Wild Times: Wildlife Education - The Cryptid Cast

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Forrest gives a biologist's perspective on the world's most infamous cryptids, including sasquatch, chupacabra, Loch Ness Monster, and skinwalkers. The gents take a deep dive into Zoom etiquette, including Forrest's refusal to wear a shirt. Forrest explains how the Tasmanian Tiger may have made it to North America due to a shipwreck.  Bobby Flay and Ryan Seacrest get involved in the Battle Royale segment. Forrest makes plans for extinct animal searches post-quarantine.  See more at https://thewildtimespodcast.com/the-cryptid-cast/

Hi, and welcome to the Wild Times podcast. Fuck, dude. I mean... That was terrible, Peter. It was fine. No, you pooped. You pooped your pants. The original one was fucking...

You fucking pooped it. I mean, let me just start it. Sure, sure. Go ahead, poop pants. Wild times. I showed up to the Zoom meeting, Sans shirt. I've been working out. Felt good.

That was like a real entertaining show. Wow. Yeah. And... That's a long end. And we're back with the Wild Time. It is episode number five. I am joined today by Mr. Patrick DeLuca, as always.

Good to see you guys, man. And Mr. Retep, how are you, Peter? You guys have an overabundance of energy. I'm out. Just kidding. Go to bed. Hey, how you doing? Ritep here.

Yeah. Oh, man. How's you guys weak been? Has it been... How's quarantine week four? Are we on week four? Five, mate. Five in L.A.

I feel like I've been in for two years. I see you shaved your beard off, weird guy. What the fuck is going on with your face? Oh, my goodness. It is one of the worst decisions I've made in over a decade. If you haven't shaved your beard in like five years, and it's the age of 30 to 35 or 36, and then you see your face after that long,

it's frightening. Every time I pass the mirror, I'm like, that's how we feel just looking at you on Zoom right now. That's true. I am not the funny, interesting, or handsome one. When was the last time Forrest you saw your face without a beard? Oh, it's been at least three years now. What about you?

Okay. Since probably 2003. I mean, a long fucking time. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. God, we are some bearded guys. I know. I've got picks of Pat without a beard, and I'm going to post them on the wild timespodcast.

Yes. This is delightful. How's your quarantine going? Are you still completely alone, or are you able to see some people now? No, I'm good. So I got over my. My short, after coming back from Indonesia, I had to go into complete isolation. But after 10 days of that, I'm allowed to be around family and keep it, you know, I'm like doing the same thing that everybody else is doing now.

Gotcha. Hashtag stay inside, except don't. No doubt. Yeah. Oh. You guys, you guys been doing anything to keep yourselves occupied? Pat, I know you've been talking about doing Zoom meetings. This seems to be the big new thing these days.

I'm sure, like probably most of our listeners, you know, I feel. feel like I'm getting invited to like a Zoom hang out pretty much every night. They can be fun. They're hit or miss though, man. It takes one bad seed to ruin a Zoom hang. If you do one where you can't get a word in edgewise, like, you know, like a 12 person group and everyone's having cocktails and like one person is just dominating. Like, I'll just X out. I'll bail. Do you Irish exit or do you say goodnight? I sort of like pretend I'm fiddling with my laptop like something's going wrong and then I exit out. Technical difficulties. That's the Irish goodbye of the future.

I know. Seriously. We did a fun one last night. So obviously my rugby team and I are not allowed to get together and train and, you know, play rugby and beat the shit out of people like we like to do on Saturdays. But that also means there are no Saturday night social. So last night there were 17 guys on Zoom, all drinking beer, all chugging on Zoom. And I actually, so I started the trend.

I'll have everyone here know. I showed up to the Zoom meeting, Sands shirt. I've been working out. Oh, obviously. You know, I'm not going to wear a shirt.

And everybody made fun of me when I signed on because of the 17 guys, I was the only one without a shirt. Three and a half hours later when I signed off, there was only two guys still wearing their shirts. Dude, as soon as you said 17 rugby players, I was like, so did anyone have it framed up on their face

or just their bare asses or dicks? Right. Most, most. Three left with shirts and zero with pants. Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of like ball sneaking showing and yeah, boy. Of course. It was exactly what a rugby zoom sounds like.

No, it's good. You got to have contact, man. You got to keep that human contact going. That's how you'll really go nuts, man. That's right. So I went for a pretty awesome hike actually yesterday. Most of the trails around Southern California have been closed, which is kind of dumb. It's like closed the biggest open space as possible.

But there's one that's open. It's called Deep Creek. And oh my God, dude, it is amazing. I can't believe I didn't know about this place. But I took my five-month-old dog and there's no stopping people from petting your dog. That's right. And so I read up and it seems like they're saying it's not like a huge concern of like a way to spread the virus is through like dog fur. Yep.

But it is, man. What are you talking about? The virus can live on surfaces for an extended amount of time. time. You luckily already had coronavirus, though, so you should be safe. I did use that to get out of a responsibility. You're not letting this go, huh, Retev? Every time it comes up, you're like, Patrick, you had it, remember? You had it. Listen, I take shit from you guys in every podcast, so when there's something I can pounce on,

I'm going to grab it and go forever. Well, this is podcast number four. The first three are out. People seem to be loving this, man. Lots of comments, lots of feedback. The numbers are fantastic. Thank you to everyone who's listening. Yeah. Yeah. Peter, you told me that we are ranked like in the top 50 for comedy podcasts in many in many countries. Some country that has 35 listeners or something like that. Qatar. Is it Qatar? Yeah. Great. Cater. Somewhere somewhere really restrictive. We are in the top 50 in all pod, top 80 actually in all podcasts in Canada. Do you have a huge Canadian following for us? I apparently because I didn't know this. So for all of my, is Kanoa racist term?

I say Cannox? No, that's like the name of their hockey team. Okay, sorry, I didn't know. It sounded weird when I rolled off the tongue there. Mr. Science guy. All of my Canuck followers, thank you guys. You guys are amazing for tuning in. And if you're going to send hate mail,

just remember the other two guys said that Canuck was okay. Yeah, send that to Forest at the Wild Times Podcast.com. All hate mail directed to you. No, but it is amazing. Honestly, the fact that we've made it to, you know, in four podcasts, with the amount of reviews and you guys all listening in that we are in the top 80 podcast is incredible.

So thank you guys very much. Absolutely. That's the goal, man. It's like, you know, I love podcasts and you get addicted to them and it becomes like something you rely on and count on for your, you know, not right now, but commute or your gym time or you're walking the dog. And, you know, with a lot of these podcasts, it's tough. I mean, you know, your buddies with Rogan, but like I love Rogan's podcast,

but it's not necessarily interactive. And we do want ours to feel like just a big fucking half. hang out, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, please continue with the comments, send us messages on Instagram. We'll get into it. And I've got one that I want to get into right now. Do it. What is it? Habit mate. So it's from a listener, Claire L. And she is dying to know, does Forrest frost his tips? I was like, oh, here comes something useful. Here comes a good question. That's about your hair. No, it is about my hair. That is a great question, Claire L. I'm not really sure what

makes it a great question. Because, because we want to know, man. Yeah, the people want to know. I did frost my tips once when I was about 14, and you couldn't tell the difference. And I think the problem is I spend so much time outdoors, and I'm actually relatively fair, even though I'm always sunburnt and tan. And my hair just gets light until I chop it off. I am not above highlights. Don't get me wrong. I would do it, and I would tell you honestly.

And I say that because I will tell you that when I shave my beard down, there's a gray patch that sometimes I sharpie in, because when it gets really short, you can see my gray patch in my beard, but I do not frost my tips. I do remember a time where I was literally puking my lungs out in Madagascar from some sort of weird bacteria that was going around the crew, and I just looked up through my bleary, tear-filled eyes and saw you sharpying in a gray spot on your beard. It was, it really made me feel better. It was a real thing that I've had to do it. I have one. What I don't get is why you had to dye your beard while you were looking for extinct animals in Madagascar. Well, when my executive producer is bent over

puking his guts out, I know I have some downtime to fix my overall appearance. And seeing as I don't know how to operate hair dye, I have a brown sharpie that does the trip. Because you got to impress this guy here. Yeah, that's what matters. That is what matters. Of course. So what's the plan for today, Forrest? I know you had something in mind you wanted to get into. You know, there is one weird common theme from listeners that have been writing in, sending comments, which they want to ask me about cryptids. Now, guys, I got to be clear about this. I am not a cryptid expert. I'm a biologist.

I study real known animals. So your questions about, hey, there's Bigfoot out there. Are you going to find him? You're the guy. Hey, what's up with Loch Ness Monster? She's hot. I don't know if anybody said that. But I don't know that much about these animals.

But I figure we could address some of it right here on the podcast, clear the air. But just understand, I'm not a cryptozoologist. Well, luckily, I am. I was going to say. And I, between the hours of four and six a.m., we are talking cryptids almost every week. It's true. I'd like to get your, you know, just sort of, because here's a thing, cryptids all sort of fall into the space of the animal kingdom, right?

Whether it's Sasquatch or Loch Ness Monster, there's a plausible explanation for what it could be or if it could exist. So what I'd like to do is let's create a scale of one to ten forest. 10 being, I think it probably exists, to one being like there's no explanation. for this. Right. We'll throw a few at you. Great.

Let's do it. And I'll give you reason why I score them because as someone who understands the animal world, I could tell you how likely or not likely it is that the animal could even exist. Okay. So here's the first one, animal nerd. One of my favorites is called the Chupacabra. Ah, yes.

I know a little bit about it. So it was first cited in 1995, I believe, in Puerto Rico, because there were a lot a goats being killed. And this apparently is confirmed, look, I wasn't there, but in 95, a farmer found eight of his goats that had been killed. Each of them had three chest wounds or whatever, and he claimed that they were drained of blood. And chupacabra has become this thing that is sort of a creature that hops like a kangaroo, has some mangy dog or wolf-like characteristics, and apparently sustains off sucking the blood of livestock. Not just livestock, but my understanding is chupacabra loosely translates to the goat sucker. You know, you eat rodents your whole life, you suck one goat,

all of a sudden you're a goat sucker. You can never get rid of it. That's your reputation. That's it. You're a goat sucker. Um, but scale of one to ten, well, here's, let me tell you something interesting about the chupacabra. As you guys both know, and I'm sure a lot of my listeners do, our listeners do, um, I am obsessed with the thylacine, right? The Tessman. tiger. It's a it's my it's my it's my great white buffalo. It's the animal that I must find. And in doing research in digging through archives and archives, a famous Australian zoologist named mk Davis actually found a report that a ship bound for tasmania back I think in the 20s or 30s I'm not positive of the exact date of ship sorry leaving tasmania bound for the

Brooklyn Zoo actually crashed somewhere in the northeast. Half the animals drowned and the other half escaped. Now, stay with me. That ship had two breeding pairs of thylacine on it. So four. Four Tasmanian tigers on board. Four Tasmanian tigers on board the ship that crashed along the shore of the northeast. Now, let's dig into that for a second.

Northeastern America, right? Isn't that where you're from, Pat? These could be your family members. Northeastern United States. You know, where the ship crashed, where the thylacine, escaped because they recovered all the animals that died and none of the thylacine were recovered, right? So four thylacine in theory escaped from the ship and are running amok in the northeast. Now, if an elephant escapes in New England, we're going to know about it, right? It's giant,

it's big, it's cold, it's going to die. Somebody would text somebody else and there would be a picture of it. But if a thylacine or four thylacine escape in the northeast, somewhere that has a lot of livestock, that has woods that are very, very similar to Tasmania, that has a climate similar to the southern part of Tasmania. It's not far-fetched to believe that these animals could survive. Maybe not indefinitely, maybe not to the point of establishing a functioning population. But if you think that you're Joe Schmo Farmer and you come out one night and this weird, striped animal with this giant jaw and this kangaroo-like tail is feeding on your sheep in New England and then it runs off with these demon-glowing red eyes in the night, that's not hard to say that it could be a chubacabre. if you get what I'm saying.

Explain the red eyes for us. Sure. So thylacine, like many carnivores, they have the taped and lucidum, which is a lens in their eye that reflects light when a flashlight is shined on them. Crocodiles have this. A lot of animals actually have this eye shined. So, you know, you go out at night, you shine around with your flashlight and these glowing red eyes are feeding on your sheep.

You run over there and the sheep's mutilated. And you're a farmer from New England who's never even heard of a thylacine. You could totally start making up, you know, this fantasy. creature in your head and turns out eight other farmers in the same area have all had this fantasy creature taking down a sheep the same thing we know tasmanian tigers used to actually do in tasmania it's to me the the chubacabra is it's higher up than in the you know one to five category dude that's amazing i mean to think so this ship was en route from tasmania in the south pacific all the way it was intended for brooklyn right we it's not known exactly where it crashed so they

think somewhere in the northeast, but what's the most dangerous patch of water on that route in the Caribbean there, right? Caribbean Islands, right in the Bermuda Triangle, which is not mysterious. It's just a place with a lot of boat traffic and a lot of road waves and a lot of bad weather. Who the fuck knows? Maybe it crashed outside of Puerto Rico on one of the reefs there. Totally. Oh, my God.

So what's your final verdict? What do you give it on a scale from one to 10 if it exists or not? I would say the likelihood that there were some thylacine running around North America that were misidentified as Chubacabra that created the rumor is like as high up as a seven or eight out of ten. Okay. That's pretty high. I'm seeing in our future forest, uh, caparinas. I don't think they drink those in Puerto Rico, but I just want to do a season three episode of Extincter Alive, Tasmanian tiger, Puerto Rico.

Yeah. Just sitting on a beach and PR drinking a Mai Tai, looking for thylacine. We're doing research on your iPad. Yeah. Exactly. Mitch launches the drone. We're good. Every now and then we just lazily lift up the binoculars, scan the beach, and go back to laying down.

Sounds like a real entertaining show. Let's say that I decide to have my wedding in Puerto Rico. We decide to go for a little bro hike the day before the wedding. Naturally. We're like, Forrest, take us on a nature hike. We'll pick some shrooms. We come across a thylacine. No cameras, no cell phones, anything.

You see it. What do you think you would actually do? you immediately get an erection, would you shit your pants? Who would win in a fight? Forest or the chubacabra? It's such a weird, like you face that question, right? It's the same thing that, I'm blanking on his name now, the Australian naturalist that we met with in Northern Australia. Yeah.

Where like, you can't just run out and be like, I saw a thylacine, I saw a thylacine, because everybody goes, well, you're crazy. You know, you have no proof. So it's like, I, as a scientist, I know that that's what I cannot do, even though that's what I would want to do. Like I would want to run up to your entire, to you and your entire wedding party and everybody. He'd be like, guys, I saw one, I saw one, I saw. I know what I saw. I'm not crazy. I think I know what Forrest would do. What would I do? He would try to get a sample of the blood, stick it up his rectum.

This again. So he could turn into Chubacabra man. That's right. Much like lion man. Only the chubacabra. Peter, to be clear, thylacine's an actual animal. Chupacabra is not. How the hell did we get on that, man?

I've had too many drinks. Did we switch topics? Wait, no, I've just been anxiously awaiting my pick for cryptid because now I feel like it's a competition. Let's move on. Skinwalkers. Have you heard of Skinwalkers? I don't know what that is. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Where have you been, man? These crazy ghouls that definitely exist. So a 10 already. Sorry, Peter.

They're supposedly a combination of animal and man. Okay. Picture like a wolf that can stand up on two legs. But they also have like crazy. They can, for example, run and keep up with a car on the highway. And they take different forms, and they can get into your mind and mess with you. Now, there's this place called Skinwalker Ranch. It's in Utah. How do you know? Fuck off, yeah.

No, go ahead. Why? Have you been there or something? Skinwalker Ranch about a month ago is there doing research for a TV show. Yeah, what? I went to Utah for a couple days. That's where I was. Forrest, this is actually really popular.

There's actually a series coming out on History Channel, I think, like next time. week about Skinwalker Ranch. It's sort of like the new Sasquatch. It's very popular out in the sort of internet chat room world. Because there's a lot of rumors from people around this area that they've seen these sort of wolf-like creatures. Legitimately, there have been a lot of cattle mutilations in the area. There are. When I was there, I didn't, there were wolves. And I actually saw one in the two days I was there walking through the snow towards a moose with its calf. Oh, that's cool. But then it heard our Polaris and the wolf stopped.

It went off in the other direction. During the middle of the day, by the way. Wow, that's pretty neat. Which was pretty cool. But the thing with Skinwalker Ranch is that the family that originally owned it, the guy wrote a book about these weird creatures that he would see. And then at some point, the U.S. government bought the property and had sort of an area 51-like operation there. and the CIA was in charge of it.

It was blocked off. If you drove up to the gate, armed people on SUVs would come out and get you the fuck out of there. And so I think that really added to the mystique of this skinwalker crypted. No, look, it's really fascinating. I mean, we encountered in Zanzibar,

you know, the medicine men there believed that they could have leopards transform and do their evil bidding from shaman to leopard and back. So this is a common thing globally. I'm not familiar with skinwalkers. I mean, clearly I'm not spending enough time on the dark weather.

and internet chat room. Are you saying that I am spending too much time there? No, no, no, not at all. Barely enough. 13 hours a day is bordering on none. But no, look, I mean, it's really fascinating. For me, the thing that holds weight is the key that the U.S. government was involved, right? So as soon as you start adding the government to it, it's like Area 51, I'm not saying

there's Martians walking around it, but there's something going on there or wouldn't be this top secret base with the government involved, right? So same, in my opinion, it's kind of like, same thing with Skin Walker Ranch. I'm not necessarily a big conspiracy theorist, but why is the government involved? Like what's going on there that's bringing them to lock it off? So it's really, really interesting. But what about the cattle mutilations just biologically? Like wolves, I would imagine, would be the main predator in the area.

Is that something that a wolf would do? Just mutilate? I mean, yeah, of course they'd fucking eat some cattle, right? For sure. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, you know, wolves will do it. Coyotes will take fawns, badgers will take fons. Bobcats, well, Bobcats won't really, but Mountain Lions will, you know, there's things that can mutilate livestock in North America.

What was your thought for us when we were doing season two of Extincter Alive? We went in search of the Rocky Mountain Wolf and we talked to the farmer who had one of his big bull cattle was killed, right? That was really odd. Yeah. The fact that it wasn't just like a small calf or a heifer or anything like that, but one of the large bowls had been mutilated. I mean, that led me to believe that it was not just a wolf, but possibly a pack of wolves, like the Shasta pack that had come back into California. We went on to find that, you know, it seemed as though there was a population of coy wolves or at least one very large coy wolf. Now, whether that animal did the killing or not, it's impossible to say, isn't it?

But it sure seemed like it. That was a fun shoot. I remember we were up in the mountains, camping in the snow. And we were just camping at night. I think you were cooking up something. I can't remember you were cooking something in the fire. Venison. Remember it was the deer?

That's a wolf kill. That's right. We found the kill and started hacking up the venison. You scavenger fucks you. Yeah, we did. Dude, but when you did, just did the wolf call, you just made a wolf call with your own throat and face. Wait, let's hear it, obviously.

Oh, boy. Okay. Let's hear a wolf call. So, okay, let me preface this by just saying that anyone can do this, and it does work in places with. wolves. Now, while the audio is about to spike, I will give it to you nonetheless. So he does that. I'm standing there holding a camera. I'm kind of far. I'm holding the wide shot. About five, six seconds later, we hear one coming from the west. Yep. And then they started

going. And we heard a whole bunch of them. Yeah. Mix, was that a mix forest or was that coyotes or were those wolves? Do you remember? I mean, I don't know for sure. It's really hard to say. But there were multiple animals respond. I mean, there was one distinct one, but you could hear a few other animals off in the distance that were definitely responding to us. So yeah, I think it was that coy wolf that we caught on the trail camera that was responding to you. Do you guys ever, I mean, I've been doing this since I was a kid with my dog. And Pat, you got a great dog for this. Do you ever howl with him and try and get him to howl? Of course. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think we should all, what about you for us? Your pup, your pup's like 14. So I don't

I don't know if he's a grumpy old man, a curmudgeon. He's too lazy. But yeah, no, I do for sure. It's super fun. All right. So I'm going to go to, I think, probably the one that interested me the most as a kid. When I was a kid, I was just like, man, this obviously has to exist. It's the Loch Ness monster.

Ooh, interesting. Basically a modern dinosaur, basically, right? What we have is we have a lake. It's in Scotland. And Lake Loch Ness, which goes. up to about 800 feet deep. So it's a pretty deep lake. Right. And people for many, many years have said that they've seen this thing kind of come out that looks like a big ass sea serpent. Well, I'll tell you what I love about. So like you, it was the one I was the most obsessed with

as a kid. I think all, I think everyone can relate to that. As a kid, you like want these fantastic beasts to be real creatures. I think for me, the, the reason that it was so, I was just so fascinated by the lockness monster one like you say it's the the depth of the lake and the ability for something large to hide in there but i was also obsessed with dinosaurs and i one of the theories i believe is that the lock nest monster is a pleasiosa you know which is a big aquatic reptilian dinosaur and um god it's been a long time so i've even thought of those but the fact you know there are look crocodiles are living dinosaurs right they really are they haven't changed For hundreds of millions of years in evolution, they are dinosaurs that say they really are.

They are living dinosaurs. So what's to say that there aren't other living dinosaurs? Now, the odds of there being a singular one in this lock that's never died, that's pretty skinny. But I like that idea. Maybe there's several, dude. Maybe there's several. And they're all different sightings, you know? Right.

Could be. I've seen the pictures. Yeah. Of a guy's arm stuffed into panty hose sticking up out of the water. Yeah, exactly. All right, so what's your 1 to 10 on this one? 1 to 10. Oh, I'm going to give this like a 2 or 3.

That sounds about right. Wait, wait. So what did, I don't think we ever got the number for the Skinwalker. Oh, the Skin Walkers. Yeah, I'm going to go to zero. 10, zero. This is bullshit. You idiot.

Like you said at the beginning, you are not a cryptid zoologist. I am. It's obviously a 12. He believes in science. Yeah. He gets his science from peer-reviewed journals. You get yours from Reddit. Hey, Reddit is the largest user-sourced comments.

I don't know. Anyways. Forrest, do you have one that you're into? Like, what's your favorite cryptid? Man, like I said, it's really not my field of study. But there is one other one that definitely tickles my fancy. And I think it's because it tickles my. my fancy and also annoys a shit out of me because people are always asking me to go find it and it's just

the simple old bigfoot. Now I'll tell you, it's Bigfoot. Harry from Harry and the Henderson's. That's right. I'll tell you why I find Bigfoot somewhat interesting. Again, not plausible, not something I've studied. Don't know how to track a Bigfoot, et cetera. But what's interesting about Bigfoot is the new world has primates, right? We have monkeys in South America. anywhere that you can think of primates, the larger they are and the higher up they are in the food chain, the smaller their population. And what I mean by that is if you go to the Congo, right,

and you see gorillas, it's not like there's guerrillas everywhere, like if you go to Southern Africa and see baboons, right? There's baboons all over the place because they're not very big, they're abundant, there's abundant food. But when you go to the Congo to see guerrillas, there's these small troops of these guerrillas, right? Well, as you get higher up in the food chain,

there's smaller populations, that'll make sense. They require more resources. So what is the step above the gorilla? Well, maybe the step above the gorilla is the big foot, right? North America's primate is this big foot. But opposed to having several thousand like the gorilla, what if there's only 200 of them, right? And North America's primate has this tiny population that for some reason is very, very elusive. It knows how to hide.

It knows where to congregate to reproduce, blah, blah, blah, blah. And sightings of this primate in North America is what could have possibly led to the name, Bigfoot. So that's the only, to me, the only shred of kind of scientific grounding that could explain why there is a Bigfoot North America. So essentially every other landmass has some sort of primate except really North, you know, U.S. and Canada, there's none, right? Right. Well, take out Australia as well because they're, they're their own thing with marsupials. Sure. But yeah, I mean, you've got them all over Africa, all over Asia, all over South America, you know, up into Europe, in Asia, yeah.

So everywhere, and America should have primates. You know what I mean? We've got them all the way down to Panama. It's not like the canal stopping them. Right. Yeah. So like, that's interesting. That's right, which we made.

Right. So why don't we have primates here in North America? That's the question. Yeah. That's fascinating, man. Does Canada have? I mean, so all of North America doesn't have primates then. Like Canada, correct.

Canada, too. Okay. No, Peter. Polar bears are not primates. Hey, man. I don't have enough. right now to have a comeback to that. So just eat a dick, all right?

How's that? What are you drinking? Yeah, I know. Jesus. I went from a nap to my third glass of just Jameson on the rocks. Is that bad? And it was 4 p.m. on a Sunday, so. I was off real late last night.

Yours looks classy for us. What are you sipping on boy? Mine's delightful. It's one part gin, three parts tonic. I'm thinking of naming it the Cuba Libre. The Cuba Libre. No, it's a gin and tonic. It is, it's tremendous.

What about you, Patrick? I am drinking espresso and spiced rum. Wow. Let me tell you guys in your 6 p.m. coffees. That's a hell of a call. Dude. When you wake up at one, it's still morning. It's good to say.

It's lunchtime. Forrest, you know, here's one that I actually think, I'm pretty excited about. I sent you this article last week. It's probably my favorite cryptid now as an adult. Because I am giving it. 10 out of 10. I think it exists. I tend to base my life in science like you, but I'm really into this one. I want to see what you thought of the article I sent you. It's called the Cracken. The Cracken rises. Yeah, so look, as far as the scale, this has got to be the highest up one.

Get out of town. Get out of town. A Cracken is a giant cephalopod, right? Giant squid or octopus. Now, I think, I'd like to say 100 years ago, we would have straightaway said it's fake. but we wouldn't have because the rumors have been around since then. But scientifically speaking, we only discovered that there are jumbo squids, I don't know, 10, 15, maybe 20 years ago now. And truly, there are massive squid that, like, I don't even know the size of them.

You're talking about 30 feet long or longer. And it's not far fetched to assume that during at some point in time, these giant 30 foot long squid would come to the surface, the same way the Humboldt squid do occasionally and grab onto the side of a boat or flip over someone's canoe or something like that and a sailor would see it and that resulted in this mystery of the Krakken.

Interesting. Yeah, so I mean, you know, you've seen these depictions and I think the legend of the Krakens started with the Vikings, right? They had this tales of these huge sea creatures with multiple tentacles. There's, you know, fucking tons of renditions of it in Viking art. of this basically a giant octopus that would come up, grab a ship, and bring it to the bottom,

and they would say the crack and took it. Sounds like bullshit. Well, not according to Mark McMenneman, who is a very credible paleontologist. So there's a place in Nevada called Ictheasaur State Park, and it's basically a dry seabed. It's in Nevada. Obviously, it's desert now, but it used to be the ocean floor, essentially. and what he discovered in Ictheosaur State Park is a strange arrangement of bones of this very large dinosaur called the Ictheosaur. And they're arranged in this very specific pattern.

It's a pattern that we see in present day when an octopus eats a fish. So octopus tend to live in these little, they call them I think covens or covens. Coven, yeah. They live in these little dens and they hang out there and they may live their whole life there. but when an octopus eats a fish, they play with the bones. They make art out of the bones essentially. God, I love octopuses, man.

All kinds of things. They make, they decorate their lawn, essentially. They're the best. They're the best. I know. They are cool as shit, and we talk about them a lot. But what he found was a evidence of the same pattern that modern-day octopus tend to arrange the bones of the fish they eat,

but of a bunch of ichthyosaurs, which are a fucking huge fucking dinosaur. Right, right, right. Wait, so that's the evidence that the crack existed because it arranged these giant bones in some sort of organized pattern? What's your take on it for us? Polk holes in the theory that this must have been a Krakken. Yeah, well, look, I don't think it's far-fetched to think that at some point in evolutionary time,

we had absolutely giant cephalopods that were living in giant caves on the sea floor and arranging bones and shells the way that modern-day cephalopods do. So, you know, is it a kraken versus some kind of dinosaur octopus that we don't know? Sure, why not? It's the same thing. I mean, it's all the same thing, isn't it? It doesn't mean it exists today, but there's no doubt in my mind that at some point something like that did exist. If you had a gun to your head and then, unfortunately, I have to tell you that everyone you know and love also has guns to their heads at the same moment.

Stakes. Is there some sort of giant sea creature somewhere in the world that we haven't discovered yet that, that is the type of thing of like a crackin or a Lochness monster or a remnant dinosaur, yes or no. 100% yes. I love it. Yeah. Leaves us some mystery out there in the universe. Aliens and giant sea creatures, man.

You said earlier, you know, that I'm up at 4 or 5 every morning texting you. That's because I've been up for several hours reading about conspiracy theories, aliens, and deep sea creatures that we have yet to discover. It's the magic of being in a dark. adult, man. Yeah, exactly. It's a real thing, guys. We know more. I mean, everyone drops the same dumb-ass statistic, but I'm going to rehash it. We know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the deep sea. All right. Well, guys, as tonight's topics seem to have gone askew, I figure, in the spirit of cryptids, we will do our battle royale. So here's what I'm thinking.

For tonight's Battle Royale, we are going to take real-life characteristics of animals or cryptids up to you. And your goal, gentlemen, is to create the most famous cryptid of all time. Obviously, we know Bigfoot is the most famous. Everybody knows Bigfoot. All right. Not whatever thing you came up with pure skin crawlers. Skin walkers, mate.

Sorry, sorry, skin walkers. So let's combine. three elements of three known animals or cryptids to create the most famous new cryptid in history. Take us away, Patrick. All right, so the goal is to make this cryptid more famous than Bigfoot. Correct. Okay.

All right, well, and I've got to take elements from other cryptids and animals. All right, so what I'm going to do seems like a little fucked up because I'm definitely going to win. Oh, boy. I would say if anyone comments and votes for anyone else, they're cheating or lying. Definitely wrong. I'm going to start with the full body and appearance and face and the whole just head to toe.

My first characteristic is just the full body and head and face of Bigfoot. Dude, that... Nonsense. It's just ridiculous. The most common of all cryptids that already exists. Sure. So I'm going to start with this thing that looks like Bigfoot from head to toe. Then what I'm going to do?

So I'm going to take a character. from a real animal, a human, a specific human, I'm going to give it the cooking ability of Bobby Flay. Wait a minute. First of all, I've already got a problem with this animal. No, no. It's a chef. So far you've created Guy Fieri.

No, please continue. It's a chef, and it's a really good chef. All right. No. He has frosted tips. Yes, he does. He also probably denies it on his podcast. Next.

will be, speaking of frosted tips, I'm going to give him the speaking voice and every man personality, but very elevated, of Ryan Seacrest. Wow, that's quite a creature. So what I have is I have a Sasquatch cooking show host that is all the charisma of Ryan Sechrest,

all the ability of Bobby Flee, but he's a Sasquatch. He is going to have his own show on the Food Network. and be the most famous crypted in the history. So basically there's no rules whatsoever. We can just combine anything that exists anywhere in the world or not. Are you stupid?

Are humans animals? You're mixing Bigfoot with an actual animal with a personality. I'm just saying I thought we were like making animals that were supposed to be the most noticeable cryptid. Have your own take on it. That's why I asked. That's all I'm saying. Alvay Bigfoot is pretty notable.

Do it, Peter. All right. I'm up next. So, I mean, I'm obviously taking a more logical approach to this. That's insane. So, first of all, I want my animal to be noticeable, right? So I'm going to have the loudest animal on earth as part of my concoction of cryptid. It will make the noise of a blue whale, which can make a noise that is the loudest noise on earth.

So so far we just have audio No visual of what the creature looks By the way I could leave it at that And everybody would know This thing is just making noise It doesn't exist It's making this loud noise That would be creepy

If you were just up in the mountains And you just heard like a Exactly But it was like 300 decibels A whale noise in open air Terrified Okay So continue

All right all right It's also going to Have the body And size of this whale it's one of the biggest animals now you would think that this thing just in its form

currently if it was just laying there if it was just laying there it wouldn't be very noticeable but it would be noticeable if you put bat wings on it huge bat wings dude this is your best battle royal yet that's right

it's a flying blue whale it's a blue whale with that one I still have one more characteristic left That's true. Wow. Yes. I mean, this is very, this is famous. If I saw a blue whale flapping over ahead, I would be. Making that noise.

Making that noise. It always comes back to bats with you. Okay. Since, I mean, Pat said that his is going to be a big foot, I guess we're going into the land of fantasy. I could stick with just regular characteristics, but I'm not going to because my animal can breathe fire, ladies and gentlemen. It can breathe fire like a dragon.

Oh, fuck. That's my animal. That's good. That's right. It's good. Deal with it. Okay, is that going to be more famous than the person who's on your TV every day? You're at a loss for words. You're at a loss for words. Yes, it'll be flying.

It's not like there's just one of these. There's a whole species of them. Let's be clear for a second here. Peter's Creature will probably have its own YouTube channel that has 30 million followers. And Food Network gets about six viewers per month now. So it is basic cable. We're never getting picked up by them on the Wild Times podcast. Wow.

We all took this an extremely different direction. You guys have zero chance of winning. I'm just going to put that out there. To be honest, I feel, for the first time I'm feeling, in the Battle Royale game, I'm feeling extremely intimidated by both of your creatures, by Patrick's and personality and charm

and yours and just girth, Peter. And noticeability. Noticeability. I thought, see, to me, I was like most famous crypted creature. It's got to be the most terrifying, the thing that just installs fear into everybody that glimpses it.

So I went with the general physique of a werewolf. So big, scary wolf, you know, very standard. I know we're nodding our heads, but stay with me now. Sure, sure. Peter started with a screech, so you're already ahead of them. Genius, by the way, genius. This werewolf happens to be covered in the erect quills of a porcupine. Ooh, good.

Yeah, so this real hunched up, spiky werewolf. It looks like you with your shirt off already, basically. But now, replace its head. Now, you might think a wolf's head is the scariest thing in the world until you've seen a giant alligator snapping turtle's head. Oh, God. An alligator snapping turtle's head on top of a bipedal werewolf covered in porcupine spines. Dude, that is scary, but how is he going to get noticed?

What's he going to do? Well, he doesn't have a cooking show, and he doesn't fly and breathe fire. Exactly. I don't know that I'm winning this one. It's a very, very subpar biologist-type answer. It's okay because, you know, normally you're the best concocter of animals, but in this case, in Fantasyland. This is not good.

But I will tell you this. If you like our Battle Royale, go to iTunes and leave us a review. Tell us which your favorite creature is. Leave us a five-star review. And this week, we will pick a winner, and that winner will win some of the most comfortable shorts that exist. in the world. They're called Fox and... What are they made out of? They, I don't know. I'm not a shorts maker.

Or a terrifying animal maker. They are athletic, athletic wear that's leisurely. Nice. Leisure is very popular, right? Everyone's talking about athleisure right now. Yeah, it's big. And these are shorts from Fox and Robin. You're going to win three pairs. They have built-in compression shorts if you want to work out in them or you can just get standard workout shorts. They're really comfy. They're for men and women. So go ahead. Leave us a review on iTunes. Tunes, pick one of our three A preachers for the Battle Royale and be entered into win a couple

pairs of Fox and Robin. Speaking of which, I think it's time to read the contest winner of our first contest. Wow! Yeah! You! Yeah, so what we basically did was we went through all the reviews. We read them. They're all hilarious.

We assigned each a number, randomly picked a number, and 27 came up. And Forrest, I'm going to let you read. read the review from James Harrison Waldrop. Absolutely, Peter. So James Harrison Waldrop, who left us a review on April 10th, review title Battle Royal. Oh, yeah, baby. What does it say? What does it say?

He said, the giraffe great white shark hybrid would clearly annihilate all of the other opponents with its fearsome neck swings. Also loving the podcast so far, keep it up. Congratulations, James Harrison. Although you have no taste in mythical beasts, you do have great taste in clothing because you will be sporting a hundred dollars to KUHL Cool Outdoor Clothing. Fantastic, great job, James. To be clear, though, that doesn't mean that the animal won. That just means that he was randomly selected.

The animal that won, in my opinion, is the one that got the most votes. And if I'm not mistaken, I do believe that the bat owl creature with the needle point tail had at least two people votes. Okay, well, that's interesting. because one of our reviews was from user, username Needlepoint Sharp. My animal is famous. And they said, I've listened to all three episodes multiple times. All caps, I love this podcast. P.S. Retep gets my sympathy vote.

That poor boy. Dude, what does he mean by that? I think that just, you know, you're not very smart. Now, this is BS. Forrest, what about you? Do you have any reviews that you really? really caught your attention. Oh, well, I mean, for me, the, uh, the one that pops up with the title,

Slow Pandog reigns supreme from El Smith 105 is a, uh, a real gem. Couldn't have guessed that. It might be one that I screenshot it and added to my camera roll just for, you hung it up on your wall in your bedroom. What's it say, mate? Uh, L Smith 105 said, great podcast. Can't wait for more episodes. Also, I got to say that the slow Pandog sounds like the,

Ultimate Quarantine Buddy, and boy, he's right. Dude, I will say that you smashed it with the cute quarantine animal buddy contest. I was very happy about that. As soon as you went slow, Loras, you just, you had it. Yeah, that was a game changer. My favorite review, Forrest, was this one by Give Blood Play Rugby. Sounds like a, I don't know, maybe. Could that be one of your buddies for us?

Could be. Maybe. A five-star review entitled, Seems So Hateable. man that forest galante guy really seems so hateable just has one of those dumb faces where you think to yourself man I really don't like this guy but wouldn't you know it he's actually a real treat overall fantastic podcast fun and informant to say least

hell I'd leave my wife for this guy the last part was obviously bullshit first part all accurate and correct thank you give blood play rugby keep leaving those reviews I don't know I like that you know look hey give blood play rugby, maybe message me on the down low. Like if you'd leave your wife for me, let's get together. Let's talk. Let's see what happens.

Hopefully it's a dude. Yeah. Slide into my DMs, guy. Yeah, and if you are enjoying the podcast, please continue to leave us comments. There's a raffle every week, and we're very lucky that Forrest has some awesome sponsors, and yeah, he's willing to share the wealth

instead of hoarding like he usually does. James Harrison Waldrop, hit us up at Contact at the Wild Times podcast. Podcast.com. We'll get you sorted out, mate. All right, speaking of cryptids forest, I saw a cryptid that was quite literally caught on camera this week. What? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I would describe it as a squirrel. Okay.

And then it's been wrapped in what's obviously the very large scrotum of an elephant. What the hell are you talking about? Peter's favorite characteristic of anything in the world, bat wings. Oh, the monster bat. Peter, did you see that? The Monster Bat? Yeah, yeah. Now I know what you're talking about. It's kind of flopping around on the ground. It popped up today.

What is that fucking thing? Yeah, I've been getting tagged by it. It's totally viral. I've had a couple hundred people tag me in that post today. And it's kind of, it's a weird one, right? It's like a catch-22, and I'll tell you why. Because the video you're seeing is of an animal being tortured. And that sucks.

I mean, it really does. That's a bummer. But that animal, and this is what people need to realize, is a Calugo. and the Calugo is a fucking super cool animal. Like it's this... Colugo? Yeah, it's this amazing arboreal gliding mammal from the forest of Southeast Asia.

It's a primate, meaning it's related to monkeys that have these thin membranes between their legs that allows them to glide from tree to tree. And they've got these huge eyes and these amazing faces. That one in the video is tied on

with some string to a stick and that's why it's like flopping around like that. But these animals are actually really, really cool. They live in the forest of Southeast Asia. They're all over Indonesia, Malaysia, Borneo. They have webbed hands and feet kind of like, you know, like a frog does. And then these thin membranes with their arms that they use to glide. What Patrick referred to as the nut sack of a larger animal. That's right. Exactly right. And I can totally see that because if you look at a Kulugo when they're stretched out, there's some pictures of them flying from tree to tree. And I

shouldn't say flying because other scientists will ridicule me. They're gliding. Nothing flying. Yeah, totally I will. But if you look up there, they're like, it's like if you hold your nutskin up to a flashlight. Wait a minute. Are you insinuating that all three of us have undeniably held our nutsacks up to flashlights at some point? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say every boy, some point in their life between ages nine and 13, took a flashlight, held their nutsack up. No, there was one kid in my neighborhood who, they could.

couldn't afford a flash science. Let me ask you a question. I need the scientist's perspective on this. I need actual scientific feedback on this. Now, I've heard, I've heard that nut sack skin is the same as elbow skin legitimately, like it really is the exact same type of skin. Is that true scientist guy? I am the wrong person to ask us up. I have no idea. Of course, you must be a dermatologist, right? Yeah, I'm stumped, Peter. I'm sorry. See, I know what people are doing. doing right now is they're Googling Kulugu and they want to see what this animal looks like. Just skip the step. Go to the Wild Times Podcast.com. We're going to post some pictures of this insane animal, not the torture video, obviously, but

yeah, you don't need to Google it. Just go to the Wild Timespodcast.com for us. This is, I mean, scientifically, this is the weirdest animal on the planet, right? It's stranger than fiction. I mean, it's a bizarre animal. I'm going to do a video on it explaining it for people because I've been tagged so many times in it. People are going nuts about it. I'm going to explain it and I want to show some beautiful images of this creature. I mean, they're amazing and we will be able to find that on the Wild Times Podcast.com, all our social pages, my social pages, etc. Hell yeah.

Where's this thing from, by the way? So this animal occurs in Southeast Asia and it lives in the treetops. They are truly nocturnal. So they just come out at night. That's why they have those huge eyes. They use those to see at night. glide from tree to tree. Do you mean to tell me, Forrest,

that this is not a situation where a squirrel mated with a bat and then that offspring was then wrapped in the nuttack of an elephant? I would call you a fucking liar, sir. And like, scientifically speaking, you're 100% accurate. That's how this animal came to be.

So Forrest got a question, one of the comments on the old iTunes comments from user Slinky Jim. Oh, boy. Nice. Yeah, I don't know if he's a white rapper or what slinky Jim's got going on. But his question is this. Apparently quarantine is helping a lot of wild animal populations.

So he wants to know, Forrest, your opinion of if there's one extinct species that you think may come back or be exposed as a result of quarantine, what would it be and why? Oh, good question. I mean, I think my immediate answer is. It's always the same with what animal would you find is the thylacine. But let's take that out of the equation for the moment. Yeah, too easy. Too easy. I think with everything that's going on globally, we're seeing a massive reduction in pollution. And I don't just mean like plastic in the ocean.

I mean light pollution, noise pollution, like human impact in general. And one group of animals that is super sensitive to that that we are seeing a comeback in very, very quickly is amphibians. So frogs breathe through their skin, right? That's a dumb way of thinking of it, but they need those pores in their skin to be healthy. So when our waterways are polluted, frogs, noots, salamanders, tadpoles, they are all dying very, very quickly. And as we're seeing waterways clear up and things kind of return to how they should be or at least start to mend during this quarantine, we are seeing amphibian population spike back up. Now, amphibians, there are tons of species that are lost to science that have been described once or twice. or been gone for 100 years.

And I think, here's your answer, Slinky. I think that if I could find the golden toad in Costa Rica or Panama as a result of coronavirus, even though it's just a small yellow frog, I think that would be such a important, significant discovery to show how a little bit of human restraint can make a huge ecological impact. What's so special about the golden toad? Why that one? Well, the golden toad, I mean, one, it's a little bit of a poster child of animals that we've lost because we knew we were losing it and we still continued to lose it.

You know, we watched it get driven to extinction through chytrid fungus, which is this fungus that is attacking amphibians. But it's just this incredible. I mean, if you go Google it, you will see it is the most golden colored animal likely in existence. I mean, absolutely stunning. It's a true toad, meaning even though it looks a bit like a frog, it's an actual toad. Like, as you and I know what a toad is that hops around with its big warty skin. Yeah. It's this bright golden colored toad.

And it occurred in this, it was very, very abundant, which is amazing. And it was in this high altitude region that was only like four square miles in Monteverde, Costa Rica. Like I said, in Costa Rica, or I have these clues to this thing in Panama, but I won't go into that right now. So this amazing golden colored toad existed in this tiny four square mile range. this high altitude in Panama and nowhere else in the world, and we watched it dwindle and disappear as a result of human impact. And I feel like if we could just find that animal, show, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's creature gold, and show it to the world and be like, look what happens when we stay indoors. Yeah. It would be pretty significant.

All right. So what about the Yanksy river dolphin, the Baji? It's a species that you and I have talked about a bunch of times for extinct or alive. Yeah. Extinct pretty much due to just too many people being out and about too much traffic on the river, too much pollution. Exactly right. Yeah. So the Baji, incredible, beautiful freshwater dolphin that lived in the Yanksy River. And unfortunately, the Yanksy River flows out literally in downtown Shanghai, right? So if you want to talk about a watershed that's being impacted by people, it's in one of

the biggest cities, you know, in the world, frankly. And that, you know, that there's a bunch of damming along that river. There's a ton of pollution in that river. In fact, short story, if any Chinese nationals are listening, Patrick and I tried to do an episode on this animal, because I actually believe there's a chance. There's still some up in the headwaters way up above Shanghai. And when we sent in our application to the Chinese government to say that we wanted to talk about it, they asked us, well, what are you going to say? And we said, well, pollution led to this animal's extinction. They said, nope, and denied our permits to come and film there.

I literally think the official letter from the government just said, nope. Yeah. No, yeah. So, you know, communist government didn't want us to admit that there was extinction due to pollution there. But with regards to that animal. Thanks, China. Yeah, thanks. Which sucks.

But I think that animal could still exist. And I think with what we're seeing with the reduction in people worldwide, who knows if one could come out of hiding. In 2014, there was a guy who reported sightings of one. And a buddy of mine is actually a flight attendant. And he was telling me that, you know, he was on one of the last. last flights either in or out of Shanghai, I don't remember. And he was saying it's airy because in China they're doing actual lock-ins, right, where they're walking around like bolting people's door shut. And he was saying it's just a ghost town. Shanghai has no cars on the road, no people.

It's not like going to L.A. where like, you know, there's still people walking around and getting to go food. Like this was, this was just a ghost town. So imagine if that remained for a couple months or even just enough time for the Baji, this blind pink river dolphin to go, oh, there's no boats up ahead. There's no construction going on in Shanghai. Nobody's throwing, you know, garbage in the river. Maybe I can relax and, like, go swim freely for a bit and breathe a little bit. And that led to the rediscovery of the species and ultimately saving it.

That would be unbelievable. We talked about the fake photos and videos people are posting, like the dolphins in the Venice canals and stuff like that. Yep. But I actually think, like, this could legitimately happen. Absolutely, it could. I mean, I believe. So here's the thing about.

why this makes more sense, right? The golden toad, you're talking about a toad, right? Frog brain, like they're not geniuses. Right. You know, they succumb to pollution and things like that very, very easily. A cetacean, a dolphin, is not like that. These are incredibly intelligent and adaptable animals, right? With intelligence comes adaptability, meaning, sure, could we wipe them out?

Absolutely, we're capable of it. But we weren't in an active hunting strategy to kill these animals. the way that we've wiped out many other animals that have gone extinct. Instead, we damn the rivers, and I don't mean, we, the three of us and the listeners, but human beings dammed the rivers and through garbage in them, these animals could have adapted to that, right? They could have changed their habitat. They could have gone further up the river or into estuaries or something like that to avoid all of this noise and avoid all of the damming and pollution. And if they've been able to hang on hidden and in isolation in a very, very large river system, then maybe they could reappear.

And that would be absolutely incredible. Yeah. So these dolphins are, in fact, as smart as regular saltwater dolphins. Because dolphins are considered to be like the third smartest mammal. It's a mammal, right? Scientists guys. These guys are just as smart as their brothers that are swimming around in the Pacific. Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean, I don't know where the, the, the Baji ranks compared to all other cetaceans, but it's just known that they have, you know, huge brains. All cetaceans do. All whales and dolphins. And these are no exception. And like I said, just being having a big brain means you're smart and being smart means you're adaptable.

Well, and it seems obvious to me that they originally left the ocean and went into the river to get away from the crackin that were after. That's right. Of course. It's perhaps a more mythical looking animal than the cracking itself. Those fucking cracking. So a lot of people are asking, hey, guys, we count on you. We need you for our dog walks, our commute, even though.

we're not really going anywhere. We're just driving around. When? What's the deal? When are the podcasts coming out? Yep. So we want to address that every Monday is the answer. So yeah, moving forward, definitely every Monday.

We may start doing two a week Mondays and Thursdays. We'll let you know. But right now, every Monday count on a new podcast starting now, this time, from here out, every Monday. And we're going to be getting into all sorts of interesting new content, never before seen footage stuff of forest you know so check out the wild times podcast dot com what else guys the instagram the twitter all the places yeah we're going to hit the social channels and um you know we're gonna we're gonna have some fun we're gonna have some more

guests on the show coming up um Patrick and peter have dug up a few more friends of mine from long time past a couple colleagues that we've worked with in the field and um guys a little secret here we're thinking of starting to film them we're thinking of giving you some video content Oh, yeah. Yeah, I won't have my video turned on. There will be no camera on me until my beard grows back. Grow that beard out, please. Yeah.

It is really fair to the viewer. It's just not nice. Wait, all right, quick question. So I have an idea of what I think my face looks like without a beard. What object would you compare my face to? Potato. Yeah, it's like if a potato didn't have the skin on it. Like it lost all coloration.

What about this double chin here? Yeah, it just looks like a shit-ass. potato that was peeled and then just sort of boiled and then left outside in the sun for several days. Like a dirty peeled potato. That's what I love about you too. It's like the store was out of potatoes. So you stopped by the garbage dump and just sort of rooted around in other people's trash and found the worst potato you'd ever seen. Just a hideous mess of a tuber.

It's kind of like a face where they took all the remaining parts in the excess bin. and we're like, yeah, just slap these together. This will make a face. It looks like garbage disposal and the glob. Fuck off. Love you guys. Excited for what's to come. Love you guys.

Wild times. Peter, you're ugly. Very much so. Except for you, Pat. Good night. Wild times. Oh, oh, oh.