Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Yelp for Escorts (w/ Alexa Eason)

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Full-service sex worker Alexa Eason shares about her life as an escort. She teaches Nicole about BDSM, the relationship risks involved with sex work, Instagram's censoring of fat bodies, and the dreaded "Yelp for Escorting" sites where escorts are ranked against each other. Alexa gives advice for anyone looking to get started doing sex work. Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, see blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer New Merch Store! podswag.com/dateme Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could tell me you packed my suitcase for a trip, and then we get there, and I open it, and it's filled with potatoes.

My guest today is a PBW full full service sex worker and content creator. It's Alexa Easton. Hello, Nicole. Hi, Alexa. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for reaching out to me. Oh, yeah, totally. Thank you for having me. I'm incredibly flattered. So you reached out I feel like almost immediately after i had um troy on who is also well is a is an escort who's also a sex worker uh who i found on uh the a and e documentary oh my god what is it called oh i think it's called sex for sale but also it might not be called that because i'm a known liar who doesn't write anything down. So, Alexa, how did you get into sex work?

Wow. So I've been in sex work for like over five years at this point. And well, in a serious way, been for five years. And I got into sex work because I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to like make my own schedule, have my own time. And I love meeting people and I like having sex and I'm incredibly charming. I mean, I don't know what I thought the answer was going to be, but like, yes, that sounds sounds like like obvious like the obvious fucking answer totally also did i ask you how you were or did i just ask you like a like a question you just

asked a question but it's okay i'm good okay you're good okay we got it how are you doing well i made it forget it no i'm fine uh i guess i'm just like a little scatterbrain i started a new job so i'm like just a little all over the place but you know that's just how i roll most of the time just a little scatterbrain but with a good full heart you're doing a great job at it um so okay so yeah you're okay do you prefer bbw or do you prefer fat like what are what is the the adjectives that you like the most so i honestly prefer fat over anything else but bbw is such like an adult industry word phrase identifier that i use that for everything because when men i mean sometimes when men, like, Google,

they might type, like, fat escort. They might type fat sex worker. But usually they will use, like, porn words, which BBW is the porn identifier. So that's why it's in all my stuff. But I prefer fat. I also prefer fat. I was on the Steve Harvey show, and he was like, this is years ago.

He was, and I was on with like two, like a fat fitness lady and then a plus size model. And they were like, fluffy, plus size, voluptuous. And I was like, you fucking call me fat. Yeah. I don't give a shit. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't define me. It's not like I walk around being like, oh no, she's so fat.

It's just like, I look in the mirror and I go, oh, bigger than I thought. But it's okay. We keep it moving. it moving keep going yeah i don't fucking care um so how uh i mean i don't want to like sex work is like you know kind of dangerous so i don't want to like fully give away like how you operate but like how do you go about getting clients is that an okay question yeah you can ask me i'll let you know if something is not perfect that's great great um so there are lots of ad sites which i didn't know i had a lot of friends who were sex workers and in like the full sex work and full um service sex work industry before i got into it and i had no idea that that kind of there's just tons and tons and tons of websites for it.

So there's ad sites with varying humanity, I would say. OK, like some of there's review boards. So there's like the Yelp for escorts, which is as awful as you could imagine it to be. That is fucking wild. Yeah. Some of them are worse than others um i won't name names but people will know what i'm talking about wait that is so fucking wild i cannot wrap my mind around someone hiring somebody for sex and then rating it or leaving a review and not only do they rate the experience they rate on a one to ten scale what I look like, what my titties are like, what the atmosphere of my place was, all that stuff.

I've had friends get really poor reviews because somebody was like, oh, I thought my car was going to get broken into while I was inside. I'm just like, why? Because you like saw a black person on the street. Like what? Like it's absurd. It's absurd. I am. Yeah, it's really bad.

It's funny because specifically I never leave a place and I'm like, oh, I need to get them on that Yelp review or like or whatever. So it's just like to like leave sex and then be like, oh, I'm steamed. I'm going to get in my car and give him a piece of my mind. Yeah. That's a special fucking type of person. Yeah, totally. And it you know, I have had fine reviews.

You know, I've had i've never had anyone um to review me vindictively um but people have that all the time and it's really it's really upsetting because then people read that stuff and you know i feel like most people can be like okay one bad review must have been his problem but not always and like it there are rankings like people are ranked and it's weird it is a wild wild time it's also really strange to like you know i got into this to like be my own boss and to like be in charge of how i do things and then to still have men like be kind of in charge of like where I rank. Yeah. I mean, it truly fucking feels that most sex work.

Yes. You're your own boss, but it does feel like, I mean, if you are catering to men, men filter your experience, even like stripping, usually an owner's a man or not.

Usually I mean, I think usually there's a man. He's the one who's dictating how much you pay into the club, how much you get to keep. It's like it's really a make. They get to choose the aesthetic of everything. It is really it's fucking wild. It's a it is interesting. I wish there was more female, you know, or female identifying people who you know owned clubs

or whatever i was talking to kat hollis and she was talking about like strippers owning their own clubs and i was like yes that's fucking great there used to be one in uh the pacific northwest yeah yeah in portland right uh-huh yeah but it's no more it's no more it hasn't been it's been gone for many years i think oh i see yeah um so when you are meeting with clientele so okay i don't really have this experience with people i hook up with where they're like you're my first fatty or you're my first big girl or like wow this is wild i think it's just because i like truly i'm like titties out pussy on and i'm like don't care but i think a lot of bigger gals tend to like be a little shy in the bedroom so then i think people like to be like oh it's okay

you're the first big girl i've been with this is exciting for me so do people do that when they're with you i haven't had very many people say that to me actually which is pretty wacky because i i suspect that which i think this is also a civilian civilians like non-adult industry person so i suspect that most civilians who are fat their experience is like being a secret you know like men don't want to like tell their friends they don't want to date you because they don't want people to know they like fat people or whatever so i suspect that sometimes clients want to see me because there is nothing attached to it you know which is a great thing you know it's really fun and also maybe they're embarrassed by their attraction to fat people so i suspect that's their their reasoning their like purpose for seeing me but they don't

usually say to me you're the fat girl you're the first fat girl i've ever seen okay yeah um oh shit what was i gonna say oh no i got a case of the adhd brain fart oh okay um do you have um like consistent clients yeah yeah i have a couple of regulars that are very that are incredibly consistent um and who are like i would call friends like good friends yeah that's good i like that you have like a friendship based relationship with these people uh because it makes it feel better they're not better but just like there's like another level to it to someone that you're seeing consistently and they're yeah i like that this is another level to it to someone that you're seeing consistently. And yeah, I like that.

This is the question I wanted to ask. Boy, oh boy, it is hard to be this person. So I like skimmed an article. I can't read anything fully. It's too hard but um i skimmed an article about how women or people assigned female at birth tend to attach when they have sex whether it's a one-night stand or anything and it takes like time to like get over that attachment that has been created from the uh shit that's released during sex do you find that sometimes even though you understand that it's an

exchange of services do you find sometimes that you like attach to people um i mean that was a good question that was a great question look at you go it's almost as if I prepared. I don't know. I guess maybe not in the way that article is saying attached. I mean, I really appreciate the beauty of sex work and these relationships. Most of my clients come back. It's pretty wacky to me if I don't see them again. it's pretty it's pretty wacky to me if i don't see them again um but i don't know if i'm like i'm not like i want you to be my boyfriend you know i really like the like you know we share this great experience we have a really nice time we like joke and laugh and have great sex and then

you like continue on with your life you know we're not like bound to each other because we had intercourse or something yeah i don't know if it's like bound to each other i think it's i think the article is implying that sometimes i don't i think it's like a chemical that's released or whatever's in your body where you're like yeah oh i feel like a little like oh wouldn't wouldn't be nice if not like i need you to so you don't have any of that going on i mean not really no i don't like romanticize i don't well i don't like dating people usually and i don't want to be married. And I am like a very polyamorous person. You know, I like will hook up with people in my like everyday life. And it can just be a hookup.

And then maybe we're friends and or maybe we don't see each other again. Like maybe I just took somebody home from the bar or whatever pre-pandemic. pandemic. But yeah, I mean, I will, I definitely develop feelings for people as our relationship grows, you know, like some people I've been seeing for years, like, and I mean, I just moved from Providence, Rhode Island to Philadelphia. And I was, I like cried a couple of times because clients that I had had for years, you know, I was not going to see them that often anymore. And like, you know, I do you know, we learn things about each other and they remember that I how I like my coffee and like sweet little things like that. They remember to bring me a donut in the morning. And those things are really nice.

You know, anyway. So I develop like sweet feelings for sure. Fair. OK. So Troy was telling me that when he engaged with a client, all financial expenses, if they want to go out to dinner, if they want to go to a movie, anything they want falls on them. Same with you? Yeah, same. OK, cool.

What's like the most glamorous date you've been on um most glamorous date i've been on well i'm hoping that it will be coming up in san francisco but the most glamorous date i've ever been on probably was in boston i can't even remember oh it might have been like the capital grill or something, which is just a steakhouse. But it was just really beautiful. We went to dinner. We spent a lot of time together. We like took a walk by the park.

It was nice. And the hotel room was beautiful. I had no idea. If somebody had told me a couple years ago that I'd be like a connoisseur of hotel rooms, I would not have believed them. But I have so many opinions about hotels now. Yeah. I mean, I guess I almost feel bad for not having a more glamorous story.

That's fine. I like the Capitol Grill. They got a great peppercorn steak and they have very good off sauce. Yeah. Steakhouse when you're not like in L.A. or New York. Yeah. What are your opinions on hotel rooms? I'm so curious.

OK. There's obviously a wide range of hotel rooms. I have stayed in almost all of them. I do. I try not to have like super classist opinions about hotel rooms because I see a lot of different kinds of people. And like, you know, like, do I see like incredibly wealthy people? Yes. Do I see like working class folks?

Yes. Like, you know, it's like a really broad range. And so qualifications for a good hotel room, I really think that some toiletries are better than others. I appreciate if there is a makeup remover wipe in there. There's a brand that's like Malik and Goath or something. I don't even know if I'm saying that right. Yeah. It's like in my brain, but like I know what you're talking about, but I cannot remember the name.

I can't either. But anyway, close enough. And those are really great. I've had those at a couple of hotels. Love that. I can't either. But anyway, close enough. And those are really great. I've had those at a couple of hotels. Love that. I appreciate really nice lighting. A tub big enough for my fat body. I mean, I am classes with hotels and I don't give a shit who fucking knows it.

I like a room to smell fucking good. I like good toiletries. I like lotion that doesn't feel fucking watery. Yeah. smell fucking good i like good toiletries i like lotion that doesn't feel fucking watery yeah i like a good uh bath uh fucking gel that doesn't smell too like masculine that's like a pretty like ambiguous smell um i like a comfy fucking bed and then i like the beds that have like a block under it because when it doesn't have that i have to look under the bed to make sure there's not like a dead body under there because there was a terrible horror story about this room

that smelled stinky and then finally one of the oh my god the cleaning people looked under the bed and there was a rotting fucking body and that's not something I want honestly I would probably hop on Yelp if I found a dead body at a hotel.

I'd be like, guys, I love you. It's a warning. Yeah. I would be deeply, I mean, I probably wouldn't go to hotels anymore, honestly. Just turn me off the whole thing. Yeah, I think so. I mean, moving, you know, like fancy hotels, aesthetic, like beautiful aesthetic, like beautiful, like fixtures. I love a fixture. A beautiful lamp. You got a beautiful sc fixtures i love a fixture a beautiful lamp you got a beautiful sconce i love a sconce uh i also love a sconce a nice little sconce

yeah i secretly love theme hotels also which sometimes are really weird and gross but can also be incredibly cool i don't think i've ever been to a theme hotel. If you're ever in New York, go to the Gramercy Park Hotel. One of the doormen there, I won't say his name because I don't think he wants it out there like that. I didn't ask. But like, I loved him. We like became friends. We follow each other on Instagram. It's been years.

He had a baby. I'm so happy for him. Wow, that's so cute. I love that hotel. They always treat me so well. Shout out to the Gramercy Park Hotel. It's got good. I love that hotel. They always treat me so well. Shout out to the Grimmson Park Hotel. It's got good lighting and it smells good and it's cute. And oh, nice towels. Towels that don't feel scratchy. Like they're like really fluffy and nice.

I also recently stayed in a hotel where there was a towel warmer in the bathroom. That place. Way to go. That's nice and opulence. That's nice. Yes And opulence. That's nice. Yes. Opulence. So you said earlier that you're more polyamorous than monogamous, right?

That's one person. Yes. Mono monogamous. Yeah. So do you tell. Oh, yeah. Like, are you like. Do you tell people what you do?

It depends. It depends on who it is. Depends. Oh, I i don't i tend not i think when i was like newer to the industry i would tell people kind of willy-nilly and i i've gotten burned a couple of times with people that i thought were friends so yeah i keep it i usually like try to know a person a little more before i give them the whole spiel fair like when you're dating or do you mean like just like friendship wise? Across the board. If somebody is like not already, I tend to most of my friends are sex workers at this point or have been or retired. So if some if I don't know what somebody whether or not they've been in the industry, I keep it pretty under wraps until I decide whether or not I can trust them pretty much. That makes sense. I mean, yeah, because people have preconceived notions and they're fucking judgmental.

Like people are just the general public is honestly very poorly behaved and bad. Yeah, they could use some manners a lot of the times. Have you ever dated anyone who had an issue with what you do no never oh okay yeah i mean honestly that sounds great yeah it's really chill yeah like truly like really you've like never dated a single person who was like i hate this i'm jealous i tend to date people that i already know i don't usually like you know we're like already friends or have friends in common or we're like connected in this like wacky polyamorous web of people so i kind of already have an idea of what they're like though some people can surprise you and

suddenly they're pissed that you're a sex worker but yeah by and large everybody i've talked to or dated or hooked up with and talked to later, friends, everybody's been very chill. Yeah, what a dream. Yeah. So do you do like a combination of like out calls and in calls or is it only out calls? Like what is the situation like? I would say that it's, mine's primarily in calls. And I rent an apartment that I use for in calls.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, oh, in call alcohol. If you don't know listeners in called literally just means like in your house alcohol means you're going out somewhere. And then BBW, I didn't explain big, beautiful woman. It is like a porn term. It's a, you porn term it's a you know it's just you know a bigger woman on screen and yeah uh we get pushed to one little

category and then and very rarely do you get to dip in the other ones it is wild that you don't just see like like a fat woman in like the p category yeah because it's like i could pee too and i could be pretty good you know why not just have me there i'm incredibly skilled at peeing i could pee anywhere i could be anywhere you want i just aim my pee somewhere you'd be surprised that that i have definitely gotten pee shy when requested for that in my early years now it's now i have everything's so easy at this point but um yeah my early years i got pee shy a couple of different times and had to be like, well, sorry, can't perform right now. Do you have people tell you exactly what they want before the appointment?

Or is it like you make an appointment and then once you get there, they're like, this is what I'm into and this is what I want. and then once you get there they're like this is what i'm into and this is what i want um so i try to keep all of my like all the talking beforehand camera what that is like emails text messages all that stuff i try to keep it really g-rated primarily for safety um i use encrypted texting and encrypted email also for safety why does it keep why does keeping something g-rated factor into safety i don't it i think it's more for my peace of mind than it is actually you know i'm i think in my head it's like legal ramifications and like hard evidence like you know stuff like that though i think that if the Vice Squad wanted information, they could find it, regardless of how hard I try to keep it chill. So it's probably more for my peace of mind than anything else.

Also, I don't sext for free. Ah, there we go. Sometimes people will get really excited and they want to, like, write me a whole novel about how they want our date to go. And while I would love to do that and actually love sexting, it's one of my very favorite things. I don't do it for free because I'm incredibly talented at it. So, well, I mean, you could just give them an item and I an itemized receipt at the end. I'm so sorry. It's $50 more because more because we sexted well depending on how long it might be a lot more so yeah usually emails and everything are really g-rated it's like

where we're gonna meet um you know i have all their screening information so i have like a lot of personal information about them usually and then then when we get there, I try to have like a little, especially if it's going to be like BDSM or like fetish work, I try to have like a more in-depth discussion face-to-face about, you know, consent and boundaries and what they like, what they don't like. It's really funny because a lot of people will be like, I don't care, do anything to me. And I'm like, okay, well, be careful because i might pull out like a cactus

spine or something oh wow so you're a dom this is what i'm what i'm picking up i'm picking up what you're putting down and what you're putting down is you're a dom yeah sometimes yeah so do you do so you do uh bdsm how okay so i'm not well versed in the bdsm world i mean what i know is like the basics we got our dominant we got our sub uh the sub sometimes likes to be humiliated or you know put in pain or whatever and then there's a lot of like rubber and patent leather and maybe a mask or two and some heels and we step on bitches so like walk me through bdsm i don't know if any of like i'm sure some listeners know but like i don't know it's it's a kink that i don't think is like really explored beyond like bondage yeah totally yeah i think that people

yeah generally think that like bdsm has to or like fetish has to be like a lot of accoutrement like you have to have this thing you have to have a flogger you have to have needles you have to have a wortenberg wheel like all these things you have to have them you lost me at hortenberg wheel and needles i was like i don't think anyone has ever said you have to have a hortenberg i know here's a who but i've never heard of a hortenberg wheel. It's a Wart and Wartenberg. Wartenberg wheel. What is a Wartenberg wheel? Wartenberg wheels are actually like a lot of BDSM instruments were a medical instrument used to test nerve responses. I think it's a really old thing. I actually have one, but it might be too loud for me to get it out of this case.

Anyway, it's just like a long handle with pretty much a spur on the end of it. It's like round. It has little pokey bits and it is like a sensation thing. It can be pain. It can be less painful. And you just like roll it on people like a fucking pizza cutter. Yeah,

pretty much. Okay, cool. Just pizza cut them. All right. I'm getting into it. So yeah, you said needles what kind of needles are we needling people with i don't do needle play because i don't feel um i don't feel

skilled enough in that and also i don't there's a lot more like cleanup and care i think that needs to be done with open wounds and blood. So I don't offer that. But, yeah, people like to have holes put in them. And it can get really pretty. I mean, I think that needle play can be really beautiful. There's, like, lots of designs. I think that blood is pretty. Sure.

To each their own. Yeah, totally. I think that blood is like a really beautiful fluid um which maybe tells you how weird i am i don't know if it's weird i i think uh i don't know everybody has their own preferences just because something that's not my preference but it's yours doesn't mean you're the weirdo maybe i'm the fucking weirdo because i'm not looking to be poked yeah i mean i'm not looking to be poked. Yeah. I mean, I'm not looking to be poked either. I don't want to be poked, but I love to poke.

You want to be the poke-out. I see. Okay. So we got needles. We got the pizza cutter. What else we got? I mean, then you have all kinds of impact implements like floggers and crops and whips. And then you have like canes and different kinds of things like that all of which

give different sensations um and then give a spectrum of sensations on how you use them and where you use them i mean then you can get into rope bondage and shibari um shifari Shibari? Shibari. Who's that? Shibari is traditional Japanese rope bondage that I think is often watered down a whole lot. I don't, I personally don't have a lot of experience in that particular skill. So I don't have a ton of information, but I think it is often really watered down in like Western BDSM. I think there's a whole lot more to it that we don't talk about so you have all that stuff rope impact then there's just things that you don't actually need tools for it's just like a peace of mind i think there's a lot you can do with like controlling people's senses you know can they see can they hear can they touch can they smell

what are they tasting like you can control all those things and it can really affect someone's experience of something and you can do those things without a whole lot of toys yeah just get covid can't taste or smell a thing maybe all these these Republicans are just into BDSM and they're like, I want the COVID so I can't taste or smell. No, I'm kidding. But that's so, yeah, that makes sense to like, yeah, I can't see anything. Yeah. That would, I've never really, I've never been blindfolded. And I don't know if I'd be into it.

I feel like I would just be like, wouldn't, would just not know how to stop giggling. Be like, I can't see. I'd be into it. I feel like I would just be like, wouldn't would just not know how to stop giggling. Be like, I can't. Yeah, I don't know. I love to laugh during sex. I mean, I, I am like a really, I mean, I laugh at nearly everything. And so I love laughing at sex. I think sex is like a really funny thing that we do with our bodies. And it's fun to do. And sometimes people will be like, why are you laughing? Are you laughing are you laughing at me and i'm like no i'm just like having a nice time like you know it's fun it's enjoyable i'm like really i like feel a lot of joy connecting with people that way so yeah i laugh as a result i mean yeah i guess I laugh too sometimes. Yeah. It's been so long since I've had sex. Oh, hell yeah. It's been a minute. Yeah. Oh, well, anyway, we have to take a break.

Okie doke. And we're back. So how long does an appointment usually last? Most of mine tend to be multi-hour bookings. So two plus hours up to multiple days. Okay. Which I have not had a multiple day excursion yet. Sometimes they're overnight, 24 hours.

Sometimes they're 16 hours, which is just a little less time on either end. I have to sleep. I won't. We're not going to have a 24 hour fuck fest. I have to go to bed. I have to do my skincare and I have to go to bed. Um, but it's really special. Those kinds of times are really, I think are really special. I like multi hour appointments because, you know, it's, I think a lot of sex workers will say it's not just the sex. It's like an experience. It's like a really intimate exchange. Um, and when there's more time, there's more time to do intimacy, learn how somebody likes their coffee in the morning, learn, you know, how they want their steak cooked. Like what movie did they love as a child? Like that kind of stuff is really sweet and special to me. And I like that in multi-hour appointments. But I also love to bang in the middle of the day for an hour and go back to our lives.

The majority of your appointments are multi-hour. So like you're giving like the whole like girlfriend experience. Oh, yeah. Most of my appointments are girlfriend experience or they're like not too many of them are hard BDSM or hard fetish. A lot of them are like dominant girlfriend experience or just straight up girlfriend experience. Oh, okay.

But can, will you tell me what your rate is hourly or what your rate is? You don't have to, but okay. I mean, it's anybody could look it up. So I might as well just tell you. Um,

yeah, my hour right now is $500 and it actually went up when I moved to Philly because I hadn't raised my rates in a long time, which I think was like some self-esteem shit. You know, I realized like I I'm really good at what I do. And other sex workers tell me that clients tell me that I believe that about myself and i deserve to make a premium for that so i do so one hour is 500 so when we're doing like 16 24 hours it is 500 for that an hour for 16 hours no okay you get a i was like well fuck whatever i'm doing this is what I'm doing now. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

I think a lot of people think that where they're like, yeah, they're like, Oh, I like sex and I can talk to people and I'll make, you know, bukus of money doing this. But I haven't,

you know, I didn't start out that way and I didn't, it was not until last year that I had, uh, you know, before last year, the longest appointment I had ever had was about three hours. And last year that I had, you know, before last year, the longest appointment I had ever had was about three hours. And last year, I had a longer booking because a regular of mine is immune compromised.

And, you know, I quarantined for two weeks, got tested twice, and then saw him. So he wanted to compensate me for the two weeks that I spent not seeing anybody else. And we spent a lot of time together because we weren't going to get to do that really again. So, you know, the circumstances changed, I guess. But before that, I mean, I wouldn't, I don't think of myself as like living an incredibly posh life. I think, you know, like my life is pretty regular most days. And the overhead is a lot higher than people think a lot of the time. Like, you know, education that I do to make sure that I'm like up to par on like BDSM stuff and the cost of running

a website, the cost of buying filming materials, because I do, I have online content like OnlyFans and ManyVids, the cost of maintaining two apartments, the cost of ads. Ads for like escort services are astronomical most of the time. Really? How much is one ad? Well, depends on the site. And I don't want to name names because I don't want them to delete me or something, which they will do vindictively. But they can be hundreds of dollars for a month long ad, like five or six hundred dollars for a month.

Or they can be, you know, you can post like nationwide or international ads and those ads are thousands of dollars. And then if you're posting that on multiple different ad sites it adds up really quickly yeah i think that a lot of people have like this image of sex workers as being um and there's a huge range like there are sex workers you know i'm incredibly privileged like i'm white i'm cis like i work indoors like you know there's a huge range um but yeah i wouldn't say that i'm just a regular gal just a regular gal living her dreams living my dreams what are other like preconceived notions about full-service sex work that you just have found to be different than what other people think the first thing that comes to mind which

is really funny uh is a lot of people don't think we pay taxes it's every tax season all over sex work twitter there are so many people being like oh you don't pay your taxes like i wish i could be a sex worker they don't pay taxes and that's bullshit i pay taxes lots of people pay all of their taxes like the irs is not it doesn't care like you know people yeah it's also so wild to me that somebody would be like they sex workers don't pay taxes and i'm like so you think that there's people who just don't file taxes every year but like spend money and have credit cards and the irs is like ah that's my friend i guess i won't come after them t he he yeah it's like no they want their money i don't fucking care how it's made exactly yeah i actually saw this thing recently that was going to be a

so i don't know if you know there's been lots of laws in the past couple of years affecting sex work specifically or you know under the guise of protecting trafficked victims and i saw a bill i don't i think it got knocked off the table like because of covid but it was about cash deposits um people making cash deposits were going to be taxed on that cash deposit. Like, you were just going to pay a fee and it was going to go to the IRS or something like that. Um, which was going to be so sad to me. Yeah, that's fully fucking insane. Truly, truly insane.

But people, you know, I feel like sex workers are oftentimes the guinea pigs for all bullshit. Uh-huh. You know, I feel like sex workers are oftentimes the guinea pigs for all bullshit. Because, you know, across the board, you can have incredibly radical political thinkers, and they will hate sex workers. You know, I've run into so many communists and socialists and anarchists that hate sex workers, like will be for any other worker but sex workers so it's really easy to make us the guinea pig because by and large people don't give a shit about sex work yeah that fucking sucks and it's so weird and puritanical that it's just like i look down on this person who has a profession that like i don't see as like viable or like good yeah but it's like what i just if it doesn't affect you why the fuck do you have an opinion about it god only knows you know yeah i don't like bananas but

i'm not mad at banana farmers you know yeah yeah i'm not going around being like fuck these banana farmers or now like i don't fucking care about them i'm just not gonna eat bananas i'm not gonna do it if you don't like sex work then like go home and fuck your ugly wife yeah i'm kidding or your ugly husband or your ugly partner yeah totally yeah like i'm just kidding yeah i just i i don't understand why people have any sort of opinion it truly boggles and blows my mind also it's fucked up like comics will sell merch and stuff and you get cash so like when i was selling my merch before i was like i can't do this i um i had like a the little card reader and then cash and then i would have like

hundreds of like i would have like a thousand dollars in cash on me that i would take to the bank yeah and then it's like if you're gonna tax me on that how rude yeah truly well that's the thing is that it always comes out sideways and ends up fucking over general people or just like fucking over sex workers in unexpected ways for example FOSTA SES, which was a law that Trump signed into effect years ago. Please explain this to me because I actually don't. I've seen it a lot because I follow a lot of sex workers on Instagram and stuff, but I don't fully understand it because, you know, your girl likes to skim shit. I didn't get the full understanding. It's nice when someone tells me about something. Yeah, totally. I mean, I can tell you, I definitely don't think that I

am an expert, so I can tell you i definitely don't think that i am an expert so i can tell you what i know and somebody out there might fact checked me on it and that's okay because i you know i want to know when i'm wrong and stuff but so fast assessed the intention was to protect trafficking victims and side note so many people want to talk about sex trafficked people and i don't deny that there are people who are sex trafficked but i think that the number of trafficked victims are largely in agriculture or domestic work um i don't think that the large number of trafficked victims are sex trafficked victims and we miss that that conversation so much. And we do we don't you know, we don't do right by those people by ignoring them. Anyways, so SESA FASA intended

to protect sex trafficking victims, and to stop trafficking. So it made websites responsible for the things that are on the website. So used to be, we'll say Tumblr. Tumblr actually changed all of their policies based on SESTA-FOSTA. So used to be you could post all kinds of wild porn on Tumblr. It was mostly a porn site. I liked porn Tumblr. I agree.

It was like nice porn that people put thought into. Yeah, totally. And now you have to hunt for that stuff usually um so yeah it used to be you could post anything on tumblr it was incredible uh and now sessa fosta was pretty much like well you can't guarantee that those people aren't being trafficked so you're responsible for any content that goes up and we can prosecute you the website for this porn information people okay whatever i think i'm doing a really bad job at this but hey listen i don't know it's making a little bit of sense to me you know this is how i don't know if you know about backpage yeah so Backpage used to be a an incredible ad platform. So many like high class

or like elite sex workers will be like, I never used Backpage. And I'm like, okay, well, sucks for you. Because that's how I got started. And I have great clients from it. And I'm like, financially stable in a way I've never been before so have fun but back page used to be this incredible site fossa sessa destroyed it because they were saying that back page was being used to traffic people were there people on back page being exploited probably uh but the research that they have now since fossa sessa is now like a couple years old the research they have now is that it is so much harder to find those people. You know, removing them from the internet, you can't see them anymore.

You know, it like pushes them even further into the dark where you don't know where they are. You can't get to them. You can't help them. Yeah. As opposed to just having the website and monitoring it. Yeah, totally. And being like, oh, this person looks like, you know, this situation looks kind of shady or whatever. Yeah, totally.

And so now and all those sex workers that were being, you know, being exploited on Backpage is not good, but they were probably working indoors. and it seems that the research is showing now that sex workers who were able to work indoors because back page existed now they are being pushed to the streets because there's nowhere online for them to get clients so now they're in even more dangerous situations where no one can find them no one can help them no one's monitoring and they're outside on the streets which is like so much more dangerous so in a nutshell i guess a poorly encased nutshell that is what fossa sesta is it changed how websites are responsible for the content on them and that destroyed a lot of things and fucked up a lot of shit that's why instagram has started cracking down on bodies period like fat bodies forget it even if you're not like a sex worker if you're fat you

have too much cleavage you can't post on instagram like it'll get taken down wait really oh yeah oh yeah there's a whole there's a whole thing about this a lot of people are trying to organize around it um because a thin person will post a picture in a bikini. It's fine. Instagram doesn't care. But a fat person will do the exact same thing. Instagram, the, like, algorithm that reads the whatever. I don't know how it works. Will pick up that it's more skin and will flag that picture and the picture will get deleted.

Yeah. And if it happens enough, your account gets deleted. Does the algorithm think it's like several naked people i don't know what it thinks you'd have to ask how wild i don't think that hasn't happened to me yet well i'm waiting for it it doesn't happen so you have a really large account congrats uh-huh thank you the content's incredible it's worth you know just trying to swing on polls and have a nice time yeah i saw that video you're really i was like hell yeah nicole so because your account is so large and because lots of people watch your account that means that there's more ad time that and money that instagram can like leech from your content wow what a nightmare what a

hellish fucking nightmare we're all fucking in yes it's they're like all right well let this fatty be kind of naked because of ads yeah it's like lizzo lizzo shout out to lizzo great lizzo can post all kinds of pictures like in a thong ass out titties out wearing pasties looks great. But like I do that shit. And my I mean, this is I'm on my third Instagram, I think. So you know, if I post a thong, I pretty much should say goodbye to my account. Like damn, yeah. And it happens to everybody. Like so many people across the board, generally fat people, it happens to everybody like so many people across the board generally fat people or sex workers boy boy oh boy yeah one of my favorite sex workers xo mary she got her account deleted yeah and uh she had like a backup and she was like please send me videos and stuff and i was like this sucks

yeah she was like getting a pretty decent following and i think she was i think it was like 600 000 or something and it got deleted yep and then it was like 600,000 or something and it got deleted. Yep. And then it was like, you have to start over again and then people have to find you. Yeah, it's really fucked up. Yeah, it's awful. And it, you know, yeah, it's bad. It sucks. I mean, what can you do? I don't know.

Oh, do you like, do you hang out with like other fat sex workers? Not as much as I'd like to. I have. Go ahead. Oh, no. sex workers um not as much as i'd like to i have go ahead oh no i was just gonna say i wonder how many fat sex work full-service sex workers there are i'm sure there's a ton but not a lot not a lot or in my experience not a lot which you know there are lots of people who don't use the internet for advertising or don't use social media and so because that is like a big part of my you know sex work experience that's who i see so there's probably a lot of people that i don't even know exist um so sorry for saying that you don't exist i guess but yeah i mean it's

just not in your fucking yeah just can't see in front of you it's not in your world yeah totally so are you for sex work being being legalized or decriminalized? Sex work should be decriminalized. And not legalized. Why? What is the difference? I feel like I've asked this before, but I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know. It's worth hearing again. Yeah. And everybody has different answers. But I think that sex work should be decriminalized because legalizing sex work gives the state control over my body and what I do with it. And decriminalizing sex work more just like makes my job safer and protects me a little bit more. Not that I think that the state always protects people, obviously. But it for, you know, for legal purposes, decriminalization is a lot safer and is oftentimes what sex workers want.

I see, I see, I see. Okay, real quick, we got to take a break. What's like a tip you can give somebody if they're looking to get into sex work? What's like a tip you can give somebody if they're looking to get into sex work? Find someone that is like similar to the niche that you want to start in and pay them money to talk to you about, you know, and there's so many different kinds of sex work, which is about fat sex workers. There are a whole, whole, whole, whole lot of fat sex workers doing online content, doing cam work. And they're doing a great job. And that experience is really different than a fat sex worker who sees clients in person, like a fat stripper, which why aren't there more of those or a fat escort. So there's a whole lot of different kinds of sex work. Decide what kind you want to get into.

Find somebody. Give them some money. Ask them questions. Because in any other profession, for me to train someone on all of the skills and the knowledge that I have would cost money, you know? Like I would get paid to train someone. And so I think that, you know, people – a lot of times people are like, teach me paid to train someone and so i think that you know people a lot of times people are like uh teach me how to get into sex work and i'm like just give me some money for it

like you know i have a lot of information i'm good at what i do i've learned a lot of stuff and i should be compensated for that wisdom but caveat if you're starting sex work and you're worried about like you want safety information i will give out safety information every day of the week for free all the time and anybody worth their salt will do the same um but if you want to talk to me about marketing and like how to start up my only fans and like the real info onFans because there's a lot of YouTube videos that are bullshit about OnlyFans yeah that stuff there's a fee there I mean I mean I truly don't understand OnlyFans other than like you set up the account but then I'm like but how do you get people to see it yeah there's a lot of marketing yeah it's a lot of yeah it seems like a lot of work to like

market yourself is a lot of work it's a little i the parallels are very similar with like acting um or comedy where it's like how do you fucking get people to see you how do you get people come to your shows how do you get an agent how do you get a manager how do you do it's a lot of fucking work especially before you're like a big name you know like there's a lot of sites only fans has no or has like some internal search but not really versus places like many vids that like i can like search through the bbw category but yeah i mean if you don't if you're not a big name sites don't want to promote you only fans doesn't want to promote you if you're a sex worker period they like to pretend that sex

workers don't exist on that platform and haven't built it up from nothing so wild because like the only reason i know about only fans is because of the sex workers i have followed on instagram who led me there yeah totally there's so many only fans ads i the other day i got an only fans ad on instagram and i was like if i type only fans onto a picture on instagram the So you know how Instagram has like the COVID alert box bubble thing? So that artificial intelligence or whatever reads text on images. And because it reads COVID, it puts the bubble. That is now being used to read. And if it sees OnlyF fans or even link in bio it will like flag that as spam or like adult

content um yeah artificial algorithm is wild we're ruining our lives yeah so i think there was a question in there you answered and i don't know if I got to it, but anyhow. I don't know. Well, we've come to the end. I ask all my guests this. Who would you date me? Nicole Byer, here's the hot take, which is that in Providence a couple of years ago, I swiped right on you on Tinder. And, you know, I'm sure lots of people swipe right on you you didn't get to me

in your time in providence so yeah i probably would i mean i honestly don't swipe out of town sometimes i do that's fair yeah lately i've been trying to swipe before i head somewhere and it doesn't work out so you, she's back to giving up. Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, yes, I would date you or at least hook up with you. Thank you. That's what I like to hear.

Yeah. Anytime. Do you have anything that you want to plug? Yeah. So my OnlyFans is incredible. I'm really good at that. You should watch me move my butthole. I'm traveling a lot coming up this fall. I'll be in San Francisco September 8th through 11th. I'll be in Minneapolis September 23rd through 25th. I'll be in Detroit October 7th through 9th

and LA October 18th through 21st. She's traveling. I love it. Thank you. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe. Give me five stars. If you write something nasty, I will read it. But this isn't something nasty, but this person said, I was listening to Why Won't You Date Me with Laura Day, and I was trying to do what she said, and I saw you with a man.

You were on a red carpet. He was wearing a burgundy suit with a navy tie and a pocket square, and you were mad at him because you were wearing a black dress and it didn't match. Anyway, it was so specific, I thought I would tell you. So this person is trying to manifest me a man. I appreciate you. Keep doing it. A man who can match. Yeah, a man who can match yeah a man who can match but um okay this is something nasty i want to put you on top of my summer ice cream cone and eat you in one bite

like the first bite of delicious ice cream i will keep you in my belly forever and every time i orgasm you will experience it too wait am i in this person's Yeah. I will eat a few vibrators. This is serious boar, like, fetish. That you may use every day. Did you say a boar fetish? Boar. V-O-R-E. Oh, oh. Yeah.

That's like consuming someone. Oh, wow. The more you know. The more you know. Yeah, dog. Like consuming their flesh? Or like sometimes. Ooh.

If there is a thing, people have fetishized it honest to god i mean i guess in my old age when i hit like 90 if someone's like do you want to eat a piece of me i'd be like you know what sure why not experience it one time i don't think so i don't think i can do that i don't think it's actual consumption just like fantasy consumption oh i see i see yeah well i was talking about really eating to a friend anyway you'll be able to hear my jokes and i'll hear your jokes through the new vibration sound technology we were laughing giggle all the time if you miss your dog i'll put him on another summer ice cream cone and it's just the dog so you can keep him that's funny that's so weird i'm into it thank you it's kind of thoughtful.

It is very thoughtful to be like, I'll swallow your dog too. Well, that's it. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening.

I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.