Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Kite Flying Monkey, Beards, Aliens and Ghosts

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

The show opens with Forrest telling us a bit about his quarantine exercise routine, and how it makes him look like a lobster. Then the crew watch a monkey fly a kite (no, I'm serious). After that, we hear a bit about Forrest's potato hoarding on his episode of Naked and Afraid. The boys take a deep dive into the paranormal and debate if ghosts and aliens exist. Forrest, Pat, and Retep share their own paranormal stories. Contest winner #2 is announced and the boys travel to a deserted island for this week's Battle Royale! After a bit of hair and beard talk the crew says goodnight. Find us on social media @wildtimespod Check out the videos mentioned in the episode here: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/kite-flying-monkey-beards-aliens-and-ghosts/

All right, scatman. Let's do this. Bibb-de-b-boop-boop-skeet, skeet. That's... That is not scatting. That's wild times. Wild times. Peter, what would you do with this beard if you could?

I would shave it off and glue it together and stick it on my dog's butt so I can pet it daily. All right, come on, Patrick. You got to do it. Scabed-a-d-d-di-de-de-be-da-bo-de-d-wit. Wild times. Yeah. That is, Forrest. You have a beautiful falsetto.

Holy show. Yeah. Very in tune. Was that auto-tuned? Oh, boy, we are back. Episode 6 of the Wild Times. I am joined today by Scatmaster, Mr. Patrick DeLuca. What's up, Patrick?

Hey, man. I am hot and sweltering. That's why I'm wearing this tank top. And it's just hot as shit in here. And, of course, as always, Retep spelled forwards is Peter. Peter, how you doing? Good afternoon, gentlemen. How are you, man?

I'm doing well. How are you? You know what I did today, guys? I am, so I have a peloton exercise bike, and I have been sitting in my garage under my neon fluorescent lights exercising. And so I dragged my peloton out into the sun, which by the way, they weigh a metric ton, and rode the bike for an hour and a half in my boxers in the sun. That's what I did today for exercise. Is that why you look like a lobster right now? Yes, that is why I'm so red.

You went fishing yesterday, didn't you? I think I picked that up from your social media. I did, yeah. We took the boat out to the Channel Islands. It was cold and green and really nice to just spend some time outside. Were there a bunch of boats out there? Or was it just like pretty much you guys? It was so busy.

Whoa. I think we were making jokes that it's everybody that can afford while they're not working to run boats and go out to the Channel Islands and not plus us because none of us could afford it. We were all like, all like, all right, you got gas money. But it was crazy busy out there. We were really surprised how many boats were out of the Channel Islands. Sounds like fun.

Did you catch anything? Caught nothing. Absolutely nothing. Didn't pull the trigger. So we were free diving, spearfishing, looking for white sea bass. It's that time of year that they start showing up again. And there was nothing. Water was freezing.

It was 60 degrees, green, murky, and nobody saw any game fish. So it was a little bit of a letdown. Hey, Forest, we actually got a question that I'm curious about you. Are you into fly fishing? Oh, love fly fishing. Big fly fishing. I mean, all forms of fishing, really. It's kind of like that same thing of the,

pursuit of spearfishing or anything else, but love fly fishing, used to do a ton of it growing up, especially for big rainbows and things like that, and now do more of the spearfishing, but still love fly fishing, especially if I can do it out on the flats in the ocean. Nice. Was that a listener question, Rete? That was a listener question. Nicholas C. Weston was curious. If I liked fly fishing?

Yeah, fly fishing. I've never done it. Pat have you? No, it looks really hard. I've heard casting is like pretty much impossible. It takes some time to learn the form, but it is really enjoyable. Did you go fly fishing on the Zambizi River when you were a young tot? I did a little bit.

I kind of practiced casting there, but those are all like big huge tiger fish and stuff that don't. I mean, you probably could get them on a fly, but in Zimbabwe where I grew up, the fly fishing was really up in Yanga Highlands, where we got trout, not in the lowlands where the river was. And then since coming to the States, the thing that I've become obsessed with is fly fishing for bonefish, which are these massive. powerful fish that hang out on the flats in the ocean and you sight fish them. You see them from like 100 yards away and then you have to stalk them and get close and then you have to present

the fly in front of them just right without spooking them. And if you hook one, they're super strong. It's tons of fun. Nice. Bonefish. Is that, uh, is that good eating? The bone fish? It's not. It's not. It's a catch and release fish. I think it's named for the fact that it is full of bones and nobody. I think people do eat them actually, but it's, it's kind of one of those like it's a game fish it should be left in the ocean for people to enjoy and uh it's an ugly looking fish i'll tell you that the bone fish yeah they got a funny downward facing mouth which they use for slurping up crustaceans are pretty cool looking speaking of slurping things uh retep how's uh how's your dating life going in quarantine obviously uh abysmal man i uh i haven't seen

another woman aside from the roommate's girlfriend in about two three months how long's it been I've lost track. Yeah. But at least my facial hair is growing back, so there's that. It is nice. That is good for both. Now what food item does my face look like with hair on it? A hairy potato.

Yeah. Now it's just a hairy potato. Yeah. An even worse potato. Oh, man. Come on. Well, Flores, speaking of getting outside into the outdoors, saw a news item I think you might be interested in.

Hit me. Did you see the monkey flying the kite? Oh, my God, yes. And it's so adorable. What the hell? Nice. I saw that on a rooftop in India, someone caught an actual video of a macaque. I'm pretty sure it was a short-tailed macaque sitting on a rooftop flying a kite.

Now, I don't mean, and you guys saw this. He wasn't like randomly holding the string and a kite was flying. He didn't run over and like be near a person flying a kite. This monkey was actively flying a kite, like a child enjoying himself. He was like doing complicated maneuvers with. said kite. Yeah. Primates, first of all, are incredible, right?

There are closest living relatives, and they do undeniably play for fun. They also have sex for fun, one of the few animals that we know do that as well as human beings. And this monkey was having fun with the kite, and it's amazing to see, you know, we only figured out 25 years ago, less, actually, 20 years ago, that primates actually use tools in a few places. And here's one, not just using a tool, but using a tool for entertainment value. I mean, it's crazy.

It's really cute. And then he reels the kite in, which like, that's a pretty complicated understanding of how the spool and string are going to work together. Absolutely. And he grabs the kite and takes off with it. Absolutely. It's his kite, man. He's not going to leave it there. So do you think the monkey was trained or he learned that spontaneously? Because that's like two steps away from being able to fly a plane. It's a good question. No, I mean, I don't know. Possibly from observation, but I would guess just kind of happens to. It probably took off in a gust of wind, and he was like, oh, this is fun. I really have no idea how we learned it. You know, how did the first monkey figure out how to throw a spear to kill a fish?

I mean, it's hard to say, but it is fascinating, and it just goes to show you, you know, taking DNA out of it, it goes to show you how close we are to primates. Like the fact that they're using tools for entertainment and learning as they go, it's amazing. Do you think we've gotten a little desensitized to monkeys doing cool shit? Not me. not you Peter fills up your days No I think we have I mean I think since kind of the Jane Goodalls of the world exposed that monkeys can speak

sign language and that they can use tools for fishing and that they have toys you know in in their dens and in their warrens or middens rather I think that we have just kind of come to the understanding that monkeys are this smart and this capable and yet in a lot of places around the world we still kill them for food we kill them for a bunch of different reasons

And it's kind of bizarre. It's like we realize that there are close relatives. We realize that they're intelligent. They're smart. Yeah, they're super smart. And we know that they have the ability to use tools. We know that we're derived from them as human beings. And yet we still treat them as animals and not something that's kind of more like a cousin than an animal.

Right. That's weird. Yeah, that sucks, man. I would love a monkey cousin. A monkey cousin would be great. That'd be a good TV show. Monkey cousin? I mean, let's just pitch it with just the title tomorrow.

Yeah. We'll just send it around. Yeah. Monkey cousin. Do you want? It's Charlie Sheen with a monkey and they just hang out and Charlie Sheen gets fucked up and Monkey Cousin saves him. Sold.

I'm in on that. I'd easily watch that. Dude, staying over in that part of the world, I saw that in Thailand. You've been to Thailand, right, Forrest? I have. There's a tremendous amount of elephant-based tourism in Thailand, lots of places that get, you where you can go and ride an elephant or other places that are anti-riding where you can go and like give them their medicine and do all sorts of stuff, but they, because the tourism industry is

effectively dead right now, they don't want to feed them. So they're freeing all those captive elephants. Nice. I did see that. And it's kind of a catch-22, right? And let me go on the record here. Peter, have you ever been to Thailand? Of course not. Okay. It's a cool place. You know, I think if you present someone with the idea that for 15 bucks, they can go and ride an elephant and play with an elephant and it kind of smiles and trumpets and, you know, everything's on the surface. seems like it's a win-win. Of course you're going to do it. Like, why wouldn't you go and enjoy spending time with a happy elephant? But once you take a deep dive into that, you realize that for the most part, these elephants are really mistreated. Like they spend hours and hours a day with wooden

platforms on their back, carrying people, they get jabbed and kind of poked with sharp sticks and beaten into submission to behave well. And I just think our listeners, if you don't know this, If you see those pictures of your friends on vacation riding an elephant in Thailand, let them know. Like, that's not really a good thing to do. You shouldn't be out there riding elephants. Elephants are really, really intelligent, too, aren't they? They are. Yeah, I mean, they mourn their dead, and they have actual emotions, which makes it even sadder.

Very emotional animals, yeah. And it's just, it's kind of a catch-22, though, right? And this is probably going to be an unpopular opinion. But if we don't have those elephants in Thailand, like say, those elephants that are getting freed now because of coronavirus, right? They're getting let go. Who's going to monitor them now? At what point do those animals become pests because they need to come back and they're going to start ravaging crops and stomping through villages? And then at what point do they get put down? Boo. You know, so it-

Fucking humans. That's what I was just going to ask you. I mean, I saw, you know, one particular place freed 78 adult elephants. Will they just jump right back into being a wild elephant or is it going to be a weird transition for them? It's a good question. And the answer is no. I mean, these are animals that, you know, probably some of them have been in captivity for 25, 30 years, born in captivity, raised in captivity. They are animals. They will have some instinct to find food and they are intelligent, but they're not, they don't have the experience that an elephant needs to be a wild animal. Furthermore, the habitat you're letting it into probably kind of support 70 elephants, right? Like that 70 elephants is a lot of elephants. You can't just put them in a park. Like they don't

just go into, you know, a football field sized arena and go, oh, they'll, they'll live. apple here. Right, right. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, that takes a very vast track of very fertile land that the, that the, that the ecosystem can support that many animals. And so, my guess would be those animals will like, like, is it good that they're freed? Of course. Like, they should be free. But will they become problematic? Will they have to come back and start begging for food? Will they be raiding crops and stomping through villages? Most likely. And will that lead to the possible euthanization of some of these animals? It really could. So it's a really weird kind of catch 22. Like we see the little news clipping. We see the thing

that's been floating around social media, that image of the animals crossing the street, the elephant's crossing the street. And we all feel good. But the reality is that might not be a good thing. It actually might be worse for the animals than a few well-treated animals in captivity would be. When do you guys think that things are going to get back to semi-normal? Like you think when things get back to normal, they're going to go and grab these and continue using them? Or just pick them up. Right. Yeah, it's a good question. I mean, you know, when travel does normalize again, then what? I think Corona has allowed us for a lot of wakeups and realizations to the mistreatment of animals to a lot of things. But like you said, then what? There's 70 elephants running around. Are people then going to go trapping them? I mean, that's going to be even more emotionally stressful. Imagine being in prison for 25 years and then you're let out for a week and then you're grabbed and thrown back into prison again. Like that's way worse than never knowing the outside. There's going to be a whole bunch of tourists just tossed by elephants that first week when they opened back up. Yeah, real grumpy elephants for sure.

So, yeah, that's a weird one. It's like, I'm stoked for those animals if they can survive and do well out on their own. And they're allowed to be. You, Thailand, I had a great time, man. I was there for about three weeks. And then, uh, Forrest and I were in Vietnam, I, Southeast Asia's awesome, dude. It's like, that's probably my favorite place to travel. Oh, sure.

I love the food there. You know, the food in Southeast Asia, the Thai dishes and just kind of everything. It's super inexpensive. Like I remember one story when in 2010 I was traveling through Thailand and then up into Laos. And we pulled into this town, Vyang Vian and Laos, and we'd been backpacking and, you know, we're on a super tight budget. And my girlfriend and I were like, God, let's just splurge. Let's get like the nicest place in town and just splurge. for $16 a night.

We had a king suite with our own swimming pool with a jacuzzi tub built into the floor that was always hot. They brought you fruit platters. They gave you a massage. It's like it's crazy luxury for so little money. And then, yeah, and then it's just, you know, people are fun and there's a lot to see. The natural beauty is amazing. Like, it's just a cool place. I mean, what did you love about Southeast Asia, Patrick?

Well, I would say just while you're on the topic of Laos, so I was, I think it's called Lao. I don't know. But we went over to Lao, on the same trip I went to Thailand, and we went to Luang Prabang. Did you make it there? We did, yeah. 100%.

If I needed to go on the run from the law, because I accidentally killed someone in traffic, I would go hide out in Luang Prabang Laos. It is fucking magical, dude. And it's hard to describe why I think it's just the overall vibe. Nobody gave a shit that you were there as a tourist, as opposed to like, you know, like in Bangkok and some other parts of Thailand, like people are trying to sell you shit.

They're, you know, they're very aware. Oh, yeah. That's the worst anywhere you go. But, dude, Laos is just, it's beautiful. There's water, incredible waterfalls everywhere. You just, like, walk along the river. You'll see a little bamboo bridge that looks very unsafe. You've already had a couple drinks because they're everywhere.

So you cross it. And then you, like, get to the other side, walk through a little jungle section. And then there's just, like, a treehouse that's also a bar. Right. Did you do anything crazy there? Just like, shit, that would be totally. some stuff I definitely cannot talk about publicly that I did there. That probably makes it sound worse than it was, but we went to a town called Vintien, which was notorious for tubing down

the rivers. It's notorious for tubing down the rivers on a lot of things that you put in your body. Hence the part that I'm not going to talk about publicly. But yeah, let's just say that I got there on a Tuesday and I woke up on a Thursday with spray painted hands all over my body in some random girls dress. And that is not a joke. Literally two days later, I woke up on a hotel room floor in some girl's dress. Yeah, it was nuts. Didn't you also break your, didn't you also break your back in Thailand? In Thailand, yeah, that was actually only, only a few weeks before the last thing. I was, we were trekking through northern Thailand out of Chiang Mai region on this, like, three-day trek. And, man, I just, I don't even like telling this story. I get like kind of giggly

things about it. It gives me the hebi-jeebies. Yeah, it's awful. What did you do? Tell the viewers what you did. So we came up on this waterfall. It was the last day of the track. It was beautiful waterfall and it was a low water year. And it was me and like five Australian dudes because that's everyone that travels to

Southeast Asia's Australian, by the way, except for us. And these guys were like, oh, come on, let's go jump off the waterfall. I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah, let's do it. Let's go show off for the girls we're with. So we all climb up there and everybody jumps off the waterfall. It's like, oh, that's cool, whatever. And me being me, I'm like, oh, I'm going to one up everybody. I'm going to climb up the inside of the waterfall and jump through the curtain of water and like splash out, you know.

So I like climb up on the inside of this waterfall, like spider manning up these super slippery rocks. And I come to a ledge like 25 feet up. And I look down on this, there's just this curtain of water and it's breaking on these rocks like 25 feet below me. Yeah, just jump through it. You'll hit the water. Yeah, I'm like, smart. Smart move. I'll kick off really hard and just jump through it and, you know, appear magically out the other side of the

curtain of water. Well, law of gravity says that I will not do that because I jumped, hit this wall of water, and it just shot me straight down onto the rocks. I like that you didn't account for the power of water. No, yeah, no, no. Force inertia, none of those things were taken into consideration. Forrest, honestly, how many times do you think that you've nearly died in your life? It's got to be like a dozen or two. Probably. I mean, I nearly died right after that. So when I hit the rock, I landed on my spine and I went numb from the waist down and I rolled off the rocks and started drowning because I couldn't move my arms or legs. I was completely paralyzed. And my girlfriend at the time jumped in and pulled me out because I was literally like bobbing and going down river.

And I just remember seeing like literally as like a movie scene. I remember seeing these arms come down and grab me and pull me out. And then the guys had to build a bamboo stretcher and carry me out of the jungle. Oh boy. Let me ask you this. A couple days before I got the feeling back. You fared better on naked and afraid, naked in the wild, than you did drunk and in a waterfall. On a vacation. Correct. So as a biologist, think about what you know about animals, evolution, humans or animals. What was it that made you say, I got to do this?

I got to be the one who goes up a little higher and jumps through the waterfall and emerges like Spider-Man. Yeah. I'm a human peacock. Like, I got to show off and, you know, I got to have the biggest tail, and tail is not the word that I'm referring to. And, you know, I got, I got to, I got to, you know, everybody's doing one thing. I got to do the more extreme thing to be the coolest guy, you know, and clearly show how stupid I am. It's, it is typical testosterone fueled stupidity. Yeah. Is that why former guest, uh, Alex Graber hates you so much, even though you're best friends? Probably, because I always won up him. Speaking of Graber, it's funny, I was in a foul mood when we started the podcast because I had a bunch of of work to do. I have a bunch of work to do. And my, my fiancee was like, hey, grab a beer. You just have a beer. I was like, no, no, I'm going to try and still work out. I just opened a

beer and immediately feel great. And so I texted her. I was like, yeah, you're right. I had a beer. And she just sent me a giff and said, she referenced jungle potatoes. I actually watched a couple clips from your naked and afraid episode. And I hadn't seen it before, man. And man, was Alex right? You were a chunky monkey. my friend. Thank you. What year was that? Let's revisit this again. I know. Let's go through this the second time. I actually, I listened to all our podcasts because they're hilarious and informative. I was actually wondering, we made fun of you at the time, but did you, like, I know you and we were like, yeah, right, I'm sure you put on extra weight, but I feel like you did. Oh, you had to have. You've known me for nearly 10 years, Patrick. You've never seen me look like that.

No. So what did you do? What was your, what was your regimen for, for, for, for, you've known. You've known me for packing on weight. I'm always interested to know, like when actors have to gain a bunch of weight for something, what'd you do? Yeah, well, keep in mind, I only had like 12 or 14 days, so I packed on, I was eating like 10,000 calories a day. I ordered mass gainer shakes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, literally, they're built to put on fat. And I just, I chugged mass gainer and ate pizza. There you go. What a gamble, dude. By the way, what a gamble, considering you found a stockpile of food. And now you're just fat. I mean, that's problematic. Because you had all these. jungle potatoes. He knew he could lose it. Yeah. So it's funny. I saw an interview with Benicio del Toro,

who had to gain 40 pounds in a short period of time for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Yeah, he looked terrible in that movie. Yeah, he gained 40 pounds. But so he did an interview. They asked him how he gained the weight and he said he started out. I think he had like a month. In the first two weeks, he was just eating a ton of pizza and drinking a lot of beer. Nice. And he said it wasn't working fast enough. And so then he switched to pure sugar. he started eating donuts and he just packed on weight. Oh, God.

Yeah. It's pretty interesting. Like, you know, the whole like processed sugar thing, it's like, wow, sugar really, really does make you a fat fuck very quickly. And you know what's weird about it?

If you look at sugar content, it's very low in calories. Like, if you look at a bag of skittles, it's like 40 calories or whatever. I'm making that. It's 110, by the way, I eat skittles every night.

You would know that. That explains the potato. But it's weird because you're like, oh, there's not that many calories in this. I'm going to eat this. It's just a bag of sugar and you eat that and you get fat straight away. I saw an article because I'm always interested in ways that I can cheat my fatness. And apparently... Cheat your fatness.

Yeah, you know, I don't want to do the work, but I definitely would like to lose the weight. Please tell me, Peter, please tell me you're like taking hydroxycut. No, no, I'm not taking speed anymore. Not anymore. I learned long ago that diet pills, they might make you skinny, but they also give you heart palpitations and make you think you're going to die. So, but this one, Forrest, I was interested in. I don't know if you know anything about it, but I saw an article that said basically

getting your body very, very cold increases what's called brown fat production, and that helps you burn the bad fat, which I suppose is white fat. Interesting. This sounds racist. No. Well, I am definitely against both. brown and white fat. So there's some good TED talks about this.

I mean, a lot of people are doing this now, basically doing ice baths. Okay. Yeah, because you're basically what happens is you get into the ice bath and your body has to maintain its stasis, right? So it needs to keep your core temperature at, you know, around 98 degrees. And so to do that, it needs to grab the most readily available energy, which is all that big fat roll around your stomach and ass, Peter. Hey, F you, man. Come on. So basically, there is a lot. There's a great TED Talk you can find on YouTube. We'll post a link to it on the wild timespodcast.com.

But it's, it's pretty interesting. Like 10 minutes in an ice bath, the guy says, is equivalent to like running six miles. Oh, wow. It also probably feels like being in an ice bath for three hours because it's ice and water and you're just sitting in it. You literally work up like 10 seconds at a time. Yeah, that makes sense. So you start with like 10 seconds, then 20, then 30. Right. I saw a published thing. I want to say it was Forbes,

but it might have been time where they did a review of the most caloricly intensive exercises in the world. And the list was crazy. Like some of the stuff on there was nuts. But number one, or rather the thing that everybody that I know got excited about and why it's circulated in my circles is number two was free diving. cold water. And it said exactly what you just said. It's, it's, it's an aerobic activity that's taking place while your body is burning calories to just try and stay warm. Is that how you lost all the jungle potato fat? Definitely was part of it. Any guesses what number one was? That was number two.

Keeping in mind the cold thing, any guesses what number one was. Hiking in, in, at the top of Mount Everest. I'm gonna say ice climbing. You're both really close. Those are really good. It's a chopping wood in the snow was considered the number one. Nice. Very manly. A very manly activity. I can get into that. Sure you could. It's interesting though because when you think about like you know, MMA fighters and wrestlers

when they cut weight, they go into the sauna and they ride the bike in the sauna to drip, you know, to get all the water weight out. Right. It's like just go into the fridge, man. But also that's like temporary, right? The water weight, like you drop water weight and then you drink water and it's straight back. I think this is actually boosting the metabolism.

It is, and you're burning fat off your stomach and ass. Well, and the whole brown fat thing is pretty fascinating. I don't think a lot of people know, I mean, I didn't know about that, but apparently it helps burn the bad fat. Can you explain it or are you too stupid? Wow. I am really getting fucking shit on this podcast, aren't I? Dude, you've been making fun of forest the whole time. You have.

People like that. They message me and say, make fun of forest more often. That's just me sending you that message. Oh, so what, Peter, what's the distinction between brown fat and white fat? Nobody knows what you're talking about. I have no clue. That's why we have an excellent. expert in brown fat and white fat with them. What is it for us? You must know. Definitely,

definitely not my role as a wildlife biologist is to know about fat just so you know. But I actually, that being said, I know a little bit about it. Brown fat, it's also known as adoptive or a brown tissue, I mean. It's one of the two types of fat. So right, reach your step, reach down, grab your stomach, feel that jelly roll. Peter, I'm talking to you. That's white fat. And that's unhealthy fat. Brown fat is a fat that is actually used just to heat our body when we're cold. To produce, yeah, it's interesting. The way it works is like to produce heat, brown fat cells actually burn energy. So it's, you know, then that's why in a cold environment, we don't just freeze over straight away. And the one thing I do know is that you can actually brown your fat.

So you can actually do exercise to turn white fat into browner fat or into fat that behaves as brown fat. So that's pretty cool. So that's what the diving in the freezing water basically is. It's the, it's the perfect exercise, builds brown fat and crushes white. Maybe except like I know a guy who's literally the world's best free dive spear fisherman whose name rhymes with dry and fryers and, because I don't want to call him out. And Mr. Mr. Drian or whatever I just said is really chubby. And I don't know why he's such a good free diver. Maybe he's just covered in brown fat. Well, Forrest, we're going to need some brown fat this weekend. Peter, you're invited.

We're going to, Forrest and I, while you were just going to get your 17th cocktail of the day, decided we're going to go on a little social distancing camping trip this weekend. That's right. You should come with. Wow. Thank you for inviting me. But no. I follow the rules, guys.

Thanks. You guys can go get coronavirus together. We're going to stay at least six feet away from each other. Although I just asked Forrest if I could sleep in his tent with him. Yeah. Are you going to bring your dog? Both of you? Yeah.

Yeah, dogs are coming. Dog's going to be great. Forrest, your dog is 97 in dog years. Will he make it? One of our dogs is. My normal dog's only six. Like our main dog. Oh, your main dog.

Okay. Yeah. But that's why I can't come because I wouldn't make it. I have a couple dogs. Speaking of dogs, did you guys see this fantastic news about Norwal, the unicorn puppy? Oh, yeah. He's so cute. Norval?

Norval. Not Norwal. He's named after the animal. Named after the whale with a tusk. Yes. Narwhal the unicorn puppy. Peter, check this out. It is a puppy.

Look at this guy. He has a tail growing out of his forehead. It is the key, but it's so cute despite the fact that he has a tail growing right between his eyes. It only makes him cuter. Do you guys think it wags? It does not wag. I look at this. Wait, how do you guys know it doesn't weigh?

It's known. It's the second line in the article on CNN.com. A picture. Okay, all right. So what's going on here for us? Yeah, well, it's, um, first of all, it's adorable. And if I could have a puppy with a tail growing out of his face, I would. Um, but yeah, my understanding is just that, you know, this is a genetic mutation. The same as, you know, sometimes someone gets an extra toe on their foot or, uh, you know, everybody's seen that chick on Instagram with two belly buttons or whatever. It's, it's that kind of thing. But this is not a functional tail, right? There's no bones protruding out of his forehead that make it wag when he's happy or

or go down when he's sad. This is literally just a fleshy skin appendage that has happened to have grown directly out of his forehead. It's a 10-week-old doxand terrier mix who has found shivering in the cold along with his father, who they've named Papa Smurf. Kind of interesting that he was with his dad and not his mom. What do you think happened there? That's weird. Yeah, I didn't actually know about that part. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe abandoned by the bitch. I mean, maybe she was a crackhead and the dad was like, we got to get out of here, no, wall. That's right. So he was a stray puppy? Is that? And he was rescued? Is that what's going? Yeah, they found, they found him shivering in the cold in somewhere in Missouri, in rural Missouri.

And he had frostbite on one paw, but he's recovering from that. He's 10 weeks old. They've already had over 50 applications. for his adoption. Not ready yet, a little too young, a couple weeks from now. Nice. Well, guys are going to get adopted. But he was with his papa. Yeah. That's cute. I'm guessing that, you know, the bitch, the mother, that is coming off wrong, but that is the appropriate term for a female dog. The socially correct. I'm guessing, yeah, she ran away or something happened to her given they were strays, and the paternal, the dad, ended up taking on the pup for a little bit before they were rescued, which they do do. I mean, it's like the exact opposite of the Shaq Shaquille O'Neal's song, Biological

Didn't Bother, you know? Is that a real song? Yeah, it was Shaquille O'Neal put out a rap album or multiple, and one of his hit songs was called Biological Didn't Bother. Amazing. I did not know that. If you can imagine this, he rhymed bother with father in the song. No, I figured it as much.

Unbelievable. Do not believe. Peter, we need the listeners to see Narwhal the puppy. I think this is important. So we're going to have to put up a picture of Narwhal, the puppy, on thewildtimes.com on our social channels. And I'd like the listeners to tell us whether they would want a puppy with a tail growing out of his forehead or not. Speaking of listener feedback, it's been great.

We really appreciate all the comments and the emails and everything. It's making it a lot of fun for us. You get a couple questions. I'm blown away by the amount that you guys that are listening are writing in and support. us and really thank you everyone oh man it's the art yeah the artwork how great is the art yeah it's incredible people are yeah the artwork the the the it just all of it it's it's been absolutely amazing how much support we're seeing from everybody and how much people are enjoying this podcast so thank you everyone really huge shout out to at a milk away of life on instagram who's done three battle royale

artworks now love you man or lady i mean it's it's clearly a female but sure uh yeah but we did get a couple user questions. Forrest, this one's near and dear to my heart because I was with you on this, and we had this discussion. Let's do it. The Madagascar Dwarf Hippo episode of Extincter Alive. Mm-hmm. Had a good time. That was our second time in Madagascar together. That's right. We had a pretty good time, minus the shitting of the pants. Oh, so much. Wait. The Madagascar, we all got violently sick and it became a badge of honor, of like which day it was that you were the one who shit your pants that day.

It ran a train through the crew. It was the most, whatever that is, like coronavirus has nothing on how contagious that thing was. It was insane, dude. It was so bad. Whatever like Malagasy bacteria we all obtained. So the question is, the Madagascar Dwarf Hippo episode

of ERA, neither you nor Courtney, who was your co-scientist in that episode, neither of you were wearing sunscreen and were both very red. As a pale Irishman, it made me hurt. Are you just used to it from being from Africa? What an astute observation. To the listener that submitted that question, you are correct. I never wear sunscreen.

And if you are an avid fan of Extincter Alive, you'll notice I am beat red like 90% of the time. Sounds dangerous. No sunscreen. That's crazy, man. Look, hey, here's a theory for you, Peter. stick this one in your back pocket. Okay. Skin cancer only came around after the invention of sunscreen. Wow.

Did not know. True story. Didn't know that. Only because of the timeline and not because of the creation of sunscreen, but still. Wait, so your position is definitely that sunscreen causes skin cancer then. It's not, but I do not. Well, you never know. But I don't wear sunscreen.

I don't like it. I do have African skin. I'm usually pretty tan or pretty dark, but I hate the feeling of being covered in greasy sunscreen won't do it. I am also not nearly as fair as Courtney who looked like she was being cooked alive. And she was so lathered in sunscreen the entire time. She was, yeah. There was nothing she could do out there.

Like she was dead. Yeah, and let's be clear, like the southern Malagasy sun where we were is, it's hard to explain how harsh it is. Right. You step into it and you can kind of like feel your skin drying out and cracking because of the heat that it puts off. I mean, the radiation from it is insane. It is terrible. Yeah, I mean, like, even in California versus Chicago Midwest area, the sun out here, if you're out there for like 30 minutes, you get just fried. I couldn't even imagine down yonder. We can tell based on your

complexion that you cannot imagine. I have not been outside in two months because I am a rule follower and will not go camping this weekend with you two rule breaker. Your face is so white. I mean, it's like see-through. You look like a newborn fish. Like, I can see. Inside. I think that's a compliment. Thank you. The first one I've received in five podcasts. Six. Here's another listener question, Forrest. Has Forrest ever thought about calling himself the wildlife broologist? Oh, boy. Peter screenshot this question that came in and sent it to me at 4.40 a.m. And by 4.41 a.m., my profile had been updated online to Wildlife Brollologist. Did you? Did you really? No, I didn't. But I want to because it's so good.

Definitely. Yeah, whoever thought that up, that is amazing. Wildlife broologist is freaking awesome. And the best thing about being a wildlife broologist is it takes no credentials. Like, you don't have to go to school for many, many years. You can be a broologist just off the bat. You need to do essentially nothing but be a bro and chug some bruskeys. That's right.

It's amazing. Yeah, no, that is, God, that is the sharpest thing that I have seen come across my desk in a very long time. It's funny you mention that for us because I've known Peter a lot longer than you have. I'm very used to the 5 o'clock a.m., 6 o'clock a.m., a lot of times 10 a.m. when I'm already up for the next day, barrage of texts. Uh-huh. For you, it's kind of new. Have you adapted and started doing Do Not Disturb when you go to bed? Yes. Yeah, my phone, because of Peter alone, goes on silent when I go to bed. That's because I'm a go-getter. Just because I'm talking about the podcast, all these people are sending stuff.

Somebody texted me at 2 a.m. on Monday. Hey, where's the new podcast? I'm still editing it. You are no-turn. morning. I am nocturnal. You are nocturnal. That's what I'm just a harder worker than you when it comes to technology things. Did you really get a 2 a.m. message saying, hey, is the podcast up yet? Swear to God, on Instagram. Right. Two hours into the day on Monday, you mean, right? Yeah. When I was seriously. Sunday night, technically. By the way, when I was furiously editing your complete fuck up, Patrick, sorry. Unplugged the mic mid podcast. Unbelievable. Any retort to that?

I unplugged my mic accidentally. It was, it wasn't an accident. It was a mistake. I'm very ashamed. It was an embarrassment. I'm glad. You should be ashamed. Peter, should we get him off the podcast? Like, are we done with him?

Now, we need him. Unfortunately, we need him. Speaking of needing, Patrick, I'm going to flip our podcast on its head for a moment here. Are you guys ready for this? Right? I'm always the guy under the spotlight here being like, hey, scientist guy, here's a question for you. Well, Patrick, how many hours of television of ghost programming have you say that you've made? Oh, man. A couple hundred hours for sure, if not probably close to 300.

300 hours of ghost programming. A lot of episodes of a lot of different fucking ghost shows. Let me riddle you this then, because this is not my forte whatsoever. In Indonesia, the government locked some violators of coming out during the quarantine into a quote-unquote haunted house for two weeks as punishment. This is a real thing. Nice. That's why we have a constitution in the U.S. That sounds like cruel and unusual. Thank you, Indonesia. Let's keep in mind.

This is on the governmental level. This is an Indonesian politician that decided to scare rule breakers straight by locking them in a haunted house. I love him. Wish he was our president. Wow. I want to, I just, Patrick, take us away on this. Like, as our resident ghost expert, what?

Haunted houses. Are they real? Yeah. Is this a known strategy? Is this going to work? So I think I would start by saying, look. It's a great strategy because I don't know what the stats are in Indonesia, but in the U.S., more than half of adults believe in ghosts, right? I think it's something like 52%.

Stanford weirdly did a study a few years ago about it. Real research on that shit. So if you believe in ghosts and your punishment for breaking quarantine is to be locked into a whatever has been built up as the most haunted house in that area, I could see that being quite effective. For sure. You know, having been, you know, earlier in my career, I used to work on the types of shows where a team goes in and investigates a haunted location and you talk to the homeowner and they tell you all the stories. And they're very convinced and very terrified the home they live in is haunted. I really, I remember really specifically going to this huge old, like 150 year old stone mansion, uh, in Pennsylvania. And it was confirmed we knew going in that a young girl that had gone missing in the neighborhood,

had been kept in that house locked in a bedroom and eventually killed by a mentally unwell man like 30 years before. So the guy and his kids who we'd interviewed had said there's just one hallway, there's a door at the end of it. Nobody goes anywhere near it. They've all heard voices. They've heard crying. They've seen the ghost of a little girl, whatever. So I remember I went into the room because I was trying to figure out how we wanted to light it. And I realized everyone had left the room and I was in there all by myself. And I started thinking to myself, like, is this weird? Is there a weird energy in this room? And I started to feel like, oh my God, there is something weird. This feels heavy. This, it was like getting on top of me a little bit.

Somebody called me over the walkie talkie to ask a question like, you know, how many light stands do we need? What lights do you want? Whatever. So I get into this very technical conversation for about 30 seconds. It snapped me out of it. And I was like, oh, there's nothing weird about this room. So totally placebo effect. You were talking to yourself. Out of all those stories, though, I mean, hundreds of hours of investigating this stuff and being on set and seeing and hearing all these people's stories and actually watching the footage is the verdict that it's all bullshit or that there might actually be something. I probably more than anyone in the world want ghosts to be real. Like, it would be so great to be like, holy shit, there's, I've just

witnessed proof of an afterlife. How fantastic would that be? Truthfully, whenever I've filmed the show, any of the shows, I've never seen, heard, felt anything. that made me say, oh, I believe in ghosts. I mean, I've personally had two experiences outside of that that I would classify under the I can't explain them. Have you guys ever had sort of a paranormal experience of any kind? I've had one thing that I would consider to be unexplainable. Now, as a scientist, it's so hard for me to use the word paranormal and, like, it just goes against everything that, like, I'm kind of a study and believe in. But I've had one instance in Africa as a young boy.

Let's get into it. Actually, two. And I'll tell you one very, very briefly that I thought was interesting. We were in the Amazon, circa, like, 2009. And our little Indian guide who, like native Amazonian Indian was like, oh, you know, I had a dream last night of a woman in a white dress, which means we're going to see a big snake and it's going to rain today. Okay. It was like 85 degrees out and sunny. And so that's sort of a tribal belief. If you see a woman in a white dress, that's what it means? That's what he said. And we literally, we'd been there for like three days. And it had rained a little bit on and off, but like no downpours or anything like that. And it was like 85 degrees blaring sun. And we hadn't seen a single anaconda in a week and a half of an expedition.

So we're like, all right, his name was Fausto. We're like, sure, Fausto. I kid you not, an hour later, we found a 20 foot long anaconda. And two hours after that, it started raining and didn't stop for a day and a half. Wow. And nothing about the way that day started would have indicated. Today's a good snake day or it looks like it's going to rain. it was exactly the same as the prior six days had been and the following four or five were.

Like literally it was exactly, we went to the same areas we were hunting for reptiles and did the same hikes and everything else. Like none of it made sense. Wow, that's cool. What's the other one? So the other one, when I was a little kid, there was a witch doctor on our farm. So I grew up on a farm in Zimbabwe. We had 200 workers and there was a witch doctor. And they were very, very spiritual and they believed very much in, well, just all the lore.

that was surrounding witch doctors. And I kind of speak on Shauna culture and what their exact religious beliefs were, but certainly actual witch doctor medicine. And when I was a little boy, I was basically told that I needed to learn from my ancestors. And then I remember vividly, and to this day, I don't remember whether it was a dream

or whether it was real. But I remember going out on the balcony on our second story of our home and looking up at the sky and seeing an old man in the sky start talking to me. And I froze in fear and fell down. I couldn't even speak. I was so terrified. And this man told me basically, it was almost like he didn't speak, but I knew what he was saying. And that was that I needed to kind of shape up and stop being

such a brat, basically. Didn't stick, though, did it? Obviously not. But the weird thing was, like, to this day, as an adult, I was very young. I mean, I must have been seven or eight years old. I still don't know whether that was real or if it was a dream. Like, I don't remember if it, I know what happened at night. I don't remember if I put my head down on the pillow that night. I I don't remember if I woke up that morning or if I went out there after having dinner, I don't remember any part of it except how vivid this kind of figure appearing in the sky was that night. Whoa.

How old were you? What you think? I guess with like eight or nine. Okay. Pretty impressionable. I mean, that's old enough to kind of know what's going on though. I mean, you know the difference typically between something you really saw or something you didn't.

Yeah, but it's so long ago. I mean, that's what I mean. And as a scientist, like, supernatural is like, you know, I can, I rationalize all that stuff, right like in the amazon it rains hard you know that's not it's not a miracle that it rained and we know there's anacondas there we were out looking for them it's not a miracle we found him you know i was eight years old i probably had a nightmare you know i rationalized it all right right right what were yours there's been two but the the most recent one i think is the more interesting i was sitting out uh on my porch i used to live in a beachwood canyon in a house with a bunch of stand-up comedians it was called

the compound because nobody had a key nobody even knew who lived there was just sort of this amorphous shit show of transient comedians who lived in this house in L.A. So I was sitting out on the porch with a couple friends. And my friend Nick was talking about, we were having this exact conversation. And he was talking about a weird thing that happened when his father died. Or just before his father died and how it was just telling this whole long story about his father looking around the room and saying, you don't see the angels. It was very strange.

And as he's telling the story, right next to the porch is the driveway. And all of a sudden, heavy metal music just starts blasting out of one of the cars. Like, as he's telling the story about his father, just do it. All of a sudden, like this metallic song is playing full volume out of one of the cars that's right next to the porch. Startles the shit out of everyone. Wow. Shit. So we all talk about it for a second.

We go over. It's my buddy Owen's car. And we all go over to the car. And there's no key in the ignition. He's like, I've never listened to a heavy metal station. And it just is blasting heavy metal music with no key in the ignition. The radio's on. That's nuts.

We can't get it to, you know, we could turn the volume down, but we can't get it to turn off. He goes in, gets the key, turns it, turns it back. It goes off. Now that's fucking paranormal right there because that's an impossible thing. The timing of it was so fucking weird. The one thing I would say it was a pretty old used car. So like it wasn't like it was like a brand new BMW. but the timing and just the way that it happened was so bizarre that easy to say coincidence

but also easy if you were there to say there's something weird going on there. That's the thing. And Peter, I want to ask you before I start justifying it as a scientist, have you ever had any weird supernatural type things that you want to talk about? Very, very insane on mushrooms one time. Violent anxiety black demon blob took over my body and my soul. I was camping in the mountains of Arizona. at a place called 10 High. And it was unbelievable.

Thought I was done forever for life. I thought I was just never coming back. Considered jumping into the Grand Canyon. But not sober. No, not that I can remember anyway. I mean, look, we can, I think we should definitely get into the whole mushroom thing on another podcast because we need to take a deep dive there. I love it. I'd like to hear a lot about your drug trips, Peter.

Yeah. I have no problem talking about that. You know, I think at the end of the day, the thing about quote-unquote supernatural is you can interpret it any way you like, right? Things happen. They are coincidences. My dream, that car turning on. You know, could there be a coincidence? Absolutely. Could the car be all totally? Could I have just been a kid imagining things? Yeah. Could Fausto, the Indian guide, have just got lucky 100%. And it's up to the individual to interpret it. Or you can believe that there's supernatural forces that are creating all those things. And, you know, I think it's up to, I think it's up to you and your beliefs and how you want to see that. And my beliefs are always pretty much that there's no supernatural entity.

Sure. I mean, me too. But I think also if we look at, you know, we didn't even understand the germ theory of science for, you know, until 100 years ago. Right. Right. A lot of people who are listening, their grandparents were alive. Yeah. figured out that viruses and bacteria existed rather than just, you know, we didn't know a hundred and 25 years ago that flies were just attractive.

attracted to meat, we thought they came out of the meat. Oh my God, I've heard that one before. So I think to think that if humans were to continue on in their current form for another million years, when we look back at what we know about the universe today, we are such we're going to be laughed at like we were ants. Totally. Yeah. I'm sure I like to keep the door open for strange things.

You know, I think about this a lot. Would you guys ever have a dream? where you dream about someone you haven't talked to in quite some time, and then you either wake up to a voicemail from them or they call you that next day. Yeah, I've had that kind of thing. That happens a lot. Like, that's probably happened to me 20 times. Like more than it should, right?

Right, right. Yeah. More than coincidentally, it feels like. Yeah, some kind of energy or something that, yeah, it is weird. I'll tell you who is already looking at us like we're a primitive species and like we don't know anything. are these three aliens that were caught on film. The three definite aliens that were caught on. Is it three aliens because it's three videos,

so you've instantly made it three aliens? It's three separate little green fellas. That's possibly one. Released by the Navy of all entities. The Pentagon declassified some files. Yeah, man. This is crazy talk right here. So you guys have all seen them, yeah?

I've seen them. Yeah, they're everywhere, man. This is blowing up. They're getting close to disclosure. It's kind of big news. It's always cool. when the Pentagon just gives us a little colonel, you know? Yep.

Yep. So what did you guys think of the videos? I'm going to go hard conspiracy theorist in a minute here, which is not my typical role. Right. But let's dig into them first before I go into why I think we have access to them now. The video that I found the most interesting, I mean, they're all great. So the Pentagon declassified three videos taken by the Navy over the course of several years that appear to show UFOs.

They have audio, so it's obvious that the Navy pilots who were filming them had no idea what these crafts were, and they certainly were out of their realm of what they accepted as the laws of physics, essentially. Yep. I really, do you guys see the one where the video,

it's a 40 to 50 foot long object that's flying along the water, the surface of the water. 120 knots, they're estimating. Yeah. Super fast. Flying along the water, they're struggling to get it on their,

locked in on their, like, missile guidance screen because they were looking at shooting this fucking thing down. it's flying, it's making crazy moves that they don't understand, and you can hear the guys. It basically sounds like a bunch of Alex Graber's talking about this thing. They don't know what the fuck they're looking at. Because it defies the laws of physics, and they're confused in the moment, you know? It's the turns that they're making.

Yeah. Because they're moving side to side quick. Immediate stops. Like if you did that going 200 miles an hour, you would die. You would be smashed into the windshield. die. We need to get Bob Lazar on this podcast. Peter, can you line that up? We need to get Bob Lazar to tell us what's going on in these videos, how they're bending time and space around these objects so that they move in such an erratic way. So does it peak your interest for us? I mean,

you know, thinking scientifically, that space is a pretty big place. There's a lot of suns, a lot of stars, a lot of planets. Oh, look, do aliens exist? Absolutely. Yes. It is, it is, it is, yeah, of course they do. Are they little green men in flying ships? And that, that, I'm less certain about it. Yes. Yes. It is a, Peter, I know you're certain about it. It is a statistical improbability to say anything other than aliens exist.

I mean, there are billions of solar systems, you know, trillions of stars, all of which, you know, all it takes is the same exact thing that happened here on Earth with regards to temperature and condition and big bang to create life. And that doesn't mean, you know, if you're on an island, out in the middle of the ocean. And you've never seen anything but your island and you don't have a canoe. That doesn't, you know, why is there not another island?

You know what I mean? Yeah. And just because you, even if you have that canoe and the other island is 200 miles away, you're never going to get to that island. Yeah. You know, like you're going to die before you get to that island. And that's, to me, that's what space is for the most part.

Now, I want to circle back to our UFOs here, but are there other planets with life on it? Without a doubt, are we able to take our canoe in this day and age and get to those planets? I don't think so. We don't have the technology for that. Now, on those other planets, is their advanced life that has built a speedboat? Right. Right. Are they visiting us is the real question to pause. Yeah, and they might just be a million years ahead of us in evolution. Totally. Totally. And they may be humanoid. They may be completely different. We have no idea. And I think, you know, when UFO stands for unidentified flying

object, right? And that's exactly what those are. They are unidentified. It doesn't mean that they are from out of space. It doesn't, we have no idea what they are. It could be a comet that's rocketing through our solar system. I mean, who knows? Not a comment. It could be Peter's flying whale that's breathing fire with its dragon wings that can move 150 miles an hour. Like we, and so to ask me as a scientist, does it interest me? Of course, anything biological that's unidentified is fascinating. I would love to identify it. Now, that is not my field and I know nothing about it. Or, you even how to begin to track something like that down. But boy, would it be cool to figure out what it is.

It's interesting, though, to think, okay, you know, just the way that we think about distance and travel, right? You can only go a certain speed, even in space, you know, I think it's a nine or ten month one-way trip for us to even get to Mars, right? Right. What we know of life on Earth, everything is carbon-based. Carbon is one of the elements that has an extremely short half-life. It's as compared to a metal or something like that.

carbon degrades very quickly. So to think that something would have come from another solar system, either they've figured out a way to travel thousands and thousands of times faster than anything we can conceive of, or their life form would have to be based out of something other than carbon theoretically, right? Right. Something, I mean, are you Michael Bay? Because you just described transformers, right?

You're made out of metal, but you're an organic, you know, but you're an organic organism and you can travel through space at rapid speed. and live forever. And I, totally. Like, what's to say that there aren't metallic creatures? I mean, it might not be metal as we know it, rigid, lifeless metal. But what's to say that there isn't something composed of the same shit that our refrigerator is made out of, to some degree that's alive somewhere else?

What would it do to society if, okay, Pentagon Video's cool, they're interesting, they're mysterious. Like, in front of everybody at the gay pride parade in West Hollywood, uh, a fucking flying saucer lands and a bunch of little green men came out and did the rope. Well, we've all seen Mars attacks, so that's exactly what would happen. We'd be like, we'll come in peace and to them peace, the word peace means war, and then they just kill everybody, obviously. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, but do you think realistically, like, would society degrade? Would it bring us together? Would people stop being religious and believing in God? Like, what do you think would happen? No, absolutely not, dude. Look at coronavirus. People are more, it's been politicized so hard that people are more divided than ever, and it has nothing to do with politics.

Are you kidding me? This would be the biggest division in the history of humanity if this happened, in my opinion. It would be interesting because it would flip Christianity and I think most religions, for that matter, on its head, right? That says creationism. And so that, I mean, that's the foundation for war. Is it not to tell someone their religion is wrong? Isn't that basically the foundation for war? And I have to imagine, as much as I hate to ever agree with Peter on literally anything.

Right. That he's right in this situation. Love it. Yeah, I think he's right. It would be scary. I think it would be scary. And that actually brings me back to what I was going to mention earlier is I think the reason that it's funny. I'm not big into the conspiracy theories.

But why now is the Pentagon releasing UFO videos? Is there anything else topical going on in the world that maybe we could use a little distraction from and maybe take our eyes off of the government? I can't think of a thing. Nothing. No. Interesting. Yeah, government's doing a good job, and, you know, let's just focus on that. At all levels. At all levels. We're not, we are not shitting on Trump by any means.

We are just all disappointed in leaders of all parties and state, local, and federal. Thanks, China. You know what time it is, guys? I know what time it is. I think it's time for the Battle Royale. What? Battle Royale. I had no idea. Battle Royale. So, on our topic,

of aliens, extraterrestrials, UFOs, things stranded in the middle of haunted houses and elsewhere, we are going to create for Battle Royale our perfect survival animal. Oh boy. Let me paint you a picture here, gentlemen. You are stuck on an island, deserted island, out in the middle of the ocean, and you have to put together three parts of an animal to create the perfect survival buddy, an animal that will aid you in your survival on that island, Peter, take us away. Ah, man, this is a tough one,

and I got to go first, but advantages you guys can't use any of my animal parts. So, I'm going to start off with the body of a cheetah. All right, we're going to go with the body of a cheetah. Okay. Any reason or just because you like them? Of course there's a reason.

Of course there's a reason. The reason is that cheetahs are a big cat, and cats are amazing and fun and cuddly, survivalism wise, he would be super fucking fast. And when I say body, I mean the legs and body of a cheetah. Which helps you on an island because... Because they'll be hunting, obviously, dumb dumbedown. Obviously.

Cheetahs do bring things back to their sort of trees and dens, right? Yeah, that's fine. Okay, I get it. I get it. Great speed advantage. All right? It would have the head of Patrick DeLuca because he's a good friend and I'd like to have him there for companionship. That's the right call. Does it also have my brain or just my head? No, no, it has the brain, the vocal cords, everything. Because you're, I mean, I hate to admit it, but you're kind of smart. So I feel like you could help. Good call vote for Peter.

This is a better creation of Patrick. This is a better Patrick. And it is going to have the hind quarter area of Forrest's Beard, just because I kind of want to pet it. Wow. That's it. I definitely thought you were going to say the hind quarter of like Jennifer Lopez. Or, Oh my goodness.

What kind of sick? I would not be having sex with my creation. So you've created a very fast, sarcastic hunter that has now been stripped of its sharp fangs. So I have to try and bite things with my human teeth. And then it just has something you can touch to get rid of your anxiety on its buttock. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a good move.

It's good. Wow. A lot of thought went into this one, huh, Peter? Yeah. I've been thinking about this for years. All right, I'll go. Oh, shit. If you take mine, I'm going to be so pissed.

Mr. Broologist. I'm going to go so that Patrick Gartes steal the best things. Oh, you fuck. There's one thing that if you take, I'm going to lose my mind. Fucker. Okay, let's see. I'm hoping it is.

I am going to go. God, mine is so much more logical than yours, Peter. No. It's not. Body of a dolphin. Because who doesn't want a dolphin when you're stuck on an island who can go out and hunt fish for you. Interesting.

So, body of a dolphin. All right. Okay. Stay with me now. My head. But this dolphin has the utter of a cow so that I can milk it for nourishment. Now does it have the mammary glands as well or no? I think so.

Yeah, just a big, just a big floppy utter hanging off this large gray dolphin. But you got to, it needs to, you're going to have to provide sustenance. That utter boy. It's going to, what do you want milk? You need water. God. I can survive. I'm good on water guy who chose my beard for the rear end of the cheetah.

And finally, finally, I will give this for some added nourishment value, the reproductive organs of a chicken so that I can get eggs from my milk dolphin. That is smart. So you're basically making a cheddar cheese omelet every month. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Fish, eggs, and milk. That's, you built an animal. The conversation will not be great.

And the cuddle value will also not be great. I like how Forrest went straight survival, whereas Peter was like entertainment, something to just play with with his hand. Yeah, I mean, he's been on naked and afraid. Is a TV an animal? Now, there's Netflix. What have you got, Pat?

All right, so I'm going to start with the hump of a camel. Okay. Because I need, I unlike Forrest, am not 100% confident in my ability to procure fresh drinking water. Okay, but how are you going to get it out of the hump? Are you going to have the hump on your own body? Are you going to kill the camel? I'll just get it the way.

I'll just, I'll tap in with some sharp tools and a straw. So I'm going to use the camel's ability to keep water in their hump, which is going to help me a lot. Zero so far. I may change the head of my animal after this. You can't. You can't. It's too late. You've already gone.

Bad brain. I'm then going to. give it the brain and body of Bobby Flee. Again, it's a Bobby Flee. Because he's really good. If you've ever been to his restaurants, he cooks just some great meals. He's pretty witty. Right, right.

Yeah, he's pretty funny. It'll keep company. And he's going to be making great meals with whatever we were able to get from the ground. And so to do that, I'm going to take the scent glands. Oh, boy. of a wild boar because I like me some truffle. Bobby Flay the truffle pig, the camelie truffle pig.

What the fuck is happening? I'm having gourmet truffle-infused meals with all the water I need to hydrate myself and having a laugh a minute with Bobby Flay. All right. It's understandable. I mean, that's ludicrous. My animal is more reasonable, like, reality speaking, because I'm still curious how you're going to get the water out of this camel's hump.

I'll just cut the hump off when I'm really thirsty. But I do love how Forrest is going to be having milk, eggs, just like living it up every morning, fish. I'm also going to be the first one to go insane because I'm the only one who didn't pick a human characteristic for a companion. Well, I'm dittling myself and talking to rock. I'm looking forward. Hopefully, a milk away of life does some drawings of these creatures, which we do post on the Wild Times podcast and our Instagram. because I've clearly won this one, so vote for me. Vote for me on iTunes because mine was the best, obviously.

Forest's beard as the hindquarters. Come on. I can pet it. I can squeeze it. And I'm talking about the beard in the condition it's in right now. It's like a six-month-old beard right now. There's a little gray in there. It's quirky.

However long quarantine has been, it is getting real bushy. But to Patrick's point, if you do like our battle royal creatures, please do draw them and we will post them. But more importantly, go and leave us a five-star review on iTunes. Help us out. The podcast is going so well. People are loving it. And if you do, a randomly picked winner, who votes for me and not the other two,

will, a randomly picked winner will win a brand new set of electric sunglasses. They are dope, polarized sunglasses made in Southern California. They're really sweet. They are sponsoring the podcast. couple hundred dollar value for a sweet pair of shades make men's and women's go and leave us a review well that brings us to our giveaway we've promised you this and forest i believe uh what is it the heck suit this week it is a hex suit Patrick the absolutely awesome suit that blocks your body's naturally occurring electrical energy signal get you closer to wildlife have a more intimate interaction in the

outdoors catch that squirrel that's been bothering you that's right you uh you can walk right up to it um And so the winner, Boom. Hedgechuck, whoever you are. All you have to do is contact us on social media at Wild Times Pod on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, or email us at contact at thewildtimespodcast.com to claim your prize. Wow. What did Hedgechuk say about us?

This is a very promising new podcast from some great guys. who you can tell are real life friends and have a passion for animals in nature. I'm just getting into it, but I'd like to throw my belated support behind the bat. And with regards to episode three, I'll vote for the elephant. Yeah, all right, boy.

I paused because I was like, ah, should I just change it? I don't want to give peer credit for anything here. I heard you pause, dude. You would never do such a thing. You're a factual man, a biologist. You don't want to do that. The bat wins.

Well, good for Hedgechuck. Got the heck soon. We still have a bunch of prizes to give away. Really, it's just for us, awesome sponsors, helping us out. Love the comments. Let's make it a community. We are going to get into all sorts of additional shit. The podcast is just the start.

So become part of it, man. Hit us up, social media, right? Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. What's our handles, Peter? Because I don't know how it works. At Wild Times Pod on everything. Because I'm a smart guy. Made it all the same.

At Wild Times Pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Hit us up, message us. I pass this to the guys, anything you send us. We'll fucking love it. We will love it. Yeah, it's great. We love having people reach out to us. And we're going to have some of our listeners on the podcast.

I mean, there's just so much stuff. It's fun having you guys involved. A lot of the comments that we're seeing say that it's like being in the room with us. And that's the goal here, guys. Like, if you're enjoying the podcast, if you like the topics that we're talking about, we love hearing from you just as much as you guys enjoy tuning into the podcast. So thank you very much. I prefer hearing from fans rather than hearing from you two.

So keep it up. Thanks. By the way, I'm excited for us to all be in the same room together one day. One day. These days. One day. Me too. Where it all started when we could all get in one room together and record a podcast and not have to do it over Zoom. Just to smell each other's musk.

To touch that beard for Christ's sake. Yeah, you know, God. The day that the quarantines are lifted, this beard is getting a trim again. This is a quarantine beard, Peter. Clearly Peter wants to fondelle. Yeah. Peter, what would you do with this beard if you could? I would shave it off and glue it together and stick it on my dog's butt so I could pet it daily.

I just don't think petting it is what you do with it. What would you do with it? Patrick. I'm so fucking confused by everything that's going on right now because I paid $84 today to get my dog a haircut. And yet I'm unable to procure a haircut by myself. my hair is ridiculous. It's a buffont. Yes.

I don't feel good, knowing that it's up on top of my face. I'm really not myself these days, and I'm just growing it out. Forrest, I did, I'm actually taking your advice. You told me, don't shampoo every day when your hair gets long. You got to let the oils manifest. Let it get oily so you can just go full Einstein hair. Let me see your hair. What do you got going up top right now?

Oh, here we go. Oh, boy. It's getting. Oh, yeah. It's getting real long. Hold on. Damn, that's a... Let me get a look at this.

That's a lion's mane, sir. Yeah, that is... That's like back to the premier party length. Yeah, yeah. You're really starting to look like an animal, that's for sure. Very feral. Like a very homeless animal. How many days a week do you shampoo it?

Probably like once-ish. I just use soap. I'm just head to toe soap. Bar soap? Bar soap, yeah. You just got your hair. The skin of the armadillo. Yeah.

Bar soap, no sunscreen, no lotion, for God's sakes. Never, literally never in my life. Yeah, for all the lovely, crunchy granola chicks that like to hit me up on Instagram and tell me how freaking awesome and hot I am, I'm a mess. Like, there is very little grooming that goes into this, so just give up. Yeah. So you don't put a moisturizing lotion on your penis every day? Literally, literally never.

Is this a daily thing for you? Dude, you should just. I'm worried about you. Your penis probably feels like cat tongue. It's my penis is mostly cat tongue. That's correct. Well, this has been lovely. Forrest, you know, maybe we'll go camping this week,

and it sounds like we sure are going to. We will stay six feet away from each other. We will be safe. We will until we get really drunk and start sharing liquor. And kisses. As long as we throw it to each other, it's fine. That's right. That's right.

It's been a blast, Forrest. I'll call you tomorrow. We'll make plans for camping. Social distancing. camping. It's going to be fun. The dogs will play and touch, but we won't get it from them. And so will Pat and Forest play and touch. I'll report back with results and pictures in the next week or two. Thank you, everybody. See ya. Love you guys. Good night. Love you guys. Bye-bye. Good night.