Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Forrest Eats Sh*t!

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

This episode is full of insanity and you're going to love it! Trust me. Just listen. It's madness. We're all going crazy. There's a pandemic. Check out the https://thewildtimespodcast.com

And we're back with the Wild Times, episode 8. Wild Times. Because I must like things bursting inside of my mouth. Not just poop. I'll blow you if you know what I'm going to guess on this one. I'm not, and I'll like it. We're joined today by myself, as always, best-looking, most handsome, most fun, most energetic and attractive guy,

Boris Galante. Already laughing. Beside me, the human potato, Mr. Peter Retepe, how you doing, so? Fuck off. I thought we were done with this potato bullshit. I'm doing good, man. Somewhere in between, Patrick DeLuca. How you do I'm Pat?

Pretty good. Your guys' hair is looking real nice. No haircuts I take it in the past three or four months. Nope. I got a haircut. I got trimmed up. I have to. Who did it?

My barber came to my house and kept a face mask on and gave me a delightful haircut because I had to do a bunch of TV stuff. There you go. It looks terrible, so. You're like the mayor of Chicago. Yeah. But yeah, I'm an essential person. You know, isn't that what she said?

She's like, I'm essential. I have to get my haircut. She literally goes, she goes, I'm a very clean person and I wanted to have a haircut. Stop ostracizing all of my brethren in Chicago. They've stopped listening already. Speaking of which, Peter, didn't you say that you worked out today for the first time in three months? Maybe three or four, yeah. Yeah.

How was it? It was rough, but I feel good. I think I have corona now, though. Do you just do some kegles and practice smiling? Or what was your workout routine? But kegles? I did P90X, Kempo X, been doing it for 15 years on and off, and it's one of the best workouts out there. Eat the dicks.

Okay. All right. Why so defensive? You guys are already getting on my case. You're talking about how, you know, calling me out on not working out. Even though I'm still looking great, I got to me. You literally texted the group and said I did my first workout in three months. Like, what are you been calling you out?

I know. Well, we got to get right into this forest. I've been dying to ask you. you're on TMZ this week. Yeah, yeah, did TMZ like three days ago. And it's pretty funny, actually. The guy messages me, he's like, hey, Forrest, you know, like, you're, like, our wildlife expert. We really want to talk to you about this fatal shark attack.

And I'm like, yeah, absolutely, always happy to talk about shark behavior. And he calls me up and we're on a, one of Zoom call just like we're doing right now. And he starts asking me all these questions about sharks. and he's like, well, don't you think that, like, coronavirus is impacting the sharks? And don't you think that, like, as people flock out of, uh, out of quarantine into the ocean, we're going to see a spike in shark attacks. And I was like, no, not really. Like sharks, you know, like, you're asking me about shark behavior.

The sharks patrol the same area coastline. Anytime they prey on a human, you know, it's mistaken identity. They're not doing it intentionally. And he's like, oh, all right, then, all right then. And we hang up, you know, like pretty short combo. And then later that night, the headline comes out. out. Animal Planet Star, Forrest Galante, says coronavirus leading to more shark attacks. No. Oh, my gosh. That's not what I said. So they literally just made it up.

So wait, how do they even manipulate what you said to make it look like that? They just pulled little short sound bites and then in the write-up just said that it wasn't a complete manipulation. They just, they selectively used audio where I said, yeah, I said things like, yeah, you know, there's a trance that, and then they would cut out that part. Oh, right, right. I would say something like, there's a chance that more sharks are now patrolling beaches because there's less swimmers, you know, that would otherwise be pushing them out. So they'd cut out the part where I say there's a chance that and have a soundbite that goes, sharks are patrolling areas where there's less swimmers now, you know, and then I'd be like,

God damn it. Like, it's bad. It's class. I mean, like, you know, look, I make, you know, documentary TV type shows, you know, I don't make the salacious, uh, Kardashian type shows. but you know the tricks of the trade. And we watch The Bachelor in this household and every spin-off. Are you watching the singing one at the moment?

Listen to your heart, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, the finale. I mean, look, they fucked that show up. Did you watch it for us? I've seen tidbits. I've seen tidbits on my TV as my family is watching it. They fucking ate it because what they did was they wanted to make a Bachelor singing competition.

I was all down for it because what the fuck. I mean, there's nothing else to tune into. Right. But they fucked up the casting because they really, they should have either gone super interesting, fun people who suck at singing or amazing singers. And instead they just went down the middle. And so, like, the couples were boring. The people were boring as shit.

And they were okay at singing. But, like, karaoke level. Yeah, coronavirus entertainment, man. Speaking of which, let's dogleg this conversation. Patrick's already grinning because he knows where I'm going. I have no clue, you son of a bitch. Okay, well then buckle up, Bucco. Because when we, I want all our listeners and Peter to know about one of the most flabbergasted I have ever been.

Uh-oh. This took place in the Galapagos Islands. This was not our once-in-a-lifetime discovery of Fern, the Fernandina Tortus not seen for 114 years. No, no. This was when we returned to East La Santa Cruz like the Hub, where it had precisely one karaoke bar with exactly zero people in there when we arrived. And that's not true. I think there was one other group. And when we rolled in there, you know, Patrick's like, this would be fun. Let's do some karaoke. And we're like, yeah, that sounds good. You know, we discovered a tortoise.

We're very famous now. We might as well do some karaoke. They threw us a parade. Let's take advantage of it. They did. Nice. Yeah. And so, anyway, long story short, we roll in. Everybody signs up. I sing my signature. I'm pretty good at drinking beer because it's all talking and no singing, and I have a terrible singing voice. And so does everybody else continue to sing a garbage song that they're mediocre to horrific at. And then pop a pee over there pops up on stage with a little Rick Astorley. Oh, nice. Rick Astley, baby. Sorry, Astley.

A little Rick Astley. What's the name of the song, Patrick? Never going to give you up. I believe it's called Never Gonna Give You Up, yeah. Never Going to Give You Up. and oh my God, it was stunning. Thank you, sir. It was better.

I mean, is there a video? There must be. By a lot. Everyone who was there was filming it. Because the thing is, I can do a pretty good, I don't claim to be a great singer, but I actually do really good impressions of singers. And Rick Astley is so ridiculous. He sort of is a fusion between Kermit the Frog and like Scott Stapp from Creed.

And so when you start singing it as if you're, Rick Astley, people get very confused. It was phenomenal. It was better than Rick Astley. I mean, it was incredible. It's a great thing we're doing an audio podcast because obviously we, everybody wants to hear it now, Pat. Let's hear it. Well, you're going to give you up. That was Peter. That was you, not me. He just kind of starts off. He's like, we've known each other for so long. Yeah. That's that kind of thing. But the other funny thing was we had this guide, a Galapagosian, I believe they're called.

And super cool Ecuadorian dude named Jeffo, who was like, basically he was there to make sure that the crew didn't step on any lizards or plants. So he's essentially just watching our feet at all times. But he was a wealth of knowledge. So we would ask Jeffo questions. And he was a square, man. Like literally wearing like a 1970 zookeeper outfit at all times. and you'd ask Jeffo a question, you'd be like, hey, Jeffo, so like that blue iguana,

that thing can spit out of its nose, and he would go, that is correct. And so that was this catchphrase, and we were all obsessed with it. So after we all sang, we're like, Jeffo, come on, man, like you got to sing, you got to sing, come on. And he just wouldn't do it, wouldn't do it, wouldn't do it. And he was just like, no, no, no, no.

And then I signed him up to do Live in LaVita Loca by Ricky Martin. That's right. And so the DJ is like, and by this point, some people have filtered into the bar. So now there's 20 or 30 people in there. And they're like, Jeffo, come on up. He's like, no, no, no, I can't. And then he stands up and the song kicks in.

He was Ricky Martin incarnate with full dancing. But he was saying no. The moves are what we're incredible. Yeah. Dude. He said no right up until he started singing. Woke up. And he was good.

You guys have a lot of fun when you're out there, don't you? Yeah, we really do. If you could ever do more than a mile hike, we'd get you out there with us, man. I've asked several times if I could come. I'm always shot down, told I'm too fat, don't have the right shoes, don't have equipment, don't know what I'm doing. I don't want people to think we're fat shaming because we are not. We're shaming you. Yeah, they're tap shaming.

You also don't have the right shoes. You, in fact, only own flip-lop. I have a pair of Timbalins, mate. He's got some tevas. Forrest, let me ask. you this. So they've sort of, they pulled a little bit of fuckery on your quote on TMZ. Yeah. Have you ever seen a soundbite in Extincter Alive where you were like, I'm gonna fucking kill Patrick? Like you cut something up to mean something else? You would know if I had. I could come and kick your door down and joke you.

Like we're, we're well beyond the boundaries where I wouldn't come down to your house and scream at you in the face. So no, I've never seen that, fortunately. That's why I keep a sock full of oranges next. of my bed. So how about what's in the news? What's in the news? What in the news? Forrest, what's in the news this week? What do you get in that?

It sounds like you're excited to talk about something specific. I am. I saw a nice article. And it's, you know, I think we're all looking for silver linings right now. COVID-19, coronavirus is still keeping us indoors. But it's not keeping three bears in Armenia indoors any longer. Now, are we talking about hairy gay guys or actual bears? Yes.

Understood. Understood. No, yeah. So there's a news article that came out that there was like an illegal roadside zoo where a mother bear and her two five-year-old cubs, both male sons, were held in captivity for entertainment in Armenia where, of course, there's just so much good wildlife enforcement. That's sarcasm. and because nobody was visiting the zoo in Armenia due to coronavirus, the guy just let him go. No, he's like, go free.

Dude, this is what I was talking about when we were watching, talking about Joe Exotic Bag. I was like, these people just let these animals go and then they're out. That's it. Well, first, and we talked about the elephants in Thailand already. Well, for us, so is this in like a city? Or they're just like three bears like cruising around trying to hail a cab? No, so my understanding is they're Syrian brown bears.

belong there in Armenia. So, you know, basically all I know, and it's not that much, is that this place went out of business because no tourists were coming to this attraction to see these bears. So the bears got let back into the wild where they belong, and they were from a quote-unquote rescue, the same kind of rescue that Joe Exotic had. Yeah. You know, I don't know how many brown bears really need to be rescued by Roth, the Armenian. Just like probably the same number of tigers that need Joe Exotic. exotic. So, you know, it's all good stuff. I mean, it's nice that they're back out in the wild. And to me,

it's just like you said, like with the elephants, like with the monkeys, it's a silver lining to this coronavirus thing. And, you know, it's a little bit of good news that keeps us going, going, all right, there is an upside. Well, in Guadalajara yesterday, in a suburb of Guadalajara, Halisco, and Mexico, there is a fantastic video, which will post on a wild timespodcast.com of a fucking tiger walking down the street. And I mean, he's using the sidewalk. No way. Dude, so there is a full-grown tiger walking down the street.

And then three dudes roll up all three wearing sombreros and they lasso the tiger. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm looking this up right now. He escaped from a private residence, they think, obviously. I mean, they don't know where he came from, but they're just assuming. A lot of guys I've heard in Guadalajara who have tigers are on the up and up. Like real stand up guys, definitely, you know, honorary.

I think Mark Zuckerberg's one of them. Yeah. I'm for sure. Oh, my God. There's literally, oh, this video is incredible to all the listeners out there. It's three gauchos, three Mexican cowboys, complete with cowboy hats, running down a street, hurling lassoos over their head, while the tiger gallops on a side. I mean, it's incredible. How cool are those guys, man?

It makes me wonder about living in L.A. because if that happened here, everyone would run and then take out their cell phone simultaneously and try to film it. No one would be like, hey, I'll be the good Samaritan who will get this thing under control. Right. Also, how many people in L.A. have lassoos skills? Zero. Dude, a lot of animals getting loose.

Did you guys hear about these peacocks taking over this town in Florida? They're ruining people's lives. Forest, are your peacocks ruining your life as well? Listen, guys, I own four peacocks. They ruin your life. Let me be clear. What do you hate about them the most? They are awful animals.

It's like, why do you have peacocks? I look in the mirror very regularly and I ask myself, sir, why do you own peacocks? They are noisy. They're obnoxious. They piss off my neighbors constantly. They shit all over my deck and my roof. During mating season, I am woken up. pre-dawn every single day by the male coming down and trying to mate with his own reflection

in my reflective glass door, which happens to be to my bedroom. So at 4.30 a.m. for three months straight, first thing in the morning I hear, Bia! They're fucking terrible. I have friends that live in Palos Verdes where there's a bunch of wild peacocks. It's a suburb of L.A. And you can't have a black car there. Because if you have a black car, they see their reflections and they fight with the reflections

and your car gets all pecked up. I've literally seen cars that have like 50 beak-sized dents on them from the peacocks. Destroy the paint job. They're terrible. Peacocks are awful. Let me be clear, people. If you're thinking of getting a peacock, go get a tiger instead from Joe Zoggy. Much easier.

Much easier. It really illustrates your dedication to rescuing animals for us. So we'll leave it up. We'll leave it to that. Yeah, until Thanksgiving and that magic turkey appears with the blue feather. Wait, so let me ask you for us, because you're an animal lover, what's the best thing about a peacock? They're beautiful. I mean, they are a beautiful, regal animal.

So all jokes aside, you know, and our male, he's actually pretty sweet, even though he's obnoxious as can be. They are, they are, for all the downfalls, they are stunning, expensive, annoying lawn ornaments. So something else that I saw in the news that I thought was pretty funny was the title was Australian couple, lucky to be alive after harrowing kangaroo attack. They're vicious, man. I was talking about this from like podcast one. Kangaroos, I would not want to tussle with one of those. Have you ever fought a kangaroo forest? I feel like it's something you may have done. I want to say that that's a stupid question, but I guess when you're asking me, it's, it's not necessarily a stupid question. Exactly. I have never fought a kangaroo. I've petted him and fed him and even cuddled them,

and I think they're adorable. Right. But fortunately, I've never fought one and never, never had any altercations with them. However, I think the guy's name was Rob or something, and his wife, Linda, they, like, collapsed lung, broken ribs, cut, scratches. Yeah, they got Jim was his name.

They got their butts kicked by these things. It was on their property, too. Like, they were feeding kangaroos on their own property. And then this one just started beating the shit out of the husband. and then it started beating up the wife. Jesus. And then the sun had to run out and hit him with a two by four to get him to stop. Well, what is this about for us?

Like, I mean, they don't eat meat. So why are kangaroos attacking left and right? Why are they such dicks, dude? Look, I mean, Australia has 45 million kangaroos in it. And animals are like people. Sometimes you get jerks, you know? And, like, I don't know what this particular's kangaroo, what this particular kangaroo's motive was,

but it seems like he just wasn't having a very good day. and Jim and Linda were going to hear about it. Are they known for being aggressive kangaroos? No, not at all. I mean, I think if people Google that, they're going to argue with me on it. But if you consider the fact that there's 45 million kangaroos and maybe like 30 people have ever been in an altercation with one, they're not an aggressive animal.

You know, like they, there's that guy that ran up and punched that one in the face that was attacking his dog. Oh, yeah. There's some old-timey cartoons of where guys used to box with them and the rink. Like there is some stuff where big, musily jacked up red kangaroo is the largest species do get aggressive, especially in mating season and fight with someone. But they're, typically they have zero interest in people. They're just going to run away. They don't want to have anything to do with you. Right. So do you think the kangaroo was trying to like score a case of beer

out of Jim's garage or something? In this case, why would he just attack a wife and a, and a husband? It sounds insane and ludicrous. They were feeding them. Don't feed kangaroos people. And let's be clear here. let's take this as a case study here people don't feed the wild animals like you see those signs for a reason whether it's an alligator an elephant or a kangaroo if you go and feed it it's going to want some more yeah and if you don't have some more it's going to spank you that's good advice i talked about my camping trip with my mom on the last podcast so let's call back to it we were in south dakota and there's a place where you go that's a huge massive like multi-hundred acre property and you go there to feed

prairie dogs. Oh. Those are just fucking adorable, cute little, I guess they're rodents technically, I don't know what they are. Yeah. But they're just the cutest thing

in the world. Have you seen a prairie dog, Peter? I have, yeah. I have. I love prairie dogs almost as much as I love sea otters, but prairie dogs are very, very cute. So, Forest,

being a biologist, what would you guess? So there's two little machines and you put your quarters in and it gives you some food to feed the prairie dogs. Okay. What would you guess

the South, Dakota Prairie Dog Authority has the tourist feed them. Is it like a little pelleted, coy food type thing? It's pelleted, but it's not coy food. Can I guess? Yeah, there's two different options. You can decide which one you want. I'm just going to go with, well, it's not even good.

Corn kernels, though, man. That's like this typical. No, they're pelleted, so you were right on that for us. So one of the options is referred to as Mike and Ikes. Okay. Which is a type of jelly, fruity candy. I think you made a mistake, dude. I think those were for you.

No, they weren't. It was for the prairie dogs, and the other option was good and plenty. No way. I swear to God. This was in the mid to late 90s. Those were the options, and you hand feed the prairie dogs,

and they love them. Yeah, because they're all hopped up on sugar. The most addictive substance in the world, you're feeding them fucking Mike and Ikes. You know, like... It can't be good for the natural setting there. If you're Jim and Linda and you piss off one kangaroo, sure. it's going to kick your ass.

But if you upset 10,000 prairie dogs because they're not getting their Mike and Ike fix, you're in big trouble, South Dakota. That's scarier than 10,000 rats. But forest, you know, because I love prairie dogs because they're so cute, and I, you know, I had some up-close contact with them when I was a wee tot.

But I did read, this is some old news, but we never talked about it. There's a professor at the University of South Dakota who's been studying prairie dogs. And he put out a paper that said, he believes that they commit revenge murder. Revenge murder. Yes, he's saying they actually will commit revenge murder if they lose a mate,

like the mate leaves them and goes to another mate, that they will actually go in and kill their ex or the new mate and just murder them, not to eat them, not over competition for food, but for revenge. See, that's really interesting. I mean, you know, lions will come in and if a new dominant male takes over pride, it'll kill the cubs from the other male to end that genetic line. And that you see across a bunch of different animals because, you know, it makes sense for them to not want the genetics of their competitor in their, in their troop, their pride, their group, whatever it is. But for them to just be like, hey, Sheila, shouldn't have slept with Dylan over there.

I'm going to murder you. That's insane. It's just weird coming from such a cute animal. It'd be like if you found out that kittens were like were known for murdering. other. That's some of the things that we see in the animal kingdom that I think people don't realize. Like, Peter, you were just saying a minute ago how much you love otters. Yep, yep. Otters are rapists. No, no way. Otters will rape each other. I don't, I don't accept it. In their sleep to get their jollies off, which is insane. And I'm talking about the cute little otters you see in like Monterey Bay Aquarium,

like swimming around cracking nuts on or a shellfish on their tummy. They're rapids. They're cracking nuts too, it sounds like. Yeah. So I saw something the other day that, look, I like, I enjoy working out. You know, I work out almost every day. But the other day, about maybe a week ago, I saw The Mountain from Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah. The very popular TV show, break the deadlift world record. He did over a thousand pounds with a deadlift.

So what exactly is a deadlift? The deadlift is an exercise where, you know, you have the weight on a barbell in front of you. and you bend over, you know, you're using pretty much all your legs, but it's definitely a full body exercise. And you kind of cradle back into it and then push, you know, push through the floor, like push your feet down as hard as you can and lift the weight directly up. And it's got to go up above your knees, right? And you have to lock out the knees for it to be official.

Exactly. Yep. It has to go up to basically your waistline and you have to lock out your knees for it to be considered a rep. So he put 1,1004 pounds of weight up above his waistline, held it there, and then put it back down. That is the same as picking up a mini cooper and then setting it gingerly back down on the ground. Is that a record? That's the world record. Oh, so that's the new world record. That is the new world record.

He set it in his gym in Iceland. it's over a half metric ton of weight that he picked up. And the last guy that tried something similar, and I'm not like, I don't follow weightlifting that closely. But I don't remember his name. The last guy that tried it, you see this video of him doing it. And he's going up, up, up, up. And all of a sudden these blood vessels just burst in his eyes

and blood starts leaking out of his nose. Oh, my God. Because he is straining so hard, he's exploding blood vessels in his face. And how much was that? That was like way last. It was like 900, right? Yeah, I don't know. Well, yeah.

Well, below. Or 200 pounds less. I guess that's why they hired them to be the giant monster in Game of Thrones. I love it. Such great casting. Were you guys big Game of Thrones people? It was a huge until season eight. Sorry, is that controversial?

Dude, I mean, I've never been so into a show. I don't think. I loved it every Sunday. I was going to watch it live. The last season, it started to lose me a bit. and I still to this day have not seen the last two episodes. You're not missing anything, man. And no one's, but it hasn't been spoiled yet either, which is crazy.

I just can't bring myself to do it. It's horrible, man. It was one of the most, the biggest I've been let down, even above my marriage. Wow. What a call. I'm not even kidding. I was so emotionally invested in that show. And then it just was like a slow, fucking slog to the end of that season, man.

I was like, by the end, I was just like, my hands were in the air. I want to throw the TV out of the wheel. Forrest, you ever see the video of UFC fighter Connor McGregor sparring with the mountain? No, I didn't know Connor McGregor sparred with the mountain. That's hilarious. They're definitely doing like a friendly, hey, we're both celebrities kind of sparring, but they're swinging. Yeah.

And Connor is just, I mean, it's like you trying to catch a house fly with chopsticks. Right. Moving so quickly and just throwing these jabs and just, you know, smacking them. and the mountain he just simply can't move that mass of a body merely as fast as McGregor. Right.

But it's interesting as you watch you're like, look, if this was a fight till death, McGregor would win. Right, right, right. Tire him out. Yeah. While he tried to defend himself from these little punches

that probably aren't hurting that bad, but, you know, uh, he, Connor McGregor would, would have fucked him up. And if you, you know,

if you gave those guys swords, you know, and I think that's the interesting thing, like with Glad of, gladiator battles back in the day. He gave those guys swords. The mountain with all of his, you know, muscle and power and giant size, he kind of swing that sword at a speed that is going to catch Connor McGregor. Like, he's going to come in and just Troy the guy in the fucking side of the neck and just drop him to his knees in like a half second. It's so true. Well, you guys are

both very meager. I'm obviously the biggest most muscular specimen out of the three of us. And I'm way more scared of, like, you two. Like, I would never want to, you to than like a bigger guy because I'm like decently quick but like I could never take on like a small person. I could definitely like beat someone up that's my own same size because I'm like I'm pretty quick for my size and the other guys usually aren't. Little guys are scary. Here's the thing, Peter. If the three of us had to gladiator fight till death with just our bare hands, I'm confident that one of you or I would win because Forrest's biggest flaw, he's quick, he's pretty strong, he knows what to do in a fight,

he has a brain injury that prevents fear from affecting his behavior. So I think if you and I just teamed up and went like, come on, guy, he would just be like, fuck it! And then we would have the two on one. Yeah.

And we could, I think we could kill him. And then we could just agree to stop the fight and be friends. Yeah, absolutely. I'm also in agreement of that's probably how that go. You did get your ass kicked by that big guy in your rugby game that we learned about in the last episode. Dude, I've had my ass kicked a lot. I've also kicked a lot of ass to be fair. There you go. Wait, let's hear your best ass kicking story then. We heard when you got your ass kicked last time.

Wasn't there one on Halloween at UCSB? Wasn't there some famous incident? Oh, there was a famous incident. Wow, you're bringing up some buried dirt. Um, deep. Yeah. So Halloween, yeah, circa like, 04. This has been a minute. We're on Del Playa, the main drag in Isle of Vista, where everybody comes to party. And my buddy is, he's giving this girl that we're all friends with, like, a piggyback ride, whatever. It's Halloween. She's in a tiny skirt with a thong and her ass sticking out and all that kind of stuff. Nice. And this dude, like, I'm, like, walking kind of behind beside them.

And what did Graber do? And this arm comes up and, like, upskirts, my friend Kristen. Oh, man. And, like, you know, just really, like, get. gets up in there and she like screams like you know what the fuck and I turn around you know again express like with the lack of the fear expression and sock this guy in the face and it was one of these things where time slowed down because I had already thrown the punch but as soon as I had thrown it I was like oh no because the guy that I socked in the face was probably six eight

oh my I'm 90% sure he was an NFL lineman huge jacked black dude and standing on either side of him were two more massive jacked black dudes and i was like i'm going to die so i suck this dude in the face as hard as i can like he you know he takes the hit like not doesn't drop to his knees or anything but like you know knocks his head to the side turns back towards me does like the most movie iconic thing i've ever seen where he grabs his jaw and kind of just holds it for a second goes motherfucker you dead and i was like oh shit and i just took off sprinting through this crowd of people. And thank God I am a little smaller and a little faster because these guys were, they sprinted after me. And I looked back at one point and it was like

the seas were parting as they were knocking people out of the way. And I was wiring in and out of people and fortunately managed to dive into my buddy's front door and lock it. And they didn't even see me. They kept going by. But I, I was terrified. Dude, my brother, my brother Dominic was, he was on a date, a first date in Manhattan years ago. And he was walking with this girl and

a yellow McDonald's cheeseburger wrapper comes flying out the window of a black SUV. Just thrown by the driver. Right. And so without thinking too much, and this is just his personality, he wasn't trying to show off,

he picks it up and just walks up to the window and he said it was the same thing. like as his arms moving to spike the yellow wrapper into the driver's forehead, he just surveys the car and sees that it's a car full of five dudes. Yeah. And so he just slams the cheeseburger wrapper off the guy's forehead, kind of eyes go big and he's like, oh, shit. And the guy just opens the door.

And all five guys, including the driver, run after him and chase him like two blocks through the streets of Manhattan and he's like, he's a runner, so he's like, thank God I was fast. But the driver, they left their like range rover in park to catch him. Yeah, to catch him.

Someone would have stole in the car. Dude, I got, I'm not meager or small, so I didn't get away in my version of that story. I was walking out of a bar in Chicago with like three other dudes and my girlfriend at the time and I was like blacked out drunk.

I mean, I barely remember. Yeah, I was young. I was dumb. I was. But so these three guys come, come down the street in a cab. It's like 1.30 in the morning. And they're just like, dorks. And I was like, fuck you. Like I got furious. I was like, stop the car. They're in a cab, mind you. Cab driver stops the car and lets them get out. And there's like these three or four, I don't even know, four dudes get out. Nobody that was with me had my back. All I remember is like I was there. I had like put my hands up and I woke up later.

Like that was it. There was no get away. I like how dorks. Yeah, dorks. Peter's like, you can say a lot of things to me, but you don't call me a dork. Dude, when you're, that's the most Midwestern, Oh my God. Oh my God.

I've all fight story I've ever heard. Hey, you, when you're drunk, you're just like, that's disrespectful. Fuck you. You've disrespected my family. Yeah. By calling me a dork. Forrest, man, I'm excited. There was some new footage released this.

week of what of our thylosine footage oh yeah did you see this of course man that's my that's my spirit animal um this is no this is big it's it's you know front page news on cnn it's it's it's all over the place it is um uh peter to bring you up to speed i'm assuming you haven't seen i haven't seen it and i don't know what a thylacine is so you should start there he's he's never watched our show because we've done three episodes i only watch clips of forest on youtube that's it no so peter there's this animal called the thylacine, a Tasmanian tiger. We have talked about it before. It's like the most iconic Lazarus taxon animal that could still be out there that people

report seeing. Right. And there's this footage that just got found by the Tasmanian Zoo, or the Hobart Zoo in Tasmania. It was found from some archive in Australia. And it's a 21 second clip of Benjamin, which was the last known living thylacine, which was in this zoo in Hobart, Tasmania in 1935. And not only is it a clip of him pacing around, which gives us insight into how they responded to human beings, because you kind of see this nervous neurotic energy.

But there's the original voiceover from the clip attached to it too. And it's, um, look, it's fantastic. Like, you know, I'm not stoked to see the animal in a cage, but to see a new clip of this animal that disappeared right when video media was becoming an actual technology. Yeah, that's nuts. That's crazy. It's incredible. And especially because the sound was there, too. Like, I didn't even know they had sound.

Well, it's also just like, where the hell was this? Where has this been? Right. Why was this hidden away? This is like incredible natural history footage. You guys must have not done a great job researching it then. I'm imagining. Hey, Pat's face literally just was real grim for a second.

No, no, the footage did just get released. I, a friend of mine who watches Extincter Alive with their kids, she texted me today that, you know, the kids are doing school from home, and her 10-year-old daughter was doing a, they're learning line plots in math. Okay. So they had to create their own scenario and create a line plot. And the daughter's such a big fan of Extincter Alive that she made a line plot.

Her whole scenario was that she was out with Forrest, picking up piles of animal poop. Great. And she made a line plot of the size and shape of the animal feces. So you're known by children all around America for enjoying playing with poop. And not just children. I kid you not. So today I shot CBS Sunday morning.

They're doing a segment on extinction. And, you know, the reporter came to my house. Everybody was very respectful. They were wearing face masks, being cautious. And we do our, you know, meet and greets. And they set up this really nice little area with two like directors. chairs and we sit down. And the first thing the reporter says to me, the guy interviewing me for CBS Sunday morning, goes, you know, I've watched a bunch of your shows. And I have never seen

anybody get so excited about poop. What is your thing with poop? And so apparently this is a thing I'm known for. And it's funny because they're right. She's right. Your friend's daughter's right. He's right. Poop is fucking exciting. Like if you're looking for an extinct animal, you need DNA proof. You're not necessarily getting hair, you're not necessarily getting blood, but if you see a poop that you know comes from that animal, you got it. And that's pretty exciting stuff. It's like that's foundational tracking knowledge, basically, right? Isn't that what you're doing anytime you're tracking an animal? You're looking for... Absolutely. Yeah. That's tracking 101. Now, I don't necessarily have to taste it every time, but that's a choice. The funniest joke you've ever made on the podcast, by the way.

Thanks. I can't wait until 20 years from now when you're washed up and have developed a drug problem. Sorry, you said 20. It's two. It's spoke. Yeah. But you really should attach your face and name to a line of toilets. That's smart. Yeah. Yeah. Shit. And my mouth is the toilets. Oh my God. It's horrible. It's got the beard and the hair and everything. It'd be terrible. I'm for Scolante and I know poop. And then you sell the toilet and make some money. Yeah. Great. Charmin Alter, are you hearing this? Because I will get on board. I will sell my soul for this. I say it's something that's really come about with this whole coronavirus situation is that, you know, we've all had to really compromise in a lot of ways, including with toilet paper. And when you're someone who is used to

the finer things in life, such as Charmin Ultra only or go fuck off, and then you're buying, you know, gas station toilet paper because it's the only thing you can find, you really develop, you know, you start to see how the other side lives. Because who is this shit for? The callous butt holes of the world. Yeah. We're using sand paper. I blow my nose a lot because I got my nose broken a couple times.

I have a deviated septum. I have to blow it 50 fucking times a day. Blowing your nose into this cheap toilet paper is horrific. That's why they have Kleenex, mate, and other variants of things to blow your nose in that's not toilet paper. Do you also use paper towels to wipe your butt and blow your nose? I mean, what do you think? Throwing your nose into a tissue is the equivalent of dunking chicken wings into ranch. What's wrong with that?

It's fantastic. Paper towels or Charmin Ultra for blowing the nose and blue cheese. I'll take ranch. Moving on. No, I do think that forest... Moving on. I've got nothing to talk about. I was actually going to go moving on.

And then I wanted to talk about Forrest's face as a toilet seat some more with the beard and the hair. Dig in, Peter. Dude, I want to shit. right in your mouth someday. Can we have a prototype made? Have you been talking to his high school girlfriend? Yeah, this is very German of you. Ah, very German.

Well, gentlemen, I'm waiting for that drum roll. It's time for the Battle Royale. Battle Royale. I love how excited you two are for this one. It must be good. I don't know anything about it yet. It's pretty good. It's going to, look, people love.

the animal ones, but we got to make them wait. We can't be like that eager person that's just asking you out on a date over and over again. We got to make you wait a little bit for the animal ones. So here's one that falls into the nostalgia and food category. Ooh. It's interesting.

I'm intrigued. Here's my idea. You're making an Easter basket. Very timely. You get to draft. We're going to do a draft. I don't know who goes first. It's not me this time.

This is very well thought out. No, no. You're drafting three candy items to put into your Easter basket. Oh, yeah. I like this. And we're going to have everyone, all the listeners, are going to vote on who creates the best Easter basket from candies and or chocolate bars and or any sweets that could go on an Easter basket. If you try and put a pumpkin pie in there, you're a fucking asshole. Don't do that.

Yeah, don't do that. All right. So we're going to just do a standard draft where we eat. pick an item and we go in a circle a couple times? Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, start it off Forrest because I think everybody's curious what your favorite candy is after they just heard you eat shit regularly. Well played, sir.

Yeah, this is going to throw a few flags onto the field. Okay. Best candy bar out there, bar none, hands down, over the counter, simple to get is a delightful Twix bar. No way. Yeah, that's my lead. I lead with Twix. Zero questions. I disagree vehemently.

What? They're not, they're like number 12 or 15. There's, there's 10, at least 10 better candy bars. You're off the podcast. You're done. Listen, yeah. I'm happy that you went first and took such a shit candy bars. Jesus Christ, you just back up, Peter.

Yeah. Twix are in the same room right now. There would be fists flying after all that fighting talk. But see, Forrest, we're competing for votes. And I think you went true to your heart. But also, I think Twix is going to be. popular with the listeners. I love a Twix bar.

We shall see. I can eat it slowly. I can eat it quick. You can eat it with milk. What are you talking about? You can eat any candy bar quick. That's an insane metric. Oh, yeah, try and eat a Charleston chew in 30 seconds.

Dude, there are 99% of candy bars can be eaten quickly. There's the one that you mentioned and maybe one other that can't. All right. So, Peter, you're up. You got a pick. Peter. Easy. What's your first thing?

It's no question because I've actually thought quite a bit about this every time I've been to the grocery store recently. And I just switched up my favorite candy bar to this. It's a Heath bar and it's fucking delicious. Oh, so you're one. So you're also trying to do. They're toffee. Dental surgery with your... Toffee in the middle.

No, there's a soft coating to get your teeth warmed up for the brittle crisp toffee in the middle. Just something to coat the inside lining of those dense in your teeth before the toffee gets. jammed in there and you need an hour in the bathroom with a toothpick to get it out. Exactly. There's no brushing a fucking Heathbar, man. You just have to ride it out. It's delicious. What have you got, Pat?

Well, so I'm not concerned about getting a nice candy bar back to me. Okay. Because there just are a few really good ones still sitting out there. So I'm going to go a little different. And I'm going to take the only one of its kind in this category. And I'm going to win. If you say peeps, I'm out of the podcast. No, no.

I'm taking sour patch kids That was my next pit I love sour batch kids All right, why Go on I knew it was not getting back saying Talk about time consuming to chew by the way If we're talking about things that are hard to get down

First of all, when I enjoy my Easter basket My goal isn't to get as many calories in me As fast as I can It's too You were just making fun of me You were just making fun of me Because Heathbar takes a little while to get down True

But no, they are delicious There's just, there's nothing you got, you guys can't steal this, by the way. You can't go like Sour Patch watermelons. Like I own Sour Patch. I've got them. They're sour. They're sweet after a minute. Just a delight for us.

They're really good. They're really good. Man, you really, like, I've literally already made my list and you just stole number two, which is a real pity. So I'm going to move on to a lesser worshipped candy. I think so far we've all picked very, very mainstream. Heath is not mainstream. It's my thing.

It is. It is. It is. Um, this is going to be a little bit of a throwback to the teen years, something I, I could never let go. Fruit gushers. Ooh. Ooh. That's fun.

So what is it? It's more of a lunch item and not a can. I mean, it's a candy technically, but a guy who orders a thousand dollars worth of Taco Bell. A fruit gushers is not a lunch item. A grubes. It's not something that you, I will have a salad and a side of fruit gushers, please. Listen, now that you've had to attack me, I'm going to tell you how I really feel about your bullshit fucking guxers. They come in a brown bag lunch that you took to school, never in a fucking Easter basket, ever.

The fruit gusher is a delightful soft outer coating of gummy-like substance. Yeah, if you like things bursting inside of your mouth, I guess that's what you go for. Well, that makes sense because I must like things bursting inside of my mouth. It sounds like poop. He does. Fecal matter and things bursting inside. Got it. What do you got next, Peter?

All right, well, I mean, I was honestly going to say this, and I'm probably going to be judged and called out for it. But there is a candy that is different enough that I believe that it can be used right now and much more delicious than Sour Patch kids. Glow worms. Fucking dope. Way less chewy, way less chewy, dude. Wait, what are glowworms? That's a bottom of the barrel candy, Peter. That's literally one of the first things you trade.

Like when you show up to the group That's what they serve in first class on a airplane, mate. When you show up to a group setting of other preteens, you go, hey guys, I got glowworms. Who wants these? Sure, I will take your mini-sized toblaron and your three tutsy rolls for those. I'm not even going to point out the ludicrous, ludicrous.

What you're talking about is gushers, not glow worms. And that was your item, not mine. Next. I got to be honest here That's very embarrassing So Yeah I know The gushers were just laughable

All right Well look guys It's Easter And it's important That we include a traditional Easter item In a winning basket Such as mine

Better not be peeps I know what it is No I know what it is I know what he's gonna guess All right I'll blow you If I'm gonna guess on this one I'm not right

And I'll like it Uh I am going Watch out for the video Wild Times Podcast Acom Traditional I know what it is

I'm on three. Peter, count us off. All right. Ready? Three, two, one. Cadbury cream egg. Yeah! Oh, I knew it.

I knew it. I get a beege. This is so great. I get a beege. And I said I would enjoy it. So I have to stick to that. Even more so than the one you gave him when you guys were camping last weekend. Look, we are getting, we're getting Cadbury cream eggs.

I'm going to put them in there. Probably only two because I don't want the, whoever's eating this to be sick for two. long. But yeah, this is just, it's going to be fantastic. Cadbury cream eggs, it is. All right. Wow. I wasn't on my list, but just as soon as you said a traditional Easter, I don't know why I just knew you were going to go Cadbury Cream Eggs. I don't need a third item. I'm getting him poacher. Dude, you have gushers in your basket. Please pick a third item. They're awful. It's nonsense. Brown bag lunch material. If you don't like gushers, if you don't like my gushers, you're definitely not going to like my third pick,

which is Warheads. Oh, no, I love Warheads, dude. That's a good one. You like Warheads? That's a candy. Not a fucking lunch item. I can't put my finger on you, Peter.

This is insane. I thought you were going to just berate me for picking Warheads. Dude, I am not here just like arbitrarily fucking spouting shit, man. I have legitimate issues with the gushers, all right? Clearly. They're nonsense. They're a lunch item, not a Easter basket item. Talk about the War Hussians.

Yeah, warheads are great. Because they are very sour. Love them. Yeah, warheads, God, they got a real pucker factor to them where you pop one in the mouth, your whole face gets scrunched up. You question whether or not you can make it. And then moments later, you get a sweet, delightful treat, which is the sugary core. And I love them. I like a little bit of pain with my pleasure. And for all the lady listeners out there, yeah. It's fun. I like warheads. I think they're delicious. All right. So, Peter, your basket's struggling after your glowworms. My basket's literally the best easily. Warheads was a good pick because it was the first hard candy. I just want to point that out. But it's like a manly hard candy because it's very sour and then sweet, not like your grandma's candy in a jar. It's like chewing on an aspirin. Yes, they have a very candy, delicious coating. I eat them all the time. Aspirins, that is. So my third candy is going to be a fan favorite and it's what's going to really tie my basket together. It is Reese's pieces. Yeah, that's huge. They're great. That's right. You might have just bribed your way to a win.

It's a well-rounded basket. I don't think you picked them because you like them. I love them. Because you knew they were a winning pick. I mean, maybe. I'm smarter than I sound on air. Yeah, you just Kaiser Sozade that basket pick. You looked around the room and went, what's going to win?

Reesies and Peecee. So, Peter, let me ask you this. You're single. If you went on a date with a presumably a female And you got you guys got some Reese's pieces Because you were doing an activity that involved that And she started eating them one at a time Yeah

Would that be a deal breaker? It would never get to the point where I ate Reese's pieces With a female on a date I mean it's just It's like the third date You're really peckish Yeah you're at the movie No I would be into it man

If I was on a third date with a day with a chick, I wouldn't care about her the way she peckishly eats Reese's pieces you fucking lunatic. The way to eat a Reese's pieces is by the handful. You want as many in your mouth at once as you can get. I don't know, man. I kind of like to

enjoy them one at a time myself. So maybe there's some... You are lying. That is not true. Now you're just grasping it. Postmates me some fucking Reese's pieces and I'll make a video of me eat deliciously enjoying them one at a time. You're just going to have one. Like a little morsel. Literally it's not even enough to swallow.

just disappears in your mouth. No, you chew it. You just go to stop for a while. You don't just let melt. You chew it, dude. You eat them one at a time. You chew them and swallow it. This is nonsense.

This is nonsense. Dude, there's a lot of mouth talk going on in this podcast. A lot of it. What do you got, Patrick? Oh, my God. You know, I went Cadbury Cream Egg, which, you know, if we're being honest, they're disgusting. They're gross. I put them in there for pure nostalgia.

I put the sour heads in because they are great. Yeah. Now I need chocolate. I mean, I have to have chocolate. Yeah. And you guys, I know what you think I'm going to do. You think I'm going to put in a Snickers. You know, I'm going to go for votes.

But I'm not. I am putting in. Blaine old actually double-stuffed Oreo cookies. Oh, so good. Oh, my God. So good. Another lunch item. You and Forrest would have a nice brown bag lunch between your items.

Dude, Oreos are, they are my vice. They're the one thing. So I've been doing this diet and things. fitness thing for the last seven weeks straight. The only thing I've allowed myself is a single Oreo per day. That's my cheat. I'm not kidding. That's a tease, man. One Oreo, that's tough. It's brutal, especially while the whole package sits there in the draw, tornt, taunting me. And I'm like, oh, I'm just going to have my one for the day. And I can have it at any time. It can be my last thing of the day. I can have it post lunch. And sometimes, sometimes I have it in the morning.

And then come that afternoon, I don't have an Oreo to enjoy it. I would up that. to two because the truth is you're not a male model. 700 calories. Just have to, just have two. Yeah. That's a slippery slope. That's a retap kind of slope. Forrest and I were on a boat in the Caribbean.

We were filming something, not for his show, for another show. And we were relying on this hotel to pack us lunches each day. And they were abysmal. I mean, they were sweaty lunchmeat. It was fucking disgusting. And so, but on the boat,

the captain had brought like six packages of Oreos. And they became like a currency. I mean, like prison, man. Everyone was inciting on these Oreos for 10 or 11 days. Yeah. Oh, they're good. Who was it?

Is it, uh, you told me about this, Pat. Bernie Madoff is like the king in jail because he controls like the, the Raman noodles. Yeah, Swissmus. Yeah,

no way. A little Coco. Dude. Yeah, Bernie, Bernie Madoff, the, uh, pyramid scheme, scumbag who went to,

to prison. You know, once a schemer, always a schemer, he created a scheme in prison, and he bought, he buys all the Swissmas the second they arrive. He knows the delivery schedules. So he buys all the Swiss Miss hot cocoa, and then he marks them up 25 cents a packet and makes a profit. What a guy. What a guy. Forrest, I just figured out what I'm going to call this episode. You ready for this?

Lay it on us. Forest eats shit. Wow. Brutal. Because you think gusers are gross. and because I play with poop. Yeah, you ate shit in the Battle Royale, and you admitted that you eat fecal matter.

I think it's fitting. How did I eat shit in the Battle Royale? It was terrible. Your baskets are awful. You only hated one of them, which was Gushers. Look, guys, we'll let the listeners decide. Please do us a favor. Go on to our iTunes.

Even if you've left a previous review, you know, leave another one just so we know who won. Vote. It helps us forest quickly. What was your basket? What's your Easter basket? I've got Twix bars. fruit gushers and warheads a nice mix of sugary sweet and chocolate oh and of course nice sour and peter

what's in your toilet apparently shit that forest is going to eat but other than that in my basket i have a heath bar a delicious big oversized king sized heath bar i've got glowworms and a giant oversized bag of rhesus pieces to be enjoyed one at a time what a mess and for me you'll start with the oreos you'll have that for your main meal uh... You'll have some Sour Patch kids for dessert, and then because you're ashamed, you will use the Cadbury cream egg to make yourself throw up. Hearing it out loud, I actually think Patrick won. Maybe it's the way he just presented it as a meal, but I listen to all of them, and then his, I was like, oh, that sounds really good right now. I think it's because you're craving your Oreo.

Yeah, but you're lightly Oreo. I haven't had mine today yet. It's true. Ooh, you're in for a good night, man. It's a big night. Well, Forrest, good luck with your continued health kick. I just ordered tacos and nachos to eat for dinner, so I'm excited about that. Nice.

Yeah. I think I'm going to sign off because I'm going to go eat my tacos. What about you guys? I'm going to go enjoy a lettuce leaf and a glass of water and call myself buff. Patrick, you fat fuck. Good night. Fuck off. Good night, guys.

Good night. Love you, listeners. Hate you guys. Love the listeners. Bye. We've known each other for so long. Wild times.