Wild Times: Wildlife Education - "Mermaid" Washed Up on Beach in Papua New Guinea - The Wild Times Ep. 136

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

This week we discuss a "mermaid" that washed up on a beach in Papua New Guinea, play the ultimate crossover game, and Patrick cures Peter of hiccups. Prize Picks: First deposit match up to $100! www.PrizePicks.com/wild Rocket Money: Cancel unwanted subscriptions https://rocketmoney.com/wildtimes DUER: Get 15% off sitewide https://shopduer.com/wild Mint Mobile: Get a new wireless plan for just $15/mo www.mintmobile.com/wildtimes Subscribe to The Wild Times Podcast on YouTube ▶▶ https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPod Get YouTube Membership Perks ▶▶ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVl7fHhUOpFK8Mpv-6DdoOg/join Get Up To 4 Bonus Podcasts Per Month ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/wildtimespod Watch More Episodes Here ▶▶ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP... Visit https://thewildtimespodcast.com/ now! Join The Wild Times Discord Server: https://discord.gg/ytzKBbC9Db Get your Wild Times Podcast merch: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch Leave a review on iTunes Apple Podcast: https://thewildtimespodcast.com/itune... Follow The Wild Times Podcast on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wildtimespod/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wildtimespod Twitter: https://twitter.com/WildTimesPod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wildtimespod/ Listen to The Wild Times Podcast on: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2cbFBzf... Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Google: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0... Anchor.fm: https://anchor.fm/wildtimespod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WildTimesPod Enjoy, brosteners! TWT 136 - The Breakdown 00:00 - Intro 01:50 - Mermaid Globster in PNG 16:40 - Ultimate Crossover Game 33:55 - The Body Compensates 39:40 - Top 3 & DFL Airports 49:48 - How To Cure Hiccups 57:00 - Battle Royale 1:06:40 - Outro Jingles made by: www.soundcloud.com/mimmkey https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/fat-tire/ #wildtimespod #podcast

You said this place was steps from the water. We just haven't found the steps yet. How much did we save? Enough. Enough to get lost. Or you could book a stay with Hilton. Welcome to your oceanfront room. Just steps from the water.

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Wild times. Charlie was sitting on the pillow, and now he's behind my head. Did you guys know that I say wild times in that intro? I did. Wild Time. I could tell that was you. All right, here we are, Wild Times podcast.

Welcome back, everybody. Yeah. I'm your host, Forrest, the broologist, sitting on my left is Papa P himself, the producer. Hello. And to the left of him, stage right. Peter, winking at me and looking very grimace. I'm just going to get this in right off the top.

I'm really excited about the new experience a la Wild Times site. Go to Wild Times. Oh, there's crazy squirrel fight. I'll kill. I'll kill. In your orange tree. You haven't moved them since the last spot. Whoa, look at this.

That's some insane action going on. Wild Times. It pulls his camera out. Wild Times. Wild Times. Cloud. Forward slash info to check out the Wild Times experience. Virtual room.

Our friends at Ruckup Media and us have been going back and forth for a couple months. now to create this amazing space. You can go in there, play games. You can unlock secret areas, and you can get yourself. Kyle, why are you giggling like a small girl? A hefty discount to our shop. Sorry, Peter. What's so funny?

It's okay. Just Patrick blurting out to this crazy squirrels. He's like a child who wanders into a theater. I'm looking directly to an orange tree, and I see two squirrels fall from the sky. There they go. They're doing it again. This is one of the gnarliest fights I've ever seen. Dude, one of them is protecting the oranges.

Yeah. Well, your decoy owls aren't doing it. I'll go out there and fucking punch those squirrels. I mean, this has to be cut off. We got to cut the sound. So, Forrest, I'm going to jump right into a news thing. Let's do it. I'm going to ignore the fucking action, the hot squirrel action that's in front of me here.

What's in the news? All right, I just need to get your eyes on this. Yeah. It's been trending. Papua New Guinea, a place near and dear to your heart. Love it. Well, experts are baffled. It's a mystery.

And I'm calling it an actual mermaid that washed up on the beach. Oh, good Lord. Let's take a look here. A siren. Second big mermaid mystery we've had. All right. A couple months. We're coming in hot with the pictures. You tell me what you're seeing there.

Seeing something that looks very smelly. It's a giant crayfish. That's something that's very decomposed. It's elongated. you can see where the mermaid idea comes from because it has that back end that has the split fin. What if Ariel in the Little Mermaid was this?

Oh, this looks so... It should be hideous. So, it definitely stinks. Yeah. So what are we... There's some scale there. What is it 10 feet long? For scale, I'd say it's, yeah, 12-ish feet long.

You see a bunch of people standing behind it there. For scale. Yeah, and, you know, even the fins are pretty wide. Like the flippers are probably, I don't know, four feet apart. and there's a bunch of locals poking it with a stick. Why is it so white? Is that just...

From the decomposition. And, okay. It's pretty big. It must be... It's big. It's bigger than 12 feet, I'd say. And yeah, I mean, you can see it washed up ashore here. So what am I seeing?

It's definitely mammalian. I think that goes without saying. Did you say it's an alien? Yep, that's what I said. I'd say it's definitely a mammal. I think that goes without saying. It's got that like blubberish look. You know, if you see a shark, a whale,

carcass that's been torn to shreds by shark. It has all that stringy white sort of blubbery flesh like that. Okay. I mean, it's certainly impossible to say what it is. It's big. Cetation. Cetation. Yeah, some sort of whale or something that's mostly decomposed, but still has that, uh, that, you know, that structure to it. What's weird is you don't get the side fins, you don't get the top half of the body. You just have that back part. So an expert named Gregory Scomel said he thinks from the pictures he's seeing, what looks like a trachea on the maritime mystery. Interesting. Where would the trachea be?

Maybe is it that bottom right picture? No, see it on the right there. Oh, yeah. So what does that mean? So in that region, albeit they're becoming more and more rare. Gotcha. Like you said, it's mammalian?

Yes, it's an alien. That's what I said. It's most likely a decomposed dugong, which is kind of, you know, like a manatee. But see how the fins are split there? Kyle, pull up a dugong image, that's not what their back end looks like. So I don't know if you can, so see how it does have that split, but it's very like flat split on the decomposed creature. So that part sort of throws it away. But that's a very, I mean, they were literally called

sea cows because people thought of them as being these like sea mythical animals, you know, that that is a capy bearer of the sea. Dorbs, isn't it? Utterly cute. Identical to a capy. I'm going to say that's what it is all decomposed. Shocking that it wouldn't get eaten there, to be honest. I got to say, so the locals found it and then they quit.

I don't know why, but they immediately buried it. Well, probably stank like high hell. That's true. Yeah, that's good point. I thought about, like, my mind first went to like for some ritual thing because I'm an ignorant idiot. And then it's like, oh, no, they did it because it stinks. I mean, it might have been the first one, but I would just guess they're like, how do we get rid of this revolting thing as quickly as possible?

Well, it's in the New York Post, too. What's the headline read exactly? Kyle, it says, bizarre mermaid creature washes a shore in Papua New Guinea. Experts baffled. Baffled. It's like they're not baffled. They've narrowed it down to like one of three things.

And they also don't care. Quickly buried by myth-loving locals. Oh, okay. So it was a myth-loving. I'm not bad-in-groom. It's a good animal mystery. Obviously not going to be solved as it rots under the ground in Papua New Guinea. But it looks very gross.

Yeah. It's also, it is also. just, you know, they don't care, I don't care, nobody cares, except for the New York Post who wanted to make a nice clickbait title. No, mysterious white mass is, by definition, considered to be a globster.

I just learned this word. Wait, what is this? From this article. Okay, yeah, I've just reading it. So, real word? Apparently, Patrick. So wait, what does it say? By definition, considered to be a globster. Yeah, I guess when a big white mass washes up, globster is the term used for masses of marine flesh that are sometimes found on beaches.

Oh, and gotcha. In varying states of decay. It's a great word, Globster. This is when you put somebody like me in charge of making words up. It's pretty insulting. Globster? Yeah. Like, if you just were like, oh, man, that guy's, that guys are real globs.

What if you want to, what if you want to rhyme a word with lobster, then you've found your word? Then it's a good word, yeah. But if you, like, low-key, we're hanging out with a bunch of marine biologists and you're like, man, cow, fuck, lobster. like gross what a mess that kid is you gotta bring that in or like if you're out like having go having beers and someone's just like kind of being dower and like not on the same mood level as that one you could be like

dude what's with globy over there yeah that's nice that's like a globster it's really degrading hey and you know what drop a rhyming word that rhymes with lobster or globster in the comments because i'd love to see what anybody can come up where nobster that's not a real word yeah but i could see myself saying that like oh no crystal like she's a snobster. Stop trying to make fetch a thing. If you were, yeah, if you were a white rapper, it would be a word. Snobster?

Yeah, that's like how little dicky rhymes. Yeah, it just comes up with something really white sounding and then turns it into a rhyming word. Took her to the restaurant for some lobster. Yeah. She was acting like a real snobster. There you go. No, that's a good lyric, my name. Okay.

Yeah, because you took her for lobster. You thought she was going to be impressed. She wasn't. Yeah. But she wasn't. Yeah, because you went to red lobster. Yes, that's where you go get lobster. No, no.

Are there other places? Yeah. Not that I'm aware of. How else am I going to spend $14 and eat enough shrimp that make me sick? All right, so let's say we're filming for, you know, Shark Week or, for us new show, whatever it is. Don't have one. We're out looking for something.

And you see that globster. Yeah. I'm over with the camera team talking about what we're going to do next. You're like walking around. You come over to me. What is, what do you want? want to do? For the TV show, what would you be like,

this is what we should film for this colobster? Honestly, my first instinct would be to like figure out a way to slice off a big piece of it and trick probably Johnny into eating it somehow. Yeah. That would be my first instinct. Yeah. TV instinct, assuming it's for Shark Week, you tie it into the theme of whatever the show is. So if it's one of those shows where you're like dispelling a myth or like, you know,

breaking down that there's a black demon. shark or a megalodon or whatever you go whoa well what could have killed something so big how why what are the bite marks what does it look like you tell a story around it examine it and then rule it out because it's shenanigans this is why I don't watch TV

and why my shows don't do that well because I'm like this is stupid Bigfoot didn't kill this whale it is not a mermaid let's get back to the science do you think if Forrest just got like obese he would he would have more popular shows what if he was just like an obese wildlife biologists some people um I think it would work

for him. Well, the rest of his body would then match his head. Every time. It's like a thing now. He looks like a chucky doll. He looks like a chucky. Do you wear a large hat? Pretty big, yeah.

I've never noticed. Is that a question? Did you guys have? Yes. Oh, wow. His face and head are enormous. It's like a thing now. I swear to God, every time I see him.

Well, see, here's a thing, mate. And I'm sorry to have to be the one that breaks us to you. You're still pretty young. What are you like? 30-something, 31? The older you get, your head just keeps getting broader and broader and bigger and bigger. I like that. I want to look like Tony Robbins way.

Yeah, you want to be built like a lollipop. Yeah, that's fantastic. All right. Well, I'm just saying. Is that mean? I don't know. I don't care because you said it. Well, I'm just saying it's going to be hard to fit into helmets.

No. You know my stats on helmets. I sent him a picture the other day. Because I was, I had just installed like a new fire stick. I was turned on Discovery Plus and extinct her alive. I was on. The helmet? The helmet.

Him literally with the most ridiculous. I'll send you this picture to pop in. Right. Yelma's face. Is it yellow or orange? Yellow. Oh, man. And what did you say? To you?

Yeah. I don't remember. You literally go fuming mad right now. Yeah, yeah. Edwin put together a pretty fun game. Oh, yeah? I think we should play it. Love some games.

Let's do it. We've played this game. Feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. Okay. I like that. What's the name of this game? What is this game called, Kyle? The ultimate crossover.

What is what these fucking shots? Okay. What is that? We're playing a game, right? Yes. Well, I need my focus. I need to think about it. This is my secret weapon.

Have I not given you these yet? No. No. What is it? So this is this going to make me feel caffeine? What is it? Yeah. So these are magic mine shots.

They're freaking awesome. I've been drinking them a lot lately. You saw me drinking them at home. No, I brought you guys some. Oh, you did? Well, I brought me more some, but you can have them. Hold on. Here's the thing about this, Pat.

The last time he gave me something or wanted to do it. He hit, and he hit it from me. So these I'm not wary about because he's actually overtly. As soon as Pat said we're playing a game, I was like, I need to sharpen up. And that's what I use them for. Magic Mind productivity shot. So I'm not going to feel caffeined up. No.

You're going to have like a nice, slight boost in energy, but not a caffeine boost. What if I've already done three lines of cocaine? Then I kind of help you, to be honest. It's, yeah. Dude, I drink them in the morning when I'm working. Like, get up, have my cup of coffee, whatever, and then sit down at my office. Cheers. And they taste really good.

I already drank mine. Dude, I think I told you, but I went to this Chinese tea garden in Beverly Hills. Of course, it exists there. Yeah, of course. And the lady behind the counter is like, well, what's going on? I was just meeting a buddy who's had a break from LAX, right? Yeah. And I was like, well, I'm just writing today.

And so I'm going to go home and write. She's like, I'm going to make you this like herbal blend. Yeah. It was not like, what's it called when you think you're feeling something, but you're not? Placebo. It was not placebo. Dude, I was on fire. Just so dialed.

Insane, dude. And this is when I was single. This thing's worked. This girl was very attractive. It looked like Olivia Wild. Oh, ooh. I sat there. My buddy left sat there for another hour.

Ended up going on a date with her. No way. I was on fire, dude. Yeah. And then I got home and I just was like, woohoo! Yeah. It's fucking like, must be like what Adderall is like or something. But I don't know.

I don't know. It's like I've never touched out. Did you, what did you think of a shot? It was actually quite tasty. It's really tasty, right? And the proof will be in the... I'd slam it. Yeah.

I mean, you can do whatever you like, but I slam it. But yeah, it's like, yeah, you'll see. Well, see, the beautiful part of... We're productive. I now don't have any for my drive home. The beautiful part about this is going to be that we'll see, like, how the podcast progresses. The problem is we've all leveled up now.

So there's no... There's no way to tell. Yeah. One of us should have not taken it. How does it interact with 16 fat tires that Peter's had? We're about to find out. Yeah, I haven't tried yet. Thank you for that.

You're welcome. All right, let's play the ultimate... How does this work? What is this game? Yo, still got my doers on from last pod. You probably haven't left the couch since last pod, I'm guessing. It's the only adult space in the house. No, I mean, they are that nice.

I'm wearing the same jeans. I wear the same jeans every day now. because I'm, but I'm that guy. I get one thing that I like and I'm going to wear them every single day until you can't wear them any longer. Problem with the doers is they're so damn well made, they're never going to wear out. So this is my look now.

Forever. Forever. Also, they never get dirty. Well, yeah. Well, they do. You still have to actually wash them, Peter. I haven't washed them in a month and they still smell fresh. That's because they're anti-bacterial, Peter.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Less washing. You should still wash them, though, just occasionally. Yeah. Yeah. They last forever. I don't care.

They are. They are. Wear him on a plane, wear them in the car, wear I'm here to pod. Feels like I'm in sweats. Absolutely love them. Is that a doer shirt you've got on? Sure is. Dude, I was like, how do you look so muscular?

Yeah, it's all in the pleats. Wow. Well, you could check out Dewers flagship stores in L.A. or Denver or shop online at shopdoer.com slash wild. Yep. Right now, our listeners can get 15% off site wide. That's big. They'll never do sales.

They never do sales. So take advantage of this. Don't wait to get the 15% off. again, go now to shopdoer.com. Slash wild. Be a doer. We do actually wear these and like them a lot. I wear them every day.

For real, legit. I'm excited for Sunday, man. You're coming to the house. Watch some games. Some wings. Way better than the Super Bowl. Can't wait. Looking forward to the games.

Yeah, this Sunday's excellent. How many wings do you think you'll eat? Minimum 12 per hour for three years. Yeah. So we got the AFC and NFC Championship games. Forrest and I are going to be. Hanging out. Hopefully, Peter comes. Yep.

Going to be glued to our prize picks app. The whole time, just boom. Let me tell you about prize picks if you want to get in on this. It is the most fun I've had winning up to 25 times my money this football season. Now we can play during basketball season two. All you do is select two or more players, pick more or less on their projected stats, and place your entry. It is really simple to play. You can make my picks, submit my entry in less than 60 seconds, which,

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So I'm going to show you, I believe, four photos and one sound. And they're going to be different appendages, features of an animal. All right. Sounds. And you guys are going to guess. Okay. Great. Yep, that's a sound.

Number one. That's man. Okay. Oh. Beautiful eyes. Black Panther. Oh. No. That's...

Is that correct? Not a black panther, no. It's cat-like. Very cat-light. It's got black hair, black skin, feline. I think it's a lemur. Oh shit. I think it's the eyes of a ring-tailed lemur.

Incorrect. Okay. I'm going to say this is the eyes of a... I'm going to wait for the next clue. I got no. All right. Okay. Number two.

That's the skull? Interesting. 3.9 inches. Not a lemur, huh? Huge eyes. It's not the lemur you said. Got a big snout. A couple of big fans.

I still think it's a lemur. That's... That's why. I think it's a red-ruff gleamer. It is a red-ruff rougher. Oh, there we go. Look at that. Well, I'll give you five.

I'll give you five. Yeah, look at that. Four-inch skull. It's got to be a big one. The red ruffs are big. I didn't know they were so dark in the face, even though I've seen them in real life. Let's hear the sound.

Let's hear that sound. Oh, yeah. I definitely would have got on the hand. You would have? Yeah, because you see the red fur there. And I was already going lemur. Here's the sound? Yep.

Is that it? Wait for it. Wait, hold on. There it is. Woo. Yeah, that's a quesawala. Yeah, I would have got it because we did all that, yeah.

And then see the red fur on the hand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and that's a giveaway. We filmed these in Madagascar, Peter. Yeah. And, well, no, I was medevacking a producer that was dying. Yeah. You didn't see them before you left, though, right?

In the trees? No. Look how chubby forest face is here. Is it smushed up against a pane of glass? Yeah, what's going on there? I don't know. What's going on there? Also, are your teeth fake?

They look like in that photo. I wish. Wait. they called veneers? I was just about to say venerials. No, Pat always does this. You'll send a picture to Pat and he'll send it back with everybody's teeth, brilliant white. Yeah, I know. You've done it to me a bunch of times. It's really funny. Christina's always like, what? Why are you laughing so hard? And she's like, oh, you're just making everyone's teeth white. It makes me laugh every time. You've done it many times. It's a very odd thing.

It's very funny. I got one and I'll send you this pick, Kyle, so you can put it in so everybody can see it. It's, I still laugh at it. I've been laughing at it. I've been laughing at it. for two plus years. I made the perfect formation of Pat's head. It was like this smudging effect you could do. And it just gave him a giant head. And squished his face down. You are obsessed with big heads.

You've got a big head. Yeah, you got a thing with heads. I like that. It's because my head's getting big. Apparently ours all are. Well, but I got to send you. A quick redress. That's Johnny once that was really good. Oh, yeah. You remember that? I also made his knees pointier. Yeah, you may give him pointier.

And then I did Jacked Mitch. And you did, yeah, Yote Mitch, which was really bizarre. But when we were in Madagascar, the sound of the lemur was a very important part of the story. Because some of the people that lived in the fishing village, they said that the sound sounded like a, what, like two knives being scraped together or something? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember it was something like that, something that sounded very unusual.

The Kisawala was like this creature, like a monkey man creature. Yeah. That's very active at night. Not really. It's an extinct giant Pachy lemur. Gotcha. So, yeah. You got to go way high up in the tree. Yeah.

Wait, so what, some red rough lemurs? What was the story behind it? That there was sort of this lore that there was this thing called the Kisawala, which made this like deafening sound. It was like a man, but kind of part monkey that lives in the trees. Oh, okay. And it was something to be feared?

Yeah. And the question was, was the Kisawala an extinct Paki lemur because the descriptions made sense? Or was it something else? And the conclusion we came to was that it was these red rough lemurs because they're critically endangered. There's very few of them left. They're huge, too. They're like five feet tall.

Oh, wow. Five feet tall? Maybe four, but I mean, they're a big. That's huge. I mean, because you picture a lemur. Yeah. These are big ones. Yeah.

Wow. But good job. I should watch a show. Look at that. The whole productivity shot came in. Dude, I got to say. All of them. I'm feeling real boosted right.

I feel like I've unlocked something. Yeah. Let's go. Here we go. Number two. We're starting with the sound. Starting with the sound. Okay.

Is that it? Well, I think both were. Was that first sound part of it? That part. So first it's going... I've heard this before. That's what's annoying, but I'm not putting my finger on it.

I have heard it before. Got a clue. Any guesses yet? No. Well, it sounds... I mean, let's speculate a little bit. It sounds like... It's obviously like a mammal, right?

I mean, typically, they're pretty much the only animals other than birds that make sounds. It wouldn't be a bird. Okay, move on. Could be a bird. A frog, I mean, yeah. Oh, a frog, maybe? Yeah, I don't know, to be honest.

I've heard it before, though. All right. Second clue. Skull, 10.6 inches long. Got some sharp-ass teeth. Got a bone mohawk. It's got a bone mohawk. Man, that's a big head.

Big incisors. That's a forest size head. I have a guess. Good. It's based on the skull. A wolverine. Incorrect. Oh, boy.

The teeth don't look sharp enough. The back teeth are flat. That would be, make it. That's a carnivore. It is. Okay. That sound is interesting. God,

it's so hard with the skulls. I just don't even know. Flair, that bony flair. I know. It's got a bony ridge going across the top of the head. Okay.

Next. If you're only listening, you should probably come over to the YouTube and take a look. We're trying to watch it on Spotify. Yeah. We're trying to describe it as best we go next. Next. All right. Number three.

Eye. Okay. Now, if I saw the eye first, I would have thought this was a bear. Yeah? Got brown fur. But that sound doesn't match up with it, nor does the head size. Oh. That skull is very interesting.

Is it a honey badger? Incorrect. Fuck. He's just, he's so happy to say incorrect. He really is. He jumps at the chance. Yeah, he's waiting. He's waiting.

A marmot? It's not a marmot. Is it a beaver? No. Next. Are you a beaver? You've seen beaver teeth. No, I haven't.

You're insane. Just your, I was going to do the same. Literally, I was looking at you and I was going to make an ex-wife drive. And so were you. All right, next. Here we go. That is a bear. It is a bear.

That's a bear. It's a sun bear. It's a spectacled bear. Correct. Because you could see that. This was beautifully done by Edwin with that last picture. Let's see that spectacleed bear in all its glory. There it is.

Oh, with. forest. And next to it is a small furry creature. Where is this picture taken? Peru. Yeah, at a sanctuary in Peru. That's nice. Skull's only 11 inches?

Apparently. Yeah. Because it's got like a fluff head. Like it's like fluffy. There's a lot of fluff. So a little interesting tidbit for you. Yeah. The spectacled bear is Paddington the bear.

Oh, really? Yeah. He's modeled after the spectacled bear, which is adorable. They are one of the coolest animals of ever. Why, what makes them cool? What do you like about them? They're just like cute and not violent. Like, they're not, I don't know.

Most violence aren't. Or most violence aren't. Most bears aren't violent. But like, they're really very mellow bears. Wait, did Paddington go to prison? It sure would appear so. Weirdness. Okay.

Next. One for forest. Barely. Barely. Get it? Barely. Nice. All right.

Here we go. Number three. Start with the sound. With the sound again. Here we go. I'll take a guess first. Good. It's a seagull.

No, but it is a bird. You know this? No, not yet. No, shit, it's a bird. I don't think it's a bird. I don't think it's a bird. Can I take a guess? Sure. Osprey.

Incorrect. Good one, Kyle. Next. So excited to tell me. Huge smile. Fuck, it's a bird. So we're looking at a four and a half, five inch long bird skull with a black beak.

Black beak. Giant eye. I know what it is. Jump in if you know. Tukon. No, it is a razor bill. Incorrect. Oh, I'll tell you what it is.

Because I know. That's your common turkey vulture. Incorrect. Okay. Now, that is a cassowary. No. No. Definitely.

Next. Next, here we go. Okay, well, it could be a fucking cassoward. Yeah. Now I do know what it is, though. Ostridge? Nope. No, hang on.

Ostrich, are you insane, boy? What is that? Ostrich foot's got like a big flat foot for running. Oh, I don't know. So this is like some of the most vicious talons, fully grasping a human's fist. Some kind of hawk. Close.

That is a, some sort of eagle. Correct. Oh, really? Is it a harpy eagle? Yes, harpy eagle. I was about to give you the clue it's used for pulling sloths out. How did you figure that out?

Just the claw. The claw? So huge. Yeah. I should have known from the beak, but yeah, as soon as you saw the size of the claw around its best, it had to be a heartbeat. How big did these get? The second largest eagle in the world.

How big was the skull? Like a six or seven foot wingspan? The stellar sea eagle. Oh, host are extinct. Yeah. Four and a half five inches. Oh, wow. So that's pretty big head for a bird.

Can you ask your friends at Colossil to bring the host eagle back? I shall, actually. I have a whole list of things I want to come back, but I got to play those cards real lightly. Yeah, got it. Dude, by the way, like, I've never, ever seen the face of one of these. It's got an owlhead. Yeah, it's got these, like, uh... Put one of these in your orange tree. What's the, like, Native American, like, feathered headdresses, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fethered headdress. Yeah, but like, like, it looks like he's going to war, like an Apache going to war. Yeah, it's damn scary. Yeah. Very, very cool looking, dude.

Very. All right. Next. Next, here we go. Two for forest. Well, no, but I got it. You got it. I knew it. I knew it. But I wasn't blurting it out. So you got the point. You get the point. Okay. Kyle, how's the game work? Yeah, we think we both get a point there. Okay. All right. F all. Nobody got a point. I'm also pretty sure I know what this one is. Yeah, I mean, it's obviously something that can't see. This is called the Mashwala chameleon. It is not, no. It's not that. Peter, you want to take a guess? I'm going to go ahead and guess the Schwamala chameleon. No. Um, well, at first, I was going to say it's a gecko's eye. No. But now, because Kyle said no, I'm going to say it is the eye of a walking shark.

No. All right. But it is a shark's eye. No. Who said you could fish for clues? I didn't. I'm just making a statement. Okay.

Al didn't respond. He didn't react. Contin. Next. No more fishing. That's a wabi gong. Yes, it is. Boom.

Dude, look at you. Look at you go. Magic mine's kicking. Yeah. It's true. What is this? What is this? I'm going to look at you.

lick the bottom. Look, because I still got some sludge. All right. Dude, I didn't know Wabi Gong's had such vicious fangs. They're ferocious. That's me, by the way, shining the light on it. Edwin likes to use pictures of me. Shined a little light.

Yeah. They're crazy animals. Really cool. Nice. On the quick call from the skin pattern. Yeah. Yeah. It was good.

Nice work, mate. Don't thank me. Thank the magic line. All right. The last one here. Here we go one more. What are we seeing, Peter? Coyote.

Is that correct, Kyle? No. All right. Beautiful eyes. That is a, that's a gray wolf. Incorrect. No, it's a big cat.

Doesn't have the tear markings of a cheetah, though. Tiremore. Idiot, this guy. He's textbook smart. Bobcat, I guess. No. Nerd. Yeah.

All right. All right. What are we got? An 8.5 inch long, 5 inch wide, 5 inch tall skull. Ferocious fangs on this thing. Yeah, that's nasty right there. That thing could bite you. Not a cat.

It's a can't canine. Really? Yeah. How can he tell? From the canine teeth? Well, I know what it is. It's a maind wolf. Incorrect.

It is a wolf, though. I just don't know what kind. Gray wolf. I think Patrick said Grey Wolf. I said Maine Wolf. I guess Gray Wolf last round. Oh, okay. That wasn't my guess anyway.

Yeah. You're just saying the word. Yeah, I was just saying it. Just likes it. It's a an Akita. No, it is a red wolf, though. It is a red wolf. How?

How did you know? Because I went back to the fur in my head for the coloration. Ah. Wow. Let's see what this red wolf looks like. Is that a tie for you two then? No. Oh, yes.

You guys are tied. There's a puppy. Oh my God. Oh, my God. How cute is that? Where was this? Was this the wolf sanctuary in California? In Missouri.

Is that where you went with Joe Rogan? Yeah. No, no. This was at the endangered wolf center in Missouri, where they have a breeding population of red wolves. And that's a, that's a puppy. That is a damn cute. I know.

I know. It's crazy. By the way, when was this picture taken? Two years ago. Your head was a lot smaller. I'm like, if that, let it go.

If that was like a full grown breed of domestic dog, it would make up 95% of dog owners. It's unbelievable. Yeah. But all puppies are like that. Every puppy, if it just stayed like this forever.

Yeah. And then they turn into, good game, Edwin. Yeah, Edwin's crushing it. Look at the size of those paws, though, dude. So big. That thing's going to be such a monster.

Is that a real metric? Because, you know, they always say you look at the puppy's paws. And if they're big, you know they're going to be a huge dog. Yes, it's a real metric except they go through different phases of growth. Right? So just like they'll get big and then their paws in relation will be small or their paws will grow and then their body in relation will be small. So there's varying stages of it.

But generally, when you see a young puppy with huge paws, you're like, yeah, that's going to be a big dog. Gotcha. It's like their awkward phase. Correct. It's like middle school for us. I'm dreading my kid becoming a teenager. Should we do the old man thing where we rant about things that are wrong with us for a second? Guys, after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers,

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You want to hear something fun? Yeah. I just found out that I've been paying $11 a month for a macro tracking app that I've never once plugged a single food item. For how many months? I don't know. Three years, maybe. I have no idea. I have no idea.

It's curious. Listen, that's why I started using Rocket Month. It will tell you about all those dumb subscriptions that you're not even using and even allows you to cancel them through them for some of the providers. This app is amazing. It emails you when there is some kind of nonsense shadiness going on in your bank account and tells you like, hey, you have a recurring subscription times two or whatever it is. And you're just like, oh, I don't want that. Boom. Gone.

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Nothing does. Only Botox. Yeah, yeah. We got to do it. We got to show our age every pod. You know, you guys know I pulled that groin in that game. I don't know six weeks ago now. He's a picture of it.

I was going to say you send us. Weekly update pictures. You're welcome. So I've been going to a PT twice a week to get it back on track so I can finish out the rugby season. And I'm back, baby. I'm back. But the PT identified something really interesting.

He's like the reason... You don't have a dick? No, everybody knows that. Yeah. I'm like a kendall. The reason that I've done this groin and this growing before and this hamstring is because of the way my feet have lost flexibility. And the reason... Let me explain it all.

Everything's related, right? It's really interesting. thing. So my feet, I often find myself sort of standing on the outside edges of my feet instead of flat footed. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And I'll be like standing around. I'll be standing kind of like that. Not, you know, that's exaggerated, but like putting the weight on the outside of my feet. And the reason I do that is because there's not enough flexibility in my feet. So all the muscles are making up for it when I plant and pivot quickly, right? Now, the reason that all this has happened, and this is really interesting, it's like a genetic thing. So I have big mitts and big feet. I wear size 12 shoes and I'm not that

big of a dude. So same size guys are like six five typically. Yeah, it matches your head. Thank you. Yeah. All right. I got to stop. And my hand, I don't care. And my hands too are also really big. And what the PT was saying is what likely happened is when I was young, maybe preteen, my hands, my hands and feet grew so quickly in non-relation to my body that I was like sort of awkward, you know, like moved awkwardly. And so my body didn't know how to respond for that rapid growth. so it just sort of made up a way to stand and run and everything else. And as you get older, everything gets tighter and stiffer and everything else. And so that lack of flexibility in my ultra-large feet has like held it in that position,

which means my body's compensating for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, but it's like this big foot, big hand thing that my body never like grew into. So is he like teaching you how to keep your feet flatter as you walk? Yeah, he's doing all this like flexibility stuff with my feet themselves. So my feet are actually planting more flatly. Not the ankle, the actual foot. The actual foot itself.

Ankle mobility's fine, knees are fine, everything. Just my feet are stiff. Peter, you know, what did you used to call me as a derogatory nickname? It's hard to say, but... Stiff's. He called me stiffps. Stiff's? And so he would, and that's what he would write.

He'd be like, hey, stiffips. It's about your hips or... So stiff. Stiff's. Yeah. And... It's funnier to say, though. Yeah.

As one word. And I got these stiff fucking hips. But I've gotten really into running. I'm really enjoying. running right now. Okay. And so I'll get this fucking pain that goes down the side of my knees. Uh-huh.

But it's, it's not a problem with the knee. It's the stiff-ups. It's a stiff-ups. Yeah. So I've been instructed to really stretch, like, be militant about stretching my hips. I don't do it because it's boring.

No one does it. Yeah. But it's the hips, but it's hurting my fucking knee because it's this band. It's all connected. For sure. I'm like, Jesus. It's all connected.

Well, dude. And you hit, you hit an age and it all just starts piling up. This is what I love about, like, acupuncture and these basically acupuncture doctors who know chinese medicine they look at the body as like a whole thing and it's like yes i think that it would be better if you started off doing that because when when western medicine they just go for like the one thing it and everything else kind of not always but gets out of whack you know like you fix your stomach you know you hurt

your your lungs or so whatever it is you know and um you know you know That's it. I got nothing else to say about that. I've had a few cocktails. It's all connected. Have I ever talked about, I don't know if this is true. Maybe a Brosner can confirm this or a very quick Google search, which I haven't done. But somebody told me that, you know, here, the way health insurance and paying for medical bills works is when something's wrong, your insurance compensates you for them to treat it, right? Somebody told me this. I don't know if it's true or not. In Japan, at least in a province of Japan, you pay a subscription to your doctor. and as soon as you have an ailment, you stop paying until it's cured. That's crazy. So it's like the reverse system and it incentivizes the doctors to cure you as opposed to like dragging on treatment and, you know,

pharmaceutical companies being involved in everything else. It's like it's kind of like the flip side of medicine. I don't know if it's true. I don't know if it's true either. Somebody just told me. Japan really does a lot of things right though, man. You've been there. It's super clean.

They got high speed trains. Fantastic. Buy filthy underwear and a vending machine. Wait, what? That's a thing, right? Oh, I don't know. What? What?

He's like, what are you talking about? That's a thing, right? Kyle, Kyle's been in Japan. You can buy dirty underwear? So you buy, because you know, there's like a big sex culture in Japan. Like, you know, all the like, Hello Kitty, like, chicks in little mini skirts and that whole thing. See, I know there's some stuff, weird stuff going on. I haven't been.

I'm going this year. I'm excited. But about the Hello Kitty sexual stuff. That's all I'm excited about. Yeah, but apparently, apparently there are vending machines where you can buy these weird sex things. Used panties. Use panties. Yeah.

You could get farts in a jar. Japan's fucking awesome, man. Female urine. I could live there. Bath water. I could live in Tokyo. Yeah, I'm excited to see it. Yeah, it's a great.

What kind of animals are out there? You're going to Japan. What's going on out there? You just burp questioned me. Yeah. You might be dying. I got the hiccups. We're going there to dive.

Japan has the highest diversity of shark species of anywhere in the world. Oh, really? What types of sharks endemic to Japan? Oh, I know what's going on. So after the Fukushima, a bunch of radiation went in the water, now they got some, now they got some megaladons. Three-eyed sharks, nine thin sharks, you name it. Like the fish from the Simpsons opening.

I got, speaking of traveling, can we play a quick game? Another game? I love games. We invented a game. Let's fucking play a game. We invented all games of this podcast. Literally, we invented Mnall. I think this one actually has a j-

A j- Play the jambles. Dude. Number one. Number two. Number three. Dead fucking lost. Top three and DFL.

Okay. I always like the game a lot. Look, our audience loves to travel. They do. A bunch of strapping young bucks and lasses. Yep. They love getting out of seeing the world.

Let's play top three, DFL, your favorite and least favorite airports. Oh, this is a good one. This is a really good one. Because a good airport experience enhances a trip. A bad one? Ruins a trip. A hundred percent.

Couldn't agree more. I've already got all of mine locked it. Go first. I think I do too. Okay. So top three. Third place. Very nice.

The, well, hold on. I'm deciding which one I actually dislike more. No, okay. In third place. Favorite. Fort Lauderdale. Yes. Fort Lauderdale Airport.

I think it's Dade. They called my, that's Miami. Okay. And you like this airport. Fort Lauderdale Airport. Yes, I like it. It's very nice. Hollywood internet.

It's clean. And I'll tell you why. If you look inside of it, Kyle, maybe you can find a picture. All these taxidermine fish on the wall. Very cool. Like really cool dioramas of all the native fish species. See that? See the paintings there?

The paintings? Wait, is there an aquarium there? No, it's just that lovely. Blum murals. That's cool. Okay. Number two, my home airport, Santa Barbara Airport. Never been.

I show up exactly 30 minutes before my flight. Not before my departure time, or my boarding time, before my flight. Walk straight through security, never been a line once. Takes less than two minutes with global entry. Look at that wood ceiling. Yeah. The problem is, it's a little bougie for me. It looks like a museum.

No, it's delightful. It only goes to one spot. Number one. No, it goes to. Why you two LAX? Four spots. Number one. Number one, hands down, no question, Singapore.

Oh, I've never been. Oh, my God. I need to see what this looks like. Look at this. Kyle, how did you know it was called Changi? It's my favorite airport as well. Yeah. I didn't know you've been there.

The jewels? Look at the jewel in the airport. Dude, Kyle. So we pay him so much. What is Kyle doing in Singapore? He's fucking 17. I don't know. I have no idea.

He's there for the... Look at this. This is stunning. This is in the airport. It looks like Jurassic Park. In the airport. There's a jungle in the airport. The jewel is incredible.

You can do this on a layover. It's tropical. What is the jewel? It's absolutely incredible. The jewel is this like five-story waterfall that's in the center of this and you can take the train in. All of that is planted in there. You're in this perfect, like, atmosphere-controlled thing. There's all these restaurants, shops,

activities. There's like a rope's course. How long of a layover do you need to enjoy the jewel? What would you say, Cal? Two hours? Two hour layover are you doing that? If you have two hours, you can lazily stroll out, go to the jewel, go to all the shops,

hang out. It's its own terminal, so you do have to like go over. It's like an attraction. You have to go back through security? I don't think so. I don't know. No, you don't, right? If you're in, you're in.

Yeah, that's amazing. It's fantastic. It's incredible. DFL. Oh, DFL. Oh, DFL. It was a close. between L.A.X. and Miami. Miami's a terrible. It's not that close. Okay. I flew in and out of

Miami like four times this year. L.A.X is the pits. It's so bad. It's the absolute worst. So it's everyone's DFL. Absolutely. I've said this before. Can you imagine you're like, you've like lived in the bush of Australia your whole lot. No, not Australia. Like Africa or South America. You're from the Amazon jungle and you're like, I'm going to America. And you land at L.A.X. and you're like, this is America? Oh, yeah. Like, if there's like beams falling out of the ceiling, the floors are filthy, their lights are out.

Like somebody's screaming at you no matter what you're doing. 100% of the time. This is what I left the jungle for? It's a disaster. Also, by the way, if you're trying to get picked up there, whether you get an Uber, whatever it is, it is an ordeal. Don't come.

Don't come. It's terrible. No. All right. So I'm going to go start with number three. I love the, I love the Bozeman airport. Oh, never been. Bozeman, Montana.

It's the same thing. It's nothing special. It's not like, it's not like Singapore. It looks like a cabin. Yeah, it's very cabbony. That's lovely.

Cool like, like, you know, animal paintings and stuff like that. I like that. I like the carpet too. Cozy? Cozy. That's a good word for it.

Cozy, you get a nice cold beer. Also, just everything in Bozman's great. I know. It's steazy. Yeah. Right.

So Bozeman's three. Number two, Burbank Airport. It's never been. It's been. It's fantastic. It's incredible. If you can fly in and out of L.A., Burbank.

You just pull in. Yeah. And you step out of the carousal. That's it. Yeah. The luggage carousels are outside. It adds a little element of fun to it. Lovely.

Nice and easy, quick in and out. Number one, by far the best that I've been to is Istanbul. Oh, I do like that at airport. It is fantastic. Yeah. So see that like big domed terminal ceiling there? The second picture. Third picture.

Yeah, that one. So that's like a cathedral. Yeah. And so these are restaurants, but they have little outdoor patios that make you feel like you're outdoors. You sit out there. They have a band, a live band playing. And you can just enjoy some music.

What a tree. It's nice. It's fantastic. What a tree. I'd like an eight hour layover there because my flight kept getting delayed to Bucharest. And I was like, keep delaying it. Really enjoyed it. DFL, LAX.

It's the worst airport. It's the worst place I've ever been there. This might actually be my least favorite place on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. So I went to pick up the father-in-law a couple weeks ago. You were just there, brutal. Just there.

And got there, of course, his flight landed 40 minutes early. Yep. And I got there at the time he was supposed to land. Right. So you were late. He was in Terminal 3. Yeah. He walked to 2.

So I got to the airport. Yeah. 45 minutes later, I was at Terminal 2 of 7. That's just sitting in the little circular. Yep. Yeah, it's a nightmare. I picked him up at, to 45 minutes to exit the airport.

Yeah. Yep. It's awful. He flew here in less time than spent at LAX. And honestly, it's just, you go like these elected officials in L.A. County, like, none of it, don't vote for any of them that have been in office. Correct. Because they're all at fault.

Like, you have an inoperable airport. Nobody's made it better. In the second biggest city in the U.S. has an inoperable airport. It's insane. It's crazy. I'm all for this rant. If you want to keep going, like, I'll pile on. I think they are making like a skyway.

It's going to be a disaster. They're doing a lot of shit. It's going to be doing shit since 2003. It's only gotten worse. Only gotten worse. That United Terminal, the one where you go, or is it Alaska, where you go underground and you sit in like a little sweat box where there's no lights? I think that's United.

It's unbelievable. Oh, yeah, that is super hot. I think it's United. Yeah, it's like a sweat lodge. It's so crazy. And there's like one stale cookie for sale for 700 people. By the way, I will also throw in. The Juneau Alaska airport is really cool because it has this sort of free-for-all vibe.

Oh, that's nice. Like, it's just like there aren't as many rules. You just do whatever you like. You kind of do whatever you like. Like, I had a switchblade in my bag. They're like, yeah, that's fine. That's Alaska. He's like, you can't take it.

He's like, you should mail it to yourself. Like, this is cool. And then you go down into the basement to get a sea plane to the island. Yeah. And it's just kind of like buskers. Yeah. And I'm like, I got a plane. I got a plane.

And you're like, yeah, how much? $29. I'll do it for $25. And it's pretty cool. I like that. All right, Peter. Yeah, I mean, just real quick. I mean, I'm not as well traveled as you guys, but I'll say, I like, number three, I'm just going to go with L.A.X.

No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, number one. I am definitely going to go with a different DFL because there's one airport. In fact, let me just skip all the way to my DFL. I think I know what it is. Can I guess too? Yeah. You go first.

Midway. Nah. Denver. No. Vegas Airport. Oh, it sucks. And I'll tell you why. I like it.

Because the slot machine? Yeah, because the slot machine. I'll tell you why. So grim. Because I went there and I had gotten pickpocketed while I was in. At the airport? No, no. Before I went there.

Just when I was in Vegas. Okay. They stole some. Somehow they just got my ID and one credit card. Still had the rest of my wad. I go and I'm leaving. I swear to God, I don't know what happened. But.

And I know exactly what happened. I swear to God, I don't know what happened. And I know exactly what happened. Well, no, I know when it happened. I just don't know how, like, what was done. Some chick came up to me as I was walking out of a hotel and she was like, yeah, like just acting all crazy. And then like. Oh, she was the diversion?

Yeah, something happened because I was like my credit card was missing and my freaking ID. And I'm sorry about the hiccups. I really apologize. Disgusting for everybody who's listening. He's had 11 beers. I'm turning off my mic after this. Fucking Barney, Barney from Simpson's over there. Yeah, it is a little bit like Barney Rubble.

You can. So, pickpocketed. I get pickpocketed. I don't have my ID when I go to the airport. The guy says he'll help me out. He's like, give me two forms ID credit cards, walks me over to a slot machine. My own, like my own security check through. That was just me going through.

Take out my laptop, my MacBook Pro at the time. And I put my bag through, do it all. They have to do an ex. I'm sorry. It's okay. You are dying. Your stomach is rotting. It's really hard to watch.

I'm so sorry about these hiccups. Kyle's losing his shit. I literally may like, anyway, so I get there, I get there and I put everything through. They do like an intensive pat down. They search all my shit. Yep.

And I, and I start walking. I'm just waiting for the hiccum. I'm not even listening to the story. Wait, can we pause? I want to, You're going to, I'm going to cure your hiccups. Okay.

This is going, please, please do. If it doesn't work, I'm going to be really embarrassed. Okay. I have a hiccup cure that my babysitter gave me when I was like eight. People get hiccups in bars a lot, you know? I've made people try this. Let's see. They're like, there's no fucking way it's going to work.

It works like 98% of the time. Hold your breath. Damn, well, better work. You got a drum rot roll over there, pause. Okay, yeah. I'm going to come back to the story. I'm going to prepare this hiccup remedy. I'm just listening.

No, no, go ahead. Well, we'll, I'm very curious to see what he comes. He's going to your kitchen to make something. It's one ingredient. These hiccups are fucking brutal, dude. So the urban legends that I'm familiar with are hold your breath. Definitely doesn't work. No.

And then scare the person. Have you ever heard that? I've heard it, yeah. Definitely also doesn't work. Jump on one foot. Heard that one? To lose hiccups? Yeah.

Upside down, hold your breath, I've heard of. Upside down, hold your breath? Yeah, like you go upside down and hold the breath. Dude, Charlie, your breath is so. So foul. Yeah. He hasn't had his teeth brushed in 13 years. I can tell.

It smells like death on my shoulder. But he's nice. He touches wet nose. He always wants to be by me too. Every time I'm here. Listen, you're like one of his kind. I do like him,

but he sure stink. Real quick, what's your favorite airport activity to do while you're waiting? Just drink. There's nothing else to do at airports. Talk to people. It's such a, you just meet people who never talk to again.

Everybody at the airport is open for a conversation. What's that knife for? Mate, put the knife down. What? What? All right, Pat's back. If you're just listening.

So this has a very high likelihood of curing your hiccups. Okay. Full pint of water. Yep. I got to drink the whole thing? Yes. Oh my God. But it doesn't have to be in one golf.

It could be like two or three. All right. Take a butter knife. Okay. Place it in. What? Now drink it. That's it?

Yep. Bro, did you stick this up your butt? No. I'm telling you, this is unbelievable how frequently this works. So chug that thing down. dude, come on. He's not trying to trick you. Don't use your finger to move the knife.

Don't do anything weird. Just drink it. Come on. It's an experiment. Yeah. And drink it. He didn't do anything. He didn't.

It hasn't been in his balls. It hasn't been in his bum. Come on. I'm trying to help you out. And our listeners. I'm just, and if you're experiencing dead air right now, it's because Peter's chugging a glass of knife water.

A very large glass of knife water. Something about the butter knife against the cheek. I don't know what it does. I don't. I can't explain the science. I'm curious. It's insane how well this works. I'm very curious.

It might take a second. You might have like two. He might have like two or three residual hiccups. That's fine. But don't think about it. Now let's keep going with the story. All right. So you got mugged by this crazy girl.

Yeah. And then you get walked to your own private security line. So I go through security and as I'm walking away after this whole pat down all this bullshit, I obviously realize immediately that my laptop gone. I had taken my laptop out of my bag and put it in its own bin in my own security lane where there was nobody

else. So I obviously fucking know that my laptop was there. Right. Nary a hiccup. No. And then as I'm walking, I turn back and I walk back and I'm like frantic. I'm like, oh shit. I think I left my laptop and he's like, who? No laptop here. Legit. Legit. Legit. No laptop here. It was, you know, and I'm like,

So wait, do you think TSA stole your laptop or a passerby? Let me finish the story. Stop. So I go through this whole rigmarole. He's like looking around, obviously just acting and being an aide. I didn't know that at the time. But then he goes, and I'm like, freaking out. You know, I'm like, I need the laptop.

Blah, blah, blah. Like I know it was here. It was obviously here. Check the cameras. Like all this shit. And then he goes, okay, go to Los Angeles and found over there. I literally take 10 steps over there. It's the guy fucking hands you.

me and acts like I'm an asshole legitimately they fucking tried to steal it. They were trying to rip it. They're like distracting me with all this BS like doing it. This is no, this is a hundred percent. So I get home. I'm furious by the way. I can

do nothing. I'm super hungover. I've just been taken advantage of them. I've essentially been, you know, they've TSA stole my fuck, tried to steal my laptop. Legit 100%. I kind of remember you ranting about this before. I probably did. Apologies if I'm No, it's okay. I just kind of remember.

I think when you got home, you were very upset. Yeah. So I get, and I get home and, and lo and behold, Google heard me. Something heard me Facebook. A thing pops up about a 2020 investigation, which included McCarran, where TSA are stealing fucking iPads. Oh, I'm sure. They put a tracker on it, went to the dude's house.

And the guy's like, I don't have it. And eventually he was like, oh, my wife has it. and comes out and gives them the thing back. And I'm just like, bro, they try to straight up steal my thing at McCarron Airport in Las Vegas. Do not trust those pieces of shit. No hiccups, by the way. Thank you. Yeah.

Look at that. That's really impressive. Yeah. I mean, look. I'll do it every time. That was incredible. Because hiccups are a scourge. Oh.

Yes. And when they start actually like hurting your upper stomach area, you know what I mean? Oh, God. Bro, what is the science behind the scientist? I don't know. Because my understanding is that a hiccup is like a twitch of the diaphragm, I believe. Look at it up, Kyle. What is a hiccup?

What is a hiccup? So I don't know why chugging the water does or why it doesn't, I'll tell you this, doesn't work if you don't put the knife in it. Of course. No. It doesn't. There's got to be something to it. Dude, what?

You got to do the knife. Maybe there's something in the material of the knife. You're right. It is about a sudden movement of the diaphragm that you can't control. So I don't know what the knife does. Can you look up this knife and water hiccup thing? I want to see if this is. Dude, I don't know if you want to look into it.

Like just let it be. Then it won't work anymore? Maybe. What if it said it only works if friend rubs knife on balls? Preferably rusty. Rusty knife. Knuckles turned inwards. This is way too much instruction.

Yeah. Also, raise both elbows. You don't need all that Mickey Mouse. You don't need all that shit. That's an insane person. That's, that's, that's. What? This is in the Guardian.

It says use a preferably rusty knife. That was never told to me and you don't need it to be rusty. Obviously, you don't need any of those gimmicks because your standard knife in water. You have saved the listeners more disgusting putrid hiccups coming out of my face. Most importantly, I've saved you. Thank you. Yeah. Because the desperation in your eyes with each progressive hiccup was growing.

I just liked how angry you were getting as you hiccups. It's infuriating. Like, I don't even want to talk on the mic. I'm just like, I want to turn the mic off and sit here. The scene in the movie where someone's holding someone over the edge of the building. and it's slipping and you see the actor and the actor's eyes getting more and more desperate. That's what Peter was doing.

And you saved me, bro. You're the one that was holding my fingertips. That's good. I'm glad Peter's cured. He's making notes as to how to continue to cure himself in the future. He's talking to chat, GPT. Oh, you're pathetic. You know what we're doing.

He knows what's going to happen. Kyle, we're playing the game. Bull the jingle. You're pathetic. I think I know what time it is. Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time it is? GPT.

Talk. No judgment. For what? The Battle. Battle Royal. Battle Royale. Come on, go. Explain the goddamn show.

I don't have one. All right, so here it is. Here's the Battle Royale. This was Kyle's idea. All right. So it's a race down. It's January. Yep.

Lots of people probably either just had a ski trip. Might have one coming up. Sure. If you don't, you know, that's fine. You should. good fun. You're at the top of the back bowls and veil. It's a long, like 15, 20 minute run to the bottom.

Beautiful. It is a like James Bond style fight race. So it's a race to the bottom, but your creatures can tackle the other creatures. Great. So you're on skis, presumably? Yes. Or snowboard. They're on skis.

No snowboarding. Okay. That's no boarding allowed. They're there. Yes, look at this. Great clip. They're fight skiing. And a race.

down the mountain, whose animal? Head, body, everything scales to the size of the body, legs. Great. Love it. Whose animal will win the downhill skiing Battle Royale? He was just doing that forest chat GPT thing. That's exactly what he did. All right. And then I think for the

first time ever, I want to throw in a wrinkle. I want the listeners to vote. Okay. But at the end of this, we're going to have an impartial judge. Kyle will pick, not based on whose was funniest, but who you believe would win and get to the bottom first. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot.

Why don't you go first? I go first, first pick? Okay. No problems here. Okay, good. First pick, I am going to take the appendages of a giraffe. Okay. Nice long legs, going to be a nice and high up off of those skis,

able to split those skis cartoonishly around things like large boulders. over things like small trees. Okay. Yeah. Well, depending on your body. Indeed. So that's a good point. Does that scale up?

But I like what you did there. Yeah. I just like the picturing, the going around the boulder. Yeah, yeah. Just the like legs split around the boulder cartoon style. Yeah.

That's smart. Yep. Giraff legs. That's very smart. Okay. I'm going to a different route here. You're not going to know what I'm doing yet. Sure.

I'm going to take the body of a blue whale. You're right. I have no idea what you're doing. I need a huge, I need my animal to be huge based on what I'm going to do. A lot of mass going downhill with that. Yeah.

Yeah. Peter, quit ChatGPT and take a crack at it. I want to actually just do the ChatGBTGPT version. It'll be funny. Okay. So it's a head, body, and limbs, right? Yes. All right, let's see. ChatGPT

has already mistakenly come up with several things. It's just like watching an episode of the Kardashians where they text and talk on their, look at themselves. What's what he talking about? All right. Here we go. We're going to go with a, the body of a powerful lion, muscular and agile.

Glad you added powerful. Equipped for strength and speed. Okay. Good medium-sized. I'm last, so I go one more time? There we go. Its limbs are those of an eagle. Oh.

Talented feet adapted into custom ski boots. Oh, it threw that in because I was about to poke holes in this. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. So he's got custom ski boots. Yep. And the body of a powerful lion. With the talons of an eagle. Okay. Two-footed. So that's kind of nice for your skiing deck. Yeah. Yeah. It's really smart for skiing.

Okay. All right. So my... They're built into the feet. What was your body? No, limbs. What did you do? A lion. Oh, yeah. Body of a lion. Lion and eagle talons. Okay. I mean, this is ferocious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Chap.

All right. skiing, I've already said it's about a 20. I mean, it's a long run. Yeah. I have this big creature. I'm going to give mine the legs of a gar. Oh, wow. Jacked. Super muscular quads. I don't want any. Yeah, that thing's jacked. Yeah. I just don't, I just don't want it. You see what I'm doing with these legs here? Big quads. Yeah. Yeah. Easy to fit in the ski boots. There's a lot going on. I like it. Yeah. Now, does that mean I have to have four legs?

I guess so, because I'm a giraffe with four legs. That's okay. Pop them on four skis. Yeah. Or you could like sort of pair them up. But just think about how sturdy this blue whale size. Very beefy. Yeah.

Very beefy. Yeah. You'll see where I'm going with this. You're just like a skiing house at this point. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, I obviously have the limbs of a giraffe.

I'm going to put, you guys are both going pretty, pretty meaty. I'm not going to compete in size. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go with the body of an elephant. Sure. It's got to scale up. Like an Indian elephant? No, African elephant.

A female? A male. A big one. The biggest one I can get. Yeah. All right. So I got, yeah, you know, kind of generic so far. I got giraffe legs, big African elephant body.

This is a lot of mass. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Tall, huge mass. And then you got your head. It's big. It's real big. So I'm just going to do this bludgeoning thing.

That's my go. too, so I'm going to give it the head of a rhinoceros. Nice. Stuck to Africa, which wasn't in the rule. Yeah, it wasn't, and it certainly doesn't relate to skiing very well. But I have this giant, one-horned unicorn creature on these big legs. Cartoonishly race. Around a boulder.

Around boulders. Stabbing someone else's creature. That's my play. A lot of mass for downhill projection. Yeah. That's it. So the reason I went blue whales is because I knew what head I wanted, and I wanted to scale it up. Yeah.

Because with my head comes a special ability. Okay. Forgive me, I have used this creature a couple times before. Not herpes, though. It's my creature. Well, skiing incredibly fast on my strong legs, tons of mass just propelling it down. The mountain, I will also be knocking you guys away. Nope. With the head of an anglerfish. Ah. Interesting.

With laser precision, spitting giant blob. Sorry, not an angler fish. An archer fish. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I was very confused there. That's good, though. your orb in front of us? No, he's going to be shooting snowballs out of his mouth at us. Yeah.

Okay. Just like streams. It's going to be fire hose caliber of cold water. Okay. All right. Knocking you off course. It's a good pick. The gallonage is going to be massive.

I have a feeling it's when I scale this up to the blue whale, it's probably going to be a swimming pool of water. That's just shooting. With laser precision. I'll be honest. Like that's going to knock my giraffeity right off his split legs. With those legs. Well, as Peter has told us.

drafts aren't even tall. That's true. He has told us that. Well, they don't make any noises. Fact. I will say this. You're going to cause an ice avalanche and fall your uncoordinated blue whale ass right down the hill. You'll probably take out everybody in front of you, but I will be behind you with my lion-bodied, eagle-footed creature. And I'm not doing chat GPT because it sucks, but I am in a- What was chat GPT? I'll give it to you after. It was ridiculous. I am going to give my creature the head of an African elephant and it will whap with its trunk

all your stupid pittily snowballs away and it will just start to do the same thing I did wait do you have the head of an elephant no I have the head of a rhino but you went with the same methodology no no no no no no shut your mouth You guys went just brutish no no the trunk is not just a connected horn I'm not just hitting people

I'm defending with this trunk. So once it's scaled down to the line, it'll be about the size of a basketball. Why don't you shut your trunk will be? Stupid butt. Honorable mentions for what ChatGPT gave. We have a... To chat GPT sucks at Battle Royale. Awful.

But it did give us a wolf octopus skier with a resilient body of a wolf lean and adapted for endurance. The limbs are those of an octopus with tentacles cleverly modified into skis. See, now that's smart. It is. But you didn't do it. I know, providing unmatched flexibility and grip and the head is a wolf with their sharp eye. So double senses.

The problem is. Kyle, who wins? Sorry, what's the problem? Yeah, yeah, that's right. You're judging. Oh, okay. So, yeah, I mean, sorry, Peter. No, it's not good.

It's not yours. I can't. I agree. It's not yours. But hey, I can deflect responsibility. It wasn't me. Yeah. It's not your fault.

It's really close between you two. Oh, fuck off. I think I really like forced giraffe legs. Just the word? Yeah. Is he's a good story. Cartoonie sounds. That's really great.

It's going to be hard to balance, though. That's true. But if the criteria is who gets down the quickest, it has to be Patrick. Yeah, it's the gallonage. That was the quick. It's the shooting swimming pools at me. Like, that'll knock me down. It's tough to contend with it.

It's tough. Yeah. It's nice when you have a Battle Royale and you kind of know what you want to do from the beginning. Yeah, you went in smart. That's the thing. I usually make it up as I go unless I have a very clear idea. So do I. Yeah, that was good.

Well, Chad, TPT, failed its mission. Yeah, it sucks. Brocers, let us know who you think won the battle royale this week. Was it Pat's water shooting whale? Peter's Chat GPT monster. Not Peter. Chat GPT. Yeah, sure.

Chat GPT or my giraffeity. Sorry. Give us a shout in the comments. Kyle's given us his opinion. I think he's right. But let us know what you think. And Peter do the thing. Also, think twice before you let chat GPT write your next essay.

Yeah, straight out. No, no. The problem is is you got a finesse chat. You got to give it context. You got to work with it. Use your imagination. Don't do that. Bro, I got something to talk about on the next bonus pod.

Speaking of bonus pods, go to wild times. Club forward slash info. Dude, we have over 12030 podcasts that are locked behind Patreon and on Spotify. Go there, check it out. I mean, it's over 200 hours of content. It's a treasure trove. Yeah.

It legit is. There's some good stuff in there. It's a lot more, you know, it's ad-free. It's, you know, lots of stuff going on there. And also, don't forget to check out the new experience, wild times experience from our friends over there at Ruckup Media. They put together a whole Wild Times basically kind of campground area in the woods. It's so cool. You can go into different areas.

Hey, you can meditate there if you want. You can listen to the pod there. You can unlock, you can play quizzes, games, unlock the pub, get in there and get yourself a discount to our merch. Go there. That link will be at wild times.combe forward slash info. Hey, Peter. Have fun. Shut the rock up.

Nice. Good night. Is that a seal of camp on your socks? No, it's just fish bones. Fish bones. Pretty cool. I like them. I like a nice pair of socks.

Dude, Kyle's got some Cali flag socks over there. I was admiring. Oh, yeah. Those are hot. They're nice. Dance. Dance. Yeah, very comfortable.

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