Wild Times: Wildlife Education - Paddlefish Sturgeon Hybrid, Black Panther in Sydney,& Vehicles Not Made on this Earth

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Hear about 10 ridiculous animals that you can legally own in California, aliens, and hear Pat get blackout drunk on air! Join us on another audio adventure where we talk about about everything in the title plus much more!  Follow @WildTimesPod More at https://thewildtimespodcast.com

Alright, we are back with the Wild Times episode number 17. Wild time. By the way, if it was $31 million, this would be like the island of Dr. Moreau. I'd be sewing a kitten's head onto the camel's neck. Are you shitting me? Man, 17 of these. That is 17 hours of my life that I have spent online at this point with two of my favorite people, Mr. Patrick DeLuca, how you doing, Pat?

Good, man. Real good. I want to talk about something as soon as you introduce this other fuck. Okay, I will get to him. And Mr. Patrick DeLuca, of course, growing his hair out, drinking a glass of wine, world-class road traveler, just drove back from the East Coast all the way to his living room for the Wild Times podcast. Yep. And joining Patrick and I, Mr. Peter Fitzer, aka the Brofessor. What's up, bro? Yeah, good evening, fellas. Happy to be here. Happy to see your beautiful faces. Fuck off, Pat. Let's get into it. What is it? It sounds exciting. I'm adding my seat here, guy. We all live in California. I looked at our listenership. It looks like about 15% of our listeners are also in California, so I don't want to alienate the other 85%. But, oh, my God. So we drove from L.A. to upstate New York and back. took the southern route there, the northern route back. So we hit 23 states or 22 states.

Wow. Right? It's a lot of states. There's only one state in the entire country where you can drive the entirety of the state. And the roads are, it's like a fucking war zone on the roads, not because of the traffic. Dude, the lines are double painted. so you see the old dotted lines, but the new ones are painted.

The fucking, it's the line, the merge, you're merging between fucking lanes. There's huge potholes in the middle of the highway. For some reason in California, there's more sofas on the fucking highway than there are in furniture stores and mattresses.

There's just a treat. Like, it's a disaster. This state is a disaster. Compared to the other 21 states we drove through. Oh my. God. And by the way, we have the fucking highest taxes of any state in the country and the worst fucking school system. Yeah. Welcome home, Patrick. It's nice to have you here, man. Sounds like you had a great drive home, except when you got here.

Oh, my God. 400 miles in Nebraska was just beautiful, man. Perfect roads. Oh, man. Forest. So drive. Yeah, go ahead. I was going to say, so you, when you cracked your beer, I don't know if we were recording it. You said it's your third of the day. It is. It sounds like, is this medicine or is this you, you tie in one on today? No, this is, this is much needed. Boy, we, we had a day yesterday, boys. Let me tell you, we had a day.

What were you doing? Spear fishing? So, no, no. So I'm friends with the guys over at Bro Bible. Robbie Burger, Joey Calcutts. They're good, dude. Super funny. They're from New Jersey.

they are not ocean-dwelling folk. And they decided to come up to Santa Barbara yesterday. And my buddy Dana was in town with these E-wave electric surfboards. And he was like doing a demo for me and a bunch of my friends. So I told the Bro Bible guys, I was like, let's go. We'll go meet the harbor around 8, 9 a.m. You know, and we'll just go jet board around. And by the way, these E-wave boards are these 40-mile-an-hour electric surfboards.

They absolutely rip, super fun. And so the guys come up. and it's it's eight in the we meet at 730 a.m. At 8 a.m. six cases of Whiteclaw are loaded onto the dingy to go 100 feet across the harbor. So I'm like, oh, okay, I haven't had coffee yet, but I'll have White Claw. And we literally start before anybody has even touched one of these jet boards, we've shotgun two white claws each. And like, all right.

Keyhole, like keyhole punch shotgun? Straight up. Like, which I didn't know was. a thing, by the way. Like, as a 32-year-old male, it's been a minute since I've shotgunned a beer, let alone shotgunning lukewarm whitecloths, which was, it was something. We had a day. So that was the pace of the entire day. And just watching these two hooligans from New Jersey wipe out at 40 miles an hour over and over and over again. Well, by the way, and there's pictures to prove this, I was riding around on the jet board, one hand on the control, because you have a little,

little speed sensor and the other hand at all times with a white claw in hand. So I'm just riding around up and down the harbor with a white claw. Harbor Patrol pulls us over. They're like, what are you doing? They haven't seen these things, right? These are like new technology. So they're like, what are you doing? Where are your life jackets, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, look, you know, I'm like, bullshit my way through it. I'm like, oh, look, we're like, R&D, you know, we're just testing them out. They're not registered yet. Like, these are new products. All, all that's true. And then he's like, is that a fucking white claw on your hand? And I was like, no. And he's like, you can't be doing that. I was like, why? It's not technically a motorized vehicle.

and he was like, huh. And the Harbor Patrol guy, like, wanted to write me a ticket, but definitely didn't know what to write me a ticket for. If you have a beer on a kayak, it's like, I know you shouldn't be doing that, but I'm not sure why not. Right, right. Yeah. So how many claws do you think you took down whilst cruising at 40 miles an hour

on a new piece of technology? I was driven home. My car remained at the harbor. I went, got onto the couch and went straight to sleep at 2.30 in the afternoon. So I'm guessing in the ballpark. of a dozen. That's why you're still... And you're still hurting? Yeah, dude, I drug a dozen white claws yesterday. I've had three beers just to get through

the day. Hair of the dog. I mean, I'm... Hair of the dog. Ritap, if I had to venture a guess since yesterday was, uh, recording this Sunday night, yesterday was Saturday, I'm going to guess you took down more than 12 drinks. You want to know what? You want to know what I did last night? I, I had the best date of my life. Would you like to know what it entailed? Very much so. I already know your meal of choice, but tell us the rest. Yep, didn't involve a meal. It involved me and the lady sitting in my car in the parking garage,

downing an entire bottle of makers mark, eating chips and salsa and blasting 90s music and singing along until 4, maybe 5 a.m. Don't really remember the last hour or two, but I tell you, I think I found a winner. Wait, wow. Why did you choose your car when you have a lovely, a lovely two-bedroom condo. I'm not really sure. It just kind of, we were just in there,

and I was like, well, let's just start drinking here and listen to the rest of this song, and then four hours later, we were still in there. That's magical. It was. What a magical time. I got to tell you, Forrest, most of the time, like when I go down to the beach where Retepp lives,

we'll start at his apartment. I'll black out, wake up the next day with two shoes and pockets full of sand. So he has a pool and a hot tub. And I'm like, what? Did we go to the beach? He's like, yeah. We took a bottle of makers to the beach and just drank sitting on the beach.

Like, why do we do that? Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just a thing. You crack it open. It's like, why leave? I'm here. This is good. So I want to circle back to something for a minute.

So to our listeners who don't understand this, Patrick and I have known that Peter's been seeing this girl for the last four podcasts now. But this is the first time that he has brought it up. on his own accord on air. This is big time. I mean, I was, I'm just so floored at this date and how well and how much I just enjoyed it. I was like, I didn't even know that I liked this, but this is my favorite thing in the world. And if a girl's willing to sit here and do this with me, I think it's time I tell my bros about her.

That's all. He must be the one. Mike is a lucky, lucky guy. Oh, yes, he is. He's got a huge dick, too. Are you willing to say her name on air? Are we at that point? No.

What? Over the line, bro. Come on. Sorry. All right. So Brutep and I were much more excited. Sorry. Much more excited.

The professor and I were hideously excited about a piece. I mean, I think I texted you guys on the chain. Best piece of news in years or maybe ever, I think. Yeah. You did. You said that. And I still haven't clicked it. So I don't even know what you're talking. It was, it was funny, though, because right when you texted me, I had literally just did one of those diatribes I do in the in the WhatsApp chat where I had been like, dude, did you guys see this? And like, 10 minutes later, you were like, you texted both of us. Did you see this? Oh, yeah. So basically, I'll just read you the Huffington Post headline because the New York Times article is as long. You should read it. It's fantastic. But the Huffington Post article headline, is explosive UFO report in New York Times mentions quotes,

off-world vehicles not made on Earth. So a Pentagon consultant did an interview with the New York Times, and basically they admitted that there's a branch of the U.S. government that folds under the Navy's jurisdiction that was started in the early 2000s because they had a fair amount of evidence and video of, aircraft that were, the technology was way beyond anything our military had. So they thought, hey, is this China? Is this Russia? Who is this? They specifically mentioned those two countries. I don't know at what point, because it's not revealed yet, they recovered

parts or entire vehicles, but at some point they recovered parts of vehicles or entire vehicles that they said it contained elements and are clearly not, they were not made on Earth, specifically aircraft that our U.S. government has that are not, that we're not made on earth. They've been giving a monthly briefing since 2007 to certain select members of a congressional committee. And they are now releasing this evidence and saying that there will be more transparency from this particular branch of the military with the general public. And it says, the quote is, TTSA welcomes the increase in transparency and is steadfast in our mission to educate policymakers, basically on the topic of what these vehicles that they recovered are

that are from space, not made on Earth. So unless we have a colony on another planet, these vehicles did not come from human beings as we know them. I thought what I saw, so you're blowing my mind right now because I didn't read the links. I saw a little bit about it floating around. And I thought what I saw was they were saying that they were opening up the sharing of information in case, like you just said, Russia or China has some kind of advanced military, you know, flight vehicles that we don't know about. I didn't know this was confirming that they

were off-world vehicles. Yeah, the actual quote is from astrophysicist Eric W. Davis. Eric W. Davis, who's a subcontractor and consultant for the Pentagon. He's talking about his briefing with the Defense Department in March about recovered, quote, off-world vehicles that were not made on this earth. He examined some of the materials and concluded that they could not have been made by human beings. Do you think the Pentagon just sat around going, all right, look, it's 20-20, like anything's fucking possible.

People are too busy to freak out about aliens. Now's the time to announce. 100%. I think they knew that the information was going to leak. There were too many people that knew. The political environment is, you know, assume that any of these congressional committees that were briefed on. it were bipartisan, right?

Of course. So with the upcoming election, I think it was just, they just thought there's no way that this is going to stay under wraps. Just let's leak it now. Well, there's so much other shit going on. To be distracted by. Yep. That's insane.

So do you get the impression, Patrick or Peter, if you've looked into this, that they're going to actually let us know what these vehicles are and what the parts are, at least to their understanding? I don't know if they're going to release, like, precise. that, but I mean, they are supposedly going to do, I mean, they're going to be releasing UFO evidence every six months now reporting on it. So, I mean, it's pretty exciting either way. I'm, I'm guessing that it's going to be, there's going to be some pretty interesting shit that they're releasing. Pat, what do you think? I don't know how much they'll get into the weeds with it. I think that, I mean, here's the thing, right? We have a pretty good handle of our own solar system, right? We have telescopes in space that, you know, give us a ton of detail on what's going on. all of the planets in our solar system. So theoretically, these would have had to come from a different, I'm not answering your question at all. I'm just excited about some calculations I did. So theoretically, these would have to be from another solar system, a different star, right?

Whatever these, whatever created these are. So I was looking at basically our speed of space travel, right, because there's been talk of a manned mission to Mars. The fastest thing that we have, that moves in space goes at about 17,500 miles an hour. The closest solar system to us, at that speed, it would take us 80,000 years to get to it. Long time. So my question for us, carbon has a very short half-life, right? Yep. Correct.

Anything living on Earth is made of carbon. I mean, is there any theoretical idea of something that's alive that could not be carbon-based? Oh, I mean, this is outside of my wheelhouse for sure. short answer is yes and that's just because we don't understand life to the degree that we think we do and what i mean by that a perfect example of that is you know it was in the in the 80s that we figured out that there was life that didn't rely on the sun we figured out that there was thermal bent life you know and in up until the 80s our entire human understanding of life was that all life was because of you know the sun and our atmosphere and then it turns out there's entire

organisms still carbon base but regardless entire organisms that don't rely on you know are the as we know them. They rely on energy coming from thermal vents at 6,000 feet down in the ocean. So, you know, if you can think that on our own planet, we didn't know that entire ecosystems like that exist and thrive off of oceanic volcanoes, of course there's other forms of life that we don't understand. Yeah. Wow. Well, for the listeners, stay tuned. We might touch on this on the Battle Royale. You must be so excited, Patrick. I mean, I've known you for the better part of my adult life and you are obsessed with aliens, extraterrestrial life. Yeah.

You must be just over the moon. Literally. Oh, dude. It's great to have a buddy like Peter because, you know, I've known, Peter, how long have I known you since like maybe 07, 08? Yeah. We have had so, the vast majority of our hangouts. I mean, look, this friendship has taken us both across multiple girlfriends and wives.

and all of them have had one thing in common, which is like, they're just, there's like, I don't understand how you guys stay up until noon just talking. Every time we hang out, you guys are still up at noon the next day. And most of it's because we're talking about this shit. Aliens, man. There is one other thing they have in common. They both have a mutual disdain for the two of you at this point, all those ex-girlfriends.

It's very true, very true. we would constantly show each other at like two, three in the morning after many drinks. We're back at one place or the other. And we're just watching like UFO and alien documentaries. There's countless of them out there. So it never gets old. And it's always put you down this path like we're even talking right now.

You know, if there's animals that can sustain without any sun or anything like that, who knows? I mean, the, like even if they aren't sustaining that long or whatever. whatever, these potential aliens or whatever, maybe they're bending shit time space and we don't know how any of it works and they're teleporting, man. There's just so many crazy things to pause. The other thing is when we look into space, when us humans look into space to look for planets that could be inhabitable, we always start with one thing, which is the presence of fresh water. Or just the presence of water.

Atmosphere, yeah. We're assuming that these life forms are based on, you know, it's, it's only based on the way that we see life on earth versus Jesus Christ. I mean, something, you know, there could be something that's alive or intelligent that 80,000 years is to them what eight years is to us, right? So I don't know. It's just fucking fascinating. And I, you know, you guys have heard me rant about academics and how we're so cocky that we know everything.

And I just like when new shit comes out because I, you know, I firmly believe that we are like the equivalent of a forest, if I gave you an aunt and I said, teach this aunt how to ace this biology test, there's no amount of time in which you could teach the ant to get an A on a biology test. And that's how we are trying to understand the universe yet. Neil de Gras-Tyson is very happy to go on television and tell you that we know everything. This is exactly how it works. And it's annoying because if you doubt it,

most people look at you and think that you're a conspiracy theorist or a buffoon. Right. Well, I love you, Neil. You should definitely come on the podcast, and I will make fun of Pat with you in real time. Yeah, he's listening. He's listening. He's a huge fan. He's got nothing better to do. So here's the analogy that I like to draw when talking about extraterrestrial life. So I'm obviously a firm believer just based on statistics, right? Just the fact that there are so many billions of stars and solar systems, et cetera. If you lived on the island of Hawaii and you had nothing but a canoe, the you United States, Japan, which, you know, Hawaii is between the two, are as foreign as another planet, right? If you have nothing but a canoe, there is no way that you're ever getting there. It'll take you 80,000 years. I mean, not really, but you get my point, right? You cannot cross, you cannot cross

that vast, vast ocean in a canoe. You can look around, say, there's three or four more islands, and I see them over there, and there's life there, but this is the end of the world as we know it. From here on out, there's nothing but water. Right? Now, all of a sudden, you have a speedboat, you're a mega yacht and all of a sudden when you go across that vast space there's all kinds of life on these other continents and on these other islands and nations and that's how I see space travel it's not that you know it's not that there's no way there's other life out there that I think it's very unlikely that it's in our solar system it's that that jump of what would take us 80,000 years at light speed we can't even fathom how to cross that yet it's like we're stuck on earth

with a canoe. And we have no idea, you know, we might have the camera that can see the other side, but we have no idea how to cross it. Right. And we're nowhere near crossing it. Now, other intelligent beings or civilizations might have that speedboat already and look over here and be like, yeah, there's life right there, but, you know, we don't need to go there. That's Haiti. Like, we don't need to go to that island. That island sucks. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. So that's how I see kind of life in other other places. I think we're very small-minded to just be like, oh, it's too much time and space to cross for there to be anything over there. It's not that. We're stuck with a canoe on a tiny island. Well, here's something I think about, too, if they, if they are out there, these little green

aliens or whatever they are, and they can see us, you know, and they just don't want to- It's 2020. Are you really going to call them out like that? Little green aliens? Oh, my God. Check your microaggression, bro. Check your microaggressions. All right, these tall whites. That's a legit alien race. But gray aliens, I thought. Well, there's grays and then there's tall whites who supposedly roam the earth. But so they can see us, right? And they could even contact us if they want to, hypothetically.

Yet they're not aggressive towards us. They don't like try and conquer us, you know. It's kind of a weird thing. Like, I feel like if humans were so invasive as a species, if we found, we want to colonize Mars, for example, you know, we want to just take over everything and it, it almost just seems like if they haven't, they didn't, they don't have that like we do. Maybe they're, uh, I don't know, what are they looking at us like we're in an ant farm? Like they just, dude, I just said that. I said that today on the drive as I was ranting about this obviously. And Christina was like, well, what do you think they're

doing if they're like, why are they zipping around and crashing into the planet? And I was like, well maybe we're like an ant farm to them. They're just watching and going, what fuck's that? That's kind of cool. It's kind of fun. South Park does an awesome episode on this sort of exact idea where Earth is just a giant reality show in the universe. And it's like Earth on Spognal. And this week, will the giraffs fight with the zebras? Will the blacks fight with the whites?

You know? And it's just like it makes all fun of like civilization and animals. And it's like, we took every being from all over the galaxy and stuck it on one planet. and it makes it seem like Earth is survivor and it's just great. It's like, yeah, that makes sense. Like, I'd watch Earth as a reality show. Like, we're a mess.

Are you kidding me? Yeah, we're a disaster. Especially in 2020. Jesus. 2020 is just a ratings boost, you know? They're over there. Yeah, they're just over there. They're like, look, Earth's dying.

Like, it's not a good show. You know, it's a tough time in the cable universe. Like, let's throw corona in it. Oh, God. Yeah. It's like putting OJ Simpson into the Big Brother house. You're just like, this is going to spike. things up, guys.

But your canoe analogy, I think, is very, is very, it's not only doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's a perfect segue. After a high-speed canoe chase, a high-speed canoe chase, which it's hard to picture, hard to picture.

So officials in Madagascar somewhere forced and I have painted many the village red. A high-speed canoe chase ensued. A group of poachers was caught because the officials that were protecting wildlife were just slightly better at canoeing, as it turns out. Hell yeah.

They were able to recover 144 endangered radiated tortoises from a poaching and smuggling operation. Nice. But that I thought was very interesting. So apparently this is not a case where they go to China to make dick pills, but they actually use them as meat in Madagascar. but they talked about in 2018 they busted a stash house of these of a place that was stashing these radiated turtles and they had 10,000 of them

Oh, Jesus. Wait, right. Sorry, tortoises, not turtles. 10,000 tortoises inside a stash house they were going to use for meat. They recovered all 10,000 of them. Forest, tell me about this animal. This is not something that we saw, I don't think, when we were in Madagascar either time, is it? No, we, we,

didn't. My very first trip to Madagascar, the little, like, lodgy place I stayed at, had a couple that they had seized from poachers. And I'm actually very familiar with both the story and the radiated tortoise, because the bust was done by the TSA, the Turtle Survival Alliance, of which I'm very, worked very

closely with them. Is that James? That's your buddy James, right? No, he's at the other one. He's at the competitor. That's, that's dangerous water. Oh, were these, was the TSA the guys that helped us out in Vietnam? Exactly. Oh, shit, okay. Yeah, good, peeps. Good peeps. Yeah, they're great, and they do a lot of good. So for those that don't know, turtles and tortoises are the most poach group of animals on Earth once you take panglins out of it. As far as a group goes, it's turtles and tortoises, and they're in big trouble. Radiated tortoises are absolutely stunning. They get their name based on the shell patterning they have. It radiates out from the center of each scoot. It's really beautiful. And they're critically endangered these animals now, and the reason being they're poached for a couple different reasons. Any radiated tortoise that can be found is collected.

The big ones end up going to the local bushmeat trade, and the babies fit into suitcases and get shipped all over the world where you can fetch like $10,000 to $30,000 per baby if you're a collector. And that's a thing that I think a lot of people don't realize, and I'm just going to dogleg this for a second, this exotic pet trade is a huge thing. After drugs and human trafficking, it's the third largest industry, illegal industry in the world. It's something like $30 billion a year. And don't quote me on that. It might be less. But it's the third largest criminal industry in the world is the exotic pet trade. And it's all for things like these critically endangered tortoises.

And of course, supply and demand, right? The more rare the animal becomes, the more some rich fat cat Saudi Arabia guy or German guy or Australian guy, whatever it is, definitely not Americans. Definitely not some rancher in Texas. Yeah, want one of these things. And so when, you know, and this sucks, and this is a perfect example. So when radiated tortoises were very common in Madagascar all over the place, kind of like leopard tortoises are in southern Africa, then people started getting into them being like, wow, they're so cute, they have so much personality, they've got such a cool look. So they started getting poached like crazy. As they became more and more rare in the wild, the price went up and up and now it's $30,000 for a baby radiated tortoise. So when you're a local Malagasy guy whose annual salary is $12 U.S. dollars and you can get $30,000 for a radiated tortoise, you better believe you're going to poach it and send it overseas to wherever it is to this rich

collector is. And it's fucking brutal, man. Yeah. What we call in biology tragedy of the commons, right? Tragedy the Commons is if I don't take it, someone else will. So if I'm walking down the path, you know, I'm dirt poor. I live in Madagascar. I can't feed my family and I see two baby radiated tortoises. The mentality is not I'm going to leave them here. So 10 years from now or 50 years from now, there'll be a bunch more. mentality is if I don't pick up these radiated tortoises and get my paycheck, the next guy that walks down this trail will. And that's tragedy of the commons.

And it's a brutal thing that is happening in this wildlife ring. And it's just, Radiated tortoises are a great example of it. It is just fucking brutal. And these animals are taking such a hammering so some rich guy can be like, check out my cool rare tortoise in my backyard. Yeah. It's interesting because, like, I was going to say,

why the fuck do you need a rare pet? Right. Like I have a cat and a dog. Didn't you want like a serval cat at one time, Pat? I think if I were to like move on to a big ranch, a serval would be dope. Or a Savannah. No, a Savannah is a cross between a serval and a bullshit cat like mine. Yeah. It's sitting here staring at me.

But you can actually keep a serval though. Can you? Yeah. Oh, you can. I had two growing up. You did? Holy shit. Yeah. We found, we found them in our field because I, growing up, Zimbabwe where they're native, we found two kittens when we were tilling up one of our fields. And they're, they used to beat the shit out of our Ridgeback dogs.

They were so gnarly. Oh, yeah, dude. That's crazy because I was recently just watching videos of them and they're fucking awesome. Oh, dude, they're dope. I mean, describe a servile for us since you've actually had when I've only watched a thousand YouTube videos of them. I think the best way to describe them to someone that doesn't understand one is just imagine a mini cheetah. and they're not that many. I mean, they're still, you know, 30, 40 pounds.

That's huge for a fucking cat that you have as a pet. Oh, yeah. I would be terrified. Oh, yeah, no, they get big, you know, like I said, domestic ones will get to like almost 40 pounds when they're overfed. I'd say a typical one's closer to 30. But they're big cats and they're these wild bush cats. They live in sub-Saharan Africa where I'm from Zimbabwe, South Africa, that region.

And they're incredible hunters, incredibly intelligent, very affectionate. What was interesting about ours is so we got ours when I was like, I don't know, maybe nine or 10. And they both bonded to my mom who like bottle dropper fed them, you know, because we found them in the kid in the field after it been tilled up and couldn't leave them to die. And obviously the mom had left him. So we like dropper fed them. And so they latched on to my mom as being like their, you know, their provider, their person. And so they never bothered me or my sister. They never heard us, nothing like that.

But random people that would come to the house, they'd be absolutely fun. I completely ignore them, but if they didn't like someone for any reason, they were terrifying. I mean, one scratch give you 12 stitches. Like, they would go hard in the paint. And they're wild. They're not, they're not fucking domestic cats, you know, they're not like, oh, come here, let me tickle you. They're like, one would come crashing in through the window at 3 a.m. with a dead bird in its

mouth. And then the other one, you know, the other one would be pissing in the corner of the house because, you know, we're not spaying them. And when when when I ain't out with hatches. It sounds like Peter after a night out on the town. Ah, fuck off. I got it in before you. I said it sounds like you two animals.

Yeah, they were cool. And they just grew up and went back into the bush. So we had them from babies to basically adolescence. And then they just kind of took off. And we'd see them around the farm, but they didn't like stay in the house. They weren't caged or anything. Dude, that's crazy because I've seen, you know,

I've seen, there's a bunch of YouTube videos because they are, you know, they're not super common. I've never met anyone that has one, but they definitely are, in most states they're legal. In California, you need a special permit to have one.

but there's tons of YouTube videos of them you know cuddling with the toddler so I wonder if they are fairly domesticated they must be I mean probably like ours like I said they came from the wild they went back to the wild we never had any intention of making them

sure so they more like raise them and let them go right so you know but they scared like I'm not kidding like our ridge backs were well trained our ridge vaks used to kill water hordhogs chase leopards off the farm everything and, you know, so they knew not to attack the cats, and the cats would beat the shit out of our lion-hunting ridgeback dogs. It's crazy. They're so sleek.

Like, I have to imagine they're, you know, Ridgebacks were bred, like you said, or were bred to hunt lions and kill lions. Yeah. I mean, they're, and they have that, like, if you, if you ever worked with big cats, like, a tiger's its own thing, and I kind of talk much about that, because I haven't grown up with them. But if you've ever worked with, like, a leopard, they're terrifying. You can't really trust them. Like, it feels like they're going to kill you at any turn. If you work with a cheetah, it's like, they're your friend. Like, our neighbors at a game park, and they had these cheetahs that they had these chitas that they hand raised. And they were like, they were, they were like domestic cats. Like, they were these wonderful cats. And Servals had that temperament of being very affectionate, very affectionate, very. loving, very loyal, whereas a leopard, you know, this crazy solitary animal, totally different, like totally terrifying at all times. Well, that brings me to a new game that I want to try and play, Peter.

Yes. I love games. Here's how it's going to work. So I just, because I was just Googling to find out if Servals, by the way, I've had a glass and a half of wine and not eaten today and driven 13 hours, I'm gone. Oh, that's great. That'll be great for the pod. I'm a mess. walking around now you're just like laying with it's you're just you are a mess man i'm a disaster but

anyway so i just google to find out if uh servals are legal in california and while you need a special permit they did provide a list of 10 exotic animals that are legal in california so i'm going to throw them out one at a time i want two two to three sentences first from retep about what he thinks about keeping these as a pet and then and then i want forest's informed opinion of keeping each of these animals as a pet all right so the first one we're going to start nice and easy these are legal to have as a pet in california okay zebra forest let me translate that for you zebra i didn't even understand that first word but i know what a zebra is please continue all right so peter zebra as a A pet, three sentences at most, go.

I would love it if I could afford a horse. I'd probably have one. I'd ride it. I would brush it. I would feed it. It would be great. Forrest, any commentary on what Peter said or Zebras is a pet? Terrible.

Absolutely awful pet. I would love, love to see Peter trying to ride one. That would make my entire year. I also liked that he called it a horse. Yeah. If I could afford a horse. In Peter's mind, it's literally a horse with a two cans of great-tail. A little pony horsey.

Yeah. No, terrible pet. You don't want one. I knew a lot of people with them. They're not particularly friendly. And newsflash, they're dumb as dirt. We'd get along great then. You would.

You would. All right. Next, a perfectly legal pet in the state of California. No permit required. A monitor lizard. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Oh, sorry, go ahead, Peter, Peter.

Peter. Dude, you are hammered. You already forgot the rules of your own game. All right. Yeah, man. I mean, disgusting. If I was forced to have one of these fucking dinosaur gross things as a pet, I would probably throw small pebbles at it,

so it would leave me the fuck alone. I would keep it like outside, away from everything in a gated area. And never visit or touch it, and hopefully it escapes. All right. I actually think they're an awesome pet. It's basically a land crock.

I mean, monitor lizards, they're really, like, I don't, do I think everyone listening to this, you've got to get a monitor lizard? No, don't be an idiot. Don't go buy a monitor lizard. But if you're into reptile keeping, Varanids, monitor lizards are like, they're like the pinnacle, right? They're cool, they're big, they're fast, they're strong, they have gnarly bites. They can hurt you, but they choose not to. That's great.

That's what I want. Yeah, they're dope. And if you let one go in California, it's definitely going to cause a big problem. So you should probably not actually be allowed to have them in California. I had a lizard in college. I don't even know how this came about. It was a pretty big monitor lizard that I kept in a tank. And like reflecting back on it as we're discussing this right now,

I don't know what the hell I was thinking or why I even did it. Like I'm not into reptiles or lizards. Wait, you had a monitor lizard pet? I had a fucking monitor lizard. not just like a small lizard that you caught outside. No, no. I remember this fucking thing because it was a pain in the ass. And, and it, like, it was like from tail to, to nose.

It was, it was about the size of like, you know, like two, like two feet, like a foot, 18 inches long, probably. It was very fucking large. And it was just like wild. It just would fucking thrash around in there when it wasn't sleeping. They're so dumb. Like, I don't get to draw to, like, it was just a wild animal. It wasn't like a fun, cool one you could put on your shoulder or something like that. So, I mean, I don't know.

All right. Next one. Sorry, I derailed it. Where I was staying in Ithaca, the place across the street from my brother's lakehouse, had a whole bunch of these, and they were fascinating to watch. You are allowed in California with no permit to have an American bison. Go ahead, Peter. Quick thoughts on the bison.

Okay, three sentences or less, I would keep the bison in my room with me and cuddle it and snuggle it And like try and make a bed on top of it. I mean, I would love this thing. Furry, fuzzy, cute. I'm assuming very docile. It would be great. Any thoughts? I'm going to second what he said.

It sounds great. I would have a bedroom bison if I could. A bedroom bison. Wait a minute. These are not docile animals. These will ram people at Yellowstone left and right. I like to think that they're like cows where if it's hand, and I don't know this. I have very little experience with American bison, but I like to think that

they're like bovids like cows where if you hand raise one it's it's basically a giant puppy dog a big stupid puppy dog and i i'm not saying peter's correct i'm saying i agree with him in the sense of i would like a bedroom bison fair i like it fascinating all right forest you and i have been together experiencing the joy of being around these animals in california you can have a second generation wolf dog as a pet the way that that is uh described least legally is it's called an F3, an F3, F4 or F5, which means they're... Getting three, four, or five generations removed from wolves, right? No, but it says second generation. It says they are indistinguishable in looks,

but they have to at least have some non-wolf in them, essentially. Do you want a wolf? Do you want a wolf for TEP? Absolutely. This one, this is my favorite so far. I would love to have a wolf that, you know, I mean, it'd be amazing. superheroes, I feel like, have wolves. They had them in Game of Thrones. They grew up with these dire wolves, man. This thing would be an amazing pet, just a better, more violent attack dog than my 12-pound little dog that I have. Nice. Terrible idea. Absolutely. This is the worst one from the list, in my opinion. Do not get a wolf dog. A wolf dog is, like Patrick said, it's just got a little bit of dog in it, which means it is mostly

wolf, which means this is a wild animal that is an apex predator that should be running around with thousands not hundreds, thousands of acres of open space, hunting things. This is not something that you cram into your apartment in Los Angeles. Neither is a bison to be fair.

Beyond a balcony. Wait, Forrest. Forrest, how many miles a day does a wolf cover in the wild? 300. Approximately. Holy shit, really? Can cover up to 300. But at least 50, I believe. At least 50, yeah. Can cover up to 300 miles if they want to in a 24-hour span. At the wolf rescue that you and I filmed at, where did they get most of those wolves?

They were all animals that had been abandoned, right? People couldn't take care of them. Yeah, it was people like Peter who got a wolf and thought it would be a fantastic pet until it snarled at their toddler and they were like, oh, shit. Yes, a wolf dog will eat your baby. Let me be clear, a wolf dog will eat your baby. Don't get a wolf. Let me be clear.

I would get rid of the baby. All right, next. This is a fun game. I hope the listeners are enjoying it. If not, it's my fault. All right. Very true. Another one, you are allowed, we all know this,

because we've seen them on Hollywood Boulevard before it was gone, because it's not there anymore. It's all tense. You are allowed to own a large constrictor snake, take, a large constrictor snake. Jesus. You can have a Burmese python. There are many large constrictor snakes you're allowed to own in California.

Thoughts? No. That period. Definitely not. All right. Time to go a little deeper than three sentences. Sorry to dogleg the conversation. I had a 14-foot Burmese python in California.

And here's let me tell you why. So when I moved to the United States, I moved to the small town of Cayucas, California, about a population of 2,000 people. And I became known as the wild African kid that would run around the creeks and catch snakes. So one day I get a phone call, right, in this tiny town, from this woman who's screaming and crying, and she says, the snake ate my cat, and I said, all right, well, it's possible, it's unlikely. You know, we live in California. There's not a lot of big snakes here.

How big is the snake? She says, it's huge. It's 15 feet. Right. Now, Patrick, you know, we've been on shoots and we hear that 15-foot crocodiles, you know, five-foot crocodiles or 15-foot crocodiles and people freak out. And I'm like, sure it is, lady. I'll be there in 10 minutes.

So I jump on my skateboard, skateboard across town, get into it. And I go, where is this 15? You know, I'm like rolling my eyes. I'm about 15 years old myself at this time. I'm like, where is this giant snake that ate your cat? She goes, it's down there in the creek. It's down there in the creek. So I go through her house, I drop down in her backyard into the creek.

And sure enough, there is a 15 fucking foot snake with a giant lump in it. Oh, man. Someone's pet, Burmese python, has escaped, eaten this, lady's cat and coiled up in the creek. They freed it. Someone freed it because they didn't want it anymore, I'm sure. For sure. So this is one of the problems with keeping large constrictor snakes. Now, I'm on the central coast of

California. It gets pretty cold in the wintertime. A Burmese Python is not made for that climate. You know, who knows how long he'd been out. He obviously found a big tasty meal in this lady's cat. So I go down there, I wrestle with the snake. It wasn't much of a wrestle. He was clearly someone's pad. He was very friendly. And I just want

the listeners to know, as I tell this story, Patrick is being licked on the forehead by Lemley, his cat. It's his mating call. It's like a mating call. I haven't seen the cat in two months. It's fantastic. And anyway, I go down, I catch the snake, and I take it back to my very small beach house that I live in with my mom and little sister. And he's in this giant pillowcase, you know, like one of those king-sized pillow pillowcases wrapped up.

I put posters all over town. You know, I'm like, it has to be from this town. Nobody else. I put a thing on Craigslist or whatever the equivalent was on the town. Bulletin Board. I'm like 15 foot Burmese Python. Only one of you fuckers in this town has one for sure. Whose fucking steak is this? A week goes by of this thing living in a pillowcase in my bathroom and nobody claims it, right? So I don't, there's no zoo. Kauuka's a tiny little town. So I go to the hardware store and I buy all of these, you know, I buy a bunch of wood and a bunch of chicken wire and a

heating lamp and all that. And in the backyard, I build this enclosure for the snake who I named will he eat me will he eat me and uh i kept willy eat me for four years until i found him a new home wow nice wow did he get any bigger was he was that his max max length size he he grew he definitely grew a lot heavier he was kind of skinny when i got him oh by the way he shot out that woman's cat i left that part of the story was it just it was the the skeleton or what no i shouldn't say shat he regurgitated it so when i went and caught so when snakes are startled they will throw up their meal as an escape method as a defense mechanism. And so this woman's sitting there going,

Fluffy got eaten, you know, crying her eyes out. And I go down to catch the snake who's clearly eaten the cat, you know, within hours. And sure enough, up comes Fluffy, all dead and, you know, partially decomposed and black and blue from being asphyxiated right in front of the cat owner, which is pretty brutal. That is brutal. Man, why did you fuck the cat? Man, you are off the fucking rails. What?

If any listener could, please explain what Pat just said. Let us know. We'll get to it next podcast. All right. Next animal. You are allowed to have this, even though it's rare and wild. You can keep a toucan. And it's not the one that sells you fruit loops.

So this I would like just because I'd feel like I'm the toast of the town having a two can as a pet. That's really it. I mean, I would take care of it. I would love it like I do all of the people and pets in my life because I'm a good person and I would never get rid of it or let it loose in the wild. They're loud, though. Are they loud?

They can be very loud. I would get its vocal cords cut out before I... Jesus, that's nice. That's a nice thing to do. For us, thoughts on two cans. I hate it. I don't agree with like large tropical bird ownership and that might upset some people listening and I'm okay with that because I think these large tropical birds,

Tropical birds should be free. The problem with keeping them, things like toucans, macaws, parrots, they sit in small cages. And yes, people take them out and give them like behavioral enrichment. But these animals should be covering vast distances, right, out in the tropical rainforests, canopy to canopy, sitting in, you know, a three foot by three foot cage in someone's living room, squawking 90% of its life to come out and sit on your arm and then go back into its three foot by three foot cage. I don't agree with. And there's a lot, if you look this up, there's a ton of tropical bird rescue play.

places because people get them and don't realize that a lot of these birds live 30 or 40 years. And then they're like, cool, this will be a fun pet that I'll have for five years. And then what? Then you've got this, you know, this giant tropical bird that's shitting in your living room in a small cage. And you're like, I've had enough of this. And you're trying to get an apartment in L.A., which clearly won't allow your loud bird to just be in there with you. No, I'm against it. When I first got to L.A., I was living in this apartment. And one day, there was just all of these parrots that were in a tree just like squawking the ones that you see in pet shops and shit yeah and i was like this is nuts and then uh somebody told me that apparently there was some i don't remember the exact

story but have you ever heard like so they migrate what from from from northern united states down into mexico for the winter is that what not parrots no they should be in the tropics so there's that you probably saw parakeets if i'm not mistaken could be something else there have been so many parakeets from like your peckers. where you buy it for $15 released in cities around the U.S. And California being a Mediterranean climate, they're able to survive, that they have actually named the giant flocks of parrots running around Los Angeles, the California wild parrots.

They've given them their own name, even though these are tropical birds that have been released from Petco. And it's crazy that they just like exist here now. There is currently a 120-year-old macaw. Holy shit. A blue and yellow macaw that lives in a zoo in England that's 120 years old, 20 years old speaks English quite well. And apparently the bird's name is Charlie. Nice.

And a lot of the words that Charlie was taught earlier in life is he goes on anti-Nazi rants. That is awesome. I love Charlie. That's fantastic. Yeah, I love every part of that story. I take back what I said. Everyone get an anti-Nazi parrot right now. All right.

Quickly, we'll bust through the next couple. Because this is fun. My cousin lost his entire life savings when he was about 45, investing in a farm for these. When he told us, I was probably 15, and I kind of laughed. He did it anyway, lost his ass, investing in this bird, which you can have as a pet in California without a permit, an ostrich. Oh, man. Yeah. I just don't.

One bird's enough for me. You know, yeah, just no. With the ostrich. I guess if I wanted to eat its eggs or something, I just don't know where to go with this one. It's too big. That's a no for you. It's a no.

I don't know what I'd do with it. All right, Forrest, you've got a big, you've got a huge piece of property. Do you want an ostrich? Do you want an ostrich? You already have peacocks. So here's my take on that. So our neighbors had ostriches.

I've spent a lot of time around them. Things like ostriches, alpacas, llamas, emus, kind of all of these big kind of dumb animals that you can get in the domestic pet trade. They're not a bad pet, but they're definitely not a good pet. Like, have you ever met like a great llama? Not really. Like, there's cool llamas. They're fun to pet, but do you really want to care for a llama?

It's not a, like, what is it doing for you? That's so great. I'm saying this is a guy with too many horses and two pot-belly pigs, which are completely useless animals, and I love them. So I can understand if you have a llama or an ostrich and love it. But I don't want an ostrich. They're cool. They're fun.

They're not, they, you know, when they're raised right, they're not cheeky or anything. But why? I just don't know why you have an ostrich. So, yeah, quick story. An editor, Peter and I met working on a show called Whale Wars many years ago as an animal planet show about the sea shepherds. and an editor who is like one of our best editors on the show, I could just tell something that was off with him.

It was like a Monday or Tuesday early in the week. And he was just kind of being grumpy and he was always a fun guy to work with. And I asked him what was wrong and he said that he and his girlfriend of a couple years had broken up over the weekend. And I was like, oh, God, like what happened? And he said it was over an ostrich egg because they had bought an ostrich egg at like a farmer's market or something. And then the process of opening the egg, was so difficult that they got into a huge fight.

Then to spite him, she tried to use a drill and sliced into her hand. And because they had been fighting, he then refused to help her. And so they broke up over an ostrichag. This was you, right? This was not a friend. This was you, as I recall. I can't say the guy's name. All right.

Second to last, I wanted one of these as a kid. My mom said no. You can have a pet tarantula. Thoughts, Peter? You want one? I mean, I'm lukewarm on the idea. It's fine. I would take it.

It's not a lot of work. It's, but what would I do with this thing? I mean, I've seen home alone. We've all seen it in case a couple of burglars break in. I could use it in that manner. Other than that, you know, if it was here, I'd probably feed it some crickets. That's about it. Go for us.

Love it. And I'll tell you why. It does two things. One, they're native. So we have native tarantulas here in California. So having one, if it gets out, if it escapes, no big deal. Assuming you have the native species. two, and this is the part I like the most about it,

it breaks down the stigma of creepy, awful, gross spiders. Like if you have a tarantula as a kid and you realize you could pick it up and play with it, and it's not going to kill you, it takes away that stigma that is associated with those gross creepy crawlies so that when you're out walking one day and you see one, you don't smash it with your foot because you're like, it's disgusting, I hate it. So I'm actually all for it.

I don't think it does any harm to the ecosystem. I think it does only good for people to keep tarantias. I don't think the tarantulas mined because they're spiders. I don't think they mind much. I'm all for it. I like that take, though, because I'm one of these people who doesn't, I never kill the insects, unless it's like fucking cockroach and it's in my, but like, I'll capture a spider and release it outside. Like, even those giant, like mosquito things that they get in, I'll like, I'll, like capture that

motherfucker, put it in a jar and, like, let it out. Peter, you just gave me such a broner. Do you do that too? Oh, we should make Broner t-shirts. Broiner, dude. All right. Last one, final on the list. Look, I live in West Hollywood, in a condo.

If I want one of these, I can go get one, and no one's going to be able to say shit. What is it? This is going to be good. This is going to be good. I'm not talking about the buttery smooth cigarette. I'm talking about the real animal, a camel. Oh my goodness. So Peter, I want a camel.

You want a camel? You want a camel? I mean, the one good thing about a camel is that I suppose if the faucet stopped working, I'd have some extra water around, maybe. You know, you kind of just drink from a camel, right? It's not actually a faucet. Wait. Is it not?

Because I was going to ask you about that. Can you drink a camel? You're just going to shove a straw in his hump? Stuff a tap or what do you think of? They suck its dick and the water comes out. Also what I like about having a camel, though, actually, I've changed my mind. I'm all for this because a camel, like if I want to go to the beach or something, I can just ride that bad boy up there and just park them next to me, man.

I'll be, it'll be great because people ride them in the desert. I feel like it would be perfect for beach going. Wow. You know what? You changed my mind, Peter. I was going to say silly pet, don't have one. But, dude, if you're rocking up to Venice Beach on a camel, are you kidding me? You're pulling more tail than a special kid at a petting zoo if you're doing that.

I mean, you're the coolest guy in the party. Like, that's a great reason to have a camel. Especially if you're doing my mating call. So Forrest, have you ever, do you have any experience with a camel? Okay, so I do. I've ridden camels through the Australian outback. I've eaten camel. It's a common meat in Australia because they're invasive.

But while we're on this topic, if I can change gears, that was number 10, right, Patrick? Yep. All right, perfect time, perfect segue, because guys, it's time for What's in the news? What's in the news? So check this out. Let's play a hypothetical here. Say you're a wealthy Saudi Arabian,

and you decide to host the silliest thing you can. Now, keep in mind, I've never been to this part of the world, but I imagine there's nothing there but sand camels. That's how it plays in my mind. What are you going to do? You're going to host a camel, beauty pageant. Now, this is a real thing, by the way. This is in the news. Now, Patrick, throw me out a dollar figure where if you're like, all right, I've got the prettiest camel, how much money do you

think you'd win in that competition? Just guess. Okay, so there's a lot of oil in Saudi Arabia. My friend, our mutual friend, Justin's wife, works at Prada on Rodeo. And she said, when the Saudis come in, that's like, you can make your whole month in an hour, because they will buy like 35 bags and 15 necklaces. So there's a lot of money there. It's a wealthy country. I'm going to say $3 million for the beauty pageant camel.

Let me lay this on you. There was a beauty pageant in Saudi Arabia for camels where the winner was disqualified, and I'll circle back to why in a minute, because the prize money was $31 million if you won for having the sexiest camel. Now that's not the news headline. has apparently been going on for a while, this first time I ever heard of it.

This is actually the second annual King of the Zuzala or something like that, camel festival. And the guy who won it was disqualified because he was using Botox to pump up the lips and nose of his camel during the competition. No. He's Botoxing his camel for this beauty competition. Which I absolutely would do for $31 million. Absolutely. By the way, if it was $31 million, this would be like the island of Dr. Moreau. I'd be sewing a kitten's head onto the camel's neck.

Are you shitting me? I just, like, when I was reading this news yesterday, I couldn't believe any part of it. I couldn't believe there was a camel beauty pageant. I couldn't believe that it was $31 million prize. I couldn't believe that it was the second annual one named after some king. And I couldn't believe that the guy was Botoxing his fucking camel to win it. I was like, this blew my mind. Fucking humans, man.

It's geniuses. I can kind of see it because camels are known for... Their sex appeal, obviously. Having those big, beautiful... Well, they have really pretty eyes. They have huge eyelashes. Camels do, right? Yeah, they do.

So they're kind of, they are kind of pretty in a way. Totally. I don't know why you'd have a beauty pageant for a camel. What's the fucking prize for the American Kennel Club dog show every year? Best in show. Is that even a million? I don't even think there's money involved in that. It's just a high five.

I don't even know. I think that's like a pride thing. I can tell you this with 100% certainty. It's nowhere near $31 million. No, I will literally jump out of my third story window right now if it's more than a million. Let me ask you this for us. I mean, that's bananas. That's mind blowing.

But back to something Peterson. I was always under the impression, you know, I'm an adult now, so I sort of don't think this anymore. But I was sort of under the impression when I was a kid that if you had a camel with you, you could drink its water that was in its hump. Is that not a thing? Well, I was joking because I'm not an utter moron. And I actually called you out on this on a previous podcast when you said it. But it was a battle roy. You said you were going to tap the camel's fucking hump.

You can't tap a hump? You can't tap. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Go ahead, Forrest. Explain to this moron why. Okay. So the hump that you see in a camp.

camel is fat storage. Now, camels can drink, they can drink like 30 gallons of water, right? And what happens is the fat in that hump will swell and they will hold a bunch of water. And that fat storage is mostly actually for diet. But there is no world in which you can tap a

camel and drink out of it. Sorry, Patrick. Unless you're trying to tap that ass. It is not yeah, that's just not a thing. That's devastating. I'd never see that. Sorry, sorry to ruin that. This is a podcast that ruins dreams here, people. We tell you T-Rexes go five miles an hour.

We let you know that you cannot drink from your camel. It's, yeah, we are ruining dreams one pot at a time. Well, speaking of pets and exotic pets at that, look, I know this has gone around for us. I'm sure a lot of people have sent you this, as they have to us at the Wild Times podcast on social media. How about this fucking Black Panther just cruising around in the suburbs of Sydney, Australia, dude? Oh, yeah. This is blowing up. I mean, it's been on, you know, it's everywhere.

It's on the mirror and the daily, the daily mail and news.com. And it's, it's pretty interesting. So for a little background on what Patrick's talking about, there's a couple places in the world. Florida is one of them where Black Panthers are a commonly known thing. They've never been proven to exist, right? Now, in all places of the world, Australia, which has no native large black cats. There's no lions, there's no tigers. None of that exists.

There's only marsupials in Australia. around Sydney, of all places, for many, many years, there have been reports of giant black panthers, right? Large black cats roaming around. And like all of the other reports, myself included, all scientists have been like, you're idiots, we don't have black panthers in Australia, it's nonsense. And many people have said, you're wrong, they've escaped from zoos, there's a small population, you know, they're here, I've seen them, I swear. And to myself and the rest of the scientific community, these are the people that say Bigfoot exists, right? These are the people that say they've been abducted. It's like, yeah, okay, go put your tinfoil hat back on and, you know, leave the wildlife science to the rest of us.

Now, three days ago, a video surfaces from a student in Australia that clearly shows a black cat walking over a hill. I think in the university or near the university where this kid's at school that he captured on his phone. Now, I'm going to dig into what I believe in a minute here, but it's shocking to say the least, just to prove that there is potentially a large black cat roaming around Australia. Because the question is how did it get there? Yeah, this footage is pretty fascinating. I'm watching it right now. I mean, how the fuck?

I mean, how did it get there, do you think? Is that a pet trade situation? So first of all, when I first saw this, so, okay, so for those that don't know, I'm not into cryptids, right? I don't do big foots. I don't do lock nest monsters. But I'm very interested in the Black Panther thing because it's iconic. And it's something that does exist, right?

Large black cats exist. large black jaguars exist, large black leopards exist, they've been photographed. So we know this animal exists. How it's made such a reputation for itself in places like the United States and Australia where they're not native is a big question. So that's a lot of backstory. But what I'm getting to is I'm very interested in Black Panthers, especially after spending time in Australia. When I first saw this video, I was like, this is really stupid, right?

I'm looking at a house cat. It's filmed on an iPhone from far away. you don't have enough trees for scale, like, just stop. Now, that being said, if you break down this video and really look at it, it doesn't look like a house cat. And I was shocked by this. I think this really could potentially be a large cat. It really does look like one. And you see that by the musculature of the animal.

You can see some trees in there and you can see some grass. I mean, the grass isn't even up to its knee joints. You know, it's clearly very big. Now, in addition to that, an animal tracker by the name of Jake Cesar went out looking right after this animal was there and photographed his hand next to paw prints that's the same size as basically, you know, his four fingers put together in the picture. And he's going, look, guys, if this, like Patrick, how big is Lemley's paws, the size of your, you know, thumb and index finger made in a circle? Like, it's tiny, right? The size of a cotton ball. Exactly the size of a cotton ball.

Right. Well, well, this guy's showing, you know, a four and. across pad that is clearly a cat track and I don't think that this Jake Cesar has anything to gain by going out there and making up these cat tracks. So I actually do, and I'm not a conspiracy theorist, I'm not into cryptos. I look at this and think there is, there is, this is evidence to substantiate the claims of there being large black panthers in Sydney. And I think what has happened is you're seeing an animal, maybe first generation, maybe second, maybe third, who knows, that has probably come from another problem we were talking about earlier in the show, the exotic pet trade.

So Australia is full of, especially Sydney, it's full of wealthy people from all over the world have congregated there. I think someone or some, someone or some institution has smuggled in an illegal large black cat. And they've let it out in the backwoods, it's escaped, whatever. And now it's roaming around Sydney eating people's dogs and cats and, you know, trash, what are they call them, bin chickens, all the ibises that run around the city. someone's finally proven it. And it's, it's pretty remarkable. I have to say, Forrest, I, you know, you're much more qualified. I disagree a little bit in the sense that I do think that you get a pretty decent sense of scale from the video. Like the musk, maybe I'm just, maybe I'm tainted because the musculature is so not a house cat. But let me ask you this, overweight

thylacine. No, it's a, I appreciate that. I'd love to say that I could see some of it. It's just wrong. It's too, it moves like a cat. It does, yeah. I thought he was calling me that. You're an overweight blobfish, Peter. It does. I mean, it really like, you know, when my cat's stalking, it's feather toy, I mean, the way it moves, but God, that

thing is a muscular fucking beast, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know anything about anything, but just watching it, it does not look like a house cat. It's kind of my amateur view. Isn't it, it's, it appears very brown. It doesn't really look like a black panther, doesn't it. Well, and that's interesting, right? So if you go on Google and you look up Black Panther,

they're not, so they're melanistic, right? So these are animals, they're Jaguars, leopards, whatever they are, that have turned black through melanism. Now, melanism is a dark pigment in the skin. They're not jet black. They're not like the way they're depicted in movies where they are literally that midnight black that we think of. They are more on the scale of between brown and black. And then when you bounce that with the fact that they have oily coats and you put some broad daylight on it, like what we're seeing in this video, a lot more of that lighter brown sheen comes out than the dark color. So I really do think we're looking at the quote unquote Black Panther in this video. It's pretty cool. I mean, it makes me think about

our trip to Zanzibar when we caught the leopard, or you caught the leopard on trail camera. Oh, that's a wee. That's a hard way. Sure. The meat tree was both of our drunk idea. But, uh, oh yeah, the meat tree, dude, from episode one. But, but the, the excitement was had to be muted a little bit, much different than the, you know, some of the other discoveries that, that have been made on the show. Because, you know, right away, you, you know, you went to this could have been from a private collection or a private zoo. And it's just an African leopard that was freed. Right. Yeah.

And that's the thing. I mean, you know, it's like Peter talking about the parrots in L.A. or you go into Florida and you can find camellions in the trees and green iguanas everywhere. The world is getting smaller and smaller. And nowadays, there's a little bit more regulation on exotic animal trade. But up until like 10, 15 years ago, if you had a bit of money, you could get anything. Like, there was no regulation. You know, if I wanted to be Joe Exotic of Sydney, I'd be Joe Exotic of Sydney.

And if I was tired of those cats, you better believe I'm letting them out because what else am I going to do with them? Sure. And so I think that's, you know, in this case, I believe that. That's what we're seeing. And it's bizarre. Like the world is mixed up biologically because of what we as humans have done. I read a super interesting stat the other day that scientists estimate that estimate that 150 to 200 species of plant, insect and bird and mammals become extinct every 24 hours. And that it's a thousand times the natural rate due to human activity.

that it would be without human activity just speaks to your point. That's insane. So what could happen if this is a Black Panther? Well, that's an interesting question. My opinion would be if it can be any more confirmed than it currently is, they'll sadly probably be some kind of bounty or effort placed on its head because that animal does not belong there.

You know, it's likely causing some biological damage, whether that's just eating the odd wombat or whether that's like, causing stressed people, I don't know, but it doesn't belong there. And so I imagine if the Australian government takes it seriously, there will either be trapping or hunting implications put in place to remove the animal. And that sucks for the individual, but it's the right thing to do biologics. Right. I know we're going a little long here, but this is a local story that people love it, man.

The longer the better. Good. People love this shit. This is one that's local-ish, the forest, as soon as I see. saw this. I was in the mountains of Utah stopped over there for a couple days. I believe it or not, I was looking for aliens. But I saw this. I do believe it. And I was really excited to see what you thought about it. Did you see that there is a beluga whale that is cruising around off the coast of San Diego? That's right. First time in a hundred

something years, I believe. Damn. It's so a couple, couple thoughts on that. I don't want to take away from your announcement, Patrick. I got really excited when. No, that's, I. I, I just want to know what you think because it's not an animal that should be cruising the warm waters of San Diego. Totally. It's bizarre. So first of all, I think cetaceans move more than we give them credit for, cetaceans being whales and other marine mammals. Keep in mind, they're hyperintelligent. They have the ability to go a lot further than we give them credit for, but that's on them. Now, I think there's a couple things that can be going on here. One is with the changing sea surface temperatures, that animal could be moving because it's confused, because it's lost, because it's trying to find a new pod, it's really hard to say.

But I think the more likely thing that's happened, and this has actually been known to happen a couple different times all over the world with a couple different species, is that this animal is lost. I think this beluga whale is legitimately lost. It's looking for its pod. They can travel vast distances over pretty short amounts of time. Somehow he got turned around. He should have been going north or he should have been going south, and he just, kept going in one direction, and sure enough, somebody spotted them off the coast of San Diego, you know, thousands of miles, I believe, from where they should be altogether. And it's kind of

sad because I don't know this for sure, but my guess would be that individual who, unlike the Black Panther, deserves to be in the ocean in his own space, is likely going to die. Oh, that sucks. But not definitely, you know, could turn around, could find its way home, could be a whole bunch of them showing up. Who knows? But I think it's, you know, Like all animals, they can get brain damage, they can get injuries, something can go wrong. And, you know, if this beluga whale has some brain damage or something like that, it's navigation's off, it's sonars off. It could wind up in San Diego, unable to feed, who knows what. But I got really excited when I saw it.

I was like, God, I'd love to see a beluga whale in California. That would be insane. And I don't think it's been spotted since then about a week ago. Did you see that video that came out earlier this year of the- The squishy head? Oh, no. It was the one where they were playing fetch with the rugby ball with the beluga. Oh, yeah, I loved it.

Yeah, it floated around my rugby team. Everybody, yeah, I loved it. Absolutely loved it. They were literally playing fetch the exact same way you play fetch with the dog. With a beluga whale. Did you see this? Here's the North Pole. I've never seen it.

No. No. Yeah, I think it was like up in Norway or something. And these guys were throwing this rugby ball and kicking this rugby ball, like way out into the ocean. And it's beluga whale would go and grab it and bring it back and drop it off with them. And they'd do it again. Literally, just like Patrick says, like you play fetch with your dog.

I'd take a pet beluga whale. I'd keep one of those in a tank in my room easily. Well, they say owners and pets often do kind of look alike. Oh, my goodness. You are fucking in rare form today, aren't you? I do have a quick question about that beluga whale, though. So Forrest, yeah, the beluga whales, so let's say it's separated from its pod, right? Because they're in pods.

Is that how they normally travel? Do they need the pod to be able to get food or can it hunt itself? And then the other question is, so it's normally in these very, cold waters, you know, the fact that it's covered in fat, right? Obviously, it's very, like, to keep it insulated. Now that it's in these warmer waters, does that fuck it up as well? Both good questions. So, I mean, think of, you know, this is like probably not the best analogy, but think of a beluga whale as wolves, right? Does a wolf need the pot need the pack to hunt? No, it doesn't, right? It's perfectly capable of eating small rodents and things like that on its own,

but the pod provides support and safety and reproduction and the ability to hunt greater meals and things like that. So it's really not that this animal is definitely going to perish on its own because it needs its mates to hunt. It's that it doesn't have its social dynamic. It's unable to do a lot of the behaviors that it would and doesn't have the safety of the pod. And so beluga whales, they live up in the north, right?

They're up in the very northern range. They come down into Alaska, like all the way to the Aleutian. island. So to be in San Diego, you're talking way far south. But what's interesting that I think a lot of people don't realize is if you look at the way the currents work in the world, if you look, like, if you go straight across from Southern California to northern Florida, right, or approximately, maybe it's South Carolina, I don't know, whatever, that general region, the water's way warmer over there than it is over here in Southern California, right? And that's because of the winds and the currents globally. Now, something that's fascinating that I don't think a lot of people realize is the water

temperature in southern Alaska is not as drastically different from Northern California and California in general as you think. And the reason being, the way that the currents work is we get cold water currents moving. It kind of hits the coastline in Alaska from the Bering Sea and then shoots down the coast all the way to Point Conception, which is just 30, 40 miles from where. I live here in Santa Barbara, and then it juts out. Then we get a warm water current moving in from the south that also jets out and mixes of point conception. So the temperature gradient from southern Alaska to basically northern California, don't get me wrong, it's a lot colder in Alaska, but it's not like 40 degrees like it is, you know, going on the east coast, where the waters

in South Florida, compared to the waters in, say, Newfoundland, Canada, are really, really extreme temperature gradients. So what I'm getting at is this animal wouldn't be in like massive temperature shock, right? It could have slowly come down this coastal, coastal way from western Alaska, all the way down to basically like point conception area, which again is only like 30 miles north of where I am here, and then crossed over into where the warm water from the south comes and mixes with the northern and been like, oh, this is a little bit warmer, right? That might have been like a tad bit of a shock, but it's not like, oh my God, there's a 50 degree water temperature difference. Like, I'm going to be in absolute shock and die. And that's the reason that, like, right here where I

live in California, I can go offshore right here and catch halibut, right? I can travel to Alaska and also catch halibut. Like, the same species can range all the way from here where I am in Santa Barbara, California, all the way up to Alaska, because the water temperature gradient is not super duper diverse. Like, it does get colder and it does get warmer, but just not by, by such extremes as someone might expect. Gotcha. Okay. Right. So it's basically it's just going to be very lonely. That's the main thing. It's going to be lonely.

It's going to be too warm and hopefully he turns around and heads back north, finds his pod. I'm thinking he will, you know, just because I want to be optimistic, but fingers crossed, baby. Well, who knows? I mean, maybe we'll see a heartwarming story when the gray whales migrate

back by San Diego. Maybe he'll join a pod of gray whales and go on a fuck fest because he's like the new guy he's like it's like the kid in middle school right like the kid that came from out of town into into your middle school and all the chicks were like oh he's the new guy like let me let me see if he'll give me the guy with the guy with the sweet haircut who's good at basketball and you're like yeah and he's like i'm from oakland do you see my starter's jacket i'm from oakland starters jacket yeah i fucked that up oh my goodness you are a messer first drink in five days today uh so I like it.

Forrest, this is something I did want to get your opinion on. Sure. Did you see the news? This is brand new about the new species that scientists in Hungary created called the sturtlefish. I did. I love this news, by the way. I think it's so funny. All right, so wait, run down the story, and then I have a question.

I'm too drunk to tell the story. You tell it. And then I do want to ask you a question about it, though. You got it. So there's two kinds of these, and there's a lot more. But there's these two kinds of large mega freshwater fish, right? One is called the paddle fish, which as our listeners may remember, we talked about the Chinese paddle fisheries. Oh, yeah.

It's this crazy looking fish with this large spoon-like bill appendage that comes off of its face. Then the other fish is a sturgeon, right? An animal that's been around for 184 million years of evolution. I mean, entirely separate species, entirely separate continents at these animals. Well, not altogether. I don't want to get the weeds on that. But anyway, the American paddle. I also think it's worth mentioning that the sturgeon, the caviar of the sturgeon, the eggs,

is one of the most expensive caviars in the world. So when they claim they made an accident, I'm a little suspicious. But anyway. Yeah, so got it. So, yeah, so there's, so, and this is, I think this is where to circle back around to that point. So both these animals, and this is a new thing, American, American paddlefish have recently become known for their caviar because you can harvest. it without killing the fish. They're easier to breed than sturgeon. Sturgeon being, not all of them, but the species most in question, Russian caviar, they come from Russia. It's super expensive.

You know, it's a little black eggs that you put on the little pancake thing, whatever. Anyway, because these two animals are now both bred and harvested for their caviar, their eggs, apparently scientists somehow crossed a Russian sturgeon with an American paddlefish and created a species that is the worst. Like, it shouldn't exist. It's like a Liger or Tygoner. I mean, you know, it's like a Liger, right? A Liger being a lion from Africa and a tiger from India got together

and humped and made this mutant baby. This is a paddlefish from America and a sturgeon from Russia. And scientists mixed their eggs together and somehow created this new fish called a stertilfish, which is this absolutely heinous. looking sturgeon with this bill like rostrum. It's insanity. And I'll tell you why I love it because it's it's a Frankenfish. I mean, it's a fish that absolutely shouldn't exist. I would love to have one in an aquarium. I mean, it's just so bizarre. Can I tell you why I love it? Tell me. Because it's uglier than a blobfish, which is apparently what I look like. I'm happy that there is an uglier

fish than me out there. It is not uglier than a blobfish, although it's heinous. But here's the thing, Right. So these Hungarian scientists said that they were trying to do an experiment with something called gyneogenesis, right? So the idea was that the egg of the sturgeon would reproduce asexually, right? The idea was that they were going to use the paddlefish sperm to somehow make the sturgeon reproduce asexually without having to introduce the DNA of the paddfish. Right. Yeah. Okay. So why would you do this? One. Because the fucking sturgeon is a very lucrative fish.

It produces this incredibly expensive sought after caviar. So these Hungarian scientists in air quotes were trying to do this thing. They created this hybrid fish called the whatever the fuck they're calling it. Strel burn. Will that fish produce caviar? If so, did they really do this by accident? or are they trying to create a way to make more expensive caviar? And two, or B, should they just kill this thing?

Like, you can't just create a new species and then unleash it in the wild. Like, don't they have a duty. That's what the aliens did with us, mate. Fair enough. Fair enough. Don't kill us aliens. But like, Forrest, if you were on this project and you accidentally create a new species, what should you do with it ethically and morally?

Kill it straight away. Absolutely zero question. I mean, these animals should never come into contact with each other. You hate this fish. You hate this fish so much. No, I told you, I love it. And I want to keep one in an aquarium. I love it.

It's a Frankenfish. But Patrick's asking, what do you do ethically and morally? And the answer is you kill it straight away. Because you have no idea what the biological ramifications of that creation can be. If that fish escapes, if it creates a whole new species, maybe it's, and this is a weird example because of these species of fish. But maybe it's the most ravenous fish on earth and it just starts wiping out all the native fish in Hungary where it was where it was bred. I mean, ethically and marly, you wipe it out immediately. You kill it right then and there. It gets stuffed. It goes

into a museum and you go, hey, look at the fuck up we did one time. Isn't that crazy? You do not keep going with it. Now back to point one slash a that you brought up, Patrick. Could this, if I'm a Russian caviar connoisseur and I find out there's one stertle fish in the world and it's going to produce caviar and I've spent $10,000 per spoon of caviar in my life and I know there's one stertlefish making caviar in the world that's a million dollars a spoon absolutely I'm going to pay for it right that's that's kind of to your point that I'd never even cross my mind until right now there could totally be some like weird you know economic value to it because it's so rare and unique and it could have this incredible quote unquote delicious caviar that nobody else has ever tasted in history. So

it, I could see why they could try and keep it around to stimulate, you know, economic growth. But I hate the idea of it. It's, it's a Frankenfish. Like I said, it's got to go. Well, the Research Institute for Fisheries and Aquaculture in Hungary, who created this monster, uh, they've said, you know, we're, we repeated it a few times to make sure we were right, but they haven't said what they've done with the fish, whether they've released them into the wild not, which I think is very fucking weird. You know, I read the entire study and they don't, which is in a publication called the, the, something of genes.

It's some horrible publication that, you know, only scientists would read. But dot biz. Genes is the name. Okay, genes. But it doesn't say what they did with the sturtlefish if they released them or not, which I find very strange. My understanding, and I could be wrong, is that this happened in a lab where, they do caviar, et cetera.

And I actually haven't read the whole study. I just read a bunch of the headlines and Googled with the pictures. But I think they have them in these breeding pens, in these large concrete ponds. And the idea would be that they would never get into the wild. But we know from countless, countless mistakes, it never works that way, right? One flood, one accident, one guy takes one home, throws in his fish pond, and that's it. They're all over the place. So it's, yeah, like I said, it's got to go.

We shouldn't be doing this. We are literally playing God in this situation, right? where we're creating new animals out of two other animals that should never meet and going, ha ha, we replicated it. We did it again. We're making things that didn't exist. Yeah, it's the island of Dr. Moreau, legit. Like, they're just like, yeah, these are both weird.

Let's make something even more fucking weird. All right. So, guys, I think it's that time, the time of the podcast that everybody hits me up about every single day. They want it. They want more. And we're going to give it to them like I give it to Doris de Luca. That's my mom. You've never given her anything.

She doesn't even know who you are. The Battle Royal. Battle Royal. Everyone's going crazy. Patrick, you said that while you were driving across country, you came up with something dynamite. I'm curious to hear about it. We touched on it earlier. I teased it.

I'm excited. Peter's excited. Forrest is also excited, not as much, about the fact that the Pentagon has finally said, yes, we've recovered spacecraft. That was not there. Aliens do exist. They said it. flat out. They were not made on this earth. So here's the idea. We're going to take it one step

farther. A spacecraft lands. Someone's filming it with their iPhone in beautiful Nebraska where the roads are free of potholes. And the door opens. They have traveled from another solar system. As we explained, it would take 80,000 years traveling at the speed that we travel in space to get here. What does it look like? Now, what you're going to going to do, what we're each going to do, is, you know, don't, don't let me yourself. I'm not going to say one. I'm not going to say three. What does it look like?

What does the alien look like? Don't say a little green Martian. Use descriptors from things we know of, frames of reference. Okay. Describe and build what you think the aliens will look like when we get a video of them within the next six months. I love this. And I love that it's happening within this next six months.

Since I'm surprising you guys with this, I'm going to nominate Forrest, the broologist, to go first. All right. I like it, yeah. I like it. Yeah, I'm a fan. All right. So in my mind, as soon as you started explaining what the challenge was,

I had a very vivid picture in my mind of a salamander-like creature. Whoa. Oh, yeah. I don't know why. I have no reason for this. Maybe it's, maybe it's the white claw. Maybe it's the beer. I couldn't tell you.

But I had this vision of this vertically erect bipedal, meaning standing up one, two legs for you, Peter. Oh, yes. I know. I know. Thank you. That is with very skinny shoulders that's very amphibious looking. It's, it's very much like a salamandered head. So it's got this rounded head where a lot of its head is mouth, these very small eyes.

Is it selling you, Geico and Schenberg? insurance. Yeah, you're on the right vein. That's totally where I'm going. It's, that's funny. Now, now you're veering lizard. I'm going much more salient. And I don't see it as green.

I see it as white for some reason. Like, like an opaque, milky whitish color, like an axolodal, if anybody knows what that is. It's a Mexican salamander that has exposed gills. And then I'm seeing on its neck, like, gill slips. You're asking what I'm saying. I'm painting a picture for you here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm seeing a breathing apparatus that is unlike what we're familiar with.

It would be most closely related to gills, some kind of slips along the side of the head, neck region, very slender, very tall shoulders, bipedal, like I said, so two-legged. But as you move down the body, I think that this animal, unlike us, although it's bipedal, has more of a kangarooish shape. So it's got very, it's got, yeah, so stay with me now. I'm telling you what I'm thinking here. It's got the arms most closely resembling a human being, the ability to use its arms. But for balance and stability with having these very narrow shoulders and the slender body, imagine the lower half of a kangaroo, much thicker truncated legs, bending at the knees in a way that a kangaroo would, unlike what we're expecting, and a large base of a tail that it uses for stability.

Okay. I think that sounds fun. Now, why did you go? Is there some sort of reason that you have? went that way? No, not at all. That's just what I envisioned. I don't know why. I just, I envision this salamander like soft skin, translucent, sticky, wet, you know, not traditional alien thing, very narrow, but because it has that narrow, slender, upper body, that thicker, lower body, no hair. I don't, I don't see any fur or hair. Very, very, yeah, amphibious.

Really, I feel like the word amphibian describes what I'm doing. I don't like this. I don't like this one bit. You know what? If you, so here's, so let me sum it up for the listeners. when they vote for my Battle Royal animal. Now way. This is, my Martian is, it's a salamander stingray kangaroo. That's how I see it. It's skin like a stingray. This is madness.

You think that a salamander stingray kangaroo learned how to fly a spaceship and take it here? Better than you, Peter. Learn how to do interdimensional travel? I do. What does it have the brain of? A bird? I told you, it's got this massive salamander-like head. It's full of brains.

Right. It's all brains. It's all brains. Ganglion, like on the octopus. So I'll go next. Here we go. Who's up? So my alien is the right one.

Already hate it. Unfortunately, if you pour salt on it, it's going to disintegrate because let's start with the body of a slug. It's going to look very much slug-like in its body. It's going to travel upon this body that has a long tail, although it will then sort of curve up. at the end to where the head's going to be, very similar to, let's say, Jabba the Hut. Nice. And it's also going to, much like Jabba the Hut, have a toad-like face. Okay.

On a chest that looks very humanoid and little sort of chubby arms, like a chubby toddler. The head, like Forrest, is going to be massive. I mean, there just has to be so much brain in this animal. Like Forrest once again. Yeah. But here's the thing. Basically, if you just Google job of the hut, that's my, that's my creature. You literally just, you literally just stole Java the hut.

I like it. It's a big, ugly slug creature. Yeah, it just feels hardy. It feels like it could survive 80,000 years in space. It feels hardy, like a nice suit. Yeah. Like a nice blob. Yeah, like a nice boolee bays.

It's a hardy creature and it's slug-like. And it's slimy. It is slimy. and I think it may live in water well, it's traveling through space. Makes sense. I don't know why, but it makes sense. Thanks.

It's, uh, I hate it. Hate it also. Just spilled my drink. That's great. Not only did you spill your drink, but in the mirror behind you, I saw your dog get very scared. He's brazzled.

He's scared of everything. Um, all right. So my, my alien is just a fantastic creature. Um, comes from a galaxy far away and the face it has the face of a naked mole rat

because the naked mole rat is a very attractive creature and I think that these aliens huh yeah no please continue I think that these aliens need to be good looking so that we'll receive them well here on earth because we're a very superficial species and I think they know that because they've been

watching us tuning in so perhaps it's perhaps it's even a shape-shifting alien and it shows the naked mole rat to look like because it's just so goddamn attractive. It has the it has the body

of a elderly 70-year-old woman. Are you picturing it nude? Is it nude? He is. He is. He is definitely is. nude, yes. Absolutely. Doris. It has the body of Doris DeLuca. I hope she's listening.

including she does listen by the way that's I bet this is brutal yeah she listens she really does yeah that's fine awful go ahead this is like your seventh time you've said what you've said let's move forward it's been said

I mean I don't really know what her body looks like I'm just envisioning you know any any older older woman she does by the way I'll have you know she does Zumba online now that COVID's happening every motherfucking day son excellent And then, you know, I'll go along the same lines as Forest.

It has big thick legs. What the fuck are you talking? He didn't say anything about thick legs. Big, thick kangaroo, strong, strong legs like a kangaroo. He's drunker than I am. He's so drunk. He's just saying things. He doesn't even know what he's saying.

I'm not. I have justifications for every selection I've made. Why the thing? Why is sick legs? Yeah. Because those gas pedals they have to push, it's very taxing. Oh, so they can... They can travel at the speed of light, but yet their hydraulic systems are from the 50s.

You want to know why? Because their fucking brains are in their thick legs, Pat. And they need a lot of space in there because they are fucking smart. All right. That's something. So, okay, let's circle back. So if you're a listener, join us on iTunes, the Wild Times pod. We're on social channels.

By the way, if you send us a message on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you're going to hear back from us. You're going to hear back from the professor, Peter Fitzer himself. He's going to say, what's up to you? Patrick and I read all the messages. So go on one of these platforms, preferably iTunes. Let us know whose alien creature you think is closest, is going to resemble most closely the animal that Patrick has said will land here on Earth within the next six months.

Oh, it's going to land now in six months. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. No, look, I've, I've, I've, I've gargled those words because I've had several beers, but we also listeners. This is the drunkenest podcast we've done since we're all together. It is. It's also, we're gone on like two hours.

It's insane. But, all right, regardless, let us go. Vote on who is the drunkest. Vote. Yeah, we know the answer, Peter. You lose. So, but go on to iTunes, leave us a five-star review and let us know. Is it Patrick's job of the hut that travels in water?

So lame. Just stole it. Shit copyright infringement. Shut up. Shut up. Is it Mr. Retep's naked mole rat old lady fat legs? Not that old. 70 is the new 60 guys.

True, true, true. Or is it my, what did I say? It was a salamander stingray kangaroo creature. Let us know what you think the alien looks like. I mean, it's likely none of those. Let's be honest. But let us know. Thank you for listening to our shit show.

thing, the last thing I want to say, guys, this is really, and I think it's the Chardonnay talking, but I really miss doing this in person. Let's, let's, should we all just get COVID tests and do the next one together? Absolutely. I'm in. 100%. I think it's time. Yeah. Agreed. For us, we'll be in Santa Barbara next week. All right. Social distancing, we're going to break it. Might get some tests. Might not. We'll find out. Stay tuned next week, uh, right back here at the Wild Times, where we'll be together. We'll be likely even more drunk if we're all sitting in the same room. And until then, good night.

Good night. Love you.