Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Forrest Galante Shares His Worst Injury Ever - TWT 163

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

We discuss what happened to Peanut the Squirrel, a mystery animal found in Minnesota, and good pets to give as gifts for the holidays. Enjoy! Mando: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with Mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code WILD at https://mandopodcast.com/wild! #mandopod MUDWTR: Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your  @MUDWTR  at https://mudwtr.com/wild! #mudwtrpod Rocket Money: Canel unwanted subscriptions https://rocketmoney.com/wildtimes Get More Wild Times Podcast Episodes: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/wildtimespod/subscribe https://www.patreon.com/wildtimespod More Wild Times: Instagram: http://instagram.com/wildtimespod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/ X: https://x.com/wildtimespod Discord: https://discord.gg/ytzKBbC9Db Website: https://wildtimes.club/ Merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch Battle Royale Card Game: https://wildtimes.club/br Our Favorite Products: https://www.amazon.com/shop/thewildtimespodcast Music/Jingles by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkey This video may contain paid promotion. #ad #sponsored #forrestgalante #extinctoralive #podcast

Oh. That's right. Merry Christmas. We were all thinking the same thing. Merry Christmas, everybody. If you're tuning in, this is the Wild Times. It's a Christmas podcast. It's the only thing we talk about.

Yeah. I got my red, white, and blue on. It's December 22nd, boy. I know. It's coming up. I would like each of you, each of us, to sing one line from your favorite Christmas song, but try really hard.

Don't make a joke out of it. Okay. Okay. Can I go first? Yeah. I'm so bad at singing. Rudolph, the red nose reindeer. I said don't make a joke out of it. Sing it and your best singing.

You're talking about that. He was trying. You son of a. Sorry. Blip that out. It's at the beginning of the pod. Google won't like that. Well, now I'm self-conscious.

I'll go while you think about it. I'm so bad at singing. I should not be the first one to go. I'm going to hear a singing voice. I saw Mama. I can't do it. It's pretty good. Keep going. It started good.

This is good here. Keep going. I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe so bright. That's really good. Okay. Is it? Wow.

That's how the song is sung. Go. Go. Ignore him. Ignore him. Don't listen to him. You got this. Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw it. It's good. You would even say it glows. Kyle? Like a light bulb, you fucking idiot. I wonder what the other people think we do in here. Because Peter screams two or three times a podcast. Yeah, I think they think it's just a sexed onion.

Yeah. It's usually him screaming at Kyle that he's an idiot. Kyle's the smartest one of us all. You got one? You got a line you want to belt out there? Oh, yeah. It's beginning to look like like. Seriously, bro, do it for real.

Did I puff out my chest and sit forward as if I was going to attack you? You have no chest. You're very meager. That's true. It is going away with age. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. It's really good. No, it's all good.

No, no, no. To finish, everybody wants to hear it. The people are you guys doing for Christmas? What's a plan? Well, you know, I'm going over. We're doing the Christmas dinner. My wife and her family are Jewish, and that's who's here. So we kind of do.

La chahim. Yeah, we just. stuff throughout the holidays and just get together and be with family. Obviously, we're getting together doing our little thing between Christmas and New Year's which I'll get into that in a little bit. To come, Pat keeps fucking to keep everything on the rails. How many magic mines have you had this morning? It's ridiculous.

Sorry, I had six beers before I can. You're revved up. What are you doing? Simple at home Christmas, family, Christmas tree. New toilet. My mom goes crazy every Christmas. So now that there's grandkids, each child, one of whom is one and will remember none of this, I'd say there's 15 presents for each.

But it's not like she goes crazy and goes and buys them expensive presents. Like she'll wrap like a bag of candy. You know what I mean? Just so there's more stuff under the tree. It's the thought that counts. So it's funny. Yeah, we're staying local. My brother's family, all five of them are coming out.

It's going to be good fun. Nostalgic. But see, so I grew up with a very much a scarcity mindset. Uh-huh. Right? And so I would, I was very aware of, there's not,

okay, there's not, doesn't look like there's a lot of presents. He's always calculating pets. Always. Like there's only like

four presents. And so I may buy a lot of presents guy, because I like filling up that fucking underneath the tree early. It looks good. It looks nice. Lovely.

And I buy, I buy all my wrapping paper from paper source. I get the good stuff. I like shiny. I like, I'm not getting it at fucking Eckerd's. So are you,

you actually enjoy wrapping presents? Hate it. I'm bad at it. Oh. No man in the world enjoys wrapping presents. Let us know if you like rapid presents. But you're a woman if you do. I can't do it this year because my fucking four-year-old can't see them and not open them. Oh, she just tears into it no matter what.

She opened our other daughter's birthday presents two days early. There's got to be a product out there that solves this problem. If not, we must do. Just bear spray if she gets married. No, it's booby trap. The tree is booby-trapped. Glitter bombs the information. entire house.

Oh, yeah. Nobody wins in that scenario. Well, doesn't your family do the beef Wellington on Christmas? Yeah. That's our Christmas meal. Do you guys have a Christmas meal? I forget. Pat does Italian.

Italian food on Christmas. You? No, I mean, well, with my family, typically, it's always the bird, the turkey, the stuffing, the typical that Pat hates so much. But a lot of times since I've been in L.A., actually, pre-family and stuff, we'd get together with, like, the ones that are remaining in L.A. because a lot of people leave. Uh-huh.

And so there'd be like three or four or five of us and we go to like some Chinese buffet or something and just... That's very Jewish of you to go to Chinese buffet on Christmas. I wasn't. I'm not Jewish and I wasn't and we were all Catholic. No, but your wife is and that's like a known iconic Jewish thing. You go to the movies and eat Chinese food on Christmas. You know, I didn't know.

We don't... I'm going to suggest it that we all go to Chinese for this year. What are the big movies that are out this year? They always... Dude, there's a rock and Chris Evans movie, Christmas movie that looks pretty good. My X-Miss? No, see if you can find that real quick.

You have such a selection of movies to watch on all the streamers now? I know. Right, but I hate all of the Christmas movies always. Red one. Look at this. This looks fun to me. Look, there's a polar bear and a jacket. I don't know what's happening here.

But this- I like the look at this one. Hey, that guy looks like you. Who is that one in the back with the beard, the cheered? Chris Evans? Oh, God. Oh, I look like Captain America. That's fat.

I mean, he got fat. No, I think he's fat. He's fat. He's both lovely. He got fat. Sorry. What the fuck? We're off the rails.

We're so off the rails. It's Christmas table. Yeah. Do it. Like your shoes, by the way. Oh, thanks. I've been wearing them. They're Meryl jeep shoes.

A little Jeep shoes? Yeah, see the little Jeep on him? Nice, dude. I did. They're very fresh. Do the lifts inside, the lifts that you put inside the shoes that make you look taller? Are those also Jeep?

No, no, those are from Amazon. Okay, because I noticed you were like six inches taller today. Can I do a news thing before we get into what's in the news? Yeah, breaking news. How did we never talk about Peanut the Squirrel getting put down? Oh, my God, I know. Didn't want to talk about it. Whoa, careful.

That's expensive, sir. What the fuck happened with Peanut the Squirrel? What's going on here? Yeah. Okay, so from what I know, and please update me if I'm wrong here, Peanut the Squirrel, had an Instagram following, of 680-something thousand subs on IG. This guy was making a living off of his pet squirrel.

He found him in Central Park or something. They lived in New York. He rescued him like he was injured and stuff, right? Great. Squirrel's adorable. Everybody loves it. People are tuning in. Government decides to fucking flex its power and puts down the squirrel for literally no reason. New York State Department. And they just euthanized the squirrel.

That's my understanding of the story. That is what happened. That's exactly what happened. There's got to be more to it. I think the squirrel bit somebody. Like something happened. but it's a squirrel bite, so who gives a shit? Yeah, I know.

It's not like the squirrel has rabies. The only danger in a squirrel bite is if it's a wild squirrel that has rabies potentially. Did you just throw a magic mind? Dude, it's so good. That's why you're so fired up. But the whole peanut thing to me is utterly bizarre.

And to me, it's like a government flex of power to control the masses. That's how I read into this. Sure. I read between the lines, I read this as the government going, like, we're going to make an exact, out of someone with an animal.

Yeah. And we're going to do that so that you don't get out of line and think that you can do these, you know, fun and creative things. And that's the way that I read into this. I think it's utterly outrageous. Oh, I mean, I think you're 100% on the money here. The thing is, is like, okay, now what you've done is what's called the Barbara Streisand effect.

Like this was a popular account already with 625. It probably has a million. This was huge, huge news. People were furious about this. Oh, yeah. I'm furious. So you've blown it. up by the city doing that, they've blown this issue up and made it a huge controversy.

So it's like... But they're doing it intentionally. It's the same thing. I agree. I agree. Remember our friend, Cora? Yes. Yeah, with the birds.

Yeah, with the birds, we were going to have her and talk about that. And the California's, like, government was chasing her around and causing problems for her. I remember, yeah. New York City has violent gangs roaming around Central Park. And they're putting, they're putting resources into putting down this poor guy's pet squirrel. Literally the cutest squirrel in the world, by the way. It said it's illegal to have a squirrel. He had a squirrel and a raccoon.

And it's illegal. So the fuck what? Why put him down? Oh, no, I get it. It's not a tiger. He doesn't have a fucking tiger in his apartment. He's got a squirrel. First of all, it shouldn't be illegal.

Secondly, if it is illegal, so the fuck what? Leave him alone. You know what I mean? There are so many bigger things out there, so many bigger issues to worry about. Yeah. The fact, putting down the squirrel probably costs the state $100,000. Not to mention the PR nightmare they've created for themselves. People are probably bombarding them with calls and emails because this guy was so popular.

So I heard something about this though. Don't know if it's true or not. Inside scoop. Don't know if this is true or not. I'm hoping Kyle can figure this out. I heard, I heard the guy was putting the squirrel on his unsheathed penis for only fans. This is what I heard. I don't know if this is true or not.

If it is, and Peanut the Squirrel owner denies using pet. Hold on. Is there an only fans? Peanut the Squirrel died over an only fans account. What's that? Go to video two. Oh my goodness. Is this a Reddit conspiracy?

I don't know. I just saw this. I just want to know if it's real. This is nonsense. Sources think authorities were not after porn, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're after porn, not animals. Right. So the controversy now is that this guy was trying to make money using the squirrel for porn.

I don't know. I don't know. I just saw this floating around Instagram. I don't know if it's real or not. So it's, okay, so here's the real scoop. They're saying that he was using the squirrel to promote his only fans, which is possible. I mean, you're posting on Instagram and you're just like, hey, join my only fan. Does it matter?

No. Does it matter? Unless you're actually abusing the animal, no, it does not matter. But also, like, they come and just kill the animal. What can't let it go? This guy obviously loved his squirrel. Yeah. It was obviously a pet.

He rescued it. It was adorable. The videos were adorable. It's the whole thing's infuriating to me. It really is. Quiet over there. What's going on? I was just trying to read about it, but yeah, it says that the current laws allow them to

grab them and euthanize them whenever they want without any, like, appeal process or anything like that, and so that's what they did, citing a risk to public health, although Kyle clicked off it. It said there's some organization that sounds legit says there's never been a documented case of a squirrel transmitting rabies to a human. Not to mention whether that's true or not. I mean, it's just to me, it's such a blatant abuse. abuse of power in order to make an example out of someone for no reason.

Agreed. It's just like it pisses me off beyond. You're like, why? Why? They didn't like the guy, I feel like. Maybe they didn't like his personality. They saw a video of him and they're like, we hate this guy. Let's just make a make a, make a, I think it's an individual who zeroes in on this

from an organization like whatever the New York State Department organization that did this was. Yeah. And then they zero in on him and they're that, that individual like gets a vendetta against this person. Yeah. The same thing is what happened to Allura. And, uh... Yeah. Let me ask you this.

Yeah. Had the guy, he said he'd only had the raccoon for a few months. Did he was he trying to start a social media for the raccoon as well? I couldn't, couldn't tell you. Because it feels like he might have been okay if he just limited it to the squirrel. And then once he got the raccoon, they were like, no. Like you're starting, you're starting a big thing here. Yeah.

You're, you're starting an unlawful, like, fake animal rescue to build Instagram. So I could, I could see. it from that small perspective that... Yeah, look, there's the raccoon on Instagram. So why not confiscate the raccoon's goal then? Why euthanize it and make it? It's so stupid. I could see their reasoning and I haven't read it,

but I'm sure the city or the state's reasoning is like, hey, if people are watching this guy do this, there's going to be other people who are copycatting this, trying this, and that's probably what they're saying why they did it. But again, don't agree with the euthanizing. It's ludicrous. Was there anything wrong with the squirrel or the raccoon? Look at how cute the squirrel is in that.

Go to the middle thing. What I'm going on there. My dog. By far. Look at this. This is adorable. I can't believe they put this squirrel down. Dude. Yeah, that's annoying.

It's really. The guy's yoked. By the way, how many followers now I want to know? It's got to be over a million after the controversy. Oh, 134K? No, this is different. Oh, it's different. So, dude, I was down in Florida.

Yeah. Last year. Uh-huh. And you know how in the Everglades? the mammal populations are like down 90 plus percent. Correct. Do the berms? Yeah.

Explain that. Bad timing. Put your vodka down. I know it's the, is the season. The Florida Everglades have been inundated with Burmese pythons that population are exploding. And recent studies have suggested that

the meso-preditor population, meaning like raccoons, skunk, squirrels, all the medium-sized mammals, their populations are reduced by like 9. 90-ish percent. Yeah. Just from Burmese pythons eating them. So, wow.

I went, there's an animal rescue in Miami that basically like a raccoon gets hit by a car. Uh-huh. And it goes to this vet and it's all. Yep. And so, and then they give those mammals to the Mikasuki Indian tribe. Okay. And they repopulate their land, which is in the Everglades. And they've eliminated the pythons in there?

They're working to do that too, but they're also trying to re-populated. populate the mammals. Okay. But, uh, so I was cruising along with them and, and, uh, they went to go make a pickup of a bunch of animals and we were going to go out to the islands and, and release them. And they had like, man, probably 12 raccoons. Okay. At this bet. And watching the people try to wrangle the raccoon was, was, but, it was, I would rather try to wrangle of, of grizzly bear. They're impossible. All those medium-sized mammals are utterly impossible. I mean, I'm so, I'm so curious. It was insane.

Were they like using a net? What were they trying to do? Just like grab it with like, you know. They had like the big like thick gloves on. Oh, so they were trying to grab it with their hands. With the hex gloves. Yeah. So they have to grab them.

And so and the raccoons go crazy. And they're fighting and they do the raccoons just, they shit everywhere. Oh God. The second the people get near them. Yeah. But they're biting and I mean, the noises are insane. Yeah. They're so ferocious.

They're crazy. I've told you guys. this and I've said it on the pod before we trapped a raccoon in my in my college front porch area, ran in the house, ran all over everybody, and then finally just ended up hanging basically from the ceiling looking at us and going, they're crazy. And shit everywhere, by the way. Oh,

I actually think a raccoon could kill me. This reminds me. Hold on. You took on a beaver that one time, bro. Did you get an email from Cam Stewart? Is it the football player? No, the iced freaking tea. Yeah, the OG. Did you get this email? Do you know what I'm talking about? This is good pod.

This is cool. No, this is good pod. You be quiet right now. All right. Sorry. So Cam sent me a message and she goes, thought you might be interested in this because my new property is freaking amazing. She's four more. Trail cameras have caught three instances now of Western spotted skunk and gray fox traveling together and most recent one has a second fox following along 30 seconds behind the Fox skunk duo. So she sent us these trail camera games. Check this out. Yeah. If you're just listening, you're going to want to come check this out on the YouTube. So there goes a fox. There goes a skunk.

They're buddies. It's a cartoon. It's a cartoon. She's got three clips of this. Okay? Go to a different one, Kyle. There's a bunch. Yeah.

I remember the first time something like this came out. It was huge news. It was a couple years ago. With the badger and the coyote. Yeah, yeah. Going through that tunnel. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Right. It was huge news and there was all kinds of speculation. So the reason I want us to look at this and why this is important. There's two more videos. we can look at them, but you get the point, right? There's these guys, foxes and skunks cruising around together. Yeah. Go to the end of this clip, Kyle, and you'll see the skunk come by.

It's cold out there. So they're all playing around. They're hanging out together. There is clearly some mutualism taking place here. Right. Can we all agree on that? Yeah. They're undeniably frolicking.

Now, Cam sent me this. She goes, as far as I can find, no one has captured, I'm sorry, no one has figured out what the team ups, what the team ups are about. theories are either added security from other predators or a hunting foraging advantage. And then she sent me these studies, 2013 to 2017 studies and 2021 to 24 studies, showing how these team ups have been recorded, but nobody's figured out how or why. They're just complete, they're not even studies. They're just basically clips of this.

No, that's what I'm saying. Nobody's studied it. So nobody has any clue why they're doing it. Maybe they just like are like, hey, maybe maybe he likes to smell the skunk. So, well, no, it's the other way around. The skunks following the fox in every clip. So the reason I brought this up and wanted to talk about on the pod is my question to you guys, let's speculate.

What's going on here? Drop a comment and we're going to speculate. Nice. So the fox, what do skunks eat? Everything. Berries, bugs, insects. They're very omnivorous. Would they eat a mouse?

Absolutely. Would they eat berries in the poop of the fox? So I'm thinking that the fox... Probably not. That the fox tried to kill this skunk. Oh, wow. And the skunk sprayed it. Okay.

And the fox caught the tail end of it. Like, real bad, bad, bad, bad stuff, right? You don't want to get sprayed in the face. Correct. And so now this skunk is following the fox. The fox is scared of the skunk. And he's cleaning up the skunks or the fox's food scraps. Interesting.

I think the fox hates the skunk. It's like a dominance thing. Interesting. Okay. Okay. But he's like as long. as I just let them just kind of clean up my scraps and share my food. So funny.

Who's the Superior Hunter? The Fox. Not even close. Not even close. That's exactly what's happening. Okay. All right. I don't need to study for it.

You should publish that. Publish this right now. Well, I mean, this one's good. Leave this one. Sorry, go ahead. That's okay. Yeah, it's pretty clear what's happening here. I mean, with the advent of all these trail cams everywhere, these two, they want to get a movie

made. These animals, they're looking to be the next big, uh, Milo and notice the next... It's a good Christmas movie. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're aware. They're smart. They understand.

I think that there's something going on where the fox and the skunk will team up. By the way, we didn't even know that this kind of mutualism was taking place. But I think that the fox and the skunk are teaming up. They'll go to a burrow of a small rodent or something like a mouse or a pack rat or something. And places that the fox kind of get, skunks are better climbers. They can go into burrows better, all those things. the skunk will go in and flesh it out, and then the fox will catch it

because they're the better hunters, and then they'll share the meal. Dude. I have no idea if this is true. I'd love to see it. I mean, you know, why is nobody following them around? It's time. It's time.

It's time. Cam, advice to you, trap those two animals and put GPS trackers on them and see what's going on. I'm serious. I want to know what they're doing. Yeah, but one of those... That's a revolutionary study,

if we can figure that out. Dude, I remember when we were talking about this, when it was the badger and the fox, or coyote. And I was like, and we were just like fascinated. You were like, this has never happened. Why are they hanging out? It's amazing.

I would, I'd like the Brosners, because I believe that the scenario I laid out is more likely. Okay. Than mine? No, then forests. Oh, you're nonsense. No, mine is.

Yours is that they're trying to get a movie made. Well, yeah, to the top. That's the top. But I would actually like to know, because a lot of the people who listen are very knowledgeable about this stuff. Which of my scenario, Peters are for us, they think is likelier. Yeah. What do you think, Kyle?

And if you've seen this, or if you've caught it on camera or you've witnessed it and what you think, I mean, it's super interesting behavior. Kyle, I sent you a little, you look, what are you looking at? Yeah, no, Kyle, before Peter railroads me. Derail. Derail. Which, which scenario do you think is likely? I think yours, Patrick. Fuck off.

All right, Kyle. Yes. We got a bit of an animal mystery. we took a look at this with Pat before you were here. Kyle, if you zoom in just so we can see the actual... Oh, yeah, I said... Do we have a jingle for animal mystery? I don't recall.

I'm not sure. All right. Jingled bells, jingle bells. Go to their thing. Jingle all the animal mysteries. Nice. Thanks. Peter, you were freaking out after the last pod recording.

Telling me how great you felt on your mud water. So I'm mixing up afresh here right now. Dude, mud water on the way out, I hadn't had it yet. I'll be honest. And I was leaving here. I was so dead-ass tired. I had to literally go get the kids, take care of the kids, and then work at night.

And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And I did the mud water in the car for the first time. I chugged it down. I swear to God, like, I was just like, it's like taking a cold shower. I was just like alert and like happy. Hold you. And you feel perked up. You don't get any of the jitters.

Like that's my thing. I won't have caffeine after two because I get jittery. I can't sleep at night. I'm going to my family is all. that. Everybody's caffeine sensitive. Great stocking stuffer. There you go. So, the holidays coming. I'm putting them in everybody's stocking. There we go. Using mudwater is as easy as cozying up on a crisp fall afternoon. Head to mudwater.com and grab your starter kit for a limited time only. Our listeners get 25% off

your entire order at MUDWTR.com forward slash wild. That's 25% off your order at MUDWTR.com forward slash wild only for a limited time. After you purchased, they ask you where I heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them we sent you. you this fall nourish your body and mind with mud water, a perfect addition to your self-care routine as the weather cools and the days get shorter. Do it. Oh, man.

I got the Mando. I brought the Mando products because I didn't have time to take a shower. You go everywhere with those. This stuff smells so good. I had it in the car. Literally, if somebody looked over, I was going like this. Because, you know, I don't get high anymore. I barely drink.

Peter said to me when he walked in, he said, this soap smells like a fine Christmas candle. It's so good, man. And by the way, it keeps you smelling fresh for like three days, bro, 72 hours. It's clinically proven to block odor all day and control that odor for up to 72 hours. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for our listeners, new customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code.

That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use code wild at Shop Mando. dot com s h o p m a n do dot com please support our show and tell them we sent you smell fresher stay dryer and boost your confidence from head to toe with mando ho ho kyle what's going on merry christmas merry christmas a few days away that's right did you know that the start of the new year is a perfect time to get organized set goals and prioritize what matters most i did yeah new year's coming Listen, financial wellness is one of my main goals for the upcoming year. And Rocket Money has helped me get those goals in order.

And I love using Rocket Money. You know, one thing that really grinds my gears are all the streaming services. I got to stay subscribed to now to watch my favorite shows. Rocket Money helps me stay on top of being able to cancel those. It reminds me when I need to cancel the ones that I don't want anymore that I've been paying for. Just such a great app. Helps me budget. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket. money. Go to rocket money.com slash wild times today. That's rocketmoney. dot com slash wild times.

Rocket money. com slash wild times. Wild times. So in Voyagers National Park in Minnesota, they captured a trail cam image and they're saying,

is this a wolf? Is this a coyote? Coy wolf. That's what I thought you were going to say. So that's a dog wolf mix. Nope. Try again. What are the two words in there?

It's a coy fish and a wolf mix. Yep. Got it. It's a toy fish and a wolf. Well, so this Voyager Wolf project, they're saying it looks coyote-esque, but has some dog-like aspects to its appearance in the ears. It's definitely got some wolfy stuff going on. What do you think? Do you think Koi Wolf? I mean, it's, so you're definitely seeing that transitional time where it's putting its full winter coat on. You know, so that's why it's so fluffy, which makes it look bigger. I would say it's probably not Koi Wolf, which is a coy wolf. in a wolf. I would say it's a, what do they call it, Waiote or something like that? It's like a dog

coyote. Right, right. Yeah. I think that's what you're seeing here. So, you know, we, we know that dogs and coyotes can interbreed. There's very dogish features in their ears, particularly of this animal. It's almost like a husky's ears right there. Yeah, that's stand up, kind of forward facing. Yeah. So I think what you're seeing here is probably a male coyote that snuck in and, or no, probably a female coyote that got in. by somebody's pet dog. Yeah. Got had a little schoen sash and then, you know, birthed this monstrosity, which is something

between a dog and a coyote. Okay, cool. It gets startled by the trail cam. It is cute, though. It's very cute. Very cute. Dude, my dog got startled so badly the other day. It jumped.

My 70-pound dog jumped sideways into my legs and I thought I tore my ACL for me. Oh, geez. I took a picture of what startled it. It's a little two and a half foot tall turtle sign that says slow. And that that did it. My dog was just like sniffing and didn't see this two and a half foot tall turtle hominid. Yeah. And then just saw it.

And it's the most startled I've ever seen an animal. Good times, man. 70 pound dog, we're running right into the legs. Did you, uh, it wasn't anything like when Kyle got, or I mean, forest got bashed in the face by that wallaby? Dude, that same week I got bashed in the leg as well. You did? By what? That gator that we talked about, that one that I caught.

Yeah. I thought it was all sleepy and stuff after we transported it. And I went to grab it and it turned its head super fast. It was taped up, luckily, and it smashed my shin. I thought it broke my leg. My leg, I mean, it's probably not bruised anymore. It was literally like all black and blue down here. Dude, when you catch something in the shin, it's the worst.

It's as bad as it gets. I had to have my shin drained once. From the swelling? I was so meager. It was very meager. I threw a kick. I was in a moitai thing that I used to do when I was young before my body fell apart.

I remember that I threw a kick. And the guy just put his elbow out and I just hit his elbow with my shin. Oh, ow. And it hurt incredibly bad. And I looked and my instructor just goes, oh, and it just looked like a head growing out of my shin

and he lanced it. Forrest, what did you? I watched your, your video where you were, where you were doing all the crazy stuff catching fish on your channel with like the bow and the net and the glove like that's video i've ever made completely tanked by the way really i i i it's infuriating to me it's the most fun i ever it's a kiles fault yeah it must be it's the

only thing that makes sense it's literally i mean i don't want to go on a whole rant here but it's the most fun i've ever had making a video we did these three ridiculous methods of catching invasive carp we had so much fun we made a competition there's like fun like shing sound effects and shit yeah and i was like this thing's not watch it i was like this thing's going to crush. It's such a good video. Yeah. And everybody was like jerking each other off about how good of a video it was. We put it out. It's the lowest watched video I've ever put out. Dude, and I'm furious. There's no rhyme or reason. I don't even want to talk about it.

Like, it's just so upset. And then you sit there and spin your wheels. Like me and Kyle fucking talking about shit like, why is this doing well? Like, why did that one do bad? It's like there's no rhyme or reason behind it. There's just nothing. It makes no sense. But I did want to ask. You got injured. Or, I mean, you got hit by fish, right? Many times. So what's the worst injury you've ever gotten while out on Safari, whatever you want to call? From an animal or just ever?

How about both? You got bit by a shark. Yeah, that wasn't the worst. Bit by a venomous snake. Yeah, that wasn't great. The worst injury I've ever got. You got shot in the heart by a gun. Dude, oh, we got to talk about that in a minute.

What? Not that. We'll talk about that in a second. train of thought that's going sideways here. It's all good. It's all good. Worst injury I've ever had is tied between my elbow, where I fell out of a tree and like compound fractured that way and that way.

Many surgery, six months in a cast, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's stinky. Jumping from tree to tree. My sister bet me I couldn't make a jump from the top of one tree to another. And I was like, I sure can. I was right. I was right. I made the jump.

That's disgusting. But as I caught the branch, the branch broke. and I fell, landed on my elbow. You can't, you cannot fucking plan for that unless you're a responsible adult. I was not doing it at all. And I got up and I walked over. My mom was playing tennis.

And I held my arm like this. And the bone was sticking out that way and that way. Can we get a close up on this shit? I said to my mom, she was playing tennis. I said, I broke my arm, calm and collected like that.

And she said, no, you didn't. And she looked over. I was completely calm. I was like, mom, I broke my arm. And she goes,

no, you didn't. And she looks over and I let this hand. hand go and I put my arm and the bones shoot out. And my mom goes, and I just pursed into tears, like lost it. It was a huge thing. It took weeks of surgery. It was like a whole thing. But my arm works shorter than the other one, but it works. My elbow hurts now. All right. So, and then now your, your closest call with animals or wildlife or adventure? I think the sea snake eye story.

We talked about that. We don't need to rehash it. That was probably the close. I thought I'd killed myself there for like six hours. You wrote a suicide note to your life. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I wrote a goodbye note. You should have still sent it to her. I should have. The next day. Yeah.

I've got a little, can we get a game here? Top three? Yeah. Oh, top three. Better be Christmasy. Oh, it is. Okay. Dead fucking lost.

I'm going to try and bring my energy down. I'm a little excited. Yeah, you've had too many. So, sorry, too many magic points. It's 22nd of December. We are having our little wild times gathering at my house. Yeah. the week between Christmas and New Year's.

Okay. PJ party, sleepover. Yep. We'll probably make some fun content. Kind of wait. We're going to do it and we're going to make some content. Yeah, of course. Kyle, will you come up for it?

Yes. Okay. Wow. He didn't hesitate. No. This is a top three. Do you celebrate Filipino Christmas? This is a top three that is actually going to happen.

Okay. And we will document that we've followed through on this. Okay. Good, good. I want to know so bad what has happened. So we're going to have a good old fashion smorgasbord. Ooh.

Everyone's going to bring three items. Yep. For our notch. I like that a lot. Okay. So don't fucking bullshit your way through this. You actually have to bring these items. Bring these items to my house.

Good. Good. For our belated Christmas party. Done. Okay. Done. You going first? Sure.

We own just standard. Do my three. Do your three. Okay. What should we do for DFL here? You tell the, other person. You tell the other two people what the shittiest thing they're bringing is. Okay. Okay. I like that. Yeah. And then maybe we eliminate that. We'll see how we go.

Oh, I like that. Name three things you're going to bring. Yep. Will DFL one. So each person brings two things. Exactly. It eliminates one. Smart. Yep. Love it. Okay. So here's what I'm going to bring. Number three, I'm going to grill up at home, not at your place. Okay. A whole smattering of cheddar jalapeno boar sausage. Oh my God. That's so good. It's so good. I think I told you guys. I did this pig eradication thing, took all the pigs, got it butchard. I remember. It's the best sausage I've ever had.

But then I'm going to slice it and put little toothpicks in it. So it's cold cheddar jalapeno sauce. Will I be able to dip it in a spicy mustard? Indeed. Of course. I'll bring the spicy mustard. That's part of my top. No, no.

Come on. No accoutrements. No, that's out. Okay, so I'm going to do that. And then I am going to, I'm trying to go fun here. Ah, I know. I have several jars. This could be the one you guys eliminated.

but I'm going to put it out there. I have several jars of delicious pickled porcini left. Mushrooms. So, mushrooms. I like that. They're wild mushrooms that I picked that we pickled in olive oil, like high fancy olive oil. Sounds so good. I don't think I want to eliminate it either.

No, definitely not. Okay. But I will. And then my third item, a fresh making Jess do this. I have no clue how to do such things. Okay. Jessica is going to bake fresh, hot, crusty bread to have with your pickled mushrooms and olive oil and sausage.

Do we have to eliminate one? No, you don't. We're making the rules up as we go. Yeah, we certainly are. Are you ready or should I go? I mean, I'll go. He's using chatche. I'm just, I just, yeah, it's, obviously, I would never make any of these.

No, hang on. You have to make these. He also said no phoning it in. And you're literally using your phone. I've been thinking about it the whole time you're doing it. And I'm just demotivated because I'm not, like, I'm not, I don't do food. Like my wife broke. go to the grocery store and get a cheese platter.

Like, just make it easy on yourself. I know. That's what I was going with. And you told me I got to do it. You're always giving me a hard time over here. I'm sorry. I just want to make sure you do it because I want to have a lot of things to choose from. The first thing is I'm going to bring a giant candy cane full of shots of fireball.

Okay. Okay. That sounds fun. Well, I'm going to buy it from Costco. That's fine. That sounds really fun. That's acceptable bring. I want that.

Kyle, if you don't bring this now, there's going to be an issue. Yeah. I've got them into liking. everything. Now you have to go to Costco. Yeah. Yeah. Second thing. Over the holidays. The second thing I'm going to bring, oh, God, and I can't cook any of these things, though,

so I can't say it. Nobody's saying anything about cooking. We're going to make it. Okay. Relax. Relax. Let me talk out loud. Calm down, you two. All right, so, uh, you do Wim Hof over there. I'm going to bring regular candy canes. Uh, not peppermint, though. They're going to be the delicious sweet ones. They're going to be as big as forest pecker, right? So they're going to be, yeah, they're going to, You've all seen it on naked and afraid. We're going to have forest.

There are actually to be forest pecker-shaped candy canes. You okay with that, Pat? But you can't get that. It doesn't exist. Oh, I can get it. Okay. You're putting yourself. You're making your life much harder than if you just said three food items.

You don't think I can get a penis-shaped candy cane made? All right. Contribute a real item besides the fireball. I do like the fireball. All right. Candy canes, no one's going to touch. God, I want to, I keep wanting to say this, but I'll have to have my mother-in-law help me make it. there's this Moroccan chicken.

All right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to bring this Moroccan chicken. It's so good. It's chicken thighs with a bone in and she has all these spices that she can help me with. All right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to have her make it. You guys are going to die.

It falls off the bone. It's just delicious. I'm going to do a Moroccan chicken. That's my one real one. I'll bring the fireball and the... Take out the candy canes. Come on. We're giving you a mulligan.

No, it's stupid. Say one more thing you're going to bring to the party. All right, one more thing. I'm going to bring, what can I bring? Another thing that I can do that I can't do or can't do or can buy. Just say food. Food. No.

I'm going to bring, I'm going to go get a delicious dessert of some type. That's what my wife puts on the shopping list. A dessert. Lovely. Desert. Great. God, I'm horrible. This is horrible pot.

I'm sorry, everybody. It's not great. Kyle, cut me out of this. No, but all of these things will be there. Okay. To compliment your sausage board. and the mustard situation with the bread. I'm going to get a,

I'm going to go to a Monsieur Marcel, very fancy cheese shop. Okay. I'm going to get the super aged Gouda that has the salt crystals in it for snacking. I'm so hungry right now. Yeah, he is because he's going to ensure that we follow up. Oh, I'm going to do it, baby.

So I'm going to get the aged Gouda with the salt crystals. It'll be crunching them. Okay. I'm going to, to have some warmth and sustenance. I'm going to do a, very delicious ground beef chili with all the toppings.

Oh, that sounds good. Yeah, with... I love chili in the cold season. Yeah, that's great. My wife's already done it once this season. It's delicious. Yeah, you know what's a chili hack?

Because, you know, everyone does like the sour cream, the green onions, the cheese. Yeah. Sliced black olives. Oh, interesting. Really? I could see that going well. Incredible. Yeah.

Um, okay. So, Kyle's literally salivating on the paper. Nah, he's bored to tears. And then I'm going to make very... festive red cocktails called Negronies. Oh, I love a Nogroni, dude. Yeah, let's go.

I'll whip up a big batch of Nogonies. Okay. We're shaping up. Now, Kyle, what are you going to bring? What are your three? Filipino foods? No Filipino foods.

Again, not Filipino. A nice fried noodle. A half hatched duck egg. All right. Ponset. That's actually a pretty good idea. He's so white. He's the widest of all of us, too.

There's a thing that I've had one time in a restaurant. I made it many other. times. It's a little piece of bread with Mars Capone. Yep. And figs and prosciutto. Oh yeah. Sounds good. You're going to make this? Yeah. I'm glad to be. Delicious. Yeah. Follow it up.

Seared all he tuna steaks. Oh, God. God. This is crazy, bro. How much are we paying? Yeah. He's weird. Very overpaid for his job. All right. And then just some good old fashioned apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Now I got a dessert. Get out of here. Two desserts to choose from.

All right, fine. All right. So we got, we got cocktails. We got fireball shots and ngronies. Yeah. We got cheese, sausage. You got a wine. Porcini. Percickel porcini. or negroes. We'll have a bunch of wine there too. Yeah, it's good. I'm going to go first. I don't want to eliminate anything. I'm not eliminating it. No. You have to.

I have to. Yeah, we have to eliminate. It's too many things. It's too many things. They all sound really good. Do it. I'll just run through it really quick. Okay. Oh my God. This is bad. Boris is bringing cheddar jalapeno boar sausage, pickle porcini's and fresh hot bread. I'm not cutting any of that. Peter is bringing fireball shots, Moroccan chicken and any dessert. Cut the Moroccan chicken.

Cut the dessert and the chicken and the fireball. Patrick's bringing age guita with salt. You don't want to cut that boy. Ground beef chili with delicious toppings. And the gronies. And then my big prosciutto, ahie tuna steaks and apple pie. I'm not cutting anything.

I'm sorry. I'm putting my foot down. The only thing I would cut, the only thing I would cut is Peter's random dessert. Because there's no specificity to it. If you had said a dessert that I like, I would say, I would say, if you had just said, I'm going to bring Sundays. Right.

You can bring ice cream sundays. Yeah. Brownies, cookies. Well, I'm not bringing anything. Milkshakes. I'm not even going. Yeah, you're going. You're going.

Oh, your wife's going to be there. Yep. Oh, shit. Yeah. Not my kids, though. We must. We must. Do you know that our three wives have a text group?

I just found this out. Oh, I know. What's it called? Like the Wild Times ladies? TWT wives. Yeah. I just found this out. I don't know, but it can't be good.

They talk about us. Yeah. No, my wife tells me everything. I know exactly what they talk about. Our wives don't. I only knew this because I was walking by Jessica's phone and it lit up and I looked over to TWT and I was like, why is she? And it's a TWT wives.

I was like, what is it? What is happening? What I don't like is that your wife has access to the bonus pods where we always talk about how terrible our wives are. Well, we don't talk about how terribly are, but we say some things in there. Well, yeah. You see your wife once a year.

forest. That's true. She looks good though. Peter, you were given you were given a pet as a gift at a child's party a hermit crab. That's right. Sheldon. Thurmond. That's it. It caused you much grief. Well, yeah, in a way, it was a struggle.

It was an obstacle, yeah. So for our brosuners out there, there's a lot of young, our audience skews young and skews male. Many of them may be thinking, maybe they got a sweetheart a sweetie. Yeah. They want to get a nice gift.

Gonna get her a nice axolottle for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. An eye-eye. Pick an actually good pet gift to give. Okay. To your lovely, that's a great significant other. That's a great.

Okay. So this is, we don't have a jingle. This is the TWT Wild Times Christmas Buyers Guide. That's right. Christmas Buyers guide. Kyle likes that joke. I'm going to go first. I got a smile out of Kyle.

I'm going to go first. Go ahead. A lovely kitten. Can you please find the exotic fish thing from family guy that I always reference that we can never find? You can't go wrong. It's so funny. It's so good. Even if they're not a cat person, a cute little six to eight week old kitten rescue. That's a long commitment.

Yeah, that's 20 to 30 years. You haven't thought this out. No, that's what I would do. A kitten. Who doesn't like a kitten? It's just, it's part of the family. You really want to add a member to the family. You got to get something that can go on a.

Oh, sorry, go ahead. If you're giving someone a pet, give a kitten. Give them something they can cuddle with. Yeah. I mean, I would go with a, more like a fat-tailed gecko or something where, like, they can come out of the tank and they're very friendly and nice. A leopard gecko? A leopard gecko. I said a fat-tailed guv.

That's a good gift. That's less of a commitment than a cat. That's like a lifelous. Well, I'll tell you what, because I said to the brocesters, I was like, I got rid of Thurman, but I want to get something else. And the gecko was like the top one, that and a ball python. but my wife. Beard of dragons good too.

Beer to dragons are good. A beard of dragon for kids. They're super friendly. Yeah. So like a nice, easy to take care of lizard that will be able to come out of the tank

and like literally can walk around your office and chill and learns to love you. Yeah. But also goes back in the tank when you don't want to fucking have them around. So you're going to give them the gecko with like a cool terrarium set up. That would be what I would do. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So we got a leopard gecko. We got an adorable kitten. Eight weeks old. Eight weeks old, very cute, very fluffy. Lots of caring. Luffy white kitten. Lots of pooping. Okay.

I'm going to say if you're actually going to get your loved one a cool pet for the holidays, get them something that they can develop their entire personality. Okay. I'm serious about this because here's the thing. If you're going to be this weirdo on Instagram now, just own it. You know what I mean? Just own it. So here's what I'm going to say.

First of all, you have to show your loved one that you love them. So getting them an $8 Bearded Dragon, that's not the play. You're going to buy them a giant leachianus gecko. I love how you went from like incredibly excited about my selection to shitting all over.

No, you went gecko. I went bearded dragon. Oh, okay. My example was a bearded dragon. I'm saying you have to buy your loved one a giant sloppy gecko. Okay. Oh my God.

That is heinous. Basically a turd with legs. It looks like a naked mole rat. Dude, they're so cool though. I've never seen this thing. Go all the way up, Kyle. Oh, it does look cool, actually. Hey, Kyle, can you find our YouTube video from the reptile show where we're playing with one just for a second here?

Wow, you are working today, Kyle. But it's cool because this is the largest species of known gecko, because we've spoken about the Kiwakia, the death lizard before. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the largest known one that's out there. Here's the thing. That giant gecko has these big sticky feet that are super fun, like not like leaves a residue. They just feel cool. and then it's like a giant velvet pillow creature.

And they're awesome. So I'm saying that's what you get here. It's good. Somewhere in here, my, yeah, look at this thing. Oh, wow, that is cool. Isn't that cool? Dude, those pictures do not do it justice. That is way cooler when you have actual HD video.

It's just like a smaller Komoto dragon. Yeah, that climbs up things. That's a good one for us. Yeah. I don't normally kiss your ass, but that's a good one. How much are they asking for? I think they're like $2,000. Really?

I don't know. I've never tried to buy one, but I know they're not cheap. So we got a kitten and two lizards. How many lizards do you have? Just one. What lizard? Just the skink?

The blue tongue skink. Yeah, the one and only. Now, now what's the demeanor of the blue tongue skink? Aren't they like just whiling out? Or can you actually take them out and like, oh no, my son plays with them constantly. He's,

but he's pretty dull. I'll be honest. He's a dullard? Yeah, you just kind of, you pull him out and he just kind of sits there. I mean, I don't know, he just sits there.

That's all he does. And then you feed him a blueberry and he like slow motion eats the blueberry. and then he's back to said... Dude, you remember... It's not the best, Pat. Pat, you weren't there, but I have a blue tongue. At AnimalCon, I was...

I had this skunk on my lap, and this was the most docile skunk you've ever seen. It was on Forrest Lapus. It peed on my penis. Nice. True story. It was... Go check out that video, by the way.

It's on our YouTube. But we had... We were passing the skunk around. We were holding it for the whole show for like four hours. And then somebody brought up at the end, I think, of day one. a cup full of worms, right? And we were all going to eat a worm.

Like we ate a worm with the audience. And it was really fun. And everybody's like, ew. And then everybody's like, I'll do it, I'll do it. And everybody came up and we were all eating worms. But there's this cup of worms, right? And Forrest takes the worm, one of the worms out of the cups. And he puts it like, he's like, here, just feed it to the skunk.

Oh, yeah. And he like, he gets it to me. And I'm like, okay, literally the thing turned into a fucking rabbit animal wants it. No, you know. Dude, and it bit me. And then it's like on my lap and the worm is crawling around. Where'd it bite you? Just on my finger?

It hurt, too. It was not pleasant. But this was like this thing was the most docile thing in the world. The second a piece of food came around, man. It was just all over the place and then it took a pee on forest, peepee. It did. All right. Kyle.

Give me a shangle. I think I know what time it is. Do you know what time it is? Oh. Time. Du-tut-took-took-took-tto-do. What? Okay, so this is the Battle Royale. It's Christmas.

Yes. There's a new rock holiday movie with Chris Evans who looks just like me. Here's what we're going to do. This is going to be a little bit out there. Okay. We're going to do a battle royale where you have to make the leading character of a new hit animal Christmas movie. Oh, I love this.

Okay. So it's like it's going to be bigger than Elf. Of course. It's going to be bigger than Home Alone. Yeah, nobody's watching Rudolph anymore. You're watching this guy. 50 years from now, people will still watch it. Without question.

Okay. So here's the thing, though. We're going to do the looks of the animal. So you pick the animal. So you pick an animal. It's a puppy. It's a reindeer. It's a whatever.

Okay. It's going to have the special ability of another animal from the animal kingdom. I like it. It can fly like a bird. It can borrow like a squid. Whatever. That doesn't make sense.

Needle point, sharp tail. Of course. Ha! Throwback. Episode one. You're going to have a voice actor for it. Oh, God.

Who's going to play the voice? I love this so much. But here's the thing. Fourth piece of this battle. Royale. Yeah. You have to give us in 10 sentences or less the plot of your movie. 10 sentences.

That's like a whole podcast. About the plot of your movie. How about just a log line? Okay, fine. Shut up. Three sentences or less. Let's go snake draft. Boom, boom, boom.

Okay, I'll start. With the new Christmas movie, don't have a title for it. This is going to be the greatest underwater Christmas movie you've ever seen. Oh, wow. Yep. Didn't see that coming. No, I didn't like it. Starring a blobfish.

Ah. I love it. I can't wait to hear your voice actor is. I think you're going to go John Goodman. Yes, I was going to go John Goodman. I swear to God, I have thought out. I swear to God. All right, so you've got an underwater blobfish as your lead character.

Yep. Okay. My animated Christmas movie, it's a classic, it's going to go on for decades, if not centuries. Wow. I'm going to make the star of my film an adorable Phenic Fox. Okay. Lovely. Very cute.

My Christmas movie will be on land. Yeah. Makes sense. Much more relatable. Just to clarify. Okay. I'm up for four, right? Yep.

All right. So I'm going with my voice actor first. That's pretty cute. My voice actor is going to be John Lovitz. Oh, man. You ever seen the critic? What a great cartoon. Hey, right?

That's like Norm MacDonald. He's hard to do. He's like a toned-down version of Normickdon. That's true. Okay. John Lovitz. Okay, so he's going to be my voice actor. My animal is going to be a chimpanzee.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm also on land and in trees. Oh, a tree-themed movie. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

Nice. Okay. I've got my Phenic Fox. I'm going to give it. Hmm. Special ability. Special ability. I'm going to skip that for now because I don't know yet where my plot is.

Sure. But I know who my actor is. Scarlett Johansson. Wow. Female lead, huh? Yeah, I'm going to have a female. Phenic Fox lead, kind of raspy voice. You're going for like the female crowd here?

I mean, men aren't going to watch a fernicke. Anyone will watch Scarlet Johansson do anything. But she's the voice of the FedExy fox. Dude, if I knew that, I'd tune in. Yeah. Yeah. I'm curious to hear the voice actor. Are you still going to go with what you said before?

No, it's John Goodman. He literally said who I. I have a whole thing in my head already. Seth Rogan was, you missed, you missed, you miss, Seth Rogan for your blobfish.

Okay. No, no, pick what you're gonna pick. Seth Rogan's a good call. So is Jonah Hill, you know, like,

it just need a fat person. I don't know if that's okay to stay on air or not, but... I need a fat person's voice. Right. All right. I'll change it.

By the way, all skinny now, all of them. True. I'll go Jonah Hill. Okay. He's more topical than John Good. That's fun.

That's fun. Jonah Hill is a blobfish is fun. John and Hill is a blobfish. And then I'm going to, because I want to lay out the plot at the end, so I'm going to come back to the special ability. My blobfish has the special ability of an anglerfish, so he can light up. Okay. Again, it's a deep sea themed movie.

You'll get where I'm going once I start. You got to have light. You got to have light. You got to have light. Exactly what you're doing. I like the underwater setting because you can make it look like a snowy scene, even though it might just be bubbles or sparkles. You're reading in, you're reading between the lines, my guy.

You're reading between the lines. I like it. My Scarlet-Johansen-led Phenic Fox, weirdly enough, this feeds into the plot. Yeah. Does have the special ability of... What's that bird? Oh, an albatross. Okay.

So it can fly for very, fly over very long distances, riding wind currents, and has the power of flight. Using the ears as wings? Absolutely. Okay. That's good. It's a Christmas movie. That's right. Thank you.

Thank you for helping me out there. Yeah, no problem. Okay. Better. What am I up for? Special ability and plot. Okay, they kind of feed right into each other. Yeah.

So, um, I have a chimpanzee in the jungle, uh, voiced by John, John Goodman, or John Lovitz. And, uh, special ability is going to be that of a hagfish. And I'll go into that in just a moment. A hagfish has the ability to... Glad he put his finger out. Hang on.

Yeah. Has the ability to shit out some very sticky substance out of its ass. This is true. Very slimy. So the movie's called Jungle All the Way. It's good. It's got a good title. That's a big hook.

That's good. That's a big hook. My chimpanzee goes about, you know, the jungle terrain of, he's not Santa. He's a guy that delivers presence to all of the kind of, you know, off the grid people who live variously out through the jungles. They need presents, too. Oh, so it's like an international Christmas movie where the chimps bring in presents because Santa can't make it there.

Well, the chimp, what he can do with his hagfish shitting ability is he can shit out big sacks of gifts. So what he does is as he swings around the jungles, he goes to all the huts and all the off-the-grid dwellings and caves and everywhere that people that, you know, who maybe even never had contact with other humans, he shits out gifts. for them. Are they covered in slime or? Well, they must be, yeah. Okay. I mean, the gifts are like in packages. It's like a

Santa sack that he shits out. You took this a very odd direction. So to be clear, a chimp is delivering gooey sacks of gifts to troglodytes who live in caves. Correct. Well, and in huts, but yes, and it's called Jungle all the way. That's a fucking great title. The title's really good. I think I could sell

on a little one. Is this R-rated? Uh, PG-13. Okay. Okay. So I don't know what's going to happen between all the gift delivering. So my I'll tell you the title at the end. This Fenwick Fox is at a rescue place outside of San Diego, where they have otters and fennick foxes and, you know, even have a slow lorice there.

Sure. Love that. So it's this exotic animal rescue, and they pack up all the animals to drive to Florida for Christmas. Okay. One fennick fox was being mischievous and knew how to get out of the enclosure and was on a little adventure, comes back, and they've left for Christmas. Oh, no. And she doesn't want to be alone at Christmas, would she?

Of course not. So what is she going to do? Well, she has the special ability to fly. Yeah. And so she goes on a cross-country flying adventure, the week of Christmas only to make it to Florida in time, Christmas morning, to reunite with her family. And the title of the film is Home Alone 4.

Nice one. Thank you. Okay. Did you just go for a high five that wasn't returned? me? Oh, I thought you'd put your hand up like, here, I wanted to give you one. I felt bet. Idiot. Shit. Okay. In my movie, we open as there is a seafaring Christmas tree company, moving Christmas trees across the Atlantic Ocean, when sure enough, they hit a wave and one Christmas tree

rolls overboard. While the Christmas tree sinks deeper and deeper into the ocean, eventually falling all the way through the pelagic zone and the bathy pelagic zone and everything. everything else and falling squarely upright into the deep, deep ocean. This is good. Now, keep in mind, as we see this transition to the deep deep ocean, we get down to the marine snow, which we know happens. And it's a beautiful, white, dark underwater Christmas scene. Lit up only by?

No, not yet. Calm down. I'll feed you, baby bird. I'll feed you. As we get down there, even though it's black, we now have a Christmas tree. He's going full 10 sentences. We join, so did he, by the way. I'm just kidding.

We join our Seth Rogen. blobfish as he cruises around the deep blue ocean, the bottom of the sea, bringing Christmas to the other deep sea organisms because it's something that he somehow knows about. Yeah. Because he saw the tree. Yeah. And eventually, at the end of the movie, Seth Rogen goes to the very top of the tree and he is the shining star.

Ah, you exit the star. And the entire area. And the whole area bringing light, bringing Christmas to all the deep ocean creatures. So when did you decide to fire, John? Jonah Hill and hire Seth Rogan. Damn it. I meant Jonah Hill. What's the title?

Fuck. I'm so bad at titles. Yeah. Oh, I'll drop a comment. Deep Dark Christmas. Deep Dark Christmas is pretty good. Deep Dark Christmas. Like deep dark ocean.

Well, listen, I'd love the brochures to weigh in. This has been really fun. Even for me, who's typically horrible at Battle Royals. I think I did a decent job. Jungle all the way. You've got people living in caves, getting gifts. Yeah. The title was the best.

I don't even want people to weigh in on ours. I want to hear theirs. Please, please. please drop a comment. Tell us what your Christmas animal movie would be. Hey, and you know what? Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. We love you. It's been a great year. Hey.

Good night. Tell a friend about this podcast. You know, that's really the most important thing. Go Wild Times. Yeah, that's the Christmas cheer. Give them the podcast. That's right. Give them the podcast. Send them a clip.