Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Injured Orangutan Seen Using Plants As Medicine - The Wild Times Ep. 145

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

We discuss the orangutan spotted using plants as medicine, and play the Battle Royale card game! Enjoy! Pre-Order the Battle Royale Card Game Here: https://wildtimesmedia.thrivecart.com/battle-royale/ Mack Weldon: Get 20% off your first order with promo code WILD. https://mackweldon.com/ Rocket Money: Cancel unwanted subscriptions https://rocketmoney.com/wildtimes 🎧 Exclusive Ad-Free Podcasts on Spotify 🎧 Subscribe for more: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh... 💖 Join Our Patreon Community 💖 Unlock exclusive perks: / wildtimespod 🔊 Listen to Our Show on Spotify 🔊 Explore our episodes: https://open.spotify.com/show/2cbFBzf... 📡 Subscribe via RSS 📡 Add us to your podcatcher: https://anchor.fm/s/aee18224/podcast/rss 📸 Follow Us on Instagram 📸 For awesome animal facts and videos: / wildtimespod 💬 Join the Conversation on Discord 💬 Connect with fellow nature lovers: / discord 👕 Shop Our Exclusive Merchandise 👕 Wear your passion: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch Enjoy, brosteners! Jingles made by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkey https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/fat-t... #wildtimespod #podcast

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So keep it real. Look for the seal. Real California Milk. Wild Time. Here we go, Wild Times. What's up? How are we doing, guys? Good.

You're feeling good. What's up? You have a lot of energy today. Peter's full of energy. Everybody's here. I do, Kyle. See if you can get some ice coffees on this order, though. Oh, please.

The love of God. Should we just tell everybody, we just got into the studio, and Kyle suggested ordering lunch. But then he went on to his phone and found a pokey place where it requires you to put in no less than 75 choices. I could have caught a fish. It's true. Fletted it.

We'd be eating it right now. Look, we're starting 27 minutes late because of how long it took to place our one-quarter. I substituted poached shrimp. They're giving me the choice. I'm just going to say yes because I need to be done with this. Yeah, smart. That was, was it? Smart poach shrimp.

Imagine how it's going to smell in the studio in an hour. Oh, boy. All right, well, here we are. This is the Wild Times, the greatest pokey-based podcast that there is. Pokey reviews of all kinds. That's all we do here. Let me ask you guys this. Do we need to do intros?

Nah, who cares? Kyle's just shaking his head. He's like, God, these idiots. Yeah. Well, you're forced. I'm Patrick. That's Peter. You got a new tattoo?

Peter. Peter. Did you get any tattoos since last week? No. Okay. Because apparently you're just showing up with tattoos now, like you're 24. Did you get a sports car? No, no.

Are you going to get a haircut? Just, no. Just no. All right. Do you guys, do social media show you guys like, here's like the best recipe. and you can make it for $12 and $10 minutes. That's like that and boobs.

That's the only thing I'm fed on Instagram. Have any recipes been tossed your way that you've like actually tried it and now it's become a thing that you make from Instagram or TikTok? I tried one just quick dog like carnivore bread. That sounds disgusting. So you blend up egg whites and cottage cheese and something else and then bake it. It was just a souffle. I just made a souffle. It was not impressive.

That was it. Yeah, that was basically it. Not going to be a thing for me. What are you going to do? Make a sandwich for that? That was what I tried to do, and it was gross. Did the bread itself taste okay? The texture was good, but it was just, it was just, it was just egg.

I was just eating a loaf of egg bite. Oh, my God. Tell us your story, because I have a feeling you have something more interesting. I was curious because I'm looking for tips, because there was one where I was like, this is brilliant, this is easy, and I did it, and I made it, And now it's like we have it at least once every like 10 days. I have a whole tab saved on my Instagram. What is it?

Food. I'm going to look and see if there's any good ones. Dude, it's so easy, man. What is it? You just take, you get like salami pepperoni turkey, deli meat. Yep. All things I like. Provalone cheese.

Mm-hmm. You literally just take out a cutting board. Yeah. Okay. Put a big bed of fucking classic romaine or iceberg lettuce on it. Mm-hmm. Slap a bunch of slices of the salami pepperoni provolone on there. And then I do a handful of pepper and chinis.

Okay. Some red onion. Yep. Sounds delicious. I put pour olive oil on it. Red wine vinegar, mayonnaise, Italian seasoning. Chop it all up. And then you just cut open a sub roll and you stuff it with that shit.

Ooh. So it's like an Italian. It's an Italian sub. It's an Italian sub, but it takes like five minutes to make. Yeah. You've done it in reverse. Yeah. It's deconstructed.

It's great. So you just mix all that. shit up. Of course it's good. It's got olive oil and mayonnaise on it. Yeah. But man, it's good. Fat, fat. Yeah. Peter, you got any? I remembered something that came up on Instagram that I tried and I really like. Go for it, yeah. See that box of fruit

brute in the corner there? Yeah. Remember one of the Brosner sent that to us? I took it home. It's disgusting. It's not great. It's so bad. It's cherry flavored cereal with marshmallows. And my son loves it. But here's the problem. He wants to eat a whole bowl of it and it's just diabetes in a bowl. Right. It's just I saw this thing floating around Instagram where the guy takes a bowl of Lucky Charm cereal, puts it in the microwave for no less and no longer than 18 seconds.

Okay. And the marshmallows, the freeze dried marshmallows grow. Yeah. Like eight times the size. Yeah. But then they don't shrink back down. Yeah. So I've been taking like a tiny amount of fruit fruit cereal, putting it in the, in the microwave for 18 seconds and growing the marshmallows.

And then my son's like, oh my God, they're so big. And he's just happy eating like nine bites of cereal instead of a giant bowl because it's filled with puffed up marshmallows. That's genius. Yeah. That is genius. My mom was gone. Like she was like not going to get home until late. She went out dancing with her friends.

This was on Saturday? No, this was when I was like 12. And so I was like, I'm just going to have the biggest bowl of golden grams anyone's ever had. Sounds good. So I pour half the remaining half box of golden grams into a bowl. open the fridge, no milk. Oh, no. So I have the brilliant idea.

I go, I'll just make my own milk by melting marshmallows. That's what you thought milk was when you were 12? No, I was like, gonna be marshmallow goo milk. Yeah. So I put a shitload of these little marshmallows in there. The mini cocoa ones? Yeah, stuck it in the microwave. And, you know, they balloon up and then they sort of take it out.

And as they cool, they turned it into this like cake. but not cake texture, the texture of this tabletop. Yeah, right, rock hard. And so I was just like eating a disc of golden gram marshmallow that was glued together, uh, well drinking Mountain Dew is quite lovely. Do you remember in high school where you'd go under the sink and take the salad bowl, the one that's this big?

Mm-hmm. You pour a whole box of cereal in there. Yeah. Or at least a half a box of cereal. I still do it. A quarter gallon. Do you really? Oh, God, I would.

Dude, my wife gets the boxes of cereal from Trader Joe's. It's like $8 for a fucking half-sized box. Is it good sugary cereal, though? Like old school? They have like, they have your fake cinnamon to, you know, traders, cinnamon, but it's like, it's like, dude, the boxes are tiny. And so I pour one bowl of cereal, a normal size bowl of cereal, it's half gone. Now all of a sudden I'm getting judged for being fatter than I already am. Yeah, the optics of that aren't great.

I think about that with, because a bottle of wine is supposed to be four glasses. they say. It's two. It's two. Interesting. Because it's two full glasses. Yeah. No, not to the brim.

I'm not an animal, but past halfway. There's about this much left in the glass and this might. I didn't know that. That's fair. Honestly, I didn't know that. Fair right there.

It's two if you're doing a home pour or the way that I pour it. Right. And so, yeah, sometimes I feel like what happens is I'll have one. Yeah. And then I finish mine. And then my wife's like,

Oh, can I have, if I'm going to go for a second, she's like, oh, can I have a glass too? And then I got a real problem on my hand. Absolutely. Right. Because now I'm looking at two of these guys. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, now she knows that my first glass was massive. Was it as a goblet of bread wine.

Yeah. It was a pint. It's a psychological way to get us to spend more money, dude. I'm telling you. So you don't. Shrinkflation. Yeah. I mean, shrinkflation, baby.

You got to go. You can't go out and buy just a Costco size box of cereal and eat the whole thing. at home. Well, and also, if you order a glass of wine at a restaurant, it's like, don't, you just can't do it. It's because they bring it to you and you're like, that's fucking three-sad. Oh, it's a splash. Oh, dude, and it's like $19. Yeah. How am I going to, how am I going to get through this steak? For real. Um, Kyle, there's a bit of news floating around. What's in the news? What is? Turned. News from the underground. The news. No less than 25 Brosner sent me this story.

I love it. It must be good. I refuse to, I refuse to, I refuse to, I refuse. I refuse to click on it because the number of people that sent it to me in the first day. And then I clicked on it. And I was like, this is actually really cool. So they've just shown that a wild orangutan has decided to partake in his own jungle pharmacy. That's not what you're thinking. Oh, boy. He's not out there doping himself.

He's using medicinal plants to treat a wound. So for the first time, a known orangutan named Rackas was observed treating a wound on his face, using a medicinal tropical plant. So he would pluck it, chew the leaves to create like a paste and then apply it to this gash on his face, which this plant is known for its pain relieving qualities and anti-inflammatory properties. So it's like a known thing in the medicinal world.

And then in addition to pasting this on, he would pick leaves and use them as a bandage over this. No. Yeah. That's great. Over this thing in his face. That's like, so he's a genius. It just shows.

like, you know, how closely related we are to them. But like, look at this. Where is this? It was a rantay. I must be Borneo. That's like the difference between animals and humans. Oh, so he had a big wound. Yeah.

So see the wound by his eye there. I'm not sure if they did or not. I was just reading. He's got a big gnarly wound on his eye. But look at how well it's healed up there in the second photo. Turned into scar tissue. Yeah. And that's from his own use of medicine, which I think is...

Absolutely crazy. That's like Planet of the ape's shit. That's like the first step. Remember in the Planet 8's movie where all of a sudden he starts like talking or through, I don't remember what the first thing he did was. But that's like, this is like it. This is one step before they start making guns, dude. That's it, dude.

Yeah, that's straight up. Do they think that he like, how did he learn this? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Like, so was he in captivity? Do we know? No, no, no, no. This is a wild animal.

Dude, that is insane. He had to have seen somebody do this. So there's either generational knowledge, meaning like elephants pass down migratory roots and all that. There's generational knowledge or there's something in chewing and eating it. Like the plant does have pain relieving and anti-inflammatory properties. So, you know, if you put the spore on a cut, it feels good, right? And you're like, oh, that feels better or whatever. I mean, he obviously has figured this out.

Like this is a self-healing thing that this animal has either been, you know, generationally passed down or figured out through chewing and applying. I mean, it's incredible. So wild, man. I mean, there are animals that continuously like eat fermented fruit to get boozed drunk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like a common thing in nature. Oh, yeah. So why wouldn't this?

You know, I figured it out. He remembers it. But this is like a different level of understanding, right? It's one thing to be like, I like this fruit and it makes me feel funny. It's still like calories in and it's something I need to survive. Sure. This is like making the conscious decision to self-medicate. Yeah, that's wild.

That's a whole other level of self-awareness and intelligence. Because they don't understand, you know, like beating infection, like, you know, not getting an infection from the wound or anything? Or do they? That's so wild, man. That's what's crazy. But yeah, that's a big story. I think it's more substantial than is being let on. It's just for our understanding of primatology and their knowledge and their, you know, instinct.

I think it's pretty, it's pretty impressive. What would you guess that wound was from? A fighting. Yeah. Yeah. It's got such a perfect, like... Could be from a stick or something, you know? Just like taking a stick to the eye.

Yeah. Just got such a perfect, like, beautiful face. And then just a big chunk out of the eye. They're crazy creatures. Look how well it healed, though. I mean, that is remarkable. Now, what, it's just a regular orangutan? Yes.

A percentage of Americans, do you think, think it's called an orangutan? 90. Yeah. I mean, I always thought that. I would say 95. Oh, like there's another G in there somewhere. Orangetangetang. I mean, because I feel like in the jungle book and stuff, that's how they said it.

Arangatangatang. It's like T.A.N. Yeah. Like there's an extra g. Yeah. Oh, I mean, it does beg the question, why did they not name it that? It's a good point. Orangatongotong.

What is the, what's the, what's the, no, not entomology? What's it mean when you look at the origin of a word, etymology. Can you look up the etymology of the word orangutan? It might just be the local name for it. Oh, boy. Spelled it really. And then afterwards to orangutong. It's not even close.

Thank you, Google. Forest person. That's pretty cool. It's the Malay, from Malay. Orangutan, forest person. That's pretty cool. It basically is a forest person. That's exactly what it is.

I mean, you watch them at, I think my favorite thing to see at the zoo. They're just fascinating to watch. They really are. So cool looking, man. So interesting. Share no less than 97% of their DNA with humans. Yeah. Where? Is it the same?

Is it a chip? Which one has higher shared DNA with you? Chimp. Chimps like 99.6 or something. Can you look up the chimp versus human like DNA discrepancy? That's so wild, man. It's such crazy critters. 98.8. So 1.2% different. But, and here's something that I think a lot of people don't realize. That 1.2% like that's probably the difference between a hippo and a horse. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like it's exhibited in chimpanzees versus humans in a way that's like, oh, I can see how a human's pretty close to a chimp. Like we're both bipedal, forearms, legs, you know, like that sort of skull shape. But that 1.2% that's a massive discrepancy. Like that could be, like I say, that could be the same difference as like I'm trying to think of two other things. Like a rock hyrax and an elephant or a hippo and a horse.

Like that can be a pretty broad discrepancy. Like how much does a human DNA, do human versus hippopotamus? Like is it 70? Yeah. Because there are certain building blocks of DNA that have to be. Yeah, that's got to be massive. I don't know. I mean, 70.

I mean, 70 is pretty high, but it could be 70, you know? Like, yeah, do humans share 50% of our DNA with algae? Yeah, I don't know. Just because there's certain building blocks of DNA that you just have to have to make. Right, you just have to have that to be a living organism. Yeah, that's a good question. That's fucking wild that we even know what DNA is. Do you think that the orangutongotong knows what DNA is?

No, I do not. I mean, it's really a human being construct. You know what I mean? It's something we've named and figured out by looking at lineage and breaking down cells. And like, I mean, it's a real thing, of course, but it's a human, like, we've created it. We've signed it. We've labeled what it is. Yeah, we've made it be a thing. Yeah, like the concept is.

there. We've just like put it together. The physicality of it is there. We've just created the, yeah, it's hard to explain, I guess. Well, I, I, I've never really had like a total understanding of what DNA is. Oh, dude. I have, like, I, I mean, proteins are the building blocks of DNA. But it, like, I go to these colossal bioscience, uh, you know, meetings, like these conservation summits and stuff. Yeah. And you have all these geneticists come out and talk about how they're doing the genetic engineering to bring back the thylasein, the mammoth, the Dota, whatever. And, like, I took pretty advanced biology classes in school and stuff.

And it's crazy how I retained zero of that. Like, it's gone, dude. If I, for me, biology's fiddling with animals. It's not moving cells around and the insides of cells. And it's, it's crazy how these people understand these things. Like, it's so on another level. It's really impressive. They've discovered, of course, this will change, but the living thing that is,

least related to humans. What do you think it is? Well, I shouldn't say living man. An octopus. I was just going to say an octopus. Combed jellyfish. Oh, okay. The sea creature.

It says, at first it said sponges were thought to be and now comb jellies. It is hard to imagine. We look just like that. Are you kidding? Did it say what the relationship of DNA was in it? I didn't, I wasn't able to do it. How far divergent is it?

Yeah, because I want to know, like, is it still, 50% or not. Yeah. Yeah, we still don't have that number, do we? Kyle can't find it. He's a slow reader. But he's, you know what? He's the worst combo. He's a slow reader and a fast scroller. Yeah. Zzop, zip, zip, zip, yeah. A sign-skeming. He's retaining nothing, but a lot of words are flying by. Gotta break up with him. Let us know, Kyle, if you get to it. I'm still waiting on something from like four pods ago that we were supposed to do it. I think it was like a family guy bit. Oh, that's right. Oh, the family guy bit.

Oh my God, it's so funny, too. It's so funny. It's so funny. No, we're not going to. We're talking about genetics and putting together animals and whatnot. I think it's time. It's time. I think I know what time it is. Do you know what time it is?

That's me. That's for Ted playing the drums. This is a big one, though. This is, I'm going to sit up in my chair. Clear that table. That's how serious this is. Here, I'll clear the table while you talk. I'll set it up.

Okay. Brosters of all shapes and sizes, this is pretty exciting. You guys know that we've been playing the battle royal game for many, many years. Many moons. Since the very first pod won, I think that's three years ago now, we started this game where you create your fictitious animal to battle or be the cutest or do the craziest task. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have created in Popapie's hands right there coming up, the first ever battle royale card game.

It's super fun. It has all your cards in it. And this is going to be for sale and available on our website. I don't know what that is, but Peter will explain it. And for today's pod, we're going to play that game and show you guys how we've made this very fun battle royal game.

It's going to have a QR code that takes you to the instructions in the box that shows us playing it. There are, I don't remember how many cards, but a shitload. It's all custom artwork. It's all custom scenarios. head movement special ability.

It's going to be a lot of fun. So Pat is opening it up. Pat, you want to show off one of the cards? What are the five different decks we have there, Pat? You said this place was steps from the water. We just haven't found the steps yet. How much did we save? Enough.

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You win? Must be 21 to enter. Before he does, though, I like this look of Pat. My hair fell off. That's a glimpse into his future. You look good bald, man. I'm good. How about like this?

All right. So we've got a scenario deck. Yep. So the same way we start our battle royale. Right. Create a scenario. Yep. All right.

And those we have, I forget how many. I should probably know how many cards or any The angles look okay? Does this shit load? Or sit back. We've got a special ability deck. Yep. That's our special power

that our creature has. What do we have here? Head? You got to have heads. Yeah, got to have heads. Got to have head. Body. As per the rules of the game,

everything scales to the body size. Very important. And I was worth pointing out that it has the size of the body on those charts. It sure does. so that you know. It sure does.

Case you're like, what sizes are red abalone? Right. And then we have a movement deck. Yes. I think that's one of the most exciting parts of the game. For me,

the layman, we went through and put facts on all these cards about all of the different animals and stuff that are on them. Such a good learning experience. Dude, I've learned a ton just even making the deck. The game's very fun to play.

It's a fun drinking game. It is. Okay, so Pat has brought the table in. I have the scenario cards here. By the way, it's feeling a little QVC and salesy here. Yeah, I feel like I was on HSN, which I've always wanted to be. I actually would love to do that. But the point is, we're really excited about this.

It's been a couple years in the making. And it's going to be fun. Like, we want to play the game and show you guys how it works. And if you don't like it, then screw you. We don't care. Can you open that? I could try. This is direct from the manufacturer.

We haven't even got into the plastic yet. Yeah. So how does it work? So I remember we each take four cards. except for a scenario card. So you get four of everything. So Peter, deal yourself four. What do you have there?

What's the blue? So normally you would sit at a table like a normal card game. These are the head cards. It's a little challenging. I'm grabbing four bodies right here. All right. I've got, what do I have, special abilities? I'm just going to give you guys four.

Boom. Let's see how this goes. If you're just listening, it helps if you come and watch as well. Yes, that's a very good point. If you're a listener, just go over to the YouTube. Okay, so here we go. So the cards are now dealt. You have four of each of the cards, head body movement special ability.

And then the way the game is played is you pass around the scenario deck. And whoever the judge decides, tells the best story, spins the best yarn, makes them laugh, makes them cry, whatever you like. Yeah, you got to be funny. You got to be quick on your feet. Yeah. It's the battle rail. Exactly right. That's how you win.

Now, typically if we had a fourth player, we'd be sharing that scenario around. but instead I think we make Kyle the full-time judge. Let's make Kyle the judge. He's there. He's bored. Yep. Look at him. He's yawning.

Yeah. And you seem to win over his affection every time, which is bad for Peter and I. Yeah. Patrick has good storytelling abilities. Oh, fuck off. I do it for a living, mate. That's true. All right.

Pat, why don't you flip over the first Scenario card? Here we go. Here is the Battle Royale scenario. Okay. These creatures are going to fight until death in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Beautiful. Simple, elegant. It's a desert battle.

Oh, wait. Isn't there supposed to be a timer? I got it right here. Yeah, that's for the presentation. Ah, I see. All right, let's do 30-second timer. Yeah. Go. All right.

They're fighting for the death. Yeah, this is a gnarly fight. What are you guys thinking? What are you combing through? Well, I can't tell you that. Don't be ridiculous. So I arrange my hand with the head first. Yeah.

Yeah, head, body, movement. I have to do that because of the scenario. 10 seconds. I'll tell you what, there's a thing with, there's a thing with like not wanting to burn certain cards. You know what I mean? Right. Three, two, one, here we go.

I'll go first. No problems here. We are fighting to the death in the desert, which means I need an animal that is desert capable, like the head of a big horn sheep. It's got that big budding horns. Sure. Big combat ability.

Now, you're going to question this, but stay with me. that is going on the body of a three-banded armadillo. It's going to be tiny. It's not large, but it has incredible headbutting abilities. It has scaled armor, and it can curl into a ball in defense. Very small. How big is that? What does it say there on the card? It's about nine inches and two and a half pounds.

That's fine. That's fine, and I'll tell you why. All right. Because it is ferocious like a Wolverine and has the strong and incredible shit, I grabbed the wrong card. Too late now. Nope, I'll switch it quick. Make it work. Make it work.

Your time is ticking off faster. Fine. It has the movement abilities of a Helen's flying frog. So it's going to fly at you. It's going to be ferocious like a wolverine. It is armored. I got to see what does this say about. A 22 pound wolverine will gladly stand up to a 1,500 pound bear or a pack of wolves when

meat is on the line. Their teeth and jaws are so strong, they can chew right through bone. That's right. So your big horn sheep's head is going to chew through bone? It's going to come flying at you on this armored body of a nine-inch three-banded armadillo with insane ferocity while flying and gliding through the desert. You're screwed. I win game over.

That's not going to be that hard to deal with. You can start my timer. My time has started. It's not going to be that hard to deal with being nine inch. I mean, C and C. T's a tiny little thing. We'll see about that. Kyle will be the judge of that, not you.

Well, this desert battle, I'm going to take the head of a Babarusa, got some massive tusks used for fighting, and then I'm going to stick that on the very large, thousand pound body of a desert dwelling camel. Wow, that's a big body. Big body. A couple of humps. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's made for desert work. It's going to have the movement abilities of an Amher leopard.

Wow. Very pouncy. leap up to 19 feet in length and 10 feet. So it's going to just be pouncing on this armadillo. Big. I mean, his armadillo is a night. And I've saved, I've saved 18 seconds for my special ability.

It's now down to 15. It's the vomit power of a fulmar. So this babirusa with the tusks leaps 19 feet at you. And then pukes in your eyes and you're fucked. And then it just, but it can't bite you. It can't claw you.

Now, but it's just going to tusky you to death. It's just going to puke you to death. All right, Peter. Let's see what you got here. All right, I'm going to start out with my body of a black bear. Big old body. Perfect size. They can run up to 35 miles per hour, Kyle.

Remember that? Yep. It's not the movement. When I tell you about their special ability, which is the indestructibility of a tardigrade, Tartagrod, that's right. My animal will be indestructible, so I've already won. I've got the movement of a jack-regrade.

grab it. So maybe it's not 35 miles an hour, but it is hopping swiftly to wherever it needs to be. Well, I like that it's big. It's very agile. Big and agile. And baby, it has the head of an alligator snapping turtle. Are you kidding me? This can break up that on a bear's body. That's right. Yeah, it's pretty scary. Dude, and hopping around? Zip, zip, zip. Can you quickly pull up that, so Kyle, you're going to have to weigh in and say who won here. But first, Peter, pull up that special ability card. I remember when we designed that, the Tardigrade card. It's a next telephone. It's, look, show it to the cameras.

It's one of those Nokia phones that you play snake on. Oh, yeah. You could throw that thing off the Empire State Building, and it wouldn't sustain a single fraction of damage. I love the special ability cards that they have, like, just some crazy, like, thought-provoking idea that we had to illustrate the special ability. Yep.

Kyle. Okay. All right. Read me the gray card one more. Once more. They're going to fight till death in the middle of a desert. Okay. Desert adapted, Kyle.

I got an indestructible body. Samal sounds from a water creature. Yeah. These all are fairly good. I wouldn't say they're great. Okay. But just for the fact of indestructible going with Peter. Yeah, baby.

So you just that card, if you get that card, that's like a wild card, essentially. For Kyle as the judge. If you're battling to death, that is the card you want. One point for older a tip. One point. Okay, hate that. So, Peter, you can run the scenario now. Okay.

You just cheated your way to a victory. How did I cheat? You took advantage of Kyle's little brain. I didn't get you any points moving forward. He needs to be fair and unbiased or he will be fired. That's right. Fair and unbiased. Oh, wow.

Ants are threatening to take over the world. With your cloning machine and shrink ray, you will make an army of these to fight back. Okay. What? I like that. You're going to make an army of these to fight back. But I have a shrink ray.

Yeah, and a cloning machine. Yeah. Yeah. So whatever your animal is, you shrink it down to ant size and you get an army of them. Oh, okay. I see. Gotcha. Gotcha.

So we're not just trying to eat up all the ants, which hinders my plan. 30 seconds on the call. They got their ant sized. That's right. These are ants size. So is they're taking over the world or my kitchen? You're protecting the ants. You're protecting your kitchen from the ants.

All right. 20 seconds left. Oh, you started the, clocking. This is interesting because we're shrinking it down. Yes. You're shrinking down,

down, down. Yeah, I've won. Wow, so much confidence. Ten seconds. Yeah, this is good stuff. Five, four, three, two, one. Here we go.

These freaking hands out. All right, who's going voiced? Anyone ready? Anyone ready? Who's going voiced? Patrick can go first. Yeah, he's got it. Okay. So I'm going to wipe out this army of ants. That's right.

With an army of your own. Yeah. So I'm going to start with the head of an eye eye. Because look, it's got a mouth. It's got teeth. It's disgusting looking. It's terrifying. The answer is going to have a million of these things.

I'm going to stick that on the body of a Tasmanian giant crab. Interesting. Because I'll tell you why. If the ants swarm it, it's got this shell, right? So I wanted to have some armor on my body. You're protecting yourself. Okay. Wow.

And you have an army of your own of these, too. I'm going to give it the movement of an African lungfish, which it sort of scurries along the ground with these fins that are adapted to be like legs. Okay. So it's going to kind of... Interesting pick. But it's... Yeah.

So it's basically immobile. What percentage of the earth surface is water? At least ten. And if you're going to battle an ant, you might as well take the special ability of an ant. I'm going to give it the strength of an ant able to carry 50 times its body weight. Okay. That's good.

So it'll be able to haul away the carcasses of all the ants. It'll at least be a fair fight. Yeah, exactly. All right. All right. I'll go ahead here. Speaking of heads, I'm going with the...

Speaking a given head. The Amazonian royal fly catcher, my goodness, it catches flies. And what are ants, but flies with legs. Next, for a movement, we have this Japanese spider crab 10 legs 12 feet long

8 of the legs have needle point sharp Little pokers on the end You can get it added the needlepoint Thousands of ants That's not on the car You can kill so many ants with my movement And then special ability Naked mole rat teeth

They move independently of one another Come on How does that help? What's that gonna do? It's just extra appendages To kill other ants with I mean come on You can kill one with each two

Ants. With each tool. One ant per tooth. And it will have the body, my friends, because this doesn't matter with its movement and head and special ability of a black-footed cat, referred to as the vampire cat. Very scary. Ants will quiver. Very scary based on nothing. So this is part of the game.

You have to make do with whatever the hell you get. All right. Here we go. Kyle, you ready for the winner? Sure. Bringing it in home? Okay. So, first of all, we need agility because we're going to be moving around and cats.

capturing a lot of ants. And that's why I'm going to use the body of an Arctic fox. Very mobile, very dashy. I'm going to add that with the, I'm going to give it the armored ability to crawl and move like a ground pangolin, a notorious ant-eating creature. Yeah, but it's the size of an ant-sized pangolin. Stand-by, stand by.

Stand-by. It's not the evening. Okay. And in order to chop down these ants at an alarming rate, unlike the independent teeth over there, I'm going to give it the head of a North American beaver, which we know can easily slice through wood and wouldn't have a single problem.

Same teeth, just they don't move. That's all I'm saying. Scales of an ant. And where I'm really going to win in the cloning is I'm going to give it the special ability of a jackal, which some biologists believe have ESP and the ability to communicate telepathically so that they can coordinate their searches.

Wow. Which biologists? Unproven. It says it on the card. Says it on the card. All right. Dude, naked mole rat teeth,

Kyle, that's all I have to say. They sound great. Strength of an ant. Yep, okay. So, he's got power over there.

He's like, yeah, he loves this. He's shutting us up. Yeah. Yeah, for this one, it's,

it's pretty, pretty easy and clear. It's Patrick. Yeah. Boo. The strength of an ant. He's just gonna flop by the ground.

Yeah. Across the, across the ground, just kind of scooping him up like a bulldozer. That's insane. This was a, do not go after the judge.

That's insane. Thanks me. I'm just saying. Somebody paid somebody off there. Mine has special. Mine can communicate telepathically to coordinate its attack. According to no one. According to our cards.

Our game. You hear him? According to no one. All right. Yeah. For us, I mean, look, I think there's a chance that you don't get a single one.

I'm a good storyteller. Well, we're only playing until three, so we'll find out. All right. You got a scenario card for us? Oh, yeah. I'm up, huh? You all up.

Okay. I got one point here. Okay. One to one, Peter. You keep the scenario card as your point? Yes. Of course, that's the only way you can tell. All right, gentlemen.

You have to set 10,000 of these loose in New York City without scaring anyone. Oh my gosh. So 10,000. Wow. And you don't want to scare people. You don't want to scare people. Oh, my God. This has to be something you create to keep people at ease.

All right. 30 seconds on the clock. Here we go. Okay. I'm going to win. Okay. Do do, do, do. Do do do do.

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Legit love Rocket Money, dude. All right, so while we are picking our cards here, I'll say this, I've got some body confidence up issues. Up issues? My confidence is going higher than it was before. That's not a good thing.

Can I explain why? Kyle, take the timer off. Can I explain why? Yeah. Okay. I have to go on all these dive shoots. Basically all I do now is Shark Week, right? Yeah, sure. That's it. I have to change in front of a plethora of people with cameras in their hands constantly. I've had the same eight pairs of boxers since I was a junior in high school. What's he getting at here?

Just stay with me, okay? I just got these air knit boxers from the Mack Weldon stuff. Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm wearing them right now. Wishing you could be there live for the big game, soaking up the atmosphere of the crowd. But too often, life gets busy or the price holds you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen. With millions of deals on flights, hotels, and rental cars,

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They're great. It's good, good shape, nice leg hugging, no rolling up. They don't slide up like all the old school cotton boxers. They're cool and breathable. Like, I can't wait to get nude in front of my crowd. Dude, I grabbed one of the shirts from Mac Weldon. You know how big of a slob I am. Talk about confidence, man.

I just pop that thing on and I'm like a new man. Made my love handles seem like they weren't even there anymore. I'm telling you, man, going for, it's such a big difference getting actual good clothing. We're a nice clothing. Yeah. It does make a big difference. It really does. I'll tell you what.

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Dot com. The promo code is wild. All right, I got my picks. You ready? Not only did he emcee this competition. He's the first one ready. All right. I'm going to consider as the judge.

So, first of all, if you're letting 10,000 these go in New York City, you want them to be adorable. You want to love them. You want to think they're cute. That's true. And there's few things more cute than the head of a bearded emperor tamron monkey.

I mean, it's adorable. Nobody's scared of that. It's like an old wizard. He's cute. Now, if you put that head... See what you're doing. If you put that head onto the shaggy yet lovable body slash demeanor

of a poitoo donkey. That's the Dreadlock donkey. you know the dreadlock donkeys. Yeah. It reminds me of that movie. How big is that? How big is that? How big is that body?

That's 5,000? Yeah, that's large. 10,000 is running around New York. That's okay. How cute would that be? Imagine that thing running around New York with a monkey head. It's pretty cute.

It's adorable with the dreadlocks. I mean, I think he might win. I'd be alarmed. Now, keep in mind, New York is in the northeast. It's quite wet. It's a big central park with a central pond. That's why, in case you're feeling scared or threatened, worried about it.

Nope. It can move like an African Jakar. A big padded feet can run on water across lakes across the river

in case there's an issue. Now I'm scared. If I'm seeing a dreadlocked animal with a monkey head running across the water I'm calling 911. Nah, you like it. But in case he decides

not to run across the water because you're scared he's going to scare people. He's going to be able to jump like a flea scaled to five feet. That means he can clear skyscrapers. Meaning if you're one of those

New York City people that's stuck in your skyscraper building on the 330th floor, you just look out your window and just see this big adorable donkey monkey head thing. Just hop up, wave at you, go back down. This is terrifying. That's great. It's a good, easy win. Easy win for New York.

So what was the goal of the scenario, Kyle? Not scare people. Not to scare people. That's right. Okay. So my goal is to create something familiar to them. Sure. So the head of a Basset hound, look at its tongue sticking out.

Very familiar. Just talk about it. Basset hounder, cute, sort of dopey. Yeah. Not to cause a warm. Boring, but that's what he needs. Yeah. I'm going to put it on the body of a doll.

So you're just making a dog. Essentially. It's the same size as a German shepherd. It's a dog. I think getting to as close as you can to a dog in this scenario is the winning recipe. Let me ask you this. Now I'm going to give it the special ability of a sloth's metabolism. Oh, it doesn't move around.

Very slow moving. shutdowns its digestion, doesn't need to eat a lot. Does it poop? They're not going to go crazy. What do they do with their poop? They throw it at people from the trees? No,

it's lost metabolism. And then it's going to have the movement style of an albatross, which just glides, just kind of very gentle flying dog. A very slow flying cute dog. I mean, it's pretty genius. You're joking. Don't give him that.

I'm just, compared to your terrifying. Imagine his bouncing around with yours gliding around. and then you'll have you'll have mine with a just the cutest chubby cheek chipmunk head how are you looking at this

that is adorbs oh my god it's so cute and it will be on the body now remember this is only the body it has a chipmunk head the furry cuddly cozy pedible body of a cougar

it doesn't have a cougar head without the cougar head it's just a big house guy that's right that's right with a chipmunk head I mean, that is fair. Now, it needs to move around somehow. So what better way to move around than as a howler monkey with four strong limbs and a tail, a prehensal tail that can grab cans and share food?

Just reading the car. That's not true. I'm not. You helped write. Wait, is it sharing food? It will be sharing food. With whom? With either other peoples or other hollermunkey bodyhead chipmunkers.

And this will be the winning thing here, Kyle, for just for a. everybody. It has the special ability. God give me chills of the red panda butt wiggle. It wiggles its butt and it just like you know, wiggles its butt at you. What is that special ability? That's it.

As far as I know, they just do a really cute little dairy air wiggle. That's right. A derrier wiggle. It is large, but it is quite adorable. It's really big to have 10,000 of it. They're actually leaving scent trails on the ground. So you're just leaving a nice slime trail. It's that slimy. It's a

Centrail and his buddies can smell so they can congregate and all be petted and share diet coax. Okay. Share diet coax. All right. Come on. Wow. Think about the comedy in this situation. I can picture them all and.

Except for forest. I was going to say. Of course. Come on. You had me in the beginning for us. It's so good. I came in a magic mind pal. With these feet.

Yeah. What are these feet, man. That's awesome. Jumping around like a flea. Dude. It's so interesting. It's like 50 times the size of a freaking building. If you saw the other heinous cards I had, you'd be like, yeah, that adds up.

I see why he picked that. So the winner here is Patrick. Fuck, this. All right. I'm not doing great. I'm having a magic mind. I need some focus, some clarity, some mental acuity. I don't like, I don't want to say I don't like Kyle, but I don't like Kyle as the judge here because he has a tendency to kiss Pat's ass.

I massively dislike Kyle. He's very fair. Here's what he's doing. He's not doing the comedy. He's taking the scenario seriously. It's inconsistent. But it's inconsistent. You got it.

Forrest would have won that one if it weren't for the feet. Oh, come on. That was crazy. And then the jumping by windows watching women peeping Tom. The red panda butt wiggle? You guys are fucking. Why is he peeping on women's showering? I honestly thought Peter had that one.

I don't understand. And Kyle put me in third. Kyle, Patrick has made a flying dog. Slowly gliding. Well, you guys are fucked. I got my magic mind. now you're screwed. All right, all right.

Here we go. This should help the order. See if Forrest can get on the board. Here's your scenario. Every card game we play. So, wow. Probably because we didn't shuffle. Similar to the last.

You have to set 10,000 of these loose in Chicago, and your goal is to cause as much chaos and fear. Oh, it's polar opposite. I like the difference here. Polar opposite. As possible. Here we go. You would have won this one for us.

Oh, fuck off. And he's still got second somehow. I hate you, Cal, as a person. Me too. All right. Once you marry that girl that's chasing you on the date thing, I'm going to ruin your wedding. So you've got to cause chaos.

I got to say this is not fair because I just happen to have the best possible cards for this. I can't wait to hear it. It's, this is, you know. 10 seconds. 10. Oh, boy. All right. Who's ready?

I'm ready. All right. Let's hear it. I don't want to get dinged for going first. I'm just going to say, you start my time. Sure. I just happen to have good cards on this one. Sometimes you get dealt pocket aces.

Okay. Let's see. Well, everything scales up to the body. That's right. So I've got a blue whale body. 78 feet, 250,000 pounds. That is going to cause some problems at downtown Chicago. Yeah, especially because I've got 10,000 of them.

Yeah. That's the entirety of the city. Blue whale-sized animals. with the terrifying head and fangs of a king cobra. Oh, fuck, yeah. But also, it has the movement ability of an Andean condor, allowing it to ride air currents for more than five hours.

Oh, man. Covering over a hundred. So they're just gliding through the sky, blue whale-sized cobra head. And I'm going to give it the special ability just to make it gross and freak people out. Think about how big a blue whale shit is. Very large.

Well, I'm going to give it the hippo poop swirl. Oh, no. So that as this. Blue whale is cruising by. It drops 500 gallons of shit at its time, swirls it all over the city. City is covered in poop. I mean, that's not really terrifying. It's more just kind of like...

The cobra head. I mean, but it's like swirling shit around. I mean, come on. To make it extra bed, it's got a projectile. I don't know, man. It's not funny. It's more funny. It's pretty fucking hilarious.

Forrest is going back through his dog. I'm saving my good cards. I'll give you more time because I'll go next. Don't fail them out. I'm saving my good car. now. All right here, you know, Kyle,

we have the movement of a, of a humming. A hummingbird, okay, so very zippity dood. These things are zipping around fast as can be, scaled up to the body size of an Asiatic elephant.

Oh, bullish. First of all, that alone, and I've won. But when you put the head of a paddlefish with a big paddle on its nose flying around, boom, bam, boom,

running into windows in your conference room office building window. Just dive bombing on everybody. And you know what? It's got the immortality of a jellyfish. Cannot be killed. The army is out there trying to take these things out. Boom, boom, boom. Bullets are bouncing off.

10,000 immortal Anna's hummingbird elephant-sized paddlefish-headed things that cannot be killed. They cannot be killed. That's all I'll say. They can. They just... No, they cannot. They're immortal. Immortal.

Immortal. Immortal. It's not... It's not bad. It's better than... Kyle, as the judge, let me ask you this. What is globally and notoriously

the most feared type of creature? Spiders. Snakes. Okay. Thank you for saying snakes. Second. Hopefully you've got a scarier head than a cobra.

I, in fact, have the body of a green anaconda, which is going to be slithering around the city. That's not great for anybody. It's much more terrifying. than flying whales, slithering in and out of the buildings. Now scale that 20-foot snake up

or scale the head of a bullet ant onto a 20-foot snake. I mean, this is grotesque. If you saw this thing, it is very, very creepy. Put that head onto a 20-foot anaconda and scale that up. And they're all over the streets,

keep in mind. There's 10,000 of them. But not only are they all over the streets, but like the Atlantic flying fish, they can lift up and glide through the city and then land on you, on your car, on your doorstep,

in your stroller, you name it. And if that's not terrifying enough, they can whip you with their tail like a thresher shark does. So you just have this 20 foot long ant-headed snake gliding through the city,

whipping shit to pieces, really just creating all kinds of havoc. How big is that anaconda? Weight-wise? Weight-wise? it is 150 pounds. Oh, it's not, okay. That's actually, I caught one that was 200, almost 400 pounds.

So I don't know why we had that on there. It's pretty good. All right. So my thought here is that Patrick's just kind of be going to be floating around top of skyscrapers and, you know, not really doing much up there. It's huge. It's shit and that's not, it's just shit, though. It's not, you know. 250,000 pounds.

Peters is just going to be darting in and out and just kind of. of paddling things. Paddling things. Immortal. Yeah, I think people are going to freak out with forest's anaconda. Thank you, magic mine. So just imagine you look in the sky

and there's 10,000, 250,000 pound animals dropping gallons of shit all over you with a cobra head. I'd still be more scared of forests. To be clear, I would have voted for Patrick's. I think that's odd. Imagine the defecation levels of the city. No, I'm taking my card.

Give me my card. There's your card. You fuck right off. I won that point. I think the Browsner should weigh in on that. They should. They should weigh in on all of them. I think was what happened is I got robbed.

Because it was too good, and I'd already won two in a row. Yeah, that may be. That's the problem with having an all-time judge, ATJ. That's right. That should feel bad. ATJ. Yep.

I'm anti-ATJ. All right, Papa P. Let's give us a Scenario. All right. I got to pick my cards here. Let's hear it. All right. The new mascot of a fruity marshmallow

cereal brand that you're launching. Ooh, I love this one. That's fun. 30 seconds. That is fun, fun, fun. Oh, man, this is good. You're going to go for cute? You're going to go for funny?

What are you going to do? It's a fruity marshmallow cereal. So I'm thinking... You're replacing one? Are you new cereal? It's a new cereal. You know, so you're competing with a leprechaun. You're competing with a rabbit.

Tukin, Sam. Tucan. Although this cereal does have marshmallows. 10 seconds. Whoops. If you're listening, all three men over there are just staring at their hands. This is the worst part of the pod where you have to stare. Yeah, you've got to talk through things.

Five seconds. Fast forward through this. All right, Peter, you get us going there, bud. No, no, I got us going last time. All right, Boris, kick it off. All right, I shall then. Why not? Okay.

Here's the thing about my cereal. You've all heard of Frankenberries. Have we not? We have. Well, this is frank and animal berries, okay? Because we're putting together an all-new creature. It's going to be bizarre. It's going to be ugly.

This is also going to be the ugliest bowl of cereal you've ever had. In the cereal world, your cereal's nice in uniform. It's pink with colors or you got gray with marshmallows. Some golden grams, not this. This is odd shapes, odd sizes, odd marshmallows. This is a frank, it's a hodgepodge of cereal. It's for kids that were bullied. 30 seconds.

Now, just shut up and listen to the setup. You better hurry. All right. First of all, by doing this. I'm going to tell you that my mascot is going to have the deflated head of a blobfish. It's lovable. It's grotesque. It makes perfect sense.

Especially when you put that on the body of a coconut crab, which is going to be the mascot as it climbs up the side of the cereal. Hard-bodied mask. 10 seconds. Yep. It has the movement abilities and the weird appendages of an eye-eye and can make it sound like a rattlesnake to bring you into the cereal. Ooh, a rattlesake sound for cereal. Yep. That's terrifying.

coherent stories written on bathroom stalls and shit. Okay. You want to go next? Sure, I'll go next. So I've got the body of a cuddlfish, right? You got a cuddlfish. And I assume with that body comes the amazing rainbow-colored color-changing that it can do. Instantatious.

Fruit-y, that's good. Exactly. It's, you know, we've got a fruity cereal. And, you know, it's a mascot. So what better than a fennic fox head? I mean, this is a classic mascot head right here. It is. Don't be nodding over there.

Don't start fucking nodding like. Don't yell at the judge. He just gave you a pity point. You know, the movement isn't really too, you know, it doesn't need to be anything extravagant. So I'm giving it just the general movement of a maimed wolf. It can move if it wants to. It can use its legs and move around. Sure.

You know, I already did. It already does have a stability. But I do want to. just reiterate that the color-changing ability of this animal will be times two because it also can change colors like a chameleon. So we not only have instantaneous color-changing, but we also have ability to change colors into cereal. You can't take into account anything else you say.

How many times are you going to touch those colors? We'll make sure they're straight, mate, mate. Stop fingering your cards. It's a very rainbow cereal. That's right. Everything about it's rainbow scene. Rainbow. All right.

Go ahead. Our commercial opens with several children sitting around a breakfast table. They're eating this fruity marshmallow cereal. It's crunchy. It's very crunchy. Lean it on. Okay. Then by the window pops up by the kitchen window my mascot because it has the special ability of bat-eared fox hearing.

It can hear from very far. So it hears their crunch. He's built a whole commercial. Yeah. And it says, anybody crunching? What do you got that? Okay. Turns out that his head is.

the head of a Pacific barrel-eyed fish. Oh my God! Very cartoonish. What in the world? Very cartoonish. He heard them crunching. I'm selling based on crunch. He has the body of an emerald green sea slug. He's only two inches long. He's this big. And he's skittering across the window sill.

Skittering. With the movement of an American lobster and all 10 of its legs. Wowsers. Very slimy cereal piece. Wow. The mascot was found in the bottom of the ocean. I want a slimy, slimy cereal mascot. Yucky, yucky.

Rainbow colors, baby. Rainbow colors. Yucky. All right. There's a clear winner here. It's Peter. What? I agree.

Unfortunately, I agree. Was it the color change with the fruit? The fennick fox. That's right. It's the standard. What was it about pets that you didn't like? A better question. What was about Pats that you did like?

Nothing. That's interesting, because I don't even know what your commercials are going to be. That's true. That is true. All right. The score is two Peter, two Patrick, one forest. So I can picture, you know, he's cruising by groves and orchards of fruit. Your Phenic Fox and he's changing colors as the background changes.

That's what you were thinking. That's exactly what I was thinking. Got it. Okay. That's great. We can't all be storytellers, Pat. So it's a podcast. What we got next?

What's next? Okay. What's the next one? What's the next battle? When they needed to get King Kong off the Empire State Building, they sent this up after him. Oh, I like that. So you got a giant gorilla on the building. You got to get him off safely kind of thing?

Or just kill him. I think any way you love. Anyway, any way you like. 30 seconds. There may be benefits to bringing him off alive. Okay. You'll have to sell those benefits. Yeah, straight up.

Oh, shit. I don't know what head I'm going to do here. Oh, boy. Kyle, why don't you just ramble over there like you were before while. All right. Again, these guys are just staring at their hands. Something new. 15 seconds left.

Tell us about your taste in women. Red-headed. Ooh. Kyle likes, Kyle likes the fire. All right. Here we go. 10 seconds left. Looking for something that takes King Kong down.

Wow. Does anybody have Godzilla? I've used all my big bodies. Yeah, same. I've wasted them on cereal boxes. All right. Here we go. Who's ready?

Okay. Oh, shit. Sorry. Can we request one mulligan time extension? No, I'm good. Is that not in the rules? We don't need that. I can go.

All right. Forrest is ready. Because, you know, whoever goes first always wins. And that's how that's gone so far. All right. So, King Kong is at the top of the Empire State Building. I'm going to bash him off and I'm not going to do it gently.

I'm coming in with force. And I'm doing that. that with the head of a rhinoceros beetle. Now, keep in mind that they can hit and lift up to 150 times their own weight. Wow. Now, when you scale that up onto the eight foot long 200-pound body of an Arapima, it's basically a flying missile. Okay, think about that. Now, you give it the speed of a thresher shark moving at 80 miles per hour and double down by giving it the flight and ability of a Peregrine Falcon, which can go at 240 miles per hour,

you basically have a flying head-butting missile that's going to bash King Kong straight off that tower in less than one blow, zero issues, no problems here. Nice. What's the airtime away? 200 pounds. Okay. So you're going...

Times, what did I say? 850 for the strength ability. Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah, that's a lot. I don't know what those numbers are, but that's a lot. I'm not sure either.

All right. I'm going to, the head doesn't matter because he's not going to need his head, but I want to use the head of a bald ukari. Yeah. It's a primate. He's going to sort of identify with King Kong to some extent. They could be friends.

I'm going to put him on the body of an Aldaba giant tortoise. Five feet. Aldabra. Aldabra. 550 pounds with a shell, mind you. With a shell. That thing is going to have the movement of a lilac breasted which is a very specialized flying bird that can dive from incredible heights fast to attack

their prey. And when he gets there, he's going to use the stinger of an Asian giant hornet. Scale that up. Scale that up. Be large, large. Extra long stinger and neurotoxic venom. And he's just going to dive from really high. Wow.

Zip. He's going to envenomate him over and over and over with the head of an ukari. So you basically scaled up a mosquito. Correct. To deal with King Kong. Essentially. Yeah, got it. Boy, that's really sad that you two are both coming in hot trying to kill this beautiful creature.

I'm going to start off with, you might think that I'm coming in to attack it with brute force, but not my creature with the body of an American bison. Okay? So he's a large. It's big. It's big, but not compared to King Kong. I mean, it's just, you know, it's big enough to mate with. I'll put it that way. So, and in speaking of which, I would like to give it the.

the movement of a bullfrog just so he can hop up, right? So far, so far I'll be able to hop up there, kind of like shake his butt in front of King Kong. But you still need something for King Kong to want to just jump on him, mate with, you know? Okay, okay. So we all know that they have beauty contests with this animal, and I'm going to give it the head of a beautiful, beautiful camel. Look at the lips on this thing.

Oh, my God. A beauty pageant camel. Succulate. So this thing's going to be hopping up, shaking his ass in front of King Kong, ready to mate. in heat, Kyle, with these beautiful camel humps. Oh, God. They're like tasty, delicious camel breasts.

What is happening over here? Yeah. I have the body of an American bison. How is this dealing with King Kong, though? No, he's just going to mate with King. Oh, I forgot that part. Okay, yeah. King Kong.

That's a very important piece of your... It's indesadestable. Quiet. King Kong will just calm down basically, just like in the movie, come off the building and mate with my bison camel. Will you hold him accountable for going over two times in a row, Kyle? Or will you succumb to his dastardly ways?

All right. So I think there's a winner here. It's Forrest. I think he's just going to, he might even go through King Kong. I was straight through him, I think. Yeah. What won it for you? The head?

The speed. The speed and the shape. Yeah. It's a flying missile. It is. You're right. It's phenomenal. I see.

So he's just going to go. Just, boom, it was like a bullet. Two to two to two. Two to two. It's all tied up. This one's for all the marbles. All the marbles. This is it.

We'll do one more. Yep, we've got one more. This is the big one. Who's reading it? I better, seeing as I won the last one. Make sure you pull out your best cards here. You don't have to save any. This is a big deal, guys.

This adorable creature will become the biggest YouTuber in the world. Wow. So you can create a story around the YouTube sensation here. What if I wanted to win a vote? Okay. Oh boy, here we go. 30 seconds on the clock. Starting now.

Okay. All right. So, yeah, what is this YouTube channel going to be based? You can go many directions. There's so many directions you could go with this. I feel like I need a lot more than 30 seconds here. I'll grace you an extra 15. Let me start with special abilities.

Okay. This is it, guys. It comes down to this. I hope you've enjoyed watching us do this very fun. game that we really enjoyed making. I don't really care if anybody buys it or not, but I think moving forward, this is going to be how we do our Battle Royals on the pot.

Yeah, we'll see. Let's see if people like it. It is pretty fun. Put in the comments, who you think's winning? It's a no-brainer. Who's going to win? It's a no-branner. Okay, I'll go first.

Okay, go ahead. To lock it in for the win, it's gone with the body of an Asian water monitor. It's basically just a really cool dinosaur-looking monitor lizard type thing. and it will have the head, the very interesting head, which almost looks like a head within a head, of a goblin shark.

That's right. So that's going to be, it'll be an oddity. People obviously want to look at this thing all the time because it will be able to have the ability of the tongue of death, which is a chameleon's tongue, that surprisingly, in addition to being huge and able to go out very far, allows the animal to speak English.

So that will be super interesting. It does not. it will have the movement of a marine iguana so it can swim around in a tank speaking to you, talking to you with the head of a gobbling shark. Gobling shark, he called it. Oh, who's over there out of space? A gobling shark. You want to go for us?

Sure. I can go ahead. I can go. Tell us a story. I shall. The eyes are the window to the soul. Let's start that timer. He's waxing poetic.

The eyes are the window to the soul. which is why my YouTuber is going to have the adorable head of Addictic. Big eyes, really cute, very relatable. And when you put that on the bipedal mountain gorilla, it feels like a very familiar stand-up like YouTuber. You're not looking at a horse for the first time and going, I don't want to watch a YouTube channel by a horse standing up. It's got big eyes.

It's adorable. Now, here's where it gets interesting. This is an extreme sports channel. It's relatable. You can understand it. But it has the movement ability of the. Colugo. So if you take those arms and legs of the gorilla, basically create a wing suit for it. This dick, Dick can fly around, do these incredible stunts. And why do we like Coyote Peterson?

Because what? What does he do on his channel? He gets stung by things. Right. Now, if he ended his life by getting stung by something, that'd be the end of his channel. Well, not my guy, because he feels no pain like the naked mole rat. So he can go on these incredible flight suited missions, have this relatable demeanor, get into massive accidents, get stung by stuff, bitten by stuff, run over by stuff,

doesn't feel the pain, YouTube sensation, everybody's tuning in to see what Dick Dick's going to do next. Dick, went over by 11 seconds, but that's fine. Like, I see,

it's an extreme sports thing. I get what you're doing. I'm not sure what Peters is doing. No, we didn't really get into that. It's an animal that speaks English, but it doesn't have that ability. Okay? Took in mind,

just go into outer space and document it. It's out of space. Yeah. It's up to the judge to decide who's got the ability or not. This is very important. Go ahead. The eyes are the window to the soul. Oh, fuck,

fuck, thanks. Now, so what's an animal that's known for very long, luxurious, lovely eyelashes that make it very relatable? The camel. The camel.

The giraffe. That's true. So I have a giraffe's head. I want my animal to be big. So I'm scaling it up to the 4,000 pound body of a hippo. Oh, boy. The giraffe's head. Oh, boy.

It's very big. what it's doing is it's basically the channel is called the real Spider-Man because it has the ability to shoot Spider-Web out on a scale of a hippo's body

and swing from building to building. Have you guys seen the real Spider-Man's channel? No, I haven't. What is that? It's huge. Holy shit. How is it grabbing onto stuff? It's got the movement

of a fucking gorilla. Powerful arms and legs swinging the real Spider-Man. Beautiful I laugh. stayed under one minute. In fact, I have four seconds to spare. I can actually swing from a building, but that's okay. Wow.

These are all great. My channel has a name, the real Spider-Man. Yep. That's true. Yeah. All right, so I think Peter just made a lizard with the shark head. That speaks English. It does really do much.

The legendly speaks English. Is it a cooking channel by any chance, Peter? Could be. I would have said, if you did an eating channel, then maybe, you know, he has the tongue and, you know, It's too late now. Don't give them ideas. Yeah. I mean, what do I care?

All right. So, the winner here, I think, is poorest. Yes! Three points. All the marbles. The extreme sports factor to go flying off a building and not... Feel no pain. Feel no pain.

Like a naked moor. I think the brosters are going to be outraged here. The real Spider-Man? The real Spiders. It's a good name. It's a good name. It's huge. It's got a giraffe.

Let us know. Swinging across skyscraper. But it can't actually swing across skyscraper. Yeah, it's got spiderwebs scaled up. Well, then Mike can definitely speak English. Okay, fine. Definitely. Ladies and gentlemen, brosters of all shapes, sizes, and colors.

Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you guys liked it. We were really excited to bring you this game. We put a lot of effort into building it. We've had a lot of fun with it. As you can tell, we laugh playing it and enjoy it. It's going to be something we're selling on the website pretty soon. It's all colorful.

It's all fun. I will say, I think we should do this again as like a, just like a bonus thing. But I'll do this all the time. As a sleepover and get heavily drunk. Look how many scenarios we have yet to get through. Hundreds. Yeah. It's definitely, it's a game that's, it's like any game.

It's fun, sober, and more fun. Drunk. Yeah, yeah. Everything's more fun. I agree. I think that would be a very good way to do it. When the game's available, go to wild times. Dot club forward slash info.

There'll be a link right to it. Maybe you in a description of this video. but aside from that the links to everything at Wild Times. Dot Club forward slash info check it out support the show

support us play a fun game yeah hippos can't spider web to buildings good night good night good night

the real Spiderman it's funny because the MUN yeah yeah yeah the thing is you always think I always finish thinking I've won

of course it's like it's like ping pong you go into it thinking yeah exactly yeah I die I definitely think I lost.

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