Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Your Favorite Queen’s Favorite Seamstress (w/ Danny Godoy)

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Designer and drag queen Danny Godoy is here! Known for creating iconic looks for queens like Bob the Drag Queen, Kim Chi, Kerri Colby, and more, Godoy talks about accidentally coughing and farting on Nicole, teaching her how to sew in a single day, and what happens at their drag queen craft nights.He shares the worst date of his life and explains why you should be keeping coconut oil in the bedroom. Nicole tells the details of her horrific dental drama.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/defend.» Cozy Earth: Cozy pyjamas! Head to cozyearth.com and use my code DATEMEBOGO to get these pj’s for you and someone you love!» Equip: Learn more about Equip’s virtual eating disorder treatment at equip.health/datemeFollow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg, plus hash browns, and a small coffee for just $5. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary.

Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. The conversation we were having before I coughed and fired on you, we were talking with Gio, our brand new favorite, well, my favorite person. Our Palm Springs Daddy. And we were talking to him about like dicks. Because he's friends with like a lot of porn stars. So we were having just conversations about penises and one of our friends' husbands' penis because he can't take it anymore.

And I was like, I mean, he is hot and I'm here. I'll do it for you. So I offered myself. And then I went, and then I went, and then I went, It was rather wild to... It was. Because it was such quick succession to be like, I'll suck your dick. I was like, I don't.

Why, farted because I was laughing. And I tried to like see if no one heard it. But I'm tight, so it's loud. You heard it here. If you like the boy, let him know. Also, be tight. And I have a fat ass. Don't you date me.

Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? a podcaster, Meena Cole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my finger and tell me it was an acrylic. My guest today, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. My guest today is a drag artist and designer behind some of your favorite RuPaul's drag race looks. They've done outfits for Bob the Drag Queen, Kimchi, Kerry, Goldby, and so many more icons. and this person once farted and coughed on me at a party. It's Danny Godoy! And you taught me how to sew in one day.

And you can add another name onto that list. Who? Soon to be me. I can't wait. Some of your shit is so fucking, no, all of it is so fucking good. I was about to say, and the other is shit. Well, I've seen you take a she and. dress and josh it up.

Like, well. Nicole, thank you for having me. Thank you for doing this. I love your necklace. I also like this look. You look like a boy who escaped a Catholic school. Yeah, because a priest wouldn't touch me. Which makes me really mad.

Like, I was probably an ugly kid. No, I was a very cute kid. I know that for a fact. Yes, I don't see ugliness for you. Like, you've got a good round face. You've got nice big eyes. What? Maybe I'm just ugly here.

In your heart? No, actually it's here. In your head? We're kind of ugly sometimes. No. Okay, wait. Rewin it. Okay.

Soeing. I got you something. What is it? This will be good for people only listening. Ooh, what is this? I don't know. I forgot what I got you. Oh, I got you stitch witchery.

What's that? So it helps you hem things. because you don't own an overlog and you didn't want to hem those pants. No, because it's too much work. So with this, you just iron it on. And I got you two different kinds to try. Good boy, thank you. Because I, hold on, I'll talk after I look at it.

And I also got you Taylor's Chalk. Oh! Yeah. Goodoy, thank you so much. I, so I after, okay, so I group texted. It was you and me. And I was like, let's have a craft night teach me how to sew. Because Meatball tried to teach me how to sew.

We made a bag, a tank top. And then she was like, let's make matching jumpsuits. That might have been my idea. I don't remember. But it was too fucking hard. Cut all of the patterns. And I was like, I'll never see you again. So then I texted at you too.

And I was like, let's have a craft night. Meatball was like, yes, let's do it. And I didn't fucking show up. It was the date that she wanted to do it. Mm-hmm. She said, we'll do this date. And we said, okay, we'll do that date. Meatball said

I'm in New York City Yeah, where the fuck were you? I'm eating Caesar salad pizza But you know what? We still had fun We did have a very good time Because we had Kim who came over and Didn't craft just answered emails

Which is crafting. You're crafting an email. People say that. People say that. They do say that she was crafting an email. Well now she took on A new... She makes little belt or not belts

Leather wallets. So she's going to do that at her next crafting she said. Okay. And then we had Monet who I made her She sat there And sewed feathers

Oh yes I made her finish her outfit And then what did Vicky Vicki was doing Stand up But sitting down And then I made my own pattern And I've used it

And I made I had fabric I didn't like So I was like I'm gonna see if I could do this again And Honestly Most of the time It's just cutting the pattern

Or like cutting the fabric To the pattern That's it It's crazy. Pinning. Oh my God. I was going to bring you some weights to, like, hold down your pattern. They're really heavy.

I understand. Your dainty little arms couldn't hold that. Mostly in the upper area. Godoy, are you dating? I am not actively dating. Do you want to be or no? Are you fucking? I'm fucking.

Yeah. I actually don't know how to date. What? You have to explain that a little bit more. So the last time that I went on an actual date was maybe like 2021. Mm-hmm. But it was like, oh, we're going to go to Akbar and do what? I didn't really know myself that much.

Now I'm like, I know exactly what I want to do and like my hobbies versus my career. So yeah. But I am open to dating. I am on like, I'm actually, I'm just on Raya, but it's horrible. A brag. I'm just on Raya. It's just like a networking thing. It's like, girl, get your fucking ass out of your head out of your ass. So do you want to be in a relationship or no?

You're just like, whatever. I don't know yet. Okay. Because I, we've talked about this. I don't know if you remember because I was drunk. at Monet's engagement party where it's like we were talking on manifesting it and like

all of that good stuff. Yes. There is a lot of my adult life or 20s where I was like I'm too much, I'm too much, I'm too loud, I do drag, where it's like bitch

whoever's gonna watch is going to watch it for who you are. All of that. And on top of, there's an added layer to this. We have great friends. Yeah. Like the threshold for our partner to fuck up is really low because everyone knows that I like knowing things right up front. Actually, I have a fun story.

But let me just wrap this one up real quick. I like knowing things like you tell me the truth. If I fuck up, you tell me and I will take accountability. But I also know that exterior, exterior. On the exterior? On the outside. I come off very. like strong and like strong person

you have a very strong personality yeah so a lot of people don't want to tell me those things so I figure that when I do end up getting a relationship if it's not a good one someone won't tell me but I do know that there are my friends that will tell me that okay on the other side yes I forgot what I was going to say oh no

you have You said you had a good story? I had a good story. Oh, yes. If you're out there and you want to date me or you have a crush on me, you just tell me. Any future date or mine, just tell me what you want, tell me what you're thinking, because I cannot read social cues when it comes to dating. Apparently, you know, Diana, Diana makes. No.

Okay. So my friend Diana. This is funny. You said you had a story. I am. I'm going to say it. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Because it was funny. I have a story. Hello, if you would like to date me. Because I need a preface. Because I think I missed on an opportunity of dating someone that I was actually interested in because I didn't say anything and they didn't say anything. But then when we stopped being friends, they were like, they told the other person they were dating at the time who happened to be my college friend that I broke his heart. And I didn't even know this. So then I was telling my friend Diana, this.

story and she was like well would you do romantic things and I was like like what she goes would you hold his hand and I was like oh yeah but I can I like I'll do that with any of my friends and she goes you don't do that with friends you don't hold their hand you don't cuddle with friends and I was like oh okay that makes sense anyway this was like five or six years I feel like six years ago sure maybe you don't cuddle with friends but then maybe you do cuddle with some friends no because if you know me you know I don't like being touched well this is funny why didn't you say anything because it was It was like six years ago and I still, I was very insecure. Okay.

Internally. But then him saying you broke his heart, I think is a little crazy. If that person didn't say how they were feeling. Then I dodged a red flag. I think you did. Mm-hmm. And now I know. And you do too.

So if you want to date me, just tell me. Just tell good boy. What's the worst date you've ever been on? The worst date I've ever been on. Oh, my God. it was my worst day, but I'm sure it was their best. I took them. So while I was in college, I was working in luxury retail.

And one of my clients was the regional manager or like the main person at the Huntley Hotel. Where's the Huntley Hotel? It's in Santa Monica. Okay. And it's like, well, it was their like premier hotel like because it was the highest one. the best views of all of L.A. And their penthouse, they have a really good restaurant.

She was like, come over whatever you want. So I got, I was on this day with this guy and I was like, let's go to the Hunley Hotel. So they like brought us cabiard and all this shit. And then he gave me oral chlamydia. From kissing. He didn't even put out. That's devastating. Yeah.

Oh. And then I've never had oral climidia. Plymedia, knock on wood. What, what happened? Do you get, like, sores on your mouth? Like, what is oral chlamydia? No, I had, like, throat, like, have you ever had strep? Yeah.

If I remember correctly, it was like that. But I also can't remember correctly because it was, like, when I was 18, 19. It's only a year ago, right? So, just a year ago. How devastating. It's actually in the future. That's awesome. I mean, that is funny because it is probably the best date he went on.

He had a delicious meal, a very expensive meal. Combed? Combed. That's nice. That's nice. Then he said, oh, better thank you. And then he left a gift right down your throat. Oh, I have a fun sex story.

But that's not what this podcast is about. It is. Okay. Before we get to your sex story, let's take a break. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Okay, listen, I know so many people who keep saying they want to make a big change. Go back to school, switch careers, start something new. And if you've ever thought about getting into health care or leveling up in it,

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So there's a group of us. There's four. And we were like, let's do something local, something we can drive to. So we were like, let's go to Joshua Tree because the thrifting is really good. And honestly, when I'm looking for a place to stay, I always book a stay on Airbnb.

For trips with friends, Hotels just don't give us the space I need. I am a grown woman. I need my own bedroom. And more importantly, I need a bathroom that is all mine. Nothing is worse than sharing a bathroom with your friends and having to do your business while someone is right outside the door waiting to brush their dang teeth. You cannot live your best life like that. And if you want to be sure you're booking the very best place, look for the guest favorites badge. These are a collection of the most loved homes on Airbnb chosen by who? The guests. It's like a stamp of approval that says you're going to have a great time. Honestly, life is too short to be cramped. Next time you travel, book a home on Airbnb. Here's something we don't talk about enough. Eating disorders are way more common than you think, and they don't always look the way people expect. Sometimes it looks like constant dieting. Sometimes it's feeling ashamed about how you eat. Sometimes it's about being super rigid about exercising or let food rules run your whole day. And sometimes it is just that

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Dot health slash date me to learn more. That's equip.com. Health slash date me. Tell me your sex story. One time I hooked up with this guy and he had a theragun, but he had attachments to use, but not in the rear, but in the front. I've never experienced that, and it was so good. Ooh. Yeah. During the pandemic, I was masturbating with a theragun because I was like, I got to leave the house. I need excitement. I need something.

I need to feel something. Then I felt like that meme where it's like a jackhammering lady or whatever because I was truly just jackhammering my pussy every night. And it felt good. It felt so good. I was like, this is for me. Godoy, I have a question for you. Yes. So the first time you had sex was in your junior year of high school with your boyfriend,

and your boyfriend said to not eat beforehand, but also, y'all didn't use lube. Yes. I believe he was a bottom. I think he wanted to talk. Uh-huh. And used me as bait. Yes. Also, it was ginormous.

Oh. From what I remember. At the time of where you got that information, it's probably the biggest I had done to date. But now I'm glad to say. Now you've seen bigger and better? I love taking a challenge. But that's not a requirement to date me. Have you ever seen a dick and been like, whoa, no.

Yes. Andrew. No one's going to know who this is. I know, but it's just very funny that you were like, I'll say the name. Andrew. He's Australian, and he only would come to L.A. once a year on a business trip. He was my client at the luxury place. And his dick was huge.

I love that you're looking around trying to find a comparison. It's nothing in here is comparable to that. What about the microphone? Okay, that's too wide. Oh, okay. But even the length of that's, because this is what, this is like eight inches. Maybe, okay. I can tell because I know my arm, my finger widthband is seven inches.

And I use it for sewing. I do, but I need to measure things. I'll be like, oh, that's like seven inches. Then I also use it to measure dick. And it was a two-hander. Who, wait. And he was like, oh, you're not going to be able to take. good. And I went, okay, you're right. But now, Andrew, you're still out there. I bet I could.

You've loosened up. You've done, you've done the work on yourself. I've done the work. Yes, he didn't use lube. And it was a journey because a lot of my early 20s, mid-20s, I didn't really hook up with people because I was scared. Sure, I got that. And then I discovered coconut oil. Oh. is the best loop ever. Oh. And if I don't know if this is for people with vaginas. Sure.

I don't think so. But for me, actually the person that introduced me to it was my best friend and she's a woman. Oh, then. With a vagina. Okay. Then I take it back. Maybe it's good for the vaginas. And let me tell you, first of all, there's a lot of benefits.

The first one is it's antimicrobial. Oh. I believe, don't quote me on that. I think it is. Mm-hmm. So like if you rip something, It heals it right up. It like kind of helps it, you know?

It soothes it. Also, it's not like, you know, like lube, you need to add a lot more after because it keeps running. Well, not with coconut oil. Oh. It also, also. Also. If you put it on a dick. Uh-huh.

It smells good. It smells good. If it's a dirty dig, you get like, it kind of exfoliates it. So you're like, oh, we should go to the shower. Yeah, it's happened. I've witnessed that in. person and I was like, hey, we should, we should jump in. I love shower sex. I don't. And then, third, when it's in your butt. I'm dying at, I'm still doing this. Take a shower and

wash your dirty dick. Yeah. Oh, we're, yeah. We're doing the work. If you're there and I did the work to prepare for you to come over, we're doing it because I'm very selective. Okay. And the last one, you're doing it, boom. You pull out because, let's be real, you don't probably want to do that anymore. You can put it in your mouth. And it does not taste like lube. Because it's antimicrobial. Antimicrobial.

Antimicbrile. Oh. Antimicrobial. No. Oof, that was. You don't know how to speak Spanish. You know how to speak English. Oh, my God.

Who taught you how to sell? Ooh, I love this question because it's not just one thing. Okay, so the person that actually taught me how to, like, sit behind the sewing machine and, like, thread it and, like, understand it was my aunt. And I used to do a lot of things as a kid and be like, Mom, I want to do this. Like, I was in the, I was a police cadet for one weekend. And I said, no. Wait, what is a police cadet? debt and tail. So like they're like junior police people. Do you arrest people? No. You just kind

of like go. It's like juvie almost. I don't know why the fuck I wanted to do it. Oh no, no, no, because they gave out a scholarship at the end of completion for college. And I was like, oh, I'm going to college. I can take some money. I can get the scholarship. I be a police officer. I only did that for a little bit. So I had a reputation of doing things and not actually doing it. And when I said I wanted to learn how to sew, my mom was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Go ask your Tia. And I went to my Tia. She kind of taught me the base. And I was. And she kind of taught me the basics. And I grasped it on really quickly. So I was like, Mom, I got this. I'm really good. I need a sewing machine. And she said, I don't got money for one. That's really expensive. So then Becky G's grandma. You know Becky G. And I went to the same elementary school. And we danced in the same Mexican flocorico group. And then like the rest is history. You were just like, I sew now? Well, then I went to school at a rec center in Torrance. Because I'm from L.A.

Yes. So I went to a rec center in Torrance where they had like patterning classes and sewing classes and those big industrial machines. And I picked it up so quickly. I was like, yeah, I got this. And that was when I was like 15, 16. Oh. Yeah. And then I went to.

So you've been sewing for only four years? Girl, like two. What's wrong with you? I've been sewing for almost 16 years now. I just say over 15. Yeah. I mean, who goes? Who cares? Why date ourselves? I don't know how old I am. I'm 72. No, you don't look at day over 71.

Thank you. I went to the dentist and they were like, what year were you born in on the little sheet? And then they were like, how old are you? And I was like, why do I have to do the work? Yeah, you do the work. You have the year. You work on this. So I just left it blank. And then the lady called me up and was like, you missed that one. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll do the math. And then I had to do the math because I simply couldn't remember.

Your age. Yeah. Yeah. And that's fair. Thank you. Because remembering things is really hard. It's so hard. I love teeth.

Why? Because they're so great. You do have good teeth. They're very white. Thank you. It's the lighting here. I also put a wetney street before coming. But why did you go to the dentist?

Okay. So I might have talked about it on this podcast. In 2023, I finally went to the dentist because I cracked a tooth. And I hadn't been to the dentist since my mummy died in 2002. So like 20 years I hadn't been to the dentist or something crazy like that. So I was like, guess I got to go. So I go. and then I ended up having to have, I went to one dentist, didn't like them, went to another dentist,

had a root canal and like crowns put on. And they didn't, and then I had a wisdom teeth removed. And they didn't put me under. So I didn't feel it because I had local anesthesia. And I kept being like, that hurts, that hurts. And then finally another dentist came in. She's like, oh, you've an extra nerves. And then I had to like give me more, even though they were like, it shouldn't hurt.

And I was like, but it does. Anyway, they like took my teeth. they root canaled me. And then I was like, when I went back, I was like, my mouth really hurts. And they were like, impossible. We took the nerves out. And I was like, okay, but I'm telling you that my mouth hurts. And then they were like, you're fine.

And I was like, okay. So my mouth has just kind of hurt since 20, 23. And then the nice man in my life was like, I think you should go to the dentist. When's the last time you went? He was like, I think tooth health is really important because I said I hadn't been in a while. He was like, well, how long? And I was like, I don't know. And then he was like, here, go to my dentist.

I'm so mad for you. I'm so mad for you. Well, it gets worse. So he sends me his dentist. I copied. I think I opened it in Google Maps. And then, you know how sometimes if you touch the map? It goes to somewhere else.

So I guess I touched it. This is the only explanation for it. And sent that to my assistant to be like, do you mind just setting up an appointment? She was like, sure. So I go to the dentist. I tell that nice man, I was like, your dentist is really. mean. He told me that I needed to like man up because I kept, I was

like kind of tearing up and I was, it was just a cleaning, but I just hold a lot of trauma with my mouth open, laying down with someone in my mouth. Same. And he would, shut up. And then that nice man in my life was like, I don't go to a man dentist or male dentist. I go to a woman. And I was like, huh?

And I was like, the alleyway to the stairs was kind of creepy. He's like, there are no stairs. So I went to the wrong dentist. Oh, no. So then when I finally go to the right dentist, it's a lovely lady and I tell her that like I have a fear of the dentist, da-da-da-da, and she's like, okay, I'll walk you through this. And I said, all right. And she was being really kind, really nice.

They do x-rays. And then before I leave, she was like, hey, I don't want to alarm you. But the people who did your root canal did it incorrectly. And they also left a piece of an instrument in your mouth. And now there's an infection and you need that tooth removed. But I'm going to send you for a second opinion just to make sure that that's correct. And I was like, huh? And then I just started crying.

hey, but you're doing really good, and we're going to get it fixed. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, so I'm not crazy. I've been in pain since 2023, even though these people said, you're not in pain. Went and got a second opinion, and this is a guy who walked in and went, yep, that's an instrument in your mouth. That tooth got to go. And I was like, okay. And then I go to the surgeon, and the surgeon's like, yeah, they did leave something in your mouth.

And I was like, and you can see it on the x-ray. Like, on the x-ray, you're like, that's tooth. that's different than everything else on the tooth x-ray. And my whole thing is like someone who's, and then I didn't know, if your dentist is not a specialist in root canals, you need to find a specialist. And sometimes they'll just say that they can do it,

but they're not a specialist in it. So like the lady who's doing my tooth extraction, she's like, yeah, I can, you know, I extract teeth all day. And yes, I can do a root canal, but on a back molar, I think that's what it was on. And she's like, but I haven't done one since school. So I'm not going to do one. I'd refer you to someone who does them.

And I was like, that's crazy. I didn't know that. I think it should be general knowledge that like if you need a special thing, you should be going to. Did you know that? No. In that, Mars, did you know that? No, I don't know. Yeah.

So before you've dental work done, get a second opinion. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. Yeah. So that's what I'm, so I'm getting my tooth taken out on the 26th. And then a new root canal? Maybe. We're not jumping out of it.

Well, they don't know. They were like, we'll see how the tooth next to it reacts because that has a little bit of pain. And they're like, it might just be reacting, like feeling the pain from the nerve in the back tooth. So we'll fucking see. Three years. Yeah. And is that other dentists? Glow modern dentistry in Hollywood.

No, don't say it yet. Can you sue them? That's crazy. Yes, you can't buy another home. You can't buy another home. by another home. I don't know. I mean, I don't know how to like go about malpractice. But like, what do I get a personal injury lawyer? Like, how do you do that? You know what? We're going to consult with our lawyer team that I don't have. We're going to consult with the

lawyer team. Isn't that crazy? That's insane. Oh, my God. But also, they just take out your tooth and you don't have a tooth. You'll be fine too. No, so I'm going to get an implant because my face has not been, so it's slightly, you can't see it, but I'm in my body so I can feel it. Yeah. My face has been slightly puffy for three years, just like right here. And speaking is, it's been weird for three years. So I'm getting an implant, and then they do a bone graft, which is cowbone and cadaver bone. I'm going to have the bones of a dead person in me.

Imagine I get haunted or possessed. And I'm like, ugh. But it's just your mouth. You're doing your stand-up, and it's just someone else doing their set. They give me the bones of a dead stand-up who never made it. And he's like, oh, this is the time. I'm like, what?

You just break into, like, a southern accent every now and then. I don't have a tooth on my lower side. Oh. But you really can't tell. No, you can't tell at all. What happened to that one? I got braces when I was like 14 or 15 and they were like you still have a like baby tooth. Oh.

And I said, yeah, I'm still young. So they just took it out. They're like, it's never going to grow. We can either just take it out or it's just going to honestly kind of rot in your mouth. So they took it out and then I got braces and they're like it's too small of a gap to really put a tooth in there. It's going to be really tiny. But you can't see it and it doesn't make me feel any less than. Well.

The only reason why I want to get the implant is because I want my face to feel and maybe it will never feel normal again but I'm like this might be the shot, the chance I have for it to just feel how it felt. At least without pain. Yes. When you got your wisdom teeth removed,

did they put you under? No. Girl. No, they didn't. Here's another fun story. So they give you little glasses. So when you're laying down, the glasses show you like a T-Barr.

that's right there. So I was like watching Shrek and I could just feel and like here. And then when you're getting a root canal, it's just like drilling in. It's a loud drill into your fucking teeth. And then the next time I came in, they were like, you didn't tell us you hosted nailed it. Our patients watch that all the time. And suddenly they had Xanax to give me because I was like I couldn't open my mouth because I was traumatized.

And I was like, so if I like walked in, I was like, Don't you know who I am? You would have treated me better? Is this the place that we're going to sue? Glow Modern Dentistry in Hollywood. We're going to sue you. I'm piggybacking on. Is this like a lawsuit?

Coatel writing? Yes, and I love it. This is, it's so funny. Every year I have a grudge against something. So this is my grudge for 26. My grudge last year was with AirBungy Fitness Burbank. Don't like them. What's Air bungee?

Air bungee. It's where you, it looks like. fun, they strap you up, and then it's like resistance because you're on bungee cords, and then you do like a workout on that, like based on that. I know what you're talking about. You do? Because I watch your podcast. Yeah.

You know, I have a lot of, I don't have downtime, but I do have a lot of TV time. Because when I'm sewing, you've seen my studio. Yeah. There's a TV propped up on the opposite side. Like we're... The table's here. Where is it? Towards the door.

Oh, okay. It's actually just like this. So it's where the door and the sewing machine. Yes. Yeah. Face the TV. So I watch a lot of TV. And I, like, okay, I don't watch it because then your seams would be all crooked.

But I listen to a lot of TV. So I put on all of my friends' podcasts to listen to them. That's sweet. That's how I found out that you're a Virgo. I am a Virgo. What are you? No, I'm going to answer you with the question. Is there room for two Virgo's?

There's room for two Virgos. When's your birthday? August 24th. Oh, my God. Mine's the 29th. I know. And I think Trixie is like the 20s. 28th or something like that.

Yes, it's close to mine because every couple of years I'll get an invite to her party the day of or the day before. And I'm like, ma'am. Very Virgo. Ma'am. Wait, let's take a break. Valentine's Day is coming up. And whether you have a boo or your own boo, you deserve to be comfortable.

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But right now, politicians are trying to block access to essential care. They're actively trying to deny people birth control and they're pushing abstinence only until marriage programs, which is, ugh, nasty. They want to pull the strings on our bodies and our futures. This puts millions of people at risk of losing access to care, especially black and Latino people, people in rural areas and people with low incomes. Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right that everyone deserves. They're fighting every day to build a future where everyone can get the care they need, no matter who they are or where they live.

Supporters like you, power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at planparenthood.com slash defend. Okay, what kind of relationship do you want to manifest? Ooh, this is a great question because I was just talking to my therapist about this. Fun fact, I've been going to therapy for five years. And I've been on Welbutrin. Ooh, I was on Welbutrin for a week, but it made me want to quit smoking cigarettes. So I said, no, well, butron for me. Isn't that crazy? Do you still smoke? You don't smoke cigarettes. Oh, I love them. Do you still smoke? Yeah.

That's why your tooth is like that. I can't believe I'm being victim blamed in my own home. My God. It's why I cough so much. Really? Mm-hmm. You also, I can't tell that you smoke cigarettes. I love them.

Which means you're really good at robbing a banquet. Well, I hide it. If I smoke, I do hand sanitizer. I have perfume in my car, so I perfume myself. Although I went to the doctor the other day. And she was like, open your mouth, ah, and I was like, ah. And then she, like, smelled my hair. She went, and I went, and she went, do you smoke?

And I was like, yes. And she was like, do I know that? And I was like, I don't know what you know. I simply don't. And then she went through her eye pan and she was like, no, no, I know you smoke. I don't like that you smoke. And I was like, all right, lady. Okay, well, let me be.

My body, my choice, lady. Yeah, leave me alone. That's not why your tooth has anything. I was just, I made a cheap joke at your expense. I apologize. The person that I'm manifesting. I made a cheap joke at your expense, and I'm so sorry. Anywho.

Okay, who are you manifesting? I was just going through this with my therapist, and I was like, I don't know because I don't know. But he goes, list all the qualities you didn't like in someone. Oh. And then use positive things to decide what you are looking for. So I do want someone that knows how to communicate very well. because obviously needed. And I want someone that laughs at my jokes.

Because I know that I'm funny, but I'm not funny all the time. A lot of it is workshopped. Also, you need to love Coco. Coco's my dog. And she's now what you consider a senior dog. And she's very sweet. She's very sweet. So if you don't like her, red flag.

Yeah, that is a red flag. So you have to love my child. Also, you... this is a big one. And it sounds a little, like, elitist almost. You need to be cool with the fact that my friends are famous. And I'm only saying that from experience. Mm-hmm.

And you probably, like, you and your friends are famous. So you get this. Yes. And it is a wild thing that I never thought of, if you will. like, I've been on dates with men where like, somebody would ask me for a picture and then they would be, like, the rest of the night would be weird. And I'd be like, well, I mean, if you come to a party,

they'll, like, there'll be people that you know. Like, I don't know. It's, and then the nice man in my life, he's very cool about things. See, I need the nice man in your life. And it's, it's very nice that he's very, very chill. And sometimes he'll be like, hey, that person, what do I know them from? And I'm like, oh, this. And he'll go, oh, okay.

You're like, it's John Cena. Yes, John Cena was at my birthday party and everyone loved it. He wrestled everybody. Oh, he could wrestle me. So cool. They need to be cool. Yes. Because it's just like you're a very special person.

Also, I want you to be into things that I'm into, but not too much. Because I love game night. So have games. Like, I love, if you play. board games or just have game nights, great. But you cannot befriend my friends. No, no, no. What do you mean? You can't befriend my friends.

I have a rule, and it's because of my own lesson in life. I can't be friends with my friends' partners, unless I was friends with them beforehand. A great example is actually Monet and Andy. So Monet and I were friends before her and Andy started dating. Yes. And Andy and I were friends before Monet and him started. started dating. So when they got together, obviously I had to be friends with Monet. Mm-hmm.

Kidding. I'm friends with both of them. And that's the only exception. No, you chose. I chose the dog, potato. No, like, and that's my only exception. And I think it's the same thing if I'm in a relationship. You can be friendly to my friends. Yes. But I don't want to see you hanging out with my friends. Yes. I do think that's, like, weird, like a weird overstepping or it's like if, yeah, I'm not going to hang out with that nice man's friends without him. Yeah. That feels crazy. It's weird. Unless they were already friends

beforehand. You know? Yes, I think that's fine. Like if I meet one of your friends, Elibald Bachelor, and we hit it off and we start dating, it's not weird for you guys to hang out. That's fine. Yeah. But if you were to meet my partner after, actually I'd be like, you can hang out with a goal. I don't give a shit.

What I really mean is love me for who I am. And not you for who your friends are. Thank you. Because that's happened. Really? We were like, oh, we were hanging out with Susie and Mae. And I was like, yeah, we were, but shut the fuck up.

Like, what are you doing? I have a friend who's pretty successful who dated a man like 10, 15 years ago, still brings up the fact that they dated 10, 15 years ago present day. Oh, God. And it's like, you got to move on. Stop being fucking weird. Also, if that's your hook between the last 15 years, then you're not doing something right.

No, you got to start fucking other famous people. Yeah, not a famous fucker. What are other red flags for you? Other green flags. Okay, what are other green flags? They'll turn into red flags. Other green flags, you don't need to be close to your family. You just need to understand why you are or aren't close to them.

Ooh. Because there's a breakdown in that. I don't think I've ever heard that on this podcast. Oh, well. That's good. I'm close to my family. But I'm not really close to, like, part of my family. So I'm close to my mom and my siblings.

You're like immediate family. And I'm close to my dad, but I'm not really close to my dad. And I know why. Mm-hmm. And I want to share that because a lot of his clients are actually, like, people that watch my shit. Okay. But my dad is a great father. It's just certain characteristics, you know.

So understand why you do or don't fuck with your family. And then do that work. Also, if you do the work. Yeah, go to therapy. Go to therapy and know why you're a good person and know why you're a shitty person. Know your triggers. And if you don't know any of that, be willing to learn. Because I know my triggers, but I also know triggers that are probably going to come up in the future that I haven't experienced yet.

See, I don't know that shit. I just know that certain things. I have rules that I've made up that I haven't told anybody. And when they break those rules, boy, I'm mad. Yeah, then that's fair too. And that's crazy. But at least I know. I know why I'm getting upset.

I'm like, oh, you broke a rule I made up that I didn't tell you that's in my head. I have to like take a walk and calm down and then explain to you why I'm upset. Yeah. And see, I learned that because I was that person that would get upset over shit and not even know why I was upset. So that has turned into my green red flag. Green flag is knowing yourself Because of me Red flag

Okay do you want to get into Red Flag Because that was your question And I don't want to invalidate your questions Invalidate all you want Oh I know you're a car person You love cars Love cars

I hate when people are like Like in dating They're like You drive a Nissan Yeah bitch Guess what I also live by myself Like that's really hard to do

in L.A. It is. So yeah, I'm going to fucking drive a Nissan. But also, Nissan's a great car. What is it? Accentra?

Yeah. That's a great car. Very reliable. And driving in, Mars was a witness. Not a witness because I just told Mars. I hit the gate.

So I'm not going to be driving a fucking Porsche hitting the gate. You know? Yes, because you know yourself. Thank you. Yeah. Like, don't drive an expensive car

if you're going to be hitting things all the time. I was drive. I used to drive a Mini Cooper, which is the most expensive car I've owned. Mini Coopers are very, very expensive for the resale value. And I drove off a curb. And guess what?

Mini Coopers are really low to the ground. So I got stuck. Wait, what do you mean you drove off a curb? So I was exiting the gas station, and I was with my good friend. And this gas station, the ramp was, like, big, but I guess I drove too far right, where I, like, phew, hit it. And then you were just stuck. And I was stuck.

And I was like, what the fuck? So I'd like, because it was kind of in the tilt, I had to like, it was scraping the bottom of it. Anyway, that's why I don't have expensive cars. And that's why if you want to date me, just know that I don't give a shit about cars. I actually care how clean your house is. Not where you work, but like your bathroom and your kitchen. If you have pets, like do you sweep?

And if you don't like doing the little. things, hire someone to do it. You know, there's apps for that now. There's people that need that like doing that. Yes. I understand depression because I go through it. And if your house is a mess because of that, it's okay. Mm-hmm.

Just when you snap back to it. You got to clean. You got to clean. I could never date somebody who owned a cat and then didn't clean. Oh. Because I have a dust allergy that has really been acting up. And I don't, I think it's because, I cleaned out my closet and it was a little dusty.

And then I, like, went to a friend's house who had a cat, and I had a cut on my finger, and my finger swole up. And I was like, oh, my God. And then it happened again at that house. And then I went to another friend's house that seemed a little cleaner. They also had a cat. Nothing happened except for, like, sniffles. And I was like, oh, my God.

So if I have, like, an open cut, visit a cat, and the house is dirty. Like, I'm going to have an allergic reaction. Well. So clean your houses. Especially if you have a cat. Yeah. And I'm coming. But also one of those hairless cats that have hair.

You dragon Monet? Only, only, well, her house is very clear. Her house is very, very, very clean. Spotless. And you never find dust in her house. It's rich. Rich. That's one of those cool microwaves, too, that comes out of the bottom.

That is a rich feature. It is rich. I do not have that. How did you get into drugs? drag. Oh. See, I've been going to drag shows since I was like five or six. Oh. So in Mexico, we have celebrity impersonation. And they used to do it at this restaurant where I lived by where I lived. And- Wait, you lived in Mexico? No, no, no, here in L.A. Oh, I see. Yeah. And I would be like, oh, you guys, it's Friday. We should go on to this restaurant. And they'd be like, okay.

So my mom, my mom, and we would sit there and they would have a drag show. and I loved it and I grew up a dancer and then I sewed and then I went to fashion school but before that my older sister and I would sit down and watch drag race seasons two and on you don't watch season one? We didn't have cable back then Ah yeah there's a will, there's a way

I was watching on LogotTV.com Well I didn't know about it Ah, I see. Yeah, I was still closeted I was actually in middle school I think But I was in high school and then I found out about drag race in high school And then my sister and I would watch it And because it was on cable

I had to convince my mom to get the better deal And be like mom well you can watch your novellas earlier If you get this bundle But it's because logo was on it And then I go to college and I meet my best friend Who has now departed from this world And he was like, I do drag And I went, let me see

And he shows me a busted picture And I said, I can do it better So then I was like I watched Drag Race I grew up in drag I can do this So then I got in drag On February 13

2013 And Bitch I was busted Do you have pictures Yeah They're on my Instagram I think I'm gonna go comb your Instagram

I can't wait to see them Because you paint so nicely now Like you're so polished And you look great Thank you You know time Yeah And bullying works

I'm normally the bully I actually famously called Meatball Ugly when she first started drag That's only because Meatball's a bully Meatball is a little bit of a bully And if I feel like you're bullying me ever so slightly I'm not gonna ha ha I'm gonna go

Well you're this this this this this and this And you've seen it happen in person I have Yeah damn not to you No you just fart on me and cough right in my face Well then I was sick and I was scared that you were gonna get sick I'm pretty sure I did get like a touch of something, like three days later.

I was like, I don't feel good. It's because Godoy coughed in my face. Also, do you remember the conversation we were having? We were talking about big things. We had several conversations. And one of which I was like, this shouldn't be happening here at this time. What was it? I'm not going to say it.

It shouldn't have been happening at that time. Oh, was it that conversation? Yes. Well, then I went inside to make sure I couldn't hear anything. And I couldn't. I couldn't hear that. It's so funny to have a conversation on a podcast about a conversation we shouldn't have and then talk about specifics that we did about this conversation we shouldn't have had.

Yeah. Well, you just got to make sure your surroundings are good. Yeah. And I made sure after the fact. But the conversation we were having before I coughed and fired on you, we were talking with Gio, our brand new favorite, well, my favorite person. Our Palm Springs Daddy. A grandpa. A grandpa.

Papa. Papa. And we were talking to him about like. dicks because he's friends with like a lot of porn stars so we're having just conversations about penises and one of our friends husband's penis because he can't take it anymore and i was like i mean he is hot and i'm here i'll do it for you so i offered myself and then i went and then i went it was rather wild to it was because it was such quick succession to be like I'll suck your dick.

I was like, I don't. Why, I farted because I was laughing. And I tried to like see if no one heard it. But I'm tight. So it's loud. You heard it here. If you like the boy, let him know. Also, he tight.

And I have a fat ass. Do you? Bubbly. Is it natural? Yeah. I also have a natural big booty. I would be so sad if I woke up tomorrow with a flat ass. You know, that can't happen.

Anything could happen. In this political climate, you're right. In this political climate, honey, you could wake up with a flat ass. Ice comes and takes your butt. Fuck. Also, fuck ice. Fuck ice. I like my martinis without ice.

is a shirt that I was given recently. It's true. It's just funny because I feel like a martini shouldn't have ice unless you're asking for it to have a floater of ice. See? No ice. See? No ice. Well, Goodoy. We've made it to the end. And I ask all of my guests this.

I've missed it several times. Would you date me? Bring that therrigan over and we're a, couple. Oh. Imagine I come for a craft night and I'm like, doing a different kind of craft tonight. And I'd be like,

yes. Yeah! Of course. Who wouldn't? Thank you, good toy. You check off all the boxes. I forgot what all the green flags were, but you check them off. That's okay.

Somebody in the comments, write down those green flags and I'll not read it. Listen, that was tough. I was like, and then I'll read it and do something. And I was like, there's nothing I'll do. I don't read the comments. Sometimes people are mean. You know, I love when you guys get crafty in the comments.

Like, there's a craft to making mean comments really good. Well, sometimes I'll never forget this mean comment that I got. I think it was a DM, but this person said I had roach-like fingers that were probably dusted with Cheeto dust. And I was like, that's, I mean, if you just used your power for good, you could probably write poetry. Like, that was, it was such imagery. Also, I would lick them.

Don't let no Cheeto Puff dust go to waste Well, do you have anything you want to promote? Do you have any shows coming up? Oh my God, I do. Oh, so every Friday I'm at 33 Tops in West Hollywood hosting Drag Bingo and the Viewing Party for Rupausstrii starting at 7 p.m. We have a late night happy hour from 9.30 to close.

And I'm hosting the Bad Bunny halftime show, a Super Bowl party at location to be determined. We have the location, but at the time of this filming, we have not signed the contract. But we will have Jessica Wild, April Carione,

King Phantom, and Ronnie Erotic hosted by me. That's fun. I love Jessica Wild. That's it for this episode of why won't you date me? If you like it,

you can subscribe, subscribe. Am I saying that right? It sounds insane coming out of my mouth. What do you need to say? I'll say it for you. No, subscribe. You can give me five stars

on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty to why won't you date me, podcast at gmail.com, I will read it. Please keep them just a little short. This one very short, but I'm happy you sent it. Hey, Nicole,

surprise, cum shot. I'm embarrassed. This was difficult as a gay man. Thank you. James Wilson, he slash they. Hey, James. I liked it. But does this mean you came on me? Maybe a cardboard cutout of you.

Okay. There is a website called Celebrity Cutouts.com where I bought a cardboard cutout of a problematic celebrity. I will not say who. Who? I won't say it on this podcast.

I named Andrew. I cannot say it. But yeah, if you want to come on me, go to Celebrity Cutouts. And if you do it, send me the video. Goodbye. That was a headgum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offoallo.

And I'm Jason Offoallo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving, and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app

or watch full video episodes on YouTube. new episodes will be posted every Tuesday