Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Drunk March Madness Animal Battle Royale - The Wild Times Ep. 115

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Forrest is back and full of stories! This week we discuss Forrest's run-in at the bar, the closest he's ever come to death, and a March Madness inspired Battle Royale for the ages! Visit https://thewildtimespodcast.com/ now! Get your Wild Times Podcast merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch Leave a review on iTunes Apple Podcast: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/itune... Get Up To 4 Bonus Podcasts Per Month ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/wildtimespod Subscribe to The Wild Times Podcast on YouTube ▶▶ https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPod Watch More Episodes Here ▶▶ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP... Follow The Wild Times Podcast on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wildtimespod/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespod Twitter: https://twitter.com/WildTimesPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/ Listen to The Wild Times Podcast on: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2cbFBzf... Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Google: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... Anchor.fm: https://anchor.fm/wildtimespod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPod Enjoy, brosteners! TWT 115 - The Breakdown 00:00 - Pre-Intro 01:21 - Intro 02:35 - Nervous Energy 04:28 - Sayonara Patrick 06:05 - Forrest Just Got Into A Bar Fight 13:33 - Forrest Recaps His Trips 15:10 - The Closest Forrest Has Ever Come To Death 31:26 - Animal Battle Royale March Madness 1:30:48 - Wrapping Up https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/fat-tire/ #podcast #wildtimespod

I can give you guys one pretty good story. And what's interesting in all my years of shooting and doing wildlife expeditions, I'd say this is the closest I've ever come to death. Literally not. Listen, I'm just asking, is your screen like on night mode where it turns yellow? No, it's the lamp. But I'm not, I'm not doing the overheads. Not doing it, buddy. Kyle, can you fix this in post?

He looks like some kind of weird cartoon character. I think he has. Oh my God, it's so much better. Are you insane? I think he had jaundice a second to go, and he just beat it, right? I think he just pissed all over his walls before he sat on a record. All right, let's start. We're recording.

No, we're not. We have not started. Yes, he did. Oh, my God. Awful. Dude, can you do something about the sheen? Have your wife come in and just powder your forehead, though. I'd rather have it.

Your wife, do it. Not even funny. Immature. Is there music playing? Am I insane? No, it is. It makes things more fun until we get going. I thought I was having a brain in your...

For us, do the intro, man. We're... Yeah, here we go. Are we just doing it? All right. Kyle, what episode number is this before you disappear? 1.15. All right.

Okay, fuck off, Calp. Here we go. Clap it up. All right, ready? Three, two. Wild time. I assume we're using everything that just happened. I think we have to at this point.

We never start recording that early. All right, here we go. Woo! Yeah, baby! One 15 of the Wild Times podcast. I am your host, the broologist for Scalante, joined as always by the Brofresser and the Broducer. Two great bros of mine, who I haven't seen in several weeks.

I have missed the most so much. And here we are. Gentlemen? What's up, I do. I, you didn't do the normal thing where we each get to say a little thing. It's my biggest, my most favorite part of the podcast. Just do your thing now. Just say your thing.

right now. Oh, my God. He's back to being yellow. He urine. He urine on his walls. Everything. It's... Peter, sorry.

Okay, Brofasser, PhD in podcasting. Please tell us how you're doing. No, I'm good. I'm great. Today has been the worst day my kid has ever had. He woke up literally screaming and just would not stop. Had to take care of him for five hours by myself. And I'm goddamn getting drunk with my fat tire.

I'm doing... I got a double now because the fat tire is always there. But I need fucking. fucking seven cocktails. Cheers, mates. What do you guys up to? I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but I'm going to get a fat tire from my mini fridge.

Stand by. I can't. You must. Pat, can you do audio only? Nobody take a vote. Kyle, I want to poll on the podcast that you put out on Spotify. Did Pat look better with the overhead light or whatever the hell he's got going on now? Let me just tell you what's going on.

This is, I don't. don't, I moved, I haven't had time to get a setup. I'm going to figure out, I'm not even going to do it in this room, but I'm going to figure out a real setup. Peter, please send me a reasonable mic or tell me what to get. Starting on the next spot, I'm not going to even be in this room. I'm going to be in a better room. Did you say a reasonable mic or a reasonable light?

Yes. What? It's a fucking honest question. I don't know what the problem is. You're such a mean man. What? Here's the problem. If you're just tuning in, here's the problem.

Let me paint you a picture. Us three have been apart for seven-ish weeks. For those that don't know, we recorded several podcasts together leading up to this, which made us bored of each other. But then we missed each other. Very much. Let me just explain to the viewers, the listeners, what's happening here. Then we spent seven weeks apart.

We've missed each other very much. Peter's been doing some drinking. It's my birthday today, actually yesterday. So I've also been doing some drinking. Patrick has been moving in a stone cold sober, so he's bitter that he's not having as much fun as we are. There's like this energy. There's energy right now going on.

There's like this mistyue energy and the drinking. It's true. It really is true. I'm excited to be back on the horse, man. This is fun. We did one with BTG while you were gone. Good. Had a good time doing that.

We made the big announcement that his pod is coming, semi-instructible. Oh, yeah, baby. For us. Before we get... Oh, there he goes. He's gone. He's gone. Thank God.

Dude, he better be just audio only. It's so distracting with the peed on walls. I don't know what he's thinking, dude. It's fucking ludicrous. Well, for those that are just tuning in to episode, I think it was 115, I've said this in many prior podcasts. Patrick has a thing about lighting, and we'll dig into this before he gets back on. I've been with Patrick on more than one occasion, three to be exact,

where we've walked into a restaurant that we've had a reservation. at or something has been planned. And he's been like, I cannot eat here. Like, I'm leaving. And I'm like, what are you talking about? This is the highest rated restaurant in the city of wherever we happen to currently be. He's like, I can't stand these fluorescent lights. I will not eat here.

And I'm like, you're joking, right? He's like, we can sit outside. We can get to go food. I can't go in there. And I'm like, you're kidding, right? And he's like, no, I will not sit in that fluorescent lighting, which is insane to me. Yeah. Well, I mean, I get it.

Like, I'm semi with him. But after this display. and what he's choosing to do with the lighting he's choosing, versus the other option that he had when we first started. Which looked pretty good. It looked fine. And like he's just putting on, it's exactly what you're talking about, but it's a podcast.

Like he's not concerned about the meal at the restaurant yet. Right. He's not concerned about the podcast yet. He's concerned about the lighting before he even sits down to do the thing. Also, eight people watch this total. Everybody else listened. So nobody cares. about the fluorescent life.

And those eight people have left the building. They're gone, dude. They're fucking gone. But don't because stay tuned. Forrest has stories. He said he almost got killed. He said he almost, or he got into a fight.

Things are going to happen in this podcast. You need to be around here. Kyle scolded me. I'm not sure if he had sneakily started recording or not yet, but he's like one story per pod. I have so many stories. We had an insane time in South Africa. We had an insane time in Australia.

I literally just got back from arguably the weirdest conversation of my entire life. Wait, hold on. Start with the weirdest conversation of your entire. Well, no, no. I guess do an animal story, but do not forget about the weirdest conversation. You're going to have to remind me or we dig into it now while it's fresh on my mind.

Fuck it. Let's do it live. It was insane. It was, it was literally, Patrick, I was just explaining. Papa Pee,

bad lighting wonder is back. I was just explaining to Peter. The conversation, I just had in the bathroom line is arguably the weirdest conversation I've ever had in my life. And it came this close to being a fist fight at a very busy bar at, let me be clear, it's 515 on a Saturday. Like, it's not late. No, it's not late. So let me paint you a picture. Let me paint you a picture. It's my birthday. We did a thing last night and the guys were like, let's go out for beers today. And I was like, sure. So it's all my rugby buddies. I got inducted

into our rugby hall of fame last week while I was in Australia, which is a big deal. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but we have a time. Yeah, it's a big deal for me. And it's a big deal for, like that club. What happened? I wasn't there. I just got a notification that at the banquet, I was the one chosen for the whole thing. Listen, that was done on purpose because you rugby fucks are weirdos. They literally did it while you were gone on purpose just to fuck me. No, it's a banquet. It's every year. It's the same time. I couldn't be there. Anyway, so the rugby guys are like all celebrating. They want to hang out. So they're like, let's go to this bar. Lama dog. Patrick's gone again. I'm with it. This is great. Great start to the seven week hi-

I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it. I am too. Listen, let me tell you the story. Yeah, yeah. We head to this bar. There's like eight of us hanging out together. It's all guys, all rugby guys. We're having a drink. And I'm like, I got to go pee. So I head to the bathroom line, right? Yeah. Standing in line. And there's, it's like super crammed. There's this tiny little girl in front of me. She's next in line for the bathroom.

And then me, we're almost shoulder to shoulder. And this guy walks up in like dark Coke bottle glasses. He's like five foot seven. He's this tiny little dude. And he jams. his way in between me and the girl in line. I'm like, hey, bro, what, what are you doing? I don't think so. And he's like, oh, sorry, I just, I went to check and there was no other bathroom. So I came back here. And I was like, yeah, that's not really how it works. You got to go the back of the line. And he's like, dude, he's like, dude, if you know who I was, you would not, I swear to God. He goes, if you know who, if you knew who I was, you would not be talking to me like that. And I'm like, really, well, who are you? And so he says his name. I'm not going to say it,

because I googled him and it's really funny. But he says his name. I can't wait to hear off. It just goes on from there. It's. It's. really funny. And so I'm like, really? Well, what's your name? And so he says his name. And I'm like, oh, that's, well, I'll just tell you his first name. I've still got it up on Google actually. Oh, boy. Dude, it's, it's real funny. It's first name's first name. So I Google his name standing in line. I'm like, no. Famous. Oh, he knows. Well, there was a guy on the, one of the recent bachelor's name was, but he wasn't 5'7. Okay. I mean, maybe 5'9, but he just was a small skinny guy. Okay. Okay. He's wearing these Coke bottle, like, dushy glasses. And I'm like,

you're a fucking pussy. Get to the back of the line. And so I start, so I start egging him on, right? And I call him a pussy about four times. And he's like, bro, if you know who I was,

you wouldn't be talking to me like that. Oh, God. You shouldn't fucking talk to me like that. And then he literally, he starts rubbing his pocket. And I'm like, you're going to kill me over a spot in the bathroom line. And he's like,

starts rubbing his pocket. Like he's got something in his pocket. I was like, oh, cool. You got a knife. You got a gun? Like, let me see it. He's like, bro, you don't want me, you don't want me to do something.

I was like, I really, this is this whole conversation we're having. I was like, I really, really do. And he's like, this is the next line. He says, it's the best line I've ever heard. He's like, you don't want me to go to my car and get my bulletproof vest. I was like, yes, I do. Go to your car. And at this point, I'm starting to like yell.

I'm like, yes, I do. I'm like, go to your car and get your bulletproof vest right now. Please. Like, I'd love to see. I'd be scared he's going to shoot up the whole fucking place now. He's just getting so steamy and like red in the face. And I'm like, you're a fucking pussy, dude. dude. And so the chick now walks out of the back.

You, I would be, you, you, you have an ability to really fucking piss people off. I could see it. Well, because he's just like, he's trying to be tough and he's like cut in line in the bathroom. And so this girl now who is in front walks out of the bathroom, he starts heading in. So I grab him by the shoulder. And I'm like, sorry. It's my turn. And I push him to the side and walk into pee. Yeah. And, uh, and I'm just like laughing the whole time. And I come out and he's like pacing back and forth. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, you're up. And he literally turns, looks at me.

He's like, I'll be right back. And he steams out. And I'm like, fuck yeah. Here we go. Bulletproof vest. And, uh, not an offensive tactic, by the way. Are all your rugby buds there right now, too? None of them are like in line.

And none of them know this is happening, but they're very close by in the bar. Which is why I feel very safe, by the way. Yeah, definitely. And so he storms out of the bar. And I'm like, okay, great. He bailed. That was like, I'm glad he didn't pull a gun out. And, uh, and, uh, he storms.

He's wearing this like hipster shirt. shirt and the Coke bottle glasses. I'm like, this guy's full shit. Oh, God. And so I started Googling him and I go tell the boys what he, like this whole thing that happened. Everybody's laughing. He's, he's an ex-Amazon employee who's a whistleblower. That's who he is. Oh my God.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. And so I'm not going to say his name. You probably figured out at this point. But so he storms out. We have. Nobody fucking knows, but we'll Google it. And I already found him. Yeah. Yeah. So he storms out of the farm.

And Kyle, pull up a picture. No, no, no, no, no. I don't do that. Okay, okay. So he storms out of the bar and I'm like, all right, he's definitely not coming back. And about 15 minutes later, he walks back in and I'm like, that's the guy to my buddies. I'm like, that's the guy. Like it's super loud so that he could hear me.

Yeah. And everybody gets super excited. And he just like, he just turned around and walk back out. He was just, he had nothing at that point. And he just turned around and walk back out. That is the weirdest. Like, he's rubbing his pocket. Like he's going to pull a knife out of me.

I'm like, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, normally in the public eye, a guy like this is seen as, you know, yeah, fuck the man. This guy fought against Amazon. He probably was a whistleblower. Like, they wouldn't let me go pee or something. I don't know. But it's like, dude, who uses that? Like, what is he going to whistleblow you?

I don't know. It was really funny, though. And I was just like, sounds great. Like, dude, I'm going to go get my bold proof. I'm like, yes, please do that. That's the weirdest fucking thing I've ever heard. That's like saying like, yo, bro, you're like, you don't want me to do this, man. Yeah, I'm going to go get my helmet.

Yeah. Well, but that's not going to hurt me. That's just a defensive move. Do you think I have a gun? It was so funny. Yeah, that was one of the more. Just happened to like under 30 minutes ago. And you just got back into the country recently too.

Yeah. So, okay, so we should back to. I just had to tell that story because it was top of mind. It was really, really funny. So this is your first American experience in like a month and a I mean, pretty much. social experience. Well, I was out with all my friends. I mean, it wasn't all negative, but that, that particular interaction was hysterical. But yeah, so I just got back. I've just spent the last nearly two

months, seven weeks on the road doing back to back. Yeah, it's been great. Yeah, it really has. We all hate each other. By the way, I'll never do two back-to-back ocean shows. Bro. Ever again. Seven weeks in the water. Seven weeks of being in the water about 12 hours a day. minus maybe three days in seven weeks. Like Johnny and I were just like, I would look at my wetsuit and just like have like a puking reaction like in my stomach in the morning.

I'd be like I cannot put this wetsuit on again. Every picture you posted on Instagram, Johnny was just passed out. Yeah. I was like, oh, this is like a hard seven weeks. It was hard. It was miserable. But really fun at the same time.

Hey, you still look good. I mean, head's still huge. and all that, but you look good. I'm trying. I'm trying. Keeping it big. All right. Here's what I want to do. Give us a quick lowdown and then one story from your travels. Sure. Because we've got something big

and topical that we have to do. Yeah, let's. So quick lowdown. I did back-to-back expedition shoots. They're both for Shark Week. They'll be coming out later this year. First one was in South Africa. Second one was in Western Australia. Both really cool, really fun.

South Africa was all cold water, very deep, very stormy, very difficult. Australia was like the complete opposite. It was boiling hot, like 110 degrees every day, boiling hot water. Wish I hadn't packed wetsuits, to be honest. But once I wore them, I was like, well, now I'm in for that. And yeah, and it was cool. But I can give you guys one pretty good story. And what's interesting in all my years of shooting and doing wildlife expeditions, I'd say this is the closest I've ever come to death. Really? Interesting. Wow. Yeah. Wait. And And you've done some dumb ass shit. Wait, closer than when you nearly drown in Sondong?

I don't want to bring that up. Wait, closer than when you got bit by the snake when you were a kid and had to take the motorcycle. This is very close to that. I'd say it's closer, if you want me to be honest. All right, baby. And you want to know the best part about this story? Yes. Self-induced.

I was just going to say, of course it's self-inflicted. Like, you didn't even have to say that. Yeah. What happened? So we're in Australia. We're milking sea snakes to get venom. Okay, I've never done this before. I've caught sea crates, banded sea crates,

which are incredibly docile sea snakes, very venomous, but tiny little mouths, they can't really bite you. You know, like the likelihood of something happening is very slim. But in Australia, in Western Australia, in the area we're in, there's 27, maybe it was 21 species of sea snake. There's a ton of species of sea snake.

All extremely lethal. One little nick, and you're done. Okay. Are you kidding me? That's great. Kyle, you can look it up for us. Western Australia, a number of species. Either 21 or 27, I don't remember, but it's just insane.

Even the ocean off the coast of Australia is not safe. It's insane. So I don't want to give away too much of the story, and this won't be in the show. But we get to the point where we have to catch the sea snake to get venom. 22 species of sea snake, Kyle said, thank you. So 21 is the number I heard. But anyway, there's a ton of sea snakes. They're all super venomous.

Some are aggressive. Some are docile, whatever. So we get to the point in the show. and our research where I have to catch and milk a sea snake. And I've never done this before. Jump in the water. A poisonous one? Venomous one? Venomous one.

One tiny little drop will kill 100 plus people. Like super, super lethally venomous, okay? All right. And I've never caught a sea snake before. I've only ever caught these crates and always on the beach or on land. So we have this insane sequence where I'm in water. The snake's lunging at me and I'm dodging it, like doing this whole thing, working with the snake, which is evolved from a cobra.

so it's super aggressive. It's seven feet long. It's a massive sea snake. It's coming at me. Seven feet long? It's huge, huge snake. And yeah, there you go. Thank you, Kyle.

And that wasn't the one, but irrelevant. I don't have posts to the one that I'm talking about. But anyway, so catch the snake. I'm kind of like nervous. Like Mitch is like, dude, I've never seen you scared around a sea snake before or a snake before. And I was like, yeah, that was gnarly. Get the snake on the boat.

start doing all the stuff on milking it. Now, I know out of milk snakes. I've done that a lot. Milking is extracting venom. See snakes are different. However, their fangs are very hidden in their gums. You have to push the gum up with something to get the fang out. So you have to like finagle the fucking poison instrument.

The venom. Yeah, you have to hold the mouth open and insert a small dropper over the fang and extract the venom. Oh, right? That's ludicrous. It's ludicrous. And in order to do this work, you have to be very dexterous. so you can't wear the big snake-proof gloves.

So I had to take the gloves off, as you see in that picture, open the thing's mouth because the teeth are small. And keep in mind, one drop will kill 100 people, the potency of this vet. Okay? And I'm laser-focused. Patrick's seen me when I'm doing this kind of thing. Like, nothing is breaking my focus. Sure.

Get the snake. Snakes in position. Perform the milking. Get the mouth open. Put the tool in its mouth. Take the dropper. Put it over the fang. Extract the venom, all bare-handed.

You know, I like, look. There's no cuts on my fingers. There's no way for the venom to enter my bloodstream. Take the venom, which, you know, is mostly going in the dropper, but also sort of rolling down the dropper on my fingers, whatever. And then I'm putting it into these vials, okay? Finish the whole process. Take all the venom, put in the vials, release the snake.

Everything's fine. Nothing bad has happened. Turn to Mitch. Mitch, who everybody knows that listens to this is used to be our cameraman. He's all the way up to our showrunner now. And, yeah. And he starts arguing with me about something. And I don't remember what.

And I'm arguing with Mitch. And in the middle of the argument, after touching the most lethal biotoxic chemical in the world, I'm like, Mitch, you're driving me fucking nuts. And I put my fingers in my eye ducts like this. Oh, my God. Yes, with the most deadly chemical known to man on my fingers after, like minutes after milton. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I start, you know, like you do when you're arguing with someone. You're like, a horse. Like, I do it with fucking halopon. By the way, that's, that's what. you do. Like that is a gesture that's, that would be in my impression of you. Yeah, that's how I, you rub your eyes when you're like frustrated. Yeah, exactly. Right. And so I, I've done it. How long did it take you to realize after you did it? Five seconds. So I'm like rubbing my eyes arguing with him about like a shot or a sequence or something that's like not even really, you know, super important or relative to what's going on.

And I'm like arguing with him holding my fingers like this. And I'm like, oh my God. And Mitch's like, what's wrong because he saw my face turn white and I was like, I think I just killed myself. Dude. And he's like, wait, what? And I was like, I think I just put sea snake venom in my eye ducks. And he's like, are you serious? And I'm like, did you see me wash my hands after we got done? And he's like, no.

I was like, Johnny, you were helping me. Did you see me wash my hands? No, you didn't wash your hands. We just let the snake go a minute ago. And I was like, I think I just killed myself. I was like, if I have one microgram of sea snake venom on my fingertips, I'm dead. Dude. And so here's the thing, though.

with this particular type of venom in these sea snakes, nothing happens until you drop dead. You're fine for like three to four hours. Oh my God. So you're fine for three to four hours. Then you start feeling slight fatigue and then your heart or lungs shut down in a matter of minutes.

And so we're out in the middle of the ocean. We've just done this milking. I've just released this snake. I'm now rubbing my eyes arguing with Mitch about a fucking drone shot. And I'm like, I think I'm dead. And Mitch is like, are you serious? And I was like, I think so.

There was venom on my fingers, right? And he's like, yeah, we shot it. And I was like, I don't know how much was water and how much was venom. And he's like, yeah, I don't know, man. Your hands were wet. And I was like, okay. Yeah. It's the worst fucking thing ever because you don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. And so for the next like four hours, we're out at sea where I can't reach anybody. So I have a friend named Brian who's like the world's leading sea snake venom to a venomologist, right? So he would have been able to tell me, like, oh, you'll start experiencing this or whatever. But all the reading that I've done is like,

you won't know anything. You'll just start feeling some fatigue and then drop dead. We've already had about an 11 hour day on the water. This happens two hours before sunset. And we're like, okay, we're done. You know, it's a two hour boat ride back in. Yeah. And I'm sitting in the boat.

And I'm like, I'm like, all right, don't say anything else to the crew. Don't freak them out. Just like, you know, I'm not going to call my wife, not going to freak her out. Like just be normal. You know, and I'm telling myself this. I'm like, just be normal. So I'm like, yeah, okay.

And then we've just had a 12-hour day on the water that's, you know, had sharks and it's had sea snakes and all this other shit. And I'm like, wow, I'm feeling really, really fatigued. Like, I'm exhausted. I don't know how much of this is adrenaline. I don't know how much of this is in my head, you know, because there's definitely an adrenaline let down after that whole experience. And so I'm just sitting on the boat, two hours go by.

And I'm like, okay, I'm still alive. I'm still breathing. And like, go home, go shower at the house that we're staying in. And then the guys are, yeah, we're going out for dinner. Let's go get some beers and celebrate. I'm like, yeah, yeah, definitely. And I'm walking to dinner and I start coughing. I swear to God.

And Johnny's like, you okay, man? I'm like, yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. And then we go, we have a beer or two, and I'm exhausted. Like, and we, you're in on these shoots. You're always exhausted at the end of the day. So I'm like, I'm exhausted. And I'm like, I'm going to go lie down.

So true story, I head back to the house. I've heard from my friend Brian at this point because now we're back in town and service and everything. And he's like, yeah, you won't really know, like, you'll just feel fatigue and then, you know, you'll probably go pretty quietly if anything bad. Fuck you, Brian. Yeah, that's what he says to me.

Some other bullshit. So, so stand by. This is where this, I mean, the story's already insane. But so I go back, I leave the bar, which is a three minute walk from our house, the one and only restaurant in Carl Bay, Australia, or I think there's two. And, uh, walk back to our house. And I'm the only one. Everybody else is still out.

It's like 7.30 at night. I write a note. Put it next to the bed. and lie down to go to sleep. And I'm like, I'm not going to freak my wife out. I'm not going to freak my mother out. I'm not going to tell the crew. I'm just going to lie down, go to sleep, see how I sleep.

The fact that you're dealing with this all just internalizing it is the most stressful part for me listening to it. And at the time I'm going to bed is right around five hours from the incident. And six hours is when he said it would likely kick in. So you think you're not waiting up for sure. Did you lay on your back and just fold your arms over you? I did sleep on my back for maybe the first time in my adult life as opposed to in the fetal position, cuddling a pillow like I usually do.

And yeah, and so I just, I wrote a note, I put it next to the bed, I lay down, I went to sleep. And then I was like, this,

you know, this might be it, it might not. And I just woke up in the morning. And I was like, okay, crumpled up the note, crewed in the trash.

Didn't say anything. This is the first time I've told anybody. I didn't tell the crewed nothing. It was like, holy shit, dude. That was gnarly. So thank God in the venom extraction, apparently none of it had been on my fingertips. That was all just water or maybe it had and I'd rinsed my hands without realizing or I don't know.

But it was, whatever it was. It was this close. Dude. So I just want to fact check you on something here for us. So I googled it. So the most, so was this a hook-nosed sea snake? No, this was a horned sea snake. Oh, okay.

Well, I was like, a single drop could kill 100 people. like there's no way. The hook nose sea snake, which is also fun in Western Australia, one drop of venom is enough to kill 400 stout men. Oh, sorry, 400 people. Yeah.

That is bah, nah, nah. I'm just like, because I've been a person who has struggled with anxiety and like I know that you're not for us. Like you've never encountered it in your entire life.

No. And like that scenario, I might have killed myself within the first hour. Like, just to not go through the stress of that ordeal. Well, I'm just picturing, like, if, like, you know, in that situation, because I've never even seen this in a movie and someone going, I think I just killed myself. Yeah. What an odd thing to hear.

Yeah. And not say anything. The other thing you can do is be like, all right, let's, like, get back to shore and start drinking and wake this thing out, man. And I didn't, because if I had, like, expressed my concern to the crew, all that would have done is made everything worse. Because they would have been 100% They would have called in a chopper to try and extract It would have been disaster And I didn't know

So I'm just like say nothing Just be calm Just tell everybody you're tired You know and just like that's it And just call it a night early and go lie down And yeah that was Is that the closest I've ever been to killing myself? I don't know

But it was the most of ever It's the first time I've ever written a fucking note I can tell you that much Yeah like it's the first time You've ever been scared Because you have no amygdala Did you keep the note? No, I crumpled it up, tossed it.

What was the gist of it? It was just to my family. There was a little part to the crew that was like, hey, guys, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but here's what happened. And then the rest was to my family, you know, this, this and this. And love you guys. And I'm very sorry. And, uh, mom, you were right.

I didn't write that. If it was Retep, he would have just written down all, all of his bank account infos. Let me tell you this. Like here's, here's. here's the thing. If it was me, that, that poll that you were dealing with to not say anything to anybody, like even like you just don't know what to do. It causes so much like confusion and shit because you want to be like, you want like we're such social creatures like we want to fucking tell somebody. But you're like no. Like because the consequences of telling them

if it doesn't happen is so dire. It's funny, though, because that decision is like, the difference is you're out in the middle of the ocean. Had you told everybody it would have unleashed a flurry of events that would have been so insane when you didn't die. Like a helicopter would have come with a basket and like lifted him out. It would have been very dramatic. You basically chose death over embarrassment is what you did. Yes, he did. Because I didn't know.

Because he was dying either way, though, right? Right. Either way. There was no way I was making it in time. So I was like either way, like, let's not make a big thing out of this, you know? Yeah. Wow. That is, that is like just, that was a wild ride even listening to it, honestly.

That's fucking crazy. It's a lot of fun. But that's how it happened, right? Like, old jokes aside. Would you have told Pat if you were there? Just Pat. Probably. Because Patrick and I have a different sort of relationship.

Right, right. I could have gone to his room and been like, hey, dude, what do you think I should do because here's what's happened. And you know he would have kept it secret even if you die. I would have raised a alarm. I would have said, I would have said, call your wife. Don't tell her what happened, but just

at least call her and say, I love you. And I thought about that, but that's out of character of me. It would have scared. She would have known. So she would have been like, what's up? What's going on? What did you know? And then I would have been like, fuck, because I'm not like, I can't lie to her.

You know, like, I would just be like, uh, you're also. already freaking out in your own head. And she's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? Like, you'd be like, actually, there's a lot wrong. I'm about to die. Yeah, totally.

It would have spiraled for sure. What would you have done if you had called her and you said, and you just told her? And she immediately was like, immediately went into just like figuring out the finances of it. It was like, okay. So, okay, what's the account for your chase account? Yeah. She's like, look, I've been expecting this. I've got all your numbers right down.

I just want to check. Your social is still blank, right? I'm like, huh, yeah, that makes that heads up. By the way, you've obviously told her. Did you tell her the next day? Yeah, I told her the next day. I'm like, I downplayed it significantly compared to this, which now she listens to the pod. Yes, so she does.

And your mom. This is great. I'm excited for them both to hear this. I'm definitely going to get in trouble when they hear this. But I call her the next day. I was like, oh, I had a pretty big scare. I thought I put snake venom in my eye, but nothing happened. And she's like, oh, ha, ha, Rhodes is having fun in the playground.

you know, like moving on. And I was like, all right, this way I've at least told her when this actually comes out. So, yeah, that was how I played. I think, so for what do you think? Do you think she's going to, I think she might be happy that you did that after the discussion she's going to listen to that we just had on the podcast. I think she's going to be like, okay, well, like, I appreciate that a little bit. I don't know.

You know, I think time will tell. If I, yeah, if I'm, if I'm calling you guys to ask if I can sleep on your couch for a couple nights, then you'll know the answer. I mean, she knows you're going to die early. You guys should have all this shit logistically worked out already. Thanks, Peter. What a guy. It's not me.

It's you. Hey, guys, if you're enjoying it. Whoops. One more time. Guys, if you like The Wild Times, check us out on Patreon. We put out four extra podcasts per month. That's one commute a week that you're just going to be laughing and learning the whole time in the car. Let me do something else.

This is the late night. content, stuff that we can't show on YouTube, because they'll kick us off YouTube. It's the Cinemax of podcasts. Uncensored, raw dog, it's the Cinemax of podcasts. Check it out. Link right here. Well, today. That's the best story you've ever told on the podcast.

Sorry, go ahead. Today is Monday. It's a really good one. Monday, April 3rd. Tonight is the national championship. for college basketball. That's right. I hope you're,

you know, hope you're doing well in your brackets. I don't give a shit at all, but I do know that San Diego beat Florida though. And I know that like everybody in the country

is fucking bonkers about it right now. Yep. Yeah. So look, it's March Madness. You do the bracket. Everyone does the brackets.

It's an annual tradition. That's right. One of our Brosners has created a wild times battle royale bracket. And I think we should do it.

I think it was Broan Roberts, wasn't it? Oh, broin, dude. Old school. He made the 3D bookmarks. Can I admit something that I'm going to get fucking reamed on the internet for? I don't know how March Madness works. Dude, me neither. I've never known it.

Thank you, Peter. So every time, so every March, time out, every March I go into my barbershop. I go into my barbershop and Richie, the guy runs it is like, hey, bro, you want to send up for March Madness? I'm like, ah, not this year, dude. Like, you know, I'm not into it. I kind of burned down. Yeah, not going to tell them that I don't know how to do it.

I don't understand it. The brackets don't make any sense to me. I've got to the point where I'm now avoiding going to the barbershop for the month of March. I believe it. I believe it. I'm too scared for someone to find out that I don't know how it works. Hold on. Can we give it a name?

Can we call it and vote on this if you want? Bracket Busters and Booze, a March Madness drinking game because we're going to be drinking. Beer, Bracketology, or slam drunk. Do you have these written down? March Madness. Because I see your eyes veering. Well, I texted it. I love that you don't read my text.

I texted this to everybody. Sorry. I'm just annoyed that Pat didn't even fucking use one of them. Slam drunk to March Madness drinking Olympics. All right. That's all right. Anyway, yeah, it's the March Madness. Peter, you, I'm sorry.

I told you I had four drinks before we even started. I wouldn't have another sip. It's your slurring. There's no chance. I'm drinking at least five more. But go ahead. Kyle, can you? I'll quiet down.

Don't, don't edit. No, so here's how it works. Yeah. There's a bracket. There's 64 teams and you're seated, right? So the teams that were the bet, like you're the heavy favorite. You're the one seed. If you're a big underdog like the Ivy League school that gets in, you're the 16 seed.

Okay. And then you advance. So he correctly seated like the gnarly beast animals and then like, you know, a hummingbird is going to be like the 16th seat. Sure. Okay. So this is, yeah. Animal Marcheat. madness. Absolutely. Battle Royale. I think what we do is we just go round robin,

pull it up. Kyle will fill out the bracket as we go. Okay. That's better. Battle Royal. So it's just who would win in a death match between these animals. Oh, I love it. And then at the end, we have like the winners. Exactly. Yeah. Got it. Oh, dude. It's real funny. So how do we dictate who's the winner? I think it's got to be the majority vote. It fills out the bracket as you. Yeah, two out of three. Two out of three. Majority vote. Got it got it. That makes sense.

Okay. Pull it up. Let's start. This is good. This is real good. Is this a regular podcast? This isn't a bonus, right? That's a regular podcast.

But by the way, if you want to listen to the bonuses, we do four a week on Patron and Spotify. Check it out. It's more like this where we free four months. Four a month. Yeah. Not a week. I'd kill myself. All right.

Don't do that. All right. So, Browen had some fun with how he did this. But the number one, the Bornean elephant, elephant versus. a slow loris. Are we gonna, Kyle, could you bring these, uh, or attempt to bring them up? I know it's a lot of pressure, but

I love to hear. We're gonna be here for hours. Not every single one. I'm just saying like, you know, you gotta leave the bracket up? What is a slow Loris? We're filling up. You know how long it would take to fill out that if we fill out this bracket and he pulls up pictures? This will be a five hour podcast. That's fine. All right. Number one seat, morning

pictures. Born an elephant. It's an elephant versus a tiny little primate elephant. And also by the way, is the Slow Loris, the 64 seed? That's correct. That's what I'm seeing, yeah. Well, I mean, okay, but let's, so let's not just say Borney an elephant. Let's say how would a slow Loris win this battle if it was to be the underdog and come back?

They're venomous. They're a venomous primate. So it would have to envenate the elephant somehow, but it would have to do that a lot. I don't think it has enough. Elephant. I know elephant. Let's keep going. Elephant.

Let's get the, let's get the. Let's get the. brackets back up. Elephant. Okay, the next one's going to be a little bit better because it's two that are equal in power. Interesting. Golden Eagle versus fur to lance. Can you pull up a fur to lance at least? Because I don't know what that is. It's a super venomous pit viper, Peter, from Central America. You know what? Fuck it. I'll do the screen share. No, I'm just telling you. I'm just telling you. It's a very, okay. It's just a very, very aggressive snake that's very, very aggressive, responsible for more deaths, I think, than any other snake in Central America.

So I'm going to go fur to lance on this. Well, the Golden Eagle is very powerful. It's much larger. It's much more aggressive. Fertilance, one little nick and that eagle's done. So keep in mind, that golden eagle could literally sever the head of the Fertilance, and the Ferd Alliance could still win this because it just takes one little chop on the foot. Okay. Peter?

Well, I'm obviously going to go Golden Eagle because it's every battle royale. creature I've ever selected. Very true. I'm going to go, this is a very good tight matchup. I'm going to go Ferdalance for just the reason

that Forrest said right after his fucking sea snake story, Fertilance. Yeah. And one little eye drop. Yeah. Golden Eagle.

Tully. All right. What have got next? Brown Bear is the 16 seed. Well, how about let's, let's make it more interesting. How about 16,

Browns? Brown bears versus 49 coyotes. I don't think that's not in the spirit of how this works. All right. I'm just going to go Brown Bear. I think it's a no-brainer. Obviously. All right.

May as well skip it. Yep. Kyle, can you pull up a round bear? I've never seen. Oh, I see. There's a March mat. I get it.

Okay. Yeah. All right. So, so Proan had a little, usually it's four brackets that are one through 16, but he just went one to 64. I like that.

I like that. Yeah. Great. Yeah, we just keep rapid firing. This is fun. Why rapid fire? I think we should go into everyone. I don't know why we've got to be so quick about it.

It's fine, though. What's the next one? Wolf versus Spider Monkey. Come on now. Peter, you go first. I mean, like, can we do at least like wolf versus 10 spider monkeys? No, it's not. Fine.

Obviously, Wolf. Just go. Doesn't matter. I think it's a unanimous wolf on that one. It's unanimous wolf. this is a fun one. Yep. Beaver versus the 57 seed beaver versus the 8 seed giraffe.

It is a fun one. Go ahead though, guys. Giraff. I'm gonna go beaver. I'm definitely going beaver, by the way. Are you kidding me? It's an underdog, but a giraffe with a broken, any leg is done. It's done.

Oh, sweet. Goes right at the leg. It goes for the legs. It would only take one swift kick to eliminate a beaver, but beavers are bigger and gnarlier than you think. and one hard tail paddle, one hard bite, and that giraffe's got a broken leg, and he's done for the season.

Listen, Pat told a story that changed my view of beavers forever. Absolutely. There was an attack beaver in his backyard. They're huge, and they got big fucking teeth, and they're aggressive. I know how weird it sounds. Humans before. That's what I'm saying.

I know how weird it sounds. I'm going beaver. I'll say this, too. Giraffes have never intentionally killed humans, only by having them. Or beavers. for that matter. Beaver's have intentionally killed you.

That is a monstrous upstate. Team Beaver is like, the 57 seed. Ooh, I like this one. The 57 seed just beat the 8 seed right there. That's big. That is shocking. Yeah.

25 seed king cobra versus a 40 seed rattlesnake. Let's just call it the whatever rattlesnake lives in Runyon Canyon. Sure. Western Pacific. Okay. I think this is probably unanimous, right? Yeah, it's a king cobra. King cobra.

The name King Cobra, the word king in a snake means it eats other snakes. A king cobra would literally just eat a rattlesnake, no problems. Fair enough. All right. The nine seed, could we have another upset? The nine seed is a lion versus the 56 seed. An alligator snapping turtle. We've talked a lot about the alligator snapping turtle on this podcast.

Take your finger right off. Take your foot right off. Yeah. What do we think here? Peter? I mean, it's obviously. Yeah, no upset coming from. me on the line. Yeah, it's a lion. He's probably going to win the whole thing.

What are the odds? I remember reading this. The odds of winning like a March madness from the beginning is like one in a billion or something. Of getting a perfect bracket. A perfect bracket. Yeah. So this is this is me getting a perfect bracket from lion on. Okay. What's the lion? How's the lion taking out this turtle? It just goes inside the shell. He bats it around. Listen, I, I'm a layman, but I'll tell you this right now. The lion just comes up. I've watched like, you know, when a super predator animal like a lion comes up to a prey that really has no defense, which is usually just running.

Besides a shell. But dude, no, I'm saying like he's going to grab it by the fucking butt, like smash it. Hold on. Can I throw in something? This is going to dog like us for a second, but it's worth it. Kyle, Google, lion gets bitten by turtle and play that video quickly. I don't think we'll get I'm just saying, by the way, just watch this. Look, if the lion, I will.

If the lion gets bit by the turtle, who cares? What's he going to do? I just want you to see this video. I want you to see this video and see if this changes the brackets here. See if this gives us the upset we're looking for. Are you watching this? Big lion, dark mane, big belly, mean-ass lion. See the tiny-ass turtle to the right of the lion?

I see it. I see it. The turtle is about the size. It's about like six inches long. You see that? No, we didn't see. It was nothing. It's crazy.

Watch. Watch. Okay. All right. I like it. Zoomed in. It's got a bite a whisker. Look at the turtle.

Look at the lion. King of the jungle, tiny African helmeted terrapin. Okay. Are you seeing this? Dude, if it bites his tongue, I'd be furious. Look at this. Bad time to freeze. He's going at the tongue, this turtle.

He's going for the lion. The lion is moving off. Look at what is happening. The lion is moving off. This is a six-inch turtle. It is really. Isn't this video? The turtle is bigger than my dick.

This turtle is like the ones you have in your pond. I swear to God, I swear to God, that turtle, the African helmeted tarapin, is this turtle. I have changed my vote to the turtle. I have changed my vote to the turtle. The turtle wins the bracket if Forrest also picks the turtle. If this turtle bites that lion's tongue, I'm not going to be happy. Look at this. Oh, my God.

Look at the blood. He's bleeding. He's blood in the blood. From a six-inch turtle. How is this fucking turtle so aggressive? Why is it even attacking Lion? Why a life biologist? The lion's bummed.

You're still going lying, though, for us? No, I'm going lying. I just love that video. By the way, do you know how fucking terrible it is to have an inner mouth wound, even as small as that? It's weeks of pain. It's a nightmare. Yeah.

All right. Lion advances. Spectacled Bear versus an elk. This is interesting. This is interesting. I don't know what a spectacle bear is, if I'm being honest here. It's a pretty small bear. It's a pattington bear.

You know, Paddington bear is a spectacled bear. It's a lot of white. You could pull up a picture if you want, cows. It's got white like rings around its size, hence the name. They're not a big bear species. They have killed things up to the size of cows. They kill llamas and things like that and cows in South America. Okay.

Yeah, that's an easy one for me then. Yeah. Spectacle bear. I'm going elk. What? Elk for sure. You kidding at me? Oh, really?

So an elk. Okay, so you're taking an elk over a 240-pound bear. Okay, so you're talking, you're talking this animal. I guess an elk can get up over 700 pounds. This animal versus it. Look at this stallion. Elk wins. That's another upset.

Stallion. It's actually not you. I'm going to stick with the elk. I think a male elk, the full head year. Dude. Yeah. I feel bad for the... It's an upset.

That's an upset. That is an upset. Yeah. Next one. The number four seed. Polar Bear versus the 61 seed. We're going to see polar bear and lion in the finals here, ladies and gentlemen. Tasmanian devil.

We might not. We might not. Polar Bear, Tasmanian Devil. Number four, polar bear for me. Polar Bear. Yeah, four. Doesn't matter. Just move on.

Number 29. A naked human versus 36. Bro. A giant otter. Bro. I don't know why the giant otter is seated at 36, because these things, chase off jaguars. Naked human,

there's not one animal in this list that would lose to the naked human. Wow. Yeah, giant otter for me. Hands take. Easy. Seeing those teeth. Thanks, Kyle.

For the naked human Google over there. Very helpful. Nice job, Kyle. Otter, unanimous. Oh, yeah. Well, not unanimous. Hold on. I'm going naked human,

but you guys have one. So, two. All right. Moving on. Number 13, an American alligator 52, the yellow-throated Martin. I definitely got to see what a yellow-throated Martin even is. I don't even know what species that is. It's that cute little picture, that little thing. Remember we talked about on the pod? I took pictures of it in India, that guy. Remember that guy? Okay. Okay. He doesn't remember. You don't remember. You don't remember. No, no. I definitely do. Honestly, I do remember. Look at this cutie. I do remember. I'm going alligator. I'm going an alligator. She or size. It's not even.

Jaw strength. Yeah. This is interesting here. This is interesting. Anaconda versus number 45, the lynx. Is it a home game or in a way game? Because that's going to make a big difference here. It's closer to where the links lives.

That's what I'm going to say. I don't know where links lives, but somewhere. I'm going to go links then. You're going to link. If the anaconda is on land, it does not. have the ability to combat a cat of any kind. Look at that. It's in the water.

If it's in the water, well, not the one from the terrible movie, the animatronic one over there. That's the one that Peter was talking about, too. Yeah, it is. No, I'm going to go links. I'm going to go links. I've got to go links.

All right. It's good. Upset. Upset, yep. Number five, the five seed, a rhino versus the 60 seed, a camera. No, no need to talk about it.

It's a rhino. This next one is, legit. Yeah, it is. Oh, shit. The 28 seed is a spotted hyena. The 37 seed is an orangutan. Dude. Wow. Yeah. So, I know where I'm going with this. And I don't even think it's close. Who you going with? I'm going with the upset. The orangutan. Okay, me too. I just wanted to check. Yeah. I mean, me too. I mean, me too. Just fucking tears it leg by leg. Yeah, he just grabs it, rips it, rips it pieces. The hyena will get a couple necks for sure. What if it's this orangutan, Ted, who's just like a dopey janitor at the zoo? Nah, it's a no-brainer.

It's a no-brainer. Yeah, that's big time. He'll rip back. The 12 seeds, the leopard, the 53 seed. Yeah. With its talons and its claws and its beak. Wow. I actually think that this is an interesting one, but what do you guys think?

I'm going to go last on this one. I got my theory. I'm going to go leopard. It's just leopards are so badass. They're so big. I got to go, you know, I want to pick Cassowary because it's, it's my main battle royale component. It's one of them. 90% of the battle royals.

That's two 90s you've had so far. But usually I give, yeah, that's right. It doesn't talk to about herpes yet either. That's 180% and 20% herpes. But for 200, by the way. But I will say this, usually my cassovary has. some other ability, usually flying or something. So I got to go with the, who's he playing?

The leopard? Yeah, I got to go leopard. It's unanimous. It's leopard. Look, a leopard will prey on an ostrich, which is a bigger bird of a cassowary. Yeah. All right. All right, Forrest.

What do you think? Number 21, Wolverine or 44? An elit. This is going to be an upset for me. It's definitely going to be the Eland. Eeland are massive. If you've never seen an Eelon, just look at the size of it. that will trample, and they are aggressive as well, especially the bulls, that will trample a wolverine to shreds in no time.

They are much larger than a cow. Like that will, that will do a lot of damage to a whale. I had no idea how big an Eland was. But they're insane. They can be nine, up to nine feet long. Yeah. And weigh up to 1,300 pounds. Yeah.

It is a massive animal. Wow. Holy shit. No one. Eland. Wolverine are gnarly, but they're not going to stand up to that. I got the Eland, too. The 1900 pounds is like...

13, yeah. Or 1,300 pounds versus a fucking, what's it going to do? Like, rip off a leg? I'm curious if people are still listening to this. I like it. I'm just curious if people are... Oh, this is great. Dude, I think when we get into the next round...

Let's just move on, right? It's a hippo. Hippo is beating a fatale scorpion are incredibly venomous. Their sting wouldn't even penetrate its skin. The hippo wouldn't even know it was there. It would just squash it. Game over. is the two seed interesting.

All right. Here's a close one. The 31 seed, the Harpy Eagle, 34 seed, the mained wolf. You guys go. It's got to be the wolf. I mean,

there's just, I just don't think the Harpy Eagle can do enough damage. I'm going, I'm going Harpy Eagle because... Harpy Eagle. Harpy Eagle. Holy shit.

Those things will take a full sloth out of a tree, which is close in size to a main wolf. Those talons at speed, that's like a golden eagle taking a coyote, no problem.

What a guy here? The Harpy Eagle One Next is 15 seed Jaguar, 50 seed Asian water monitor Obviously drag war Just put it in there

Unanimous Jaguar Yeah 18 seed of Black Bear Versus the 47 seed An Alpine Ibex I'm gonna go Well

As a layman I'm going Black Bear Yeah me too Black Bear Black Bear will eat a mountain goat If it can Straight up Like I think once we get to round two

This is going to get It's going to get a lot harder. Oh, yeah, no question. We've had a few upsets here. Seven seed, Gorilla versus Dingo. Let's just Gorilla. The 26 seed is a gar, a gar. What's a gar?

What's a gar? Remember that jacked animal I showed you? That big cow with the massive muscles. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. That bad boy. Look at this fucking guy. Got some big ass horns on it.

Yeah. Dude. It's matched up against the 39 seed, the reticulated Python. And you know what? Good for the python for making it. Like he's come a long way in his career, but, you know, this is where it ends. Yeah, just making the tournament is an achievement. War was a great band, too, by the way.

Yes, they were. It was. Ten, the American bison, the largest animal in North America, the largest mammal in North America versus the 55 seed, the bald eagle, bison. Yeah, bison. Yeah, it's got to be. I like this. This is good.

23 seed, chimpanzee, 42, oh, copy. That was a good one. Now, remind me what of an okop A fat giraffe looking thing with the stripy butt that lives in the Congo Oh, that's right. The half horse. You know, what's funny is I've learned how to tell you these things. In our years of podcasting, I've learned how to explain it.

Stripey horse. I'm like the stripy butt horse that lives in the Congo. And he's like, yeah, I know that. But you know what you haven't learned? Is how to say the proper form of the word, learned. Okay. Learned. Lern's not a word.

You're right. It is learned. You are right. But I love you out of space. Thank you. Dude, I posted a thing today and everybody's like, this is fake because you didn't say out, out of space. And I'm like, yeah, I probably should have. By the way, Lernt is the accepted pronunciation and spelling in the UK. Well, fuck me. Yeah, where I'm from, by the way, English boarding school system.

Thank you. All right, I'm going, Ocalfi. Zebra. Ooh, I'm going to. Chimp. Wait, what are we looking at? I'm not seeing it. Chimpanzee versus O'Coo.

I don't feel a cap. Chim, chip, chip. All right, chimp wins. Moving on. Forest's favorite, number three, seed, saltwater crock versus Madagascar's coolest mammal. Let's do a little thing. The saltwater crockdale has, what, the strongest bite force out of every animal in the entire world?

There's a reason he's seated in the number three spot. Yeah, right. Ooh, that's going to lead to some good matchups later. Good one, dude. Ooh, close. The 30 seed pit bull, there are the 30. five seed the cheetah. It's tough, man.

So, so, I mean, I feel like we've been going through it where we're saying, you know, the eagle can't fly versus whatever animal he was fighting. So like they're in a cage, like an octagon that has a ceiling, right? So the cheetah can't just run away, right? No, it's a fight. Well, then I would lose. It's a fight. That I'm going pit bull, dude.

Yeah, I think it's got to be the pit bull. Because right now you're looking at strength versus speed. And I think the, I think the pit bull is just too meaty. too meaty all right I googled pit bull and it's just the ball wrapper

by the way how many are there I was just like I haven't seen a yeah I needed to like wrap my head around it how many are these of these Pat

of there's gonna be like six more of the first round okay not too bad not too bad all right let's roll all right all right wrapping up the first round here

14 seed comodo dragon or 51 seed Rhodesian Ridgeback I'm gonna jump in here Yeah, go ahead. Rhodesian Ridgeback. They were lion killers as a dog.

They're very agile. They're massively strong. Well, Komodo Dragon can take down a buffalo. I think that that Ridgeback's got the brains and the brawn to do the job. It's a badass. It's just an incredible breed. I'm still going Komoto Dragon. Okay.

Peter, it's all down to you. This is a tough one, guys. It is. That's a big boy. He's eating a lamb, evidently, in this picture. great hunter oh my god i'm sorry i just have to show this look at he's attacking a porcupine is that a porcupine what is that that's another dog that he's another dog called a bully all right then i'm going i'm going with i see kyle laughing over there too i'm going the commoto fuck off that's fair got to all right

that's fair one little nick number 19 seed the moose versus 46 seed oscelot moose moose Number six seed is the Siberian tiger versus the 59 seed. Broan included thylacine as an extant species. They're already extinct, sir. Very weak bite force, by the way, the thylacine. Siberian tiger easily. Well, if this were March Madness for real, I would be putting my money on thylacine. I'd be supporting them all the way.

I'd paint my face. I'd have the shirt. Yeah, if you were drunk in Vegas, you'd bet $1,000 on thylacine at $400 to 1. The reality is Siberian tiger. Okay. All right. 27 seed is a cougar, a Florida panther versus a panda bear. Thanks, gal.

A giant panda. Giant panda. Yeah, I think pandas are much nollier than you think. I'm literally going with panda. Yeah. So clumsy. That's two for panda. Wow.

I was, okay, for the brosters who aren't drunk, obviously, Panther would have won there. The funny part is, is that all of the lesser ones are going to get weeded out in round two immediately. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe not. I think so.

Okay. All right. All right. Two more on the first round. The 11, the Burmese Python versus 54 the sick of deer. Python for me. Yeah. For sure.

And finally, 22 seed is the water buffalo versus the 43 seed, the horse. Hey, thanks for playing horse. Yeah. Bye, bye. I think you're watching head home. All right, here we go. This next round is going to go much quicker. we got round two.

Oh my God. Let us know, Brosner's what our worst pick was. I'm very curious if there's going to be a major upset in the comments later. What do you mean? This is insane. How did they not pick the golden eagle? That's true. Right now I don't have a strong lean on what's going to win.

We're going to go fast here. The second round, the round of 32. Elephant. We've already given all the facts of the animals. All right. Go ahead. Sorry. I'm just going elephant.

I just don't. Yeah, elephant. I mean, it's number one. And by the way, I just got to say that basically, Forrest, you said, you have said on other podcasts that the elephant is the number one fucking out of every single animal. I don't think there's anything. I mean, rhino maybe, maybe. But, you know, look, lions, lions prey on elephants. And it's a Bornyan elephant.

I've always said African elephant. Borny an elephant, substantially smaller, much smaller. Substantially more timid. Tusks a fraction of the size. There's a reason Broin did this. He's a smart guy. Yeah. Although he gave it the one seed.

So, all right. Brown bear versus Wolf. Brown bear. Easy. Brown bear. Yep. Too big. Too big.

Okay. This gets interesting. The 57 seed, the beaver that upset the giraffe in around one versus the 25, the king cobra. Easy for me. It's got to be the cobra. Yeah. Damn it. I'm going beaver.

I want the beaver to be in the game. I wanted the beaver in the sweet 16, but he can't. One bite and it's over. The problem. The problem. The problem is, okay, so King Cobra versus Beaver, King Cobra is not venomous. It is. No, no, I'm saying if it wasn't.

Oh, then a beaver easily. Hands down. Okay. All right. You idiot, Peter. By the way, if you do Beaver versus King Cobra a thousand times, I think the beaver wins like 300 of those. But you've got to put King Cobra.

Yeah, I think it's about right. Yeah. All right. The King Cobra will take on the winner of the 9 verse 41 men. match up the lion and the elk. This is a no brain. Like one of those two animals would eat the other one by choice. The elk.

The elk eats what? Grass? Yes. Yes. Correct. Polar bear. Polar bear. Now, I just want to be, I just want to be clear for for one second.

This is the final I want to see. I want to see polar bear versus giant river otter. Laugh all you like. That's going to be insane. That is going to be insane. Giant river otters will chase jaguars around. they're super gnarly. They can rip things to shreds.

They're not something you want to mess with. Polar Bear is super out of its own. I would love to see this as the finals, but it's got to be the polar bear. Listen, I will say this. I don't know what exactly is going on with AI these days. I know it can talk to you and tell you everything about programming

and have a conversation with you and make pictures. And I saw an AI video recently. If any of the Brosner's can figure out how to fucking make these battles happen with an AI video, I'll fucking just post it, send you a free t-shirt or whatever. I mean, that's what you were saying until like 15 seconds. Well, yeah, that's because. Where are you going with this? But yeah, no, that would be awesome. I'd love to see this. All right. Polar Bear advances. American alligator versus links. That's easy.

Alligator. Alligator. All right. All right. Gotter. Retep, I want you to go. first on this. The five seed rhino versus the 37 orangutan. I mean, I mean, it's a rhino. I can't, there's no way I can't. Yeah. You know, right, guys. Yeah. The right choice.

Round two is even easier to pick the animal. Oh. Now this one's tougher than you think. This is real tough. The leopard versus the eel. The leopard is heavily favored here by the bookies in Vegas. I don't think a leopard has ever successfully predated upon an adult

island. And of course, in this game, these are all adult alpha organisms at the top of their field. Big boys, big boys here. Peter? Yeah, I mean, obviously the leopard. I mean, it's a... I kind of cheated. I did Google it, and leopards have been known to kill and eat eel in.

Adult Eland, though, not babies? Because babies, for sure. And I'm going leopard. All right, leopard it is. Leopard is. What would you have done for us if you went first? Probably leopard, ultimately. I mean, of those two, that's...

That's a run interaction in Africa, right? It's just like, yeah, it's not, I promise you that is not what a leopard would choose to hunt if it had a choice. The next one is so hilarious, how, like, ridiculous. I don't know. The two-seed hippo versus the 31 harpy eagle. Like, what could a harpy eagle even do to a hippo? Scratch it slightly. It's just like a, it's just a big mass of body armored viciousness.

Exactly right. Kidding me. This one, however. This is a real interaction. Great matchup. This happens. Jaguars and Black Bears cross habitat in Arizona all the way through Central America. This happens.

Okay. What are you going to go with, Forrest? I'm going to go Jaguar. Yeah, me too. Yeah. It's, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Here comes at mid-podcast nudity. Roads the boys here.

Hi. Hi, I missed you too. Can you bugger off? Yeah, he's getting a big boy there. You miss me so much. It's the family. Sorry, everybody, everybody's been missing me a lot, so I've been smothered lately. Hey, go home.

I'll come home and have dinner with you soon. No water? None. Why? What? Forest finds out that he has no water. Always something. Always something at our house.

All right, bye guys. It's almost like it would have been better if that sea snake venom got in your eye than dealing with this one. water situation. Everything. It's everything always around here. All right. What's next?

Jaguar wins. Guerrilla, the seven seed versus agar. This is a good matchup. Really? Incredible matchup. Kyle, can you pull up with a gar? Dude, a gar can flip over close.

No, that's quar. Kyle, you're kidding. A gar can like easily flip over like a large vehicle. Oh my God That is a beast Look at that one Look at the yoked one over there Look at that

I don't want animals to have to fight But I do kind of want to see a gorilla And a gar go at it You know what I'm still going gorilla dude They're too smart They're too smart Sorry say that again Pat

I didn't hear it what'd you say Gorilla I'm just doing I'm going gorilla I don't know how it's going to do it It comes in he grabs the horns The Gar's just all horns the gorilla basically just rips his skull in half, right? Like what else happens in that?

But can he sustain? It's so strong. Peter, what's you both? It's really tough. I'm legit like, you know, I don't, I'm still looking at the picture of the fucking guar, not the band. And, uh, dude, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going Gawar. Gawar.

One for Gaur, one for gorilla. That's all down to me. I hate this pressure. It's got to be gorilla. It's got to be. Oh, wow. The gorilla. Yeah, I'm going to stick with a gorilla.

I just think that when it comes to an actual fight, there's so little that you can do against a gorilla. I'm glad the gorilla advanced. Really? Because it's going to take on the winner of the American bison versus the chimp. Wow. That's tough. This is basically the same lineup.

Yeah, yeah. It's essentially the same. Just a couple of animals that are both equivalently smaller. Right. Right, but in saying that, this is one where I'm going to give it on my end to the bison. Really? Yeah. There's a bigger size and strength discrepancy between those two than the last.

The chimp has like what, 10x the strength of the- But so does the gorilla of a human, but the gorilla is exponentially more than that. Right. I don't agree. And the bison's bigger than the Guar. So, yeah, I'm going, I got to go bison. All righty. Now we got that's a fight right there.

710. Yeah. Round three in the sweet 16. All right. Here we go. Round of 32. The three seed saltwater crock versus the 30 seed a pit bull. I mean, obviously.

Croc, crocodile. Just croc. Yeah. Just stop it. Comeo, Dragon is taking on a moose. Moose are, mooses are known to be aggressive. Mees are known to be aggressive. Camoto.

Camoto. You go to the Comoto. I'm going to comeo. I'm going moose. That's the thing. It's the bite to the leg, right? And then the top. Those moose are like sticks.

Is the moose skittish enough to avoid the bite? They're fighting. I know. I know. They're in the octagon. Is the moose's defense enough to avoid? He's all horns. He's all horns.

He's all horns. That's what I'm saying. That comoto is so low to the ground. It gets in. If the moose can avoid the commo. The commo is. the Komodo's bite and just shank it it with the horn. Moose. Moose.

Yes. The moose. Big win for the moose. He's got those horns. He's hammering that Komoto into the ground. The moose was like a plus 150 in that match. Imagine a backwards kick. All right. Siberian tiger versus giant panda, Tiger. It's got to be a tiger. Tiger. Move on.

Burmese Python, the 11 seed versus the 22 water buffalo. It's interesting. Okay. All right. Real interesting. I'm curious. Kyle, do a quick Google. Burmese Python versus Water Buffalo because they cohabit. Well, I guess that's for ticks. But no, Berms as well.

They cohabitate. I mean, that might have happened in the past. Let's give a quick Google to this one. Yeah. This is a really hard call because I'm trying to picture how. Water Buffalo is significantly too large for a Burmese python to naturally go after. But all I have to do is get around the neck. A couple wraps around the neck, dunzo.

I don't know, like maybe like a bite to the leg and then it like goes down and then on to the neck. But a single stomp, Kyle says there's nothing. A 1,200 pound water buffalo stomps that thing skull. Yeah, I'm going to water buffalo.

I'm going to water buffalo. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was going to go Python, but I did have to think about it though. Dude, that's a, that's the underdog. 22, sweet 16, baby.

All right, round three. This is, the last round before the final champion comes out. That's incorrect. You go from 16 to 8. What are you talking about? Bill 16 doesn't boil down to two.

It goes 16 divided by two is eight. All right. Here we go. My apologies. All right. Sweet 16, let's kick it off. Boring elephant is the one seed here. Bro and I don't know what you're doing here because it's fighting the 16 seed, the brown bear.

I'm going brown bear. I'm going brown bear. I'm going bornier. They're both like nine feet tall. But the, dude, a brown bear. Brown bear? There's not much. Like, if it was an African elephant, big bull African elephant, I'd say no problem.

He's got it in the bag. Right. Orny an elephant's a pretty small elephant, man. Like, who, 10-foot-tall elephants? Not that big. Yeah, it's not wrong. A brown bear on his back, that's the same size of brown bear standing up. Yep.

Brown bear wins it. That's a big upset. That's a big. The brown bear will take on the winner of the big upset from the last round, the king cobra, versus a lion. Gotta be the lion. It's got to be a lion. Yeah.

And that's a fight coming up, by the way. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Oh, wow. That's like, that's maybe the, I would pay a million dollars if I had it to watch. If I had that much, yeah. Polar Bear, sorry. Polar Bear versus American alligator.

Yep. Unanimous. Polar Bear goes to the elite eight. Going rhino here. Hang out. Let me announce the matchups. Yeah, yeah. I got to read out.

Oh, yeah. We're on audio here. Sorry. Go ahead. The number five seed is a rhino versus the 12 a leopard. Peter takes Rhino, Forrest, what are you doing? Rhino. Yep, right now.

Okay. Rhino wins. It's a tank with legs. Leading to a wonderful matchup in the next round. Holy shit. Ooh, we. All right. In the Sweet 16, the two-seed hippo takes on the 15-seed jaguar.

Patrick? What do you do you do? Easy for me. The favorite, the hippo wins that. I think so. You know? Yeah, I think so. Okay.

Unanimous hippo just cruises to victory. Later, Jag. People can't even watch it so bad. Yeah. This would be fun to watch also. The 7 seed gorilla versus the 10 seed, the American bison. I don't know about this one, man. This one, this one I am definitely contemplating.

This one's a tiebreaker. This one's like a big, like this is a buzzer-beater happening, right? Yes. It goes to multiple overtimes. Has to. The bison's coach has a heart attack. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this.

In a hypothetical, the bison goes against the. Gar, who wins? The gar. It's too muscular. It's too, it's shredded. Yeah, I think the gar. Or guar, as I call it. The bison's bigger. It's got that big ass head. Does. I already got it. I'm going gorilla. I'm going gorilla. Fuck it. That's what I'm going with. So we're talking about a bison, you know, they got horns. They're huge and muscular. I mean, 2,000 pound animal. But the gorilla dude is. It's something.

2,200 pounds for the bison versus 800-ish, 700-ish for the gorilla. 350 for a gorilla. 350, that's a big. I got to go bison. You're going bison, no! All right, dude, tiebreaker. Tie-breaker.

What did you say? You said 350 for the gorilla? Versus 2,200 for a large bison. So much. Male. Dude, but think about the dexterity and the mental capacity of a... You know how bison has that hump? That's muscle that allows it to swing its head.

Really, if the head, if the head in the face gets fucked, a gorilla grabs that face, dude, think about that. It's gorilla at the buzzer. Whoa! Yeah. That's right. Okay. I didn't think about it. Give me the 10 second version of how the gorilla kills the bison.

He comes in. The bison charges. Bison's got one play, which has put his head down in charge. He's got nothing else. The gorilla can literally grab those horns. He can either roll them or turn them. He can jump back up over him and get on top of the bison. So dexterous.

It's a neck break that has to happen. So you're assuming the bison has been taught jiu-jitsu by- No, that's ridiculous. The gorilla has been taught. I'm sorry, the gorilla. Yeah. By the way, all gorillas have been taught. They come out knowing jiu-jitsu.

By the way, if you're listening or watching this and you want to see a bison fight a gorilla, we will take Retep to Yellowstone and have him fight a bison. Fuck? It's a couple, man. You're very strong. If we got a small female bison and dressed you up in a monkey suit, that would pretty much be the same thing.

I'm just going to move on real quick. But when, Forrest, when you said the horns, I totally forgot about the horns of a bison. Dude, my child, my baby, no, I'm not changing.

My baby human can veraciously grab anything. in his thing and he's ridiculously strong. A gorilla with those bison horns. It's it. I don't even think about the horns, dude. It's like a steering wheel. I mean, you'll turn that head like a clock. All right, baby.

We're moving on to the elite eight. Okay, here we go. Down to eight. Let's start. Let's go back to the top, Kyle. Here we go. Kyle. Oh, Kyle had a stroke.

Kyle had a stroke. What's going on? Oh, we missed one. We missed two. All right, come on. Salt water, crock, it's crock, it's crock. Salt water crock versus a moose. Easy for me, crock.

Crock. Yeah. And the Siberian tiger versus a water buffalo. That happens all the time. It's tiger. Really? Okay. One tiger versus one buffalo?

That's how the game works. Tigers are solitary. I know. Wait, so you're saying Siberian tigers are solo hunters? No, I mean, Siberian tigers don't interact with water buffalo, but... But a tiger. Bengal tigers interact, kill and eat water buffalo all the time. And they're a smaller version.

One-on-one. One-on-one. All right. Fair, fair. I learned something today. Yep. All right. On to the Elite 8.

I fucked up. Semifinals. Here we go. Okay, this is an incredible matchup. Let us know what you think, Brousner's in the comments, whether we pick this one right. The 16-seed brown bear for the nine-seed, a lion. I'm going last. It's very easy for me, so go Ritap.

It's tough for me. This is tough for me. All right. So I'm basically deciding vote. And I don't know nearly as much about these animals as you do. All I know is their physical size, but a lion is literally the fucking king of the jungle versus a brown bear, which is a gigantic animal. but what? Shut up.

Lions don't. It's okay. He's right. They have the moniker king of the jungle. It's okay. Anyways, so. It's so derailed. The animal that I'm picking,

I'm going brown bear. That's it. All right. There it is. Go for us. Brown bear. Brown bear. Easy.

Unanimous. Damn, I thought one of you guys was definitely picking lion. I didn't think of it, but it's just like, man, brown bears are just, they're so insane. They're big, big paws.

There's so much bigger. There's no way a lion's killing a bear. All right. Here's a four or five matchup. They made it all the way. The polar bear versus the rhino. So in my head, just as the layman, no matter what, like polar bear is literally the alpha. Like, it kills everything.

It doesn't matter what it is. It kills an elephant. It kills everything. But let me ask you this. If you hit a polar bear at 40 miles an hour with your car who wins. I'm serious. I'm a car with a fucking horn. Yeah.

I mean, no, you're right. You're right. It's fleshy versus like a rhino that has legit armor. Yeah. And a fucking horn with a point on it. This is tough.

This is not easy. What's your pick? You got to make your pick. I'm going to rhino on this. You know, I don't think there's a lot that can take down a full grown white rhino. Just that horn, the armor.

I mean, Pat, what do you got? It's rhino. I mean, over 7,000. pounds. It's got a horn. Yeah. There's no way a 900-pound polar bear can take a rhino out. There's just no way.

I don't see it. Okay. That's it, that's, that's, this. That might be controversial. People might matter. It's going to be controversial. That one's going to be controversial. Because polar bears, I mean, they'll, they'll open said car like a can of tuna fish. That's sure. Yeah.

Yeah. That's controversial. I'm okay with it. All right. Who else will move on to the final four? Will it be the two seed, the hippo, or the seven seed gorilla? easy for me. This is another tough one. Well, I mean, I got to go. I got to go hippo. It's that body armor that does it for me.

It's just so. The mass, the jaws. It's got to be the hippo. The shit flinging out of the ass to mark territory. I'm saying the gorilla barely made it into this round. It had kind of an easy path, right? It doesn't. Jaguar.

No, yeah, yeah, totally. Harpy Eagle, Jaguar. Oh, it's so easy. All right, and the hippo will take on the winner of this final Elite 8 matchup, the three-seed Saltwater Crock versus the six-seed Siberian tiger. That's a tough one for me. That's a brutal one. That's really hard.

Let's make Forrest go first here. Yeah, but this is literally, I think, the toughest one of the entire competition. It's interesting to picture how they would do battle. It's just like, look, you've got this tiger, right? He's going for the crock. He's swiping at it with his claws, which is definitely doing damage to that thick crocodilian. skin, but it's not doing detrimental damage. And this, you're talking about literally an evolved 200 million year old thing that is just

meant to kill. And look, crocodiles will go for, in Africa, Nile crocodile will go for a lion. It'll go for a leopard. It'll go for a big cat. They don't care. They don't care. One clamp down of those jaws in a death roll, I don't care who you are. And they're in an octagon here.

So, I mean, it's just got to get one good hold in a death roll. and that thing's toast. So who's it? It's salty and Siberian. It's tough. You know? I'm going to go crock. It's a close one, but I'm going to go crock.

I think the tiger could do it, though. Yep. All right. It's crock. Geez. That's wild. Huge shout out to Bro and Roberts for making this bracket, FYI. But we're on to the final four, baby.

All right. Final four, baby. Only four, two matchups left before we have our finals. Let's do it. let's do it. What do we got? What do we got? Kyle, what do we got?

I'm nervous. Pretty intense, to be honest. I'm nervous. Thinking about my choices and like, I'm like, do I think you're right choices? Yeah. All right. Dude, that last one really, like, I was like, I don't know because you're talking about a cage match. The crocodile, if you just, right, you hold its snout down.

If you got a paw on it, it doesn't have any strength to open it, right? One proper bite from that tiger on the spinal. don't call him. He's done. That was a tough one. Anyway, let's move on. We kind of got it. Yeah. In the final four, the brown bear will take on the favorite, the five seed, the rhino. Can I go first here? You can. Okay. So the, you know, brown bear, let's say max weight, 1,300 pounds, rhino over 7,000. Yeah. Rino's a bigger animal. Is there right? 7,000 pounds? Yeah. That's crazy.

Yeah. It can get up to over 7,000 pounds. That's literally like an SUV. That's, that's, fucking ridiculous. So according to Wikipedia only up to 5300. But according to PBS, which I find to be a better source, says up to 7,900 for a rhinole. A lot of pounds.

I am going to make the pick. I am going to take a brown bear. Wow. I believe that they're just, they're nimble. The fact that in their nature, they have to they fight each other. They tear shit apart for a living where the rhino doesn't. Let's actually discuss this.

for a moment for us. Sure. Yeah. All right. Well, let's discuss it. But I'm going to tell you it's going to come down to you because I'm going for the rhino. I just don't. I just like there's just something about him.

So but let's discuss it. Let's break it down. I'm talking an Alaskan brown bear. Like big motherfuckers. Let me just say my thoughts and then I want to hear the wildlife biologist. Please. Give his thoughts. So.

I mean, the rhino, the thing that I think about is just fucking body armor, right? Like so, because I'm thinking like a brown bear, it even taps me with its claws, dude, it's ripping my entire fucking inside. Yeah, you're done. But a rhino, like, it could probably take, I don't know, maybe, maybe even five, six straight up like claws from bear without just like spilling its insides out. It'll bleed. Don't get, don't, don't be fooled. but it's not going to be what it does to a soft, fleshy, non-armored mammal. Think about this.

Rhinos will spar with each other and fight with each other. So those two giant, what do we say, 5,000-pound animals, 7,000-pound animals are running at each other at 30 miles an hour to fight with each other. So, like, you know, it takes a lot to do a damage to a rhino. At the same time, one little bullet kills them, you know, so. You know, on that note, I'm going to say this, and here's my pick. Because face to face, you go rhino versus fucking brown bear. You're talking a vicious fucking animal, one of these animals.

Fangs, fucking just like four inch long claws, easy. Gets it right through that little skin. If it took its fucking mouth on the fucking head of the other one, the rhino, I'm going brown bear. Wow. Boundare advances to the finals. I saw Rhino going to the finals the whole time from early in the day. All right. Very good.

That's fine. I realize they were 7,000 pounds, but it's fine. Here we go. This is a big matchup actually can happen in the real world. The two seed, the hippo, versus the three seed, the saltwater crock. This is another fantastic one. I have no idea. Forrest has to go last because I don't want to be influenced here.

That's fine. Because he's probably seen this happen in real life. Well, keep in mind, hippos and saltwater crocs don't cross pies. And salt waters are bigger and gnarlier than Nile crocodiles. So, you know, that's all I'm going to say about that. And then I'll go last. I know my pick. I'm going saltwater crock.

Dude, this is so hard. Stronger bite force than the hippo. It's low to the ground. The hippo is not going to be able to, I just, they could trample it. It could trample it with its giant body weight. Just trying to give us some visuals here. on saltwater crock. This is crazy.

Salt water crock for Papa P. Peter? God, I just, these fucking hippos, let's go for us next in case he splits it. Okay. Well, I am going to split it.

I just, we're in the octagon. You got this massive hippo. Yes, it's got the crushing jaws. It's got the big tusks, but it's just the stomping ability. You know,

it's just that trampling that hippos do all over it, the weight, the crushing of the hair, head and the bones. I'm throwing an upset in there. I'm going hippo.

You're saying that if a 4,000 pound animal stomps you, it's not good? It's not. It's not. Shockingly. Yeah. Shockingly. Wow. So it's all down to you, Peter. This is tough.

Look, one of these animals. Ben, I'm in your eyes right now. One of these animals can literally, the crocodile could literally just get a leg and fucking just destroy it, spin, rip it off, and now the hippo's done. The hippo's done. However, as Forrest stated, the hippo could literally just pick up one of four of its legs at any moment and put it right on the fucking head, snout face of the crocodile.

I got to go hippo. Hippo advances to the fuck. Here we go. Holy shit, that's a matchup right there, ladies and gentlemen. We are talking in the finals. You will enjoy this matchup of the 16 seed. In the next episode. And Alastin Brown Bear.

We would lose like 4,000 listeners. Hell, no, they'd watch it. I would stop coming. Here's the finals in the March Madness, Battle Royale, the 16th seed, the Alaskan Brown Bear, 1,300 pounds of teeth and claws versus the two seed a 4,000 pound hippopotamus.

Forest I think must go first this time. Wow. This hurts me. This hurts me. I have a hard time with this. This is a good matchup. But at the end of the day, when you fight those two animals

and they're in the octagon, and it's just these two, and it's nothing but throwing blows. Give us the reasoning, though, first. Play it out. Play by play. You've got a hippo and a brown bear. They're in the octagon.

They're head on, right? There's no way. There's no ducking and dive, and there's no dodging here. This is head-on combat. The thing that gives my champion the advantage is the fact that it can stand on its hind legs and rip with those claws. It can sink its teeth, the bear, into their. hippo's neck while ripping with those claws. I mean, it's just that hippo, if he gets them against the wall, the bear's fucked.

But in the process of getting him there, that bear is going to rip that hippo to shreds. He's going to have blubber coming out all over the place. He just has to get to one artery. And while it's not going to be pretty, and I don't think anybody wins in this scenario. No. I'm putting the bear. The bear wins. Don't say it.

I'm not going to. Don't say it yet. I have not made my pick yet. Forrest has picked the bear. Yep. All right, I'll go next. I'll go next and let you be the deciding vote. Or I'll let you explain after I explain.

I'm not going to say who I think wins. Well, I think I just gathered that you're going to pick the hippo. Why? Because he said he was going to be his deciding vote. No, no, no, that's just my drunkenness. Legitimately, I haven't decided yet. Okay, good. So you have, you have this animal.

the hippo. The armor on the hippo is it even rivals that of the rhino. So you're talking about in my view it does.

Okay, sure. Very good. I'm just saying you're not talking about a bear attacking a deer, you know, something that's fleshy. You're talking about something that has this girth, this almost calcified fucking shell

on it. So Peter, let me just stop you for one sec, just because I don't want to interrupt. I like where your headspace is at. But you did. The rhino has armor, like actual plated armor, right? Right, right. The hippo has two inch thick skin, which is fucking insane. Two inches of skin. Yeah, that's crazy. Of skin. And a shit ton of blubber. And that that fat, that insulation is what gives them sort of the ability to whither blows. And when you see hippos fighting, like, they have tusks this long that go into each other and they get beat to shit and they're fine. So what's our weight ratio between a hippo and a brown bear? 4,000 pounds max for hippo, 1,300 pounds for a brown bear.

So I mean, that alone, you're talking this pure two inches thick skin with a bunch of blubber under it. That's fine. You can take many, many fucking claw shanks from a bear. You can. Very nice. And you have a very large fat. neck like Ed from 90 day fiance.

You can't wear necklaces. You love that guy. And it's so there's no, I feel like there's no one strike point where a brown bear could come in and take them out in one blow, right? No. And I do think that once attacked, once the hippo knows it's under threat, Forrest, you've said on this podcast that they are the most nervous. fucking animals in the world.

You're back in this hippo into a corner. Straight up. It gets a strike from this bear who's not nearly as nervous. He's a predator, this hippo. Yeah, he's confident. He's used to them running away.

That's right. And this bear comes in. He swipes it. Maybe tries to growl at it. That hippo comes in, fucking destroys him. I'm saying hippo. I'm going hippo. I liked your logic there. You drunken is much smarter than you not drunken. Cheers, mates.

Yeah, good logic. All right, Papa P. Brown bear. Wow, okay. Wow, you really know how to de-escalate the climax. Yeah. No, look, I think Peter, you know, it's got twice the bite force, the hippo. The hippo is twice the bite force of a brown bear.

I get it. It's much bigger, but I just go back to Forrest's logic. And I just, I'm just picturing it. I just don't, I just don't think the hippo... You're just kind of shredding it, right? Yeah, just getting shredded. It's hard to watch. It's hard to watch.

Peter, I don't think you pick poorly, by the way, and your logic was flawless. Like, I think it's anyone's game, just in my opinion. But I- There's no way of knowing because, unfortunately, we'll probably, fortunately, we can't do this. Unless somebody figures out the AI thing, like Peter said. The Brown Bear is the champion. Very good. Of the 20-23 March 19th.

By the way, Brown Bear versus Hippo. Hippo coming in second. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, that's crazy. That's good. I think this was fun. Thank you,

maybe we'll do it again next year. Maybe not, but thank you, Broan Roberts. Well, let us know. Did you like it? Was it too long-winded?

No, I know I got yelled at it. They liked it. They liked it. I listened. I drove home from Vegas late last night and listened to three hours

of just guys talking about the Yankees first game. How did you not listen to your own podcast, you piece of shit? I already did. He's been there.

He's been there. He's heard it. All right, guys. Well, it's nice to be back. Thank you, brosters. I missed you. We've got many more stories from South Africa and Australia coming up, all kinds of fun stuff. Forrest has literally been abroad for...

Seven weeks. Seven weeks. 45 days or somewhat. You're wrong. He's been abroad his whole life. He's told one story that wasn't even from being abroad. We have so much shit coming up in the next episodes. And check out

the fucking bonus pods where we get nitty gritty. As I say, Boner pods. It's the CineMax. It is. A podcast. Late night. More a week. You're annoyed with us. You're annoyed. Still more a month. I've seen the comments. Listen, people want us to post more. They say, ah, you only do two a month every two weeks. What the fuck? It's not consistent. Listen, we do one every single week.

We do. And I hate Pat, but I like Forrest. So it's tough to get together every week with this yellow light. I'm going to get it fixed. I mean. I'm going to get it fixed. Can you do the thing? Do you want to do the thing? I got to do the thing. Me?

Yeah, do the thing. You're the only one of the know. Wildimes. Dot club. Wildtimes. Club forward slash info. You'll find the link to those four additional podcast every month on the Spotify, which is real spice.

You get video and audio on the Spotify and or on the Patreon. And you can go there and get four episodes extra every month. And let me tell you, you go to wild times. Club forward slash info, you can also find all of the links to listen to everything else on the fucking podcast. Good job, Pete. I don't know what I'm talking about. No, I think you said all the things.

I think you did it. I think it's great. Good night. Love everybody. Hate Pat, but I like you for us. I literally missed you. People don't like when you say that. We focus group did.

That's not true. People, the focus group didn't like it. That's why I was in Vegas. I was doing a while time focus group. You focus group? Okay, outside of recording the podcast. I gave out free coupons for a buffet at the Belagio. Listen, I think...

There he played 12 episodes at the wild time. They were like, uh, kill me. You know what, Forrest? I should dig up. I'm going to dig up the focus group from the original extinct or alive pilot that they did in Vegas. Did you actually watch it? You got to actually watch it.

No, no, it was an audio recording. I listened to it. Oh, interesting. I have it. We should go through it on one of the bonus pods. Oh, we should. Absolutely. Yes.

Yeah, it was like 25 people in Vegas who wanted a free buffet. Yeah. Oh, that's what they actually did. That's how they got people to do it. I don't know that for a fact, but that's usually what they do. That's hilarious. I want to watch the show and give us an hour of your feedback. You can get a free buffet coupon.

Please make it happen. By the way, though, I'm not even kidding. Forrest, I'm sure you have tons of fucking extra footage. Everything will put on the Patreon on the bonus podcast. Working on it. Yep. And check it out. We love you.

Good night. I love you, everybody. I got the fat bit. I told you months ago. That's your back bit. Oh, yeah. No problems here. No problems here.

We love you guys. Ba-a-bing, bottom. I don't have a tagline yet. You did. You made one up. I just don't remember what it was. I don't know.

It was like, cut it out. Cut it out. Wasn't it? Yeah. Yeha! I'm exing out. We're awful. I hate us.

This was an hour 37. It's so long. People love it. They want the longer five. Good night. Good night. Good night.