Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #29 - Self Felicitating Otter, Jellyfish as a Food Source, Aggressive Turkey Put in Place

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

We're talking everything in the title and more! Join us for this week's adventure. Listen/watch anywhere @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info Merch @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/merch We love you!

Wild times. Nice. What's up, guys. How are you? Good, good. Pretty good. Good. Patrick, you're going to San Diego tonight?

Indeed. Hmm. What's going on over there? Going to see some friends new baby. So, yeah. It's going to be exciting. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure that's just, you're super excited about that.

I'm sure you'd love to spend all the end with the new baby, nothing but just you and the baby. I think I know what's going to happen, though. think it's going to be so it's a couple and the guy likes to he likes to drink and he likes to cook a lot and it's good real good cook so it's probably going to be a lot of like us eating food and drinking while diapers are changed oh that's not too bad that's not too bad if it's if it's social and uh professor what's going on with you this weekend oh not much what is it is it already the weekend uh i don't Oh, man. It's been gloomy out.

At least it's cooler. Can't complain. Lichen the producer's new haircut. He was looking terrible before. Are you in front of a green screen, Retepe? What is this blue wall behind? Are you colorblind? That's blue, not green.

Yeah. Yeah, but normally you're just in like a dank office in Recita. Where are you now? I'm going to put... Did you get a studio? I'm going to be in a virtual jungle for this episode. So just use your mind's eye to be. picture this blue screen.

Where are you? Are you going to tell us where you are or not? Yeah, no, I'm here. It's just, it's different. There's a, there's like a desk behind me, so I wanted to kind of just make it a more smooth background. That's all matches my band. So that's like a blue towel that you've hung up.

Yeah. It's a bed sheet. It's a legit, it's a legit portable blue screen. The other side's green, Pat, for you. Oh, cool. Yeah. That's cool. Well, Forrest, what's up with you, mate?

Where have you been? Yeah, good. It's been a pretty busy week. I just had a lot of nonsense. I just got off a call with WWF, not the Wrestling Federation, the Wildlife One. And, yeah, unfortunately, I was hoping I was getting drafted. But, yeah, I just got off a call with WWF working on some predator conflict mitigation with them, which is pretty neat. And then I am, yeah, I'm going down in Baja next week, which I'm really looking forward to. Are they going to be whale sharks? It's right at the tail end. My guess is we'll see one or two if we're lucky. It's not right in that, like, crazy busy time of year where there's like a dozen a day. Gotcha.

But we're, you know, loading the surfboards up in the truck. We're grabbing all the spear gear and the dive gear and just doing ten-ish days in Baja, me and a couple buddies. It should be great. Yeah, that's pretty nice. Has a whale shark ever swallowed a person? Well, funny story. You know the biblical story, Jonah and the whale? there's a couple different theories about that.

One being the Jew fish, which is where it gets the name from, eating Jonah, the Jew. And then another of the believed whales that ate Jonah was actually a whale shark eating plankton that managed to gobble him up. So there's a couple theories about that, but I've never heard of anybody actually getting hurt

by a whale shark, not in modern times. And did what, which type of whale was it that swallowed Pinocchio and Chippetto? I don't remember. Blue whale, maybe? They made it fire in. as Bailey. I remember that. They lived in there for a while. Yeah. It was very cozy in there.

It looks like a cabin in like Arrowhead. Okay, let's talk cabins for a second. Hold on. I want to, I want to, okay. So this week, aside from my busy daily schedule, I've been going to bed late because I've been staying up binging alone on Netflix. And I hate to admit this out loud because it's a history channel show. But have you guys watched alone? Either of you, a couple episodes. I know it's super popular.

Yeah. It's super popular. And I'm like whatever. Like I'm Discovery Channel. I'm a negative frayed guy. Like they're not fucking tough. Like who gives a shit? Like they have all the tools.

Holy shit, dude. Fucking life's terrible. Like these. So the season six that's on Netflix, they go up into the Arctic Circle. And they just, they have like a backpack full of goodies. And they just have to survive alone as long as they can. And not the guy who won. The guy who won was awesome.

This guy named Jordan. He shot a moose with his bow and arrow. and that gave him like 900 pounds of meat. So he was pretty set. Yeah. But the chick who came in second, who tapped out, you know, at the very end, unfortunately because she couldn't get anything more to eat,

built a cabin that is one of the most, I would move into it, dude. She chopped down all these trees, and then she stripped all the bark off of all these, like, little long poles and built a perfect log cabin that sandwiched in between the two layers of trees was insulation of spruce so that it would stay warm. She had like a perfect roof.

It was unbelievable. Like it would literally look like a log cabin and this chick built it in like five days. It was phenomenal. Wow. I was going to ask how long it took. Did she do anything else to the cabin, like put some sort of like toilet in or like rain catches so that she almost had like plumbing or anything? Like did she spruce it up or was it just mostly to sleep and stay safe from animals?

I mean, it had a little fireplace that had like rocks surrounding it. Like the guy who came third who I actually think might have won had this not happened. Like he built a decent shelter. as well, but it got so dry that one night the whole thing went up in flames, including like all of his, you know, everything, like his backpack, his bow and arrow, like his everything. And he's, he's out there. It's like negative 15 degrees. There's a snowstorm. He's in the Arctic in December. And he literally makes a phone call and he's like, yeah, my shelter just burned down with all of my tools. Please come and get me. And the fucking producers, dude, this is, I couldn't believe this,

Patrick, you'll appreciate this as a producer. On the sat phone, he's got it on like speaker so that the camera can hear what they're saying. They're like, hey, sorry, we can't get there tonight. The helicopter is not going to fly there. You just have to wait it out. And this happens at like 4.30 in the evening. And he has to wait in an Arctic winter until like 8.30 a.m. the next morning with no shelter, no sleeping bag. All of his stuff just burned down. He just has to fucking sit in like negative 22 degrees. And an overnight in the Arctic. At least he had a fire. And so did where are the camera guys? Are there camera guys? Are they filming themselves? They film themselves. So they train them.

for a week. I was really impressed by the show. It's a left field picture show, by the way. And yeah, they train them for a week how to use the cameras. And I'm sure off camera, you know, they come and go and they drop off batteries and stuff like that. But they train them and they're all self-filmed. So they're putting, they're setting up sticks. They're doing selfie cams. You know, the camera works like atrocious. It's like hard to watch it so bad. But, but it is very like that Survivor Man style like, you know, here I am. I'm doing my thing today. I don't know. It's pretty cool, man. There's some tough fuckers on that show. Yeah. So, you think you could do it for us? You think you think you could hang with those guys and win the

big prize of which you spoiled for everybody who happens to be watching alone? I'll have to No, no. Here's why, because they always put them in really cold habitats. And don't get me wrong, like, I don't think, I definitely wouldn't, like, I saw how the first few people tapped out. And it's always, it's so funny, dude, on all these survival shows, sorry, I don't mean to go on a rant here. All these survival shows, the fucking big, jacked military guys, like, I'm going to conquer nature. Day four, he's like, I gotta go home. Like, it's every single fucking time. If you're like the big fucking, I'm from the military, I'm so tough, I'm going to conquer this. They're always gone. It's always like the non-descript, like, you know, like quiet, like the small

chick or the guy was like, yeah, you know, I spend some time in the woods that like go till the end. It's the tough, like, fucking arrogant guys that always tap out. But the reason, oh, go ahead. I was just going to say military, I mean, think about anyone who's gone through military training in the last 40 years, essentially. Military survival training is almost exclusively desert survival because everyone's training for Middle East conflicts. So it's like you get someone in the cold, they're like essentially probably useless or at square one. And that's why I think, you know, Peter, you're asking, could I do it? Like, don't get me wrong. I don't think I'd tap out near the beginning.

I don't know if I'd beat some of these people. Like the guy who won last night spent the last like eight winters in Russia hunting with the Russian Eskimos. You know what I mean? I'm like, dude, don't get me. If you put me in like tropical Panama, there's no one that's going to outlast me. Like I'm good. Patrick's seen it firsthand. I'm solid.

Yeah. But you put me somewhere cold. There's, I don't have the skill set for it. I'm not like the people on alone are really good with the cold. They know, you know, little tricks like piling snow over, over holes in the ice so that doesn't freeze solid. and like all these things that I know them in theory, but I've never practiced them. So I just don't think I'd, I'm being honest, I don't think I'd win alone compared to some of these people. They're really remarkable.

That shows made in Canada, too, isn't it? I don't know. I think Northern Canada. Yeah, northern Canada. I mean, it's, you know, same as Alaska, you know, terrain-wise and weather-wise. I was, when you were saying the helicopter couldn't come, I was filming a show some years ago, we were in Greenland, and we had decided that a lot of our story was going to take place, but we had to go up this glacier that was, you know, steep, real ice climbing. Most of us didn't really know how to do it, but we had a guide, but we didn't have

enough crampons or ice axes for, you know, the crew to go up. So we use the sap phone to call back. We're like, look, we need the ice picks and crampons to be helicoptered in. So it's like two days where they can't fly the helicopter because of weather. So we're like waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. And then one day we get a call and they're like, the helicopter can leave right now. And we were miles from the base camp,

so we just kind of told them where we were. They flew around, found us. They come down and land. And it's our production manager. And she's a very, very nice woman. She was very good at making sure people had hotels and meals and stuff like that. She hands me a bag of crampons

and then another bag and says, here's the ice picks. The bag is this big. I know where the story's going. They were bartenders, ice picks for making, like, classy cocktails. Oh, God. I just looked at it and I was just like, these aren't the right things. You have to go back and get the real ones.

That's so funny. You know, she, like, went on Amazon. Yeah, you know, she just, like, went on Amazon and was like, ice pick, those will work, you know. Yeah, she just Google. Yeah, that was a rough one. So it ended up being like a five-day thing before we could even get up there. That's funny.

That's really fun. How was it when you got up there? Majestic. Wonderful. Fantastic. Yeah. Literally just one of the most memorable experiences in my life. One of the funniest parts was we had this assistant camera guy who's just a fucking beast.

And been in multiple tours. He was an Army Ranger sniper. Just super like he had a foot clinic at his tent every night to take care of people's feet. Like he's just an awesome dude. And we were going up this glacier, and it's essentially life and death stakes, because, you know, if you go down when you're not tethered to everybody and you slide down, you're sliding really far and probably going into the river. There's huge boulder falls all the time. And I'm way below him just struggling like a motherfucker trying to get up the thing using essentially just my ice axes and not my crampons at all because I didn't know how to use them. And I just hear him go, oh my God!

And I look up and I just see his can of chew just rolling by me. It fell out of his pocket and just rolled down the whole glacier. I tried to grab it. I couldn't get it. And it was like his reaction was as if he had just seen someone else die. Yeah, that was that bad. Yeah. It was the most traumatic thing that happened on the trip for him.

Oh, for sure. He was not happy. Well, Forrest, this has been a good week, man. Lots of stuff going on in the news. I think we should get into it. Yeah, let's do it. What's in the news? What's in the news?

What is in the news? Peter, actually, why don't you, for the first time in Wild Times history, lead us off with the story that you were just so excited about that you couldn't wait to talk about it on the podcast. You had to text us. What happened? Well, you know, it's the holidays. And there's a lot of holiday talk online ads, other things. I'm on Reddit a lot.

and a post came across my feed, my desk, as you two idiots say. Sorry. Notoriously aggressive turkey in Northern California was captured by a wildlife expert posing as a frail woman. I thought I liked it and I sent it because I thought there was a lot of great information just in the headline. I really don't even like I was just like. So you didn't read it. What you're saying, no, you didn't read the article. No, I read it.

I read it. All right. So wait. Yeah, go ahead. What's the first question? The first question that comes to mind is, why did he need to pose as a frail woman? Was it to get the turkey to attack? Well, yeah.

Forest, go for it. No, no, I don't know the answer. I need to hear this from you. Well, so, you know, the turkey had apparently been attacking, like, smaller people or whatever, you know, going after. Children. Yeah. And generally not. attacking larger humans and animals or whatever.

So she said I baited him in with blueberries, kibble and sunflower seeds. And then the husband, this is this woman Rebecca Dimtryke, director of Wildlife Emergency Services. And then the husband had to run down to the truck. And she, oh, she was left alone with the turkey. So she played the victim pretending she was scared and then retreated slowly. And then that's when Gerald the turkey started puffing and showing aggression. Yep.

And then she said, I saw his reaction and she said, oh, you want a piece of this? I'll give it to you. Predictive. It's like I'm basically just really quoted in there. I swear to that. It is. It is. Oh, wow.

That's hilarious. I mean, look, if a turkey is coming at me, I'm not going to be happy about it, but I'm pretty sure I could just kick it in the head. Yeah, you don't need a backup from a turkey. She scrapped it by, she scrapped the turkey, grabbing him by the neck in a way that doesn't hurt the bird, actually. Oh, so I would have just kicked it in the head.

After, yeah, after. Because if it's me or the turkey, it's going to be me. And look, nobody loves animals more than me. I have turkeys in my backyard. Yep. But if a turkey is going to come at me and puff its chest up, I am going to grab and break its neck and take it home and eat it because it is a turkey. That is like lunch charging you.

You know what I mean? I'm like, don't get me wrong. I love wild turkeys. I think they're beautiful. They're majestic. I don't really hunt or anything. But if you're going to puff up at me and come at me like a turkey, you're going home and going in the crock pot.

There's zero fucking question. Like I'm not, I'm putting up with none of that. Yeah. None of that. Pat, do you? Birds are pretty intense, man. Yeah, do you? They'll attack the shit out of you.

There's like very aggressive geese that I've encountered ever since childhood multiple times. They don't give a fuck these geese. They'll just come right at you and hiss at you. Oh. They don't back down. Dude, yeah. Geese are terrifying. I'm not kidding.

But I got so much flak. So I did this thing for GQ, the magazine, these video breakdowns where I sat in a studio and the producers at GQ would play a clip from a famous movie. And then I'd break it down. I'd be like, you know, in this scene, what you're seeing is the tiger's body languages, blah, blah, blah, blah, all the kind of shit I usually do. Yeah. And they played a clip from the Alfred Hitchcock movie, Birds, where there's like crows or ravens swooping down and pecking people.

And I was like, this is preposterous, you know, like, these animals don't just like fly out of the sky and peck at you, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dude, I got obliterated online because people are like, you're full of shit. Like, you don't know anything about crows. I had a crow attack me on my bicycle. I had a raven come at me. Apparently there's these fucking very angry crows around North America than I've never heard about that just fly down and peck people.

And yeah, people were very upset that I said that didn't happen. So my stepfather was on a run probably about, this is probably about 15 years ago. And where they used to live in upstate New York, there were so many fucking crows in this town that to abate the insane crow population, I don't know what they were eating or why they were there. They went around, the town actually taxidermied like a thousand crows and went and put them in trees. No way. as like a territorial thing to keep so many crows from landing there.

But he was on a run once and he came home and he had like a bunch of little cuts on him. He was bleeding. Wow. I wasn't there. My mom was there. He got attacked by like four or five crows. That's crazy. And they're big, dude.

Crows are big. They're big. And intelligent. When a turkey comes at you, I mean, Turkey's a hell of a lot bigger than a crow, but it is walking aggressively at you and in a mild pace. Like, that is very different. That is very different from any flighted animal dive bombing you From a different dimension than you're able to defend from

Yeah, yeah. Dude, when you see a good-sized crow like out on the there's a shitload in West Hollywood I mean, they're they're smart They don't give a fuck they're not scared of you at all I've seen a crow go charge a squirrel just out in my front yard They're pretty intense man. I like a lot and they're gnarly so I had I had a pied raven which is like a type of crow growing up. It was actually, it was funny. Long story made relatively short. We were on the field during lunchtime break at school,

and there's this raven like flapping around on the field, and some kid had hit it with a rock out of a tree, and me being the nerd I always was, I ran over there, punched the kid for doing it, and then Scoot took my, I think it was my over, like my blazer, because we had school uniforms, and wrapped this crow in the blazer and shoved it in my backpack with a rubber band around its neck,

or not neck, sorry, beak so that it would be quiet. And finish the day through school with this crow in my backpack, shitting all over my fucking backpack, and then took it home, and it had a broken wing. And so I, like, I set the wing and tried to bring it back to health. Anyway, the crow could never really fly again, so its wing was fucked. So this crow lived, and we had an Avery where we used to keep our quails and chickens and stuff. So this crow lived in my bed.

bedroom for like two or three months until I was like, I give up. It's never going to, its wings never going to come right. And then moved it down to the Avery. But this crow was so freaking intelligent, man. It certainly never attacked me. It pecked me plenty in the beginning. But it would, it would scavenge things. It would eat the eyes out of quail. It knew my name. It could say my name. They can speak like parrots. It, yeah, it could like, it couldn't fly, but it could like hop fly, kind of like a chicken does, you know, where they like hop and fly a little bit. And it was doing that in the cage to get up and around. And they're amazing, man.

And every other bird in the aviary was terrified of it. Like, it would be up in the right-hand corner. And all the quails and chickens would be, like, pinned in the lower left. Because they'd be like, no, we're not going near that crow. Yeah, they're pretty smart, aren't they? Aren't they, like, I've read that they have the intelligence of, like, a three-year-old or something? Like a three-year-old human.

There's a guy in New York City who, do you guys know about this story? who became rich from the crows. You guys heard about this? What's he doing? Making crow milk? No. Disgusting. So he had a crow.

I don't know how he got it. And he taught it to pick up pennies and change on the streets of New York City in return for like a cheerio or something. Right. Right. And eventually this guy ended up with like 40 crows on the rooftop of his apartment building. And all day long, they would come in and out and drop off coins. into a jar and take like a cheerio or he'd give him a cheerio. And the guy was making so much money that he stopped working and just fed crows all day

while they scavenged change. And he would just go to coin stars and pay his way through life from his trained crows. Wow. Dude, that's, that sounds like the type of scheme, like an 11-year-old would think of. And this was a fully adult man. And it worked. Yeah. When you mentioned the guy, the kid who threw the rocket, your little, your little

Pied Raven friend made me think of. We're at Forrest and I were in Madagascar, and we see these kids, and these kids are probably, I don't know, six years old. I mean, they're little kids, like kindergarten age. And they've got a slingshot in a rock. And they're like walking around. They're like looking up in this tree, looking around. And all of a sudden, you know, we see them pull back. One shot, this little five, six year old kid takes a shot.

A beautiful, huge, was it a parrot? I can't remember. I remember the bird. I just don't remember what it was, but he shot a huge bird out of the tree. A bird the size of my cat just falls out of the tree. One shot at this fucking thing. Like 40, 50 feet up in the tree, grabbed it. That was dinner.

That was dinner. The five-year-old just caught dinner on one shot with a slingshot. How useless are we when we're five? He would have won alone, by the way. That little Malagasy villager definitely would have won alone. But for a question. For sure. What else?

What are you excited about this? Yeah, what else we got for us? In the news. Yeah, so there's a famous otter named Eddie, and he's famous from a YouTube video of him playing basketball. Have you guys ever seen that? The otter that plays basketball? No, I haven't seen it. He plays basketball.

He does something else, too. Yeah, well, I don't know if everybody knows that, but he also, he was a little self-falatiating, if you will. Nice. He was, yeah, a little pervert of an otter who lived in the Argon Zoo. and very sadly, he just died at the age of 21, which was kind of a bummer because he was just very well known for, well, just Jay Owen all over his own chest and playing basketball. My favorite is what Will had written in the, wrote in the show doc here. He lived a long life at the Oregon Zoo, delighting guests with his dunking skills and a penchant for sucking his own dick, a true crossover talent. It's wonderfully written, Will.

I love it. I think that 21's a good life for an otter, right? He had a good time. Yeah, he's old. Yeah, no, he had a very good time. Yeah, I mean, he outlived his average lifespan by five years. Really? Probably eating all the cum.

Yeah, yeah. And moral of that story, ladies. Oh, my God, you. We just lost them all. That was our last female listeners. We just lost one brosner. Worth it. A good joke.

How about you, Patrick? Patrick, any fun news that you came across your proverbial desk? I mean, it's just sort of one thing that I have more questions than commentary on. Okay. All right. So here's an idea that some scientists are working on. Creating a major food source protein, right? We're overfishing the seas.

It's well known. We've, you know, when I was a kid, Cod was what they used in fish sticks. It was like cheap. Yeah, right. So big white fish. and then for like 15 years you couldn't even get cod. Right. Now you have to go to like a fancy restaurant to even get a piece of cod.

Yep. Good book, by the way. Cod. Great book. Is it really good? It's about the collapse of the fishery. Yeah, really good book. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. If I could read faster than one page an hour, I would read the book. But so some scientists are working on using jellyfish as a major source of protein. Yeah, to sort of try and take some of the, global impact off of ocean health. I guess they can easily be farmed. You can control and maintain the population. There's an abundance of jellyfish.

There's actually an overabundance. So this is something that's not very well known. So with us taking so many fish out of the ocean, that's led to a shift in the food chain to the point where a lot of the small fish that eat jellyfish and a lot of the things like sea turtles, and we know that most of them are critically endangered or endangered at this point, that eat jellyfish, their numbers have gone down, and there have been massive explosions of jellyfish. So in some places, there are more jellyfish than ever, which I think, if I'm not mistaken, is one of the reasons people are considering eating them to kind of offset the overpopulation.

Apparently, it's eaten in Japan, like, as a delicacy. I've Googled it, and, like, jellyfish salad comes up, and it's just like a bunch of jellyfish. It looks like pasta. It's, dude, it is revolting. Oh, you eat it? Oh, so the very first shoot of Extincter Alive season one when we had to go to Taiwan, I was downstairs in the lobby at the breakfast buffet. It was literally like we got in late at night.

And so we went to a nice hotel in Taipei, the capital city of Taiwan, before heading off into the bush. And it was somewhere that Thomas Backer, you remember him and Mitch had been before. And they're like, oh, it's this gorgeous hotel. We got to stay there. It's like amazing. It's amazing. And it's cheap because it's in Taiwan. So we stayed at this hotel.

and one of the nicest hotels I've ever been to. And in the morning, you go downstairs and there's a breakfast buffet. And this breakfast buffet, it has like a Chinese section, a European section, an American section, a Western section, and a Taiwanese, traditional Taiwanese section. It's huge. A buffet is like the size of a fucking Walmart. I mean, it's massive. My kind of buffet. And so I'm like, I'm in Taiwan.

Yeah, you'd love it, Peter. I'm in, you know, like Mitch and the guys, they all go to the American section. They get, you know, two fried eggs and a ration of bacon. And I'm like, I'm in Taiwan. like I'm having Taiwanese food, baby. Like, I'm not here to eat eggs and bacon. I did that yesterday. So I rock up to the bar at the Taiwanese food.

And the first thing in front of me is literally jellyfish salad. And in my mind, straight away, I'm like gross. But secondly, I'm like, okay, is this actually, it looks like noodles, by the way, as Peter just pointed out. So I'm like, oh, maybe like it's noodles with like a little bit of jellyfish flavoring, like squid pasta, right? Which is just like pasta with black ink in it. So I'm like, okay, maybe it's just, you know, not as disgusting as it sounds.

or maybe it's jelly with fish salad. You know, like, there's no way it's actual shredded jellyfish. Like, I just, like, couldn't believe it. So grab myself a big heaping spoon of that and threw it on my plate along with other things with eyeballs that wriggled. And went and sat down at the table. And I'm sure Mitch remembers this because literally I'd known these guys for, like, three hours, you know, like the 12-hour flight there and that was it.

Right. And literally, I grabbed my fork and, like, spaghetti up a big mound of fucking goop noodles. and put them in my mouth and just go, literally just spit them back out on the plate. You didn't even give it like a little taste test first. You just took a put a big... And I eat everything. Dude, I eat everything.

Like, there's not many things I don't eat. And it was just so like, you know when something's like slimy and sticky at the same time, like that like like hand sanitizers are now? Oh, God. So it had like a fleminess to it? It was so mucusy. It has that like slimyness. But then like that.

That's sticky. I just, I had to spit it back up. I literally, I couldn't even keep it in my mouth. And this was like the first meal I'd ever had with these people. And I'm like spitting jellyfish salad all over the table. I mean, I just can't imagine the consistency being something that's going to catch on. No. Where people are going to be like, you know what? Like, I don't, I'm done with burgers. I'm just going to go jellyfish soup. Just a nice, just a Peebee and jellyfish. You know who probably had a penchant for jellyfish was Eddie? I mean, he had a penchant for sucking his own dick,

so maybe he enjoys that texture, Forrest. There's a clear correlation between jellyfish and sucking your own D. What comes out is quite similar to the texture that Forrest is describing is all I'm saying. You would know from the tip of the tongue? What? No, you just explained it very visually. Yeah, but you know, there's a thing like with bug protein too, where it's like, oh, if you breed a gazillion crickets and we grind them up, you can buy

bug protein bars and stuff now. So, I don't know, maybe it just has to taste and not look like jellyfish, I think is the only way that becomes popular. Have you ever eaten the cricket medley that they're proposed? How is that? Oh, yeah. That's fine. I don't mind it at all. I've had like Buffalo Ranch flavored crates.

You can buy them here in the States. It's very sustainable. In Thailand, they eat a lot of insects. Look, it's not my choice. Like Patrick said earlier, I'm never going, I'm not going to have a burger. I'm going to have a bunch of crickets. Yeah. But it is, you know, it's sustainable.

It's protein that we can readily produce. It's just gross. Yeah. Yeah. So another bit of good news that I saw came up. For the first time in scientific history, pandas have been filmed mating in the wild, which I think is pretty cool. That's never happened before.

What's up with that? before. We've we've struggled like crazy to even get them to reproduce in zoos. And never, ever in history have we ever seen pandas mating in the wild. And there are two Chinese documentarians hired by PBS. And one name is like Unacui Wu, but the other name, my favorite part of this, Jackie Poon, spent three years searching, literally spent three years staked out trying to film pandas mating and giving birth in the wild. And they finally captured it. You know, this wasn't like news that they captured it,

but it came out in a PBS documentary, this footage, which was, you know, it was great. It was footage showed two males, like violently competing for the female before one dominated the other. And then once he beat up the other guy, like what we were talking about on last week's podcast, he just went to Poundown Town with the female. I don't know. It was just pretty cool. Yeah.

And rare. It's really surprising that it's never been filmed before. Yeah, I just, it is. It really is. Mark Romanov, who's a camera guy that Forrest has worked with a lot, who does underwater stuff, he was telling me that one of his, one of the things that he wants to capture, like, his sort of bucketless thing is that blue whale mating has never been photographed or documented in any, no humans essentially ever seen it. Right. We don't even know where or how it takes place, whether it's just a random and kind of.

counter out in the deep ocean, whether it's like thousands of feet down on the surface. Like we really have very little understanding of where blue whale mating takes place. I have to imagine that the blue whale has a pretty long penis. Oh, wow. It's called a dork, by the way. Isn't it really? Yeah. Oh, seven to ten feet long.

I just googled. Larger than a human being. That's hot. Nice. Yeah. A whale penis is called a dork, which I always thought was pretty funny. Why do they name it that? Who named that? It's pretty insulting.

Yeah, that's outrageous. It is. Maybe should this be what this podcast is about is just getting, you know, like respect for whales, like whale penis lives matter kind of thing. You know, like let's change their name. It's disrespectful. Calling a dork is just fucking weird. I thought that's what it's been about the entire time. We've been doing it.

So one of the brosters reached out to me slid, slid into my DMs. It was a dude. That was a dude. No dick pick. But no, he asked, he had a good question, which was, what was, he was like, were there any extinct or alive episodes that you guys really wanted to do that you weren't able to do? And I thought that was an interesting question because there are a few. This could be like a recurring segment. It could be.

Well, we talked about getting shut down by the Chinese government because they're communist and they hated the fact that we said the word pollution, which was my busy. They made it clear. There is no pollution. whatsoever in China. They did. They let us know that there is zero pollution in China and everybody happy. Yeah. Everybody's very happy. It's so dumb. Patrick, you know what comes to mind for me is remember you and I were like super keen on going to the border of Spain and Portugal and climbing up into the Pyrenees mountains to look for the IBEX? Yeah. Yeah. And then what happened? Why do we get shut down from that? Well, I think our partner, Eric, was just convinced that we just wanted

a trip to Spain. And he was right. Yeah. So talk about the Peridian Ibex or the Pyrenees Ibex. It's pretty fucking cool. Yeah. So it's incredible, you know, Ibexes are, they're like mountain goats. They're these incredible creatures that live up in high, high altitudes, high elevation, beautiful animals. And I can't remember the year that the Pyrenees Ibex went extinct, but, you know, 50, 60 years ago, maybe 40, I can't even remember now. But what's interesting about that is they were hunted to extinction by, you know, people hunting up in the Pyrenees Mountains, except reports of these Ibex keep coming in year after year. And it's like one report, two report, you know, it's just like, hey, I saw this Ibex. I was up there hunting.

And really, there's nobody up there except hunters. So when a hunter comes back out of the mountains and goes, I saw this animal that I chose not to shoot because it's supposedly extinct, by the way, I know all of the animals up there because I'm up there hunting. it's kind of compelling to think that the Pyrenees Ibex could still be up there. Maybe a very small isolated herd. You know, they're solitary creatures. So they wouldn't be in big groups anyway. There'd just be one here, one there. So, you know, I think there's definitely a chance that the Pyrenees Ibex is up there.

And our goal, Patrick, as you remember, was, you know, we were going to go up there. We were literally going to camp on cliff sides, you know, where you see the hanging tents, like sheer mountains to get up to the very top of the region and then survey and use thermal drones because one of the nice things about an expedition like that is, if you are a large undulate, a large warm-blooded, four-legged animal, climbing around a snowy mountain, you're going to stick out like a sore thumb.

So I think the thermal drone thing would have worked really well up there. But it just never lined up, unfortunately. Peter, how would you feel about sleeping in one of those tents where you're basically clamped onto the side of a cliff? I don't think they wake, make them a 1,500 foot fall. Yeah, I don't think they're. make ones that are from my weight class, so I'd be scared, nervous. I don't think they could hold me. I don't think I'd sleep well. I would not sleep well. You don't want to roll over, that's for sure.

No. Well, I just feel like I would wake up in the morning and I'd be like, ah, nice. Sounds like unzip and then sort of like go step out. Go take a peeve possibly just step out. You do harness in, by the way. I've never done it, so I'm not an expert, but you do harness in, even while you're sleeping. You're in a five-point harness. Gotcha. Yeah. Strapped to, yeah. I've, it's like the one thing I don't like is heights and I just, I don't get me wrong. I do it. I've climbed a bunch, but it just, ugh, I don't want to sleep like that. I'll just get to the top. I'd rather climb for 24 hours straight and get to the top and sleep.

Dude, do you remember when we were coming out of the cave, out of a Song Dong Cave in Vietnam? And we had, we were all like geeked up for this climb that we had to do, this 300 foot rock face. Peter and I, Peter went climbing with me because I was like, I was a little bit, I'm scared of heights too. Not a little bit. I'm scared of heights. And right now I've been talking about it. The bottom of my feet are cramping up. But so I was like, look, I want to enjoy this expedition. If I don't get a bunch of experience rock climbing, I'm going to be just the whole time I'm going to be nervous about the end. So actually, me and Peter were going and climbing a bunch at Sender 1 and all this stuff. So we go, we finally do this climb. And it is a, you know, we've now been in the cave for four or five days. We're in the dark back corner. basically there's this huge 300 foot super soaking wet rock face. Narnly. And the first 50 feet is a steel ladder. Oh, yeah, that's right.

We have to climb the steel ladder to get to the- Which was maybe the gnarliest part, actually. That was the whole, that was what I was going to say is like, sorry. Once I was on the, no, but once I was on the rock, it was fine. Like I felt in control. There were some moments that were hard, but it wasn't particularly. really scary once you were on the rock.

Yeah, agreed. Why was the ladder? 45 feet up a steel ladder? Yeah, yeah. So the fucking thing was shaking like a motherfucker. So it's pinned in at the bottom and at the top. And 50 feet's really long for a homemade ladder in Vietnam. Dude, it's like,

it's like that, you know that like metal PVC pipe like that just tubular like aluminum pipe that's super slick and super slippery and everything's wet and like. So the rock that Patrick's describing is it's like concave like this, right? And then the ladder sits like this. So as you go up it, you get further and further away from the rock. And at one point, yeah, I know exactly what Patrick's talking about. Because at one point, you're like 47 feet up in the air.

And the rock is like 25 feet away from you because of the shape of it. So you're just like, it's literally just you and this ladder that's going like back and forth with convulsions the whole way. I remember because I don't like heights. either. And I was literally just like, don't look down, just go up. Just don't look down, go up. Don't look down and go up. Each step, I was just like, don't think about it. Just keep going up. Step at a time. And then, by the way, when you're at the top of the ladder, then you clamp in and climb the rock. Oh, okay. But I'm like 47 feet, you know, you're fucking dead. So you're in the middle of a cave. You're not getting out. Yeah, you're not even, you're not even, like, attached to anything for that 47 feet to up the ladder. You're not like roped in.

Oh, my. There's nothing to clip to it. It's just a laugh. That's terrifying. It's just a slick metal ladder. Jesus Christ. I think, you know, the guys who lead these, you know, less than 200 people a year going to this cave and they're all pretty confident. And I think that the people who lead the expeditions are just like, it's a ladder. Just don't step off of it. Right.

Which is fair. It is fair. But I was, so, you know, I'm pretty, I was a little worried about this ladder situation because I watched five or six people go up. Forest was long gone. And I was like, I don't want to be last. Right. So there's two or three guys that are waiting beneath at the bottom. And same thing.

I was like, don't look down. Under any circumstances, do not look down. That's the worst. But the three of them are literally chatting it up like a bunch of like middle school, you know, girls talking about boys. And I can hear their voices getting farther and farther away. So it was just as bad. And then I get to the top and our coworker was struggling on that first section.

Yeah. And so now I'm just standing at the top of the ladder waiting for him to get to. to the top of that section so I could clamp on. So it felt like an eternity of just like standing on this thing like leg shaking. And it's going like this, dude. You remember? It was kind of like forcing in and out the whole climb. So you're like, don't get thrown up.

Oh my God. This gets more terrifying. The second of description. Dude, so yeah. We get to the top. Once everyone got to the top, that was where we like broke to have lunch before this big hike down the mountain. And I just, nobody was really talking that much.

You know, everyone was kind of high-fiving and stuff. and I just said to Forrest, I go, what was the worst part of that for you? He goes, the fucking ladder. The ladder was really scary. It was really scary. Yeah, the rock, the rock you had like all four points of contact on a big solid thing. It was just that fucking ladder. Wow.

Yeah, that was pretty gnarly. The speck of amygdala that you have kicked in. Yeah. It did. Yeah. The only time. It burned up like a fuse. That was the end of it.

It was the last thing about. We are getting so much. good feedback on our newish segment that I think we have to do it again this week. People are loving, loving your tidbits that you're coming up with in a newish segment that we like to call Factor Fiction. Oh yeah. Boom. I can't. People love this. Explain how this works, Peter. Yeah, so I can't take all the credit for Will helps me with these too. So thank you, producer Will. This is an easy game. Everybody can follow along. I'm going to give the smart guy, Forrest, the biologist, and the dumb one over there, Pat, a statement.

They're going to tell me whether or not it is fact or fiction. Easy enough. Number one. Okay. All right. Who goes first? I went first last time. Forrest to go first this time.

I go first? It's always got to be you first because he actually studied biology. All right, fine. I'll go first. All right. Go ahead. There are places in Asia where you used to be able to pay for an orangutanang to be your masseuse.

Hmm. I mean, I'm going to, that for me is an easy fact. Not that I know it's true. It's just why wouldn't they do that? Yeah. What do you think, Forrest? Have you ever been there? Well, to Asia.

To Asia? Yeah, it's a big place. Yes. So here's, I'll tell you, I'll give me my answer in a second. There was an absolutely horrific story of an orangutan at a bar that was shaved and chained up and put on lipstick that drunken loggers would come to and rape. Oh, God. And yeah, and WWF, that organization that I work with actually rescued it and set it free and there was a happy ending for the orangutan.

As happy as a raped orangutan get. But anyway, I don't mean to be such a downer about our most fun game. But because of that story, I am going to go fact. Asia is full of very weird, weird stuff like that. And I think that there are places where in orangutang, I don't know how good the massage would be, but you could get, you could pay for a massage from an orangutangetang. So sorry. Incorrect.

This is a false statement. Completely made up. I don't know that you have indisputable evidence that this didn't happen. Yeah. How do you know, Peter? Feel free to Google it. How many? Have you been to every massage parlor in Asia?

I have not, but if you can find it on Google, Forrest will give you $100. Number two. Boom. There is a species of parasitic fungus that takes over its host and then forces them to self-immolate. Immolate. That's what I said. Immolate. It's not two words.

Say that one again. I wasn't following. There is a species of parasitic fungus that takes over its host and then forces them to self-immolate. Hmm. Patrick, what do you think? Hang on. Well, I Google. Hang on while I Google emulate.

Okay. So there's a species of fungus that species of fungus that gets inside you and then makes you light yourself on fire. Correct. That's what he's implying. False. Yeah, also going false. Oh, come on. This is definitely false.

Fuck you. Next one. So right now scores one to one. Calvin Coolidge once ordered a raccoon be served for things. Thanksgiving dinner and his wife saved the raccoon and kept it as a pet. All right. I just, look, if you were talking about Taft, who was known for being the fattest president ever, I would say he might have wanted to eat a raccoon.

Yeah. I'm going to say Calvin Coolidge did not order a raccoon for Thanksgiving. I feel like that's the wise choice, but literally just so that we don't have all the same answers, I'm going to go truth. It's just, you're not creative enough to make this up, Peter. You don't even know Kelvin Coolidge is, Peter. He's a king, the king of England. I don't know.

But Forrest is correct. This is true. And now Forrest is an elite. Why did Calvin Coolidge want to eat a raccoon? Yeah, yuck. What was he thinking? For Thanksgiving. Never.

I mean, they could be tasting. I don't want to eat them. They could be. They're really cute. They also carry a shit ton of parasites. Well, like Patrick said, it's not tapped. Yeah. This is a little bit.

Okay. She was sent by the governor of Mississippi to the White House so that they could eat it for Thanksgiving as a gift. And they decided to keep Rebecca. And they fed her a consistent diet of shrimp, persimmons, and eggs. Very nice. Wow. That's a good life for her actual life. And she also walked around the white.

She also walked around the White House just loose. That's awesome. I love this story. You said she was sent by the governor of Mississippi? Yeah. Yeah, if you're from Mississippi, that really sums it up. Like, that makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah, yeah.

We've been there. All right. So Forrest is in the leave. Sorry, any Brunner's in St. Louis. No, that's Missouri. Never mind. That's Missouri. Okay, Forrest is in the lead.

The final question, gentlemen. there is a syndrome called berserk berserk llama syndrome where lama spend too much time near humans and they can become sexually attracted to the humans yes you're right pat there is one more after this by the way sorry a hundred percent true i believe that a llama llamas are weird because they have like really pretty eyelashes like a camel Yeah.

And so I wonder if maybe that was evolved so that humans would want to fuck them. Oy, they. Jesus. So, well, Preserver syndrome's a real thing, right? It's where you go into just blind rage. Isn't that a real thing? It's a real thing. It's related to kidney failure from dehydration.

Oh. Yeah. Interesting. So Pat causes in person mode. So you're saying that there's this syndrome is a thing where llamas become sexually attracted to human beings. Right, when they spend enough time around them. Or too much time. No, I'm going to go false.

I think it's against their biological DNA to be attracted to a primate. I'm going to go no. So sorry, Pat. The answer is false. Forrest is correct. Shit. I learned one thing in school, and that's that llamas don't want to fuck people. That's the only thing I learned in college.

So what's the score, gentlemen? We have three to one. Three to one. Three to one. Pat cannot win with this last question, but I'm going to ask it anyways. All right. The utterly terrifying Bobbitt worm gets its name after Lorena Bobbitt, who famously cut off her husband's penis while he was sleeping. Okay.

That's so funny. I was trying to remember who Lorena Bobbitt is. You said the name, and I was like, I know that name. Who is that? That's who it is. It's the mutilating chick. I remember that. This isn't true.

I know that you're going to say it is. Nah. Why would I say that if it's not true. It's false. There's no chance that a scientist named a worm and it looked like a severed penis. Why not? And they named it after Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt. Fawit. Fawm. I'm trying to think as a scientist, would I name something the Bobbit worm? I'm going to agree with Patrick. False. That's just, it's really clever that you came up with this if it is indeed false, but I'm going to go false. It's too ridiculous. Well, you should know that I am not clever. This is, in fact, a true statement. So that's awesome. You know, Lauren? That is awesome.

Scientists aren't. How do we get a bobbett worm? Yeah, I don't know. Scientists aren't all squares, are they forest? I mean, you're asking the wrong person. I said it was false. Yeah. The bobbot worm.

We found a worm and decided to name it after a man who got his penis cut off. off by his wife. Well, because it attacks its prey with scissors-like jaws. Yep. And they named it after then. I think it's genius. Probably one of them. It is brilliant.

Yeah, it's brilliant. It's really clever. I'm Google imaging them right now. They are quite terrifying. Yeah. They're really cool. They're very scary. It almost looks like an, it has a very insect like, it almost has like a centipede-like

kind of look. Looks like the monsters from Dune. Oh, it does. Yeah. Dude. Too bad. I'd say anyone who's out there right now who's, you should, it's worth Googling Bobbettworm. It is terrifying.

Holy shit. Would you eat one of these forests? It's almost, I don't want to. It doesn't, especially now that I know it's named after a severed dick, that makes me want to eat it less. Like, I think if you just served it to me without knowing that it was named after cock, I might want to eat it, but now I really don't. There's definitely some monsters that were made, like movie monsters that were created after this, this thing, for sure. By the way, they're 10 feet long. Holy shit.

Oh, no way? That I did not even know. The bobbot worm, so what they do is they go down and they burrow underneath the, they live in the water. They go down and they burrow underneath the soil and they're not like super thick. They're like 10 foot long really skinny worms with a crazy monster head. That's cool. That is a stranger than fiction animal right there. That is stranger than fiction.

There are a few of those weird, like, marine worms that just, they never get thick or girthy at all. They just get longer and more disgusting looking. They, like, live under muscle beds and under the seafloor. There are a few of them. They're very odd animals. Yuck, indeed. No thanks. No thanks, Bob, at work.

Well, the winner is as usual. Forest. Good job, Forrest. Not yuge. Just got lucky. Look, we're recording this a little bit earlier in the day, because of everyone's various trips they have coming up. Do you feel that there's a lack of booze?

Yeah. And that may be affecting the energy level? Yeah, I think that's the problem. I think that could be the general problem. We're never doing this soberly again, ever. No, no. I blame Peter. I mean, he was the only one who was flexible and agreed to do any time you or I wanted, but I still blame him.

Yeah, it's my fault. We could have done it yesterday today. All right. Well, I'm going to bring the vibe back. I'm going to bring the energy back. I'm not going to slam a drink because I don't need that. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do everybody's favorite segment.

Uh-oh. Yeah. Here you go. Snorting out of all. Yeah, I like that. What a weird guy. What a weird guy. All right, Forrest, it's your turn to come up with one.

What do you got? Yeah, yeah, I've been thinking about one. So I was, I told you guys, I was watching alone. I was starting to think about survival stuff. I haven't practiced much of that survival stuff that, you know, I really like in a while. and I thought of a fun battle royale would be, have you guys ever seen the movie I Am Legend with Will Smith? Oh yeah.

Yes. The last guy in the world except for all the zombies pretty much, right? Yeah, zombie movie, a guy in his German Shepherd. Yeah, yeah. Well, he has like the most badass like Forerunner or Land Cruiser. I can't remember it's got like lights and, you know, he's got like this big grill on the front of it. So my battle royale, it's a little different, is you have to pick your bait,

It can be a vehicle, a boat, a submarine, a bus, a train. And then you have to pick your three essential items to rig out your perfect survival vehicle. Okay. Hmm. Yeah. Are we surviving in the wild or a zombie apocalypse type situation? Chef's choice. You know, I think, I think, no, let's be, let's go, let's go, let's go total apocalypse.

That's better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is straight up apocalypse. Like, like world is ending. zombies, mutants, whatever. You know, we don't really know what's coming, but you've got this vehicle to get you around

that you're basically living in or out of, what is it? Peter, take us away. Oh, boy, I've got to go first, huh? And Peter, don't pick an airplane because you wouldn't know how to fly it. Neither would you. Gendomack the power to operate it. I'm not going to pick a plane.

You tell me what to do. God. Terrible. Sit there in your plane. No, I wasn't going to pick a plane because I don't know how to fly it. But what I am going to pick is a ground vehicle, all terrain. It's going to be a modified tank.

It will be very roomy inside. You know, have you guys ever seen that news story where the guy built his own tank and he just destroyed an entire town because he had a problem with the government there? It was like a little town. And he drove it around. Is that a real story? It's a real story. And it's all on tape from a helicopter.

And he literally just bulldozes an entire town. town. That's hilarious. He built this whole. So I'm going to build my own tank so that it can be customized inside. It'll have cameras so that I can see outside full HD. You only get three items. Remember three items on your tank. Only three items. Cameras are one. All right. Cameras on the outside. It's going to be highly reinforced. This is a, this is a tank from the future. It's going to have being a tank from the future, it's going to have the banned. They're banned weapons right now, but not during the apocalypse. It's going to have lasers.

Yep. Lasers like Holmander from that superhero TV show that's on the air right now. And they'll be on all sides so the lasers can shoot in any direction all at the same time. I don't think that's a real thing. Lasers, yeah. Is that a real thing? Do we have lasers that can cut people down? We do. They're not allowed to be used in warfare, though. It's against the Geneva Convention.

But yeah, so my tank... Are you basing this on a Captain America movie, or are you basing this on... No, I've read the entire Geneva Convention. So I will have... You've got a tank with cameras and lasers. Cameras and lasers. And what's your third thing? And the third thing will just be a giant novelty-sized mallet on an arm that comes out and smashes in any direction.

Okay, so like some... I like that. I like that. It's like something out of like Peewee's big adventure. Correct. Just a big mallet that comes down. That's pretty good. Okay. That is good.

That is good. Pretty well in your, in your vehicle, but probably not as well as I'll be doing in mine. Let's hear it. I'm going to start with, here's what I want to do. I want to be able to defend myself against the zombies, but you have to have something to live for, right? What's the point of just staying alive if it's all terrible? So I actually want to be comfortable while I'm doing it. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to start with a tricked out top of the line, state of the art, Winnebago.

Now, look. A little one of Winnebago like that. Yeah, a little one, a nice big one, a big Winnebago. And it's not as mobile as Peter's vehicle, but I'm not going to need it to be because instead of a mallet and lasers, I am going to have basically like the Millennium Falcon, up on top, there's going to be a bubble that swivels around, which you can control, like what Chewbacca shoots, and it's going to have a 50-calibur. Wow.

A gun that shoots, you know, six-inch bullets. Yep, this is cool. A Winnebago with a gun turret. I like it. Yeah, it's a turret. I mean, it's a high-tech turret. The operator can control it and shoot with one arm. It's really going to be, keep us safe in the Winnebago.

This is cool. Yeah. The second thing is a good idea. I'm going to attach to it is a full-on, really state-of-the-art, top of the line, chef's kitchen. Because obviously, during this time, I'll just be able to kidnap Bobby Flay or whoever I want. And I'm just going to have a nice, I'm going to probably kidnap a chef to live with me. It's always Bobby Flay. It's never anybody bought Bobby Flay.

If he's available, I'm going to find it. If he's not eating brains somewhere. Right. And then the third item that I'm going to have is just a good old fashion two-way radio. There you go. And who's got the other one? Yeah. One of you two guys, I would assume. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes a most sense. Yeah. Yeah. Be like, hey, how's the Winnebago today? Yeah, pretty good. So now, Forrest, you have to include in your items the other two-way radio.

So you're down to two items, because I definitely don't want to. Yeah, right. Damn it. That was clever. That was clever. All right, let's see. My vehicle. I'm going to pick a nice boat.

I've always wanted a nice big boat. I feel like during the zombie apocalypse, you know, if you're out on the sea, I don't know how well they swim. I don't know if zombies swim well. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. But I'm thinking like a nice 60-foot boat, like a slow cruising, you know, power boat. but because I don't know how well zombies swim, I'm going to put a couple, I'm going to put some artillery on it.

So on the underside of the boat is going to be massive heat-shocking waves, right? So just sending out like electrical heat that turns on underneath the boat with this flip of a switch. Boiling water? Yeah, with the flip of a switch. Boiling water on? Yeah, just something that sends out this electrical current that I assume will heat waves, the wrong word. It's more like electrical current that will zap anything that's

under the boat. Now, no most nights... So if something gets close to the boat to climb on, you're frown. Zap. Just fry. Right? You just fry. Is this a technology that exists? I don't know. But I've got it. I think it does. Yeah. I like it. So that's covering me underwater.

Now, now top side, I'm going to have to go ashore. Like, I can only live off spearfished fish out in the middle of the ocean for so long. So top side, instead of a gun turret, on the bow of the boat where I would land against the shore, flame thrower. Nice.

So I can come in, there can be zombies. You know, zombies can just be piling up on the shore. They could be coming from underwater. I zap and they pile up on the shore, just a little flamethrower, just mowl down. Pretty good. Just walk right out. It's pretty good.

Think about how fun that would be. How fun would that be? Yeah. It would be so much fun. Yeah. Why can't this be real? I know. And then, of course, I do have my two-way radio to talk to Patrick and see how he's doing.

That's a bonus item. Yeah, which is a bonus item. But I think my final item, you know, with my boat that has the shockwaves and the flame thrower, I assume it's a nice boat. It's got a galley. It's got a head. You know, I think my final item is just going to be some satellite TV. That's smart.

I thought about that. I really did think about that. Yeah, you know, just that way I'm just like I'm out there. I'm sitting on the water watching movies. Who's manning the satellites and the stations? Where's the signal coming from? It's the apocalypse. It's still going.

It's still going. Have you, have you, are you familiar with cable television currently? It never, it never stops. It never stops. Nice. Yeah, I was assuming this was like a localized zombie outbreak. So they're still fine in New York. It's just bad here.

Yeah, they're broadcasting from elsewhere, you know, which I might get to in my boat one day. If I'd get bored and flame throw. He's just floating around in a puddle somewhere, localized, very localized. Yeah. I like the satellite TV, but you're not going to have Netflix with that. I know, that's real brutal. And let's be honest, like cable television's going away in like three to five years. So it's short-lived, yeah.

You better get off that boat at some point. I would have just taken a hard drive with thousands of movies and television programs on it because I'm technologically smart. Whatever, dude. You know what? This has been fun guys. Patrick's got to get to San Diego. Yes.

I've got to get across town to rig one of my spirit. guns for my trip to Baja. But you know what? If you're a listener, you're a Browsner. Yeah, if you're a Browsner, maybe go on to iTunes. Leave us a five-star review. Let us know who won on iTunes. Subscribe on YouTube.

You could let us know there. You could just message Retap on Instagram. I don't care. But what you got to let us know is who won the Battle Royale. Is it Peter's Tank with cameras, lasers, and a wacky mallet? Is it Patrick's won a bango that has a gun turret, Bobby Flay, and a sweet two-way radio. Nice.

They're both really good. Or is it my very cool yacht that has shock rays, a flamethrower, and satellite television? Go ahead. Let us know. I'm pretty stoked. You guys, by the way, Brosners, if you're listening to this, like,

real talk for a second, it's incredible. Like, I know Patrick and Peter, you guys got to feel the same way. Like, the amount of loyal devotion that you guys following along to this podcast are showing is incredible. Like, I get text messages every week.

people hashtagging wild times, you know, being like, hey, bro, I'll just fucking peep this. Ha, ha, what's up? You know, like, it's just so great. Like, I get more engagement from our podcast, you know, with all of you Brozner's listening and with everybody here. Then I do on our, you know, multi-million dollar television shows, which is incredible. Like, I love that we can connect with people through this platform and thank you, everybody that listens along.

It's a ton of fun for us. Indeed. Totally. Totally agree. Yeah, dude. hit me up from my hometown. He was like, you met, he's like, I was binging the Wild Times podcast, and you mentioned in episode 21 that you're from Oswego, New York. He was like, really? Like, me and my dad were listening to the whole show. I thought that was pretty cool. One brother,

the other day on a comment on YouTube or Instagram, I can't remember, literally said that they love me specifically. So thank you for that. Nice. That's the first time you've heard that in a while. Oh, last thing before we go, we got some merch ready. Oh, yeah. Peter. Yes. So now we finally. And it's fucking sweet, dude.

Yeah, we finally. We did an amazing job on this spirit animal shirts. The spirit animal, like, don't get me around. They're all fun, but the spirit animal, it's, there's not a store that I would walk into and not buy that from. Like, if I would just, if I was walking by a store and saw that in the window, it could be, and I have a hard time going into Victoria's secret because I, I, I, I'd giggle. Like, it could be hanging in Victoria's secret and I would go in there to buy it. That's how it's committed I am to this t-shirt. It is good shit.

If your spirit animals, a blobfish, head over to the Wild Times podcast forward slash merch. We got a little shop set up there now. Got a couple items in there. We're going to be adding more so you can check back. And yeah, that's a- We'll put it out on Instagram too, right? Yep. If you go to the link in our bio on Instagram right now, it's actually there as well.

You can find it everywhere. I'll have it up. It's up on the website. but again, the wild timespodcast.com forward slash merch and check that shit out because it is lovely. And the first 100 people to send dick pics to Peter get a free shirt. Oh my. So just go and take that picture. Send it straight to them.

Don't question this. Just go for it. I can't wait. I love dick picks. All right, everybody. Thanks for listening. Good one, guys. Good night, gentlemen.

We'll drink next time. All right.