Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Forrest Galante on Culling Pablo Escobar's Cocaine Hippos
Episode Date: May 4, 2026This week we discuss Forrest's new TV show, Colombia's plan to cull Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos, and a kit kat heist in Europe. Enjoy! (TWT 201)Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/w...ild50off and use code wild50off to get 50 percent off and free daily greens per box.Raycon: Go to https://buyraycon.com/wildtimesopen to get 15% off.Pestie: Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/WILD for 10% off your order.Get More Wild Times Podcast Episodes:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/wildtimespod/subscribehttps://www.patreon.com/wildtimespodMore Wild Times:Instagram: http://instagram.com/wildtimespodTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespodcastFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/X: https://x.com/wildtimespodDiscord: https://discord.gg/ytzKBbC9DbWebsite: https://wildtimes.club/Merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merchBattle Royale Card Game: https://wildtimes.club/brOur Favorite Products:https://www.amazon.com/shop/thewildtimespodcastMusic/Jingles by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkeyThis video may contain paid promotion.#ad #sponsored #forrestgalante #extinctoralive #podcast
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We got this.
All right.
Pray well.
the old men talking about taxes and polyps.
Yeah.
It's a good way to start a pod.
That's going on, gentlemen.
To taxes and polyps.
Here we are.
It's the Wild Times.
We're in the studio.
Everybody's really revved up.
It's a good day.
You know why, dude?
Because we're starting later.
Yeah.
So everyone's like done their stuff.
Yes.
That's right.
There's no morning drag.
No morning drag.
No stress.
You're, all right.
All right.
So welcome to the Wild Times.
There's For us.
He's been a nightmare to deal with.
A nightmare.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Because you've had what? Like three days in the U.S. in the last two months or something?
Three, three, well, literally three and a half days. I came from India, which is, as I've explained on the pod before, it's like 30 hours of flying.
Yeah. Landed. Had a half day at home. I got home on Sunday mid-afternoon. And it's Thursday and I'm flying out to Africa today.
And we're, and it's funny. So it's been a nightmare. So yeah. So you have someone waiting outside to drive you to the airport right after this. Right after this. They drove me here because it's too expensive to park a car.
at LAX. So they drove me here. They are literally waiting while we pause.
Thinking about your life gives me so much fucking anxiety, bro. Like, I was talking to my,
tell my wife. I was like, yeah, he's got to spend like the morning with his kids.
He like, they took off school. It's the time they spend it. And she's like, what? And I'm like,
yeah, I don't know. It's like, he just lives differently. I guess like he sees his family once
a year. I don't know. I haven't seen them. I was gone for three, three and a half weeks.
And I leave tonight for four and a half weeks. Where are you going in Africa? Can you
talk about it? Yeah, fuck it.
Which is why my kids
skipped school and I spent, this is my
one morning. I was on set all day yesterday. I didn't see my kids
for one second yesterday. I left at 5am
and I got home at 9 p.m.
So in the... That sounds great. That's why I've been such a
nightmare by the way is, yeah, I've
had one half day with my children
in the three days I've been home.
Thank God you got an assistant, bro. Could you
imagine your life without one? It took you so
long to make that decision.
I don't know why. I know. I know.
Anyway, I came from India doing the Ventara stuff.
We talked about that a lot.
Going to Zimbabwe tonight.
Nice.
You know about that place?
Have you been there?
I've been there once or twice.
So looking forward to that, going to Victoria Falls.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, not my home region.
Have you seen it before?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know it's a pretty dumb question, but I don't know exactly how big Zimbabwe.
It's far from where I grew up, but I rang in the millennium in Vic Falls.
Okay.
Remember the big Y2K every the world.
was going to end. I was at
shoestrings, backpackers Lodge.
Kissing Swedish backpackers.
No way. How many?
More than one?
Only one, and he was a lovely guy.
He was really tall.
Is it the tallest waterfall in the world?
It is the longest waterfall
in the world? What does it say?
Largest. What are they basing out on?
It is the world's largest sheet of falling water
spanning over a mile wide and dropping
354 feet?
Oh, it's amazing. I've been there
many times growing up, but I haven't seen it since, well, more than 15 years now.
But when I was a kid, and we'd go there, they used to have a thing where if you bungee jumped,
topless as a woman, you could go for free.
So when I was like 9, 10, 11 years old, your mom did it?
I wish. No, I would sit there with my little buddies all day hoping one chick would do a
topless, and maybe one would. And it was always the one.
you wish didn't.
Yeah.
But at like nine, you're like, ha, boobs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, because I'm guessing it was like, back then it was probably like 15 bucks.
Yeah, exactly.
They were like, I'll just keep my top on and pay the 15.
Exactly.
People got to remember, too.
This is before like the internet and porn.
So there was no way to see boobies other than like in a magazine or shit.
This was it.
This was it.
Yeah.
You got to travel to Zimbabwe and go to this waterfall to see a set of tits.
So what's going on there?
So, yeah, so we're going to Zimbabwe working in an area that I've been before.
about a four-hour drive from Vic Falls.
And it's for my new discovery series,
the one that I filmed down in Brazil,
that we talked about a little bit.
And the first thing is the scariest for sure,
which I won't give away too much.
Give away a lot.
Okay, I will.
Does something have big teeth?
I'm essentially feeding myself to crocodiles.
Oh, wow, fascinating.
Naked?
He's going to wear some protection?
He's going to take some,
he's recycling bubble wrap from Christmas.
An extra large wet suit, an extra padded wet suit.
That's right.
Yeah, I figure a dog attack suit will be plenty for this.
I'm just going to wade right in, you know?
Jeez.
Smart.
No, that's not it.
But, no, we've built this whole really elaborate contraption, something that I don't think
has been built for something like this before.
And the idea is to get in the perspective, you know, when you see those videos from the
Serengeti and the Wilderbeast are like leaping into the river and the crocs are smashing them up.
So it's how do I get into that perspective?
without being killed. That's basically what the show is. Okay. And so yeah, so we've, I mean, for the last
month and a half, I've had people there building this contraption back and forth like 1 a.m.
FaceTime calls. Like, no, change that. Like, this pulley needs to go here. And I need more glass
for visibility here. And oh, what's the strength that glass hit it with a hammer? Okay, it just
fucking broke. That's no good. Everything's being flown in from all over the world because it's in the
middle of fucking nowhere. Are you, it's exciting? Are you extra nervous because you only have like
remote control over the actual, say, your safety? Like, you're not actually there. Like you just said,
oh, it broke with the hammer. Now, what if it breaks with the hammer again? Do you test it again?
We didn't actually test it again. That's a good point. I didn't think of that.
So is that making you nervous? More nervous than normal, I should say, because you're not there
physically to monitor the contraption. It doesn't in the sense of I trust. I trust the people I'm working
with there a lot. Now, excuse me, that said, I know when I get on the ground and we have to
actually put it all together, because it's not like it's 100% ready. Like, there's all this
fabrication stuff and all the stuff that we've ordered. Where is it being made? Basically in
South Africa and then brought up. In pieces, of course. In pieces. And then we have to put it together
and I have to test a bunch of stuff. Just like what happened in Brazil, I'm 100% sure that in the
build process, I'm going to be like, this is wrong. We need to reconfigure blank.
And that will just happen on the fly
So you have final control
So it's also not
It's also not fucking neuroscience
Like don't die from the crocodile
Make it safe enough but exciting
But like if it was me doing it
I would be like
I don't know what I'm doing it
Like it's not neuroscience
But it's like
Yeah I don't think that thing goes
Or is that plywood
Like is this is like
Do we use four screws or 12 screws
I don't know just use all the fucking screws
Use a lot
Yeah
It's not like
It's not like if you move slightly this way, the whole, well, I'm fucking, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Wait, wait, wait, let me just say one more thing.
You know about this.
He's so fired up on us.
I just want to say one more thing because you're the guy that, like, came with the coffee on top of the box of the studio and ran into the door with it and the coffee.
One time.
That's a really good point.
We talked at length about, like, how you don't think before you do things.
So I'm a little nervous for you.
That's all I'm saying.
That's fair.
So why are you going to the falls?
Is that a high crock density?
or you're just like, I need a sick background?
It's a little column A, column B.
There's an area there along the Zambezi River that I know is just stacked with the biggest
crocodile's, maybe in Africa.
Definitely in Southern Africa.
And so I want to test this with some big boys.
What percentage of the budget of the show is for the fabrication of the enclosures?
Like more than 25.
Okay.
It's a very, it's like a build-centric show.
Like the whole thing is-
You guys cover the build and all that.
Yes.
Exactly. The whole, a big element of the show is how do we get into this perspective of being prey?
Let's build these very elaborate contraptions. Do you have any idea when this show comes out?
No. Okay. Because, yeah, I know it's a pretty far at the end of the year, but I don't know that it will be with Paramount and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Got it. Yeah. Because I was going to say, like, this, if this show is marketed right, it should be the biggest hit that you've been on.
And if it's marketed wrong, I'm the next Paul Rosalie that did.
the Eat and Alive thing.
Remember that?
Yes, I do.
Completely canceled,
which I don't think will be
because the goal is not to like
just force myself inside of a snake.
It's like, you know,
there's a lot of like,
I'm trying to learn what's going on.
Right.
Wow.
That's what he did.
See, I don't think,
I just think the times are so different.
Like that stunt.
Why did that stunt?
It's funny.
I was doing the,
I was about to do the bear,
the two hour bear doc with BTG
that I've referred to many times on the show.
And that was at the same production company
that did that.
stunt where they get what do you feed himself to a an anaconda anaconda yeah what um why did that
piss everyone because i remember the blowback was like huge massive well why know what we're talking about
kyle eaten alive it's talk into the mic yes yes yes he was shaking nodding off camera
eaten alive by pa with paul rosalie um so first of all i think there's a couple things so
he's a little too handsome he's very attractive young man um people are
Instantly matter.
Okay.
Well, here's the thing.
I know Paul very well, and I like him and respect him a lot.
And he is a genuinely awesome biologist, a guy who cares so much for the Amazon.
So I don't want anything to come off negative.
I think he is a fucking awesome dude.
Cool.
He got duped.
He got told, like, you know, he was very young, very naive, and he was like, I want to do
this thing where I show this perspective similar to what I'm saying here about the prey
of anacondas, blah, blah, but he had no creative control.
He didn't own a production entity like I do.
He wasn't a producer.
He was just a guy who showed up and said, yeah, let's do this cool thing.
And he sort of got sold on the lie that if you go and do this, then we can cover you trekking deep into the Amazon and finding an anaconda and talking about the environment and talking about the plight of the Amazon being burned down and all these things that he wanted to communicate.
And this is my understanding from knowing Paul.
Basically, they're like, yeah, we'll do all that.
And they did film a lot of it.
But then the show was just, here's this guy, because he's a relatively small dude.
Like, he's not very big, which is why he could do this stunt.
Here's this guy in this dog suit type thing.
You see it in the top left in the thumbnail feeding himself to a giant snake.
And everybody got really upset because it was basically like a force-fed scenario.
Yeah.
It was an animal welfare issue.
Even just looking at it visually right now, I could see, it's like, it's off-putting looking at it.
You know what I mean?
Visually.
Gantic also.
Well, and that's the problem.
Like, even though Paul's not a very large guy, once you add all of that suit, which, of course, you have to, in order to get eaten by an Anaconda and survive.
Right.
There's, like, it was, the prey was too big for the snake.
It didn't really make sense.
It was sort of force fed.
It didn't really eat him in the end.
It just sort of bit on and tried and then spat him out.
You know what I mean?
So it just like, it was also a bust.
It was kind of a bust.
So I think the, the, the blowback was mostly the animal welfare element.
Okay.
But two, it was just like all this hype around this guy's going to get eaten by a snake.
Everybody got upset about the animal welfare side.
And then he didn't really get eaten by a snake.
Yeah.
So I think it was just like a whammy.
And Paul was so caught in the crosshairs.
And he's such a good dude.
I feel, I really feel bad for him.
Has he recovered?
Is he okay?
I mean, I don't know about emotionally.
No, no.
I mean, Mike has his career recovered.
His career, I don't think Paul gives a shit about his career.
What Paul gives a shit about saving the Amazon?
And he has, what's his foundation called cow?
look it up real quick. Junglekeepers. He has a foundation called Jungle Keepers,
where he has saved thousands of acres of Amazon. That's amazing. So he is absolutely succeeding
at what he cares about. I don't think he cares about a TV career or anything like that. He just
cares about the $11 million he's raised to save the Amazon so far. That's fucking awesome,
bro. Yeah. I mean, dude, so he's definitely overcome this bullshit because this is what his passion is
and this is what he's really doing here. Here's my vision for your show, though. And here's why
Here's why I said, I think it has a chance to actually be like in a day and age where stuff doesn't really blow up that often.
Right.
There's so much noise out there.
I could see it really working because it's shockingly simple.
It's so simple.
Here's a problem I want to try to tackle scientifically.
Yep.
Let's build up throughout the X.
There's going to be problems along the way.
Exactly right.
Culminating in the before and after.
Exactly right.
It's a big stunt at the end.
And do we get the shot and do we learn?
Right.
Do we not?
Yep.
Yeah.
Like I don't watch any of our stuff.
Nope, neither do I.
I feel like I will actually just watch that show, like possibly with my five-year-old.
There you go.
Yeah.
And that's the point.
And it's not gory and it's not, you know, it's none of the, like, horrible things.
Right.
It's just like, let's do this really cool thing and see what is it like to be a wildebeest and
the saringeting migration.
You know, what is that?
Can I tell you, I have a personal aside at the way you just described, kind of like the,
behind the scenes of how a TV show works, right? You kind of just broke it down and simplified
it for people. When you're watching it, you don't think about that. You're like caught up in
what's actually going on, right? Sure, yeah. But like the reality is that's how you build it
from scratch. So I got offered a position my second editing job and it was for a softcore porn. Actually,
it was like a hard core. Is that true? Swear to God. Wow. Recently? No, this was like in 2015.
Did you take this job? Yeah, I took it. No way. I got this. He needed a
I'll tell you why.
This is insane that this is the first time I've heard you edited porn.
I didn't know this either.
She asked me to watch it and it was this show about swingers.
It was on like a play pen or some fucking porn.
Oh, like Skinna Max?
I remember this.
Yeah, it was like Skinna Max.
Right.
And so I just, what made me think of this was she, uh, she asked me to watch it, right?
So that I understood it before I came to do the show.
And I, she's like, did you, did you watch it?
Do you understand it?
and I emailed back, like a paragraph.
And I was like, yeah, yeah.
I was like basically the guy, the guy comes in.
They do a little game.
Then they like get naked, whatever.
Like, and I broke it down, right?
Yeah.
Like, and my start date's coming.
I'm not hearing anything back.
And so finally, like, I call.
And I'm like, yeah, yo, what's the deal?
Like, when am I starting?
And she's like, oh, yeah, we went in another direction.
No way.
And I was just like, what the fuck?
and I never could figure out.
I, like, just got too excited and, like, broke down the...
Yeah, it's the chicken coupon all over again.
I was like, what the fuck?
Like, she asked me, like, okay, did you watch it?
I thought she wanted me to, like, explain it.
And I think what happened was she thought that, like,
I didn't have any creativity as, like, an editor because I broke...
Maybe the...
Maybe that was just that one show.
And, like, they're not all like that.
And she thought I was just like...
Oh, I think it was that she just was, like,
dude people are watching this because they want to see naked people rubbing against each other that's right
you're you're thinking about this way too hard he's like it has the light pours in from the left hand side
and the glisten comes off of the gentleman's testicle no i broke it down as simply it's a hero's journey
simply as you explain what what forest is doing in my mind anyways can i it's about one man who wants
but i got fired i got fired before i started so but you watched it uh i did i jerked off to it twice
nice thanks for sharing that um
I, quick Skinimax story.
For those that don't remember what Skinimax was,
20, 10 years ago, there was Cinemax, which was a channel,
and after, I want to say 10 p.m.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
On like Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays,
you'd have the softest core porn imaginable.
Yeah.
You'd have two people naked rubbing against each other,
but you never see full undercarriage and you never see nipples.
Is that right?
Uh, nipples you saw.
You never saw any sort of penetration.
Nothing.
You just see this like rubbing.
Yeah.
It was nudity and suggested sex.
It was very bizarre.
Yeah.
You had, you had USA up all night, which was like even bikinis.
Yeah, like bikinis.
Then you had scrambled porn where you tried to watch real porn on Channel 96.
And then you had Skinnamax where you could see a nipple.
Look how Kyle is furiously highlighting edible stories to get us off.
What were you going to say about Skinnamax?
Well, it's just a funny story.
No.
it's a pretty funny story that if my aunt ever happens to listen to this podcast, she's going to
fucking kill me. But my cousin, my little, like, she must have been nine-year-old cousin,
came over to visit. I had a TV in my bedroom, and they were like staying at us. My mom's sister,
right? So they're staying in her house and stuff. And I remember this so distinctly, I put on the
SpongeBob SquarePants movie for her on Cinemax. And then I just like left the room to go hang out
with my buddies and drink beer or something. And then, you know, I like looked at the time and it
been like two and a half, three hours. And I'm like, oh, shit, that movie's definitely over.
And my cousin Sable, I'm like walking up to my bedroom and she's walking down the stairs.
And I'm like, hey, how's it going? How's the movie? And she's like, the movie was good.
But then there were these people on after that were naked and they kept kissing. And I was like,
uh-oh, this is a good. And I like walked up the stairs and into my room for like 40 minutes.
She had been watching Skidimax. Oh, man. Age like nine or 10. And I was like, I had to like sit her down.
I'm going to be like, okay, so, you know, these people don't usually come on the TV.
Like, don't tell your mom about this.
And I managed to get away with it.
If you tell your mom, you'll never see your cousin Forrest again.
And nowadays, nowadays that age would have a phone where they've watched hardcore porn.
Of course.
Let's do an animal story.
Yeah, let's do a story.
Kyle!
What's in the news?
Could I start with one?
That's not that one because everyone, Edwin, has been paging me about it.
and you'll know all about it.
You'll be able to talk forever.
Yeah.
Man, it feels like summer here in Southern California.
It sure does.
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Beautiful.
I am overrun with spiders.
Yeah, there's bugs everywhere, man.
I mean, black widows are a huge thing.
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Dude, they're sneaky.
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I have been using Pesty, because I have
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So obviously right here, the Columbia is, they've allowed the hippos, the cocaine hippos from Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos to be euthanized now.
You did a show where you went and sterilized.
Darded or sterilized a bunch of them, right?
I literally was commenting on the news about this last night as well.
Yeah, I mean, look, so even in this synopsis of the news story here, it says the country now is an estimated 170 wild hippos.
Wrong.
No, okay.
They have well over 200 hippos.
Like even the counts, I was working with the government of Columbia, like the state and government appointed biologists who were
sitting there going, we know that there are 200 now and by six months from now, there'll be
280. Like, it's just the growth is so exponential. You know, you go from two to four to 16,
like the way that the growth goes is crazy. Of course, yeah. We went down there to try and create
this sort of blueprint, this three-pillared approach of capture, castration, sterilization,
neutralization to try and resolve the problem with the government. And I've said this before and
I'll say it again. I mean, this is TV, movie magic. By no.
means am I the world leading expert on how to solve the Colombian hippocris.
Sure.
These guys that I worked with in Colombia, Coronare, they're fucking awesome.
Awesome scientists, awesome people.
They know more than I did.
I made a great TV show with them.
I brought them some cool tools and we worked really well together, but they're the experts, not me.
And as we sat down there, in fact, Kyle, maybe you could pull up that YouTube live thing I did where we were castrating one.
I don't know if I ever showed you guys this.
But, you know, they were like, there's nothing we can do.
You know what I mean?
It's like, unless we start showing you.
shooting these things or start catching mass capture and and removal.
Like it's just, you know, yes, in the two weeks I was there, we caught and sterilized and
castrated seven, six.
That's a lot.
Sounds like a lot.
It's a lot.
A lot of them are juveniles, but that's a tiny dent.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It takes one male and one female and the problem continues.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
I mean, think about how many humans there were.
So literally just a hundred years ago.
It's like, there's like four billion more.
Right.
Exactly.
So it said, well, here's a funny thing on that.
Did you know that more than half of the humans that have ever lived are currently alive?
Wow.
Yes, I did.
That's crazy.
That's what I was just thinking about when I said.
So they're going to call 80 of them.
Yeah.
So I don't know why the number is 80.
What I do know is that this will drastically slow it down because it will reduce the population by more than half.
If you want my honest opinion as a biologist trying to take emotion out of it, they should kill all but like,
six and put six into back into Haciannapples in an awesome zoo controlled area and let people
still see them and be a part of it because they are detrimental to the environment. And there's
a thing that we say in invasive species biology, which is it takes 10% of the effort to kill
90% of the population and then 90% of the effort to kill the remaining 10. That makes sense.
And so if they're going out and going like, we're going to kill 80, that might be coronar,
the government, whomever's way of being like, that's as many as we think we can get easily
on our budget. Or that might be a number that they've said, if we do this, we'll buy ourselves
another 10 years to figure it out. I don't know the rationale behind the number 80, but
unless you get pretty much all of them with absolutely no predators, no disease, unlimited food,
it's just this problem will be back again in a few years. He's not going away. How many, how many
did he start with? Four. Four? How many years ago? But 20?
1986, I want to say.
Maybe fact-checked me on that cowl.
It's whatever you got killed.
They let them out.
Wow.
Why the fuck did they let them out?
Because they're hippos, bro.
You try fucking catching them moving hippos.
Right.
Yeah.
But then they could have done it when there was four, man.
He got them from Texas.
Oh, interesting.
1981, yeah.
Man.
I didn't know that he got the hippos from Texas.
One male and three females.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, but bro, this is 1981.
You could do fucking anything.
Oh, sure.
You're Pablo Escobar.
You're
house walls are filled with cash. You want hippos. You send a plane to get hippos.
Yeah. It's a non-issue. Um, but yeah, literally four hippos. And it's, it's, it's kind of sad because, like,
they're super inbred too, right? Because it's four hippos have made 200. Yeah. Genetics are fucked on
them. Oh, wow. Can you tell by looking at them? No, they look good. Okay. They, they,
and maybe it's because it's such a rich environment and their diet is so good. I don't know, but they don't
look weird or genetically bottlenecked. But no, it's the whole thing's crazy. I think, I
think the reason that they haven't just done like a mass kill is that the town of Doral,
if Kyle, maybe you can Google it Doral, Columbia.
It's like the entire theme of the town is hippos now.
Like you drive in and that's not it.
Dora Dahl. I'm sorry, Kyle, Dora Dahl. That's why you're not funny.
He wrote Dolar.
Dora Dahl, Columbia. And like type in like hippos or Hacianapolis.
Like there's hippo statues everywhere. See the second photo over?
there's hippo. Basically, the whole town is a tourist town built around seeing the hippos and then a really big theme park where Pablo Escobar's house used to be Haciannappos. So people would be very upset if the hippos were gone all of a sudden because there's so much tourism and just stuff around the history of the hippos. Right. Are there like hippos walking like, do they like walk down the street? You see them if you go drive around on the main highway, it's like that. Okay. Everywhere. Everywhere at night. Like if you're walking around at night, they're just.
Just there's hippos crossing the street.
There's hippos in the field.
I kind of do look like big cabbie bar.
They do.
The whole thing's really interesting.
What they should do is Haciannapolis is, look at up, Kyle, 400 acres or something, which
is as a former estate.
They should just fence like 12 of them in there and, you know, breed a few or whatever
and keep the lineage and just get rid of the rest.
Because that would actually allow the town to continue 4,000 acres.
It's a huge place.
That would actually solve the problem.
It would solve the problem.
It's probably a budget problem more than anything because like I said, it takes 90% of
the work to get the last 10% out and that's hard there.
We struggled with the hippos.
It's not easy.
They're everywhere, but there's so much habitat for them to run and hide.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Quick aside, is Mitch the DP on your show?
Yep.
Yeah, he is.
Nice.
Still doing it.
Yeah.
I saw something in the news.
Don't even go to it yet, Kyle.
I actually go to it.
I need to know.
But I want to see if you think.
think if you guys think this is a big deal okay okay so it has to do with with the thylacine
it's already a big deal yeah okay so it's thought from fossil evidence that the thylacine
disappeared from mainland australia 3,000 years ago i've always heard 4,000 but there you go
all right let's call it 3,500 there you go everybody wins but a new discovery of rock art in arnhemland
uh shows that people were drawing thylacines
on cave walls or on rocks
only 1,000
or even just a few hundred years ago
in mainland Australia.
All right. So first of all, I see in the synopsis
that our producer Edwin puts together, this was published
on the first of April. I want to make sure this isn't
an April Fool's joke that we're getting dubbed on here.
Oh, shit.
I read the article.
Okay, then it's probably not. And it's in the
National Indigenous Times, which seems reputable. That doesn't seem like
that's not like April prankster.
Was the article from April 1st?
Yes, it is.
That was a dumb day to publish a serious article.
Oh, I know.
You can't publish any news.
I hate April Fool's Day, do.
I fucking hate it.
It's ridiculous.
Why, did you get fooled this year?
I get fooled at least 20 times because I always forget the goddamn day.
Oh, nobody tried to fool me.
No, me either.
Oh, my God, I get fooled by articles.
I'm like, what the thing?
So this could be that there were still thylacine on the mainland.
It could be that they'd seen other pictures of thylacine and just replicated those pictures.
but more than 160 pictures.
It's really interesting.
I mean, you see the outline there.
It's hard to say like,
oh, that was definitely something else
they were mistaking it for.
You know what I mean?
No, that's definitely a thylose.
It really is.
I mean, well, so Arnhem Land is arguably
the most remote part of all of Australia.
That's where Eukles walked
across shoeless with a horse.
That's right.
And the horse died and he ate it or something like that.
I don't remember some shenanigans.
But it's a, it's,
you go to the first picture, Kyle, the map.
It's this gigantic section of Australia that is unbelievably harsh, super remote.
I mean, I think, and I don't have Fenei, but I think even like most Aboriginal tribes
and communities didn't live there because it was so difficult and hard to occupy.
So my point being, it's those kind of places that things persist much longer than we think
they did.
Right, that makes sense.
For the simple reason that humans weren't there to fuck things up.
And so do I think that that's outrageous? Not at all. Do I think that it's concrete proof by no means. You know, legends are passed down generationally. And especially the more remote you get like Arnhem Land, those legends live on longer because it takes more time for news to dissipate. If you know what I mean, like, oh, well, we don't see those things anymore in one tribe in New South Wales. It's like that's going to take 10 generations to make it up there to tell them we don't see those things anymore. So I wouldn't call any of it concrete.
I always,
I think it's absolutely believable that,
that they're there much later.
Yeah,
if there's a very low,
whether it was like,
oh,
this is impassable or just a very low density of people that live there.
Well,
and it's also,
stuck around.
Sorry, Peter,
I don't want to interrupt you,
but last train of thought on this.
It's also the,
the 4,000, 3,000,
year ago number is based on
when people first brought dingoes
to Australia to out-compete thylacine.
Okay.
Okay.
So if you're bringing a dog to mainland Australia
to out-compete the thylacine,
where is the last place a dog is going to go?
Where there's no people.
Right. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guess where there's no people in Arnhemland.
So what does that make sense?
The native animals that are being out-competed by the superior predator
are going to survive where the dingoes aren't the longest,
which is exactly what happened in Tasmania.
They would still be alive today if we hadn't decided to shoot them out
because there were never dingoes brought there.
Yeah.
I don't know. I just want to say,
I always, they always say, you know,
like there'll be these depictions of UFOs that are like from the Stone Age, right?
Or like from 2000 years ago, they'll be like, yeah, like, this, there's like this depiction
of something flying in the sky.
And I'm always singing to myself, like, that's not really, this is a little different,
but like that's not really proof.
Like, because humans make stories up and like write stories, right?
Like a lot of these, these things that are like written on cave walls and stuff, I feel like
people, humans have always like made, imaginatively made up stories and stuff.
So it's not always necessary.
That's a good point, right?
You see something, you go, oh, they must have drawn something they saw.
Right.
Versus, like, my kid said that, like, she was flying on a flamingo in her dream.
Exactly.
Right.
Like, well, oh, people used to fly on birds.
Especially in Australia, too, the Aboriginal culture have, is it called Dreamtime or Dreamland?
Oh, yeah.
What is that called?
See, if you can find it, Kyle.
It's, it's, it's like, dream.
Dream time.
Yeah, culture, dream time.
So dream time in Aboriginal culture is, as you just said, my kid flying on a flamingo, it's dreams.
But this will probably explain it better.
But basically that ancestral spirits and made up things are real.
And that's like a cultural, I'm sure I'm butchering this.
But you get what I mean?
I get what you mean.
They live in a space where dreams are just as real as your daytime experiences.
Yeah.
And so something you dream to them.
until Westerners came in and went,
your dreams are bullshit,
are just as real as physical objects.
I mean, I like that.
I kind of feel like,
you know,
I have very vivid dreams that I remember.
And a lot of times they wake me up
and I'm up because I was just in like a harrowing experience.
Right.
And my body's fully reacting as if it was happening to me.
Right?
So I'm like, well, I just experienced that.
So did it happen?
Exactly.
Because my brain thinks that I just executed somebody.
Right.
Right.
And my body's fully reacting to it.
And I experienced the moment.
Exactly.
It's just that I'm not storing it in my long-term memories the only difference.
But I experienced it.
Well, there's no physical ramification.
Right.
At the moment.
Like long-lasting.
But not to your outside body, but in the dream, there's physical ramifications.
It's like an amazing VR experience.
And I think that's the argument for Aboriginal Dreamtime.
It's like, these things are real.
We're just not physically experiencing them or mentally or emotionally.
I don't, man.
A lot of people, a lot of people claim, and I mean, I believe them.
Like, think about monks and shit who can do crazy shit.
I mean, there's monks literally who can like, and people are going to say this doesn't happen.
No, it does.
That, like, can, like, create fucking fire with their fingers and shit.
Oh, that I don't know.
I swear to fucking God.
But anyways.
I know they can slow their hearts down.
They can slow their hearts down.
down and survive very cold temperature.
They can change their body temperature.
Like, I think like our physical reality, we've, uh, as a whole society, Western, especially
society has, uh, said like, okay, physical reality.
Everything is physical, physical, physical, but I think we have a lot more control over
that shit than we think.
Well, I mean, wet dreams are hilarious.
Yeah, I'm so glad I'm going to add one in a long time.
Oh, no.
I mean, that's, I think that stops when you're about 17.
It must.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I've had a mess as fucking adult.
But like the fact that.
your brain just thinks that like,
you know,
Tammy is sitting on your lap.
Yeah.
And then like,
you're humping a pillow.
Yeah.
Just like,
you actually experience it.
It's like,
you could,
like,
wake up and like,
tell people like,
yeah,
me and Tammy hooked up.
Totally.
Because it happened.
I experienced it.
I always thought it's weird
how like,
you know,
devout Christians are like,
no,
you can't masturbate.
You can't do it.
And I'm like,
then why does God
give hand jobs
in the middle of the night
for men?
Like,
what are you talking?
about. Like, if you don't do it, God's doing it for you. There are going to be some
angry people here in that statement, but I love it.
You think, oh, the God part? Yeah. I think it's really funny, though.
I'm sorry. I have a quick animal
quiz for you guys. It's not an animal mystery. It's a little quiz. Don't forget that new
story, Kyle, because it's very important to me. We'll come back to it. It's,
I don't know what made me think of this. Maybe the reality of dream time.
All right. First of all, I'm going to tell you an animal. Kyle, you're playing too. You're
I'm the DJ.
First of all, I'm going to name an animal.
Then I'm going to ask you how many hours...
No, sorry, I'm going to ask you how many naps you think it takes a day.
Okay.
Okay.
And then we're going to...
I'm going to give clues from there until we try and figure it out.
Start with the animal of Kyle.
Do you know all the answers?
I do.
I just learned about this.
It's very fascinating.
And you memorized it.
I did.
Not in a dream.
Okay.
All right.
I hope.
Otherwise, this is not going to be a good segment.
Okay.
First of all, it's a penguin.
Okay.
All right.
So should we all get...
Oh, go ahead.
No, no, it's okay.
I'm just going to tell you the species
because there's a bunch.
A chin strap penguin.
Kyle, give me a pick.
Never a picture.
Didn't know there was such a thing
as a chin strap penguin.
Well, that's why I think we should look at this lovely thing.
That's what my old nickname used to be.
He's got a full-on chin strap beard.
Yeah, see the little chin strap beard,
little pencil thin.
He's got a Peter in 1999 cheered.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah.
Pencil thin chim strap.
So this lovely guy is the chin strap penguin.
Okay?
Yeah.
Now, the first guess we're going to take
is how many naps per day,
meaning a 24-hour cycle,
how many naps do you think
this guy takes in a day?
So I'm going to basically count nap
as any period of sleep.
So even if it has a longer sleep,
I'm just counting that as one nap.
I'm going to how many sleeps.
Sure.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm going to say,
it's fucking cold.
It's cold.
It's not that much to do.
I'm going to say it sleeps a lot of different times.
16.
16 is a good,
I know that penguins, when the male stays behind and sits on the egg and protects it,
so he's just sitting there all fucking day.
All day.
Right.
But this isn't his length of sleep yet.
We'll get to that.
This is just how many naps for day.
I'm assuming that all these animals are narcoleptic.
So this penguin takes, I'm going to, 16 sounds way low.
I'm going like 50.
50 naps a day.
Kyle?
I know that.
I'm just going to go 250.
2.50.
Okay.
So let me ask you.
Like if I'm in math class in senior year of high school and I do this, does that count as an app?
Absolutely.
Yes.
In fact, that's called a micro sleep, as we're going to learn later in this segment.
Fascinating.
Okay, 16, 50, and 250.
All right.
So now I'm going to give you another clue, and we're going to come back around on it.
In a single day's period, a chin strap penguin will average about 11 hours of sleep.
Okay.
Now, the rest of the time, they have to be foraging, looking after a baby feeding.
I'm going to tell you, you're all wrong, and your numbers are.
all substantially low.
So let's take one more round of guesses, and then I'll give you the number.
I'm going to go 11 hours of sleep, and I think it's averaging, geez, I think it's averaging 10 seconds
now that you said microsnap or whatever it's called.
Micro sleeps.
So that's six naps.
A micro nap and a microsleep are different, by the way, and we'll get into that too.
I learned a lot about this yesterday.
Okay.
I have a new guess.
4200.
Wow.
Wow.
That's a good number.
All right.
Yikes.
I think that that's too high.
I'm going, I do think it's still going to be really high.
I'm going to say 2,000.
Okay.
Yeah, I was going to get $2,500.
Oh, my God.
Even me?
Even you.
What's the number?
Just go.
Give me a higher number.
10,000.
Yep.
Jesus.
Wow.
So it's all microsleep.
It's all microsleep.
So scientists have just for the first time implanted these little chips in the spinal cords of chinstap penguins,
talk about a weird and pointless things.
thing to do. And they found out that these guys will take up to 10,000 micro naps each day,
lasting only up to about four seconds at a time. I was going to see. You were doing the math,
huh? I was going to try, but yeah, four seconds. That sounds hellish.
Yeah. Oh, my God. It sounds like a nightmare, bro. Just dad napping all day long.
It's in and out. How do you get a study like this funded? I mean, it sounds insane. Could not tell you.
You'll have a billionaire uncle.
It's the only way.
It's very interesting, but it's like, does it push society forward in any way?
Well, it's funny because the thing I did on MSNBC.
Just so you know, that's, if it's 10,000, that's six naps a minute.
Yeah.
Wow.
For all 24 hours.
How terrible is that?
That sounds so bad.
It's awful.
You can't do it six per minute because you have to be fishing part of the time or, do you
know what I mean?
Yeah.
So sometimes you just have to.
be doing it. Yeah, yeah, like 20 per minute.
20 per minute. Yeah. What a nightmare.
It's just a series of micro naps when it's shaking its head. I guess. I don't know.
But yeah, so a micro nap and a micro sleep, I forget what the differentiator was, but they're
different because humans do microsleeps, which is what you just said.
Yep. Which is that like, oh, God, I'm, you know, I'm out and I'm back in.
But a micro nap is what these guys are doing, which is only four seconds. And it's basically
your whole body falls asleep and then you're back. Yeah, yeah. So they get, yeah, when you
do it. Everybody's done it. Like you're driving or something. You're really tired and you go,
oh, exactly. Oh, exactly. So, wait, can I read that distinction? Because this is interesting.
Please. A micro sleep is an involuntary and dangerous one to 30 second lapse into sleep due to severe
deprivation often occurring with eyes open. Oh, shit. Conversely, the micro nap is voluntary,
intentional. Is that like when you're when you're like driving late at night and you just like don't realize
how how you've drove for the past 10 minutes? Yeah, like your brain's,
power down for like 10 seconds.
Yeah. Dude, you ever been driving?
And it's always driving. Yeah, it's always driving, man.
I used to like, I used to like, especially in high school, like what you were mentioning
in high school, how you just fall asleep randomly. Yeah. I used to just like not drive after
dark because I would do it. If I was in the car for 10 minutes, I'd start falling.
Dude, when I was a teenager, I fell asleep driving so many times. Like I, yeah, exactly.
It's crazy. This is, I'm not, it's not true. It's because fucking.
schools make kids go and start school like fucking 8.30. It's ridiculous. Kids, like teenagers go to bed at like 2 a.m.
And they need to sleep a lot. I know. It's, it's fucking insane. And that it ruins the parents' life. Like,
I got a big vendetta against the early school starts. Ray Romano had a great joke about micro-naps when you're sleeping.
Okay.
Where he was like, I'm not going to do his voice. Do it. Please. Please. Please. You fall asleep. You almost drive off the road.
And then it happens again two minutes later.
He's like, what other near-death experience do you have and then you're still sleeping?
Yeah.
He's like, if I'm asleep and a bullet flies through the window and lands on the bed spread,
I'm not just going right back to sleep.
Dude, it's so true, man.
You have no control over it.
You're just like, whoop.
Okay, let's keep going.
You can do, man.
I used to be so ballsy because I would always go my full day and then I would embark on a road trip overnight.
Yes.
So that I could get there the next night.
We used to do the exact same thing.
And like, just the whole time, slapping yourself.
just scream singing, pulling over for a three-minute nap at a truck stop.
Dude, chugging monsters, taking no-dose.
Remember those gas station pills, no-dose?
Made you feel all terrible.
Caffeine pills.
Dude, I got a news story that's wicked important.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
All right.
I mean, we've done, at nauseam, we've probably done five different types of candy rankings on the show.
It'll be all like candy.
Well, we've been on the air for 10 calendar years.
Yeah, that's true.
Everyone knows that the Kit Kat is one of the most important and prolific candies in America.
Yeah, everybody knows you kit.
You can break them into four sticks.
You can eat them as just one square.
If you bite the four together, you're such a menace to say it.
I'm going to bring some next time.
I want to have you try it.
I refuse.
The mouth feel is excellent.
Well, what if I told you we could be having, our friends in Europe might be having some.
issues getting their lovely Kit Kat to go with their tea. Oh no. I know exactly what the story is. I love it.
It was a huge story. 24,000 pounds, over 413,000 bars of Kit Kat were somehow stolen.
24,000 pounds insane. As they were being shipped from Italy to the country of Poland,
they literally disappeared. Yeah. Which nobody knows.
what has happened to 24,000 pounds of KitKat.
Look up the monetary value.
It's like $2.5 million of KitKat.
This was huge news.
I remember seeing this all over that day when it happened.
I had not seen this.
Dude, it's so funny.
What is the monetary value of $425,000?
Was there is there, there has to be like some evidence of where these are going.
Like, what the fuck are they going to do with these?
If you steal one KitKat bar and get away with it, sure.
Yeah.
Like easy.
Get it.
I, dude, I pocketed them at gas stations.
I was a teenager. No problem. Statute of
limitation. Yeah, you were tired. If you're stealing
if you're stealing 12
ton of them and getting
away with it, you're a fucking genius.
Yes. Because like
okay, so they're like, well each bar
has a traceable code on it. Right.
That's fucking crazy. No one's doing that.
Like you're not getting them back.
The fucking assistant
general manager at the right aid
when he receives a shipment of cat
is not going to be like, I'm going to check
these for the stolen cat. Oh God no.
I love why you shortened it to cat.
I was like, wait, did he say cat?
What the fuck's you talking about?
I mean, how big would that be?
I mean, I'm guessing it's one full shipping.
It's got to be a shipping container.
Yeah, so it'd probably fill this whole studio.
By the way, this didn't happen in, fucking Somalia.
This happened between Italy and Poland.
Bro.
Like, this is a planned heist.
Yes.
This is not like a fly-by-night.
I'm going to steal some kit guys.
Does it say how it was being transported?
Was it, was it in a truck or a train?
It had to be a ship.
A ship, right?
How is it being transported?
How the fuck?
Are they getting this off of a ship?
Kit Kat Heist.
Dude, 10 years from now is going to come out as a movie starring Ben Affleck.
Dude, it would be...
Dude, it's a great idea for a movie.
Thieves steal 12 tons of kids.
Oh, from a truck.
Okay, so is a truck.
All right, that makes more sense at least.
Does it?
That's harder.
That's harder.
You think so?
Bro, you steal a shipping container off a ship somehow, like plopping into the ocean, load it and take off.
Like, okay, I get it.
You pull into any port anywhere.
Okay.
How do you stop a truck and get 413,000 bars without anybody noticing?
I mean, the truck driver had to be taking the longest shit in history.
Oh, are you going to unload?
I'm saying, though, he must have fallen asleep.
What, okay, is there more to this?
Like, they must have, you know, like, investigating this talk to the fucking driver.
And he's like, oh, yeah.
Like somebody pulled up and stopped the truck.
Is that information out there?
No, no, they disappeared.
It was like, he was like away from the truck.
And then they were gone.
Yeah, yeah.
That's because they don't have any,
they're not talking about them.
I like to think it was like full oceans 11.
The truck driver was completely oblivious.
He never stopped once.
Yeah,
like very vigilant,
you know,
the whole thing was in motion.
Yes,
there was like Fast and the Furious style elements.
100%.
Yeah,
it's confusing.
There's mirrors.
There's like a now you see me,
now you don't kind of thing.
Oh.
So,
magic aliens were,
pole vaulting.
Who's,
like,
I said who's paying for the penguin research,
but who's paying for this operation?
How are you unloading these
and getting,
Turning these into money.
Some rich Russian oligarch in a red track suit who just loves Kit Kats.
I think if this were me, if I had put together this heist, I'd come out and take the fucking jail time.
I mean, I just did it so you guys knew I would know that I could do it.
They're here.
I got them over here.
Like, I don't even care.
I'm just telling you I did it.
I'm not going to tell you how I did it, but I did it.
I am the greatest heist puller offer in history.
Dude, you mentioned Ocean's 11.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think we should do a battle royale.
Oh, boy.
Ooh, we haven't done one.
I think I know what time it is.
Wow, right on that.
It's been a while.
It's been a long time.
What?
The Battle Roy.
Yeah, but by.
I mean, I don't want to send you onto a 16-hour flight without a Battle Royale.
I agree.
I think that's smart.
What's going to happen is you're going to blow it.
And you'll have the next 16 hours to think about what went wrong.
Yep, this is true, especially if I'm put on the spot, which I'm about to be.
Okay.
So, there's a shipment.
Okay.
of delicious kit cat bars.
Okay.
All right.
That is being shipped on a truck
from Italy to Poland.
I've heard of this.
Okay.
That's good.
You are going to put together
a team of three trained thieves
that are trained up to the max of their ability.
Yep.
Oh my God.
To assist you
in pulling off the biggest chocolate heist
in the history of Europe.
Sure.
414,000 chocolate bars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's 1,000 bigger.
That's right.
Jesus.
So it's not head body legs.
Okay.
It's a team.
A team.
Animals.
Yep.
They can all work together.
They are like the most trained one of that animal that's ever lived.
Understood.
But here's what you can't do.
Yeah.
You can't be like, oh, I'm going to have a bee and then give it some human thoughts.
Yeah, yeah.
Understood.
Okay.
That makes it much more complex.
But I get it.
They're trained.
Okay.
Kyle will judge.
Yep.
As will the Brouseners.
Let us know who you think wins.
Peter, you go first.
Okay.
I'm going to go first.
That means I get three.
That's correct.
Pick your whole team.
Bro, all right, I'm taking,
I'm taking an African elephant
just because I'm going to need somebody
to haul this load.
That's all I know so far.
That's all I know so far.
I hadn't thought of the movement element
of the chocolate.
Well, I'm going to just have a truck waiting.
Yeah.
Fair.
No, the elephant's going to pull up.
No, shit.
You can charge a premium
for elephant pulled chocolate.
All right.
So, yeah, I'm going to,
okay, so pick your team
and then tell us how you're going to do the heist.
Yeah.
This is testing me here because I haven't eaten in three days.
Okay.
African elephant for Peter.
Okay.
I'm going for pure pulling strength.
Uh-huh.
For a lot of different reasons.
I'll explain later.
I want a gorilla.
Oh, it's going to be very useful.
It's good.
It's very useful.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
It's a good pick.
It's a good one.
This is going to be very shocking when I first say.
but there's logic behind all of this.
My first pick,
the simple reindeer.
Okay.
Because he pulls Santa.
Nope,
nothing to do with pulling.
Pulling is,
you guys got pulling going on right now.
So my first pick
is a simple reindeer.
And when we explain
the elaborate high style,
explain why.
My second pick,
is this is a snake draft,
Peter,
which means I go twice.
Sure.
Gotcha.
Is going to be
a very large,
reticulated python.
Okay.
All right.
I think I know what you're going to do.
I think I know what he's going to do, too.
That's smart.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to get the second member of my team as my heist has solidified in my head here.
What's the largest species of porcupine?
African porcupine.
I will have one African porcupine, please.
Okay, very nice.
This is, wow, my brain is going a lot of different directions.
I know what I'm going to do.
Okay.
I know what I'm going to do.
Is it my turn now?
Yeah, round out your team.
Wait, with two picks?
Yeah.
Yeah, there we go.
So I've got to have something.
I've been trying to think and listen, which is very difficult.
It's why I hate battle royal owls.
But I'm trying to think of an animal that can grab very quickly and pick.
And so, like, you know, so it can pick all the fucking candy.
Like a pistol shrimp.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'm going to say, I'm going to pick, you know, because when I think of it, I think of like a chimpanzee picking off bugs from their friends' heads all the time.
So I think they're good grabbers and pickers.
So I got a chimpanzee.
Grabbers and pickers.
And then I'm going to take a hippo.
to stop the truck in its tracks.
It's going to die right away
because it's going to actually...
You did already have an elephant.
No, the elephant I need.
The elephant I need.
The elephant is in need.
I'm going to explain my heist now.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
How's this work?
No, wait, wait.
Does it come back and then we explain that way?
No, you're good.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Let me just explain my heist because it's going to be...
You're going to forget it.
So, yeah, let's do it.
Hippo's dead.
Yeah, the hippo is going to die immediately
because it's going to go right in front of the truck.
Like, and the driver's just,
oh, hippo is dead.
That's okay, though.
The truck is now stopped and it is turned over.
Well, the driver's dead, so you've already won the highest.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
I've done two things right now.
I've gotten rid of the hippo.
This was actually the most simple.
Yeah.
I killed the driver.
We walked off with the kick cats.
The driver's dead.
The hippo's dead.
The truck is overturned.
Now I got the chimpanzee.
And I'm there too, obviously, leading the whole thing.
So I'm helping.
And me and the chimp are just loading up, loading up Santa's sleigh.
We have our own sleigh that the elephant's ready to pull.
We get all the kick cats.
onto that sled and I hop on the elephant, the chimpanzee hops on the kick cats, and we take
off into the sunset.
Very nice.
It makes a ton of sense.
Especially the killing the driver part.
That never even occurred to me.
I would have just been like, I'm just getting a black mamba and putting it in with the driver
also.
When the investigation team comes, they're going to see a dead hippo, like it ran into the hippo
and all the kick cats.
I don't think they're going to think they're going to think the hippo ate all the kick cats.
They're going to think the hippo ate all the kickups.
Yeah, like an animal came and ate them all or something, 400,000, 400,000 kick cats.
Cat Bar. Mine's a little different. So I'm going to take a coconut crab.
Wow. So what I'm going to do. That's your third option. Yeah. Yeah. So my heist is a little simpler and I'm not going to murder someone. Simpler than what I did? Yeah. Wow. So I'm going to have my pork, my African porkiepin, run out into the road in front of the truck. It's going to run over those sharp quills. Okay, good. Popping tires and then causing him to veer off the road and for the truck to turn over.
Very smart. At which point.
I will just produce my pistol and just hold him at bed, the driver at bed.
If he's okay, I'll just say, I'm not going to fucking kill you, but if you move, I'll
fucking kill you.
That's serious.
A pistol shrimp or a real pistol?
No, my pistol.
Oh, okay, I thought pistol shrimp.
At which point, the coconut crab will pop the lock off the back of the truck with its
amazing crushing power.
Yeah.
It will then grab one box of Kit Katz in each claw.
Uh-huh.
Well, the gorilla uses the pallet jack to just haul pallet after pallet to my nearby
waiting truck.
Very nice.
At which point, once the truck's loaded, at that point, I will execute the driver.
For no reason.
For driver.
All right.
So we all had a different approach to this, which I like.
So mine, the fact that he's moving between Italy and Poland makes me think that when he's in
these colder climates and he sees a lovely, injured, very well trained, remember, but
not with human thoughts.
Reindeer on the road, having some compassion, our driver will have.
course, stop the vehicle. Wow. Now, he's going to see this, this reindeer laying on the road and
think, oh, God, it's in the middle of the highway. I need to, I need to tend to it. Or at least move it,
so I can get by. Right. In the time that he is tending to this reindeer, which is, again,
exceptionally well-trained. It's getting up. It's staggering. It's falling down again.
It's tricking. It's fooling, this gentleman. It's delaying while my third animal, which I'm
yet to name, which is a macaque. Oh, wow. And I'll explain why, because I had this experience
in Bali. I didn't assume the truck would be locked. So,
my macaque, being very textile and dexterous with his hands, will come in and open the vehicle
for my reticulated python, the strongest snake in the world, to slither in amongst the palates,
curl, and pull them back out of the truck.
Smart.
Now, as the kick-cats become unloaded from the vehicle, the snake will, of course, exits
very well-trained snake, and the macaque, being a very intelligent monkey, will close the back of the truck.
at that point in time
the reindeer will know
that the heist is over
he'll get up and wander off
and the guy will be like
wow I'm a real hero
for saving that reindeer
can't wait to get to my destination
unload these kick cats
and tell everybody
how I save this reindeer
he's just gonna drive off
pops right in the truck
little he doesn't even look
behind the truck
to see over 400,000
what happened
why would he know
that his kick cats are gone
he's been tending
he's been Instagramming his reindeer
I don't do this regularly
but I think
think you might have won because I really think you cracked the actual case of this news story.
That might have been it. Yeah. Yeah, I'll give it up. So I,
a quick sidebar to that. Kyle, think about who's winning, but real quick sidebar story to that.
I think I told this once before on the pod, but when I went to Bali, there were macaques there,
which is why I picked this, that did fucking heists for candy bars. Did I tell you guys about this?
Stole my sunglasses and had to buy like a Snickers bar from a lady and give it to the monkey,
and then he gave me my sunglasses. Yeah. So she trained.
up the macaque. Yeah, it was a complete fucking farce.
Because she knows you're not going to punch the macaque.
I'm not going to pay- How does she know you're not going to punch her?
She doesn't know because she comes over, sweet little lady is like, would you like to buy a
candy bar? I can get your sunglasses back. And you're like, well, yeah, I mean, he's 30 feet in the tree.
I need my sunglasses. I've told several people that story because it's so unbelievable.
So you had him like up on top of your head. I don't remember it was my head or my neck,
but he just came and grabbed him from me and then just bolted up this tree and it was fucking
super fat macaque.
Look at the teeth on these macaques.
You're not going to fuck with that macaque.
You are not going to fuck about that thing.
He willingly handed back.
Literally the lady like comes over and she's like, oh, and like, it pretends like she
like is trying to help you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then she like calls the monkey down.
And it took a while.
It wasn't like instant, but the monkey comes down and literally puts his hand out with
the sunglasses and goes like this.
And then you give him the candy bar and take the sunglasses.
I bet a lot of people.
I know it was a fucking griff because I started to do it again 10 minutes later.
I was going to say like, I was going to ask you.
How did you know because you're an animal guy?
Because I feel like a lot of people wouldn't make that connection, but you saw him do it.
Well, I was just so suspicious.
And then I kind of hung out and on the way back out of the temple, I saw it happening a second time.
And I was like, the same lady selling a fucking other Snickers bar.
I was like, it's some bullshit right here.
That is hilarious.
And then the macaque gets the Snickers bar.
That's genius.
He's trained.
All right, Kyle.
I had the dog leg us there.
That's why I picked McCack.
He got one kick cat out of the deal.
So a lot of different strategies.
he's here. Very, very different.
For me, there's one easy and clear
winner. However, better be me.
And it is Peter. Yeah, baby.
It's the most straightforward. It's just
straight to the punch. Right. So it's
the guy hits a hippo killing
the driver. He's destroyed. And then there's
no trickery. There's no foolery. You don't have to
worry about anything. Why does the chimp then do?
The chimp helps me unload because they're good
at picking the, they lice off of the
other chimps. He's just a fast picker. And then there's an
elephant that just carries the money. Or the kickbacks away.
How is that? The clean is
They're going to see an elephant
towing a cart
the size of this, both of these rooms
on wheels down the highway
whereas I have mine loaded into a truck
and the driver's never going to say it works
The objective was not the cleanest
It was just to do the
objective.
That's right.
Just to do the objective.
Peter did the objective.
Mine was the best movie.
Can I get a ding ding?
We're technically not supposed to argue
with Kyle over this.
I can say nothing.
It's the first one I've ever won.
Listen, there's one fun thing to announce to the brosters.
In case you don't know, we do how many bonuses extra a month?
Four.
Four.
We do four additional podcasts per month.
And it's a lot of us telling stories and having fun, but a very special month, not just singular
episode, because we have a very famous friend of the pod, Bradley Trevor Greve, who has
so many insane stories.
This guy's broken more bones than anybody I've ever met.
He's had crazier animal adventures than I have.
He hasn't been on in like 18 months and he's been off traveling the world having really fun adventures.
Crazy stuff.
So if you guys want to listen to some of BTG's stories, he's going to be joining us on the bonuses for a bunch this month, not even as a guest of the pod, but as a guest host to chat with us, which is actually really exciting because his stories are crazy.
Love them.
BTG.
Speaking of that, Peter, do the thing.
Explain what people can get all this.
Get all those bonus podcasts.
It's only a little bit per month, I think, as low as three bucks per month.
If you go on the Patreon to get all those bonus pods at wild times.com.
Forward slash info.
You can also get all the bonuses on Apple and on Spotify and Patreon.
Go do it.
Support the show.
You love the pod.
We do it.
We love you.
Thank you.
Good night.
Everybody.
No problems here.
Good battle.
Roy.
I haven't done one of those in a sack.
Yeah, it was good.
I was good.
You have a great plane ride.
I thought it's funny that you said break.
Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets?
Yes?
Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in, loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans.
