Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Forrest Galante on Culling Pablo Escobar's Cocaine Hippos

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

This week we discuss Forrest's new TV show, Colombia's plan to cull Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos, and a kit kat heist in Europe. Enjoy! (TWT 201)Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/w...ild50off and use code wild50off to get 50 percent off and free daily greens per box.Raycon: Go to https://buyraycon.com/wildtimesopen to get 15% off.Pestie: Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/WILD for 10% off your order.Get More Wild Times Podcast Episodes:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/wildtimespod/subscribehttps://www.patreon.com/wildtimespodMore Wild Times:Instagram: http://instagram.com/wildtimespodTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespodcastFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/X: https://x.com/wildtimespodDiscord: https://discord.gg/ytzKBbC9DbWebsite: https://wildtimes.club/Merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merchBattle Royale Card Game: https://wildtimes.club/brOur Favorite Products:https://www.amazon.com/shop/thewildtimespodcastMusic/Jingles by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkeyThis video may contain paid promotion.#ad #sponsored #forrestgalante #extinctoralive #podcast

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Starting point is 00:00:51 diversity is a strength that helps L'Oreal Group create the best beauty products for all people. Visit L'Oreal.com to learn more. We got this. All right. Pray well. the old men talking about taxes and polyps. Yeah. It's a good way to start a pod.
Starting point is 00:01:07 That's going on, gentlemen. To taxes and polyps. Here we are. It's the Wild Times. We're in the studio. Everybody's really revved up. It's a good day. You know why, dude?
Starting point is 00:01:16 Because we're starting later. Yeah. So everyone's like done their stuff. Yes. That's right. There's no morning drag. No morning drag. No stress.
Starting point is 00:01:24 You're, all right. All right. So welcome to the Wild Times. There's For us. He's been a nightmare to deal with. A nightmare. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you've had what? Like three days in the U.S. in the last two months or something?
Starting point is 00:01:36 Three, three, well, literally three and a half days. I came from India, which is, as I've explained on the pod before, it's like 30 hours of flying. Yeah. Landed. Had a half day at home. I got home on Sunday mid-afternoon. And it's Thursday and I'm flying out to Africa today. And we're, and it's funny. So it's been a nightmare. So yeah. So you have someone waiting outside to drive you to the airport right after this. Right after this. They drove me here because it's too expensive to park a car. at LAX. So they drove me here. They are literally waiting while we pause. Thinking about your life gives me so much fucking anxiety, bro. Like, I was talking to my, tell my wife. I was like, yeah, he's got to spend like the morning with his kids. He like, they took off school. It's the time they spend it. And she's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. It's like, he just lives differently. I guess like he sees his family once
Starting point is 00:02:23 a year. I don't know. I haven't seen them. I was gone for three, three and a half weeks. And I leave tonight for four and a half weeks. Where are you going in Africa? Can you talk about it? Yeah, fuck it. Which is why my kids skipped school and I spent, this is my one morning. I was on set all day yesterday. I didn't see my kids for one second yesterday. I left at 5am and I got home at 9 p.m.
Starting point is 00:02:43 So in the... That sounds great. That's why I've been such a nightmare by the way is, yeah, I've had one half day with my children in the three days I've been home. Thank God you got an assistant, bro. Could you imagine your life without one? It took you so long to make that decision. I don't know why. I know. I know.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Anyway, I came from India doing the Ventara stuff. We talked about that a lot. Going to Zimbabwe tonight. Nice. You know about that place? Have you been there? I've been there once or twice. So looking forward to that, going to Victoria Falls.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, not my home region. Have you seen it before? Oh, yeah, yeah. I know it's a pretty dumb question, but I don't know exactly how big Zimbabwe. It's far from where I grew up, but I rang in the millennium in Vic Falls. Okay. Remember the big Y2K every the world.
Starting point is 00:03:29 was going to end. I was at shoestrings, backpackers Lodge. Kissing Swedish backpackers. No way. How many? More than one? Only one, and he was a lovely guy. He was really tall. Is it the tallest waterfall in the world?
Starting point is 00:03:45 It is the longest waterfall in the world? What does it say? Largest. What are they basing out on? It is the world's largest sheet of falling water spanning over a mile wide and dropping 354 feet? Oh, it's amazing. I've been there many times growing up, but I haven't seen it since, well, more than 15 years now.
Starting point is 00:04:04 But when I was a kid, and we'd go there, they used to have a thing where if you bungee jumped, topless as a woman, you could go for free. So when I was like 9, 10, 11 years old, your mom did it? I wish. No, I would sit there with my little buddies all day hoping one chick would do a topless, and maybe one would. And it was always the one. you wish didn't. Yeah. But at like nine, you're like, ha, boobs.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Yeah. Yeah. Well, because I'm guessing it was like, back then it was probably like 15 bucks. Yeah, exactly. They were like, I'll just keep my top on and pay the 15. Exactly. People got to remember, too. This is before like the internet and porn.
Starting point is 00:04:44 So there was no way to see boobies other than like in a magazine or shit. This was it. This was it. Yeah. You got to travel to Zimbabwe and go to this waterfall to see a set of tits. So what's going on there? So, yeah, so we're going to Zimbabwe working in an area that I've been before. about a four-hour drive from Vic Falls.
Starting point is 00:05:01 And it's for my new discovery series, the one that I filmed down in Brazil, that we talked about a little bit. And the first thing is the scariest for sure, which I won't give away too much. Give away a lot. Okay, I will. Does something have big teeth?
Starting point is 00:05:17 I'm essentially feeding myself to crocodiles. Oh, wow, fascinating. Naked? He's going to wear some protection? He's going to take some, he's recycling bubble wrap from Christmas. An extra large wet suit, an extra padded wet suit. That's right.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Yeah, I figure a dog attack suit will be plenty for this. I'm just going to wade right in, you know? Jeez. Smart. No, that's not it. But, no, we've built this whole really elaborate contraption, something that I don't think has been built for something like this before. And the idea is to get in the perspective, you know, when you see those videos from the
Starting point is 00:05:51 Serengeti and the Wilderbeast are like leaping into the river and the crocs are smashing them up. So it's how do I get into that perspective? without being killed. That's basically what the show is. Okay. And so yeah, so we've, I mean, for the last month and a half, I've had people there building this contraption back and forth like 1 a.m. FaceTime calls. Like, no, change that. Like, this pulley needs to go here. And I need more glass for visibility here. And oh, what's the strength that glass hit it with a hammer? Okay, it just fucking broke. That's no good. Everything's being flown in from all over the world because it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. Are you, it's exciting? Are you extra nervous because you only have like
Starting point is 00:06:28 remote control over the actual, say, your safety? Like, you're not actually there. Like you just said, oh, it broke with the hammer. Now, what if it breaks with the hammer again? Do you test it again? We didn't actually test it again. That's a good point. I didn't think of that. So is that making you nervous? More nervous than normal, I should say, because you're not there physically to monitor the contraption. It doesn't in the sense of I trust. I trust the people I'm working with there a lot. Now, excuse me, that said, I know when I get on the ground and we have to actually put it all together, because it's not like it's 100% ready. Like, there's all this fabrication stuff and all the stuff that we've ordered. Where is it being made? Basically in
Starting point is 00:07:08 South Africa and then brought up. In pieces, of course. In pieces. And then we have to put it together and I have to test a bunch of stuff. Just like what happened in Brazil, I'm 100% sure that in the build process, I'm going to be like, this is wrong. We need to reconfigure blank. And that will just happen on the fly So you have final control So it's also not It's also not fucking neuroscience Like don't die from the crocodile
Starting point is 00:07:32 Make it safe enough but exciting But like if it was me doing it I would be like I don't know what I'm doing it Like it's not neuroscience But it's like Yeah I don't think that thing goes Or is that plywood
Starting point is 00:07:44 Like is this is like Do we use four screws or 12 screws I don't know just use all the fucking screws Use a lot Yeah It's not like It's not like if you move slightly this way, the whole, well, I'm fucking, I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait, wait, wait, let me just say one more thing.
Starting point is 00:08:01 You know about this. He's so fired up on us. I just want to say one more thing because you're the guy that, like, came with the coffee on top of the box of the studio and ran into the door with it and the coffee. One time. That's a really good point. We talked at length about, like, how you don't think before you do things. So I'm a little nervous for you. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:08:18 That's fair. So why are you going to the falls? Is that a high crock density? or you're just like, I need a sick background? It's a little column A, column B. There's an area there along the Zambezi River that I know is just stacked with the biggest crocodile's, maybe in Africa. Definitely in Southern Africa.
Starting point is 00:08:35 And so I want to test this with some big boys. What percentage of the budget of the show is for the fabrication of the enclosures? Like more than 25. Okay. It's a very, it's like a build-centric show. Like the whole thing is- You guys cover the build and all that. Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Exactly. The whole, a big element of the show is how do we get into this perspective of being prey? Let's build these very elaborate contraptions. Do you have any idea when this show comes out? No. Okay. Because, yeah, I know it's a pretty far at the end of the year, but I don't know that it will be with Paramount and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Got it. Yeah. Because I was going to say, like, this, if this show is marketed right, it should be the biggest hit that you've been on. And if it's marketed wrong, I'm the next Paul Rosalie that did. the Eat and Alive thing. Remember that? Yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Completely canceled, which I don't think will be because the goal is not to like just force myself inside of a snake. It's like, you know, there's a lot of like, I'm trying to learn what's going on. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Wow. That's what he did. See, I don't think, I just think the times are so different. Like that stunt. Why did that stunt? It's funny. I was doing the,
Starting point is 00:09:43 I was about to do the bear, the two hour bear doc with BTG that I've referred to many times on the show. And that was at the same production company that did that. stunt where they get what do you feed himself to a an anaconda anaconda yeah what um why did that piss everyone because i remember the blowback was like huge massive well why know what we're talking about kyle eaten alive it's talk into the mic yes yes yes he was shaking nodding off camera
Starting point is 00:10:09 eaten alive by pa with paul rosalie um so first of all i think there's a couple things so he's a little too handsome he's very attractive young man um people are Instantly matter. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I know Paul very well, and I like him and respect him a lot. And he is a genuinely awesome biologist, a guy who cares so much for the Amazon. So I don't want anything to come off negative.
Starting point is 00:10:35 I think he is a fucking awesome dude. Cool. He got duped. He got told, like, you know, he was very young, very naive, and he was like, I want to do this thing where I show this perspective similar to what I'm saying here about the prey of anacondas, blah, blah, but he had no creative control. He didn't own a production entity like I do. He wasn't a producer.
Starting point is 00:10:56 He was just a guy who showed up and said, yeah, let's do this cool thing. And he sort of got sold on the lie that if you go and do this, then we can cover you trekking deep into the Amazon and finding an anaconda and talking about the environment and talking about the plight of the Amazon being burned down and all these things that he wanted to communicate. And this is my understanding from knowing Paul. Basically, they're like, yeah, we'll do all that. And they did film a lot of it. But then the show was just, here's this guy, because he's a relatively small dude. Like, he's not very big, which is why he could do this stunt. Here's this guy in this dog suit type thing.
Starting point is 00:11:32 You see it in the top left in the thumbnail feeding himself to a giant snake. And everybody got really upset because it was basically like a force-fed scenario. Yeah. It was an animal welfare issue. Even just looking at it visually right now, I could see, it's like, it's off-putting looking at it. You know what I mean? Visually. Gantic also.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Well, and that's the problem. Like, even though Paul's not a very large guy, once you add all of that suit, which, of course, you have to, in order to get eaten by an Anaconda and survive. Right. There's, like, it was, the prey was too big for the snake. It didn't really make sense. It was sort of force fed. It didn't really eat him in the end. It just sort of bit on and tried and then spat him out.
Starting point is 00:12:12 You know what I mean? So it just like, it was also a bust. It was kind of a bust. So I think the, the, the blowback was mostly the animal welfare element. Okay. But two, it was just like all this hype around this guy's going to get eaten by a snake. Everybody got upset about the animal welfare side. And then he didn't really get eaten by a snake.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Yeah. So I think it was just like a whammy. And Paul was so caught in the crosshairs. And he's such a good dude. I feel, I really feel bad for him. Has he recovered? Is he okay? I mean, I don't know about emotionally.
Starting point is 00:12:40 No, no. I mean, Mike has his career recovered. His career, I don't think Paul gives a shit about his career. What Paul gives a shit about saving the Amazon? And he has, what's his foundation called cow? look it up real quick. Junglekeepers. He has a foundation called Jungle Keepers, where he has saved thousands of acres of Amazon. That's amazing. So he is absolutely succeeding at what he cares about. I don't think he cares about a TV career or anything like that. He just
Starting point is 00:13:03 cares about the $11 million he's raised to save the Amazon so far. That's fucking awesome, bro. Yeah. I mean, dude, so he's definitely overcome this bullshit because this is what his passion is and this is what he's really doing here. Here's my vision for your show, though. And here's why Here's why I said, I think it has a chance to actually be like in a day and age where stuff doesn't really blow up that often. Right. There's so much noise out there. I could see it really working because it's shockingly simple. It's so simple.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Here's a problem I want to try to tackle scientifically. Yep. Let's build up throughout the X. There's going to be problems along the way. Exactly right. Culminating in the before and after. Exactly right. It's a big stunt at the end.
Starting point is 00:13:47 And do we get the shot and do we learn? Right. Do we not? Yep. Yeah. Like I don't watch any of our stuff. Nope, neither do I. I feel like I will actually just watch that show, like possibly with my five-year-old.
Starting point is 00:13:57 There you go. Yeah. And that's the point. And it's not gory and it's not, you know, it's none of the, like, horrible things. Right. It's just like, let's do this really cool thing and see what is it like to be a wildebeest and the saringeting migration. You know, what is that?
Starting point is 00:14:10 Can I tell you, I have a personal aside at the way you just described, kind of like the, behind the scenes of how a TV show works, right? You kind of just broke it down and simplified it for people. When you're watching it, you don't think about that. You're like caught up in what's actually going on, right? Sure, yeah. But like the reality is that's how you build it from scratch. So I got offered a position my second editing job and it was for a softcore porn. Actually, it was like a hard core. Is that true? Swear to God. Wow. Recently? No, this was like in 2015. Did you take this job? Yeah, I took it. No way. I got this. He needed a I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:14:47 This is insane that this is the first time I've heard you edited porn. I didn't know this either. She asked me to watch it and it was this show about swingers. It was on like a play pen or some fucking porn. Oh, like Skinna Max? I remember this. Yeah, it was like Skinna Max. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:00 And so I just, what made me think of this was she, uh, she asked me to watch it, right? So that I understood it before I came to do the show. And I, she's like, did you, did you watch it? Do you understand it? and I emailed back, like a paragraph. And I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like basically the guy, the guy comes in. They do a little game.
Starting point is 00:15:24 Then they like get naked, whatever. Like, and I broke it down, right? Yeah. Like, and my start date's coming. I'm not hearing anything back. And so finally, like, I call. And I'm like, yeah, yo, what's the deal? Like, when am I starting?
Starting point is 00:15:38 And she's like, oh, yeah, we went in another direction. No way. And I was just like, what the fuck? and I never could figure out. I, like, just got too excited and, like, broke down the... Yeah, it's the chicken coupon all over again. I was like, what the fuck? Like, she asked me, like, okay, did you watch it?
Starting point is 00:15:55 I thought she wanted me to, like, explain it. And I think what happened was she thought that, like, I didn't have any creativity as, like, an editor because I broke... Maybe the... Maybe that was just that one show. And, like, they're not all like that. And she thought I was just like... Oh, I think it was that she just was, like,
Starting point is 00:16:13 dude people are watching this because they want to see naked people rubbing against each other that's right you're you're thinking about this way too hard he's like it has the light pours in from the left hand side and the glisten comes off of the gentleman's testicle no i broke it down as simply it's a hero's journey simply as you explain what what forest is doing in my mind anyways can i it's about one man who wants but i got fired i got fired before i started so but you watched it uh i did i jerked off to it twice nice thanks for sharing that um I, quick Skinimax story. For those that don't remember what Skinimax was,
Starting point is 00:16:50 20, 10 years ago, there was Cinemax, which was a channel, and after, I want to say 10 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On like Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, you'd have the softest core porn imaginable. Yeah. You'd have two people naked rubbing against each other,
Starting point is 00:17:07 but you never see full undercarriage and you never see nipples. Is that right? Uh, nipples you saw. You never saw any sort of penetration. Nothing. You just see this like rubbing. Yeah. It was nudity and suggested sex.
Starting point is 00:17:20 It was very bizarre. Yeah. You had, you had USA up all night, which was like even bikinis. Yeah, like bikinis. Then you had scrambled porn where you tried to watch real porn on Channel 96. And then you had Skinnamax where you could see a nipple. Look how Kyle is furiously highlighting edible stories to get us off. What were you going to say about Skinnamax?
Starting point is 00:17:40 Well, it's just a funny story. No. it's a pretty funny story that if my aunt ever happens to listen to this podcast, she's going to fucking kill me. But my cousin, my little, like, she must have been nine-year-old cousin, came over to visit. I had a TV in my bedroom, and they were like staying at us. My mom's sister, right? So they're staying in her house and stuff. And I remember this so distinctly, I put on the SpongeBob SquarePants movie for her on Cinemax. And then I just like left the room to go hang out with my buddies and drink beer or something. And then, you know, I like looked at the time and it
Starting point is 00:18:10 been like two and a half, three hours. And I'm like, oh, shit, that movie's definitely over. And my cousin Sable, I'm like walking up to my bedroom and she's walking down the stairs. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? How's the movie? And she's like, the movie was good. But then there were these people on after that were naked and they kept kissing. And I was like, uh-oh, this is a good. And I like walked up the stairs and into my room for like 40 minutes. She had been watching Skidimax. Oh, man. Age like nine or 10. And I was like, I had to like sit her down. I'm going to be like, okay, so, you know, these people don't usually come on the TV. Like, don't tell your mom about this.
Starting point is 00:18:46 And I managed to get away with it. If you tell your mom, you'll never see your cousin Forrest again. And nowadays, nowadays that age would have a phone where they've watched hardcore porn. Of course. Let's do an animal story. Yeah, let's do a story. Kyle! What's in the news?
Starting point is 00:19:02 Could I start with one? That's not that one because everyone, Edwin, has been paging me about it. and you'll know all about it. You'll be able to talk forever. Yeah. Man, it feels like summer here in Southern California. It sure does. My house, I love living up in the mountain.
Starting point is 00:19:20 I love being surrounded by old growth trees. It's lush. Beautiful. I am overrun with spiders. Yeah, there's bugs everywhere, man. I mean, black widows are a huge thing. Everyone on my street as kids, we all have tons of black widows. Dude, they're sneaky.
Starting point is 00:19:34 They come under the doors. I have been using Pesty, because I have Pets and kids. Yeah. Right. And this is, it's a home kit that gets delivered to your home. It's incredibly easy. You do it yourself.
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Starting point is 00:20:22 If you've got bugs, just try it. It works. It supports the show. Do it. We all know the feeling. It's dinner time. You're starving. You got a few ingredients in the fridge,
Starting point is 00:20:32 but you're just too lazy to make something. So you end up eating 4,000. cheese and crackers. I've done it, but not anymore. I mean, look, I'm talking about Factor. We are all fans. Forrest is obsessed with it. It's the longest I've ever used a meal delivery service my entire life because I never
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Starting point is 00:21:12 Man, yeah, dude, I was hitting the protein heavy, but they got these new ready-to-eat-eat salads, man. It's been a game-changer because I never get enough salad ingredients. And these salads are delicious, man. Vibrate ingredients. They got elote corn, which is delicious. Miso adamame and 70 plus add-ons to round out your nutrition from green juices to peanut butter energy bites. I use this, and you should too. Head to factormeals.com slash wild 50 off and use code wild 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only.
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Starting point is 00:22:56 So obviously right here, the Columbia is, they've allowed the hippos, the cocaine hippos from Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos to be euthanized now. You did a show where you went and sterilized. Darded or sterilized a bunch of them, right? I literally was commenting on the news about this last night as well. Yeah, I mean, look, so even in this synopsis of the news story here, it says the country now is an estimated 170 wild hippos. Wrong. No, okay. They have well over 200 hippos.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Like even the counts, I was working with the government of Columbia, like the state and government appointed biologists who were sitting there going, we know that there are 200 now and by six months from now, there'll be 280. Like, it's just the growth is so exponential. You know, you go from two to four to 16, like the way that the growth goes is crazy. Of course, yeah. We went down there to try and create this sort of blueprint, this three-pillared approach of capture, castration, sterilization, neutralization to try and resolve the problem with the government. And I've said this before and I'll say it again. I mean, this is TV, movie magic. By no. means am I the world leading expert on how to solve the Colombian hippocris.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Sure. These guys that I worked with in Colombia, Coronare, they're fucking awesome. Awesome scientists, awesome people. They know more than I did. I made a great TV show with them. I brought them some cool tools and we worked really well together, but they're the experts, not me. And as we sat down there, in fact, Kyle, maybe you could pull up that YouTube live thing I did where we were castrating one. I don't know if I ever showed you guys this.
Starting point is 00:24:30 But, you know, they were like, there's nothing we can do. You know what I mean? It's like, unless we start showing you. shooting these things or start catching mass capture and and removal. Like it's just, you know, yes, in the two weeks I was there, we caught and sterilized and castrated seven, six. That's a lot. Sounds like a lot.
Starting point is 00:24:51 It's a lot. A lot of them are juveniles, but that's a tiny dent. Yeah. You know what I mean? It takes one male and one female and the problem continues. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, think about how many humans there were.
Starting point is 00:25:01 So literally just a hundred years ago. It's like, there's like four billion more. Right. Exactly. So it said, well, here's a funny thing on that. Did you know that more than half of the humans that have ever lived are currently alive? Wow. Yes, I did.
Starting point is 00:25:15 That's crazy. That's what I was just thinking about when I said. So they're going to call 80 of them. Yeah. So I don't know why the number is 80. What I do know is that this will drastically slow it down because it will reduce the population by more than half. If you want my honest opinion as a biologist trying to take emotion out of it, they should kill all but like, six and put six into back into Haciannapples in an awesome zoo controlled area and let people
Starting point is 00:25:43 still see them and be a part of it because they are detrimental to the environment. And there's a thing that we say in invasive species biology, which is it takes 10% of the effort to kill 90% of the population and then 90% of the effort to kill the remaining 10. That makes sense. And so if they're going out and going like, we're going to kill 80, that might be coronar, the government, whomever's way of being like, that's as many as we think we can get easily on our budget. Or that might be a number that they've said, if we do this, we'll buy ourselves another 10 years to figure it out. I don't know the rationale behind the number 80, but unless you get pretty much all of them with absolutely no predators, no disease, unlimited food,
Starting point is 00:26:24 it's just this problem will be back again in a few years. He's not going away. How many, how many did he start with? Four. Four? How many years ago? But 20? 1986, I want to say. Maybe fact-checked me on that cowl. It's whatever you got killed. They let them out. Wow. Why the fuck did they let them out?
Starting point is 00:26:42 Because they're hippos, bro. You try fucking catching them moving hippos. Right. Yeah. But then they could have done it when there was four, man. He got them from Texas. Oh, interesting. 1981, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Man. I didn't know that he got the hippos from Texas. One male and three females. Wow. Wow. Yeah, but bro, this is 1981. You could do fucking anything. Oh, sure.
Starting point is 00:27:00 You're Pablo Escobar. You're house walls are filled with cash. You want hippos. You send a plane to get hippos. Yeah. It's a non-issue. Um, but yeah, literally four hippos. And it's, it's, it's kind of sad because, like, they're super inbred too, right? Because it's four hippos have made 200. Yeah. Genetics are fucked on them. Oh, wow. Can you tell by looking at them? No, they look good. Okay. They, they, and maybe it's because it's such a rich environment and their diet is so good. I don't know, but they don't look weird or genetically bottlenecked. But no, it's the whole thing's crazy. I think, I
Starting point is 00:27:32 think the reason that they haven't just done like a mass kill is that the town of Doral, if Kyle, maybe you can Google it Doral, Columbia. It's like the entire theme of the town is hippos now. Like you drive in and that's not it. Dora Dahl. I'm sorry, Kyle, Dora Dahl. That's why you're not funny. He wrote Dolar. Dora Dahl, Columbia. And like type in like hippos or Hacianapolis. Like there's hippo statues everywhere. See the second photo over?
Starting point is 00:28:02 there's hippo. Basically, the whole town is a tourist town built around seeing the hippos and then a really big theme park where Pablo Escobar's house used to be Haciannappos. So people would be very upset if the hippos were gone all of a sudden because there's so much tourism and just stuff around the history of the hippos. Right. Are there like hippos walking like, do they like walk down the street? You see them if you go drive around on the main highway, it's like that. Okay. Everywhere. Everywhere at night. Like if you're walking around at night, they're just. Just there's hippos crossing the street. There's hippos in the field. I kind of do look like big cabbie bar. They do. The whole thing's really interesting. What they should do is Haciannapolis is, look at up, Kyle, 400 acres or something, which is as a former estate.
Starting point is 00:28:47 They should just fence like 12 of them in there and, you know, breed a few or whatever and keep the lineage and just get rid of the rest. Because that would actually allow the town to continue 4,000 acres. It's a huge place. That would actually solve the problem. It would solve the problem. It's probably a budget problem more than anything because like I said, it takes 90% of the work to get the last 10% out and that's hard there.
Starting point is 00:29:09 We struggled with the hippos. It's not easy. They're everywhere, but there's so much habitat for them to run and hide. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Quick aside, is Mitch the DP on your show? Yep. Yeah, he is.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Nice. Still doing it. Yeah. I saw something in the news. Don't even go to it yet, Kyle. I actually go to it. I need to know. But I want to see if you think.
Starting point is 00:29:32 think if you guys think this is a big deal okay okay so it has to do with with the thylacine it's already a big deal yeah okay so it's thought from fossil evidence that the thylacine disappeared from mainland australia 3,000 years ago i've always heard 4,000 but there you go all right let's call it 3,500 there you go everybody wins but a new discovery of rock art in arnhemland uh shows that people were drawing thylacines on cave walls or on rocks only 1,000 or even just a few hundred years ago
Starting point is 00:30:09 in mainland Australia. All right. So first of all, I see in the synopsis that our producer Edwin puts together, this was published on the first of April. I want to make sure this isn't an April Fool's joke that we're getting dubbed on here. Oh, shit. I read the article. Okay, then it's probably not. And it's in the
Starting point is 00:30:26 National Indigenous Times, which seems reputable. That doesn't seem like that's not like April prankster. Was the article from April 1st? Yes, it is. That was a dumb day to publish a serious article. Oh, I know. You can't publish any news. I hate April Fool's Day, do.
Starting point is 00:30:42 I fucking hate it. It's ridiculous. Why, did you get fooled this year? I get fooled at least 20 times because I always forget the goddamn day. Oh, nobody tried to fool me. No, me either. Oh, my God, I get fooled by articles. I'm like, what the thing?
Starting point is 00:30:53 So this could be that there were still thylacine on the mainland. It could be that they'd seen other pictures of thylacine and just replicated those pictures. but more than 160 pictures. It's really interesting. I mean, you see the outline there. It's hard to say like, oh, that was definitely something else they were mistaking it for.
Starting point is 00:31:12 You know what I mean? No, that's definitely a thylose. It really is. I mean, well, so Arnhem Land is arguably the most remote part of all of Australia. That's where Eukles walked across shoeless with a horse. That's right.
Starting point is 00:31:25 And the horse died and he ate it or something like that. I don't remember some shenanigans. But it's a, it's, you go to the first picture, Kyle, the map. It's this gigantic section of Australia that is unbelievably harsh, super remote. I mean, I think, and I don't have Fenei, but I think even like most Aboriginal tribes and communities didn't live there because it was so difficult and hard to occupy. So my point being, it's those kind of places that things persist much longer than we think
Starting point is 00:31:54 they did. Right, that makes sense. For the simple reason that humans weren't there to fuck things up. And so do I think that that's outrageous? Not at all. Do I think that it's concrete proof by no means. You know, legends are passed down generationally. And especially the more remote you get like Arnhem Land, those legends live on longer because it takes more time for news to dissipate. If you know what I mean, like, oh, well, we don't see those things anymore in one tribe in New South Wales. It's like that's going to take 10 generations to make it up there to tell them we don't see those things anymore. So I wouldn't call any of it concrete. I always, I think it's absolutely believable that, that they're there much later. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:32:33 if there's a very low, whether it was like, oh, this is impassable or just a very low density of people that live there. Well, and it's also, stuck around. Sorry, Peter,
Starting point is 00:32:42 I don't want to interrupt you, but last train of thought on this. It's also the, the 4,000, 3,000, year ago number is based on when people first brought dingoes to Australia to out-compete thylacine. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Okay. So if you're bringing a dog to mainland Australia to out-compete the thylacine, where is the last place a dog is going to go? Where there's no people. Right. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess where there's no people in Arnhemland. So what does that make sense?
Starting point is 00:33:09 The native animals that are being out-competed by the superior predator are going to survive where the dingoes aren't the longest, which is exactly what happened in Tasmania. They would still be alive today if we hadn't decided to shoot them out because there were never dingoes brought there. Yeah. I don't know. I just want to say, I always, they always say, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:29 like there'll be these depictions of UFOs that are like from the Stone Age, right? Or like from 2000 years ago, they'll be like, yeah, like, this, there's like this depiction of something flying in the sky. And I'm always singing to myself, like, that's not really, this is a little different, but like that's not really proof. Like, because humans make stories up and like write stories, right? Like a lot of these, these things that are like written on cave walls and stuff, I feel like people, humans have always like made, imaginatively made up stories and stuff.
Starting point is 00:33:59 So it's not always necessary. That's a good point, right? You see something, you go, oh, they must have drawn something they saw. Right. Versus, like, my kid said that, like, she was flying on a flamingo in her dream. Exactly. Right. Like, well, oh, people used to fly on birds.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Especially in Australia, too, the Aboriginal culture have, is it called Dreamtime or Dreamland? Oh, yeah. What is that called? See, if you can find it, Kyle. It's, it's, it's like, dream. Dream time. Yeah, culture, dream time. So dream time in Aboriginal culture is, as you just said, my kid flying on a flamingo, it's dreams.
Starting point is 00:34:36 But this will probably explain it better. But basically that ancestral spirits and made up things are real. And that's like a cultural, I'm sure I'm butchering this. But you get what I mean? I get what you mean. They live in a space where dreams are just as real as your daytime experiences. Yeah. And so something you dream to them.
Starting point is 00:34:58 until Westerners came in and went, your dreams are bullshit, are just as real as physical objects. I mean, I like that. I kind of feel like, you know, I have very vivid dreams that I remember. And a lot of times they wake me up
Starting point is 00:35:15 and I'm up because I was just in like a harrowing experience. Right. And my body's fully reacting as if it was happening to me. Right? So I'm like, well, I just experienced that. So did it happen? Exactly. Because my brain thinks that I just executed somebody.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Right. Right. And my body's fully reacting to it. And I experienced the moment. Exactly. It's just that I'm not storing it in my long-term memories the only difference. But I experienced it. Well, there's no physical ramification.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Right. At the moment. Like long-lasting. But not to your outside body, but in the dream, there's physical ramifications. It's like an amazing VR experience. And I think that's the argument for Aboriginal Dreamtime. It's like, these things are real. We're just not physically experiencing them or mentally or emotionally.
Starting point is 00:36:04 I don't, man. A lot of people, a lot of people claim, and I mean, I believe them. Like, think about monks and shit who can do crazy shit. I mean, there's monks literally who can like, and people are going to say this doesn't happen. No, it does. That, like, can, like, create fucking fire with their fingers and shit. Oh, that I don't know. I swear to fucking God.
Starting point is 00:36:23 But anyways. I know they can slow their hearts down. They can slow their hearts down. down and survive very cold temperature. They can change their body temperature. Like, I think like our physical reality, we've, uh, as a whole society, Western, especially society has, uh, said like, okay, physical reality. Everything is physical, physical, physical, but I think we have a lot more control over
Starting point is 00:36:44 that shit than we think. Well, I mean, wet dreams are hilarious. Yeah, I'm so glad I'm going to add one in a long time. Oh, no. I mean, that's, I think that stops when you're about 17. It must. Yeah. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:36:53 I've had a mess as fucking adult. But like the fact that. your brain just thinks that like, you know, Tammy is sitting on your lap. Yeah. And then like, you're humping a pillow.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah. Just like, you actually experience it. It's like, you could, like, wake up and like, tell people like,
Starting point is 00:37:10 yeah, me and Tammy hooked up. Totally. Because it happened. I experienced it. I always thought it's weird how like, you know,
Starting point is 00:37:16 devout Christians are like, no, you can't masturbate. You can't do it. And I'm like, then why does God give hand jobs in the middle of the night
Starting point is 00:37:22 for men? Like, what are you talking? about. Like, if you don't do it, God's doing it for you. There are going to be some angry people here in that statement, but I love it. You think, oh, the God part? Yeah. I think it's really funny, though. I'm sorry. I have a quick animal quiz for you guys. It's not an animal mystery. It's a little quiz. Don't forget that new
Starting point is 00:37:44 story, Kyle, because it's very important to me. We'll come back to it. It's, I don't know what made me think of this. Maybe the reality of dream time. All right. First of all, I'm going to tell you an animal. Kyle, you're playing too. You're I'm the DJ. First of all, I'm going to name an animal. Then I'm going to ask you how many hours... No, sorry, I'm going to ask you how many naps you think it takes a day. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:05 Okay. And then we're going to... I'm going to give clues from there until we try and figure it out. Start with the animal of Kyle. Do you know all the answers? I do. I just learned about this. It's very fascinating.
Starting point is 00:38:14 And you memorized it. I did. Not in a dream. Okay. All right. I hope. Otherwise, this is not going to be a good segment. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:22 First of all, it's a penguin. Okay. All right. So should we all get... Oh, go ahead. No, no, it's okay. I'm just going to tell you the species because there's a bunch.
Starting point is 00:38:30 A chin strap penguin. Kyle, give me a pick. Never a picture. Didn't know there was such a thing as a chin strap penguin. Well, that's why I think we should look at this lovely thing. That's what my old nickname used to be. He's got a full-on chin strap beard.
Starting point is 00:38:41 Yeah, see the little chin strap beard, little pencil thin. He's got a Peter in 1999 cheered. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. Pencil thin chim strap. So this lovely guy is the chin strap penguin. Okay?
Starting point is 00:38:52 Yeah. Now, the first guess we're going to take is how many naps per day, meaning a 24-hour cycle, how many naps do you think this guy takes in a day? So I'm going to basically count nap as any period of sleep.
Starting point is 00:39:05 So even if it has a longer sleep, I'm just counting that as one nap. I'm going to how many sleeps. Sure. That's what I'm doing. I'm going to say, it's fucking cold. It's cold.
Starting point is 00:39:17 It's not that much to do. I'm going to say it sleeps a lot of different times. 16. 16 is a good, I know that penguins, when the male stays behind and sits on the egg and protects it, so he's just sitting there all fucking day. All day. Right.
Starting point is 00:39:34 But this isn't his length of sleep yet. We'll get to that. This is just how many naps for day. I'm assuming that all these animals are narcoleptic. So this penguin takes, I'm going to, 16 sounds way low. I'm going like 50. 50 naps a day. Kyle?
Starting point is 00:39:49 I know that. I'm just going to go 250. 2.50. Okay. So let me ask you. Like if I'm in math class in senior year of high school and I do this, does that count as an app? Absolutely. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:01 In fact, that's called a micro sleep, as we're going to learn later in this segment. Fascinating. Okay, 16, 50, and 250. All right. So now I'm going to give you another clue, and we're going to come back around on it. In a single day's period, a chin strap penguin will average about 11 hours of sleep. Okay. Now, the rest of the time, they have to be foraging, looking after a baby feeding.
Starting point is 00:40:20 I'm going to tell you, you're all wrong, and your numbers are. all substantially low. So let's take one more round of guesses, and then I'll give you the number. I'm going to go 11 hours of sleep, and I think it's averaging, geez, I think it's averaging 10 seconds now that you said microsnap or whatever it's called. Micro sleeps. So that's six naps. A micro nap and a microsleep are different, by the way, and we'll get into that too.
Starting point is 00:40:47 I learned a lot about this yesterday. Okay. I have a new guess. 4200. Wow. Wow. That's a good number. All right.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Yikes. I think that that's too high. I'm going, I do think it's still going to be really high. I'm going to say 2,000. Okay. Yeah, I was going to get $2,500. Oh, my God. Even me?
Starting point is 00:41:07 Even you. What's the number? Just go. Give me a higher number. 10,000. Yep. Jesus. Wow.
Starting point is 00:41:13 So it's all microsleep. It's all microsleep. So scientists have just for the first time implanted these little chips in the spinal cords of chinstap penguins, talk about a weird and pointless things. thing to do. And they found out that these guys will take up to 10,000 micro naps each day, lasting only up to about four seconds at a time. I was going to see. You were doing the math, huh? I was going to try, but yeah, four seconds. That sounds hellish. Yeah. Oh, my God. It sounds like a nightmare, bro. Just dad napping all day long.
Starting point is 00:41:46 It's in and out. How do you get a study like this funded? I mean, it sounds insane. Could not tell you. You'll have a billionaire uncle. It's the only way. It's very interesting, but it's like, does it push society forward in any way? Well, it's funny because the thing I did on MSNBC. Just so you know, that's, if it's 10,000, that's six naps a minute. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:42:10 For all 24 hours. How terrible is that? That sounds so bad. It's awful. You can't do it six per minute because you have to be fishing part of the time or, do you know what I mean? Yeah. So sometimes you just have to.
Starting point is 00:42:22 be doing it. Yeah, yeah, like 20 per minute. 20 per minute. Yeah. What a nightmare. It's just a series of micro naps when it's shaking its head. I guess. I don't know. But yeah, so a micro nap and a micro sleep, I forget what the differentiator was, but they're different because humans do microsleeps, which is what you just said. Yep. Which is that like, oh, God, I'm, you know, I'm out and I'm back in. But a micro nap is what these guys are doing, which is only four seconds. And it's basically your whole body falls asleep and then you're back. Yeah, yeah. So they get, yeah, when you
Starting point is 00:42:52 do it. Everybody's done it. Like you're driving or something. You're really tired and you go, oh, exactly. Oh, exactly. So, wait, can I read that distinction? Because this is interesting. Please. A micro sleep is an involuntary and dangerous one to 30 second lapse into sleep due to severe deprivation often occurring with eyes open. Oh, shit. Conversely, the micro nap is voluntary, intentional. Is that like when you're when you're like driving late at night and you just like don't realize how how you've drove for the past 10 minutes? Yeah, like your brain's, power down for like 10 seconds. Yeah. Dude, you ever been driving?
Starting point is 00:43:26 And it's always driving. Yeah, it's always driving, man. I used to like, I used to like, especially in high school, like what you were mentioning in high school, how you just fall asleep randomly. Yeah. I used to just like not drive after dark because I would do it. If I was in the car for 10 minutes, I'd start falling. Dude, when I was a teenager, I fell asleep driving so many times. Like I, yeah, exactly. It's crazy. This is, I'm not, it's not true. It's because fucking. schools make kids go and start school like fucking 8.30. It's ridiculous. Kids, like teenagers go to bed at like 2 a.m. And they need to sleep a lot. I know. It's, it's fucking insane. And that it ruins the parents' life. Like,
Starting point is 00:44:05 I got a big vendetta against the early school starts. Ray Romano had a great joke about micro-naps when you're sleeping. Okay. Where he was like, I'm not going to do his voice. Do it. Please. Please. Please. You fall asleep. You almost drive off the road. And then it happens again two minutes later. He's like, what other near-death experience do you have and then you're still sleeping? Yeah. He's like, if I'm asleep and a bullet flies through the window and lands on the bed spread, I'm not just going right back to sleep.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Dude, it's so true, man. You have no control over it. You're just like, whoop. Okay, let's keep going. You can do, man. I used to be so ballsy because I would always go my full day and then I would embark on a road trip overnight. Yes. So that I could get there the next night.
Starting point is 00:44:48 We used to do the exact same thing. And like, just the whole time, slapping yourself. just scream singing, pulling over for a three-minute nap at a truck stop. Dude, chugging monsters, taking no-dose. Remember those gas station pills, no-dose? Made you feel all terrible. Caffeine pills. Dude, I got a news story that's wicked important.
Starting point is 00:45:06 All right, here we go. Here we go. All right. I mean, we've done, at nauseam, we've probably done five different types of candy rankings on the show. It'll be all like candy. Well, we've been on the air for 10 calendar years. Yeah, that's true. Everyone knows that the Kit Kat is one of the most important and prolific candies in America.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Yeah, everybody knows you kit. You can break them into four sticks. You can eat them as just one square. If you bite the four together, you're such a menace to say it. I'm going to bring some next time. I want to have you try it. I refuse. The mouth feel is excellent.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Well, what if I told you we could be having, our friends in Europe might be having some. issues getting their lovely Kit Kat to go with their tea. Oh no. I know exactly what the story is. I love it. It was a huge story. 24,000 pounds, over 413,000 bars of Kit Kat were somehow stolen. 24,000 pounds insane. As they were being shipped from Italy to the country of Poland, they literally disappeared. Yeah. Which nobody knows. what has happened to 24,000 pounds of KitKat. Look up the monetary value. It's like $2.5 million of KitKat.
Starting point is 00:46:28 This was huge news. I remember seeing this all over that day when it happened. I had not seen this. Dude, it's so funny. What is the monetary value of $425,000? Was there is there, there has to be like some evidence of where these are going. Like, what the fuck are they going to do with these? If you steal one KitKat bar and get away with it, sure.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Yeah. Like easy. Get it. I, dude, I pocketed them at gas stations. I was a teenager. No problem. Statute of limitation. Yeah, you were tired. If you're stealing if you're stealing 12 ton of them and getting
Starting point is 00:46:58 away with it, you're a fucking genius. Yes. Because like okay, so they're like, well each bar has a traceable code on it. Right. That's fucking crazy. No one's doing that. Like you're not getting them back. The fucking assistant general manager at the right aid
Starting point is 00:47:14 when he receives a shipment of cat is not going to be like, I'm going to check these for the stolen cat. Oh God no. I love why you shortened it to cat. I was like, wait, did he say cat? What the fuck's you talking about? I mean, how big would that be? I mean, I'm guessing it's one full shipping.
Starting point is 00:47:28 It's got to be a shipping container. Yeah, so it'd probably fill this whole studio. By the way, this didn't happen in, fucking Somalia. This happened between Italy and Poland. Bro. Like, this is a planned heist. Yes. This is not like a fly-by-night.
Starting point is 00:47:40 I'm going to steal some kit guys. Does it say how it was being transported? Was it, was it in a truck or a train? It had to be a ship. A ship, right? How is it being transported? How the fuck? Are they getting this off of a ship?
Starting point is 00:47:52 Kit Kat Heist. Dude, 10 years from now is going to come out as a movie starring Ben Affleck. Dude, it would be... Dude, it's a great idea for a movie. Thieves steal 12 tons of kids. Oh, from a truck. Okay, so is a truck. All right, that makes more sense at least.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Does it? That's harder. That's harder. You think so? Bro, you steal a shipping container off a ship somehow, like plopping into the ocean, load it and take off. Like, okay, I get it. You pull into any port anywhere. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:20 How do you stop a truck and get 413,000 bars without anybody noticing? I mean, the truck driver had to be taking the longest shit in history. Oh, are you going to unload? I'm saying, though, he must have fallen asleep. What, okay, is there more to this? Like, they must have, you know, like, investigating this talk to the fucking driver. And he's like, oh, yeah. Like somebody pulled up and stopped the truck.
Starting point is 00:48:44 Is that information out there? No, no, they disappeared. It was like, he was like away from the truck. And then they were gone. Yeah, yeah. That's because they don't have any, they're not talking about them. I like to think it was like full oceans 11.
Starting point is 00:48:55 The truck driver was completely oblivious. He never stopped once. Yeah, like very vigilant, you know, the whole thing was in motion. Yes, there was like Fast and the Furious style elements.
Starting point is 00:49:04 100%. Yeah, it's confusing. There's mirrors. There's like a now you see me, now you don't kind of thing. Oh. So,
Starting point is 00:49:10 magic aliens were, pole vaulting. Who's, like, I said who's paying for the penguin research, but who's paying for this operation? How are you unloading these and getting,
Starting point is 00:49:19 Turning these into money. Some rich Russian oligarch in a red track suit who just loves Kit Kats. I think if this were me, if I had put together this heist, I'd come out and take the fucking jail time. I mean, I just did it so you guys knew I would know that I could do it. They're here. I got them over here. Like, I don't even care. I'm just telling you I did it.
Starting point is 00:49:40 I'm not going to tell you how I did it, but I did it. I am the greatest heist puller offer in history. Dude, you mentioned Ocean's 11. Yeah. Yeah. I think we should do a battle royale. Oh, boy. Ooh, we haven't done one.
Starting point is 00:49:51 I think I know what time it is. Wow, right on that. It's been a while. It's been a long time. What? The Battle Roy. Yeah, but by. I mean, I don't want to send you onto a 16-hour flight without a Battle Royale.
Starting point is 00:50:07 I agree. I think that's smart. What's going to happen is you're going to blow it. And you'll have the next 16 hours to think about what went wrong. Yep, this is true, especially if I'm put on the spot, which I'm about to be. Okay. So, there's a shipment. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:19 of delicious kit cat bars. Okay. All right. That is being shipped on a truck from Italy to Poland. I've heard of this. Okay. That's good.
Starting point is 00:50:29 You are going to put together a team of three trained thieves that are trained up to the max of their ability. Yep. Oh my God. To assist you in pulling off the biggest chocolate heist in the history of Europe.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Sure. 414,000 chocolate bars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's 1,000 bigger. That's right.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Jesus. So it's not head body legs. Okay. It's a team. A team. Animals. Yep. They can all work together.
Starting point is 00:50:56 They are like the most trained one of that animal that's ever lived. Understood. But here's what you can't do. Yeah. You can't be like, oh, I'm going to have a bee and then give it some human thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Understood. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:07 That makes it much more complex. But I get it. They're trained. Okay. Kyle will judge. Yep. As will the Brouseners. Let us know who you think wins.
Starting point is 00:51:14 Peter, you go first. Okay. I'm going to go first. That means I get three. That's correct. Pick your whole team. Bro, all right, I'm taking, I'm taking an African elephant
Starting point is 00:51:24 just because I'm going to need somebody to haul this load. That's all I know so far. That's all I know so far. I hadn't thought of the movement element of the chocolate. Well, I'm going to just have a truck waiting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Fair. No, the elephant's going to pull up. No, shit. You can charge a premium for elephant pulled chocolate. All right. So, yeah, I'm going to, okay, so pick your team
Starting point is 00:51:47 and then tell us how you're going to do the heist. Yeah. This is testing me here because I haven't eaten in three days. Okay. African elephant for Peter. Okay. I'm going for pure pulling strength. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:52:03 For a lot of different reasons. I'll explain later. I want a gorilla. Oh, it's going to be very useful. It's good. It's very useful. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.
Starting point is 00:52:14 It's a good pick. It's a good one. This is going to be very shocking when I first say. but there's logic behind all of this. My first pick, the simple reindeer. Okay. Because he pulls Santa.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Nope, nothing to do with pulling. Pulling is, you guys got pulling going on right now. So my first pick is a simple reindeer. And when we explain the elaborate high style,
Starting point is 00:52:37 explain why. My second pick, is this is a snake draft, Peter, which means I go twice. Sure. Gotcha. Is going to be
Starting point is 00:52:43 a very large, reticulated python. Okay. All right. I think I know what you're going to do. I think I know what he's going to do, too. That's smart. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Well, I'm going to get the second member of my team as my heist has solidified in my head here. What's the largest species of porcupine? African porcupine. I will have one African porcupine, please. Okay, very nice. This is, wow, my brain is going a lot of different directions. I know what I'm going to do. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I know what I'm going to do. Is it my turn now? Yeah, round out your team. Wait, with two picks? Yeah. Yeah, there we go. So I've got to have something. I've been trying to think and listen, which is very difficult.
Starting point is 00:53:21 It's why I hate battle royal owls. But I'm trying to think of an animal that can grab very quickly and pick. And so, like, you know, so it can pick all the fucking candy. Like a pistol shrimp. Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to say, I'm going to pick, you know, because when I think of it, I think of like a chimpanzee picking off bugs from their friends' heads all the time. So I think they're good grabbers and pickers. So I got a chimpanzee.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Grabbers and pickers. And then I'm going to take a hippo. to stop the truck in its tracks. It's going to die right away because it's going to actually... You did already have an elephant. No, the elephant I need. The elephant I need.
Starting point is 00:53:55 The elephant is in need. I'm going to explain my heist now. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. How's this work? No, wait, wait. Does it come back and then we explain that way?
Starting point is 00:54:03 No, you're good. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let me just explain my heist because it's going to be... You're going to forget it. So, yeah, let's do it. Hippo's dead. Yeah, the hippo is going to die immediately
Starting point is 00:54:10 because it's going to go right in front of the truck. Like, and the driver's just, oh, hippo is dead. That's okay, though. The truck is now stopped and it is turned over. Well, the driver's dead, so you've already won the highest. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I've done two things right now. I've gotten rid of the hippo. This was actually the most simple. Yeah. I killed the driver. We walked off with the kick cats. The driver's dead. The hippo's dead.
Starting point is 00:54:31 The truck is overturned. Now I got the chimpanzee. And I'm there too, obviously, leading the whole thing. So I'm helping. And me and the chimp are just loading up, loading up Santa's sleigh. We have our own sleigh that the elephant's ready to pull. We get all the kick cats. onto that sled and I hop on the elephant, the chimpanzee hops on the kick cats, and we take
Starting point is 00:54:51 off into the sunset. Very nice. It makes a ton of sense. Especially the killing the driver part. That never even occurred to me. I would have just been like, I'm just getting a black mamba and putting it in with the driver also. When the investigation team comes, they're going to see a dead hippo, like it ran into the hippo
Starting point is 00:55:06 and all the kick cats. I don't think they're going to think they're going to think the hippo ate all the kick cats. They're going to think the hippo ate all the kickups. Yeah, like an animal came and ate them all or something, 400,000, 400,000 kick cats. Cat Bar. Mine's a little different. So I'm going to take a coconut crab. Wow. So what I'm going to do. That's your third option. Yeah. Yeah. So my heist is a little simpler and I'm not going to murder someone. Simpler than what I did? Yeah. Wow. So I'm going to have my pork, my African porkiepin, run out into the road in front of the truck. It's going to run over those sharp quills. Okay, good. Popping tires and then causing him to veer off the road and for the truck to turn over. Very smart. At which point. I will just produce my pistol and just hold him at bed, the driver at bed.
Starting point is 00:55:49 If he's okay, I'll just say, I'm not going to fucking kill you, but if you move, I'll fucking kill you. That's serious. A pistol shrimp or a real pistol? No, my pistol. Oh, okay, I thought pistol shrimp. At which point, the coconut crab will pop the lock off the back of the truck with its amazing crushing power.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah. It will then grab one box of Kit Katz in each claw. Uh-huh. Well, the gorilla uses the pallet jack to just haul pallet after pallet to my nearby waiting truck. Very nice. At which point, once the truck's loaded, at that point, I will execute the driver. For no reason.
Starting point is 00:56:23 For driver. All right. So we all had a different approach to this, which I like. So mine, the fact that he's moving between Italy and Poland makes me think that when he's in these colder climates and he sees a lovely, injured, very well trained, remember, but not with human thoughts. Reindeer on the road, having some compassion, our driver will have. course, stop the vehicle. Wow. Now, he's going to see this, this reindeer laying on the road and
Starting point is 00:56:49 think, oh, God, it's in the middle of the highway. I need to, I need to tend to it. Or at least move it, so I can get by. Right. In the time that he is tending to this reindeer, which is, again, exceptionally well-trained. It's getting up. It's staggering. It's falling down again. It's tricking. It's fooling, this gentleman. It's delaying while my third animal, which I'm yet to name, which is a macaque. Oh, wow. And I'll explain why, because I had this experience in Bali. I didn't assume the truck would be locked. So, my macaque, being very textile and dexterous with his hands, will come in and open the vehicle for my reticulated python, the strongest snake in the world, to slither in amongst the palates,
Starting point is 00:57:26 curl, and pull them back out of the truck. Smart. Now, as the kick-cats become unloaded from the vehicle, the snake will, of course, exits very well-trained snake, and the macaque, being a very intelligent monkey, will close the back of the truck. at that point in time the reindeer will know that the heist is over he'll get up and wander off
Starting point is 00:57:47 and the guy will be like wow I'm a real hero for saving that reindeer can't wait to get to my destination unload these kick cats and tell everybody how I save this reindeer he's just gonna drive off
Starting point is 00:57:57 pops right in the truck little he doesn't even look behind the truck to see over 400,000 what happened why would he know that his kick cats are gone he's been tending
Starting point is 00:58:07 he's been Instagramming his reindeer I don't do this regularly but I think think you might have won because I really think you cracked the actual case of this news story. That might have been it. Yeah. Yeah, I'll give it up. So I, a quick sidebar to that. Kyle, think about who's winning, but real quick sidebar story to that. I think I told this once before on the pod, but when I went to Bali, there were macaques there, which is why I picked this, that did fucking heists for candy bars. Did I tell you guys about this?
Starting point is 00:58:33 Stole my sunglasses and had to buy like a Snickers bar from a lady and give it to the monkey, and then he gave me my sunglasses. Yeah. So she trained. up the macaque. Yeah, it was a complete fucking farce. Because she knows you're not going to punch the macaque. I'm not going to pay- How does she know you're not going to punch her? She doesn't know because she comes over, sweet little lady is like, would you like to buy a candy bar? I can get your sunglasses back. And you're like, well, yeah, I mean, he's 30 feet in the tree. I need my sunglasses. I've told several people that story because it's so unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:59:01 So you had him like up on top of your head. I don't remember it was my head or my neck, but he just came and grabbed him from me and then just bolted up this tree and it was fucking super fat macaque. Look at the teeth on these macaques. You're not going to fuck with that macaque. You are not going to fuck about that thing. He willingly handed back. Literally the lady like comes over and she's like, oh, and like, it pretends like she
Starting point is 00:59:22 like is trying to help you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she like calls the monkey down. And it took a while. It wasn't like instant, but the monkey comes down and literally puts his hand out with the sunglasses and goes like this. And then you give him the candy bar and take the sunglasses. I bet a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:59:35 I know it was a fucking griff because I started to do it again 10 minutes later. I was going to say like, I was going to ask you. How did you know because you're an animal guy? Because I feel like a lot of people wouldn't make that connection, but you saw him do it. Well, I was just so suspicious. And then I kind of hung out and on the way back out of the temple, I saw it happening a second time. And I was like, the same lady selling a fucking other Snickers bar. I was like, it's some bullshit right here.
Starting point is 00:59:57 That is hilarious. And then the macaque gets the Snickers bar. That's genius. He's trained. All right, Kyle. I had the dog leg us there. That's why I picked McCack. He got one kick cat out of the deal.
Starting point is 01:00:08 So a lot of different strategies. he's here. Very, very different. For me, there's one easy and clear winner. However, better be me. And it is Peter. Yeah, baby. It's the most straightforward. It's just straight to the punch. Right. So it's the guy hits a hippo killing
Starting point is 01:00:24 the driver. He's destroyed. And then there's no trickery. There's no foolery. You don't have to worry about anything. Why does the chimp then do? The chimp helps me unload because they're good at picking the, they lice off of the other chimps. He's just a fast picker. And then there's an elephant that just carries the money. Or the kickbacks away. How is that? The clean is
Starting point is 01:00:40 They're going to see an elephant towing a cart the size of this, both of these rooms on wheels down the highway whereas I have mine loaded into a truck and the driver's never going to say it works The objective was not the cleanest It was just to do the
Starting point is 01:00:59 objective. That's right. Just to do the objective. Peter did the objective. Mine was the best movie. Can I get a ding ding? We're technically not supposed to argue with Kyle over this.
Starting point is 01:01:10 I can say nothing. It's the first one I've ever won. Listen, there's one fun thing to announce to the brosters. In case you don't know, we do how many bonuses extra a month? Four. Four. We do four additional podcasts per month. And it's a lot of us telling stories and having fun, but a very special month, not just singular
Starting point is 01:01:27 episode, because we have a very famous friend of the pod, Bradley Trevor Greve, who has so many insane stories. This guy's broken more bones than anybody I've ever met. He's had crazier animal adventures than I have. He hasn't been on in like 18 months and he's been off traveling the world having really fun adventures. Crazy stuff. So if you guys want to listen to some of BTG's stories, he's going to be joining us on the bonuses for a bunch this month, not even as a guest of the pod, but as a guest host to chat with us, which is actually really exciting because his stories are crazy. Love them.
Starting point is 01:01:59 BTG. Speaking of that, Peter, do the thing. Explain what people can get all this. Get all those bonus podcasts. It's only a little bit per month, I think, as low as three bucks per month. If you go on the Patreon to get all those bonus pods at wild times.com. Forward slash info. You can also get all the bonuses on Apple and on Spotify and Patreon.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Go do it. Support the show. You love the pod. We do it. We love you. Thank you. Good night. Everybody.
Starting point is 01:02:22 No problems here. Good battle. Roy. I haven't done one of those in a sack. Yeah, it was good. I was good. You have a great plane ride. I thought it's funny that you said break.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in, loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans.

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