Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Fisherman Catches 67 Pound Goldfish - The Wild Times Ep. 108

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

The Wild Times crew discuss a 67 lbs goldfish, crazy mosquito attacks in Australia and the power of AI. The goldfish that was caught was named "The Carrot."  Visit https://thewildtimespodcast.com/ now!  Get your Wild Times Podcast merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch   Leave a review on iTunes Apple Podcast: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/itune...   Get Up To 4 Bonus Podcasts Per Month ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/wildtimespod Subscribe to The Wild Times Podcast on YouTube ▶▶ https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPodWatch  More Episodes Here ▶▶ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP...   Follow The Wild Times Podcast on socials:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wildtimespod/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespod   Twitter: https://twitter.com/WildTimesPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/  Listen to The Wild Times Podcast on:  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2cbFBzf...  Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...  Google: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0...  Anchor.fm: https://anchor.fm/wildtimespod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPod  Enjoy, brosteners!   TWT 108 - The Breakdown   00:00 - Intro 05:40 - Top 3 & DFL Presents 18:01 - Mosquitos Attack New South Wales 21:28 - 67lbs Goldfish Caught in France 25:50 - Bad Taxidermy  27:48 - Extinct Clam Found After 40,000 Years 33:17 - AI Christmas Story 40:10 - Robots Can Kill in San Francisco 44:45 - Bizarre Animal of the Week 53:00 - Christmas Shopping 58:14 - Wrapping Up https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/fat-tire/

I refill globes better than Jesus Claus. Yet still my twins are dad-free. Why? They are need-double-dad. Businessman enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases and he's hallmark hot. I've entered the shop. Hi. Do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry,

Christmas attack soon. Wild time. Here we go. Wild times, this is the Christmas episode. Merry Christmas. 108. We're coming up on Xmas.

Yeah, buddy. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. I love this time of here. If you're a person that doesn't like Christmas, you're a bad person. Unless you're like Jewish or Muslim. No.

I'm Jewish. I celebrate Christmas. It's fun. It's a great thing. Do you have a nice holiday bush at your house? Holiday bush, a burning bush? That's what they called it in high school after they couldn't call it a Christmas tree anymore. Really?

At my high school, yeah. Oh. Well, I don't know about that. But we have a Christmas tree every year and my family's predominantly Jewish. And I love Christmas. It's a great time. It's great. Yeah.

I mean, look, Thanksgiving comes and goes. Everyone just starts kind of fucking off at work. Yeah. It's harder to get anyone on the phone. Yep. Because people are just like, you wake up that Monday after Thanksgiving break? You're like, I'm shutting it down, boy. Oh, yeah.

That's the end of the year. That is the end of the mental year. It's getting dark. It's cold out. You look better in sweaters. No pressure. Just let the gut go. I haven't worked down three months.

That's why I'm wearing the loose fitting over shirt. Absolutely. I just believe you also wore that shirt two weeks ago. Don't worry about that. I've got one look. It's your December outfit. Yeah. Yeah.

And then food starts tasting better. Red wine. Dark is shit at 5 o'clock. I'm like, I guess I could pour a glass of wine now. It's the holidays. It's fucking great. Also, We're used ourselves, but I don't care. Eggnog is also the greatest drink ever made.

Should be available year-round. It's so good. It's so good. We should start making our own nog and selling it year-round. You're around. I don't know why egg-nog is only available this time of year. It's horseshit. If you lived in Alaska where it's cold all the time, you would need eggnog.

You must have it. You must have it. We made homemade egg-kog my brother and I did last year. Good. A lot of work. A lot of fucking work. Interesting. Fine.

It's fine. It was fine. It's like making beer the first time. It's not going to be great. Right. Just go stupid. We brewed beer in our dorm, in our fraternity house bathtub. Hey, Charlie, don't bite for us.

There he goes. Please, why every time with you? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. What do you have to say, Charlie? Okay. All right, we haven't even done the intro yet. All right, I'm your host. I'm Forrest Galante.

I'm the broologist joining me, as always, the lovely, the handsome, the wonderful, brof, no, I was going to say professional, he's not here yet. That would be BTG. The Brofessor. Hello. And the broducer. Hi. There we go. We're done.

Intros are over. That's it. Back to Christmas. Welcome in to the wild times. If you're new, it's a podcast. We talk some shit. We do some comedy. We do some wildlife and adventure. We banter, tell stories, crack jokes. Forest beer. Survival tips. I do.

We talk about gear. Yep. There's gear chatter, there's animal chatter. There's the odd manscaping chat. We talk about dick foreheads sometimes. That's the thing we discuss. Yeah. Absolutely. And I'm having another sip of my beer.

Enjoy that. And it's the holidays, as we were saying. What are you guys doing for Christmas? I'm going to New Jersey, doing it with the family. Big meetup. It's going to be like Christmas vacation. It's going to be like 13 people under the same roof. 13 deluca's in one place.

Yep. It's going to be intense. It's going to be fun. And it's going to be like Christmas vacation. vacation the movie. A hundred percent, dude. Yeah. How many kids? Six. Okay. Six kids under 18.

I don't know how you do it, man. I am, I don't know. I just tried to propose that we just like bail the me and the wife and the kid for Christmas. What a crumudgeon. Why? Why? Just me like over the break, you know, at some point. Not like bail on Christmas itself. This is what my wife does and it pisses me off. It does. It upsets me. She's like, what if we just did this? Like, let's just do us, you know, like just low-key, like one present each, like, you know what I need to? Yeah, I'm like, shut up. In fairness to her.

How many owes do you want me to put in my boo? Because that's boring as show. It's terrible. In fairness to her, you make her, like, network and go out and deal with all the people. You're such a like, you're always out with people. He's Mr. Santa Barbara. It is. That's correct.

Yeah. That's absolutely correct. And in addition to that, I make her do all the car. cooking on Christmas when we host and like hang out and like, you know, she's the one who decorates the house and put, you know, so it's like, she's like, let's just take it easy. I'm like, fuck that take it easy. You're like, I'm just getting started now that you've done the work. Exactly. Exactly. Right. Yeah, exactly. Well, this time of year, look, if you're just listening now, what, Christmas in six days? Yeah. Yeah. I'm guessing because I think I know our brosuners pretty well.

We do. Most of them haven't even fucking started Christmas shopping yet. I haven't. No, Christmas year. I know. I wait to the last minute. Yeah. Christmas game. Let's get right into a game. Let's get right into a game.

All right. I love it. Let's go. Top three in DFL. Nice. Okay. Last minute Christmas gifts for 2022. Oh, boy.

Okay. Okay. All right. I'm looking around because I want someone to go first. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. Okay.

Top three. Coming in at number three. Chocolate. Okay. It's like a last minute, like, I grabbed you these candy bars at the gas station. Might as well get a subway gift card, man. Uh, might as well get a subway gift card. No, I'm, I'm okay with it.

I like chocolate. I would rather be given chocolate than nonsense. Do you know what I mean? Sure. A sweater that you can't wear. That I'll never wear. My mom does this every, oh shit, she listens to the podcast now. Oh, well, fuck it.

She does this every year. She gets me flannel pajamas. Yep. I've never worn flannel pajamas one day in my life. Send them my way. I was going to say, can I have a fair? They're yours. I swear to God, I will bring them next time. I have eight unopened pairs from the last eight Christmases.

Yes, I'm raiding your closet. Your mom is crying right now listening to this. I know. She's actually going to be upset when she hears this. I'm hoping she skips this one. Okay, that's number three. Number two, think about this. That's a tough one. Bad electronic.

You always get the bad electronic. Yeah, like the impulse by when you're leaving wherever. Things have changed now, but it used to be the sharp. image get. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Like a laser pen or something. Yeah, here's a laser pen.

Here's a magnet desk ornament. And you're like, I don't need this. You know, here's a bottle opener that sings Christmas tunes. You're like, why? Why does it do this? Keep my, neither are my top three. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And I'm like, wow, this is. I thought you were going three DFLs. I, yeah, I don't know. No, no, no. I like these. Okay. But, you know, and you always get them and you're like,

I never buy this for myself. I don't really like it. But I've got it now. it's going to live on my desk and people are going to comment on it. Yeah, there you go. Okay. Number one, easy booze. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. It's the best. If you haven't bought something for someone yet, buy them a nice bottle of booze. And it's a last minute, you know, pop into the liquor store, pop into Ralph's. Here's a bottle of whiskey.

Great. Goes on the shelf. A bottle of wine. I'm happy. I'm drinking it today. Okay. And you know it's a lot. And it's like an unwritten thing where you're like,

I know that this wasn't thought out. So I'm going to drink it right now and you're not going to feel bad about it. Oh, so like if you have a Christmas party, I had a Christmas party last year. It's fantastic because everybody brings a different bottle of booze. Some of it gets drank that night. But you're left with, like, good booze for at least two, three months afterwards that you're sipping on every night. Yeah, it's a gift that you know will get used versus the odd pair of socks.

The laser pointer. Which it does bring me to my, my DFL, which was very close. Boxers. Every year, somebody gives you a set of, like, double XL. like ultra baggy leg boxers. Like I don't even know where they use a purchase. I'm not sure where people find them, but they're like,

they're like, they're not boxer briefs. They're boxers where the legs are like, as though the trunk of your body could go down each leg. Bad harsh material. Yeah, they're stiff. You could like break them. I don't know where. Don't buy underwear.

Don't buy underwear for an adult man. Just don't do it. Yeah, let them do it themselves. Let them do it themselves. All right, Brewsters, if you haven't gift shopped yet, Here's three things that will be good for anyone. Boo's is a great call. Number one, a mix variety pack of batteries.

Oh, that's a good guess. I mean, what's more annoying than when you're... So these are your top three, but... Yeah, these are three good... If someone gives me a fucking eight pack of each kind of battery, single A, double A, triple A, couple nine volts, what's worse than when the fucking fire alarm starts chirping and you're out of nine volts? Suicide.

Burn the house down. Burn the house down. Or the remote, anything. Yeah. You need one for the remote? No, that's a really good gift. Everyone can use it. Really good gift.

Everyone can use that. This is nice and fast, by the way. I like your pace. Yeah. Yeah. Number two, it's a fun thing. You wouldn't think of it. It's about 20 bucks.

Little battery operated breathalizer. Oh, yes. It's fun. Mitch had one of those. Yeah. They're fun to play with. Yep. Well, see, this is one of those electronic chotchkes.

Yeah, exactly. But this is a very specific one, which is great. Yeah. You know, they're super fun. When you're hanging out with your friends. and drinking. Yeah. Blow into the shit

can become a competition. Totally. Could also be useful. You know, you've had a glass of wine, you want to run to 7-Eleven for something. Not a good idea.

It's in this year, too. I've been seeing that. Brandenizers are in. That's good. Yep. I like that. That's just a fun little cheap thing that you can get.

Number one. Number one is a, it's going to sound stupid. I have this. I'm with you. It's changed my life. It's a little joy. Okay.

One of those can openers that doesn't cut the can, it just opens it cleanly. Oh. And then you pull it off and then you can use the lid. I've seen them. Sure. Yeah.

I've got one. They're amazing. So it's like not a sharp edge. It's not a sharp edge. You just like pop it on. You twist it. The whole top comes out. I've seen it.

It's fucking great. It's a game changer. Okay. All right. DFL. DFL. One side one, a 3B.

Scratchers. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. But then if they win like a million dollars, you're furious and kill yourself. No. because they're going to hook you up if they're good bud. Just you got a bud that you don't know what to get something for.

It's fun. It's fun. Gambling. Gambling's fun for the whole family. Yeah, it's a good time. DFL, true that gift cards. Don't buy anyone a gift card.

It's thoughtless. It's so thoughtless. It's just, you just don't give someone a gift card. I have, I would say it in my desk drawer, I have close to $200 worth of gift cards. Yep.

Because it's all places I've never physically been. Chili's. Yeah. I actually have a chill. Chili's one. I'm not joking. Every store I check out at has fucking Chili's gift cards. I'm like, I haven't seen a Chili's in 10 years. I have a Walmart gift card for like $22. Like not even an even number. And I'm like, I go to Walmart, but I don't go to my office, grab the desk, then drive to Walmart. So every time I happen to pop into a Walmart for something, I'm like,

sure could I use that gift card. I don't have. It's just like I'm going to sit in my drawer for the rest of my life because I'll never be. Sure. Cluttering up the drawer. Okay. Well, you guys hate gift cards, but I'm going to use gift card as my number three, but not a specific gift card. I'm talking like a credit card. It can be used anywhere. So just money. Money.

But yeah, on the card. In a card, a nice, well, a card that I sat there and looked for that's unique to you. Cell phone credit. Give me some cell phone credit. All right, so that's my number three. My number two is you guys ever gotten one of those

multi, it's a popcorn tin with cheese, regular popcorn and caramel. What's the Chicago popcorn place? The famous one. I think it's called like, uh, Graldi's. Yeah, I don't know. It's really good. Yeah. So that,

I've got them and they've, they're great. They last for the whole season. You eat it every day. It's fantastic. The cheese is the best, I think. Oh, not the caramel. It's so good, but you eat too much of it. Two different vibes.

And they are good together. Garrets. Garrets. Yeah. A Garrett popcorn tub. Yeah, right there. Chicago style popcorn. Yeah, so you got that as my number two.

My number one, oh God. And this is because this item, for me, signifies the beginning of the holiday season in my house. It's right here. It's a candle that smells like Christmas. Interesting. You light it. Even if you don't like candles,

you give the little explanation, hey, light this candle when you want it to start feeling like Christmas. I'm going on Amazon buying Christmas candles. I've never bought a Christmas scent of candle. I have them in my office. I buy literally the day after Thanksgiving. I'm doing it right. I'm not even joking.

And I burn them constantly, man. You taught me this back like in 2012 in our office, we went out and bought candles. That's right. It was like life changing. I'm so much happier. I'm just like, uh. During the work day sometimes, if I just need to spruce things up, I like the candle in my office. I'm like, whoo-hoo.

That's it. Stand up at the desk. I'm flying a Christmas cat. I've never done it. I've never burnt. Like our house is Christmasy. You smell the tree, but it's not this. Does it smell Christmassy in here right now?

Yes, it's beautiful. That's my whole point. I didn't realize, I mean, I should because I'm looking at it, but it's the canvas. Exactly, though. It's like subtle. You're just like, oh, I feel a little bit. It's also two treats for the price of one, because what happens is when you light it, you get that initial pop.

Right. Of spice. Then you get olfactory fatigue and you forget about it. Yeah. You walk outside to take out the trash or walk the dog. When you come back in, you're like, whoa. It's so true. The holidays.

Yeah, exactly. It is so true. What's DFL? DFL and listen, I know a lot of people do this. I've gotten these. This isn't geared towards you, who, you know who you are. A Christmas tree ornament that is like not really thoughtful, you know? Yeah, just like the target buy.

Yeah, I'm like, come on. Like, I have both. This one had a dog on it. You're like, I did get a flying pig one time and I really appreciated that one. But it's got to have a little meaning behind it. Like, hey, I got. can be handmade. From your favorite restaurant back home.

Exactly. Or my sister will, like, she made me a handmade one. I love bringing it out. But if you're just giving me like a bulb from Target that says Merry Christmas on it, it has been smashed and thrown in the trash. There.

So, yeah, that's my DFL. That's good. Love it. I like that. Yeah, really like pets. Out of the box there. Out of the box thinking. Dude, the batteries.

Batteries. I might just give everyone batteries this year. It's a good gift. I might have a heavy suit. I might have a problem going through security at LAX. Checking. Sir, you have a suitcase of batteries. A full suitcase.

Dude, that's one thing, whenever we travel for work with the camera guys and them dealing with the battery shit and security. Every time. I just look down and pretend it's not happening. Yeah. I never thought about that. So it's always like a big hassle, right? Every single deal.

God. Flying with camera batteries because you don't usually check the cameras. Sure, sure. You have a battery in case, you know, something happens. And it says right on a thing. Certain batteries for our equipment. kind of go in the check luggage. So what ends up happening is there's six of us flying to wherever.

And every airline, every country has different battery regulations. So then Mitch comes along and goes, all right, guys, I've got these 17 batteries that we need to break up between the five of us for our carry on. And you end up putting this thing that looks like a fucking stick of dynamite in your carry on. And every single time without fail, it gets flagged when you're going through your check in your hand luggage. They're like, what is this? And they pull out this brick, you know, this black brick battery.

And then you have to sit there and explain, no, look, it's only, you know, It's one vault under the allotted voltage. And no, no, I don't have three of them. I have one. He has one. He has one. It's like every fucking time. It's a stress mess, dude.

It feels like you're smuggling coke up your ass. Yeah, it really does. It literally goes into your pre-production plans, doesn't it? No. It's always right before you go through security, the camera guy's being like, yo, you got to take like three of these. Yeah. Well, I was planning on just quickly going through and going to the bar.

Correct. Every single time without Kyle. Yeah. Kyle Kyle. What about you? Any plans for Christmas? Just to hang out with family. Nothing too special.

Your freshly married brother is going to bring his new bride over? His new bride, his dog. Nice. Yeah. Did he do a little drinking? Were there any hookups at the wedding? Not that I know of.

Don't lie. Don't lie. It was a late night. It was an ugly look when you lie. Good thing he's not on camera. Yeah. There's a lot of fun. But yeah.

That's not great. I mean, if you can't parlay being the best man into... And you're how old, Kyle? You're... 27. 27. Got it. Don't worry about these guys.

They just like to give us shit. So, don't take what they say. It's a hard. Mid-20s wedding is prime for a hookup. Kyle's not that kind of guy. He is. How did it all go wrong? It was a lot of fun.

Speech went well. Dinner went well. And then, you know, the dancing and it all went well. Is there any video of you dancing that we? we could perhaps play. I haven't seen any. There might be some out there, but I don't know. If you listen, I know Kyle's mom listens, please send us some footage of Kyle dancing.

Yes. All right, let's get this podcast back on track. Let's do some animal stuff. Should we talk about what's in the news? What's in the news? Yes, sir. What's in the news? Well, I can tell you this much.

My worst nightmare is in the news. Oh, shit. Is this the one where your dead grandma's climbing up your rectum? Pecker. That was better. No, look, you don't know me to be very squeamish about critters, do you? Just leeches, as we learned in the last podcast. Mosquito population explosion in New South Wales.

There's a video, Kyle's going to pull it up here, that a farmer shot on his farm after a heavy rain in New South Wales, Australia. Kyle, can you play the video for us? Look at this. This is mosquitoes. Not like Nats or Midgey's actual mosquitoes. Look at that. It's a nightmare.

It looks like it's hailing out. That is disgusting. It really is, though. Like, that is, that is awful. So, yeah, what's the story here? I mean, it just happens to. This is just what it really is. So this is in New South Wales, Australia, which is, right?

Correct. Which is the province that, like, Sydney's in. Correct. A lot of people live in there. Yeah, okay. I mean, obviously, it's not all over, right? I'm sure it's not like this in the city, but it's, it's wherever this happened. And it does happen sometimes where, especially after a long dry spell and then you get, you know, a bunch of water.

and the breeding explodes and it's nice and warm so they hatch quickly and yeah you get this and I mean it is a nightmare I've seen it really bad like to the point that locals in the Everglades were leaving Florida

and it was not even a fraction of this bad even the moth looks like he's having a tough time with all these mosquitoes barred so for those who are only listening it is a full cloud it looks like a locust swarm of mosquitoes it's disgusting the sky is brown

I actually think I actually think that, like, that would cause you to be anemic. Do you know what I mean? If you sat out there for, like, five minutes. Like, could you imagine what that would be like if you sat out there for five, for a minute? I feel like I'm naked and afraid. I used to watch it all the time back in your day when you were on it, Forrest. And insects were the thing that made people quit the most.

A hundred percent. I got me again. Yeah, he's never going to like it. Mazis like a cloud is what the wool farmer. But you got to say it like, you got to say it like an Ozzie. Yeah, good a day. Muzzies like a clap. So the entire, the entire, the towns around here.

No, yours was good. They're out of bug repellent. Yeah. They can't get it. Horrible. Whoa. There's not much more to it than that video and explaining it, but it's just an absolute nightmare.

Can you imagine trying to live in that situation? No. It's not like, oh, I can't go outside because it's really hot, you know, and I got a race to my car to get in the air conditioning. Yeah. It's not like that with mosquitoes. Like, you just, you cannot. You need a full suit.

You can't move an inch. So, yeah, it was a dry period followed by flooding. So that the area got wrecked with floods. Yep. We're like, oh, thank God that's over. Right. Now the plague. It's a fucking mosquito apocalypse.

You'd need a literal bug suit to go to the car. Like you would wear a winter coat like in Chicago during the winter. It's absolutely miserable. It's a nightmare. But, I mean, look, there's not much more of the story than that. It's just awful. Yeah, it's not. I mean, this is, is this something that's because of global warming, so on and so forth,

you think this is just, it's Australia, right? So it's probably a common occurrence. Everything wants to kill you. Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's just Australia. I think that says it in itself. All right. I saw one that, and I'm going to get into an ethical debate on this one if we can. Okay.

This is my favorite news story, probably of 2022. By the way, Charlie's a fucking terrorist. He's terrifying. Why? What's you doing today? My forearm accidentally glanced his butt and he turned around and was, he's like one more touch. I really like it because, you know, he's kind of putting you two in your place. You need it sometimes.

True. You know, and I think of myself as a friend to all animals, and Charlie runs over, sits on my lap, and I scratch his head for 15 minutes, and then he just lashed sound bites me. Well, why do you think I made you guys sign that iPad waiver before you came in the house? Yeah, he's going to make a great thylacine, by the way. Oh, yeah. All right, so what do you got? What's this moral dilemma we're going to have with your news story? Well, first of all, I love this news story.

All right, and I love it because of the photograph. Fisherman catches 67 pound goldfish. Look at this. That is a real fish in the UK. 67, nearly 70 pounds. That is a goldfish that got to that disgusting size. It is actually just a goldfish blown up. Like, it didn't change its morphology in any way.

It's just a gargantuan goldfish. It's like a goldfish under a microscope. So, and I think, Kyle, can you scroll down? I think that it's a hybrid of some kind. 25 minutes, blah, blah. It's a colossal carp nicknamed the carrot that weighed in a staggering 67 pounds, four ounces of the giant fish is to be the second largest of a type ever to be caught. Oh, second largest.

I was in France, not in the UK. Hybrid of a leather carp and a coy car. Yeah. It looks very leathery in the face. It's a coi and a carp hybrid, but it does look, you know, it's a goldfish. Yeah, it looks fake. I mean, it looks taxidermite or something. All right, so here's the ethical dilemma.

So it's a two-parter. First of all, what do you do if you catch this fish? I mean, this thing's an abomination because you can just tell it. It wasn't meant to get like this. So it was in a lake. Yep. I'm releasing it personally. Okay.

But I don't know the full ethical ramifications. Yeah. I mean, based on the frog story that I told last podcast that I experienced when I was a child, I will always release everything I catch. So you know I'm an avid fisherman. You guys know that. Yeah. Yeah.

Speer Fisherman. That is going immediately to a taxidermist and going on my wall. Okay. Yeah. I love that. I'm sorry. Like, you're telling me you don't want a 70 pound goldfish mounted in your kitchen? Nobody would believe.

Right there. Can you imagine walking in, you look there and there's a 70 pound goldfish on this pretty white wall right here, just glowing orange? I got a question, though. I mean, your wife would not allow this, would she? In the house? In the office? In the office.

In the office. It has to go in the office. Yeah. Do we know what this angler did with his... He released it. Oh, he definitely released it. Yeah. But the ethical dilemma is this.

That is a hybridized fish that has been bred to look like that from a coy from Japan and a carp from China that's been caught in a lake in France. Right. It shouldn't even be there. It shouldn't be alive. It's a monstrosity. I'm not saying I just put it on my wall for that reason, but it's a monstrosity that's an invasive species that looks like a Christmas ornament. If I'm catching it, I swear to God, I'm tacking. Do you have anything taxidermied?

I do. Three fish. Wow. I was going to ask how much a taxidermy costs. Like $200. Oh, that's it? Yeah. Oh, all right.

For that fish like that big. Based on size. That goldfish would probably cost $2K. And I would pay it in a heart. Can you imagine that right there on that white wall? I just can't stop thinking about how much the wife would hate. She would be like, no, and I'd have to fight. Dude, have her wake up on Christmas morning.

She comes down and it's just fucking nailed in. Just a big taxidermy. I mean, I kind of, maybe I should get a swordfish. Swordfish are cool. But you mean just like buy a taxidermied one? Yeah. Well, nowadays they make the mostly replicas. So they used to do, and even my wall eyes, a skin mount.

It's the actual skull and skin. Yeah. But nowadays they just make replicas that look identical. And it's way better because you can go out and you can go catch a 600 pound Marlin, take measurements, we'll let it go and then they'll make you an exact replica. Oh, that's interesting. I don't know that. So it's like more sustainable.

You can catch release. Yeah, it's much better. Oh, that's cool. What do you think of taxidermy? I love it. Actually, actually, we should do it as a segment at some point. Bad taxidermy, yeah. Bad taxidermy, so good.

There's so many fucking funny ones, man. Oh, my God, they're insane. Have you seen this, Peter? No. Kyle, just pull one up. Just quick Google bad taxidermy. Yeah, there's like a cottage industry of people who are amateur taxidermists. Oh, okay, okay.

And some of their creations are less than... That's fish. Lose fish. Yeah. Just go bad taxidermy. The squirrels are... Yeah, there you go. Oh, my goodness.

This is like roadkill. Literally any one of those photos. No, go to the, go the Jaguar. Go one down. It looks like they fucking stuffed it with a traffic cone. Yeah, look at that. It's so bad. Look at the fox.

Wow. Yeah, no, bad taxidermy. It's the eyes and the looks on the faces or what. Yeah. Right, right. Okay, so this is interesting. I never knew it. It's like an art form to do the taxidermy.

Oh, big time. This is not something that you just. just pick up and are like, oh, I'm going to make stuff this animal and make it look like it was. Yeah, it's stuff full of socks. Yeah. This is what it comes out looking like. Oh, my goodness. Oh, look at the snow leopards over there.

Oh, boy. Wow, it's funny. It's like a bad piece of artwork you would see on a piece of paper. Somebody tried to paint it. Well, and it's become cool. You see the two there, like the difference between the, like, relatively well-done one on the bottom and the, uh, the one that Jimmy did in his garage. Jimmy gave up halfway between.

And he got the body done. And he's like, all right, maybe I'm not a tattoo. I think he just stuffed a handful of cotton wool in the head and is like, yep, that'll do her. Dude, it's like when you change a fucking bike tire, like when you change it out the tube. Yeah. There's like a little bit of an art form to stuffing the tube inside the tire and getting it right. And getting it around and sealing it and it can be infuriating. I feel like that's what was going on here with the face.

Yeah. Because you're just like, I can't get it up. All right. He's got a cleft palate. Fuck it. Yeah. Oh, poor guy. Living in infamy looking like that.

All right. One more news thing. One more news thing? And then I want to do something fun. There's an extinct animal news thing. I put on my Facebook the end of day. I heard about this, yeah. You read about it?

Yeah, it's good. It's kind of silly, but it's also kind of cool. Because any time an animal that we thought was extinct comes back, it's very cool. However, what makes this one the sealicant of mollusks. Peters like those are nope. I know what a mollusk is. Oh, good. What's a sealicant?

A fish. Okay. The fish of clams. 66 million years. Okay. And this clam believed to have died out 40 million years ago. Wow. And so a tiny clam species has been found alive and well that was gone for 40 million years.

Yeah. That's crazy. No, 40,000 years. Sorry, 40,000 years, not 40 million years. It's a tiny little clam. Tiny little clam off the coast of California of all places. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, Santa Barbara even. It's just, to me, it's funny that we even knew it existed. I know. Like, how did, it can only be from fossil records. Right. Yeah, interesting. But, you know, I feel like for this guy, whatever's name is, something Goddard that discovered the Sinatoya Kuki. It must have been a pretty good day.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I mean, it's like one of those things. It's like a clam this big. It's from the deep sea, right? It's like this little white clam. all we know about it is from finding like shell middens and you know cliff walls and stuff like that

and then it's like oh cool they're still here but it's not that's why maybe I didn't like get like all super stoked about it right because it's not like oh man there's this this bird this primate this whatever and it was here just 20 years ago and nobody else has been able to find it this is like oh yeah we didn't know this bival was here here it is like it's also like there's also like there's only a small percentage of people who would be able to discover this thing

who would care in the water and like notice that this is oh yeah they weren't even looking for i mean they were literally looking through tide pools right see slugs right and they find this weird little clam yeah you know i as well like even as someone who knows the california coast and creatures very well and most marine biologists would look at that and just like oh yeah this is some juvenile clam species you know like you wouldn't identify it quickly yeah i don't know it's cool i i don't mean to downplay such an interesting thing but it's just sort of like even the guys who found a all like, neat, you know? Yeah.

It makes the news, because anytime something comes back from extinction, even if it's a tiny clam. I had one news story I wanted to talk about just because I rarely have new stories, but this one really interested me. And then we'll get into your bit because I'm also putting that off because I know that it's going to embarrass me somehow. Okay. Then it's going to embarrass us.

Okay, all right. Maybe let's get into it. No, but so there was, there is, they studied over 200 wolves in North America, and they found this parasite in a certain percentage of them. My mom sent me this. Yeah. And evidently, this parasite turns regular wolves into pack leader wolves. Into alphas, yeah.

It makes them more bold. It's like a parasite. More aggressive. Yeah, more aggressive. And then they'll literally just go out and take over other packs. Yeah. And it's wild, man. I want this parasite for me to use like a superpower.

Does it then kill them, though? Not that I read. I don't think so. No, I didn't see that either. It's a toxoplasmone. Yeah, toxoplas. Makes its host bold. Keep going down, Kyle?

Kind of crazy, though. Even that they discovered this, too. So the parasite is designed, has somehow evolved to create behaviors in its host that makes the host more likely to survive longer. And reproduce sexually to pass on the parasite. Oh. Yeah. Dude, that is, that is, that's wild. It's almost like it's not even a parasite because it's symbiotic with it.

Sort of, yeah. Well, it is. Yeah, not sort of. It is. But also, so they're saying this toxoplasma Gandhi has been studied in people that have become affected with it. Oh, interesting. And it does cause physical and behavior changes in humans as well, including increased testosterone and dopamine. It sounds fucking great. Can we please get some of this? Yeah, how do we get this? I'm just going to start licking wolves.

Every time I see a wolf from now, I'm licking it right in the mouth. Right in the mouth. Yeah, it's by eating infected animals. How you get it. Wow. Yeah, I just thought that was interesting. And the fact that they figured this out, too, you know, by just studying a couple hundred volts. I'm not joking.

I'm not saying that because of the testosterone. I'm saying because of the lack of risk adverseness. Right. And the fact that I've eaten a lot of really gross and weird stuff. Well, it says they estimate up to one third of all humans might be infected with it. I didn't even. I bet you I've got it. It ate your amygdala for sure.

For sure. That means someone in this room has it. Correct. Probably. It's probably me. Yeah. The guy who eats weird, rotten stuff all the time. I told you guys about my testosterone story, right?

Did I tell you about that? I don't recall. Yeah, yeah. Well, really quickly, my barber was like, oh, dude, my barter's like 45 years old and has a six-pack and is just jacked and like, I was like, Britchie. And he's a MMA fighter. I was like, how do you fucking keep it up at like 45 is broke? I'm going to get testosterone replacement.

Like, go see my guy. Oh, yeah. And I was like, all right, I'll check it out. So I went and saw the guy and the guy drew my blood and was like, are you kidding me? Get out of here. He's like, your head will explode if you get more testosterone. Yeah, he was like, you're like 700 or something. He's like, you have to be below 200.

And I was like, okay, bye. Mine's probably at one. It'd be a better experiment for me to do it. It's at one right now. I have a single one testosterone. You have one. That's fair enough. All right, well, in the spirit of Christmas.

Yeah. And sort of ties it. And remember how we did a couple battle royals that, where we use the AI to create the creature? Yeah. It kind of works-ish. Yeah. It works. You hear a lot about AI.

All these big tech companies. Big at the moment. Spending billions and billions of dollars on AI. Yep. it's going to be the future. So some guy had the brilliant idea to input the screenplays

of 50 Hallmark movies to an AI. Wow. To create one. He asked the AI then to write its own Hallmark Christmas movies. This is a real thing. Wow. Oh, wow.

I have the script. No way. Yeah. So what I'd like to do here... Oh, wow. Oh, wow. There's a lot of... I've got a script and I've got some props. It's a lot of thought went into this. Yeah, so what I'd like to do is, I've got some props here.

Oh, wow. Wow, you printed out scripts. This is serious business. I want to see. I want to see the power of AI. Okay. I'm in. If an AI can write a screenplay.

And how good it's going to be. Yeah, so don't look at it yet. Okay. Roger. All right. Peter, you're going to be the narrator who reads the screen direction. Okay. Okay.

What I want to do is I want to give this a serious, a serious, a serious. A serious shot. You've done some acting on your more recent project that you did. Exactly. Okay. So you're going to, so there's two people in it. Okay. You're going to play the woman. Clearly. Okay. I'm going to be the businessman. A natural choice. Yeah. So let's get these wigs on. Did you purchase wigs or you have these wigs just available to you? We have a whole bin of wigs at my house. I had to go up into the attic last night. I was furious. Hit my head. This is incredible. All right. Oh, that's good businessman here.

It looks really nice. Looking really good. For us just put on a eight. You look like the lead of a Hallmark Christmas movie? I do. Yeah. You look like a very serious businessman who's returned to his hometown. Yeah, with a good two-pay.

Well, we'll see if the AI did a good job with this or not. Yeah. So I want you to read it, like do it like an actor would. Of course. I'm going to do the same. And then Peter, you read the screen direction. Okay. I think Kyle wants you to sit back.

But the wig looks amazing on the wide shot. All right. Let me tuck this tag up because this is... I want... You wanted to be as real as possible. So this person just says, by the way, the person who put this, I forced a bot to watch over a thousand hours

of Hallmark Christmas movies and then asked it to write a Hallmark Christmas movie of its own. There we go. This is the first page. All right. So Peter, you set the scenes circled where you need to read and then Forrest and I will act it out very seriously. All right.

This is called the Christmas. on Christmas on Christmas. Interior small town snow globe refillery. We see a single mother refilling snow globes with Christmas juice. She's a widow. You're going to read what it says. She is a

she is widow. Okay. Yeah, yeah, all right. She is widow. Her husband died in every war. I refill globes better than Jesus Claus. Yet still my

twins are dad free. Why? They are need double dad. Businessman enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases and he's hallmark hot. I've entered the shop. Hi. Do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry. Christmas attacks soon. Businessman has flashback to when he was business boy.

A Christmas tree explodes in his family on purpose. He now hates trees and Christmas and explosions. He exits the flashback. Shut your sound. I am from a huge city. I bought your land and I'm turning it into an oil resort. Rude behavior. This is a family business.

I sell families. I am widow. My husband is now bones. Single mother points to her husband's bones in the corner of the room. They are all gift-wrapped in eggnog. All of my wives are bones. That is America. But I must make money for my twins to live.

They are a prince. I too own twins. Please don't have bought my land. Christmas is today. Laugh. I bought Christmas and now it is never, unless we go on dates. I cannot date because of a snow currie. I pray Santa helps me.

Santa cannot help. She did not know, but Santa was her husband. Santa is bones. Bones help nobody. End scene. Yeah. Oh, wow. Brilliant. AI is really getting that.

I'm just concerned for like, I have some friends that are writers. They're fucked. Like, we may not need writers anymore. Not at this rate. No, not at this rate. I like that she didn't realize that Santa was her deceased husband. Until the very end. Yeah.

I like the wives from the guy. All my wives are bones. Yep. The twist is really something to be holding. How about the twist of they both have twins? I too own twins. Yeah. And one of them is a prince.

Wow. Or they is prince. What do you, uh, did you just come across this or were you research? I came across it and I just was like crying, laughing. Yeah. It's fantastic. That was a, I liked that game a lot, by the way. Yeah, I'd like to get the rest of the scripts.

There's not one piece in that that isn't 100% accurate to every hallmark movie. Right. Yeah. Oh, it's the most formulaic. It's a woman who loves Christmas. Big city. Yep.

That's what it is. She lives in a big city. She's become a Scrooge. She has to go back to her hometown for X reason. Yep. She has an awful boyfriend in the city that's evil. Right. Every time.

Runs into an ex. By the way, he's evil because he works so hard to provide for her, which makes him a bad guy. He's awful. Yeah. Right. Runs into her ex. works at the Christmas tree lot or whatever learns to fall in love

with Christmas again and moves back home. Right. That's it. Every time. You've just corrected the AI script in less than 10 seconds. Yeah. Yeah, that AI needed a few more rules, but... What do you think would happen if we gave it just every episode of the Wild Times?

And just said, spit out a podcast. Yeah, spit out a two-page script. Yeah, I don't think it could because there's so, there's nothing formulaic about what we Yeah, it would be just jarbled nonsense. Pure gibberish. I love AI and after we did what's in the news. Did you see these fucking robots allowed to shoot people?

I heard about it. Have you guys seen this? I heard about it in San Francisco. Yeah, in San Francisco. I just saw it because Joe Rogan posted the headline. But San Francisco supervisors vote to allow police robots to shoot people on site. It's the most insane thing. I thought it was just like a, you know, a clickbait.

headline, but it's true. Like an onion article or something. Yeah, exactly. No, I can't believe it. It's unbelievable. I mean, obviously, it hasn't passed yet. It's not happening yet. But it's just like, is this the world we're living in? Yeah. We're bringing mammoths back and putting them back. We can resurrect thylines and dinosaurs. Robots are allowed to shoot people. Right. AI can write movie scripts. Like, is this re? I think when you dig into it, it's more saying like in an active shooter situation. It's not like the robots are deputized to kill you for jaywalking. I think it's like if there's an active shooter or something like that, they send a robot in.

They could use a robot to disarm them or kill them. That's kind of cool. The scary part is that it's the same AI that wrote this script is the AI that's training these robot dogs. Correct. That's the problem. I think the robots are probably controlled by humans. I'm hoping that it's not like some AI computer brain that's like identifying active shooters.

It has to be. That would be a nightmare. not now in five years. It's a slippery slope with these robot killer dogs, man. We're screwed. Oh, have you seen those? The little, what is it, dinotech or something? Yeah, yeah. And they just keep getting more and more. You can't, you can knock it over. You can do it. It can go through the woods. Pops right back up. It's scary, man. That and drones, if you make a police department consist of drones and those robot dogs, we're fucked. It's Terminator. They're taken over the world. It's crazy. Drones would be really scary. Like, drones hovering.

over your house. Terrible. What the fuck you're looking for here? Oh man, or like a squad of a thousand tiny drones? You can't get away. The good news is it's, it's like our kids and our kids' kids' kids' problems. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like we're going to be dead by the time drones are constantly hovering in the sky policing us. I hope. Sure. Is Amazon delivering packages with drones? I think they are. I've seen video of it. Doing it. Maybe it was a disaster. Yeah, I know they were doing it as like a pilot program. But like, if it's not here yet, it's certainly, will be. I've definitely seen on the street the

ones that deliver food. They're like just on wheels. They deliver food. Oh yeah, the little blue like cooler box with wheels? Where did I see that? I saw that somewhere. They have them, I think, it's Santa Barbara just on the sidewalk. Yeah. Yeah, it's like one of those little vacuums except it's delivering

food to you. Wild. It's really, that is, how are there going to be any jobs left for people? You've got to be a computer nerd like unless you build the robots. Exactly. Which they were. will also put you out of your job eventually. I wonder if we'll ever have AI

that actually works, though. Dude, they're keeping that secret. They've been talking about it for like 25 years. Yeah. It's like, shit. They're keeping it secret. The good AI, the ones that control all the lights we see in the sky, the aliens.

Oh, okay. They're keeping it secret under wraps? Yeah, the military. You think so? You think there's actually good AI? I definitely think the AI that we see is like 50 years behind whatever the military has.

Interesting. Nift. I love that. I love that toupee on you, especially this part. It's really nice. Yeah, that's a tag. I would have left mine on if it wasn't so irritating to have all the loose hairs. Oh, that's what it's like to have long hair. Yeah. I wore that thing to a Halloween party. Yeah.

And the entire party, I just had hairs in my mouth. Everywhere. It's all. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're playing single mom at Christmas store, right, isn't that my character? Single mother refilling snow gloves with Christmas juice. Yeah. What is Christmas juice? And how do I get some? A refillery.

Yeah. As if your snow globe, like, you're like, it's a little dry. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Take it somewhere. You don't even fill it yourself. Some of this juice evaporated. That's a job.

Snow globes are great, though, I must say. In addition to candles, which I mentioned earlier, snow globes really give it a nice visual. I've bought a snow globe in a long time. You know, not out there buying snow globes left and right? Who is? I feel like within the town you live in, there's probably five stores that only sell that. Probably.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, good old Santa Barbara, nice mom-in-pop shops. Maybe that's where they got the AI got that character from. It could be. It is a small town. Yeah. All right, how about a game? All right, let's do it.

How about we play bizarre animal of the week? All right, here we go. You guys ready for this? Yep, yeah. All right. This is bizarre animal of the week. All right. Our bizarre animal of the week

lives in swamps and marshlands of East Africa. Okay. That narrows it down. And it lives in swamps and marshlands for up to 35 years. Okay. Lifespan of 35 years. It's a long time. Okay.

How big do you think this animal is so far? I haven't given you a lot to go on yet. I'm going to guess six feet long. Yeah. Like a crocodile type animal. Okay. This is a three and a half to four and a half foot tall.

Tall. Oh shit. Up to 15 pound animal. Okay. Wow. It's very nimble. This sounds cryptic to me. It's very light for its height.

Gets fun. So, our bizarre animal that lives in swamps in East Africa for 35 years that gets three and a half feet tall eats mainly fish, but occasionally we'll eat frogs, snakes, lizards, and even small crocodiles.

Okay. Wow. Mm-hmm. Okay. You guys are probably thinking this is like a slow-moving swamp critter at this point, yeah? I hadn't thought that far ahead, actually. My visual is definitely like a swamp thing right now. Well, this swamp thing can move up to 30 miles an hour. So it's fast, it's light, it's eating crocs. Yep.

Okay. So our bizarre animal of the week, brosters, start your guessing. Lives in swamps, east Africa for 35 years, up to four and a half feet tall, eating fish, bugs, critters, and even little crocs can move up to 3,000. 30 miles an hour, and it's an ambush predator. Okay? You'll stand still for long periods of time, and then, bam! Stand still?

What the fuck? This is tough, because I don't know anything. You guessing? What group of animals are we looking at so far? I mean, I'm going to have to go something that is in the crocodilian space, but I don't know that anything exists outside of alligators and crocodiles. I'm thinking it's in the bird family. Interesting.

And they're still the fact that three to four feet, but only 15 pounds. That's a good guess. It's a good guess. Yeah. Let's continue. I have more clues. This critter, with all these unique features, favors areas of poorly oxygenated water. Okay.

Now, the reason it likes poorly oxygenated water areas is because it causes fish living in the water to surface more, to breathe more air. Ah, okay. For them to prey on. All right. Smart? Very smart. Now we're going to start getting into some clues here that might give some stuff away. So, to recap, our bizarre animal of the week

lives in swamps of East Africa for 35-year lifespan, four and a half feet tall, 15 pounds. Ambush predator can move up to 30 miles an hour and eats fish and even up to baby crooks that likes these poor oxygenated swamps lay two eggs, but only one ever survives. Okay. All right, all right. So it's an egg-laying animal.

Dragon. All right. All right. This might help. I wasn't sure when we put this together. These creatures appear in wall paintings and hieroglyphics of ancient Egyptians. We'll just leave it at that. Okay.

They're in the hieroglyphics. I can picture this, I think. Yes. In the hieroglyphics. Okay. Anything else? I got two more. There's a big dramatic revelation here.

I mean, I'm on the bird board now too. Well, it's a bird. That's the next clue. Okay. It's a bird. Okay. So here we go. I got two more, two more, okay?

It's usually a silent bird with all of these features I've said, but they are known to clatter their bills loudly during courtship. Okay. So it's got a big bill. And can make a sound that resembles a machine gun. Oh, wow. Yep. All right.

You know what it is? Let me take a guess then because I'm probably wrong. I'm going to give the last clue for the Brosner's playing all. All right. Then we'll take our guesses. So, to recap, our bizarre animal of the week lives in swamps in East Africa for a lifespan of 35 years, up to four and a half feet tall, weighing 15 pounds,

eats mostly fish but can eat all kinds of things, even baby crocks, speed of up to 30 miles an hour. It stands motionless as an ambush predator, and then bam, nails things in low-oxygen environments. The females lay two eggs, but only one ever survives. They're in the hieroglyphics of ancient Egypt. They are a bird that is. is silent, but during courtship will clatter their bills loudly like the sound of a machine gun.

And the chicks often bully, fight, and kill their siblings. I just wanted to include this known as Siblicide, when they're only a few weeks old, hence the one surviving. What do you think? What is our bizarre animal of the week? I think this is a East African machine gun ostrich. That is a really good guess. Got it. Two eggs?

Come on. Is that it? That's it. Okay. Nice. Nice. No, two eggs. That's a good guess.

I think it's the shoe bill. It is the shoe bill. Oh, yeah. Do you know the shoe bill? There he is. Look at him. Wow. That is a interesting looking bird.

A mean looking bird. Have you got a couple other picks there, Kyle? Like some more like profiling ones. They're a fascinating animal. I'm not like a big bird person, but this is one I would go nuts to see in the wild. Oh my God. In the wild?

Yeah. Kyle, Google, um, shoe bill mimics man. I want to see if it comes up. I haven't seen this. Now, that's frightening. So it mimics men, too, humans? Yeah, go down.

I just want to see if I can find the one. No, it's not. Yeah, there's just click on one, though. Must be one of those first two, right? Like, maybe like 10 years ago on Facebook, my stepbrother was playing with a shoe bill. He was playing in a bluegrass band. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I think you sent that to me. Yeah, and it went super viral. Yeah, you sent that to me, and you said that's my brother-in-law or step-brother or something like that. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah, because you're, that's right. Can you explain to the Brosters?

Your family has ties to that part of the country. Yeah, he was there just because he was in a bluegrass band and they were, they had a sweet thing for like four or five years. They were doing something with like the state department. Yeah. And they would send them around the world and they could just like play shows. So cool. But he was in Africa and the shoe bill wasn't in the wild.

But still. They're really cool. Yeah. Charlie's a noose. is on your head. Good thing you have that protective wig on. I know. His tail is up.

Charlie, come here. His anews is... Look, look, just turn around, Patrick, and you get a nice brown eye right there. Charlie, what are you? I'm very tempted to hit him with a pillow and knock him over the side. Come here.

Pat's mean. He'll attack you. I've never once attacked Charlie. He's attacked me five or six times. I know. That's why we signed the affidavit before we came. Oh, he's back. He's back.

Back to the bunhold display. The shoe bill. I mean, it wouldn't be a very good wildlife podcast if we didn't have our rabid hyena running around the back of the couch. And we are going to turn him into a thylacine at some point. We're going to take him down. He's completely nuts. What's going on outside? I have no idea.

I think there's an Amazon driver out there. He wants to kill him. Now he's back. Could you imagine if Charlie was 60 pounds? It would be. Well, we wouldn't come over here. No. Peter would be in jail.

Yeah. How many shows? shoe bills are there left? Yeah, is it? Are there any chance of seeing one in the wild? They're not common. I mean, I think they're on the endangered species. Five to eight thousand.

Not a lot. Yeah, not a huge population. Definitely one of the coolest looking things. So prehistoric. Oh, yeah. That was one of the clues, but I actually took it out because it just was like a vague clue to be like it looks like a dinosaur. Yeah.

I was like, yeah, that doesn't really add any value. That's a type of stork. Yeah, shoebill stork. Which I didn't realize. That's where babies come from. Anyway, very beautiful, cool animal. Well, Christmas is coming. It's exciting.

It's happening, man. I've got presents to buy. So I used to do all my Christmas shopping. We discussed at the beginning of the pod on like the 24th of December. But now I hate going to the store. So here's the other problem. My wife is on the Amazon. It's actually her Amazon account.

My credit card's on it, but it's her Amazon account. I don't know how to set one up. So anything I buy on Amazon, she sees. Right. So it's like, I don't know. Do I just buy Amazon present? Do I have to go to a store? I mean, the vast majority are going to be Amazon presents.

Of course. I don't want to go shopping. Dude, it is. I had to go to the mall last week for a different reason. And it was fucking mayhem, dude. I was like having a pan... Like, I literally was like, there was so much anxiety from just the mass of people moving about.

Yeah. That I just, like, went into a little coffee shop inside the mall and just, like, panicked a croissant. Panicata croissant. Yeah. We're two and a half years away from every retail store being gone, and they're only being restaurants and bars. I mean, who enjoys this?

Does anybody enjoy going to these places? The retail shopping? Not one bit. It's just like everybody's out miserable. Nobody's fucking happy that they're there. No, I don't think so. I think women love it. Some people like the like seeing the stuff, touching it.

Yeah. Sure. No, no, Jess has told me time and time again. She's like, it's not the same. You kind of try it on. I'm like, I don't want to try it on. Right. I'm only to take the 70% chance that I'll just put this in a closet and never wear it.

Yeah. I'm happy to hate it for the rest of my life and never wear it if it means I don't have to try it on. Right. Yep. Yep. I mean, guys and girls are just so different when it comes to things like that. I mean, I can't, it's like you. I get anxiety going and all the traffic.

Too many people, dude. He's looking for parking. It's like, I'm out immediately if I'm not being forced to do it. Dude, if I have to go somewhere where parking's bad, once I see how bad the parking is, I'm gone. You're not fighting it. There's no way. And there's nothing worth it.

Everything at my house is fine. Yeah. And we live in the worst area of like the entire world, well, country at least for parking and bullshit out here in L.A. It's just like, nope, nope. And it's immediate, dude. Once Black Friday hits, you can't, it's like you don't want to leave the house. Dude, I didn't even tell you guys this.

I was, I landed at L.A.X. on Black Friday to drive home. No, no, listen, freeway, totally clear. 4.05, not a single person on it. Cruising home. I get to basically here, Peter, like at the 101. Right. Dead stopped. Why?

Camarillo outlets. Oh, God. There is a line, an hour-long backup line on the freeway for the exit to the Camerio outlets. Yikes. That stops me. My drive home that should have been an hour and a half was three hours because of the line of people going to the outlet.

shops on Black Friday. Interesting. Yeah. So you're looking for like an extra 20% off already deeply discounted flawed goods. To sit in line for an entire day. Right. I don't think there are words that could describe what a nightmare person I would be if I was in that

situation. Like if my significant other dragged me to that. By the time I got out of the car, I would be just like, I would be like, I would be the cocaine bear. Yeah. It's funny. My wife's like, I was like, oh, it'll be fun when the kid's a little bit older or go to take her at Disneyland on like a Tuesday, you know?

Like, it'll be fun. She's like, I'm just like worried about going to Disneyland. I was like, why? She's like, because of you. She's like, the second there's a line, which is every ride, you're going to just be complaining and be a nightmare. I'm like, yeah, you're right. She's right.

Was there ever a time where we liked it, though? I mean, when I was a kid, did I like it? No, because there were fucking less people around back then. I swear to God. I swear to God, there were less people. It was easier to do shit. shit back then. Yeah.

Well, also when you're a kid, you have less, there's no opportunity cost that's part of the calculation. You're just, I'm here, I'm going to wait 40 minutes, then I get to go on the Pirates ride. Right. Versus now you're like, fucking 40 minutes. It's melting away. Yeah.

My life clock. Right. Yeah. And if you've lived 38 hard years like Peter, those 40 minutes are real valuable. It is. It's tough, man. Dude, when do you turn 40? How long?

Year and a half? August. This August? Well, yeah, in 2023. Dude, we should throw your liver a party. We should. Let's do it. For turning 40.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Just a second house warming. Yeah, second house warming. We'll just get a big, big old thing of whiskey. I'll just down it. Can I make jungle juice? I make great jungle juice.

Yeah, what do you put in it? Everything. Just every kind of booze? No, like bags of candy and fruit. I swear to God. Starburst. Oh, yeah, starburst. Sourg, gummy worms.

You can definitely make it. Skittles. Skittles is great in jungle juice. I can't promise anyone's going to draw. drink. Oh, they will. You're not going to hit yourself the next day, but when you taste it, a couple, couple, bike it in in there. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that'll be great for the liver. Oh, yeah. Throw a few Tylenol in there. Everything, dude. If you, it's it, yeah. All right. Well, any, many more news stories? No, I think we're well past it. Oh, yeah. I forgot.

We did the bizarre end. Yeah. Imall. All right. Well, guys, it's been lovely to see you in person, even though Forrest is wearing the same shirt as last time. Uh, Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Everything. Happy Hanukkah.

Yes, sir. What's the other one? Kwanza? Good Kwanza. There's a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah. And New Year's Eve.

That's coming up. That'll be nice. Yep. All the holidays. It'll be staying in, mate. Yeah. We'll be in bed early. Yeah.

Should I do the thing? Do the thing. Start with, well, it's been fun. That's what you usually do. Well, it's been fun. If you want to find the wild times, everything that we have to offer. go to wild times.

Dot club forward slash info. Go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash wild times, Pat, what's going on on that Patreon? If you like the podcast, you get four additional podcasts a month. Yeah. It's very simple.

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to the end of the show. Yes. Yep. Find us on Spotify. Thank you. Oh, you find us on Spotify too. You can also subscribe and get the bonus podcast there. Merry Christmas, happy holidays.

I love you. I don't know about you guys. I don't love you. You do love them. You talk about it a lot. Remember how awkward are endings? They're still terrible. I mean, he's got a wig on.

No, but that part's nice. That's the Patrick's Perm reference.