Wild Times: Wildlife Education - A Naked Ape, Ten Thousand Rats, and Nic Cage as Joe Exotic

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

What do 10,000 rats, have in common with a naked ape? Find out in this weeks episode of The Wild Times w/ Forrest Galante! More about this show at https://thewildtimes.com

And it's the Wild Times. Yeah. Love that drum roll, dude. Yeah, you like that, huh? My desk is getting a beating. Wild Times. I got a good ass beating until the guys got there to pull him off. Now, should I talk about that before or after I have her in the bedroom?

Midpoitus. Guys, we are back. It is the Wild Times. I am joined tonight by my longtime friend, executive producer, Patrick DeLuca. What's up, Pat? Well, I'm just recovering from our hike. We'll get into that later, but I'm finally feeling back to normal. Good, good. And as always, we are joined by our non-hiking buddy, Mr. Retep, aka Peter. Hey.

What's up, dude? What's up, man? Doing good. Yeah. Thanks for acknowledging me. Did you miss us this weekend? Yeah, yeah. I did. A lot. Did you? A lot. That sounded forced. It sounds like you were probably mostly eaten while we were hiking. It sounds like you guys were doing a lot of strenuous activities and then, like, laying close at night. because it was cold.

And I mean, I guess I'm glad that I... Bro, it's 2020. Can you just take that judgment and throw it out the window? That's absurd. There's nothing about that. It's not a judgment. It has to do with social distancing, mate. I follow the rules, as I've said.

We maintain social distancing. Right. The entire time. Yep. We slept eight feet apart, not just six. It did get cold. It did get real cold. I will say that.

We had to snuggle at one point. But that's, you know, that's for survival. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I saw the video you had posted on a social media, Boris, where you handled a rattlesnake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So we went to this place called Deep Creek over the weekend, Patrick and I for everybody that's listening, along with a couple more of our Extincter Alive crew buddies. Peter did not join. He was busy guzzling beer and eating hot dogs, I presume. And... Yep. Does Dejorno make a hot dog flavored pizza? It does. And on the hike in, it's not like a long hike.

It's only a few miles, but it's a very vertical hike. And it was hot and it was spring. And we came around a corner. You're just talking about it and Pat's sweating right now. I can see him. Dude, you should have seen him coming back. You should have seen all of us coming back. But we'll get to that in a minute.

But yeah, on the way in, we came around this corner. and, you know, there were a couple people on the trail, and there was a dog barking, and there was a big, like, four-foot-long Southern Pacific rattlesnake out on the trail. And, you know, it's not an extinct or alive get-together if we don't catch a venomous snake. Now is it? I was thinking about it as you were handling the rattlesnake. Because as a kid, I was hiking with my mom once, and we saw a rattlesnake. This is the only time I ever camped with my mom.

Five miles from where we were camping, we see a rattlesnake from 20 feet away. she didn't sleep a wink for the next three days and was we were sharing a tent and she kept making me move away from the edge of the tent because she thought the snake was going to attack through the tent so you know as a kid you think like a rattlesnake bites you you die right we're a mile and a half from the road on a big rocky hill let's say it had bitten you what happens well look you can die there's no doubt about that you can go into cardiac arrest um it can get into your lungs. There are ways that you can die. But with our Southern Pacific rattlesnakes, that animal, odds are you're not going to die. They have a hemotoxin. It's pretty damn potent,

but it's not, you know, we're not talking about a black mamba over here. And the hemotoxin, it attacks the victims, blood cells. So what happens is at the side of the bite, say I get tagged on the arm, I'm going to have rapid bruising, rapid swelling. What does rapid mean? Like 30 seconds? So yeah. So if you're in Southern California, a CSO pack, a Southern, Pacific Rattlesnake and you get tagged, the sight of the bite is going to have a lot of pain, right? You get tagged, let's hypothetically say it's on my arm, right? Straight away, my arm is going to be in a mass amount of pain. It's going to feel absolutely terrible. Now, you've just had venom, hemotoxic venom injected into that area. The worst thing you can do is panic.

If you start panicking, you start spiking your heart rate, you are going to move that venom all through your body and it's going to attack the various neurological systems. which means, you know, your nerve system. So which, and that's what could trigger the problems in breathing and in muscle, loss of muscle control, collapse, coma, cardiac arrest. That's where it gets bad. So hard I do. I hope people have been practicing meditating because that'll be impossible.

If I get bit by a snake, I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. Well, Forest, you know, Forest has, you've told us this before when we've been in areas with venomous snakes. I mean, seriously, stupid question. But let's say you got bit by a rattlesnake and you had a bottle of Xana. on you. Would it be better or worse to pop the Xanax to just make you calm down? Great idea. Totally. Now, the problem with that is it could mask the symptoms, but as long as you know what it is that

has bitten you, doesn't matter. You know, you know what the venom is, the hospital, the doctors, whatever, they're going to know what the venom is. But taking a Xanax, something like that to calm you, keep your heart rate down and slowly walking out, that's going to keep from the spread of the venom through your nervous system much more quickly. So how long? you have, let's say, if you took the Xanax versus not taking the Xanax, the time range that you have until like, if you don't get help, like you're fucked, talking about these specific snakes. Well, yeah. So with these specific snakes, keep in mind attacking the nervous system, that's like the worst case scenario, right? Say that I just got tagged in the hand, let's say. It's going to

swell. It's going to hurt like hell. And what's actually going to happen is the flesh at the side of the bite is going to die. And you're going to have swelling, death of flesh, and basically, you're likely to lose definitely a finger, good chance of a hand, less likely an arm, but that whole area is going to spread from the amount of venom and the intoxication. And that's that's the, that's the most likely and worst case scenario. Now, had I been tagged where we were, Patrick and I were maybe, what would you say about an hour and a half from the car? Yeah, and it would have been straight uphill on the way back, obviously. I would say if he bit me in the hand,

finger gone for sure. Multiple fingers, I'd say 90%, hand gone at least 50 or 60%. By the time I got back. Now what would we have done? What would you have asked us to do? There was four of us hiking together at a safe social distance. What would you have said to us as soon as he bit you on the hand? Give me a Xanax.

Yeah, anybody got a Xanax. Yeah. Put him down. Probably drop the packs because that just increases, you know, problems and say, all right, look, one of you guys come with me. Let's hike out of here. You know, the other two guys grab our packs and take your time. Let's get to the emergency room. And as you know, we were far away from any cell phone service. Like even by the time we go back to the car, it was still another 30 minutes of driving until we got to cell phone service. So all you can do is keep calm and try and get out of there. But the thing that I think is most

challenging. And fortunately, knock on wood, I haven't had to experience this yet, knowing the effects of it, right? I know I know I'm not likely to die. but if it hit me in the hand, thinking for the next two hours that it takes me to get to the R, I'm likely going to lose my hand, that would suck. That would suck. Just that mental strain. Now, would you have walked quickly up the hill to try and get to help faster, knowing that that's more strenuous and your heart would increase, or would you have tried to walk slowly taking even

longer? Slower and longer. Yeah, you really got to stay calm. You do not want to spread that venom. Spending an extra 30 minutes to get there and say losing another finger. is a lot better than letting it get into your heart, right, and giving you cardiac arrest or putting you into a coma. So, you know, you got to kind of weigh the options

and go for the lesser of two evils. Sure. A lot of people, you know, when you're, like I said, when you're a kid, what happens? What does everyone, Peter, what do they say to do when someone gets bit by a snake? What's like the old wives take? I believe you are supposed to, like, suck the bite wound or take a piss on the person's head. I don't know. One of those two things, right? No, you suck their dick.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I knew it was one of those three. Close your eyes and suck the venom out of a hose. So what's the deal with sucking the venom out? That's like an old wives tale. You know, the second it hits your bloodstream, that's it. It's dispersed. There is no, it's funny, you can even go on Amazon. That's real good info, because I thought that was a real thing.

Yeah, I think most people think you should suck the venom out. There's so many of those, too. Oh, you know, suck the venom out. You can buy snake bite kits on Amazon that have a little suction cup. There's turnicits that you're supposed to use or that you can use to restrict blood flow. That's worse because you're going to just, you know, imagine pooling all that blood in your hand. Then you're just going to, instead of it dispersing anywhere, your whole hand's going to die way quicker. Like, don't do anything like that.

Just be calm and get to an emergency room. What's a type of snake that if it got you in the hand, you would choose to put the tourniquet on, sacrifice the hand, but try and save your life? Is there one that's venomous enough that you would do that for? To be honest, I don't know enough about it. You know, my understanding, even in working with mambas and cobras and everything else, is don't tourniquet, don't suck the venom. None of those things do anything. You just need to get to a hospital.

You know, stay calm and get to a hospital. Nice. Gotcha. If you had to sacrifice the left hand or the right hand, which one do you do? Do you do the main hand or the hand that operates the keyboard and the mouse? Oh, you've got to lose lefty. I mean, I'm a right hand. question. Like, obviously your non-dominant hand would be the answer from any rational human being.

What about you? You would get rid of your right hand? I really like my left hand. I just like the looks of it. You have a fondness for your left hand. I really do. I know. I know you do. That's a stranger in the bedroom during quarantine for Patrick. So, all right. So besides fighting dangerous animals, sleeping very closely together and obviously sharing booze. Anything else of note happened on the camping trip that I missed this weekend? I nearly passed out. Yeah. Do you remember that when we got out of the hot tub or out of the hot spring?

There's a hot tub on your camping trip? Yeah. This is ridiculous. It was like we were camping in the four seasons, Peter. Booze and hot tubs. You guys weren't camping at all, were you? Forrest. I don't remember that because I was asleep on the side of the hot spring.

You were. Okay, so to be clear, there were four of us that went on this trip, Peter, and every single one of the four of us pulled out a bottle of whiskey to share with the others. Like, hey, guys, look what a good friend I am. I brought a bottle of whiskey. So we just looked at each other and we're like, all just going to drink around a bottle of whiskey over here. All right, sounds good. Right on.

Right on. To which we did, but what I did, and yeah, I got to give Patrick some credit, too. So we camped like up the river from the hot springs. We didn't even build a tent or we did nothing. We just lay down on the beach and went to sleep. Very closely together, breaking social distancing rules clearly. We did not. But before going to sleep, we decided to drink our whiskey and stumble over to the hot springs,

which are like a quarter mile down river. And when I say stumble, I would say Patrick fell down 40 times in the quarter mile. Jesus. It was pitch black, terrible footing. Snakes all over, by the way. Snakes everywhere. I had not drank whiskey in a long time. It just hit me.

I was like, oh, I'm way too true. He was hammered. And then we got in the hot spring. Patrick crawled out of the hot spring and went to sleep on the side of it, just like in a bush. And the other three of us continued drinking whiskey in the hot spring. Nice. And I stood up and went completely lightheaded because I didn't drink any water all day and drank a bunch of whiskey and had to lie down near to Patrick in a separate bush. Dude, it was a fucking, I mean, it was super fun.

It was. But then, you know, waking up as the sun rises in the morning and realizing we had to hike. out and then we did the exact wrong thing, which was instead of just tearing off the band-aid, we dilly-dellied until the sun came up and was 96 degrees. Yep. And then you hung over, drinking river water. I mean, Forrest brought filters and stuff with them. Yeah, yeah. It was a rough hike. Yeah, rough hike. Thank God. Forrest brought these filters, which brings me to, I want to play a little game, Forrest. Okay. Nice. So Peter, we're on the hike, and I had to kind of piece together, like, even though we didn't put up our tents, tent, sleeping bag, mats, I didn't,

I don't have any of that shit, so I was borrowing from the other guys. So I was like, what a great idea would be just to have a camping pack that has everything you need in it and you're ready to go. And Forrest's like, yeah, that's what most people do. So I want to play a little game for us. It's called What's in the Pack? Wait, drum roll? Forrest, you love drum rolls. Oh, sorry. I thought you were going to do some fancy transition. You started doing a gargle sound over there. This is a live podcast. I'd like to play a little game.

Called what's in the pack. What's in the pack? What's in the camping bag? Yeah. Yeah, what's in the camping bag? So I do. I leave my pack. I have an 88 liter pack, which is on the larger side. And I leave it always packed ready to go with the bare minimum. Or rather with the essentials. So let's see. Going from the bottom up, let's do this.

In the bottom, I have my bedroll, which is an inflatable, you know, an inflatable thermorest bedroll. And then behind that in the pack, I keep my sleeping bag and my packing tent, which is just a one-man little tent. But the fun stuff that I keep in my pack that I always have. Locian, obviously. Moleskin. Peter, you're familiar with Moleskin, right? I'm familiar with lotion. Yeah, I knew you had no idea what I was talking about.

Moleskin is a Band-Aid for blisters in case your boots are getting teased. you. Yeah, obviously. No idea about that. By the way, I did lose all of the skin off my pinky toe. Oh, yeah. How was that when we got back? Pretty bad.

I mean, it's still there, but it's been fine. But I will now start carrying mole skin. So the mole skin would have protected Patrick's skinned toe. He got a Band-Aid for the way back. All right. That's right. But moles skin would have been better. Keep a fire starter, not matches, not a lighter.

Those are not reliable, but a magnesium fire starter with a striker on it. I keep a knife in there at all times. I keep a saw the kind of what the hell do you call it? Like a cord saw. Have you ever seen those? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like a cord saw for cutting wood. Let's see, going up the pack. I always have a water bottle in there. I always have my water filter in there. And then I have my camp stove. So I have a small MSR stove with a single mess kit, which is two pots that nest in each other and a multi-tool. that holds a knife, a fork and a spoon.

I have a bag of salt, and this is worth lesser knowing, you can always survive with salt. What? Yeah. The two essentials when you're going into the bush. Salt and lotion. Not lotion. Quit saying lotion, you fucking weird out.

I know. So as long as you can purify water, you're good on drinking, right? And that's why I have the camp stove. But salt preserves food, whether it's fruit, whether it's vegetables, whether it's a root, whether it's some kind of edible leaves. and certainly if it's meat, whether that's roadkill, whether that's the snake we found and we were starving and you need to chop its head off. As long as you sun dry it covered in salt, which is why I always have a big bag of salt, that will last you a long time. Right. If you find, say you find a six foot long snake, right? If you eat that whole snake while you're out there, that's it. You've taken in your calories, you're done.

Like tomorrow you shit it out and you're back to being hungry again. Right. Right. But if you have a bag of salt and you can salt it and small. smoke it or sun dry it, you can take in 200, 300 calories a day for maybe a week. And it's preserved. It's not going to rot. It's not going to get maggots. And that's why salt is so essential when you go on a trip just in case. Question. How long could I survive on Patrick's Pinky Toe Salted? How many calories you think? 40, 50? That is so gross. Three days? The visual of Patrick's skinless pinky toe with salt sprinkled over it. Like if I found his pinky dough just laying on the trail out there while I was hiking by myself because I'm practicing social distancing rules. If I had to cut my toe off, Peter, I would throw it into the bush before I let you eat it.

I'm clearly going to be looking into the bush. In the bush is where I'll be looking. That's horrific. Pat, what's in your pack? And by the way, I'd just like to remind the listeners that you didn't bring anything except for a bottle of whiskey. No, I brought a pack. I had some water and some whiskey. You brought a pair of mittens. SpaghettiOs. Two cans of spaghetti. Two cans of Gettyos, which was the only calories I had the entire 30 hours we were down there, which was a terrible idea. Yeah, I was a fucking disaster. I mean, I threw some shit in a pack that morning. Yeah. Because it was hot out and it was one of those things where we were all texting each other. And it was just obvious everyone was just waiting for one other person to bail.

Yeah, totally. It really was. And nobody fucking bluffed so that we just all had to do it. It ended up being super fun. It was great. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, that's always a funny situation, though, and it's like everybody's just waiting for that one person to bail. You're just like, oh, please God, please God. Dude, well, you know, quarantine, right? It's like, I'm sort of finding myself being like, man, I can't wait to get out of the house. And then an opportunity comes up. And I'm like, ugh, what an ordeal.

Right back to normal life. Like, don't want to make any commitments ever to anything. Well, that brings me to a question, like, let's say they just go, oh, my God, guys. great, we're going to mail everyone a pill you take it. Coronavirus is done. You'll be ready in two days. Once we're freed back into the world where we can hug people, give handshakes, go to bars, whatever we want to do, how long before we take it for granted?

A week? Four hours. Yeah. The second you get in line at the bank, you're like, God damn it, I miss quarantine. I know. Dude, I think there might be something to that. Like, I think people are going to have withdrawals. this lifestyle. No, I hate it. It's horrific. I can't wait to not be dealing with it anymore.

I think you're wrong. I think that I, well, no, you're asking two different questions. I think that people will start taking it for granted within four hours, but I don't think anybody's going to want to go back to this nonsense because it's just, dude, I was at the grocery store just before we're recording and I'm standing in a fucking line like I'm sweating because I rode my bike there. I got a face. mask on. It's like the goddamn apocalypse in the store. And like somebody's cutting in line,

like the grocery lady's trying to like corral the lines and shit. And I'm just like, this is brutal. Like, I want to just go back to normal grocery buying. Please, please. Maybe you shouldn't go to Ralph's and do what I do and go to Italy. You know what, man? That's in the middle of the mall, by the way. Why don't you let the listeners know

about that? You are the epitome of a social distance breaker. you really are by the way so you guys were out camping and big news broke not sure if you guys saw it yet but nicholas cage is going to play tiger king in a new joe exotic scripted series no way on what network uh well i don't know yet but it's from the same showrunner that did american vandal wow which by the way is fucking hilarious right really good i mean i think it's got huge potential It's going to be on CBS.

Do you think they're going to pay Joe Exotic? 100%. He's definitely going to get paid. Right. I mean, do you think they're going to pay Joe Exotic or Nicholas Cage more? Because I heard Nick Cage is pretty hungry right now for money. A hundred percent, Nicholas Cage. You didn't hear that.

You're just saying that. Who are you talking to? He's like, hey, man, you know, Nick Cage, that guy needs to make a buck. Fair enough. Yeah, are you friends with his accountant? No, he's right. He's 100%. I have no response to that.

Dude, that is fantastic casting. I've heard a couple people, you know, suggesting other people who would have been better to play Joe Exotic. I think Nicholas Cage is the perfect choice. Who would be better? He is fucking hilarious. Who would be better? Also, he kind of looks like Tiger King. Dude, there's a picture.

I'm going to post a link to the picture of Nick Cage next to fucking Joe Exotic. And you're right for us. They look similar. It's pretty good. Yeah. The other thing that I, to be honest, have not informed myself by clicking on even one link about this, but everyone is talking about these fucking murder hornets. Oh my God. Dude, Forrest just did a infopod on it.

I did. So what's going on? Well, I didn't watch it, but I'm assuming that they kill everything in their path. Hence the name. Yeah, no, these things, they're nuts. And it's funny because media has really given them the name Murder Hornet, and it's based off of their Latin name. but they're a two-inch-long wasp that lives and hives underground, and they're from Asia, primarily Japan,

and they've come over to the United States, and the reason they're scary, yes, they have a gnarly venom, they have a six-millimeter-long stinger, which can penetrate a bee suit, and if you got stung by eight or ten of them, you would undeniably, or not undeniably, but most likely die. But if you just get a sting, it's just going to really suck. It's not going to kill you. But the reason that they're problematic is the murder hornets attack beehives.

And these two-inch-long hornets fly into a beehive. The bees sting them. It has no effect on them whatsoever. And the murder hornets use their massive mandibles to decapitate the bees. And they go into two phases. They go into this thing, Patrick, you might remember we did a show on this that has henhouse syndrome, right? Where they go in and they just go into what's called a murder phase. and they literally just annihilate every bee in the beehive.

And the native bees here in North America have absolutely no defense against them. So they'll wipe out the entire hive. And then the murder hornets will go into a consumption phase where all they do is eat the pupa and larva of the bees that they've just murdered. But the reason this is a problem. And I think this is the thing that most people are overlooking. They're going, oh, crap, murder hornets. Like, they're going to kill me. They're scary, blah, blah.

That's not a problem. You're not going to get killed by murder hornets. Like, I don't, if you're listening to this, you're not going to get killed by murder hornets. And if you do, sue Peter. But it's a problem because one in three bites of food that we take here in North America is created by pollinators, like our native bees. And if these murder hornets get over here in mass, and right now there's only been two hives

found, but if they get here in mass with our bees that have no natural defense against them, they could, they have the potential to wipe out our bees. which are our biggest pollinators for our crops, for our flowers, for the air that we breathe. Everything else is a derivative of bees, which are already struggling here in North America. So that is why murder hornets are a problem. Look, man, two hives can get out of control real quick, man. Oh, yeah. I was down in the bayou of Louisiana a couple months ago.

They have a problem down there with an invasive rodent from South America called the Nutriar Rat. Yep. You seen this thing, Peter? I mean, I've seen you. Does it look like you? Because you're very ratish. It's almost the same size, actually. It's this huge rat.

They have these big tusk-type teeth that are either pink or orange. Oh, my goodness. Dude, get this. Horrifying. The guy who created Tabasco sauce, which is delicious. He brought 150 Nutriar rat up from South America about, you know, I don't know what this is 60, 70 years ago. And had him in a pen because he wanted to. In the 1800s, actually.

Oh, it was in 1800s. Yeah. There's two different stories. One is that a hurricane blew the pen down, the other ones that they freed them intentionally to create a fur trade. Either way, 150 of these Nutriot has turned into anywhere between 20 and 50 million. Oh my God. Dude, and they... What the fuck.

And the crazy thing is, like, the Louisiana bayous made up of cypress trees, which protect from the hurricanes, right? So, like, part of the reason Hurricane Katrina was such a disaster was because these cypress trees are getting decimated by a few different things. Nutriot are single-handedly destroying 30 square miles of land and turning it into open ocean every year. What can you fucking do at this stage? Well, they got a bounty program. So any man-woman, and I'm not kidding, or child, a child can do this that kills a nutrior rat. You just cut off the tail and bring it in. You get six bucks a tail.

Bachelor party ideas. Yeah, it'll pay for the whole bachelor party. I think that might have to be my bachelor party. We'll go hunt some nuch. Some nuch. Let's go down to the swamp and hunt some nuch. They are gnarly. I mean, they do a lot of damage.

And you're absolutely right, Patrick. That's the thing is these invasive species, and the reason that it's great that people are getting ahead of the murder hornets now is because it takes very little for them to get out of control. There are no natural predators for nutria here, and that's why we have so many. There are no natural predators for murder hornets here, and that's why it could be so problematic. In Japan, where the bees co-evolved with the native honeybees co-evolved with the murder hornets,

they've come up with a defense. So when the murder hornets goes into a hive, these bees, whose venom still, whose stinger still has no effect on the murder hornets, they swarm them and flap their wings at such a rate that they cook them. They make it hot for them and actually cook them. Are you serious? Yeah, it's incredible. That's insane. Yeah, that's how they kill it.

If I get attacked by one of these murder hornets and just start flapping my own. arms as fast as I can. You need, you in about 300 of your closest buddies, and you need to get it up to around 100. I don't have 300 friends. I don't even have three when they're both here. It's true. Well, Peter, if you sort of just jiggled around, maybe all the flaps would sort of generate heat. Like chunk and the goonies? That's so mean. Truffle shuffle. All right, gentlemen, it's the time everyone's been waiting for. Unbelievable. You left a space for a drum roll and he didn't do it.

How many times do I have, how many times I'm doing? He's off his game. I thought that's the only reason that you wanted to even do the podcast was because you got to drum roll regularly. Twice tonight ever and now it's like expected every time there's a pause. It's expected. Here it is. The Battle Royale. Battle Royale. All right. This is going to be a fun one.

So I saw this thing on the internet and it was a box with nine, animals in it. Okay? And the idea is you have to pick two to defend you and the rest are coming to kill you. Okay. Now listeners, you're going to have to go check our social media so that you can see these animals and there's more to it. There are quantities of these animals that you get to pick from. Confused yet? So just wait. First of all, okay, what do we got? What do we get to choose for? These are your options to pick. And keep in mind as I read them off, you have to pick two to defend you while the rest of them are coming to kill you. Can we amend it for us so that we do a draft and we each get three and then have to fight each other until death?

Yes, absolutely. I think that's much more fun. That's great. Let's do that. We're doing a draft. All right, people, get your pens and paper out because you're going to need to follow this. Or just go to the Wild Times podcast. Social media posts.

That's true. That's true. Go and look at the picture. Relax. Much easier to find. All right. What do we got for us? 50 birds of prey.

Let's say eagles. 50 eagles. Okay. All right. Ten crocodiles. Three bears. Wait, brown or black? Brown or black?

Brown bears. Three brown bears. Grizzlies. Shut your mouth. Idiot. I hate you both. Seven bulls. One guy with a rifle.

Oh. Seven bulls. Yeah. One guy with a rifle. One man with a rifle. 15 wolves. That's a lot of wolves. 10,000 rats.

Are they nutrient rats or just regular? There are these are regular rats, unfortunately. All right. 10,000. That's a lot. That's a lot of quantity. Five silverback gorillas. Ooh, ouch. And four lions. All right, so here's what I propose. I'm into fantasy football like so many other American nerds. And what we do is a snake draft.

So, I mean, I went last week, so I would love to go first. So what we would do is I'd go first, forest goes second, then Peter, you pick third and fourth, and then it comes back down until we each have three. I think that's fair. Be cool with that? Well, in a very rodent, weasily rat-like fashion, I got the first pick because there's an obvious first pick, and I'm going with 10,000 rats. That's all I need. I don't need anything else.

I want. Well, good. You're out then. That's fine. That's a lot of rats. That is a lot of rats. It's 9,99 more than what it would take for me to burn my house down if I saw one. Okay.

All right, my first pick, now that the rats are gone. And to be honest, I think rats probably would have been my first pick. A 10,000 is so many rats. I don't think people realize how much damage 10,000 rats could do. In an infinite amount. All right, I'm going with the five gorillas. Nice. Yep.

What's your thinking there? What's your thinking? Isn't it obvious? I have a thing about gorillas being at the very top. And it's funny because I'm not going to say what the other animal that I think is. But I just have a thing about silverback mountain gorillas. being at the very top of the animal kingdom. Like nothing.

I don't even know that this is not justified. This is not grounded in science. It's just my own obsession with the fact that nothing can kick a gorilla's ass. I see. I can, I know what's going on in your head right now with that smile on your face. You're picturing yourself giving the guerrillas instruction, like as if you're drawing up a rugby player.

Yeah, yeah. You flag it from the left. You just go hammer fifth. Right. Yeah. Well, speaking of guerrillas, Retep, you're up. Don't appreciate that. Also,

uh, I get two picks. By the way, huge fucking advantage in this game because you idiots, well, not Forrest, but you with the 10,000 rats.

It's ridiculous. All right, I'm going with seven bulls. And then I'm going with the human with a rifle, obviously. That was my last. What are you talking about?

That's so dirty because I know what you're thinking is that you'll just be like, shoot Pat. Shoot the commander of the rats. Shoot the rat king. By the way, you do look like a rat,

so I understand your pick. Why'd you go seven bulls? as your next pick. What is it about the bulls that you like so much? You've watched the animated movie Fernando or whatever it is. By the way, do you know me? I've seen the most obscure bullshit in the world.

I have seen real live bulls. You have seen bullshit, apparently. I've seen one bull take out several clowns in a rodeo ring. Why are you so upset right now? I know he's... Why are you so fired up? You know I get fucking fired up

when it comes to Battle Royale. By the way, dude, I'm an overwhelming winner at Battle Royale if you look at all the comments and the feedback. Did you pick the man with the rifle so he could shoot people or so he could shoot peepee in your mouth? So that he could shoot people and especially you. And he can easily stomp non-nutriotri rats by the thousands. All right. Peter, go and take his dadets and come revisit.

Yeah, seriously. All right. So Forrest, you've got five gorillas. I do. What are you adding to your team here? My next pick definitely would have been the guy with the rifle, because that could really do a lot of damage. Big brain, he can think.

It does say one guy with rifle, so that, I'm guessing he only has one clipboard. No, no, no, no, unlimited clips. He's not a fucking dumb, dumb. He's got plenty of ammo, mate. What are you basing that on? The fact that I know what's going on here. Here's what I'm going to do. Because you have 10,000 rats, and because I think the only thing that could take out

Peter's guy with the rifle, is 50 Golden Eagles. Uh, yeah. That was a fucking great pick. This is the only time I'll say it, dude. That's the smartest pick you've ever made in any battle royal. It's impossible to defend again. 50 Eagles.

All right, look, 50 Eagles is not going to take out 10,000 rats, but it will definitely blind your sniper guy. That was brilliant. My guy's dead. My sniper, if he doesn't take out the rat king, Patrick DeLuca, right away, I mean, he's done immediately once they start swooping in. Well, thank you for us for taking out the rifle men. now me and my team can focus on killing you.

So what about the bulls? Don't forget about the seven bulls. They're overwhelmed with thousands of rats. They could give a shit. Bro, I will assign 1,000 rats to each of your bulls. Well, you are the rat king. But you actually do not have mental control over these rats. They do whatever they want.

I could throw a loaf of bread 100 yards to the left. I liked it in your mind. You could throw a loaf of bread the length of a football field. Idiot. All right, so I'm going to go next. You're angry that I got the best picks. All right, go on. Wow, I get two picks.

So Forrest has five gorillas and 50 eagles. So I'm going to go with 15 wolves. My thought being that they are smart, they're cunning, they can communicate. The howling alone may scare Peter's Rifleman long enough for Forrest's birds to peck his eyes out. No way. And then to that, I am so. super torn between two of these, and I am going to go with speed. I'm going to go with four African lions.

So I finished up my team. I have 10,000 rats, 15 wolves, four African lions. It's a good team. Forest. It's a good team. How are you going to round it out? Well, we know that I have five gorillas. That's my muscle.

Yep. I've got 50 eagles. Aerial attack can definitely take out the sniper guy. Dangerous. Going to do a lot of damage to basically everything on the ground. You're going to have to be timed correctly. Just want to throw that in there. Speed is gone.

So at this point, I need to go with raw aggression. And only because I know how useless crocodilians are, I will go with three bears. Nice. Yep. I need them. That leaves me with ten crocodiles. I'm concerned now that I might not have the best team with the riflemen. The seven bulls and ten crocodiles.

You literally do. just have a group of people from Louisiana. Like, you just have, you have, you have, you have a cowboy with a gun and a gator. Now, here's my thing. So I think that really, honestly, the only defense against the 50 birds of prey are the 10 crocodiles, dude, those birds aren't getting away. A bird comes within, like, a foot of that fucking crocodile's head. It's dead.

It is dead. And meanwhile, I got seven bulls running around. And a guy with a fucking rifle scope? Are you kidding me? He also has the rifle, not just the scope. Yeah, he's got the scope. He's using it like a flashlight. And a human brain.

Go to, if you would, do us a favor if you're enjoying this. All we ask is, please leave us a comment. Let us know. You've already left one. You can leave a second one on iTunes. Let us know, interact with us. Who's team won? And whose was the worst?

I mean, Peter's team of one drunk guy from Texas with a pistol. Not drunk. Seven cows. Definitely from Texas. And 10 alligators. And a loaf of bread ready to launch a full football field to the left to get those 10,000 non-nutriot rats. I'll also be posting the picture on social media so that people can vote there too. Because I know I've won.

And that's it. That's that. Peter, take a deep breath. I'm a winner. Yeah, seriously. You know, I get worked up. You know, Peter, your face looks less potatoish now. Patrick, rugged and handsome as usual.

My beard getting way out of control. And I was doing some reading on one of my favorite publications, Live Science, and I saw an article headlined, did men's beards evolve to stay with me now, absorb a punch to the jaw. And I just thought, this is great. Well, I've got an answer. And I've never seen this or read this. But clearly, you guys have great beards because people want to punch you constantly. That's fair. It's for sure true with me.

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Would you say you have a punchable face, Patrick? Would you say you're the guy that sits in the bar and other guys look at you across the bar going, fuck, I'd love to punch that guy in the face? It's funny because I believe I should have a punchable face. When I see myself in the mirror, I often think, how do you have even a single friend? When I hear my own voice, I think the same thing.

And yet I've always had really good luck not getting beat up. It's only happened a couple times. And I've really have a big mouth too. So I must have a less punchable face than I think. Well, so here's the question then. So you've just now declared that you've been beat up several times. Were you beat up at one point without a beard and then at one point with a beard? And was the blow cushion from the beard?

This is a crazy thing. I've never gotten my ass kicked since I've grown a beard. Wow. When did you grow a beard? How old were you? I mean, various stages of life. Look, beards are signs of dominance and virility. So, you know, I think it makes sense.

Have I had my ass kicked while having a beard? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I can think of one time in specific. Okay. I maybe going about four years ago now, three years ago. I've been rocking the beard for a hot minute. Yeah.

How do I say this? So that's sounding like a complete asshole. I got a little carried away in a rugby game and threw an aggressive elbow that probably shouldn't have been thrown and, you know, smash the guy in the jaw. And look, I'm 511, 175 pounds. Like, I'm not a huge dude, but I'm not tiny. The guy that I decided I wanted to pick a fight with was probably 6.5-260. Sure, smart.

And, yeah, yeah, he was the starting lock for the Eagle Rock team. And he squared up with me straight away. And I looked at him and being in the height of rugby mode was like, let's go, bitch. and that was a mistake. He kicked my ass. So how long is it in a rugby game before everyone jumps in and makes sure that no one gets too hurt? You know, there's usually like a few blows traded on each end

before everybody jumps in and breaks it up. But what happened in this situation was the guy tackled me in the tri-zone, meaning like I had already been into score and I had enough of it. And I had made a pretty long break to get away from everybody. So it was just me and this guy way down the field, and I hit him with the elbow on the ground, like, fuck you get off me, kind of move. And he just got up and was just furious, and, you know, I didn't back down. So it took, it was, it was a, I got a good ass beating until the guys got there to pull him off. So what's the deal with this, uh, beards evolving to protect the face from a punch?

What do you think? Anything biologically valid here? Totally. Totally. And I love it. And I'll tell you why. You know, sheep have developed that large fleece as a means to avoid wolves biting through them. I mean, and that's, you know, that's kind of a little grandiose.

But lions have a mane, and we know for a fact that when lions get in a fight, that thick, dense mane helps keep their neck, one of the most, you know, one of the most easy areas to kill an animal from allowing another male lion to kill them during their fights. Did not know that. Yeah, no. A main is a source of physical protection for a male lion. And so do I think that humans have hair on their face as a means to absorb a punch? I think it is an indirect benefit. It's not necessarily the reason, but I think it could contribute to the reason why men have not lost that. And in today's day and age, definitely less and less people having beards, less and less physical altercations and fist fights.

and I think that over time we could totally see a loss of beards. But big, thick, porous hair sticking on your face, growing a big beard, absorbing a punch, that coarse, thick, wiry hair, totally. Makes perfect sense to me. And I love it. Never thought of it. Never draw that parallel in my life. Absolutely love it.

Now, do you know, Forrest, why humans lost their hair off their body? Not all of us lost all of our hair, obviously. we're some hairy gentleman between the three of us, but do you know sort of the evolutionary theory about why we lost our hair? I find it fascinating. The only theory that I am familiar with, and I don't know a ton about kind of the hair loss in Homo sapiens, but the only one that I'm familiar with is basically that we just, you know, we selected for not needing it in a sense of we developed clothing and tools and we no longer needed this protection. And so our body allocated energy and resources to other things like brain development because we no longer

needed a layer because we were killing things and putting that on as a layer. That's the only kind of very broad strokes theory that I know. Is there something more to it that I'm missing that you're familiar with? I mean, that sounds very valid. It's slightly less appealing than Desmond Morris, who's the, you know, he's like the father of evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology, wrote a famous book called The Naked Ape. But in that, he sort presents the theory that monogamy was actually the reason that we lost our hair, because as apes left the jungle, and all of a sudden, when apes were in the jungle, the male ape has no interaction with the female ape that it procreated with or its offspring.

It doesn't need to care for it because the female ape could carry the baby around, pick fruit, and feed it. Now, when they go out of the jungle and they're in the plains, which is sort of the key moment in human evolution, there are predators. There are saber-toothed cats, and now suddenly the male apes need to care for their offspring in order for the offspring to survive. So the male and female pairs

that interacted the best and most cooperatively, their offspring survived, and those genes were selected. So the idea is that all of these traits that are physical traits, such as growing nerve endings in our lips, growing nerve endings in our earlobes and the gradual loss of fur basically promoted male and female contacts, skin to skin contacts, more satisfying than fur-to-fur contact.

It's pretty fascinating. It's like evolution chose monogamy as a trait. For humans. That is interesting. I like to think that. So, Peter, the next time you manage to procure a female into your bedroom, you know, you could talk about that with her. Yeah, I'm sure she'll love that, man. I'll talk about the naked ape and my friend Patrick who recommended it.

Yeah, that'll get her in the mood. Yeah, explain that's why your face looks the way of it. Now, should I talk about that before or after I have her in the bedroom? Mid-coitus. Yes. Yeah, mid-coitus. God, I was so excited to say coitus. Damn it, Forrest.

Stole it. You fucked me. You guys are so cute. So I saw a story that I really wanted to get your biological opinion on Forrest. It's a new study, and this is important stuff. I mean, there are scientists working on the coronavirus vaccine. They're working on antibody tests. And they're also studying seagull behavior.

Very important research there. It's hugely important. And a new study shows that if you stare at a seagull, as it's kind of coming up on you and thinking about stealing your old bay seasoned French fries or your crab cake, that it will keep them. They're less likely to steal your. food if you stare into their eyes. I totally believe that. And I can give you the biological reasoning behind that too. Would love to do you. Yeah, look, I mean, both of you have a dog, right? Tonight, tonight when you, when we're done podcasting, go and from a distance, don't go up to your dog,

don't go up and start petting him or her on the head, but from a distance across the room, stare at your dog into the eyes and see how they respond. They will drop their gaze, right? What you are doing is expressing dominance over that other animal. Eye-to-eye contact shows dominance, and it shows an alert understanding of where that creature is. Now, a seagull is not a dog. It doesn't have the same social dynamics. It's not the exact same thing as what I just explained, you attempting your experiment at home. But what it does do is when you make eye contact with a seagull, it lets that seagull know

that you know exactly where it is. Now, picture that you are, and what's a good natural seagull predator. Let's say you're a hungry bobcat patrolling the beach, right? If you're a seagull, you're not just going to fly away from the beach. You're not just going to leave your entire area and go a million miles away. If you know that bobcat's there. You might fly up into a tree or whatnot, but you will never drop your gaze as a seagull from that bobcat. Because the second you lose side of it, you know that it can attack you from any angle.

Right. And the same thing goes for these seagulls with regards to stealing your old base season French fries. Because if you're staring at it, you're a threat to it. You are an apex predator and it is not. It is a scavenger trying to eat your chips. And so when you're making that eye contact, it is reluctant to push that boundary. When you're looking off in the distance or you're texting or you're not paying attention to that seagull, that's when it can sneak in and steal a bite, just like it does with all its other seas.

Eagle friends, just like it does around a predator. And so when you make eye contact, you tell that animal, I'm in charge, I know where you are, I know what moves you're going to make, and if you try anything, I'm going to be able to kill you if you come within range. Love it. Boom. Quick question, Forrest, biologically, if I made a scarecrow that looks like Patrick DeLuca and just set it next to myself while I'm at the beach laying on my towel with my half-eaten sandwich

next to me, my white claw on the other side of me, you know, there's fucking seagulls. everywhere. They're walking around. They're big birds too. I'm afraid of them. If I just had this thing with eyes on every side of its head pretending to look in every direction if you think it would work? I mean that's why they call

them scarecrows, right? They were made to scare crows out of the field. Well, yeah. If you make a scaregull out of a Duluca look alike and it's got a little motion to it, I think it would help. Yeah, it would certainly scare away the single women from your towel, you fucking weirdo. I would already be

either with a woman having discussed Nutriot's rats. She would have discussed, yes. Why? Because of me or because of the discussion of Nutrior rats and the scarecrow that I brought with me? Well, I presume that you've taken your shirt off and exposed your see-through skin on your body. You just stole my joke the same way that I stole the coitus joke earlier. Okay, we're spending too much time together. And the same way that Patrick DeLuca stole my joke about being divorced, you cunt.

Was mentioned by a fan. I love how you call back to three podcasts ago, when I stole your job. I'll never forget it. You're a joke thief, notorious. Guys, we got some more love from the listeners. We got a couple of things from the fans. Thanks for singing it.

Yeah, are you a robot? I have a beautiful voice. Hit it. What do we got? At Adam L. M. Horst says, awesome podcast. Y'all keep me laughing all the way through, and I swear I'm getting a contact buzz from y'all's drinking. Good.

Adam L, you are clearly hung like a horsed Because what a comment A horse He also has a question Would love to hear how Extincter Alive came to be And the story of Forrest The Rugby Bro to Full Throttle TV Wildlife Brooologist

Forest God love that broologist is getting thrown around so much It's catching on It is catching on It's a thing It's going somewhere Yeah, Adam That's a great question

And actually you're asking it in a perfect setting Because Extincter Alive Was the brainchild of Patrick. That's how long we've known each other. And funny story, Peter or Patrick, I'm definitely throwing you under the bus here. Yes. Funny story. So long story short, you know, I was a biologist. I'd been doing kind of high risk biology, had had been getting some media attention. And there are a couple different people interested in working with me in media and in television. And I met with an agent who was like, hey, can I represent you? And I was like, look, you know, his name was Alan,

super nice guy. He was like, I was like, look, I don't really want an agent. It's not really for me. I just want to be a biologist, like whatever focuses on biology. He's like, cool, fair enough. But let me just do this. Let me introduce you to this guy named Patrick DeLuca. Like, he's a little bit older than you, but you guys are very similar. I'm sure you'll get along well. You know, Patrick's worked in TV and he's got his own kind of concept. And I was like, eh, sure, why not? You know, but he's got to come to Santa Barbara. I'm not coming back to LA. And so Patrick and I exchange a few texts. And Patrick text me and says, is where do you want to meet for brunch?

And I'm like, you know what? I assume this guy's buying, but I don't know. Let's meet at the four seasons built more, the most expensive brunch spot in Santa Barber, California. Wait, that was Patrick's suggestion? No, that was my suggestion. I was trying to scare them off. Nice.

Yeah, I was trying to scare them off. Nice. And Patrick boldly writes back, sure, sounds great. So we walk in there, and all of a sudden, I'm starting to sweat because I'm like, shit, am I going to have to pay for this, like, you know, $200 lunch? Yeah. And Patrick and, you know, Patrick and I sit down and we're both with our girlfriends and we drink way too many mimosas because it was an open mimosa bar.

Sure was. And we didn't, we had a good time when you say Patrick, we ate too much food food. I mean, it's five years later you have a successful TV show and just went camping and cuddled. It's the nicest hotel in Southern California. I walk in. Forrest is like doing a fucking caviar fire hose. I'm like, oh boy, this is. I'm already sweating.

Oh, yeah, it's all you can drink mimosis. It's included in the brunch price. Fucking great. And we have this awesome brunch, the four of us, and we talk, you know, Patrick tells me about what he's done. He tells me about a concept at the time, which he was calling hunting Lazarus. And Lazarus taxon, of course, is an animal that's come back from the dead, like from the Bible.

And I get super excited about it. And I tell Patrick all about how, like, this is a huge passion of mine. I love stuff on the edge of extinction, and here's a whole bunch of ideas. And we just fucking nerd out for like a three and a half hour brunch. But my favorite part of the story, and Patrick, I'm going to turn it over to you because I've heard you tell it to our mutual friends a few times. My favorite part of the story is when the check comes, Patrick picks it up. And Patrick, tell me what was going through your head after that. So it's like a $500 brunch, which is he's a pricey brunch.

So we have like this $500 brunch, and I'm just thinking the entire drive back from Santa Barbara. to L.A. I'm like, I'm ruined. I'm never, I'm never going to make that $500, but I, oh my God. And, uh, and, uh, and we said, we were always like, after we sold the pilot, we said, hey, if we get picked up for a, a first season, we're going back to the Biltmore to celebrate properly. Got a first season. We didn't do it. Said, all right, now if we get a second season, uh, so yeah, we, uh, we've done two seasons of the show, plus a pilot, so 21 episodes. Two shark weeks. Might be a third shark week that's about to shoot in a couple weeks. I don't know.

Third season's looking good. I demand for us that if we get a third season, we go back to the Biltmore and properly get hammered this time. 100%. Broologists at the Biltmore, that's, we got to do it. Completely agree. And yeah, Adam, that's how it all came to be. We met at the Biltmore. We had this expensive brunch. Never thought we'd recoup our loss. I never thought we'd get our idea totally off the ground. And here we are, I want to say nine years later, eight years later. I don't know. Damn, has it been that long?

It's been a while. The older you get, time just starts flying. Well, I mean, thanks for the question. Me personally, I'm a little disappointed because at the beginning you teased it, saying you were going to throw Patrick under the bus. Did not do it. Yeah, he's just revealing what a fucking cheap skate I am. Yeah.

That's not really a cheap skate. It was $500. Like, I would never talk to $4. Horace again. Holy shit. I will say probably the best pre-dark meal I've ever eaten, though. Fantastic. Wait, so pre-dark meaning lunch.

Is that what you're saying? Oh, brunch technically, boy. Nice, guys. I didn't even know how you met. Thank you for asking that. MLM Horace. I am drunk. We got another comment from D. Corwin 1318.

I'm not quite sure what that means, but he loves the podcast. Can't wait for the next episode, which is this. Also, he thinks that everyone would enjoy. Joy Forrest doing a live Instagram. Love this because it makes Forrest do more work. Showing all of his amazing animals at home, including your enormously sized bunny. Right on D. I'm going to just assume your name's Dick.

So let's go with Dick. Right on Dick. Dick Corwin. No, look, hey, that's a cool comment and I appreciate it. And people have hit me up before to get a little tour of the property on on IG or on Facebook. And I think I'll do that for you, especially now that Peter queued it up and I can't really back out of it. Right, right. I've got me back against the wall.

I kind of have to now. Tismajum. I have 91 animals at home for all of our listeners. Holy shit. Yeah, but that is, that's including like 40 goldfish in the pond. You can't include the fucking carp that you have in your man-made pond. But we do have, we do have a lot of animals including a bunch of cool rescues. We have a pop belly pig from Hurricane Katrina, a miniature horse from an abandoned

Petting Zoo and the list goes on. And Dee Corwin and all of our other listeners, I will do that, especially while I'm stuck in quarantine. I will do a tour of the property. Show you guys some of my cool hangout, buddy. Oh, thank you, Forrest. You know what else will be a great video component. Next time you guys go camping and snuggling, please send us like one of those naked and afraid private cam diaries. Can you please do that? Thanks. Yeah, my iPhone 8 gets night vision. So yeah, sure. Yeah, like you know, because I know you didn't bring a flashlight, Patrick. Forrest probably has one in his well-prepared sack.

You are wrong because Forrest has gifted me two very nice flashlight, so I brought one of them. Because he knew you'd be dead. You'd be dead if he didn't. I wouldn't have gone. Anyway, it's been an absolute blast. Sorry for the delay, everybody. We had a few things this week, no problem. We are good to go every Monday moving forward.

We love the listeners. the feedback's been awesome. Please continue to comment. It really gives us stuff to talk about. It's really fun for us. It's why we do it. We love you guys. Love you. Good night, everybody. Good night. Wild times.