Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #33 - CIA Heart Attack Gun, Sea Otter Eats Shark, Japanese Macaque Jail Break

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

Everything in the title PLUS, who would your basketball starting 5 be with Disney characters? Find out that and more in today's adventure! We love you! More @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info

And we are back. It is the Wild Times, episode 33. What's up, guys? Woo-hoo! For Tep, I like that lighting you got going on back there. What's that all about? You guys are all about my lighting. I have a...

My face is well lit, and I've got a disco ball today in Christmas colors. Okay. I wouldn't say that's Christmas colors, dude. That's red and blue. Christmas is red and green. What's this? Huh? Huh?

Oh, how about just blue? Some green. Oh, look at you with the remote. I had one of those... Red and green, red and green bitch. I had one of those in my bedroom in high school that used to come on with a Barry White CD when I brought girls over,

and it never worked successfully. But I had it. I sure had it. You were allowed to have girls over in high school? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Nice. Yeah, no, my mom would turn a blind eye for sure.

She'd be like, yeah, I don't know what he's doing up there. I don't want to know. It was good. That's very Zimbabwean. Yeah, just masturbating with your monkey. or what? Yeah, basically. In lipstick.

But hey, before we get into being disgusting, terrible people, for those joining us for the first time ever, this is episode 33. This is the Wild Times, the hottest show on the internet, I guess, on the pod sphere. Yeah. That's a fact.

It is, yeah, it is. It's a show where we hang out, we bro out, we talk to each other about what's going on in the wildlife world. It's myself, the broologist, Darfur Scalante, Retep, the Brofessor. He has a PhD in approximately nothing. And the bro-ducer who's got just the most outrageous fire burning behind him.

What's going on there? Well, there's no heat in the house, so I just have to use this. I have a big fireplace sort of high up on the wall there. This is not true. No, I've got Yule log going. I've got Yule log going on Netflix. It looks great. Yeah.

Christmasy? I got my Christmas theme. bought a case of Budweiser. Not a sponsor. Bud heavy, too. Wow. Yeah. Oh, God. It's so good, man.

It's so good. Yeah. You earned that, too, because you said you had a pretty massive workout today. Is that right? Monstrous. Yeah. So why not you smash Bud heavy? Yeah, you look more muscular, thinner.

You know, it's got there. A little classic Foroscalante gin and tonic. Always. Yeah. It's just so easy in the evenings. What's your tonic water? A fever tree. Fever tree tonic and a little tanker agent. Yeah, it's a tree. That's the pricey kind. It is. It's not cheap, but look, I do it, you know, pretty much once a week, which is during this podcast, sometimes twice, but usually once a week. I'll spoil myself. I've earned it. You know, I'm a hardworking guy. Yeah. You have earned it for sure. Yeah. Are you, so what are you 30? Because it's a slippery slope. Once a week, pretty soon it's going to be two, three, four. I'm cables going to.

and downhill, man. That's true. Yeah, don't remind me. I'm 32. I think it's a, I think that's a fine age to have one drink per week. You know, how many do you have per week, Reteb? Listen, I was just going to say, I'm 37, and I have like seven a day. So it's been five years.

It exponentially increases over the next five years or the worst years. By the way, there's zero question that that's true. It really does. Like, I used to probably go like four days a week where I didn't have any drinks. now I'm down to one and that's just so I know that I still can. That you can. I have at least a glass of wine every single night. I like that.

Guaranteed six days a week. But it is. It's there. It's also, it's 2020. Like, what else are you doing? Like, if you're not having a drink, what are you doing at night? Because you're not going out with friends, you know, you're not not. There's just nothing to do except for during the day you go get a COVID test.

You come back and you drink at night. Yeah. You pour yourself a gin and tonic, fire up the old AOL instant messenger, see who's online. Not that many people anymore, but I'm still trying. Still got the aim. That's right. Yeah. That shit was dope. That was so good.

Well, so first, what's been going on with you this week since last we spoke? Oh, you know, this week wasn't particularly exciting. It was just kind of a little bit of computer work and whatnot. This weekend was kind of fun, though. And I'll explain why. About two weeks ago, we adopted some ducks. We had some ducklings that needed rescue. They're non-native so they couldn't be set out into the wild,

but didn't really want to see them get euthanized. So we brought in some ducks, four ducks to be precise. Well, with ducks require a duck pond. So yesterday on Craigslist, I found myself like one of those plastic insert ponds. You know what I'm talking about? Like six feet long, seven feet long, went out in the back, went down, drove down to Oxnard, picked it up, 40 bucks, super solid. Went out in the backyard, started digging, built out this pond, right?

So now I've got four ducks in a nice pond. Ducks go bananas for it. They're loving it. They're jumping in the pond. They're splashing. They're quacking away. They're going nuts. They're loving it.

This is all fine and well until my very clear, very nice pond starts to look like shit soup, because I don't know if you're familiar with ducks, but they're disgusting. They're known for being like big shit. Yeah, no, they're filthy, filthy, filthy creatures. And so I've got this, this just like, grotesque pond with these four quack and shit and ducks in it. And so today I say to myself, look, I got to figure out a way to keep this pond clean. I'm not going to be putting a filter in it. I'm not going to be changing the water every day that's wasteful. What I will do is put a couple

catfish in it. Now, catfish are bottom feeders. You know, they'll, yeah, they'll make a nice little ecosystem. They'll eat a lot of the muck and the scum and the poop and they'll grow nice and big. But I'm not your conventional aquarist. I didn't go to the pet store. Nope. I I jumped in the truck at about 7.30 this morning and drove up to the San Ienez River and hiked it with a mask and snorkel and a little scoop net until I found a couple catfish in different pools along the river. And here's the thing, though, when I got up there, it was 42 degrees last night. So the water was pretty chilly. And I just took nothing but a masking snorkel and my hiking shoes and this net.

And so I was freezing my ass off today. And when I finally found the two catfish, I was like two and a half miles from my truck. So I ended up filling my little backpack with water, throwing these catfish in there, and sprinting back to my truck as fast as I could with catfish like sloshing around in my backpack alive. And then at,

wait, they were in a backpack with water? I have this like water, like it's like a dry bag. So it's supposed to keep water out, but I filled it with water. So it was like an aquarium backpack. put these two catfish in and then just like sloshed them around and like ran back to my truck with these catfish in my my backpack and then when I got to when I got to my truck I had a cooler and I filled it with water and now the catfish are in the pond if I was like a fish in game guy

and I saw you walking with a dry bag full of catfish I would have just shot you oh god I just been like shoot now ask questions later whatever he's doing it's not legal it's weird but he's going to kill someone at some point. Dude, this is, this is one, you should write a book and just claim that this is when you're like 100, because you're obviously going to live way longer than anybody because you do weird shit like this. It's probably, it, it's telemores, dude, you're telomeres. I'm just like, you're going in the Wimhoth.

You're doing the Wimhoth method in, in the pond. And then you're doing, first of all, you hike there. Yep. You jump in cold water. You do some exercise. You fucking hike back in your underwear. I mean, this is. is a thing that keeps people alive longer.

Maybe. Maybe that or I've got fucking Gerardia for being in this nasty river water. Grabbing catfish. I went to, I went to Yosemite one time and it was really hot and I hiked the Upper Falls Trail with my buddy. And I'm like out of shape. It's a very difficult.

It's a hard-ass hike. Probably one of the hardest I've done. And it's very long. It was very hot and I didn't bring enough water. I started drinking just water. I very, very, well could have gotten Gartia. Is that what it's called?

Yes, Gardia. People were like, you shouldn't drink that. I don't care. You're just drinking Creeve water? It's not Creek. It comes because I was told that because it comes off the snow melt and goes through all the shit and it's snow melt that you're likely not going to get it. And I was like, I'm good.

I'm good. And I drank it. And then I just guzzled river water from the top of there. And I was good. And now you have tinnitus and massive depression. So, you know, everything worked out. Yeah. Massive depression.

I'm just kidding. I'm stoked. This is real, though. What about you guys? What did you get up to this weekend? Patrick, I know you were under the weather for a couple days, but you're feeling good now. What else is going on? Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, is that way he mailed on the jacuzzi sush? Or you were sick or? People were looking forward to it. Partling. It's all. Dude, I got to say, man, COVID numbers are just astronomical. I mean, when we went through the first wave, I didn't know a lot of people that were getting it. Like in this last like 10 days, man, so many of my like coworkers, friends, close contacts of friends, it's going around.

But I will say of, I have two really close friends that have tested positive in the last week. Both of them got two positive tests. One said he just thought he had allergies. And he's 50 and has asked months. And the other one is a guy that works on one of my shows. And he's just fine. He's like, I'm just going to go camp in the wilderness for a week and just get away from people. But I have zero symptoms.

Yeah. So they gave me a little hope that maybe I wouldn't die from it. But for anybody listening, for you Brosner's who are very excited to see the three of us in a hot tub at Pat's house, we were planning on doing that. COVID numbers spiked. Patrick got sick. Reteb, you had to get a COVID test too, right? What happened? What was your story?

I had a second-degree contact. So somebody I knew was in contact with somebody who got sick and then tested positive and definitely had COVID. And so I got tested. Right. And I got tested again. It was negative. Right.

But long story short, couldn't do the hot tub sesh. Probably going to be responsible adults for a little bit and just, you know, keep trucking through the woods with backpacks full of catfish until COVID is over. That's the way to do it, man. It's the only way to clean up your duck pond. Just go grab a couple catfish. Stick them in a jam. That's right. Jansport. God, you were such a loser if you rocked the old Jansport in school. It's like,

come on. It was not a cool bad. Efferkeeper and a Jansport. No, JanSport was like, look, your parents don't love you. Like, it's not that they're poor. They just don't love you. Like, they got a Jensport. What the hell were you using? I mean, case and point. Like, you get anything but a Jansport. No, it's not about, nope, that's the thing. It's not about being poor because they're the exact same cost as every other backpack. It's just the backpack that you get at Kmart because you don't care about your kids. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, I was treated to a new Jansport each school year at Kmart. From the time I was 11 to 17, they were 30 bucks. The price never went up. They were always $30. Oh, God. You try and pick out the cool bag and then like a week into it, you're like,

why did I go with purple? Like that was dumb. How did I do that? So, wait, first, we have this lovely show doc that we've put together here. Yeah, there's some good stuff. What's jumped out to you? What's in the news? Oh, man, what has come across my desk? Well, Will sent me something that I thought was super interesting, which was about the CIA confirming that in 1975,

they actually used a heart attack gun. Now, this isn't what you're thinking. This isn't like Tony Stark stuff with like a ray that like boom, boom, boom, your heart explodes. what it was was a weapon that fired a tiny sharp ice cube full of saxotoxin, which is the same thing as paralytic shellfish poisoning in this ice cube that would melt into your bloodstream and then the PSP, which is a paralytic shellfish poisoning, would get into your bloodstream, hit you in the heart, boom, heart attack, drop dead,

completely untraceable. That's crazy. Yeah, which is pretty genius and really, really dope. And I'm pretty sure that like PSP comes from just some like old lobster that's left out in the sun. So I think we could start making this. You know, I think I could go get a starfish and throw it in a bucket in the sun for a little bit and then freeze that goop and just start blow darting that into people and see what happens. Well, let me let me ask you this. Who's the first person you're blow darting?

I'm not going to kill anyone. That's the wrong thing to do. What are you using it for then? It's just getting high off it. Well, no, I, because I actually have never heard. heard of this shellfish toxin. What the fuck is this? Paralytic shellfish, shellfish poison? Yes. So wait, you can eat bad, you can eat bad shellfish and get paralyzed? Yeah. Yeah. People have been known to die after ordering shellfish in a restaurant

that does have PSP and you can ingest it and drop dead. Stop your heart. So basically the CIA took this, made a sharp tiny ice cube they could shoot into your heart. to kill you. I don't even think it was shooting into your heart. I think you could hit you anywhere and enter into your bloodstream. Oh, it would cause a heart attack once they shot it in, right? So basically, this is obvious what they were doing. Find a way to kill people without anyone being able to figure out how they were killed, right?

Definitely. Yeah. But I mean, dude, it's just so funny because people are so goddamn stupid. 20, we think. Okay, in 1953, we initiated Project MK Ultra in which we ebb, abducted people, dose them with LSD, put them in hotel rooms with hookers while they were on a hundred times normal dose of acid that you would do at a concert, filmed them with hookers that were raping them.

This is the U.S. government did this, right? This is not a conspiracy theory. Okay. All right. Yeah. From 1953 to 1963, in 63, they scaled it back and then continue doing this until 1967. Wow.

Filmed you in a hotel room through two-way mirrors while hookers were raping you. Would then blackmail, would then do mind control experiments to see if they could control, you know, they were trying to experiment with acid to see if you could do mind control with it, and then use the video footage of you having sex with a hooker to blackmail you. So the U.S. government did this for 14 years. Then in 1975, we'd use fucking lobster toxin to fucking. to fucking kill people. And yet we still think we're like,

no, everything's on the up and up now, though. Right, totally. Yeah. So for some reason, we have a lot of faith. And we're like, no, they would never do anything bad now. Right. Yeah, they tell the truth. Right.

Right. They tell us what they're doing. They're so spying. They're not looking at me through my smart TV and filming me. But, but dude, this is why it's so hard to discern between, like, the wild conspiracy theories and shit that's real because they take these ideas of things that really happen like this and then they mesh it like you're doing right now with like wild shit you know like oh they are watching us through the tv oh like Obama was spying on Trump to the

microwave of course like because fucking they shot somebody with a with a ice pick toxin gun in 1957 and there but dude go ahead yeah go ahead that shit's real though and then And also, dude, let's not forget, like, the shit that they do that intentionally gets us involved in wars, like the Gulf of Tonkin and Vietnam and shit, which is real. I mean, sinking our own shit, false flag attacks and whatnot. I'm not saying that, like, you know, 9-11's a false flag attack or whatever, but I definitely wouldn't put it past them to do shit like that because they have done it factually before for other shit.

Retev, how much time have you spent on Reddit today? You seem very fired up about this. I'm always fired up about conspiracies. It's gotten a little too crazy for me. But like I used to be a fucking doomsday lunatic who read conspiracy theories for two hours every night before I went to bed to then dream about them. Well, I think what's interesting is, you know, to scale back maybe a hair from what you're saying is just the fact that you read about something like this, right? That in the 70s they were creating these things from shellfish toxin that would stop your heart so that it was undetectable. And, you know, they can make anyone drop dead.

and it gives you reason to distrust and believe that these crazy things are going on, which of course has its own problems because then, you know, it leads you to believe more conspiracy theories that are way too out there and way too wacky. But it, you know, when you hear stuff like that, and this is confirmed that the CIA was forced to reveal this, it's pretty wild. It's wild. Yeah. And that's the thing is like once something's labeled a conspiracy theory, you've put

it in a box with the Alex Joneses, with the flat earthers, with the, you know, the really, really crazy ones, like Bigfoot's Real. It all sort of fits into this thing of you're a fucking whack job. You should be wearing a tinfoil hat. And it's, you know, it's funny. Like someone like my mom who just is generally more trusting and doesn't, you know, you start talking to her about the USS Spain or certain false flag attacks, right? My stepdad, the squirrel guy, you know, he's a history professor and we've talked a lot about Forrest and I worked on a show where we talked about the USS Indianapolis and how that was almost certainly intentionally sank and the men on board went down and were eaten by what Forrest thinks are, you think they were oceanic white tips,

right? Correct, yeah. But there's a whole thing with Pearl Harbor and my stepfather is not a conspiracy theorist. Yeah, he's like, well, you know, we knew the Pearl Harbor attack was coming. You know, there's tons of evidence, right? But she doesn't even want to hear that and entertain that. Right. And I think for a lot of people, it's just easier to go, well, fuck, that's scary.

That if the CIA wanted me dead just because they didn't like something I said, some guy could just walk by and go, Booh! And shoot a little ice cube into me. And nobody's going to fucking know how I died because I got shellfish poisoning. And then they're like, well, yeah, he did eat oysters a couple days ago. Right. Well, dude, I mean, and it goes, like, so now with everything

that's going on right now with COVID and everything. And the job that bad faith actors like China and Russia have done on the United States with misinformation is for the past, you know, five, six years, it's a fucking mess. Like when this vaccine comes out because of the way that people think about conspiracy theories and shit, like there's going to be a good portion of people who aren't going to take this vaccine because they think that it's the government trying to implant a microchip in them and we're going to have like, you know, we have measles again because people won't take a vaccine. We're going to have that shit with COVID because of the labeling of conspiracy theories.

They're now grouped together, or conspiracy theorists, I should say, like they feel attacked and then they're more attached to their insane, the insane ideology. Like, I mean, Flat Earth, I'm not saying anything. I love you all. If you believe in Flat Earth, you know, more power to you. but people are very passionate about their conspiracy theories these days is all I'm saying. Well, dude, Forrest's entire first show that he did on TV was, in a way, could have been a conspiracy theory thing, right? There was a lot of people.

I mean, your whole thing was like, the people that deem animals extinct are not doing thorough research. It's a ridiculous, silly process. And I think a lot of extinct animals are actually still extant. And that sort of could easily be labeled as like, oh, he's a little. a whack-oh. Oh, for sure. That's a show. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a tinfoil hat for sure, you know, in the scientific community. It's like, oh, okay, buddy.

You know, it reminds me, I've said this before. Do you've ever seen the Lost City of Z or read the book? Percy Fitzpatrick, he's the great British explorer who went to disappear in the Amazon with his son and his son's friend on his fourth expedition down there. But the very first time

he stood up in front of this room of basically investors. It was all these like stuffy dudes and smoking jackets in this room and he's like, I'm going to go find this lost city of Z and they're like, you're crazy, you're a lunatic, you know, and they all start like screaming at him like he's just such a fucking hack job for even suggesting this. And it's, that's totally what it was like when I first started talking to colleagues about potentially looking for animals that were extinct. And what's so funny is because of the show that, you know,

Patrick, you created and you and I worked on, you know, and I hosted and everything else, like now it's an entire field. You know, there's the search for the life. Lost Species campaign with global wildlife conservation and every, every, at least three times a year in the news, there's something popping up about someone launching an expedition or finding this believed to be extinct thing. Hell, we talked about the Veletsky's chameleon like three shows ago, two shows ago. You know, there's like an entire field now of the sciences generated around the work that we started with looking for these animals that were wrongfully deemed extinct. And in the beginning, it was all just a crazy, like, tinfoil hat idea, which is pretty wild.

Right. Dude, that is wild. Well, I mean, the best, I mean, a lot of places we went, we would talk to locals and stuff, and they would be like, yeah, I think it could still be around, whatever. But, man, when we got to the Galapagos, man, they were just, when we went to the Turtle Conservancy, and we were talking to the, you know, the guy who was a lonesome George's keeper and, you know, real serious conservationists. And we told them we were going to Fernandina to look for the tortoise.

They thought we were fucking. They laughed at us. Yeah, they literally like laughed out like we were stupid ass bitches. Oh, yeah. We were just making a TV show. Do you remember? Dude. Two days in.

You remember we met with the, was he like the governor or the chairman or something? He was like a pretty high up and he was a relatively young guy. And we met with him out on that like jetty dog thing. I can't remember. He was the president or whatever, the highest person in the Glopados. Yeah, exactly. And he was so smug. And like, you know, he had so much of that like Spanish machismoy thing.

going on where he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, you would never find that. And it was just like, is that Spanish or French? I don't know. But he was just like, he had this like, like, this like whole like persona and he was like so arrogant and like so much machismo and we're like, okay, I remember I walked out of the scene and I went to Patrick. I was like, we're not using that. And he was, Patrick was like, yeah, he just shook his head like, no.

Because the guy was just so like over the top ridiculous and so like insultingly negative about our chances. And then two days later, you know, three days later, four days later, whatever it was when we showed back up with Fern, Mr. President was nowhere to be seen. And then a week later, being quoted in like some article in the Galapagos paper, which is like, I always knew they could do it. It's like, dude, I'm like, we should have put you on our show, brother. Like, fuck you, man.

Oh, man. I will say about that guy, though, when they tell you like the president of the Galapagos or the fucking king or I don't know what he was, but when they tell you he's going to show up, you don't expect like this handsome guy who's your age who, Has a shirt button down to here and smells amazing. Like, man, did that guy smell good? And he's super engaging. He was so handsome.

Yeah, it was a bit outrageous. Yeah, it was a bit outrageous. I was like, is this? It's like a young Ricky Martin with more chest hair. Is this the stand-in for the actual president of the Galapagos? Yeah, he might have been. Apparently, he had a French accent, too. Swarling his mustache.

Something came across my fine Indian mango wood desk. here that I wanted to talk about. So Forrest, you're a dog owner. I'm a dogger. Do we say owner? Do we say a dog companion? Is owner like a fucked up thing to say? In 2020, we own our dogs? In 2020, it's probably offensive. I'm sure someone's offended. I'm sorry, briskness. Yeah. Let's continue. But anyway, we all have dogs. We all love our dogs. Peter, your dogs, obviously, the worst of the three. But I still like your dog a bit. I like your dog.

Anyway, so a man in Florida, Will, the, what is his name, bro, Will? No, W.T. Willie. W.T. Willie. Oh, Wild Times Willie. I swear to God, your hand. Anyway, Wild Times Willie has nominated this guy for Dog Dad of the Year because, Will, if you want to, Wild Times Willie, if you want to pull up the vid, for those watching on YouTube.

Yeah, so, okay, sorry, go ahead, explain it. I've watched it. I'm going to say something that's going to shock rock and shock. Okay, so I'll just tell you, I'll tell you what happens. And I have not seen the vid, but I'm reading Will's show duck. A man sees his dog being eaten by an alligator in a pond. Is this correct for us? Correct. Why don't you run us through it? Because you've actually seen it. Sure, yeah. So, I mean, long story short, there's this video of this guy. And the video, cuts in and the guy basically emerges out of the water and in his hands there's just something small and white and it's um it it's oh here we go um oh here we go it's uh yeah so will's pulling it up for those listening at home you can check it out on youtube and you just see in the video there's

this little like jack russell chihuahua looking thing in his hands and attached to that is like a three foot alligator that's clamped down um and you see the dog is undeniably crumably It's struggling. And the guy wrestles open this crocodile's jaws, and the little kind of white rat dog goes scarring up the bank, and then the video cuts out. So, okay, so you're saying the gator's about three feet for us. First question, as a herp enthusiast that you are,

I've seen you handle quite a few gaiters. Oh, God, yeah, now we can see it here. Sorry, go ahead. So let's say a three-foot gator clamps down on you. What's that going to feel like? What's that akin to? Yeah, an animal that size chomping down on you. Probably pretty similar to, you know, like a 10-pound dog chomping down on you.

More sharper teeth, more bite force. I mean, if this, and this is where I'm going to shock you, if this is real, that dog probably has some permanent damage because those are very sharp teeth clamped down on what looks like the abdomen of that little dog. So it's say, that's what it looks like. Say it's your forearm. I mean, that's, you're talking a lot of stitches. You know, you're talking, I don't know, two dozen stitches from something like that. That's real. Do you, do you, there's no reason to believe that that's fake.

That looks real to me. I don't, I don't think that's fake. I think it's fake. You think it's fake? Why? I was going to shock and all you. All right. I'll break it down for you.

Yeah, go ahead. For the people who listen, who listen on iTunes or whatever, check out our YouTube. The video is real fun. And we actually pull up. the videos in real time. Wild Times podcast on YouTube. What makes you think this is fake? So here's why I think it's fake.

The video starts when the guy is literally like emerging out of the water, right? His back is down. So I think what's happening is I think this guy has someone set up a camera. It looks like a trail camera. I think that's superimposed. I think someone set up a camera. The guy dunks his dog

under and pulls it up and then they start, right? I think he's got a dead alligator in his hands because I don't see the alligator moving at all. I don't see it rolling. I mean, granted, he's got it. He's got it good, but I think he's got a dead alligator in his hands, and this is all for the video. The dog runs off. I think he's, okay, let me break this down. The video starts, the guy's hunched over in the water. He pulls his dog up, right? Alligator's not moving. It's just kind of limp. So I think that what he's got is a dead alligator that he shot or killed or hit with his car or found on the side of the road. God knows what.

The dog is clearly crying and in distress, and I think the guy is messing with the dog to make it upset. But it looked like that little gator had the dog by the abdomen and the dog just ran off perfectly fine seeming. And then the, it does look, go ahead. Totally spry as it runs away. And then the video cuts out before the guy, you know, shows the gator to the camera or or releases it or throws it up on the bank, anything. He's just holding it in his hands. So I think what you have there is a dead gator, a real one because it's of the way that its body is dangling, but a dead alligator and this guy doing this thing for, you know, TikTok fame or whatever you will with this, with this little dog.

That's what I think. I don't think it's real. What would have, what would be worse if a three foot gator latched on to your, let's say your calf, and grabbed you by the calf or a three foot lemon shark, which would, which would, which would you take more damage? The gator for sure. Yeah, the gator, because. being the gator is likely to latch on and like rip and turn and death roll,

which is what they do when they latch on to something, whereas the shark is likely going to chomp and release or chomp, chomp and release and realize it's not fish. So it's like you're going to get, you're definitely going to get some big wounds either way, but with the gator, the wounds will continue. Like when the gator bites down, it goes, this is meat.

When the shark bites down, it goes, oh shit, this isn't fish. Like I made a mistake. So there's a big difference, I think, in what kind of wound you'd end up with. And the gator one, in my opinion, would be worse. Are there any other species that do the death roll? Is it just crocodilians? It is pretty much just crocodilians in what in the, like, proper sense of the death roll,

which is to rip the limb from an animal. You know, they bite on and they turn to rip the limb. But snakes will pretty much do that. So they'll, they'll bite on and then contrast. and a constrictor will start to roll to wrap itself around the animal. So that's kind of like a death roll. But no, really crocodilians are the only thing that really latch on and start to just spin and spin and spin. Except for, I just thought of this, Lamprey, which are these, Will, I don't know if you can pull up a picture of what a lamprey looks like.

Google Lamprey mouth, which are these deepwater eels that have these horrific looking mouths, and they will actually suction onto something and then spin their bodies like really rotate fast as a means to like pull a chunk. of flesh out. And you'll see when Will pulls up the video here or the photo, it's dude, lampreys are scary enough. The fact that they're also spinning to rip a chunk out is

hell, that's a hellish nightmare. Yeah, no. That's just ruined Christmas for everybody. And just, so don't go deep sea diving at like 700 feet and laying on the bottom if you don't like lampreys. But yeah, no. So Peter, oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I was going to ask, I was going to ask

Peter, if he's ever heard of something called the cookie cutter shark? No, just the shape of a shark that's a cookie cutter? Yes, it bites you and it looks like a Christmas tree or a Santa. No. Oh, there's that mouth of the lamprey,

by the way, that is the pit of hell. I mean, that's got to be what several Star Wars creatures were based on. Pretty gnarly, yeah, look at all those. And tremors, right facing tea. Yeah. Wow, that's hideous.

My God, dude. Suction cup with tea. Imagine if humans evolved like that, but we were still the same in every other way. Making out would be. Imagine if that's what of a giant. We wouldn't reproduce. I'll tell you that. It wouldn't be worth it.

I kind of wish my asshole was like that just to prevent any kind of anything going in there. Jesus, Peter. Do you, are you often being raped? What part of town? I'm just raped. I mean, I'm just like, you know, an accidental finger or anything. Do you live in an accidental finger? So when your girlfriend accidentally slips one in there, it just gets stuck in there and you guys have to travel together to the ER to, you know, when you're, listen, when you're in the middle of coitus or before or after, things get pretty heated.

There's a lot of grabbing and motioning and, you know, you want to make sure you're clean. And I just wish that I had some teeth in my ass. in my house. I'm not in my house, sir. That is ridiculous. You've been drinking all day. I literally finished to work out 30 minutes before. So, no, a buddy.

A buddy of mine hit me up and he was going to Tessmania. Attempt to make, yeah, he was attempting to make a shark week show about the cookie cutter shark. I had never heard of this shark. I've never heard of a lot of sharks. I'm kind of a shark enthusiast. He started telling me about this fucking thing.

It is the scariest fucking creature on the earth, hands fucking down. Scarrier than the lamp prey, dude? I'm going to let Forrest talk about the cookie cutter shark, but I've seen, there are pictures Will while Forrest is setting up what this fucking animal does. See if you can find, there's a couple like surfers or people who have been bitten. Yep. Okay. God,

have been hit by these cookie cutter sharks. The title of this episode is just going to be the nightmare. So everybody can have nightmares. All right. So, For us, talk about a cookie cutter shark. Well, Will looks for the guy who got his calf.

Oh, no, look. That's a preserved one. That's a preserved one. They don't look like that. That's an ethanol. But no, anyway,

because that looks like a penis with tea. Find a bite. There's a couple of humans that got there. Yeah. So the cookie cutter shark is a relatively small shark. They hang out in like schools. And if you've ever seen pictures of whales, you see little round scars on them. If you've ever noticed that, see the little round

scars on whales. Well, sure enough, those little round scars are from these packs of these cookie cutter sharks that will swim up and they have this accordion like mouse. So their mouse shoots out like an accordion and it's a perfect circle. And then they just scrape and bite down and pull out a round chunk of flesh. They twist as well, actually, and pop backwards. And they just make this perfect circular bite mark. And that's it. They don't take down the whale. They don't take down the swimmer. Nothing. They just come out, pull up a chunk of meat and swim away.

And the problem is they do this in like packs. So, you know, there's been a couple different instances where like 10 or 15 bites will happen at once to a certain marine mammal. And I think it was just maybe two years ago. What Patrick's referring to is the first person in history got attacked by a cookie cutter shark. And they were swimming. and it just hit them on the thigh or the calf, I don't really remember.

And they were just like, fuck out. And they were swimming at night in Hawaii. And they came out with this perfect round chunk missing out of their leg. Now, what's so interesting about that is these are deep water sharks, right? And I remember because Patrick talked to me about his buddy who was trying to film the Shark Week show, they had to drop that specialty camera that he was making. Yeah, there's the scar from it. They had to drop that specialty camera like 6,000 feet down.

That's brutal. Right? Well, this guy obviously wasn't swimming at 6,000. thousand feet, but he got tagged at night. So what we learned from literally this guy's bite is that they are nocturnal sharks that do a vertical migration, meaning they go from, they follow the sunlight, but in reverse. So when it's dark out, when it's light out, they're down deep. And as the light fades, they come up higher and higher and higher in the water column to hunt and then again go back down. So they do a vertical migration every night from the deep ocean. I think from what he was saying, and this could be wrong, but I remember what

he was saying was they swim really fast towards the target, right? So this shark's only about 18 inches long. Yeah, they're small, yeah. Right? So it's like the size of Peter's man, but. And what they'll do is they swim super fast, and they just fucking, boom, they hit you.

Little missile. Ficked. Missile of circular accordion teeth. By the way, can we, I think that we should weaponize these bad boys. Put them in a dart. Let's put them in a dart. Yeah. They're fucking terrible. The teeth on this thing, which Will's brought up, they don't even look natural. This looks like somebody actually cut these fucking teeth.

It's like those little scissors. You know, remember those scissors you get when you're a kid with the little zigzags in them? Yeah, yeah. And you come through the paper and you get the perfect zigzags. Yeah, dude. Not to mention, jeez, how white are those teeth? Cres. You must add a photo shoot.

Dude, it's just doing hitting runs. There's no chewing. It's just grabbing, grabbing. So speak... Dude, I want to do a face swap with this thing. Speaking of sharks, did you guys see the sea otter in Monterey that was eating a little horn shark or Maro Bay, not Monterey? Oh, I did. This one I saw it was pretty funny because it was making like tons of news.

I forget if it was a horn shark or a swell shark. That was a horn shark. Yeah, it was a horn shark. And you see, so sea otters, first of all, I don't know if we've talked about this. Have we ever addressed this, Peter? what do you know about sea otters? Because if we've never addressed this, you're going to be, do you know that they're, they're, they're, they're, they might be my favorite animal ever.

They hold hands and float on their backs. They carry rocks as mementos. They're the best cutest creature. Oh, yeah. Well, they rape things for fun. Did you know that? Yeah, they are rapists. They are murderers.

Well, that's why I need teeth in my asshole. Sea otters are litter are they, they will rape baby dolphins. They will go down to the. see, yep, oh yeah, for pleasure. Baby dolphins for sexual pleasure. What they do? They fuck the blowhole. I couldn't tell you to be quite honest.

I never witnessed this. They've been documented raping baby dolphins, baby harbor seals, other sea otters, yeah. Will, if you could pull up some sea otters raping animals, I'd really like to see this. Actually, don't. Yeah, really don't. Listen, rape isn't funny, but otters are cute.

They are so good. So those cute little things, are nasty, nasty mean creatures. But what's pretty funny is you don't think of, yeah, there's the picture of the one eating the shark. You don't think of a sea otter. You know, you think of it getting eaten by a shark. But in this case, this little guy obviously dove down, was foraging around on the sea floor,

found this horn shark. And, you know, he might be slamming it. Like, let's be real. Like, look at that body position. He's locked in coyness for sure. That's called forced missionary. Dude, honestly. He really looks like he's trying to fucking get a big old smooch out of this show.

But they're just such little terrors. Like, have you ever had a ferret retap or seen a ferret? Are you familiar with ferrets? I had a friend who had ferrets in Chicago and tried to illegally smuggle them into California. Right. So you know how, like, mischievous they are, right? Right. Now make that ferret. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Make that ferret be 30 pounds. Put it in the ocean where it's got an infinite playground and give it a massive sex drive and you've got a sea otter, right? Like, they're just... Dude, the sex drive is fascinating. I mean, so are, okay, legit question. I know that there's only a few mammals, including us and, like, I think, primates and dolphins and elephants that actually get enjoyment out of sex.

Do otters, they must get enjoyment out of it if they're... They must. I don't know, I don't know the answer, but I do know that they do a lot of rapes. Well, look, if you believe in evolution, It's not like we evolved to like jerk off because like evolution was just like give them, give the loser something. Like, you know, the people that can ever get laid. Like, give them a treat.

Like it's so that you're motivated to release sperm. Right. To reproduce and continue your species. Sure. It's ridiculous to think that for other species, they're not like, dude, if a lion could figure out a way to just, like stand on three legs and just like tuck a hand back and just not to do it. They would be doing it constantly. We just got lucky in that we have opposable thumbs.

Well, let me just interject here. First of all, I wholeheartedly believe that lions definitely can fallaciate themselves. And I'll tell you why. Because every single time that I give my dog a significant amount of human food, the first thing he does when he's done is go to his bed in the corner and suck his own dick. And I'm not even kidding. Like, and he doesn't even have balls, dude. Nothing's coming out of there.

He sucks his dick for, I'm talking 10, 10 or 15 minutes. And then, you know, and then he humps his stuffed animal. So I think you're right is all I'm saying. But I do think lions can fallacious. But Otter's lions are so cool. So I think they can really manipulate their own dung. I don't, I don't know about lions. I really don't when it comes to this.

I mean, this is not a topic I study closely. One thing I do know, because this. This was, look, in my nerd circles in college, this is the kind of things you'd talk about, right? Male bottlenose dolphins have been observed wrapping live wriggling eels around their penis to masturbate. Imagine just being a dolphin and being like, you know what, I'm going to swim down. I'm going to catch an eel and I'm just going to basically shove it around my pants and that'll feel really good. Wait, but how do they do that? They use their mouth and they can kind of reach it back.

I think so. Yeah, I think so. Yep. Push it down there. And the bottle nose. Come on. Well, there are the same ones that will take the, the puffer fish. And they'll, they'll, they'll basically puff the toxins from a live puffer fish and pass it around in a circle. They don't put it. I swear to God, you don't know about this?

There's no, you can't, it's just air. No. No, no. They get high off it. They're doing poppers. They're not doing pop. So they can have a better orgy. No, dude.

What do you? Listen, I am no broologists, but I have seen this headline over the years many times. You're telling me this is misinformation. I can explain why. I'm fucking going to be fish. Puffer fish are very, very toxic. You're correct. Hold on.

Will, can you pull up? There's video all over the place of this actual behavior. So it's dolphins. We've got our food. We've got our podcast number 34. You're on. This is not a real thing. 33.

They will play with a puffed up puffer fish because dolphins play with lots of things. They do not get high off of it. You can't take a popper off of a puffer fish. It doesn't work that way. It's just water inside of an expanded skin. There's nothing else in there to get high off of. Listen, I've never gone past the headline, but I've seen the headline 35 times in the past 10 years. I saw it on Facebook.

Of course, I read it. Which porn stars only fans was that that you saw that on? Dolphino, the quino of the scene. Well, Forrest, have you spent much time in Japan? I haven't. I'd like to. For tip? I think the three of us should go. I don't think we're going to do a lot of wildlife excursions.

I think we'll maybe do some skiing in Nagano and then drink a tremendous monosaki. But I love Japan. Yeah, you've been a couple times, right? Yeah, it's fantastic, dude, the people. It's the friendliest people in the world. Very clean. Dude, it's unbelievable, man. I've heard.

Like, walking around Tokyo, you pull out a map to, look to see where you're going, people will come up who don't speak a word of English and you point to where you're going and they'll walk you there and then turn and walk back 16 blocks to where they were going. I fucking love Japan, man. The food's good. Fucking everyone drinks. It's fucking great.

So anyway, at the Takagoyama Shizen Zoo in Japan, a 16-year-old, just like a young, one of our brosheners, actually, I think, I'm assuming. We have a few in Japan. We have three. But he went to the zoo and he cut open an enclosure at night. He snuck in. I don't know how he got in there. I like to, yeah, I like to think he hid in the toilet or something cool like that.

He stayed until after it was closed and then he cut open the macaque enclosure. No way. What's it? Describe a macaque for us. McCack is a small monkey native to most of Asia. very, very mischievous, kind of like Asia's version of a baboon. Very much, though. Okay.

So he cut it open and 70 macaques escaped out into the, yeah, 70, dude. Wow. And this is, the crazy thing is, less than a calendar year ago, there was a big hurricane that knocked down one of the walls of the enclosure and over a hundred macaques escaped. So they replenished. And then this guy went in, cut him open because he, didn't want them to be in captivity. And now they're, you know, sitting at a sake bar smoking a Marlborough Red.

I don't know. What are they going to do? Because this is not a super rural environment where they live. Like there's cars and streets and... Oh, they'll run amok. I'm sure of it. Yeah. Look, I don't know which species of macaque this was.

Some, you know, some could probably survive there depending on the climate and where it is in Japan, etc. but they're these are primates are super smart first of all and monkeys are incredibly hard to catch and if they don't want to be caught it's going to be a real mess um and they'll be their own little street gang don't don't be confused they'll go running around just causing trouble all over the place and uh so it's it's a mountainous environment apparently so where it is is it's kind of high up at a high location okay so come winter they might have a pretty hard time depending on what species of macaque it is some macaques do fine in the snow. But they, yeah, I bet they're going to run amok and there's

going to be a lot of very confused and disoriented and annoyed patrons of the city as well as some very challenged animal rescue people running around trying to catch these things. Yeah. So just real quick, just not to derail too much, but in 2018, there's a zoo in Germany. I'm just going to give you a little trivia here. You each have a guess. Whoever is closer doesn't, I don't shoot. Sounds good. So next time I see you guys, I'm going to shoot one of you in the leg.

All right. So in 2018, at a zoo in Germany, a male jaguar escaped. It's had a free night in the zoo to Rome. How many animals did the jaguar kill? and it's one night out on the town, would you guess? Within the zoo. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess it went into like full on henhouse.

Oh, go ahead, Peter. You guess first. All right. With my zero experience in wildlife or biology, I'm going to go ahead and guess. No, that's ridiculous. Be realistic. It didn't get into an ant-funk guy.

Just think of it like this. You're a jaguar. You escape. You've been looking at all these things around you. You, for God knows how long, you know. But you also have the ability to just sneak around and get out, which is probably priority number one. And you're in Germany. Where they whack off to people shitting in each other's mouths.

All right. All right. All right. So because of the fact that I imagine they can't get into every single other enclosure. So they're only exposed to the animals that are already out. I mean, maybe they get in a few. I'm going to move down my estimate of a thousand. Smart.

to just about 27. If you're closer, I'm going to be shocked. I'm going to say it went fucking bananas and killed like seven animals, which would be a lot. Wow. Okay, because I just separately Googled this from the show doc. It killed exactly seven animals. It got into the emu enclosure. There we go.

It then went and for some reason killed a fox. A fox. Five emus. Oh, sorry, five, sorry, it killed five alpacas, and they're adorable and they're hypoallergenic. One emu and a fox. So it roamed around. What do you think that fox was thinking where it's just like, the foxes are so sneaky and they're so cool looking. And like all of a sudden this jaguars in its enclosure, he must have been like, what the fuck?

So I did not Google this or know that it was on the show doc, by the way. That was a total shot in the dark. It's not. I did sort of a separate Google. I like the alpacas makes sense, right? Because there's going to be no like top, no roof over it. You know what I mean?

No like the enclosure is going to be very open air. Like it's not like an alpaca can fly out. And the emu same thing, right? You're talking about like low fences with, you know, not a lot of things. But a fox, which is very mobile and like very agile, you would think would be in like a very secure enclosure. So my question there is like,

what kind of enclosure did this jaguar get into the fox house. Like what, where was this fox being? That's a good point. Yeah. Like, have you ever been, like, Santa Barbara Zoo here has half a dozen foxes? They are fenced on all sides. Roof, you know, ceiling, everything.

Like, there is no getting into the fox enclosure. How, what kind of fox enclosure was this? Maybe, maybe he climbed a tree and then sort of jumped in from above. Yeah, that foxes aren't big climbers, right? I know, no, I'm guessing covered. Yeah. Yeah. I bet the roof is covered.

Yeah, so Fucking poor fox, dude, I hate this jaguar. What ended up, well, I don't know if you've read it, but did this fucker get, they caught him the next day, put him back in? I mean, you don't do like punitive damages to a jaguar that escaped. It's your fault that escaped. Of course. So, you know, they probably gave him a spank on the bottom and only fed him sardines for a few days. How is that?

All right, so let's get into it. We've talked a lot of wildlife. So for all the Brosuners out there, Peter sends us a text, Retepp, as you may. Oh, this thing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Let's talk about this. Get ready. What happened. Oh, God. What happened? So, you know, as you know now, I'm, I'm with a new lady. It's not new anymore.

It's been several months. It's been half a year, basically. Yeah. At your age, that's you're married. So yesterday, yeah, I'll be dead tomorrow. So I may be, I don't know. But so yesterday we're sitting in the living room. The blinds are open.

The door's open. It's very nice out, 80 degrees. And there's actually a house for a unit for sale across the way. So people have been going by all day, all day. And we're like, okay. So at one point, though, somebody comes by and my girlfriend just gets up and slams the door and shuts the block. Did she lock the door?

I didn't know you were there for this. Wow, you were in the house. And locked the door. Yes, please continue. The story just keeps getting better. What time is this at around? This is like two in the afternoon, Saturday afternoon. So, one p.m.

One or two p.m. Yeah. Okay. So I'm sitting there. I'm literally playing Mario Kart. You are really different in relation to. I would not play a video game in front of a chick. I'd been dating for like until we were engaged.

Yeah, for sure. That's embarrassing that you're doing that. I think I farted in front of her a day before I met her. It's amazed through your anus teeth. Are you sure she's still currently in the house right now? Anyways. Okay. She's literally watching this live stream right now.

She's the only one I said. Sorry to interrupt. All right. So anyways, we're sitting there. It's okay. We're sitting there. And then like I said, she slams the door. And she's like, oh, my God.

And I had seen what. what was out there just for a split second, but I still had really no idea what was going on. But all I saw for a quick moment was a pretty big looking man holding up a boombox from the 80s in a trench coat that was kind of blowing in the wind with cats. And then, well, I didn't know this at the time. I heard music, but I didn't know what it was.

So that's what I saw. And then the door was slammed and the blinds were closed. and I went and she ran into the kitchen she said like oh my god oh my god I'm like what and she's like and she was like that's him and I had known from before that her ex still kind of wanted to get back with her but this is seven months later she hadn't talked to him in like five months

so this is like completely her ex is outside of the door doing this with the boom box and the trench coat so and uh and then we watch on the ring in live mode so we'll just You've got to go to the YouTube. There he is. If you don't already watch us on YouTube, go to the YouTube. The ring video captured the professor's girlfriend's X showing up at the house, holding up a boombox like John Cusack and say anything in the middle of the day and playing her favorite song.

That's insane. Her favorite kept Stephen's song. She was very mad that he was trying to do. Did they communicate? Like, what happened? And also, why didn't she get up and go outside with them? this gentleman because clearly he's the better choice. Oh my God.

I know. Had she done that first? You were playing Mario Kart and farting on yourself. Like why were, why, why did she stick it out? Listen, I'm not, I'm not getting into any of that, but he, he did send an email. Will, if you could, okay, so just my, my thoughts. Now I'm watching this on the Ring video live. And he does a little dance at some point.

He bobs his head. I can't get over. way that the wind is blowing the trench coat. This is from a movie. Quite literally. It's from a movie. I sent you guys. Yes.

I think it's called Say Anything. It's a John Cusack film. So the movie say anything. Oh yeah. John Cusick does this. That's how he gets the girl back. So he probably knew that she liked the movie. That's how he gets the girl back.

And he, the subsequent video, well, if you can pull it up, is of him walking away after. So he saw us because the blinds were open. And the door was open. So he saw this slub sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart, her sitting there, get up, freak out, shut the blind, slam the door, hurt it locked probably. And so we're watching on the brain. He does this.

I think he let the whole song play. And then you just see him in the next ring video. And I've never seen a sadder sight of a man just walking away. Like just walking away in the next ring video. And I can't find the fantastic exit, unfortunately. Okay. So, and then so he walks away and I'm just like, you know, I'm obviously talking to her. I'm like, well, what the hell?

Where do we go from here? What's going to talk to this guy? Then she gets an email. Yeah, good question. Well, she gets an email from him, right? So what do you think is going through his mind, right? He didn't think he was going to see like me there. He thought she was probably going to be sitting alone during a pandemic.

on a Saturday afternoon. You have to be prepared for the fact that there could be an o'fish man playing Mario Kart at the house. And if you pull this move, I mean, you've considered that possibility and you're ready to reap whatever repercussions come at you. Now, did you maintain your composure? Because you have a temper that is akin to that of a rabid raccoon

whose children you're taking. How did you control your temper? I'm shocked, man. you're terrible to deal with when you're mad. I, well, I mean, dude, I haven't hung out with you in a social setting over a year,

but, but I'm much calmer now. And I wasn't drunk. Oh, you're sober. No, but I mean like in a social setting, like at a fucking bar or something.

Yeah, but anyway, how's it? Sorry, I thought you said it was at 2 p.m. I didn't realize you were sober. So, but,

but I was, no, I was literally like, I was like, do you want me to go out there? I was like, I was like, this is just, it was kind of comical to me because I knew it wasn't anything, but like if I was like, God, I hope I don't have to like confront him.

But like I feel like if I was going to go out there, I was just going to be like, all right. Yeah. Just get out. Like there was no violent. Like I had no malice that I didn't have like, it was just comical to me. I was like, this is hilarious. In his mind, the door was going to blow open. She was going to go running out there.

He was going to throw the boom box and embrace her in this lifting hug. And that was it. They were back together. In his mind, it was all played out. He knew exactly how this was going to shake out. And he looks over and there's a guy eating fucking Cheetos playing Mario card and the window. And he's like, oh, my God, this is what it's come to? Yeah, no.

He thought that she was going to come out in a silky commo. Oh. Look and just go, you? Here. And motion him in with her finger. Yeah, there he walks away. way. It's so sad.

Look at him. I'm just like, when he walked away, like, because you don't know what's going to happen. We were like, is he going to come in? Hey, let me ask you this, Peter. Did you have, like, was your adrenaline kind of starting to get, get in your system? Were you getting ready for the? Must have been. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Immediately. Oh, huge spike. You were definitely doing party pumps, right? You were on the floor doing pushups, just getting jacked up, ready to go. Dude, he didn't want to get any lactate acid. He said to come to fisticuffs. Wow.

What an incident. What an incident. That's once in a lifetime. It was unbelievable. And like, you know, it really is. His name is Chester. Thank you, Chester. It is.

It is. It definitely is. No, I mean, obviously. Yeah, you just dropped that. I was going to hear it now. Yeah, you're going to hear all about that. So we're Chester

So but so like then of course We're sitting there wondering what the hell he might be thinking right It's just like I'm like this guy He's got to just be he's got to be thinking This is it like I'm gonna do that He left like if you would have come and like try to get talk or knock on a door I would have been like well he's a fucking psycho But since he just sadly put the thing down and walked away

I was like okay I was like this is like his last hurrah He's been sitting in a pandemic. He hasn't had a girlfriend in seven months. He lives with his mom. Like, he's miserable. He probably doesn't have a job anymore. I don't want to kick this guy while he's down. But you got to stick with your people, right?

You got to stick with your bros. And he tried to encroach on your chick. So fuck him. Yeah. I'm glad it worked out terribly for him. I'm glad he walked away with this. Well, definitely, fuck him. I'm still like that.

Because fuck him. Yeah, no, 100%. I'm team or tap all day. but what like if you're like that's pretty going all out right if you're showing up in the fucking trench coat he'd no way he owned that trench coat he had to go purchase that yeah where do you get a boombox in 2020 no yeah it was a boom box it was a boon box it was a boarder on e-bed so he put a lot of thought and effort into this he goes outside he plays the whole song if i'm in his position first of all don't think i'd ever embarrass myself to that extent but secondly if i'm going that balls to

the wall i'm at least going to go knock on the door after that i'm not just going to turn turn around and walk off. Yeah. I am. Dude, zero question. In fact, you got to go.

You're committed. Yeah. You're in. Dude. No way. Well, correct. Yeah,

there's no, there's nothing that's going to slow me down at that point. No, but seriously, how do you just walk away? Like, I would go, I'd probably throw the fucking boom box through the window and be like,

let's talk. Well, you want some, let me give you some insight because he sent an email, apparently when he got home. He's fascinating. It is. It's very short.

For the people that are listening, this is, this is classic stuff right here. You're getting, you're getting a lot. No. This is, you will never. This is the most entertained I've been during the entire pandemic or my entire life. The email reads, great to see you for two seconds today. You looked very well. That makes me very happy.

I sent you this message on WhatsApp right before I did my Peltree. spelled wrong. Seraenade. Which. And then he goes on to say, which is the real insight into what he was thinking, there's a fine line between cute and creepy. I'm not sure where the line is. So this is the first last and only time I'll ever show up outside your home and

announce. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. Apologies. By the way, I'm on, I'm on team. I'm on team. I'm on team. I'm on team.

I'm on team. Chester. That's right. I just switched. over. Also, shoot his That's an amazing follow. He also wrote,

I know, he's really good. He's trying to manipulate it. Not just I have to shoot my shot. He literally had to put jump shot in there. That's a hell of a call. That's what I? Brilliant. He's smart.

Hey, listen, he took a fucking shot. You miss 100% of the shots you don't miss. Thank you, Chester, for the entertainment. You will not be getting back with my girlfriend. And eat my dick. I'll be sending you a link to this. podcast to the email address that she's I like that he followed up in a way

that made her not scared. Yeah. Like, hey, I was trying. I thought it might work. I want to get back with you. And I won't do it again. Well, yeah. I mean, we're going to get a gun tomorrow.

I mean, it is creepy. But it's also, the email made it a lot less creepy. Good for, good for fucking Chester. Dude. I'm not even kidding. That's a, that's a ball. Come on, man. That's a ballsy move.

Listen. Leod, if you're listening, don't listen to these idiots. All they know about is science and television. Chester, and love for you. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Hey, you guys, you guys want to do some bizarre animal of the week? Will, we'll got a great one this week.

Never wanted to do anything more. Bizarre animal of the week. All right, here we go. I got a good one. All right. Let me paint a picture for you. you're in Africa. Well, you're anywhere between Tanzania and Israel.

So we're talking about a wide geographic range. And you're walking around at night. You have a nocturnal animal about the size of a rabbit on land. It's eating vegetation, right? But when this creature eats vegetation, this rabbit-sized nocturnal creature in this massive range, it has five stomachs similar to a cow with which it digest that vegetation. Now, there's not one of them. There's a whole colony of them.

There's a bunch of them. They're all together. Yeah. There's a herd of them, if you will. But as you look more closely at this very bizarre creature, you realize they're paired off. They're social animals living in a group, but they're monogamous. They have little pairings. They're hanging out in their little pairs, completely monogamous.

Then all of a sudden, one hops, if you will, over to the other, begins to groom the other one. and it starts to purr. Now, I know what you're thinking, baby birds. You're thinking, oh, we got some kind of a cat. It's purring. It's a colony of cats that purr. Nope, you're wrong. Yeah, because they're rabbit-sized. They're rabbit-sized.

Could be a cat. Could be a house cat. It's a house cat. Okay, go ahead. Let's continue. Now, they're purring. Now, here's where things get interesting. As you approach this colony of creatures, they don't run. No, no.

These cat-sized animals, they don't run. What they do is, is they erect their mane to scare off the predator. They get bigger by pulling their mane up, like the ridge of a ridgeback dog. They have a mane? Now you think to yourself, a mane in five stomachs on his cat-like creatures.

And you start thinking to yourself, what is this thing? Can I eat it? And as you approach, you don't realize, because you're not licking it, but you find out that this is a poisonous creature. But is it creating its own poison? No, it isn't. No, it is.

Sorry. It's poisonous. Correct. Poisonous, meaning if you eat it, you will get sick. But it's not poisonous because of something that it excretes. No, no, no. They don't produce poison. They chew on a specific tree and cover their fur in the poison that they have chewed

so that anything that eats them becomes poisoned. This tree, they have fur. Yes, I should. Yeah, that was a big reveal because I was thinking Armadillo. Nope. No, this is the, I like it. So there's a colony. They're monogamous, crazy-looking animal.

They have this mane that stands up to scare off predators. And they chew on this acanthera tree, which is the same thing that poison darts are made from. And they spit it all over their fur, so they're poisonous. Their fur is absorbent so that it carries that poison around them for weeks. It's so toxic that if you were to eat this crazy animal, there's enough toxin on it to kill an elephant. Okay. This animal with this crazy mane that lives in these groups, it's striped like a skunk.

God. Well, most... Yeah. Tanzania to Israel. So all through Africa up into the Middle East. Will most people have heard of this animal? You will have heard of a very close cousin of the animal. Okay.

Is this it? Are we done? So I'm kind of out of things. I ran through it pretty quick tonight. So do you want to know what it is? I don't think you're going to get it. It's pretty wild. Hang on.

I do want to, I do want to guess. No, no, no, no. We got a guess. Let me ping you through it for a second. You got a nocturnal creature. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. It's about the size of a rabbit.

It's a vegetarian with five stomachs that lives in these social groups, but it's monogamous. They have fur that's poisonous because of the tree that they chew and spit all over themselves. First, poisonous enough to kill an elephant if ingested. And when threatened, these skunk-striped animals have a mane that stands up on the back of their neck.

And don't forget, when they groom each other, like, say, a primate might, they pur. What do you got? They purr. All right. Let me venture a guess. It's probably going to be wrong.

But because of the way that they have a main that stands up. I'm going to say that this is an ammo. I don't even know if it exists. A rat porcupine. A warky pine, okay. A rourke pine, if you will. It is a,

the African pigmy jackal. That's, no, I like that. I like, I like that you're just putting words together. Yep. That's what I'm trying. Hold on. The odds are so bad. You said, you said,

because there's so many words. Hold on, gentlemen. Hold on, because the Rourcupine is not that far off. The animal, the bizarre animal of the week is the African crested rat. And it is indeed quite similar to a porcule pine. It's a very good guess. Yeah, it's a phenomenal guess. There it is.

So that's what it looks like. It's a skunk. It's adorable. It's the African crested rat. It's a rat the size of a house cat. It has this fur. stands up on its back. It's striped.

It's got this poison going on. It's a crazy, crazy bizarre animal of the week. Dude, that is bizarre. The poison thing and the, the poison thing and the monogamy. By the way, nobody should be wild. I don't care if it's male, female. Like, don't be monogamous. Do other stuff.

Pat, Pat, I'm sorry. You have a striking. It's the beard composure. It's the way Patrick's beard just perfectly lines his face with the white bits. I stopped arguing with people that said I looked like a rodent when I was probably 20. He just gave up. Yeah, because I get it. Like, I know what my profile looks like.

I have a snout. It's fine. I get it. I'm a rat. Like, what do you all mean to say? Yeah. It's a fucking snout. It just is what it is, man.

I love the way I look. Oh, boy. Guys, guys, we're in that segment of the show where we're doing things, we're playing games, we're a little sauced up. We just had some fun with that nonsense that happened in my life. I think it's time for us to do some fact or fiction. Ooh, love it. Love it. Let's do it.

Yes, yes. All right. The game is simple. I read statements. they are either true or false. We have one smart, intelligent man with a degree, the broologist, and one meager moron, Pat DeLucah over here. They are going to, he does.

They're going to say whether my statement is fact or fiction. I will tell them if they are right or wrong. Whoever gets the most points in the end wins the game. You guys ready? All right. Yep. Let's go for it. Patrick Goy's answer first.

Gross nurse. All right. Oh, God. This is my favorite. Blue whales can jizz up to 100 liters at a time. Fiction. Way too much. That doesn't make any sense.

No. Okay. That'd be like the equivalent of a human jizzing a full liter. Have you ever seen a two liter of Diet Coke? A blue whale is 20,000 pounds. All right. I'm not giving any hints. No.

No. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to go fiction. I think it's too much. Ooh, so sorry, gentlemen. You're both right. One point. Nice.

There we go. How many leaders do they, Jizz? Do we know this? 20 liters. Yeah, 20 liters. Yeah, I like that. So that's 10, two liters. That's quite a bit.

Including that into the show, Doc, and making me sound like I actually did research. So Blue Whales can jizz up to. 20 liters at a time. All right. There was once a medieval instrument called a Pigano, where they strapped eight pigs of different sizes and poked them to play the different notes.

No. Oh, sorry. Fact. You're going facts on that? That sounds like something humans. It just sounds like, dude, the medieval times were so strange, man. Bear in mind. Putting people in iron maidens and shutting them in with spikes.

Like, yeah, you'd play the pig. Okay. Wow. You're very convincing. This is a me and Will coming up with these ideas, not just me. I mean, I'm going to go fiction. I mean, that sounds awesome. No, it doesn't sound torturous. But a Pigano, that's what it's called.

No, I'm going to go Pigegano. Oh, I didn't think about that part. Yeah. I'm going fiction. It's like piano, but Pigano. All right. Final answer, both you guys in. We good?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is, in fact, true. What? Pugano is still underlined as a typo in my document as we sit here. I don't know what else to say.

This is real. That's insane. The story is real. There's a big, I mean, there's more about it, but I'm not going to read it because it's all about the background and Louis, the X, I don't know what Roman numeral that is. France and doing this, it's real. It is a stab and different pigs. Wow.

Okay. But only eight. If you do nine, it's not going to sound. It's only eight notes. Do you think they can do like a G7 minor with the eight pigs? All right. Sure. Next, I'm leading for the first time ever in this game.

Pat is up two to one. Fascinating. All right. Coalas sleep 18 to 22 hours a day due to the daily strain on their system because of digesting toxic eucalyptus. just leaves. Well, see, this is where you guys try to get tricky with this. They may sleep 18 to 22 hours a day, but it's not because of that.

But I'm going to say this is fact. Yep. I'm also going fact. I've seen koalas. They're very sleepy creatures. I'm also going to go fact. Okay. Okay.

Well, I'm sad to say that you are both correct. And now Pat is still up Still in the lead. At one point. That's three to two. Three to two. Man. Hold on that lead.

Keep it roll. Sloths lose up to a third of their body weight when they poop. Okay. I know there's something about sloths shitting a lot. 33% of their body weight is lost to a nice fecal release. True. A lot of... So here's what I think. I think it's an insane amount,

but I don't think it's a third. I think it's like a fourth, and I think you're trying to trick us. I'm going to say that as... It's tricky. Could be getting tricky. Man, might not. It's...

Can you say, like, imagine the pooforia if you drop a third of your body weight right there. That's big. Poof... Look, I'm saying... So fantastic. Look, I'm going to be honest here. I think it's fiction, too, but I got to take some

Hail Mary's if I'm going to win this thing. You know, I got to maintain my lead. So I'm going to go fact. It goes against my gut, but I'm going for it. Well, Pat, you are incorrect. Good job for us. No way. Whoa.

We are back and tying it up. Tide up. Tide up. Tidebreaker. Wow, really. A third of their body weight. That was literally against my best instinct. I was like, no, nothing poops out a third of its weight.

That's insanity. Dude, that's crazy. That makes no sense. No, that's bonkers. You know what I think it is? You know what I think it is? I think I remember hearing about this is that they don't. Oh, I'm 99% sure I'm right on this.

They don't shit from the tree. Correct. So if a swath comes down to the ground to shit, they're obviously slower than Retepe in a 50 yard dash. So they come down to shit and it's very risky. Yeah. So they store it, they store it, they store it. But a third is insane. A third of the body weight.

Holy shit. Yeah. That means you, that means, Patrick, you would be taking a 60 pound deuce. Yep. Yeah. Or Retep would be taking a hundred pound deuce. Are you saying I weigh 300 pounds around there? That's exactly what he's saying.

Yeah. All right. So Pat, you are correct. That was the additional bit of info. But so it happens once a week on the. ground and in this position to add to that. So they shit out a third of their body weight standing up on the ground. They scurry back up quickly.

They're doing like 60s. They're like holding on to something and like, yeah, it's pretty rough. Just a quick 30 second dog leg there, force. Why do you think they evolved to build up so much shit and then come to the ground where they're vulnerable rather than just letting gravity take it down? It is. I honestly. What would be the benefit?

I cannot think of a single benefit for why they would have to come to the ground to poop. Like, it's crazy. And I mean, it is when they're the most vulnerable, too. Literally any terrestrial predator can get them when they're, when they're shitting on the ground. I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea. It's very strange. I mean, I got to imagine not knowing shit is that, no pun intended, they literally have to like,

dude they it's such a uh exertion of energy or something dude a third of your body but then why wouldn't they just stand on a thick branch or something still up in the canopy you know what i mean like how is that different than being on the ground well just because i feel like they like it takes well and i don't know maybe because it takes so much fucking energy to like just stay up there and balance that they don't not that massive yeah i don't know i don't know it's wild i i couldn't tell you i it's Anyways, okay. So real quick, here's just a real quick bit of info. It says that their, not only do they move slowly,

but their digestive system works incredibly slowly. So their shit is not just one log that's the third of their size. It's a series of pellets, but it says a single leaf takes them a month to digest. Oh, wow. Holy shit. I don't know why that explains them coming. to the ground. I don't have time to read the article here, but that's weird. Yeah, that is weird. That's crazy. Life in slow motion. So you guys are tied now. I don't think

this has happened anytime before, except for every time. Sorry. Bring it a little tipsy. All right. So the last one, the tiebreaker, you guys are tied. It's a very simple statement. It could be true. It could be false. Some people can smell ants. I believe that some people say that they can smell ants. It's fucking false. It's fiction. I will fight this to the death. Because people are liars.

Fuck them. I'm so happy that I maintain my very comfortable position of winner as fact or fiction because I know this one because I used to work with Argentine ants that smell like lemon drops. And so it is fact. Quiet down, everybody. Be quiet. Forest is very.

very confident. I am. That this is a fact. On the other side, Pat is very confident that this is bullshit. I'd smelt ants. I know this. Well, my friends, I hate to burst one of your bubbles,

but I am very happy to burst this guy's bubble. Pat, you are wrong. This is in fact true. Most ants smell like lemon drops, and only really, really smart people can smell it. Really, really smart people. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding about the last part.

Einstein was the first ant sniffer. No, I used to work on an ant project, and it was like a known thing with the group of biologists I was working with. This was just luck that this came up as our last question, because they literally, like, you would, if you went home at the end of the day, every part of your body smelled like lemon drops. Like it smelled like you had been working in a lemon drop factory.

And it was just from counting the ants and doing this eradication thing. And it, yeah, they really are pungent. Do you know what it is? Is it like the uric acid or something like that that makes them smell acidic like a lemon? Is it their excretions? I know they are highly acidic. I mean, because things like ant eaters have like incredibly basic stomachs to digest ants and break them down.

It's the only way it doesn't burn through their stomach lining. I imagine that's what it is. I mean, I don't know if you have the facts in front of you. I have some more info here. It's actually quite interesting. Different ants smell different ways. For example, the common Midwest ant or the East Coast ant is called the odorous house ant.

And when it's squished, it releases a pheromone that smells like blue cheese. Oh, yuck. So and then, but other ants, like the carpenter. Animal blue cheese is not good. But the carpenter, it's disgusting. Imagine you just step on like an ant hill full. But some species, the carpenter ant spray, like you said, formic acid. formic acid

which smells like vinegar I'm a little bit of you anyways it smells a lot like vinegar and they do it when they feel threatened even not just when they're smashed or anything like that and then there's citronella ants an ant that's actually named after what it smells like that's probably the ants you're talking about

and then so yeah we get it they smell different quick question before we get to the battle Royale, which everyone's waiting for. Do you guys dip your pizza crust in blue cheese dressing? No, cannot be done. Won't do it. Shall not do it. I mean, if it's there, I would. Yeah, you would. Oh, I need anything. Or you're, you're out of your fucking mind for us. It's good. Yeah, I guess so. Bro, you get a, if you get a chunky blue cheese, it's got the bits, like the chunks in it. Look, you shouldn't eat pizza every night. Right. You're already doing something very naughty. Yeah.

Right? It's your cheat day. Yeah. No. It's different. Crust in some blue cheese, boy. Hey, I don't, no, no, no, no. I had a blue cheese and grilled onion burger yesterday, and it was a treat. Don't get me wrong. I just like, I'm not. You probably still stink. I'm not a pizza dipper.

I just like, I don't do ranch dressing on my pizza. Like, I just want the pizza straight. What about hot sauce? Hot sauce on pizza. Are you a psychopath? Does that even a thing? Dude, go back to this is a bad way. Yeah, we're not having a pizza party when you guys come over for the hot tub.

Yeah. Hop on a zebra. I won't watch you eat dry crust. I won't. You don't dip pizza? It's the most un-American thing I've ever heard. How long have you been here? Not long enough to get it, I guess.

So I'll, uh, we'll have to have a pizza taste off. This should be a thing. We can just sit down, eat some pizza. Here we go. Battle Royal. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So Forrest, uh, you came up with one, I believe. Yeah. I thought it was fun, you know. I, uh, I stole it from something I saw on the internet that I thought was kind of fun. So let's do it. Who would be my battle royal for tonight, who would be your basketball starting five with Disney characters? You're going to play them together.

You know, they're going to face off with everybody's team. That's what's up. Do they have to be animal-based creatures? Or can they be any? Anyone from Disney? I think anyone from Disney. All right. So since there's five, I say we don't do a snake draft.

You just name your starting five. Yep, agree. Whoever goes first, you can't take theirs. Yep, I'm good with that. Okay. Who's ready to go since I have to Google? Now, let's just keep in mind. Let me go first.

Let's just keep in mind, like, our childhood, you know, Disney owns Star Wars now. So, you know, there's something to think about. Yeah. That's, yeah, you know, like there's a lot of stuff floating around Disney. High School Musical, that's a thing. I remember Zach Ephron was a basketball player in that. I don't remember the character's name. Yeah.

You could take Zach Echron. I mean, he's five foot two and pretends to be a stud, but, you know, it's something to consider. Yeah. All right. Retep, let's hear it. Okay. All right. He also pretends to host a nature show on Netflix.

He sure does. Yeah. All right. So I got five. I'm going to try and go quickly. My first pick is going to be Captain America, Avi. It is muscular. It's Marvel.

It's not Disney. That Disney owns Marvel. Disney owns Marvel? You literally just said keep in Marvel. So he's just going to take five superheroes. All right. Fair enough. No, I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. The Brewsters don't reward you for taking the easy way out of way. Be creative. All right. Shut the fuck up. I have different reasons. I'm explaining why I'm picking Captain America.

I mean, so are we fighting to the death, not like in that. No, we're playing basketball. Yeah, we've been over this. Sorry. I forgot. All right. You don't have to explain each character. We get why you picked Captain America. Shut the fuck up and let me get through it.

Just shut up. Enjoy your fire while I fucking go through my goddamn list. Jesus Christ. All right. Go ahead, mate. All right, I got Captain America. My next pick is the Cheshire Cat because he can disappear and reappear. He'll be doing alley-ups. He'll be fucking doing layups.

He'll be doing whatever the fuck. He'll be distracting you with his stripes. What? Bad pick. Cups don't have hands. What are you talking about? That could crasp basketball. Next.

I don't give a fuck because my next pick is Yoda. Okay? So I've got Yoda is my next pick. So I've got Captain America, Yoda, and the Cheshire cat. Yoda is obviously doing the Jedi mind trick and everybody. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter because your team sucks. My next pick is Venom.

Another Marble. Venom from the hit cartoon comic. book, Spider-Man. He is vicious. He has a big, he'll kill you. It doesn't matter.

And my final pick, my final pick is, and this is a good one. I lost it. I had it up here. You've lost it. That's for sure.

So we agree. We can all agree on that. Stop it. Just, just ridiculous. Just ridiculous. Just ridiculous. Oh, here she is. Because I know that when I

was young. I watched this movie and I really was attracted to this character, even though she was a cartoon character. Shut the fuck up, Pat. Enjoy your fireplace. Like I said. It's my last character. She is on my basketball team.

She will bring diversity. Mulan. It's my team. He's going for Mulan. Fantastic team. He likes. And I know that's he's a honeypot tracer. He's going for Milan. And I know that when Based on the picks last week,

I know that when I am playing pets team, he and his team will not be able to keep their dicks in their pants because they fuck their pets. I'm picking Jasmine from a land. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You forgot all my picks already. No, it's all.

Forrest usually writes them down. I do usually, but it's too many. I didn't write them all down. It's right. So look, that was trash. So Forrest, it's heads up, me versus you. Yep. Because keep in mind, in basketball, there are fouls.

So if one of our, you're trying to entice one of the players on our team to rape Jasmine. That is what you're applying. Dude, stop discussing the big arm. I'm just saying their coach who is Pat will fucking, his mind will be elsewhere because Jasmine will be running around in her cropped up. Daisy Duke. She can't wear a cropped up. She'll be fined by Adam Silver.

commissioner of the NBA. She's literally in a crop top in the movie. All right. All right. That was, my team is garbage. That's all over the class. There's no consistent.

And you did mostly superiors. A plus all-star team. No. Let's go, Patrick. What do you got? Oh, go ahead. Full. All right.

Well, I'm going to start. Uh, all right. So I'm going to start this way. I'm to go with, uh, I picked, I won last week. The Brosner's agreed. He did not. Everyone said. on Instagram.

I'm going to go with Chubaka. He's 7 foot 5. He's very strong. I imagine he can dunk probably without jumping because his arms are very, very long. So Chubaka. It's a good pick. One. Okay.

Number two, I'm in. No, dude, you picked Chubaka last week. Sorry, go. Apply it again. It applied again. All right. It doesn't. Number two.

He's either a bad pet or a bad bad bad bad bad. This is a smart player. That's what I'm saying. Rep. Now here's why. Quickly. Her hair is so long that other players are going to trip over her hair. Oh, that'd be a mess.

And it's not a foul. It's not a foul on her. It's their fault for tripping over her hair. That would be a mess on the court. I mean, that's a nightmare. Yeah. Your whole team is a foul, man. Your whole team is a foul.

All right. Olaf from Frozen is my number three. Who's Olaf? The snowman? Because he's the snowman. He's hilarious. He's a carrot nose. here's why. Olaf, I will instruct

to take a charge on the first play. He will get knocked into bits. He will melt on the court. My team is going to practice. Yeah. And my team will be very well practiced in playing on a wet court and wear shoes accordingly,

aquasocks probably. Yours will not. Not when Jasmine's all outside the fucking court over there distracting the coach. The coach isn't really a big part of it. So that's three. What, do you think the teams, these people are just going to be able to work together?

Number four, my shooting guard is going to be Jiminy Cricket. Wow. Now here's why. When your best... Fuck you, Forrest. When your best player... How are you promoting this? When your best player steps on my three inch tall cricket and kills him, that will be a flagrant two,

and they will be ejected from the game. So that's a good way for me to get rid of your best player. And my fifth and final sort of torn here, I'm going to go with someone, I need to score baskets. That would help. I'm going to go with Iron Man. Yeah, I'm going to go. Baskets. Baskets.

What's a Baskett? I didn't say Bafestkett. Is there a T. Is a middle school stutter is going to come back. So just take it easy, right? God, I'd give it. I was not popular in middle school and it had nothing to do with having a statured. Dutter. It was, uh, did it have to do with your dumb haircut?

Wait, who did you just pick? I'm sorry. I was so busy laughing. Who did you just? Iron man. I'm going with Iron man. He can fly. He's very, very strong. Uh, he's going to score a lot of baskets. Okay. Baskets. Baskets. Bac gets. Okay. Okay. Okay. All against Captain America. My friend. Yeah. I mean, those are the. Pat, please, please write yours down so we can. Yeah, I've already. Nobody's going to remember. All I remember is is RETP had the Cheshire cat. Um, All right. So let's see. I got to think about how I'm combating your guys' teams. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Who's never going to trip over anything that can also play a guard against a Cheshire cat that is also an incredible athlete and basketball player?

It's obviously Air Bud, right, the basketball playing dog. Yeah. Smart. Did you not? Did you pick Air Bud last week for your pet, too? Okay. It was not I. But look, I'm, you know, I feel like, I feel like that's a good combat. So I've got Air Bud going in. He's obviously very familiar with the game. He's probably the captain.

You know, like, a dog that gets it. Yeah. Her bud wins alone. Yeah. That's kind of how I'm feeling about it. But, you know, I've got an all-star lineup here. I'm coming hot in the defensive world with Hercules. Hercules, Hercules, Hercules.

Yeah, dude, Hercules was OG, like, long before Marvel. Like, you couldn't fuck with Hercules. You know, he had some, look, he had some demons to over. come. I will tell you this, though, Peter. You know, you, you threw, uh, you through, uh, you through, what's your name, uh, the chick from Aladdin. You threw Jasmine in. Jasmine Patrick put Rapunzelin. We do know Hercules has a bit of a soft spot for beautiful Disney women. So that might be troublesome. It really might be. Yeah, could be. We'll see how shakes out. Dude, you talking threesome. I'm talking to hercules. I'm talking threesome here.

distracted on the court. All right. Try and get your head in the game, Peter. You know, but I'll tell you someone who won't be distracted. Someone who's going to take this game to infinity and beyond. Buzz Lightyear. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, dude. Are you kidding me? He is the original jock. He's like three inches tall. He's the original jock. But he's a toy. He's his biggest had eggs behind your head.

Thank you. And that is my head. Yeah. No, Buzz Lightyer. is the original jock. Like, go back and watch Toy Story 1. He was so like, what's up, bro? Yeah, like, do you even fucking get it?

Infinity and Beyond. Like, he was the original jock. Like, What's up, bro? Infinity and Beyond? Yeah, dude, it was the same actor that played David Puddy in Seinfeld played Buzz Lightyear's voice.

Really? Warburton. Yeah. Wait, was it really? It was putty. Yeah. I don't know if you're fucking... I swear, Patrick Warborden.

Forrest's head does, is the same shape as there's two. Okay, so those are your first three. Carry on. Yeah, so I got Airbud, Hercules, and Buzz. You know, then I like where Patrick's head was at with scoring baskets. You know, you two, you two have superheroes. I have a Lasta Girl from the Incredibles.

She can just, you guys, Patrick didn't see the Incredibles. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. I haven't, but I get it. Dude, it's literally, it made, it made me cry and it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's top ten movies. It's great. It's, the story is great. great. And Elastic girls.

Yeah, she's great. And she's kind of a smoke. You know, she's a real milf. She's a Disney mill for sure. The last girl was the mom, right? It wasn't like the child and I'm being really gross. It was the mom, right? Retep? I think it was the mom. I don't know. I'm going to say, I'm going to pretend it was a mom.

Um, yeah. Let's, uh, okay, let's see. That's one, two, three, four. Thinking about your guys team. All right. Look, I think Patrick went strong with Chubbaca. So I'm going to bring in the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. You know, that's a hell of a matchup. Oh, yeah.

He's a good matchup. You know, he's got a really good pitch. He's got aggression issues. You know, he's probably going to get filed out. But he's going to go, you know he's going to drive hard. He seems a little, you know, love sick. I'm concerned that he's going to follow out, like, within like, the first two minutes of the game. He might.

Probably with technical files. He might. Yeah, he's probably not real technically savvy. Like, he's probably, yeah, he's coming hard. There's no doubt about that. Yeah. Well, so you went with mostly violent characters. Mine are mostly to draw fouls.

True. And get killed, such as Jiminy Cricket. How was Air Bud a violent character? He went with Elastical. Buzz Lightyear? Violent? They're a mixed. They're a mixed.

They're a mix. Calm the fuck down. I'm not caught. I know you're not. I know you're not calm. You're so freaked out. about the whole thing with Hector. Chester.

But by the way, listen, I'm just saying, honestly, normally I just say this because I'm saying it, but in this, in this particular circumstance,

my team of Captain America, the Cheshire cat, who can disappear and reappear. Yoda, who fucking has special mind powers, Venom, who's strong and can do shit, and Jasmine,

who can sexually distract all the other players that they're playing against, is, the winner. I'm not going to run any through all five of mine, but look, I have Rapunzel, people are going to be tripping over her hair. Nobody remembers. That's a huge problem.

I have Jiminy Cricket who will draw a flagrant two when he gets crushed, and I have Rocket Man who's just going to score every time he touches the ball. And you got Chewy, and I'm trying to remember who your fifth was. I had a fifth one. I had someone else. And look, if you don't like these of those, If you don't like either of those two teams, five was a lot.

I didn't think this through. Go ahead and go on to iTunes, leave us a five-star comment. Vote for my guy. Let us know who wins. My guy, my team, which is composed of, I wrote mine down, Airbud, Hercules, Buzz Lightyear, Elastigal, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, which is a pretty, like, it's all over the place, but I think it's a good lineup. I think we're there. Yeah, it's a mess.

Honestly, this. No, it's not a mess. For us, it is not a mess. Don't listen to him. I think that we should pitch this idea as a new concept to Disney. They're dying for content. Our teams are great. They need to be in a cartoon. Pat, you lost this. All right. Peter, where can people find us? What's the story? Like, tell us about socials. You know, people. This is the part of the podcast where you just see people start to click away. So just be like, all right, guys, here's where you follow us. You know, send us more DMs with suggestions. We're digging it. All right. Shut up. I'll get into it.

The wild. All right. I got it. I got it. The Wild Timespodcast.com forward slash info. We'll take you to everything you need to go to. If you want shirts, you want merch, you want to go direct to that link. Wildtimespodcast.com forward slash merch.

Pat is not paying attention anymore. He's turned the first. You log ended. The video ended and it defaulted to this. I love you guys. go leave those five-star reviews. It's been fun. Thanks, W.T. Willie.

We're going to do another live coming up. I'll definitely do a live real sound. All right. All right. The people are asking. Later you all.