Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Humpback Whale Charges Swimmers, Emotional Support Alligator, & Frog Pregnancy Tests

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

The crew is finally back recording in the same room for this special 20th episode!  Join the broologist, the broducer, and the brofessor on this week's audio adventure. We love you! Follow us @WildTimesPod More at https://thewildtimespodcast.com    

Episode 20, the Wild Times podcast. We are all together. This is a special podcast, our 20th hour on air together. Wild Times. We've done a lot of bullshitting tonight. And I think, you know, I like it too. You literally were just like, hey, should we stop doing what's in the news and just talk shit? No, no.

I'm kidding. That's because I'm lazy. No, we got one bad review. Yeah. They were angry at how much bullshit we've done. It's the only thing that requires preparation. You are joined today by myself, Mr. Forrest Galante, Retep, the professor. What's up, Peter?

Hey, guys, nice to see your faces. Yeah, fun. You look good. When I walked in the room today, what did I say to you? That I look good. I've been tanning. I've been moving, so my muscles and veins are bulging. Yeah.

Are you laying out? Because it looks like you've been laying out. Yeah, I mean, if you, I mean, if by that, you mean just laying outside in the sun and fucking hanging out, It's not like I'm intentionally laying out. It's a byproduct of being a lazy piece of shit. Just say you're tanning. You are very tan. It's weird.

So tan. Weird? He says I look good. Look at you. It does look good. I'm so pale. It's horrific. You look awful in person, by the way, Pat. I just have to say.

You've destroyed my introduction. Sorry. Thank you. And the pale, awful looking guy on the left, who's actually, in my opinion, looking great, because it's the longest hair I've ever seen on him. definitely thought you were going to try and sell me a used car when I walked into car.

It's long. It's slick. It's slicked back. Yeah. That's important. There's nothing else you can do with it at this length. Yeah. It's a problem.

The broducer, Mr. Patrick DeLuca. We're in his kitchen. How are you, dude? I'm good, man. We're real happy to be all together now that we've all tested positive for COVID antibodies. We can do this. Yeah, it's good. I'm going to cut out the antibodies part.

What's up with the, so did we decide on a name for the crew? There were a lot of suggestions. So many suggestions. What did we get? What are some of the suggestions? Did people like my suggestion? The wild boys or the wild bunch? I got wildlings.

I got wildlings. I got that too. Game of Thrones, Rath. I got one, God damn it, I'm forgetting what it was. He combined the word bro and listeners, and it was bristlers, brislers, bro listeners. Bro listeners? Bro listeners? Brosners?

I didn't love it. I didn't love it. You know what's cool about it is when we studied the demographics, our audience. is 45% female. Really? Yeah. And so it's, I think they like being called bros. It's 20, it's 20, 20.

Yeah, you know, you can't, you can't be like, hey, that's a chick. Like, we're all bros. Gender's not a thing. It's not. Like being a bro is like a state of mind. It is, yeah. And he embody that. Yeah, because we're smashing White Claw and Boochraft.

Here's a couple more, uh, master broasters. Uh, uh, Hang on. That's once you get upgraded. Cahooz. Cahootz 84 was the one that suggested the wildlings. Thank you for that. Yep.

The herd. I like that. That's already a thing. Unfortunately, there's a very big sports podcast. Don't want to infringe on their trademark. Wild timers. Sounds like old timers. That sounds ancient.

Brozners. Brozners. I think that's what the guy sent me. I kind of like Brosner's. then my favorite comment on last week's podcast posts on Instagram from Brown and Roberts, what type of mammal is holding those monkeys in reference to the picture of young forest holding two monkeys? You're digressing. Yeah, but yeah, I know.

It was a fine. It was just a, that was part young boy, part beaver, if you look at my teeth in that picture. That was pre-braces for us, Galante. It's, uh, it's bad. Your hair surprisingly looks like what Pat's hair looks like now, which is, No, he had the short spiky going. So we're here at the, what's my name, Broducer?

I'm the Producers. We're at the Broducers compound. We got NHL playoff hockey on the screen. We got the monitors and the big, what is this thing called? A Mac. What is the fuck is this? An Apple screen.

A MacBook Pro? Or no, a Mac. IMac. IMAX are set up. Retep, as soon as Forrest and I sat down, put two white claws and a glass. of bootcraft in front of each of us. Good.

And we are ready. So, Forrest, congrats on the, I thought the Shark Week looked great. Thank you, man. Yeah, that was, you know, that was... Ratings were fantastic, by the way. Fantastic. Yeah, and thank all you guys listening to this. We still don't have a collective noun for you lot.

You braz out there. The brosters. The brosners? We just revert to bros and hose. No, sorry. Sorry, female listeners. Cut that out. I'm not cutting it out. Dude, what are you talking about? They love it. They're vulgar, just like us. That's true.

I have a friend, a close female friend who is going on a trip with some of her girlfriends, just like a girl's trip, and they're all married and have kids, and they're just going to just while out at some resort. Okay. And by while out, you mean go to bed at nine? I don't know, man. Yeah. I started thinking about it. I was like, she's like, yeah, you just go to the pool.

It's all just like these super hot dudes. and we just drink at the pool for like four days by ourselves away from our husbands and kids. Oh, I thought they were taking the husbands and kids. I missed that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, they're all getting railed. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Good for them. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Just you're talking about flat out cheating going on.

Is it cheating, though, if it's on a girl's trip? If it was guys doing it, that's disgusting, you should never do that. 100%. You're a horrible person. 100% agree. But I feel like a group of, like, moms. Like, let them have a weekend to themselves. My guess would be one of them is the wild mom.

Like, you all remember that girl from the sorority that was like, oh, yeah, here comes Stacey. It's funny that it was Stacey at every college. Every college. Sorry to any Stacey's in the Brosners. Forrest has just pulled up on the large monitor here, just a bunch of bro words. Yep. I see you highlighted Bromigo. Well, I thought maybe we could call the listeners Bromigos.

I like that. Bromigos. Is that cultural appropriation? Probably. I'm sure it is. Is that okay? I actually don't know what's okay anymore. I'm clueless. I have no idea. Like I literally don't want to offend anyone. Like this is not me being like, ha ha, I don't give a shit. I'm, you know, this is not being a Fox News reporter. This is me like, I literally don't want to offend anyone. I just don't know what is and isn't offensive anymore. I think if you're listening to this show, you're probably just like not the type of person who gets

offended very easily. I would hope not. Yeah. And that we've, yeah, they've been filtered out. It's episode 20. Yeah, exactly. This point, we only have a nice curated bunch of wildlings. Brosners. So, Forrest, I wanted to pick your brain on something here. So I have a shoot coming up in a couple weeks, right? And so there's this cenote.

Yep. Very familiar. Yeah, you're into that whole deal. I've never been to one. Peter, what's a sonote? No, fuck to speed. No clue. Just none.

Pretend you speak like a lick of Latin and just give us a rough idea of what a sonote might. be. So a Sonote is like two palm trees with a hammock in the middle and a little. What was that word? A hamhawk on the middle. He was picturing himself eating a hamhawk in a hamlock. And then like a little shelter over the top of it. That's not. How close am I? It's a, uh, how would you define it for us? A sonote is a limestone cavern carved out by water. No, not even close. Don't throw your hands up like you're close. Yeah. It's a limestone cavern that's a sinkhole that typically has crystal clear water in it with an intricate cave system. Wow.

So we're trying to get in... So in this cave system in the Yucatan Peninsula, they have discovered a bunch of evidence of inhabitation. Oh, interesting. 14,000 years ago. Oh, wow. So numerous skeletons, a bunch of discolarations where they could tell that fires were started, they were able to use the organic material.

And this is all subsurface, is all underwater. currently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. So, and they've named it the Hall of Ancestors. It's a pretty new discovery, right? Love it. But here's the crazy thing.

There's, according to the accepted theory of when people came to the Americas, it was 2,000 years before this, or 2,000 years after this. Oh, wow. So, wow. So, wait, sorry. So you're saying that this, this predates. Yeah. Got it, got it. And they've found him in a bunch of different chambers in this huge cave system.

But to get to this place, because I'm, you know, I'm thinking like a producer. I'm like, yeah, we'll get our host down there. He knows how to scuba dive. It'll be no problem. So what I found out today is it's a mixed gas dive and there's a hundred meter section with zero visibility. Ugh. Through a basically a squeeze that's just big enough for a person. Yuck.

Yeah. So I haven't talked to the host of this show about it yet. If I came to you with this for Extincter Alive, Tell me your thoughts. How are we going to do this? So, well, first, I can dive mixed gas. I've done it a little bit. I'm not like, I'm certified. I'm not great. I've never done a zero visibility dive. And I know what you have to do. There's, you run a line, right? So I'm assuming someone's been in there before. Lines are already run. Lines run. So you're literally hand over hand in zero visibility until you pop out this other side. And you have to keep in mind if you, for any reason, take both those hands off, you're done. Really?

Literally, the second you release both that line, you're done. You will not find it again. So you at all times have to have one hand on the line. Because you just won't. You're talking about zero visibility. It's like, you know, in three dimensions of space. So it's not like you're blind in a room trying to find the fridge. Right.

It's like you're blind in the vacuum of space trying to find a needle. Right. Yeah. Right. I was talking to the guy who has been down there and he's going to guide the camera team and everyone down there. And what he said, he's very cool. Yeah. He's this, uh, he's this Mexican dude, super fucking cool.

Every time I've zoomed with him, he's been smoking a cigar. Nice. I love that. Dude, I want to move in with you. And, uh, and he's like, yeah, he's like, look, it's, I don't know what accent that was. Yeah, what was that? I liked it. He's like, it's very doable.

He's like, but anyone panics. I mean, that's death. You panic and there, you're gone. Bye, bye, bye. He's right. I'm like, fuck, why I always panic? Makes it. Sounds like it'll make for good TV, though.

Right. Well, how do you not fucking panic? You're in a hole of a. size of your body and scuba tank. Right. Yeah. Hand over hand the whole time, now I'm thinking, don't let go with the left, don't let go with the right.

Oh, God. How fucking close am I? Oh, I don't know. I'll just come out the other side and it's going to be crystal clear. Correct. I'm panicking, bro. You have to. You have to.

How do you not panic in this situation? You're pretty good at not panicking. So back to your original question. If you came with me to do it, I would do it in a heartbeat. It sounds really exciting. Yeah, yeah. I would also be, and I'll be dead honest, I would be nervous as hell. Yeah.

I've never done it. zero visibility squeeze. That's what you call it in scuba diving. You're going through a tube that you can barely fit through as a squeeze. I've done squeezes before in crystal clear water and they're freaky enough. Dude, think about this. A hundred meters, I mean, that's the length of a football field, essentially. And no, it's longer because a meter's a half, yeah. One point five, yeah. So panic and anxiety. And you even, you're saying, like, I'd be nervous. For sure. Right. I've been nervous a million times. I, you know, they get nervous all the fucking time. Right. flying on a plane, you know, you're going on stage, whatever you're doing.

It doesn't ever help you. No. It always makes you worse. What are, like, some techniques you use to sort of push those nerves down when you're doing stuff that's scary? That's a good question. You know, like, you remember Patrick's season one. So I don't like heights.

A lot of our listeners don't know this. You know this. It's insane that you don't because you're constantly doing shit that makes me scared. I know. Everything makes you scared, mate. Fair enough. But I don't like heights. Like I, as a kid, I could barely stand on a ladder.

Now I, you know, I bungee jump and I skydive and I climb trees and all that shit. I still fucking hate it every time I do it. Like every part of me I feel like it goes against. But I think just trying to embrace, for me, embracing the fear allows me to get through it. So not being like I'm not scared of this, like knowing that I'm scared of it and that I'm going to do it anyway. Like the first time I skydived, I was like, I know that I'm going to be. fucking terrified. Yeah. But I also know that I'm going to do it. Like I, I'm not going to go up there and be like, I can fucking do this. Like, I thump my chest. I can get through this. No big deal. That was not

my mentality. I was like, I know I'm going to be scared. Let myself be scared and do it anyway. Like push through the fear. And I think that helps me to just accept it. And I'd be like, I'm fucking human. It's okay to be scared. Yeah. There's a question. So do you actually like visualize yourself having completed whatever the mission is? Because that's what helps me. because I'm also like a big pussy like the producer over here. Like, but I mean, everybody has different thresholds for this kind of thing. You know, you asked me when I was 20 or 21, you want to do a flip, a backflip over this bonfire? Sure, why not?

Right. But like, now that I'm 36, are you kidding? I don't even want to leave my fucking apartment. I don't want to do anything. I think age has quite a bit to do with just how scary, well, for me anyways. But there's like this whole adrenaline fucking junkie. culture out there. I mean, Red Bull TV is on at bars.

People are insane. You guys know this from knowing me. Like, I think about things. I think through them. I think over them. You know, I think through it a second time. Like, I'm always constantly thinking about every move I'm making.

When I'm doing something that terrifies me, I try not to think about it. Like, remember that tree in Zanzibar? Yeah, yeah. You know the one I'm talking about. Yeah. I literally was like, there could be a leopard 45 feet up in that tree.

And that was it. I didn't think I could fall out that tree if the branch breaks, I'm going to die. I'm scared of the height. I was just like, there could be a leopard up there. That's it. Turn off my thinking, climb. Right, right.

Yeah, like, if you can harness the adrenaline, it can help you. For sure. There's a book in college that I was forced to read in some class called Finding Flow. And it was all about how. Period. Huh. I mean, that was his ex-croproper. For him.

No. But it was all about how top performers and athletes and shit, they're so experienced and they're so good at what they do, that they're not even thinking when they do what they do. And then they just, you know, so I would imagine it's kind of the same thing with this shit. Yeah, I mean, Alex Honnold, right? Yeah. Oh, God, yeah.

If he was scared, if he let fear help, you know, inform any decision on any hold, he's, of course, falling to his dad. Now, this is the guy that climbed 3,000 foot wall. The free solo guy. Yeah, free solo. And it got up to the top and was like, that was fun. No rope. No, I listened to an interview with him and he's like, normally when he's like, normally when climbers get to the top of that. People are like, oh my God, like, hello. And like, he just

hopped over, had no gear. And, like, no, he paid any attention to him whatsoever. So I was just doing some research. We've made the jokes about Forrest not having an amygdala. But, like, it's not a joke. But you're, I was talking to a psychotherapist for a research project. Sure. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't, I, whatever. But basically, you know, when they do brain scans, the amygdala essentially every second is going, am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? It's constantly checking in. It's not part of your conscious mind, right?

So you're not thinking, oh, my amygdala is asking me if I'm safe. Right. It's just constantly saying, am I safe? Am I safe? Once a second. Engaging threats at all times. At all times. And so the idea is that every human and animals, I'm sure all animals,

but every human that's alive today has a very active amygdala. because our ancestors, the ones that had the most active amygdala's that asked, am I safe a lot and got a lot of what we call false positives, which is what causes anxiety and fears. That's who we, those are our ancestors. It's a survival response, right? If you don't have that, you walk into the lion's den and that's the end of that. But it's interesting, though, because when, back to what I said earlier, when you're younger,

that's like less. That instinct is way less. You have to, like, learn it. The older I get, the more afraid of everything I, I remember being in a plane back when people could smoke on planes. We had just visited my grandpa in Tampa. And I was in the back. My mom was in the front.

And we hit this horrible thunderstorm. And it was turbulent so bad. Swear to God that drinks flew off of the trades. And we hit it suddenly. Oh, my God. And people were screaming and people were crying. And I was, you know, I don't know. It was probably nine.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm on the best roller coaster I've ever been on. I was like laughing. I was looking out the window. It was great. If that happens now, I'm fucking eating a cyanide pill. I know. I'm like, how do I get back to that where I was just like, yeah, this is cool shit?

Yeah. All right, wild bunch. Well, that's cool, man. I think that's the Note's thing is awesome. I think that would be a great show. It's too bad you can't go. Yeah, I know, I know. To the wild bunch and the brosners or whatever we're going to call all the crew.

I did text for us. I was like, hey, man, we got a producer spot on this. You want to come? And he's like, I can't. I really did want to, too. It would have been fun. Fun to have you there. Oh, well.

Oh, well. But here we are. It's fun being in Patrick's kitchen slash office space. Well, I've also had two claws already. So every 20 we get drunk. That's the rule. Every 20. It's funny you mention that because I've gotten a few comments on Instagram.

Just talking about, you know, when the producer doesn't drink, he's kind of flat, grim. You're literally making this up. Well, yeah, definitely. Yeah, because I've never not trying to. That's how I know. Yeah, I don't know. What? When?

You mentioned it last podcast, and I was like, oh, okay. Oh, we did. Yeah, the last one we did during the day. Well, then today, you were like, I'm not, I can't, I can't drink or whatever. I said, I said, I can't do a power hour. Oh, that's right. Which I totally could have. I don't know why.

You were scared of it. Your amygdala was acting up. Yeah, it was too active. But then you hit me up probably like an hour and a half before I was coming here and you're like, you're drinking? And I was like, what? I'm on my. wait to the liquor store now. I called him. I go, hey, are you going to drink? And he goes,

what kind of question is that? But you know what I love about the wild times is it's given me an excuse to do this once a week? A hundred percent. I don't sit at home and have beers. I don't do that. That's not, you know, I've never been that guy. I don't sip whiskey in the evenings. Like, during COVID, I don't. I mean, more power to be. You're not a, like, daily drinker. I'm not. I will have booze once a week currently, and it's during the podcast. Right. But it's given me an excuse to do it, and it's super fun. Like, I don't get blacked out. I just, I have three or four drinks.

We do a podcast. It's, you'll feel better at the end of it. Like, I love them. Here's the thing. In today's society, we've lost the art of conversation. And we're sitting down and having a fucking conversation. This is like, brings me back to back in the day when I'd call up somebody on the phone and just chat for three hours. So we're at number 20.

You've been promising the bristners? What the hell do we call them? The brosners, the wildlings, the wild bunch, the brosters. I mean, we'll figure it out one. day. Okay. We need more of a wild crew, the wild crew. Wild crew. Anyway, my point is we're at episode 20. We've been promising those that listen. Something, something coming. And I think, you know, we touched on it briefly. I think what we need to do, guys, we need to find a studio. Yeah. We need to get in there. We need to shoot this thing. Yeah. There's enough of you people that are listening at

home, and I'm calling you people. You people. We still don't have a collective noun. There's enough people listening and enjoying this and sending us comments week after week that they want this content on YouTube. We're going to, this is our promise to you guys. It might not be next week. Might not be the week after, but it's coming. But by the 23rd. Yeah. We're going to make an effort.

So by 2023? That's right. Yeah. Exactly. All right. Yeah, we will be doing it. It's fun. I like watching the podcasts I listen to.

I just put them on YouTube. Yeah. So that I kind of glance over. Yeah, it's fun. It is fun. I like to see the faces. I'm always worried. So I listen to this one football podcast for like a

couple years. And then I realized they're on YouTube and I was really hesitant because I had pictures in my head of what they were going to look like. Yeah. And I was like, God, if they don't look like that. And like the first podcast was so fucking weird to watch it. It was disappointing or what? It was just bizarre because they were way younger than I thought. Oh, interesting. And much better looking. Interesting. And I was like, I just pictured them as because they're talking about fantasy football. Yeah, you know, yeah. I thought they're going to be the biggest fucking nerds in the world like me. Yeah. And they're much. cooler, but yeah.

Yeah. Well, our listeners are going to think that I'm 450 pounds and that you're 3 foot 11, and they've obviously seen For us because he's all over TV and shit. Yeah, he's waving his ass around on TV. I am. I am. So let's get to some of the stuff that we usually talk about. Yeah.

What's in the news, man? What is in the news? I saw something, it's not recent, but it's something that I love. And this is news to me. Johnny Cash, we're all familiar with him. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a big fan of his music.

Mm-hmm. I found out, get this, that he had a pet ostrich. Okay, now we talked about terrible pets. Strange. You know, we talked about terrible pets a couple different times. Yeah. Ostridge was on the list. Peacock is your number one terrible.

And I have four of them. Irrelevant. One thing I've never done with my peacock, unlike Johnny Cash, is tried to fight it. Why not? Yeah. Good question. True story. Johnny Cash tried to fight his.

full-grown pet ostrich and get this, he almost died. Well, I could see it. What? This is a real story. Imagine taking a swing at an ostrich. Look at that neck. It's just bobbing around. So I'm assuming he, because Johnny Cash was known for being a big drinker. I'm sure he was fucked up. Drinking in

drugs, yeah, it's huge. This is probably how his night started, just how we're doing now with White Claw. So my understanding is he owned ostriches and one day one of them like stepped up to him and he left and came back with a weapon I'm not sure what that weapon is this is the article I saw by four and he came back and tried to fight it the ostrich dodged his attack and sliced open Johnny Cash's stomach and nearly killed him so I'm assuming the ostrich then used its claws right yeah it's feet yeah they can't

use that sort of crummy beak to slice you open heads quite useless so an ostrich claw I mean What was that? So the cassowary was the bird that we ran into in Australia, right? Yeah, yeah. Describe that thing's foot, the cassowary's foot. Much more dangerous than an ostrich. For sure. Well, they're definitely more aggressive. The cassowary is, it is the 21st century velociraptor.

If you look at the foot of a cassowary, you're like, oh, cool, that's a velociraptor. Right. Zero question, straight out of Jurassic Park, terrifying. Now, that being said, I've seen a lot of ostriches. and they are, if you were to piss one off, so I'll circle back to a story of what I used to do as a kid as a terrible punkish kid.

But if you were to piss off an ostrich, it would kill you. Don't be fooled here. These things have massively powerful legs. They're dumb as dirt, you know. They have key-sized brain. It's a bird brain. It's a bird brain.

Yeah, which makes them more dangerous. The fact that Johnny Cash was obviously fucked up, was like, fuck you, you stepped up to me. I'm going to go get a baseball bat and fight you, came back and just got his ass handed to him by his pet ostrich is hysterical to me. So he came, I'm looking at the article, he came back, the ostrich stepped up to him. He was not happy with it. He, it was hissing at him, he says.

Okay. Do ostrich's hiss? Does that make sense? They do, yep. All right. He came back with a good stout six foot stick. This is Johnny's quote. He was prepared to use it.

It was on the trail in front of him. Then it went on the aggressive and started coming at him. Okay. Does that make sense? Yep, that makes sense. And ostrich will get aggressive like that? For sure. Territorial more than any.

Jesus. I guess I have to be more careful around ostriches. He swung the stick and he said when he swung it, the ostrich had already moved. Yeah. Because it was a wild animal. It jumped in the air. And because he was high as fuck. Yeah, he was gonzo.

Yeah. The ostrich was already in the air and it swiped. He said he caught him with his claw on his toe. Yeah. And just gashed his ass open. Yeah. There's a lot of force. It's a sharp claw.

So when I, I love the story. I think it's hilarious. I'm a big Johnny Cash fan in his music. I'm a big ostrich fan because they're weird, goofy birds. Super weird. Unknown, too. I mean, no, I've never heard that story. And I know all about Johnny Cash. And ostriches. No, nothing about Osprey. So when I was a kid growing up in Zimbabwe, in Zimbabwe, you know, in America, you got PlayStation. In Zimbabwe, you got stick rock and ostriches. Okay. Right. Like, we don't, we don't have these newfangled devices that kids over here have the luxury. You're not literally playing whatever the game that my fucking nephew is playing with his friends on a headset real time. Right. That's all new to me. Just stick in a ball.

Yeah. No, stick in a rock. We call it stick in a rock. Yeah, that's why you suck at baseball, but go ahead. Yeah. But so a game that we used to play, kind of a coming of age game, if you will, is steal the ostrichag. Right. So here's a little fun tip for all you bristlers, nerds out there.

Sure. Yeah. Tell us about STOE. STOE? Steal the ostrich egg. Ah, right. Yes, of course. God.

That's why you're a producer. I mean, this is what you do. This is how you justify your job. That was quick. It's still-y. So, yeah, so ostriches typically only look out. They very rarely look down. And this is well known.

So in order to steal an ostrich egg, first thing you have to do is get its attention so that it perks its head up and starts looking around. Then you have to belly crawl up to, because they won't leave the nest. They'll march like five, ten feet away from the nest. But as they perk up and start sticking their head up through the long grass to look around, you have to drop down and belly crawl so that you're under its line of sight,

grab an ostrich egg, scoop it under one arm, and then belly crawl back away. And if it catches you, it will kick you to death. Don't be mistaken. They will absolutely protect their nest and kick you to death. They'll keep going until you stop moving. They'll just come and give you what they did to Johnny Cash. They'll give you one, two, or three big kicks, but it only takes one. How many friends did you lose to this game?

Zero, surprisingly. But this was like a coming of age thing. Like age 13, age 14. You know, you go on safari, you go to Kribe, everybody's drinking in Zimbabwe at that age, not kidding. And it's like, hey, you know, you've had one and a half shandies, you fucking badass. Let's go steal an ostrichag. I didn't know Alex Graber was there.

Yeah, right. And this is what we do. And we'd sneak up and like, if you got one, that was it. Like, you've done it. You've stolen. No, if it sees you running away. with its egg, would it ever chase you? 100%.

Okay. Yeah, you got to stay low until you're well out of rain. That explains a lot about why you are the way you are these days without the amygdala and all that. I mean, this is the game you were playing when you were a boy.

So what do they do? So then once you've taken the egg, that's a real good food source, right? I mean, you can feed a whole bunch of people with that ostrich egg. Oh, yeah. I think there's 30 chicken eggs in an ostrich egg.

Yeah. So you make a very big omelet. A fucking disgusting omelet, I'm sure. They're not bad. Why would it be? Very rubbery white. That doesn't sound good. How big is it?

No, no, it's quite good. It's very rubbery. It's like racquetball. How big is that goddamn yolk? Because that's the good part. Big. Very, very big. Steal the ostrichag.

You ever do anything like that, Ritap? No. You ever fuck with wild animals in your childhood? One time I, like, hid buttons around my house and try to have other people find them. Is that weird? A bucket of buttons? They just, uh... Wait, is this really?

Did you really do this? I swear to God. There was like a bucket of buttons and then like little kids we would, whose buttons were they? I don't fucking know my, my mom. She didn't really sewed but we had to pick buttons.

She didn't collect them. They were just in like an ice cream tub container. So this was every time a button fell off a shirt, your mom would be like, well, we might need this one day. And 15 years later, there was a Miss Margarine's tub of.

I wasn't 15. It was when I was like, so it was like six, seven years. That wasn't 15 when I was playing hide the button. Dude, six or seven. You were playing hide the button.

pencil when you were looking. I have a shelf. I have a shelf upstairs that there's just a collection of screws, nails, washers, circuits, oddball things that fell off of something else. Yeah.

And I looked at it a couple days ago and I was like, I couldn't tell you what any one of these goes to. Guarantee you to throw any of them out though. No, you need them. I never know. Ice cream tub. That's weird.

I was just talking about this with somebody the other day. I'm in a, I have chords from like 1987. I don't know what they do like it just keeps collecting in this big bin that I go to every place. I have a ball of L-A-N cords

like the land chords you use to get I have a whole bin of them and there's zero land connections in your house no yeah nothing oh man Pat did you play any weird games when you were a boy we did not so there weren't a lot of exotic animals in Oswego

New York like Zimbabwe or Are there buttons? No, but there was, so there was a construction company that, like, all the cement, you know, there was this big construction company that was maybe half a mile from my house. And they had three Doberman that were vicious as fuck. And so. I like where this is going. Yeah, so one thing we would do is we'd ride our bikes or I was known for riding my scooter.

Oh, that kid. Like a razor or like a full size? A full size scooter. Dude, those were. Because my bike never really had a usable chain on it. So I would ride the scooter. We'd go over there and we would go around because the dogs where they would eat and mostly hang out was in sort of one corner. And so it was a fun thing to jump over the fence, have the dogs come at you and then you have to jump back over as these vicious Doberman tried to attack you.

That was about the best we did. Now, again, would I do that now? Of course not. Why? There's no reason to do it. It's nonsense. Once you get a little money and you can start buying things, it's over. You're not doing anything.

anything that doesn't cost money anymore. You reminded me of, I would say, you guys have known me and how many stupid things I've done in my life. Sure. I don't feel embarrassment easily. No. Hard for me to feel embarrassed.

The most embarrassing moment of my life, and it's cringeworthy to this day. And in hindsight, it's not going to sound that bad, but I have to tell the story because you reminded me of it. When I was 13, I got invited to a BMX party, right? Take your BMX bike,

ride around the little track. It's got little like dirt bumps and shit. Oh, nice. Sounds like fun. Fucking great. BMX party. Dope. Is this in Zimbabwe or after you come here?

No, Zimbabwe. Except I grew up on a farm and never with no paved roads and never owned a bicycle. At age 10 I got a motorcycle, which I was very, very competent on. That's right. I never owned a bicycle. So guess who showed up with training wheels at age 13 to a DMX party? Bro, when you say it's not that bad, that's horrendous. I'm literally like I'm cringing, right?

Like, you can see it in my face. You're red. You're beat red. It's the most embarrassing thing that is literally ever happening. Let me ask you a question. What happened? Wait, hold on. Walk me.

So I, oh, it gets worse. Wait, hold on, though. So you, you come in with the training wheels on. Do you immediately know that, like, something's a miss? Or, like, are you going in and maneuvering around? Dude, it's worse. It's so much worse than that. It's, so I rock up with my bike.

It's got training wheels on it. Never. I've maybe ridden it. twice. Don't know how to fucking ride a bicycle. Barry Mansfield. It was his party, right? Barry Mansfield. Niceest guy. We're still friends. God, I hope he doesn't remember this.

Well, he real now. Yeah. Barry goes, oh man, look at Forest's fucking training wheels. And everybody makes fun of me. But Barry's mom says, oh, look, Forrest doesn't know how to ride a bike. So line him up with everybody

else who's going to race the BMX course, but let him get a head start. Oh my God. So if you want to make things worse, be the one kid that gets a head start. It's mortifying. Well, everybody else gets held back. I'm cringing inside right now. Dude, this is.

It was, uh, so I go. You'll never reproduce. Oh, it was awful, dude. I go down the little hill, down the little dirt track, and I'm like getting to the first bump going, you know, one and a half miles an hour. And every kid on the track goes whizzing by and down their two wheels. Every single one. I come in three minutes behind the last guy.

Didn't, didn't get one bit of air. fucking training wheels fell down three times. Oh my God. And like I remember tears were streaming down my cheeks because I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't not finish the course because like, you know, you're, well, you're worse if you like fucking pull your training wheels bike off the side crying.

So I had to finish. You have to finish. You have to finish. Taking your ball and going home. Yeah. Dude, this is not nearly as good. But when you mentioned cringe work,

it's so crazy how similar the feeling was. We were, I don't remember if it was like maybe third grade, fourth grade. but there was an ice skating rink attached to my elementary school and there was for like it was like a month of buildup that there was going to be this ice skating pizza party

at night on like a Friday night whatever. Big deal. Yeah, yeah. I lived right next to the school. Yeah. Right. So I didn't have ice skates. I'd never ice skated before. So I told my mom I was really excited about this ice skating party. So we go, we get a pair of skates. Yep. And we go to a yard sale find a pair of skates. Yeah. Awesome.

So I go to the thing. I go to the party. I walked, I think. And I'm there and I'm putting my skates on. And I can see that like, I can sense that some of the older kids are laughing at me, whatever. Because they were wearing hockey skates, the other boys were. Right. I was wearing a pair of white leather figure skates.

Oh, boy. And I'd never skated before. So I figured I would just go out. It's just, you just move your legs. It works. Sure. So I go out as I step on. onto the ice, the sixth grader who went on to be a criminal, skates by in his hockey skates

at full speed, checks me as hard as he can to the ground, calls me the F word, not fuck. Right, right. Yeah. And then I just went, took off my skates and just went to this other part of the hockey rink. And there was going to be a giveaway of a big jar of jelly beans for whoever could guess how many jelly beans were there. Oh, my God.

And so I was like, look, if they're going to make fun of me, I'm going to win the jelly bean jar. So I sat there and I tried to count and use my advanced math skills because I was like, I'm going to win this jar of jelly beans. And then I didn't win the jelly beans. And then I walked home because I was so embarrassed I didn't win the jelly beans and got laughed at. But I wasn't, I was still supposed to be at the party. So then I just stood in my front yard in the dark for like another hour before I went in. Just waiting for time to pass. Yeah, because I was like, I'm going to get in trouble.

It's brutal. So sad. But I mean the perseverance and the character building that you both just went through. Well, when someone fucking... Found. Firmathes you to the ground and laughs at you, you win the jelly bean contest. Yeah, that's the natural progression. That's the lesson you should teach all of your kids.

Everybody has those cringe moments, man, like that you're just laying in bed and all of a sudden out of nowhere, boom. Comes in, you're like, ugh. Like, even as like a middle-aged man, you're like, what the fuck. I'll never forget Barry Mansfield. as long as I live. Yeah. It sticks with you. And dude, it's funny, man.

I'll be, so that's probably my number two. My number one's not. It doesn't even seem like it should be a thing. But I was a little bit of a late bloomer when it comes to interactions with the females. Yeah, you're still waiting to pop that V card. Yeah, that'll be a big day. Yeah, one day. But, no, so I went to the movies with this girl.

I shouldn't say her name. This was sophomore year in high school. So 15, 16. Yeah. And she was really, she was really the bees knees, man. Great. And so I was really good. That's how you know you're old because she was the beast knees.

She was the bees. I was pretty excited about it. And it was, there's a lot of buildup because my friend was dating her best friend. And he was a year older, so he had his driver's license. Right. He was way cooler. So he picks them up, comes and picks me up.

We go to the movies, Romeo and Juliet, starring Leonardo de Caprio. Oh, yeah. Classic. Yeah. Go to the movie. sit there for an hour and a half. Everyone, a lot of kids that had sex at this point, certainly made out.

I hadn't done any of that. Sure, felt a booby. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Were you moving the hand over the seed? Are you trying any of the moves? That's why if you see me running down my running path on Santa Monica Boulevard, you'll often see me cringing because I think about this moment still.

Oh, God. So my hands are profusely sweating because I know I have to do something. And so what I did was I just, about an hour into the movie, just reached over. placed my hand on her knee. Okay. It sat there for four minutes, let's say, until I could feel that the sweat from my hand

was penetrating into the fabric of her denim jeans. I then removed my hand, put it back on my own lap, sat quiet. You're nervy this whole time. You're like borderline shaking. I thought I had done something, but I knew it was bad at the moment even. Sure. Just placed it back on my own lap,

stared straight ahead, movie ended, said goodbye. That was it. That's not too bad. It doesn't sound that bad, but it kills me. That's what he was going through. Right. I mean, 20 plus years later, I can't handle it. You could not remember one scene or line from that movie because you were so in your own head.

Right. Dealing with how to move your hand, where to put it. Do you pull it back? Oh my God. Why is it so sweaty? Right. I don't even have sweaty hands. I can't get them to sweat now.

These are the things that we're worrying about as kids. We're not worrying about death, disfigurement. None of this. We're worrying about how to touch a boob. I miss those. Right. You're like, what exactly do I say? What is the exact line to say to get shirt off, boob touch, I'll poke it, and then I'm out.

But it's not even that. It's more how do I avoid the embarrassment of looking like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, even though nobody knows what they're doing. And it's not like she knew what she was doing. You know what I mean? Like you could have done anything. But by the way, in your head, she has had sex with a thousand dudes. She knows exactly what she's doing. So we have totally lost track from what's in the news.

But before we get back on track, Patrick just reminded me about this from talking about running down Santa Monica Boulevard. Oh. You know what I'm going to talk about. Should we get into this? Yeah. I mean, I feel like this is in line with the podcast. I mean, it's science is involved in this. And science be damned because this is. All right.

You set it up. You set it up. Right. So I show up here to Patrick's house. We do sleepovers. What of it. You know, you've all seen wedding. Crashers.

Me a big? Yeah. So I came for a sleepover at Popa P's. And, uh, bad head to toe. Yeah, don't worry about it. All right. And no worries. No worries.

I'll have a guest room. Yeah. And no worries. And, uh, bed's never been, never been messed up in the guest room, but no worries. Yeah. Um, I show up at Papa P's and he's like, hey, you want to do what we do and go, go work out. And of course.

Jesus. It's what we do. And he's like, let's go for a run. And I'm like, yeah, sounds great. Look, I don't know L.A. do what we do. Come on. All right.

Yeah, we crash. I know, but it's not like you didn't really say it. You were like, hey, do you want to go get a workout? No, we literally just made eye contact and nodded. Fair enough. Zero word said. So, to be fair, Patrick and I work out together every single day when we're on the road. Yep.

It's really fun. Usually they're like 15 minutes and then we go drinking, but it doesn't matter. We enjoy it. We get it in. Yeah. And sometimes we work really hard. And this was one of those days. Patrick's like, let's go do this three mile, three mile, right?

It's supposed to be a four mile loop. Four mile loop that I do. And I'm like, great. I don't know L.A. He's like, it's great. We park at this park. You run, you know, straight down here, turn right, turn right, turn right, and you're back at the car. Yep. And I'm like, perfect. Let's do it. Okay. What happened, Patrick? We embarked on the run. Yeah. We start going west on Santa Monica Boulevard. Okay. Nobody knows what that is. We're going west. Okay. We make a right. We just a busy road. Just a busy road. Yep. No, we're in a park. We're in like a cool park that runs along the road. Okay. Anyway, okay. So we go west. for, you know, 1.7 miles. Yep. Yep. We make a right.

All right. We run 0.3 miles up to the parallel road. So now you're at two miles. Yeah. Yeah. Which is not important. But we're now on a parallel road. We make another right.

Correct. You head back in the opposite direction. To get back to the initial road that we ran in on. This would be what we would call a loop. That's going to be a loop. Okay. It's going to be a square. Oh, big square.

A rectangle, but, you know, whatever. A skinny one. Yep. So then we get to. We run 1.7 miles back, and we make another right. Sure. Now we're heading down to where we started. Right.

You should be getting close to where you started. Yeah. Then what happened for us when we got back to Santa Monica Boulevard, the road we started on? Look, I've literally never been lost before in my life. Like, I swear to God, like, I've been misplaced for a few minutes. I've never been like, I am lost. No phones, by the way, because you guys obviously have phones bag at home in the car. We're chatting. We're in tank tops.

hats backwards, you know, we're having a good time. Yeah. All right, okay. We appeared on the road, Santa Monica, again, 100% we both confirmed. We both turned right three times. Yep. We appeared back on Santa Monica Boulevard, two miles further down Santa Monica Boulevard than where we made the initial right. Yes.

We literally went through a fucking time warp. And I swear to God, we made three rights. It made perfect sense. It is a grid. Both of us. You didn't. You did not make three. We did.

We did. I swear. Bro, we didn't just start. We didn't, we're not Zoolander. We didn't like to go, ah, what's the left and what's the right? Yeah. We made three rights and ended up four miles from the car. I understand that you think that you made.

No, dude, I'm telling you. There's no thing. We were, I believe that you were both sober. All I'm saying, were you in some kind of deep conversation. Do you have a runner's high? You were talking. I promise you we've run together a bunch of times

we work out like I'm not directionally challenged neither is he it's a fucking grid in Los Angeles it's not rocket science we went through a fucking time it's not rocket science it was Peter I'm not getting like because Forest was there and like we've been in the jungle numerous times like

thick jungle where you're getting your eyes poked and he always knows where we are right where you need a good sense of direction yeah and I and I'm not I'm average okay he's great no meager This really did happen. And here's the other thing. There's no fucking diagonal road that would have taken.

We looked at a map when we got back to try and understand. Yeah, yeah. And it's a grid. So I was going to say, at the end of the day, you guys actually thought back to what had happened. You came back. You got back. We went on Google Maps as soon as we got back to try and figure it out.

We literally identified the streets we turned right on. I do this loop twice a week. Yeah, I mean, this is not like all of a sudden I blacked out. You're gritting like we're fucking retards. I swear to God, this is what happened. And it was, it took, the run took us two and a half hours. Oh, yeah, because now we're four miles from the car. And so we're like, we didn't know where we are, what time period was.

You want to know, it was like 9? It was like 10.30 at night by the time we got back. Yeah. So, I mean, this is, this is called confirmation bias. You guys are both morons. You went the wrong way. No. Yes.

No. Yes. No. He doesn't know a left from a right, mate. I'm not saying you don't know a left from a right. I'm saying that at a certain point, you, you accidentally. win a direction when you weren't paying attention. Says, by the way,

the biggest conspiracy theorist in the world. When we do it. Yeah. Listen, you guys are not experiencing paranormal shit on Santa Monica Boulevard in the middle of the day while going for a jog.

That's not. It was my light. I think we left at sundown, so that might have something to do with it. It's either that or like, maybe we got hit by a car and jumped into another dimension and now that's the one we're in.

It's, dude, it was the weirdest thing. Honestly, it was one of the strangest things I've ever experienced, because we both knew exactly where we were at all times until we got back to Santa Monica Boulevard. So here's what I want the Brousner slash Wild Bunch to do. Yeah. Let's just go with Browsers. It's done. It's pretty good.

Broosters? You like Brouseners? It's for now, for Podcast 20. Okay. So if you have a story of something that happened that you can't explain and you're like us and you're not people that believe in every weird thing in the world. Right. If you wear a pinfoil hat, don't weigh in.

Yeah, if your hats made of foil, don't do it. But sorry, finish saying. What do you... Yeah, no, leave a comment. We want to know what your stories are. We want to talk about them on the next episode because Forrest and I feel judged by our co-host very, very much. And it hurts a lot.

Yeah, it's as embarrassing as Barry Mansfield. No, it's not. It is not your face is no longer flush red. It will be after this guy. Oh, God. Also, if you're feeling spicy, you could weigh in with your theory about what happened to Forrest and Pat. and if you want to message me personally on Instagram, they won't see it.

We'll laugh about it privately. It's fine. All right. What is in the motherfuck? Oh, sorry. No, this is, I'm going away from Peter's Sillinas. Salinas? So, do you guys know this?

I just found this out. I found it really interesting. Frogs invented pregnancy tests for people. How is that? I have heard that. Shut your fucking mouth. I've heard that. How is that possible?

Yeah. So what would happen is the first pregnancy tests took place in the 19th And frogs were used to help perfect them. And basically what would happen is scientists would drop a drop of woman's urine sample onto the back of the frog. And if the human woman was pregnant, the frog would lay eggs because it was picking up that there was fertilization. Holy shit. And that was the first version of pregnancy tests. That's wild.

Wait, so explain this. So something about the woman being pregnant would stimulate the frog to lay its eggs? Yeah. And the story gets weirder. The frogs were, our African- clawed frogs that were brought in from where I'm from, Zimbabwe and Southern Africa. And now they run rampant, like they're a terrible invasive species all over Southern California, a few other places. Really? Because they started shipping them in in the gazillions to be these pregnancy tests.

And yeah, what would happen was frogs have, they breathe through their skin, so to speak. Right. They have these pores that are very, transfers a lot of fluid from the atmosphere in and out of their skin. And that's why frogs are such a good bio indicator for when a waterway is polluted or when there's problems with pollution, chytrid fungus, et cetera. So what would happen is they would take these drops of urine and put them on the frog. And the frog's skin would absorb it. And then the frog would have a hormonal reaction. So if there was pregnancy indicated, the frog would reproduce like, oh, it's time.

I'm ready to go. Yeah, I'm ready to go. And so that was the first version of pregnancy tests. That's crazy. And that was back in like the 19. In the 50s. In the 50s. I think we should get back to that.

It's not that long ago. Why? That's... Why revert? I'm not sure. I wasn't born yet, but it's close. I think they're more accurate these days. What do you think?

I don't know. I like the frog idea. I like the frog idea. I mean, that's our parents slash grandparents' generation. Yeah, it's not that long ago at all. My parents were alive. They weren't fucking in the 50s. But they were around.

They were thinking about it. They were considering it. And if they wanted to figure out if they were having little little pop of pee, they had to pee on a frog. Take a whiz on a frog. Yeah, so that's something. That's science. It's funny, man.

I remember thinking about interesting birth control techniques. Do you remember, I don't know if this was a thing where you guys were. Pull out method, yeah. I still hadn't French yet when this was happening. So we had a taco bell right next to our high school. Now you've got someone's attention. And some of my friends were sexually active when I was still putting sweaty hands on Nees.

A vintage Taco Bell too sexy. Vintage. And so the great thing about Taco Bell, besides it being delicious and everything, was that they sold Pepsi products. And I love Mountain Dew, man. Yeah, a little Baja Blas. Not back then. This was just straight green, man.

And so it was all you could drink because it was fountain soda. So you order your six to eight tacos, whatever. You sit in there and you drink a shitload of soda. Yeah. And so some of the guys that were sexually active in my friend group, we would go there and they would drink like 10 Mountain Dews. because the theory was that mountain dew That was the idea

That if you drank a lot of mountain dew You couldn't get a girl pregnant Oh my God It's like I don't know what the science I think the science behind that was that It just it tasted so good That you're just coming everywhere Oh my God

That is the science behind it No it was just a thing that went around Do you remember this? I do I definitely do it It lowered your sperm count They said mountain dew lowered you But do you think it did Or do you think it was a

brilliant marketing ploy by the Mountain Dew executives who were like, I know how to get every 14-year-old to drink more of this. Right. I mean, this is one of those things like Red Bull, where, like, I legit thought that there was bull bile in it for years. I thought you were going to say you legit thought it gave you wings and you were the idiot that jumped off a building after slug and one. Jesus, are you drunk, relaxed? You're looking at me with such intensity when you accused me. Well, I thought that's what you were going to say. No, no. I thought it had bull bile. I'm not that much of an idiot. I would, I didn't grow wings. Well, it did. It had Toriness. in it, right? Which is a hormone from bull testicles. Correct. Right. But, but I mean, like, there was, it was supposed to be like bile from a bull's stomach and then it had these magic properties and yada y'all. That's what made you get the

insane energy, which, by the way, it doesn't even fucking water. Like, Red Bull doesn't do shit, dude. Yeah, it gives me heart palpitations. Yeah. You want to go to the yard. Givis and you have to take that. By the way, the tinnitus. The tinnitus is still around. Is it really? Yes. I don't know what it is now. Now I got to go to the doctor. I'm just like, Dude, I can save you as someone who has Thinitis and has for many, many years. Fuck you, I don't want to hear it. Keep your mouse shall do.

There's no treatment. But Forrest, I did want to show you this. Shoot. So a friend of mine sent me this and just said, what the fuck is this? Can you please ask Forrest? Okay. Whoa.

So that is a flying fox. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, so when I said I think it's a huge bat, I was wrong? No, you're right. Oh, Flying Fox is the type of bat. So Peter, describe what I've just showed Forrest here. We'll put this picture on our social need.

It is a giant bat. Did you know? But how giant? I mean, it's a woman holding a bat that's bigger than her. It's probably got a wingspan of, I would, looking at it, it's got to be like three and a half feet. Are you sure that's not a California condor? Dude, that wingspan. I mean, its arms are folded.

This is the biggest bat I've ever seen. It's huge. If this flew into my place through the sliding glass door right now, I'm killing myself. Somehow. It's a five-foot wingspan. So according to Retap, that's your height in wingspan. So there's a bat with a five-foot wings. I didn't even know that I've heard of a flying fox.

I thought it was cuter than this. No, no. I mean, they are actually pretty cute. I've had the luxury of getting to kind of play with some tamed ones. That is the animal supposedly responsible for coronavirus because that's the food bat, right? That's the bat that the bat that people are eating because of their size. And that blood supposedly mixed with a pangolin is what resulted in coronavirus. if it wasn't made in a lab, blah, blah, blah.

But they are huge. Yeah, five foot wingspan. Super intelligent, super cool animals. They live all throughout the South Pacific, Australasia. They're, yeah, they're, but if you see one, and I remember my first experience of seeing one in Micronesia fly overhead, it is terrifying. It's like a teradactal comes out of. It's huge.

Five foot wingspan? And the wings, bat wings, which you, like the sun glows through. They're transparent. Yeah, like, that's fucking crazy. And you see their veins running through their membranes and their wings, too. It is really something out of a scary movie. Yeah. It's a nightmare situation.

So are these cave dwellers, these little fucks? The hill fox. They mostly roost in trees. These giant fucks. They mostly roost in trees in big colonies. And they'll all sleep together. And then at night they'll go out and forage. They're fruit eating.

And then they'll all come back to the trees. And in fact, the city of Cairns, as it's spelled. But Cans is how the Australians say it. they have, I don't know if you want to call it a problem or not, but basically when they clear-cut the area to develop the city, they left, you know, a handful of trees as every city does. Well, all the bats in the area, because it's a very tropical area, decided to roost in the remaining trees.

So now when you go like downtown city streets of Kansas, Australia, of the three dozen trees that's left in the city, there's thousands of bats in every single one, shitting all over your car underneath it. But they can't cut them down because it's no good, you know, that would destroy the bats home. And it's like this whole thing in the city where every night is like something out of a Batman movie where as soon as dust hits in Cairns Australia, the sky turns black with these bats like leaving. And then every morning they all return in downtown Cairns. That's fucking nuts.

It's actually really cool to see. It's bonkers. It's cool to see once. And then you're cool to see on YouTube. Yeah. It's really cool. I ruptured my eardrum in Cairns, by the way. Really?

It was no, it was another situation of trying to impress women unsuccessfully. Tell us. Tell us all about it. I studied abroad there, went on a spring break trip that ended in cans. I knew that. There was a bungee jump that was included. And so the idea we were in the jungle, you're going to jump off this platform and dip your head in the water. The only thing they say you have to do is get your head below your feet when you jump.

Okay. So that you don't, because the thing's tied around your feet. Right. So if you do a pencil, it's going to whip you in and you're going to dip too hard into the water. Jesus. So I've never dove into a body water in my life. Okay. So I practice all day at the pool.

And I'm mostly just belly flopping. So we go to do the thing. It was a big full school bus of us. I waited until last. And with about three people to go, I decided I'm just not going to do it. When the second to last person goes, I'm going to walk back down the platform, just walk down the stairs and bail. because I don't want to do this. Right.

Yeah. So, like, just as the second or last person is getting strapped up and getting ready to go, these two Australian girls that weren't part of our group that were very attractive, I'm sure. Arrived at the top of the platform, and they're drunk. And they're like, oh, hey, you got to do it. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, of course.

I hope you made that face. And so I go out onto the platform, and then I just did a pencil. I just jumped feet first Oh no way Whiplashed into the water Smack your face again Jesus smack my head in the water Like went up to my knees submerged in the water

On my jeans Yeah And ruptured my eardrum Wow And I were supposed to go scuba diving the next day And I missed it Oof Well so what happened

I mean like So you ruptured your ear drum Are you like I'm dying I'm bleeding from inside my head What did this feel like? It hurt a lot And it felt like Someone had stuck their dick in my ear

And it was just still there And then I just laid down. I just laid down in my bed and it felt like the room was pulsating. Like I was pulling towards, it was awful. And nothing materialized with the dude. So I, they went to go scuba diving the next day. Of course not.

They were not interested in my pants. No, that when you were like, ah, my head. So I went to the doctor the next day. And when I told him how I had done it, he was like, what do you think happened? And I said, well, I went bungee jumping yesterday last night. And he went, well, why would you do that? of course you're going to get hurt. You're like,

good point. Yeah. Wait, I got one. One came across my desk, which is rare for this podcast. Have a desk. I know.

I said that same. Yeah, we're all at one desk. It rolled across my desk. So there was a bald eagle. A raven brought it to his desk. Not a raven, but a bald eagle.

Attacked a $950 drone in Michigan and sent it to the bottom of Lake Michigan. We have, we do a thing. show. And when I say we, I mean, we encourage Mitch, our camera got to do it. Aerial pursuit, as we call it. Yeah, forest is very into it. They, birds get gnarly, dude. We went after some turkey vultures. Yeah, right. Trying to get them on the drone. You just kind of want to try and join their

flock. Okay. They don't think it's a member. No, they're not into it. Yeah, we've been attacked by turkey vultures and all sorts of stuff. My, my, our cameraman Mark Romanov, who builds drones, um, he had, he's a big nerd. He's a big nerd. He, he's a big nerd. He, built like one of these cool like, you know, 50 pound payload drones with like 12 blades, whole deal put a red camera on it and had a golden eagle come and nail it and take out the whole thing. You're talking about like 70 grand plus. Yeah, this is crazy.

This is a 950. This is big news that is all over the place. Yeah, well, Mark Romanov needs to contact the reporter. Yeah, that's what I'm just like. Yeah, mine was $70,000. Totally. But dude, a bald eagle, dude, just fucking boom, this thing's just flying. along apparently it was

documenting shoreline erosion and just fucking nabs of propeller down right to the bottom of the lake. Documenting shoreline erosion or peeping in girls' windows to try and see a boob. This is a common thing. Yeah, if you're in the wildlife drone space, this happens a lot.

Are bald eagles very territorial? They are territorial amongst other bald eagles. This is a very unpopular opinion. They're total pussies. They're a terrible symbol for our country. Wait, okay, get into it. Why is that?

Yeah, they're just like, they're just fish eating sky chickens. Like, they're just, they're not that, they're beautiful, don't get me wrong, and they're very regal, and the way they fish is amazing. But they're just, they're just kind of like, they're pretty nervy, like, they attack each other for space, but otherwise

they'll fly, they'll, like, flee very quickly. They're, dumb is the wrong word, but they're certainly not like, you know, I think they're made out of the symbol of freedom and regal and bold. They're really, they're like, they're like big pigeons. Like, they're not that. Interesting.

I like, I don't think it's a very good moniker for, for, you know, like a golden eagle would be a way dope or symbol of freedom in America. Way bigger, way more, they kill coyotes. You know, they're like big, powerful, huge talons. Yeah, or a fucking owl, man. Well, the, like an owl. A stoic, right? Stoic, intelligent.

Yeah. No, turnal. Speaking of animals charging things, did you see that some, swimmers got attacked by a humpback whale? Attacked? Or charged? I don't know about this. Tell me about it. Well, so I haven't gotten too into it, but basically a group of swimmers in Australia were out and they saw a mother and a calf close to the shoreline.

Okay. And so they swam up to them. And they got very, very close. Yep. And the mother was like, hmm, not into this. Yeah. Whipped her hair back and forth. As a female gray whale will do.

Yeah, no, it was a humpback. In other words, she smashed them with her tail. Yeah. They had broken ribs and internal bleeding. They were seriously injured, but not, they're fine. They're not dead. But I didn't even think a whale was, I mean, I guess they have to be capable of that. Otherwise, sharks would just come eat them alive.

They're certainly capable of it, but they're very docile. So I would predict that this was coincidence. Okay. Not, so I've dealt with whales a lot. Yeah, yeah. I have done a lot of that. I enjoy it. It's amazing.

I've also been caught in the down draft from their tails a couple times. So the down draft being when they push their tails down to move. They're not doing it to try and hit you with their tails. They're just trying to, like, move away. Sure. But the amount of water that they push with that swipe of their tail, you get, you shoot down from the surface or five feet, wherever you're swimming with them to 30 feet in one second. Holy shit.

It's like you're stuck in a vortex. You just go instantly. So my guess would be, and I've never been hit. by a tail and I really don't want to. But my guess would be that this wasn't a mother defending her calf. More likely she was just putting herself between it and the, you know, her self. Yeah, moved quickly.

Tried to put herself between her and the baby, something like that and her tail just whack somebody. And it's not like she was like, fuck you. She was just moving. And that amount of force is enough to do a lot of damage. Sure. I mean, it's a massive, like I think like I have a 56 pound dog that's only eight months told.

Yep. I hadn't had a bloody nose since high school. I've had two since I got the dog. Yeah, because she's just in not control of her body. And her head is like this bowling ball battering ram. She's cracked me in the nose twice. I've taken more nut shots than I did in middle school when the main game was to punch your friends in the nuts.

Like just, you know, a 55 pound animal can just hurt you really bad. Imagine, you know, a 50 foot long humpback. Yeah. Moving quickly to get in between you. and the cow. And there's these videos out there that, the colva, there's these videos out there that,

you know, people might have seen them where, because humpbacks are the whales that typically breach the most. Right. And you might have seen like the kayaker that gets like smashed under the breaching humpback and stuff.

All of that's just coincidence. Like the animal's doing what the animal does and you're in the line of fire and it's bad luck. And my guess would be same thing here. Nothing actually aggressive happened. Right. The mother was just getting in the way, moving,

you know, hurting her young out of the way. ever and just the diver was very unlucky. Yeah. So don't go out and start shooting at humpback whales. Don't do it. Just don't do it. You don't have to.

They're fine. All right. So we've done a lot of bullshitting tonight. And I think, you know, I like it too. You literally, you literally were just like, hey, should we stop doing what's in the news and just talk shit? No, no. I'm kidding. That's because I'm lazy.

And I was, no, we got one bad review. Yeah. They were angry at how much bullshit. It's the only thing that requires preparation. No, but I, we digress. Let's do one more thing that I found in the news that it has come across your desk? It did. You love that.

You love that thing. Flying across my desk. The staff put it on his desk. It hit home. It pulled at an emotional heartstring. Okay. And I'll tell you why. Because my entire life, I've wanted one thing.

And I'm not kidding about this. Patrick, you've heard me talk. about this on a shoot before. I want a pet alligator. Yep. I've wanted it my whole life. I've seen Casper, remember Casper, Chris Gillette's Gator? Absolutely. Yeah. He's like a puppy dog in a pond. Much better trained than my dog. Yeah. I've wanted a gator as a pet since I was like nine years. I don't want a crocodile. They're mean and nasty. I want an alligator friend buddy. And I've always had pushback. Sure. My whole life, whether that's been for legal reasons or because it'll eat my dog. If it was a mom, a girlfriend, who knows. I'm even if in my mouse,

shut, but I'd be given you pushback right now. All right. So wait, what is it? What came across the desk that you sit at all day long? That has to do with me having a pet alligator? Yeah. Well, I just saw my inn, my future as to how I will get my pet alligator finally

is fucking headset, is just said recharge headset in the middle of my rant. God damn. Is an emotional support alligator that works at a nursing home.

Wow. Boom. How does it work there? Is it calling bingo on Thursday? What's it's doing? Justification, though. I mean, it's got to be pretty docile to be roaming around a nursing home, no? Yeah.

Think about it. Oh, my God. The photo, it's an alligator, an emotional support alligator wearing a leash. He's in a leash. He's in a harness. He's in a harness. And please note, his mouth is not taped up. He, yeah, he looks relatively happy.

He's walking on a nice berber carbot. Yeah. Carbett. Carbett. He's got a nice, he's got a nice, he's got a nice, smile on his face. He looks great. He's happy.

Fine looking animal. He's a happy animal. So he goes to these nursing homes. Look at this. The guy's got his fingers in its mouth. He's showing it to this delightful old lady here. I'm guessing her name is Doris. I don't know why.

I'm just guessing that. I'll bring my mom into it. Oh, shit. Yeah, sorry. Three in a row. Wait, is it Doris or Dolores? Sorris. Love it.

Wow. It's a good looking gator. It's a good looking gator. He's four foot long. He's a emotional support alligator. Sexy Gator. In, um, in pencil. Vanier, Luther Village, elderly

home. So what's the deal? So they, you know, they brought this in and it just entertains these people who are essentially near death? That's the impression I'm getting. I think what happens is this guy comes in with his very well-trained four-foot gator, puts it down on a table and it's a cute little puppy harness. Everybody

comes by, gives it a pet, gives it a tickle. Sure. It gives you a thrill, right? It makes you feel alive. You said, well-trained gator. Are these easily trainable animals? Or... Okay, let me be clear on this. easily no. Trainable 100%.

Yeah. So tell them about Christchalette's place because we filmed there and you swam with the gator and cool. In fact, we're going to post this on socials. Peter, I'm going to give this to you as soon as we get off this podcast. Will I'm going to give this to you? Will I'll give it to you. Okay.

Down the daisy chain. But let's not forget because this is important. I want people to see that. Okay. So our buddy, Chris Gillette, he used to be one of the gator boys, if you remember the Animal Planet Show, Gator Boys. Super good dude, great biologist. he works at this place called the Everglades Outpost.

And at the Everglades Outpost, there is this huge pond, crystal clear water in it. And there's what? Would you say 20 gators in there? Oh my, I would say more. There was 30. Bro, they were fucking everywhere. Well, this is Florida.

Gators are everywhere. No, but dude, this is like a private place. It's a rescue. So he takes them out of pools and shit like that. But like when we were in the enclosure, they're everywhere. You can't step. Oh, my God.

This is so, this is good. I want to talk about this. But yeah, continue. Continue. Yeah. So anyway, so Chris goes out and he rescues nuisance gators, gators that are in people's pools, eating their puppy dogs, whatever. Right.

There's two options. They either go to a rescue like the Everglades outposts where Chris works or they get shot. They get killed. Yeah. Those are the options. You see that coming out of Florida all the time. All the time. And Chris is a good dude with a good heart who's like, I'm going to save these animals.

Because usually they kill him. Yeah. Yeah. And in fact, we got to get Chris on the podcast at some point. But anyway, Chris goes and catches these gators. Well, like four or five years ago, Chris gets a call and this massive male alligator is like eating somebody's dog and crawled into their swimming pool or something, right? Right.

He goes and wrangles this thing. Guys, a badass, brings it back to the Everglades outpost. And for the last five or six years, he's been working with it. He's named it Casper. And it's this like eight foot long, maybe nine foot long gator. That's a big fucking gator. Big animal.

And it's like a fucking puppy dog, dude. Like, and you can only do this if you're trained. And Chris is a buddy. And I'd been there before. So he's like, all right, Forrest, you know, special treatment for you. Let's go work with it. And everybody's going to see this on our social media. You can tickle this.

on the chin, you can play with his hands, you can, everything. Chris kisses him on the nose. Yeah, I literally can't even do that with my dog and I'm not joking. He would bite your nose. Exactly. He'd take a little nip. And this is why I want a gator and why this gator in Pennsylvania makes such a good emotional support animal. And it's freaking awesome. Do you look at it as like a challenge to break a gator to like train one for us? I don't see it like breaking, like breaking a horse. You know, you know, the term breaking to me means you have to break. their spirit in order to build them your way. These gators, like, Casper is a wild animal. He came from the wild, but he has got a bond with Chris, and he has learned to understand and accept

people for what they are to the point that he's not aggressive towards them. And it's a beautiful thing. That is a beautiful thing. It's pretty cool. So in this enclosure, Peter, so we go there to film Forrest, you were behind the camera on this. Yep. Yep. So we went there, we had some other guys, and they were testing out this cool wetsuit. And so the idea was they were going to swim around this pool with Casper. And in the enclosure where Casper swims in the pool, there's, I would say, probably 30 to 40. That's what I was saying. Yeah, yeah.

They're all in this one spot. Four foot, five foot, six foot gaiters. Yeah. Right. And so you're making a TV show. We're in there filming. You know, I'm directing cameras for us. Is focusing on the story.

We're doing whatever the fuck we're doing. Yep. But you have, so what these fucking gators will do, the ones that aren't Casper that haven't been worked with as much, is they come up on you. Behind you, too. Real fucking slow. Oh, yeah.

That's how they hunt. Isn't that how they do in the wild? Exactly right. They're ambush predator. And Chris is so like, you know, we're all bros. So he's just like, yeah, like, you know, just if they come up on you, look at them and, you know, do this. Right. Okay, cool.

And then he's with a broomstick. And then he goes and he's focused on Casper. So I'm there like fucking working and directing and you're producing. And every like 10, 15 seconds, you look and there's a fucking gator two feet away. And you look at it at you. And dude, you got to look at it and make like an intense face. Yeah, yeah. And then he'll just stop.

But you, and then you'll look and then one will come up, maybe a five-footer. And he's just coming. And you're like, dude, I'm looking at him. This is what's supposed to stop him. And he's still coming. And I'm like, bro. Oh, dude. And then you start stomping your foot.

And he'll still be coming. And you're like, I'm fucking, I hate you. And then he'll stop. I feel like that's how you first behaved with my dog when you met him. Dude, your dog is a six-pound vicious fucking man. It really is. But dude, it's so funny because eye contact, man. It's like if you are a single man or woman and you're in a bar, a restaurant,

library, the vegetable section, and you make too much eye contacts, it will be off-putting. You will creep someone out. Oh, absolutely. And it's the same way you can stop a wild alligator. from biting you is make too much fucking eye contact. On a previous podcast, Forrest or you,

I can't remember. One of you mentioned that at the beach with seagulls, because they're like super aggressive. They'll come up like, if you have any food, they fucking are walking up to you. Eye contact.

You do the eye contact thing. I do it every time now. I was just at the beach with my brother and his girlfriend. Yeah, tanning. Sitting out and enjoying the sun. And like some seagulls were coming up and I was like,

oh, I was just like stare at them. I swear to guys. God, it works. And, like, every time I tell somebody that they're amazed. And meanwhile, there's literally seagulls. Like, somebody left their shit. And just, like, a swarm of seagulls picking up a fucking bag of hot Cheetos.

Were they eating hot Cheetos or deep dish pizza? Because your brother was there. So I assume they were eating deep-ditch pizza. This is a beach in, on the Pacific Ocean. His brother's, this is the first time he's ever left Chicago. We're not talking about my fucking beach area. I'm talking about other beach areas. Other people are not bringing deep-dish pizzas to the beach.

I assume when your brother comes from Chicago, he brings a bunch of frozen deep dish in a cooler. He's got Gio's deep dish with him. You know what? He brought a cooler and had it checked at the fucking airport. I was like, by the way, because you're coming out, why don't you grab a large cooler, throw a few pizzas in there some ice, check it. He's like, yeah, it was going to not bring an underwear. Hope you have some.

But honestly, the eye contact thing is wild. I mean, even humans can't deny the eye contact thing. Like in the grocery store. What you're saying is... Are you looking at me? Yeah. The fuck are you looking at it? That's a great.

What you're saying is you're learning things on this podcast. You know I learned. Things that save your life. Things that save your goods. All right. So, Forrest, you've got a nice big property, not rich by any means. Not yet. Not yet.

But you do have a really nice piece of land there where you have all your animals. Yeah. You've got a pond. You've got a bunch of turtles. Peacocks. That's a peacocks that you hate. You have a tortoise? A tortoise.

A two big. big ones out by the office. Oh, yeah, shit. Giant bunnies. You got the turtles in the pond. Yeah. Someone calls you tomorrow. Yeah.

They go, look, man. Our neighbor down the road, the one that we hate, you know who. Oh, yeah. Everybody knows him. Billy Bob. Jim. Maybe he's an actor. I don't know.

His pet alligator escaped. It's in my pool. I'm going to kill it. Do you want to come get it? Do you want an alligator? It's four foot long? 100%. So you would take it.

You would do the pet alligator thing if you could rescue it. I almost feel like I shouldn't be promoting this on air. Like, people shouldn't hear this. Well, this is you. But I want it. I want it so badly. It's been, it's like,

it's, it's gonna, it's gonna outlive you, by the way. I know that, but it's okay. I will hand this down to my children and my children's children.

Sure. How long does an alligator live for? Like 60, 70 years. Really? Holy shit. Crocs way longer, dude. Crocs long.

It looks like over 100 up to, yeah. Rocks are already fucking ancient. I mean, they're dinosaurs. I don't want to crock. And that's not, like, fooled. They're different animals. Well, so what's up?

What's up with that? They're untrainable. They're just completely prehistoric, fucking no amygdala. They're prehistoric, for sure. They're both prehistoric, just far more aggressive, just different temperaments, you know? It's like dealing with a cat. Okay, so get this. It just said power

off. Now I can hear myself for the first time. That's great. Yeah. The headphones just started working. Okay. So, all right, go ahead. Wow, it's really loud. They're just entirely different animals. They're just, crocodiles are aggressive, they're instinctual, they're mean, they're sneaky, like,

and if you're a crocodile lover, I'm sorry, but I'm spitting truth here. Well, and you love crocodiles too, yeah. I love them, but I don't want one. As a layman, as a layman, so I understand the physical differences in an alligator, pretty much. Like, crocodiles are bigger.

They're broader, like, noses and just they're, they weigh more, they're just larger in general. Pretty accurate overall, yeah. But so, okay, so do they both reside in the same, areas? Like, are they in different areas? In South Florida, you have American crocodiles and American alligators living in the same swamp. So you're hoping

to encounter a fucking alligator and not a crocodile at any point when you're in the Everglades. I'm not going to poach an animal out of the wild. I can't do it. No, no, I'm just saying a person. Billy Bob calls me and says it's in my school guy. You know, it's got to go. Right. I'm there in a heartbeat.

Because it's euthanization or living in my pond. Sure. Right. He's all day. I love that about you. No promo. And the difference, too, is like, if you're in the Everglades, right, you can track through, I did, I was filming a pilot that never aired, and we were with this dude who was literally the character from adaptation, the Orchid Thief. Okay. And we were going through, by the way, his name, yeah, his name was Bill Meshie. Okay. He was Joe Pesci's first cousin. Right, Bill Mesh. Are you kidding me? Meshie and Pesci. Swear to God. I hope he's still alive. Yeah, yeah. Not a parody. Not a parody.

Fucking awesome, this dude. Hell yeah. Meshie and Pesci. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. This guy was incredible. But we were tracking through,

we were waist deep going through looking for this fucking orchid. Already. It's like one of the rarest orchids in the world. Yeah. And he uses a stick. To poke gaiters. To poke gators.

Right. And the gators will leave. Sure. A crocodile is coming at you if it's hungry in that scenario. Exactly. Opposite. A little bamboo stick is not turning it away. So,

again, Weird, because American crocodiles are definitely more timid. If you're in Australia, if you're in Indonesia, if you're in Africa with Nile crocodiles, that stick, these things take down wildebeest. They take down Cape Buffalo. They take down small elephants. Sure. Your bamboo stick is doing fuck all. You know, it's doing nothing. But literally, and don't get me wrong, a gator, if it chose to, could kill you with your bamboo stick. But that's the difference. They don't choose to. You hit the gator with the bamboo stick he's like ugh and he moves yeah he's like he's like a middle-aged human so yeah it's funny because i i saw a story this was this is probably over a month old at this point

but a woman unfortunately was killed by her rescue dog and all over the news it's reported that the rescue dog was a french bulldog uh-huh which the frenchies are like small cuddly cute bulldog yeah i mean you know i have an axe who had a french bulldog that was the reason we still dated for the first week for two years because I loved this dog. I mean I loved this dog. It was just a fucking great dog. French bulldogs are

dumb. They're really cute. They're really loving. They're small. Like I could punch a French bulldog to death. A fucking second. Good visual. I wouldn't, but if I needed to. Yeah. You're not going to lose. It's being reported all over the news

that this woman was killed by her French bulldog. So I started reading into the story And I finally found a source And I saw a picture of it I was like, that's not a French bulldog It was a French bulldog pit bull mix Of course

That'll do it Now I'm not trying to villainize pit bulls Please don't Yeah no, of course not But I love pit bull Yeah, yeah There's a bunch of them That live right here in this neighborhood

That are really cool dogs I'm not saying they're all good Or they're all bad It's just Yeah But like The this idea that like You could be killed by a pet

I don't even know where I was going Well it's okay But I mean dude Charlie, my dog would easily kill me if he had the opportunity. I just keep him in the other room when I sleep. But like, you know, a gator. A fucking alligator. A man.

Well, listen, I mean, it is the perfect. It's going to bite your dick on. I'm okay with it. You're okay with the dick being bit off by the... I'm okay with him trying. Would you walk the alligator around town? 100%. You'd have the most adorable little harness.

I honestly think that you can make a show about you and the alligator. Give me the gator. Would it be maybe a full? series. Maybe we'll post it on her eventual YouTube channel that we're going to be starting. Forest and the Gator. Well, guys, believe it or not, as much fun as this is, we've got some real drinking to do. So I think I'm going to say it. It's time. Battle Royal. Wow, yeah! Oh my God, my ears just, my eardrums just ruptured. I don't know what it feels like now. All right, so Forrest, you came up with something you're refusing to tell us what it is.

Yep. I think it's good. I think it's good. I think. it's good and I'll tell you why because I love the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want. I thought you were going to say Braveheart and maybe Apocalypse Nope nope nope none of those action films I'm talking about

Cross-dressing Mel saw it at the theater You guys remember it? Yeah of course So for anybody listening to might not remember it What Women Want is a Mel Gibson movie I can wait to hear what you stay with me now Stay with me I'll see your baby bird I'm excited about this I don't even know So Mel Gibson in the movie

what women want. He gets his powers of hearing what women are thinking through an accident involving cross-dressing in a hairdryer where he falls into a bathroom. The way we all experiment. Right. Of course. We've all been there. Whatever. So a hairdryer falls into a bathtub and now he can

tell what he can communicate telepathically with women. Well, he could just hear what they were saying. But stay with me now. For our version of this, we're going to do our own movie, in our life, you have to do three things. You have to pick an animal. You have to pick the accident in which you are gained the telepathic ability to communicate with that animal. Like it. And now Mel Gibson

basically used his powers to get laid. We're going to figure out what you're going to it's 2020. It's don't do that. Whatever, man. Yeah. And so we're going to use, we're going to figure out what we'd use our powers to do with an animal. So instead of hair drying bathtub, tell what they're thinking get laid. It's like an animal, how do you get the power? Right. What's the accident? And then what do you do with it?

What do you do with it? You got it. Can you please go first? This is very, very complex. I mean, this is banana. His face just turned plum purple. Very confused. We're at an...

He developed rosacea of the nose. Hour 30, I've had seven white claws. I mean, I can't even fucking figure out. So you want to go first? It sounds? No, no, I will not. Why, are you trying to get me to go for it? Fine, I'll go first.

I think I'm a good off the cup guy. I just thought of the definite winner. I just thought of the definite winner, but you go first. Let's do it, Peter. You never get to go first. Hit it. All right, so this is an animal that everybody is fond of. It's, people are fawning over this animal.

It could be an insect. It could be called an insect even. I'm going with bees because it could be called it. In fact, in fact, it's. In fact, anyone who knew what it was would say insect. Yes, it's not an erachnid or a mammal. Bees are fantastic. I literally love, and specifically honey bees.

You like to eat the honey. Listen to me. Actually, I'm not going specific to honey bees. I'm going all bees everywhere, including honey bees. Okay. So my bees, my, you know, my, so I have a suit. My power is, so I'm telepathic with it. I'm still trying to understand fully what I'm doing.

Yeah, yeah. I can tell your struggle. God, you're stupidest fuck. Are you out of your. your fucking mind. This is a very complex battle royale. I already know mine and I'm going to win. You wonder why I open podcast.

You're saying great part you're on. You love bees. What are you doing involving bees like Mel Gibson was shaving his legs with a hairdryer when he fell in the tub to get his powers? What are you doing with bees that give you the ability to telepathically communicate with the bees? And then what purpose are you using the bees for? Easy. Okay. I ate some bad honey.

I had some bad honey. honey. Come on. What do you mean? That's so weak, dude. Are you fucking kidding me? Spider-Man got bitten by a spider. He did get bit.

I ate some bad. A radioactive spider. Listen to me. It doesn't matter. All right. You ate bad honey. So I ate bad honey from radio a radioactive. Listen to me.

Stop interrupting. This is uneditable because we are live in the same room. So I ate some bad honey from a radioactive bee hive. It was in Chernobyl. He was vacationing. Christ. all my need some honey on his waffle. No backstory whatsoever. What are you talking about? I was fucking beekeeping, obviously. What else would I be doing for?

This is the story. Give me the, so he's taking a beekeeping course in Chernobyl. Quiet. I was taking a beekeeping course in Chernobyl. This is good. You would be surprised. Fucking bees are flourishing in Chernobyl. Okay. Because there's no humans. Okay. So anyways, the bees were radioactive. There's a radioactive hive, yada, yada, yada. I ate some bad honey. Radioactive honey. And now I communicate with bees. Communicate with bees telepathically. And you guys wouldn't believe it.

Much like the fungus discussed in the last podcast, bees are an entire consciousness. In a swarm, it's one consciousness. They work together. Okay. And when you're telling them what to do perhaps. Correct. Whatever. We don't know.

I didn't do a double blind placebo study. So I don't know what they were doing before. Okay. I met them and ate the bad honey. But I can now telepathically communicate with these bees. Yeah. So clearly I will come. Command a swarm of bees

To follow me around And buzz a theme song Every time I enter or exit a room They will buzz a pleasant theme song Of my choosing, whichever. It could be fucking I can't think of one right now Because I'm tipsy

And if anybody says shit about it I will have my swarm Kill them, their family, All of their pets, including alligators. Mean little French bull dogs because I control all of the bees in the world. Horribly dark. It is.

Right. So he's beekeeping in Chernobyl. Yep. He eats some bad honey. Radioactive honey. Now he can communicate with bees. And he has the buzz show tunes, theme songs. Right.

It could be third eyed line. It would probably be a lot of 90s tunes. Some smash mouth, if you will. Yeah. Okay, that's really good. You're definitely going to win. Do, do, do, do, do. Want to take it?

Yeah. All right. So, me and some friends. And, you know, I have a few friends in L.A. That are a little hipstery. Yeah, a little hipstery. I've met a few of them. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're doing, like, sort of like a sarcastic sort of, tongue-in-cheek visit to the Red Lobster. Okay. Like, wouldn't it be funny if we went to Red Lobster? Yeah. So we drive out to Thousand Oaks to go to the nearest Red Lobster. Oh, 1,000 Oaks, because you're, yeah.

We have a lobsterita. Uh-huh. It's only 40 ounces of. frozen margarita that makes you feel sick. Yeah, sure does. And, uh,

and we get the all you, come on. We get the all you can eat. I always get shit and then pack goes. You guys are such fucking, you guys, I've never won. All right.

All right. So then you, then you, you know, I'm like, yeah, let's get the all you can eat shrimp. Okay. Right.

But I'm so, I'm so fucked up with my lobsterita, that I sort of lose sight of the fact that I have an entree coming. Is a lobsterita, a fucking margarita with lobster in it? What is it? No, it's,

They just, it's what it's called the Red Lobster. It's a 40-ounce margarita, frozen margarita. It's too much. It's brain-freezing sugar in a cup. Okay. Dude, you will get sick and hung over as fuck from one. Good choice then. Good choice.

I'm gonna do it because we're being funny. Uh-huh. Yeah. Right. So this is in the movie that is going to be my life. Yep. So whatever. So I get drunk.

I'm fucked up from the sugar. My blood sugar's all off. I get the all you can eat. Shrimp app. Forget that I have a lobster coming. Appetizer. Okay. I'm not even focused on the cheddar baby is.

So I eat just way too many shrimp. Okay. I eat like almost 100 cocktail shrimp. It's way too many. What happens is I don't like the teacher said you eat too many PBJs, you'll turn into one. Yeah. I'm not going to turn into a shrimp, but I'm going to develop the ability to communicate telepathically with all shrimp like animals. Fucking bad honey is worse than this.

How, forrest, I am fucking pissed that you are loving. loving pets. It's like the setup, the storytelling, man. You're just like, I ate bad money. I'm not a goddamn producer. This guy.

I painted a story. Yeah, well, he's a good storytelling. You painted a diarrhea. You literally, your first thing you said is I ate bad honey. Carry on.

I'm not in, sorry, I'm not in TV. But now it's good because you went to Chernobyl, you were beekeeping there. It was a family vacate. I like it now. Yeah, it's really is.

You just came out of the gate hiring. Whatever. So anyway, so now I can tell, I can telepathically you ate too many shrimp, shrimp-like creatures. Okay. Many people have eaten too many shrimp.

Many people have eaten too many shrimp is all I'm saying. Way too many. Yeah, but did they also have a limerita? Sorry. It was a mix of the limerita and shrimp? Okay. Anyway, a little tidbit for you, Forrest. Imagine you took all the people in the world and had, so 8 billion people.

That's going to weigh a lot. It's a lot. Right? Yeah. And you had them all swim up to a boat and cling on to the bottom of the boat. Eight billion people. Let's say they could grab a ship. There's nothing.

It couldn't sink. It would sink any ship in the world. Well, get this, motherfucker. Shrimp are not people. Okay. No, but that... Here's the thing that's... I'm trying to throw a tidbit in for the Wildbunch.

Okay. And the Brosners. Yeah. Keep your fucking mouth on the microphone. So Peter and I worked on a show called Whale Wars back in the day. I recall. It was all filmed in Antarctica near the Southern Ocean.

What a long-winded diatribe. No, honestly, come on. Okay, go. So, uh, So we filmed the whole show in Antarctica in the Southern Ocean. There's a tiny shrimp-like creature called a krill. I'm familiar. Krill, right?

How big is a krill? Even I've heard of a krill. There can range from microscopic to very, very small. Like the size of a pencil lead, right? Yeah, tiny. Super tiny. So we use this tidbit because the whales in the Southern Ocean that go there to feed, they eat krill.

Tons. Microscopic little fucking shrimp-like creature. The biomass of the krill, just the whale. just in the Southern Ocean weighs more than every human on earth combined. I was familiar with something similar to that, but that's insane.

Yeah, the biomass is incredible. So what I'm going to do, now that I can communicate with all the krill in the Southern Ocean, which weighs more than every human on earth combined, is I'm going to pirate. I'm going to become a pirate. Great. This is what I'm going to do

with it. I'm going to telepathically. Now, I know that ExxonMobil is sending a 500 million dollar oil ship full of oil. To Mauritius. To Mauritius or wherever it's going, I'm going to command my krill to latch on to the boat and start sinking it. I'm not even kidding.

Mine wasn't krill, but you stole my overall theme. Okay. Where to God. And I'm what I'm going to do? You know, the Chinese fleet off the coast of the Galapagos? Oh, yeah. I was going to sink with my powers. You should still do it.

Yeah. No, no. You finish it. Because I'm doing mine for profit. You're doing yours to save animals. You guys are friends. You could do a little pro bono work for any way. Anyway, the CEO of ExxonMobil gets an email.

It says in 30 seconds. your ship's about to sink. Unless you initiate a bank transfer of $10 million to this offshore address, he doesn't do it. My krill sink that motherfucker ship. Never again will. I think you got to go. So I'm going to become a pirate with my ability to command shrimp.

Right. I mean, this is ridiculous. I ate too much of red lobster. However, I would say, let me give you one bit of advice. You're a bad pirate already. You need to sink a smaller ship. You pronounce butt pirate wrong. To me.

He's a butt pirate. He's a fantastic. What did I do? What did I do? Nothing wrong with that. Very good at pirating. No, you're terrible. You wouldn't go after a giant $500 million filled with oil.

First, I'm going to sink. No, you didn't say that. That's what I'm saying, mate. Your idea was fucking shit and I'm better than you. Forrest, what's your idea? Wow. All right. I'm the richest man in the world.

I control all shipping with my krill. Not yet. When was the last time you've been? Bezos hostage. I'll kill him. When was the last time you ate at Red Lobster? Look, so I actually think both stories are great. And I like the biomass angle because you're both doing that.

You just don't realize that, Peter. That's right. No, I realized that. I looked it up. I looked it up. Chernobyl Honey Trip and Red Lobster excursion, they're great. Initially, and I'm not going to give away my animal, I was going to do the same, basically the same thing Patrick was doing, except with the intention of saving the world

by drowning Chinese fishing fleets off the coast of Galapagos. I like it. I see, but it's been taken. It's done. I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm just telling you, I was going to communicate with orcas. I had my whole accident planned out. They were going to go sink all the Chinese fleets.

God, you must have come up with something on the fly after that. I have. Yeah, no, that ship has sailed. No pun. So here's what I'm going to do instead, right? It's a late night. I'm here. Very late.

Patrick DeLucus. He's like, hey, man, you want to take the garbage out for me? Okay. All right. It's one of those weird nights. We've all seen them. where Los Angeles gets a lightning and thunderstorm. Right.

You've also, and you're like, what's weird? No rain. No rain. It's just lightning and thunder. Yep. And I'm walking out, pop a peas condo, got a bag of trash in my hand, go to the dumpster behind the alley there. Yeah.

And as at the very moment at which I drop the trash into the dumpster and notice an adorable raccoon in that dumpster. Which there are. There are. them. Lightning, that mysterious lightning that makes no sense that shows up in Los Angeles, strikes the bag of trash in my very hand, simultaneously splitting, hitting the dumpster and the raccoon and myself. Yes. And the bag of trash, which could have anything in it. Anything. Yeah. And I wake up flabbergasted by this event. Yep. And I'm standing next to this green

dumpster that's out back, pop of these. And all of a sudden I hear, oh my God, this is this is the most delicious leftover Taco Bell I've ever heard. And I realized right then and there that Bandit the Raccoon, I can communicate with. Yeah, I know his name. I can communicate with him. This is by far the only feasible story so far. Now, stay with me. I have now gained the power to communicate with nature's most ignored creature, the dumpster panda, the trash

coon. The catfish of mammals. Yeah. I am telepathically communicating with raccoon. And so I formulate an army of raccoons across all major cities in the United States and anywhere else that they exist. But that's primarily the U.S. and Central America and up into Canada. Okay. And anyone who is doing any kind of environmental harm gets sabotaged by these raccoons.

Now, you might think, how far would you do that? A raccoon is not very intimidating. It's a small, adorable animal. I find them very intimidating, but go ahead. Can you imagine if 12 raccoons smashed in, they can get anywhere, by the way. Oh, yeah. They live on your roof in your,

you name it. Yeah, they're spies. They are the kings of city espionage. And they're coming in. They're causing havoc. Sure. If a raccoon decides that he is done with you and your place of living, you're moving.

There's no other option. There is no other option. They will crawl through your sewer, up your pipes. Yeah. And the next time you sit to pee for a treat, bite your nuts off. Yep.

Yeah. 100%. Or burrow into your anus and live inside you. It will. If it wants. Lay eggs. So now I'm the raccoon man. I'm speaking to raccoons and I'm doing nothing but environmental good.

I'm going around. I'm cutting power lines where there shouldn't be power. We're sabotaging. We're sabotaging plants, you know, like big, big polluting plants. We're doing nothing but good with our raccoon powers. Then at night we're going back to the dumpster. and having a tasty treat of trash. Dude, you could also just start, like, a shadow Twitter account called, like, Ghorst Falante.

And you're just like, hey, big energy CEOs. Yeah. If you do shit that I don't like, you did. What's with you fucking holding everybody hostage and trying to, I know you. I'm angry at big energy. I don't know. So we here we have three very different, very different fucking things that we're. We've created.

You're making honey? I don't remember. Listen, I know you don't remember because you're so fucking intoxicated by power. We have evil, evil Pat, the producer over here, who wanted to essentially, he ate too much red lobster. I'm wearing an eye patch. And he then was able to control all shrimp in the ocean, including krill, which would latch to the bottom. High-fiving you. I will never high-five you for a battle row.

Smart, COVID. He's a villain. he's evil. So if this were a movie, he would be the villain. He's evil. Forrest. He's very rich, though. Let's be clear. Well, not yet. One of the richest men in the world. Not yet. One of the richest men are women in the world.

Legit. Legit. You were going to take down a $500 million tanker before. I told you, why don't you take down a smaller canoe first and threaten people? It's not profitable. Let's continue. And then there's Forrest who is the hero of the story, the protagonist, if you will. He will be taking over by accident.

Lightning struck a dumpster, a trash bag he was carrying. Raccoon, he turned into Raccoon, man. And now he saves the world from people like Pat. Environmental harm, yeah, that's what I'm here for. Well, I'm sinking tankers. So raccoons versus shrimp, you've got your work cut out for you. I'd lose, to be quite honest. There's not enough biomass of raccoons.

All right, and then what are you doing? You're making sort of mead and selling it at the street fair and Bend, Oregon. And then if you'd like to just relax a little and, and just think about, visualize, you know, visualize what I'm doing. I'm just walking around with a swarm of bees with my hand in a honey jar. You gave our backstories. Yeah. Oh, well, I ate bad honey.

Fuck you. I am not the storyteller. So here's, what you're talking about. He asked me to fucking do it. He asked me to do it. If the brosters slash Wild Bunch slash. I love to hit you. Sorry, go ahead.

Never could. Go ahead. Too fast. You're not going to let me fucking explain mine? I'm just saying, if any listeners, vote for the for the for the professor i'm out i'm done with the podcast listen i would that is

gar musio easily replaceable you are easily you're unprepared you i came here you went to and you shuffled around in your fucking i don't even know where you're listening are for me you were gone you were in the attic for hours you come back the device

we needed to start recording was right there you're unprepared you are not a good producer so i'm gonna recap because your recap just lasted 12 minutes. Yeah, you just, you just farted in your own soup. So I'm in a recap, Peter, don't get angry. Take a deep breath. Well, I'm not having it out. You see him? It's going to be, it's so nice being in person because you can see his stress. It's going to be. I'm not stressed at all. I'm not fuming. I am not stressed. I just fucking. Don't mind my eye patch. Here's the thing. If you go

over the entire thing, I'm leaving both fucking things in. I'm not cutting out mine first. That's fine. Yours went on for 12 minutes. Everybody's locked. So add another eight minutes. They exed out. What are you talking about? Exed out. Your phone. died. Okay, here we go. You guys are the worst. Peter is on vacay, in Chernobyl. He's beekeeping, of course.

He's radioactive honey. He's now capable of communicating with bees. And he decides to sing show tunes and have them sing people he doesn't like. Is that correct or wrong? It's correct. But I don't like the way that you guys are just fucking... I'm smiling at you. I'm smiling at you.

You're gang up on me. What is this thing? You just took a long time to explain it. Now you're taking away from me explaining it and nobody's going to vote if you don't be quiet. Shut your fucking mouth. Okay. Patrick goes to red lobster, drinks a lobsterita, 32 ounces of sugar.

Maybe 40. You know, what a mistake. He eats way many shrimp. And now the guy can communicate with all shrimp and shrimp like animals. Uses krill, the largest biomass of living creatures on the earth, to take things hostage and becomes the new Jeff Bezos of the world, an evil rich guy. Did you say Bezos or Bezos? Jeff Pecos, I believe is what he said.

And he has an iPad. Okay. I'm taking trash out. I'm in L.A. One of my rare visits. One of those freak lightning storms comes by. I get zapped, as does the trash panda, the raccoon who's in the dumpster, as does the trash bag.

And I'm now able to communicate with a seemingly innocuous. Wow, I'm bud. Oh, man. Innocuous. With a seemingly innocuous animal, the raccoon. And I set raccoons across America to do good bidding and stop evil, big energy, as Patrick says, and anybody else that's doing bad things because raccoons can run amuck. Right.

Now, what I want, what we would like the Wild Bunch to do, the Brosners. The Brosners, is to go on to eyelings. Tell us who wins the battle royale. We're sorry it took so long. We're sorry Peter got so angry. All right. Fuck off. If there's another passive aggressive jab while, excuse, or vote on who had a better description

at the end. Yeah, sure, do that. But just give us some love. go to iTunes, leave us a five-star review. Let us know who's Battle Royale. We love doing the Battle Royals, and you guys obviously love them because we hear about it every week. So thank you very much for that. Show us the kind of love that Pat and Forrest have for one another.

A lot of overseas trips does, man. We have a lot of time. Can you shut up for two seconds? And follow us at wild timespod. Not.com. It's at Wild TimesPod or and then go to our website, the Wild Times podcast. Also, by the way, if my story about putting my hand on the girl's knee made you cringe or you have a cringy story, I'd rather hear about that than see the overwhelming support for my battle royal. It would be fun to read some of those on air.

Yeah, yeah, it would. Shut up. Oh, yeah, guys, and girls. No, I do think you're right, but pat over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, he's ugly. God, I can make an ugly face. So maybe leave us a story about your most cringeworthy moment.

Do it on iTunes. I know people are sending us Instagram messages. They're sending us Twitter messages. It's hard. Guys, it's hard to condense all those. Right, Peter? Wouldn't it be better if they were leaving them on iTunes with their reviews? Yeah.

If anybody did work other than me, it wouldn't be. But yeah. Right, but that's not going to happen. Good, good. So leave us a five-star review, vote on the Battle Royale. Tell us your most cringe-worthy story, and we will read it on air. feel free to not include your name if you're too embarrassed. Or the young man or woman's name that was there when you embarrassed yourself so horribly in middle school or high school.

Yeah, that would be fun. That'd be great. Yeah. Love you guys. Not you guys, the listeners. Not listeners. Forrest, what are we going to do now? Because we're here for a little bit.

And he's... I think we should tie him down and... If you have a tube socked anyone? Or you just put a bar of soap and a tube sock? No, but I have a bunch of Clementine. orangees. You guys are, I mean, this brings me back to my being bullied days. You were never bullied. I was, you're huge. I wasn't, I wasn't huge. The size of an orangutan. You know that humans start small, right? Humans start small. We're not always big. You fucking. I literally watched your knuckles drag on the ground when you walk. Oh yeah, that's not, that's not abusive. That's, yeah, that's fine. My knuckles dragged on the ground. All right, orangutan. Good night. Good night, everybody. This was a fun one. Number 20. You guys are idiots. I hate you. Oh yeah.