people sluts?

Oh, he's a very foul mouth I don't think I've seen Chuckie Oh, it's fun I know the lore of Chuckie, he gets bought, he gets open, he terrorizes, and then he gets married later on to like a cute little Chuckie. Right. See, before that, a famous serial killer put his spirit inside the doll. So like... On his own?

He did like a voodoo curse. And then that like he like, he was like, oh no, the cops are about to kill me. Let me do a voodoo curse so I can live on through and put my spirit in this doll. that is some real evil shit that's like hocus pocus those three sisters who are like we're gonna like lock ourselves our souls up in that book or whatever

and then a virgin lights the candle and we're coming back I don't get that kind of evil where you like you're like I have to keep living so I can keep being evil like I'm not evil and I when I'm dead let me be dead yeah you don't want to like continue

to like come back are you fucking kidding I know I'm tired I feel I'm starting I'm at the beginning of tired. I'm like, I see why people are over it when they're over it. Like, come back? No. To this shit hole?

For what? No. It's bad here. No, I got to go to Toys R Us. Excuse me? Is that heaven? Yeah, for me. What's your heaven?

I don't know, but how do you feel about Jeffrey? The Epstein? No. Jeffrey. Jeffrey the Epstein giraffe? Yes. Do you remember KB Toys? Yes.

That was like the lesser of the two. Yeah, it was not as nice because it was also like smaller. It was smaller. And they always like had the vibrating toys outside. Did your KB Toys have that? Yes. What is that? To lure you in, to lure the children in.

To be like, Mama, something is buzzing over there. Can we please go in? Also, you were talking about cover-ups. Why are Rupal's suits always Klein Epstein and Parker? Man, this has to stop. You're selling good people's name Trying to get to the bottom of this If our government won't do it

I need to uncover this truth It is so wild that you're attacking LGBTQIA plus uh-oh QUIA What did I say? Add more letters Uh-oh, LGB-X-T-A-B-C-D-E-FGQUIC R2D2 You know

A little dumpster Anyway, you have not attacked anyone bad You've only attacked good people. You mean gingerminge, Jeffrey Epstein, giraffe? What did Jeffrey the giraffe do? What did Ginger Minge do? What did Rupal do to you? Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. I just want answers. I want answers. We want answers. If there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to hide. Let's see the files. Come on, Elliot Musk, release the files.

I think he's got him. He seems to got him. Also, I think maybe our president has them. Yeah. I think he's. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. It's going to be the scariest thing you've ever heard.

This was a scary episode. I think our president's bad. I don't know if he's doing the best job. They didn't send their best when they sent their geriatrics to run for president. Jeez. Do you see? See what? Nothing.

Okay, we'll end. His neckosy. Excuse me? Our president has a neckercy. What's nekosy? A neck pussy? Oh, he does have a neck pussy. It is kind of wild.

Gobble, gobble, gobble. It truly. No, now it's November, gobble, gobble, gobble. Do you think Melania, I almost called her Juliana? Do you think Melania at night fingers his neck pussy? Yes. And she's like, I hate my life. A mama mea, I hate my life.

Yeah, whoo, I hate my life. Also, I don't love talking about people's looks, but that child that they produced is scary looking. He looks like the Babadook. He is so tall. He looks like a crystal ball with a toupee on top. It's interesting. I mean, I don't want to be like he's ugly. He is, he is, he's different looking.

He's very different looking. Yes. He looks, he kind of looks like a bowl of punch. Mano, would you date me? Yes. But I think we'd be bad together. I also think, I think we would enable each other every night to do something terrible. That's true.

I can't say no to you. I can't say no to you. Yeah. I would be bad So yeah Yes I think it would be really toxic I think we would hug each other too much Talk too much

Yeah I don't think we would ever get sleep I think we just like stay awake at night Being like I have something funny to shake Yeah I'd be bad Do you have anything you want to promote? Yes If you enjoyed this unhinged episode You can listen to Drag Her

Yes With I host with Oscar Montoya Who's wonderful and iconic And amazing We also have a show Bad Drag Race You can come see the finale I will be there November 15th

Yes 2025 at Dynasty That's right And you could get tickets Where you could watch it at home Yes Yeah we might do live stream Oh wait you don't do it

We stop doing live stream Just kidding you can't watch it at home You gotta come in person You gotta come in person And we love trash With Betsy Sidero Is awesome And she's we love Betsy

and I get to talk about trash and bad movies with her, so go listen to that too. I love that. And you guys, if you like me a little so... You can like that, and go write that,

and I'll subscribe. You'll give me five stars on Apple Podcast, and if you write me something nasty, this mono. What? This can't be good for your health, eating lipstick,

and now it's in your mustache. If you like this episode of why won't you date me? Okay, I said that already. Okay. Okay, if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Jamie Podcasts at gmail.com, I will read it.

Hey, Nicole, should I read it as Elmo? Yes, yes. Elmo, hi, Nicole. It's Halloween night, and you're dressed as a ghost, just a sheet with two holes, one for your eyes and one for your purses. I show up at your door.

What? I show up at your door as a trick-or-treater, but you tell me you have something better than candy. Yes, yes, take a break, take away. Then you flipped a sheet over my head and ride me like a broomstick screaming, boo, every time you come.

But the time the night is over, the neighbors think your house is actually haunted. Happy Halloween. Love Johnny, he, him. Wow. Elmo says bye. Bye. Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer.

This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennefkaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of Content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our Thief music is arranged by Mike Comete. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a little bit. brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's going on? It's

Lamarne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a new girl rewatch podcast now on HeadGum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet.

I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts new episodes drop every single tuesday