Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #30 - Penguins High on Nitrous, Murder Hornet Update, Orangutan Escapes

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

We're talking everything in the title and much more! This week's battle royale is bananas. More @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info Merch @ https://thewildtimespocast.com/merch We love you! 

And we are back. It is the Wild Times big episode 30. This is big stuff, guys. Oh, yeah. Can you believe we've been doing this for 30 straight weeks? That means we have no lives. This is what we do with our weeks now. The whole week, I spend the whole week preparing for this.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Is that why it's so hard to get a hold of you because you're still furiously preparing and then you have nothing, like nothing to show for it? Where's all the preparation work going? He's deep in research. He's coming up with jokes and puns. But let's not talk about that.

Let's introduce the cast. If you're tuning in for the first time at episode 30, you're a fucking idiot. Like you've missed 29 incredible shows. It's time to just start over. Go back to episode one. Catch up. You could probably do it in a week if you really set your mind to it. I mean, what else do you have going on?

It's the holidays. What are you going to hang out with your family? No. No. So I am your host, Forrest Galante, joined by our two lovely co-hoho. host, the bro-ducer and the brofessor, Mr. Patrick and Mr. Peter, what's up, guys? Hey, hey. Well, what's up?

I mean, look at Peter's head. Yeah. Let's get into that for a moment. What are you guys talking about? Yeah, that's, um, what? So here's what I said right before you hopped on the call, Patrick, and it was just Peter and I getting ready. I said, you know what?

I actually, and I mean this, I actually think it's a pretty good look on him. Yeah, it does look good. It looks, it at least looks like he's trying. It looks like he's trying for something. Well, maybe that's the flannel. Here's my assessment. It's like he doesn't just look like a hipster douchebag. He kind of looks like a guy with a top knot that might know jujitsu and kill you, which is a good look for him because usually he's very soft looking.

Yes. Man, listen, I may look soft and doughy, but I was looking at your head and my head compared to Pat's head on the last video podcast edit. And Pat's head is either we have giant heads or he has a tiny head. I'm not quite sure, but this head is very unpartial to ours. I actually think you and I have way too large heads, Peter. I don't think Patrick's head. I think Patrick's head. Do you both have freakish heads?

Like, do you struggle to find hats? Here's the thing, though, by like the law of averages, he's the weirdo. Because anybody that's not listening to this that's just tuned in is like, oh, Patrick's head is disgusting. Like, is that a mouse's head on a human's? body. When they look it up, they're like, oh, that's the normal size of a head. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's funny. I think my head actually skews like 10% bigger than average. So that might mean that you guys are like legitimately freaks or that maybe I was sitting a little farther away from my camera. That's the other thing. Yeah, maybe. The very logical explanation.

Right. Could be that. Yeah. You had, I did like to, you know, because I noticed all these little things. things because I'm looking at the video much more intently than you two. Pets, I don't know if you're doing it intentionally, but your bicep was just taking the spotlight in your, in your camera. It's because of the way that...

Oh, God. It's because of the way that I sit when I'm sitting at my dining room table, I kind of like lean forward because I don't have like a cool mic stand like you guys. As you can see, I'm holding mine like Bob Barker because I got kicked out of the downstairs tonight, so I'm sitting on my bedroom floor. But anyway, I'm moving to a new house on November 1st. And there's a proper office. I'm going to have a nice setup.

I'm going to have my mic on a stand. No longer going to have to use this thing. So you're going to be much more pro. I know you like you were searching for places. You listed your place. Like you're done. You're locked in. You found a new spot.

You're moving. That's it. Moving in like a week, dude. That's exciting. I know what today's date is, but it's coming up. Haven't even started packing. We haven't even started talking about packing yet. Great. I like that.

Yeah. I remember, though, you were stressing. You didn't think you were going to be able to sell the house right away, but it sold, like, immediately. Did it, like, right? Five days or something. Yeah, just a few days. Dude, so competitive in L.A. You put up a place, like, people are throwing suitcases of cash at you. Yep.

It's crazy. Any good place. Dude, so Forrest, how was your trip? to Mexico, man. Good, man. Really good. It was brief. It was a week, it was a week, but bombed down, picked up the guys.

You guys don't like this. So my buddies, we all went to college together, and now we're all scattered all over the country, right? So everybody flew into San Diego airport and landed at like whatever it was 11 a.m. And I rolled up with my truck, because I was, we're driving, took my truck. And I rolled up in my truck,

and I put on, hit me, baby, one more time by Britney Spears, rolled down all the windows, turned it up to like volume 35, which is as high as it goes, with a pretty good sound system, put a pink bandana on and went and just leaned up against the hood. And so when they walked out, like, you know, like all jacked up with their spear guns and shit, I was just like sitting there with Britney Spears blaring. Like, this is what we're. And they were just all like, oh, fuck, we got to get in this car. And I just, I just wore it. I just wore it. I just wore it super hard. Security was looking at me funny. And I was just like, you know, what are you going to do?

Did you, I like it. I think that's a good move. Did you get anything? Do you spear any good fish? Any set any records? No records, but yeah, we did great, man. A lot of nice yellow tail, a lot of Cabria leopard grouper, brought a bunch of fish home. Beautiful.

It was class. Yeah, it was a beautiful trip. Weather was great. Water was nice. I love Baja, man. I could just live down there. If I didn't have to have a real job and be an adult, I think I would just live in Baja on the ocean with a little fishing boat. It's a legit option.

And like San Jose del Cabo, not Cabo San Lucas, where all the bros go to party. Yep. Like 20 minutes from there, there's San Jose, which is like a weird oasis, jungle, lush, but it's still got beach. I love it. Easily. Easily could live there. 100%. I mean, it's fucking great.

I'm with you. Everything's cheap. Bears flow freely. It's just, God, it's a great place. Dude, vibes are astronomical. Everyone's stoked all the time. So true. So true.

It's funny because when I came out to L.A. I visited it was like 2008 or something. And I felt the same way about L.A. And then I moved here. And then I realized that it's a shithole shortly after. And it's the same as any other city, you know, with like just a bunch of busy fucking people who don't give a shit about you running around. It's because I went to the beach and didn't go into the actual fucking city where you'll be living.

Peter, can you and Patrick? Can you imagine the Los Angeles Valley, like, when it was first settled, when it was a town of, like, 300 people, and there was literally salmon running in the million up the Los Angeles River. There were tully elk and deer and bear everywhere. It was perfect climate all the time. Their white seabass and tuna, bluefin tuna, were so thick off the coast that old spotter planes used to think that they were moving mats of vegetation because the fish were so packed. I mean, it would have been an absolute like oasis paradise out here when Los Angeles. Like perfect weather, incredible beaches, tons of wildlife.

The salmon run, nobody knows this, but the salmon and steelhead that used to run up the Los Angeles River, like I said, in the millions. Like imagine Alaska in downtown L.A. You know, millions of salmon moving up and down the rivers, the Catalina Island, right? I mean, God, this place would have been hidden. And now it's basically in a desert, too. like what? Dude, legit saw a hobo

shitting on the sidewalk just like hobo. No joke two days ago. No joke. I don't know if it was a real word. Hobo. Whatever.

It was until 1920 and then people stopped using it. Yeah, I'm bringing it back. I am bringing it back. Anyway, well, you know, fresh off your trip from,

from, I mean, you know, I've just been studying up for this podcast, but just reading, producer will showdown. I'm planning on just all night, right?

This is a marathon. We're going until tomorrow. For sure. I got a full 12 pack of Rolling Rock. I'm ready to go, jents. Dude, I have no booze in my house. It's devastating. I went to, like, make a drink. I was like, get off. You're fired. You're off the podcast. I'm so mad. What the fuck. So mad at myself.

I would have fail. I listened to like 15 minutes of our last podcast and shut it off. I was like, ugh, we're so low energy without booze. I did. Don't get me wrong. Chemistry is still there. But without like revving each other up and drinking the whole time, it's just like, hey man, what are you doing? I don't know. What are you up to?

I don't know. It's not what it's like, dude. It's not. I've gotten all the feedback. Yeah. And I was definitely thinking that. But then people were like, that was great. Loved it.

Fucking, you know. Except that I looked like I had a stick up my ass is what I was told. Yeah, you did. You looked like you were sitting on a fat dick. Yeah. You were. Yeah. Yeah.

It was terrible. Yeah. Dude, someone hit me up and they just, they, they hit me on my Instagram stories like six different times with just the line that no pollution here, everybody happy. Yeah, that was really funny. Everybody happy was pretty good. No pollution here. Everybody happy. Thanks, China.

Well, dude, so this is a fucking great week to do a podcast about wildlife and the outdoors because there's a ton of shit going on. There's so much good stuff, man. I feel like, yeah, take us away. Let's go. What's in the news, Patrick? Well, look, I know that you're more excited about another story, but did you guys see this thing with this guy who's driving a supply truck through Siberia? He's driving a snowy highway. Dude, this is bananas.

Imagine this. You're in Siberia. You're driving supplies probably to a prison. Must be. You're driving down a snowy highway. highway and your truck breaks down. So you're now stuck in the tundra.

All of a sudden, a polar bear shows up and then within a few minutes there's two, three, four. Now you're surrounded by ten polar bears. And this is captured on video. We'll see if producer Will can bring this up. He is surrounded by ten polar bears in this old

truck that are like getting on each other's shoulders, like doing piggyback rides, trying to get into the cab. For what I can only imagine was for one reason. And it wasn't to suck his dick. My dog is just shredding stuff

in the office. Dude, look at that thing, climbing into the truck. It's like if you're really, really hungry and have like a jar of pickles that won't open. And you're just like, I need to get into these And it's always pickles.

It's always pickles. That's the one thing that tests your manhood. Dude, he's full off the ground. He's got both feet on the wheels. This bear, this is, I mean, more intense than trying to open pickles. This is like, this is crazy. Dude, the guys that inside is the fucking terrified pickle. And by the way, his truck doesn't have half of what a pickle jar has to offer.

There's no way. But, dude, I have to imagine there's probably like a bit of false confidence where you're like, they can't get into my truck? And then you're like, can they get into my truck? I think I keep trying and they keep trying and they keep trying. I mean, oh my God. And by the way, that's going to be a feeding frenzy. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I think I'd be terrified. I really do. I think polar bears, I mean, we've said this before. I think gorillas are the gnarliest animals in the world. but I think as far as just like raw aggression and ability to just, well, they're a carnivore. They're a predator, right? That's a difference between them and the gorilla. The gorilla just wants to, like, he'll just get out of his way.

This guy actually wants to eat you. Like, you're just insane. He's starving. Yeah. So Forrest, what would you, I mean, I know it's a ridiculous question, but what would you recommend this guy do in this situation? What would you do in a situation like this? I would lay on the horn for sure, make a lot of,

a noise. Obviously, I'd be trying to get the truck started. But I think ultimately I'd, you know, put my head between my legs and kiss my ass goodbye because this just looks. Oh my God. It looks brutal. I mean, I, oh my God, the polar bear is now on top of the truck. He's managed by getting on the shoulders of another polar bear. Yeah. No, it's funger. Yeah, I just think noise is the only, the only thing you can do is attempt to scare them. There's nothing else because they're, they're locked onto that guy's smell, right? They know he's in there. They know he's in there. They know there's a warm meal in there and they're like oh i'm gonna you know see if i can get in i'm gonna keep trying to figure this out it's like when a raccoon is trying to get you know in a in a trash can or

something and eventually they usually get into the trash can right so you don't want to be in that situation yeah um no it's pretty it's gnarly wild shit yeah those are some hungry fucking polar bears too man yes like when humans on the menu like you know they're pretty fucking hungry for sure because that's you're not their preferred preferred diet um right speaking of diets Now it's a good delicacy. I saw what's in the news that blew my mind. Have you guys seen these pictures of this crocodile in this Indian temple that's a vegetarian crocodile? Yeah.

How do they know it's a vegetarian? Just because they know it doesn't have access to fish? I guess they're just feeding it vegetables, which, by the way, is 100% animal cruelty. Like, it's bonkers. Like, don't do this to animals, people. If you're responsible for animals, don't feed them vegetables when they're carnivores. Like, it's just wrong. Right.

By the way, Forrest, is that noise? Is that your dog? I think so. Let me go see what he's doing. Sorry, I think he's shredding something in the office. I didn't know you guys could hear. Wait, is he shredding documents for you? We just hear a Yelp, a gunshot and a Yelp.

It's all good. It's all good, guys. Yeah, man. But that polar bear shit is everybody needs to look at it. It's probably one of the craziest things I've ever seen in all 30 episodes. It's bananas. How do people find it through our stuff? I actually don't know the answer for tough.

Well, you can always just go to the YouTube channel where it will be playing live while you listen. But I'll post a link to this specific thing because I'm so fucking, it's the craziest shit I've ever seen. There is. One thing I would say, by the way, when we're on the topic is like we have like 50 times more downloads then we have people watching on YouTube because, you know, we started the YouTube really late. We're all pretty ugly. True.

Yeah, yeah. We have beards, though. But, you know, come check out to YouTube. It's fun. I mean, you're not driving to work anyway. Just pop it on. Apple TV, it to your big screen and just watch us in our full glory.

Yeah, as we sit here and talk at you, not with you. People like it. People like the fucking, the information that we put out along with, well, they like me, hate. hate you, Pat, and they kind of like you for us. They seem to tolerate all of us at best. So what's so interesting about this crocodile story? Because I'm not a herp, as you would say.

Herper, is it that the crock is completely subsiding on veggies for 70 years? I believe so. So, okay, yes, sorry, let's get back into this. So, all right, so there's a crocodile at this temple in India. You know, a lot of people in India are vegetarian, right? that's huge in India. So I imagine at the temple, they just decided to start fucking feeding this thing, tofu and spinach or something.

I don't really know. And apparently it's been living on vegetables. It's for a long time. But the fact that it's not incredibly malnourished is alarming. My guess would be that in the temple ponds, there are fish, probably plenty of them, and the crocs just munching on them and nobody's seeing it. because I don't believe that a crocodile could subsist on any form of vegetarian diet. I just don't see it.

And the reason I think it's so interesting is it's just wrong. I mean, the fact that it's alive is good. You can see it's got fat reserves around its neck, around its midsection, but you just shouldn't do this. It's like if you have a dog, and this is going to be an unpopular opinion, I don't care how vegan or pro planet you are or any of that shit. Don't fucking feed your dog vegetables. Like, you can give them some veggies, but don't make your dog vegetarian.

Like, it's not, it is against their biology. Like, they are not made to be vegetarian. And crocodiles are far more so. Like, dogs are a little bit omnivorous. You know, humans obviously omnivorous. But crocs are straight up carnivores. They need meat, and this one's not eating it, which is interesting. Is that a thing?

Like, are there some people who have made their dogs vegan? Oh, yeah. That's, there's, like, a movement for it. What? Yeah. They're wolves. The dog doing yoga as well? They're wolves.

Correct. They should not be eating nothing but vegetables. You know, and they're doing like, oh, if you get soy protein and blah, blah, blah, just no, that's wrong. You will have a sickly dog. Just give it meat. It needs meat. I will say this.

My dog fucking loves carrots, man. And it was, and ice, by the way. Yeah. Two great discoveries because it's like, I still buy him like begging strips and shit, But, dude, give him a carrot. It's like a toy for him that he can eat, and he fucking loves it. Yeah, I'm with ice cubes. Your dog's about the size of a carrot.

A 12-pound carrot. No, look, dogs are omnivorous. Like, my dog goes nuts for avocados that fall off of our trees, but it's just... Oh, yeah. Loves them, but they still need meat. Like, their stomach biome requires meat. Like, it's just science. There's no, like, oh, my dog, it's going to be better for the place.

planet and eat veggies this whole life. Like, you will just have a sickly weak dog, which is what I'm kind of worried about for this crocodile. I mean, in my opinion, this animal literally is like, this is animal cruelty to keep a crocodile and feed it fish. But my guess is it's jumping in the ponds and eating a ton of fish and nobody knows it. Oh, really? I would guess so.

Retep, what about you? What are you excited about this week? What kind of stuff? Well, I am excited that I saw a chart the other day that showed the cause of bird deaths in the United States. And it was a simple bar graph. And at the top, as we've discussed before, the cause of bird deaths is domestic cats. Was that number one? It was 2.4 billion bird deaths.

But even more interesting because I already knew that. I can't remember if it was the one right below that or the one right below that. But it was way up there. And it was birds running into glass. Birds running into glass. That's it. Yeah. And it's like the top killer of birds.

So, I mean, are they, it's interesting because what are they just going so fast that they're not sensing what's in front of them for us? Or do they, what are they doing? How does that even happen? Sometimes they don't know it's there. more typical, more typically than that is, um, the birds definitely just hit it not knowing that it's there, but more common than that is them trying to fight their own reflections.

Um, you see, yeah, yeah, you see this a lot with like raptors and predator, predatory birds where they just go dive bombing into a window at top speed because they're trying to fight their own reflection, which is, uh,

yeah, pretty silly. Well, I mean, there was a leaf blowing around on the patio today and the cat was like furiously trying to hunt it through the window and he was pissed. He was like meowing the likes of which I'd never heard. Dude, yeah, there's sleep.

The most expensive hotel that I've ever stayed at, I was like, I'm going to treat myself to this real nice trip at this hotel in Kauai, right on the north shore there. And it's right on this cliff over the ocean. The views are amazing. Obviously, if you're going to do that, you pay the extra hundred bucks a night to get the ocean front room, whatever. And at like 4 p.m.

every day, someone comes into the room and closes your shades. And you have to keep your shades closed at night because there's some sort of endangered bird there and they just keep dive bombing the windows. So they don't tell you that on hotels.com when you book the room for 800 bucks a night. But yeah, you have to keep the windows closed because just like hundreds of birds are smashing them every night. If they see the light inside. On that note, here's something I was thinking about today.

Isn't it weird that, like, I was watching my cousin Vinnie today. Of course you are. Great. I was thinking. Yeah. It's so good. It's great. Like, people can get away.

Like, a lot of people do this thing where they, where they, they just omit information. And the consequences of it are just as bad as making up a bold-faced lie. It is a lie. Okay. Sorry, let me go on a tangent later. Go ahead. Please continue. No, I was just going to say.

But, like, even though the. consequences are the same. It's not looked at it at all the same. If you just omit, like, if you omit some information. Let's hear your rant. What is it? I'm curious now. It's pretty obvious where I'm going with this. But any relationship I've ever had, I've always had this argument that when you just choose to omit information, it's the same thing as just telling a lie. If you're like, where'd you go last night? And they're like, nowhere. But it was really somewhere. That's omitting information. That's, that is, that is being. Yes. you said, you said, meh, whatever, or

nowhere. Yeah. But that is emitting information where you did go somewhere or, you know, I'm trying to think of a better example. This just makes me sound fucking needy. But my point is just, it's just like, when you do the blatant, like, yeah, nothing. Like, you know, when you just blow it off and choose not to say something,

that is the same thing as telling a bold face lie. Like, if you're going to tell the story, you have to tell the whole story. Well, it's like, it'd be like if you're like, who's there. And you're like, oh, you know, Todd, Jesse, Pinkman, Steve and, you know, the professor, but, like, really also, like, three of your exes were there, too. Right.

And you left that out. You've lied. Right. You've lied. 100%. Well, it gives you, so it's egregious, though, but I feel like it gives you a, first of all, it gives you, like, plausible deniability. Right.

You can be like, I kind of, I didn't think that was important. Like, I didn't tell you every detail. Right. Your example, Patrick is egregious. Like, there's no way getting out of that, like, in a relation. But if it was like something a little bit less, you can be like, oh, I just forgot. I just forgot. That's it.

It's like if we went on an extinct or a live shoot and somebody said, how'd you do? And we came back and we're like, fine. But actually, we found the extinct animal and rewrote natural history. But we just decided to not talk about that. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I just didn't think it was that important. That was a fabulous humble brag, dude. Real nice.

I loved it. Thanks. Yeah, that was well executed. I've been waiting 30 episodes for that. Sure. Yeah. All right, I had another, let's talk about the most topical thing in the news, in the wildlife news this week, right? Murder rats, they're back.

TMZ's interviewing me about them again. They're like, oh, my God, we're all going to fucking die. We're not. But just as murder hornets are entering into their slaughter phase, right, which is where they just go fucking nuts. Washington State found the first nest of murder hornets, which is an important development. because their population has been quantified knowing how much there are, and they caught this nest, and they destroyed them. And they did it with a giant vacuum cleaner, which I thought was pretty cool.

So scientists found a murder hornet. They're like, this is good. We're able to quantify how many murder hornets are here now based on this whole nest, then slurped them up with a giant, basically a giant shop back and killed them all, which is great because that's what we want. We don't want more murder hornets in the U.S. They're an invasive species. They can cause all kinds of problems to our honeybees.

Yeah, that's kind of the story, right? So how did they get here again? No one knows how they got here. They're native to Japan, and literally no one knows how they got here. So this is the first nest that they've found, so that people have seen them flying around or found dead ones, but they'd never actually found a nest. A full nest. That's correct. That's my understanding.

I'm not positive on that. But, yeah, my understanding is that they're, they know that mortar hornets were here. They'd found several individuals, but they hadn't found a nest. And the reason being, they nest underground, right? They have these massive colonies that actually take place underground. I don't know the specifics of how they found this nest, but it is a good sign that they did find it. Got it. Nice.

Now, let me ask you this, because we've talked about murder hornets a couple times. Yeah. How scary is an actual murder hornet? Is this something like where they're killing people in Japan? They do. I think it's like six to eight people a year die from them. But, you know, like, how many? Well, I mean, that sounds like a lot, and it's kind of scary, but how many people are dying from falling into sandholes at the beach every year?

I think it's like 200. I'm not kidding. I'm being serious. That's like nothing. That's like zero. Yeah, it's very little. Do you want to get stung by one? No, it's going to fucking suck.

Like, it's going to be miserably painful. You're probably not going to die. You're probably not going to have an allergic reaction. The scariest thing about murder hornets is the. the fact that they're going to destroy our native honeybees and bees are already in the most jeopardy. I mean, that's what's scary about it. Once we lose the bees, we lose all kinds of crops and agriculture and all kinds of stuff.

I fucking love bees. What the fuck are you talking about with sandholes? I just Googled, I was like sand. I just Googled sandholes at the beach. And a National Geographic article came up that was like, don't dig sandholes at the beach. It can turn into a deadly trap. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. I remember, how do I know this?

I don't remember there was some analogy drawn about it and some stat published. You might be able to find this. Maybe producer Will can. There is like a ridiculous number of people that die every single year from like, you know, like we've all done it. You go to the beach, you dig a big haul. I don't know why. Maybe you're putting water in it. Maybe you're burying your friend.

Yeah, you're a kid. You just dig a hole. Just dig a hole. That's like part of the game. Well, apparently a bunch of fucking idiots dying those holes every single year somehow. I don't know how. And this is like a thing. Like, people are just dying at the beach in sand halls.

I mean, I guess it's like when I was a kid, I remember, like, it was a big deal. Like, I feel like every other week someone was getting stuck inside a well. Right. Do you remember this from the 80s? Where does this happen? Yeah. There was a baby in a well, like every, like each fortnight, there was a new story about a baby in a well. Every two weeks.

I don't know why that was such a thing. But sandholes. No, it was. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. The well thing is like in the psyche of, I don't know if it's just a merry, but it's like in every old-timey book you read,

somebody gets stuck in a well. It's the whole premise of Lassie, the movie, or in the books or whatever. People fucking just getting, how many people are just jumping in wells, by the way? Like, you have to make a conscious decision to get into a well. Or to leave a well.

Unless somebody puts you in there. Yeah. Right. These are the questions. utterly preposterous. It is. So, okay, so it's the whole point that they found this murder hornet's nest and that now, okay, so you eradicate that one nest, but does that really solve anything? Well, we don't really know.

And I have been home for such a little amount of time. I haven't really dug into this. But we don't know. I mean, that could be the population. It's probably not. Let's be realistic. But that could be it, right? There could be one nest in all of Washington State.

I mean, I don't think anybody really knows, but every single one that we can remove is a good thing. Because obviously, if you leave a hive or a nest, it's only going to expand, right? They're only going to lead to more of them. So it is a good thing that they've managed to wipe one out. It's hopefully putting in some control, hopefully. Yeah.

Well, something came across my desk on a lighter note that I was, Uh, hey, you don't. Speaking of lighter notes, there were researchers in Antarctica. Did you guys hear about these penguins? These penguins in Antarctica? Have you ever heard of them? They're in there in Antarctica? I'm familiar with penguins, yes.

Some sort of, please continue. So there's a new study that came out from the University of Copenhagen, where they demonstrated that the penguins in Antarctica emit copious amounts of nitrous oxide via their feces. That's like the laughing gas that they give you at the dentist, gets you high, shit. But, you know, it's so funny. It's, it's funny because they were doing this study and there was so much of this gas that it says the researchers went cuckoo from being surrounded by penguin poop. Oh, no way. I can't believe this is a new discovery. They didn't know this. Like,

what's going on here? We've known about penguins for fucking decades. Yeah, but how often are we hanging out in thousands of pounds of penguin poop? I don't really know the answer. So are the penguins like getting Joe Exotic maybe? Are they getting high off this laughing gas of their own making? Yeah. The penguins are.

Or just the researchers. The penguins. Are the penguins getting high too? Like would they have the ability to get fucked up off of this shit? Well, I don't know. The best thing is the quote from the from the Dutch researchers. The quote is,

after nosing about in guano for several hours, one goes completely cuckoo. Cuckoo. I love it. Fucking cuckoo. Well, dude, penguins have been in the news twice this week because there was another big story about two. So I don't know if you guys remember this.

Last year, there's two African penguins in a Dutch zoo that are gay. And they're a committed gay couple. And last year, they made the news because they, They went and stole an egg from a heterosexual couple and had a baby. Whoa. And they raised this baby, right? Well, that's not where the story ends. The plot thickened as it was announced either yesterday or today that these same gay male penguins went and aggressively stole a nest from a lesbian couple penguins.

Which begs the question? Which makes the question, where did the lesbian couple get the eggs from? Oh. Well, no, I don't think they had, I'm not sure if they had eggs. They had built like a very nice home, though. Oh, they just stole the nest. There was a nest. There was a nest.

There was a nest. Joe Rogan actually hit me up about this. And he was like, dude, what's going on here? And I'll tell all the Brosner is the same thing I told him. Gay penguins, super common. Like, this is a very well-known, very well-documented thing. here at the Santa Barbara Zoo, where I live, there's a pair of gay Humboldt penguins that have been together for 15 years.

Wow. And same thing. They have, so at the Santa Barbara Zoo, and that's the only gay couple of penguins that I know, they have personally know. They've given them eggs a few times from, you know, penguins that have had too many eggs or whatever, and they have successfully raised chicks. I don't know that they've gone around stealing. Yeah, probably better.

They probably keep their cage very clean. They dress neat. Every sticks in the right place. They have tons of excess finance. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. You have tons of excess finance.

Yeah. They're very wealthy penguins. No, but yeah, no, this gay penguin thing, it seems topical for sure. But it's very well documented. It's funny that it's not more well known. I feel like if I happen to be like, what is it? Not civil, right? What is it when you're just like an activist for people?

I don't know what that's called. Civil rights. Civil rights? Yeah. If I was like a civil rights activist and a biologist instead of just a lowly biologist, I would definitely be referencing gay penguins constantly. I'd be like, look, it happens in nature. Here they are. They raise perfectly successful babies. Like, we should all be gay. You know, that would like be my MO if I was into both of those fields. Is there a reason why it's common in penguins to be to be homosexual? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. It wasn't his field of study. Here's a thought. Here's a thought. Can you tell the difference between two penguins? Any two penguins of the same species? That's why Disney's movie Penguin, I was like, well, yeah, this is brilliant because

there's clearly different penguins in every single shot in this movie. Every scene. Yeah. And at no point did you question it, right? No. Yeah, you're right. So maybe a couple penguins look at each other, go, hmm, that's a nice looking black and white bird.

I don't really fucking care what he's got downstairs. and that's that, you know, like it's just... Or maybe, or maybe they were just cuckoo on their poopoo. And they don't know what's happening. He'd been waiting a while for that, haven't you? Yeah, it's been working on that. You've been wanting to do cuckoo-poo-poo. Very good.

Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, no, Joe Rogan was definitely into the gay penguin thing. He was like, what's going on here, man? Are they, like, giving them chemicals? I was like, no, they're not. They're just gay penguins. I love that Joe Rogan. like just hitting you up now you're his go-to guy about you know anything in in this you know like

animal probably conservation type uh go-to shit you know he's got like his alien guys that he probably calls up like bobbazar hits him up with his gas on venus i'm in this boy dude i i fucking i had uh i had elk i had elk steaks for dinner from joe because the last time i saw him i brought him like a single mushroom and one fillet of fish and he's like here's 40 pounds of elk and that's Yeah, I remember that. So you've had that elk since I was over there 30 weeks ago when we did the first one of these. Like, yeah, it's in the freezer. It's not just like sitting out.

But he gave me so much. But yeah, I did elk steaks and mushroom for dinner. It was a treat. Forrest, I saw, I saw you, I saw a picture you on Instagram. It's lobster season, yeah? Indeed. I saw you had like, so I saw you had a ton of lobster. And I was, did you, what's the story with that?

Did you go out and, like, get them? Or, like, what was up with that? Yeah, man. Every year, October to March, California lobster season. I hit up the islands here. Coastal, too, and you night dive with a flashlight and the limit is seven. Yeah, and you go out at night. And you just dive around and look for lobster that aren't hiding deep in caves.

And, you know, you have a little gauge to make sure they're big enough. And you collect your seven. And I went out for a three-day trip a couple weeks ago and came back with three. days worth the limits worth. I love how nonchalant you are. You're like, yeah, I just get a flashlight. I go into dark water and I hunt lobsters. Yeah, doesn't everybody do that?

I love night diving, man. It's just, it's fucking cool. Like the reef is a whole different place at night. Yeah, I'm sure. You know what's interesting? I've tried to explain this to people that have never been in the water at night before diving. During the day, like, the whole world is in your view, right?

You're in the ocean. There's a fish here. There's coral here. help here, there's a crab here. And it's like, it's over stimulating. Like, there's so much in this foreign world. And don't get me wrong, it's beautiful. It's stunning. I love daydiving. It's incredible. But at nighttime, your entire field of view is your little flashlight beam, which is this big, right? And you don't see anything except for where you're pointing your little flashlight. And when you're living in that world at night, you see so much because wherever you, whatever you hit

in that flashlight, say it's just a little tiny crab or a little nudibank or a single patch of reef or something, you focus exactly on that one tiny spot instead of taking in all of this giant information in this ecosystem. And it's pretty cool. You like, you really see a lot at night. Like I realized on this last lobster dive, I must have seen like 12 swell sharks, which are just these little sharks that we have here in California. They puff up and expand where they get the name swell shark from. And during the day, you know, not that I look for them very often, but I very rarely ever even see a swell shark. And at this last dive, I saw like 12 of them. And it, and at this last dive, I saw like 12 of them. And I got to like really, you know, like I'd put a lobster in my bag and then I get,

like I always do, I get sidetracked and I go stare at the sharks and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I would like really look at them. Like I would shine the light right in their face on their eye, on their skin. I don't know. It's pretty cool. You get really focused. Yeah. So do California lobsters don't have claws, do they? Correct. They're a crayfish. California spiny lobster. So no, no. And this is going to upset a lot of people and I'm perfectly okay with it. They do not taste nearly as good as Maine lobster. They just don't. I'm sorry. Yeah, like, people are like, California lobster's the best. Florida lobster's the best. Caribbean lobster is the best. It's not. Shut up. You're an idiot. Like, have you ever been to Maine and had a lobster roll? It's incredible.

Also, I've just, I've never heard anyone say that. Maybe because I don't like know a bunch of people that go hunt lobster. But like, I've never been to like a seafood restaurant where they're like, ah, yeah, we got that California lobster. It's like, no, you get Maine lobster because the fucking claws are delicious. And the tail's nice. Don't get me wrong, but that claw meat is just something sexy about it. So good. I like lobster. I like eating it.

The texture, I think, is the reason to eat lobster. I don't think the taste is anything spectacular. I'm with you on that, man. And it's like a vessel. It's a vessel for butter. I mean, that's what it is. It's the same reason I eat much. It's a butter sponge.

You're just like garlic and butter in a nice, chewy thing. This is delicious. Dude, I'd help you. There's a restaurant in San Diego, great seafood restaurant called Ocephi. Cheneer. And they, one of their things that you got to get when you go there is like, it's a little tin of like six snails. And there's a little puff pastry on top.

Okay. And underneath the puff pastry is a snail that takes up about a quarter of the tin and the rest of it's just full of hot melted butter. Great. And like people are like, man, I really like snails. I'm like, you haven't tasted any snail. It's butter and puff pastry with a chewy morsel. Totally.

That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Lucky's the local, like, fancy restaurant here in Santa Barbara. It's Pesto. It's the same thing. It's just butter and Pesto. You're like, yeah, there might be something chewy in there. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. That's a big thing in Key West. They ate a lot of conk down there, which is like the shell you listen to. Yeah, like that's the one you listen to or you can blow into it. It's really good. Yeah. But it's butter. And with like a fried fritter around it.

Like you don't really taste the conk. Like, conk is like there's a creature inside the conch shell that's, that's called a conk. Something has to make the shell, you dumb, dumb. I thought that was just the environment that made it. There's a conk that, like, creates the shell. Wait, what? Tell me about the conk, dude.

I need to hear. This is fascinating. It's a giant underwater. It's a giant sea snail. And they make the shell, just like land snails. They're not just part of the environment. Shells don't just show up. It's not like a rock.

It's made. But a conk shell is not like a fucking land snail shell. A conch shnell is like a piece of fucking, a giant ceramic, fucking, like, you know, centerpiece that you put on a table. Yeah, I mean, there's just a picture how much bigger the animal is that's inside. Yeah, there's the animal. See, it's two little eyes there. Will, can you pull that up all the way?

If you look, if you zoom in. That is Hanoos. Those are the two little dots that you see either side of the shalong looking part there. Those are his little eyes when he's looking right back at you. It's kind of sad. to hunt conk when I'd go to the Bahamas. And I don't do it anymore because, like Patrick said, I mean, I'll just, I'll just dip some bread and some butter, really.

It's the same thing. It is. It's the same thing. And it just, their numbers are super reduced from what there should be. And they're kind of cute. They look at you with those weird little alien faces and then you just smash their shell open and slurp them up. Yep.

There's a little bit of trivia. Key West is when you're there. They refer to themselves as the conk republic because I guess they have a lot of conk. there, they have tried twice to secede from the union. No, they did. They did. They seceded for like seven hours or something. Oh, maybe they did. Okay. West did? Yeah, they wanted to become their own country. And a lot of people in the Keys still want to do it. It's like a thing. Yeah, I'm almost positive. I'd have to double check this. But my understanding was the Concre Republic for like seven or eight hours was its own nation where like the bill was passed and then overturned seven hours later just

due to bureaucracy. And they're like, yes, we're the Concre Republic. And there's like, there's a flag and like, you know, there's fucking toothless Florida people with like Concre Public

full back tattoos. Like, it's a thing. Oh, yeah. Let's not, let's not lose all our Florida listeners. I was going to say I love Key West too,

man. I love Florida. Yeah. So why are they seceding? Like so. They don't want new rules, bro. They just want it to be,

if you want to just walk full nude down the street, you can do it. If you want to shoot up hair and the bar. I'll pass that law right now and California. I'll vote for that. They just want zero laws. They just don't want anyone telling them what to do.

And, you know, they've got a big enough economy because of the tourism and they're, you know, a cool looking island off the ocean that's in the Caribbean. Yeah. They could just be their own little country. I'm for it. I'm totally for it. Yeah. Hey, so you mentioned that dope seafood restaurant in San Diego. I forgot you went on a baby watching mission last weekend. How was that? Oh, yeah. It was great. I mean, it was literally went exactly. Great. Come on. Great. It went as predicted, which was a lot of time where the ladies were playing with babies.

And a lot of time where me and the husband, the dad of the baby, were drinking booze, drinking wine. There you go. Was he cooking? Yeah. Oh, my God. He's, yeah, he fucking did like a 12-hour slow smoke on a pork shoulder, did a brisket. Yeah, just eating meat, drinking white claw and wine and all he has now, dude. This is, it's the best time he's had probably.

How old's the kid? Ten months. In eight months? Ten months. In ten months coming over. This is the best time he's had. The other thing is they don't like the TV to be on while the baby's up because apparently it gives the babies like more of a predilection for wanting to see blue light.

And it's funny because he, He was like, look, we're making exception because we're going to watch, like, college football and drank. Yeah. And you could see the baby was just, like, enamored with the TV. Oh, yeah. It didn't want to look at any screen. Didn't care about the dog.

Just wanted to look at the TV. Brutal. But, dude, I will say, man. It's crazy. Just while we're on the topic of, you know, how great California used to be, they're just north of San Diego, like 10 minutes north. And on Saturday, I was just like, I'm going to get out of the house, just go for a run. So I just like ran down the hill, was at the bay.

And then I just ran along the bay and just, I just was fucking going, man. It was like 60 degrees out. It was great. Everyone's got their, there's this huge island that you just run over this little bridge to. There's essentially no laws on the island. I think it's its own republic. Everyone's just got their boats in the water. People are on the sand.

Dogs, just full of dogs. just full of dogs. You can't bring dogs to any beaches in L.A. It was wild, dude. I was gone for like five hours by myself. It really is. San Diego is nice. It's cheaper than L.A. too, by a good amount.

I'd say a third cheaper to get a house. It's just a lot of sprawl. You know what I mean? It's like one town from like the border to like Escondido. It's just like it never ends. It's just, but I do like it. Weather's great. My favorite part about San Diego is it's actually.

access to Baja. It's like right, you just hop right over the border. Yeah. So I had one other thing that I saw in the news, even though we've got dogleg that I liked, and I think I'll bring it up. So I've been saying this for a while. I'm saying this for a while. There's always like natural alternatives to things that we do to fuck things up, right? And I think something that's probably been known for thousands of years is being brought back and it's even made headlines. A bunch of farmers in Thailand. found that instead of using pesticides, they employ a team of like 10,000 ducks to eat their

bugs in their rice patties, and they eat the old husks after the harvest of the rice. And this method has not only reduced the bugs, they now have ducks that are reproducing and ducks to eat and obviously keeping the duck population sustainable, and it's environmentally friendly and increases the yield because of the fertilizer from the ducks shitting all over the thing as they go. So it's just like you can either put pesticides down, which poisoned people, people kill everything around, you know, is terrible for the environment, or you bring in a bunch of ducks and just make a more diverse ecosystem and get rid of this monoculture and everything wins.

There's ducks to eat. There's less bugs. There's better soil quality. And I just, I don't know, I just wanted to bring it up because it's one of these things. There's a great movie called the biggest little farm. If you guys haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, where they just show how instead of using monoculture and crop farming, they just use a bunch of stuff. They use ducks and chickens. and crops and they cycle the crops and everything just works better. Like you don't go five years of growing one thing and then go, my soil's fucked to got to move on. You know,

you rotate, you cycle your crops and you have animals running throughout the crops and let, let like nature take its course a little bit and the yield is so much better. So anyway, I think it's pretty cool that it's making news with these farmers. How much do they pay the ducks? As much as the orangutang toll booth operator that we talked about. previous episode.

I just feel like being in a rice patty is such a, like, that was one of the things that struck me the most in Vietnam was just the rice patties everywhere. And then when we, after you found that cobra, we started looking up just statistics about cobra attacks and cobra deaths. I can't remember the exact number, but it was in the magnitudes of tens of thousands of people get, they get killed because they get bit by cobras and other venomous snakes in the rice paddies. Because I guess what's the deal?

The rice attracts mice and rodents and then that attracts snakes. Exactly. The grain attracts you got it. Yeah. It sounds like it's a whole ecosystem there. You know, and if there's food there, they're going to keep going back. And it's going to make its whole little own ecosystem there. But imagine going to work every day knowing that there's like there's like a 1%

chance that today's the day I get bit by a cobra and die. Yeah, one percent sounds low, but it's actually a lot. What was that for us? Say that again? You can make 15 cents husking rice. That's the upside of the day. Yeah. It's pretty brutal.

It is kind of, it's interesting, though, to see, like you're talking about this, you know, what you were just talking about, where you have the ducks that are basically, you know, a natural way better than fertilize. are doing this thing where humans are benefiting the environment. Whereas, like, it's interesting because it's normally the opposite. And we're so, like, most of nature just works that way. It just goes with the vibe and the flow. You have for some reason, like, we as humans have, like, these complex everything set up

and we fuck it up and, like, go against everything. You know, sometimes it's going to go with the flow. There are natural answers to, like, all of our problems. and we like to fuck it up by putting synthetic stuff in it. It's just wild. It's because it's easier and we're addicted to convenience, man. That's what it is. Blue light and convenience.

So it's like, you know, it's just easier. Before we jump into the other stuff, I just, there's one more thing that producer Will had put on the show doc that I found fascinating. Yeah. Which is that this is not news. It's old, technically. But in the summer of 1985,

just because while we're on the topic of San Diego, there was a famous orangutan at the San Diego Zoo, whose name was Ken Allen. It's a great name. He had a first and last name. He was a businessman. He was for AT&T. His name was Ken Allen,

and in the summer of 85, when little Peter was just knee high to a grasshopper, Ken Allen escaped his enclosure on three separate occasions. What? He walked around the zoo and was friendly to all humans and animals he encountered. The zoo then rigged cameras to his enclosure, but he appeared to know that he was being filmed. So he would look at the cameras a lot and he didn't make any escapes. So then they took the cameras down and then he escaped again.

Wow. So he kind of like knew he was being filmed. And so then they couldn't figure out how he was escaping. So they hired a team of rock climbers to come in to try. figure out what the like finger and toe holds were that he was using and they had to redesign his enclosure it's fucking genius man ken allen also yeah yeah ken allen it just sounds like every 1980s pseudo comedy actor yeah yeah ken allen or like you know the backup quarterback for the raiders in 1986 yeah yeah yeah

Well, guys, I think it's time for a new fan favorite segment. It is called fact or fiction. You guys want to do it? You're ready to do it? You're interested in this today? Because I have some facts and some fictions that I think are going to blow. All right. So you name a fact, and then Forrest and I argue about whether it's true or false.

Correct. Pat always answers first because he knows nothing. And Forrest actually studied biology. Okay. Number one, Pat, pay attention. I know you're watching the football game, but pay attention. It's not even on. You ready?

Manatees use their farts to help swim, hold them in to float, or let them out to sink. Is this a true fact, or did I just make this bullshit up? I'm going to say, I mean, this is annoying because I could, fiction, I don't think a manatee needs help being buoyant enough. to swim. No, it's fiction. Bullshit. Okay. We go the other way. I'm going to go to fact. Then they do indeed use air as buoyancy control. I'm sorry to say that everybody's favorite host, Patrick, is wrong. Forrest, one point for you.

All right. Lucky me. I mean, there's not much more to it. They bring air into their body and it helps them float. They really release it in just like us. I'll tell you why I know the answer to this. I'll tell you why I know the answer to this. You've all seen my physique back in the old naked and afraid days. Unfortunately. Oh, yes. The whole world is seen us.

Yeah. And I, I, uh, so when I was on that naked and afraid show, I fed us very handsomely from the ocean. I brought a mask and snor-and-gett and didn't even get a snorkel, just a mask for diving, and I fashioned a spear. And I didn't have a wetsuit and I didn't have a weight belt and I didn't have fins. I had nothing. And it's been a very long time since I've probably ever. since I've just dove naked, no fins, no weight belt, no wetsuit, nothing.

And I very quickly found out that if I farted a bunch, I could dive a lot better than if I held it in. And I swear, this is the thing. I was like, because this happens, by the way. If you're a free diver, you go up and down, the pressure changes, you're like, ooh, I got a little rumbly tumbling. I'm just going to put it out of go, and I feel better. But when you're in a wetsuit and you got a weight belt on and fins, you don't notice anything.

And I noticed on naked and afraid that if I farted a bunch, I could actually dive better. And I was like, oh, I'm more comfortable. I can go down deeper. And yeah, that's how I know. And I had the physique of the party. So, you know, I know this now. How many times did it take, like how many farts were you able to push out back to back to back to back to back? I was living on potatoes.

So many, many farts. Yeah. Not to mention like there's not, this is getting into a lot of detail. That's great. It's not like a lot of privacy when you're doing naked and afraid. So I was aqueducing every time I went in the water. right just going for a quick swim you know just can get my laps in and just as soon as i got in the water so you know that was you know because they film by the way they film you taking a shit on naked and

afraid they're like we film everything i was just going to say what we do yo i'm actually curious about that so like from your from your perspective having been on that they film everything like what's going through your head like when you first get out there like i'm naked whatever we all saw you do the dance i mean you were very comfortable being naked but what about like the taking a shit thing. I mean, it must have been not in your mind. You're like, I'm just going to shit in the ocean or like I'm going to do whatever. Were you like, you know, I think I went a day or two without dropping a deuce because, you know, you get those, get those jitters and you're not eating much and, you know, it's whatever. And then I finally like, this guy just comes with me with his fucking camera

rolling on his shoulder rig. And he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, what are the fuck does it look like I'm doing? Feeling good or feeling bad or how's your tum, and I'm, get the fuck out of here. I literally tough, Tom. Yeah. I didn't say. Okay. I took one in front of the camera and was like, okay, that's the last time I'm doing that.

Like, they could make this look disgustingly weird and bad. And so unless it was like the middle of the night when nobody was around, which I don't think ever happened, I was just going deuce in the ocean. And I would watch my partner, you know, this quite attractive lady just like walk over 150 feet and just start shitting. And like, she's growing a tail, you know, and this guy's sitting there rolling and they've got like, A boom hanging over. I'm like, nope, this is not for me. Like, I don't know what. Yeah.

I mean, like the camera guys better get paid like an extra hundred bucks a day for that. I would hope so. By the way, none of them. They were all like, I was like, okay, I'm going spearfishing. And they're like, oh, we don't know how to free dive or swim or can you take this GoPro and wear it on your head? And I'm like, yeah, for sure. I just take the GoPro, click, okay.

Take a shit. I could really relax out there. Let out some of those fucking jungle potatoes gashously. That was a big dog leg. But yeah, there we go. All right. What's number two, Peter? All right.

Number two, here we go. We talked about this animal last week, so I thought, Will thought it would be good to include this into the factor fiction this week. Jellyfish have one hole, a cloaca, where they eat, reproduce, poop, and even hide their young in times of danger. It's the same thing your cat has. It doesn't run with Chubaca. Listen, Forrest, keep your goddamn mouth shut.

Pat, you're up first. True. A jellyfish has a cloaca. Forrest? I have a cloaca. Is it true or is it a trick question? That sounds like a hint. I'm going to go true.

I can only imagine, no, let me think about a jellyfish's anatomy. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to go true. Yeah, I'm going to go true. They have to get rid of their waste, and they're not very complex creatures. Guys, fortunately for you, you're wrong. It is false. Nobody gets a point.

The score is still one to zero pat. You guys know nothing about jellyfish. One zero forest, idiot, you utter buffoon. That's what I said, no? No. But anyway, what's number three? Now I'm really just curious how jellyfish get rid of excrement. Yeah.

But anyway, I'll dig into that on my own time. Maybe if Pat wasn't watching a football game, he would be able to chime in with something other than just looking at the television. I'm curious why you think he's doing that. Because I know him. I know he is. He's been watching it since we started. A beer number three, a beer drinking goat was once elected mayor in La Hedas, Texas. Is this true or is this just some bullshit I made?

So just real quick for us. they don't have any type of excretory organs. Oh, you Googled it. Oh, that's interesting. That's kind of what I was trying to figure out. So they must just consume things and that's it. Like, they just waste just falls out. There's no excrement.

It's just energy. Nope, they do excrete waste, but it's through the same way that they eat through the mouth. Oh, interesting. That's nice. That's filthy. No reproduction. No reproduction. Was a goat elected mayor in Texas?

Yes. Of course. Because this type of news, it annoys me because it was like something cute that a town of 400 people did on like July 4th. They were like, let's do a ceremonial goat election. It's true, but it's fucking stupid. A goat cannot govern a town. It cannot balance a budget. It can't make decisions.

I'm in a 100% agreement with Patrick. Also, you're not smart enough to make up that story. What are you talking about? That is the easiest story I could ever make up. It's true. Yeah. But it is true. It is true.

In La Hitas, a town of about 100 along the Rio Grande River near Big Ben National Park. A goat was elected to be fucking governor of the state. Mayor. Listen, I am definitely too far to do this. Number four, please. You're a little sloppy. All right. Number four, this will be the last one because I'm too drunk.

Leeches have 10 stomach, 60 brains, and 18 testicles. True or false? False. I think it's something like that, but the numbers have been manipulated. It's a good guess. I don't think they have 60 brains either. I think they have zero brains. They have 60 sets of fused ganglion, would be my guess.

Nice. I'm going to go true because. I know that it's some weird number of organs, and I'm just guessing that you were too lazy to change the numbers. Forrest, you are fortunately correct. It was true. Too lazy to change the numbers. Yep.

We'll call that one a tie. All right, well, that segment has nobody talking. But here's one that does, I think, Forrest, I'd love it if you'd do the intro here, since I don't have a desk to pound on. You got it. Yep, desk pounding, coming right up. I love it.

That was powerful. That was powerful. This is everyone's favorite segment. Well, Forrest, you texted us an idea. And you seemed really excited about it. And I don't like to disappoint you too often. So here's what we've got. Let's do it.

You're going to take, it's a mythical creature battle royale. So what you're going to do is all of us have to create a new beast using elements of three mythical creatures. And they will then fight till death. Classic battle royale. It should be about fighting. It should be. This is a classic VR. No one's going to draft Bobby Flay.

These have to be mythical creatures. It is not. It is not. Should we do a snake draft or should we just go? Hey, you're, you tell us, man. You're a snake. I think you got to do a snake draft for this one. All right.

Snake draft. I'm going to go first because I've got an idea here that I'm pretty happy about. My first, oh, and the one caveat is drag, no dragons are allowed. No dragons. Smart. Yeah, that's smart. No fucking fire breathing dragon. Yeah.

It's just going to be. If you're just breathing fire, you win. So, yeah, that's a good call. That's a good call. Okay. All right. All right. So I'm going to start out with a mythical creature that I find to be really just a fucking badass.

I'm going to start with a cracking. Unleased the crackin. The body of the Of the holiday season Yeah, the body and the eight legs of a Cracken, which is a, for those who don't know, a giant octopus Back from dinosaur times

That would fight with the Megalodon And sink ships And the Viking explorers used to say That the Cracken would come And bring entire ships down I'm taking the whole body Of the Cracken Good, it's really good

Yeah, it's very, it's good It's good, it's good It's really good I was going to go with old Nessie, Locknest Monster, but Nessie ain't got shit on the Crackin. It's going to be tough. Yeah, there's no way. It's a good pick.

All right. Forest, you go next. You go next. You go next. All right. All right. I shall go next. Hmm.

They're in West Virginia and I believe a few other states. Florida has, sorry, not Florida. Chicago, Illinois has some sightings of a supposed mythical creature. that is humanoid in shape and has wings known as mothman. We ever heard of mothman? Oh, yeah. Very much so. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, freaks. All right, I am going to go the cryptic flight powers of mothman to lead it off. Mm-hmm. So does he have the, just the flight powers, not the body of the moth man? Correct, correct. I'm still picking my body now that you took my water beast away from me. Okay. So I'm starting with flight power.

It's a terrible figure. Moths fly right into heat and light. All I would do is hold up a lighter and you'd be dead if you were only the Mothman. So I'll wait until your next pick. This is a steep draft. I picked two, correct? Is that right? He's figuring out.

My first pick is obviously a vampire because a vampire, a vampire, A lives forever. It's eternal. They can fly as well. and I mean as far as their attack skills it's not it's not great but I'm counting on both the eternal living and then also the ability to fly so that's my first pick my second pick is a old vampires fly huh that I know of and all vampires fly I think he gets most of his vampire knowledge from the twilight series of books well yeah of course where else would I get it cover what's your next one watch the movies

The next, my next power that I will give my creature that will win this battle royal because all he has to do is use his laser beam eyeball. I will be a cyclops who shoots lasers out of his one eyeball. And all he has to do is shoot it in the air. The moth will fly right into it. So dumb. Your vampire cyclops so far. Okay.

I don't think it's too bad. It sounds even more badass. when you say it aloud. But saying that he's going to shoot a laser beam out of his singular eye into the atmosphere and mothman, whose body you don't even know what it is yet? Right. Or brain.

Only the power of flight. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. What do you got for us? Vampire cyclops pretty solid. So don't forget, I've got the cryptic nature and flight powers of moth man.

But I've figured out the body of my creature. It's the Hades hound. You know, the three-headed dog from that. the Hercules movies, the Hellhound. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Hellhound. A big Hellhound, three heads. That's the base that I'm going on.

The Hellhound with Moth and Powers. As the head, wait, so it's the powers? You have to have some physical attribute of it. But just relax here. Okay. I'm talking about this is the general, so right now what I have is, because I've got a third pick still, right now what I have is a hellhound that has the

flight and disenfranchise. disappearing powers of Mothman. The disaffirited powers is worrisome. Got it. Like super cryptic and can fly. So its physical form is the hellhound, the three-headed dog. Okay, that's good. I don't know how well it's going to do in the water.

I don't either. So I've got a kraken, which is the size of a school bus. Yeah. It has eight legs. Good. And can swim. I'm going to then give it a second power of another mythical creature. sticking with my water theme of the mermaid.

Because what the mermaid does is they sing a song. And the song, the siren song, it moves you into a trance-like state. So picture this kraken singing a song that makes your creatures just go into a trance-like state, and then it immediately grabs them and brings them to the bottom of the ocean and kills them. So because I'm so confident I've now won, my third power, is going to be, because I've already won, now my third power is going to be one that I can then take advantage of after I've won.

So I'm going to go with another mythical creature, a little short, one and a half foot tall, has red hair, it's Irish, the leprechaun. Very nice. Because the leprechaun has access to many pots of gold. It's always about the money, dude. Come on. It's clever what he's doing here.

He's betting a lot on his big water beast, and then he's rich if he wins, or if he doesn't win. Exactly, exactly. But he's dead if he loses. He's dead. No, I'm still recording a podcast. My creature's dead.

Yeah. And I have the gold. All right, Forrest, well, how are you going to finish off your flying, disappearing, three-headed pit bull? Yeah. Oh, boy. I think, man,

man, you guys have some, good picks. I'm trying to think, here's the thing. I had some ideas, but they're not going to win in a fight with either of your gut. I mean, I think I got Peter's vampire cyclops taken care of, but you're cracking mermaid leprechaun is a beast. Yeah, the vampire cyclops

is a shit show. No way. He pooped his pants on this one. Are you guys out of your mind? Okay, go on. I'll wait until my turn. It's good. It's really good. It's really good. I'm stalling because I'm trying to think of something good here. Oh, my God.

You've got a disoing. disappearing three-headed pit bull that can also fly. I mean, it's a pretty good start. Yeah, it's pretty solid. I'm going to add to that. It is. I'm going to add to that one ability, which is going to be the ability that is going to keep me safe from your water creature,

which is that of the shaggy coating and snow abilities of the Yeti, so that my flying hell-hound beast that can disappear and reappear, can go and live way up in the Himalayas, up in the Arctic, in the Antarctic, where no matter where you call me from with your cracking mermaid, it will be too cold for your aquatic creature to come to my zone,

and there perhaps I stand a chance. So basically, because you know you can't beat mine, even though it's a mandated battle, you've just chosen avoidance. So yours is a pacifist. Yeah, it's a very peaceful hellhound. It's a flighty-hidee's cold hellhound. we did there.

I'm accepting the truth at this point. So basically what you have is everyone's avoiding my creature. I just got really, really rich. Forrest has the coolest pet ever, but he needs to get a bunch of like mountain hardware gear so he can go hang out with it. And then Peter just created himself

a humanoid friend with one eye. Are you doing? Can I go now? Okay. Go ahead, Topma. Yeah. First of all, your leprechaun, I don't know if you've ever seen the movies. All you have to do is throw shoes at them and they can't fucking not shine them.

It's ridiculous. The Kraken, I'm just fucking pissed because you stole my goddamn fucking mermaid, which was going to be my next fucking thing. Yeah, but you wanted a mermaid so you could fuck it. You did. Let's be honest. No, I didn't. It's weird because you wanted the upper half of a fish.

You know, like the Earth's mermaid. No. My creature, which is now a fucking, it's a vampire that lives eternally flies and shoots a laser out of its one giant giant big laser, it needed an aquatic ability. Okay, so what is it? Am I going to be able to shut the fuck up? That's what it is. Just be quiet for one moment. Okay, I listen to you go on your diatrival about your bullshit, your gold, your money, all of it.

So far your creature is top notch. So, Forrest said it right at the beginning. It will be the Loch Ness monster because my creature needs to also be fucking huge and be able to go underwater to destroy your piece of shit, short, Irish fucking cracking. Okay? So it will be underwater. It will be living eternally. It will be shooting giant lasers out of its one giant eye.

Hold on time out. First will be nowhere near any of our animals. Your animal, though. Does it have the body? of the Loch Ness monster, or does it have the body of a vampire cyclops? It has the body of the Loch Ness. It has the body of the Loch Ness.

So what he's done is he's taken all of the elements from each of his three things. Yeah. So voters will keep. She'll keep that in mind when they vote. The only extra element that I've taken, all right, so I'll pick one from the vampire, and that's flying.

I'll take away his ability to live eternally because fuck you. It doesn't matter. All he has is this laser, this eye that shoots, lasers. He is a giant fucking sea monster, and he fucking flies.

So eat my dick, Pat. Your leprosons sucks. You're battling in the water, no matter who wins, and it's very defeated and beat up after this fight, my Yeti Hellhound will come out of the snowy mountains and just use one of its heads to fish it out of the water, and

then just, you know, yeah, just be close to shore. I think that's a good plan. How do How do people weigh in on this? I mean, we need the community to sort of tell us who won this one. Peter, where do they go? Everybody can go to iTunes, but really just go to the Wild Times podcast forward slash info.

You can find all the links. There's the link to the iTunes, the YouTube. You can comment on the YouTube. Wherever the hell you want, talk to us. Send us an Instagram message. Let me know that I won. Also, the merch is up. People are loving it so far.

No? No, no merch? No, I merch is up. People are loving it, dude. I threw up the blobfish, spirit animal tank on my, on my Instagram stories. No joke, 20 to 30, I didn't count them, different DMs being like, dude, that thing is fucking sick. I need one of those to work out, which is pretty cool, because I never thought of it. If you walk up to the gym in a my spirit animal is that hideous blobfish in a tank. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Like, it really is.

It's a great gym. Also, by the way, it's that time of year. Great gift. If you have like a meathead in your family that like just needs to be taken down a peg, order them a my spirit animal tank to wear to the gym. Call him a blob or someone who just needs some motivation to lose weight. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe you have a fat home at home. Buy her one. She'll love it. She will love it. How do people find the merch? How do people find the merch, Piter? So you can find the merch at that link I just said before. or if you want to go direct to it, just the Wild Times Podcast.com forward slash merch.

Seems a lot. I would also love it if some people would leave some reviews on iTunes because our reviews, we know we're getting a lot of downloads. We know people are enjoying the pod, but we haven't had as many reviews lately on iTunes. And here's what I'm going to do. Peter pays for the merch. So the best review, the most creative fun review, you're going to win a free, you're going to win a free piece of merch. I don't know what it is yet.

It's a tank or a t-shirt, whatever. You're going to win it. If you go on iTunes, leave us a five-star review and a fun comment. We'll pick you at random next week and send you a tank or a t-shirt. And? And you'll get a blowjob from Pat's mom. Good night. Why would you say that?

That's so rude. He's mad. What an awful, awful young man you are. All right. All right, guys. Good night. Good night, everybody.