Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Forrest Galante On Nearly Sinking To The Bottom of the Ocean

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

This episode Forrest shares a scary moment from an upcoming tv show, a man getting flipped by a bison, and are zoos false advertising? Enjoy! (TWT 208)Factor: Get 50% off at https://factormeals.com/wild50off with code WILD50OFFPestie: Protect your home from summer bugs. Go to https://pestie.com/WILD for 10% off your order.Get More Wild Times Podcast Episodes:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/wildtimespod/subscribehttps://www.patreon.com/wildtimespodMore Wild Times:Instagram: http://instagram.com/wildtimespodTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespodcastFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/X: https://x.com/wildtimespodDiscord: https://discord.gg/ytzKBbC9DbWebsite: https://wildtimes.club/Merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merchBattle Royale Card Game: https://wildtimes.club/brOur Favorite Products:https://www.amazon.com/shop/thewildtimespodcastMusic/Jingles by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkeyThis video may contain paid promotion.#ad #sponsored #forrestgalante #extinctoralive #podcast

Is that what you do? There's no way you did that on the drive over here. I did for like five minutes. What in the TikTok shop sales made you think this is a real thing? Well, this is a real thing. This is this is this has 40,000 reviews on Amazon. It strengthens your voice because I've lost my voice a few times on the pod. So I was at a concert on Friday and I was like, I better get one of these and start doing it.

So you could be wild at the concert? Yeah, I was fucking singing my ass on. So what do you do? Wait, wait, wait, wait. You went to a concert. You took this out of your pocket, put in your mouth and sung along. On the drive. No, I put somebody else's dick in my mouth while I was at the concert.

Show us what you do with it. So it's called a sing ring. It's got these holes on it. This is scientifically backed. Like if, just strength and shut the fuck up. It is. Listen. Yeah.

People will back me on this. I've seen the science. I didn't read it. I just saw the headline. But so straw breathing strengthens your vocal cords. So you can do this with a straw. Okay. It's just a pain in the ass and obviously.

Well, you'd look ridiculous. Like this is like a tiny flute, right? Give it a whirl. Do the intro, because you don't know this, but I made Kyle start recording. So this is all on air. Oh, shit. Do the intro. You'd look more straight with a cock in your mouth.

Oh shit, I was doing it on the wrong eye. Let me try it again. Oh, you don't want to do it out of the wrong end. Okay, here we go. This is the Wild Times podcast. Peter is singing it to a straw to strict his voice. In his pocket. Let's see if you guys can translate what I'm saying.

Holy shit. I'm amazed. The way your eyes just puffed up when you started trying to sing into that thing. La la la la la la la. Dude, it just made you lose your voice. Oh, my voice is, my voice is silky smooth. Stronger than ever. Welcome to the Wild Times podcast.

We are in the studio. I had Kyle, if this is your first time watching, it's really just a nonsense podcast, but I had Kyle start recording because Peter was ranting about his metal straw that he just purchased. Guys, he knew we were about to start recording the show. And he goes, oh, shoot, I better do my breathing exercise.

I didn't say breathing exercise. What'd you call it? His vocal warm-up. Did I say vocal? It's like Ron Burgundy. I, you know, like I explained, I was at a concert, dude. And I, dude, losing your voice in trying to do a podcast is horrible. Not only because of the physical strain, I just get really fucking angry internally when I have to listen to you to for a long, like, for like without it being able to interject once in a while, make fun of you.

That's fair. That's fair. Okay. Do we need to do intros? We're past that at this point. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Hey, Cal.

Yeah. I got a question for you. Yeah. What's in the news? Oh, I like that. What's in the news? What is in the news? Well, I just saw this headline, and I have a feeling it's as bullshit as Shark Week

and my Shark Week shows are themselves. Let's not do it then. Prehistoric Shark Sparks Beach Mystery in Queensland. Hey, I threw myself under the bus there. I was self-deprecating. It's fair. Let's see what it says here. A rare juvenile goblin shark washed ashore at Cullum Beach, making it the first known record of the species in Queensland and Northern Australia.

That's it. Well, I mean, look. That's the story. I find that to be kind of interesting just because goblin sharks are so crazy. Yeah, damn. Like it's one of those things where you just send someone a picture of a goblin shark with no. Look at that. Yeah.

That's five feet long, by the way. Yeah. No, I think, I mean. What the fuck is on his head. Kyle, pull up a range map of goblin shark. globally. I have a feeling we have no idea. Zero clue. They swim super deep. Yeah, they're down at 6,000 feet. We don't really know what their range is.

So we're just, there are these range maps out there. Here they are with these little tiny hotspots. You're telling me they're not connected. Well, it's also funny because if you look at the range maps, they're all right on shore. Right. Exactly. They're not showing any like pelagic action whatsoever where of course they're swimming through those parts. It's just where they've seen them wash up. Exactly. I have a feel. feeling if you just connected all those dots with lines, you'd be like, oh, their range is global. They're everywhere. They're just down at 6,000 feet. Swimming at 3,000 to 5,000 feet. Exactly. Yep, exactly.

Goblin sharks living in the dark. What do you think of that? I think it's, your voice sounds so deep and amazing. Let's play a game. You want to play a game straight out of this shark, a bit of I get the shark news. It's very cool. Goblin sharks are amazing. Let's do this. Let's do this. Okay. I recently saw that Jason Derulo, who I know, by the way, and is a very nice guy, I got in big trouble for having a shark tank in the floor of his living room. Have you seen this? No, I'm not. So, Kyle, see if you can find it.

This kick streamer went over there. And he... Where is it? Yeah, this is it right here. Let's watch this real quick. So this guy named Neon goes over to Jason DeRulo's house. I'm learning this as we go here. And Jason DeRillo has a shark tank in the floor of his living room.

And in the interview, the kid with the blonde hair, Neon, says, this is cool. What happened? Like, I like your tank. And Jason Derulo goes, yeah, I put sharks in it and ate all the fish. That made people go crazy. Made them go crazy. And then the sharks ate the fish? Or he ate the fish?

No, the sharks ate the fish. It wouldn't be a problem if he ate the fish. Which is fucking weird. Well, that's what sharks do, first of all. Right. And look, I mean, there's a bunch of things here. People got upset that he has a shark as a pet or several by the looks of things. People got upset that he put the sharks in without,

considering the welfare of the fish. Sharks do eat fish, by the way, if you're watching this and learning this at home. Even I know that. And, you know, look, I mean, I'm not sure what he expected. You had a reef tank. You put some sharks in it. Sharks grew up ate the fish. I'm not sure what, like, people are that upset about. But my point of bringing all this up is, in our hypothetical game that we're going to play here, you get to, you have a bazillion dollars. You're Elon Musk wealthy. You're going to build a private, shark tank in your home, which is of course enormous because of your wealth. There is nothing that you cannot have.

Meaning if you want a goblin shark, you can have one. They're going to pressurize it. They're going to do whatever. What is your shark tank that's going to get you canceled? All right. So I was just at the Maui Ocean Center, which is one of the coolest aquariums I've ever been to. Ooh, very cool. I must go.

I must go. And, you know, every time I go to an aquarium, I'm like, man, the fucking lit up jellyfish tank is the coolest thing. You love the jellyfish tank. But, holy shit, man. The fucking octopus action. Oh, my God. It was outrageous.

Good octo action. Dude, so they had this enclosure and they have two octopus in there, but they were separated by a glass divider. Okay. Which I was actually curious. I didn't, they didn't explain why. They'd rip each other to pieces probably.

Right? Yeah. Okay. They're very territorial. But dude, they were moving and like just fucking climbing around and doing crazy shit and changing color right in front of your face. Okay. I could have watched it for like four hours.

That good, huh? It was so good. So I would go, I'm going to small octopus. Okay. Because when you go to aquariums where they have the huge ones, they don't move that much. Here's the thing about that. These little guys are just cruising and changing. Here's the thing about that.

You don't need to be a billionaire. I will come to your house with a fish tank from my garage and we will go to the tide pools and catch two, two spot octopus. I have this set up in two hours for it. Really? Dead serious. I had one in college in my frat house. Really?

Yeah. Oh, dude, I didn't know that you could like, I mean, I guess it makes sense. What do you feed it? Just throw a couple. Squid, shrimp, fish, dog food, literally anything. They're so smart and they eat pretty much anything. Yeah. But yeah, no, I literally went to the tide pools in front of my house in Santa Barbara and went

and caught some and had them in a tank with a chill. How big were they? When I put them in, they were like this big and by the time I let them go, they were like that big. Wow. What are you going, Peter? Keep your WhatsApp real quick. I got a, I want to show.

show you what an octopus would do if you had it as a pet right here. This went viral about four days ago. Oh, boy. Turn it up. It's bananas. First of all, he's not having sex with the octopus if you're only listening. He is. He might be.

The octopus is having sex with his face. Is that real? Yeah. I do think it's real. I also think it's staged in the sense of the guy picked up the octopus and put it on his face. Okay. I do too. Yeah.

But what an octa... So, for a... Or would an octopus be this difficult to get off? A big one, yeah. I mean, Kyle, see if you can find a video of, like, guys catching giant Pacific octopus, like free divers catching them. So does that octopus think it's fighting? Yeah, it's fighting for its life, basically.

Okay. Yeah. Throw it back in the water, you dumb fuck. He does. Yeah, he did. I don't know if they'll have any videos of this, but you see free divers catching these GPs, these giant Pacific octopus. And they're, yeah, they can drown you.

Oh, yeah, dude. And they should. I've seen them. They should. Isn't there a famous video of an octopus ripping scuba diver's mask off? I don't remember that. I can't watch this.

Like, I would rather watch... What's your temperature on squid? I don't know much about them, but I literally am like, I can't eat octopus anymore. They're so smart. They're like smarter than us. I still eat them. I still eat them too.

That's great. I'm gonna build my tank Wait hold on can I show one thing on the octopus thing real quick Kyle look at what I just sent you on WhatsApp I don't know if I told you guys this or not That's me Is that a cold ball squid? That's a giant Humboldt squid

Bro it literally looks like a giant dick With tentacles It does but very fucking mean tentacles to be clear Yeah crazy razor sharp beaks on every Like hundreds on each tentacle A huge huge beak in the center of it That's like this big Wow.

Yeah, that was for that pray show that I've been working on. That was down in the Sea of Cortez about a month ago. Right now I am tethered in this photo. I am tethered to the boat hanging at about 40 feet under the boat. Yeah. And these big squid are coming up and you see the chain mail I'm wearing? Yeah. Trying to grab me and bite at me.

Wow. I didn't know they were so aggressive. I had bruises left on my body from it. Wait, so they bite really hard with their mouths and they have these sharp beaks all over their tentacles? Yeah. See if you can find a picture of a Humboldt squid beak, Kyle. I actually brought a beak home.

I have one on my shelf from a stranding where we found them. But they have crazy big beaks in them. And there's a lot of jaw pressure. Look at that thing. Yeah, like that. Holy shit. It's no joke. It's like a parrot beak.

Yeah, it really does. And, you know, we wore the, our eye and my cameraman, Mike, wore the chain mail intentionally because we knew. And I interviewed a scientist who had tried to dive with them. and he had one bite him. And he said, didn't even feel it. It was so fast.

Got 11 stitches. Oh. Yeah. Fruit, and, yeah, that's actually really cool. So what, you basically,

what did you do? You shine a big light down there? So it's, it's kind of barbaric. You catch them. So you, first of all, they're a swarming animal,

right? Like a hive of bees. Oh, yeah. So they're swarming around. They only, they're cyclical. They only show up every 20 years or so then they disappear.

We don't even know where they go. Oh, but show up in the millions and millions. Like, we have, I have videos on my Instagram of squid strandings on the beach where there's 200 of them stranded. And they showed up in the Steve Cortez. My buddy Mike told me, I was like, we got to go. We got to go.

So we bombed down there to make the show totally just fly by the seat of our pants. And it all worked out. We had a ton of big squid lights, a ton of big battery generators. Like, you know, there's like jackery battery things. So ran the squid lights off of generators, off battery generators. And then you fish them down at like two, 300 feet. And the more you fish them, the more they eat the ones you're fishing. Wow.

And so you fish them and they're totally cannibalistic. And they start ripping each other to shreds. And you start catching them at 300 feet. Then you're catching them at 200 feet. Then you're catching at 100 feet. Then you're catching them at 40 feet. And they follow it up. And you catch, if you get one up, there's like two thirds of it left.

You dice it up and throw it back in the water and they come up to eat their brothers and sisters. Fucking wild. It's gnarly, dude. And then you get them all hived and frenzied up and you hop in. It was crazy. Wow. Not a lot of people have done this. So it was a wild fucking thing to do.

So wait. Was this for your, YouTube or for the TV? No, for the TV show. Interesting. Yeah. I've never done, Pat, you'll find that's really interesting. So for those watching at home or listening to home, when you make a TV show, you never know what's going to happen in the field, but you go into it with a plan, right? Pat, we've talked about this. You always have like, okay, here are the five acts. Act one, we go searching, Act two, you find a clue, you know, that leads you to this in Act three, whatever it happens to me, right? You always have a

plan. This was one where I talked about doing Humboldt Squid as well. one of these episodes, I am Prey, for a long time. And I was like, it's an El Nino year. This could happen. There's no guarantees. We haven't seen them in 20 years. I get a call for my buddy Mike. He goes, squitter here. This is on like a Friday. On the Wednesday of the following week, we're driving to Baja. Like, let's fucking go. And it was like, do we have a creative? Nope. Do we have a plan? Nope. What do we have? I have my truck full of lights and generators and fucking fishing rods and squid jigs. And a night suit. A knife of arm. A chain mail. Scuba gear. just fucking bring it all and let's send it.

And we just did that, dude. And I think it's going to be one of the best episodes of the season. Because we just like, okay, I know what I have to do to go try to find these squid. Yep. So I'll just kind of explain what I'm doing. Exactly. And I think people think that like, you know, unscripted TV, like what we do has no plan and you just follow along. And a lot of times the best, most of the time, I think you'd agree, the best moments are

when you didn't have a plan. Yes. And shit just happens. This whole thing we didn't have a plan. Right. But in TV, if you come home empty-handed, that's it. Like, you're done. Well, you just wasted a lot of money.

Yeah, and, you know, you have camera guys and safety guys and insurance and all the shit. This one was like, it was like, they were like, are you going to get it? I was like, I don't know, but we're going. We're going to do something here. Yeah, I was sick. So how many, when you got in the water, how many squid were able to see? At one time, the most I saw was four. Okay.

So there was never the big swarm. And I think it's because our safety guy tied the rope off at 60 feet. and we were just drifting out in the open ocean. Right. Thousands of feet. By the way, in an area that I've never seen a shark and I've been to hundreds of times and all the locals say there's no sharks and we saw dozens of sharks. Maybe because the squid are there.

I think the sharks are falling the squid. Yeah. See? I should be a animal expert. You should be. And anyway, yeah, so our safety guys, it's pitch black. It's all at night. We're chumming squid with squid and fish.

And you're wearing 60 pounds of chain mail in thousands of feet of water. Yeah. So if you fuck up. your air or anything, you're just to the bottom. So our safety guy, because you have all this weight on you. Right. But what do you mean if you fuck up your air? If you don't regulate your buoyancy correctly, you are not strong enough.

You cannot swim. No, you're not strong enough. You'll just sink to your depths. God. And if your BC fails, like if the air fails in your BCD and your vest, because that's what regulates your buoyancy, or you fuck up or you're not paying attention because you have no point of reference. There's no ground.

There's no kelp. There's nothing to look at. You just sink like a stone to your. death. So our safety guy, this was mandated by the network, I think I've talked about this before, because I was like, fuck the safety guy. I know what I'm doing. Blah, blah, blah, like being grumpy. Our safety guy was like, no, I am locking you off at 60 feet. So you'll have a, you'll have a harness on under your BC and a rope to 60 feet. What did I do? I got in. I was like, I'm not even going to need that fuck off. Like, like, fuck you. Ra, right, right. You know, like being my typical grumpy

itself. And he's like, okay, well, I'm still doing this per my, like, this is what I've been paid to do and what I'm doing. I got in the water and I was like, I'm only going to go to 20 feet. I'm not even going to go to 60 feet. Within one second, I was like hanging from the rope. Really?

Oh, if I hadn't had that rope on, I would have been gonzo. Oh, I mean, I'm sure I would have at some point looked at my computer, me like,

fuck, I'm at 110 or 120 and added air and gone up, but I sunk like a stone in that chain mail. Holy shit. Yeah. I didn't realize it was that heavy.

Yeah, it's heavy. It's hard to operate in. Damn. Anyway, it was crazy. That sounds so claustrophobic. It's terrible. That's a nightmare.

And then you're in pitch black in a full wetsuit because you don't want the squid to bite you. Then you have chain mail on, which weighs 60 pounds, including a hood and a face thing and everything. Then you have a harness going to the surface. Then you have a BCD scuba gear on top of it. Right. I mean, I had so much gear on me. Like I couldn't fucking move. And it was so hot and like couldn't breathe and like couldn't regulate your buoyancy.

It was hectic, dude. And the camera guys wearing all the same shit plus holding a camera. Plus holding a 40-pound camera. Mike Nalti. He's a guy who lives in Baja, who's been a buddy of mine. I've heard you talk about it. Yeah, he's worked on our Shark Weeks for like four or five years now. He's a great dude. Kyle, would you, if Forrest had called you and was like, yeah, I need you to come film this.

Would you do that? After hearing that, I'd be very hesitant to do that. Well, I wouldn't tell you any of that. I would just be like, all right, Kyle, gear. At that point, I'm in, yeah. Yeah, so then you're just there and they're like put the 60 pounds of chain there on, pal. Okay. It's funny.

I was noting a cut of this same. show where I go and I'm in a zebra cart and have the lions attack me. I think I showed that photo. Yeah, you did. And I'm listening to the conversation I'm having with the local guy. And in the cut, I'm like, you're okay with this. He's like, no. I'm like, nah, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. He goes, okay, he jumps in. And then I hear myself and they left it in and they raised the volume and go, I think you'll be fine. And I just mumbled it to myself. And I'll take this out of the cut immediately. No way. You got to leave that. No, I think. going to leave it. That's really good. That's really good. By the way, speaking of Zebra Zebra,

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Wild 50 off at factor meals.com. See website for more details. So I tried something out yesterday. We had like some people over. And I just have found myself saying tomato. Yeah. Instead of tomato. You tried that on for size, with your guests. I like it. Because we had like a little capraise situation going on. Wow.

It's not calling it a caprizy either, huh? No. It's a caprize and it's tomato. But dude, nobody said anything, but I felt like I, there was a lot of respect going on. You're one step away from Madonna and your friendship with us. A hundred percent. Yeah. If you start talking a British accent, you're out.

I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just want to say one thing. Like, your perception. you're deluded first of all people like you don't even know what that means you're dilatin uh that's a very strong paint that you're probably on yeah I wish uh however though people were judging your use of saying

tomato and and the respect level went down quietly respecting it like they're they're still talking about it at home amongst each other like did you hear a pat with a tomato Dude, also my throat is killing me because then after I had like five or six tequila. No, thanks. My buddy who's real into Jiu-Jitsu, I just, like, demanded that he just choked me like 400 times. Did you get a boner?

Yeah. Yeah. Sick. Big time. Oh, shit. But yeah, so I got choked out at least 40 times last night. Did you go to sleep? No.

No. Have you ever been put to sleep? Yes. It's very strange. I hate it. It happened to me once. I was like, I'm never doing that again. Very, very strange.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I went to, uh, I went down to Huntington Beach to watch a UFC. My buddy was friends with this guy named Tiki Goshen, who was like a UFC, was in the UFC. That's a great name, by the way. Great name. Yeah.

Um, he just like went viral for like slapping the shit out of some, uh, like TikToker at a party. It was pretty funny. I'm with that. Assuming it was a guy on guy slap. Yeah, do Tiki Goshen slap. Anyway, uh, he was choking people out. And I was like, yeah, God, I just try. Yeah.

You're like, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, is it? Yeah, this guy's just fucking with him. I don't think he knows who Tiki is. Tiki's got to be the, yeah. Oh, that was not a slap. That was a hard chaos. Dude, did you see the fucking tightness of that hook and the speed?

He's a professional fighter. Wait, did the guy go after it? Yeah, he did, which is hilarious. Like, futilely. Yeah, that's hilarious. Watch this elbow. I'm surprised he's not asleep after that. Oh, that was an elbow?

He was asleep for a second. Wait, Kyle, I want to hear about when you got choked out. What did you do to get choked out? Oh, it was nothing. It's a really dumb story. It was a girlfriend. No, I was probably about... Sons girlfriend solo.

He was in a closet. I was probably just 14 years old and my brother. I was brushing my teeth. My brother came up behind me and just started choking me out. And the next thing I know, he's like, I'm on the floor and he's waking me up. He's a Kyle, Kyle. Yeah. Was there any reason for it?

Just teenagers. Yeah. God, dude. just beat the shit on each other. Oh, yeah. It's crazy, dude. My five-year-olds just decided she just wants to beat the shit out of my two-year-old. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the party. It's a steep, man. My son has started using elbows on me, like, legit, like hard. It's good. And I'm kind of like, I want him to fight. Like, I wanted to be able to fight. So I, like, I take it, you know, and I'll let him do it.

And I'm just like, dude, like, what the fuck? Where are you learning to be so violent? It's like to be. at school. Yeah. They're little chims. Yeah, it's great. All right, let's go back to this real quick.

Peter, shark tank. Real quick. So I would have... Or any tank, for that matter. I would have a whole, a mini ocean vantara in my house. You guys do not understand this game.

I'm like, let's each design our best shark tank. He goes, octopus, he goes mini vantara. I don't know anything about sharks. I know what you are. You just said it could be anything. Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. It could be any tank. No, fair, fair, fair.

So in my tank, I would have, I'll start with the small ones. I would have obviously fucking octopus to keep things in line in there. What's a problem? I think because of your use of the singing straw, you're like speaking really fast. No, no, what do you mean? It's the Dalladden. I don't know. Go ahead.

All right, I'll slow it down. So I would have... Come on, hurry up. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm in a lot of octopi in there. And then I would also have

fucking sea otters. They can live together, right? In harmony. You really embrace the spirit of this game. It doesn't matter, though, because you said I'm a billionaire, so everything could be separate or wherever they need to be pressurized.

Yeah. Obviously, I would have my spirit animal, which is the... Wild fish. The blobfish. Many, many of them. Both deflated and inflated ones. And then I would have, dude, obviously fucking dolphins and then rescue whales that I took from all the fucking.

Like there's that one. There's a place up in Canada right now trying to get rid of a bunch of whales. He's one in France, too. Do you really? You know the guy who owns it? Yeah. He bought it. It's the fuck's it called.

It was Marine. Marine land. Everyone loves Marine land. I grew up there. They got, what, 18? They're still trying to salvage? Well, when he bought it, he inherited like 80, and the U.S., he had a deal already set to send them new homes. Okay.

And the government blocked it. So he wasn't able to, because he was going to sell them overseas. Yeah. And now he's stuck. Oh, wait. He got stuck with like, fucking, I don't know, 70 belugas. Is this current news about what we're talking about? Yeah, yeah.

They just, the relocation just recently started. Oh, cool. And then a bunch of them went to shed aquariums in Chicago. By the way, the shed aquariums fantastic. Oh, it's like, it's one of the best. It's considered one of the best. And it deserves it. Well, forest, I know people are going to know what you're going to want.

What do I want? For your fish tank. What do I want? What do you're going to want a super, you're going to want a deep sea thing full of like bioluminescent, like angler fish. Yeah, it's the only choice. Yeah, it's a really good choice. Yeah, goblin sharks, frilled shark. Kyle, give me a picture of a frivolous.

shark. Imagine this fucking thing in your fish tank. If you blob fishing. Look at this guy. I mean, no. Because you won't be able to sleep. Yeah, I want that guy in a fish tank. Dude, that thing's terrifying. Are you kidding me? That's a treat right there. Are those clusters of teeth? Yeah, it looks. Hellish. Okay, look

at that guy. If you were making a scary movie like tremors, like this is where you would get your idea. You should base it on this. I would kiss that right on the mouth. Dude, look at those fucking teeth. Crazy, right? There's So it's got these rows of sharp teeth that are like vertical, but there's like 15 teeth.

It's crazy, dude. Times like 30 on the top and 30 on the bottom. That guy with a goblin in there, can you imagine in like four other deep, deep sea species? Dude, a football fish? A football fish? Let's go, football fish. Dude, let's see.

Look at the fucking teeth on this thing. Yeah, one of those big anglers. You need one of those. Who doesn't need one of those? Man. If I had the most money, I'd be like, all right, well, I'm done working. I just need to figure out how to get a football fish in a tank in my house. They wash up every once in a while in Santa Barbara.

How about an orefish? Give me an orefish, Kyle. Yeah, those are sweet, dude. Look at this guy in the tank. I mean, I'm talking about a big tank here. But go to the one in the picture in Catalina, that one. Look at the size of that thing. What was that, like 20 feet?

Something tremendous. Holy shit. When I was at the Maui thing, the aquarium, right? So they have this huge shark tank. Yeah. And they have some sharks and a manoray. And there's even a tiger shark in there, believe it or not. Really?

That's wild 100%. Wow. It's crazy. But then there's the guy doing the little talk. Yeah. Yeah, the headset guy.

Yeah. We sat and watched the headset guy. He was a young nerd. Short shorts? Yeah, dude. Good quads? No. Oh.

Worse than mine. That's disappointing. Yeah. Real short shorts, though. Legit, really short shorts. Like two and a half inches? Yeah, probably. It was like a panty.

Okay, I must. I cannot tell myself. This is too good of a segue. All right. Look what I got you. I think you got to put them on. What is this? Read it.

Read the logo, the label. Oh! What is that? Go Ruck Ranger Panties. Remember we talked about them? Yes. Did you order some? I ordered six pairs and brought you one of them.

Put them on right now. Peter, I would have brought you one to. My legs are way too big. Well, it's not that. It's that you and I are not the same waist size and him and I are. So I was like, I have to give bad a pair. Look at this.

Dude. It's a two. Those are for women. It's a two and a two and a two and a two and a two and a two and a two and a Two and a half inch panty. Yeah. For men. Is this a short or panty?

I mean, it is. Because it's cut so that it comes up to like show butchy. It has built in undies so nothing can fall out. I will put these on. You must. How about this? We're recording a new pod in a week or so. Uh-huh.

I will wear them. Oh, my God. Will you really? I'm going to try them on. I love that. Yeah. I love that. Thank you very much.

You are welcome. We've made jokes about them for you. years. I was like, I got to get a couple. Have you worn these to the gym? Yeah, it's horrific. Dude, I wore it to the gym on Saturday to do legs and I was like, all right, I'm going to feel good about this. And I went with a super tight sleeveless tank top. Problem is I haven't been to the gym in four months. So I look like a fucking marshmallow in a tank top. Yeah. Bro, like, again, like your legs are, are fucking tiny. I'm going to kill you right now. I mean, you're a swimmer. Legs don't get big in the water. This is why I'm working on them and have the Ranger panties.

Every four weeks isn't going to help you, toothpicks. Oh, wow. Wow. It's so funny because, like, you know, you've had the luxury of carting around this giant fat body for so long. I mean, you're not, you're definitely not wrong about it. But my lower back handles most of the front of that. Yo, Kyle, do me a favor. I just saw this the other day.

Pull up a picture. Type in sumo wrestler leg muscle. And it'll probably be the first thing. It's fucking insane. It's, oh man, I was hoping it would be the... That's not something we needed to see. That's going to look like Pat on the pod next. No, there's like a real good one where it's just like one leg.

Anyway, if you could find... I see it. I mean, I see some leg muscle. Like, are you fucking kidding me? These guys just eat and like crush squats all day. That's all they do. You missed your calling, Peter. Oh, there it is.

It's that one, dude. Look at this fucking leg. That's amazing. This could have been you, Peter. If you were Japanese, could have been you. I mean, you do have those fucking, those dad quads on you. That's right.

You do. I could be a mailman. If you do. Dude, or a zookeeper. Dude. Oh, so what I was going to say, though, and this makes me think of something else. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're aware.

But I was listening to the guy. Yeah. He was doing his little talk. And then obviously I can't sit still long enough. So I had to get up. Of course. And my wife was like, what are you doing? Leaving in the middle of his dog.

Yeah. So I just had to just get up and just walked outside. But he was about. 15, 20 minutes into his talk and I did find myself, I was like, if Forrest hadn't done TV, I was like, would he enjoy this job? I think the repetition would be terrible. Yeah. Like, I think if you gave me one day of being the zoo spokes guy with the headset or the little

train conductor that takes you around the aquarium. All right, folks, on your left. I love it. You'd be really good at it. For a day. You would hate it. The repetition would be brutal. That would be tough.

Yeah, I was also thinking about because then we went over to the sea turtles and they were like, who wants to feed it some green peppers and lettuce? And I was like, this is cool. But the dude, I kind of, the girl was so annoying. She was such a, like, surfer. But she cute at least? Yeah. Do her voice? But she was just like, she goes, uh, someone asked a question.

She goes, uh, they're total chillers. I was like, no. Like, that's not, don't educate people about turtles and call them total chillers. It's not the vernacular of the aquarium. It's pretty annoying. Is this because it reminded me of people I know? There's got to be a balance. Like you can't go over the top with like the official genealogy name, the species name.

But you also can't go like just a made up word that you want to assign them 100%. It's like trying to make nifty bestifa thing. A little bit. Yeah. All right. So do you think that that guy likes his job? Let's say I use probably Kyle's age. He was like 17.

He's probably like 27. 17. I think what happens is people go like, all right, I'm going to go work at the zoo or the aquarium because I love turtles or I love fish or whatever it is, which is exactly a path I could have seen myself going down. And then you wake up one day and you're like, fuck, I've been returning, yeah, repeating the line about the bearing closure being unbearable for the last six years of my life. And I hate what I'm doing.

It's funny the first time you hear it. But you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Look over there. There's snuffy. He's unbearable. bearable. Yeah.

Gets a laugh. Yeah. It's fun for like a day. And then it's like, Oof, how did I get here? I was thinking about, I was at a cleaning of shit.

Oh yeah. I mentioned I was at a concert the other day. And I was thinking about that while I was there. I was like, he's done, he's been on tour for like four months and does like multiple shows a week. I'm like, how does he still seem like he's enjoying himself?

Does he really enjoy himself, like just playing the same songs every night? Or like, are they so good at, at, at just like the people who do that. Who was the concert? Zach Brian.

Oh, cool. But like are they so good at, at, uh, just like kind of, and I'm sure they repeat like the same shit in between the songs and stuff? Because how could you not? But I think you feed off the energy. 100. Oh, on the stage. That's the difference.

Why not the zoo keeper feeding off the fucking. Because they're all like fucking Pat who get up and leave halfway through your feel. It's 40 people, 26 of which are toddlers. Yeah. With their angry wives. Yeah. yell it like mad now because it's a hilarious Instagram thing see if you can find it like the dad's expectation at the zoo

he's like I pay $27 to be here why won't that chimpanzee come out of its house it's like it's a real video yeah it's like a guy who's just grumbling when he's at the zoo it's a skit but he's like grumbling when he's at the zoo with his family I'm happy to get a yawn out of a tiger dude I'll take a yawn out of a big cat the percentage of the time that you're at the zoo and the tiger moves is like it's like two it's zero they're active like two hours out of the day in

the wild I'm also sure that I'm convinced somebody tell me I'm wrong who works at a zoo that 30% of the like big animal enclosures are vacant and they just leave the signs up I believe it because if I can't spot them I'm sorry nobody can you know I'm not trying to be arrogant here but you walk up

to the African lion enclosure it's the size of this fucking studio and you're like I can't see the lion There's no way he's in there By the way They're like oh he's just sleeping in the bushes I'm like there is one bush And I can see all sides of it

No they have at the LA Zoo They have A dark room Okay For Australian nocturnal animals Yeah like the walkabout or something Yeah And they're supposed to be

What are the incredibly adorable Australian wallabies Akidnas Maybe No the sugar gliders Really fucking cute Not quoka but the Quoll

Quolls maybe Yeah Yeah, I think it's cool. These guys? Yeah. Yeah. Never seen one once, right? They're not in there.

What are the things that... Wait, do they glow in the dark? What are the things that shit squares? Oh, wombats. Wombats. There's no fucking wombat, dude. Oh, look at that second picture. That's me coloring in a wombat.

When you Google image wombat, you're the second one. That's a big... They're huge, dude. They're huge. Oh, I got some news I want to talk about. But, dude, I'm telling you, I've been, you know, we're members, so we go all the time. Yeah. And I like to go in there because it's air-conditioned.

Yeah. There's no wombats in it. It's just a massive dark room with a bunch of white noise playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for sure, no wombats. I'm telling us. It's a farce. Like, they're big.

Like, there's nothing to hide behind it. If you look at the inventory, there has never been a wombat at that zoo. No. Yeah. Someone, I think some billionaire just donated like $100 million and was like, build a wombat thing. Yeah, yeah. Sure. And they're like, yep, you got it.

We'll take your money. Once in a while, they let like a chocolate lab run through. there so people can be like, ah, ah, ah. Is that a wombat pissed off, though, when you're holding? No, it was just kind of like, okay, like you cuddled me for a minute. I'm ready to go back to the ground. I don't usually sit on my back legs like a bear. Look at this fucking thing. So he's got some claws. Yeah, dude, they're so great. So interestingly enough, the, um, the people who, Kyle filmed that, by the way, the people who had this wombat, what was his name? Kyle, squishy? No. Fluffy, something like that. You called him squishy. I called him squishy.

She was saying how she hand raised him. He was a rescue in her house and that he would get all like revved up and take their legs out. Because you have such a low center of gravity and they're so dense that they just run through your legs. Yeah, dude. Which is hilarious to think of.

You have butt scratches. There's nothing you could do to knock that one bag. No. I got some news that I want to talk about. Let's hit it. Pat, did you know that Forrest was on Rogan recently again? You know, it's funny. I was in Hawaii for this.

But I saw a text from my buddy that said, and I never found out what he meant, and I obviously haven't watched it. But he said, Bill Gates is going to have your buddy Forrest killed. Yeah, he probably is. Yeah. And I forgot to ask what he was talking about. You're just like, sounds good, bro. I just like, ha-ha-ha-ha-it.

What happened? Did you know? Was it an impromptu? Well, no, it's all impromptu. It's just like, it's as ridiculous as this podcast. No, I mean, like, was there something that you? Were you, was there something that you, that he saw of yours? And he was like, oh, like I should hit him.

No. So I'm sure Kyle can find the clip. But basically, uh, what was Joe was talking about vaccines or anti-vaccing or something that he was on a rant about. And he brought up, uh, Bill Melinda Gates Foundation. And I put my head in my hands and was like, do you know what these fucking people have done to the ecosystems of freshwater ecosystems of Africa? And he's like, no, what?

Tell me. So I, I, as I tend to do, got very angry and loud. aggressive about the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation giving out mosquito nets that have siphoned out and killed a huge amount of the fish population. And it went totally viral. It's all over the internet. That's why your buddy texted you. Oh, okay. So it's been clipped out a million times. And interestingly enough is a follow-up to it. So I'm not just repeating the same story. I will repeat it, but in a very concise way. Bill and the Gates Foundation came in and said, we want to cure malaria. So we're going to give fish, we're going to give mosquito nets out to all these people that get malaria. People in

Southern Africa have been dealing with malaria for their entire lives. They know how to deal with it. Don't get me wrong. People still get malaria, but they sit around the fire, blah, blah, blah. What did these people do? They take the mosquito nets, go straight down to the water and fish. Now, instead of having normal fish nets, they have fish nets that indiscriminately kill everything because the mosquito net has tiny, tiny holes. So they're catching baby, baby fish this big and eating them before the fish can grow up.

So now, not only do they still have malaria, but they have widespread hunger and have collapsed in ecosystem, a freshwater ecosystem, so much so. and this is the interesting added part that I found out since this came out and went viral. So much so, one, a whole bunch of fishing lodges have shut down in the area like recreational fishing lodges. My buddy Stu told me that. But the bigger thing I found out is with the crash in these fish population, the snails have exploded. And with the snails exploding, Bilhazia, which is like our Gerardia, has absolutely exploded. So now everybody has malaria, Bilhazia, and is starving to death.

before the lovely philanthropist, I shouldn't do this again, came in Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation gave mosquito nets. They had none of these problems. So it's pretty wild. And so I went on to like, I got more tyrannical than this

and yelled more because it pissed me off so much. Yeah. And it's been clipped out all over the internet. Did anyone reach out to you from the foundation? Not yet. Interesting. They're just going to send a hit man. Do you think that they...

By the way, this is on record. I've said it. If I die mysteriously, I've said it. I'm not suicidal. Yeah. Not even a little bit. Not even a little bit. Do you think they kind of did what you did and just like didn't have a plan and went in there?

I'm like, we'll go a mosquito nest. No, I think that I think they had good intentions, which were to cure malaria, but they didn't, they were separated from reality. And the reality is in a place in the world where food is your number one priority, you don't care about things like, I need to save myself from malaria. So I'm going to hang up a mosquito net. Yeah. And you can't understand this when you live in America and you're a Western person. Of course not. You can't understand it.

Especially not a billionaire fucking person. No, or any of the people that work for their foundation. You cannot comprehend that these people are not going to take your mosquito net and go, thank you so much, I can sleep now without the mosquitoes. They're going to take and go, great, I can get more food than my neighbor now. Yeah. That's the only thing that matters to them. That is their number one way of survival.

Malaria is a slow, long, miserable process that might kill you if you maybe get it. Starvation is a process that will kill you in a week. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like these people are not going to be like, oh, thank you. you, I'm going to go hang this lovely mosquito net over my bed. It's never, it's just not realistic. Right. And the problem is the separation from reality. Yeah. And that's, that's, I mean, I don't even think I got into that on Rogan much, but that's the point is like, I don't think

that the foundation is bad or had ill intentions. They're just so disconnected from reality. And they use this as a philanthropic way to show how great they were. And then it just created disaster. Right. Interesting. Yeah, because like, I remember when we thought one of our crew might have had malaria when we were in Madagascar and I remember talking to the people that lived at the lodge. Yeah. It was like, hey, what, you know, have you guys had malaria? And they're like, yeah, like four or five times. Yeah, it happens.

And they said it. They did say it fucking sucks. It sucks. Yeah. It sucks a lot less than destroying an entire aquatic ecosystem and everybody basically now starving to death. Okay. So that's all grand. But so did he hit you up or?

Who? Rogan. Like he texted you as I come on the show because you were out there or did you you have to make a trip out there to go? No, he texted me four months ago, three months ago, and said, hey, can you do the show in July? And I was like, yeah, no problem. And so I just booked tickets en route back from India. I was coming back from Ventara to go through Texas instead of go through L.A. Did he, I didn't watch it, of course. I mean, I see enough of you. Did he have something specific he wanted to like talk to you about or it was just like everything?

From my experience, it's always just everything. It's just come on. and chit-chat and, you know, talk about whatever is topical. Yeah. I feel like once in a while there's like, like with the UFO stuff, he'll bring on like a slew of people to talk about like the release of the UFO files, yada yada yada type stuff. No, we just shot the shit, talked about animals, you know. Dude, okay. So that was a fun thing.

But I do have a real new story. Have you guys heard about this bear in Banff National Park who called the boss? No. Bro. Kyle. Bear Banff boss was Kyle. fucking bear up. Okay, take a guess at his weight.

540. No, hang on. No. Banff. Banff. Well, it's a brown bear. It's a brown bear. Not a black bear.

So I'm thinking he's probably closer to, I think he's like 1,200 pounds. 1,200? Good guess is a little bit over and almost there. 700 pounds, grizzly bear. Okay. So what you're looking at, by the way, is just, take a bear and then use like a filter to just make it way wider. Yeah, like one of those fat filters.

Yeah. I thought it was AI when I saw it. And then I started looking into it. He's rotund. Yeah, he's rotund. I love him. I was literally like, somebody really went to town and made a lot of AI pictures of this bear.

And then I realized it was real and I started looking into it. But he basically fucking, he's so big and menacing that he eats the other bears in the park. Is that true? True. That's actually happening. Swear to God, if you look up like an article, there's all kinds of shit written about him or Wikipedia. But, dude. Well, I mean, male brown bears do eat small bears.

Yeah, but I didn't know he was like running around just chow and other bears. They think he's 30 years old. Oh, shit. He's got a GPS device on him. Okay. 700? That's it? That's it.

And he survived a train strike, by the way. You got hit by a train. Yeah, look at that. And he was like, what were you worried about, mate? Yeah. He has an Australian demeanor for some reason. Dude, guess the percentage of Cubs that he's fathered in the park? Oh, dude.

Big Dick swinging over here? He's going to have sired 21%, no, 12%. I'll just say this. It's a little bit less than people on Earth today have of Genghis Khan's DNA in them. Well, I don't know what. It's like 90%. Wait, how much is he sired? 90%.

70% He's sired 90% of the offspring in the park 70% He's sired 70% of the offspring in the park Yeah

That boy just fucking Dude I'm surprised he can even do it I'm surprised he has the stamina This is the ultimate Elfa bear dude Yeah he's a At 30?

Yeah man I mean come on So it's just a genetic freak Who then also figured out How to eat out of a dumpster Yeah What do you think The other bears

What a stud? Like do when he comes It's like a serial killer Living amongst you They just smell him and flee. Guaranteed. Fucking crazy.

I guarantee you there are biological signals that show he is, you know, has huge. His testosterone's through the roof. Yeah. He comes into his own and they're like, we are out of here. And if they don't pick up on it because they're downwind or, sorry, upwind or something like that. Yeah. They're toast.

Dude, how many bears are in Banff, Kyle? Because he's Bear 122. So I'm just curious how many they have in the park. Banff is great, by the way. I've never been. Where is Banff? Canada. 85 to 105 bears total.

Yeah, where, so is it in the northwest? Where is, where is band? Yeah, it is. Kyle, can you pull up like a map of where it is? I couldn't tell you, I've been there, but I couldn't point it out on a map. Yeah, it looks awesome. It's beautiful. Crazy cobalt blue water and mountains.

Yep. Oh, it's up near Calgary. Yep. If you go up, we drove up from Montana. But it is so pretty up there. Dude, did you know that this past weekend was the hottest weekend in American history? home. It's not even making news anymore. I didn't even hear that, and I was home, sweating.

Yeah, it's just like average temperature across the U.S. was the hottest it's ever been recorded. Ever. This past weekend. Wow. Yeah, it was 118 in Phoenix. That's nice. That's nice. God, I was in San Diego.

And it was probably still pretty warm, wasn't it? They had a heat warning, and it was like 88. I was like, p. You're like, I don't see-mee Valley, bro. Heat warning for seeing. I'm used to 108. Yeah. Is it legit?

That's wild. Is it pretty hot out by your house right now? Yeah, it's usually about 10 degrees cooler than the valley. So, yeah, like, it's been in the 90s, and it's going to be in the hundreds. My pool yesterday was 97. Unheated, just sitting in the sun. Yeah. It's wild.

It's been gross. That's wild. Yeah. It's not good. Speaking of bears, yep. There's a lot of bears in Yellowstone. There are. Have you seen the clip of the guy in Yellowstone getting thrown?

What is described as eight feet high in the air, but is five. feet go above his head. Yeah, it's... So I'm like, his feet are like 14 feet high. Dude, it's insane. He's old, too. He's like 65 years old. Also, I don't really think he was doing anything wrong. No, he wasn't. That's the thing. He was maintaining a pretty good distance.

If you watch it, what happens is there's a car that hunks its horn and that upsets the bison. So the guy is like behind a picnic table or whatever or near to a picnic table. I mean, I don't think he did anything wrong, but he also could have

backed away. You know what I mean? Really? Because I only watched it once and I was like I feel like the guy just didn't know what to do. He definitely didn't. I mean, if I were in the scenario I probably would have done exactly what he did. Look, he's like, the bison's relaxed. It's rolling.

Oh, look, he's at a relatively safe. He's backing off now though, right? Like he's like, fuck this. I'm getting out of here. He is starting to move away. The bison is in rut. But that car comes by and pisses it off. That's a ranger too, I think. it hits its horn too, which really pisses the bison off. Then the bison goes for the car, and the line of sight behind the car are these people.

And Grandpa here starts to do his trot and then goes... Get in the car, Gramps. Dude, that bison's like hardcore rutting. Yeah, it's full on. It's full of testosterone. It's all pissed off. It's looking for something to fight. And then Gramps is on the move, and time to fly.

Yo! Oh, man. Damn. It's so good. I mean, poor guy. It's so good. By the way, he's lucky that that was it. That the bison didn't keep fucking trying to mess.

He was lucky because it could have drilled him into the ground. Oh, man. It's so good. It's so good. I mean, there's a case there where maybe like a man in his 30s just kind of gets up and goes, that was crazy. Oh, totally. It almost looks like it doesn't hurt that much because he flips him like 3,000 feet into the air,

but then he lands in a tree. Yeah, no, I mean, it wasn't too bad. bad. The guy made a full recovery. No, that looks like it hurts. It bounces off the ground. The flop is not good. On his face. On his hip, right?

Yeah, like on his side. Oh, by the way. It's really fun to watch. The thing that makes it so funny is that once he's off the ground, completely no limbs move. Like he's just in a full cartwheel straight out. Yeah. He's not flailing or anything.

It's so much fun to watch. I've never seen Kyle last. Kyle's losing it over there. If you're only listening. No, it's great, dude. You can't say poor guy. It's good for our entertainment. It's great.

I mean, it's helped by the fact that he's wearing overall. He's also now pretty famous. He's that guy. He has a little interview from a hospital bed. What was he hospitalized with? Broken hip, I'm sure. Oh, my God. Broke his femur in four places.

Oh, that's bad. So you think that was from hitting the ground or from the bison head? It's got to be from the ground. It's got to be. I don't think the head hit was that bad. That's a brutal fucking injury, man. Oh, yeah, that can, I mean... Oh, God.

Poor bastard. By the way, like, oh, my God. It's just like, I don't even know what I would do. I want to be like, I would have hop in that white car, but I don't know. Like, I'd be panicking. All right. I'll be trying to climb a tree. We're going to play a game.

Kyle, you got a jingle for top three DFL. You got a jingle? He's got nothing. You got anything? Give me something. He's got it. Did we always have this? Yeah.

For like seven years. Whatever, dude. Seven calendar years. Okay. Nine calendar years of this. Okay. We're going to play top three DFL animals to be flung, to be attacked by but survive. Oh, man.

So just like this guy here, you go, you get your little moment of news virality. Okay. You get attacked by something, but you walk away relatively unscathed. You still have to go through a recap. recovery process. You want and you want it, you want to balance here because you want it to be cool enough to go really viral. Yes, exactly right. Exactly right. But you don't want to get injured. Yeah, like if you're like, oh, I was the guy who got bitten by the black mama. It's like, well, okay, but you have neurological damage for the rest of your life. That's not great. So,

well, and you don't want to pick, I mean, my thought here is that you don't really want to pick anything with really big teeth. No. Because like, you're going to lose a lot of blood. It's going to hurt real bad. Yeah, yeah, it's got to be, it's got to be comically hilarious like the bison. Yeah. Yeah. I could go. Okay, go for it. All right. Number three is wombat. And so basically what I'm picturing is a video where it's just running around knocking into my shins. Yep. And I keep falling down. That's good. And I keep trying to get up. And it's just, I fall like 30 times. It's got like the zoomies. Yeah. And it's just taking your legs out. Your cartwheeling constantly. Yeah, I like that. And so I'm like not really going to be hurt. Maybe a couple bruises to the shit.

Yeah, that's hilarious. I love that. Yeah, I'd enjoy something like that. Okay. Number two, I'd like to be in a viral video fighting a kangaroo. Oh, that was my pick. That was one of my picks. Yep. Two Australian animals. Yeah. I'm going to obviously got to watch out for the feet, but I mostly just want to box it, like this guy.

I want to see him come up on his tail and double punt kick you 10 feet backwards. I mean, that might break your sternum. Yeah, but it also might be really funny. It'd be very funny when you just, when you just go out of fun. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. All right. So those I think would be good.

And then I want to see creature. I don't want to be attacked by an octopus or squid. Fair. Definitely not a shark. I don't want to survive a shark. No, no, you don't want that. It's not comically hilarious. You know what would really freak people out.

Tell me. A video where you just get attacked by a massive leather back. Yeah. I mean, you've seen the mouth on one of those suckers? Yeah. Yeah, that's bad. I think people would enjoy that. I'm curious how that would, how does that shake out in your head?

What is the, what is the visuals of this? I think it just, I'm just snorkeling and just this sea turtle just bombs in at 22 miles an hour. And just balls you over. Rolls onto its side, just knocks me unconscious. That's pretty funny. And then I have to be rescued. That's pretty funny. Yeah.

I can see that. I like that. And then DFL. I mean, any, anything. Bear, dude. I don't want to be, I don't want to survive a bear time. No. Because I've seen people.

I've met people that have been attacked by bears, you normally don't have much of a facelift. Well, there's no fun in it either. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, ha, ha, the wombat knocked me over. It's all terrifying. Like the bear attack is like, ah, ha, I shit myself. Yeah, exactly.

I shit and piss myself and my face is gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll go quick next. Okay, go. All right, so my number three would just be a single crow because... I'd be fun. Yeah, it's hilarious a crow. It won't leave you alone.

Yeah, it just keeps, like, bombing you, takes a shit on your head maybe and you're just like, ah, get the fuck away from me. It's like this guy with his baby. Yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, they're,

they do. Like, this would happen. It has happened. Yeah. Number two would be a pig. Okay. You know,

I'd be like, just one pig. A piglet. Well, like a, like a juvenile pig. Like a farm pig. Sure.

Yeah, a farm pig, not a wild hog. Okay. Because that would kill me, I'm sure. Could. Uh,

You know, it's funny. Pigs. He'd be like snorting. He'd be like, then I would snort back. And then we'd watch the video and go, look at those pigs. Exactly, right? I'd have no shirt on. Yeah. Yeah.

I like it. What was your thing called pig what? Pig trash. Pig trash. Still on the domain. Look at this pig trash. Trash.com. Got the baby onesie for my kid too.

Nice. All right. And number one, dude. Oh, God. This would be the best thing in the world. A fainting goat. Oh. Like a headbutts you both full.

because they're not aggressive. That's really good. But like you could just scream at it real loud and then it would go, ah! It just faint. Like it runs, like it runs to attack you and you scream and it faints but still knocks you out. Something like that. That's way better than anything

I could come up with. Yeah. Oh my God, that's so good, Peter. That's so good, Peter. They're so funny. They're so funny. It's the worst defense mechanism of any creature. It's like just eat me. dude it's so bad how does that work in nature with these things how are they not all dead do they exist in the wild it's just such a brain

it just fucking falls over dude that's such a good one feeder you win what's your dFL oh dude a chimpanzee oh yeah yeah like you could well no like just rip your testes have you guys ever okay have you guys ever seen pull up this video of the orangutan the guy who's basically like held no i know but held hostage by this orangutan for like it's like several hours dude he's just sweaty he's not like hurting him but the amount of stress and pressure you would go through oh i've never seen this oh yeah it's pretty gnarly wow yeah and people are talking it trying to talk him through it yeah and he just fucking three hours like that's like a torturous and then it kills you or like and then you don't know

if you're going to die or live for several hours again there's no fun in that you know what I mean, like, not that there's fun in being attacked by anything, but... That guy is not having fun. No. It's just like a horrible fucking bully and you're a two-year-old being like... It's totally what it is. All right. I like that.

Those are good picks all around. Okay, coming in at number three for me. Poor guy. Have you ever seen how an orca tail slaps a stingray? No. Like, I would like to be diving and an orca accidentally tail slaps me. Now, not the point that it does this because it literally just kills the stingray in a matter of milliseconds.

But the idea of like an orca's around in the area and it accidentally tail slaps me and I like get bitch slapped by an orca. Like watch this. He just goes, come. Boom. Oh. Dead.

And it's so like, do the stingrays have any idea that they do this or do they have no defense? So that's a pelagic stingray and they're generally hang out individually like this. That thing knows it's toast, I feel like. Okay. Like it's just cruising by like sort of knowing that it's on the menu. and whether or not they're going to do. It just has no defense.

Right. I guess it's not really swimming away. I don't know. Well, it's like, that's what I'm saying. Like it doesn't, that's what I was saying.

Cause like, does it, because the tail slap is, is like me walking by pat and then like back hanging him, handing him in the back of the head. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it was a surprise attack. I think that things are already fucked up. That's why it's at the surface like that.

Like they've already hit it once or twice. Oh, okay. That's why it looks like that. Poor little guy. But I do think that would be quite comical if you were just snorkeling. Especially if it knocked you out. into the air. In up, up.

Yeah. And you're like, and you're like, and you're like, and then hit the water. Like, it might do it as like a joke. Like legitimately.

Like not to kill you. No, just because orcas are bored and want to do cool stuff. Well, dude, there's been more attacks on boats. Fucking, just still to this day.

Okay, that's number three. Number two. God, I kind of stop thinking about the feigning goat. It's so good. Yeah. That's the winner for sure. Number two is a giraffe attack.

But he comes at you with the horns and you grab on, and then before you know it, you're 14 feet in the air, legs kicking and flailing. Yeah. And you're just like, shit, shit, shit. And then you kind of just like fall from up there because that would be hysterical. This is not a good one. This is not a good one?

No. Oh, thanks. Well, why, Kyle? They're kind of scary. Oh, they're very scary because they're so tall. But imagine a giraffe runs at you, but instead of kicking you, you end up just like on its horns 12 feet in the air. Right.

That could be kind of fun. It's the luneitunes version. of a giraffe attack. Yeah, that's not real. Yeah. Exactly. Yes. And then an ambill falls on your head?

As is the fainting goat running at you and passing out. No, that's real. That could really happen. That's true. Yours is more likely. But still. All right. Are giraffes aggressive?

Oh, yeah. They can be. Dude, when I was in South Africa earlier this year, there was this like hand-raised giraffe at the area we were at and it wanted to kill my son the whole time. It was totally chill with everybody, would just walk around and then roads would run around it, it would just come, like, charging at him. And so the guy had to, like, fence him away. Well, he is a real piece of shit. Yeah. The giraffe. No. I, I had a son's crazy. I had two at a facility, I had two very close giraffe encounters. That's why he hates this one. Yeah. Really?

Attack you? Tell us, please. Feeding it. Or not feeding it. It was looking for food and it didn't have any food and tried to kick me. I had to literally jump out of the way and dodge it. Oh, really? Was I there for this? No. Front kick or back kick. Front kick. Front kick. It's Bad. Stop your heart. Next day, the following day, I was driving, I was driving in a golf cart next to it, and it chased me down. The same giraffe. Same giraffe. Yeah, I just hated you.

So they can really target people. Well, Kyle. Yeah. Kyle and your son. Interesting. Just picturing. Oh, they're in a Jeep in Jurassic Park, but it was, it was some facility. Okay.

Number one for me, I think this is a scene out of gods must be crazy, but the honey badger, he latches onto the guy's boot. Have you ever seen that? No. It's really funny. But I feel like a honey badger would kill you. Oh, it would be scary as hell. But imagine the viral clip where the honey badger is locked onto your shoe.

Yeah. And you just, yeah, this is it here. I don't know how they film this. I mean, they must have got a semi-trained one. But yeah, this thing just locks onto your boot or whatever. And then you're just stuck with a honey. Yeah, I couldn't do that. You're just stuck with a honey badger locked onto your shoe for an hour.

Dude. I think that's hilarious. A honey badger is. is the exact opposite of a fainting goat. Yes. Like this. Imagine this. I think that's so funny.

That's a stuffed animal. It's funny. They didn't even get a taxidermine honey badger. It's just a full on stuffed animal. This I think the sequence is hilarious. Have you seen the friendly honey badgers that one guy has? No. Where's that?

Some guys, a honey badger like rescue. Really? In what country? I think Africa. I mean, it has to be. They don't need any fucking rescuing, dude. Like, I've seen them fight off like a wild big cat. Yeah, I must go to this place.

DFL is anything super venomous that leaves you with like neurological damage for the rest of your life. What about a little bit of toad venom? Yeah. For the, for the brainsky? DMT. No, thank you. Dude, Kyle, pull up, pull up guy smokes, uh, towed venom. Oh, I saw this video yesterday.

Yeah, yeah. Is this a real thing? It's real. It's so ludicrous. Have you considered? No, not after watching this. It's fucking insane, dude. Is this it?

Give us some audio. The Toad Venom that's stronger than DMT. This is a bullshit. Is this it, Kyle? Wait, so what happens in the video that you got to do? You got to watch. You just got to watch it. They give it.

So first of all, this is like a ceremonial thing. So they're trying to make the video like, oh, like there's a shaman there and shit. Like, this is some spiritual experience. Right. So maybe it is in the guy's head. I'm sure it is. But what's happening on the outside? Turn up the volume too.

Yeah, let's... Oh, this guy's hilarious. Okay, make it big so we can see it out of like a modern vaid. Yeah, pause that for one sec, out of right there. Okay, this is not shaman anything. No, no, no. That's a meth pipe. No, no.

The shaman, the guy is like, you'll hear him. He'll be like, this, oh, yes, he's healed. He's being healed and all this shit. Okay. Watch this Toad Venom, man Oh boy Dude, legit watches

So the guy just seems catatonic He's melting It looks like a human being melting It just keeps getting worse and worse And then he lays down And he says I love you I love you He's just rolling in the dirt

What is hat? I hate this Wait, dude wait He's writhing in the dirt He's convulsing Who chose the setting Next to a river Also his pants

Like, did he just get back from Thailand? I don't, I don't like... Oh, my God. This is insane! Why the river? He's about to die. He's about to drown himself. He's okay.

Don't look like it. The guy who's hosting the show. All right, what's it look like when he comes out of this? Get to the end, but he also, he does throw up in his mouth, and they're like, turn him, turn him. No, no, go back, go back a few. Because you see as he comes out of it. More. Go back a little more. This is hell. Look, look at him.

Dude, are you kidding me? Way to go, bro? He didn't just accomplish anything. He just fucking melted his brain. It's... Why is he in the water? He puked on himself. This is a person overdosing and they're like putting him in a river. Much healing took place.

Much healing took place. Let's do this. Peter, how much? No thanks. How much? Oh, I would... I would do it for like a thousand bucks. The wild times will pay you a thousand dollars to do this. I will come and watch. I will take time out of whatever I'm doing to watch you do this. I have to go to this place though.

Yes. I want to be next to the river. And Patrick and I get to pick your wardrobe. Bro. Yeah. It's just. You know how we were talking about like how people will do the like the dark retreat for 10 days? Or like people will like fucking, you know, breathe through a straw to make their voice stronger.

Only dumb dumps. Yeah. But like I'm saying. I'm saying, this is fucking insane. No, it's nuts. Like, as anybody, this place went out of business after this video came out, right? I hope so. It probably got more business.

The most potent psychedelic on earth. It didn't last long. No, no, it only lasts for, it's very minimal. Regular DMT, this is a little bit different, but it's similar. Oh, Sonoran Desert Toad? Peter, I can go catch you some of those tomorrow. No, thanks. I will figure out.

We can do it in studio. You'll die for sure. Sure. I'm like, fucking hitting my head out. All the lights will be everywhere. He's also, you're a lot bigger than that guy. So they were like having to restrain that guy so that he didn't bash his head against. Yeah, you and I can not restrain, Peter.

No, especially when he's cackling. I'll just wear a helmet. I'll wear a chain mail seat. Way in if you guys want to see Peter lick some towed. Oh, I would probably do a lick. I wouldn't smoke it. Like, smoking it is clearly not good for you. Oh, yeah.

And licking it's great. Well, it's not great for you. You probably don't go into fucking convulsions and, like, choke on your own vomit, maybe. Couldn't tell you. Peter do the thing. Speaking of choking on vomit. Fala la la la la la la la. Go to wild times.

Dot club forward slash info. We do four extra podcasts every single month. That's six total podcasts. You get access to all of them. Spotify, Patreon, Apple. They're everywhere now. Check out raised by coyotes, our new gear. Yeah.

Love it. Super fresh stuff. If you haven't checked it out, there'll be a link below. Good night, everybody. Good night. Love you guys. Not you guys. The Bursners. And Kyle.